#god I missed VTM so much

[kentuckycaverats]

edinburgh by night update

recap first since it's been over a month since last session:

the ventrue seneschal staged a coup and ousted the toreador prince by framing her for sabbat collusion. he's now prince and backed by a ventrue justicar and her archon, the new seneschal. also a ventrue

the coterie staged a big fight so that we can help from both inside the cam and within the anarchs. mitra (ravnos) and sami (brujah) are playing the role of dutiful cammie loyalist while del (toreador thinblood) and delores (lasombra) help the anarchs

there's a hidden sub-sub-basement in the club mitra owns, and he and sami constructed a sewer entrance so the coterie (and del and tara) can still meet discretely

end of recap!! new session started with the coterie meeting up in the basement of the club to figure out a game plan

first we need an object that belonged to delores' sire so del can hook her up with the 'communicate with kindred sire' ritual. del killed her own sire (twice) so now her line is dead and she can mix her blood with another kindred's to perform the ritual for them

call up our boy beckett to ask him because delores' sire was kind of a big deal and he might know something. he sure does!! they were friends and coterie mates once, and he has a bookmark she loaned him

ritual time! delores learned that her bloodline is able to control a massive abyss monster called the leviathan, and she can use this to help aelsidhe reunite with del. eventually. it's in madrid rn and her sire's trapped at the bottom of the ocean

sami and mitra deal with soooooo much bullshit politic circlejerk stuff at elysium. they see tara!!! she looks so relieved to see them and also so fucking sad. st says it's clear that she misses del but she has to put on her ironclad Tremere Primogen mask so no one else sees. she and the boys pretend not to know each other (no one knows that she and del are together)

sami and mitra are Pretend Boyfriends* (*not very pretend at all) and harkins tries to rub lyons' (mitra's other partner) nose in this. lyons and mitra are already pretending not to be together, and lyons already knows about/is cool with mitra being poly. fuck you harkins

every time someone asks about the coterie breakup sami and mitra are like "yeah well you know delphine, that violent asshole bitch, and delores was always too.....................religious. yeah, we got sick of the catholic shit." this works every time

ventrue justicar rolls up with the staked prince of glasgow (brujah) whose sire was the prince of edinburgh 2 princes before harkins. the brujah primogen of edinburgh, who was besties and possibly lovers with said deceased prince, has a fit and insists on sitting in on the interrogation so the ventrue don't pull some shady shit

mitra and sami are in the room, the justicar leaves, the room fills with shadow and when the lights come back the brujah primogen and prince of glasgow are piles of ash. we're 90% sure this is the new lasombra sheriff's doing. same dude who claims to be delores sire but isn't, and who definitely wants to control the leviathan himself but can't because he isn't of delores' bloodline

[auspex]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 9: Strength

Hello! Here is my ninth fic for Fangfest 2024 :) I am fallin' behind but still writing!!!

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my first fic is here

my second fic is here

my third fic is here

my fourth fic is here

my fifth fic is here

my sixth fic is here

my seventh fic is here

my eighth fic is here

This fic is about Eden! Eden was a character i made for a game that unfortunately died after session one. She uses she/him pronouns (mostly she, but likes he as well) anddddd god i love her so much. He was a firefighter in life. She's a lasombra embraced into the Camarilla after they defected. He's a known corpse <3 he eats people who won't be missed <3 She has SELF ESTEEEEEM ISSUESSSS and she is super gay. Yeah.

EDIT: ALSO SHOUT OUT TO @dykeferatu AS THEIR OC PEYTON IS IN HERE FOR A BIT :D they were gonna be a player with me

I wanted this piece to be longer but wanted to post it... so maybe i'll continue this later!

Eden still liked the crunch of her boots on the snow, even if the icy feel of wind on her face wasn’t as sharp now, since she was cold too. He missed how the cold made everything come into focus, though to be fair, his senses were far stronger now than they ever had been when he was alive. That she liked. 

What she did not like was having to report to her fucking sire, Dante. 

Up the stairs to the his porch. She hated how this old wooden building looked like a stereotypical vampire mansion. She hated how she was hand delivered letters like it was the goddamn 18th century. She hated Dante, ordering her around like she was a child. 

But most of all, she hated herself for just going along with it.

It wasn’t time to think about that though. Bang on the door, yell “I’m here,” wait for his ghoul to open up. 

And there he was, the sniveling pathetic man. “Good evening, Miss Cheng.” God, could he be any more stereotypical, always insisting on ‘miss.’ 

“I’m here, so it could be better.”

His lip curled, shifting his graying mustache. “Certainly. Come in, Master Dante is ready.” 

Eden was already walking in the door. 

Dante’s haven had shockingly modern furniture for his age; probably because he was feral in the woods with the Sabbat less than a decade ago, and only recently joined society. Eden’s lips curled in distaste upon passing the foyer; he had bought more wine that he did not drink. What a joke. She made a note to ask him sometime if he even remembered what alcohol tasted like. 

Eden made a point to stomp wet snow and mud on the rug specifically on the way to his office. The door was open, and she swung it open without a second thought. 

“Sup.” 

“No knock today?” Dante gave his standard asshole grin and ran his hand through his hair as he replied. “Sit down.” 

Eden did as he was told, and said nothing. He hoped that Dante didn’t know what ‘sup’ meant and was just refusing to ask. 

Wait, oh my god. Was that another skull on his desk. 

“Is that another skull?”

“How observant, Miss Cheng. Yes, it is.” 

Eden almost spat on his desk at that; he hated being called miss. Second time tonight. However, he had previously told her not to spit in his office. She gave him a tight smile instead as he continued. 

Dante picked up the skull and looked at it, holding it just above eye level, as if he was in a goddamn theater. “This fellow is actually what I am here to talk to you about tonight. Can you feel it, Eden?” 

Eden sucked in her breath, stalling as he tried to come up with a witty reply. Failing that, she just said “no.” 

Dante’s grin never faltered. “Not surprised, you are certainly not a natural.” Bastard. “Look at this skull. Deep into its eyes. It’s a surprisingly strong fetter, even you should be able to discern this. Take it.” 

Eden took it, though she felt absolutely nothing. 

“You shall show this to Peyton, and request their sire take a look at it.”  

Peyton’s mysterious sire. Dante was always asking about her, in a roundabout way, though Eden had no idea why he was so fixated on her. “And what’s in it for you?”

“Promise them more where that came from if they teach you how to feast upon its energies. Do not show Anisha until Peyton promises you something, even if they cannot commit to fully teaching you.” 

“What.” 

“What is the confusion?” 

“You want me to ask them to teach me to feed off of energy? Huh? Isn’t our whole deal that we eat blood and only blood?”

“Eden, you sound like a fool.” 

“No, you do, what the hell dude. Vampire 101” 

“I’ve told you not to curse. It’s disrespectful. Now, do as I said”

Eden stood up abruptly, and stalked off without a word. She almost punched the ghoul when he tried to get the door for her. 

“Miss Cheng, you may want a bag for the, erm, skull.” 

“Don’t fucking call me that.” He stuffed the skull under his armpit, mostly hiding it, and headed out. 

Time to text Peyton, or whatever. It was difficult to do with one hand. 

“Hey need to talk to u got somethin”

Eden was not about to carry this thing around all night. He stalked back to the apartment complex where he had been making his haven recently. It was a good hour long walk, and the skull was already digging uncomfortably into her. 

She gritted her teeth and continued. 

~

In her current, temporary as usual, apartment, she set the skull casually on the kitchen counter. Seeing Peyton hadn’t texted back, he pulled up a stool and stared at this skull. 

It looked like a regular skull, not much notable about it. It was fairly white, so couldn’t be that old. Eden reached out and rubbed the top of it, trying to tap into well, something, but there was nothing. No energy, or whatever. At least not to her. 

Eden had only turned on one light; the room was dim and shadowy. Closing her eyes for a moment, she gathered the shadows around her - something she usually did to stalk prey in the middle of the night. 

Now, looking at her hand, or rather, trying to - it was cloaked in shadow - she lifted the skull once again, unintentionally similar to how her sire did. 

He focused in. Were the shadows darker, or just in his imagination? 

As she waited for something, anything, her phone vibrated. Eden put the skull down. 

Peyton had replied, finally. 

“Ok i’m free”

“Cool im at apartment 109 come when ya ready” 

Guess she’ll just bullshit it. 

[porcelainseashore]

me reading into the ether 14 like

god fucking lord ALMIGHTY

ada you still better watch your fuckin step but THE FUCKING END ARE YOU SHIDDING ME PORCELAIN

well. i’ll be on the edge of my damn seat until you bless us with part 15, i hope you’re pleased with yourself

lov u miss u hope ur well♡

Did I tell you that I love your meme reviews already?? Ada always knows how to push people's buttons, doesn't she? I love her for that and the way she plays the long game 🤭

I do have Chapter 15 halfway written out, but there's still a good chunk of it to go. There's a long list of stuff I intend to focus on this summer, like getting my sailing licence, weekend hikes, my VtM campaigns, and not to mention I'm currently going through an IWTV brainrot! (Lestat, Louis and Armand — the Unholy Trinity ughhhh 😩❤️) Hopefully I have supersonic, effective time management skills, and am able to bang out a couple of fic updates, but I can already foresee progress being slowwww...

Thank you still so much for sticking with me though! Let's keep chatting via DMs 🗣️

[m0n0lithical]

Sims - get to know me

Tagged by @igotsnothing thanks so much I absolutely wanted to do this one! Also if ya’ll like occults you better go follow them.

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Either meteor because of HOW dramatic it is, or pufferfish since that’s like, the only way for your own sim to kill another sims (without mods, anyway).

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Mostly Maxis, but I do have mix elements (like the hairs that aren’t TECHNICALLY alpha but are so detailed they almost look it), especially in my fandom saves because the outfits in those are always alpha.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Nah, if I really want a sim to stay the same weight, I lock the weight/gain loss (I do this for my selfsim every time so she’ll STOP LOSING WEIGHT oh my god woman). But if I’m playing with it on, what happens happens.

4. Do you use move objects? I don’t even have to enter this cheat because it’s always ticked on my BBB.

5. Favorite mod? I mean the most practical favorites are MCCC and BBB, and really most of the ;must haves’ the majority of people have, so lemmie pick a lesser seen one – PreferencesPlus by Helaene is a huge game-changer for someone who really dislikes all the missing likes/dislikes in the game.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? ...I wanna say Outdoor Retreat? I know, horrible pick, I didn’t know how lacking it was.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Like LIVing

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? This...is hard, but I’m gonna have to roll with Amie, because she’s evolved beyond being just a sim at this rate – she’s also my FFXIV character, as well as a VtM character. But she absolutely did START as a sim.

9. Have you made a simself? Yes – she’s set loose in EVERY save I have for sake of hilarity – I love passing by her in-game and she’s doing something utterly random. The last time I saw her she was shooting down a goth witch lady flirting with her – thrilled the sexuality update can make her proper asexual now, was so happy to see it without having to put dumb flags on her!

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Lover, Unflirty, Lazy, Cat Lover, Creative, Foodie.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? I’m a pretty big fan of the middle red tone. Or the green, if we’re picking unnatural colors.

12. Favorite EA hair? The RoM updo short locs are SO good. Honorable mention to the EL undercut half-ponytail.

13. Favorite life stage? I’m gonna be boring and say YA, because the game is LITERALLY built around them so you have so, SO many more options.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? I do a little bit of everything, but CAS is my specialty. I spend HOURS in there.

15. Are you a CC creator? If some hair/eye recolors and simple tattoos count, then yeah. I really can’t be fussed learning blender beyond pose-making.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? My social anxiety stops me from interacting a lot, even if I try my best to talk to people. Like, I know the chances of someone being an asshole to me are very, very slim and that most everyone is chill and laid back like I am – REASONABLY I know I’m being dumb, but also my brain is an asshole.

17. What’s your favorite game? In Sims, I’ve honestly only played 4 (a friend sent me 3 a while ago but I have yet to fire it up). Outside sims? Uh...Okami for single player, Guild Wars 2 for multiplayer.

18. Do you have any sims merch? God I wish.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Hahahah like my internet would let me upload videos.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Lord I have no idea...I’ve been fiddling with different types of sim face styles, but I keep falling back to the same one, really – at least for non-themed saves. And it doesn’t even stand out I’m pretty basic bitch.

21. What’s your Origin ID? Monophony! I mostly make sims, but there’s a few terrible builds there, too.

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? That is a hard as hell question...but I wanna say @simandy,. For multiple reasons, but primarily because their hairs are just...to die for.

23. How long have you had a simblr? It’s been a year or two, but I took several hiatuses as I got distracted by my MMOs. I have a goldfish attention span.

24. How do you edit your pictures? I have several different reshade presets I’ll alternate between, and a good number of Photoshop actions and/or PSDs, and it’s always some combo of those. Each save has a different reshade/action (or PSD) combination to make them have their own looks (I have a word doc for ref so I know what save uses what combo).

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Vampires will always be my favorite, but I was shocked by how much I also enjoyed Werewolves – I’m not a werewolf person, really. Non-occult...Growing Together really does add a ton through the whole game.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I uh...well you see >-> I’M STUPID WITH MY MONEY I HAVE THEM ALL.

I’m only gonna tag a few peeps since I’ve seen most people having done this - @simarcana, @druidberries, @apricote, @lotus030, @salemssimblr if ya’ll wanna do this here’s your excuse! <3 Feel free to ignore if you don’t wanna!

[doomsayings]

I know I say this every few months like a broken record but god I miss vampire the masquerade. As in being totally obsessed and hyper fixated on it. I feel like it’s one of those things I definitely wore down to the bone with how obsessed I was with it so there’s that problem and also the problem with this weird mental block I have about my unfinished fanfic projects that I can never return to and haunt me in my sleep with how unfinished they are and how much wasted potential there was that I just did not have the skill yet to tap into. I feel like what I need to do is start a table top campaign or write for my VTM OCs. Maybe some time this year I’ll replay the game. More likely than all these things I will just post clan moodboards instead

[mz-elysium]

vtm: wormwood ; clan bingos of povs

[link to blank bingos]

Monroe

Ashley

Hawthorne

Charlie

Jack

Lex

Masika (new!)

rest of the bingos and commentary under cut bc uh this got kinda long lmao

Monroe

ofc Monroe got a bingo. God Complex might be strong, but definitely Saviour Complex. Does wayy too much shit. Also, had a weird bit where he genuinely had quite a bit of respect for LaCroix as an enemy...before he was killed. Shame. Also, had a lot in common, as disgraced childer of unsuccessful military backgrounds.

Hard no’s: *claps hands*, Loyalty > Approval (Monroe not-so-secretly craves being admired), Owns a Crown (but he DOES own a sword...), Undisputed (uh yeh, very in dispute)

Ashley

b-b-bingo. Maybe a bonus bingo, since he does eat food in text sometimes, but I never gave their char sheets merits. 

Hard Yes: Red Lipstick (any colour, dark or sparkly preferred), Never Makes Art (comically useless at it), Siren, Narcissm, Would Sparkle, Anne Rice (literally Spike and Lestat)

Hard No: Humanity 8 (cackles in Humanity 4, which is him on an upswing), Rotten at the Core (...maybe, but he does have some redeeming factors)

Hawthorne

Unsurprised that she got no bingo, and was denied by Leather Jacket! ahh loser. Atypical Brujahs don’t get bingos. Urban Ventrue ghouls don’t make good Brujahs, who figured.

Hard No: Leather Jacket, Motorcycle, Good Music Ended in the 90s (um, actually the 80s, but she would listen to almost anything), Respects Smiling Jack, Brawl 5 (not anymore), Bros Before Sects/Obvious Anarch (fuck the Anarchs)

Charlie

Bingo, and not even a free-space one. Probably the hardest one to fill out, though. Charlie’s Cobweb radar is decent and she can sorta make sense of it sometimes or use it to harvest info, but never that useful.

Also, her Great Ideas are mostly unrelated to her Malkavianisms and mostly due to just being a wiseass and smart guy.

Hard Yes: Paranioa, PREMONITION, “Did anyone else hear that?”, Don’t “ugh, a Malkavian” me!

Secretly, she likes that Bedlam calls her a fish. She knows its true. She just grew legs one night and crawled out onto the shores, but she has a natural habitat somewhere that she can’t go back to. Not that anyone wants to hear stuff like that.

Jack

Jack’s earliest drafts were Brujah and that might still show a bit. He’s not as rough and tumble wilderness dude. More City Gangrel. He has the leather jacket and wants a motorcycle.

But he is a dirt boy animist and part-time rock sorcerer in love with his shapechanges, so maybe he’s Gangrel enough.

Hard No: No Driving License, Becketts (Jack never knew Beckett enough, but he would probably be put off by his obnoxious snide British-isms), Smells Funny (he bathes!), Survival 5

Hard Yes: DONT pet me (sore spot, as a Gangrel), Wants a House in the Woods (kinda has that...), Hell yeah NATURE

Lex

Ahhh, a better Brujah gets better shapes and multi-bingos AND doesn’t need the free-space. Such a Brujah. Very Brujah. Too poor for a new leather jacket and probably burned their old one 8yrs ago.

Hell No: Surprisingly High Humanity (middling, at best), Quotes Philosopher (you kidding me, they can barely quote themself), Motorcycle (lives in SOMA)

Hell Yes: Everything is Political (risks them friendships), Fuck off (just...everyone), Band T-shirt, Good Music Ended in the 90s, Starts Combat, Obvious Anarch (see above)

Masika

New POV. A very Tremerey Tremere, apparently. Very excite about her.

Hell Yes: Smartass (more of a deadpan), Getting Lost (new girl!), Secret Reads (probably, but more of a Discworld and Dark Tower girlie), Absolutely Terrified of Fireball (zero combat exp), SUSPICIOUS (fellow Tremere are always up to something, but not her!), Misses the Pyramid (Tremere loyalist)

Hell No: Oops, Forgot to Ward (never forgets, never oops), Secretly Wants a Gargoyle (a WARCRIME? a breaking of the sacred montmartre pact??? never!), Guilty of Most Things (has never done anything wrong in her entire life)

[faerune]

Could we get some of your favorite fun facts for your cool vtm ocs? You make me wanna replay vtmb!

omg YES absolutely (and you definitely should replay it I'm having a blast with my replay)

Valentina never drank before her embrace and her non-alcoholic drink of choice was Shirley Temples! And oh my god does she miss them.

Cassandra has pet spiders! Mostly different species of tarantulas but since she doesn't have to worry about venom she also has a black widow! They're her babies.

Helen was turned by her sire because he had concocted a harebrained scheme to put a Lasombra on the throne of England and Helen was rumored to be a bastard of Henry VIII. It all fell apart because like...really? and also the older Lasombras were like I don't think...you thought this through so he didn't have any support. Helen is actually Henry VIII's bastard there just wasn't much proof even back then except for heresay.

This makes Helen my oldest Kindred as she was turned in the mid-late 16th century! She most likely has the lowest generation as well but I haven't figured them all out yet.

Charlotte has published various bits of her poetry throughout the centuries under pseudonyms. Not because she wants fame or praise but because she really likes hearing how people interpret her poetry! Poetry, to Charlotte, is one of those art forms where it's specific to everyone even if it's the same set of words and that thrills her!

Adele can play up to fifteen musical instruments but her violin is what she has focused on truly mastering!

Adam was sent to Seattle after it was found out he was sleeping with his sire's wife...and admittedly a couple other people's spouses. His sire wanted him killed but the upper echelon of the Tremere found him too useful and promising and the Camarilla was like ? yeah just because he fucked your wife doesn't give you the right to request final death so...

Violet and Adele are the only Kindred of mine that don't know who their sire is. Violet was very drunk and was turned by a hook-up who bailed the minute she was turned while Adele is the victim of a mass embrace (as she's my planned protag for VTMB2).

Seth's lower humanity (I mean he's a 5 so not even that low) isn't the result of hatred toward humanity but more of a passive attitude towards them. He doesn't actively seek them out to harm or help them, he's too focused on his music. Also, because he was pale and weird before being embraced and that's common in his music scene he has an easier time passing amongst people than he would otherwise with a humanity score that low.

[lost-dreamers-system]

Hahah that post is hilarious as a system. (Referring to the last post I re logged)

Like yeah this guy needs some kinda help cause he made ME man. Like as a CHARACTER sure it's FINE. bisexual painslut drug addicts are great VTM characters. Not so great as alters.

Thankfully my ability to get us into trouble is hampered by the fact that the host is a little baby boy who is afraid to look into how to get anything beyond legal weed alternatives.

Which like frankly good i don't wanna see this kid in jail or something worse.

Anyway though lol we got crossfaded and now I'm laying here listening to Deftones and watching columbo 👍 love cheap wine so much lol.

Anyway God I miss fucking fleshcrafting like a bitch and hate the static form I am trapped in now -_-

[garrettwrites]

Hi, how's it going? Anything new and exciting in your life?

I see you're obsessed with vampires, who are your favourites? 👀

Sorry for the 3day delay I had to think on this. Picking favourites is hard. Reminder that I welcome all sorts of asks! Especially vampire and Worldbuilding ones!

Life's hard, gotta study the hell out of roman fish productions while simultaneously making art for social media and my portfolio, but what's life without a little stress.

Onto your question (which I ended up rambling on, sorry), lore wise I have two absolute favourite pieces of vampire media:

VtM: Bloodlines (2004 game). My love. I like how they write vampires and set their powers, clan divisions and hierarchies. The aesthetic of the game is also early 2000s late 90s, which is nostalgic. It's more fantastical than straight forward, a vampire DnD in fact, so it offers a lot of liberty and flexibility for whatever story you want to tell. It also works well as inspiration for original works, since the more you look into it the more you can pick what to use for your own vampire stories.

Second one is the netflix series Vampires (2020). It's french. It is an... incredibly fresh take on vampires. The series unfortunately only has one season with six episodes. It follows the life of this poor vampire family, but the twist is that vampirism is biological and vampires are born as such, and can die of old age (they just age much slower). Their weaknesses, their biology, their social structures and the way the series explores them through the eyes of a teenage girl slowly coming into her vampire disease (because it is kind of an illness), the way the series IS NOT AFRAID of pushing forward extremely embarrassing moments (such as the girl, still unable to control herself, biting the boy she loves IN CLASS and being viewed as a weirdo for it - refreshing when many writers are afraid of such realistic moments due to how cringe they may come across as for general audiences.... It's pretty solid. The scenes with the girl's mother walking into the sun covered in scarves and pieces of cloth is also really good, more series should do that - makes sense that a vampire would still go outside during the day, they'd just need to look absolutely out of place while doing it. Which they should. Vampires don't belong in daylight.

Honorable mention: Interview with the Vampire. Of course. Especially the new TV series. I love the psychological exploration of vampirism in there. However, I think the series is good because of the characters themselves rather than the blood sucking of it all. Vampire wise I don't care much for the lore, it is there to solidify the fact they're all monsters.

Extra 2: Unironically? I know this might sound cringe, but if you ignore the main storyline and exclusively look at the lore... Vampire Diaries is kinda good. The writers clearly did their research and included ideas from all over the world in their social structures, vampiric powers, etc. One of my favourite aspects is how they utilise the concept of "vampries can't enter a house without consent" to its absolute fullest. There's even a character who is turned into a vampire, and gets locked out of his own home because he lives alone and no one is in there to allow him in. Hilarious.

CHARACTER WISE...

Lestat is definitely one of my all time favourites. He symbolizes what a vampire should be for me, but is still multi faceted enough to be a person rather than a caricature.

Olrox from Castlevania: Nocturne (animated series). I miss drawing him. I wrote two whole ass fanfics about him, but they were romantic rather than focused exclusively on him.... A shame. I think he's pretty interesting. Depending on where Nocturne goes, he might surpass Lestat in the future. He's charming, but dangerous. Tragic yet with a chance of rising above the rubble. He's also native american, and possibly a god - all really fresh concepts. I really love Olrox. Top tier vampire dude, sorry Alucard but you're just not as cool.

Talking about Castlevania... Carmilla. She's not even that original as a character, but she's what people nowadays call a "Girlboss" except she's actually well written. You feel for her. You love her. You hate her. And she's a vampire that knows she's a monster and wants to keep being one. None of that "oh naur I'm immortal but must... commit the sin of drinking blood" bullshit. She, much like Olrox, steals every scene she's in.

Jonathan Reid from Vampyr (2018 game). A very... text intensive game. But I like reading, so I don't mind. He's a doctor, and was a soldier during WW1. He's the main character of the game and you can take his path in multiple directions. He's a favourite of mine because I like the concept of a doctor vampire, plus I genuinely love Vampyr.

The cast of The Lost Boys. No explanation needed,

Least favourite vampire: Astarion because 1) he took over my dash, can't talk about vampires anymore without that man being there and 2) people can't tag his fucking name properly and I'm over here trying to find minotaur content (AstErion) and I see that kind of muscular kinda lean white haired small fangs elf taking over the tags. Please people. Learn how to tag.

[immren]

HE DESERVES TO FRENZY.. as a treat.. + honestly it might explain why he was so bad keeping the boar under wraps (i dont know too much about this scene because. i missed it as well somehow?? i was so confused when it got brought up when he tries to feed on u loll).. as in, it wasnt a carefully coordinated act.. idk i think it'd be fun to add another layer of desperation to his feeding. LITERALLY though i was also thinking about what clan he might've been if he was in vtm though just the other day and arrived at the same conclusion though he 100% feels like a wet paper towl of a ventrue. the amount of content in the city is so incredibly daunting to me though oh my god. in a good way but i know i'm going to want to see like. Every Little Thing and get pulled this way and that by all of the options... (which is also what's happened to me in early access.. i ran into places i was definitely not levelled for....) the amount of detail in this game is honestly kind of ?? insane and im sooo so incredibly excited to explore it im like almost completely certain that ur the first mutual i've interacted with though. and i have been here for... maybe 2-3 years (not a long time on tumblr but still) ahjdghj but i'm glad i did though

the boar scene is soo funny bc astarion is trying so hard to get u to ignore it and walk away GFSHJKL i think it spawns in a specific area??

not coordinated at all. just leaving his food out in the open while he pretends he's not a vampire. shaking my damn head. LMAO also i like that. Wet Paper towel

so true so true i agree. omg if they're for real about how big they actually made the city, im gonna be so amazed if im able to jusdt walk anywhere. where did u walk into that u were too underleveled for?? i think i wasn't ready for the underdark, i got my ass kicked .. quite often .. .

[dravencroft]

Summary of today's VTM session: bad life decisions in a BDSM dungeon with a crazy Giovanni woman and a hidden but equally crazy Nosferatu... er, individual of unspecified gender. Highlights and weird stuff under the cut!

So today is the first time we played after five whole months of inactivity (okay, “of no sessions”, since there was a lot of activity anyway). One of the usual players couldn’t make it for the session, so we played by ourselves - and with a special guest, our GM’s original GM! Who basically debuted as a player and he’s a super nice person ^ ^

His character is an awfully OP Nosferatu of unspecified gender who is constantly wearing a creepy leather mask that covers their whole face, with a small window for the eyes and one for the mouth that can be opened when needed. They’re creepy, extremely faithful to the Sabbat and they managed to get run over by a car in the first ten minutes of the session because they forgot to look both ways before crossing the road and our GM is delightfully petty with these things. After that, they proceeded to carefully and comically look both ways every single time they had to cross some road.

We had to find some info about a meeting between the local Anarchs and the Camarilla representatives, so we split the party (bad idea, obviously) to check different places: our Ravnos managed not to create too many problems, she killed a man who was following her but she didn’t manage to find out much. Our Gangrel tried to scout the place where the meeting was going to happen but she was found out and forced to run for dear life.

My Ventrue and the Nosferatu went to a night club run by the local Anarchs. While the Nosferatu was talking with the Brujah owner, I had the brilliant idea of trying to hit on a nice lady who seemed really happy to humour me and proceeded to drag me to a LITERAL UNDERGROUND BDSM PRIVATE DUNGEON with a poor Dominated mortal woman and a lot of creepy torture devices and stuff I don’t even want to think about oh dear Cain

The next few hours saw my character’s attempts at flirting and gathering information at the same time, sometimes with good results, sometimes with awful critical failures, implying a lot of blood smeared everywhere and my poor but somehow successful flirting techniques. At the end the lady got bored and was about to kick me out, so I decided to go for a steamy kiss (with my fellow players screaming “TONGUE KISS!!!” at the top of their lungs, it was so embarrassing). In that moment the Nosferatu, who had followed us while making themself invisible, decided to jump out of nowhere and stake the woman’s heart. You can imagine how freaking creeped out my Ventrue was when a French kiss turned into a hot lady coughing up blood.

The Nosferatu then proceeded to grab the immobilized woman, saw off her hands with an electric saw (?????), tie her upside-down to her SM manacles on the wall, take the stake out and hit her until she woke up. He then kept hitting her until the poor thing broke down and revealed everything she knew (she was a freaking GIOVANNI OH GOD I KISSED A GIOVANNI WHY UGH I THOUGHT SHE WAS A TOREADOR ANTITRIBU but the human bones in the dungeon should have rung a bell, uh). Then they had my Ventrue erase her memories of the night. My Ryan is scarred for life. Traumatized. He had never seen anything like that and now he’s terrified of the Nosferatu, who seemed extremely calm and happy about all this. But he also admires them a lot now.

Unrelated but funny: at some point the Gangrel tried to use the Internet from her phone, rolled miserably and proceeded to get a bad porn virus on her phone. She accidentally sent a porn gif to her Mentor. My character fixed everything in two seconds and laughed about it for the following five minutes. Perks of playing a Millennial tech geek vampire.

Unrelated but funny part two: despite the fact that they had to do literally everything by themself, the Nosferatu was actually quite impressed by what we all did. They told my Ventrue that he can become a real “hunter” if he keeps trying. As you can imagine, Ryan is not happy at all. 

In conclusion, I want the next session to be like NOW

[naamahdarling]

How did you get into tabletop games? Is Magical Kitties your current favorite?

My sister! My sister had all the 2nd Ed. D&D books and I don't know how much she played or if she simply read them like I did. I had a BIG problem with numbers and with complex rules. I needed (and did until I was about 30, when I finally became confident with basic math*) help with the numbers. I needed to be taught the rules by a person through play. So I kind of went from storytelling by myself or with a couple of friends using what I found there without actually playing, to playing when I found someone (ex husband) who taught me how to actually PLAY. So I played with him as GM, and then in a friend's group, for a while, and eventually tried running things myself and discovered I'm very very good at it. Just not reliable. Couldn't keep up with every week. So I don't GM much.

I have played at least a dozen different systems. All versions of D&D, White Wolf/Storyteller/VtM/Werewolf, Chaosium/Call of Cthulhu/any licensed tie in like Elric or Elfquest, GURPS, FATE, Champions, Star Wars (can't remember the core system, it was a d6 system), several d6 systems I can't remember, and some stuff almost nobody remembers like Arcanum or god save us the very confusing Jorune. Other stuff I have forgotten. At least two entirely homebrew systems. I think my favorite to play was Chaosium with the expanded rules and magic system my ex developed himself. Really fun and was intuitive for me.

But I have RUN five different systems now and like MKSTD best because it is the one that most facilitates the thing I like best about TTRPGs and have most missed about the games I have been playing in for the last mumbleteen years: collaborative storytelling, and unbridled FUN.

Are there rules? Sure, sorta. They're only there as a way to guide the story and challenge players' creativity.

I am a good player and very very good GM in terms of roleplaying. I give my players tons of latitude to interact and explore, and I am fortunate enough to be incredibly fast on my feet so it doesn't matter who they want to talk to or what they want to ask, I don't break stride. I'm not bragging, I say this to highlight the fact that it is very nearly all I am good at. I cannot run combat or design balanced encounters to save my life. With Magical Kitties I actually CAN. It's so simple. And with such a lighthearted subject, plotting is a lot easier. Still, I am approaching the point where the Larger Plot needs to assert itself and I am TERRIFIED because I do not know what is actually causing the big bad problem.

Anyway, yeah, this is pretty amazing for something so silly, and there's no reason the core ideas for the system couldn't be used to approximate any setting or type of character. It doesn't suit some kinds of player, but those are players I don't enjoy running games for anyway (not personally, they're usually lovely, but in terms of play styles not meshing).

I highly recommend it. Silly as it is. Especially if you like cats.

*I have very very bad dyscalculia and adding more than three multiple digit numbers together was for decades a slow process of counting on my fingers and making marks on paper as I went. Around 30, after practice several times a week, I graduated to still being bad at it but at least not needing my fingers, which is where I still am now. I use my phone calculator a LOT, or ask other players for help. Never feel ashamed for being a grown-ass adult who fears subtraction despite people teaching it at you. It says nothing at all about your intelligence. You're fine.

[porcelainseashore]

CHAPTER 5 LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO

(me because we would have been BEHEADED if this shit had happened two days earlier)

i really appreciate the exposition because i personally know nothing about VTM or how any of the vamp stuff works in it, and it makes sense because we’re just a baby!!! how would we know all these intricacies when we’d barely just found out about vampires :0

and god i love how angry we are. like as much as i pretend otherwise, if i got turned into a vampire against my will i would be PISSED. like yes babe you have every right to be so mad bitch at that boy some more he needs to hear it and we need to let it out!!!

the end though … miss ada … i fear what’s in store will not go particularly well for any party involved in that conversation but i am SO excited to see how it goes down especially since it’s established we’re quite a spitfire!!!

sorry about this novel porcelain i just had several thots, i can’t wait for chapter 6 !!!

smooches u

The chain smoking!! 🚬 I get'chu though, it really was "lucky" that the attack happened after Leon got his permission. Or was it planned all along? Hmm... 🤔

I'm honestly relieved that the exposition worked out well, because managing the info dump like that within a storytelling setting is a bit difficult to get the balance right. So, there will definitely be more explanations along the way as we get introduced to further concepts. At the moment, it's also flying over Reader's head 😅

It's a toughie! Reader is kinda stuck in this position they didn't ask for and now has to learn to survive it somehow. Leon tries to be caring but he was a major part of the problem in the first place, yikes! Though he's really having a bad day, isn't he? First with Wesker and then with Ada, omgggg they don't stop coming! 😵

DON'T APOLOGISE!! I love your novels to bits and all the cute little graphics you've been sending over too 🥰 Thanks a million for your support and I smooch you back 💋💞

[theboysfanfic]

Komm Zu Mir | Part 11

Komm Zu Mir VtM AU

Pairing: Ventrue!Homelander x f!Reader

18 + only. This story will contain smut/sex so you have to be over 18 to read it.

Warnings: 18+ only. Sex. Smut.

Words: 2.2k

Summary: The day of the Amsterdam trip. Some quiet time before they set off.

Credit: Dividers by @firefly-graphics x

Main Masterlist | KMZ Series Masterlist | SpookTober2021 Masterlist

The dream is so intense I feel like I’m going to cum. I hope it doesn’t end. I wake up, open my eyes in the dark. The dream is lingering in my mind’s eye and I feel even more intensely than I did asleep. I feel so hot and tense. With my hand on my thigh I feel John’s hair under my fingers. He’s making out with my clit and I feel like screaming, but I can’t breathe. I want to move. I need to move and clench my thighs around his face. I have to. It’s unbearable.

‘Halten sie sich an mich’ I hear him in my head as his lips are preoccupied with me. I wrap and I hold. He doesn’t care. Does he?

‘Is it too much?’ I ask.

‘Tu es. Es ist nicht zu viel. Tu was ich sage.’ - Do it. It’s not too much, do as I said. -

I do as he says. I press my knees together, tightening my grip and feeling his hair ruffling against my inner thighs. The longer he is there the more I hold onto him, until I have to let go and theres no strength left in me.

He’s crawling up to me in the dark, wrapping his arms around me, nestling with me. I’m dazed and exhausted from what he did. I don’t even ask him why or when. The look in his eyes tells me he’s been watching me for a while and he is not letting go now. I want to tell him thank you, but it will sound silly. I feel like I should say something different but I don’t know what.

I feel he could be right. But I can’t even finish that sentence. Right for what? I think I feel it but I can’t tell him if I can’t tell myself. I just look into his eyes as he holds onto me and I fall asleep again.

..

Through sleepy eyes I reach the handset John told me to use. I type into the phone and send a message.

-Hey Artemis, can I cook u pancakes?-

-I’ll cook them miss, you stay put. I’ll be down to fetch you.-

Two knocks and I get out of bed to answer the door. A few clicks and turns of a key and Artemis is on the other side, peeking through the door inviting me to come up.

‘Wait, Art, I’ll come up for tea and coffee, but I wanna eat in here, I wanna stay with John a little longer. Can I have the breakfast in here please?’

Artemis looks over to me, then through the door towards John. His brow freezes, the expression on his face has paused, he hesitates.

‘Uh Miss, it’s not the deal.’

‘The deal?’

‘The cutlery miss.’ His face is firm.

‘Look! You won’t let me eat with him, are you serious?’

‘Not allowed.’

He doesn’t budge and neither does his face. He’s standing there, devoid of expression lines, just stern flatness.

‘Fine. But John’s gonna hear about it. Can you come back for me in five?’

‘In five.’ The locks click as he leaves.

In less than five minutes I hear the lock open again. The telltale ‘Miss’ as he walks through with a silver tray of freshly sliced oranges ready to eat. A white linen napkin folder in a ring holder. A small vase with a single ballet pink rose. Toast with butter. A pot of raspberry jam with jam spoon. No knife.

‘Thank you. But I’m still asking John.’

I crawl carefully up onto the bed next to John. He looks so sweet. He’s sleeping this time.

I suck the half orange pulp, lick the dripping juice off my hand. I feel horny again, especially with him lying here. After what he did to me a few hours ago I’m dying for more, but he’s asleep. I think about the raspberry jam and how I can rub it on his cock and lick it off. Oh my God.

John stirs, he open his eyes and looks to the side at me. Theres a faint smile on his lips. Very subtle. His fingers find my hands and he pulls me down to snuggle with him and he closes his eyes again.

‘You don’t have to get up yet do you? Stay here. Stay with me.’ he holds my hands. ‘We are not going until tonight, you’ll have plenty of time.’

I stay in with him. Holding him and him holding me.

..

I can’t feel his heart, so I keep kissing him on his lips every so often. To make sure he’s ok. It’s weird for me to see him feel colder like this.

I’m done kissing him for a while and I examine his face. I touch and trace his lips with my fingers. They are so cute. A puffed cheek and a closed eyelid. Doe eyed. I breathe in his scent. I try to think of what he would feel like warm again. It makes me think melancholy thoughts and I don’t realise but I think I might cry.

What happened to Homelander? And what can happen to John? I realise I want him in my life.

..

When it is time, I shuffle out of the duvet carefully, I lock the doors sealing John in. There is no danger of sun here, but I do what I feel is needed. I need to make sure he is safe. He trusts me and I’m grateful.

I run a bath in the hot tub. I add bubbles and flower petals I find in a jar labeled confetti. Fresh rose petals in soft pinks. I bathe taking my time.

I take a straight razor that sits with the personal care items. How is Artemis not letting me use a knife but this is here? Unless it was an oversight, he trusts me. I tilt it, reflecting lamp light onto the walls. I begin to think that if I cut myself right now he could drink the blood. I won’t do it, but he could. If it happened accidentally. He could drink the blood. He said he can’t drink me. So I need to find another way.

..

I sip my cappuccino made for me by Artemis. He’s sweet really.

‘Look I won’t be telling John.’ I look to his face to reassure him.

He is silent but receptive.

‘I get it, ok. It’s.. it comes from somewhere else, you know. It’s like, if you don’t trust me, if he can’t….’ I say. I try to take a deep breath unnoticed and carry on. ‘It’s real when there’s trust, and I want it to be real.’ I let my voice go soft with those last few words and he has a solemn yet knowing look about is face.

Artemis moves over to sit around the coffee table with me. ‘Miss, he hasn’t, ’ he pauses sipping the first drink I’ve seen him touch in all this time. Before the glass touches his lips he places it down again. ‘Sir has wanted you to stay, but …’

I look over expecting him to say something I don’t want to hear.

‘But he.. stick around Miss, I think he will show you it could be, real and worth it.’

I tap the edge of my glass. Sip and take in the warmth, curling up onto the sofa for a while. It’s nice not to have to worry about anything for a bit. Then I remember and look to him.

He catches my slightly deer I the headlights look. His eyes shift to those of a professor who has the answers. He looks confident, inspired and proud to tell me. ‘Just tell me when you need to go home, I will take you there to collect anything you need for the trip and anywhere else you needtot go, just say, it’s not a problem. I’m here for you.’

‘Ok. Thank you, and it means a lot.’ I smile and relax into my chair again.

..

I write with Parker ink on lined letter writing paper that Artemis provided for me.

John, please know I haven’t left, I’m collecting my things then I’m back with you. X

I leave note on the kitchen counter and go out of the house with Artemis.

..

My suitcase clicks into place once the final item has been packed. I go to the hall to check for my keys and purse, and with a final spray of perfume I call Liza. Connection tone beeps and I turn down the volume on the speaker phone.

‘Hi Liza!’

‘It’s tonight, he’s taking me to Amsterdam.’

‘Yea!’

‘Tonight.’

‘I’m getting my things and going back to his place.’

‘Yeah I stayed over.’

‘Yeah. Don’t worry.’

‘Has Robert told you? He’s nothing to worry about, he’s unusual but he’s, I really like him. I’m excited.’

‘I’m looking forward to this trip.’

‘I can’t wait to tell you how it goes.’

‘Ok, bye! See you next week?’

..

John ruffles his hair at the edge of the bed, he’s woken up refreshed but melancholy. The residual thoughts form her are echoing in his mind. Just hints of some discomfort. He felt her temperature and the warmth of her thoughts as he slept, but not fully realising, not hearing it all. Theres a sort of quiet heaviness combined with pure happiness. She emanates that for him, but the exact source of that happiness isn’t clear to him.

She’s not here.

He could have made it so she could not leave. She would still be here and he could have found ways to prevent her from changing her mind.

Reading the note on the table, he lets go of the knot in his chest and the default controlling thoughts.

..

His face is expectant but solemn when I return.

John looks up from his phone as he ends a call when I walk through the door, his face is expressionless and he looks distant. As his eyes catch my shoes and he begins to stand, walking up to me. He takes my suitcase.

‘Hi. I say quietly.

‘Hi.’

‘I’m really looking forward to tonight.’ I say.

‘You are?’ he asks, walking away to put my case away then returning with one arm behind his back.

He walks directly up close to me, gulps, then looks down at me slowly. Wrapping his arms around my back as he hugs me he swaps the thing he is holding into my hands. I take the item and realise he’s gifted me a box of chocolates. Lindt.

‘Oh I love these, thank you! And yes, I am, why would I not?’ I look into his eyes and he kisses me gently on the lips.

‘Come over here’ here says as he drags me towards the sofa.

‘Well, You don’t know what I’ve booked yet?’

‘Ok tell me!’

‘So, we have a two room suite. He laces his hand with mine and moves my knees over his lap looking at me expectantly, searching my eyes. ‘Is that ok?’ he adds.

‘Well that’s gentlemanly of you, but you know, maybe I will miss you. What do you think?’

‘So if you miss me, we will hopefully be on the same time schedule, so I wanted us on this trip, to be able to have as much time together as can. But of course you are welcome to your own space if you need it.’ he says.

‘Sure, that’s so thoughtful, I still am not sure I’ll need it, maybe if you’re very bad.’ I grin at him. ‘Ok wait, how long is it? The journey there?’

‘It’s seven hours on my plane. We’ll get there by sunset.’

‘Oh, oh I have to tell you I’m not good with sleeping on transport. I hope I can do it.’

‘It’s a lot more comfy than you might imagine, I mean, I hope you will be, and..’ he strokes the side of my bare leg as he talks, ‘I want you here, like I said before, I need you here, and thank you, that you came back.’

I open the box of Lindt double chocolate right here. I don’t think he can have any.

‘John, you don’t?’

Artemis stops his shuffling in the kitchen and leaves the room.

I unwrap a perfectly spherical chocolate from the classically wrapped sweet. I bite into the sides of it, into the soft hazelnut filling. It melts on my lounge and I look into his eyes again. He’s still holding his hand on the side of my leg tracing along the surface. I wait for the rest of the chocolate to melt. ‘Why, why did you think I would not be back?’

‘I didn't know how to convince you to stay.’ He looks away for a moment, looks down.

‘You don’t need to convince me. I did that myself.’ When he raises his eyes to me again I kiss him and let him taste chocolate. He kisses me slowly, almost pushing me back onto the sofa.

‘We have time for this later,’ he smiles as he’s pressed to my face then pulls back, ‘but we’re gonna have to go, you ready?’

‘Of course!’

Previous | Next

[hyperionswrath-a]

What is the oddest muse you’ve picked up that you didn’t think you would?

» Munday Stuff! → .accepting I really had to sit down for a second and think about this because I am one of those people that have an extreme affinity for things they find aesthetically pleasing so I honestly for the life of me can’t come up with a muse that would be odd in terms of looks (I mean aside from my still lingering urge to pick up Hojo as a muse but you already saw that he won’t be odd looking hahah). As for oddity in general - I figure that people that aren’t super into vampire / supernatural beings - stuff might find a whole bunch of my OCs odd... or straight up weird lmao. I created an OC years ago (back when roleplaying angels as an origin story wasn’t like... overused)  that was basically a towering, kinda skinny guy completely clad in latex and leather that also covered half his face in a mask attached to straps on his head (think straight jacket but kinky LOL), because his voice would pretty much tear humans apart / burn them from the inside out if he so much as raised it - and he had a mighty temper let me tell you, so screaming happened often :D But he also in time did a lot of talking in whispered tones, it was fun exploring communicating with him (which is, I think, why I took to Fujin so easily). I also had a vampire based on Vampire the Masquerade, origining in the Gangrel (Beast) clan, who was kind of a legend among vampires only knowns as “The Hyena” because he would feed on anything, including other vampires respectably. Loved him, he didn’t just have two fangs but all his teeth were fangs basically. And let’s not forget my Malkavian who was so out of it he would usually reply to questions two or so sentences after he was asked (needless to say you needed a mun that was up for that headfuckery). God I miss my Vampire muses, I wish the VtM fandom was still alive around tumblr.

[robotslenderman]

Eternal Hearts Liveblog, pt 1

Special thanks to @missn11​, who is probably mortified their name is associated with this travesty of a post, for letting me get my filthy little hands on this piece of embarrassing VTM history.

Okay guys, time to do the thing that’s gonna get me cancelled by fifteen-year-olds in the year 2032:

I’m gonna liveblog Eternal Hearts.

I once promised myself I would never make a rape joke, but today I break that vow because even the rape scenes are (sometimes) just that fucking ridiculous that I had to make fun of them.

This book is just.

Guys.

It’s GLORIOUS.

In the first twenty-four pages alone we have:

A guy is confronted by a locked door, so he whips his dick out. Everyone else acts like this is completely normal.

A guy meeting Final Death because a politician sat on his face. RIP in pieces Noah.

A mortal setting herself on fire, waving her arms around and running at a bunch of vampires yelling “DIE, YOU BASTARDS!”

A guy using his dick as a key ring. (Yeah, it’s the locked door guy.)

Lucita given the Hallowe’en treatment, in that she’s covered with sewage -- but sexy!

Daddy kink on top of the Washington monument.

Only some of the above makes sense in context. Some of it is as baffling in context as it is out of context.

This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read. Nobody told me about this when I went in holy shit.

Time to open this sucker up!

Liveblog under the cut!

DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT ETERNAL HEARTS IS, DO NOT READ THIS LIVEBLOG, HOLY SHIT.

You’re in for a ride, and it’s the edgiest, unsexiest ride ever.

First thing I notice: Eternal Hearts is, in fact, written by a woman. Which may mean that if she wanted to scare the shit out of her female readers, she'd know exactly how to do it.

gulp.

(^ I wrote that back when I thought I was gonna traumatise myself by reading this. OH BOY)

Next bit, the rape book is opened by the following foreword:

What follows is an essay that basically boils down to "no! :D but we wrote it anyway!”

Partway through that is this quote:

We’ll come back to that quote later. Several times, I predict.

Aaaand we open straight into a gang rape scene! Oh joy. And there’s church spires, to make it extra edgy.

Oh but then they give her the Kiss so she enjoys it! Yay!

Oh.

She's a shovelhead.

They never mentioned THIS part of the Sabbat recruitment process.

and now she's underground and buried and being raped again? Somehow. Like somebody’s got their entire goddamn fist in there. While under six feet of dirt. I know someone’s got their entire damn fist in there because the Shovelhead’s thinking about how somebody got their entire goddamn fist in there.

(Yeah this is the bit I had to make jokes about because it was that fucking ridiculous. I started this out trying to be respectful. I failed. Miserably. I just can’t fucking do it this is too -- too -- Eternal Hearts-y.)

Like the author just turned to the other people in the credits page and pitched this idea: “guys. Hear me out. What do you think is scarier than being raped or being buried alive?”

“idk what?”

“being raped after being buried alive!”

“That’s a GREAT idea!”

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” Remember that quote? Thank god for that.)

Jean - for that is our poor Shovelhead's name, RIP - seems only mildly concerned about the rape. and the fact it’s still happening.

Like yeah, serious talk, putting my respectful hat on: to be fair, everyone responds to trauma differently. You know how I respond to trauma? I make jokes about it. Like I’m the kind of person to say “what are you gonna do, STAB ME?” for the lols when a guy is pointing a knife at me.

Okay, respectful hat back off, back to edgy humour.

Anyway she’s being fisted by somebody while also six feet underground, somehow, and daydreaming about the guy she’s stalking and about how she’s in love with him, hmm, maybe he had something to do with it? She’s not entirely sure.

(ETA: So an anonymous Discord friend was reading my liveblog and said this:

and I laughed so hard my dog actually pawed at me because she was worried.

Yeah, I’m going to hell, but at least I know I’m taking you guys with me.)

Anyway she starts digging her way out, and I guess she’s still being fisted while she’s digging her way out???? IDK they didn’t say it stopped??? Like that’s gotta make digging your way out difficult.

And then cut to Lucita!

Walking past a protest outside a sex shop. There’s a bunch of Christian protestors outside because they’re bored or something. We get straight back into rapiness with a Dominate:

Damn Lucita, if jizzing your own brains isn't the hottest image you can give a guy, I don't know how what is.

Lucita decides to snack instead of raping him, but does sexually assault him by taking his dick from his pants and leaving it in his hand when he’s unconscious.

Lucita walks into a meeting at a brothel. There are “slaves”. I’m not sure if they’re sex slaves or if they’re actually ghouls, but then again, this is Eternal Hearts so probably both.

She expects Pieterzoon to be there, but he's not. When the others start talking like he's missing, she is completely unconcerned and immediately starts talking as if she knows he's missing.

They move on. Pieterzoon has paid Lucita to assassinate Marcus Vitel. Good fucking luck with that one. Everyone at the meeting is trying to stop her from doing it. Lucita’s like “tough shit he’s already paid me bitch is gonna die”.

Also the Brujah woman present is apparently this scene’s titillation or something because the author loves to remind us about how tight her clothes are and how she's "seductively cuddling" people.

no fucking kidding

I like how the VTM universe goes out of its way to avoid using the terms “son” and “daughter” to avoid the Unfortunate Implications when people inevitably start fucking their Sires

and the author’s like "nah fuck that let’s daddy kink it up.”

Oh and he does it ON TOP OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!! Like gang rape in a churchyard wasn’t edgy enough I guess.

the author can't go a paragraph without reminding us that sex exists and everyone is utterly sex crazed. The bit I blacked out above? That was Lucita daydreaming about hiring a prostitute. Like that’s not erotica, erotica is arousing, this is just voyeurism.

Lucita apparently hasn't yet noticed she's in a porno.

Somebody makes a joke about the Christian protestors gang raping the prostitutes outside. It’s a Ventrue. Of course it is.

Apparently the slave (I guess the word “ghoul” isn’t sexy enough) in the above screenshot is a fucking senator. Pun not intended. She soothes the cranky Brujah by suggesting they get somebody called Torres deported? I have no idea what that has to do with Lucita assassinating Marcus Vitel, but there's almost certainly going to be fucking involved.

(ETA 23/1/21 -- I regret to inform you all that there wasn’t “fucking” involved so much as gang rape. Never mind.)

Lucita and the Brujah guy almost start stabbing each other (so much for that soothing), but somebody has just set the brothel on fire so they have to GTFO.

The mortal senator can't quite fit inside the escape tunnel because her skirt is huge and keeping it on is apparently more important than not dying of smoke inhalation. But it’s okay, she manages it.

The skirt will be important later, unfortunately.

They come to a locked door in the passage. Oh no, whatever will they do?

Will they take a key out of their pocket and unlock it?

Nah, that’s too fucking sensible.

The Brujah that tried to punch Lucita whips out his dick.

Yes.

He actually fucking does that.

Weird flex, but okay.

(ETA 21/1/21 -- I just realised... what if it’s somebody ELSE’S penis he just whipped out? Like the thing was actually just chilling out and he pulls it out the way somebody else pulls out a cucumber. It’s not attached to his body, it’s just THERE?)

Everyone is completely unfazed by this. Both by the fact he whipped his dick out, and the fact he uses it as a fucking key ring.

Like. Is this a habit of his????? APPARENTLY IT IS.

(ETA: Anonymous Discord friend says:

SDFADLFJASDLFJASDF)

They end up in a sewer.

Garinson keeps a key to a sewer on his dick key ring.

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” yeah I just remembered another place more fitting for a sewer key)

THEN!!!

PLOT TWIST!!

The senator suddenly threatens everyone with a lighter!!

After the kindred are done laughing their ass off, she covers herself in whiskey, sets herself on fire and charges them.

I'm sorry but the way it's worded - pin wheeling, cringing - just makes this the funniest shit. It gets even funnier when you remember they’re knee-deep in water. Ever tried to run in water? It’s. not exactly easy. So presumably she’s tripping and stumbling the entire time and somehow still on fire as she does so.

A kindred tries to escape by clawing his way up the wall. He falls. The senator assassinates him by flinging her skirt over his head and sitting on his face. That part of her is also on fire. The skirt and her thighs are on fire.

And I guess they’re obviously not thigh-deep in water any more ‘cause the poor fuck doesn’t survive this.

what a way to fucking go: death by fire pussy.

Everyone panics, except Lucita, who's like "fuck this", cuts off her head, puts out the corpse, then, uh. uses it as a shield against the remaining flames. as you do.

(Between that and the above screenshot, there’s graphic descriptions of what, exactly, the fire is doing to the senator, and how said senator doesn’t give a flying fuck that fire is kinda hurty because she hates vampires that fucking much.)

Lucita meets a Nosferatu who offers to guide her from the sewers. On the next page, we have an illustration of Lucita, in sewage, looking up at the Nosferatu.

You couldn’t possibly make that picture sexy, could you?

Welp the artist went “Challenge accepted!”

So I wanted to show you guys the picture but I didn’t want to get too banned from Tumblr for an Eternal Hearts liveblog, so I went to my friends for help. One of them, @intimidatethevoid​, answered the call to arms:

Well.

This is awkward.

And so she bestowed upon me this glorious, but also cursed, image:

Yeah.

Her shirt’s somehow come off. And she isn’t wearing any knickers. Hence the Filthy Frank sticker.

And that’s gonna wrap up part 1 of my Eternal Hearts liveblog!

For more, like this post in secret shame so that none of your followers have to see it. To cancel me, send angry anon messages and death threats to my inbox.