#god Shaun how I love your fucking face ...

[season-77]

It's still the weekend somewhere in the world, so let's stay in the poolside vibe … a cocktail by the pool, swimsuits required. I wouldn't have thought of greeting guests in such attire, but I'll risk it if HE looks at me like that …

[muddyorbsblr]

onyx pt2

See my full list of works here!

Summary: Thor's return to the Compound reveals that your new pet kitten wasn't quite what you thought he was

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: language (it's like 2 cuss words but i'm still not sorry, Rogers); the lightest sprinkle of angst [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: himbo Thor hours

You couldn't believe what you were hearing from Thor. Implying that the sweet tiny kitten on your shoulder was actually the god that wouldn't even spare you a single glance sideways. The one that barely even registered that you existed.

"Thor no. It can't be. This little bub is small and baking biscuits on my cheek. He purrs. He's cat-shaped. Onyx is a cat. He's my cat. And right now you're scaring him being all up in his face like this. I say this with so much love…Thunder? Back the fuck off." Your kitten shivered even harder as he snuggled into your neck, keeping his little face buried in your hair.

"Lady Y/N, I know my brother's eyes anywhere. Especially after he disguised himself as a snake when we were merely eight years old and--"

"Changed back and stabbed you. Bleh it's me. I know the story, Thunder," you finished for him, suddenly exceedingly aware of the weight of maybe-Onyx-maybe-Loki on your shoulder despite the tiny feline frame. "But I'm telling you there's just no way that my cat is--"

You looked into Onyx's eyes and immediately your shoulders dropped, realizing that it wasn't a coincidence that his eyes were a familiar shade of blue. Thor was right; he knew his brother's eyes anywhere. The kitten embraced your face, pressing his nose to your cheek repeatedly.

"Onyx, look at me." He stilled against your cheek, his wide pleading eyes looking into yours with something that looked akin to resignation. "You were hissing at FRIDAY and Shaun about getting chipped because you understood everything we were saying. Am I right?" He didn't move, the pupils in his eyes growing wider and the corners of his eyes starting to fill with tears. "Because you're Loki?"

He took a deep breath, this little chest puffing up with air and suddenly looking significantly less cat-like than he did a minute ago. Onyx -- actually, Loki -- pressed his face to your cheek again, the action now making your breath hitch in the back of your throat. Then finally he nodded,  and the air left your lungs.

You walked over to  your apartment, Thor's heavy footsteps following just behind you, and placed Onyx/Loki on your desk in front of a notepad and a pen. "Talk." He looked up at you again with those wide pleading eyes. "Please," you added, unsure of what to feel now that the last few hours you spent with your newfound pet was being colored with the context of who he actually was.

Too many thoughts, too many questions, floated around your head, nearly overwhelming you, as your last round of pain meds began to wear off and the discomfort you were feeling gradually became a throbbing pulsating sensation throughout your left side.

Most of them revolving around why he acted the way that he did in this tiny form with you, and how long this could have gone on if Thor hadn't revealed his identity within ten seconds of seeing him. The blond god pulled out a chair for you to read along as Loki's green magic surrounded the pen and words began to form on the paper.

I made a misstep while practicing my magic and cast a spell that turned me into this diminutive feline form. I had exited my quarters earlier today to find assistance in retrieving the spell I require to reverse its effects.

"Hold on." The pen stopped mid-stroke, the cat looking at you with your hand held up. "If you can make things move with your mind, why couldn't you just get the spell book--"

"Grimoire," Thor corrected you. "He gets a bit testy when you use the other word."

"Right then, why couldn't you just move the grimoire down and reverse the spell on your own?" The pen lifted again, you and his brother crowding around the paper to read his answer.

When I scale down my form to something so vulnerable, my magic is not as potent. In theory the grimoire is only just at the limit of my powers' reach in this form and I run the risk of crushing myself with the tome.

"Loki, are you telling me you need help reaching the top shelf?" Thor chortled at the question, sounding like he was struggling to keep his chuckles at bay. "Can it, Thunder, it's not that funny." The cat nodded at you, starting to stand on his back legs again. "Okay, so why not ask your brother? He's way taller than me."

"Oh that I can answer for him, Lady Y/N," he quipped, raising his own hand up in the air. "My brother doesn't trust me around his possessions. Something about how I have a tendency to break his things."

"You know what, that tracks," you muttered, standing and presenting the kitten your hand. "Come on then, let's get you back to normal." He hopped onto your hand and you were about to put him on your shoulder before you stopped, keeping him perched on your hands instead. He meowed at you, starting to climb up your arm before you picked him up again, keeping him in your hands.

"Think my brother wants to be on your shoulder, Lady Y/N. Seemed quite comfortable there," Thor spoke up, letting out a soft chuckle when the kitten started nodding enthusiastically, agreeing with him. "Perhaps you should--"

"I let him stay there earlier because he was my cat," you shot back. "Now he's your brother, it's not the same thing." He whimpered, his little cat body shaking in your hands, taking every ounce of strength you could spare not to give in and just place him back there. He kneaded at your palms the entire way to his apartment, Thor carrying around your stepping stool.

You all got to Loki's study, setting him down on the desk as he guided you to the grimoire he needed, shaking his head at each tome on the shelf that you'd pointed at so far.

"My word, Brother, your attention to detail in these sketches is remarkable, you even got--" Loki hissed at his brother, who was currently standing by a stack of journals, a small sketchbook in his hand. "Alright alright I desist. I shall take my leave. You shall be the one to divulge this information once you are yourself again."

The blond Asgardian's heavy footsteps sounded throughout the apartment until he left, then a few moments afterward you faintly heard his booming voice as he rejoined the rest of the team. You pointed at another grimoire that finally had him nodding his little head, stepping aside on the desk to make room for you to set it down.

"Okay then," you spoke up once you stepped back down to the ground, suddenly feeling more awkward as you stood alone with him in his apartment. "I'll uhh…I'll leave you to it."

You made it to the door of his study before you heard his tiny meow again, seeing him standing on his back legs at the edge of his desk, grabby hands outstretched towards you.

"I'll see you when you're…you again. Later, Loki." The sound of his little meows tugged at your heartstrings, nearly making you turn around and…honestly you didn't even know why he'd want you there with him but you'd stay if only to wipe the sad look from his face. You couldn't deny the adorable little cat much anyways in the hours he was yours.

Then again, you probably couldn't deny him anything in his Asgardian form, either.

An hour after you walked out of Loki's apartment you were hobbling your way back to yours, having eaten enough to take your next round of medications and toting a compound that Banner whipped up in his lab that could maybe help your injuries heal a touch faster. You had half a mind to just cut the sweatshirt off of you once you got inside to avoid the lingering discomfort, but ultimately decided against it.

That wasn't a good enough reason to let a perfectly good forest green sweatshirt go to waste.

You were about to start using the compound on your ribs first when a voice stopped you. "Darling…"

That voice. You recognized that voice anywhere. Giving you butterflies whenever you heard it in mission briefings. Haunting your vivid fantasies regardless of the time or appropriateness. The voice that had you incapable of forming words on any other day.

"Good to see you back," you said, trying to keep your composure around the god.

You reached for your sweatshirt again to cover yourself from his piercing stormy gaze, but before you could, he stood before you, his hand gently grasping your arm while the other rested on your waist. "I received a message from my brother while I was in my feline form, asking if I could check on your injuries. Aid in your healing somehow, if I feel inclined. His words, not mine." Your breath hitched when his thumbs stroked at your skin more tenderly than any of your former lovers had ever touched you. "I would have done it regardless."

Your pulse was thumping in your ears from his proximity, from the way he held your gaze. From the way he held you like he was fighting every urge to pull you to him. Like he would let you step out of it if that was what you wanted.

But all you wanted at the moment was to ask him, "Why didn't you tell me who you were the second you saw me in the pantry?"

The journal Thor was holding earlier materialized on your desk, diverting your attention to the open page. Probably the page that he was commending earlier that made the raven-haired god hiss at him in cat form. The image on the page had the air leave your lungs.

It was a sketch of you.

"My refusal to look at you before was not from disdain, little mortal," he spoke, taking a step closer to you, his hand traveling up your arm and framing your face. You could feel his breath on  your skin. "It was because every time I would look upon your features, I had to fight back every compulsion to do this."

He tucked his finger under your chin, turning you to face him before pressing a tender kiss to your lips that had you weakening in his hold, your stomach violently fluttering as his lips moved against yours. You whimpered against his lips, making him pull you into his arms, weaving his fingers into your hair.

"I've longed for you, precious mortal," he whispered once he pulled away, pressing kisses along the side of your face while you caught your breath. "To know the taste of your lips on mine. The feel of your supple body pressed against me." He kissed you again, lifting you off your feet and carrying you deeper into your apartment. Into your bedroom. He laid you down on your bed, briefly licking into your mouth before pulling away, making light wash over the room with a wave of his hand. "May I heal you, darling?"

Words failed you at the sight of him hovering over you, eyes wide and pleading as he looked on at the bruises and cuts that colored the left side of your torso. You wordlessly nodded your head to grant him the permission he needed to go forward, giving you a soft smile before he leaned down and pressed his lips to your bruises.

"Much better," he breathed out, nipping at your skin before moving his hands down to the waistband of your leggings, lips traveling down to your thigh and kissing you over the fabric. "Once I have seen to your injuries, you should know that I have every intention to make you mine." He kissed you just below your belly button, humming against your skin as you squirmed underneath him, deft hands working the tight fabric down your legs. "If you wish to be, that is."

"I do," you gasped out, ceasing to give a flying fuck how desperate and wanton you sounded at the moment. "I'm yours, I'm all yours."

He smiled against your skin, kissing away at the injuries you sustained on your left leg before making his way back up your body. "You've no idea how delighted I am to hear those words from you, my darling." You felt what remained of your clothing melting away along with his, your moan when skin met skin muffled by him slanting his mouth over yours.

You woke up the next morning to the feel of Loki's nose brushing against yours, pressing kisses along your face until you let out a soft giggle from his attentions. "Good morning, sweetheart."

Your response had him running his fingers along your sides, turning you into a squirming giggling mess as you tried to wrestle your way out of his hold. "Good morning, Onyx."

A/N: I heavily debated w/ myself if I was gonna put smut in this but ultimately decided not to because it's a fluff story and I wanted it to stay a full fluff story 🥴 Just know that he did, in fact, give her plenty a mango ride 😏😏

This is probs the last story I'll post for 2023, so I'm gonna wish you all a Happy New Year and here's to the whorish insanity we'll all get up to in 2024. I have a whole lot planned out, starting with more horny bitches cuts and…a certain celebration I've been putting off because I'm drowning in a sea of WIPs 😂

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @peaches1958 @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @anukulee @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover

[yanderelovlies]

I can’t deny myself no longer. Could we please have some nsfw scenarios with jack and joseph with a thicc reader? I absolutely love this blog and I get so excited to get a notification💕🫶

Awww your gonna make me cry! Aaahh

With that being said I love seeing your art and I'm sorry for blowing up your notifications 😅

🔪THESE HEADCANONS ARE 18+ AGELESS AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED 🔪

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Jack makes it no secret that he would love you no matter what form you take. He loves you for you, and nothing could change that.

That being said he REALLY loves his sunshine being on the chubbier side. He loves have something a little extra to hang on to when he pounds you into the bed.

Not only are you soft when you cuddle, but your also soft when he has been fucking you doggy style, and he can no long keep himself up so he wraps his arms around your middle as he lays down and out some of his weight on you. All the while with the new angle he is hitting spots in you he hasn't hit yet, and he is faster and rougher with you.

Much like shaun during the more passionate nights he would paw at your stomache lovingly all the while singing your praise.

"You so beautiful sunshine. So soft and perfect just for me."

On the days you are especially bad on yourself he likes to fuck you in front of a mirror. He know his reflection won't show so you can focus on yourself and how beautiful you look taking his cock.

Really really loves when you sit on his face. He can't die twice so please please please do it. He can handle you he promises. He just wants to taste you sweet necter.

A thigh man all the way. He loves the pillowy feeling of your thighs around his face. He feels like he is in heaven everytime. Also since it's his favorite place expect lots of love bites and hickies on your thighs. He loves to see you marked up.

Let be honest and straight with you boobs. My God does he love them. He may or may not spend so many hours in a day dreaming of them and wondering how comfy they would be as pillows.

When the two of you start dating, and you get to the intimate part of your relationship he makes sure to ALWAYS let you know how much he loves you for you. He knows what it's like to feel insecure and he never wants you to feel like that.

He loves the way you jiggle when he pounds into you. It so beautiful to him, and he can never get enough of it. If he can't get a quickie in he will smack your ass hard just to see the jiggle. Which usually ends with him pounding you somewhere away from prying eyes cause he can't help it

He also love fucking you in front of the mirror. He loves watching himself go in and out of you as you take him so well, and he loves the faces you make he he goes faster and rough or slow and teasing.

His favorite position is you facing him as you bounce up and down on his cock on his lap. It feels so intimate and close to him. He adores it . HOWEVER when he is fucking you into the mattress for his own pleasure he like to he have you facing away from him as his he holds you up by your neck.

Boob man all the way. He just wants to put his face between them when he fucks you so he can not only feel the lovely feeling in his dick inside you, bit his face squished between your boobs.

He will sleep on them if he has a long day just saying.

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

HEY I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT INCUBUS BOYS!! What's each of their favourite ways to feed? Are there particular scenes they each like doing? Or ways they like touching? Anything like that?

Jack: He's still getting into the whole "being a demon" thing so he prefers cuddling and kissing for his meals. Maybe even...hand holding?

Rory: He's a lil lazy so he prefers anything that has you doing most of the work. It's not that he doesn't care, he's just so tired after making you those cookies. Hm? You're feeling hot all of a sudden? Good, he was starting to think he got the dose wrong

Jean: He'll tell you otherwise but he wants you to just kick his ass. Tear him apart, kick him in the stomach, spit in his eye. So long as you're there to take care of him after he's yours to use and abuse

Joseph: He prefers to stay in your dreams. It's not that he doesn't want to actually touch you he really...really does, but he doesn't trust himself. Luckily with your newly formed pact if you tell him to be still he has to be. He can't move an inch without your say, and he wouldn't have it any other way, even if he does crave to buck up into you as you ride him

Bo: Pets! He loves getting pet by you or anyone else really. Now, if we're talking about you specifically he enjoys some heavier petting in his true form. He's almost always in a rut once you get him going so once you start you have to make sure to say your safeword to stop. Nick will also drop in on occasion to make sure you're still able to consent or if you need to stop because you have no more brains to fuck out

Nick: He likes to give his partners as much pleasure as possible. He feels a little guilty over how hungry he is so he tries to make up for it though his performance. Because of that he usually doms both because he feels he has more control and because he's just not willing to sub for clients. Now, if you two were close enough to have a pact he could trust you with his sub space, and please do take that chance this man needs to be taken care of. He's so tired and hungry and horny all the time and he has a brave face but fuck he needs a break

Shaun: He loves cuddling up with you to watch a horror movie! Maybe even Moonpie could join in if he knows the night is going to end PG. If not she's gently shooed out before Shaun makes you look at the screen full of blood and viscera and slowly fucks you as he tells you that's what he wants to do to you, or for you to do to him depending on how subby he's feeling

Ian: He loves for you to just toss him around, impact play is great because of how much you're touching him, especially if you gently rub the spots you hit while asking for his color, god it makes him melt. He's new to being a demon still so he wants to know the deepest darkest pits of pleasure and pain heaven never taught him

Barry: ...Listen, he would never admit this, but, he's oddly calm and accepting if you just so happen to lock him in a torture chamber. You could even leave him there for a few days, make him hungry enough to be desperate for you before taking out all your pent up anger out on him. He moans so loud you almost can't hear the crack of his rib

Taylor: Don't get me wrong, he loves being bullied, but when he's really hungry he just wants to lie down with you and enjoy a nice documentary together

Elias: He always has a new kink for you to try when he's hungry so be ready. He obviously won't push you into trying shit but if you're down he's so excited! All this kink and sex stuff is so new to him, he has to try it all!

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SHAUN OF THE DEAD *  assorted dialogue from the 2004 film

he's not my boyfriend!

well... is it clear?

now can you see why i'm so fucking angry?

it's fucking sunday!

you go to bed with it?

go ahead, look at me.

oh for god's sake! he's got an arm off!

oh, he sells a bit of weed every now and again.

i've known him since primary school, you know?

i don't know, i didn't stop to ask them!

we have to get out of here.

my, how you've grown.

bash them in the head. that seems to work.

what are we going to eat?

what the hell do you think you're doing?

ah, we have a situation here.

can i just say one more thing?

for a hero, you're quite a hypocrite.

religious groups are calling it judgement day.

i have to know if she's all right!

we're coming to get you!

i like having him around. he's a laugh.

i know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.

don't say that!

you do realize this is a 20 mile per hour zone.

you didn't call the doctor, did you?

i'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

was that on a beer mat?

who the hell put this on?

why didn't you just shoot him, man?

i won't say anything.

what happened to your hand?

thanks babe.

how come he didn't drive?

it's not the end of the world.

what makes you think i'd have taken you back?

it's not really safe, is it?

oh, leave him alone.

i'm not staying here.

it's not that i don't like him.

i can't see any.

that's it. i would like to be shot.

i fucking knew it.

why'd they bite you?

i think you should go.

he's going to be dead either way.

do you want your messages?

all right, i admit, he can be pretty funny on occasion.

i'm not staying there.

we shut the curtains.

just look at that face. it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. like a drunk who's lost a bet.

oh, thank god for that.

now i have a splitting headache, and your stupid hip hop isn't helping.

hey, look who it is!

you gonna thank me then?

do you believe everything you hear on tv?

you weren't always the easiest person to live with.

that was five years ago.

did you try the police?

how about an ambulance?

oh my god! she's so drunk!

it's four in the fucking morning!

he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood.

you hang out with my friends?

next time i see him, he's dead.

there's no "i" in team, but there is an "i" in pie.

i don't know what he's talking about.

get fucked, four eyes!

the only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.

any zombies out there?

when's he going home?

i've always wanted to drive one of those.

why don't you go out with her if you love her so much?

that wasn't true. made it up. shouldn't have done that.

are you okay? did they hurt you?

well, that's a bit harsh.

where are we going to go?

i didn't want to cramp your style.

i got mugged on the way home.

player two has entered the game.

it's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it.

hey! you're dead!

i'll stop doing it when you stop laughing.

if we hole up, i wanna be somewhere familiar. i wanna know where the exits are, and i wanna be allowed to smoke.

what's the plan then?

i was desperate.

oh god, that's rotten!

you still haven't met his mum?

i do want to spend time with you.

oh no, there they are.

please can we just calm! the fuck! down!

this is a pub! we're in a pub!

you see what i'm saying?

some men tried to get into the house.

are they still there?

stop telling me to chill out!

feel free to step in any time.

i gotta do a wee first.

you did all right.

would anyone like a peanut?

we may have to kill my step-dad.

all right, i've got a car outside, but it's going to be a bit cramped.

you left them in my flat.

who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

[girl-mercury]

sometimes your bestie tells you to get some fucking therapy

“I think you need to talk to someone,” Donna says.

“I talk all the time, I talk to you, I talk to your mother, I talk to the man who brings the mail —amazing arrangement, mail, not sure I ever stopped to appreciate— what do you mean I should talk to someone?”

“You know what I mean. A professional. A therapist or something.” 

“Donna! What the hell would I say to a therapist? Really. What would a human therapist have to say about my life? Nobody lives like me, Donna, nobody has these experiences, nobody studies these experiences in school—“

“You need someone!”

“I’ve got you! I’ve got you. And other friends. So many friends. That I’m actually seeing again. Or planning to. I really do plan to.”

Donna sighs. She feels old. Not in a tired sort of way, not in an ancient sort of way —actually, scratch that, she has a teenage daughter, she’s made to feel ancient five times before breakfast— but she feels old in a grown-up kind of way. The kind of grown up where you know what to say to make a dentist appointment, because it’s no longer your first time doing it after your mum’s made your dentist appointments your whole life. Being grown up means that there’s a lot of things you’re not doing for the first time, all scared and unsure what to say or what you’ll need. You’ve done this before. You’ve got this. 

The Doctor always runs, not just from his past but to new experiences. Constantly, new, new, new. It’s a glorious life, full of adventure. Donna’s lived it, and she loves it. It’s such a rush, to never know what you’re doing, but knowing you’ll throw yourself headlong into it regardless. But that’s not all there is. There’s beauty in layering one experience done a hundred times over on top of itself. Every morning she sees Rose’s beautiful face again, so happy now that she can show the face she feels is hers. Every kiss she shares with Shaun is the same as the million before it, all the way back to the first time they kissed, and isn’t that marvelous? The Doctor’s never around for the millionth time of anything. He’s already long gone. 

“Just think about it,” she says. “I can help find somebody, figure out what sort of person might get it. Maybe UNIT’s got some resources. I don’t know how long Time Lord burnout lasts, I think taking a break is really going well for you, but I know how you get in your head. Might be good to let it out.”

“How do you know what’s in my head, Donna Noble?” he asks, teasing, knowing the answer. 

“Cause I’ve been in there, Spaceman, and it’s a real tip,” she answers, grinning. 

He slings an arm around her neck and pulls her close, dropping a quick kiss on her head, and then Rose gets home from school, and there’s some shouting about homework before sewing her new batch of stuffed Adipose babies, and then Wilf rings and says somebody needs to come get him if he’s coming for supper, and then the phone rings again and Donna has to have her third argument of the week with the home insurance company about her claim for the damage the aliens did to the house, and the very ordinary day goes on. The Doctor slips out to go for a walk. 

He goes for a lot of walks these days. Trying to slow down from all the running. 

+ + +

It’s a few weeks later when he and Shaun are out at the pub, waiting for Donna to join them. The Doctor’s asking if Shaun would mind if he takes Rose on a little adventure to Egypt for her birthday. Shaun’s a little dry when he says, “Permission, eh?”

“Well,” says the Doctor expansively. “It’s up to her, really. Less permission, more… advance warning.”

Donna arrives, drops a kiss on Shaun’s lips, bumps her arm up against the Doctor’s. There’s a pint already waiting for her. “The Doctor’s going to have Rose running through pyramid trap tunnels chased by possessed mummies for her birthday,” Shaun tells her. 

“I didn’t say that!” the Doctor protests. “I don’t know that there’s going to be possessed mummies. Just… I do run into some gods, every time I’m there. Not really gods, but, well, you know how rumors get around.”

“Fine,” Donna says. “If I hear my daughter’s even ended up on the altar for being a human sacrifice, I will slap you so hard your face will spin back to the first one.” 

His eyebrows go up. If anyone could manage that, Donna could. 

Later in the evening, they’ve left, the Doctor is still sitting at one of the outside tables, talking to some other guy whose name he doesn’t know. They’re not drunk, just having the kind of deep conversation you can have with a stranger after three beers. 

“My friend, she thinks I need to talk to a therapist,” the Doctor says to his new friend. The man’s an American, just moved to London. He’s told him about adventuring through space, and  aliens have come through London enough times that someone having space adventures is plausible even to someone normal. Or maybe the guy thinks he’s bullshitting the whole thing. Impossible to tell, really. 

“Therapists can help,” the man says. He lights up a cigarette. “I’ve had to see one a few times, just to get me straightened out after shit’s happened.”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like talking about, you know. Stuff. Things.”

“Oh, yeah, the stuff and the things.”

“And I don’t know who would even have advice. They don’t have specialists in space adventurers, do they? Not to sound arrogant, really and truly, but no one else has this kind of life.”

The man’s taking a drag when the Doctor says this so plaintively, and he chokes, coughing before he can get out his laughing. And then he laughs some more, and the Doctor’s considering getting a little offended. “No, man,” the guy eventually gets out. “You’re in emergency services.”

“I’m in what?” 

“Like an EMT, or whatever people call them over here. The medical folks who ride in the back of the ambulance. You show up to a place, everything’s on fire, everyone’s yelling. You get people to safety, you find out what’s wrong with them, and you start helping. You help other people get things to stop exploding, you point the police at whoever caused the ruckus in the first place. You see people at their best, and you see them at their worst, not a lot in between. Then once it’s over, you go home, and sleep, and get up the next day, and go to the next place that’s on fire. Every day.”

“Well, I’m the Doctor,” says the Doctor. 

“Maybe a bit overqualified, then. But it gets to you. You do it because you function best under pressure, when everything’s urgent and lives are on the line, and then you keep doing it because it’s what you know how to do. Even when you’ve seen so many fucked up things that there’s this numb part of you that you’re afraid doesn’t feel anything anymore. People die when you’re doing everything to save them and it’s like you’re not even there, and then you realize you’re not there when you’re around the people you love, either, even though they’re happy and safe. Cause it all never stops being on fire.”

“What do you do then?” the Doctor asks.

The guy grinds out his cigarette in the ashtray. “Quit your job and move across the ocean,” he says. “Try doing something new. And see a therapist.”

“Ah.” 

“I might have a number for someone you could call, make an appointment with, if you wanted it.”

The Doctor doesn’t think he’s going to call, but he takes it anyway. 

You never know.

[hpysprkl]

gimme that Beautiful Hell and one shots (pretty please 👉🏻👈🏻)

Oooh fun, thanks for asking!

There's not a lot in my oneshots folder, but I fell in love with Heller about a minute and a half into Starfield, so I started writing a little Heller/Spacefarer thing. What can I say, I guess I love me a snarky boy with a rock collection 🤷‍♀️

Heller's never been the best or the brightest. He's always known it. He's good at his job, sure. Smart enough to know how to get ahead in it. He makes sure the folks under him work hard enough and work safe enough. Lin trusts him, and they get along. He's made a name for himself in her crew. Which is not hard, really, when the only competition is a bunch of half-drunk dusties from the kind of bum-fuck systems the rest of the universe forgot. Most of them just want to clock in, meet their quotas - just barely - and get paid at the end of the week. Guy like Heller puts in a little extra effort, shows he knows what he's doing, and the boss notices. So when a new batch of recruits filed in one boring afternoon on some boring old rock in the middle of nowhere, he was expecting more of the same. And that's mostly what he got, until he got to her. She'd been staring all around the place while she waited in line for processing. Fidgeting, antsy. So when the line had moved along and he called her up to the desk, he'd figured she probably wasn't all there. They get all kinds in this line of work, and she wouldn't be the first zone-head. But then he called her over, and her gaze snapped to his face. The green eyes she fixed on him were piercing. Intelligent. Way too damn sharp for her own good. It caught him off guard, and he glanced down at her file to cover it up.

Your Beautiful Hell is a Deacon/Sole Survivor thing about soulmates who really, really don't want anything to do with all that fate bullshit. It's pretty early stages, but here's a snippet from the first chapter, their first 'meeting' through the telepathic link they share. It's not a happy scene.

TW: Deacon has PTSD-type flashbacks of his wife's death. There's mention of blood, a dead cat, and Barbara's corpse.

He closes his eyes and tries to ease the link open slowly. The overwhelming emotions from her side flood through, crashing over him. Deacon inhales deeply, letting the burn of the smoke seep through him, focuses on the feelings coming from her end of the link. Pain. Her knees where they hit hard ground, the burning on her arm, same place as his. She doesn't seem to be injured. Freezing cold. Fear, panic, confusion. A strange chemical smell. Frantic thoughts. Ohgodohgodohgod... Nate, Nate, fuck...Open, come on, open up for fuck's sake! Oh god, baby, what do I do? What do I do? You'd know, you always knew what to do. What would you do? Oh fuck, oh god, I have no idea. I — I promise, baby, I'll find him. I'll find Shaun. Oh god, I'm so sorry, baby. I can't stay here, I — The stream of consciousness comes to an abrupt halt, and he realizes she's just become aware of him. There's a moment of utter silence, and then another scream tears through the link, wordless grief and anguish and raw fury ripping through her and, by extension, him. It punches Deacon in the gut, forcing the air from his lungs, doubling him over. He sees flashes. Barbara, their little farm. Evening sunlight streaming in through the windows. Her blood pooling on the scrubbed wooden floor of their kitchen. The stray cat she'd taken in, its limp body sprawled next to hers. He struggles to draw a breath, choking on air like it's water. Her thoughts flood into his head, panicked and angry and drenched in loss and sorrow. No, I don't want this, I don't want another, I had mine already, goddamnit. I want him back, I want Nate back and our baby and — The rest dissolves into incoherent sobs and he feels her shove the link away hard. It makes him think of being pushed from the top of a skyscraper, the sensation of falling rapidly away from her and the simultaneous promise of impact as the ground rushes toward him. Deacon chokes down a ragged breath, tears streaming down his face, and collapses into the dirt. Barbara's blank, staring eyes are the last thing he sees before darkness takes him.

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 11:

season 3, episode 3, “Prey”:

- this episode is so insane

- i forgot it entirely tbh

- morse is so stunning in maroon 😭😭

- typically if your house is filling with smoke, you OPEN THE DOORS AND WINDOWS

- just letting thursday cough for no reason

- morse got so used to how he and jakes worked together he doesn’t know how to act anymore

- jakes used to let morse do most of the talking 🫤

- i have to respect every character ever flirting w morse because if i was an actor i would flirt w shaun evans at any given opportunity whether or not it was in the script

- i want whatever life these students are leading

- just smoking and drinking in the woods around a fire and skinny dipping

- minus the murder of course

- or i could get murdered

- that might be fine

- anyways!

- morse is so catty when he’s questioning people

- like he needs to take a deep breathe methinks

- trewlove supremacy we need to protect her at all costs 🥰🥰

- morse’s face after the scientist explains what he’s doing is so fucking funny

- i am 100% convinced that morse is in a shitty mood this episode because he misses having jakes around

- jakes and morse worked well together because they know where the other person is most valuable and useful and he doesn’t have that chemistry anywhere else

- once again, i HATE when men call women birds, but strange saying “the only birds he had any interest in were the feathered sort,” is SO DAMN FUNNY

- morse’s waist is SNATCHED ‼️

- morse also liked jakes because he never disturbed him

- he just let him be himself and that’s why morse loved him

- strange and morse r so weird together sometimes

- like strange literally taught morse how to be a good friend and yet the only person he’s incapable of being a good friend w is strange

- THE BABY???????? IS THE TIGER GONNA KILL THE BABY???????

- update the tiger did not kill the baby but the goat is MIA

- DEBRYN THANK GOD

- been needing him recently

- morse focusing on debryns eyes instead of the arm 🥰🥰

- ex-lovers quarrel in the laboratory ladies?

- like why is debryn so catty w that other doctor ?

- felt super personal

- mr craven is fine as FUCK i don’t care what anyone says

- he’s hot ‼️

- i’m gonna vouch for trewlove to wear pants and boots

- tights and skirt with little wing tips is not gonna cut it in the woods

- bright just wants a daughter i’m so sick 😭😭😭

- morse and thursday squaring the FUCK up to defend bright is something that can be so personal

- AYO MORTMAIGNE IS SO FINE

- ok let me stfu

- “perhaps you should fetch the officers some tea”

- HELLO?

- the way she’s having a complete breakdown over the death of a friend, entering a state of shock and sobbing, and he tells her to SERVE THEM??????????

- i hate men

- “have you come to pray?” “uh………. not today.”

- i know she’s probably right that brutus was just trying to play and didn’t mean to hurt her but girl 😐

- you got MAULED by a TIGER

- cant be blaming urself for all that

- thursday connecting with sam is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- he’s so proud of him

- and he doesn’t want him to do anything just for him

- i wish he was my dad

- oh i know for a fact trewlove lived for academic validation in school

- look at her little smile when bright complements her

- she’s just like me fr

- casual police brutality

- cant love it!

- a TIGER????????????????

- in OXFORD?

- the writers were bored when they came up w this one

- the plots where a woman is guilty are more interesting almost 100% of the time

- morse’s face when he sees the tiger

- he’s literally shitting bricks

- it’s not funny but yes it is

- this is why rich people shouldn’t be allowed to keep mazes on their property

- i’m not saying they are paralleling morse to a tiger but that’s exactly what i’m saying and i’m willing to do an entire analysis post of that!

- bright is the COLDEST motherfucker to ever do it

- how on EARTH did they get a tiger for this shit

- morse is such a victim

- props to him for acting brave in this scenario i would have had a stroke

- his face tho 😭😭

- “when it jumps you run!”

- savior complex! he has a savior complex! and i’m tired of you pretending he doesn’t!

- dear god he was so scared

- once again tho:

- BRIGHT IS THE HARDEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THE FORCE

- well that was stressful

- “carry on!”

- during the girl’s confession, bright and morse share a Moment™️ and it’s rly special to me

- also the doctor not being attracted to her because of her mauling is SO foul i hate men

- “if he understood me then maybe he could have loved me.”

- and then FOCUSING on morse during the episode he’s grappling with jakes leaving ????

- i’m gonna fucking vomit

- this episode was not gay but it was VERY camp so i fuck w it

[sjstone-author]

When you return I am going to give you one literary fuck fest—that means fucking and talking and talking and fucking and a bottle of Anjou in between—or a Vermouth Cassis. Anaïs, I am going to open your very groins. God forgive me if this letter is ever opened by mistake. I can’t help it. I want you. I love you. You’re food and drink to me—the whole bloody machinery, as it were. Lying on top of you is one thing, but getting close to you is another. I feel close to you, one with you, you’re mine whether it is acknowledged or not. Every day I wait now is torture. I am counting them slowly, painfully. I don't know when you return—the 7th or the 15th? But make it as soon as you can. Be unselfish—yes, I am asking you to Make a sacrifice. I need you. This long Sunday—how will I ever get through it? It is just killing time. Tomorrow there may be a letter. Everything hangs on tomorrow. God, I want to see you in Louveciennes, see you in that golden light of the window, in your Nile-green dress and your face pale, as frozen pallor as of the night of the concert. Let the hair wave—expose it to the sun—let the color return. I love you as you are. I love your loins, the golden pallor, the slope of your buttocks, the warmth inside you, the juices of you. Anaïs, I love you so much, so much! I am getting tongue-tied. I am even crazy enough to believe that you might walk in on me unexpectedly. I am sitting here writing you with a tremendous erection. I feel your soft mouth closing over me, your leg clutching me tight, see you again in the kitchen here lifting your dress and sitting on top of me and the chair riding around over the kitchen floor, going thump, thump.

The thermometer will burst - by Shaun Usher

[psychicdamaged]

lines from vox machina that took me out instantly and still live rent-free in my head

"Percival. Sweet Percival."

"your sister lives, Percival"

"do not go far from me"

"Do you think this is what mother saw before she died?"

"It’s going to be all right. Pike is here, it’s going to be all right, it’s going to be all right. Gil?"

"take me instead you raven bitch"

"You are a good person and I have always seen that. Please see it, please. Oh god, my heart is breaking."

"I do not work in wood. I am not brave enough for that. There is a comfort in iron, a promise of safety, a second chance if mistakes are made. But a city is more a forest than a sword. No, it needs more tending than that. Perhaps a city is like a garden, then."

"sometimes breaking is making, even iron can start again, and there are many things that move through fire and find themselves much better for it afterward."

"I love you. If I can find you, I will. If not, stay alive."

I hear the voice of my mother in the morning. “Fuck you.”

"but if he's gone forever I won't be the same"

"I was gonna ask you what your mother’s name is." / "It was Juniper." / "I’m sorry I didn’t know that."

"Well that's just it. I'm a really good liar."

"all we found of her was her leg" / "that means she's still alive"

I think back to Percy's workshop in Greyskull Keep. And I say "I love you too."

"I have a feeling she's pulling our fate strings, anyway. ...mine's connected to yours. Where you go, I go."

"I am here because I have completed my Aramente, and I have come for my blessing." / "Yes, you have. I just wanted to hear it from your lips."

"You look like mother right now. You do."

"And I thought that was it. I had ruined it. But before dawn, she came back, she unrolled her bedding, and she went to sleep, and woke up the next morning and said "what's for breakfast, Dad?"

"Promise me you'll come back with me, no matter what." / "I promise."

Vax is watching, frozen.

"Where's Vax?"

"I thought you died. I watched you die." ... "It's a trick. It's a trick of the feywild."

He's physical. He's cold. But he's there.

"Look. Look at me. Just remember. Whatever happens, remember me. That's all that's important."

"I remember. (softer) I remember. See? It's all up here. So whatever happens, keep me there. All right?"

"She'll probably outlast you, but while you're around, keep her company for me?"

"What if there comes a day when I don't even recognize the name Vox Machina anymore?"

"And you- you're not going anywhere."

"Is that my girl? Is that my baby girl?"

I grab Kaylie by the face and I say to her: "Goodbye."

"Bless. Shaun! It was an honor knowing you."

"Forever and ever and always." I steal what I assume is my last kiss.

I'm going to use a bonus action to look over my shoulder and see everyone that I know. I'm going to see my sister and her husband. I'm going to see the woman that I love. I'm going to see Grog. I'm going to see Arkhan. I'm going to see my friend Scanlan.

You all take a moment to imagine what you've lost, what you've gained. Everything has led to this moment. And in the quiet and the stillness, you hear a new sound. It's thousands and thousands of distant voices cheering from the city of Vasselheim below. Of wyvern and eagle riders above you. But a small example of the hundreds of thousands of lives you may have saved.

I walk to step in between. / In between the two of them? / Yes.

"I'm not ready." / "You're ready for your people." / " Not without you."

"I'm going to go visit my mother, and I'll see all of you again."

"Thank you for trying." / "I wish I could have done more." / "You did everything"

"I never had a greater friend than you."

"I feel like she's taking part of me away." / "I will bring it with me to remind me of you."

"I don't know how to live."

I use the druid cantrip Druidcraft and grow snowdrops out from where I stand, out to all of my family. Out to where they stand. "S.H.I.T.s, thank you. How lucky I have been to have had all of you. How lucky, indeed. Thank you."

In the darkness of her cloak, you see a brief light, and it's brighter for you. As you walk forward, you see reaching from the light the dark hair, the fair skin, and the wide smile of your mother, Elaina. As she greets you, she says, “I'm so proud.”

"I still count you as my sister." / "As I count you as mine. Going to have to look out for each other now." / "Yes."

"I think I really miss my family."

"I think we're all broken, Percy." / "I'm so tired of hurting people."

"The brightest and the darkest. To Vax."

"I think the most free I've ever been is with you."

"I think we should rebuild the families that we've lost." / "There's so many names."

"I don't have to appreciate this. Especially not after what I've seen. But I do." / "You need to." / "Only because of what I've seen."

[crazycookiecrumbles]

A Friendly Reunion

A Friendly Reunion

Pairing: Shang-Chi x Stark!Reader, platonic Sam/Bucky x Stark!Reader

Warnings: swearing, implied sex (barely), boys being dumb

Summary: You’re enjoying an afternoon out with your boyfriend and his bestie when two relics from your past decide to ambush the event,

(gifs not mine)

“Holy shit!”

Your eyebrows scrunched together at Katy’s outburst. You, Shang-Chi, and Katy had been laughing over comments on his infamous Bus Boy video when she suddenly shouted this. You realized she was looking behind you, and you wondered if you were about to turn around and face some random monster of the week.

One hand rested on your shoulder, the other rested on your head like you were an arm rest, and this very simple action had you staring straight ahead wishing you suddenly had the power of teleportation, and not seismic abilities, so you could get out of there.

“(Y/N) Stark. How you doing?” Sam Wilson’s voice was heard and you just waited for someone else in particular to chime in.

“Doing pretty well for herself, I’d say. She’s hanging out with uh, what is it, those viral sensations now,” Bucky Barnes remarked.

“Holy shit,” Katy repeated.

You wanted to die.

It’s not that you hated Sam or Bucky at all. It was quite the opposite. You’d all grown very close, given your marriage to Steve, your dad, being part of the team; and you loved the two of them very much, like your own relatives you only wanted to see once a year even though you got along so well. But this was not one of those times you wanted to see these two very overprotective, childish, grown man-babies who had just grabbed a chair each and slid them into the table as they each took a seat.

You laughed nervously at your boyfriend and Katy, and turned your head to Bucky to glare at him and ask him, very, very rudely in Spanish, what the fuck he was doing there.

Bucky smiled and turned his attention to Shang-Chi, “She just cursed me out and asked why we’re here. Didn’t even introduce us first, some manners, right?”

“Oh my fucking god,” you muttered under your breath.

“Bucky, this is Sam,” He said. And while he was right-handed, he made a point of shaking Shang-Chi’s hand with his left hand just a little too firmly. “What’s your actual name, bus boy?”

“Shaun for the last ten years of lying. Shang-Chi, as of recently,” Katy informed the two men as Sam shook Shang-Chi’s hand next. “I’m Katy, his best friend, amazing driver. I’m kind of awesome.”

“Hi, I’m (Y/N) and I’m confused. Why are you both here?”

“We just wanted to see how you were doing, you know, check up on our girl,” Sam said as he stole food off of your plate and eyed your boyfriend suspiciously, “See who she’s been up to.”

“Subtle, Sam,” Bucky chuckled.

“No, no, no, I don’t like this shit when you two get along and are on the same page,” you protested.

“It’s okay, (Y/N).” Shang-Chi smiled a bit and nodded his head. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

“As you should, you’re the same way. ‘Oh, Katy, don’t date Ricky, you’re much too good for that loser. What about Toby?’ Like, really? The fuck kind of name is Toby?”

“Seriously?” He scoffed, “The dude’s name was Icky Ricky, and Toby is what you had a problem with?”

Bucky looked between everyone and pointed his chopsticks at you before digging into your food, “We also wanted to let you know that we settled that Walker situation.”

“Yeah? I saw the news. I guess he won’t be asking me to make a public statement on his behalf anymore,” you glanced to Shang-Chi, “So, you know how I uh--”

“Had a secret life as Tony’s kid and married Captain America? Yes, yes, I’m aware of that now.”

“Great! They wanted me to publically present the shield to fucko’s replacement after Sam gave it up.” You spared a quick glance at Sam who shrugged and drank your drink, “Guys! Stop eating my food. What do you want? You did not come all the way down here to eat my food and tell me you got the shield back and put a dumb white boy in his place. What do you want?”

“We wanted to meet him,” Bucky said, glancing in Shang-Chi’s direction. “Wanted to see who’s got our girl wrapped up so tightly she won’t even return our calls.”

“We also might need some repairs,” Sam added.

You did not anticipate this. You looked to Shang-Chi and Katy, the two of them sharing an identical look with one another before turning to you and shrugging, which kind of wasn’t the answer you wanted to hear. You would’ve loved for both of them to say, oh, no, you were all busy, you had plans, but they didn’t, because both of them were plenty excited to see these two as well.

“My car’s outside,” you sighed.

“We know,” Sam grinned. “We broke in and put our stuff inside.”

“What the fuck -- How did -- Wednesday didn’t alert me!”

“Oh, I still have your security code memorized,” Bucky said easily, shoving another piece of food in his mouth. “Didn’t you used to change it every few months? You’re slacking.”

“Oh my fucking god....”

You looked to Shang-Chi who was trying so, so very hard, for your sake, to not laugh about this entire situation. He thought it was endearing and cute that your two friends showed up and surprised you like this. Sure, they were embarassing you, but was that not the whole entire point of friendship? Besides, it was finally nice to see someone from your life that wasn’t a criminal or arch nemesis.

The five of you went out to your truck, and you saw that they did, in fact, put their belongings in your trunk. You shook your head and climbed into the driver’s seat as Bucky and Sam argued over shotgun.

“Shang-Chi gets the front seat with me. You two are in the back with Katy, deal with it.”

You all climbed in. Bucky asked for Shang-Chi to move his seat up, and he quickly obliged. Bucky slowly turned to smirk in Sam’s direction and flip him off. Sam rolled his eyes and did the same action, both oblivious to Katy sitting there in the middle and enjoying this entire interaction.

“This is a sandwich I’m delighted to be a part of,” Katy confessed.

As you started the car, Shang-Chi reached over and squeezed your hand, “You good? Do you want to ditch them?”

“Yes, but I’m good,” you smiled and squeezed his hand. 

Grinning, he brought your hand up to his lips and kisssed your knuckles. A chorus of screaming errupting from the back as these children started to coo at the two of you. You shook your head and pressed your forehead against your steering wheel, muttering to yourself in Spanish so no one could understand you cursing them out -- forgetting in that moment that Bucky could hear you and understand you.

“Hey, you love us. Don’t act like you want to make our hearts stop beating just because we think that was cute,” Bucky chastised you. “Also, please, drive. We’re going to kill this poor girl between us.”

“It’s a fine way to go. One of the better options, I’d say, “Katy remarked.

In your new West Coast home, you kicked your shoes off as soon as you entered and told them to make themselves comfortable. Your AI, Wednesday, greeted everyone kindly. Immediately they went to the kitchen for snacks, as you went to get your tools and get started on fixing everything. 

By the time you were in the living room with everything you needed, they were entering your living room with drinks and snacks. You thought nothing of it, preparing yourself to sit in silence and work while Katy and your loving boyfriend got stories out of the two men.

Yet as you sat on the ground, Shang-Chi took his seat next to you and offered you a drink. You glanced at him in surprise before smiling and thanking him with a kiss on the cheek.

“And some brain food,” He said quietly, handing you a bowl of your favorite snacks. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, but I’m good! Enjoy their stories.”

“Still, tell me if you want anything,” He reminded you and remained by your side as he turned his head to listen to Katy ask them about fighting aliens.

As you started to work on Sam’s wings, you realized that there really wasn’t anything major that he couldn’t fix. These were the simplest, most basic repairs that he could do out on the field with a small toolkit. Confused, you looked up to see Sam watching you. He just smirked and nodded in your direction as you shook your head at him.

Of course this was all planned. Regardless, you did the tiny repair in minutes, making a mental note that you needed to get back at Sam and invade his life at some point.

“So what’s that jacket thing I’ve been seeing?” Bucky asked Shang-Chi. “You just, like, took off your jacket, still kicked a dude’s ass, and put it back on? How?”

“I--I don’t know how to explain it,” He laughed sheepishly and ran a hand through his hair. “It kind of just happens.”

“Yeah. It was awesome.” Katy added. “Here I am all these years defending him by screaming song lyrics and he could’ve just punched everyone out like that!” She snapped her fingers for emphasis.

“Well it’s not really hiding if I’m hitting everyone, is it, Katy?” He retorted.

“I’m sorry, do you still think Shaun is hiding from Shang-Chi? Are we doing that again?” Katy asked.

He groaned, “Here we go--”

“Really! Like naming myself Hal from Dal.”

“I was 15!”

“I was 15!” She mocked him as he shook his head and drank his beer.

“Don’t feel bad,” Bucky chimed in, “Stark over here got sent on an undercover mission -- sometimes that’s hard with her--”

“Because she’s so recognizable?” Katy asked.

“No, the attitude.” Sam laughed. 

“Hey!” You frowned. “I’m a pure delight.”

“Her cover was blown in five minutes because she told the guy, ‘eat my ass you geriatric looking camel.’ Who says that to the mark that we’re after?!” Sam said.

“He grabbed my tit!” You argued. “And you’re lucky I was the one that broke the cover first and not Steve! He straight up wanted to snap that guy’s neck for doing that.”

“You were literally supposed to get close to him to get into his office and get launch codes,” Bucky reminded you.

“Oh,” You muttered. “Well, see, that’s why Nat and Wanda were better at undercover.”

There was a heavy pause as the three of you remembered your friends. Wanda, MIA for awhile now and not returning anyone’s calls, and Natasha, dead trying to help restore the world to what it was.

Shang-Chi slipped his hand into yours and gave it a squeeze. You smiled at him and squeezed his hand back as you suggested you ordered a pizza. Slipping away, you went to find your computer and place an order for a few pies (Bucky could never stop eating thanks to that serum of his, and Shang-Chi just had a bottomless pit for a stomach).

Now that you were out of the area, the men turned their attention to Shang-Chi, while Katy grinned, grabbed some chips, and sat back for the show.

“Ah, big brother time?” Shang-Chi asked.

“Damn straight,” Sam agreed and looked quickly to make sure you weren’t coming. “We love that girl. She’s been through absolute shit, and it doesn’t help that our boy contributed to that.”

“She seems happy with you, so we’re not going to rip you limb from limb just yet,” Bucky added. “But don’t take her for granted, got it? You are the luckiest kid on the planet right now.”

“That’s right,” Sam nodded. “And if we ever find out you hurt her or break her heart, we’re flying down here, and we are going to make another viral video out of you.”

Katy cringed, “Is this turning into a snuff film?”

“What? Ew, no,” Bucky cringed. “No, no one is doing any of that right now! Or in the future, it would just be murder -- we’re getting at murdering your best friend here.”

“Ah, right.” Katy nodded and ate her chips. “Continue.”

Shang-Chi laughed, “Really, Katy?”

“What? We both know when the time comes that I’ll just start singing the lyrics to Hotel California and they’ll get distracted quick enough that you can kick their asses. Easy.”

“Oh, kick our asses?” Sam asked. “No, no, no, I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know, man, I’m kind of born for this, “Shang-Chi joked.

“No one is kicking anyone’s asses, you children,” You remarked as you returned to the living room and stood behind Bucky. 

Shang-Chi watched as you and Bucky spoke to each other in Spanish, the only two in the room who oculd understand what the other was saying, and he wondered if this is what you felt like when he and Katy would make a secret joke to one another. He watched as you laughed and smacked his shoulder, the one word he did understand you calling him was ‘idiota’, as Bucky joined you in laughing and explained to Sam, who asked, that they were just making fun of him and his dumb wings. Shang-Chi wasn’t sure he believed that at all, but he didn’t need to ask.

After pizza and beers were consumed, Sam and Bucky said they were going to a hotel. You had offered them to stay, but they both shared a look before shaking their heads and commenting that they’d leave too early in the morning and didn’t want to disturb you. Katy offered to split an Uber with them, which is exactly what they ended up doing, as Shang-Chi stood behind to help you clean up and talk to you.

“You should see them more often,” He commented as he washed dishes.

You raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“Your friends, your family, you know, back in New York? You should see them more often,” He told you as he washed the dishes in the sink and rinsed them. “They care about you, a lot, obviously.”

You chuckled, “Wow, that’s rich.”

He sighed and shut off the water, “Look. I know I’m the absolute last person talking about lives we left behind and family, but..they came all the way here to check on you, to make sure you were okay. They came here to see who you were hanging out with and who you were seeing. Those guys love you in their own kind of silly, childish way, and I think they just miss you and want to make sure you’re okay and taking care of yourself, since they can’t look after you.”

You sighed and sat on the counter next to where he was standing. He leaned against the sink and stared at you as you spoke to him, “Steve told them to look after me. Which was annoying. Like, you left me, and now you want our friends to look after me because you broke our vows? Fuck off.” You shrugged and let your head roll back as you stared at the ceiling. “Sometimes it’s just hard looking at them and remembering what we all had together.”

Shang-Chi jumped onto the counter next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you in to rest on him as he hugged you, “At least you still got them in your life, and you know they’re there for you. Try to focus on that.”

You nodded and sighed heavily, “How’d you get so wise?”

“Oh, you know, being me. Being awesome,” He grinned while you rolled your eyes. “Come on, the Winter Soldier and Captain America like me. I’m so awesome.”

“They like a show called Dog Cops too, that’s not high praise.”

“Hey!” He gasped as you jumped off the counter and ran away from him, “Get back here! How dare you compare me to a show called Dog Cops?! Is that even real?!”

“It’s a high honor!” You lied, “Totally not the dumbest show written in existence!”

“Are you saying I’m dumb?”

“I’m saying, thank god you’re so pretty,” you retorted.

You shrieked when he caught up to you and whacked you over the head with a pillow. You ran away from him in search of your own pillow from the sofa and ended up having a completely overpowered, ridiculous pillow fight in the living room that ended in the both of you laughing on top of each other in a mess of feathers and stuffing, panting as you draped yourselves over the sofa.

“Hey, there’s a letter here,” Shang-Chi took the note and raised his eyebrows. “Oh.”

“Oh?” You snatched it out of his hand and read it.

Hey, kids! Don’t forget to use protection. Some of us are too young to be grandparents yet. Some of us. And don’t forget to give us a call once in awhile, we’re still family, you nerd. But seriously, condoms.

Love, your favorites.

You groaned, “I hate them.”

“No, you don’t,” Shang-Chi chuckled, “But on the subject of condoms....I feel like there’s more activities for us to do today.”

[cloudspotterclub]

damaged (s.c.)

Pairing: injured!shang-chi x reader

Summary: You didn't know how much of Shaun's past he'd hidden from you until you got a call that your boyfriend was in the hospital.

Word Count: 943

Warnings: whump, angst, fluff, sort of hurt/comfort?

a/n: I had a dream about Shang-Chi and I am now soft for this man. This is basically what might've happened if the bus fight had gone worse.

"Oh my God, Shaun!" You gasped quietly, your hand shooting up to cover your mouth.

"That you, baby?" He groaned, trying to shift his body to face you.

You rushed to the side of his bed, gently pushing him back down. It killed you to see him like this—so battered and beaten and different. Not cracking corny jokes and being your hype man, but lying in a hospital bed after nearly getting killed by god knows what.

You took an uneasy breath as you sat on the chair beside the bed. "Hey, yeah, it's me. Please don't try to get up, I'm right here."

You couldn't help the tears that pricked at your eyes as you watched the love of your life struggle just to open his eyes, his head lulling to the side as if he was too weak to hold it up on his own. Despite that, he still managed to reach for your hand and squeeze it.

"What're you doing here?" His words came out slow and slurred together. "Thought you were in New York."

You were grateful his eyes were closed as you felt the tears streaming down your cheeks. "Um, yeah, I was," your voice trembled, "I came back when I heard you were, um, hurt."

He pinched his eyebrows together at the cracks in your voice. "Sweetheart, are you crying?"

You stifled a sob and roughly wiped your face with your free hand. Your body shook with the effort to keep your emotions at bay, and you knew he could sense it.

"How could I not when—when you're half dead in a hospital bed?! And I have to hear about it from some sorcerer? Nobody is even telling me what the fuck happened, Shaun—can I even call you that anymore?"

The dam broke then, and you allowed the sobs to escape you at the thought that you came so close to losing him entirely. You buried your face in one hand while he gently stroked his thumb across your other.

In all honesty, you weren't really mad at him for leading this whole other life. It was more the fact that he could've died and you would've been completely blindsided—the most important person in your life being ripped away from you with no prior indication that anything was wrong. It was the frustration that you were kept on the sidelines and helpless because you didn't even know there was a fight to join, and you were stripped of the chance to stop him from getting hurt.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," he frowned, voice low, "I thought it'd be safer if you didn't know about my past, but I didn't consider how much I was hurting you. I'm sorry."

You sniffled, guilt settling as you saw the remorse splashed all over his face.

His eyes fluttered as he tried to keep them open. He took a slow, uneven breath, "I wasn't honest about my family. My dad isn't a good man, and after my mom died, he trained me to follow in his footsteps. I ran away, but his men found me, and now here we are. I guess I was rusty."

Your eyes scanned over the small cuts littering his face. Both his eyes had swelling and bruising beneath them, probably because of the hit that broke his nose. He cringed with every movement, and you could hear how he struggled with each breath. You wanted to rip your eyes away, but a part of you was afraid he'd disappear entirely if you ever did.

He was still trying to focus his vision on you as he let go of you and shakily brought his hand up to wipe your cheek. "Hey, no more tears for me, alright? I'm still here. You should see the other guys, this is the face of a man who won."

You let out a strained laugh, cupping his hand on your face. "I'd hate to see what it looks like when you don't win."

He shot you a tired smile, "Don't worry, I've got too much to live for."

You let out a deep sigh as you looked over him again. He was trying so hard not to fall apart for your sake, but you could see right through him. "Alright, Shang-Chi, move over."

"You know, you can still call me Shaun. Feels weird to change it up now." He slowly shifted over to make room on the bed, and you tried not to look too worried at how his face contorted in pain. You settled beside him, careful not to put too much pressure on his side.

"Here, lean your head back," you instructed, shifting the pillow underneath his head. You pushed his hair out of his face and continued stroking it back as his features melted into relief.

"You don't have to keep it together for the both of us all the time, Shaun. And I never want you to hurt yourself ever again just to spare my feelings." Your voice dropped to a whisper, "I love you and I will always, always be here."

His eyes fluttered closed and he mumbled something incoherent as you softly kissed his temple. The uneasy look on his face was almost entirely gone, and you were sure he'd drifted off when his labored breathing evened out a few moments later.

You were still far from okay, but you knew he was never going to let himself rest until he was sure you were alright. It was ridiculous, really, how much discomfort he'd put himself through so you wouldn't worry. You gazed at his sleeping form, tears welling up once more.

[threadsun]

This is probably a little unsatisfying just because I'm not going to continue it but I think it's easy to see where it was going, or maybe not? Shaun was going to train you by showing you how to fuck Ian while refiring to Ian as a woman, ass = pussy, cock = clit you get it

It was a rare occasion that the manor would be left nearly empty, but one you took time to enjoy. You love all your demon boyfriends but sometimes dealing with all of them can be a bit much. So you take these days to let yourself rest and regain your strength, or, that’s what you should be doing

Apparently Shaun and Ian had this little game they play when the manor is empty besides the two of them but they were kind enough to let you play with them today. You really should have said no but you just couldn’t help yourself, an opportunity like this only happens every so often, and you were already starting to feel a bit lonely. Once you agreed the two were ecstatic and Shaun asked you whether you’d like cat ears or dog ears

You decided on dog ears, you were already feeling a little hyper today and showing that in scene sounded fun. What you weren’t expecting was the accompanying tail plug and lube Shaun gave you with them, you really should have known though, most everything your boys do is sexual in some way. You decide to go along with it, not having been filled by this time of day was a little weird so the plug made you feel oddly cozy

You couldn’t help but laugh a little at Shaun and Ian’s “human clothes” when you came out of the restroom. Shaun was wearing a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black slacks, and a cat necktie while Ian was wearing an oversized red sweater, a floor length flowy black skirt, and the cutest pink apron on top, all altered to fit their demon extremities of course. You’re not used to seeing them in human clothes while they’re still in their true forms so it all looks a bit odd but they’re both very cute. Shaun takes great care to explain the scene and get your consent before putting on your collar and easing you into your puppy space

Shuan attaches your leash before walking you just outside the kitchen where he signals you to stay “Honey, I’m home!” You can hear Ian messing with some cookware on the other side of the wall “Oh, welcome home dear, was traffic bad today? You’re usually home sooner” Shaun chuckles “Oh, nothing like that, I just thought that you’ve been working so hard to care for Moon Pie and keep the house clean that you deserved a surprise! Come on out little guy”

With the lightest tug on your collar Shaun lets you walk into the kitchen. You can’t help but smile at Ian’s little fake gasp “A puppy? Oh, I’ve always wanted a puppy!” Ian kneels down to cup your face in his hands, rubbing your noses together as he talks to you in that higher voice he always uses for your puppy space “You are just the cutest thing in the world aren’t you? Do you have a name cutie?” Shaun chuckles “They didn’t have a name for him at the shelter, maybe you could pick one?” Ian’s eyes light up

“I get to name them!? Ok, um, how about…Cutie” You wag your tail at your new name “Aw, I think they like it. Alright little Cutie let’s get you some dinner” You happily follow them around the kitchen as they make a fake “human dinner” and you have to stop yourself from laughing at the things Ian says are going in the pot “Hm, cinnamon, mint, little ketchup, maybe a hot dog or two…”

After “dinner”, it’s not even noon yet, Ian and Shaun go to the living room and cuddle up on the couch “Can Cutie sit on the couch with us? Please?” You can’t help but wag your tail as Shaun looks down at you on the floor “Hmm, I don’t know. Only good puppies get to sit on the couch” Shaun holds his hand out “Paw”

Oughhhhh yesssss forcefem Ian and petplay and topping while Shaun tells you what to do and !!!!!!

Also lmao I love them pretending to be human it's so funny, never let incubus Ian into a kitchen dear god 😂

[yanderelovlies]

Can I ask for (sfw or nsfw) HCs for Jack, Joseph, and Shaun (fuck you Ian LMAO) with an MC that has some big ol' bitties? Maybe MC likes to use them to fluster their partner, like pressing close against their body or wearing clothing that shows cleavage (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) Sometimes acts clueless about it just to drive their partner up the wall.

Yeah fuck Ian! We don't support cheaters here! (If you like him I still love you I just hate Ian 💕)

I lowkey didn't proof read it like I normally do. I might do that later....maybe

🔪THIS FIC IS 18+ AGELESS AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED 🔪

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Sunny Day Jack

He tried so hard, but honestly that's the first thing he noticed. It was hard not to when they are so big, beautiful, and a part of you.

Even as time goes on, and the two of you get closer. You can feel his eyes on them at times however if you try to call him out on his he waves you off saying he was just staring off into space.

You don't believe him, but let him have it. It helps with your plan afterall. You see slowly over time you began buying or digging out your more showy shirts. Since he liked looking at them so much might as give him an eye full.

Little did you know Jack is man of patients. No matter how much he just wants put his hands all over you He won't. Not till you ask him.

After weeks of taunting and teasing from you, and no forward response from Jack you had enough. You had one last final plan to get a rise out of him.

As you said your good-nights for the night you pull Jack in for hug causing him to face plant right into your boobs.

It was awhile before you got any reaction out of him, but you weren't disappointed when you did. He bit your right boob as his hands roamed up your leg till he cupped your ass kneading it.

"You've been teasing me for too long sunshine...I'm gonna show just what you do to me."

Joseph

You being his makeup artist for the show means he gets a face full of boobies every morning, and he has never felt luckier. He doesn't even have to make up and excuse as to why he has been staring at them for hours.

He was over the moon when you started flirting with him after awhile. You were showing intrest in him meaning you were liking him just as much as he liked you, and... he was one step closer to a consensual motorboat.

God he was loosing his patients now. Here you were shirt button down so that he had a good clear view of the black laced bra barely being able to hold them in. Doll you are killing him.

He finally broke when he was walking you home. You grabbed his arm putting it in-between your boobs claiming to be chilly. The feel of your boobs being wrapped around his arm was the final breaking point.

He picked you up by your waist making you wrap your legs around his hips as he walked the two of you to an ally away from prying eyes.

He pinned you to the wall as he began leaving bites and kisses on your neck. When he felt you were secure between him and the wall he removed a hand from your waist and immediately attached them to your boob. He wasted no time kneading and pinching your nipple through the shirt.

"God doll....you make me go feral."

Shaun

He has a little more self control when it comes to staring compared to the other two. It's not that he doesn't appreciate them he just don't want to seem like a creep. But like damn. Respectively.

At one point and time you guys did compare sizes. It came up in a play fight, and you wanted to see who was bigger. It was you, but he claims up and down it was him.

Despite that however, everyday you were making it difficult for Shaun to act like the gentleman he is. It's hard NOT to stare when your wearing low-cut crop-tops around the apartment. Ahh look at them! They looks so perfect and soft for his head.

He will catch his hands moving in a kneading motion if he stares at your boobs for too long. Unfortunately though there only so far you can push a gentleman until he cracks.

That time came when the two of you were sitting on the couch watching one of his favorite horror movies. When a certain jump care happened you moved closer to Shaun, and took his arm in between your boobs pushing yourself closer. He resisted for all of a minute before he moved you from his side to you facing him on his lap.

His hands rested on your waist as his face went directly for your boobs. At first he just stayed their enjoying the feeling of them, but eventually he began to leave kisses and small bite anywhere he could.

"I've been trying to stay a gentleman.....but God do you make it hard you brat."

[spookiekewchie]

forever's gonna start tonight

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Characters: Shang Chi "Shaun" x woc!reader

Summary: a drunken night out at a karaoke bar ends with you meeting a mysterious yet sweet stranger

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: fluff, general language warning, mentions of drinking, mentions of butchering a classic, set before the events of the movie so NO SPOILERS DON'T WORRY

A/N: Basically I had a need to write some Shang Chi after seeing the movie. Also please note that since this is set before the events of the movie he's calling himself Shaun. Anyways, all mistakes are mine so pardon any errors or typos I'm sure I missed a few. The divider is by @firefly-graphics

DO NOT repost or translate my work anywhere. Reblogs are always welcome, and let me know that you enjoy my fics.

You can’t believe you let your friends drag you to a karaoke bar, you also can’t believe that they have plied you with drinks just to loosen you up enough to get you up on stage. Yet there you stand, tipsy enough to justify the belting of Total Eclipse of the Heart to a crowd that’s thankfully singing the classic along with you. Well almost everyone in the crowd is singing along.

There’s one man sitting silently and simply smiling, while the woman he sits beside is screaming the lyrics out. You can’t keep your eyes off of him, even when you try to look somewhere else they always drift back and you swear that it’s the longest four minutes and twenty-seven minutes of your life because you know that every time your gaze drifts back to him he’ll be sitting there with that warm smile on his face. It has your stomach doing somersaults, and even in the dim lighting of the bar you can tell he’s handsome. Handsome and hopefully drunk enough for you to hope he doesn’t think you’re an absolute mess for how badly you’ve butchered sung this iconic song.

With the final words uttered, you set the mic down and jump off stage to make a beeline straight for the bar. You need another shot, maybe two or three now that your tipsy buzz is starting to fade and your nerves are gearing up. What the hell were you doing here? You don’t go to karaoke bar’s and get on stage! God your friends were going to catch hell for this tomorrow, and you hope every last one of them wakes up with a hangover for what they’ve dragged you into. You love them, but dammit this is so far outside your comfort zone that you can’t help but start to feel mortified at the off key performance you just gave.

“Let me pay for those.” A voice says from beside you, drawing your attention. Ever so slightly your eyes widen, it’s the guy, and those suspicions about him being handsome were nothing compared to actually seeing him up close. It’s almost embarrassing how openly you start to let your gaze drag over him appreciatively, you don’t even realize it until your eyes are back on his and he’s smirking down at you.

Fuck. Get it together bitch, stop being so obvious. You think to yourself before shrugging as if to say “go ahead.” It doesn’t help you at all when you hear the breathy chuckle that he gives when he sidles just a little closer to you and tells the bartender to put the drinks on his tab.

“I’m Shaun,” He introduces himself, and when you give him your name in return he repeats it softly and dammit you can’t help but like the sound of it on his lips. You manage to not let your imagination run wild at the thought of all the ways you can make him say your name, and instead just watch the bartender pour your shots. “I liked the song choice.” He says after a moment of watching you pretend that you aren’t aware of how he’s just let his gaze sweep over you slowly. You were grateful that your mouth was empty when he said it, otherwise you’re sure you would have choked at the mention of the performance you were trying to forget. He means it though, he enjoyed watching you up there, belting out the lyrics and adding a few dramatic moves here and there when the crowd started to join in. He especially liked the way you got caught up in the moment, enjoying yourself despite the nerves he could tell you were feeling up there.

But there’s one part that sticks out in his mind. It’s you with your eyes shut, lost in the crescendo of the song and swaying to the beat. Your head tipped back and the microphone gripped in your hands.

I really need you tonight...forever's gonna start tonight…

You were beautiful up there, backlit by the screen as it displayed the lyrics as the light shone behind you and the curls of your hair as it gave you the effect of having a halo. Who could blame him for being mesmerized by you.

“Too bad I can’t carry a tune to save my life.” You joke, hearing him chuckle under his breath, you’re thankful when the bartender slides two shot glasses towards you. You down one, letting the alcohol burn down your throat before you face the ridiculously attractive man at your side and smile. “You know that song isn’t about what everyone thinks it is.” You say, letting your nerves take over for a moment. The curious furrow of the man’s brow doesn’t deter you as you reach for the second shot and down that as well. “I mean it is, it’s a love song, but it’s about vampires.”

“No it’s not!” He seems genuinely surprised at that fact, and you just laugh as he pulls his phone out to do a quick google search that only confirms what you’ve told him. “No shit, huh...any other music facts that you wanna share?”

You regard him curiously, trying to gauge if he’s genuinely interested or just saying what he thinks he has to in order to get you to leave with him. “I’m a treasure trove of weird music facts.” You tell him, watching as that warm smile he’d been giving you while you were on stage returns and you can’t help but find it endearing.

“I’d love to hear them.” He admits, though truthfully he’s willing to listen to you talk about anything if it means that you’re talking to him.

You’re about two seconds from taking him up on the offer when your group of friends rush you at the bar and all but drag you away, oblivious that you were otherwise occupied. You’re nearly out the door before you convince them that you need to go back inside and take care of something. You’re hoping he’s still there at the bar, and the relief you feel when you see him there makes you smile happily as you quickly make your way back over. He gives you a curious look, watching as you grab a napkin and pull a pen from your purse. When he sees that it’s your number that you’re jotting down he grins, happily taking it when you hold it out to him.

“Call me sometime, Shaun.” You say before turning and going back to your friends who are annoyingly calling for you to hurry up.

He’s got every intention of doing just that, watching as you go. He’s quick to pull out his phone so that he can put your number in it because there’s no way he’s going to risk something happening to that napkin and losing it.

“So...how’d it go, lover boy?” Katy's voice rings out as she bounces over to the bar and grins knowingly at her friend.

“How soon is too soon to call? Because I really want to call her right now.” He won’t, he doesn’t want to come off desperate. So he’ll wait until tomorrow’s lunch break to give you a call, and hopefully set up a date.

[dulafer]

The CEO

Guys, here’s a ‘new’ one but very similar to my previous stories. I’m running out of inspiration? If you know of any hot suited studs on Instagram or somewhere, let me know. It’s a rough draft, so if you see errors, have questions, let me know - dclouser@mac.com

This is about a CEO needing some help from his brother, and his brother helping himself to his brother’s CEO life. 

Here’s the link to the final version:     https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mugjKu33rJUndXGHavghmiL7q83_YaRp/view?usp=sharing

VISITATION

I was once a rising financial superstar on Wall Street, making people millionaires overnight, loved by all, but that was years ago—I’m all but forgotten. A year before my release from the Brookhaven Prison Camp, I’m lead to a private visitor’s room and shocked to see my brother Parker and another gentleman.

“Well, well, well… Dumb, and you must be Dumber.” I greet them jokingly. The other guy, who looks familiar, jumps up to shake my hand, while Parker actually has a dazed look on his face. 

“Paul, Hi, I’m Shaun Birnley, your brother’s friend and President of Thomas Financial.” Shaun introduces himself then stares at me.

“You’re looking good bro.” Parker pipes up quietly.

“3 Keto meals a day, tennis and some great sex. This is more like a Club Med but without the beaches and alcohol. So what do I owe this visit?” I haven’t had a single visitor in a few years, including from my twin brother. Occasionally I get an email from him but I’ve been forgotten by all my ‘friends’.

Shaun keeps looking back and forth between us. “Shit Parker, this is freaky, he is your twin, no doubt about it. This could actually work.”

“It’s good to finally meet you Shaun, I’ve heard the name but I’ve been here the past 6 years.  What could work? What are you talking about?”

“You’re getting out in a year. We have a proposition for you, a ‘job’ possibly. One that would get you out a lot sooner.” Shaun says. 

“Parker, what the fuck is going on here? I don’t hear from you in years, now you’re both my best friends?  Offering me an early release?” Parker has a blank look on his face. “Parker! Are you high?”

“He’s not feeling well, that’s why we’re here.”

“I have PTSD, just say it Shaun. It’s not a big deal.” Parker explodes.

“Sorry, but you’ve never been in battle, so how in the hell can you have PTSD.”

“A few months ago, your brother was carjacked, robbed at gun point and beat up on the way home from work late one night. Ever since then, he hasn’t been himself.  He’s had a breakdown, is easily confused,  bipolar, panic attacks, sleeping issues, and total lack of focus.” Shaun explains. 

“Did they catch the guy?” I asked.

“No, the police are fucking useless, fucking useless.” Parker snaps awake for a second. 

“I’m so sorry bro. You look good, normal even except for that dazed look.”

“It’s some drugs ‘he’s’ trying but he needs in-person care at a residential treatment center.” Shaun is clearly in charge.

“Zoloft but it puts me in a daze and I can’t sleep at night. I’ve fallen to sleep in the office and almost during the last board meeting.”

“There are quite a few guys here with it, they get drugs and CBT psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral something or other. It seems to help.”

“See Parker, and you’ll be in the best PTSD facility in the world.”

“Yeah, in fucking California. God help me.” 

“It’s called ‘The Refuge’ in Big Sur, California.  Best in the world. It’s very private and confidential.” Shaun explains to me.

“You’ll be fine bro. Couple weeks of treatment and you’ll be back to your old self. Big Sur is stunning—.”

“Could be 30-90 days. That’s where the job offer comes in.” Shaun interrupts. “The CEO of Thomas Financial can’t be MIA. There’s talk of replacing Parker already.”

“Oh for god sake Shaun, spit it out. Paul Thomas is already signed up for the Refuge. We’re swapping places. I can’t have it leaking out that I went to the crazy farm for months.”

“Oh, so you need me, that explains all this. This is great. I’ve been invisible for years and now I’m not. Lose your baby for all I care. Fuck off! Guard!” I’m pissed. 

“We’ll make it worth your while. $5 million and a year of your life back.” Shaun yells out, catching my attention. 

“Now you’re talking.” The guard enters and I shoo him away. “I’m fine Timmy.”

“No one can know about this.” Parker demands.

“My ‘Parker’ is kind of rusty but I can do it. So is your therapist forcing you to go?” I have about $1m squirreled away for when I get out, and this $5 million will help. It won’t be enough but it’s a start.

“Hell no, we’re telling his therapist that we’re getting a second diagnosis and that’s all he’s going to know. A friend at the VA highly recommended this place.” Shaun continues to do most of the talking, which is out of character for Parker. 

“Let me think about this. I can stay here another year or get out, play Parker for a few months and make $5 million? I’m in.” I smile and in the back of my mind, the thought of taking over Parker’s life permanently would be the chance of a lifetime. With nothing better to do in prison, I’ve been following Thomas Financial, his career and social media for years. It’s an impressive accomplishment that I never thought he was capable of. I’ve been jealous of his ‘luck’ but will never admit to it.

“We’ll get you up to speed with every little detail of Parker’s personal life and job. I’ll be by your side the whole time too. Guard!”  Shaun yells and the guard comes back. “Tell the warden we’ve come to an agreement.”

“Lets get out of this place.” Parker orders Shaun. He’s trembling oddly. 

“Get whatever you need from your room. You’re leaving right now.” Shaun orders me. 

Back in my room, I let my cell mate Tommy know I’m being sprung from the ‘estate’ as we call it. 

“You’re joking?” Tommy says in disbelief.

“No, my brother is sick and needs my help.”

“Like a kidney?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Here, take this list.” He hands me a list of names. “These folks specialize in areas that could come in handy. Just tell them you’re a friend of mine and they will help.” 

I pack up just my personal belongings like MacBook and clothes. My life basically fits in my duffle bag. I give Tommy a hug and tell him to look me up when he gets out in a year. 

Shaun tosses my bag into the back of his Escalade and we start heading back to New York. Shaun does most of the talking while Parker is barely awake. According to Shaun, the Zoloft allows him to function most of the day but at night he’s violent and lashes out. He’s popping more and more Zoloft. When he does sleep, after popping Xanax, he’s having nightmares. 

A few hours outside of New York we stop at a Hampton Inn for the night. To keep me invisible, Shaun runs out for dinner leaving Parker to keep an eye on me. Trouble is, Parker looks exhausted and in a daze. If I wanted to leave, he couldn’t stop me. I just don’t have anywhere to go. Parker takes off his suit coat, hangs it on the back of the chair and rolls up his sleeves.

TESTING MYSELF

As soon as Shaun leaves, Parker grabs his leather overnight bag, pulls out a toiletry bag and takes out some pill bottles. “I’m not hungry, I’m exhausted, going to bed.”

“What are you taking?”

“Something to help me sleep and help me chill.” He takes pills from the bottles and I offer to put them back. One bottle is Zoloft, another is Xanax and the last is Ambien. I’m not quite sure what all he’s taking or what the effects of mixing them could be. Also in his bag, I notice his razor, toothbrush, cologne, deordorant and ‘Uppercrust Pomade’. 

“Parker is this safe? Mixing these?” 

“Shut up, you’re sounding like Shaun.” He dismisses me, struggling to even speak. 

“Let’s get you to your room.” A devious test comes to mind—fooling Shaun tonight.

I help him across the hall and help him get undressed. This room was suppose to be mine according to Shaun but Parker is so out of it, he doesn’t notice the switch. Parker climbs into bed and passes out in minutes. I quickly strip out of my clothes and start putting on the outfit he was just wearing. I slip on every item, starting with his still warm boxer briefs, socks, then gray dress pants, shirt and tie. Everything is a perfect fit. I lean over his body and remove his Omega watch and class ring to add to my identity. Finally, I step into his shoes and I add his vest, making sure to leave the top button undone. 

“You look great Parker.” I say to myself in the mirror as Parker is snoring away. I haven’t worn anything like this in years but it feels empowering. I check my rolled up shirt sleeves, fix my shirt collar and take in Parker’s identity.

Back in ‘my’ room, I unroll my sleeves, put his suit coat back on, noticing it’s a perfect fit.  In the suit pockets I feel his wallet and iPhone to go through later. I dig through my brother’s leather bag and find  a change of clothes for tomorrow. I look at my new watch and see it’s been 30 minutes since Shaun left. I spritz on some cologne then work his pomade into my hair, making sure I replicate his distinct part. My hair is a little longer but its not noticeable when I slick it back like he wears it. His razor come in handy to shorten my sideburns a little. I finish my transformation just in time as Shaun knocks at my door.

“Hang on.” I mumble, toning done my energy level to match Parker’s. Shaun comes in carrying bags of BBQ and a six pack of beer. 

He looks around the room. “Where’s the jailbird?”

“He said he wasn’t hungry, was exhausted and went to bed?” 

“Then he can have it for breakfast. I got you the baby backs of course, with baked beans. The place was packed so it must be good.”

“Perfect, I’m starving.”  I dig into bag and help myself to a beer. 

“Beer? With Zoloft?” Shaun questions me.

“Do you have wine?” I quip back knowing Parker rarely drinks beer. “A few sips, some Zoloft and Ambien. I’ll be set for the night.” I grin at him.

“Okay, I’ll be dragging you out of bed in the morning. You don’t think he’d run off on us do you?”

“Nah, he needs the money and where would he go? Plus, his entire life is in that duffel bag.” I point to my bag on the floor. “I also watched  thru the peephole after he went to his room.”

Just then my cell phone rings with the ID showing ‘Taylor’. I answer it without hesitation. “Taylor…. Everything is fine… Uh huh, yeah he’s right here.”  I hold the phone up and Shaun shouts “We’re fine, be back tomorrow. Don’t worry.”

I take back control of the call, talk another minute and hang up. Taylor must be security for me, checking on me. Neither Taylor or Shaun suspect a thing with my performance. I wipe my mouth with a napkin, then open my duffle bag, pull out ‘my’ drugs and pop some pills. They’re tucked under my tongue and I spit them out when Shaun turns his head for a minute. 

“So you think this will work?” Shaun questions.

“It has to or I’m in trouble.” I note, acting as if the drugs are kicking in.

“You’ll definitely be out as CEO, they’d have to keep me for a while.” He laughs nervously. 

I’m not sure of the details but act like I do. “Wouldn’t that be a twist.”

“I’ll trot him out for meetings, luncheons and the next board meeting but you’ll be back before it I’m sure. I’ll keep an eye on him, keep him under control and tell him what to say. I’m worried about something else.”

“What’s that?”

“I was trying to tell you two apart all day and I can’t. The only difference is how you’re dressed and your hair.”

“We’re identical twins. No one ever could, not even our parents.” I explain.

“That’s the problem. How can I tell, just in case he pulls some shit on us?”

“What would he possibly do?” I ask.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ve seen too many Lifetime movies where the evil twin kills the good twin to assume his identity.”

I chuckle. “Well, there’s one difference between us. I do have a small scar on the back of my leg.” I lift up my pant leg and show him my scar. “Got it trying to ride a minibike when I was 13. It’s hardly noticeable but is something.”

“No, something easier and less noticeable than having to see your scar. How about a simple wink if I call you ‘Stefan’?”

I’m curious why he knows Parker's middle name. “We’ll never need it.”

“Just humor me, ‘Stefan’.” He stresses my brother’s middle name as if it’s an order. “If I refer to you as Stefan you respond with some subtle action.”

“Fine, but I’m not winking at you. I’ll do this.” I take my hand and run it through my hair above my ear. I’ve seen Parker do it a few times today, especially when he seems stressed out. 

“Stefan” Shaun calls me and I run my hand through my hair. From now on, in Shaun’s mind, I’ll be Parker with our secret identity test and my scar. 

I yawn, stretch my arms out. “Hey, the sleeping pills are kicking in.”

“Get some sleep buddy.” Shaun gets up, grabs the beer and heads to his room next to mine. “Lets meet for breakfast at 8am.”

Once I’m alone, I start going through my phone, checking text messages and emails. Taylor is his body guard per some emails I find. He was hired a few months ago after the attack. There’s email from doctors at the Refuge about helping ‘Paul Thomas’. His FaceBook and Instagram entertains me for another hour before I pass out at midnight. 

I wasn’t allowed a phone in Prison but I did have computer access. It allowed me to follow Parker and Thomas Financial for years. My plan, once I was out, was to disappear and start a new life. I had no intention of ever talking to Parker again but now that I see how fucked up he is, and how he’s ruining his life, I have a better option. Parker isn’t giving me a job, he’s giving me his life.

I make sure I’m up early before anyone else and take a quick shower. I pack up Parker’s stuff and head across the hall. He’s still sleeping as I strip out of his clothes, return his jewelry and dress as myself. I start waking him, help get him into the shower, then dressed and down to the hotel lobby early for breakfast. With his hair gelled and mine product free, we’ll look totally different to Shaun. Parker doesn’t ‘remember’ the BBQ he had for dinner but says it’s normal for him these days—a side effect of the drugs keeping him calm. I tell him I didn’t eat, that I crashed before everyone. He accepts everything I tell him. 

We’re up early having breakfast, catching up so I start prying into Parker’s and Shaun’s relationship. I knew they were classmates at Penn and Wharton, and Parker hired him when he started Thomas Financial. Parker adds his history with Shaun. Shaun is married to Susan and they have a 5 year old daughter named Hanna. Parker was his best man six years ago. 

He confides their biggest secret to me—how they met and became friends. At their first frat party, Parker hit on Shaun and tried kissing him. He had a crush on Shaun, assumed he was gay or bi, and they both were drunk and high. Shaun thought it was funny, that his girlfriend at the time had put Parker up to it. Shaun has never told Susan because it’s embarrassing for Parker. It hurt when he mentions that Shaun is like a brother to him. I don’t complain and let him go on and on about their relationship.

Shaun shows up late and starts probing me about prison and my education. We eat quickly and fly home. I was worried that my little game last night would be discovered but the entire trip home, nothing came up. Parker even thanked Shaun for the BBQ, even though he had no memory of it. My theory is that Parker said it to appear normal. Shaun drops us off and takes off. Taylor always has weekends off since Parker’s gated community has its own security. From the looks of it, there’s more security here than at the white collar prison I just left.

AT HOME

“Make yourself at home bro. My bedroom is at the top of the stairs to the right, yours is across the hall. Why don’t you take a shower and help yourself to anything in my closet.” Parker offers as we walk into the foyer.  The place is very contemporary as is Parker’s style. It’s been professionally decorated because it’s too detailed. After a quick tour of his home, I take a shower then head to his closet to find something to wear. We may have similar tastes in home furnishings but we dress very differently. I’m more jeans and t-shirts and he’s more preppy. 

I’m overwhelmed when I enter his closet. It’s the size of four prison cells. There’s rows of suits, coats, shirts and wall of ties and shoes. I leaf through his clothes and try on a few sport and suit coats. Everything is a perfect fit. In his bedroom I find socks and underwear in a dresser, and jewelry in a free standing jewelry chest. I slip into tan skinny jeans and knit shirt, similar to what he has on. For shoes I grab a pair tan Chelsea boots.

Downstairs I find Parker stretched out on the sofa watching something on the TV. He seems to be in a daze.

“Ahem… you okay?”

“Oh yeah, just thinking about everything. My life was going perfect. I’m making gobs of money, I started dating this great guy and the business is running itself.”

“Your life looks fine, nothing has changed has it?”

“I’m having nightmares of a gun being shoved in my face, being kicked to the garage floor and laying there for what seemed hours till someone found me. I can barely function at work. If it weren’t for the drugs, I’d be cowering under my desk most of the day.”

“Well, therapy will help, I promise. I’ve seen plenty of guys with it in prison and they are fine now. My biggest concern is not fucking up your life while you’re away.”

“I’ve got two weeks to turn you into me.” He looks at me. “Let’s get haircuts.”

I follow him to the garage and I’m shocked at his automobile collection. There’s an BMW X5, Corvette, BMW 550i and 911 Targa. We jump in the X5 and he drives us further out of the city. He finds a Supercuts that’s busy and while we wait, I start questioning him about his life.

“Shaun will be the only person in on this scheme?” I ask.

“Yeah, he’s the only one. The board is already in revolt over my condition. If they found out I was admitting myself for therapy, I’d be ousted and Shaun would probably be made CEO.”

“How am I going to handle your job?”

“When we get back, I’ll show you everything you’ll need to know. My home office set up is basically a copy of my office. The computers are linked so if I create a file at work, it’s also on my desktop when I get home. Our company dashboard is there too. I’ll need to get you into my office tomorrow while no one is there.”

“What about your boyfriend?”

“That’s easy, he’s in China on assignment and we sort of ended it. His name is David, we met at Ken and John’s wedding months ago. He hasn’t called or emailed in a over a week.”

“Friends?”

“Ken, John, Woody and Colin.”

“Who’s your best friend?” I probe.

“Colin, we dated for a year then decided we were better off as friends. He moved to Soho, with his boyfriend, doesn’t visit as much as he use to. You’ll have to attend the opening of ‘Oklahoma’ on Broadway in a few weeks. His boyfriend is one of the producers, got us front row seats.”

“A musical, how gay is that?” I laugh at him. 

“Don’t laugh, its Jeff’s life, Colin’s boyfriend. I don’t like Jeff and Colin knows it, but I told him I’m being supportive.”

“Okay, got it.” I become serious just as our stylist comes and gets us. 

They seat us side by side. They wash my hair, cut it and trim my eyebrows and match him completely. He’s stunned by my transformation. We’re identical down to every details now. On the way home we stop for dinner, then a cheap burner phone for myself. 

Back at home, Parker takes me to his home office and starts teaching me about his work life. He goes through some emails, then the dashboard and finally pics of key people he deals with. He writes down his passwords for all his work and personal websites.

Hours later, Parker takes his medication, rinses it down with some scotch, then heads to bed. He’s in his room when his phone rings. I’m curious as I hear ‘Shaun’ and sneak up to the bedroom door and eavesdrop on them.

“I got him cleaned up today… haircut, eyebrow trim and manicure…he’s perfect… I’ll work with him tomorrow, then send him to the office.” There’s a pause. “Oh that would be better… I’ll let him know. See ya tomorrow.”

I quickly run back to my room and start playing with my new phone. Parker comes in a few minutes later. 

“So here’s the plan for tomorrow. Shaun will pick you up tomorrow morning and take you into the office, show you around and groom you.”

“That makes sense. Who would question the CEO and the President in the office working on some things.”

“Exactly. I was just going to drive you there, draw you a map and let you figure it out.”

I can see the glassiness in his eyes as he’s standing there—the effects of the Zoloft and Scotch. He heads to his bedroom. Thirty minutes later I check on him and he’s snoring like a bear. I take his phone off his nightstand and head down to ‘my’ home office. I spend hours going thru the Thomas Financial system, getting more at ease with it. I take a break and head to the garage to admire my automobile collection. They’re too tempting sitting there, so I run to his bedroom, grab his wallet, leather jacket and take the Corvette out for a spin. At first I drive through the neighborhood, checking out the features. Later I jump on the freeway, getting it up to 80 mph. I play with the voice commands with “Take me to the office.” I’m rerouted to Manhattan and decide to check out my office. It takes me a while to maneuver around the parking garage but I find the Thomas Financial parking area and my own reserved spot. 

I have no clue what I’m doing but as I approach the main lobby, the doors unlock for me and security greets ‘Mr. Thomas’. I smile a hello, and see the elevator off to the right. All I know is that  Thomas Financial’s offices are on the 40th floor and Parker has a corner office.

Like the lobby doors, the elevators open before I even press a button and I’m automatically taken to the 40th floor, to the lobby for Thomas Financial. There must be an RFID chip in my wallet handling my access. Not far from the lobby I spot a large corner office and see ‘Parker Thomas’ stenciled on the door that unlocks as I approach. ‘This is too easy’ I think to myself as I enter and take the helm of Thomas Financial. I’m there for a few hours checking out every nook of the office, including his private bathroom and closet. I log in as he taught me and continue learning the system. Before leaving for the night, I walk around the entire floor, checking out offices of ‘my’ employees.

I’m home before midnight and return everything as it was. First Shaun and now the security people at Thomas Financial have met the new Parker Thomas without knowing. 

CEO AND PRESIDENT

The next morning Parker is up before me. I hear him in the living room watching the news so I jump in the shower, then help myself to a casual Sunday outfit for my office visit. It’s  vintage, preppy Parker—wool dress pants, orange cashmere v-neck sweater, white dress shirt and the black Chelsea boots he had on yesterday. I walk down stairs ready for the day, only to find Parker half asleep on the sofa.

“Bro? Is this appropriate for the office?” I use his typical lingo on him. “You okay?”

He stirs a little, half awake. “Oh sorry, I could use another few hours of sleep today. That Zoloft is wicked shit. You look fine, it’s exactly what I’d wear on a Sunday. I have a gray plaid sport coat that would look great with it.”

“No, it’s the mixing of Zoloft, sleeping pills and scotch that’s wicked Bro.”  I chuckle. “Then go back to bed, I’m the one going into the office today with my president.” 

“Oh shit, yeah have fun with that.” He goes to stand up and wobbles a little.

“You didn’t take anything else did you?” I question him. 

“Just a Xanax to relax me. It helps me sleep.” He answers.

“Bro, I’ll bet you shouldn’t be taking Xanax while still on Zoloft, it’ll kill you.”

“I’m fine, I’ll sleep it off. Wake me up when you get home, we’ll run for lunch.”

“Hey, while I’m thinking of it, give me your class ring and watch, and where’s your wallet?”

“It’s upstairs.” He slips off his ring and watch, and hands them to me.

I follow behind him as he crawls into bed. In his closet I find the sport coat he suggested. I tuck his wallet and iPhone in the breast pockets. His wallet is just where I left it last night when I got home. With my class ring and watch in place, my identity as Parker is perfect. Back downstairs I grab his coffee cup, heat it up, plop myself in front of the TV and continue his morning. I’m the spitting image of Parker.

A few minutes later the door bell rings, it’s got to be Shaun for me. I get up, grab my coffee and greet him at the door. 

“Morning Bro, ready to meet your new CEO?” I greet him using ‘bro’ as Parker had done at breakfast yesterday and take a sip of my coffee. “Want a cup?”

“Ah yeah, I could use some caffeine this morning.” He says frustrated.

“Bad night?”

“Yeah, monsters under Hanna’s bed just as I was going to get ‘some’ action, first time in a month. She ran into the bedroom without warning and jumped in bed, right on top of us. I was the middle of a sandwich, and not a sexy sandwich.”

I just laugh at him as I pop a k-cup into the machine and find a mug. “So you okay doing this today?”

“Sure, why not? It’ll just be Thomas Financial’s CEO and President working together on some things on a Sunday morning. I should take Paul to Ferry Point for 18 holes, where you do most of your work.” He laughs at his joke thinking he’s talking to Parker. 

“If only you were as good.” I reply back.

“Didn’t I beat your ass just a few weeks ago? Can he play golf? Any good?”

“I’m sure he hasn’t played in 6 years but he was a decent golfer before prison.”

“Great, golf will be a great excuse for keeping him away from the office as much as possible. At least for a few weeks before it gets too cold.” 

“So what all are you going to cover with him?”

“Just the basics, like where things are, who’s who and walk him through our system.”

“I drew him a map, was just going to set him free to explore since there shouldn’t be anyone there today but this is better for him.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised to see some of Joel’s marketing people in the office.” Shaun looks at his watch. “Speaking of which, where is he?”

“Right in front of you, Bro.” I smile wickedly.

“Well, Fuck me!” I never would have guessed it. “Fuck! Where’s Parker?”

“The dumb shit was drinking Scotch last night before popping his Zoloft and some type of sleeping pills. He got up this morning, took a Xanax which knocked him out again. He just went to bed about 30 minutes ago. His doctor is giving him all those drugs?”

“No, his doctor only prescribed the Zoloft, that rest are from his buddy Greg, who’s a pharmacist. He was just going to let Greg ‘treat him’ after the car jacking, but I realized something else was off and forced him to see Dr. Pomme.”

I shake my head in fake concern. “Well, let’s get to the office. He wants me back by noon to do lunch.”

“How about you follow me, so you learn your way there.  Take his X5, it’s his new toy, and he’s not bored with it yet.”

“Sure, I haven’t driven in years but I’m a decent driver, at least I was, and my license is expired.” Shaun shakes his head in disbelief.

We get to the office and I act as though this is all new to me. He explains the RFID card security and that Parker has one in his wallet. I don’t tell him I have Parker’s wallet and watch him handle everything. We walk in and he walks me around the floor, showing where everything is—conference rooms, break room, accounting, marketing, IT, sales and the executive offices. 

He quickly shows me his office, which is right next to mine that I didn’t notice last night. In my office he has me sign in as Parker and walks me through the system. He shows me a few new tricks then starts reviewing their current business and projects. Between Shaun and Parker, I’m learning quite a lot. When he anxiously checks his watch after a few hours, I suggest we leave, that I have a few weeks to learn everything and he agrees.

We walk out together, get in the cars and pull out of the parking lot. When I lose him in New York traffic, I turn around and head back to the office. I’m really curious about Parker’s life and want to spend as much time as possible learning about it. I noticed Parker’s briefcase behind the driver’s seat and take it in with me. Back in ‘my’ office I study the content of it. There’s more prescription drugs, including more Zoloft and Xanax. There’s an iPad, files and portfolio. I’m there a few more hours, about to leave when Colin calls me.

When he finds out I’m in Manhattan, I’m invited to Darcy’s, a restaurant in SoHo, for lunch with him and Jeff. I accept, jump back in the X5 and head there. I keep it short, claiming a work emergency. I ease into Parker’s personal life effortlessly, playing Parker flawlessly. It’s easy as Jeff talks and talks about opening night, that there’s a cast party after with a ton of celebrities. I really didn’t have to do anything but look the part and laugh at how clueless they both are. I excuse myself, pick up the tab and head home. 

I walk into a quiet house and head upstairs to check on Parker. The shower in running so I return his jewelry and wallet to his dresser.

“Hey Parker, I’m home.” I yell into his bathroom. 

He shuts off the water and steps out. “Great, I’m starving. How was work Parker?”

“Great, Shaun knows his shit, just like you. He skipped out to get home, not worried as we have a few weeks before you leave.”

“Well your timing is perfect, I just got up, feeling great and starving.”

“I’m not hungry, just had lunch with Colin and Jeff at Darcy’s. He called and I couldn’t say no.”

“You had lunch with my best friend?” He’s shocked.

“Well, Parker had lunch with him.”

“They didn’t question anything?”

“Look at me. I was wearing your clothes, had your class ring and watch on and knew about Oklahoma. Jeff sure loves to talk. I didn’t have time to even get one word in. They don’t know about me do they?”

“No, you’ve never come up. I don’t talk about my system hacking, Ponzi scheming, embezzling, convict of a brother.”

“Do they even know you have a brother?” I’m getting a little upset but hide it. 

“No, so I’m not hassled about it.”

“That’s why they didn’t suspect a thing.” This is perfect. Shaun is the only person who knows I exist. No one else will be suspicious of any changes with Parker.

PARKER 101

We do lunch and I barely eat. I observe all his mannerisms—how he eats, what he eats and how he treats the staff. He does most of the talking, mostly about himself. I probe about his relationship with Shaun. He fills in more details of their college days—details like hang outs, parties, coming out to him, living together challenges, Shaun’s endless girlfriends and being his best man. I then change the topic to their work relationship and he really unloads. He had to beg Shaun to take the job, early struggles with cash flow and retaining customers. We’re there for hours with him drinking much more than I ever remember. I drive him home, he pops a hand full of pills and I tuck him in bed. 

From my bag, I pull out the list of contacts Tommy provided before leaving Brookhaven. It’s quite a detailed list of names, emails and phone numbers followed by their expertise such as ‘fake docs’, ‘bugs’, ‘laundering’, ‘drugs’, ‘plastic surgeon’ and ‘IT’. When I call them and tell them I’m friends with Tommy, they’re all eager to help. The IT guy emails me a keystroke tracker for unlocking all of Parker’s passwords and websites. The bugs guy recommends bugs and surveillance cameras and where to buy them. I don’t get through to some of them but leave messages.  

On Monday morning I make sure to wake him up for work—not over concern of his drug usage the night before but to observe his morning routine. I help him up, into the shower  and watch everything he does up till walking out the garage door. 

Once he’s gone, I duplicate his routine except for putting on a suit. Instead I try his ‘country club’ look from an Instagram post months ago—jeans, linen sport coat, simple dark blue dress shirt with a heavy on the jewelry. I managed to duplicate the outfit completely, even the Tag watch and bracelets.

While Parker is at work, I start my ‘Parker Plan’.  The keystroke is easy to download and add to his home computer, then it’ll worm its way into his work system. I borrow his BMW to buy the cameras from a guy in the Bronx. He also clones Parker’s iPhone for a few thousand. One night while Parker is passed out, I head into the office and place cameras and bugs in his office, Shaun’s and the conference rooms.

I pay for everything with a cash advance from my future payment. I told Parker I needed money for starting a new life. He was foolish enough to give me $10,000 out of his home safe while I watched him open it, using his social security number typed in backwards. 

Over the next couple days, I follow him with all my new toys, learning from him and Shaun. The work cameras help a great deal, showing how he works and interacts with everyone. The iPhone clone records all his conversations and texts. It’s an overwhelming amount of information but Parker passes out at 9pm most nights, giving me time to catch up.

He sees his therapist at least twice a week, leaving work using a variety of lame excuses and seeing him over lunch. He’s lying to Shaun, telling him it’s only once a week and that the therapist is really helping. Living with him, it’s obvious it’s not working at all. It’s like he turns on as soon as someone walks in his door or calls. When he’s alone, he zones out or has his head buried in his hands. He’s barely functioning during the day and afraid to go out at night. 

BREAKDOWN

On Friday I watch Parker leave the office for lunch with his friend Colin. On his private calendar, it’s a meeting with his therapist. He warns Jenny that he might be late but he’ll be back in time for Duncan at 3pm. An hour later he shocks me when he comes bursting into the house. He’s pale white, panting and out of breath.

I jump up from the TV. “What happened? You look like you saw a ghost.”

He collapses onto the sofa, barely able to speak. “I unblocked some things I blocked out of my mind. I think they were things I have nightmares about.”

“What?”

“The clicking of the gun as he almost pulled the trigger. I keep hearing the click—click, click, click. He’s going to shoot me. My last thing I’ll do before he shoots me, is piss my pants.” He grabs my Coke, pulls some pills from his pocket and chugs them down. “I was at my Therapist, everyone at work thinks I’m at lunch with Colin.”

“What are you doing? You took some this morning right? They’re not M&Ms.”

“No, they’re better than M&Ms.” He’s shaking like a leaf.

“You’re going to be a mess in the office.”

“Hope you’re up to speed with Duncan. It’s show time bro. Time for you to earn your keep.”

He looks and sounds pathetic. “Yes, I’ve been following your emails and Shaun will be there to help.”

“No! Shaun can’t know about this.” He rejects strongly.

“Why not? He’s going to know I’m not you.” I warn him.

“Because, he could use my weakness to convince the board to oust me and put him in charge.”

“But Shaun is your friend, I thought?”

“Please, how naive can you be? What brought you down? Who ratted on you? Your partner” He holds his head and shudders. 

“But Todd and I never got along. I should have known better.”

He slowly lifts himself off the sofa and heads up the stairs. “Come on, I’m going to bed, my head is killing me. You’re going back to the office Parker. Taylor is outside waiting.”

“How am I going to fool Shaun?  He knows you better than anyone?” I fake concern but watched their morning unfold. All the personal information is at my fingertips thanks to the cameras. Shaun’s wife is planning a vacation to Hawaii for the summer, Hanna has a new imaginary friend and he wants to golf this weekend. 

“He’s got his own fires to put out with the Prime Medusa account. Just don’t go to happy hour with him, he may discover you’re not me.”

I follow him up the stairs and notice how unsteady he is. He starts stripping out of his outfit, kicking off his shoes, taking off his coat and playing with his pants. I haven’t tied a tie in years, so I walk over to him, lift up his collar and pull his tie over his head so I don’t have to retie it. He’s really doped up as his sits on the edge of the bed. I help him with his pants, socks, and  dress shirt. When I pull off his jewelry, the Rolex on his wrist, catches my eye. I’ve never worn one before but always wanted one. Parker crawls into bed, mumbles something and passes out.

TRANSFORMATION

Parker and I haven’t swapped places since college. I went to work for him so he could go to South Beach with some friends. When I saw him at Brookhaven, I thought we still looked alike. When we got the haircuts, it hit me how identical we still are. The fact that Shaun fell for my charade before my transformation reinforced my observation. The only difference I’ve noticed but no one else mentioned are our smiles. His teeth are whiter and I’ll need to fix that at some point. 

In his bathroom I take a fast shower, swipe on his deodorant and spritz on some of his Polo Cologne to take his scent. His pomade gives me his perfectly coiffed hair. I’m not sure all what he took but he’s passed out and snoring when I enter his bedroom. 

Parker’s identity slowly becomes mine as I slip on his damp socks and warm pants. As I pull on his French cuff dress shirt, I’m reminded of Parker’s better fashion sense. I was always more casual while he was ‘Mr. GQ’—into designer custom suits and the latest fashion. The shirt has contrasting white collar/cuffs, splashy cufflinks and the sleeve is monogrammed. When I have it buttoned up, I pop the collar and add ‘my’ tie exactly as he wore it. I go to the mirror, fix my collar and adjust my tie, making sure the dimple is perfect.  

I step into his warm shoes then walk over to the chair and grab his suit coat. Inside is a ‘Executive Garrison’ label with Parker’s name engraved in gold under it. Like everything else I’ve put on, the fit is perfect, as a custom suit should fit. I confidently pull it on and feel some items in the pockets. In my left pocket is his wallet, and in the right is his iPhone. Without thinking, I pull out the iPhone to make sure I didn’t miss any messages. From the dresser I grab his Rolex and ring, adding the final pieces of his identity.

In the bathroom, I make a final check of my appearance. I’m the spitting image of Parker except for a nick he has from shaving this morning. I take his razor and carefully press it against my neck, giving me a similar cut. A wad of toilet paper stops it in a few minutes. Now I’m perfect. 

I check on Parker one last time then head back to the office to finish his day. I’m more nervous about my overall impersonation of Parker than dealing with Shaun. I’ve been watching Shaun and Parker interact all week, so it’ll be easy to pick up where they left off this morning. The bigger challenge will be adopting Parker’s dopey persona. The only solution I can come up is taking a Zoloft myself. There’s even a few in my pant pockets. 

Taylor drops me off in front of building and I head up to the 40th floor. In the elevator, I stiffen my posture, pull my shoulders back and adopt the Parker Thomas persona. The receptionist greets “Mr. Thomas” as I walk by on the way to my office. As soon as I’m in my office, Jenny comes running in to update me on things I missed. I take off my coat and suit coat as Jenny reminds me of Duncan in an hour. Since I’m Parker Thomas, I adopt his mental illness. I head to my private bathroom and take a Zoloft.

Shaun’s office is empty, not sure where he ran off to, but that’s okay. I’ve heard Shaun and Parker discuss their strategy with Duncan, so I know exactly how to handle the meeting. It’s a simple ‘they accept, we celebrate’ or ‘they counter and we think about it’. Either way is fine by me because this won’t be one of ‘our’ most profitable accounts for a few years. The meeting is an hour away so I review the contract and proposal, then get caught up with my email. The Zoloft hits me in about 30 minutes, giving me a very mellow feeling, like I just smoked a few joints. I check my appearance in the bathroom and I think I even have Parker’s usual glassy eyes. 

With Shaun not back, I greet the Duncan people and escort them to the executive conference room. My sales team joins and takes it from there, making my job easy. I sit there quietly taking notes and agreeing. Lucky for me, I checked out the LinkedIN profiles to put faces to the names. Shaun joins us 15 minutes late, just as they announce their intentions to proceed with Thomas Financial’s proposal. We sign the contract and I easily forge ‘P. Thomas’ with his typical big loop ‘P’. 

Shaun and I walk them out, then he follows me back into my office and shuts the door behind him. He heads over to my hidden bar and helps himself to the Scotch. 

“You want one or are you on the ‘Z’? Your eyes look glassy.”

“Sure, why not. I haven’t taken a pill since this morning.”

He pours me a glass, hands it to me and we clink glasses. I’m so mellow that someone could sneak up behind me, yell in my ear and I wouldn’t jump. The glassy eyes just add to my Parker disguise. I take a seat at my desk and he jumps in a chair.

“So check Sutter later tonight. We should have it deposited after 8pm according to Mike.”

I have no clue what he’s talking about. I heard Parker ask him about the Sutter status this morning, so I play along. “Great, I’ll be sure to check it later.”

“So did Greg fix you up with more shit today.”

“No, I had lunch with Colin.” 

“Really?” He says in a questioning voice. 

“Yes, really. Hopefully the Refuge will help.” I know Shaun doesn’t like Greg, even threatening to report him for providing drugs to Parker.

“The Refuge will work. You still up for golf on Sunday?”

“Sure, I wouldn’t miss it.” I saw it on Parker’s calendar for 8am Sunday.

“How’s your brother coming along? Think he can pull this off? He may have to handle your board meeting depending on when you get back. ”

“With our help, he’ll be fine. He’s been driving me crazy with a million questions.” I take a sip of my drink, lean back in my chair and put my hands behind my head—another Parker mannerism I’ve mastered.

He doesn’t show the slightest concern about who I am. We’re talking shop and personal shit till Gene, our head of sales stops in to invite us to happy hour. Shaun declines due to dinner at his mom’s house. I jump at the chance to hang with my employees. 

I work till 5:30, when Taylor stops by my office. He’s here to take me home but he’s okay with my happy hour plans and agrees to keep an eye on me at the bar. I pull on my suit, check in the image in the mirror, smile and think. ‘I’m Parker Thomas, CEO of Thomas Financial.’ I run my hand through my hair then check my tie. I haven’t been out in public with friends in years. Taylor keeps a low profile but is watching out for me. It’s an amazing feeling being Parker and hanging out with friends. I play ‘Parker’ perfectly with all my employees, learning their names, faces and other personal details. 

I pick up the tab then Taylor takes me home. I check my email and text on the ride. My friend Ken calls to ask how I’m feeling and see if I want to grab dinner with him and John tomorrow. I don’t think twice about making plans with ‘my’ friends. It’s amazing to think I’ve pulled off being Parker three times with Shaun. The guy is clueless I’m not his partner. I get home about 8pm and find Parker on the sofa in front of the TV.

“Hey, how you feeling?”

He turns and looks at me. “Fuck, I bet no one questioned who you are?”

“Nope, I handled the Duncan meeting, they loved the proposal and I signed the contract.  I had drinks with Shaun in my office after then did happy hour with my employees.  It was great experiencing freedom for the first time in 6 years. Oh, Ken and John invited you over for dinner tomorrow night and Shaun reminded me of golf on Sunday.”

“Good job, I knew they’d love it. Sounds like you did great.” He rubs his head as though he has a major headache. “Oh yeah, I did forget about Sunday. It’s with his father and father-in-law at Ferry Point.”

“Bro, if you’re not up for it, let me. I haven’t golfed in years but I bet I’m still just as good as you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m probably as good as you were.  I just picked up the latest Calloway clubs, they’re at Ferry Point along with my clothes and other gear.  You’ll have fun, Shaun Sr and Ted are good golfer and ever better drinkers. Ferry Point is an incredible course.”

“What about Ken and John?”

“I’ll handle them. It’ll be good to see them before heading to California. No problems being me?”

“None, people seem to walk on egg shells when you’re around. Jenny is great keeping you on your toes. Shaun is clueless. I didn’t tell you, but Sunday morning when Shaun stopped to pick me up, he thought I was you greeting him at the door. I rolled with it, till he asked where Paul was and I came clean. I thought about running upstairs, changing clothes and seeing if I could get away with it but decided against it.”

“Ha! You should have.”

“How are you feeling?” I probe.

“I slept but didn’t really sleep, tossing and turning. If the Refuge doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m constantly on edge and when I think of the gun cocking, I go into shock. The Zoloft is barely working now.” 

“Oh, Shaun doesn’t like Greg does he?  He made some snide comment about you getting more drugs from him at lunch. I told him no, that I had lunch with Colin.”

“Greg is harmless. He gives me sample packets of drugs, nothing illegal. When he needed muscle relaxer for a bad back, he loved Greg.”

“And what is with Shaun's ‘Stefan’ when I stuck up for Greg?” I need to know the significance of Shaun using his middle name. 

He laughs. “At Penn, he had people thinking it was my name, had everyone calling me it. Now and then he uses my middle name if he’s questioning something, like my judgement or truthfulness.” 

This clears up ‘Stefan’ and gives me some additional personal information. He’s fucked up—his speech is slow and hands are trembling. He orders a pizza from his favorite place, downs a few beers and slices then pops something in his mouth that he took from his pocket. Whatever it was, it calms him down and makes him disoriented. I use it to pump him for more personal information about him and his friends. He’s so fucked up, he talks for hours before passing out and needing my help to get to bed. 

NIGHT OUT

I give him 30 minutes before slipping back into his bedroom and digging through his pants pockets.  There’s a combination of Xanax, Zoloft and other pills I’ve never seen before. I shake him to see if I can wake him but he’s out cold. I’ve always known my brother was pathetic and this past week just reinforces it.  PTSD?  Really? Who the fuck gets PTSD from being carjacked? He got a bruise on his ass from hitting the ground and brand new X5 out of it.

I stay in his suit and identity, knowing I’m a better version of him. The power I have as Parker is intoxicating. I go to his home office and enjoy thinking of myself as him. I’m restless though, it’s only 10pm and I want, no, need to be acknowledged as Parker. I want to soak up his identity for a few more hours.

I’ve learned that Parker doesn’t have much of a gay life. He has a few stuffy pretentious gay friends that take in the culture of New York like operas, galleria openings and plays. He’s never been one to go out dancing all night in a thumping gay club. He’d rather put on a tuxedo and spend the evening drinking wine and commenting on art. I’ve seen many of his Instagram posts at the Kennedy Center or Broadway ‘being seen’. 

After a few minutes of debate, I realize as CEO of Thomas Financial, I can walk into my office anytime I like. Tonight would be the perfect time to check out all of Thomas Financial with no one around to question why I’m so curious. I pull on my suit coat, feeling my iPhone and wallet still in place. I run upstairs and grab my burner phone to reach out to a contact in the privacy of my office. I pull on my top coat, head to the X5 for my briefcase. Instead of driving the X5, I’m taking ‘my’ 911 since I haven’t driven it yet.

I find my way to work without the GPS, pull into my spot and stroll in carrying my briefcase—in full Parker mode. I’m greeted knowingly by security and acknowledge them as though I have a lot on my mind. Every door opens up for Parker Thomas as I approach them. After I hang up my topcoat, I head to my bathroom to inspect myself.

“Parker Thomas, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”  I extend my hand and introduce myself to the mirror.

“Shaun, of course I’m Stefan you idiot.” I run my hand through my hair per our secret identity agreement.

“Jenny, make sure to get Robert Duncan on the Christmas list, and did we file with FFIEC?”

“Ken, I can’t wait to see you and John tomorrow night for dinner. It’s been too long, I may not recognize you guys.” I speak into my sleeping iPhone and grin at my reflection. 

I tuck the iPhone back in my coat and run both hands through my hair. I head back to my office, pour myself a Scotch and take my rightful spot as CEO. From just four days of camera feeds, I pretty much know ‘my’ routine when starting work—log in, check email and respond as needed—return phone calls—review business bookmarks. I do it without having to think about it. 

After I’m caught up, I start my inspection of Thomas Finance. First stop is Shaun’s office where I pick up his personal photographs. His wife Susan is stunning. “You’re more stunning than the day you married Shaun. He certainly married up.” I laugh using Parker’s typical flattery. There’s a pic of me and Shaun golfing with two elderly gents. The one has to be his father because they look like twins, 30 years apart. The other has to be Susan’s dad. Good to know I’ve golfed with them before. I’ll have to study Shaun’s Facebook and Instagram before Sunday. There’s a wall with various business awards and golf trophies, just like mine. He has his own bar, bathroom and closet that are smaller than mine. 

I make my rounds checking out anyone with an actual office. That takes over an hour then I make a cursory round of cubicles. A few hours later and I know instinctively where my key people are located and some personal items about them. Back at my office I check out Jenny’s desk for personal information. My last act of the day is to call a ‘doctor’ highly recommended by Tommy’s list

“Dr. Harris, my name is Paul Thomas, I’m a friend of Tommy Long, I was his cell mate in Brookhaven. He said you might be able to help me.”

“Mr. Thomas, any friend of Tommy’s is a friend of mine. How is he doing?” 

“He’s doing the same, missing tennis, complaining about the food and politics. I’m looking for some help with something Tommy told me.”

“I prefer to meet in person, not discuss personal issues over the phone. Are you near New York?”

“Yes, nearby, I believe you’re in Brooklyn. I could stop by your office any time or I’d buy you lunch.”

“I’d love to do lunch, just had a friend cancel on me tomorrow if you’re available.”

“I’m open, pick a place and I’ll meet you there.”

“I’ll text you the details Paul.”

He kept that short and sweet. I lean back in my chair and tuck my burner phone away. Looking around the office, a sense of awe comes over me. I see ‘my’ Penn and Wharton diplomas on the wall and admire my class ring. A quick glance at my Rolex alerts me that it’s almost 2am—time to get home. 

SATURDAY

I wake up late to the smell of bacon waffing up the stairs as I head down the stairs. Parker is cooking up a storm in the kitchen. I’ve never seen him so alert and, dare I say, normal?

“Bro, let me run back upstairs so you can serve me breakfast in bed, and remember, only fresh squeeze OJ.” I order him. 

“Sit your ass down at the counter or you don’t eat.”

He’s running around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.

“Are you on something?” I cautiously ask.

“Prescribed Uppers to get me going this morning. I’ve been sleeping too much lately, so it balances me out.”

“Greg or a real doctor?”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Shaun. Greg is a medical professional.” He plops a plate of pancakes and bacon on the counter. “Sorry, no OJ and you need to make your own coffee.

“And what happens later today? I’ll tell you, you crash and burn.” I get up and start making my own coffee. 

“Then I level off, back to normal.”

I laugh out loud. “Have you taken Uppers before? Apparently not.” 

He gets silent, doesn’t answer me then changes the topic. I drop it but know what I’m talking about. “I’m going to check on things in the office this morning, run some errands and pick up some stuff for California.”

“I’ve got to check on some things I have in a safe deposit box at Chase downtown, do a little shopping, maybe pick up some clothes of my own.” I skip the part about seeing Dr. Harris whose specialty is changing a person’s identity. According to Tommy, he has the ability to change someone’s fingerprint. I want to know if I can have Parker’s. 

“Your key is in the top drawer of my office desk. I’ll be gone before Annie get here, she’ll be tied up all afternoon cleaning up and restocking.”

“She’s funny, I like her. She’s concerned because every day this week, you were home sick from work. That’s what I told her.”

“Ha, that’s Annie.  She’s priceless. Shaun’s wife recommended her years ago. She’s worth every penny and does work for them occasionally. I better get out of here before she catches us.”

Parker grabs a plaid sport coat and heads out to the garage.  I follow after him and watch as he takes the Corvette for a change. I can’t in good conscious, leave this mess for Annie. I’m loading the dishwasher as she walks in.

“You cooked?” She laughs.

“Attempted. My cousin, who just left, is probably on his way to McDonald’s for a McMuffin, or the hospital to get his stomach pumped.” 

She shoves me out of the way and takes over. “I’m sure you have more important things to  do.” 

I head up to Parker’s bedroom, jump in the shower, use all his products and reuse his towels. I decide on a dressier outfit for emptying my safe deposit box. I finger through his sport coats and find a gray coat that’ll go great with black dress pants and casual knit sport shirt. There’s already a pocket square in it from the last time he wore it. I tuck my own ID and burner phone into my coat and head down to my office for a backpack to hold my stash. The safe deposit box key is still in the same envelope, tucked in his desk drawer. 

There’s no problem emptying my box—there’s only a thumb drive and $200,000 in cash. The thumb drive is the key. With its files and links, I now have access to another million in an offshore bank. With that task finished, it’s time to meet Dr. Harris.

He picked a sports bar near his office. I get there early and text him my description. A salt and pepper elderly man arrives minutes later.

“Dr. Harris, it’s a pleasure.”

“Same Paul. How’s my friend Tommy?”

“He’s fine, looking to getting out in a year.”

“He’s one hell of a friend so whatever you need, I’ll help with if I can.”

We order appetizers and beer, then get right to the issue.

“Doc, I want to start my life all over, as someone else.”

“Change of appearance? Plastic surgery, I’m assuming?” Dr. Harris questions.

“Hmm… the appearance I have nailed. It’s the details I need help with. Tommy mentioned some new technology for changing finger prints. That’s what I need.”

“Yeah, I’ve done about a dozen so far. It’s a new 3D printing process. The results are amazing.  We simply remove the epidermis then print on top of is with human skin cells. It’s like skin grafting but much easier.”

“How long does it take?” I’m fascinated by technology.

“The procedure takes about an hour per hand, followed by a week to heal.  The first day or two is painful but once you’re over that, it’s just waiting for the healing cream to work.”

“Healing cream?”

“Another new technology with gene stimulants that heal at the molecular level. Once the fingers are healed, there’s no way to detect they’re printed.”

“Great, can you give me someone else’s fingerprints?”

“I can give you an original design that’s not on any records in the world. Using someone’s else’s could cause problems, plus they’re tricky to obtain.”

“I want my twin’s fingerprints.” I cut to the chase.

“Now that’s a first for me.”

“Can you do it? I plan on taking his—”

He cuts me off. “I don’t need details, all I need is a scan of his hands. That would be the tricky part.”

“That’s the easy part.”

“You’ll have to have him knocked out, and scan them multiple times. I have the equipment at my office. It’s really easy to operate. Let’s go there.”

I follow Dr. Harris back to his unmarked office where he scans my fingers, teaching me how to use it on Parker. The procedure is $100,000  in untraceable crypto. He also will add a pimple  on my cheek to match Parker’s. I get home to an empty house and no Corvette in the garage. I take the scanner and hide it in the garage for use later. 

SATURDAY NIGHT

I’m in my bedroom watching video of Parker in his office earlier today. I study his responses to a few emails, hear him talking to Shaun, and logging into his dashboard, checking stats. He’s there all morning, then stops at Mac’s Hoagies for lunch according to his email receipts. I then track his iPhone and he appears to be heading home. I put my tech away, head downstairs and turn on the TV. Parker arrives 30 minutes later carrying a number of bags.

“Wow, did you buy out the store?”

“Yeah, I was slumming it. Refuge says simple wardrobe, nothing fancy—hoodies, sweats, short, t-shirts and sneakers. I blew about $700 at the Under Armour and Nike stores. God forbid, I almost walked into the GAP!” He laughs.

“You seem good today.  Zoloft?”

“Yeah, got me, but I didn’t take anything else. I’m not going to take a Xanax until I get home from dinner. What are you going to do?”

“Don’t laugh but no plans. I’m going to finish watching Yellowstone that I started at Brookhaven. I found it on your streaming service. Hey what about golf tomorrow? You feel like handling it?”

“Nah, but I called Shaun, asked him to pick ‘me’ up and drive tomorrow. It’ll be good practice being me.”

“Does Shaun know we’re doing this?”

“Fuck no, you’re going to be me, own it.”

“Great, 7am?” I whine.

“That’s why you’re getting your ass up at 6am to play and I’ll be in bed.”

“I’m going to need pointers for tomorrow i.e… who I’m playing with, what to wear, history of previous games.”

“It’s easy. Shaun’s dad is Shaun also, looks like him, avid golfer and lives on Long Island. His father-in-law is Ted, widower a few years ago, had a girlfriend last time we played. Shaun Sr usually wins then we get hammered at the 19th hole. Wear anything in my locker, it’s next door to Shaun’s. Oh, Shaun is about even with me, skill wise. Relax, it’ll be fun.”

He runs upstairs with all his bags while I continue watching TV. I was hoping he’d come back all messed up and allow me to go out with his friends. I’ll just use this time to catch up on my surveillance videos and check out the safe. 

30 minutes later, Parker comes downstairs all dressed up in a sport coat and silk dress shirt. He looks normal, the opposite of yesterday when he had his breakdown. 

“What do you think?” He asks.

“Great outfit. I’ll have to keep that in mind while you’re in California, wearing a hoodie.” I snicker at him. 

“It’s Prada—suit, shirt and shoe. Hmm, socks too.” He checks his Omega watch. “Okay, don’t wait up. You have to be up at 6am.”

“I’m looking forward to playing Ferry Point and being an actual member will be great too. While you’re at Big Sur, you should stop at Pebble Beach and play a round.”

“Been there, done that……a few years ago with Shaun. I nailed it like a pro, Shaun sucked, hitting balls into the Pacific.  We had a blast. Shaun cheated on Susan with another guest a redheaded bimbo.”

“Wow, his wife is stunning.”

“She was pregnant at the time, he was horny, she wasn’t into having sex, so that was his excuse. I was stuck alone most of the weekend, pissed me off.” 

“I get really horny, really easy. I need some so ‘you’ might be on the prowl soon.”

“Oh god, now I’m worried handing my life over to you. Behave, I’m well known in New York, have an image to uphold. Check my Instagram for the bars I like to go to, pick up someone from there. No trips to the Eagle or Manhole. Got it?” Thanks bro for more personal information.  

I am horny. It’s been months for any relief. I open up my clone phone and go through my Instagram. He was at Pronto Video Bar a month ago with Colin. It’s just a few miles away and it seems to be filled with hot guys. I’ll just stop by for dinner and see what happens from  there. 

What Parker wore earlier today really looked good on him, so it’ll look great on me. I run up to his bedroom and find the outfit on the chair. I strip out of my clothes and pull his underwear out of the hamper and step into them. I do the same for his socks. The pants are tan chinos, his belt is still in place. The shirt is a blue linen Polo brand. I’m learning that Parker’s ‘style’ is sticking with one designer for the entire outfit. I slip one of his Tag watches, add some rings, bracelet then check myself in the mirror. I look just like he did in his office all morning but minus his class ring and favorite Omega watch. 

I grab the same plaid sport coat he wore earlier and head out to the garage. Nice, the Corvette is sitting there for my pleasure. Pronto is a ‘hip’ place based on the cars in the parking lot and how people are dressed. There’s a bar section and restaurant, divided by a bakery in the middle. I head to the bar and grab a seat next to a group of guys. The bartender greets Parker and lays a chocolate martini down for me. While checking out the crowd, a guy catches my attention. He smiles and I hold my drink up to him and he comes over.

“Hi, I’m Chris.” He shakes my hand and gives me a sexy smile. 

“I’m Pau…Parker.” Almost using my real name on him.

“I’ve seen you here before, never had the nerve to say hi.”

“Same, you’ve got a killer smile Chris.” I give him a big smile and place my hand on his thigh. 

He leans in and kisses me deeply. It’s an incredible kiss. “I’m meeting friends here for a drink, then we’re heading to Dueling Pianos. You want to join us?”

“I’d love to but I have other plans I can’t get out of, just stopped for a quick drink.”

“Damn, you’re so sexy Parker.” He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss. We start making out right at the bar, losing track of time. All at once there was a ‘Ahem’ to interrupt us. There’s a few guys smiling at us. 

“Chris, sorry to interrupt you. Who’s your friend?” A sexy red head quips.

“Oh guys, hey, this is Parker. He’s an old friend.” He laughs.

“Hey guys.” I give them a small wave.

“We’re late, you coming?” A blonde guy asks.

“Yeah guys, give me one second.” He pulls out his phone and has me enter my phone number. I give him Parker’s number since it’ll be mine starting in a week. 

“Hey, Thanks Chris, you’re an awesome kisser. I’m going to be away on business this week, back Saturday. Call me then.”

“Sure thing.” He takes charge again, grabs my cock and kisses me one last time. 

Chris and his friends take off, leaving me with a memory of a great kiss and throbbing hard on in my pants. I can’t wait to hear from him, impress him with a great dinner then take him home to ‘my’ place to fuck him. This new Parker will enjoy his life more. 

I grab a quick bite then head home. In his office I review my social media, then log into his bank account and stock portfolio. The $5 million he offered to pay me is a drop in the bucket of his net worth. I jump in bed early to be rested for my golf outing tomorrow.

FERRY POINT

I’m up before 6am and jump in my shower. Since I’ll be changing at Ferry Point, I just put on what I wore last night. In Parker’s bedroom, he’s snoring away as I go over to him and quietly slip his class ring and watch off him. In his sport coat, I find my wallet and iPhone. In his bathroom, I borrow a spritz of his Polo cologne, and add some Pomade to complete the takeover of Parker’s identity for the day. Once again, I’m Parker Thomas for most of the day. 

I ease into my day just like Parker does—a K-cup of Starbucks, a power bar and catching up on my iPhone. Shaun shows up at 7am and rings the door bell. I grab my sport coat and greet him at door.

“Let’s go man.” Shaun greets me. 

Shaun’s best friend jumps into the Escalade and they take off. Like Parker, I make sure to bury my face in my iPhone and act chilled as if I’m on my Zoloft. 

“Another sandwich in bed last night.” Shaun complains, referring to Hanna jumping in bed with them.

I just laugh. “Ha, You’ve got to be horny as hell.”

“I am, I may make Mel the 19th hole if I can ditch my ‘dads’ today.”

“Ha, you are horny.” I don’t know who Mel is but can play along while studying my phone. 

“Looks like Tektonics is a hit, per Joel.” I change the topic to business mentioning an email from my VP of marketing on demographics.

“That’s great, now put the fucking phone down.”  He reaches over to me, plucks the phone from my hand and places it on the center console. “So how’s the jailbird coming along?”

I start off the conversation about myself exactly as Parker would—exasperated. “Paul is Paul. He’s smart, picking up our systems easily. I’ve been testing him about issues and he’s up to speed. When I try to teach him how to act like me, he ignores me, says it’s not important, that he’ll just sit in my office, do fancy lunches or be on the golf course.”

“Sounds like he’s not taking this seriously. Is he behaving himself? He seems like he could be wild to control?” 

“Last night he took off in the Vette without telling me where he was going. His license is expired and he’s driving my baby. He says ‘I’ll just tell them I’m you and forgot my wallet’ Says he doesn’t have time to get to the DMV to get a license.”  Knowing how much Parker loves his automobiles, I use his baby slang exactly as he would. “He’s more horny than you.”

“I doubt it, sounds like he was getting some in prison. I’m not getting any.” Shaun whines.

“I’m afraid this could backfire on me, destroy my reputation. I warned him last night before he took off to behave like me, keep away from the Eagle and Manhole. I got home about midnight, don’t know when he got in.”

“What did you do? And don’t tell me you stayed in and took a Xanax.”

“No, I did dinner with Ken and John at Darcy’s, they played match maker with me and their friend Jason.  I wanted to fuck him but don’t want Paul messing it up while I’m away.”

All the way to Ferry Point, I easily play Parker Thomas discussing work and personal issues with Shaun. As we’re getting close, I pull one of Parker’s headaches, putting my head between my hands. Shaun gets a little concerned but I assure him I’ll be fine. Its little details I want him to pick up on, to confirm my identity. 

Ferry Point impresses me as we pull in to the clubhouse and valet park. There’s an incredible view of New York but Shaun’s Cadillac is barely classy enough to be in the parking lot. The valet and host greet us by name.  I follow Shaun to our lockers and as Parker mentioned, mine is right next to his’. A swipe of my membership card opens it to reveal  everything I need for today. I follow his lead changing into my gear. 

Thanks to instagram and what’s in his locker, I nail his golf image—Nike golf shirt and long skinny pants, Nike golf shoes, matching Nike sweater and cap to keep me warm. I’m not shocked to find an Omega PGA watch in the locker to replace my usual Omega.  As I slip it on, Shaun notices.

“You know, Ted is going to steal that if he sees it. He told his wife he needs one and she told him no.”

“Ha! I’ll keep my sweater shortened so he can admire it more.” 

Shaun’s phone dings with a text message. “Damn, they’re waiting for us. I didn’t think they were here yet.”

I put on my cap, grab my gloves and follow Shaun out to the carts. Ted and Shaun greet us at our golf carts and starting giving us grief for being late. I look around and see my monogrammed golf bag in the back of one of the carts. I walk over and start inspecting my gear, appreciating my brother’s equipment. I start off rusty but quickly regain my skills. They start drinking early but I use ‘medication’ to avoid drinking. Shaun takes notice and slaps me on the shoulder as we’re walking together.  I have the best time playing with Parker’s accepting friends. 

Shaun’s dad finishes with the best score while I come in second after a rough start. Shaun accepts my story that the Zoloft mellows me out, improving my skills. At the 19th hole, I get to meet Melissa, ‘Mel’ who flirts with everyone but especially Shaun. At lunch, Shaun mentions wanting to meet my ‘cousin’ to see how he’s adapting to New York. When I get a minute alone, I call Parker to warn him of Shaun expecting to meet me at home. He sounds coherent when he assures me not to worry. 

Between playing 18 holes and the 19th hole, we get back to my house after 3pm. I’m whipped as we walk in the front door. Parker comes running out of the kitchen where he’s cooking something that smells like chicken. He’s in jeans and a t-shirt, his hair has no product in it and he’s barefoot.

“Hey, hope you’re hungry, I’m making chicken for dinner.” He sees Shaun and acts surprised. “Oh hey Shaun, there’s enough for you too.”

“You didn’t tell me you hired a private chef Parker.” Shaun says to me.

“Reserve your judgement for after you try eating it.” I respond.

“So are you ready for your close up Paul?” Shaun asks referencing Sunset Boulevard. 

“Test me!” He challenges Shaun.

“How many employees do we have?”

“75.” He answers instantly. “Up from 50 just two years ago. Thanks to accounts like Circuit Tech and Prime Medusa, we’ll probably hire 25 more this year. Our marketing department is weak.”

Shaun’s mouth drops open. “Wow, he sounds just like you Parker.”

“I told you there’s nothing to worry about. No one will doubt who he is.”

“I just need to get use to Parker’s stuffy image and that goo he puts in his hair.”

“Hey bro, it’s pomade and if you could look only half this good, you’d be lucky.” I snip back at him. 

“Okay you two, be nice. Paul, all you have to do is look the part, put some ‘goo’ in your hair and I’ll block and tackle.” Shaun checks his watch. “Hey, Susan is expecting me home and I’m late.”

FLIPOUT

Shaun lets himself out, I just look at Parker and let out a sigh of relief. “Wow bro, you were fantastic. I think you’ve nailed me completely with your answers.” I laugh at the twist.

“Bro, If Shaun doesn’t doubt you’re me, no one else will. I think you’re set. Hell, maybe I could get there early. The Refuge told me I could arrive anytime, so the sooner in, the sooner out.”

“You seem really good today, did you take your meds?” I ask cautiously.

“Hmmm I took something Greg gave me to try. Buspirone for anxiety and Aripiprazole for bipolar disorder, both are very safe.”

“Oh god, I hope I don’t have to deal with Greg, I might hit him. Toss them away and get to California for professional help.”

“Look at me, I haven’t felt this great in months. Greg will probably check in on you. He stopped by for lunch.”

“So you didn’t tell him about the Refuge?” I ask, worried there’ll be another person that knows about me.

“No, he’s a gossip and all of New York already knows about my PTSD or as he believes to be MDD, Major Depressive Disorder. I don’t want anyone but you and Shaun knowing I’m checking myself into mental illness facility.” He starts to get upset.

“Okay, I’ll be nice to him if he calls or stops by.”

Parker didn’t actually make a chicken, he bought a rotisserie chicken and some sides at Whole Foods. We eat dinner and talk a few more hours about work issues and his personal life. He tells me the Refuge doesn’t allow any distractions—no visitors, cell phones or computers. Parker Thomas is listed as his outside point of contact. So as him, I’ll be the only one allowed to call and check in with his doctors. Parker also hired a different, questionable therapist to diagnose ‘Paul’s’ PTSD and to get him admitted.

Before bed, he pops a Xanax to help him sleep. Thirty minutes later and I’m helping him up the stairs and tucking him into bed. It doesn’t take long for him to pass out but to keep him out, I slip a few Ambiens into his mouth. When I’m convinced he’s out cold, I grab Dr. Harris’ scanners from the garage to upload his fingerprints and mouth scans to his account. It only takes 30 minutes to scan both hands and his mouth.

I jump in bed and slowly fall to sleep while reliving my day as Parker. I’m dreaming of being in Thomas Financial’s executive conference room, in a board meeting discussing business condition. At the end, everyone is congratulating me about something. I’m giving my team, also in the room, credit for my success. As I’m leaving the conference room, someone is screaming in my ear calling me Paul. It gets louder and louder until I’m awaken by a hysterical Parker shaking me. 

I jump up in bed, my heart is racing like I’m having a heart attack. “Parker, what the fuck is wrong.”

“I’m having a heart attack.” He’s pale and sweating.

“It’s probably all the pills you’re taking. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I kept hearing a gun being cocked, feeling it against my head and begging him not to shoot.”

“You’re not having a heart attack, does your left arm feel funny?”

“Yeah, it’s numb.”

“No, do you feel a shooting pain up and down it? Numbness is not a heart attack, it’s from sleeping on it and cutting off circulation. Did you take any other drugs?”

He’s trembling, rocking back and forth on the bed. “No just sleeping pills, nothing else.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes!” He yells at me. “It was like a flashback. It felt so real.”

“You were so good before bed.” He is definitely displaying bipolar symptoms. “Let’s get you back to bed, it was just a bad dream. You’ll be fine.”

I help him back to bed and notice 5:12am on the alarm clock. I wonder if the sleeping pills he took and the Ambien I slipped him, caused this episode. Hours later I get up and check in on him. The shower is running so that’s a good sign.

JUMPING IN

“Parker, How are you feeling?” He doesn’t respond. “Parker?”

I walk into the bathroom but don’t see him standing behind the frosted glass. “Parker?” I open the shower door to shut off the water and find Parker on the floor, curled up in the corner, not moving.

“Oh my god, Parker” I jump in without turning off the shower and help him up. He’s catatonic, not saying a word. 

“I’mmmm kay.” He finally mumbles.

“No you’re not.” I pull a towel off the rack, wrap it around him and get him to the bed. 

“He came back. He’s pulled the trigger. I can feel it.” He rubs his forehead. 

“It was a dream, that’s all. Let’s get you some coffee, wake you up, you’ll be fine.” He’s rocking and staring out across the bedroom. I try to shake him, snap him out of it. “Come on bro, Taylor will be here to pick you up in an hour.”

“Go in for me. I can’t go in there like this.”

I’m not going to baby him like mom used to. I take the towel away and get him back in bed. In his bathroom I strip out of my wet boxers and jump in the shower. After a week of learning Parker’s identity, working Friday and spending all day yesterday with ‘my’ friends on the golf course, I’m certain I’m ready to takeover his life. 

I towel off and follow his routine using all toothbrush, razor and hygiene products. From his drawers I grab a pair of boxers briefs, put them on and pick out a pair of plain black socks. From his closet, I select a very conservative navy window pane suit by Brioni, a white collar  dress shirt, olive-navy tie and his usual clunky wingtips. I’m still wearing Parker’s class ring and watch from yesterday but will swap out the Omega for a Rolex. I sit on the edge of is bed, glance over my shoulder and see Parker sleeping again. I start the easy transformation into a CEO.

I pull on my socks, pull the pants off the hanger and step into them, then wiggle into the wingtips. I grab the shirt, pull it and select a simple pair of yellow gold cufflinks from ‘my’ jewelry box. In the dresser mirror, I button up the shirt and add cufflinks. I add the tie and use Parker’s typical Italian knot. It takes a few tries but eventually I replicate his typical dimple and the length is perfect. I pull on the jacket and notice there’s a pocket square already in place. I button the upper button, play with the pocket square and check myself out in the mirror. I take off my Omega watch and replace it ‘my’ Rolex. I tuck his wallet and iPhone into my suit pockets. The suit is a perfect fit and shows off my body in all the right places. My hair duplicates Parker’s style with the right amount of his Uppercut pomade. The final step is adding some pills to my pocket and popping a Zoloft to mellow me out. 

I quietly shut the door and head to my bedroom. I grab my cloned phone and snap a few pics of Parker. It’s crazy how much I look like Parker. A check of my new watch shows I have 20 minutes before Taylor arrives to drive me to work. I run downstairs and make a quick k-cup. I’m running around making sure I have everything I need for work. I grab my briefcase from my home office. From my closet, I find a beautiful, super soft navy top coat. As I’m sipping my coffee awake, I post my pic of my outfit on Instagram with “Ready for the corporate jungle”. Within minutes, my friend Ken responds with “looking good buddy” and others ‘like’ it. 

When I see Taylor pulling up, I pull on my coat, grab my briefcase and run out to his car. I start checking my emails and calendar on the way. Taylor drops me off and I confidently stroll in as Parker does every day, smiling and greeting everyone as my outgoing brother. As I’m hanging up my topcoat and suit coat, I scan my office, noting my diplomas and taking in the view of Manhattan. It’s unreal to sit down at my huge desk, and look at what I’m wearing. I’m now Parker Thomas and no one would doubt that. 

Jenny shows up a few minutes later, pops her head in to greet me and promising coffee in a few minutes. I start in with emails and checking my bookmarks. Jenny comes back with my coffee and her iPad. 

“You’re looking rested Parker. Good weekend?” She places my coffee on my leather coaster and takes a seat to review my schedule for the day as she always does.

“Yeah, great weekend. Dinner with Ken and John Saturday and Ferry Point with Shaun on Sunday. How’s the puppy?” Thank god for the video cameras. This ‘chit chat’ solidifies my identity to her, as it will with everyone else.

She giggles. “Lucy is picking up potty training but she’s chewing like crazy. Jonathan has to have her in his bed every night now. You were right, Pitbulls are excellent dogs for children.”

“Yeah, my first dog was a Pitbull and he was never mean or growled at someone, all he did was lick people to death.” 

I reviewed my day on the ride in but Jenny adds more details to it. It’s the usual start to my day. She leaves and I enjoy my coffee even though it black and I always drink it with cream and sugar. I’ll get used to it.   

I watch Shaun come in, grab his coffee and comes into my office. He shuts the door for privacy as he always does. 

“You know, your golf game may actually be improving.” He jokes with Parker.

“I think you’re right, I may have to start taking Zoloft before every outing. I didn’t feel my usual stress trying to win. I want a rematch with Ted, one of these days I’m going to beat him.”

“That maybe it for the year, they’re calling for snow possibly this weekend.”

“Not in California.” I reply back smartly. 

“Are you sure Paul will be ready? He looked goofy yesterday. Maybe we should postpone your trip a few more weeks. Some days you seem better, back to your own focused self.”

I sit up, take a sip of coffee and turn on the ‘Parker’. “He’ll be fine, he did party hard Saturday night. He went out, hooked up with someone and got drunk. I think he needed it and he swears he’ll be the ‘perfect Parker’.” 

“Okay, I’ve always trusted your judgement, you know that.”

“Relax. He’ll be fine.  He’s a fast learner, and has been studying our dashboard every day, reviewing my emails and asking a ton of questions. I’ve also tested him.”

“You’re right, he did impress me yesterday with his response to my question. But he didn’t look the part.”

“Once I put him in one of my suits and add pomade his hair, he’ll be me for everyone to see. Now get out of here, I have Yvonne to deal with and you have TriTech problems.” 

“Better you than me.” He chuckles about my Yvonne comment that I got from Jenny earlier. He heads back to his office while I admire my perfect Parker appearance in the reflection of my office window.

The morning flies by with meetings and phone calls. It’s surprisingly easy being Parker. I just make decisions based on the history I find or common sense. Before lunch, I shut my door and call my burner phone to check on Parker.

“Bro, you up?” 

He answers sounding barely awake. “Yeah, rough night last night. I don’t know what happened.”

“Greg’s fucking drugs. No more till you get to California and see a real doctor.”

“I’m seeing my therapist today, telling him I’m through and feeling much better.”

“You’re going to ‘see’ him to tell him that? I wouldn’t. Just call him.”

“I have an appointment at 1pm.”

“Oh that’s what Jenny asked about, it’s just marked as personal on your calendar. I told her uncle Jim was in town and you were taking a long lunch.”

“I’m not looking forward to it—“

I interrupt him. “Don’t stress yourself out, I’ll handle him. I’ll tell him I’m seeing another therapist that Greg recommended and thinking of a PTSD treatment center. You don’t owe him anything really.”

“That would be great, it’s Doctor Pomme, he’s in my phone.”

“I’ll keep it short and sweet. What are you doing today then?”

“I think I’ll start packing, hit the gym and get a ticket to fly out to California on Thursday. You okay with that?”

“So let’s not tell Shaun you’re leaving early. I just told him Saturday and he wanted me to postpone it a few weeks to make sure I was ready for the role.”

“That’s fine, I won’t mention a word to him tomorrow or Wednesday. No use in worrying him over last night or he’ll wonder why I’m speeding things up instead of taking a few more weeks.”

“Hey, what do you do for lunch?” I hit him up on basic personal information.

“Oh today with the doctor’s appointment, I’d just grab a sandwich from Mac’s Hoagie shop across the street, bring it back to the office to eat. Other days we’ll pile in someone’s car and go to Beef’s a few blocks away. There’s ‘Robey’s Dinner’ on the second floor, or the food court on the first floor. Robey’s has the best Philly cheese steaks on the planet. Shaun and Joel are always up for lunch since you pay.” He chuckles a little. 

“Now I’m hungry, think I’ll try the Hoagie shop.”

“Thanks a lot for doing this for me.” He hangs up.

“Not a problem. It’s like be kids again, kind of fun.” Plus I’m getting a new life out of this. 

As I was talking to him, I had another thought. Maybe I’ll take Shaun’s advice, hold off a few weeks, continue talking to Dr. Pomme and make a huge recovery. Paul Thomas will be the one in California for weeks, maybe months. It’ll give me time to figure out more of a plan for dealing with him.

RECOVERY

Dr. Pomme’s office is just a block away in the Liberty building. I get there a little early and make small talk with Marge, his receptionist.

I’m buzzed into the his office on time and greeted by a tall bearded individual with a bald head. “Parker, how are you today.”

“I’m feeling really good today.”

“Great, you look good, rested. New suit?”

“No, I’ve had this for years, it’s one of my favorites.” I relax into the chair across from him and cross my legs

“I was worried about you this weekend to be honest. I didn’t want you leaving so upset on Friday, not sure if you were having a breakdown or breakthrough.”

“Honestly I didn’t know either. I was scared, I had a flashback and it seemed so real. I was reliving everything.” 

“So what did you do when you left here?”

“I stopped for lunch and even had a beer. In my head I kept telling my ‘you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.’ I went back to the office and finished my day.”

“That’s excellent, you confronted it head on and powered through your day. And the weekend?”

“Doc, Friday night I chilled at home, ordered a pizza and watched some TV. Saturday I worked out and had dinner with some friends in SoHo. Sunday I golfed at Ferry Point with Shaun and some friends. It was a great weekend all in all.”

“No depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety?”

“No, it’s like I’m a different man but the Zoloft is helping with the highs and lows. Maybe that’s it?”

“You do seem better, more at peace. I think this is a very positive event for you. No panic attacks all weekend? Not even a little?"

"Not one. I'm trying to focus on other things, positive things like friends and family and work. I think one Zoloft in the morning helps me not to overreact to situations. And working out helps me to sleep soundly."

"Excellent, excellent, Friday was what I was hoping for. Keep with the Zoloft for now." He pulls out his prescription pad and scribbles more Zoloft for me. My own bottle like the one Parker keeps near and dear to him, that's part of his identity. "I'll see you Thursday Parker."

I head back to the office with a spring in my step. Lunch is my typical Italian sub I eat while my phone is beeping like mad and my mailbox if filling up. Apparently, Parker must be busy because he hasn't responded to any emails this morning, only the new Parker has.

Shaun drops in with a big grin while I’m reviewing emails. “You’ll never guess who’s paying up and avoiding bankruptcy.”

“Hmmm, wild guess—Aerion?”

“Give the man a stuffed animal. Now you won’t be hounding me and Robert. They got a huge infusion of cash from Airbus.” 

“I’ll keep hounding and believe it when I see a $900,000 deposit in our account.”

“Cashier’s check hand delivered tomorrow morning.”

I turn to my computer and open our Chase account. “Don’t see it yet.” I grin at him like only Parker could.

“Wow, joking like old times. How did things go with Dr. Pomme?”

“Well as he said, I either had a breakdown or breakthrough after our last session.”

“I’d say breakthrough. You’ve never been normal but getting back to your abnormal self would be great.” He smartly mocks me.

“I thought about your comment about waiting till Paul is up to speed. You may have a point. I’ll see how I’m feeling after my session on Thursday.”

“One step at a time. Oh, you up for dinner with Ed Reynolds and his wife on Friday? La Dolce Vita…” He dangles the name like it’ll will entice me. I’ll have to find out what it means to Parker.

“Oh yeah, if I go to California, my flight leaves at noon on Saturday.”

“You need a ride?”

“Nah, thanks but I’ll have Paul take me. He needs practice driving around New York.”

Shaun continues to catch me up on his issues, Jenny keeps me on my toes and the rest of my day flies by. Taylor picks me up and gets me home about 6:30. Parker is watching TV and has a pizza in front of him.

“Bro,  how was work?” He wakes up seeing me.

“No problems whatsoever. Being CEO has its perks.  I ask and my staff provides. Jenny is a godsend.”

“I started going through some of your sent emails and other than you being lenient on Orion Tech’s blatant theft, you did great. I read a few wondering if I sent them myself, then looked at the time stamp and knew I hadn’t.”

“And you were always the softy growing up.”

“Not when it comes to business and Orion Tech is trying to screw us over. I’ll call him personally tomorrow.”

“Good to know. So Dr. Pomme was okay with you getting a 2nd opinion, actually encouraged it and the door is always open. He asked how I was after ‘our’ session on Friday, and I said I was fine.”

“That’s good because he’s Shaun’s father’s best friend and I’m sure I come up in conversations. Maybe I’m paranoid but Dr. Pomme could be used against me in ousting me from Thomas Financial.”

“Wow, small world huh? So you only took the Zoloft today? You sound good. By the way, you’ll be glad to know Aerion is paying up tomorrow, the full amount.”

“Yeah yeah, and I believe in Santa still too.”

“Shaun assured me, they got a huge infusion of cash from Airbus. Here’s something funny, Shaun says you should postpone the Refuge until you’re sure I’m up to speed being you. ‘Just a few more weeks’ he proposed. I told him I’d think about it and decide before Saturday.”

“He is totally clueless. But look at you—in my custom Brioni, hair slicked perfectly, nailing my executive image without my help.”

“Based on your wardrobe, it’s your only image and I can appreciate it. Plus your Instagram helps. You always have a pocket square tucked elegantly in your suit jacket, you always use an Italian knot with a single dimple and your favorite watch is your Omega, sometimes a Rolex like today.” I lift up my sleeve and show him. “You all set for California?”

“Packed and flying out to California on a redeye Wednesday night. Found a quaint Airbnb cabin on the coast in Carmel for a few nights. Sort of a miniature vacation before Refuge. I just need to get through the next few days without any breakdowns in front of anyone.”

“I can give you a ride, still know my way around New York.”

“No, that’s okay, I always use Execucab service. Taylor will bring me home as usual, I’ll change into something comfortable and have them get me to the airport.”

THE SWITCH

The next few days fly by. I’m at home watching Parker’s days unfold live in front of me. When he thinks no one is paying attention, he grabs his head as if in pain. He doesn’t wait till noon to start on the Scotch either. He’s taking three Zolofts per day—breakfast, lunch and dinner. He got through Tuesday acting and appearing like his normal self. I don’t know what happened Wednesday though, when he lost it with a customer no less. He went from nice charming guy to raving loon in five minutes on the phone with him. I’ll definitely have to apologize and fix it tomorrow.

He tells Jenny he’s got some errands to run and skips out at 3:30pm. An hour later Parker walks through the door looking exhausted and in a rotten mood. He barely says hello and runs up the stairs. I follow him into his bedroom while he starts stripping out of his work clothes, then jumps in the shower.

While he’s showering, I pick up after him, hanging up his suit after emptying his iPhone, wallet, pills and keys out of the pockets. He comes out looking refreshed.

“Wow, I needed that. What a day of meetings, customer complaining about terms he agreed to years ago, and IT wanting money for new equipment. I lost it at one point but luckily Jenny was at lunch and Shaun was meeting with Chase all afternoon.” He starts dressing in jeans, v-neck sweater and pair of his old Nike sneakers.

“That’s good. So I packed your backpack for you… noise cancelling headphones, iPad for entertainment and my wallet, passport and burner phone. My debit card is there and has about $10,000 in the bank, PIN is 0286, my social security number, just in case you need it.”

He digs through the bag, checking everything. He tucks my wallet into his back pocket but leaves everything else in the bag. “That’s great, I totally forgot about that. I plan on sleeping the entire direct trip. Oh, my PIN for everything is the last four of my social security—2308. I don’t know what I have in there but my black Amex is unlimited and if they call to verify a purchase, the PIN is 2308 also.”

“Oh, my class ring and watch Paul.” I remind him and he hands them over without hesitating. It slips easily on my finger with a perfect fit crowning me Parker. The Rolex is my favorite but tomorrow I’ll go back to my usual Omega watch. 

Nice, now I have complete access to his financial life. It was the only piece missing but I would have guessed it correctly. I tuck his wallet, iPhone and keys into my pockets. When he thinks I’m not looking, he sneaks his prescription bottles into the backpack. I help him drag his luggage down the stair just as the Execucab pulls in the driveway. 

Once he’s gone, my mind turns to my new life. Paul is gone, I’m now Parker and feeling great. I run up the stairs and slip on his favorite Omega. It’s 4pm and I can make it back to the office before 5pm. I strip out of my jeans and run to the hamper putting back on his socks and underwear he wore all day long. I jump into his pants, pull on his dress shirt then knot a perfect Italian knotted tie on the first attempt. I pull on the lapel vest, suit coat, tuck everything back in my pockets, including my pills and stare at Parker Thomas in the mirror. My hair needs a little pomade but after that’s worked in, I’m the epitome of Parker. 

On the living room sofa is ‘my’ briefcase and topcoat I wore earlier. In the garage, I grab the keys for the 911 and head back to work, finishing the day Parker started. People are starting to leave as I walk to my office. Jenny greets me with her usual efficiency.

“Parker, I didn’t think I’d see you back.”

“Oh, just a quick errand to pick up my baby at the Porsche dealer.”

“Well you didn’t miss much. IT put that request on your desk. Stahl called asking what you said to Ben Mosser to piss him off.”

“Have you seen Shaun?”

“I think they went to Beef’s for a quick happy hour, you just missed him.”

She looks at me with that ‘do you need anything else look’. “Well, have a good evening Jenny.” She grabs her coat and leaves. I hang up my coat and suit jacket and jump behind my desk. There’s a half glass of Scotch to finish along with one of the Zolofts in my pocket. 

First thing I do is call Ben Mosser and apologize for my outburst earlier. I blame it on some bad personal news and unfairly took it out on him. I promise to review the numbers again tomorrow and call him back. He accepted my apology, thanked me for the personal touch and was sorry for whatever happened. 

I call Shaun to check in. “Hey bro, Jenny says you were looking for me?”

“Just about joining us at Beef’s, we’ll be here for another hour at least, probably grab dinner upstairs. I have the night off, Susan and Hanna are having a mother/daughter sleepover at her sister’s house.”

“I’ll be right there.” Beef’s is just a few blocks away but I take an Uber for ease.

We’re there for hours talking shit, drinking and eating junk food. Shaun looks at me odd when he sees me drinking a martini. I whisper to him ‘no Zoloft all day’ and he gives me a proud squeeze on my shoulder. We move to the restaurant on the upper level for dinner and we’re there till 9pm. 

Afterwards, I head back to the office to pick up my briefcase and check on emails.  I just spent 4 hours with my best friend and coworkers, playing them perfectly. Here I am, in ‘my’ office wearing a beautiful $8,000 custom Brioni suit, $50,000 Rolex and $400 Brioni tie. I’m Parker Thomas and can now start making changes slowly. First I respond to a few emails. I then call Taylor and cancel his security services, telling him I’m working through my fears and this is a first step. The truth is, I have four gorgeous automobiles in my garage getting dusty. It’s time to get back on the horse is what I’ll tell Dr. Pomme and Shaun tomorrow. 

It’s great not having to worry about Parker as I enter ‘my’ home. I duplicate all his typical actions. I head upstairs, place my briefcase, wallet on the dresser then change into his pajama shorts and t-shirt. Back downstairs go to the front door, grab my mail and start opening it. I’m taking over every aspect of his life. 

My iPhone dings with a text message from a new contact.

Unknown: Hey sexy Parker how are you. It’s Chris from Pronto the other night.

His timing is perfect, but instead of texting him back, I call him immediately. 

“Evening sexy. I’ve been thinking of your kiss since Saturday.” I greet him.

“Same, you turn me on so much with your dimpled smile and sexy scruff. Can’t wait to lick it again.”

“How about I meet you at Pronto tomorrow night? Say 8pm, we’ll go from there. I don’t live far from there.”

“It’s a date Parker. Sleep tight babe.”

FIRST DAY 

I head up to my new bedroom, take off my suit and immediately fall to sleep in the California king bed. His usual alarm wakes me and I continue as Parker. I start to think of ‘my’ image today, how to look like my hot shot CEO brother. Scrolling through my Instagram, there’s a pic of him in a pinstripe double breasted suit from a month ago. He comments how it’s his favorite suit—now it’s mine. 

I actually love my new stylish wardrobe with it’s custom fitted suits, shirts and shoes. I adopt his ‘wall street’ image with the same custom double breasted suit, black pattern tie and pencil stripe shirt. It’s identical to what he wore a few months ago. It’s the perfect suit for my first day as CEO of Thomas Financial. My Omega, as usual, is my watch for today. 

Since I’m driving myself again, I take my X5 and get into the office early. It’s great being accepted as Parker. I’m in the office going through emails when Shaun stops in my office. He comes over to my side of the desk, sits on the corner and I rotate my chair to face him. 

I look at him odd. “What’s going on?”

“You beat me into the office Stefan?”

“So? I couldn’t sleep, didn’t take any sleeping pills.” I know he’s testing my identity.

“Stefan?”

“Seriously? You can’t tell I’m your best friend, your only friend?” I run my hair through my hair, per our agreement weeks ago. “You want to see my scar?” Without waiting, I stand up, lift my pant leg and show him my scar.

“Hey, no fair, I have other friends. It’s just that you’re in early, you drove yourself today and don’t look like death warmed over.”

“Do you want to check my fingerprints? How about your antics at Pebble Beach?” Thanks to Parker’s loose lips, I have a ton of personal stories about our relationship.

“Okay, okay, I’m convinced, you’re Parker.”

“I’m feeling really good. I didn’t get anxiety thinking of driving to work. I think the Zoloft was fucking with my brain. I decided to stop cold turkey. Dr. Pomme says to take ‘as needed’ so that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Wow buddy, I’m really happy for you. You seem sharper, I noticed it Sunday when you barely beat me.”

“Barely? I beat you convincingly, and made your dad nervous.” I look at him incredulously.

“Obviously, you’re on other drugs. What are they and share with me.” He laughs. “So are you ready for Cooper Inc today?”

“Yeah, all set for this morning, another reason why I’m in early.” 

“Well, if you need anything, let me know.” He stands up and heads to his office. He’ll never doubt my identity again.  I follow Parker’s routine naturally. Jenny comes in with my coffee and start reviewing my schedule. The Cooper team comes in and we review their request. It’s such a minor request and Cooper himself is a Penn Alumni also, so I sign off on the paperwork.  

At my therapist appointment, I inform Dr. Pomme that I’m back to driving myself and I’m cutting back on Zoloft. He’s delighted with my progress and probes the reason for this new found outlook. I googled PTSD recovery this morning and incorporated some great buzzwords into my explanation. Once he heard what he wanted, he’s thrilled with his success and agrees to see me on an ‘as needed’ basis. 

I stop in Shaun’s office when I get back and shut the door. He looks at me with a puzzled look on his face as I take my seat.

“What’s going on Parker?”

“I’m on an ‘as needed’ basis with Dr. Pomme now.”

“That’s great, what about the Zoloft?”

“I haven’t taken one in a day and a half now and I feel great. I feel so clear headed, the first time in months.”

“So what about the Refuge?”

“Well, you were probably right about Paul not being ready but now I’m feeling like I don’t need the Refuge.”

“Dammit, I’m stuck with you?”

“Ha, you’d be lost without me, and you know it.”

Back in my private bathroom I check myself in the mirror. I identity is flawless. My tie is perfectly knotted, my hair matches Parker’s and I have his cocky, confident demeanor. Slipping into my new life is easy thanks to Parker’s coaching and my own efforts.

The afternoon flies by without any major issues. Shaun lets me know he’s skipping out early to take his wife and in-laws out for dinner. He’s thrilled to hear about my date with a new guy, confessing he never liked 

At home I get ready for my date with Chris. I really like what ‘I’  wore out Saturday night with my friends, so I recycle it completely. It’s all ‘dressy casual’ Prada—light gray suit with long sleeve knit shirt and buckle dress shoes. I accessorize it a few wristbands and a less pretentious watch.

Chris shows up on time, we have drinks followed by dinner, then I take him home and we fuck most of the night away. Even though he’s a lawyer, he’s really impressed by my home and lifestyle—I was too a few weeks ago. He has to be downtown early so he’s up and out the door by 5:30. We make plans to see each other this weekend as I say goodbye. I jump in bed for another hour, reliving yesterday and last night in my head. 

TGIF 

Day two of being my brother. Having sex half the night and popping a Zoloft will definitely give me Parker’s usual strung out look. To look the part is becoming the easiest part of the day—jumping in the shower and picking an appropriate out. I keep it simple with all Tom Ford Bespoke, white shirt and simple white pocket square. It’s a less flashy look for me but Parker has worn very similar outfits over the past year according to his Instagram.

I drive my 911 Targa to work and pull into my spot just as Shaun pulls in. I get out, button my suit coat and grab my briefcase.

“Wow, driving the baby?” Shaun comments.

“Sure, no rain or anything today. I just got her back from the dealer and wanted to check her out.”

“Life isn’t fair. You get to drive that and I have an SUV with child seat in mine.”

“You could put a child seat in my back seat, you should buy one.” I joke back. 

“I’ll just borrow your’s then, see if it works for me.” He laughs and I laugh along. “So no problem driving to work? No panic attacks?”

“A little anxiety, I wouldn’t call it panic or fear. I’ve noticed it’s worst at night.” It’s plausible according to my research into PTSD.”

“As long as you’re okay bro.”

We stroll in together, just two executives starting their day. He heads to his office and I head to mine. Jenny greets me with coffee and my schedule when I get situated. She tells me the latest about her puppy and I tell her about my date last night. A few minutes after she leaves, ‘Paul’ calls me from California.  I get up and close my door to take it.

“Hey Paul, good to hear from you. How are things?”

“I lost Thursday.”

“You lost Thursday? What are you talking about? Too much drinking?”

“Well yeah, there was that too but have you ever had mushrooms? They’re amazing.”

“No, they fuck with your mind. You can OD on them too. They can cause hallucinations, and heighten other disorders like anxiety. Where did you get the mushrooms?”

“My buddy Johnny got them for me?”

“Johnny? You’re fucked up.”

“I’m fine, Johnny is my buddy, he’s the manager here.” He talks dopey.

“How far are you from the Refuge?”

“It’s just up the road, about 3 miles from here. I plan on checking in after lunch today.”

“That’s great. So listen to this, Shaun is still clueless about you being gone. He comes in your office, sits a few feet away, talks shop and hasn’t caught on. I told him I’m feeling so good being off the Zoloft that I’m having second thoughts on the Refuge.”

“He was never the sharpest tool in the nerf ball factory.” He laughs. “So just be me till I get back.”

“That’s what I’m thinking, then no one can say you had a breakdown and admitted yourself for treatment.”

“Oh my god! That’s devious but great! I’ll tell people it was all Shaun’s idea but I never followed through with it because I was feeling much better just talking to my therapist.”

“Yeah, as long as I can keep fooling Shaun.  Any pointers, shared secrets only you would know, things you share?” My brother starts spewing off everything they share. There’s so much history that I’ll have to listen to this phone call a few times to drill it into my head. As soon as I hang up with Paul, Joel and Shaun grab me for lunch and we just head downstairs for a quick one. I’m so at ease with Shaun after all I’ve learned. I’m back in Parker’s office when late in the afternoon I get a call from California.

“Parker Thomas.” I answer professionally.

“Mr. Thomas, this is Dr. Anoia from the Refuge. I’m calling to let you know your brother has checked in. We’ll be updating you as often or as little as you want. He does exhibit signs of PTSD but we haven’t done a full examination or test procedure on him.  These are all just initial impressions.  I want you to know, this looks like a case of complex PTSD, aggravated by the use of drugs.  This could take time to sort out but he’s come to the right place.”

“Please notify weekly of his progress or sooner if needed. What kind of time frame?”

“I’d guess two months max. We just need to cleanse him of what he’s taken and daily therapy.”

“Whatever it takes, money is no object doctor.” I play the concerned brother.

“Call anytime and once a week, we’ll email a summary of the entire week.”

“Thank you doctor.” 

Late in the day Shaun stops by, shutting the door. “Hey, so since you’re not going to California, looks like an Indian summer, Golf?”

“Sure, maybe I let you win. Who?”

“Joel and Todd, 9am tee time.”

“Sure I’m in, going to pick me up?”

“Ah, your turn buddy. Did you tell Paul about the Refuge yet?”

“Just that I was feeling better and he noticed it too. I’ll tell him tonight when I see him. I think he was getting worried about pulling the charade off. Between us, he probably could with you keeping an eye on him. Oddly, he doesn’t seem worried about money, just that he had a ‘stash’ in a safe deposit box and needed his key which I had in my safe.”

“Maybe he doesn’t need the $5m?”

I laugh out loud. “You don’t know Paul. He’s the tightest tight wad I know. He’ll expect it even if he only fills in for a day. Forget that he’s out of jail a year early, he’ll want his money.”

“Big plans for the weekend?” I ask like a friend.

“Hanna has a birthday party to go to tomorrow. It starts at noon and goes till about 5.”

“Just don’t tell me you’re dressing up as the clown.”

“Ha ha, not funny. How about I stop over tonight, order up some Pizza and watch the Johnson vs Gonzales match?”

“Sorry bro, I’ve got a date with Chris, a lawyer I met on the scruff app. We’re heading to Montauk, spending the night at his brother’s empty beach house.” I look at my watch. “I’m leaving as soon as you let me.” I fabricate an entire story to spend less time with him—less opportunity to giveaway my identity. After the last few days of being on stage, I just want some ‘Parker’ time at home.

“What about Paul?”

“Hell if I know, just as long as he doesn’t go out as me, wrecks one of my toys and gets me in trouble.”

PAUL BEING PARKER

I’m certain I could call Chris up and he’d come running over to my house but I’m taking it slow and really do want some me time. I leave the office early, get home and change out of my executive disguise. A long hot soak in my master bath helps me to relax. I dry off and change into my very own sweat pants and t-shirt I used to wear all the time. I’m going natural on the hair and skipping any jewelry.  For the first time in weeks, I feel like myself.

Dinner is just a pizza from down the street. When I go to answer the doorbell, I’m shocked to see Shaun greeting me instead of the pizza boy.

“Oh, ah hey there Shaun?” I question him, puzzled why he’s here. “Come on in. Parker isn’t here.”

Just then, the pizza boy comes running up the steps and hands me the pizza. I hand him $30, from my pocket and grab the pizza. “Want some pizza?”

I ordered my favorite—sausage and pepperoni, instead of Parker’s usual meat lovers.

“You’re a free man and this is your Friday night?”

“Well, when most of your friends are in jail or don’t talk to you, this is about it.” I explain the situation. “So Parker took off on some hot date, said not to expect him home tonight. He flew in the door, changed and took off. Mentioned not going to Refuge tomorrow, which makes sense if you’re fucking some stranger all night long.”

Shaun grabs a slice of pizza, takes a bite and tosses it back in the box. “Ewww, you need a night out bro.”

“What is with all the ‘bros’? You’re not frat boys.”

“We were frat boys, you wouldn’t understand. It’s hard to look at you and not see Parker.”

“Ah yeah, that’s normal for identical twins ‘bro’.” I use it back on him.

“Come on, let’s get out of here, get some real food and get wasted.”

“Okay, there’s the Rusty Nail just down the street, seems like a busy place.”

“No, Think big, think Manhattan. We have some of the best bars in the world just 40 minutes away.”

I moan. “Do I need to dress up?”

“Yes, of course, it’s Manhattan. Besides, you have a closet full of tailored suits upstairs at your disposal.”

“What if we run into someone that knows Parker, they’ll think I’m him. He might get pissed.” I pretend to be worried.

“So, you’re with me, and everyone will just think you’re him. Think of it as training.”

“Doesn’t sound like he’ll be needing me at this point. He seems much better.”

“I still think he should, can’t hurt. Run upstairs and change ‘Parker’, don’t want to miss happy hour.”

It’s ironic, my brother’s best friend helping me be his best friend after spending the last few days already as his best friend. “I’ll just wear what he wore today, it should still be on his bed from earlier.”

“That’s fine, and don’t forget the goo in your hair.”

“Great, so I’ll look like a pretentious yuppy banker.”

I run upstairs and start dressing in what I had on all day. I add a different watch and ring, because the real Parker would still be wearing his’. I work some pomade into my hair, part it perfectly and join Shaun in the living room. 

“Bro, you look just like Parker. Wow, if anyone sees us out, they’ll know it’s Shaun and Parker having out after work. He was wearing that same suit.”

“Yeah, it was on his lounge chair in his bedroom. Bro, let’s get out of here. I’m hungry and the pizza is cold.” I say in my best Parker impression. 

We jump into his SUV and he keeps looking over at me. “For the life of me, I cannot get over you two. In college he said he had a brother but nothing about being a twin.”

“Really, well I wanted my own life, so I went to Penn State. He stuck his nose up once he got to Penn—Mr. Ivy League.”

We park at the office, and walk to the Rusty Nail. As we get inside, Shaun looks around and whispers. “You’re Parker, I’m going to call you Parker from now to. Our coworkers, Tom, Joel and Todd are here standing by the bar.  Tom is sales, Joel and Todd are marketing.”

Shaun pulls out his wallet and give his credit card to run a tab. “You can’t be paying with a Paul Thomas credit card. The night’s on me, besides Susan will know I’m behaving myself if I’m with Parker. She really likes you. I’ll make sure to take plenty of pics and post them on IG.”

The only thing new about this happy hour is the bar. It’s my first time here but I’ve been out with these guys on Wednesday night. We’re there for hours eating junk food like wings, then watching the boxing match on TV. He’s coaching me on being Parker constantly, telling me details he knows about him. I got a good buzz on, while Shaun stopped halfway through the night. 

When we get back to the parking garage, he looks at me odd. “Let’s go back to your office.”

I don’t argue. “I don’t have a key.”

“I do.” He grins.

We pass security without questions and get up to my office. He opens my door and orders me to take a seat.

“Bro, you look just like Parker did today, just like him only he wasn’t shit face like you.” He laughs.

“Bro, have a little dignity for the CEO of Thomas Financial, will you?” I laugh too.

“Fuck you are him, that’s for sure.”

He tests me with some really basic questions and I pass with flying colors. I ask some questions back, even though I already knew the answers. We’re not there long, he just wanted to see me as Parker. On the way home I start laying the groundwork for Paul’s departure.

“So, since I’m probably not going to be needed, I may take off to Washington State to start over.”

“Really?”

“Sure, I have an ex that lives there, needs help with his brokerage firm. Not that I really need the job but have always loved Seattle. Between what Parker owes me and some money in a Cayman account, I don’t need to work that hard.”

“But if you’re not needed, you still expect to be paid?”

“Of course I do. He’s the one not holding up his part of the agreement. I’ve been studying for weeks now and from what I’ve seen, $5m is nothing to him. Come on, what’s Thomas Financial worth? His stock?”

“Wow, you may look like him but that’s about it. He did spring you from jail early, spent a half a million just doing that.”

“Yeah and didn’t visit me once in prison.”

It got quiet after that exchange but it’s exactly what I wanted. Once Paul is gone, he won’t doubt my falling-out with him or wonder why he doesn’t hear from Paul. I can’t wait till ‘Parker’ plays golf on Sunday with Shaun. He drops me off with a disgusted ‘Later’ brushoff. I don’t blame him, I don’t like Paul either—I make a much better Parker.

FREE WEEKEND

It takes a while to wake up after a night of drinking. It’s 8am—somehow I slept through the alarm and missed my session with my trainer at Lifetime Fitness. I find his workout bag and the trainer squeezes me in late. I’m there till noon working out. On the way home I start thinking about the rest of my weekend. I know I need to stop in the office to catch up on paperwork—approving payrolls, expense accounts and new spending like the IT request. While I’m downtown, I might as well hit up a few of my favorite mens shops. 

I’m Parker Thomas and need to think of myself as the only Parker Thomas and keep up his habits and mannerisms. I get home, take a quick shower and search my closet for a CEO appropriate outfit for a Saturday. I open up my Instagram and start scrolling through it while scanning his closet until something jumps  out at me.

Inspiration strikes when an almost year old post catches my attention—gray plaid sport coat, a black dress shirt and dark gray dress pants. I can’t see the shoes but Parker loves wearing loafers and I spot a light gray pair to go with everything. I dig thought the closet, manage to find the entire outfit, lay everything out on the bed and inspect it. It’s perfect—business casual enough for the office while casual for shopping on a Saturday. 

Transforming myself in Parker is always arousing—slowly adding each item, building up my image. When I look in the mirror, Parker is staring back from the mirror. I smile, check my hair making sure my part is perfect. I walk into my bedroom, over to my dresser and add my class ring and Omega watch. Once my iPhone and wallet are added, I’m ready for my typical work day.  

My favorite toy is the 911 Targa for sure. I jump in, retract the roof and put on my sunglasses. It’s a little chilly for an early winter day but I don’t care. I’m completely at ease in the office, following everything Parker did the past few weekends. Shaun calls as I’m finishing up. 

“Hey Bro.” I answer my frat brother.

“Can I get the death penalty for killing a group of 5 yr olds?”

I just laugh. “No, you can’t. It’d be justifiable childslaughter. That bad?”

“Yeah. I’m in charge of bouncy house. You in the office?”

“Just finishing up, going to do a little shopping, doing dinner with Ken and John. Is the bouncy house really bouncy?”  I laugh at him.

“Yes, almost broke my neck rescuing lil Alex who got stuck in a corner, believe me, it’s bouncy enough. Hey, don’t forget golf tomorrow. You don’t have to pick me up, I’ll just meet you there. I’ve got a list of errands to run now, like returning party crap for Linda.”

“That’s fine. I’ll see you there.” 

I pack up my office and head out shopping. First stop is ‘Pro Golf’, where I spend quite a bit of money on the latest golf clothes.  Based on the many receipts from my previous spending sprees, I do this every few months. I spending $1000 on new shoes, pants and shirts. I make sure to keep with ‘my’ conservative style. 

The next stop is Garrison Bespoke on 5th Avenue. From what I’ve seen in my closet, a third of my suits are Garrison. There’s a receipt to pick up something a few weeks ago, which Parker hasn’t bother to do. I’m recognized and treated like royalty as I enter the store. I’m taken to a private changing room where I try on my new custom suit. It’s a new navy 3 piece suit with a lapel vest. The fit is as expected—perfect. A team of salesmen help me select a few ties and shirts to match with it. I select a few more items, spending a few thousand on shirts, ties and a leather jacket. 

The X5 is loaded with my purchases and it takes a few trips to unload at home. I help myself to some wine, take a break when my friends Colin and Jeff call to do dinner tonight. I accept and also invite Chris along to start meeting ‘my’ friends. It’s a fun evening with them and probably our last Saturday get-together if Oklahoma is the success Jeff expects it to be. I spend the night at Chris’ downtown but don’t sleep in due to golf with Shaun. 

The next day I get to Ferry Point early to have a relaxing breakfast on the patio but also check out the place. I call Shaun and he agrees to meet me at 8 am. I’ve already changed and having coffee when Shaun shows up with a pat on the shoulder and a big smile for his frat bro. 

“I shouldn’t be playing today, my back is killing me.” He whines.

“Making excuses for losing already?” I counter him.

“It’s true, those 5 year olds worked me over. My back from that damn bouncy house, then hauling Hanna and others on my back killed my knees.”

“Whatever bro, you’re buying drinks at the 19th hole later regardless of your excuses.” I laugh at him.

“So I need to give you a heads up on something that happened.”

“More delays in finance? I’m expecting it.”

“No, it’s about Paul.”

“Paul? What about him?” I look at him puzzled but have been expecting him to bring up Friday.

“Have you spoken to him about maybe not needing his services?” He says discretely. 

“Not really, haven’t seen him since Thursday night. He noticed I was feeling better and told him I was putting off the Refuge for a week or two, to give him time. He seemed happy for me, maybe relieved for himself? Why?”

“I spoke with him and he got bent out of shape when I mentioned it. Said you would still owe him $5m regardless.”

“When did you talk to him?” I question.

“Friday night, I stopped by on my way home to drop off the IRS filings for you. He was there and we started talking. You’re right, he would need more time to be you. I did test him on some things and he was passable as you.”

“He didn’t say a word about it or the filings?” I question him.

“He’s a little rough around the edges but he could do it just based on looks. Get him in one of your suits and no one doubts his identity. I felt bad for him, alone on a Friday night ordering pizza, wearing sweats like housewife, no real friends so I took him out.”

I look at him oddly? “You too him out? Where?”

“Just to the Rusty Nail for happy hour. He had a blast.”

“You had him out in public? Was anyone at the Nail?”

“Tom, Joel and Todd. We did happy hour, then dinner.”

“Jesus Shaun, what were you thinking, introducing him to those guys?”

“Relax, they thought he was you and they didn’t question a thing.”

“How could they not? What, I just went home and changed into jeans while they were working?”

“Well, he borrowed your suit from earlier and they had no clue he wasn’t you. He shot the shit about the Eagles and Flyers—.”

I cut him off. “So you had him impersonate me, wear my favorite suit and then what? What else?”

“Nothing really, I took him home and we started talking about how much better you’re doing,  and that’s when he talked about the money. He talked about some money in the Caymans and moving to Seattle and taking a job with his ex.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how much money he managed to hide but I held a safe deposit key for him and he went there to retrieve some things. He didn’t say what. I hope he does go to live with his ex, I don’t want him living with me. He asked to borrow my Vette to drive out to Portland to visit him. Paul doesn’t have a drivers license, if he got pulled over, he’d try to tell them he’s me and that ‘I’ forgot my wallet. He was pissed I said no but driving across country without a license is insane.”

“He said Seattle, not Portland.” Shaun corrects my fake mistake.

“Whatever, it’s on the other side of the country and that’s fine by me.”

Shaun shakes his head in disbelief. “I told him you paid a lot of money to get him out but he’s pissed you never visited him. Are you going to pay him the $5m?”

“Are you nuts?  He probably has $10m squirreled away in some Cayman account. I did enough for him while he hasn’t done a thing for me.” Actually its more like $5m.

“Just don’t burn bridges, you may need him. Maybe you’ll need a kidney someday.”  

“With the way he drinks, he’ll be needing a liver from me.”

“Yeah, he did knock down a lot of beer Friday, no martinis,”

“So I was drunk in front of everyone. Beer, yeah that’s Paul.”

“Tom was hammered. Joel drove everyone home.”

“Don’t do that again. I sort of hate him being out there as me, and you helped him.”

“Oh come on, He did a decent job as you. Unlike you though, he kept the shop talk to a minimum.”

Todd and Joel shows up at this time. We finish our talk and all head out to our carts. We have a blast and I beat everyone. Joel and Todd are hacks, and I manage to convincingly beat Shaun. At the 19th hole, without Ted and Shaun Sr there, Shaun slips his phone number to Mel and whispers to her. 

IN PLACE 

I’m excited to be back in the office Monday. I’m impeccably dressed in my new Garrison Bespoke 3 piece suit, custom shirt and ties. I add a pocket square as is ‘my’ style. His style is now mine. Having his wardrobe helps but I also make sure anything I purchase reflects his tastes, not mine.

My life unfolds easily with no one questioning my actions or identity. When Shaun mentions ‘You’re back to your old self’, I know he won’t be questioning my identity ever again. I’m running a billion dollar company as well or better than Parker. I’m meeting clients, having lunches and happy hours with Shaun and other friends. 

I’m still learning a lot about Parker’s life daily but its subtle learning. I use all of ‘my’ friends and contact to fill in little details. Shaun’s wife ‘reminds’ me of our joint vacations or other special event. Jenny is the office gossip and fills in other events. When Paul returns, I’ll then hit him up on his perspective on them. 

I tell Shaun that Paul is whoring around, finally got his license and busy connecting with old friends. He doesn’t seem too enamored with Paul anymore after our happy hour. He’s not happy that I’m considering paying him the $5 million.

I hear from the Refuge that Paul’s the first week was tough. He tried to smuggle in his meds, stitched into the lining of his luggage. Blood tests revealed them, and a detail search uncovered them. Withdrawal was painful for him, preventing any real therapy. He was demanding to be let out, but I’m the only one who can approve it.

Things are getting serious with Chris. The sex is great, and he’s not clingy. He’s met all my friends, and attended Oklahoma with me, Shaun and Susan. My personal life has never been better. Winter is here finally so no more golf at Ferry Point but planning our annual ski trip to Killington VT. 

Refuge’s doctor reveals that Paul has entered the ‘controlled medication’ phase and his response is very slow. He’s started daily therapy, and will slowly phased into group therapy next week. They estimate at least two more weeks of treatment.

Four weeks as the only Parker and things couldn’t be better. We’ve landed a key new client thanks to my quick thinking on long term financing options. Shaun was thrilled with my outside-the-box thinking. We celebrated with a long happy hour at the Rusty Nail. I’ve replaced Parker completely. I have his work habits as my own. His style and attitude are now mine.

Thomas Financial’s quarterly board meeting is the typical event lead by the CEO. I just studied the recordings of previous meetings and build on top of them. It was stressful leading up to it but once I kick it off, I’m Parker Thomas. I easily handle questions about Thomas Financial, the upcoming dividend and future growth. Afterwards, board members come up to me, congratulating me on ‘my’ handling of the company. No one dare mention my personal health issues but my performance proved that it’s all behind me. 

The latest update from Refuge sounds a very positive.  He’ll be back in a weeks, able to take back his life. I need him in place for a week while I have my fingerprints changed. I’ll use his week to sow doubt of his identity and reinforce to Shaun and others  that I’m Parker.

I start setting the groundwork for his return. I have my teeth whitened so that Shaun will notice ‘Paul’s’ when he’s in my office. I keep my regular haircut appointment with Steve Bonacorsi but have him give me very short sides. When Paul gets back, he won’t be able to go see Steve for a haircut so he’ll end up with a supercut style. When I debrief Parker about the last month, I’ll leave out details like Shaun hooking up with Mel, or some of my business deals. It’ll be little details like these that’ll catch Shaun’s attention and have him questioning who’s who. 

THE RETURN

I’m in my office Saturday morning reviewing paperwork when I get a call from my old burner phone. Parker must be a free man and it’s time to put my plan to work.

“Hey bro.” I answer the phone.

“Oh man, it’s good to be out of that place. I’m at O’Hare waiting for my flight, I get into JFK about 3pm, AA flight 273. Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll see you then.  So was it worth it?” 

“I still have nightmares at night, not every night just once in a while. My anxiety is gone, so yes I know it helped, but will it come back.”

“That’s great, I’ll see you then.”

I take my time finishing up in the office then head directly to JFK. Parker’s plane lands on time and I text him my location at arrival. There’s a tapping on the hatch of the X5. I pop the  opener.

“Hey Parker.” Parker greets me with his name, and jumps in the front seat. He’s in the same clothes he left in but he needs a shave and haircut as I expected. 

“Wow, I guess I look more like you than you do, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think about a haircut till I saw you. How’s my baby?”

“Don’t worry, I only put 10,000 miles on her.” I joke back knowing he’s talking about Thomas Financial.

“No, how’s Thomas Financial?”

“It’s never been in more capable hands. It’s in better shape than when you left it. I had to handle the board meeting but I had previous board meeting videos to study. I purchased a new Garrison suit for it even.”

“So does Shaun know I’ve been gone? Were you discovered?”

“Paul, look at me. He didn’t doubt anything. I told him ‘Paul’ flew to Seattle to visit his ex. That ‘you’ve’ been whoring around, connecting with old friends. I told him I recovered thanks to Dr. Pomme. His only concern was ‘Paul’ wanting his $5 million for doing nothing for me?”

Parker laughs. “Ha, It’d be funny for him to see me like this and I get to play you. Maybe shake you down for $10m in front of him.”

“Hmmm, that would be fun. He was saying he’s alone this weekend. Susan is taking Hanna to see grandma in Philly, so he mentioned about watching the game tonight at his place. I could bring my brother, I’m the only one he invited.” 

“That would be funny but we can never let him know he’s been played for weeks. He’d get pissed.”

I hit the talk button and order Siri. “Call Shaun.”

“Hey Bro.” He greets me, while ‘Paul’ watches. 

“Hey so you still good for game tonight?”

“For sure, pick up some Stromboli will ya?  I have the drinks cover.”

“No problem, I just picked Paul up at JFK, I’ll bring him unless there’s other people coming?”

“No, just us three. I didn’t feel like a major get together. Joel and others are heading to Brewser’s downtown.”

“We’ll see you about 8 then.” I hang up the phone and ‘Paul’ laughs at me. “Shaun is brilliant in the office, but not too bright with people.”

“That’s why I handle the clients and employees, while he handles the finances.”

WRESTLING MATCH 

We get home about 5pm and Paul jumps in his bathtub and soaks. He doesn’t bother to shave his beard and asks for my help in becoming me. I dress him in old Levis, sweater and sneakers. I don’t let him wear any of his dressy coats, instead, forcing him into an old North Face ski jacket and skull cap. Meanwhile I go full Parker staying with my Saturday office outfit—brown plaid  sport coat, tan dress pants and a blue dress shirt.

‘Paul’ comes down looking nothing like himself. “Paul, you look refreshed after a long day.”

“Look at you, the spitting image of me. I know I’ve worn that outfit before.” He questions.

“Yeah, I found it on your Instagram and duplicated it. So can your respond to ‘Paul’?”

“What do you think I’ve been doing at the Refuge for the last 6 weeks? So yes, I’ll make sure to keep in character too.” He runs his hand through his  product free hair. “I’ve kinda gotten use to not having ‘goo’ in my hair but looks like you’ve adapted.”

I reach over and mess up his hair. “So how was the ex?”

“We fucked like bunnies for weeks. It was awesome. I needed it after prison. I think I’m moving out there with him.” He laughs. “Shaun is squeamish about me talking about gay sex, it’s don’t ask, don’t tell.”

“Wow, you had a great time.”

“Just give me the $5m you owe me and I’m gone. Can I take the X5 to help me move?” He keeps in Paul mode.

“You didn’t do a thing for the $5 million, I spent a couple hundred grand bailing you out. You should be repaying me that. Rent a Uhaul.” I stay as Parker. “Wow, that was me completely. What did you have to do to spring me from jail?”

“Easy, I hired Gavin Fields, the best attorney in all of New York, paid him close to $200,000, and shopped around for a doctor about my mental issue.”  He gives me enough information to search for emails, payments to figure out the details. 

Parker actually sounds normal, no nervousness or drowsiness. I’m watching his impersonation of me and realize I have no desire to be that person again. We talk for an hour, then head to Shaun’s place. I added the address to the GPS earlier but Parker guided me there. I walk in first without knocking and call out ‘Hey Bro!’—as Parker suggested but didn’t need to. Parker is carrying the stromboli and asks where Shaun wants the food. Before we walked in, Parker filled me in on where the kitchen and bathroom are, so I’d know it like he does.

Shaun grabs some plates and starts serving the food. I help myself to the wine he has on the counter, while Parker grabs a beer from the fridge, asking first. We have each other’s identity down pat. We carry everything into the family room, in the back of the house. 

Shaun looks at ‘Paul’ and shakes his head in disbelief. “I definitely can’t mix up you two any more.”

‘Paul’ jumps right in. “When you’re busy fucking raw like bunnies, there’s no time to shave or get a haircut.”

I put my hand on my head and do a shameful nod. Shaun cringes. “Ewww too much information Paul, please, I’m not homophobic but I don’t need to know that.  Just say ‘I had a great time with my friends.’

“Paul, Shaun is kind of a prude. I don’t think he kissed his wife at the wedding.” I jump in and poke fun.

“Ugh, you breeders.” Paul laughs at Shaun.

“Well it sounds like you had a good time. You going to move there or just mooch off your brother?” Shaun bluntly asks.

“Yeah, that’s the plan. Take my $5 million, move out there or Hawaii and party.”

“$5 million for what?” Shaun gets cocky.

“For all my work, only to have it wasted.”

“Well, looking at you now, it doesn’t look like you’ve done much work on it.” Shaun digs deeper.

“I don’t have to prove myself to you. This is between me and Parker.” Now ‘Paul’ is getting pissed by his attitude.

I jump in. “Hey guys, calm down. It’s all good. Look at me, I’m fine!! Thank god for Dr. Pomme and that I didn’t need Paul. I did put him through a lot of shit. Shaun, you don’t know how I grilled Paul while I was strung out on Zoloft.”

“I could have fooled you easily Shaun.” ‘Paul’ gets cocky. 

“I doubt it.” Shaun mumbles. “The game is coming on, grab a drink.”

I grab my wine glass, head back to the kitchen and refill my glass. They’re not paying attention to me, so I head back to where the bathroom should be. I shut the door, relieve myself and relax. That was an intense exchange but Parker really played me perfectly. When I get back to the family room, they’re both intensely watching the game. We’re there for hours having a great time. I can’t believe how tense things are all night long. At the end of the night, Parker keeps up the charade, asking where the bathroom is. 

When he’s gone, Shaun whispers to me. “Bro, your brother is an ass. Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of paying him a dime.”

“No bro, I’m just humoring him. I’ll get him out of the house.”

“Good, let me know if you need hel—“ Just then ‘Paul’ returns to the kitchen.

We thank Shaun and head home. Once in the car, Parker turns to me. “Wow, he didn’t like me at all Parker.”

I laugh out loud. “No, you were obnoxious and rude to my best friend.”

“It was funny fucking with him and seeing you play me flawlessly.”

“He’s just being protective of me.” I smile at him. “Hey, now that you’re back, I’m going to Detroit for a week. Remember Jim Yates?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“He invited me to visit for a week, hang out. We’re probably going to fuck like bunnies.”

“I’m jealous.”

“Oh my god, I totally forget. You have a boyfriend.”

“What?”

“He name is Chris Horvath, you’ll love him. I met him at pronto.” I show him pics of him.

“Fuck, he’s hot, thanks Parker. If I get laid that’s worth $5m.” He smiles at me.

“You have dinner with him Tuesday at Darcy’s, then back to his place. He’s a bottom.”

I drive us home and fill him in on his new boyfriend. He’s more interested in Chris than what he missed at work. 

DETAILS

The next morning I have Parker drop me off at JFK to catch my fictional flight to Detroit. Once he’s gone, I catch an Uber to Dr. Harris’ facility. He immediately gets me in for surgery. Parker is planning on getting a haircut, then head into the office. He says he’ll probably call me with a dozen questions. He didn’t think to take pics of my hair. He’ll probably get his regular haircut that Shaun is sure to notice, since he noticed my short sides last week. I may not be readily available to help him with his job questions. 

I’m knocked out and wake up a hours later, groggy with a sore mouth and my hands bandaged like a mummy’s. My hands and mouth are numb. My first worry is how I’m going to use the bathroom. Dr. Harris comes in with a nurse carrying my dinner.

“Paul, it was a very simple and successful procedure. You and your brother have similar fingerprints which made my job a little easier and will help you heal faster. The tooth took a little longer than we thought but you’re good now.”

“That’s great doctor. Thank you.”

“We’ll check back tomorrow morning but for now, eat and get some sleep.”

I’m given some Ambien and pass out for 10 hours. The nurse wakes me up with breakfast and helps me get cleaned up. A few hours later Dr. Harris comes in and unwraps my hand. He’s thrilled with the results and says I can probably go home tomorrow. My fingers are dipped into a flesh color gel then wrapped individually, a little less tightly. Parker calls my burner phone but I let it go to voicemail. I open up my MacBook and start checking my feeds.  

Yesterday’s video show him arriving to his office with a haircut and shave. His hair doesn’t match mine on the sides and Shaun will notice that detail. I switch to the live feed and watch him get into the office. He follows his routine, Jenny brings him coffee but he hardly talks to her. Parker has this intense look on his face as he starts on email.

Shaun walks in a few minutes later, shuts the door and takes his usual chair. “Hey Bro, was I too rough on Paul?”

“Oh no, he’s fine. Hell, he took off to Detroit to visit an old trick. I think we’re better as brothers than roomies. He’s trying to figure out what to do with his life.”

I catch an odd glimpse on Shaun’s face. “Did you get a haircut?”

“Oh no, just styled it differently.” He dismisses the question. 

“Don’t forget we have lunch with Reynolds today at Ghezzi’s.”

“We do?” Parker looks at his watch, which isn’t his usual Omega but a more casual Tag for some unknown reason. “Grab me when you’re ready, you’re driving.”

From my hospital bed I keep an eye on his day, watching his office and following his emails and phone calls. He’s getting up to speed slowly, making mistakes. Where I had weeks to study his work life and was accepted as him, He’s been gone six weeks and didn’t feel the need to be debriefed by me. Parker has always been arrogant like that.

On Tuesday, Dr. Harris comes in and unwraps my hands. There’s pink patches only on the tips. They’re a little sensitive but I don’t have any trouble using them. He puts them on a scanner and they’re a 99.8% match for Parker’s. I’m discharged and check into a hotel not far from Parker’s home. 

I spend another afternoon watching the feeds and keeping up with Parker. The moment I’ve been waiting for happens. Shaun walks into Parker’s office after lunch and shuts the door. He takes a seat and gets a serious look on his face.

“I think I have a small problem ‘Stefan’.” He says, looking at Parker, waiting for a response. 

“What is it Shaun?”

He tries again. “Stefan?”

Parker looks at him oddly. “Spit it out.”

“Ahh never mind, I’ll handle it.” He stands up, shakes his head and leaves. 

I pick up the phone and call Parker to check in.

He greets me oddly. “Hey man, how’s Detroit?”

“Great, I’m having a great time, although Detroit is kinda trashy. How does it feel being back to work?”

“Ah challenging. Step away for a few weeks and there’s a ton of changes. From what I see though, you did a great job covering for me.”

“Ready for Chris tonight?”

“Yeah, we talked last night for an hour. Between your text messages and what you told me, I’m ready for a great night.”

“His penthouse is sweet. Are you going to spend the night? I did, then got into office early and borrowed one of the outfits in your closet.”

“Yeah, I need to spend more time here anyway, so work late, then dinner, then sex.” He’s excited about getting laid for the first time in weeks. I give him details about Chris’ home so he knows the basics.

“Hey, I need to get this call.” I pretend to get another call. 

AUTHENTICATION

This will work out great for tonight. I take an Uber to Parker’s place and make myself at home. ‘It’s good to be home.’ I think to myself as I walk in the door. From my burner phone I call Shaun. He answers unsure of who’s calling.

“Bro, how’s your new CEO?”

“Parker?” He questions.

“Surprise!” I laugh. 

“I knew it, your scumbag brother is in your office. I can see him and he’s not on a phone.”

“How is he doing? He called me asking about you calling him Stefan so I assumed the gig was up.”

“Honestly, he seems okay at filling in for you, work wise.”

“Yeah, he’s calling me ever 5 minutes for advice.”

“What’s going on? Why is he in your office and not you?”

“Long story but this started Saturday night. Please don’t tell him you know, let him play me. There’s no major events on my calendar for him to fuck up.”

“Fine, I’ll do that for you but I’d love to rub it in his face that he didn’t get away with it.”

“Calm down, just a harmless prank and I needed some time off for me.”

“You’re home?”

“Yeah, thinking of happy hour though at Brewser’s” 

“Tell you what, I’ll meet you there.” He’s happy to be talking to his best friend. 

I run up to his bedroom and get ready for happy hour. Parker is in my favorite suit, but this Parker will be more casual. In the shower I check out my fingers. They’re still a little tender as I use them to work pomade into my hair but the redness is mostly gone. 

For a dressy casual outfit, I put together an outfit that screams Parker. It’s a gray glen plaid Tom Ford Bespoke that looked good on him in some Instagram posts. I add a vest and pocket square as is ‘my’ style now. On his dresser is his Omega watch he normally wears. From his jewelry chest, I add some wristbands and snag a pair of sunglasses. I stare in the mirror and smile, knowing tonight I’ll confirm my identity to Shaun. 

I jump in my 911 Targa, get to Brewser’s early and text Shaun that I’m in a corner booth. I’m the epitome of Parker in a stunning outfit, sipping cabernet sauvignon, eating his appetizer and fixated on my phone. He joins me 30 minutes later, plopping his ass across from me. 

“I knew it! I knew right away Monday morning he wasn’t you when I looked at him. His hair was different than your’s. He denied getting a haircut, not knowing you just had a haircut last week. The funny thing was that ‘your’ hair grew back from Saturday, especially on the sides ‘Stefan’.” He stresses the Stefan on purpose.

“Really? You can’t tell the difference? Wasn’t he still in my office when you left?”

“Yes someone was there, and he couldn’t have changed and beat me here but just humor me.”

I brush my hand through my hair. “Got that?”  Then I stand up, pull my pant leg up and twist my leg towards him. “Satisfied?”

“You wouldn’t believe the thoughts I had, wondering if something nefarious happened to you. That you were locked up in a prison like ‘Man in the Iron Mask’.” 

“Oh come on, it was just a little prank.” I laugh, sit back down, fix my cuff and sip my wine. “Ha, After his attitude towards you Saturday, he’s lucky you don’t have him locked up, with my help.”

“I got home Sunday night and he had gotten a cheap hair cut and cleaned himself up. He started in on how he could fool you easily. In leu of the $5m agreement, I made him a $2.5m bet he couldn’t, and was sworn to secrecy. It ends tomorrow. I’m… we’re going to let him win. Got it?”

“Why?”

“Because it saves me $2.5m. He wasn’t happy about me reneging on the $5m and siding with you. I told him I had my doubts he could be me, so to prove you and me wrong, he challenged me.”

“You’re always a pushover. The more time I spent with him, the more I could see the differences.”

“Like what?” I’m curious how he can tell.

“Well, the hair was the first giveaway, the scar but that’s hard to see. Oh your teeth are always whiter. He probably didn’t have good dental care in prison.” He laughs at his put down. “What confirmed it for me was today with ‘Stefan’ and he was clueless, oh and I mentioned about tapping Mel and he gave me another clueless look.”

Internally, I’m laughing at him. “Just put up with him for another day. Pretend he’s me. I might as well be there, since he’s calling me constantly, asking what to do. When he called, asking why you were using my middle name, I figured you caught on to our game. That’s why I called.”

“Yeah, he also didn’t know what you did for Peterson-Engles, which still stuns me with its simplicity. A lot of little things didn’t add up.”

“And you were worried about him trying something.” I laugh. “One, he wouldn’t do it because he’d have to work, put ‘goo’ in his hair and wear a tie. Two, you figured it out in a day. It’s not that easy to take over someone else’s life, I would imagine.”

“And he’s a bit rough around the edges. You like wine, he drinks beer. You carry yourself very professionally, you’re more uptight. I noticed that after you gave up the Zoloft.”

“You think anyone else noticed?”

“I doubt it. I know you better than anyone, plus I knew about Paul.”

“Great, then I’m taking a vacation day tomorrow as planned. Keep an eye on him but please don’t blow his cover, it’s just one more day. I’m fine with paying him. Turns out he only has $1 million stashed from his Ponzi scheme. He actually logged into his Cayman bank account and showed me. He’s converting it to Crypto.”

“So how long is he going to live with you?”

“He’s moving to Seattle on Friday, moving in with his ex, starting over. That’s his plan.”

“Great, New York doesn’t need two of you running around he jokes.”

“Just play along one more day, promise me.”

“Bro, I’ll do it, promise.”

We’re there for over an hour talking, drinking and eating junk food. When Susan calls, he leaves with his tail between his leg. I stay to finish my drink. I’m the personification of Parker Thomas. My best friend has no doubt I’m Parker. A check of my clone iPhone shows my imposter leaving my office at 6, and texting my boyfriend for drinks and dinner at Bailey’s Pub in SoHo. I drive my 911 Targa home to prep for tomorrow.

IDENTITY SWAP

I’m up early per Parker’s routine, hit up the gym then a coffee shop for breakfast. I head back to Dr. Harris’ office to have my fingerprints checked and make plans for later. He’s thrilled with the results then I ask him for some additional help with drugs to keep someone knocked out. I leave with a few options, my favorite is a liquid GHB to add to his wine. 

Back at my future home, I use the GHB and taint his bottle of wine he’ll finish off later today. He’s a creature of habit and almost every night he walks in the door, grabs his mail to open while having wine. I’m counting on him being exhausted from last night and in need of a drink when he walks in the door. 

I start catching up with his videos. He gets into the office at 7am, hours early. It’s a walk of shame as he enters his closet and changes into a different suit. He left the office for over an hour.  Based on a spending notification on iPhone, he went for breakfast down the street. 

After lunch, Parker calls my burner phone.

“Hey Bro, how is your boyfriend?” I laugh at my joke knowing I’m getting him back in a few hours.

“You can pick them. I may keep him. I’m ready to go to bed right now. I’m exhausted, and barely slept.”

“He’s all your’s.” He won’t touch him again, I’m the Parker who charmed him at Pronto and fucked him first.

“We took turns fucking each other, I fucked him twice and vice versa.” 

“Are you back in the swing of things at work?”

“Not today, after last night, my ass is dragging. Plus, you miss a month of work and it feels more like a year. By next week, I think I’ll be back to normal. I was thinking of something else….” 

“What’s that?”

“Next time I go to take a real vacation, I may use you to cover for me. It would be incredible to take weeks off without falling behind.”

“That could be possible if I’m around at the time.”

“You’re getting back Sunday?”

“I may try for Friday, Detroit is a depressing place.”

“Okay, I see you whenever you get back. I’m taking my boyfriend out for dinner then he wants to go dancing at Backstreet on Saturday.”

“You dancing?” I love the thought of doing that.

“Only because you suggested it to him. Okay gotta get to my staff meeting.”

I’m watching him leave his office and a minute later enter the executive conference room. He’s the last one in but no one complains. He covers the action items from last week while I take note for next week’s. It’s full of reports from different departments. Unlike my staff meeting, Parker defers to Shaun on a lot of the issues. He was too busy talking to me to read through last week’s minutes. This can only  reinforce to Shaun that he’s sitting next to an imposter.

The minute the meeting is over, Parker returns to his office and starts packing to leave. He packs files and his portfolio into his briefcase. He grabs his suit from the closet then head out the door. I see him saying something to Jenny. On the camera in Shaun’s office, I watch him paying attention to the exchange.

It’ll take Parker about an hour to get home. I’ve tainted every open bottle of wine in his cooler. Half a glass of wine should be enough to knock him out. I go upstairs to a spare bedroom, waiting for him to pull in. Right on time, I see him pulling up. The bedroom door is cracked so I can hear him.  The door from the garage opens, there’s footsteps across the marble kitchen floor then steps to front door for the mail. The footsteps come back and I hear the door to the wine cooler open. When I hear a bottle being set on the granite countertop, I know he’ll be taking his nap soon. I hear a few envelopes being ripped open, then silence. 

After waiting 30 minutes, I quietly walk down the stairs and see ‘Paul’ passed out at his kitchen island. I walk up to him, lift up his hand and get no reaction. I lift him off the stool and drag him over to the sofa. After all that, he didn’t wake up or say anything. I take a needle that Dr. Harris provide and inject him with another drug that should keep him out for 24 hours. 

I call Dr. Harris and arrange to have Paul picked up in an hour. It gives me time to strip him, dress him and take over. I strip him, then dress him in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I run upstairs and put on a pair of my ‘dressy’ jeans and casual knit shirt. Back downstairs I remove his class ring and permanently add it to my finger. I take off the Tag watch, wristbands and shove them in my pocket.

I’m now Parker Thomas to the world. I pick up my phone and call my best friend.

He answers bluntly. “Give me good news Stefan.”

I put him on video and run my hand through hair. “Are we done with this? He just left but he seemed upset. Did something happen at work? Did you confront him?”

“No, but he did seem out of it, most of the day and looked like shit.”

“Good, he deserves it. The slut went to the Manhole and probably closed the place. Who know how many guys he gave my phone number to.”

“Just tell me you’ll be you tomorrow.”

“Yes, and you’ll be able to tell, right?”

“I wanna see the scar.”

“Who’s the CEO and who’s the President.” I’ve heard Parker remind Shaun a few times. Now I own it.

IN CHARGE

A plain white van shows up, two men in emergency medic outfits help him into the van and he’s out of my life. I’m on a high as I watch the van pull out of my driveway then turn around and collapse against the door. I look around ‘my’ house, it’s all mine, I’m Parker Stefan Thomas. This is fucking incredible but I no longer curse like a sailor, I’m now Parker and I rarely curse. I head to the kitchen, empty the open wine bottle down the sink and rinse out the glass with scolding hot water. I grab a new bottle and use the new glass to continue Parker’s evening. I finish going thru my mail but its mostly junk. 

I gather up my suit from today, yesterday’s suit and other clothes from the living room and head upstairs. I toss everything on my bed then head to my spare bedroom for my clone iPhone and burner phone. I remove the SIM cards, crush the burner under my loafer, the iPhone will be a spare.  All I need is my iPhone.

‘My’ ex Colin calls, I think I’m still in love with him, would love to fuck him for old times sake. 

“Hey, Colin.” I greet him.   

“Parker, what you up to?”

“Just home, relaxing with a glass of wine.” The perfect Parker response.

“We’re heading to Pronto for dinner, about 7:30 if you want to join us?” 

“Sure, I haven’t eaten yet. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

It’s a little after 6pm, giving me an hour to clean up this mess. I toss the suits in the hamper for Annie to take care of, put the shoes and ties back in my closet. From my pockets, I take out the wristbands and watch and return them to my jewelry chest. 

I jump in the shower and use all my standard product to provide my usual scent. I’m standing naked in my closet taking in my wardrobe. Instead of checking my Instagram for what to wear, I’ll select my own. This is my closet, full of my personal style. I grab a pair of my Calvin Klein boxer briefs and slip them on.  I adjust my penis and love knowing I’m not sharing my clothes with anyone ever again. 

I’ve always like black and grays colors because of my jet black hair and darker complexion. My closet reflects this and my love of classic style clothes. My new favorite color is blue with gray a close second. I’m like a kid in a candy store—inspecting my suits, pulling coats off the hanger and trying them on. There’s too many of them to pick from, I love them all. 

I turn to my sport coats and roughly guess I have another 30-40 to pick from. Again, I’m trying on ones the catch my eye then checking myself out in front of the floor to ceiling mirror at the end of the closet. Across from the sport coats are double rows of dress, casual and knit shirts. A few have the sleeves rolled up, letting me know I’ve worn them briefly and hung them up. One catches my eye, a black linen shirt.  I pull it off the hanger, note the Hugo Boss label and pull it on. It’s fitted to hug my body. I button it up and love how it fits and feels. I’ve found ‘the’ shirt for a night out with friends. ‘Now I just need pants and a coat.’ I chuckle to myself. 

Parker, I mean ‘I’m’ not a fan of jeans, sometimes wear them with a sport coat and vest but more often a nice suit with or without a tie. My closet is full of every color and style of suits imaginable, though there is a strong blue and charcoal preference. For a night with friends, a lighter gray suit grabs my attention. I feel the material and check the label—Nice, worsted wool, Tom Ford. I step into the pants noticing that the fit is perfect. I then unroll my sleeves and pull on the suit coat. ‘Yeah, this is perfect for dinner at Pronto. It’s not too showy but very classic.’ I think to myself. For shoes I go with my black suede loafers that I  favor. 

I add my class ring, usual Omega watch and a few wristbands for a casual flair. With my wallet, keys and iPhone tucked in my suit, I head to the mirror and check myself. Parker Thomas is ready for a night out with his friends. I button my suit coat, adjust my sleeves and runs my hand through my hair.  My identity is perfect. 

“Colin, Jeff, how are you guys?” I smile at my refection, knowing I look and sound just like Parker. I run downstairs, take a sip of my wine, grab a winter coat and jump into my Porsche 911 Targa. I get there late due to too many wardrobe choices. My friends spot me walking in and wave me over. Jeff talks about how well Oklahoma is doing. Colin talks about students and planning a ski trip to Killington for New Years. I fill them in on my boyfriend and how well that’s going. It’s a fun time and need break for me.  We don’t stay long and I’m home by 9:30. The night was a major personal success.  

THE ONLY CEO

I wake up early, excited to get to work and take my rightful position as CEO of Thomas Financial. First a hit up the gym and keep my appointment with my trainer. Back home I know exactly what Parker Thomas will be wearing—his favorite three piece Garrison Bespoke  gray suit, white button down shirt and tight pattern navy tie. It’s a great look on me based on some  Instagram post. 

I beat everyone in, including Jenny. I make my own coffee and greet workers as they come in. I take off my coat and suit coat, and take my throne. Jenny is shocked to see me in so early.

“Parker, you’re in early and look much better than yesterday.”

“Yeah, I just needed a good night’s sleep. I’m feeling great today. How was your evening? Any surprises when you got home from Lucy?” I take the conversation in a personal direction, asking about her puppy. 

“Nope, it’s been a week without any accidents. Crating her seems to be helping.” She looks down at my coffee. “Let me get settled in and I’ll bring your fresh coffee.”

“Take your time, It still hot.”

She leaves and I start catching up on my emails and voice message. I check reports from my staff, then our corporate dashboard. If our projections hold out, it’ll be another record year of bonuses for me. Not that I need it—my house is paid off, just like my toys. My biggest expense is my custom suits and wardrobe. Paying Dr. Harris and others to take care of my loose ends is coming out of my Cayman account, not my new personal net worth.

I didn’t see Shaun arriving at the office and he startles me when he walks in and shuts the door.

“Hey Bro!” He strolls in carrying a cup of coffee and makes himself at home like any other day. “Wow, you look great today, like a totally new man. You even got a haircut, your hair is shorter on the sides than yesterday ‘Stefan’.”

“Please, stop that, I’m not raking my hair any more.” My phone dings with a message from Chris. “Hey, move ahead on the Greenfrog financing.”

“I did that yesterday as soon as you gave me approval Parker.” He smirks at me.

“No, really? ‘I’ did that? Without checking with myself.” I roll my eyes in disbelief. 

“I assumed you did after our drinks the other night.”

“No, I’m scared now—what else did ‘I’ do the last few days?”

“Guess it wasn’t the best idea to prank me.” He snickers.

“Yeah, but he’s leaving today.”

“Thought he was leaving last Friday.”

“No, I changed his plans when he pissed me off. He went to Pronto, made out with some stranger as me and brought the trick home. He thought it was funny. I told him it’d be best if he left today, we exchanged some choice words and he agreed.”

“Did this trick see the both of you?”

“No, Paul woke me up, told me he had company and to wait 30 minutes to leave my bedroom. I heard them talking, heard the trick thanking ‘Parker’ for a great time and to call him. I didn’t even see the guy.”

“So this stranger will be calling?” Shaun sounds worried.

“No, he has Paul’s phone number but he knows where I live. It really pissed me off and why did he use my name?”

“I told you he was trouble, but you didn’t listen. You had to waste your money, bail his sorry ass out and then you didn’t need him.”

“Well, live and learn.” Another Parker adage that now belongs to me. “So we have lunch today with Mosser and company. We’re set with the latest numbers?”

“Yeah, I’ll send them to you in a minute.”

The day flies by without any problems for the new Parker. Just before leaving office, Dr. Harris calls me to let me know everything is taken care of. ‘Paul’ has been moved to a secure location and kept sedated. 

THE NEW PAUL

I pass on happy hour with my team, claiming a date with Chris. I get to Dr. Harris’ facility late in the day and sit down with the doctor before seeing ‘Paul’. 

“How is Paul doing Dr. Harris?”

“He’s alert and demanding to know what happened and where he is. His prints are 99% there, we added the filling to his mouth. We haven’t said a word to him at all. It’s driving him mad.”

“Great, I want to talk to him before the next step.”

“Sure, I just checked on him. We have him handcuffed for everyone’s safety.”

I’m lead to a part of the facility where I’ve never been. It’s in the basement and reminds me of Brookhaven with solid steel doors, cameras and bars. I walk in and ‘Paul’ is laying in bed facing away from the door. 

“Ahem, How you doing Paul?”

He flips around instantly. “What the fuck is going on?”

“It should be obvious. I’m now Parker Stefan Thomas, you’re Paul Steven Thomas.” I walk in further and he stares up and down at me. 

“You think you can be me? Step into my life?” He laughs at me.

“I don’t think it Paul, I know it. I knew it the first night out of Brookhaven when I assumed your identity.”

He looks at me confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You took your pathetic drugs and I put you to bed while Shaun was grabbing dinner. I borrowed your identity, clothes, fixed my hair and had dinner with Shaun as you. He was clueless but so useful. He complained that he couldn’t tell us apart so we came up with test that you failed on Tuesday, proving my identity as Parker to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you didn’t respond correctly to Shaun’s questioning ‘Stefan’ the other day, you proved your identity as Paul to him. After six weeks as you, I’m totally in place as you. The drugs and PTSD were great cover, then ‘my’ recovery and not needing the Refuge left me step easily into your life. When Shaun said to me ‘You’re back to your old self’, I knew I nailed your pompous, attitude. 

“He’ll figure this out.”

“Bro, are you looking at me?”

“So what, you’re wearing my clothes, that doesn’t make you me.”

“You’re right, it’s just one part—you made me you. Your coaching helped a lot but I also added some cameras to Thomas Financial and cloned your iPhone. When you went to California, using my identity to hide your illness, that prepped me for becoming CEO of Financial.”

“What about all this?” He gestures to the room?

“Oh, needed to change some details.”

“Details?”

“I have your fingerprints, you have mine, along with a fixed cavity. Physically, you’re now me.”

He looks at his fingers. “That’s why they’re tender and red?”

“It’s state of the art technology. Oh, and 3D printing removed my cavity and rebuilt my tooth like new. Technology is amazing.”

“Acting like me will be another story.” He challenges me.

“Give me a break, I’ve known you all your life. I also put cameras in your office, Shaun’s and in the conference rooms. I know how you conduct meetings, your mannerisms, attitudes and all the little personal issues like Jenny’s puppy potty training. I found the videos from the last 12 board meetings. They’re quite fascinating and educational. No one notice their new CEO at the last board meeting.”

“And you think I’m just going to go along with this, let you have my life?”

“Paul—“

“Stop that, you’re Paul.” ‘Paul’ yells interrupts me hysterically.

“You’re delusional still. The Refuge didn’t really help, did it? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.  Doctor Gehris has found a facility that’ll take great care of you. They’re not equipped to help you here. Don’t worry about the cost, I’ll pay for everything.”

“Doctor Gehris? Who the fuck is he.

“Oh Paul.” I sadly moan. “He’s your psychologist you’ve been seeing since I got you out of jail. That’s why I spent $225,000 to spring you early. Don’t worry, we have your medical records highlighting your delusion of being me, assuming my trauma of the car jacking. We also have a great drug that’ll help you forget those painful memories and delusions.”

“Paul, you can’t do this. You won’t get away with it.”

“It’s been 6 weeks of being Parker Thomas and no one has picked up on it, not even ‘my’ best friend Shaun. You’re never getting your life back—I’m Parker, you’re Paul. Accept it. Sorry I can’t stay but I’m hungry, going to grab a bite. Not sure when I’ll see you again but have a great life, I’m sure I will.”

Days later, Paul is admitted into a mental facility. A fake Facebook page is set up for him, showing him in Seattle, living his life and happy. I admit to Shaun that I paid him some money to get rid of him, that I won’t be reaching out to him in a while. Shaun warns me he’ll be back for more money eventually. Thomas Financial is thriving under the same management its had for years—Parker Thomas, CEO.