#god and you KNOW the fights make it worse bc that's adding another layer of new & big sensory shit with the yelling and the pain

[byanyan]

i've caught myself thinking once again about byan experiencing sensory overload without them recognizing it as such and realized that it's probably something that has them causing fights that they don't actually mean to start bc their reaction to the overstimulation is to just lash out over the tiniest thing... thinking about how these are probably some of their worse fights bc they can't focus well enough to perform while they're so overwhelmed... how inevitably they probably just run off and hide in some dark, quiet corner, dissociating and staring blankly off into the distance while they calm down...

[rahleeyah]

You’ve mentioned before about how Nick and the squad can’t properly appreciate what Noah is to Olivia. Noah’s her baby and they love him because of that and understand that maternal love—but they’re missing the complete picture of what motherhood means to Olivia. I do agree that Elliot is like the only who really knows??? And that’s part of the reason why I absolutely love that scene in like the first episode of OC where he’s left watching them run away in the snow. It feels like that reverence and just a little bit mournful too because he’s coming in years too late and he probably always thought he’d be around for it if (when) she became a mother.

Sometimes I like to consider what it would have been like if Elliot had been there when they introduced Noah because it would have added so much depth. He’s the only one that knows all of her missed chances and opportunities before and I feel like that would have added another layer of hesitancy over everything Liv was already experiencing. Like El would have to watch her fall in love with this baby again and he would be so worried at first because how many times is he going to have to hold her back as another child is taken from her???? I feel like he would be so reluctant at first and then, once Noah’s placement is more secure (but especially after the adoption is finalized), there would be some transition or something??? Where Elliot goes from worrying about her losing another one to—okay she’s not going to lose this one, and going fucking feral anytime a situation threatens that security. Cause he gets it and he would just finally have permission to help her and fight for her chance at motherhood. (I also 100% think that would have had feral Elliot in 1.0, if Liv had given a different answer in the “It’s your call scene.” Like I think the only reason he held her back while Calvin was being taken is because she said no the first time. She wasn’t ready to break the law or step outside of those boundaries and so he supported her while she faced the repercussions of her own morality….I don’t know lol. I just love to think about EO and their dynamics with children and parenthood!!!)

one thing i do wanna say off the top of my head, is that i do think elliot telling liv "it's your call" was him saying "if you do this i got your back", but i think it was also "we both know you can't do this." calvin's mother is strung out on pills and offering to give olivia her child if olivia will only let her get away with murder. she is offering olivia everything she wants, but the trade-off is that liv must sacrifice the values she's built her life around. she cannot do this. elliot knows this. elliot knows that even if vivian keeps her promise initially there is no guarantee that she won't renege, that she won't come back a year or two or three down the track when olivia and calvin are even more deeply bonded and destroy olivia's life - and her career, and probably land her in jail. elliot knows, has known, from the very first, that no matter how badly she wants it this child is not olivia's and she cannot keep him and he has been waiting for the other shot. he tells her it's your call, but his voice is heavy, and sad, bc if she does this she will be trading away a piece of herself, and they both know she can't. and she doesn't. in part, i think, bc he reminded her, in that moment, that it was a choice, and that it would have consequences. and then when they are taking calvin away, he is holding liv back, yes bc she has made her choice, and bc there is literally nothing they can do, at that point. what, is she gonna assault an ACS officer and vivian in the middle of the precinct and run out with a child? where is she gonna go? there is no other way for that to play out but that calvin be taken from her, and elliot holding olivia back is his way of protecting her from making things worse. she has to let him go; if she doesn't, she will only hurt herself.

whew sorry i just watched that episode a few days ago and i was gonna make a whole post about that but then this ask came along so i'm putting it here instead.

but then if he's around when she gets noah? she did things right, that time. this is a child she can keep. until johnny d gets involved and you know elliot would be going feral trying to stop that man getting his hands on liv's boy. you are so right; he would be so, so protective of her. calvin had a mother, and a father, and grandparents, and he was never liv's. noah doesn't have anybody, and he just. he's meant for her. and she has wanted this for so long.

god.

just.

if elliot is the one who gets that phone call? liv, breathless, telling him she's just been handed a baby? elliot helping liv get noah settled at home. elliot coming by to check on them during the however many days off liv took 'cause she just got a fucking baby. elliot holding noah while liv goes to take a shower, liv coming out and finding her son asleep on elliot's chest

anon i'm gonna start chewing on the furniture it is. too much.

[knuffled]

just practice - chapter six

it’s finally here! sorry for the long wait, but i’m hoping the chapter is good enough to make up for it. there’s an announcement at the end of the chapter on ao3 that you should read if you’re a fan of the fic. hope you enjoy!

side-note: i think tumblr is not showing my posts bc i’ve got nsfw content, so it would help me out a lot if you reblog so people see this. thanks!

here’s the link to ao3

If you asked Annabeth, a thermos full of warm black coffee was one of the only redeeming things about mornings. She liked to make a fresh pot as soon as she woke up so that by the time she was done brushing her teeth, showering, and getting dressed, it would have cooled to just the right temperature – not so hot that it would scald your tongue, but not so lukewarm that it didn’t feel good going down your throat.

Yes, normally, a hot cup of black coffee was one of life’s true delights, but it did nothing to dull the misery of being up at six in the morning on a Saturday, cooped up in her father’s rusty, twenty year old Subaru.

It was Reyna’s fault that she was up at the ass crack of dawn, but Annabeth supposed she had a hand in the situation given that she had decided to reach out to her, not without a great deal of trepidation, to take her up on her offer to run together. At first, she had tried to resist the impulse, but as the date of the invitational drew ever closer, she knew she couldn’t just do what she’d always done if she wanted to get any better, and what better way to improve than to train with the best.

When she had called, Reyna had seemed surprised to hear from her at all.

She introduced herself, trying not to sound too nervous, and said, “Hey, Reyna, it’s Annabeth from the party three weeks ago? Not sure if you remember me, but you gave me your number and told me to give you a call if I ever wanted to run with you sometime.”

“Oh, I remember you,” Reyna said, her voice laden with some unspoken implication that Annabeth couldn’t decipher. “I didn’t think you’d actually call me.”

Annabeth breathed a laugh and said, “I didn’t think so either.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Reyna said. “Are you free this Saturday?”

“Um, yeah, I should be in the morning.”

“Morning works best for me too,” Reyna said. “Do you want to run one of your courses or one of mine?”

“One of yours,” Annabeth said quickly.

“Okay, I’ll shoot you a text with an address. Sound good?”

Annabeth had readily agreed and that had been the end of the call. It was only a few days later that she realized that they hadn’t decided on a time to meet, so she sent Reyna a follow-up text. During their initial call, Annabeth had made the mistaken assumption that ‘morning’ meant an hour or two before noon, not 6:30 like she was dismayed to find in Reyna’s answering text.

That was how she found herself making a long drive to Seneca Falls to a park that Reyna liked to run at. Annabeth tried not to be too grumpy about it and psyched herself up about the fact that she was going to be able to train one-on-one with the best female runner in the state, which made her feel just a little bit better.

By the time she stopped at the park over a half-hour later, the clock on her car dashboard read 6:27, making her three minutes early. Annabeth stepped out and took a look around the park. Dew coated nearly every blade of grass and formed beads against her yoga pants. The sun had only just started to rise, diffusing a pink glow across the horizon, and the air was so crisp it was almost painful to breathe in.

It didn’t look like anything special, but she presumed Reyna had a good reason for favoring it.

She stifled a yawn and made her way further inwards and found Reyna at the other end of the park, midway through stretching her hamstrings at the start of a trail that disappeared into a forest. When she saw her approaching, Reyna stood up and offered her a warm smile, which helped set Annabeth at ease. Seeing that Reyna shared her excitement did a great deal to calm her nerves.

“Hey, thanks for making it out here, Annabeth. I know it’s a bit of a drive from Westwood,” Reyna said.

“It wasn’t too bad,” Annabeth said. “What’s the plan for today?”

“Nothing too special,” Reyna said, shrugging. “We’re just going to follow the trail into the woods. It’s a six mile loop or so. Sound good?”

“Yeah, fine by me,” Annabeth said.

Reyna nodded before she resumed her stretches. Annabeth followed her lead and began stretching too, but she found that her eyes were constantly drawn to Reyna. She’d noticed it at the party too, but seeing how fit she was in the daylight was even more impressive. Even a layman could know she was a runner simply by looking at the definition of her calf muscles. Her shirt rode up when she stretched her shoulders, exposing abdominal muscles that most models would be jealous of. Annabeth had to force herself to look away before she was caught staring several times.

Once they finished their stretches, Reyna led her to the start of the trail and fiddled with her wristwatch before looking back up to her.

“Any final thoughts?” Reyna asked.

“Don’t go easy on me,” Annabeth said. “Don’t slow yourself down at all for my sake. Run like I’m not here.”

An easy grin crossed Reyna’s face. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I fully intend to kick your ass,” she teased.

Annabeth laughed and said, “Good. That’s why I’m here.”

Reyna gave her one final glance and raised an eyebrow. “Ready?”

“Ready,” Annabeth said, nodding.

With that, Reyna started the timer on her watch, and they took off into the woods. Reyna’s pace was faster than Annabeth was accustomed to, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Tall trees towered over the trail, covering them beneath a layer of thin darkness occasionally speckled with dappled sunlight. It didn’t take long for Annabeth to realize why Reyna favored this trail in particular – it sloped up and down constantly and was almost never flat, adding an extra layer of difficulty to the run.

Annabeth tended to favor flatter courses herself, but Reyna’s course posed an interesting challenge. It wasn’t long before her calf muscles began to burn from the strain of constantly fighting to run uphill and also controlling her speed as she went downhill – it was no wonder why Reyna’s calves looked like they were sculpted by gods.

The first three miles weren’t that bad, but it became progressively more difficult for Annabeth to match Reyna’s pace, the difference in the strength of their calves growing ever starker, until Annabeth found herself lagging behind midway through the fourth mile. Reyna gave her a glance over her shoulder but didn’t otherwise slow down, which Annabeth was grateful for.

As tough as it was to fall behind, Annabeth had figured this would happen. After all, if she could keep pace with Reyna for the entire run, she wouldn’t have needed to train with her in the first place, so she took the opportunity to study Reyna’s form instead of indulging in self-pity.

Her own form was nothing to be scoffed at, but Reyna’s was immaculate. From her limited understanding of biomechanics, Annabeth could tell that Reyna was exerting the minimal amount of her energy as she ran. Her form was as aerodynamically perfect as could be achieved – her arms tucked loosely to the sides of her body, her stride not too long or too short, how she rolled fluidly from the tips of her toes to the balls of her heels each time her feet hit the ground – everything working symbiotically to reduce the amount of effort she expended.

It made Annabeth notice how her own elbows were slightly pointed outwards instead of being flush to her torso and how her shoulders were hunched a bit, making it less efficient for her to breathe in and out. Those insights alone were worth the price of admission, but Annabeth continued to pick up on further slight improvements she could make over the rest of the run.

Still, it stung to see Reyna leaning against the side of a tree at the end of the trail, waiting for her to finish. Thankfully, Annabeth finished only two or three minutes after Reyna did, which was honestly better than she had expected, but she suspected that she’d pushed herself much harder than she would have if she’d been running on her own.

Once she reached Reyna, Annabeth leaned over and pressed her hands to her knees, panting. Reyna stopped her watch and turned her wrist so Annabeth could see her time. It wasn’t bad for a six mile run. She’d done better, but those runs had been on far flatter courses.

“How’re you feeling?” Reyna asked.

“Like you delivered on your promise to kick my ass,” Annabeth said breathlessly.

Reyna laughed and said, “I’m glad you’re not sore about losing.”

“My ego’s a bit bruised, but it’s seen worse,” Annabeth said, shrugging.

“I think you did really well for your first time on this course,” Reyna offered.

Annabeth stood up straight and breathed deeply. “Thanks, that means a lot coming from you.”

Reyna smiled and said, “No problem.”

There was a pause before Reyna said, “We should probably finish up with some stretches. I don’t want to keep you for too long.”

Annabeth nodded and followed Reyna’s lead on their post-run stretches. As they stretched, Annabeth asked, “So how long have you been running?”

Reyna hummed thoughtfully before saying, “Since like fifth grade, I think?”

“Were you always this good?”

“I was good, but I wasn’t the best in my school or anything,” Reyna said, shrugging. “I think I started to improve a lot in ninth grade or so once I started getting taller. How about you?”

“Well, I started in seventh grade. I was pretty much the best in my school, but I stopped growing in like eighth grade, so I think I just hit my peak earlier than you did,” Annabeth said.

Reyna nodded in acknowledgement and crossed one leg over another. “Have you always lived in Westwood?”

“Yeah, my entire life,” Annabeth said, mirroring her movements.

“How about the guy you left with at the party?”

Annabeth blinked in surprise. “Percy? What about him?”

“You mentioned you were friends and stuff, so I was wondering if you’ve known him for a long time,” Reyna asked, shrugging.

“Yeah, we’ve been best friends since like second grade,” Annabeth said, nodding.

“That’s a long time,” Reyna noted, a subtle undercurrent in her voice.

Annabeth hadn’t ever really thought about the entire expanse of time she’d known Percy, but now that she did, she realized a decade was an insane amount of time to know someone.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “Yeah, you’re right.”

There was a pause before Reyna said, “He didn’t seem to like me very much.”

Annabeth fought her immediate instinct to argue with Reyna’s statement and said, “Yeah, I’m sorry. He’s usually really nice, so I have no idea why.”

Reyna gave her a strange look and said, “I think I have a pretty good idea why.”

Annabeth frowned and said, “What? Really?”

“Yeah, it was probably because he could tell that I was into you,” Reyna said nonchalantly, like she was talking about the weather.

Annabeth felt like someone had hit her in the face with a shovel. “W-Wait, what?”

The seriousness in Reyna’s eyes froze Annabeth. “I think you’re cute, Annabeth. What would you say if I asked you out?” Reyna asked.

“I— I, um, I don’t know,” Annabeth stammered.

“What don’t you know?” Reyna asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, well, I’ve never been asked out by a girl, so I don’t really know what to say,” Annabeth confessed.

Reyna blinked twice before saying, “I didn’t think you were straight.”

“I am,” Annabeth said, before pausing. “Well, I think I am, at least.”

Reyna stood up with a stony look on her face and wiped the mud off her yoga pants. When she spoke, her voice was filled with tense apprehension. “I thought you weren’t straight, my bad. I shouldn’t have just dropped that on you,” she said.

“No, you’re fine,” Annabeth assured her quickly. “I’m just not sure how to react.”

There was a pause before Reyna relaxed slightly and said, “Well, you don’t need to give me an answer straight away. I’m sure you’re feeling a cocktail of emotions right now, so take some time to sort them out. Let me know your answer once you’ve got a better sense of how you feel.”

“I’m already going out with someone,” Annabeth said, playing with her fingers.

“The guy from the party, you mean?”

When Annabeth nodded, Reyna raised an eyebrow and said, “Then why did you introduce him as your friend, not your boyfriend? It didn’t really seem like you both were in a relationship, at least not from what I could see.”

That was the second time someone had told her that in just the span of two weeks, much to Annabeth’s chagrin. Annabeth wasn’t sure how to respond because Reyna was right. She and Percy were only practice dating – it wasn’t a real relationship after all.

“Just think about it for some time, okay? You don’t need to give me your answer right now,” Reyna said.

Annabeth wanted to protest, but there was something in her that hesitated. The truth was that, for all intents and purposes, she wasn’t really in a relationship; she had just asked her best friend to pretend to be her boyfriend without thinking about the gravity of her own request. It didn’t seem right to reject Reyna’s sincere feelings offhandedly.

Reyna seemed to sense that Annabeth was still mulling it over so she said, “No pressure. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to. I just want you to actually think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Annabeth murmured.

Reyna smiled and said, “Well, I’ll see you later then. Let me know if you ever want to get together again sometime. Good run today.”

Annabeth hadn’t missed that Reyna had dropped the pretense of using running as an excuse to see her again. She simply nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. Reyna gave her one final look before she made her way back to the parking lot at the other end of the park.

As Annabeth watched her leave, she released a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She sat there for a while and wrestled with the growing frustrated confusion that was churning in her stomach.

What am I doing?

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous her entire arrangement with Percy seemed. It was becoming increasingly clearer to her that she hadn’t properly considered what she had gotten herself into. First, the incident with Piper and now this with Reyna made her realize that this whole fake-dating thing was completely pointless, at least not in its current state. Nothing was actually any different between her and Percy – they were just friends masquerading as a couple.

For a few minutes, she just sat there and tried to think her way out of the situation before realizing that it was futile. Whatever, she’d figure it out later. Hopefully.

Annabeth sighed and stood up, wiping off the sweat that had accumulated on her brow. She wasn’t looking forward to the half-hour drive home before she could shower. As she made her way back to the parking lot, Annabeth found herself wishing, not for the first time, that she could talk to someone about this whole fake-dating thing, but for now she knew she was on her own.

:::

Rachel’s phone alarm went off midway through their How To Train Your Dragon marathon, alerting them to the fact that their brownies were done baking. Annabeth stood up and eagerly made her way over to the oven with Piper, Hazel, and Rachel. The scent of fresh brownies grew stronger as they got closer to the kitchen, reaching a crescendo once Rachel pulled the baking tray out with a triumphant grin and set the brownies on the counter top.

“They’re perfect,” Rachel beamed. “Now, we just need to wait until they cool down. That means you, Piper.”

“Hey, rude,” Piper protested.

Rachel just stuck her tongue out at her while the rest of them laughed. Having a girl’s night once a month had become something of a tradition during high school. Between her, Piper, Rachel, and Hazel, they would alternate whose house would host the meet-up, and it was spent binging movies and eating pizza. If they were feeling particularly adventurous, like today, they would even bake brownies or cookies.

Within a few minutes, they were seated in front of the gigantic TV in Rachel’s living room again and resuming the movie. Annabeth sat on one end of the sofa, but Piper was sprawled across the other two cushions, with her feet on Annabeth’s lap, much to her annoyance, and her head on Hazel’s while Rachel sat on the ground in front of them.

“Come on, Rache, you should join the fun up here!” Piper said.

“Speak for yourself, you heathen,” Annabeth muttered.

Piper glared at her while Rachel laughed and Hazel hid a smile. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. I like the floor better,” Rachel said, shrugging.

They continued their Pixar binge, but as the night went on, their interest in watching whatever movie that was playing waned until they stopped paying attention altogether in favor of talking to one another instead. At first they told jokes or shared stories that wouldn’t have been the least bit funny if they weren’t half-delirious from staying up so late, but eventually the topic of discussion turned to romance, like it always did at some point or another.

“So how’re things going with Percy, Annababe?” Rachel asked, now seated facing the sofa.

Annabeth wanted to groan, but Rachel held her palms up in surrender and said, “I know, I know, and I’m sorry, but you know that I wouldn’t have to ask if I wasn’t forced to go to a dumb private school.”

“Yeah, Annabeth, how are things with Percy?” Piper asked innocently.

Piper only raised an eyebrow in response to the withering look Annabeth gave her, making her sigh.

“Things are going well, as I have already explained to Piper here,” Annabeth said, giving Piper a pointed look before continuing.

“We’ve only been on one date since we started going out because we’ve been so busy with college apps and school and clubs. It was a nice date though. We went to the aquarium that Percy worked at over that one summer and he showed me around. I had a good time.”

Rachel beamed and said, “That’s great, Annabeth! I’m so happy for you two.”

“Me too,” Hazel said. “I know I don’t really say much about it, but I think it was a long time coming.”

The other two girls nodded in agreement, which only confused Annabeth, but she didn’t think it was worth trying to broach the subject like she had with Piper.

“Man, it’s about time that Percy went out with someone nice,” Rachel said, leaning back on her elbows. “Percy’s taste in girls has historically been pretty awful, present company excluded of course.”

Annabeth frowned and said, “What do you mean?”

Rachel furrowed her brow and said, “Like all the stuff that happened with his ex’s and whatnot.”

“Especially Kara,” Hazel said darkly.

Kara Mayfield had been the last girl that Percy had gone out with, but they had only lasted a few months during junior year before breaking up. Like with all his other relationships, Percy hadn’t ever talked to her about it directly, and Annabeth hadn’t bothered bringing it up either because she figured it was Percy’s business and that he would share with her if he thought it was important.

Rachel nodded solemnly and said, “Kara was a real piece of work.”

“Really?” Annabeth said, blinking. “I’ve had a few classes with her and stuff, and she’s always seemed pretty nice.”

Rachel balked and said, “You think she’s nice ? After what she did to Percy?”

This was news to her. “What do you mean?” Annabeth said, frowning.

This seemed to take Rachel aback even more than her previous statement. “Wait, you don’t know? Percy never told you that she–”

Piper had shot Rachel a warning glare and subtly shook her head, making Rachel stop mid-sentence. Annabeth looked between the two of them wondering what had just happened.

“Percy never told me that she what?” Annabeth asked, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt.

Rachel looked between her and Piper nervously before she said, “Uh, I’m not sure I should say.”

All at once, Annabeth felt her bottled frustration erupt. “Why does it feel like everyone is hiding something from me? Like you’re all in on some big secret that I’m not allowed to know about? It’s getting really fucking annoying. Like, am I just not trustworthy enough or something?”

Piper sat up with a sigh, moving her feet off of Annabeth’s lap, and put her hand on her shoulder.

“Look, there’s some stuff that we don’t have the right to tell you about if Percy hasn’t shared with you already. I know it’s upsetting that he’s not telling you things, but I get why he chose not to. It’s not because he doesn’t trust you, okay? We both know Percy would lie in traffic for you. You just have to trust that he has a good reason, okay?” Piper explained.

On the one hand, Annabeth knew that what Piper was saying was true, but on the other she couldn’t deny that it hurt a lot that Percy was keeping things from her. As much as it frustrated her, Annabeth knew it was pointless to try to get anything more out of the other girls, so she grit her teeth and nodded tersely.

“Maybe you should talk to Percy about it, if you really want to know,” Hazel suggested.

“Whenever I try to, he doesn’t give me a straight answer,” Annabeth said, her jaw clenched. “I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.”

“He’s still the same person he’s always been, Annabeth,” Hazel said gently.

“The Percy I know doesn’t keep secrets,” Annabeth snapped. “And I don’t want to hear anymore about how he has a good reason or whatever. I’ve never tried to hide stuff from him. Even the thought of doing that feels wrong to me. I’d just always assumed he felt the same.”

There was an awkward silence before Piper sighed and said, “I think that you need to explain this to Percy. We’ve shared our thoughts and stuff, but you won’t be satisfied until you talk to him yourself.”

Annabeth pressed her lips in a hard line and nodded sharply, but it was still hard to stomach the swirling mass of hurt, anger, and betrayal in her chest. If anything, this conversation had proven that the vague sense of unease that she felt around Percy hadn’t been unfounded. Now that her doubt was gone, she could finally have a stern conversation with him.

Rachel cleared her throat and said, “Well, now that that’s out of the way, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m hosting a Halloween Party here on the Saturday after Halloween! It’s a costume party, so make sure you get something in time.”

“Real smooth, Rache,” Piper said, rolling her eyes.

“What? Come on, it was getting really awkward in here!” Rachel protested.

Annabeth found that she was smiling despite herself and decided to let the matter go before she turned to Piper and asked, “I forgot to ask, but how’d the audition go?”

Piper’s eyes lit up and she launched into a story about how she’d had to improv a line that she’d forgotten during the audition and how Mrs. McAllister had shed literal tears when she’d heard it. Annabeth’s attention wandered as the conversation meandered from there late into the night. Hazel was the first to fall asleep at around three in the morning, followed by Rachel, and finally Piper and herself.

Her eyes were just beginning to close when Piper whispered, “Annabeth, are you awake?”

Annabeth fought the urge to groan and said, “No, I’m asleep.”

“Very funny,” Piper said dryly.

There was a beat before she said, “I just– just don’t think too badly of Percy, okay? He cares so much about you it’s not even funny.”

Annabeth sighed and said, “I’m just a little upset, but yeah I know.”

Piper propped herself up on her elbows and looked at Annabeth with a hard look in her eyes. “Do you though? Do you really? You don’t know what he’s sacrificed for you, what he has been through for you .”

“And that’s my fault?” Annabeth hissed. “It’s my fault that I don’t know things that are deliberately being kept from me?”

Piper sighed and said, “That’s not my point, Annabeth.”

“Well, get to your point then,” Annabeth snapped.

“My point is that Percy has suffered through a lot for your sake, more than you can imagine. I just really need you to understand that. Like, I get that you’re upset and everything, but you need to trust him and cut him a little slack,” Piper said, her tone taking on a beseeching quality.

Annabeth was silent for a while before she said, “I trust him more than anyone in the world, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be upset with him. I’m sure you’re right about all the things he’s done for me, but I never asked for that. I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but I didn’t ask him to turn himself into a martyr for my sake – I asked for a friend, and friend’s trust each other. And right now, I’m not feeling a whole lot of trust.”

“I understand. Just– Just don’t judge him too harshly without knowing the context behind his actions. That’s all I’m asking,” Piper said quietly.

Despite all the hurt she was feeling, Annabeth nodded. Piper whispered her thanks and said good night before falling silent again.

Annabeth couldn’t sleep after that. Piper’s words echoed in her head for a long while after that, until she finally succumbed to sleep. Maybe that was why her dreams that night resurfaced long forgotten memories, memories she never should’ve lost.

:::

The moonless sky made it difficult for Annabeth to see anything in front of her as she ran through the woods, tears streaming down her face. Her arms were littered with welts and cuts from the protruding branches and thorny shrubbery in her path that she hadn’t been able to avoid. She wiped the unshed tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, but her eyes were still puffy and sore.

Suddenly, she burst out of the forest into a backyard and felt a flood of relief when she saw the house in front of her. With practiced ease, she scaled the willow tree behind the house and rapped her knuckles against the second floor window. It wasn’t long before the blue curtains were drawn back and a twelve-year-old Percy frowned from behind the window before noticing her. His eyes immediately widened with worry before he opened the window. Annabeth tackled him with a hug, making him stagger back, and sobbed into the crook of his neck.

“Annabeth? What’s going on? What happened?” Percy said.

Annabeth tried to speak but every time she tried she found herself just crying harder and harder. Percy, sensing her growing frustration with her inability to articulate herself, ran his fingers through her hair and whispered softly under his breath, and even though she couldn’t make out what he was saying through the sound of her sobbing, she felt a deep sense of comfort.

It was hard to say how long she stayed like that, burrowed in Percy’s arms, before she finally drew away from him. He looked at her with such aching kindness and concern that it made her heart squeeze a little in her chest.

“Do you want me to get you some water or something to eat?” he asked.

Annabeth nodded silently, and it was only when Percy stood up that she realized that they’d been kneeling on his bedroom floor, right beside the open window.

He gave her a stern look and said, “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Annabeth said. Her voice was so hoarse she could barely hear herself speak.

Percy understood somehow - like he always did, like he always had - and gave her a reassuring nod before he slipped quietly out of his bedroom. As soon as he was gone, she curled in on herself and bit her quivering lip to stop herself from sobbing. Her heart throbbed inside her chest like someone was trying to twist each side in opposite directions in their hands.

She slipped into a trance of sorts, escaping into some corner of her mind where she didn’t have to feel anything, but it was shattered by a loud sound from downstairs, like the sound of something breaking, that made Annabeth freeze. Silence swallowed the sound quickly and everything was still again, but that just made Annabeth feel even more on edge.

It took nearly three minutes before the bedroom door opened again and Percy slipped inside, closing the door soundlessly behind him, with a glass of water and two granola bars. His face was unnaturally blank, but his eyes burned with cold intensity. The look disappeared as soon as he saw Annabeth again and a tired smile crossed his lips.

He handed her the glass of water and a granola bar and kept the other one for himself. “Sorry I’m late,” he said softly, leaning against his bed frame.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said easily. “Just broke a plate.”

Annabeth knew that he was lying, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to press him on it. She hadn’t missed the way he had winced, so imperceptibly that she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been looking carefully enough, when his back had made contact with the bed frame.

“So what’s going on?” he asked gently, leaning against his bed frame.  

Annabeth didn’t want to let him change the subject, but she couldn’t think of how to call him out on it. She stared down at her cup of water and tried to think of where to begin.

“It’s my step-mom,” she said quietly.

Percy’s voice was soft as he said, “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

Annabeth nodded and sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead. “It’s just – things are just getting worse and worse. She just treats me like I’m a disease. At first, she would always say really mean things to me when she thought my dad wasn’t around, but these days, she does it even when he’s there. That’s the worst part. I know that Helen’s awful, but my dad doesn’t do anything about it. He just – he just lets her do it.”

“That’s terrible,” Percy said, shaking his head. “Your dad shouldn’t let her say stuff like that to you. I mean you’re his daughter.”

Annabeth barked a harsh laugh and said, “It doesn’t feel that way anymore. Ever since Mom left, he’s been… different. It’s like he looks at me and sees her or something. I don’t know.”

She paused for a few seconds and took a deep breath before continuing. “That’s what we fought about today. My step-mom was being a jerk like always and then she said, ‘I don’t know where she gets it from. Probably from your ex-wife,’ and I just got so mad.”

“I started yelling at her and saying that she didn’t even know mom and that she shouldn’t say rude things about her. It just got worse from there and at some point, I told her that I hated her and that she wasn’t even my real mom, and then my dad slapped me.”

“He what ?” Percy asked sharply.

Annabeth nodded, trying to blink away tears. “H-He slapped me and said that Mom left us because she hated us and that Helen was my new mom now and that I had to respect her.”

Percy exhaled forcefully and said, “Oh, Annabeth, I’m so sorry.”

Annabeth tried to shrug like it wasn’t a big deal, but she caught a glimpse of the sadness in Percy’s eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing again.

Percy pulled her into another hug and muttered, “What your dad did is so messed up. He’s an adult, and you’re twelve. Like I know you’re the smartest, maturest twelve year old on Earth, but that is just wrong.”

Annabeth released a watery laugh and said, “Maturest isn’t a word.”

Percy leaned away so he could look down at her and shook his head, an exasperated smile on his face. “I can’t believe you can still make fun of my grammar right now,” he said, but there was an undeniable fondness in his tone.

Annabeth bit back on the impulse to tell him that the correct term was diction not grammar and found herself smiling along with him for a few seconds before the pain demanded to be felt again and she was struggling to blink back her tears.

“What if my dad is right though? What if Mom really did leave us because we weren’t good enough for her?” Annabeth whispered.

“Your dad is wrong. I don’t know why your mom left, but I am sure she didn’t want to. Even if your dad is right somehow, then your Mom was super stupid. There’s no way you’re not enough,” Percy said, and just like the countless number of times he had told her so before, there was an unshakable confidence in his voice that Annabeth wanted so desperately to believe in.

Annabeth pulled away from him and met his eyes, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.

“Then why do I feel so alone?” she asked, her voice breaking on the last word. “Why is it that everyone, even my own Mom, leaves me?”

Not even a second elapsed before Percy said, “I won’t leave you. Like, I know I’m not your Mom or anyone special, but I won’t leave you.”

Another watery laugh escaped her even as the lump in her throat grew larger. “You’re just saying that now, but eventually you’ll realize that I’m awful. You’ll realize that I’m mean and selfish and stubborn and arrogant and rude and you’ll want to leave too.”

There was something soft in Percy’s eyes as he said, “Even if you are, I still won’t leave.”

“How can you say that?” Annabeth asked, sounding more broken than she intended to.

“Because I know you,” Percy said, and the simple way he said it left no room for argument.

There was a pause as her heart thundered in her chest. Her thoughts raced in her mind as she tried to find the words to make him understand, understand exactly what an utter shitshow he was getting himself into, but she couldn’t find them.

Instead, she shook her head and said, “You’re making a mistake.”

“I’m not,” Percy said softly. “And even if I am, I choose to make it anyways.”

Frustration welled up inside her, but when she looked up and noticed the unmasked conviction with which he loved her, she found herself breaking in the best way possible.

She wanted to thank him, to tell him that he was wrong earlier about not being special, but as always, her selfishness won out and she found herself saying, “Do you promise?”

Percy reached with his pinky finger and looped it around hers and shook it once for good measure. “I promise.”

[thejudgingtrash]

I wanna hear the Dom/sub discourse!!! Also love ur blog :) (I personally am a proponent of dom percy just bc I like that idea but I’d love to hear yours!!! I didnt even know there was discourse!) love to hear your thoughts and again super cool blog!!!! :’)

* ALSO WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY IF IT WASNT ALREADY ESTABLISHED BUT ONLLLLLLY IF THEY ARE LIKE IN THEIR OLDER 20S!!!! ppl doing that in the context of teens is *gross* (previous anon who sent in the ask before) :)

Oh! Thank you for the compliments. I’m still not used at being so visible now to people 🥺😥😅

Good that you’ve added your points because that essentially brings down my issues with this whole spiel. I guess I’m going to play the other card. My main issues with this whole thing are:

A) the fandom sexualizing kids

B) people not understanding that looks/behavior in or outside of a (romantic) relationship don’t necessarily have to correlate with sexual behavior, especially when powerplay is involved

Of course Percy is easier to grasp for us. We have five whole books where we hear his every thought, follow his every move and think we get to know him (that automatically makes Percy not a reliable narrator, just saying).

For every book quote that puts Percy into the „Dom“ slot, there’s also a book quote that would be fitting for Annabeth (the dance from TTC comes to my mind). I can see both going either way. Despite them having mostly different personalities (Percy internalizing his thoughts and motives, whereas Annabeth is doing rather the opposite), they are very similar when it comes to leadership and end goals. Annabeth can range from emotional to bossy in a similar way Percy does. They just express themselves on different levels and get seen by outsiders in different ways.

Did you catch that? Did you see the hypocrisy that I just committed? We are using book quotes to justify placing characters that are in that context and in overall canon minors/teens/essentially fucking children in sexualized categories. Tbh, as much flag as you can give Riordan, I can’t blame him for blocking people who do this. Not every author is a fan of fanfiction and fan theory and what not.

People throwing these BSDM terms around without a second thought makes me cringe (tbh, I’m too lazy to explain the psychology of power play and kinks in that regard, just know that the instigator is not automatically the top/dom and there are many, many, many layers in a pp relationship). You cannot base sexual behavior from the canon itself. We know nothing about Percy and Annabeth in that regard to even justify the slightest. Ripping actions out of context to give them a label doesn’t work like that so easily unfortunately.

The only way to settle this question for once and all would be by simply doing this:

The whole debate that happened months/weeks ago (quarantine makes everything blurry in my memory) was just fucking stupid?

Imagine being a 15 year old, anxious, frightened girl. You’ve been deeply traumatized since you’ve been seven years old, you’re scared to death because you have a crush on your best friend and think he might perish (newsflash: of course you as the reader can foreshadow that in that context the series goes on. The characters can’t as they lack that specific insight. Percy didn’t have to wind up dead in the books, but he could have been severely mutilated, gone missing (guess he did later), bruised, etc. apart from his mental struggles. The super power part is essentially the only thing that’s keeping him alive), you give him a kiss because you’re too shy to admit your feelings for him and he’s being an awkward cheeky bastard before looking for a fight and then some adult asshole has the caucasity of calling you a bratty sub. Literally what.

Some anon (or a group of anons, don’t know which) contacted a bunch of people with that Dom!Percy and Sub!Annabeth stuff. Anon, Liebste, homegirl, my love, mija, if you see this please slide into the DMs because whaddefuck? Your thought process hotdamn. Where did you pick this up? Let’s be open about this discussion. You didn’t go from A to B, you went from A to Z and robbed Jeff Bezos on the way out. I mean what???

People using canon to justify their headcanons is simply something I can’t get behind in this matter. The main issues is that they are children/teens/minors in canon. There is no way around it. Trying to justify/back up some of your thoughts in that regard with actual quotes only makes it worse because you aren’t only sexualizing them in your fanon, but you are also automatically transferring these thoughts to the actual books and thus fore sexualizing them in canon. You’re changing the basis and narrative.

I honestly don’t get the obsession that some have with their teenage sex life? This isn’t a personal attack on people but I’ve seen this throughout several group chats and social media platforms like Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest even and of course Tumblr. And popular stuff like Riverdale, Euphoria, 13 Reasons Why and New Adult Twilight rip-offs á la Shades of Grey and that Harry Styles fanfic honestly don’t help with the portrayal of „curious“ teens.

This also isn’t a strict PJO phenomenon, it happens across all fandoms. The odd trend with sexualizing kids/teens or things intended for kids has been going on for ages. I get it, you grow out of the related audience but that doesn’t justify the means? Canon won’t change simply because you do.

Percy and Annabeth are awkward teens that have never dated anyone else and had barely half a year between pjo and hoo before getting caught up in another mess. I’m not saying that teens aren’t curious and don’t experiment, some do drugs and/or have sex (let’s be real the probability of something happening in the stable scene in MOA is very high) but still? Putting dom/sub labels on them is sketchyyy. Also throw your fucking sex god headcanons out of the motherfucking window. They are 17-ish, if you need the mental image of some weird kids flopping on top of each other for two whole minutes for some odd reason, good for you but I’m side eying the fuck outta you.

You can’t really blame Riordan for not being more explicit. A) the series is for middle schoolers (aka kids), so it’s not strictly Young Adult and there’s only so much you can do B) publishers/editors interfering is a thing (especially with society’s views of sex = bad and violence = just fine) and c) the probability of sexualizing the characters of his own creation in that sense might have made him uncomfortable. Better to play safe, than end up with a bigger mess, just saying. I’m all for the sex talk in a non-berating, (slightly) educational approach when it comes to that in non-adult literature. Or even just stating a sex scene in a mere sentence. (Karen M. McManus did an amazing job with portraying struggling teens with a right approach in One of Us is Lying. Stating it or making it very, very, very clear between the lines. Then again, not everyone can pull that off or wants to go in that direction).

In addition to that, seeing stuff like the infamous ”the sea doesn’t like to be restrained“ or ”Percy has handsome features which shifted from humor to anger“ quotes getting constantly shredded is so… Meh. One simple question: what does Percy having a mean resting bitch face to do with his sexuality/sexual behavior? What does him being annoyed and on the moodier side have to do with it? For me absolutely nothing. The correlation isn’t really clear and out there. Pissed Percy doesn’t translate into Percy automatically being the dominant (in Percabeth’s sex life)?

I mean I get it. We all grow up. Erotica is a wonderful genre and art form (if you waddle through the trash). You will never be able to get that out of fiction and fanfiction. That’s also neither my goal nor my place to decide. As cheap and stupid as it is, I’d rather have people intentionally aging the characters up and stating their headcanons in that regard rather than people attempting to abuse canon where the characters are minors in order for sexualizing them. There’s no good way to prevent this from happening unfortunately (unless you really want to abolish all explicit fanon stuff).

Whenever you post a sexy headcanon just hold on for a second. If you have abstract future headcanons sure, go ahead, personally don’t see a problem with that. But if you use source material to fixate your thoughts on minors in canon to give them sexual labels… I urge you to seriously rethink that.

Stop sexualizing minors. Please. Pretty please.

Peace

[dramacravings]

some thoughts on twy...

narrative: a representation of a particular situation or process in such a way as to reflect or conform to an overarching set of aims or values

i like ma rin but why is this drama so intent on getting me to identify her as a victim?? everyone in her life (mostly women) mocks her, berates her, uses her, underestimates her, makes assumptions of and accusations against her, tries to manipulate her by holding favors over her head or hoops for her to jump through, or just makes her life more difficult in general.

there are at least ten other ways so joon could have prevented that car accident (stopped the truck, stalled traffic, pushed the god damn crosswalk button, said “hey, watch out for that truck”) but instead we have to watch him stalk and harass ma rin down the street and into the crosswalk jfc (they really want her to be a victim).

there are a thousand other scenarios ma rin could have needed to be rescued from (ferry accident. dock accident. overhead piano accident. bridge accident. did anyone watch early edition?) but we got the street harassment version and the scene ends with ma rin unconscious in the hospital (for no apparent reason) while so joon streams embarrassing videos of her drunken public encounters online, videos she never consented to appear in let alone get spread around the internet.

so joon later uses this knowledge of ma rin’s alcohol problem against her to coerce her to speak with him after she made it clear that she didn’t want to. (but this is supposed to be a funny bc she likes to drink/has a drinking problem. side note: are women only allowed to be funny or silly (or sad) when they’re drunk? that’s a depressing thought...)

when so joon causes ma rin to feel humiliated or ashamed or he’s impressing her we get her point of view but when ma rin is making so joon’s life ~difficult~ or if he pities her we get his point of view. why is that? why are they so invested in making her a victim!?

i feel like the drama is just tearing ma rin down so that... hell, i don’t know why. she’s great but the writers are creating a narrative in which literally everyone else is in control of hers. every scene is another opportunity to bring her down, for someone else to make or break her hopes and dreams, or simply sidetrack her from just living her life and pursuing her future career in peace. /we/ might like ma rin but this drama does not like ma rin.

let’s also not forget that at this point the story ends with ma rin’s and so joon’s deaths and it’s up to so joon and his godlike knowledge of their intertwined futures to prevent it from happening. ma rin is just a piece in this puzzle with no awareness of the overarching narrative driving the plot forward, or the factors motivating this man to follow her around, to be so hot and cold with her. he couldn’t care less about her.

i’m trying to compare this to something like qihm where the couple has to figure things out together and she constantly has to teach him about her world and they form a partnership. contrast qihm with this drama where so joon travels to the future and we only get his perspective as we all discover that he and ma rin are married. ma rin is only there to answer questions. there was nothing in their interaction that was for her or her story or even from her point of view. this was all about so joon. entitled, all-knowing so joon.

since most of the other annoying people in ma rin’s life are women there’s also this layer of ma rin being the ~exceptional woman~ who gets to be fleshed out and flawed while other women are just pathetic or petty. none of her friends, coworkers, nor her mother are written in a way that’s supposed to make you empathize with them.

those we do get to empathize with are ma rin (but only as a victim), so joon (a hard-hearted asshole; a man), and so joon’s time travel buddy (also a man). the only people who are ever nice to ma rin are her friend (who’s really only there to clap for ma rin when she gets a job--this is very low investment faux female friendship positivity imo) and the reporter ma rin went on a date with, who we’re supposed to appreciate bc he didn’t berate ma rin after her terrible mother told lies about her (and i’m just waiting for him to screw her over with his article).

i almost get the feeling that we’re supposed to respect or value ma rin more because she’s a victim and reacts to being a victim in a ~humble~ way. like, i wouldn’t blame this woman if she didn’t maintain a positive attitude and instead broke down whilst literally everyone tries to make her life harder. what does ma rin get out of telling the story this way? what does this narrative accomplish for her, specifically?

we have to stop putting the onus on female characters to respond to bad treatment in the Right Way (policing women’s behavior) and instead challenge narratives that validate a world in which women don’t have control of their lives and are expected to Deal With It ~admirably~

how is this not a form of victim blaming in which we wouldn’t be expected to like ma rin if she weren’t “lively and endlessly positive”? honestly?

this is Strong Female Character posturing (behaving in a way that is intended to impress or mislead others) where they set up scenarios in which ma rin is treated like shit specifically so the writers can put on a show demonstrating how Strong she is. this drama is more interested in putting ma rin on a pedestal for her Admirable Behavior in the face of constant attacks than it is in condemning or changing others’ awful behavior toward her.

why should i want to relate to or sympathize with this narrative structure? this isn’t my idea of an appealing high stakes time travel romance. a gross part of me wants to watch this drama play out just to confirm my suspicions. they’ve already made so many questionable narrative decisions that they’re setting things up to get worse for ma rin, for her to become more of a pawn in so joon’s ~destiny~. ma rin might end up with the material things she desires--the career, the guy--but i just don’t see this process being a nice experience for her. it hasn’t been so far and i don’t have any reason to believe that will change.

i’m going to relate this back to my earlier comments re the swdbs teaser in which we’re supposed to get excited about (literally “teased” by) a woman fighting off sexual harassment on public transportation. media co-opted feminism is jtbc and tvn raking in ad money so we can watch women get harassed for fun and for free lmao. we’re deep in the matrix.

i wanted to include what @gohyunjungfun wrote in response to my comments about the teaser bc it’s better articulated and influenced some of what i wrote here: it's a special brand of pop feminism that focuses on individual women being smart/strong/whatever enough to fight off certain types of male aggression but is uninterested in the structure of patriarchy in recognizing it as a system and uninterested in men simply *not* being predators.

i’d argue this also applies to patriarchal norms in dramas that tell us any narrative or story is fair game and it’s up to female characters to just be good enough role models or interesting enough characters to deserve our praise. we have to stop ignoring writers’ motivations and instead ask why we tell stories like this in the first place. narrative choices are choices, you can’t be neutral on a moving train, etc etc.