#god I think about the tf2 workshop too much

[theworkshopmann]

Sometimes I think about the cosmetics that just disappear. Okay so there was a cosmetic once upon a time in the workshop. It was called sweet victory and it was a beard cosmetic for soldier and yes it was covered in honey. And I thought it was the coolest thing, but then it disappeared and the only way to see it again I think was only on gmod?

Regardless it is a thought on my mind.

[prettyboypistol]

TF2 Mercs x M!Reader || How the Mercs Jerk Off +18

minors dni and get blocked

ambiguous genitals for Pyro

Scout

The stereotypical setup of "makes a night of it" sometimes only to end up frantically fucking his fist 10 minutes later as he gasps out your name breathlessly.

Most of the time though his man is a horny mess. Sneaks off to jack off frequently (like 2/month).

Has jerked off in the showers before but prefers his bedroom to relieve himself.

HUUUGE on fantasies. Always talking to himself and imagining you in various ways. His favorite is imagining you blowing him.

Usually lasts a short amount of time, but can recover extremely quickly.

Pyro

Oh. My. God. This is the HORNIEST mf alive when they're lucid. Yeah, they're a little awkward about how close they get to you, but everyone shrugs it off as them being socially unaware.

You smell so amazing to them, the smell of you looks so pretty to them in their head because of their synesthesia. Has embarrassingly gotten off to the colors and feeling of your voice and smell.

Your voice is a calming purple to them with a gentle rumbling against the bottom of their mind, the sound feels a sort of comfortable chilling ironically.

They refuse to do anything outside of their safe space- hell, considering that nobody even knows if Pyro needs to jerk off-

It HAS to be: right vibes, 3 am, locked door, calming smell candles, windows shut, etc etc

Soldier

Has a love/hate relationship with jerking off, he sees it as manly and masculine to release urges, but also weak to indulge himself in base desires.

A manly man thinking of another manly man like yourself? Well technically that's twice the amount of men. At first he assumed he was jealous of your physique, but then he drempt of you on top of him right about to push your-BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEEEEEP 0600 SOLDIER TIME TO WORK

Awkward boners are his specialty, excusing himself to "go oversee the maggots" when you flex a particularily nice deadlift.

Less private than Pyro but still prefers a more private setting like in the woods, a bathroom stall, or just a spot he deemed far away enough from everyone else.

Most embarrassed about wet dreams where he can actually get off in his dreams, deeming that day "surprise laundry inspection/washing day"

Demo

He's pretty lax about jerking off to be honest, has probably drunkenly teased you about you should be careful about how often you keep your shirt off.

"Ey laddie, careful showin' those pecs around! Cannae imagine you'd like a man eyein' those tits of yours!" Of course it was a joke, you two were close like that. of course he was just teasing you.

Oh god he wanted to fuck your pecs. Unabashedly staring at your chest he imagined how nice his dick would look in-between your pecs, maybe scrunched against a tight wifebeater too oh fuck-

Reletively respectful of everyone's decentcy and only relieves himself either in his room or in the empty showers at 4 in the morning. He's probably only been caught once but never agains after that.

Cums a lot, that's why he prefers the shower wanks to quickly wash away the evidence.

Engie

This man is so fucking ashamed of touching himself to thoughts of you- much like he would be about thinking of anyone. He's got such a huge shame surrounding the whole thing but the evil voice in his head only made him strangely harder.

He imagined you wakling in on him as he whispered out your name and you shaming him as you slide up behind him as your hand wraps around his jerking him off all while telling him just how much of a pervert he is.

This man has the biggest undiscovered humiliation kink god it's so fucking pathetic (i deeply desire him)

Has jerked off in his workshop multiple times with the door deadbolted shut and a drill running to hide what he's doing.

Honestly prefers the feel of vaseline/nonsexy lube on his dick and it's a lot less suspicious to have that around.

Heavy

Doesn't often feel the need due to how high alert he is.

When Heavy is at ease he's more bearlike and chill rather than a hotblooded, horny-brained mess. When he does actually touch himself, he is extremely quiet in his bedroom and quick about the whole ordeal.

Has a nasty "habit" of thinking of you. He assumes it's because you're actually nice to him and he's not been around a woman in god knows how long. You're not womanly-like in the slightest but Heavy likes to think about his hands on your hips as he makes you whine.

Feels a stinging sense of guilt afterwards but generally shrugs the feeling off. It's not really such a bad thing if he keeps it to himself and keeps everything professional, right?

Sniper

I wrote a fic about how I generally feel Sniper jerks it here but I'll rephrase it here as a TLDR

This man is really fucking weird about jerking off to you. He HAS stolen something of yours to smell and fantasize with and if given the chance he WILL steal again.

HUGE scent kink and voyeur/creeping kink kind of like Engie in a way where he wants you to call him out on his bullshit.

Probably the most unprofessional about it. He has fondled himself as he watched you through his scope during battle and he will do it again.

Pretty quick ordeal overall to keep himself sane. He jacks off often and quickly to keep a baseline sense of sanity (pre-nut insanity is a thing and his diagnosis is terminal RIP)

Medic

Honestly I headcanon Medic not feeling a need to masturbate. His lust for you oozes out in his operations in some sort of gorey satisfaction in operations on the team. (think like, the taboo passion of physically rearranging someone's guts gets him off in a weird way.)

This isn't to say he gets sexually aroused by his experiments, it's just that the excitement of the thrills get cross-wired in his brain. When you drop your shirt on the floor to prep for an operation his dick twitches in his pants but that's literally it.

Flirts with you on the operating table <3

The only time he's actually masturbated is for experiements. (One was if he could create life without an egg and the second was to see how much cum could a healthy man extract out of him.)

Spy

This man is so hoity-toity about getting off it's almost a pain to write. It's an actual whole night for him. It starts with a nice bath with oils more expensive than your paycheck, then a professional massage, then a calming cigarette mixed with some top-grade cannabis in either a blunt or in a nice dessert. THEN FINALLY he lays himself down onto his pretty little bed and fucks himself.

And even then Spy has a routine to jerking off to really indulge himself. He starts slow and gentle with teasing touches that go lower and lower until he's strained against the fluffy bathrobe he is cuddled in.

Imagines you riding him a lot, but if he's in the mood to bottom, he slowly fucks himself with a pretty nice vibrator as he imagines you fucking him as your dick brushed against his prostate in the most delicious of ways.

This man is convinced that every other merc assumed that he gets too many bitches to need to masturbate and he fully intends to keep that assumption alive and well.

[thunderlina]

Words cannot express how much I utterly despise Fem Scout. Like not as a concept, genderswapping the mercs is fine, hell I don't really even mind people being horny about her, but god the popular Fem Scout models are ugly. Her proportions don't make any sense, especially in the game's art style. Compare her to Miss Pauling or Scout's Ma and she looks so out of place.

Just look at those proportions... her torso is stupidly massive compared to her arms and her head looks way too small.

And more often than not her face doesn't even look finished. It's so flat and plasticky looking compared to the official models which have more detailed shading in their face textures

And I think the real kicker is that, for a character who's supposed to be a female version of Scout... she doesn't even look like him at all! Scout's got such a distinct nose shape that's just completely thrown out in favor of a generic thin pointy nose. And don't tell me "oh it was just made smaller to feminize it" because SCOUT'S MA HAS THE SAME NOSE not just in fan models but in canon art too!

It's not even just Scout either really, a majority of the popular fem merc models have the same issues.

The fact that they consistently remove their male counterparts hooked noses too is a crime

Also I don't even know where to begin with Fem Sniper but she's honestly even worse than Fem Scout like what even is this because that sure as hell isn't Sniper bro 😭

I guess it just boggles my mind that there are so many gorgeous fan made models of TF2 characters out there and yet somehow, after 17 years, no one has come out with new fem merc models that actually look good.

I did try my hand at making my own FemScout a while back, just by editing Scout's original model. Her face is a little wonky but I'm mostly pretty happy with how she came out. I'd put her on the SFM workshop if I knew how to export Source models.

I just really wish we as a fandom could move past those garbage models already honestly there's no reason they should have stuck around as long as they have 😭

[the-laughing-lunatic]

OH MY GOD TF2 WRITER!!! You are my savior.

ANYWAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MERCS (more specifically Scout, Spy, Sniper & Engineer if you don’t wanna do them all) WITH A MALE S/O WHO IS CONSTANTLY DYING OR GETTING INJURED DUE TO BADLUCK?

(Of course! Hope you enjoy, thx for reqesting!)

Scout, Spy, Sniper & Engineer x a m!s/o with bad luck (ROMANTIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Scout☆

Holy cow is it hard for him to get used to

You die at least once a day but he still cries like a baby whenever it happens

Denies it every time though

“Oh god, it never takes this long, what if my baby’s gone for good? That ain’t gonna happen, you’re bein’ stupid Jeremy. But what if it does? *sniffle* I mean, I- I dunno what I’d do, an just—”

“Hey babe! I grabbed some sodas for us on the way back from respawn, the vending machine was being a pain though. …you alright?

He’d immediately hug you and wipe away his tears. “ ‘m fine. Just glad you’re back, doll. Missed ya.”

Though this guy knows nothing about first aid, he’ll do what his ma always did when he got injured:

“Prince, stop freakin’ out and let me kiss your boo-boo better, kay?”

“Jeremy, I’m not ten, I can handle a tiny bullet wound.”

“Don’t care, c'mere sweetheart. You need some kisses from your hot-ass boyfriend to feel better.”

“What I need is a Medic.”

“C’mon, please?”

“...fine.”

☆Spy☆

Like Scout he’s also dramatic as fuck when you die

Falls to his knees and cries silently over your dead body kind of dramatic

He’s lost one of his lovers before, and it kills him to see it happen in front of him everyday

He’s absolutely terrified that one day you won’t respawn

Doesn’t like to talk about how he feels though, he wants to be strong for his lover

He will require a lot of quality time after you get respawned to calm his mind down that you’re okay

Cuddling, holding your hand in his smoking room, he just needs to be close to you

Helps you when you’re injured, though he does chastise you

(cue homoerotic fixing injuries scene)

“Mon amour, it was simply irresponsible of you to go into the sewers with your luck, it was reckless,” he’d say as he patched you up.

“But you dropped your watch down there, I had to get it back for you.”

“You are insufferably eager, my beau…but it is sweet. Never do anything like that again, though, I worry about you enough as is.”

“Awww, you worry about me?”

“Of course I do, je t'aime. Now shut up and let me help you.”

☆Sniper☆

We all know this guy is hella protective, so of course he’ll protect you even more with how much you get injured.

He’d want nothing more than to keep you in a locked room with nothing to hurt yourself with all day so no harm could ever come to you, but unfortunately that’s “weird” and “illegal”

He constantly wants to be around you to at least try to prevent the inevitable

Even during battles, he tends to double-check where you are on the map to make sure you’re okay, and if you’re not, see who hurt you so he could kill them

He may not have the most traditional sense of first aid training, he mostly knows natural tricks when you’re injured to help you. 

“Love, love, calm down, I got some razor strop for your cut there, ‘s like a bandaid. Fix you up real quick, spunk.”

He wants to take you camping but he knows he’d just be anxious about his boyfriend the entire time

“Mick, c’mon, I can handle one tiny camping trip.”

“You burnt yourself on the coffee kettle twice today. It was unplugged.”

“No coffee kettles in the forest though.”

“Can we just stay here where I know you’ll be okay, love?”

“But you wante—”

“I know, but anytime I spend with you makes me happy, okay? If you’re safe and with me, I’m grand.”

☆Engineer☆

This poor man

He’s worried sick about you all the time

You’re not allowed into his workshop anymore after a few too many incidents with the machinery

During battle he’ll constantly do what you want if it’ll keep you safer

You need a dispenser by you even if the rest of the team needs it somewhere else? He’s putting it by you

He makes you wear a spare hardhat of his in case an anvil falls on you or some shit (with your luck it probably would happen) 

Since you’re not allowed in his workshop it kind of forces him to be less of a workaholic so he can hang out with his boyfriend

Will stay by your side when you’re injured

“Dell, it’s sweet of you to stay while I have a broken leg, but wouldn’t you rather hang out with the rest of the team instead of here? I mean, it’s gonna be really boring.”

“Darling, I’m staying. I’d rather be here with you than at the snazziest rodeo out there.”

“Ach, young love. Now my patient, here is your paste you must eat. It is good for you, it has plenty of nutrients in it, and definitely not drugs you need to take. And your straw, now tschüss!”

“.....are you still sure you wanna stay?”

“Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else, sugar.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[simp999]

I feel this is cringe but it itches the back of my mind like no other… since it’s late 60s early 70s in tf2, mercs reaction to there being a new recruit who is a female pilot? I’m sorry if this sounds like? Hyper specific ? But she’s like hot biker/pilot bitch who is like the epitome of Cool Girl (tm) flared ripped jeans and tight tank tops yk?

GOING INSANE OVER THIS ITS SUCH A COOL IDEA

I'm so sorry about how long it took to make this and how short it is, I'm trying to do all my requests in order of what I received em ww

TF2 Mercs x Badass Fem Pilot! Reader Headcannons

Wc: 730

Themes: uhh Fluff? Romantic and platonic depends on character

A/N: Sniper bias whoop

A/N 2: okay so. I try to stray away from fem reader stuff but this THIS is a complete exception because I love the idea sm

Taglist: @emotionally-alive-sniper @moopy-milk @skeleton-stomper-xoxo @emotionallyunwellmedic @physically-robotic-medic

Masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Scout: 

-God,, he is immediately in love with your style and vibes.

-Yes, in a simpery way

-Will absolutely fumble on words and flirt miserably

-"Hey girl are you a pilot cause uh you’re really cool"

-Absolutely will find clothes that he thinks suits your style and be your #1 hypeman 

Soldier:

-Wants to touch all the buttons

-"SHOW ME YOUR MEDALS!!!!!!"

-Does respect the effort and time you’ve put into training definetly. But is always asking you to prove yourself

-Okay you can pilot but can you do 30 pushups. Right here right now.

Pyro:

-Doesn’t think of you any differently if you’re female

-A new cool friend!!

-Just an adorable little goober. Okay maybe they get to sit in the front sometimes

-Loves loves loves making drawings of you and them and planes!!!! And clouds

Heavy: 

-Protective older brother.

-He is SO overprotective of you. You remind him too much of his sisters.

-You’re strong just like them but,, it’s just scary, y’know? He misses them

-Often just kinda chills around- and won’t stand for ANY harassment or anything rude. AHEM spy AHEM

-And the clear bias for you? It’s honestly funny at times

-He definetly makes you sandviches and just. Silently takes care of you

Engie:

-Rocket boosters for the planes. He’s gonna bring it up on multiple occasions

-Makes you little plane trinkets out of wood and stuff!! Pyro paints them :]

-Is so interested in infodumping about mechanical stuff with you- he’s glad he has somebody that just. GETS HIM yknow?

-If you need someplace to go chill away from the chaos that the mercs usually bring, the workshop’s your go-to. Late night convos are the best with this man

Demo:

-Roughhouses!!

-Treats you like one of the guys

-Respectfully ofc but. You’re getting noogies

-Will be offering you beer n stuff, he treats you like a really good friend

-Lives for your vibes

-He thinks you’re so badass!! Hell yeah!!!

Medic:

-Kay so. You probably had to go through lots of training right?? So!;

-Rivalry for first aid.

-Hear me out

-Everyone all of a sudden wants you to help make them feel better when they get small injuries because of the one time you mentionned you had to do a buttload of first-aid courses

-So. Lots of who can make it to the scene and get (injured person) back on their feet the quickest

-Does ask you if you’ve ever expirinenced or witnessed anything wild- such as big crashes, and how people dealt with the situations

-Loves your stories despite pretending to hate you- it’s just a friendly rivalry!

Sniper:

-He’s not one to really apprach you, but he does definetly admire you from a distance.

-He thinks you’re too cool for him :( 

-But eventually one day, you’ll ctach him stargazing- and you’d have the amazing idea of bringing him for a ride just the two of you so that you can see the stars

-.God maybe he just fell in love I MEAN WHAT????? ANYWAys

-He LOVES stargazing with you!!

-You get to tell eachother stories and it’s overall really calming- a nice from the hectic mercenary life

-He also happens to know a fair bit about constellations, so he’ll infodump unconsiously if you let him :) 

Spy:

-Spyyyy… dislikes your ideals, and has traditional values

-Not a fan of the way you hold yourself, but will eventually warm up a bit

-Im sorry,, I just don’t like Spy aheh anyways

-You probably end up showing off your skills- not of purpose though, just- you seen a natural at what you do, and that’s when he sees that maybe there’s a reason you’re such a big deal

(Bonus!) All:

-They all fight over who gets to sit in the passenger seat. Some are more civil about it, for example Engineer or Heavy- but they still want to sit in the front for their own reasons. You may have walked into the room only to find all the mercs fighting iver who’s calling shotgun for the next ride.

“I AM GOING TO PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS!”

“NO WAY CHUCKLEFUCK, I’M SITTIN’ NEXT TA THE HOT CHICK!”

“No. Heavy will sit next to pilot for protection. Is only fair.”

“Ya’ll- I have some things I’d like to see up close in the cockpit, I think I should be next.”

“Mmhhph!!!”

.

.

.

Sep.20.23

[loafymeat]

pinned post (yayyy)

Hello im LoafyMeat but can call me Loafy and i post about my most recent interest and maybe a random thing from time to time

This is my sona, he is in 3d, i used him in non-fandom drawings

These are the tags i use:

#my art :I recommend checking this one out since my blog is a mess

#duskwell : a hollow knight ttrpg with mausritter mechanics

#oc :just a easy way to find the OClist, no nned to check this one atm

Online Games i play

TF2 and Gmod: these are the ones im play atm, since i knew about TF2 i wanted to play and now that i can(with the lowest resolution posible) is so fun and i dont have to stress about winning (like in OW2) and Gmod is such a wonder to explore community maps and try things from the workshop

Fortnite: right now im not playing that much, but at some point i will play for like 4 seasons and then leave it again

Minecraft: an amazing game that i cant enjoy because i know to much, i will love to forget everything about minecraft and start again a world with the scare and wonder of a new player

Roblox and Ponytown: in these two game i do exactly the same, i join a server, i walk around and interact with people with the least speaking just movement like jumping on their head or hide behind them, i dont play Roblox because i dont have a lot of customization, but i sometimes play Ponytown almost always when im to bored to see more YT videos and to tired to make anything creative

Here are some projects

Duskwell: a ttrpg based in the world of hollow knight, nothing serius just to play with my friends a more easy ttrpg with a world that we already know (working on it)

Frostbitter: a Minecraft server with mods that i will be doing, is kinda of a big idea so is going to take a while (also im open to anyone who want to help me)

Starburn: a project of @bagf1sh that i just did some 3d models of some starships :P, go check her out, she may have another project

List of OC's: im making the list, is a little hard to write down some character cuse they may be a little edgy in the way i explain them, but it doent matter, i will updating the list with more OC that i recall in the moment and, if i have corage, put more details of their story

Future projects

Insects ttrpg: my own ttrpg without the need of using other people lore, right now its just an idea and i want to work on it when i finish duskwell

this pinned post will change over time when I know how to organize it better

Old descriptions

I won't leave this world without screaming and scratching

I would have thrive here when i was little, but it doesn't matter, that little kid still within me, i just need to stop thinking too much and just LIVE

My God i have Social anxiety, fuck

Im very gay and i cant belive it

[tf2yall]

Tf2 eating habits headcanons

Scout

Scout pretty much subsists on junk food and whatever he can make with minimal effort. Sandwiches, scrambled eggs, anything canned.

Scout can't cook but he can sure as hell bake. He'd always help out in the kitchen whenever his ma baked and as such learned quite a bit about baking. He can separate the yolk from an egg surprisingly well and he just has a sense for knowing when he needs to adjust the recipe, before he's even made it

Everyone loves Scout's baking but they hate it when Scout bakes. The kitchen looks like a fucking bomb went off in it. Scout's messy when he bakes and if you think he's cleaning up after himself? HA!

Soldier

Army rations. Yeah, that's it. That's pretty much all Soldier eats. Maybe on special occasions, he'll have a hamburger or some apple pie but not very often. He's subsisting entirely on packaged rations from ww1 and everyone is deeply confused on how he's still alive.

Soldier has been banned from ever making dinner. EVER. Medic will beat him to death with his own shovel if he even so much as looks at the kitchen

Has also been banned from going on supply runs. Once he went out with Demo and the two of the blew up half the Tuefort general store. Spy was also present that day. He wishes he hadn't been.

Pyro

Pyro likes sweet things. Probably. No one has actually ever seen them eat. They'll grab glasses of chocolate milk and candy bars to presumably be eaten but fuck who knows? Maybe they're actually sacrificing it to a hellfire demon they're keeping as a pet

Despite the fact that no one's ever seen them eat, Pyro's actually a shockingly good cook. They're better over a campfire or a grill, but they're not bad on the stovetop.

Their dishes usually involve a lot of experimentation. They might start on a souffle recipe and by the end have created something that has no name know to man. What? They get bored.

Has shockingly never lit the kitchen on fire. The people (*cough* Spy) who criticize their cooking on the other hand...

Heavy

Iffy. He's good with ingredients he's used to, like bear meat and such, but give him something new and he's not really sure what to do with it...? Isn't afraid to learn though! The only one of the mercs that will actually read a cookbook.

Isn't all that picky with the food he eats. He can appreciate a good meal, but he'll also eat the charred messes that Scout produces

Spy's teaching him how to cook and it's going great! In return, Heavy's attempting to teach him the art of heavy weapons. This is going less great

Engineer

God-tier. His food is fucking fantastic... If you can get him out of his workshop to make it.

GO AWAY HE HAS WORK TO DO HE DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO COOK FOR YOU. Engineer doesn't even really feed himself. He usually eats whatevers quick enough for him to grab and go. Nothing and I mean NOTHING will draw Engineer away from his work for very long. Homeboy'll power through three solid days of experiments and emerge blinking from his workshop. When did he last eat? Uh... Tuesday, maybe?

Great with a grill. Knows lots of southern cuisine and when he actually gets going he can make the best food you've ever tasted. It will definitely offend him if you don't accept his food.

Demo

The best cook on the team. Cooking and baking give him the same thrill as chemistry. The only downside is they don't explode at the end, but Demo can fix that.

If he's drunk he may start experimenting which will either end in a hot mess or the nectar of the gods. Good luck trying to get him to remember the recipe he used though...

Pyro and Demo cook together a lot. The team wishes they wouldn't.

Makes a lot of flambés and puts alcohol in fucking everything.

Medic

HA

No, I'm serious, think about it. How good do you think Medic could possibly be in the kitchen?

The answer is god awful.

He's much like Engie, where he'll get hyperfixated on his experiments and won't bother to eat. Honestly, he's feral enough to eat birdseed or pieces of his experiments if he's too lazy to go to the kitchen. What? It's not like he'll get sick. That's what the medigun's for.

He's not allowed to make dinner anymore. He just uses it as an excuse to drug people's food and see how they react to it. It's a little hard not to guess there's something wrong with your meal when a manic German doctor won't stop staring at you, giggling

Sniper

Subsists on packaged instant noodles, canned food, and whatever he can kill. Like Scout, I don't think Sniper has so much as heard of a vegetable.

Not a picky eater at all. Joins Medic in the 'im cool with eating raw meat' club. Spy is deeply disgusted with them both

Not half-bad at cooking, if what you want cooked happens to be something over a campfire. Sniper's great at that. Give him a stove and the most he can do with it is maybe turn it on.

Loves visiting his parents partially because it's the only time he eats real food.

Spy

He is a fucking cooking snob. He's out here making multi-step dishes with unpronounceable names and no, he's not sharing with you heathens.

Alright, maybe he'll share with Demo and Heavy. They're the only two on the team who can actually appreciate decent cooking

Despairs at the rest of team's inability to feed themselves. Most nights he'll skip dinner in favor of making his own food. Like hell he's putting whatever the fuck THAT is in his mouth

Begrudgingly likes Scout's baking and will never ever tell him. Scout caught him once raiding the cupboards at midnight for leftover cookies and Scout will never let him live it down

[daidreamn]

tf2 hcs :)

this was mostly self indulgent

-dadspy/spy/scout

Spy teaches Scout all sorts of shit. Mostly French, knife tricks, and how to change his voice. Scout’s pretty good at the voice trick, but his accent gets in the way a lot.

Scout stumbles his words a lot. His brain is just going too fast. Spy actually refrains from teasing him about this because he’s really self-conscious about it.

Scout fucking sucks at fighting Spies. Spy teaches him how to swing so the enemy Spy can’t deflect it with his knife, where to look if a Spy cloaks, and how to read a Spy’s behavior. Spy’s really hesitant about this since he doesn’t like people understanding him on that level. After Spy’s teachings, Scout kind of handles his bat like a rapier if he’s fighting Spies. 

Scout got his trypanophobia from Spy. Medic’s tendencies don’t help.

-helmet party 👉👈/soldier/engie

they,.y,..., they likee to bonk their headsssdtogether..,.,.,,,,

SOLDIER 👏 HAS 👏 AUTISIM 👏  ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. HELMET OVER HIS EYES? LIGHT SENSITIVITY. WHACKING HIS HEAD WITH A SHOVEL? STIMMING. HE LIKES BOOTS BECAUSE THEY MAKE THE THUMP THUMP. BOOTS GO THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP

Soldier likes Engie’s Gunslinger a lot. SO MUCH FUCKING SENSORY INPUT. go click and is smooth and hHhOLDD HANDSS,,..,

Soldier likes to hang out in Engie’s work space because there’s so much auditory input!! Engie gives him some random tool for him to toy with while he works!!

Engie has emotional attachment to his buildings. Especially the sentries. There’s a mini sentry in his workshop with a little pink bow. Her name is Betsy and if you fuck with her you’re as good as dead. 

Betsy and Soldier’s raccoons are tight. Betsy has a ‘puzzle mode’ that Engie programmed to make the raccoons smarter. Each time they solve a puzzle some food is dispensed. 

The raccoons like to hide in Soldier’s many hats. His hats smell like raccoons and it makes him so happy.

-pyro aka the baby

NONBINARY I C O N.

They are Engie and Soldier’s child. There is nothing you can do about it.

All the other mercs love them. Especially Medic, Engie and Soldier, and Spy. Spy understands their secretive nature and kind of relates.

Pyro’s room is by far the most heated. It also has a total of six sprinklers inside in case they're feeling fire-y. It also has lots of orange and red lights. Pyro likes their room a lot.

Heavy is used to Pyro’s behavior and plays along. They have tea parties every Saturday with Pyro’s stuffed animals, a beanie baby horse, a stuffed unicorn, a little cardinal, and a hamster, who Heavy has lovingly named ‘small horse’, ‘big horse’, ‘bird’ and ‘rodent’, all addressed to as ‘Мистер _____’.

Pyro’s favorite bugs are moths!!!! Butterflies too, but he sees moths more often.

-medic

Really bad short-term memory but scary good long-term memory. Will look for something while it’s in his other hand but can perfectly replicate the signature of someone who sold him exotic animal organs 8 years ago. 

Building off of that, he can forge the signatures of 27 different people, 26 of which are black market sellers, drug dealers, or wanted criminals. The 27th is his father.

He never had a medical license. It was forged. 100%.

Bad at self-care. Thank god for Heavy and Pyro bringing him snacks and coffee.

Finds Pyrovision fascinating. Often puts on the goggles if he’s stressed. A simple pair of Pyrovision goggles can do wonders for a sleep-deprived and homicidal German doctor.

He likes baboons. Especially for, but not only because of, their organs. He just thinks they’re neat. And by ‘thinks they’re neat’, I mean ‘has a worrying amount of trivia on baboons that he excitedly infodumps on whoever he’s operating on at the time, forcing them to listen and nod along, because this man is holding their intestines and, if given the chance, would gleefully sell them on the black market’.

-miss pauling

She’s some flavor of gay and you know it. We all know it. She doesn’t get any chances to date because of her work, though.

She has a little stuffed lizard named Mortimer that keeps her company. She’s had it ever since she was a child.

Was in the Girl Scouts. The knot skills come in handy.

The Administrator is her aunt. Her parents died and The Administrator took her under her wing. The Administrator taught her everything she knows-- decades of information on how to dispose of bodies, sweettalk the authorities, use money to fix your problems, snap necks, sever vital arteries, et cetera.

Despite her small figure, she’s fucking ripped.

Phones up different mercs for advice. Spy, Medic, and Engineer are on speed dial. She often calls Engineer when she’s driving or doing something so she has someone to talk to. 

-misc

The Administrator is asexual. I mean, purple, grey and black? She’s 3/4ths there in her color scheme alone.

Teufort was made entirely by the original RED and BLU mercs and built to be a playground for all of the classes. The building of Teufort was the first time both teams banded together to do something. The Administrator thinks back on it fondly.

Soldier’s raccoons can unload and reload a standard pistol in exchange for dog treats and it’s fucking terrifying.

-bonus! innovator (@scrapnick‘s OC)

Mixes words up sometimes. Has said “Fuck the shut up” or some variation multiple times before.

THERE ARE SO MANY FUCKING POST-IT NOTES AND NAPKINS WITH LITTLE DOODLES OR IDEAS ON THEM. She hoards them. Engineer is concerned. (Engie and Spy team up to get her one of those card binders with the clear flaps because Spy’s tired of finding post-it notes fucking everywhere)

Gives off a very specific energy, similar to that of that one post of the picture of the book that’s like “’women shouldn’t swear’ ‘get fucked’ he blinks in surprise”

[mikiruma]

please explain who engie is. i know nothing about tf2 and i would like to know about him + any special kin memories you have regarding him. u have no choice but to infodump.

no choice huh........

(@ future me add a cut here)

engineer's one of the playable characters in tf2, his schtick is building stuff to help others in battle, ie teleporters bringing teammates closer to goals, sentries to deal damage, and dispensers to heal teammates & resupply their ammo. the game calls him a defensive class, but imo the most fun engineer players to watch are the ones who go out of their way to terrorize the other team by playing offensively. (who knew the smallest sentry you could build could also be SO TERRIFYING)

as a character hes pretty neat imo, like a mad scientist but he tinkers more with machines than humans. a lot of his blueprints were actually adapted from ones his grandfather made. the last name 'conagher' carries quite a bit of weight in tf industries (specifically blu but im not abt to step into that territory..) also hes got like what? 14 phds? so hes kind of a menace. o yea he built his robot hand (the gunslinger) too.

also i just think its neat that outside work hes just this quiet old dude who would play u a tune on his guitar and buy u a drink for the hell of it and probably end up being ur best friend after talking for 5 minutes. i think ppl comparing him to a golden retriever arent so far off also important to note hes texas so as you can imagine, hes basically cowboy. he says yeehaw. so much. im sobbing please learn a new word

uhh what else..... canon he works with medic on experiments and stuff (expiration date short, gargoyles & gravel comic, more hopefully) so thats always Super Nice. also since i found the true meaning comic earlier and reread that i got to experience him reading a (VERY team fortress 2) christmas story to pyro (another good character) and god please i know the games abt shooting people but i want more interactions like THAT between the mercs..... just. lay down have some tea

uhh memories!!! uhh hmm well i was a fan of getting the gunslinger to work!! or its first incarnation!!! sure what preceded was... not fun but in the end i had a cool ass robot arm that functioned way better than my original. the *ultimate* upgrade... until i redesigned it later to current game canon. oh on the topic of buildings my sentries were basically my lil buddies!! id have a level 1 keepin me company in my workshop if nobody else was botherin me and its so weird now thinking abt a gun that likes pets but like. gun dog. obv the ones in battle werent like that bc i would be even more upset when they were destroyed but like. i still said hi to them kygjsnd

also if medic and i were staying up way too late workin on somethin id bring tea.. depending on how late it was and what we were doin id maybe wild out and add sugar bc dang it ur not texan if u dont have sweet tea. also i made 2 way teleporters for his lab and my workshop so we could send each other stuff. sometimes the other mercs would send weird shit thru the teleporters. scout sat on one without noticing it and he flipped his shit when he materialized 2 inches from me. good times

*clutches chest* CHRIST that was a lot anyway dont forget to like and subscri

[prettyboypistol]

Mercs realize that they are in love with their friend with benefits (preferred male please) love your headcanons,have you a nice day

Mercs Realizing They're In Love With a FWB || TF2 x M!Reader

Scout

Gay panics HARD

Out here acting like sucking dick made him catch the homo fr

He avoids you and even the topic of you. As soon as someone brings you up he changes the topic or gets mad.

He's mad at himself for thinking of you in a romantic way since you two CLEARLY said that this was just a way to blow off steam.

Probably takes it out on you, Def calls you a slur and feels really bad about it.

Jeremy knew what he had to do. He had fucked up severely and now he had to be a man about it. With a sucking in of breath, he knocked on your door. God, he hated himself so much for calling you that.

"Hey I-"

Your broken expression tore him to shreds. Your eyes were puffy and cheeks were red from crying.

After about an hour of crying, amending things, and a good punch to the stomach, you two eventually patch things up. You two don't know exactly what's going to happen going forward, but there won't be anymore name-calling.

Engineer

Suddenly a lot more gentle and romantic out of nowhere.

Like, he was usually a great friend and there for you, but out of the blue. He's checking up on you. He's handing you things you ask for, even if it's out of his way to do so. Etc etc

Kind of adverse to any sort of sexual favors bc he feels like he's taking advantage of you.

Eventually musters up the courage to speak his mind.

"Hey Dell, you wanted to see me?" You hummed as you shut and locked the door to his workshop. You assumed that you two would be breaking the dry spell that had been going on as of late, but the expression Dell had on his face clued you in otherwise.

"Listen, I've got something to tell you about. And I feel like straight shit for not saying anything sooner- but I think I'm catching feelings for you."

Dell sucked in a breath as he waited for your response. God, it was hell for him to stare you in the eye, but he was a man too! He was going to face you like one!

Demoman

"well shit"

He's not happy about it, but he is not othered by it in the slightest.

Def tells you right away like "if you wanna continue fucking that's cool but I really like you."

He still keeps treating you the same and is really calm and open about his feelings, even if he hits the booze a little more in downtime to cope with his feelings.

"Hey lad, c'mere." Tavish mumbled loud enough for only you to hear. Worried, you follow him quickly into the vacant hallway. With the way Tavish's demeanor was completely serious. "There's something you should know about." "Why? Did something happen?" You asked. Tavish nodded before he continued.

"Well ah, I caught a bit of feelings for you laddie, and I felt like- like you should know that before we do anything more. Just in case that changes anything. I just really got hit with how much I fucking like your personality as well as your physicality, y'know?"

Pyro

They swing from avoiding you entirely to keeping you a maximum of 3 feet away from them at all times. Mainly because of how their hallucinations and reality distorts their perception of you and how they exist around you.

Hates the fact that if it came out that they were fucking a man, Pyro would get made fun of more by the mercs.

You have no clue why Pyro is extremely hot and cold with you suddenly, but you don't feel like it would be ethical to have sex with them when they're cuddly and affectionate.

They tell you that they love you constantly when they're all over you and a hell of a lot more protective/jealous/paranoid about your affections.

Even when they are avoiding you, they still keep an eye on you to keep you safe.

"Pyro?" You call. They had been avoiding you for weeks. It pained them to avoid you, but they knew that they had to. They just didn't want to hurt you.

"Pyro please talk to me. I- I feel like you're struggling with something. Do you want to talk?" You would have offered to have a cup of tea or engage in Pyroland, but it was probably best to talk to them when they are clearly more terrified rather than euphoric.

You finally got a response. Pyro nodded.

Spy

god DAMMIT

Ghosts you until he feels better. Like total asshole mode until you hate him.

it's his idea that nobody is allowed to love him. The last time he loved someone he abandoned his son.

It hurts like hell for him, especially when you try to talk to him. He brushes you off and ignores you until you get the hint that he does NOT want to talk to you anymore.

Keeps the picture he has of you asleep in his bed in his wallet. It's his best picture of you since you look so at ease and peaceful- almost as if you trusted him with your very life and heart.

Sniper

Bro this man is AWKWARD

Still smashes tho

Mundy really thinks that giving you head counts as a love confession fr

Genuinely though, he's a lot more intentional with mini acts of service. He invites you to have a cup of coffee, offers you a cigarette when he opens a pack, just the little things you know?

A lot more blushy and shy when you talk to him/tease him.

"Mick Mundy." You called, the mischief in your voice clear as day. Sniper was never more envious of Spy's cloaking device as you made your way over. "Hey there handsome, is your evening free?" You loved the way his face flushed and how he pulled his hat down to cover himself. You could tell the very moment he fell for you, and you just loved teasing him!

Medic

He doesn't like the fact that he's fallen in love with you, but knows he can't really do anything about it. (He's tried a lobotomy, but he lost feeling in his ring finger for a week.)

Keeps it friendly, but def "dirty talks" in German to you stuff like "you're so beautiful" and "I adore you" to kind of feel better about his crush

Gets jealous of you hanging with the others more to the point of you noticing. (Glares, more touching, etc)

Eventually tells you in English, but def in a heat of passion moment. Ludwig kept near you during the fight, but a rain of bullets dropped down from out of nowhere. Despite how much Medic tried to battle the onslaught, he wasn't powerful enough to stop the bleeding. "Liebe! God DAMN IT!" Ludwig shouted as you dropped down to the ground. Of course you would respawn in a few seconds, maybe- just maybe, since you were dead... "I love you."

Heavy

He's open about it, but demands you to keep it quiet.

He asks you to please keep everything quiet, especially if you reciprocate. He trusts you enough to keep his sexuality a secret, but he wants both of you to stay safe.

Mikhail acts a lot more kind to you, little acts of kindness.

PLEASE call him nicknames he gets so blushy. "Big Bear" "Big Guy" "Handsome", all make him scream internally.

As you wind down from the absolutely wild night you two shared, Mikhail held you tight as the alarm clock flashed 4:06AM. "I have to say something." Heavy mumbled into your neck. "What is it?" You respond as sleep sews itself into your consciousness. You tried to stay awake, but he was just so warm and cuddlyyy... "I love you." "I love.. you too"

Soldier

VERY uncomfortable with his feelings

called himself straight, even despite you two's "arrangement". Man's so far in the closet he's found the forest the wood is from.

He is fully aware that he's in love with you, but he refuses to acknowledge the feelings. He wants to kiss you. He wants to hold you. He wants to keep you safe and care for you.

Def daydreams of a domestic household with you(stfu he doesn't mean to imagine you that sexy when you wear an apron)

"Solly?" You hum, a smile blooming when you see your little soldier. "You spacing out?" "I'M MORE THAN SENTIENT, PRIVATE!" Jane responded. He took a step back when he realized how damn close you suddenly had gotten. "What's got you smiling like that? Thinking about the Revolution?" You teased. "OF COURSE!" He lied. He was thinking about you and him on a hillside holding hands.