#glad i don't have a personal connection at play here lol does simplify things even if you can hypothetically leverage one

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the fascinating narrative or case study or what have you i’ve got going on (it’s neither lol, it’s that i’m litchreally just out here, [Life, Existing] style) like me nowadays around an adult liable to have angry outbursts abt anything at any time, wherein i already have Experience from birth to almost twenty-two w/a parent who’d do that....like ah once again you have to at best mitigate situations involving this grown person’s emotions, but this time with handy differences of like, sure when i was born they were already older than i was now but i’m also a grown person, this person doesn’t tend to focus their outbursts directly at any potentially involved people ever (however, it is often just about concepts / experiences not involving any specific people anyways) & as such nobody is Demanded to directly interact w/their whole situation in turn, & that also of course i don’t have a personal relationship with this person, they are not my parent.......the like Data Points for my specific situation like. doesn’t really feel that different re: “well, if i’m interacting w/the situation at all, it may as well be this force of nature that you can’t expect to change b/c it’s another person’s unchanging response to their internal experiences which is smthing you obviously can’t control” but wherein it’s like well at least when you’re older & dealing w/some shit you have more tools at your disposal for it than when you’re like, 5, or any younger age than you are now. and it is obviously still a distressing experience to be Around the random regular outbursts, but not Having to directly interact w/any or all of them is like, well, when i wake up to that in a vulnerable marinade of anxiety, it’s been Practice for in that state reminding myself like okay you’re shit at processing things rn b/c you Just woke up, but process that you’ll be better at it when you’re more awake / this will be somewhat less hellish / these are your Vulnerable [aaaaa] Feeling times so it’s amplified but this won’t be the default always.....[aaaaa] when fully awake / firing on all cylinders is still shitty & generally distressing, but Less So, and Knowing this & like patting myself on the back while i’m in the shittier, more distressing [half awake & suffering through this] zone doesn’t improve things all the way to that superior state, but it sure doesn’t hurt.......getting in practice sometimes diving into greater Proximity with the shitstorm to extricate cats from the situation for example, and/or if it’s really escalating & seems to be born of some practical issue i can go in as like The Adult lmfao just as matter of factly as possible be like okay so what’s the issue, see if i can help (& handily often Initiating An Exchange / getting responses seems to make this person dial it back, re: whatever’s going on where they don’t tend to yell directly At people (the direct approach for people is usually also a shit ton of Passive aggression, not helpful, but not yelling)) like i’m not gonna be the actual parent here lol nor try to manage any & all these explosions or walk them through the Emotional matter, b/c that’d be a therapist thing & i’m not that, & in turn this isn’t even jokingly like oh free exposure therapy for me lol it’s basically Never what that is, it’s fundamentally different to be a spontaneous uncontrolled situation w/no therapist involved....but i Am wringing what i can from it lol like well, these are experiences, i’m getting in practice.............and also the emphasis on the Matter Of Factness like. trying to keep it practical & as emotionally detached as possible on my end for my own sake, even in terms of like warmth lmfao like that may Appease but again for my own sake i may as well also practice my “i need to be ‘meaner’” approach lmao when it comes to like, less people pleasing, less masking (which is also people pleasing / appeasing, but just more specific lol like accommodating nt people in anticipation & attempted avoidance of their hostility towards your being nd, vs accommodating anyone & their hostility towards your anything).......may wrangle a matter of Practical Help to mitigate the situation but that’s about it, in fact like of course knowing from all the prior experience that at best your actual emotions are irrelevant & your assumed / made up emotions are fuel for the fire or what have you & thus trying to manage some detachment is a strategy, but only confirmation here like “oh well technically i haven’t Tried communicating How I Feel, Btw” lmfao but. confirmed anyways eventually when i was Not trying to communicate anything or make an emotional appeal, simply Visibly Upset (stress crying time) while engaging in a [practical mitigation efforts] manner was met with Sympathy in the moment, only for Everything Overall to stay the same and, in the aftermath for a bit, more relevant elements of things to actually markedly worsen specifically Because of the Awareness that i was upset by xyz, despite the theoretical sympathy.........so yeah the like intermediate difficulty survival horror game continual exposure sucks obviously lmfao but while i’m here. observations & notes