#god forbid anyone even criticised him. he might cry

[fated-normal-767]

sometimes I think I’m really upset but fortunately in this beautiful world there are things which can remind me what true hatred feels like and that I was actually no where near that. before.

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Chapter seven: Big brother to the rescue!

It's unlikely that two days are just perfect as each other, you cannot simply have the best day of your life, then have the same day tomorrow. And unfortunately common occurrence is for one day to be wonderful, simply the best, then the next day to be empty and hollow- even if nothing bad happens; the lack of the joy makes a normal day seem even worse. That was how Sunday went for Kyoya; he couldn't even talk to Tamaki over text, as he was spending the day with Haruhi.

He had woken up in Tamaki's bed, alone. Tamaki had already left to go and spend time with Haruhi, having left a note and some of Kyoya's favourite foods for breakfast. Kyoya had barely picked at it, not feeling all too hungry, but he didn't want to upset Tamaki, so he finished the food before leaving. The ride home was silent, Kyoya simply read through Arai's report of the day spent with Haruhi. Apparently they'd spent the day reading and sitting in the local park, nothing really romantic in the slightest- Kyoya had to wonder if Arai had even tried.

The moment he'd gotten home, he stumbled upstairs, completely ignoring his brother who was visiting for the day, he made a b-line for his bedroom, crawling under the covers and just hiding. He had lain like this for the entire summer holiday, so what was one day more? He wasn't being selfish, he was just tired, a whole day outside had taken a lot out of him. He barely glanced up to read the shadow council group chat, oh… they were calling him slurs again. Maybe he should just sleep.

But Eclair reminded him that he'd scheduled a meeting with the council today, so he took about an hour to compose himself enough to at least sit up, the many blankets still wrapped around his head and body- if they wanted to judge him he couldn't care less, he felt as if he could cry without the soft pressure from his blankets. His maids had brought him lunch, along with a note from his brother, asking if he wanted to talk or hang out… Kyoya sighed at that, Yuuichi was always trying to bond with him, it was strange; why would he want to spend time with Kyoya when he could spend that time working? If Kyoya had a job he'd do absolutely nothing else, how dare his brother spend so much time doing nothing at all yet still be the favourite.

Kyoya had turned his laptop on, setting up the meeting before inviting all his council, they did have work to do after all. "Good afternoon everyone."

Eclair was simply sat on a chaise lounge, drinking wine and smoking, clearly just showing off that she could do that kind of thing. Nekozawa was sat in a dark room, lit only by candles, he was missing both his wig and cloak, and sat there with his regal features- if he wasn't such a creepy guy, maybe Kyoya would be attracted to him. Akira was hunched over his desk, looking incredibly stressed to be in this call, good. Seika was laying on her bed, legs in the air like she was in an American movie about teens, it was uncanny. Chika was sitting in a quiet corner of a garden, there were a couple of baby ducks in the background, just chirping about. Arai, ever the lovely commoner, was simply in his kitchen, making his lunch as they spoke.

Kyoya sighed, adjusting his glasses, "first thing I have to address; Arai, how did yesterday go?"

The commoner boy barely glanced at him, busy making food, "well it was alright I suppose, I sent a message about it didn't I?"

"You did, but I'd like you to make a formal report for the rest of the council."

"Alright then," Arai nods, chopping some tomatoes, "we went to the park and read books together, I bought her a milkshake with ice-cream. She complained about school, I let her-" he clearly pause, putting the knife down for a moment, "she complained about you at one point actually."

Kyoya froze, Haruhi was complaining about him? What did he do? Did she know? If she was complaining to Arai, imagine what she could be saying to Tamaki at that very moment… Kyoya's hands were already shaking as he wrapped his blankets around himself even more, "what did she say?"

"Oh she just said some stuff about how you've been really pushy and snappy lately, also like- totally going through someone but kind of being a dick about it." Like all commoners, Arai spoke bluntly, but there was something in his tone, in the way he paused when he saw Kyoya's expression, his gaze softening… "hey, those aren't her exact words, just a bit of paraphrasing. Don't worry about it, she doesn't suspect a thing, also I mean; she's not wrong, you're clearly going through someone, and you're clearly lashing out- forgive me for getting too personal." He had smiled, before turning to continue making his lunch.

Kyoya didn't know how to respond to that, how dare that commoner see straight through him- but he wasn't cruel about it… like anyone else in existence would be, Kyoya felt himself bristle nonetheless, his pride forbidding him from accepting any care. "Oh look, the basket case is about to start crying and we've barely started the meeting." Ayanokoji had made a cruel comment, one that people laughed at, Arai was ignoring the meeting now, clearly he was only going to speak when asked to. Kyoya's fists clenched, he felt like he was about to put a hole through his laptop… he'd done that before, he remembered his father's reaction, he'd been grounded for two weeks after that. He hated to imagine what would happen the second time. So he took a deep breath, glaring down the camera.

"I'm sorry, Ayanokoji, why don't you tell us any new ideas you've had?" His tone was clear; she'd already been reprimanded for the graffiti, so any inappropriate idea would be criticised heavily- especially by a shadow king in a foul mood. Her eyes had gone wide, and she lay flat, glancing about a little nervously.

"Oh, well…" it was clear she hadn't thought of a single thing, "well I was thinking… oh! Maybe I could drug her coffee? Or ruin her work for classes? Or spread a nasty rumour..?" Kyoya thought about these options, letting the other council members speak first however, as he already knew his opinion.

Chika was the first to speak, "you're gonna poison the crossdresser??" His words got the attention of the other people in the call who weren't paying attention, such as Arai and Eclair; one of whom seemed a lot less onboard than the other.

Kyoya shook his head, "we will not be drugging her, as easy as it would be for me to get my hands on a harmless dose of something, we are better than that- we are smarter than that. Your other two ideas however, are fine. However; only ruin her schoolwork once, as we don't want to get her expelled."

"I thought we were trying to ruin her life?" Akira spoke up, why was he even still allowed to speak? Kyoya respected the commoner more than he could ever respect this newsboy.

So he rolls his eyes, adjusting how he's sat, "don't be foolish, we're just trying to drive her away from Tamaki, I harbour no real ill will towards the commoner- she is simply in the way. Now," he looks down at where Akira was on the screen, before his eyes filter back up to the webcam, staring straight into the lense, "I suggest you bite your tongue, Komatsuzawa, you're on thin ice here as it is." It seemed to work, the boy glanced away from the screen, biting his thumb and going silent.

Seika laughed, "god, what a baby. Sucking his thumb cause he got told off, how absolutely pathetic." Her words clearly annoyed Akira, but he was notably silent and the call was quiet for a second until Tonnerre spoke up.

"Ootori isn't much better," she addressed Seika, ignoring the other folks in the call as she lifted a glass of red to her lips, "he's all bundled in blankets like a baby, you can see his lunch behind him; there's even milk." She doesn't laugh, she doesn't even smile, but there's an airy huff that tells Kyoya she finds herself quite amusing, Seika's chuckling doesn't make it feel any better.

But she's not the only one laughing, Chika, the little brat, seems to find this oh so funny. "He's more of a baby then some of the people in my class! No wonder my brother hangs out with him!" Such childish laughter, and yet Kyoya feels more obliged to defend Honey with that insult then to defend himself… though he knew how it felt to be a younger brother, he found himself unable to sympathise with Chika at all in this regard.

He just stayed silent, not wanting to speak and incriminate himself for anything, he knew he could move his blankets but he felt if he did so he might just cry. So he stayed completely still, staring at the screen. Luckily the sound of cruel laughter was silenced by Nekozawa speaking up, "Ootori-san may have some clear issues, but it's not as if he embarrassed himself to the degree you did Ayanokoji-chan," he was smiling at her, expression and words completely harmless, though of course dear Seika took great offence, gasping at the very idea of her being worse than Kyoya.

The meeting delved into insults and jokes, slurs being thrown around as if it were middleschool again… Kyoya just sat there, hands shaking, as he watched Arai's screen. Arai wasn't partaking in the jokes of the rest of the council, he had finished making his lunch and had just sat down to eat it, watching the show with concern. Kyoya watched him take out his phone, typing something slowly, then… oh, Kyoya's own phone had pinged. He picked it up from his bedside table, reading the text.

Peasant: hey, are you doing ok?

you can talk to me if you want

I'm always willing to listen if you need it

even if we aren't friends

Kyoya had saved them all on his phone with the same nicknames they had in the group chat, with Nekozawa as an exception obviously. So he instantly realised that the text he'd just saw Arai type was this one he was reading now… or four texts he supposed, one after the other. He was caught off guard by them, the idea of someone he's barely spoken to, caring about him, seeking him out to make sure he's alright, offering to be a willing ear, using a gentle tone with him… it was all entirely new to Kyoya- and he didn't trust it one bit.

Kyoya Ootori: Don't take me for a fool, there is no viable reason for me to trust you.

He watched Arai receive the text, and noticed how he sighed lightly- Kyoya was right! Arai had been planning to dig into Kyoya's secrets! And pry at his weaknesses! Kyoya had won, he had been so smart to not open up to the common boy! He had to congratulate himself on that at least, he had one talent, if nothing else. He sighed slightly at that, realising his conclusion meant that no one on the council was even genuinely nice. So he sat there, eyes just focusing on whoever was speaking at the time, whoever was calling him a slur at any given moment… oh, his door had opened.

He glanced over to the entrance to his room, noticing Yuuichi standing there, looking entirely concerned. His brother glanced at his laptop, his frown deepening, "who just called you that?" Uh oh.

Everyone in the meeting had heard it, and most knew Yuuichi by his voice, and knew to be afraid- even the few that didn't, had enough sense to stay silent. Yuuichi walked over, taking the laptop from Kyoya's bed, looking at the screen. Kyoya silently watched in horror as his brother slowly looked at the members of his council, recognising them one by one- he looked extremely surprised to see… Eclair, Kyoya had to assume. Then Yuuichi's eyes landed on Arai, and he spoke his first words since entering the room, "what the… is that a commoner?" Kyoya nodded when Yuuichi glanced at him, staying completely silent as he processed this fact.

"What kind of strange gathering is happening here?" Yuuichi didn't seem to understand what was going on in the slightest, Kyoya was glad of that. But as Yuuichi sat down on the bed next to Kyoya, the laptop on his lap, the council began to speak.

Eclair spoke first, with a polite but clearly forced chuckle, "bonjour monsieur Ootori, I don't believe we've spoken properly yet?"

"Please," Yuuichi's smile was also faked, "call me Yuuichi."

She nodded, "Yuuichi, I don't believe you need to worry about this little meeting, your baby brother is awfully good at arranging things isn't he?" God, she was hiding her insults in complements now, as if Kyoya couldn't hate this woman anymore then she already did.

Yuuichi's face lit up at that, pulling Kyoya close to him, "oh you're right! He is so good at planning and organising, you should've seen the rigorous routines he used to map out when he was younger, he had a schedule for playtime!" He laughed, not realising how humiliating this would be for Kyoya, "he'll always be my sweet little baby brother, even if he's grown up a lot since then."

Chika let out a snort at that, causing Yuuichi to frown again, "why is there a toddler in this call?" It was incredibly rewarding to watch Chika splutter and explain that he's a middle schooler, as if Yuuichi wasn't fully aware exactly who he was. But the boy's laughter had reminded Yuuichi of what he'd heard, "so, which one of you did I hear call my brother a slur?" There was complete silence on the other end of the line.

Kyoya looked up at Yuuichi, frowning, he gently pinched his brother's arm, not wanting to draw attention to himself but also really wanting Yuuichi to stop it. Yuuichi glanced at him the moment he felt the pinch, smiling softly, he let Kyoya take the laptop from him, though frowned at that. "Alright everyone," Kyoya made sure to keep his voice level, smiling politely to the council, "I apologize for the interruption and I'm afraid we'll have to cut our meeting a little short, please ruminate on what we've discussed today and I hope to speak with you again soon, that will be all," and without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, he ended the call, slamming his laptop shut and headbutting his brother in the chest fairly hard, just resting their for a moment.

"Kyoya…" Yuuichi had uttered softly, placing a gentle hand on Kyoya's head, playing with his hair, "why did you do that? You know I'd have stood up for you."

"Humiliate me is what you did." Kyoya's words were spat out, quite aggressively, but Kyoya only got so aggressive when he was close to tears, and Yuuichi knew this, and Kyoya knew that he knew, "you always fucking show me up, I don't need you to come to my rescue…"

These words must hurt his brother deeply, Kyoya knew that, but frankly, he didn't care, not right now at least. He had his own feelings, ones that were hurt a hell of a lot more than his silly little words could ever harm his brother, tears filled his eyes, already dangerously close to spilling over. Yuuichi didn't respond, at least not verbally- he gently picked Kyoya up, still swaddled in all those blankets, and he cradled him on his knee, just like he did when Kyoya was a baby…

Kyoya hated to admit it, but this did genuinely make him feel better- he felt so, so stupid for it, but being held by his older brother like that was actually so comforting, and Kyoya wasn't exactly sure why. Yuuichi gently shushed him, even though Kyoya hadn't made any noise, and just began to rock him gently. It wasn't as effective as when Kyoya was tiny, but it was still oddly comforting… like laying on a pool floaty and taking a nap.

After a while, Yuuichi gently put Kyoya down, frowning slightly, "can you tell me why you were talking with those people? I know you've been more social in highschool, but you actively hate some of those people."

Kyoya had sighed, really not wanting to have to admit to anything, so he attempted to lie his way through it. "Well I… it's a mutually beneficial alliance, personal opinions aren't a part of the equation. You of all people should know not to involve emotions in business."

"Kyoya, you're seventeen, you don't have any business to attend to," Yuuichi sighed, before reaching out and ruffling Kyoya's hair, "you should be paying attention to your feelings, you're at the age where you need to be fighting for your happiness." He smiled a little, that friendly, overly soft smile, that Kyoya knew meant he was about to get nosey, "I heard you had a day out yesterday, did you have fun?"

Now, Kyoya usually hated it when his siblings tried to pry into his private life, but Yuuichi was giving him a chance to talk about the wonderful day he'd had yesterday, and Kyoya couldn't help but to smile. "Well myself and Tamaki went to a little commoner-ran store to order custom food platter, because Tamaki wanted to do a theme based on commoner foods, and then-"

"Do you enjoy regular food then?"

"Huh?" Kyoya paused, looking up at Yuuichi in confusion, "what do you mean? We aren't talking about regular food, we're talking about commoner food?"

His brother had laughed at him, and Kyoya didn't quite understand why, "come on Kyoya, you're smarter than that- think about it for like, two seconds." But Kyoya still didn't understand, why would regular food be- oh.

"Oh. Oh dear, it seems I spend too much time around the others." He glances down in shame, having just embarrassed himself in front of his brother like that, he was just glad it was Yuuichi and not Akito- Akito would have just laughed.

Yuuichi, however, only chuckled a little, pulling Kyoya in and ruffling his hair even further, "Nothing wrong with having friends, even if you do pick up strange habits from them. Either way, do you like regular food then?"

Kyoya just hesitantly nodded, remembering yesterday's lunch, and that one time Haruhi bought him a burger. He wasn't sure why Yuuichi had asked him that, what use could that information be to him? His brother had smiled at him, clearly liking that reacting, then he glanced down at the untouched tray of food.

"How about we go grab some fast food for dinner? You don't seem too keen on lunch so we'll go early, how about five?" Kyoya was caught off guard by this- Yuuichi actively wanted to spend time with him? He hadn't just written the note to be nice? He was silent, just staring up at Yuuichi in silence. "What'd you say, Kyo? Wanna hang out with your big bro?"

Kyoya just quietly nodded, not smiling or even speaking, he was just- he didn't even know why Yuuichi wanted to hang out with him, didn't his brother have more important things to do? It seemed that Yuuichi had noticed his confusion, putting a gentle hand on Kyoya's shoulder.

"Kyoya, you're my baby brother and you're clearly going through something right now… Fiyumi told me there are fresh scars, please understand that I care about you, people care about you."

Oh. He'd been told about the scars, of course he had, why else would he be here? Kyoya had genuinely felt hope, that- for just a second, he thought his big brother actually wanted to hang out with him… he felt even worse then he had before. He hated being pitied, more than anything. But he couldn't tell Yuuichi how he felt, he knew his brother would never admit the pity. So he just smiled, nodding, making sure to appear to be the innocent child he knew his brother saw him as. Yuuichi seemed satisfied by this, smiling back and ruffling Kyoya's hair one last time before leaving the room, leaving Kyoya in an uncomfortable silence.

His phone was buzzing, he didn't need to check it to know it was the council, likely mocking him further. He just grabbed his blankets, wrapping them around himself again and flopping down on the bed, face in his pillow for a moment before he sighed and rested the side of his head on the pillow, looking over across the room and out the window. Kyoya hated the silence, he used silence to study, he used silence to cry, he only sat in silence when he was in pain- so he hated it. So he reached over to his phone, planning to just put some quiet music on- but he saw the notification sitting on his lockscreen, and he froze.

Woman: Yes of course, and he needs to hide behind his family all the time, he's barely a person without his name.

They were still talking about him, it hurt more that they were right; he did hide behind his surname too much, but it was all he had. He thought about how Fiyumi had helped him yesterday, how, even today, Yuuichi had come to his defence even without being asked, and had proceeded to promise to spend time with him… even Akito had been calling and texting him lately. It all felt so wrong, it was like he was a toddler again, he felt so babies, so protected. Eclair was right, he didn't exist without them right behind him- he certainly wouldn't be alive… if Fiyumi hadn't helped him with all those scars, even finding him after the first time it happened… he assumed he'd have gotten much worse, much sooner.

When he spent time with his siblings, it often made the bad thought disappear- so was that all he was without them? Was that who Kyoya was? Just an unstable bundle of bad thoughts? His fingers found his scars again, and he slowly traced over them, not daring to look… he was going to spend time with Yuuichi soon, he couldn't do that… but he wanted to, oh he was so tempted. He opened up the group chat, he could hurt himself in easier, less evident ways.

Child: He's a fucking wierdo, all those idiots my brother hangs out with are.

Woman#2: It's like, the only reason anyone even listens to, or pretends to care about him is because of who his father is.

Woman: Oh you don't know the half of it, he literally shows off his father's police force at any chance he gets.

He thinks being powerful is a personality trait.

Woman#2: I don't even know why they let him stay in the club, he doesn't even do any actual hosting.

Sorcerer: It's because Souh-san can't do maths.

Child: Lmao the guy he loves is using him, fucking ironic

Peasant: i think its sad…

Woman: Sad? It's fucking pathetic is what it is.

Kyoya promptly closed the group chat, feeling tears biting his eyes. He really, truly, desperately wanted to text Tamaki- to just ask if that was true. He knew it wasn't, he knew it, made no sense for it to be true… but that didn't stop it from hurting. His phone buzzed again, and Kyoya reacted with rage, tossing the thing across his bedroom, and curling up into a ball. Sure, he hated himself, and reason didn't really come into the equation at this point- but logic was Kyoya's best… and only quality, so he had to reason that bothering Tamaki, or anyone for that matter, would only serve to make himself look stupid, or crazy, or something to that degree.

He was still sitting in silence, and he didn't really want to get up in order to grab his phone. He wished he had one of those smart home things like the twins had, but his father considered them spyware- even if the house was already covered in cameras and microphones. Kyoya just lay there, maybe it wouldn't be silent if he was crying, but he couldn't cry… at least not like normal people. He was always silent in his sadness, tears running down his cheeks, he hated crying… it just reminded him how he wasn't normal, how he was broken- unemotional. He used to be proud of his silence when he was younger, he wasn't loud nor a bother like other children, he didn't scream or throw tantrums, he just sat quietly, getting on with his studies.

He had trained himself to be silent, thinking he'd be loved more, if he was quieter, more productive. Now that was all he was worth, it seemed he'd dug his own grave… he wasn't sure if he wanted to lay in it- death sounded wonderful, but he was terrified of leaving the people he cares about. He just lay there, he lay there… he stayed there for hours, just quietly crying- but then he got too tired to cry, and he felt quite thirsty, but he didn't want to move, so he lay there uncomfortably, staring into the middle distance.