#god I'm so lonely

[mccartneycomics]

this video has been the bane of my existence for years i wanna kms

[as-you-think]

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[mgdlnkrn]

Winter season is useless without love

[qss-i-9]

every now and again i remember a video i saw of a girl shaving her boyfriend's chest. there was a comment like 'an angel lost it's wings'. every time i think about it i want to scream

[deadestofdoves]

You know your mental health is fucked when the boba shop barista(?) just saying your name and excitedly waving goodbye makes you want to cry tears of joy

[moodyseal]

I was poking fun at how unexpectedly silly the CHB kids looked in armour in the first two episodes of the PJO show (acting like an almighty army and all) and then it hit me. This is exactly how some of them will look like when they will be dying in the final battle. Silly. Tiny. Literal children

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[vaguely-concerned]

To the ‘themes I am picking up on in Veilguard’ list, let's go ahead and add what I have a sneaking suspicion will actually turn out to be The theme:

— the world has changed and can never be as it was again.

— I have been changed and can never be who I was again.

— in this simple unavoidable truth there is endless grief and endless hope.

And I… may be getting a bit emotional about it haha. Let me show my work a bit: 

if da:o is a game about people who are already dead or half ghosts in some form (through societal forces, psychologically, functionally, literally, in body, through the joining etc.) coming together anyway to save the world from being swallowed by total nihilism and despair (symbolized by the blight) through the power of love and friendship and also this sword/potential heroic sacrifice that I found, da2 is a game about people who have lost their homes and been set adrift finding and building new homes in each other (while completely failing to save the world. also through the power of love and friendship. as well as years of petty bickering <3 we must imagine kirkwall if not happy then worth having been because the love was there the love was there and that's the only sanctifying force we can ever have in this doomed world and city of ours), and da:i is a game about old stabilizing-but-unjust comfortable lies vs. disruptive but potentially liberating uncomfortable truths, and the power of friendship to help us distinguish the one from the other and navigate through them...

folks… I'm starting to think that veilguard might be a game specifically about moving towards recovery and acceptance after trauma — about how even in this flawed, severed, scarred state, what is here right now is worth loving and worth caring for. even in an imperfect and impermanent world and self, there is worth and joy. and of course the first real tragedy — and threat — of Solas is that he just cannot find it in himself to accept this and move on, to let go of what was, the regret won’t let him go or he won’t let go of it. which means that even though on the surface it’s Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain (and the will to subjugate and violate they represent) who are the main villains, the real antagonistic force in this story beneath that is the Dread Wolf’s despair. A despair Rook must make an answer to by the end of the game, one way or another, compassionately or with righteous fury, triumphant or pyrrhic.

The world will change again and again and so will you — BUT the crucial element is that so will everyone else who exists along with you, you are fundamentally not alone in this existential truth. all we’ll ever have is each other and my god that is plenty, my god that is enough!!! Which is the second thing Solas just can’t accept, he keeps himself separate and completely alone out of an awful mix of fear and pride and feeling himself unworthy of anything else. Rook and the player want to save the world of Thedas because it’s where everyone we love lives, Solas wants to go back to the past because that’s the only neighbourhood where he can still visit those he loved — and the person he himself was, before. A very sympathetic and human instinct/trap to fall into when touched by trauma, I think, if only it wasn’t backed by godlike power, a fundamentally oppositional personality, and a catastrophic lack of therapy to make it literally everyone else’s problem too lol. It’s varric and solas’ banter about the man on the island and where meaning in a life comes from all over again, writ large and with detail work — and the added idea of ‘what if there are also other islands out there, though. With other people on them that you could find if you reach for each other’. Rook with the best of intentions has to make choices to which there are no perfect outcomes and live with what happens — and not cut themselves off from everyone else around them even when there is regret or shame. You get back up every day and you make a life with other people doing the same and you do your best, and that’s the only victory this world will give you. In the end, that is more than enough, that is essential. And I um. I love that. So much. It’s why some of the writing clumsiness on top can’t hurt me because this thematic spine is so solid and so beautiful to me. It’s DA2 all over again that way for me personally — I forgive this story for what it isn’t and couldn’t be, and I love it with my whole stupid open heart for what it actually is. Thank you for coming to my TED-talk and goodbye etc.      

(For my fellow TLT heads out there — you know what this story is reminding me of most of all, actually? It has some big Nona the Ninth vibes down there in the deep. It’s about… the horror and unspeakable beauty that can only be found in liminality, and the role of love in making that basic fact of existence bearable. And also even more unbearable at the same time. I'm so sorry.)

[la-muerta]

"What do buckwheat flowers mean in the language of flowers?" "Lovers." // "A gift for our first meeting. Do you like them?" *** "I will come to you as rain... I will beg the gods to allow me that at least." // "I can also turn into rain. In future, when it rains, it means I've come to accompany you."

𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝘎𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘎𝘰𝘥 (2016) // 𝘍𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 (2024)

[naamahdarling]

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[vinni-dragon]

CHAT!!! Join my MHA Discord server?

Do you like MHA and wanna make friends in a nice lil community space? Do you perhaps even have a MHA OC or twenty? Then join my cult- I mean- uh, Discord server!

[galedekkarios]

random thought but i was thinking of tara's comments about getting gale to eat and take care of himself and . well. i was just kind of warmed by the idea of gale and astarion having a particular... dehydrated and perhaps slightly unwell sickly look to them that is only exacerbated by their arduous journey, but then six months after that nightmare when they return to withers' party as husbands they look so much healthier!! they're softer and stronger and well-fed!! they actually look alive! and happy! because they are! and isn't that so wonderful!!

[lucyvaleheart]

hmm. y'all like mentally unstable tgirls right isn't that a thing

someone just so utterly fucked up that they can barely care about themselves, let alone you, so you readily throw yourself at her? ready for her to fuck you up? to break you? to abuse you?

cmere, cutie, let me take advantage you. let me make you feel good so i can obsess over you and then toss you aside. Let me try out all my fucked up fantasies on you, let me test how far I'm willing to let myself go. Let me chain you up, let me use you, uncaring, let me hear your pretty screams so i don't have to think of my own.

isn't that what you wanted? aren't i so wonderful? isn't it just amazing, to be helpless, at the mercy of someone who you just don't know how to predict?

isn't it so fucking nice?

there's nothing behind my eyes. they're dead inside, just like you wanted. older tgirl not afraid to use you up and break you for her own pleasure.

cmon....~

aren't i the girl of your fucking dreams?

[rainintheevening]

Hungry to write, not knowing what project to pick and work on.

[moodyseal]

I got too deep into the Schema Theory while writing the paper for one of my exams and it got me thinking about Apollo's coping mechanisms yk

Basically the gist of this theory is that, in the eventuality that their primary needs are not satisfied during their formative years, a child might develop a bunch of different behavioural schemes in their adult life (which are too many to be listed here oh my god) that are a direct reflection of how the parent failed them during childhood

For example, one of these schemes is emotional deprivation, which is a person's tendency to emotionally distance themselves from other people due to the fact that they believe they won't be able to comfort them, and it's a scheme that's formed due to the guardian not satisfying the child's emotional needs. Basically it's formed through a "If my parent couldn't do it, then how could others?" sort of mentality

Another one, which I believe is very relevant here, is the sense of failure, which originates due to the guardian's immensely overbearing nature and the continuous dissatisfaction with the child's efforts. As an adult, the child in question believes that they're inept at everything, even if evidence points to the contrary, because of the fundamental belief that they hold that they're a failure

(Does it remind you of anyone?)

Now, these schemes tend to go hand in hand with modes, which are essentially coping mechanisms that the person uses to deal with whatever life throws at them and whatever negative emotion these schemes bring on. One of these modes is the *squints* scheme overcompensation? Anyway what it says on the article I got the info from is that basically people who use this coping mechanism tend to do the opposite of what their behavioural scheme tells them to do. If they're ashamed, they put down others. If they feel like a failure, they boast. (Again. Who does this sound like.)

AT FIRST it seems like a good coping mechanism but it's actually not, because the overcompensation leads to this vicious cycle where the more a person overcompensates, the more the scheme worsens. In Apollo's case, the scheme we're examining here is his sense of failure; in his overcompensation mode, to avoid feeling incompetent he tries to constantly put himself in the spotlight, drawing attention to his talents. However, he does it in such a ridiculous way (perhaps actually in some form of self-sabotage?) that the people around him insult those talents, call him a failure, and thus worsen his feeling of worthlessness.

(This might be tied to the punitive scheme as well, maybe? Considering how keen Zeus was on punishment, Apollo might've developed this scheme as a result, though over the centuries it could've shifted its focus from everyone to just him idk. The change between "I'm punishing everything and everyone for being so stupid, even my own son + this Ptolemaic god who breathed wrong in my direction" to "Actually I'm chill" seems pretty suspicious to me tbh)

ANYWAY all of this is to say that everything he does is so intrinsically tied to the damage Zeus did to him that it hurts. All his behaviours all his coping mechanisms. Everything

The arrogance is not just a façade he built over the years to hide his feeling of unhappiness and guilt!! It's quite literally an abuse response!!!!

And yeah maybe Leto was the one who spent the most time with him and Artemis and who took the most care of them so technically she should be considered his figure of attachment instead of Zeus but then again. How much time did Apollo spend beside her compared to the time he spent at Zeus' side, after the twins became Olympians? What do a few moments with her in a year do against entire centuries with him?

Leto's influence never really mattered. He was doomed since the beginning

[guardian-angle22]

911 lone star fashion -> every marjan outfit

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