#global warming made me lost my sanity

[veggiukabu]

Beansagi slush

Man I don't know anymore

[nyxdelanuit]

My Kingdom for a Bath (Ojiro x Reader)

This is for the BNHarem’s Apocalypse NSFW Collab!! THE MASTERLIST CAN BE FOUND HERE! Be sure to check everyone else’s out c:

NSFW BELOW~ 

It had been two years since the world you had known disappeared. No one could come to an agreement on what had happened. Some said that a quirk had raged out of control, some said that it was an act of terrorism, and others said it was an experiment to fight global warming and deforestation gone awry.

 All you knew was that two years ago, you were visiting your parents in their modest suburban town one moment, and the next, the ground was splitting apart under your feet. It was pure devastation, a reclaiming of the earth sped up by a millennium. From the fissures grew giant redwoods, consuming houses and breaking people along their boughs. Those that were able took to the skies, leaving those like you scattered among the broken ground.

Few lived through that, and fewer still survived the days to come. So dependent on the culture of convenience, not many were able to find ways to feed and shelter themselves. Those with quirks closely related to nature flourished until people flocked to them, relying on their energies to sustain groups double or triple their limit. Those groups tended to die out quickly, the leader succumbing to their frailties or abandoning them altogether. People that were used to farming struggled to till the overgrown soil, barely able to pull together crop enough to feed what was left of their families. And then there were those like you, who lost everything in the fall: no family, no ties, no way of finding out if your friends survived elsewhere.

 You wandered, the only way you were sure you'd survive. It was a surprise to you that you'd been able to survive this long on your own, but while everyone else had tried looting the remains of grocery stores and cafes, you had focused on raiding the bookstores. Books on survival, camping, memoirs of people lost in deserted areas, as many as you could carry, were cradled in your hold. The most useful for this new world were compiled, using a stray pair of scissors you found to carefully cut out the needed pages and bind them to the others with twine. You had tried for the first few weeks to carry them all, covers and all, but the weight on your shoulders prevented you from finding enough food to keep you going.

 They were invaluable, teaching you how to find clean water and how to make simple snares for small game. More than once, you had held a plant close to your mouth before deciding to check your notes, finding it the more poisonous cousin of a mild vegetable. It made you wonder how many others passed that way before you.

 Now you wandered through the central city, normally an hour's drive from your parent's home. It had taken you months to trek here, through the skeletons of cities devoured by ivy and teeming with wildlife not seen in centuries. They were becoming more brazen as of late, and you had wondered how long you'd be able to stave them off with no more than your survival knife at your hip.

 The city looked more eerie than any town you had traversed. The concrete below your feet was reduced to no more than pebbles providing you traction. Redwoods and cedars towered where buildings used to kiss the sky, the structures that still stood consumed in creeping vines and sinking into the loamy soil.

 You weren't immune to missing the comforts of your old life, that is why you were here after all. On the other side of this sprawling city was an old road, tucked into what had been quaint woods. Following the path took you to a modest hotel, one that you hoped was moderately untouched, for that hotel had been known for the only hot springs within your area. Thinking about it only made you aware of the grime that clung to you like a second skin.

 It was so close, you could almost feel the warm embrace of the water against your skin. Washing yourself in the cold rivers and streams only to be covered in pollen and debris the moment you set foot on land had driven you to the edge of sanity, and those outdoor baths would be your only solace. You felt a surge of energy that hadn’t graced you for months, trekking through the ruins of the places you used to visit. It was a melancholy sight, like seeing the places you walked during the day in the lens of the night. It used to be bustling, always busy, and now you were the only soul in sight scrambling over tree roots the size of cars and through brambles that threatened to embed their thorns into your legs as you passed.

 You had made good time on trekking through the overgrown city. You assumed you were a good few miles into the city proper by the time night started to descend. While you weren't able to wait for unassuming prey to fall into one of your snares, you had hidden away a few portions of meat you had smoked in your bag, enjoying your full belly as the embers of your fire lulled you to sleep.

 That was your intent, at least, until the rustling around you started to sound less like the usual small animals scurrying around you and more menacing, larger. Your hand flew to the knife at your side, dulled from daily use, but the only defense you had.

 You wished you still had enough faith in humanity to feel relieved when a man walked into your clearing. You wish you hadn’t seen how far people could fall when their survival was no longer ensured. But your hand stayed planted on the blade as the blonde-haired stranger made himself known. It eased your nerves a little that he was purposefully making himself known. He made no further attempts to placate you, however.

 “Fire is dangerous around here.” The words he spoke were rough, as if he hadn’t needed to use his voice until now. Your eyes narrowed as a tail swung behind him, kicking up dirt and smothering your sad excuse for a fire. The moon was bright enough that it only took moments for your eyes to adjust. The stranger was already turning to leave.

 “The animals around here will not hesitate to turn on you if you keep making yourself known.” With that, he nodded, moving to leave.

 "Wait��" You called out, not knowing why you were trying to reach out to this man. You had gone so long without relying on others, so why were you teasing yourself with the thought of his company? You watched him pause, turning to you. It seemed that something changed within, and he looked over you once more. For a moment, you thought you could see the shadow of who he was before all of this began.

 “How far is it to your group? I could lead you to them if you wish.” His voice was soft, as if he was speaking to a victim of some great tragedy. You supposed you all were, at this point.

 “I don’t… I’ve never had a group.” You stuttered out, your throat catching on words unused for months. “I’m… not from around here.” He nodded, eyes unfocused as he thought.

 "Neither am I. I was stationed here maybe two weeks before…" Before whatever this world had become. It was funny how, when the world falls apart, people became so xenophobic. Anyone unknown turned away to shelter those they had grown with. What a lousy time for you to be so far from your home. "Would you like to come with me? At least for the night?" A fire burned in his eyes, a desire to protect that you had all but forgotten. You found yourself nodding before you could process his request—anything but staying in the ghost of this place, the dark moving in like an unwelcome visitor.

 He moved quickly, naturally, through the undergrowth. His tail, thick and sturdy, providing him extra support as he glided near silently through fallen leaves. He made you feel clumsy and loud despite how far you had come these past few years. He at least had a mind to make sure you were following him alright, adjusting his pace once he realized you had fallen behind.

 The silence of the night, filled only with the chattering of bugs, unnerved you. Unable to take the creeping quiet, you spoke your name. A small offering to the person saving you from solitude. "Ojiro Mashirao." His voice was tenuous, as if the name would offend. It sparked some dull memory in your mind's recesses, some small thread that you were unable to follow. Your rolled his name in your mouth, savoring the syllables as they fell from your tongue.

He turned to you with a soft smile. How long had it been since he's heard his voice from someone else's mouth? How long had it been since you had heard yours? It felt almost foreign at this point. Ojiro had led you to a massive cedar, the branches reaching out to shelter the area with a pitch-black canopy. You watched in awe as he swiftly launched himself onto the lowest limb, his tail propelling him higher and higher.

 He seemed confused when he realized you weren't following. Even if you had wanted to, the nearest branch fell perfectly out of your grasp. You had doubted the large fungi that littered the bark would hold your weight if you tried to scale the tree using them. Ojiro looked almost ashamed as he watched you struggle below.

You were just a lone citizen making your way through this unforgiving world, you didn’t have the advantages of all the training he had. Snaking his way back down to stand before you, he looked down apologetically.

 "May I?" He held his hand out to you, timidly. Touch. Something else you had almost forgotten. Not like you had much of a choice as you placed your hand in his. With no hesitation, he perched you on his back, adjusting his hold before he vaulted into the sky. It was a strange sort of adrenaline that filled you as he raced through the branches. You hadn't felt the wind upon your face this way since the last time you had been in a car.

 He brought you into the main boughs of the tree, thick enough to relax without falling to your death. It seemed as if he had been here for a while. Things littered the branches, sets of clothes, buckets of water, personal effects salvaged from the town. From up here, the animals hidden at your approach wandered around the trunk, as small as ants.

 You weren't ready to let go of Ojiro's firm shoulders, wanting to keep sinking into the warmth he exuded. Yet some sense of propriety still spoke within you, ushering you from his hold. To distract yourself from these feelings, you took the time to really look at your surroundings. Luminescent plants littered the trunk of the tree, and u were so high up that the air started to feel just a touch thinner.

 "Come, I'll set up a place for you to rest. I can't make a fire, for obvious reasons, but if you stay close, I can keep you warm. It gets cold this far up." You nodded, it was logical, but you were still nervous—two years since you had been this close to someone. You watched as he pulled fabrics from branches, settling them in the cradle of the boughs. It was easily big enough to keep a handful of people nestled in its hold. Your eyes stayed glued to his back, watching the muscle tense beneath his shirt. Even that was enough to send a shiver down your spine, so touch-starved that you were aching to run your hands over his back for a taste of someone else's skin.

 He must not have been kidding, laying blankets and scraps of cloth next to the bundle that must have been his. He patted the fabric as he sat in his nest of blankets, ushering you to his side. You slid into the makeshift bed, not bothering with your boots or your clothes. Sure enough, the air turns cold as soon as you stop moving, driving you closer to Ojiro's heat.

 "So, where are you heading, if not to a group?" His voice was barely a whisper, trying to not startle you from your half-awake state.

 “It’s going to sound really dumb… but there’s a bathhouse on the other side of the city. I just wanted an actual bath, even if it’s in a hot spring.” Sure enough, Ojiro chuckles.

 “And after that?” You dazedly shrug, the lull of another body next to you dragging you into sleep.

 “There is no after that.” The last flutter of your eyelashes before they fell still revealed Ojiro looking at you, concern written over his face.

 You awoke with the sun, something your body had gotten used to. Ojiro was nestled into your side, the two of you tangling together in the night. He blinked awake slowly, not making a move to extract himself from your hold. On the contrary, he looked to your eyes, searching for any discomfort. With the part of you that screamed you were acting impolite hushed by the sleep still heavy in your eyes, you moved closer, burying your face in his chest.

 You didn't speak of the morning once the two of you got moving. Ojiro insisted on accompanying you to the bathhouse, and you weren't eager to rid yourself of his presence just yet. His touches became more assured, helping you over obstacles with the support of his hand, wrapping his tail around your waist when you stumbled. Brushes of hands left unspoken but not ignored.

 With Ojiro's help, you were able to get through town much faster than you expected. If you had been by yourself, you would have traveled the roads you used to know, but Ojiro only knew the paths naturally carved into the landscape. Two years of memorizing this city-turned-forest, and by noon you were almost halfway to your destination. It was bittersweet, you weren't sure how you'd react once this taste of his company disappeared. As much as you had adapted, you missed the touch of another. You could only imagine your hands intertwined as someone else's so many times before you started to feel pathetic.

 As you walked, you shared stories of how you had survived this long on your own. Ojiro listened, enthralled, and worried all at once. You had made so many mistakes, had so many close-calls. The fire he had thought burnt out suddenly blazing in his stomach—the need to protect, to cherish. Still, you impressed him with how you swiftly collected edible plants, giving Ojiro ample time to take down a fresh kill for the both of you. It was such a relief, having a decently balanced meal for once. Something both of you were so thankful for, despite the lack of words to voice it.

 The edge of the city was in sight by nightfall. You had hoped that this night would be as peaceful as your first together, but as Ojiro stiffened, you knew it wouldn’t. His hands flew to your waist, gripping you close as he hopped into the nearest tree. While he focused on finding the areas that would best support the two of you, you watched the sounder of boars scrounge through the roots of the tree. You held your breath as they passed underneath. Boars were known to be terribly aggressive, especially in groups. You could only imagine what would have happened without Ojiro by your side.

 You didn't have the luxury of sprawling out that night, instead you were tucked into Ojiro's arms as his tail wrapped around the tree. The two of you had used the knives you carried to cut the green branches into strips, threading and braiding them together to make enough of a rope to secure the two of you together.

 Sleep didn't come easy between the noise below you and your heart pounding against Ojiro. You could feel his heart echo under your fingertips, and could tell he was trying to adjust without jostling you too much. The morning sun warmed your back, the heat of Ojiro's chest dueling with the flush of your face. It was too much, being this close and not being allowed to touch. At this point, you weren't sure what stopped you, yourself, or the fear that Ojiro wouldn't reciprocate.

 It was easy going, wandering through the fields outside the city. It seemed like every place outside of the towns had just become wild instead of the crazy growths that blanketed the buildings behind you. Ojiro still followed you dutifully as you tried to enjoy the calming warmth and dancing grasses around you. It was even harder to find the road that slithered into the adjoining woods with how broken up the path had become. Yet you still soldiered on, the call of the springs ringing in your ears.

 For a moment, you were disheartened. The hotel wasn’t as bad as most buildings, but it still showed the effects of disrepair. Signs hung off the walls, ivy’s climbed and crept through windows, the masonry started to crumble apart. But your hope renewed as you crept around the side towards the back.

 The fences were all but destroyed, some floating through the bubbling waters. Besides that, everything looked… functional. It wasn't as glamorous as you remembered, but the appeal still stood. Ojiro sent you into the dilapidated structure with explicit instruction to avoid any upper floors and to look for some towels while he quickly got to work clearing the debris from the baths. Much of the building had grown damp and musty, the fabrics inside eaten by the bugs inhabiting the walls, but you finally happened upon a room. The doors were cracked ever so slightly, bringing a fresh breeze through the musty air. Hidden in the storage lockers were towels, once fluffy and smelling of lavender, but still usable. The plush against your hand brought another onslaught of excitement coursing through you, running back to Ojiro.

 You breath caught as you returned. Ojiro had done his best to restore the hot springs, and he had stood in the waters, pants rolled up to his knees, trying to place the bamboo fence back into place. His shirt already thrown to the side, letting you admire every dip of his chest and the pull of his muscles as he maneuvered the fencing into place.

 "To give you some privacy." He offered as an explanation after he caught your stare. It could have been the heat of the water, but you swore you caught the hint of a blush as he turned away. You retreated to separate sides of the fence, and you didn't have the heart to tell him that you could see straight through the missing slats. You turned your back to the opening, gratefully peeling the clothes from your body and throwing them into another nearby pool to wash later. Standing bare to the expanse of nature, you slipped into the water. You tried to hold back the groan building in you as you sunk to submerge up to your shoulders in the warm embrace of the water. All the sweat and dirt lifted from your skin, and you couldn't resist moving to stand under a mild waterfall built into the side. In your search, you stumbled upon some real shampoo and various other cleaning supplies, leaving half for Ojiro with his towel. Now you opened the shampoo, scrubbing viciously against your scalp. You repeated this until your hair felt silky against your fingers, running through quickly with conditioner. This was the closest to heaven you could remember, standing under warm water and smelling of lavender and jasmine. Your skin was rubbed a sensitive pink, but pink, all the same, no longer stained by the grasses crushed under your touch or dirt under your nails.

 You had a chance to really look at your body in the dull reflection of dirty glass nearby. You had grown considerably more lean as you learned to survive, but surprisingly not just skin and bone. It gave you a quick rush of confidence. You looked pretty damn good now that you had gotten a chance to wash away all the years of struggling.

 Finally you could just relax, and relax you did. Propped up against the cleanest edge you could find, you let yourself take in the natural wonder around you. You were truly at ease until your sight slipped to the break in the fence. Ojiro faced away from you, body freshly cleaned and shampoo in his blonde locks. The reach of his arms showed off the muscles in his shoulders, and you couldn’t help but admire how the muscles twitched in response to his tail swishing against the surface of the water. Rivulets of water streamed down his body, contouring to the dips and curves as he rinsed the suds away. So lost in following the water down his body, you almost hadn’t noticed Ojiro turning.

 You rushed to hide your staring, ducking your head under the water. You took the time to calm yourself down, to fight the stirring in your stomach at how good Ojiro looked, before breaching the surface once more. Something that was ultimately worthless, as he stood in front of you, reaching out to you in worry.

"Sorry, I saw you slip, and I-" Ojiro's voice faltered as he finally took you in, body not at all concealed by the water around you, and lust blowing out your pupils. It seemed he had also forgotten how bare he was in front of you, the effects of your body on show for you to see. And see you did, eagerly drinking in every facet of his body. The confidence you had found earlier returned, urging you to stand. The cold air enveloped your upper body, sending goosebumps spreading across your arms and pebbling your nipples. Ojiro watched, enraptured by the reactions of your body, but came no closer.

 He didn't mean to at least, but his tail almost seemed to have a mind of its own, slithering towards you. You accepted it with a brush of your hand, lewd thoughts running through your mind. You allowed his tail to trail down your thigh, the tip tickling your sensitive skin, before you slipped your leg around it. Now his tail lay between your knees, and you watched his face as it slowly trailed up your inner thigh. It seemed that this was all he was going to do as his tail pulled away, the red on his face no longer able to be brushed away as a result of the heat, but then he surged towards you. His hands lay on either side of your waist, effectively pinning you to the edge of the hot spring. His head dipped towards yours, a chaste peck placed on your lips. His eyes searched yours, unspoken questions dancing before he allowed his eyes to fall closed, returning to your lips in earnest. You wrapped your arms around his neck and tugged him close enough to hook your legs over his lips.

 The water was doing you no favors as he bucked against your heat, and Ojiro could tell too. He wasted no time lifting you out of the water and setting you to sit on the edge. He chased the water dripping down your neck with his tongue, dipping to lap the valley of your breasts. You pushed his hair back from his forehead to watch as he reached up to guide a nipple into his mouth. The warmth of his swirling tongue settled the chill, adding another layer of pleasure to the act. He dropped kisses along your chest as he made his way to the other, a hand trailing down your stomach to prod at your slit. Your legs opened quickly to allow him in, and he groaned against your breast as he dipped a finger into your slick.

 He pulled away to watch your face as he dipped fingers into your cunt, easily stretching you out. You braced yourself on his shoulders, his free hand falling to the small of your back to bring you closer. Ojiro's patience was growing thin if you could judge by how he stole your breath with a kiss, his tongue tracing the seam before dipping in, molding his mouth fully to yours. The sensation of his tongue against yours and his fingers eagerly pressing into your dripping slit.

 The water splashed around his hips as he rutted into the air, quickly pulling his fingers from you. You whined at the loss, eagerly pulling him closer with your legs. He took your suggestion early, adjusting himself to line up with you before plunging in mercilessly. The stretch burned, the water dripping from his cock not a decent lubricant, but it eased with every shallow thrust. You felt yourself grow wet around his length, easing the passage for the both of you, but it still wasn’t good enough. Ojiro’s hands gripped your thighs almost painfully, lifting you from the edge only to settle himself on it, plunging you down onto his lap.

 You were finally full of him, wrapped so wholly around his length. The stone surrounding the sides of the hot spring bit into your knees, but you could hardly care as you rocked yourself on his length. Ojiro groaned, his face falling to place kisses and nips on the juncture of your neck. You were startled as you felt his tail wrap around your waist, the furry tip falling between your breasts. His muscular tail lifted you up, slamming you back onto his length with as much ease as breathing. Your legs fell limp, letting Ojiro use you as a glorified fuck toy. His hands tangled in your hair as he devoured the moans falling from your lips. With his tail fucking you onto his cock, his hands were free to position your legs as he wished, pulling them up to your chest. He was deeper now than anyone had been before, dragging the head repeatedly against a spot that made you writhe in his hold.

 “Please.” He panted against your neck, “Please cum for me, please.” One of his hands drifted in between your bodies as he placed sloppy kisses on your shoulder. He looked almost in pain as he started to draw sloppy circles over your clit, the calloused fingers dragging you to the edge quickly. Your nails bit into his shoulders as you moved in earnest, pleas and moans falling from you like water from the springs.

 The clench of you around his length only spurred him on further, forcing you harder on his cock and rocking your hips against yours before lifting you again. With the rough movement of his tail at your waist, the fingers circling your clit, and his desperate prayers to you, you came with a cry. Ojiro lost himself to your gasps of pleasure, driving himself quickly in and out of your heat until he spilled himself within you, tears pearling on his lashes.

 He was careful with you as he placed you onto the rocks, looking you over for any spots he may have been too rough with you. You heard more than saw him move through the water, coming back to your side quickly. The rough texture of the torn towel in his hand was only slightly softened by the warm water as he took his time cleaning his spend from your legs, laying chaste pecks over every reddening mark on your hips. Ojiro cradled you like something precious before allowing both of you to sink back into the soothing water, enjoying the contrast between the crisp wind and your heated skin.

 “So where are we off to next?” Ojiro murmured against your shoulder.

 “We?” You turned to look at his face over your shoulder.

 "If you'll have me, that is?" You flashed him a soft smile.

 “I don’t think I’m quite ready to leave you behind.” His arms curled around you tighter.

 “I’ll spend every day making sure you won’t want to.”

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 24

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​

"This is a bad idea," Loki voiced his thoughts. 

"You make it sound like that’s new information." 

"Well, at first I thought it all might work out and make the day interesting, but right now I'm a hundred percent sure today's going to be as terrible as the entirety of last week." 

You gasped dramatically. "Terrible? But you had a good laugh with me!"

"What else was I supposed to do when my life was being ruined and my dignity trampled? File a complaint? To whom could I address it?" he asked, words sharp. 

"Why are you asking me? That sounds like your problem." 

"You don't see it as your problem only because you're the problem." 

"Nah. You're overthinking it." 

"Well, I suppose one of us has to balance out your lack of—" 

You cut him off with a sudden glint in your eyes. You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, right in front of him, forcing people to walk around the two of you with annoyed grimaces.

"Did you just say 'us'? Could it be that I've finally grown on you?" 

Loki sighed a very resigned sigh. "Yeah. Like a tumor." 

Your smile was blinding nonetheless and caused him to turn his head the other way. It was the only reason he turned his head, obviously. Your joy was unreasonable. It wasn’t not like the word slipped off his tongue on accident and he tried to brush it off… 

He only listened to your following babbling with one ear, focusing just enough to know when to nod and grunt some confirmation at the right moment. It wasn't on purpose, at least not entirely. It just so happened that his mind was occupied by different matters at the moment. 

The path you decided on took you through what you described as quite a nice part of the city. Loki had his doubts about sanity and taste of whoever was behind the design of some of the buildings. The architecture was outrageously bland and plain and no matter how hard he tried, Loki could not find any reason behind such a fascination with squares and rectangles. Involuntarily, he thought back to the elegant arches and ethereal facades of Asgard's places of culture. The rich gold and vibrant colors that brought up all of the beauty of the city and homes of its people clashed violently with what he was seeing now. And why was everything so dull? 

You crossed the street, following the mass of people rushing in the same direction. The fumes in the air brought a grimace to Loki's face. You noticed, and forgot about whatever you were just talking about. 

"You okay?" 

Loki's attention snapped back to you, surprised with how much genuine concern could be heard in your voice. 

Well, you had already proven a few times that you meant him no harm, which was nice coming from someone on this savage, disgusting realm, but Loki was not yet used to it. He was trying, though, which he found surprising. 

You frowned at his lack of response and took one of his hands in yours, warming it up. "Are you cold? I told you to bring gloves. We could warm up in one of the shops right there if you want?" 

If you didn't know him any better, you'd say Loki looked flustered, but since it would be very out of character, you decided he must have just been overwhelmed with a world that must be so different from his. Your suspicions were confirmed when he insisted on walking. The hint of color on his cheeks must've been a figment of your imagination. 

"I'm a Frost Giant, after all," he explained, very interested in the display of one of the bakeries. "The cold doesn't bother me as much as others, regardless of my clothing." 

"Damn, wish I could say the same. It must come in real handy in weather like this," you gestured to the white blankets of snow covering every surface around. It was still fresh and clean, changing the world into something a little prettier than it usually was. Or maybe it was because it covered the trash littering the streets. 

Loki followed your gaze to the few tiny flakes of snow flying loosely in the air. The sky was clear, indicating fine weather for the near future. People didn't seem to pay much attention to the weather, if only to watch out on particularly slippery parts of the pavements. 

It was a shame, though, Loki thought. The snow was the only reason the city wasn't completely hideous to his eyes. It might have been caused by the Frost Giant blood in his veins, but he had to admit he enjoyed the walk through the whitened streets more than he anticipated, even putting the architecture aside. 

The air, despite the disgusting fumes the cars around restlessly continued to produce, had the bite and frost in it that he'd always enjoyed. He remembered the days spent outside from dawn till dusk with Thor, running around the palace's grounds, building their own fortresses from snow and branches and then attacking one another until their hands were sore and their runny noses frozen. Those were the few memories Loki didn't mind his brother in. He was a terrible fortress architect. 

They often ventured far, and made Frigga worry with how late they finally made it home. Even Loki's hands were cold by then, and his clothes damp and wet, but he was happy nonetheless, innocent and unaware of what his future would throw him into. 

Loki looked down at his hands. Those days were gone, and not much could bring them back. Even winter felt different in this world, more polluted and tamed. The frost was more of a suggestion rather than a sharp bite to his skin. His heritage would always protect him from damage, but he felt the cold anyway. 

The sad truth was, the past had to stay in the past, no matter how tempting it was to recollect and dwell upon old memories. Lessons had to be learnt from it, but one can never move forward if they drag their past with them. Despite his greatest efforts, Loki didn't remember who wrote that. Still, the words felt right to him. 

With a silent nod to himself, he got back to the present. You were still standing by the bakery he randomly chose to buy some time. He had been conflicted, but things seemed clearer now. 

Once again confident in himself, Loki straightened his back and turned to face you - only to find you already staring at him. 

"How about we marry?" you proposed. 

All air left him. 

"I beg your pardon…?" was all he managed to stutter out, his voice taking a high pitch at the end, despite his efforts to keep it casual. 

You didn't seem to notice the chaos raging in his chest. You only knocked softly on one of the posters at the display. With his heart in his throat, Loki read it with more difficulty than it would usually take him. 

"It says… Some free samples are offered to everyone who proposes there? Is that a joke?" he asked finally. 

"Not according to those photos." You pointed to some low-quality pictures printed and glued under the poster. 

His frown only deepened along with his confusion. "You want us to fake a proposal for some free cake?" 

"Why not?" you shrugged. "It's not like anyone's going to check up on us to see if we actually get married later on." 

Loki blinked slowly. His heart did not slow down, but at least he was starting to hear his own thoughts over the blood pounding through his veins. "Could you please explain to me, why can't we just buy it like normal people?" 

"Do you have any money? Like, human money?" 

"No." 

"Well, all I've got on me will go for our breakfast, especially since Peter will be joining us shortly, and he always devours a double portion like he's been starving for the past year and a half. So, how about a quick proposal?" you nudged him with a wicked smile, ready to march in. 

Loki knew that stupid look on your face. You were not faking it. He sighed into the ridiculous, although nicely smelling scarf around his face. "Do you even have a ring?"

That seemed to pop your happy bubble. Your shoulders slumped and for a very brief, quickly shushed moment, Loki felt bad about it. "Damn it…" 

"Besides, how would you conceal, you know, my identity? It would be suspicious if I had to hide my whole face during all of this madness."

"That's the least of our problems, there's no way anyone would recognize you anyway. Look, we've made it pretty far already and no one's even looked at you twice—" 

You gestured around. 

A skinny, blond man was staring at Loki with a look of utter concentration and confusion of his face, no more than three paces away. 

You froze, and so did Loki. But only for a moment. 

You burst into a broad, jovial smile before approaching the man like a good friend. "What a beautiful morning, isn't it, my dear? Would you like to have a little chat with us about global warming? We've been sent out to make a quick survey about people's opinions and predictions—Where are you going, sir? It will only take a few minutes!" 

You looked after the man that would  choose to flee rather than continue the conversation. He didn't look back. 

You puffed out your chest with pride and turned to Loki. "Okay, I might've been a little bit wrong."

Loki was already casting quick glances around, fixing that stupid excuse of a cover around his face. He knew he would be recognizable. Too little time had passed since he was forced to attack the city, and people would still be bitter about it. Maybe after a few generations had passed and the memory of that disaster got lost in time… 

You joined your arms and shouldered him away from the spot and into a less crowded side-street. The snow crumbled underneath your feet, not yet turned into a muddy pulp. 

"Loki, listen, I know it might not seem like it, but I'm pretty sure everything's fine. The man didn't even recognize you, or he would’ve started screaming or talking in that very aggressive way some people love to use. And he didn't— which means he failed to connect the dots and probably thought you reminded him of some weird relative that he hasn't seen in years and just got confused… "

"You don't even believe that yourself," Loki cut you off. "You tend to babble when you get nervous."

"I… Well, you seem to know an awful lot about me for someone who hates my whole race." 

"It's not—" Loki opened his mouth but stopped. The words didn't seem important anymore. 

You paused too, still linked with him by the arm. Loki sensed the tension in your muscles and the change in your breath. 

Someone was waiting for you. 

The person wasn't tall, but the face obscured by a deep hood didn't seem the most trustworthy. A mugger wouldn't show up right in front of you, standing in the middle of the pavement. Surprisingly, no people seemed to be on your side of the street at all. 

Your fingers clenched on Loki's arm, as if you were preparing to haul him behind you. That brought a ghost of a smile on his face. As if he would let you. 

The man pointed a finger at Loki. "You should NOT be here." 

And that was when you recognized his voice. "Wong??" 

Loki frowned. "You know each other?" 

Before you managed to answer him, Wong approached you with anger loud in his every step. And snapped his fingers. 

Your stomach jumped high into your throat as the ground rolled under your feet without a warning. Loki's didn't feel much better, but he overcame the wave of nausea quickly—he knew what happened. It was a simple transportation spell he had used thousands of times. 

It didn't take you far—only to a small park, far from prying eyes. Some children were busy building a rather disfigured snowman at the far end of it, behind a line of trees, their naked branches heavy with snow. No one else seemed to occupy the place. 

Wong uncovered his face. You were right—he was pissed. 

"What is wrong with you, people? And I mean both of you. You were supposed to be the responsible one!" he jabbed you with a finger. "Don't you think he's a little too recognizable to be wandering around like that?" 

"He's got my scarf on!" 

Wong didn't bother with a response. Loki, despite his personal feelings towards the monk, couldn't blame him. 

Wong sighed, giving up trying to reason with either of you. He was aware of the god's current situation, because a big part of Sanctum Santorum's job was monitoring any threats to the realms and interdimensional peace—and Loki was very high on that list. 

On the other hand, despite the ice-cold looks he was being cast by said threat, Wong had to admit no major disaster happened yet—which was surprisingly nice (having the realm's continued peace in mind) but not ideal in Wong's personal interest (and the bet he lost to the Sorcerer Supreme). 

"I have a feeling nothing I say will make you go back to the Tower?" he asked. 

"Nope," you admitted. Loki only huffed with indifference, raising his chin high despite the thick scarf. 

Wong nodded to himself, as if he (rightly so) didn't anticipate any other answer. "Alright, then I'll at least cast a small glamor spell onto him, so you don't—" 

"Absolutely not!" 

The mere thought of the barbaric, bland magic of this realm being thrown upon him, boiled Loki's blood. If only he could reach out to his own magic, he'd show this pathetic excuse of a sorcerer what it really meant to wield such force… 

You nudged him in the ribs, hard. "He's kinda right, you know? You said it yourself—you're too recognizable." 

Loki was at a loss for words, and Wong used that moment to cast the glamor with a quick invocation and trained move of his hands. It tickled, like a wet, slippery mist blown into Loki's face. He snapped his attention back to the sorcerer, baring his teeth, but Wong was already departing. 

"It won't work on anyone who already knows you, but it should do fine against strangers. You two better not mess anything up," he said and disappeared into a portal before Loki could grab him by the throat. His hand closed on air where the sorcerer stood only seconds ago. 

"I hate this world," he growled out, clenching his fist. 

You patted his back soothingly. "I know, it's not the best sequence of events before a proper breakfast, but how about we finally go grab some? The place isn’t far." 

Loki brushed his face with a hand, the wet feeling not gone, but there was nothing he could do about it without his magic. He once again looked at the damned bracelet fixed around his wrist with pure, unfiltered hatred. 

[bambamramfan]

Cognitive Hazards of Existential Risk

Amid the world-changing catastrophe and lockdown we are all experiencing now, people are wasting no time arguing about “who saw this coming and who took it seriously first.” Just today I read TUOC’s back and forth https://theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/614319297954709504/shlevy-theunitofcaring-slatestarscratchpad and Scott’s post about existential risk more broadly https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/04/01/book-review-the-precipice/ and those are among people I respect.

We could get lost in the weeds on the object level. My impression is that everyone “took this seriously” before some people they know/read, and after other people they know/read, and so your own impression of your success there is more about which group of people you choose to focus on. Myself, I was arguing to my boss that our office needs to act on this faster on March 3rd, which is well after some people, and well before many government officials. I don’t think it says much about me. Rationalist blogs took it seriously before Vox took it seriously before CNN took it seriously before the President, and every group’s villains take the opportunity to dunk on those later in the chain while their heroes lament.

So let’s talk about the meta level instead. Or why I think all the slamming on people for not seeing this coming is pointless and won’t benefit us in the long run anyway.

Rationalism, and many of its adjacent groups, prize very highly the trait of “taking ideas seriously.” This means talking about principles or threats not just in some “this may happen some day to other people” sense and a symbol to chatter about, but changing their own life based on the conclusions these ideas lead to. And in some ways, especially regarding your core ethical principles, I think this is very useful. 

But there seems very little discussion of the very good reason that most people don’t do this. Picture yourself as a politician, a leader of the country or at least your community. In the past few years you have been told by highly intelligent people that you respect about the following major problems that will explode any moment: global warming, AI expansion, EU breakdown and financial interdependence, terrorist attacks with nuclear or biological weapons, resource crisis, white nationalism, ebola, the breakdown of the middle class and/or nuclear family, social unrest and police brutality, and the end of late stage capitalism. All of these are very serious problems that very serious people tell you you need to act on NOW or society will end, and as far as you can tell, are equally convincing. 

You could expend all your credibility on the first one to cross your desk, and be forgotten in a week. And actually, many politicians do. We forget them. (Or they are like Marco Rubio, chasing forever after the latest big thing https://twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/1244683450742947842 )

Successful politicians, ones who stick around, offer a Very Serious and Wide-Ranging Plan Addressing the Roots of this Crisis and Calling for Urgent Action, which often involves expert task forces and grants to some organizations, and then forget about it because nothing will happen on their plan and they know it. (In fact you can credit Joe Biden for doing this exact thing on January 27 https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/27/coronavirus-donald-trump-made-us-less-prepared-joe-biden-column/4581710002/ ). This is the opposite of “taking ideas seriously.” This is showing attention to a problem for the sake of others’ judgment, without having to change your life or direct action much at all.

Economists have a pithy version of this attitude, as applied to people who try to short a company that they just KNOW is over-valued: “The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.” (And indeed, many investors who saw the 2008 financial crisis coming and tried to bet against it… bet in 2006 and 2007 and lost all their money first.)

You can’t just take every world-changing threat seriously at face-value and adjust your portfolio likewise. You will lose all your money, all your credibility, and have a broken shell of a life.

And most people, on a “meta-rational level”, actually know this? That you have to have some dissonance between your stated beliefs and how you guide your day to day existence, and that letting every change in the former affect your latter will throw you wildly off course. So they nod soberly at the new articles, maybe post online about it and use it as a reason to contribute $100 to their already favorite politician, maybe spend an equivalent amount on some consumer good that makes them feel prepared (gold against a financial crisis, prepping supplies, etc) and move on with their lives. And in most cases *this is very good for them.*

The problem being of course, that most cases are not all cases, and the one risk that proves out destroys all your hard work too.

The sort of competition-as-a-virtue ideology that the leading edge of our culture has now (from Wall St. to Silicon Valley) actually makes this worse. Even if you have an entirely accurate picture of future risk, if you have a competitor that just *ignores* or undervalues future risk, and doesn’t budget and plan for it, they can just beat you by price (or whatever.) Only entities that don’t have to worry about the short term can really prepare for future existential risk, and until now, our cultural ethos was very much against those sorts of entities, deriding them as traditional, monopolistic, and unaccountable (which they often were.)

The answer isn’t to just “ignore all future risks.” But it’s also really not to take a prideful stance of insisting *all* long-tail risks need to be treated with immediate seriousness. If you do this, you will find yourself very disappointed: as all your followers either ignore you, or lose all their money and sanity on the many other claims on their attention.

Unfortunately we actually need to analyze upcoming risks honestly. Most will never affect us. Some actually will. This is, well, incredibly hard. In particular a sense of proportion is very valuable here. (Rationalists like the linked SSC post will go on about the vital difference between .00001 and .01 chance, but frankly I think most people don’t react differently to .5 and .1 chance currently.) 

So let’s be honest about how people are actually coming to take this crisis seriously: it’s not because an expert presented them with a scary chart. People, especially top decision makers, are used to seeing scary charts. It is when the Real of the experience actually starts to hit them in the face. Almost every state put off any action until sick people were already in their state and multiplying by (if small) quickly increasing numbers.

You can’t even decide “well I will trust the experts in the field or this one particular expert I respect”, since well, the most common failure mode of experts is to vastly overstate the importance of their field.

There is an interesting side-tangent here of the difference between people who are “very online” and those not. For the past year the political internet had pondered this distinction, as twitter/etc discourse failed to resemble American voting outcomes so starkly, even among the Democratic primary voters. The implication was that by being “too online” we were stewing in so much self-referential memetic influences that we had lost touch with what “real people” thought, and so being very online was bad for your mental hygiene. In the past couple months, the lines of these categories persisted, but now it was the “very online” who were dramatically right about something relative to people just listening to talk radio and reading local papers.

--

(*Yes, this post uses the term “existential risk” for things that will just kill dozens of millions of people and raise unemployment to 20%, and not the technical meaning which would require the obliteration of all human life. Existential risk more commonly refers to “that would coerce drastic changes on you”, such as a neighboring army that can topple your government, without needing the whole complete extermination of humanity thing.)

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 125 Thoughts

Things Eren’s Plan Has Made Better:

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Open, infuriated communication between people living under fear of imminent death! :) :) :)

This chapter makes me laugh. Almost nothing good happens within its pages, and it’s delightful. Eren’s stated intention of killing off the outside world is actively disrupting even the imitation of peace every society in this universe has.

He’s fighting for the protection of Paradis? See all these dead Paradis people who were just minding their own business. See also all these living Paradis people who are minding their own business into a civil war.

He’s ending the Eldian cycle of titanization? Nope, still got the inheritance problem to work out, and if the rest of the world dies, that just means nine people are forever going to be killing each other over it.

There is nothing in this chapter that is worth any of the carnage Eren has inflicted.

So I can’t wait to find out what it’s really about.

There’s a bad plan, and then there’s this.

No part of the world is untouched by Eren’s decisions, and even the people he’s claimed to be interested in protecting are actively suffering from what he’s done. Unless Eren’s sanity is such that he is pursuing a future where there is no one but him and a pile of bodies, there is no outcome here that he’s said he wants.

Which is good, because it means that we’re not done.

If this were a video game, and Eren was a character inside it with an open strategy guide, his choices would be the mark of a player looking to pick the worst possible ending.

[Eren] enters a farmhouse for the night, looking for shelter. [Eren] is discovered, and met with a warm meal.

[A] Say thank you for your meal.

[B] Throw the potatoes in the kind, elderly housewife’s face.

[C] Kick the table over and murder her young children.

[D] Commit omnicide.

Eren wants the D, so any other possibilities are out.

Paradis isn’t safe. Eren and Zeke invited global scorn at an international event.

Paradis isn’t safe. Eren woke up thousands of titans who remake the landscape by going out for a stroll.

Paradis isn’t safe. Every citizen living on the island has their own thoughts an opinions on what this is, and if they vocalize them the wrong way in front of the wrong person, they’re being subdued with violence.

Plus, at this point, the rest of the world doesn’t even know the titans are coming. The only people who are going to spend their last time on this planet in hours (days?) of petrified fear are interned Eldians, who are screaming warnings at everyone and getting beatings back. At best.

Eren announced his plans to every Eldian. They, unlike their non-Eldian counterparts, are privileged with knowing exactly how they’re going to die, and how little everyone is working to prevent this outcome.

If killing the entire rest of the world does work out, Eren’s actions have made it so that the people who have grown up in internment camps spend their last days even more miserable than they were to begin with.

Naisu.

As Pieck and Magath discuss, there is no way to stop this. Everyone on Paradis is in shock, starting fights, or pulling dying people from rubble. Staring out at the horizon in horror. There is nothing anyone alive can do about this.

Submit, and be free. It’s over.

Or fight and die.

That’s always the case in this world, isn’t it? Fight against insurmountable odds, and fall with your pride intact, or decide that this burning world is a good place to rest.

The remains of Marley’s military giving voice to that offends my sensibilities, somewhat. Magath actively pursued lighting this fire. Without his assistance, this never could have happened. The fact that he thought he was only scapegoating Paradis and eliminating his country’s military hierarchy so he could take control does not particularly make it better.

But the will to fight doesn’t belong to only people with squeaky clean morals. This, unfortunately, is not a story where only the protagonist side gets to have good philosophical views.

Landing Magath on yet more pages of this manga. Cheers.

And of course, we have the turnaround where Floch, a member of the Survey Corps, is now arguing that the fighting is done now. While there’s still titans roaming the world, causing death.

He’s never been a very good Scout.

“What’s so bad about submission...?”

Submission, Floch, is bad because it leaves fucks like you having the last word. It leaves people who smile about genocide because of how it improves their lives free to spread that poison and think that this kind of atrocious violence is a good thing.

The man Floch claims to speak for has never known how to submit to anything.

Eren’s love of the world, and of freedom, is not isolated. He doesn’t want his freedom. He wants freedom as a concept to reign. Humans are born free, and anyone who tries to disagree with that doesn’t matter. That’s been his view from the start. That’s the startlingly intense perspective that has him killing people when he’s nine.

The Paradis Eren’s current choices are making is not a Paradis worth fighting for.

So what do we get? Paradis finally, truly being the last bastion of humanity on the face of the planet? A rebellion of thought rising to object to the ideals that led to this tragedy? A final chapter where our heroes have the chance to save one island from itself while the rest of the world burns?

That’s awfully limited.

Not to mention that there are always survivors. People on the outside would always live, and they would always remember what’s been done to them.

Really, nothing done here has changed anything.

“In the worst case... we’d have to repeat the last two thousand years of conflict surrounding their power. All on this tiny island.”

Humans in this world are not particularly good at avoiding the worst case scenario.

One particular human appears to be actively pursuing it.

None of his supplied reasons currently support this being a good plan.

The only thing Eren will get out of this is death, and his public statement is against that--for Paradis.

Paradis has not been excluded. It’s just going through a more specialized kind of death than the rest of the world is getting.

So in conclusion for this part of the post, everything Eren has done has made the world worse, done nothing to progress his stated goals, and is just such a collection of bad ideas that a valid explanation is that Eren has completely lost his mind and there is no logic moving this train.

That being a boring story, we’re looking down the barrel of some hardcore Reveals to liven things up.

Bon excite.

I’m not going to bother with chronological order this month because why, but also because I think there’s a good chance I’d forget to mention Hange and Levi if I waited until the end.

So. How ‘bout that Hange and Levi. Both being alive.

Genuinely, the most surprising thing to me about this is that Hange not only located a horse, but somehow found Levi some quality bandages before he started bleeding out. How that has turned into finding it in their best interests to approach Magath and Pieck remains to be seen, but I guess the Marley-Paradis dream team is not as dead as it should be.

Like. I don’t disagree that stopping Eren is a priority.

I just really have no interest in forgetting that Marley is The Worst. On the whole, I think the manga’s been rather good about balancing the humanity of the characters with their vile chosen actions, but. I like having a clear focus of hate, and don’t feel a need for them to be further humanized?

Especially when, as Bad as all Eren’s actions are, MARLEY THREW THE FIRST DOMINO AT THE HOUSE OF CARDS, SPARE A SECOND TO THINK ABOUT HOW THAT FUCKED UP PEOPLE BESIDES YOURSELVES YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.

They can share The Worst crown when Eren steals it. That works.

Anyway, yay Hange and Levi. They join the realm of the officially not dead.

Like Falco!

Hell. Talk about awkward. Connie and Falco are both easily identifiable through their hearts. Connie’s has just been through a few more brutalities than Falco’s. He’s worn down and bitter, whereas Falco still as his eternal fount of optimism going for him.

Sasha’s dad is right; Connie will hesitate. It’s in his nature. He’s found the one thing in the world he can bring back from this war, and he’s desperate for it, but Falco is a little boy, awake and thanking him.

Connie joins the Survey Corps back when it’s a death sentence. He doesn’t run away from the hard things. He fights and protects his friends, and that’s done nothing except break him down into someone who’s considering killing a child to save his mother.

I don’t think there’s much suspense in Connie’s eventual choice. That’s not to say that Falco’s free from danger (even if Connie decides against it, deciding against something after you’ve put too many of the steps in motion... yeah), but it isn’t even a full chapter before Connie’s being confronted with the nature of his work (protecting people) and the nature of this choice (killing person).

However, there are a bunch of people wandering around on horseback in the middle of nowhere. We’ve got Connie and Falco, soon to be joined by Armin and Gabi, as well as Hange, Levi, Pieck, and Magath.

None of them are going to wind up near the walls. All the tension will have to be derived from their interactions, but what’s there? Hange, Levi, Pieck, and Magath have the most reasons to throw down, but also the most experience to know that maybe it’s time to talk. Connie’s future decision is practically written in stone, so why bother taking Falco out into the boonies? A dramatic reunion between him and Gabi isn’t going to do much we haven’t seen already. Quality bro moments for Connie and Armin? We could have done that back anywhere.

We have a cast divided in terms of geography, but not much else. Only Floch’s gang is perfectly fine with what’s going on here. Everyone else is in favor of figuring out a way to fight it. Throwing a bunch of pairs out in the woodlands when none of them are going to be fighting seems like wasted panel space.

tfw massively secret reveal in the woods like whoa and it’s a race to bring it back to the rest of the cast and explain that not all hope is lost and things are magically better

I sense a plot.

Hopefully this part of it involves less dead children.

Also, it’s impossible to tell because non-populated Paradis always looks the damn same, but there’s a chance that any number of the horse groups could be near Historia.

She gets a whole mention this chapter.

Almost like someone cares about her.

That’s two separate people in two chapters.

Whoa.

But also there’s the whole setting sun thing, and sitting outside doing nothing but glaring at the sun is a patented timeskip Historia activity. So maybe now she’ll finally have something to do.

No one else really has that, admittedly. It’s all a lot of watching Eren’s plan, thinking, “gee that’s bad,” and dealing with the fallout of who is already dying thanks to Eren’s plan. Everyone is very busy, but not providing constructive solutions to anything except pulling people out of buildings.

Based on the world as it is explained to us, there is nothing anyone can do against Eren.

Manga please. Please give me the explanation that changes this. We know it’s there.

But yeah, that creates a very anticlimactic dead space where everyone’s solving the problems in front of them, and shrugging at everything else. What else is there, really?

I think I’ll be in the minority when I make the comment that this chapter brought back more of my pity than disdain for Floch.

He’s a crappy person doing crappy things, and someone should probably shoot him in the head sooner as opposed to later. That would not be a bad thing to have happen. He’s invested in raising an empire that no one in the world needs.

He’s also alive through freak chance that left him the sole survivor of a suicide charge, and when he managed to bring his commanding officer to the people who could save him, and bring some sense to the chaos, his actions are invalidated.

Many things could be solved with Floch if he ever was implied to feel a fraction of empathy for people not himself.

That said, it’s... very glaringly obvious that this is his radicalized response to trauma.

The volunteer he kills is left with a mangled hole in his face.

That’s how many of Floch’s comrades die in Erwin’s last charge.

For their pride and obligation as Scouts, and their belief in Erwin’s strategy, they charge. And they all die.

Except for Floch.

Floch’s turned into many things over these four years. A liar is high on the list.

But this moment, and when he talks to Jean, strike true.

Jean’s in shock. Too much has happened, and he understands far too much of it. He’s completely blank, and that is a surface Floch can speak to. Floch knows, and has never forgotten, the shock and trauma the fight can cause. He knows how to put comfort, when he talks to someone like that.

“It’s over.”

He can talk about the rise of a grand new Eldian Empire all he wants, but he’s only smiling when he’s talking to Jean. He isn’t smiling over the new beginning. He’s smiling when he tells a quiet, horrified audience that the fight is done.

Floch’s not a good person. He’s lost in a variety of ways. The war of thought between Eldians and the rest of the world stripped him bare after the battle in Shiganshina flayed him, and he let all of the rot consume him.

All because he happened to live through one of the bloodiest fights in their island’s history.

He should probably be punched in the face and killed. Whichever order.

It’s still a sad fucking story.

-glances at Armin and Mikasa-

HEY SPEAKING OF

This chapter is just the rest of the 104th who haven’t officially experienced it going through their complete mental collapse.

Armin’s in hysterics while trying to hold himself together. The fact that he can still do that second part puts him at the top of the tier list. Mikasa’s lost, with her only avenue left being explaining to Armin why him running off isn’t actually going to fix anything. Connie’s out on his own, contemplating child murder. Reiner’s unconscious and better off for it. Jean’s a wreck. Annie’s spent four years in a dark hole and can’t even win a fight with Hitch. Historia’s main contribution to this arc is being sad. Eren directly caused more than half of all this.

Our Heroes.

Armin has always been the idea guy. He’s the person you ask when you don’t know what to do next. Mikasa doesn’t know what to do about Eren. Eren is literally the most important problem to solve in this world, even outside their emotional complications, so Mikasa asks Armin, her smartest friend, what to do.

Cue the waterworks. Armin goes ballistic, and just like everyone always has, yells at Mikasa for caring about the only family she has left.

She’s taken aback when Armin says he doesn’t know what to do. For the rest, there’s only sadness. She can’t even offer comfort or a denial when Armin takes in everything he’s just said and says he isn’t the one who should have survived Serum Bowl.

Mikasa and Armin have always chased after Eren. Together. They’re the most stable part of the trio. Now Eren’s destroying the world, and the first thing Armin does is lose it with his other best friend for looking to him to be her stabilizing force like he always has.

In Trost, Armin comes to realize that his friends have never looked down at him for the reasons he looks down on himself. Mikasa and Eren love him for his own good qualities. More people start to realize how smart he is, and as the plot progresses, more and more pressure piles on, with people coming to depend on his brilliant mind.

It fails him here. The one thing he’s always been able to offer simply isn’t there. Just like against Bertolt, where all he could come up with was sacrificing himself.

If that had worked the way he thought it would, Erwin would still be here. Solving all the problems Armin can’t.

Mikasa and Armin lose their best friend, and Armin flips out on the one he has left, when what they both really need is those few days of sleep and some damn hugs. Leaving both of them rather ashamed of themselves and isolated.

They’re soldiers. Their job is to keep going.

Also Mikasa’s scarf is gone, and I’d assume Louise has it, but I’m unsure of what the Drama value of that will turn into. Put a pin in it and wait.

Probably the most ominous content goes to Shadis.

The idea that the Yeagerists have the island, so blend in until it’s time to rise up... that is a horrifying potentiality. The time it will take for the Yeagerists to have control of the island is probably slightly more than it will take for Eren to destroy his first city (assuming that’s what he’s up to). If our next climax is going to be a rebellion taking the island away from the Yeagerists... we’ll see a hell of a lot of damage first.

I guess that’s a given, with where the plot is headed, but it’s still appalling to think that Paradis has come so far only to be thrown back into cages when their walls walk away.

I really hope that Shadis isn’t pulling a foreshadowing card. I’d feel more comfortable if his scene came before the scene in Marley, so it could more cleanly be marked as a link to them, instead of a link of what might come to pass in Paradis.

Though the link still stands.

Mr. Leonhart wants his damn daughter back, you fascist jackasses. Staying in line for a decade hasn’t made him forget that.

Anything I could say about Annie and Hitch would diminish my love of their time together. Hitch joins the MPs as a selfish brat, and she lives her truest self that way, but she also saves lives. When duty comes knocking, she sighs and opens the door.

Annie’s a selfish brat too. She’s not as immune to seeing other people as human as she wants to be. She would still kill everyone all over again to make it back to her dad.

Who was a right bastard until he realized he’d done fucked up.

After the long series of poor parenting we’ve gotten, it’s painfully refreshing for Annie’s dad to apologize to express how much he cares for her to her face. He might have fucked up everything else, but he was sorry and he said it. He actually took the first step in doing better, and a decade later, he’s still waiting to complete that journey with his daughter.

Yes, okay, the bar is so fucking low, but he still jumped it. The existence of genuine love at all is a long stretch better than certain other characters get.

Lots of waiting yet to come. Nothing can be done, and Colossal Titans take a long time to travel. If there isn’t a prompt list about what x character does waiting for the apocalypse yet, there should be.

Everyone in this chapter is really just waiting for everything to die. The extinction of the rest of the world is taken as an inevitability, with the only question being how you want to go down.

The world ends with a slow scream that keeps growing louder.

Someone needs to tell Eren to stop doing that.

[writingsilly]

Underwater (ch. V)

Description: Your bad behaviour led you to stay the whole summer in your town of birth with your grandfather. The very first day, you went for a walk to the beach and had an encounter with a stranger that would change your whole life.

Pairing: Reader x Merman!Taehyung.

Genre: Angst, suspense, sci-fi.

Trigger warnings (!!!): Blood, swearing, angst.

Click here to read in AO3!

V: Information

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“You’re gonna accept what I just said just like that?” He asked.

That was a good question, actually. Taehyung had done nothing but show you how decisive and dangerous he was, but was he worth your trust? It did not matter how much time you thought about it, though. He had made a request and you had to follow it.

So you did not say anything. Your throat was still burning, even swallowing was unbearably painful.

Taehyung sighed and stretched his arm, displaying a golden bracelet right in front of your face. You would not have thought much about it if a little pendant had not shone in the moonlight. It was a little larger than a coin with a small wave carved in it.

“This may seem like a cheap piece of rubbish,” he said, “but it’s actually a family relic. It has been worn by several kings, and a queen, within generations. Now, it’s my turn to wear it.”

You leaned over, ready to touch the pendant to examine it, but Taehyung was fast to pull back his arm.

“This,” he spoke again, his tone severe, warning, “I’m doing it because it’s the only way for you to believe me. I need you to believe me, not to ask questions. Got it?”

With that being said, he took off the bracelet and grabbed your wrist, pulling it so that you would show your opened palm. He let the cold chain in your hand. You heard the clicking of the metal and wondered if that was real gold or some kind of painted metal.

But now that you had this, what were you supposed to do with it? It could be a useless accessory, for all you knew.

“This town holds more information on mermaids than you might think. You just need to know where to look. Not everything you might find is true, but, I have to admit, some humans have got close to us,” he let out the last part with some kind of sadness.

If you asked any questions, you knew that Taehyung would not answer them clearly. Even when he tried so hard to hide, be mysterious, you noticed certain things. You knew better not to test him or push your luck. Whatever he gave, you would have to work with it. So moments like these, where he would give information in exchange for nothing, were special and rare.

You looked at him, hoping for him to tell you more. His naked chest expanded while he turned his gaze to the night sky. He looked so lost in thought, maybe even memories. With his profile, unbelievably well-proportioned, being highlighted by the moon, you felt your eyes glued to his image. There was always something interesting to watch, to discover, being his tanned skin or the mole hidden between his inferior eyelashes. You could not lie and say that Taehyung was not a fair creature, but that was not a surprise. You may not be an expert, but if there was something you knew about mermaids it was that their beauty was undeniable, mermen were not the exception to that fact, you confirmed it after meeting Taehyung. The air around him seemed to buzz with the most elegant harmony you had ever heard and, even in the dark, he radiated a golden light. He was luminescent, all the time. A vibrating light followed his figure with every move. Such lively energy for a being so despicable.

Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him. The first one being; looks are deceiving.

“Look for information,” he simply added. “You might stop flinching every time I look at you if you know what you’re dealing with. You might also know the seriousness of my threats, too.”

You closed your hand around the bracelet. It was the only thing you could do if you thought about it. This pendant held more than what the eye could see, and if you wanted to get out of this alive, and save your grandfather in the process, you had to do whatever it took.

You could go home once Taehyung indicated you what he wanted you to do and told you, yet again, what would happen if you did not obey. According to him, he “did not want to be more time than necessary between impure humans, no offence.” Of course, you replied with a dry “not taken” because even when you were not sure what he and his people thought to know about humans, you could easily name a few things about your kind that fell on the category of vile.

Taehyung knew exactly what he wanted to learn, he did not hesitate to tell you point by point, which were simply three; friendship, family and love. If something came up in the middle of your lessons, he would ask, he informed you. You were just begging that it would not happen. The less you had to teach him, the faster he would go back to the depths of the sea to rule his underwater reign or whatever. You did not know him, at all, but something told you that Taehyung would be a cold-blooded king. He did not hesitate to make his point with you, you doubted it would be different somewhere else. And you did not know why, but you wondered if that was a good quality of him if you talked about being king.

Once in bed, you could not help but wonder about his world. How different it might be from yours, how humans affected it, because, surely, all those talks about global warming were not to be taken as a simple joke. Your world influenced theirs directly. But you also thought about his people. If Taehyung thought of you as such evil creatures, did the rest of them believe the same? Or were they just scared of the information they were given about humans?

That was when it hit you; they knew nothing about you, just as you knew nothing about them. When talking about knowledge of one another, it was like a dog chasing its own tail; someone had to step in, put an end to it, and Taehyung was doing just that, you guessed.

“Are you planning something for today?”

The already gooey cereal stared back at you until you decided you were done with it and pushed it away from you. The thought of you browsing books of mermaids and fairy tales, all under the gaze of these overly curious inhabitants of this town… Yeah, that seemed like a good way to spend your way if you did not want to die.

“I’m going to the bookstore,” you replied with a smile. And your throat still hurt. A lot. But you had you ignore it if you did not want questions you could not answer.

Your grandfather seemed excited by the idea, as his eyes lighted up and his lazy posture changed suddenly, as he leaned slightly over the table like he was about to tell you the juiciest secret ever.

“The best store in town is the one you went to yesterday,” he informed you with a wink, “Miss Kim has the rarest books, the ones that you can’t find on the internet, all for a good price. Tell her I sent you and she might lend them to you.”

Not that you were disappointed by the first thing he said, but when he mentioned Miss Kim, your eyes widened.

“You know her?” You asked, a little bit hesitant, to which he only replied with a shrug and a smile that annoyed you because of the lack of verbal confirmation.

You were under the impression that your grandfather never left his house unless he wanted to take a walk or to buy groceries, or something he needed with urgency, but with this new information, you were left in the dark. You had never thought of him as someone mysterious, but now you had to? Not that you blamed him. You were hiding things from him as well.

“That’s all I’m gonna get?” You asked again. “Fine. I’ll have to ask her, then.”

Another thing to look into, you would add it to the list.

The unforgiving sun was punishing you with all its force. Your cap seemed useless at this point. It just encapsulated the heat, and after a few minutes walking over the hot road, you started to wonder if your head could sweat this much, or if it could even sweat. Today, you had chosen to wear sneakers, not sandals, as you had gained a brand new appreciation for your feet over these three days. Once you thought you might lose one over a demon under a dock, there was no turning back from that, was there?

With your eyes literally on your feet, because you did not want to lose your sight by looking at the sky, you made your way to the book store. With Taehyung’s bracelet burning your skin from the back pocket of your shorts, just to make itself go noticed, you sighed. Luckily for you, you remembered the way well. Your life depended on it, so no biggie, right?

It was strange to walk around town and not to hear cars or people talking on their phones. You had grown used to the sounds and lights of the city. You could not quite decide if you liked it better or not. In the city, even when you had never thought of it as home like this town was, you never felt completely alone. Even when you tried to get away from everything and everyone, there was always the distant lights of the buildings, the cars, the busy streets to keep you company. Here, however, the only thing you received were dirty looks from silent people. In a town this small, everyone knew everyone, their story, some of their secrets, because they always get discovered one way or another. The story of the little girl who went to the city and came back years after. That must have been quite a piece of gossip when you left. So, you were sure they knew you were that girl. You were sure that they were wondering why you came back, and why your father was not with you.

It was weird to be in the middle of people who knew about you, but you knew nothing about.

“You came back?”

You turned around and found Namjoon, all dimples and baggy clothes that made you question his sanity and if his body felt how damn hot it was today. He walked towards you while he put his phone in his pocket. The height difference would have made you laugh if circumstances were different.

You nodded with your eyes on his. His smile grew only bigger, and you appreciated it.

“Glad to see you again, then. My grandmother is out, so…”

You already knew what was coming. He was going to say that you should come back another day, but the thing was, you did not have another day. You were meant to meet Taehyung tonight and give him his bracelet back. You could not let Namjoon say it.

“Is–” your voice cracked, and you noticed how Namjoon was taken back by your sudden interruption. You coughed to cover that up. “Is there any way that you could let me in? I wouldn’t ask, but I’m desperate.”

You could not stop to care about how pathetic you might have looked in Namjoon’s eyes, but it was not necessary because he let out a chuckle, his smile meeting his eyes, and reached his back pocket. The sound of metal clicking together had never felt so relieving.

“I was going to let you in, but hearing you beg is so much fun. Now, add a “please” and a “thank you” and I might open the door.”

“You’re enjoying my suffering, aren’t you?”

He hummed.

“Every part of it,” he confirmed. You glared at him and crossed your arms. Namjoon laughed. “Fine. Only ‘cause you came back.”

The moment you entered the store, the characteristic smell of old books hit you with full force. You had not noticed it before, but now you could see why your grandfather told you that this was the best bookstore in town (if there were more). Besides the numerous shelves full of books, they were also scattered all over the dusty floor, like they did not matter, forgotten.

“What were you looking for?” Namjoon asked while he closed the door behind him.

Hell, if you only knew...

The number of books was intimidating and you had not started yet.

The problem with Miss Kim’s book store was that it was a mess. There were books, of course, scented candles (some of them used), unlabelled boxes which awakened your curiosity. Without any help, you could be years looking for a trustful source of information. Something had told you that the internet was not going to be useful, so you chose to come here, but looking at this disaster, you were reconsidering reading that article on sea creatures you had found in liveyourfantasy.com.

No, books were more reliable.

“How many books do you have here?”

Namjoon frowned, surely asking himself why on earth would you be interested in that, but then shrugged.

“Grandma is always getting new books. The boxes are full of them.”

So that was what they contained. Now you were sure that there was no way you could find any book related to mermaids if you did it by yourself.

“Do you have anything about mermaids?”

Come to think of it, sea creatures were kind of one of the few attractions this little town had. Of course they were only a simple trick to lure tourists here, but you could not be the only one who had ever come here and asked for a book related to it. Although you were confident that Namjoon would not ask any questions, he allowed himself to look at you with a puzzled expression. And you could not exactly blame him. You had come here, desperate, and all for a book about mermaids? It seemed strange. You would have reacted the same way.

But anything Namjoon was thinking to ask, he shut it up, as he walked behind the desk and typed on the ancient computer covered in dust. It took some time, loaded with awkward coughs (mostly from you). While you waited, you stared at him. You noticed the eye bags, deep, that described an endless night. His messy hair confirmed it.

“Rough night?”

You did not know what came over you. Namjoon seemed like a nice guy, someone who you would like to be friends with if your situation was not so complicated. And maybe that was why you could not help but feel interested in him, in what he had done last night that kept him awake.

“I was actually with Yoongi and Jimin,” he answered with a smile, looking at you for just a second before returning his gaze to the computer screen.

“Your friends?”

“Yes. I asked them about that Kim Taehyung you told me about.”

You had completely forgotten about that little detail. Not that it mattered. Now you knew that his friends had never heard of Taehyung because he did not exist on the surface. All you had on him was his name… And the fact that he was a merman.

“Oh, well. Whatever they know...” you chuckled. Dismissing the subject, trying to make Namjoon forget all about it, that was what you wanted to do. “I gave up. I don’t think he’d like to meet me again, so–”

“What makes you say that?”

He sounded so surprised. He led all his attention to you. The atmosphere between shifted so quickly, it almost left you without air or words to say. One of the most sincere looks you had seen in a long time was Namjoon’s. Under it, you found yourself almost babbling as if you had done something wrong. He was waiting for your answer, though, so you pushed it out of your throat.

“No reason. Just a feeling,” you mumbled.

Once again, whatever he was thinking, he kept it to himself. That only made you even more interested in what his mind held. You could tell, there were a lot of things unsaid in that head of his and you wondered if he would ever speak them out, if he would feel relieved or regret it if someone hears them.

“Oh!” He exclaimed out of the blue. “We have some books about them, actually. Thought we had sold them all. Are you looking for tales...”

“Informative works, if that makes any sense?”

A few days ago, it would not have made any sense to you. Things could change so quickly around here, it was scary.

“Well, information…” he hummed, and with a few clicks of the mouse, he smiled. “The book is quite old, but we have it in pretty good conditions, considering.”

He walked to a random shelf and ran his finger through the spines of the books displayed until he found the one he was looking for. It was almost at the end, waiting to be held and given a look. An ancient, worn-out book, all black, it was the kind of book that could have gone unnoticed easily.

As he checked it out to confirm it was, in fact, the book he was looking for, you read the spine of it. In golden, cursive letters, it read “Mysteries of the Sea”. Before handing it to you, Namjoon gave you a secretive look.

“This one is one of the oldest books we own. The author is unknown, but–”

“Unknown?”

You did not let him give it to you as a normal person would do, you just snatched it from his hands. It was heavy, and when you opened it, you realised that your first impressions were correct; the pages were yellow and a little crumpled. There were no chapters, just words and words with no division apart from paragraphs. It did not seem that it had an actual end.

As he had stated, there was no name of the author, which seemed strange. You had always thought that the best part of achieving something, like writing a book or directing a movie, was to put your name on it and make everyone remember it.

“I assume it was a woman the one who wrote it?” Namjoon suggested. “Some books were written by women, but their names are nowhere to be seen, it’s not uncommon.”

“Why?”

“With books this old, you can imagine, right? A woman writing and publishing her own work at that time? It would’ve brought embarrassment to her family.”

It sounded stupid, but the book felt much heavier after hearing that. There was no way you could confirm that story, but if it was true; if that woman truly wanted it published despite what her family might have thought, it had to be significant, something she had thought it may help others, not only her. In your mind, going against your family was not something you chose to do just because. There had to be something worth that courage.

With new determination, maybe even renewed hope, you clutched it against your chest.

“How much?”

Namjoon let out a long sigh, but smiled, and shrugged. “It’s yours if you want it.”

“But–”

“But, only if you promise to come back,” he finished your sentence.

“You mean to the bookstore or this town?”

“Let’s start with the bookstore,” he replied, “for now.”

The thing about Namjoon, he was sincere, he seemed sincere. He was the kind of person that made you trust. But not satisfied with that, the universe also gave him another quality; everything he said seemed like a promise. How many days had passed since you first met him? One. Nevertheless, he managed to make you feel like he had known you since forever.

And you could not say no to him. He had helped you a lot, and you actually enjoyed his company. Why would you say no? Because you did not want anyone involved with you until you could get rid of a certain someone.

The sound of the bell right above the door made you turn around. Two guys of the same height walked in with the same expression of confusion that you probably had. One of them, carrying a big paper bag, wet at the bottom, spotted dazzling blue hair and an oversized black shirt with ripped jeans and sandals of the same colour. The other one, three cups of soda in hand, looked straight out of a fairy tale, with pale pink hair and simpler clothes; a white t-shirt and black shorts and sandals.

“Who’s she?” One guy asked as he set the bag on the desk.

“Another grandchild,” Namjoon smiled. You belonged somewhere, even after you had left years ago, he made sure you knew that.

The answer seemed to be enough for him, because he looked at you, acknowledging your presence, and dropped all his weight on the chair. Unbothered, he proceeded to take out food from the bag; three complete burgers. When he noticed your stare, he lifted one close to your face.

“Want some?” A teasing tone that reminded you of Taehyung was not quite what you were expecting from a boy this short. It caught you off guard when a freezing shiver went down your spine.

Now, everyone in the room was looking at you. As much as you wanted to talk, your throat was shut, aching, itching. The pain made you simply shake your head.

“Yoongi, you’re making her uncomfortable,” Namjoon warned.

So he was Yoongi. Despite feeling like someone had punched your stomach, you gave him another look. He did not budge under your scrutiny. It was not hard to tell that he was a tough guy. Namjoon had come off like that too when you first met him, but he was fast to vanish that idea of him out of your head. Yoongi seemed like he was not going to do that any time soon. He even raised his eyebrows when he noticed that you were not redirecting your gaze elsewhere but his face.

“Whatever,” he finally said and broke eye contact with you.

“Well,” the other one, Jimin, you assumed, broke the tension, “if you’re another grandchild, join us!”

The bubbly personality of Jimin, which you were fast to notice, was so welcoming. You truly wanted to sit down, relax for a second, feel like Hoseok and Jungkook were with you again, but could you really do that when you felt Taehyung breathing down your neck?

“You can tell us more about that Kim Taehyung?” Namjoon suggested.

“Oh, so she’s the one you talked to us about?” Jimin exclaimed. He glanced between you and Namjoon. “Now, I see it.”

Namjoon cleared his throat and left the table saying something along the lines of “I’ll get you chairs.”

He was gone, and you could already feel Yoongi and Jimin’s curiosity drown the room. They wanted to ask about Taehyung, you knew that. Whatever they asked, though, you were sure you would never be able to answer. You were also looking for answers and the book that Namjoon had just given you might hold some, you hoped.

As you sat down on the chair Namjoon provided, you tried to avoid Yoongi and Jimin’s gaze. It was not like you did not understand why they were so curious about you. You were kind of expecting Namjoon so ask more questions, but you were grateful that he had not crossed that line yet. And even he did, there was nothing you could do, actually. You felt like running away as far as your legs would take you, but the thought of Taehyung being somewhere in the shadows, waiting for you to be alone was enough to clear your head from those runaway ideas. You were in that funny position where you did not feel safe anywhere.

“What you got there?” Yoongi asked, still chewing his burger, as he pointed at the book you were still pressing against your chest.

“She’s actually interested in mermaids and all that jazz,” Namjoon answered before you could.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows, still looking at you and you felt how your cheeks turned red and warm under those dark eyes.

“You sure you’re from here? Only tourists are interested in that crap.”

“Yoongi!” Jimin butted in.

“What? That’s the only reason people ever come here!”

You wished you could be like Yoongi, so clueless. The way he said things, like there were not a big deal, was something you envied. He walked around, no worries on his mind, not looking over his shoulder every time he heard something suspicious in the bushes. That was a luxury you could not afford anymore. Thinking it through just confirmed it; you could not bring new people to your life. It did not matter how nice they seemed, or how safe they made you feel. You could not include them in your mess.

“Leave her alone, Yoongi,” Namjoon chuckled. “She’s one of us now.”

But it was too late for that.

“It hurts to see her. When the sea is so calm, silent and transparent, it hurts to see her rise to the surface because I know she will have to go back in an hour or two, if I am lucky enough.

Her kind is mysterious. I know it because she doesn’t like to talk about her world underwater. I accept it because I choose to believe that with time, she will warm up to me and tell me all about her, her life, her dreams. Everything my heart desires is to know more about her. It was not only about her people anymore. It was just about her. All my life, I’ve been wondering why are people so interested in mermaids. It took about five minutes with her for me to finally understand the fuzz over these beings. I noticed that every once in awhile, she would accidentally slip up some detail about herself. I try to remember them all, but they are so simple that it only makes me want to cry whenever I try to put them on paper and fail miserably due to my poor memory. I can’t bring my dairy to out meetings in the dock. If she ever found out that I’m writing about her, she would be so furious. I’m scared that she won’t want to see me ever again if she finds out. Nevertheless, I choose to write about her. My life is boring, as you might have assumed. She is the only thing that keeps me from falling on a monotonous spiral of useless and meaningless tasks like going grocery shopping or helping with the bookstore. Sometimes I wonder if I’m as special to her as she is to me. Maybe I’m what she needs to scape her world. In the mornings, I often think about the reasons why she would ignore the dangers and come back to me. My world is not ready for her kind. I’m still getting used to her, how she looks, how different it feels to have her around. The mere thought of someone finding out about her existence is enough to keep these words to myself, under my bed. She often tells me that the ocean can be even crueller than the surface. She warns me that if I get too close to them, it might be dangerous. I don’t care, that’s what I always tell her. We always find a spot, a limit where both of our worlds meet so we can see each other. But I’m scared that the more I see her, the closer I get to touch her, the needier I’ll be…”

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[coffeeandyoongi]

Underwater V

Prompt: The sea holds lots of secrets, are you ready to reveal them?

Word count: 4.6k

Pairing: Taehyungxreader

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“You’re gonna accept what I just said just like that?” He asked.

That was a good question, actually. Taehyung had done nothing but show you how decisive and dangerous he was, but was he worth your trust? It did not matter how much time you thought about it, though. He had made a request and you had to follow it.

So you did not say anything. Your throat was still burning, even swallowing was unbearably painful.

Taehyung sighed and stretched his arm, displaying a golden bracelet right in front of your face. You would not have thought much about it if a little pendant had not shone in the moonlight. It was a little larger than a coin with a small wave carved in it.

“This may seem like a cheap piece of rubbish,” he said, “but it’s actually a family relic. It has been worn by several kings, and a queen, within generations. Now, it’s my turn to wear it.”

You leaned over, ready to touch the pendant to examine it, but Taehyung was fast to pull back his arm.

“This,” he spoke again, his tone severe, warning, “I’m doing it because it’s the only way for you to believe me. I need you to believe me, not to ask questions. Got it?”

With that being said, he took off the bracelet and grabbed your wrist, pulling it so that you would show your opened palm. He let the cold chain in your hand. You heard the clicking of the metal and wondered if that was real gold or some kind of painted metal.

But now that you had this, what were you supposed to do with it? It could be a useless accessory, for all you knew.

“This town holds more information on mermaids than you might think. You just need to know where to look. Not everything you might find is true, but, I have to admit, some humans have got close to us,” he let out the last part with some kind of sadness.

If you asked any questions, you knew that Taehyung would not answer them clearly. Even when he tried so hard to hide, be mysterious, you noticed certain things. You knew better not to test him or push your luck. Whatever he gave, you would have to work with it. So moments like these, where he would give information in exchange for nothing, were special and rare.

You looked at him, hoping for him to tell you more. His naked chest expanded while he turned his gaze to the night sky. He looked so lost in thought, maybe even memories. With his profile, unbelievably well-proportioned, being highlighted by the moon, you felt your eyes glued to his image. There was always something interesting to watch, to discover, being his tanned skin or the mole hidden between his inferior eyelashes. You could not lie and say that Taehyung was not a fair creature, but that was not a surprise. You may not be an expert, but if there was something you knew about mermaids it was that their beauty was undeniable, mermen were not the exception to that fact, you confirmed it after meeting Taehyung. The air around him seemed to buzz with the most elegant harmony you had ever heard and, even in the dark, he radiated a golden light. He was luminescent, all the time. A vibrating light followed his figure with every move. Such lively energy for a being so despicable.

Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him. The first one being; looks are deceiving.

“Look for information,” he simply added. “You might stop flinching every time I look at you if you know what you’re dealing with. You might also know the seriousness of my threats, too.”

You closed your hand around the bracelet. It was the only thing you could do if you thought about it. This pendant held more than what the eye could see, and if you wanted to get out of this alive, and save your grandfather in the process, you had to do whatever it took.

You could go home once Taehyung indicated you what he wanted you to do and told you, yet again, what would happen if you did not obey. According to him, he “did not want to be more time than necessary between impure humans, no offence.” Of course, you replied with a dry “not taken” because even when you were not sure what he and his people thought to know about humans, you could easily name a few things about your kind that fell on the category of vile.

Taehyung knew exactly what he wanted to learn, he did not hesitate to tell you point by point, which were simply three; friendship, family and love. If something came up in the middle of your lessons, he would ask, he informed you. You were just begging that it would not happen. The less you had to teach him, the faster he would go back to the depths of the sea to rule his underwater reign or whatever. You did not know him, at all, but something told you that Taehyung would be a cold-blooded king. He did not hesitate to make his point with you, you doubted it would be different somewhere else. And you did not know why, but you wondered if that was a good quality of him if you talked about being king.

Once in bed, you could not help but wonder about his world. How different it might be from yours, how humans affected it, because, surely, all those talks about global warming were not to be taken as a simple joke. Your world influenced theirs directly. But you also thought about his people. If Taehyung thought of you as such evil creatures, did the rest of them believe the same? Or were they just scared of the information they were given about humans?

That was when it hit you; they knew nothing about you, just as you knew nothing about them. When talking about knowledge of one another, it was like a dog chasing its own tail; someone had to step in, put an end to it, and Taehyung was doing just that, you guessed.

“Are you planning something for today?”

The already gooey cereal stared back at you until you decided you were done with it and pushed it away from you. The thought of you browsing books of mermaids and fairy tales, all under the gaze of these overly curious inhabitants of this town… Yeah, that seemed like a good way to spend your way if you did not want to die.

“I’m going to the bookstore,” you replied with a smile. And your throat still hurt. A lot. But you had you ignore it if you did not want questions you could not answer.

Your grandfather seemed excited by the idea, as his eyes lighted up and his lazy posture changed suddenly, as he leaned slightly over the table like he was about to tell you the juiciest secret ever.

“The best store in town is the one you went to yesterday,” he informed you with a wink, “Miss Kim has the rarest books, the ones that you can’t find on the internet, all for a good price. Tell her I sent you and she might lend them to you.”

Not that you were disappointed by the first thing he said, but when he mentioned Miss Kim, your eyes widened.

“You know her?” You asked, a little bit hesitant, to which he only replied with a shrug and a smile that annoyed you because of the lack of verbal confirmation.

You were under the impression that your grandfather never left his house unless he wanted to take a walk or to buy groceries, or something he needed with urgency, but with this new information, you were left in the dark. You had never thought of him as someone mysterious, but now you had to? Not that you blamed him. You were hiding things from him as well.

“That’s all I’m gonna get?” You asked again. “Fine. I’ll have to ask her, then.”

Another thing to look into, you would add it to the list.

The unforgiving sun was punishing you with all its force. Your cap seemed useless at this point. It just encapsulated the heat, and after a few minutes walking over the hot road, you started to wonder if your head could sweat this much, or if it could even sweat. Today, you had chosen to wear sneakers, not sandals, as you had gained a brand new appreciation for your feet over these three days. Once you thought you might lose one over a demon under a dock, there was no turning back from that, was there?

With your eyes literally on your feet, because you did not want to lose your sight by looking at the sky, you made your way to the book store. With Taehyung’s bracelet burning your skin from the back pocket of your shorts, just to make itself go noticed, you sighed. Luckily for you, you remembered the way well. Your life depended on it, so no biggie, right?

It was strange to walk around town and not to hear cars or people talking on their phones. You had grown used to the sounds and lights of the city. You could not quite decide if you liked it better or not. In the city, even when you had never thought of it as home like this town was, you never felt completely alone. Even when you tried to get away from everything and everyone, there was always the distant lights of the buildings, the cars, the busy streets to keep you company. Here, however, the only thing you received were dirty looks from silent people. In a town this small, everyone knew everyone, their story, some of their secrets, because they always get discovered one way or another. The story of the little girl who went to the city and came back years after. That must have been quite a piece of gossip when you left. So, you were sure they knew you were that girl. You were sure that they were wondering why you came back, and why your father was not with you.

It was weird to be in the middle of people who knew about you, but you knew nothing about.

“You came back?”

You turned around and found Namjoon, all dimples and baggy clothes that made you question his sanity and if his body felt how damn hot it was today. He walked towards you while he put his phone in his pocket. The height difference would have made you laugh if circumstances were different.

You nodded with your eyes on his. His smile grew only bigger, and you appreciated it.

“Glad to see you again, then. My grandmother is out, so…”

You already knew what was coming. He was going to say that you should come back another day, but the thing was, you did not have another day. You were meant to meet Taehyung tonight and give him his bracelet back. You could not let Namjoon say it.

“Is–” your voice cracked, and you noticed how Namjoon was taken back by your sudden interruption. You coughed to cover that up. “Is there any way that you could let me in? I wouldn’t ask, but I’m desperate.”

You could not stop to care about how pathetic you might have looked in Namjoon’s eyes, but it was not necessary because he let out a chuckle, his smile meeting his eyes, and reached his back pocket. The sound of metal clicking together had never felt so relieving.

“I was going to let you in, but hearing you beg is so much fun. Now, add a “please” and a “thank you” and I might open the door.”

“You’re enjoying my suffering, aren’t you?”

He hummed.

“Every part of it,” he confirmed. You glared at him and crossed your arms. Namjoon laughed. “Fine. Only ‘cause you came back.”

The moment you entered the store, the characteristic smell of old books hit you with full force. You had not noticed it before, but now you could see why your grandfather told you that this was the best bookstore in town (if there were more). Besides the numerous shelves full of books, they were also scattered all over the dusty floor, like they did not matter, forgotten.

“What were you looking for?” Namjoon asked while he closed the door behind him.

Hell, if you only knew...

The number of books was intimidating and you had not started yet.

The problem with Miss Kim’s book store was that it was a mess. There were books, of course, scented candles (some of them used), unlabelled boxes which awakened your curiosity. Without any help, you could be years looking for a trustful source of information. Something had told you that the internet was not going to be useful, so you chose to come here, but looking at this disaster, you were reconsidering reading that article on sea creatures you had found in liveyourfantasy.com.

No, books were more reliable.

“How many books do you have here?”

Namjoon frowned, surely asking himself why on earth would you be interested in that, but then shrugged.

“Grandma is always getting new books. The boxes are full of them.”

So that was what they contained. Now you were sure that there was no way you could find any book related to mermaids if you did it by yourself.

“Do you have anything about mermaids?”

Come to think of it, sea creatures were kind of one of the few attractions this little town had. Of course they were only a simple trick to lure tourists here, but you could not be the only one who had ever come here and asked for a book related to it. Although you were confident that Namjoon would not ask any questions, he allowed himself to look at you with a puzzled expression. And you could not exactly blame him. You had come here, desperate, and all for a book about mermaids? It seemed strange. You would have reacted the same way.

But anything Namjoon was thinking to ask, he shut it up, as he walked behind the desk and typed on the ancient computer covered in dust. It took some time, loaded with awkward coughs (mostly from you). While you waited, you stared at him. You noticed the eye bags, deep, that described an endless night. His messy hair confirmed it.

“Rough night?”

You did not know what came over you. Namjoon seemed like a nice guy, someone who you would like to be friends with if your situation was not so complicated. And maybe that was why you could not help but feel interested in him, in what he had done last night that kept him awake.

“I was actually with Yoongi and Jimin,” he answered with a smile, looking at you for just a second before returning his gaze to the computer screen.

“Your friends?”

“Yes. I asked them about that Kim Taehyung you told me about.”

You had completely forgotten about that little detail. Not that it mattered. Now you knew that his friends had never heard of Taehyung because he did not exist on the surface. All you had on him was his name… And the fact that he was a merman.

“Oh, well. Whatever they know...” you chuckled. Dismissing the subject, trying to make Namjoon forget all about it, that was what you wanted to do. “I gave up. I don’t think he’d like to meet me again, so–”

“What makes you say that?”

He sounded so surprised. He led all his attention to you. The atmosphere between shifted so quickly, it almost left you without air or words to say. One of the most sincere looks you had seen in a long time was Namjoon’s. Under it, you found yourself almost babbling as if you had done something wrong. He was waiting for your answer, though, so you pushed it out of your throat.

“No reason. Just a feeling,” you mumbled.

Once again, whatever he was thinking, he kept it to himself. That only made you even more interested in what his mind held. You could tell, there were a lot of things unsaid in that head of his and you wondered if he would ever speak them out, if he would feel relieved or regret it if someone hears them.

“Oh!” He exclaimed out of the blue. “We have some books about them, actually. Thought we had sold them all. Are you looking for tales...”

“Informative works, if that makes any sense?”

A few days ago, it would not have made any sense to you. Things could change so quickly around here, it was scary.

“Well, information…” he hummed, and with a few clicks of the mouse, he smiled. “The book is quite old, but we have it in pretty good conditions, considering.”

He walked to a random shelf and ran his finger through the spines of the books displayed until he found the one he was looking for. It was almost at the end, waiting to be held and given a look. An ancient, worn out book, all black, it was the kind of book that could have gone unnoticed easily.

As he checked it out to confirm it was, in fact, the book he was looking for, you read the spine of it. In golden, cursive letters, it read “Mysteries of the Sea”. Before handing it to you, Namjoon gave you a secretive look.

“This one is one of the oldest books we own. The author is unknown, but–”

“Unknown?”

You did not let him give it to you as a normal person would do, you just snatched it from his hands. It was heavy, and when you opened it, you realised that your first impressions were correct; the pages were yellow and a little crumpled. There were no chapters, just words and words with no division apart from paragraphs. It did not seem that it had an actual end.

As he had stated, there was no name of the author, which seemed strange. You had always thought that the best part of achieving something, like writing a book or directing a movie, was to put your name on it and make everyone remember it.

“I assume it was a woman the one who wrote it?” Namjoon suggested. “Some books were written by women, but their names are nowhere to be seen, it’s not uncommon.”

“Why?”

“With books this old, you can imagine, right? A woman writing and publishing her own work at that time? It would’ve brought embarrassment to her family.”

It sounded stupid, but the book felt much heavier after hearing that. There was no way you could confirm that story, but if it was true; if that woman truly wanted it published despite what her family might have thought, it had to be significant, something she had thought it may help others, not only her. In your mind, going against your family was not something you chose to do just because. There had to be something worth that courage.

With new determination, maybe even renewed hope, you clutched it against your chest.

“How much?”

Namjoon let out a long sigh, but smiled, and shrugged. “It’s yours if you want it.”

“But–”

“But, only if you promise to come back,” he finished your sentence.

“You mean to the bookstore or this town?”

“Let’s start with the bookstore,” he replied, “for now.”

The thing about Namjoon, he was sincere, he seemed sincere. He was the kind of person that made you trust. But not satisfied with that, the universe also gave him another quality; everything he said seemed like a promise. How many days had passed since you first met him? One. Nevertheless, he managed to make you feel like he had known you since forever.

And you could not say no to him. He had helped you a lot, and you actually enjoyed his company. Why would you say no? Because you did not want anyone involved with you until you could get rid of a certain someone.

The sound of the bell right above the door made you turn around. Two guys of the same height walked in with the same expression of confusion that you probably had. One of them, carrying a big paper bag, wet at the bottom, spotted dazzling blue hair and an oversized black shirt with ripped jeans and sandals of the same colour. The other one, three cups of soda in hand, looked straight out of a fairy tale, with pale pink hair and simpler clothes; a white t-shirt and black shorts and sandals.

“Who’s she?” One guy asked as he set the bag on the desk.

“Another grandchild,” Namjoon smiled. You belonged somewhere, even after you had left years ago, he made sure you knew that.

The answer seemed to be enough for him, because he looked at you, acknowledging your presence, and dropped all his weight on the chair. Unbothered, he proceeded to take out food from the bag; three complete burgers. When he noticed your stare, he lifted one close to your face.

“Want some?” A teasing tone that reminded you of Taehyung was not quite what you were expecting from a boy this short. It caught you off guard when a freezing shiver went down your spine.

Now, everyone in the room was looking at you. As much as you wanted to talk, your throat was shut, aching, itching. The pain made you simply shake your head.

“Yoongi, you’re making her uncomfortable,” Namjoon warned.

So he was Yoongi. Despite feeling like someone had punched your stomach, you gave him another look. He did not budge under your scrutiny. It was not hard to tell that he was a tough guy. Namjoon had come off like that too when you first met him, but he was fast to vanish that idea of him out of your head. Yoongi seemed like he was not going to do that any time soon. He even raised his eyebrows when he noticed that you were not redirecting your gaze elsewhere but his face.

“Whatever,” he finally said and broke eye contact with you.

“Well,” the other one, Jimin, you assumed, broke the tension, “if you’re another grandchild, join us!”

The bubbly personality of Jimin, which you were fast to notice, was so welcoming. You truly wanted to sit down, relax for a second, feel like Hoseok and Jungkook were with you again, but could you really do that when you felt Taehyung breathing down your neck?

“You can tell us more about that Kim Taehyung?” Namjoon suggested.

“Oh, so she’s the one you talked to us about?” Jimin exclaimed. He glanced between you and Namjoon. “Now, I see it.”

Namjoon cleared his throat and left the table saying something along the lines of “I’ll get you chairs.”

He was gone, and you could already feel Yoongi and Jimin’s curiosity drown the room. They wanted to ask about Taehyung, you knew that. Whatever they asked, though, you were sure you would never be able to answer. You were also looking for answers and the book that Namjoon had just given you might hold some, you hoped.

As you sat down on the chair Namjoon provided, you tried to avoid Yoongi and Jimin’s gaze. It was not like you did not understand why they were so curious about you. You were kind of expecting Namjoon so ask more questions, but you were grateful that he had not crossed that line yet. And even he did, there was nothing you could do, actually. You felt like running away as far as your legs would take you, but the thought of Taehyung being somewhere in the shadows, waiting for you to be alone was enough to clear your head from those runaway ideas. You were in that funny position where you did not feel safe anywhere.

“What you got there?” Yoongi asked, still chewing his burger, as he pointed at the book you were still pressing against your chest.

“She’s actually interested in mermaids and all that jazz,” Namjoon answered before you could.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows, still looking at you and you felt how your cheeks turned red and warm under those dark eyes.

“You sure you’re from here? Only tourists are interested in that crap.”

“Yoongi!” Jimin butted in.

“What? That’s the only reason people ever come here!”

You wished you could be like Yoongi, so clueless. The way he said things, like there were not a big deal, was something you envied. He walked around, no worries on his mind, not looking over his shoulder every time he heard something suspicious in the bushes. That was a luxury you could not afford anymore. Thinking it through just confirmed it; you could not bring new people to your life. It did not matter how nice they seemed, or how safe they made you feel. You could not include them in your mess.

“Leave her alone, Yoongi,” Namjoon chuckled. “She’s one of us now.”

But it was too late for that.

“It hurts to see her. When the sea is so calm, silent and transparent, it hurts to see her rise to the surface because I know she will have to go back in an hour or two, if I am lucky enough.  Her kind is mysterious. I know it because she doesn’t like to talk about her world underwater. I accept it because I choose to believe that with time, she will warm up to me and tell me all about her, her life, her dreams. Everything my heart desires is to know more about her. It was not only about her people anymore. It was just about her. All my life, I’ve been wondering why are people so interested in mermaids. It took about five minutes with her for me to finally understand the fuzz over these beings. I noticed that every once in a while, she would accidentally slip up some detail about herself. I try to remember them all, but they are so simple that it only makes me want to cry whenever I try to put them on paper and fail miserably due to my poor memory. I can’t bring my dairy to out meetings in the dock. If she ever found out that I’m writing about her, she would be so furious. I’m scared that she won’t want to see me ever again if she finds out. Nevertheless, I choose to write about her. My life is boring, as you might have assumed. She is the only thing that keeps me from falling on a monotonous spiral of useless and meaningless tasks like going grocery shopping or helping with the bookstore. Sometimes I wonder if I’m as special to her as she is to me. Maybe I’m what she needs to scape her world. In the mornings, I often think about the reasons why she would ignore the dangers and come back to me. My world is not ready for her kind. I’m still getting used to her, how she looks, how different it feels to have her around. The mere thought of someone finding out about her existence is enough to keep these words to myself, under my bed.  She often tells me that the ocean can be even crueller than the surface. She warns me that if I get too close to them, it might be dangerous. I don’t care, that’s what I always tell her. We always find a spot, a limit where both of our worlds meet so we can see each other. But I’m scared that the more I see her, the closer I get to touch her, the needier I’ll be…”

[psychoblue9]

Hyoga x Eris: Deified Lovers

Credit to xdtopsu01

Short story to go with it:

Was it all a dream?

The memories of her death, with her soul being torn apart by the Andromeda Saint via his chains destroying the Golden Apple that housed her spirit, were quickly losing their clarity, and the shock and horror she felt as her spirit and flesh lost their cohesion and scattered into nothingness was fading fast.  Her breathing slowed and her attention to the present was strengthening...and her awareness of her surrounding aided her calm, and replaced fright with bliss.

The rhythm of a kind heartbeat pulsated against her ear where she had been resting, and she looked up to see the source of that heartbeat stirring.  Personal warmth was still a new feeling for her, but in the arms of the last remaining master of “Absolute Zero Cosmo” she felt as is she was cozy against the fire in a freezing winter.  His neck-length blonde hair blew gently in the open air as the autumn field they had been sleeping in blessed them with a cool breeze that tickled her body.

She was known as the Goddess of Sin, Eris, and at one time she had been sent by her former captors in Sanctuary to redeem herself by driving this man insane through lustful dreams that would ebb away at his sanity and will to fight.  Instead, this man stood defiant against her and actually challenged her to a contest of Cosmo within the arena that was his mind.  Him, a mortal with a scarred heart  and a cracked soul, actually gave her pause.  She had corrupted so many others in her lifetime, with such volatile results that Athena sealed her away in that golden apple so that her body could only be summoned by spells known only to a very select few across history.  And yet this mortal had the audacity to challenge her.

And through that battle, through that clear picture of what lay in his heart...she found herself committing the greatest sin a goddess of sin could commit: she fell deeply in love with him.  And now they were resting peacefully together in this meadow, content with each other’s company.

“Hyoga,” she hummed softly while carefully slithering up his body and to his face.  His eyes were open now, blue diamonds that mystified her, and a thin smile crept over his face as he reached up and stroked her face.  “...I’m so happy.”

“It was a nightmare, Eris: I know they’re new to you as a goddess of sin, but give it time and you will no longer be afraid of them,” Hyoga replied with firm reassurance.  “I’ve already lost people close to me, Eris: to me that’s a worse nightmare than anything I could possibly endure within it.  The Aries Saint once told me that the weight of guilt is more painful than death: at least there are some deaths where you can say you died righteously, but feeling guilt is the price of failure to protect those who were supposed to live in your place…”

“...then maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.  I dreamed that I sacrificed myself, that I risked everything so that you could be safe.”

“...no,” Hyoga whispered as he pressed Eris against him tighter.  It was here that Eris realized that Hyoga was in his Cloth...no, not quite the one she remembered.  Whereas prior Hyoga’s bronze Cloth only offered modest protection and coverage, Hyoga was now encased in a shimmering blue shell and only his head remained exposed.  Furthermore, the Cloth was somewhat bulky and intricately detailed, and there was a  calm power emanating from it...from him.

She had heard rumors, but now Eris saw that the rumor was reality.  Hyoga had shed his mortality and elevated his Cosmo to the rank of the gods, and now his Cloth was comparable to that of hers..although hers was far less modest, revealing much of her violet skin and invoking images of the succubi that Hyoga’s Catholicism warned him about.  And yet, his newfound holy aura was so inviting to her, and as they willed themselves back to their feet, Hyoga tightened his embrace.

“...I failed you, Eris.  You shouldn’t have had to risk your life...but I’ve used the weight of my failures to make me stronger.  And now the war is over: peace reigns for the planet...and for us.  And I don’t know what this new power will bring me, but I at least know I can use it to protect you...for however long this vow will hold weight.”

“Vow?”

As Eris collected her thoughts, or more accurately, the thoughts of past men she seduced before finally embracing Hyoga’s lights, she let out a light gasp as Hyoga produced a diamond ring.  In the world of mortals since the age of myth passed and new theologies took the place of her old Pantheon’s duties, there was one ritual that remained universal no matter the creed: the implications of a marriage.  And sensing Hyoga’s thoughts as he carefully placed the ring upon her finger, she knew full well the intentions of what he wished.

He wished to be with her forever, til death did they part...and now that he ascended his Cosmo to that of the Gods, death could have been a long, long time for either of them.  Eris wanted to make sure that every single second of that unknown exception to their bond would be in bliss, just as his presence filled her with wonderful light.

The goddess of sin would sin as none other had before: lust would become love, infatuation would become devotion, and selfishness would become heartwarming care.  The goddess would join hands with the mortal that defied her, and instead of wrath, gentleness would guide her hands around him as they passionately kissed in an embrace.

Her sinful nature continued to warp and distort into decidedly nicer traits as the two gradually shed their Cloths, their love flourishing as the breeze around them strengthened, the autumn leaves encircling them as they began the first step of their final destiny in eternal marriage…

----

Her eyes slowly opened as the passing voice calling her name became clearer, until the volume was too much for her to adapt to.  Quickly rolling over, she saw her roommate let out a sigh before tossing her work uniform to her.  “Come on, Eiri.  We can pick up breakfast on the way there.  You don’t want to miss your first day with this one: a Graude Foundation residency on your resume means you can cherrypick wherever you go next!”

Eiri...yes, that was her actual name.  Eiri Aizawa, freshly graduated nurse practicioner, off to start her first day under a new program started by the mighty Graude Foundation.  The interview she had a couple of weeks ago mentioned that it was more or less a screening for a mercenary school, as the Graude Foundation was looking to start a global peacekeeping force alongside the United Nations and were willing to pay a hefty sum to anyone brave enough to pass the initial trials that she would be overseeing as she conducted their physicals.

Yet as she quickly dressed and scrambled out the door and to the metro transport station, she couldn’t let that dream fade.  Who was that young man?  She hadn’t had time to play the dating game in quite some time in the rush of completing her residency and exams, and she would have absolutely remembered dating someone as dashing as that blonde...adonis that gave her a ring.  She checked her finger once more, still no ring, but the sensation of them embracing was so…

...no time to think about that.  Inappropriate for a professional on their first day.

She cleared her thoughts as she stepped off the train to her stop, and a few minutes of walking later she and her roommate had made it to the warehouse where the Graude Foundation’s new military firm was going to be set up.  The warehouse’s interior was freshly renovated with precious metals and technological wonders meant to more easily withstand and cater to the physical examinations that the firm demanded its prospects display, and it was only when she went to her section of the warehouse to set up the infirmary that she finally sensed him.

Feeling he was watched, he turned to meet her gaze, and immediately they took a sharp breath.  There was no mistaking it: that was him.  And he was even more beautiful in the flesh.

The young man came to her, and she saw the same sense of astonishment in his eyes.  That dream...was it real?”

“...sorry,” the young man quickly turned away before clearing his throat and composing himself to bow.  “My name is Hyoga, I’ll be leading the Palestra’s first wave of trials today.  I look forward to working with you today…”

“..yes, I’m Eiri Aizawa.  It’s good to meet you, sir.”

“Eiri...Eris…”

“Hyoga-san?”

“...let’s do our best, Eiri,” Hyoga said with a warm smile before helping her set up.

[vesperlionheart]

Pompeii 45

She had an invitation for an interview at the end of the week, and the clinic was only a two hour drive away. Shizune was lending her a car and Sakura had spoken to the boys about it. Neither liked the sound of it, but they had to admit that a two hour commute was better than moving out of Pompeii where they were most comfortable moving around and being themselves.

Neither Sai nor Yamato had an overwhelming love for Pompeii, but as much as they denied it, Sakura knew that Pompeii was where they felt the most on top of things. If they left the place where Tengu and Kitsune could walk openly through the streets and not fear human persecution it would mean learning to live in hiding. She didn’t want them to have to go through that, so she had been purposeful in searching for places that would take her close to the limits of Pompeii’s boundaries.

She needed a source of income. She couldn’t get by much further without one and it was killing her inside to have to forgo the gift giving season for financial reasons. It was so stupid to admit, but with everything piled on top of each other, the spare cash for presents wasn’t there and she was reduced to old fashioned, silly coupon books and cookies.

God she was nearly out of flour too. Soon she’d be stuck with ramen again. What sort of doctor lived off ramen out of med school?

Sakura hated how ashamed she felt.

She loved Sai and Yamato and wanted to bless them, wanted to treat them right and show them as much kindness as they had shown her.

With a frustrated grunt Sakura pulled out a box of old, mostly forgotten, art supplies that were mostly dried up and old. She couldn’t make art like Sai could, but she did have one or two hidden talents she could put to use if she remembered how to utilize them.

Sakura prepped a piece of parchment and tested out the calligraphy pen on some scratch journal paper. She practiced the words a few times, unsatisfied with the results until the fifth page. She remembered the feel of the flowing script and wrote out her words again and again until she was positive she had it down.

Your arms like branches encircle me And I am made well in the shade of your love

The first poem was finished without issue, and Sakura was worried her good luck wouldn’t hold for the second poem, but karma must not have been a bitch just then because the second poem came out just as she had hoped it would.

Sakura blew on the ink until the gloss was gone and dried. She then hid the poems in the pages of a book and set that book aside under her table. The noon day sun was up and she felt like she had finally done something productive in the morning. She never got patients anymore, but at least she had accomplished something.  

She would never think anyone silly for complaining about lack of work again. Her mind was ready to go numb from the disuse. If she didn’t have the castaways to help out she didn’t know how she’d manage to hold onto her sanity.

Kin and the others were still a little weary of her, especially after hearing about the town hall concerns, but the more the Senju vilified Sakura, the more Kin and the others seemed to welcome her. They might suspect her to be more dangerous than appearances suggest, but they didn’t hate her or think her the great evil the rest of Pompeii thought her to be.

“The Senju are all liars anyway. You have to look at where they are in the hierarchy and ask yourself how they’ve managed to maintain that much power for so long. No one at the top is there without a little blood on their hands or sin in their shadow,” Dosu had scoffed one day when Sakura came to bring them books and magazines.

“The world needs villains in order to make heroes and the Senju have always been heroes, even when there was no evil,” added Kin.

Sakura remembered being nervous, licking her lips, and then voicing her thoughts to the group. “What do you think I am?”

Kin had stared up over the edge of the magazine that was seven months old and a little battered around the edges. Her stare was half lidded and lacking the energy to be piercing. “You’re neither. You’re just a person. Don’t be so full of yourself.”

Sakura couldn’t help but like Kin for her attitude.

She had more magazines and some books she could take down to them. It was better than hanging out in her house for another day, waiting for the hours to pass before Sai came home from work and Yamato came home from the errands Sakura could no longer safely go out and complete. (The grocery store run was a suicide mission in her mind.)

Sakura dressed for the cold, noting that last year she needed almost twice as many layers. Maybe it was global warming or something else, but Pompeii was unusually warm in ways even she noticed.

She left out the back and had her hands stuffed deep in her pockets when she heard the shouting two blocks over. Like other times, the streets were mostly empty, but there wasn’t supposed to be a town hall meeting...at least...not one that she knew of. Tsunade had been kind enough to keep her up to date on such political maneuverings so far.

Sakura ducked into the shadows and pressed herself close to the side of a building. The voices sounded stationary, circling around a central point. They were loud and angry and the sort of voices Sakura wanted to avoid. Sai wasn’t anywhere nearby and Yamato...she wasn’t sure. If she left now there was a chance she’d be seen. Had she already been seen? They were close enough to hear, maybe they had heard her already.

She smelled something strong and nearly gagged as the accelerent burned with a roaring woosh. There were a few cheers and then some more angry screaming. Sakura hated the part of her that couldn’t help but be curious.

Curiosity killed the cat-

Sakura edged around the corner of the building to see the back of the crowd lighting a stray man, a literal man made out of straw, on fire. Inside the burning man there were branches, flowering branches with the blossoms dripping with flame. The straw wasn’t stray, but bleached wood. Around the head of the effigy was a grown of blossoms trailing in pink layers.  

At the front of the circle Shikamaru and Choji stood there, glaring at the flames. Sakura recognized Kankuro and Temari, remembering how Gaara had fallen sick not too long ago. Shino was there too, hanging close to the back with the collar of his hood popped. There were others she didn’t recognize except by their faces from moments in passing, but the ones she did remember hurt so much worse.  

“Look at it, it’s not even burning right. The wood ain’t natural,” someone screamed before throwing another bottle at the burning body. “Bitch, burn!”

-But satisfaction brought it back.  

Behind the effigy on the wall in graffiti streaks were the words she had been seeing all around the clinic on the outside walls in different strokes. ‘Burn the disease’ ‘Purge the outsider’ ‘drive out the sickness’ ‘Plague bitch.’

“What are they doing still talking about it? Pretty soon there won’t be anyone left. My old man’s out of it now.”

“My parents too. The neighbors said their kid was sick with fever this week too. It’s everywhere.”

“It’s too many places for them to be doing nothing about it,” Kankuro bit, voice deep and angry. It was then she remembered that Tenten had also fallen ill. Hadn’t Kankuro fancied her?

Shikamaru lifted something to his lips and the lit the end up, smoking a thin white roll of tobacco. “Naruto isn’t even waking up anymore. Pretty soon that will be everyone who got touched by it.”

“And Ino…”

Choji’s words were harder to hear, but they made her heart fall like a lead weight in her chest. She nearly lost her footing as the shock and horror washed over her. Ino? She hadn’t heard about Ino. She hadn’t known....

“I’m not going to listen to them any longer. They know it just like we know it, so I’m going to do something about it!” One of the citizens Sakura couldn’t name spoke up. He pointed to the burning body and snarled. “She’ll burn better than these cursed trees.”

Too many more voices roared in agreement. Kankuro looked ready to march along with them when only a year ago he had looked so happy just to see her visiting Gaara. Even Temari looked ready to draw blood for the sake of her youngest brother.

Someone threw something at the burning body and Sakura saw it was a cinder block. It sailed through the air and landed on the twigs, tearing it down from the post into a pile on the ground at a young woman’s feet. She screeched and stomped at it and the sound of cracking branches sounded louder as her efforts were aided by another pair of stomping shoes.

The twigs were in pieces but still smoldering as the group started to turn, rallying behind a cry that sounded familiar in a way she didn’t want to know.

Sakura braced against the wall, safe in the shadows, watching the group move like the mob she knew them to be. A mob hungry for her blood.

They didn’t get far before a gust shrieked through the air and shoved the first few bodies up and over the heads of those behind them. There was tumbling and flailing limbs before the front row was upright and looking at the body of the man responsible.

“You!” Temari hissed, reaching for her brother. She grabbed for Kankuro and helped him up. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be gone from Pompeii.”

Pein angled his chin up so that he was staring down at the clustered bodies in front of him like they were nothing more than dirt at the tip of his shoe. His eyes rippled with purple light and the air hummed with his energy. He looked regal in a double breasted pea coat the color of coal, cut to flatter his masculine figure.

“You are unsightly. Disperse.” His words were curt and dismissive just like his tone.

“What the hell. He’s in on it with the bitch, that’s why he’s never here, staying out of her way while she cleans us out,” someone hissed. The woman then turned to Pein, shouting out the rest of what she had to say. “You’ve always been a villain, looking down on us. You’re no better than any of us and we all know it. Get out of our way.”

Pein made a dismissive sound with his teeth and his lips before closing his eyes and then looking away, completely disinterested with the woman’s accusations.

“Bothersome.”

The woman’s eyes flashes and she reached out with her hand, growing scaly with the beginnings of her transformation before a jagged bolt of white lightning ran through her palm and then struck the ground in front of Kankuro and his sister. They both jumped back as the woman dropped to the ground in a cry of pain, holding her smoking hand that was burned too bad to bleed. Another vein of lightning shot out and scarred the ground in front of the group.

“You can’t do that, the Senju-”

“Are running around with their heads up their asses, I know dear,” Pein drawled lazily. “And the Uchiha and their shiny gold badges are nowhere to be seen. Ask me if I give a damn, darling.”

He looked up from his fingernails as if waiting for an answer but smirked when there was only tense silence from the subdued mob.

“You’re a villain,” Choji challenged.

The roll of his shoulders was less of a shrug and more an act of nature. He stared at the sky when he spoke. “There are worse things to be.”

“Are you in on it with her, then?” Shikamaru asked, stepping in front of his more agitated friend. He pushed Choji back and held him with the palm of his hand, a gesture that was more meaningful than purposeful. “You’ve never claimed to be a good person, Pein, but people tend to forget that about you after years of your quiet. I may not be my father but I know almost as much as him.”

“And yet you continue to play the fool. For a Nara you’re awfully stupid. I never thought I would see one in a mob. I’d rather be a villain than an idiot.”

“And I’d rather not let my emotions cloud my judgments when making decisions, because that’s where I think too many people have gone wrong. It’s gotten to you at least. Or is it something else? You want Pompeii for yourself and she’s the easiest way to get it?”

Pein closed his eyes and sighed, heaving out a breath that escaped his lips in a puff of steam. When he opened his eyes again there was lightning crackling behind his lashes. He was a barely contained storm in human form.

“You bore me boy. You’re not your father. Go home and put this foolishness behind you before I am agitated further.” Pein eyed the still smoking hand of the Naga woman to make his point clear.

“I don’t like agreeing with him, but I don’t think I can help it this time,” a new voice interjected.

Sakura almost came out of her shadows to see the new form join the fray, but didn’t need to. She knew that voice far too well to ever doubt it. A second later Yamato stepped up to stand beside Pein who was looking sideways at the new arrival with a slight curl to his lip.

A few bodies in the back started to break away, backing up and away. Pein was a powerhouse on his own that could likely wipe them out without the help, but there were too many stories and years of bad blood for most other residents to stand Yamato’s presence. There were too many stories of what he did in the dark.

Sakura watched as more and more figures began to break away, grumbling to themselves and each other about the unfair circumstances. Someone bemoaned the fact that the Uchiha were all on holed up in the mountains and the Senju drawn back into their compounds. No one was managing the streets.

“You were entirely unnecessary,” Pein huffed. “I was doing just fine on my own.”

“I don’t doubt that,” said Yamato. “But it was less a desire to help you and more a need to stick up for my family when I see them threatened. I’m not about to stand back and let people talk about Sakura like that.”  

Pein sneered, a new sort of emotional anger coming into the details of his expression. He had been cool with the mob, mocking them nonchalantly with half a heart, but when he looked at Yamato he looked a little more expressive than before.

“You sound very high and mighty for the cast off bitch. I want to burn that look off your face.”

Yamato glared back with a smile sharp enough to cut yourself on. “You’re no angel either. Where do you think you get off talking down to them when you doubted her yourself.”

“Ah, I see she tells you these things. You two must be...close.”

“Huh, something like that.” Yamato had a bag on each wrist, but he still managed to stuff his hands into his pockets.

There was a lick of light darting across the ground, uncontrolled and raw. Yamato didn’t flinch as it burned the earth between them.

“I didn’t care if it was her. I didn’t care one way or the other if she was a saint or a devil. It didn’t matter to me and yet you’re the one she takes in. Revolting filth. You don’t deserve it.”

Yamato’s smile slipped as a sound passed his lips. A soft chuckle sounded like how salt felt on an open wound and another lick of lightning danced behind Pein. There was the sound of thunder somewhere.

“It’s not about deserving, shit face. It never is with her.”

Yamato started to turn, taking a step away, and then another when Pein called out again.

“Then why is it you?”

Yamato took another step and then stopped, but didn’t turn around. He glanced off to the side and saw the still smoldering remains of the burning effigy. He glared at the flowers on fire.

“She did tell me about it, told me about you, about how you doubted her. I remember thinking something similar, about how if it was her I wouldn’t mind. If she wanted to raze Pompeii to the ground I would be her right hand in doing it, but that’s not her. I know in her heart that this is nothing but grief to her. She’s watching her friends suffer or hate her everyday and I wish there was something more I could do. This isn’t her.”

“You wouldn’t have been the only one who would have stood with her if this was her doing. You’re not that special.”

Yamato looked back over his shoulder. “But I believed in her first and I’m the one that gets to make dinner for her tonight. You can keep your dreams if you think it’ll help, but I don’t need to.”

The air around Pein clapped with a roll of angry thunder as another bolt of blue lightning burned the ground in front of Yamato, but the man was already gone. Pein snarled at the empty road, still smoldering from where his lightning had struck. His hands were fists at his side, curled so tightly the knuckles stood out white.

He turned and started to step away when he faltered. Pein looked to where the last of the burning figure still smoldered. He approached it and then kicked some dirt over the flames before sighing. The sight of what was left over wasn’t anything worth a double take.

Pein stretched out his hand and water fell from his fingertips like a miniature mist shower. The water fell over the flames and doused them right away. Pein reached into the pile and pulled out a twig with a pink bud on the end. He worked it between his fingers and the bud peeled open for him.

Sakura blinked and he was gone.

To: Sai Love: Sakura

You have taken the dull colors of my existence and made them vibrant Where once the ash and gray was my horizon, You bleed sunsets in my heart and stop up my veins with the blues of a thousand skies I will forever be better for having known you And forever changed for having loved you

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc V: Back into Hell (II)

Chapter 2: The Reunion

“Face me, demon!” the Shatster kept at with his cleaver, breath forming fierce clouds in the air. First I was right scared, sharp object and all that, but seeing how I was a ghost, it wasn’t really a problem.

No, the real probelino was getting Shatner to NOTICE me for a sec.

You know how in the movies they’ll show ghosts moving stuff around like its’ nothing? From experience, I can promise you that is GRADE-A BUNKO! When you’re spectral, you don’t have muscles and living stuff, so while going through walls is pretty neat, it also means lifting a q-tip is a complete workout!

Fortunately, my ghost lungs were still in working order, and with a bit of work I could make my breath mist. From there, I just blew on a wall, painted words on with my index finger, and… voila! Instant messaging without the phone!

SHATER YOU NERD IT’S ME

The big guy, for his part, stared like he’d just seen a ghost, which wasn’t really surprising.

A few seconds of gaping like a flounder at my little message, he stared just to the left of me, coughing out

“W-Watterson Tostig? After all this time?!”

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, BOOGER BRAIN.

One more deep breath.

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?

“R-right!” Cried Shatner. “I’ll get us some tea!”

                                                        .   .   .

My mouth was too stiff to tell him I’d rather drink sewage than something that came from a vegetable (tea does come from vegetables, right?), so I kinda just sucked it up and went along with it.  

Without even asking me what I wanted, Shatner led me to what I can only call some sort of break room.

           Empty, grey place, lit only by a birthday cake with ten little candles at its’ center. Surrounding this cake, like the world’s crappiest campfire, were a pair of overturned egg crates. I plopped my keister on one of those crates as the big guy left for the kitchen. I could only sit there, teeth chattering, wondering how my dinosaur friends were doing. There, in that barren room, paralyzed, helpless, barely able to move my teeth, realizing what a stupid not-really-a-full-fledged plan I had was, I realized something. A great, sudden revelation that strikes like lightning but leaves just as quick, but changes your life forever:

Global Warming is never there when you need it.

And who would barge in at this moment with all the grace of a sixty ton mammoth but Shatner, carrying two piping hot mugs of plant juice, a hideous abomination (‘sweater’, he corrected me) draped over his shoulder.

The sweater faded right through me as he flung it on my seat. Then, he added

“And don’t bother trying to eat the birthday cake. Bloody thing’s frozen solid by this point ( believe me, I have tried) and those candles may very well be the last source of heat in this blasted wasteland!”

Not like I could sneak a bite anyway, being spectral and all that.

Instead, I inhaled the steam coming off my tea, just the slightest bit of feeling returning to my limbs. Then I exhaled on the table, writing

WAIT. IF THE ONLY HEAT IS FROM THAT CANDLE, THEN HOW’D YOU MAKE THE TEA?

“Well my friend, that warmth you feel is the product of none other than yours trulys’ body heat!”

Just like that, I wondered if it was possible to un-inhale something. Then I remembered breathing out is a thing and felt real dumb.

“But try as I might to conserve body heat, I find it slowly, inexorably lost to the throes of entropy.” He waxed, making me forget my woes for a sec. “But enough about me, let’s talk about you. Specifically, your state of life. Or lack thereof. Because I do believe you have been dead these past few weeks. I’ve even seen the body! So-“

he said the last part real quick, like emphasizing something, “How did you get here, Watterson Tostig? How did you do it? Or are you simply an apparition brought on by the steady diet of Salisbury Steak I have subsisted on for the past few days?”

IT’S WATT, YOU NERD!

I set the record straight, really digging my index finger into the table.

“Watt. Yes, yes. My apologies.” He countered. “Now as you were saying…”

Of course, I didn’t really feel like writing down the whole story then and there. My ghost index finger was starting to get right numb. There had to be some quicker way! That’s when I remembered that, besides moving through walls, ghost can also do a crazy little thing called possessin’ folks! Now, they were never real specific about how they do that in the movies, but I figured it couldn’t be THAT hard.

Long story short, it took a good ten minutes to cram my ghost body into the Shatster’s confused mouth. If I’d only waited a year later, I’d have found you’re supposed to go through the butthole.

Not that I would have done that, anyway.

It was warm, in Shatner. Warm and moist. But most important, I could mentally project the entire story up to this point into his thick noggin in seconds. Every single crazy adventure I’d been through over the summer. By the time I’d I could see his face reflected in the linoleum floor, gaping like I’d told him the moon was made of rotten bananas.

“I’ve seen a great deal of oddity in my life,” he began, “And I can safely assure you that what you have just describe transcends nearly all of it.”

Not sure if the guy was complementing me or not, nor did I care, my eyes more focused on the beef jerky poking out of his pen holder (which all nerds have). I grabbed it, shoving the thing into his (our?) mouth.

Actually tasted half-decent! (Then again, most things taste half decent after you’ve been eating nothing but stale Cheetos and air for the past few days).

“What’s this? Tastes fancy.” I asked.

“Reconstituted Salisbury Steak.” He replied “Hilda’s terrible management of this camp irreparably botched up our food deliveries, so it was cast upon me to find a substitute.”

“Speaking of that, how did you get back here, anyway?” I asked, my voice coming out of his mouth, which was kinda weird.

“Well, if you must know…” he began. And I sat, realizing what massive torrent of WORD I had unleashed.

Shatner lectured me longtime, but the short of his story is: he ran right back home to where his little spider was waiting for him. Amazingly, he had memorized the path all the way back to his house. But when he got there, it turned out his aunt had in fact kept his spider fed, and was none too pleased with her nephew’s devious act of truancy.

“Though knowing Auntie, she was likely more furious at me for having doubted her responsibility than for absconding as I did.” Is how he put it.

After that he was dragged back to camp with all the ceremony of a death row inmate. And not metaphorically, either. His aunt literally dragged him by the collar all the way back!

“When we got there, it didn’t seem so bad. It was, I daresay, idyllic: birds chirping, sun high in sky, glowing jade green as it filtered through the tree leaves…(an entire page’s worth of pretentious crap yours truly has cut out for your own sanity), but the moment she left, the grand curtain of deception dropped, starting Act I of Hilda’s terrible play.”

           Of course, calling what Hilda did a ‘terrible play’ is like calling the first day you got soap in your eyes ‘an experience’. Kind of an annoying thing about the Shatster: rip the guy’s arm off and leave him bleeding on a cold linoleum floor and it would just be a ‘minor inconvenience’.

(Incredibly long and kinda violent) story short, Hilda basically started using Ms. Hoebag, now demon possessed, as her puppet,  giving the kids complete and utter control of the camp. Almost made me wish I stayed. Almost.

“The trouble was, this age of prosperity lasted but a few paltry hours. For as lofty as Hilda’s goals were it seemed she was not so adept at ensuring food and electricity were paid for.”

This little statement almost made me drop my jerky.

“What, did she not leave any teeth for the food and electricity fairies?”

“As a matter of fact, she forgot to pay the camp’s bills.”

“What?”

“You know, bills. What the grown-ups use to pay for stuff?”

“That’s not what my Dad told me.” I protested “He says we get it from the food and electricity faeries. I have to leave my loose teeth under the bed as payment.”

I could see Shatner’s left eye twitching. Poor guy just couldn’t handle not being the smartest in the room.

“Anyhow,” he continued, “as I was saying-“

           Without bills being payed and whatnot, it wasn’t long before Hilda stepped in to form a government, a government based on SHARING! How in the name of all that is good in the world the other kids agreed to that, I’ll never know, but apparently it had something to do with Vernon hiding all the ice cream sandwiches under his bunk. And by ‘government’, Hilda basically set up the exact thing Ms. Hoebag had going! Well, except for turning me into a martyr. And claiming everything she did was my will. Not exactly a fan of that. So once Hilda had set up her sharing policy and assigned some of the kids to enforce these laws (who might I mention were the SAME LOSERS WHO KISSED UP TO HOEBAG) it was time to vote on a camp currency. Since everyone liked ice cream sandwiches, those were chosen. Problem was, without the electricity the sandwiches melted fast as, well, ice cream in the summertime.

“Though I am not completely certain regarding the details of the matter, it seems Hilda proposed a plan to make it Christmas every day. The logic being, of course, that since Christmas is cold, and ice cream thrives in such frigid conditions, by making it cold the camp could preserve the last of the ice cream. After they sold their collective souls to a demon under the guise of a “character building activity”, their wish was granted… in the form of the most infernal, unsavory aspects of what I quite frankly consider an incredibly cynical interpretation of the winter solstice.”

“X-Mas…” I whispered, on account of that’s what we called ‘Evil Christmas’ back at my home.

Didn’t know what to be more amazed by: the fact that there was Christmas in July, or that in spite of everything, there were still mosquitoes buzzing around.

           At this point, Hilda realized that she was going to have to make the camp some money, because they (and by ‘they’ I mean she) desperately needed heat and they weren’t going to make any singing old Russian choir chants in front of the mess hall, even if it did make for some admittedly awesome camp postcards. So the kids at arts and crafts were assigned to make Papier-Mache Yugos. Amazingly, they sold because at the end of the day, they were still better than the real deal. Too bad most of the cash went into purchasing tigers. With the rest of the money, they were able to afford sixty pounds of Styrofoam, which Hilda told everyone to rip up and pretend it was heat.  (How the FUDGE does that even work?!)

“And such is the camp I arrived back at that terrible day, when Auntie returned me.”

Now, you might have noticed this has been a bit long, but gosh darn it, its’ still shorter than the little spiel Shatner gave me!

“And so I arrived here.” He sighed. “Slowly freezing to death in this wretched Gulag. At first Hilda made me haul snow like everyone else- pretended she never knew me! -before she saw my talents might be able to produce something edible from the snow. Like I could just pull food from thin air!”

“So how’d you do it?”

“You might remember our altercations with regards to the camp’s disreputable offal known as ‘Salisbury Steak’.”

“So what of it?”

Shatner wretched open a pair of creaky wooden doors leading into the floor, after undoing several rusty old locks. Even with the darkness, I could see something fleshy, pink, and BIG!

“”Oh. You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

[cgsolano]

This insane 2020 is coming to an end...

Well, as the title says, this insane year is coming to an end. I am sitting at my compadres’ kitchen in Tequisquiapan, Querétaro. This is always such an amazing place.

What else is there to say about 2020? It has taught me that there’s no such thing as normal, or stability, or assurance. No amount of planning would have given any of us the tools or means to face what we did this year: COVID-19.

What did I learn? I learned that you can’t give anything for granted. I also learned that being healthy is your biggest asset. This whole situation has taught me that without health, you have nothing --once again. I also learned that one of the most valuable skills you can have or develop is adaptability. Being flexible during these crazy and uncertain times is absolutely key to your sanity. If you can’t go with the flow, life will be hard. Super hard. Because this is still not over...

I now work at a private healthcare system in Mexico (more on that later!) and my first day at work was March 17th... the day COVID-19 was declared a pandemic in Mexico --just 6 days after it was declared a global pandemic on 3/11/20 by the WHO. Not only I moved to a different country for work, but I also started working at a healthcare system, at a hospital, the day COVID-19 was declared a sanitary emergency in the country. It was nothing short of crazy. Nobody really knew what was going on, and we had to make the best with what we had.

I have the utmost respect for medical and clinical personnel: nurses and doctors. Without them, this would have been a lot worse. Putting themselves in the frontline, facing sickness and death in the eye for days and days, weeks, months, now almost a year. They are nothing short of heroes.

I also confirmed the deep inequality we all live in... With schools moving to online classes, it is crazy to think that not everyone has access to the means (internet access, computers, a warm home and meal, adults who can help) to get online education during the pandemic. It has been such a botched execution, leaving a lot of people behind, both in the virtual classroom and outside of it.

Online education has brought so much more work for working parents. And I see it at home myself. Mom has the fortune of spending time at home with the kids, assisting on technical issues when they happen, preparing meals and snacks, entertaining during breaks, helping out with homeworks and assignments. I come back from work and I have dinner, and then it’s homeworks and tutoring, going through the things that didn’t make sense during the day, etc. Unfortunately, not every kid out there has these advantages that we’re lucky to have... 

*These kids are on the sidewalk outside TacoBell taking online classes because they don’t have Internet access at home.

In the richest country in the world, we’ve normalized the shortcomings in healthcare and education and feel warm hearts with stories of charity and giving from goodhearted people. Hopefully that will change with the Orange Buffoon out of the WH next month.

2020 is such a lost year, and I am not sure if all students will recover from it fully. The academic and emotional tolls seem steep, and the path to recovery hard. Online classes don’t work for everyone, and even though teachers have done the best they can, it has not been enough. And it is not because of a lack of effort or work, but the lack of vision on how to deliver effective education over the Internet long term. Something needs to change, because if students are not learning online the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn --in addition to the infrastructure challenges, of course.

Help your local school. Donate your old computer or tablet to an organization that could put it to use for underserved kids. Donate your time as a tutor, prepare meals for underserved kids who rely on the lunches that schools serve --and are not available now. There’s so much left to do. And with the little help and support from the Government, things are not easy at all.

Now... After 23 years, I left the USA. In a COVID year, when nobody knew what was going to happen, I decided to accept a job at my alma mater. I became the CIO for the academic healthcare division of Tec de Monterrey, TecSalud. I took this job for a number of reasons... 

Coming back to Mexico after such a long time is something I always had in mind. I just didn’t know when it was going to happen... but one thing I knew: it would be for a great opportunity.

I have the opportunity to make a dent (or move the needle!) on the healthcare system in Mexico, both public and private. This is so encouraging.

Part of the benefits included scholarships for all my kids, high school through college, under the best private education system in Mexico (and possibly Latin America)! This sealed the deal for me. It is INSANE how expensive quality education is anywhere. In the US, it is a luxury destined for just some... and it’s a fallacy to think “Well, if you work hard enough...” because it is not always true. I’ve met plenty of people who work their butts off, but the systemic poverty that runs the show prevents them from moving up and prospering. This is a reality. What better gift to my kids than extraordinary education with ZERO debt. Right out of the gate they will not have that burden that chokes most of the people who graduate for years and years. This also helps me save for my “golden years”... HA! But it’s true !!!

I’m giving my kids the chance to experience living in a different country. They will be able to see, with a different lens, what life outside the US. Even though they were not foreign to Mexico or some of its customs, living here will give them a better understanding of how the world works. And then, they will have choices! And having choices is the most wonderful thing.

Adjusting has been hard, for everyone. It started from the moment we told the kids we were moving to Mexico. My older kids took it really hard and suffered a lot prior to coming to Mexico, while the youngest one came here like nothing was going on. Little kids are so adaptable, and it’s when we grow up that we get attached to things, places, people. Detachment is such a valuable skill as well.

My kids never had Spanish as a subject. Sure, we speak Spanish at home and they loosely speak it and understand it. But coming to Mexico, even though they are in a bilingual school, has posed problems with all the grammar and spelling rules. I’ve had to dust off some of my Spanish grammar and spelling rules to help them with homeworks and assignments. They get frustrated, but we’ll pull through.

Monterrey is not a bad city at all. It is very Americanized, most private schools are bilingual, a lot of people speak English, there’s a level of diversity since a lot of international companies have offices here, theres AWESOME food, people are friendly and VERY hardworking and entrepreneurial. Unfortunately, with this COVID nonsense, it’s been hard to explore and get to know it more. But we’ll be patient. And play the best game we can with the cards we’ve been dealt.

We have made great progress, but COVID has made everything harder and longer...

For the first time in all my Tumblr writing, I’ll end this chronicle tomorrow, 1/1/21. Why? because I’m just having a good time with close family and I don’t want to miss it... Come tomorrow and check out the rest of the chronicle... what went well, what didn’t.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! HAPPY 2021 !!! I hope it sucks a lot less than 2020 !!!

(Click below to check out more...)

Happy 2021 !!! Ok... It’s 1/10 and I now can sit here and finish this up...

Travel? In 2020? HA! Nothing. Traveling stood to a standstill this past year. It is crazy to read and hear what is going on with the world and COVID --and again, it has not ended yet.

Travel bans, travel restrictions, curfews and shutdowns. It has been so hard. I have international friends, and Europe was one of the hardest-hit places, specially Italy. Weeks and weeks would go by and people hunkered down and hoped for the best. There’s a video I love, and it came out of Italy. The singer encouraged Italians to sing along and send their clips, and the result is beautiful. You get to see normal people doing normal (and not so normal!) things at home during lockdown. You can see how there’s hope, family, friends, creativity, laughter, tears. It’s all there. And this vehicle allowed for a lot of people to just explode. 

You would think that I would have read a lot during a lockdown and a pandemic, right? Well, that did not happen... I read some, but not as I feel I should:

The One. This book is really good! It tells a story in the future, where people are matched genetically to their “one and only”. There’s no more wasting time in other relationships because you will eventually end up with your one.

Malorie. This is the second part to “Bird Box”, that book that I liked a lot. This second book, maybe the conclusion, is not as good as the first one, but it’s really good nonetheless. Malorie is older, and so are the kids. And they are out there again to find a way to live with “the things” that are out there. In a way, it rung similar to what was happening with COVID. It was a matter of understanding, and accepting.

The Ride of a Lifetime. This was an outstanding book, really. It’s the story of Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney. By now you know that I adore these types of books and am a sucker for characters such as him and the companies they founded or work for. This book is an excellent management guide and I’m sure it will serve me well on my new role here. If you’re into this type of reading, I highly recommend it.

And that’s that... unfortunately. I realized that I got so distracted with news and blogs about what was happening with COVID around the world. Additionally, the Elections in the US took a lot of my attention... I’ve pledged to read 12 books this year, so let’s see how that will work out. I’m currently reading The Long Walk. So far so good.

I kept myself healthy and within weight! Considering the pandemic, where boredom eating was rampant, I consider myself lucky of not gaining pretty much any weight. I also had my yearly physical in October, and let me tell you that I was pleasantly surprised about the outcome!

Pretty much all my metrics came out really good! The only thing, as usual, was to drop some weight and continue to eat well. I have to say that my blood glucose was keeping me up at night and since I was at a pre-diabetic stage, it was urgent to me to do something about it.

I cut most carbs to a bare minimum. My sweets, sugars, rice, bread, pasta intakes were reduced to basically none (I’d still eat but every once in a while). I started eating more protein, but could not fully move away from tortillas (corn). I now eat blue corn tortillas, which have a lower glycemic index.

I also started taking Berberine and Cinnamon. I have to say that my blood glucose went down to normal levels (my AC1 was 6.1 a year ago, it is 5.3 now!). I personally think it was a combination of factors: cutting starches and carbs and the supplements mentioned above. Again, I am not claiming they were THE reason why my blood sugar went down, but the Dr said I should continue to do what I’ve been doing to keep it down. So, I’ll continue taking it! I’ve also thought that food in Mexico is a lot less processed than it is back in the US. Did that play a part? Probably...

For 2021, the goal is to continue to eat well, take care of myself and really jumpstart some exercise routine.

I don’t want to make this any longer... May 2021 suck a lot less than 2020 did. We’ll catch up later, from Mexico !!!

Cheers to health, happiness and joy.

[glopratchet]

origin-of-astrly-wylde

He is not yet dead, but he will soon be They were in an area where the necromancers had created a new dimension and they were sent there to find out what was happening Something seemed very appealing about their ideas and company, but now that is diminishing When he agreed to their gruesome dealings, they often did unattainable crimes together Though this became less appealing to all of them as time went on The two demons did not say anything; they are tired of him and want him to suffer like the devil on a dealers shoulder The wind will not take them today, but he can hear it speaking in an eerie tone with it's request, letting out cries and calls of death and torment Agonizing and furious He feels the life force escaping him "why, WHY did you do this to yourself! is all he answers back The pain begins to stretch on to infinity He can't let go no matter how much it hurts the demons chuckle causing him to wretch He can't get off, how did he let this happen? did you do it? to mankind run through his head one by one each worse than the one before it He doesn't have a good answer for them from the depths of his mind He wants a cigarette so bad right now, at least that would take his mind off the burning sensation He gets the dreadful system disc error whenever he tries to reconfigure it Noise back to reality He wants to smoke again soon facts and ideas and he can't do anything to fix it him when he tries, like the demons trapped on his walls They whisper things in his ear about elven prostitutes and online bets on him, he is forced to do away with it at insanely fast paces At this point he just wants to die It feels like exposure The smoke never let's him forget his mistakes to hostilely remind him of reality It engulfs the room like a miasma, choking every cell in his brain to fill his lungs with tar The terms it uses are ones of corruption and chaos, they force him to experience the corruption that opens itself up on his body The entire room begins caving in from top to bottom demon faces stare into his eyes screaming at him Terrible death metal music blasts away at him top volume on his face with it's warm breath female members of the opposite end dragon orbiting around him naked enticing him with terrible thoughts practices done by possessed monks on full moons The Dragon endorses it all with puffs of smoke "it lives, it all lives into the pit of engulfing doom Once again he is back in reality swimming in confusion and filth stench fills his lungs The mix of things he has tried to fill the void in his life have made it worst for him than ever before and she seems so from horrendous ghastly gashes all over his body away because all hope is lost Atheism was his only option, but it seems you are forced to gamble with every choice in life away on his death bed awaiting imminent demise The void sucks him back in, howling away in sadistic ecstasy Welcome back awareness filling his mind as screams reverberate through his mind He wakes up in a cold sweat "you alright? " ; (Sobbing) Matt asks the Terminal from his back He has never been more grateful for this contraption Matt's arms and legs with tape He tells Matt to do nothing but sit down it towards the kitchen moaning into his walkie-talkie Alison answers "Matt is a good kid away, to just out of ear range He tells Alison that something is off "Matt, what do you plan on doing with this footage? with Alison They know now that they must meet immediately, Matt just doesn't know it yet some videos and matching them to database entries That's when everything begins to click with Astryl Matt to grab the tape before the kid notices, but he already has unfortunately reality up the blood off of the walls and floor Porch monsters never really happened, but he will pretend they did to retain his momentary sanity the hell out of the bathroom "Maybe it was a bad idea to lie, but I just need sleep an alibi for Alison and himself He knows she is doing the same, they were "together the whole time" viewing cameras and all up to look semi-reputable enough for a local library Mostly he stays in the car pretending to nap Yet he knows it could never be found victorious that the Sinanthropus video was deleted from the archives drives into a safe dusty storage spot in a corner He retires to bed early, only once flipping through National Geographic for show the last important operation before his mission is over, making sure everything works through jedi mind tricks of agents over global night-vision to Alison that there is little point in staying up with the surveillance, nothing will come of it tonight through walls as the city slowly fills up with rumbles and noise with Alison around new cities --THE END-- From: an14880@anon penet 35478: Hey vic! vi@pc1: Don't call me that Nobody calls me that an14880: OK! Look, do you really need this information so desperately to compromise an agent? People could die all because you were paranoid an14885: They won't though! I promise nothing bad will happen to your friend! I'll humor you again What makes you think he's even gay? Besides me being a shining representative of the community, he's also transsexual That's kinda gay don't you think? Shut up! Do you really want to know or are you just wasting my time? Yes please