#giving my dragon age followers a taste of what occupied my brain for the last two years

[druckkugelschreiber]

Watched a devastating Andromaquynh edit and I am not okay. It hit my feels like a targeted missiles. It captured their pain and how I see them and what Andy went through and everything so well, with so little clips. I watched it several times like half an hour ago and I AM UNWELL

[preciouslilpitches]

Apritello Oneshot: “For You”

I’ve never posted my writing on here before, but I just had this huge inkling to write this. I got my inspiration from a movie called “Blue Jay” featuring Sarah Paulsen and Mark Duplass. It’s also named after a song by Gavin James, which I happened to listen to the ENTIRE time I wrote this. Anyway, here goes nothing: 

When Donatello woke up face down at his desk for the sixth time that week, he took the protective goggles off of his head and wiped the drool from his arm. A small light was the only thing illuminating the lab, casting dark shadows over all of his forgotten projects. When he stretched, the joints in his arms popped, and he felt himself blinking to adjust his eyes to the room. His head pounded, reminding him. Need caffeine. The turtle shuffled to the door, which he pried open slowly. Though quiet, the entirety of his family occupied the lair. Michelangelo sat, playing video games, and Splinter read a newspaper on the couch beside him, thick glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. Raphael relentlessly punched and hit their training dummy; Leonardo was in the kitchen, preparing a kettle for tea. Next to the sink, a small contraption hissed and gurgled with the makings of a large pot of coffee. Zombie-like, he walked over to it.

“Morning, Don,” his brother said.

He sighed, but said nothing. He opened a cupboard and pulled out a sizeable mug, placing it on the counter rather harshly. He knew what was coming. You missed training again. You can’t keep staying up late. Blah, blah, blah. Once his coffee was poured, he took a gulp, not caring that he’d singed a few taste buds.

“Morning,” he grumbled.

He brought the mug up to his lips again.

“Mike made some muffins. Blueberry. They’re in a plastic baggy in there.” He pointed to the small place they kept the bread. “There’s also some fruit cut up in the fridge.”

He blinked.

No lecture?, he thought.

“Don…”

Spoke too soon.

“We have to talk.”

He nodded, praying to whatever’s out there to make it quick and painless. He had projects to attend to, after all. Important ones. Some that would even benefit his family. (Like fixing the air conditioning…) His brother got up and began to walk. He followed. Just then, his T-Phone buzzed in his pocket. He’d patched into the police network, and wired the system to give them notifications when something happened. It was the only thing that made his phone go off these days, besides when Michelangelo sent him pictures of cats, or science memes. He ignored it; there was nothing worth going out for anymore. In fact, it’d been almost two weeks since the last time they went up top as a group. As they walked, Donatello felt the pounding in his head begin to subside. They stopped at the entrance of the dojo. No way. I’m not even done with my first cup of coffee yet. Leonardo slid the door open, allowing the turtle in purple to go through first. He rolled his eyes, and the phone vibrated again.

“I’m getting worried about-”

The phone buzzed again, and he pulled it out of his pocket.

Shit.

“Leo, we have a problem.”

“What is it?” he asked, striding over to him in two steps.

“Foot bots. Possible sighting. At the docks.”

That night, they took to the rooftops.

He had to admit that he was relieved to get out of the confines of the lair. He saw it in his brothers, too. There was a sort of freedom about it, despite them being on their way to “keep the streets clean” or whatever Leo liked to call it now. He especially saw it in Raph. He didn’t think he would ever see him smile again. Of course, there was also the possibility that they would be destroying some foot bots… Which would explain the shit eating grin that split his face when they arrived at the docks.

The gangs had quieted down. After The Shredder was defeated, Karai attempted to bring honor back to the name of the foot clan, but it was all for naught. The Purple Dragons, along with two other small gangs, didn’t take to her severing ties with them too well. Instead, they started an all-out gang war. They wanted what they deserved; what Oroku Saki wouldn’t give them. And they were ready to take it. The battle between them lasted almost six years. The Purple Dragons ended up getting the largest portion of the land, the Foot the next biggest. After headquarters was blown up, Karai fled the city.

Much to their father’s dismay, that was the last time any of them heard from her.

And that was upwards of four years ago.

Tiger Claw took over for the Foot, but kept it on the down low. It’d been months since there were any reports of disturbances from any of them, until two weeks ago. This was the second report of foot activity, and they had to be cautious.

“Over there,” Mike whispered, jutting his chin to a shipping container on the opposite side of the dock. It was decorated with yellow caution tape, and it smelled as if there had been a fire. They snuck closer, and that’s when Donatello saw it.

“Holy shit,” he said, gaping at the wide open doors.

An assortment of drug paraphernalia littered the inside. Or at least what was left of it. He followed the damage to the center of the thing, where the blaze started. Leonardo and Raph rooted through what didn’t fall apart at the touch.

“Guys, someone deliberately lit this thing up.”

“How do you figure that?” Raphael asked.

“See how it starts in the middle, and goes out? They must’ve- aha! Here!”

With a pair of tweezers, he picked up a match from beneath the ash.

“Why would The Foot get involved in this?” Michelangelo asked.

“‘Cause their leader’s a good-for-nothin’ pussy cat.” Mike fist bumped him, and he rolled his eyes, before reciprocating the gesture.

“That’s definitely a contributing factor. But it’s probably for financial reasons. The more money you accrue in the city, the more power you accrue in the city. People pay millions for this stuff. I’m not sure why though. It’s highly addictive nature is extremely detrimental for your body. Not to mention all the brain cells-”

“I call bullshit! Don, don’t be a hypogriff-”

He smacked his forehead and sighed.

“It’s hypocrite. A hypogriff is a creature from-”

“Whatever! All I’m saying is, you know your way around a bong.”

Raphael howled with laughter and smacked Mike’s arm, as Donatello’s face reddened. Leonardo spun around, looking confused and angry. They’d agreed to never tell him of their endeavors in recreational marijuana with Casey. Donnie just happened to be patrolling with them the night he first tried it. He’d smelled them when they came home before, but he thought nothing of it. As long as they came home safe, there was no reason to panic. Leo and Splinter were oblivious.

He was obviously repulsed at first; drugs compromised your judgement... Blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, Casey and his brothers basically bullied him into trying it. Don side-eyed his younger brother, who looked contrite. His heart softened a little. I really was being a bit two-faced. He smiled slightly up at him, and he nodded.

“Raph! Shut up! Dangerous mission, remember?” Leo eyed the other two skeptically. “We’ll talk about that later,” he said. The turtle in purple grimaced. Aren’t we a little old now, for you to play this holier than thou shit?, he thought. He hated the way Leo acted like their father. Like he was so morally sound. The truth was, his katana spilled blood too.

“Guys, I’ve got something,” he said. Reaching behind a charred box, he pulled out a shuriken embedded with The Foot emblem.

“So this wasn’t their shipment- it was someone else’s?

“Why would they sabotage someone’s shipping container? They’re already the toughest gang out there.”

“To prove a point,” Donatello and Leonardo said, simultaneously.

Outside, a voice could be heard barking orders.

“Salvage all that you can. The Boss lost a lotta dough for this, and he’s pissed. And if I catch you pocketin’ any of it, I’ll wear your fingers as a necklace.”

Immediately, the turtles vanished into the shadows.

“Aw shit, man. Look at this. There’s maybe one kilo here that’s any good.”

Leonardo noted that there were three inside, two out. His nose wrinkled at the smell of cigarettes and body odor. He glanced down and saw guns holstered to their hips. Stealth would be their friend, this time. He removed a hand from the wall and held a finger up to his lips, finding Raphael’s eyes in the dark. He signalled the others. Before they could even pick up a crate, they were knocked unconscious in near silence. By the time the others realized there was trouble, Leonardo swung down from the ceiling and struck them both.

They took the long way home, “in case of emergencies”, in Leo’s words. But they all knew he wanted to stay up top as long as possible. It was a gorgeous summer night. And with Splinter’s age, he needed their help more and more. Donatello reminded himself to run some more tests on him when they got home. They passed Kirby’s apartment on the way, and his heart sank. Until a familiar sound reached his ears.

He would know that laugh anywhere.

He skidded to a halt, peering over the edge of the building. His brothers stopped a few yards ahead, realizing he was gone, and ran back to him.

There she was.

Her hair was long. To her shoulder blades. Her skin was sun-kissed, her body as fit as the last time he saw her. He gulped when he realized the luggage she was hauling out of the trunk was the same luggage that-

Kirby ran down the steps and greeted her, throwing his arms over her shoulders. He smiled. The opposite door of the taxi opened, and his eyes went wide. His stomach dropped. No way, he thought spitefully. No fucking way.

“Is that- with a- holy shit,” Mike exclaimed behind him.

Raph stood beside him and stared, too.

“C’mon, guys. Sensei’s gonna start to get worried.”

“Dude… It’s eight o’ clock. He’s probably watching Days of our Lives re-runs.”

“He watches The Young and the Restless.”

“Who cares!” he said, leaping over the edge of the building and onto the fire escape. Raphael followed, as did Leonardo. He stared still, as they entered the apartment complex, and his family snuck around to the back.

“No fucking way,” he whispered, before vaulting over the edge as well.

April had to admit that she wasn’t surprised that Mike tapped on the window. She’d texted them that they were visiting. Then again, she supposed she wasn’t in the T-Phone network anymore. They began to pile in the window, and she almost felt relieved that she didn’t see him. But she searched anyway. When Raph came in, they locked eyes, and he shook his head. Her face blazed as bright as her hair, and her gaze fell to the carpet. She turned away, to Michelangelo, who was barreling toward her with his arms wide.

“April! How are you?!” He practically yelled in her ear, as he wrapped his arms around her. She grinned; she’d missed his big bear hugs.

“I'm good, Mike. What about you? How's Ice Cream Kitty?” His face dropped. “Oh… oh, no. I'm so sorry.”

“It's all good… She was old. She’s not in pain anymore,” he said. His lip quivered a little and she cursed at herself in every language she knew how. “I'm trying to convince Leo to let us get a puppy…” Mike raised a browridge at his brother. He rolled his eyes and stepped up.

“I told him it wouldn’t be fair at all to keep a dog in the sewers… But enough about us, how are you?”

She blinked.

No one had asked her that in a long time. Not since-

“We’re great,” Casey said, smiling. She spun around to see he had her in his arms, swaddled in a blanket. Her eyes peeled open and she yawned.

Michelangelo practically squealed.

“I thought I saw you with a carseat, but I- oh my goodness, she’s so cute! What’s her name?!”

April smiled and took the baby.

“This is Mae,” she said. Raphael stifled a laugh, and Leonardo gave him a look. “It was Casey’s idea. And I was so doped up, I didn’t really notice. But it grew on me.” She stroked the child’s head and smiled. “You wanna hold her?”

“Do I?!” Slowly and carefully, she placed Mae in his arms, watching as she snuggled up to his plastron, and closed her eyes. “Wow, April- she’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

Leo peeked his head around Mike’s shoulder and gazed down at her.

“She looks so much like you… She’s wise, like you,” he whispered.

Tears stung her eyes.

They stood there, for awhile, just staring. Even Raph came over and peered skeptically down at the baby. She saw his eyes soften though, and he stroked her cheek with a finger. Mike pulled out his T-Phone and snapped a quick photo of her. April realized how tiny she looked next to them; how small she looked in his massive hands. Kirby broke the silence.

“You guys wanna stay for a late dinner? We were just gonna have some pizza delivered.”

“Oh, no… That’s fine,” Leo said, still looking at Mae. “We should get back to Splinter anyway… Thank you though, for the offer, Mr. O’Neil.”

“Oh, please, call me Kirby. I insist.”

He nodded.

Just then, the baby’s face turned down in a frown and she started to cry; a piercing wail, causing them all to flinch. Mike tried to bounce her, console her, but she was past that. It was full-blown fit time. Raph stepped away, made uncomfortable by the noise, and Leonardo glanced over guiltily.

“She’s probably hungry. She hasn’t eaten since before we got into the city. I’ll take her. Case? Can you grab the diaper bag? I might as well change her too; she should be getting to bed soon.”

“Yeah, babe. Hold up.”

“Well, we oughta hit the road,” Raph said.

“It was so nice to see you!” April shouted over the child wailing. “Tell Splinter and D-” She gulped. “ Don that I said hello, would you?”

Mike nodded, walking over to plant a kiss on her cheek and the baby’s head.

“I’ll tell ‘em.”

He winked and they were gone.

Donatello woke to a pain in his shoulder. He was face-down at his desk once again, feeling the overwhelming need to ingest caffeine. When he glanced over at his T-Phone, a slough of messages littered the screen. They were from his brothers.

M: Hey, we’re gonna hang @ Mondo’s crib. Wanna come?

R: Slash will be there. And Leatherhead.

L: It would be good to go see them. Get out of the lab.

R: Or don’t. It’s whatever. We’re going anyway.

M: Ya never know, dude, there might be some hot mutant chicks there. ;P

L: Or you can see your friends you haven’t seen in years... That’s good, too.

R: Yo… you coming or not?

M: Guys, I just tried to wake him up. I thought he was dead! He’s def not coming with us.

L: Just to let you know, Sensei’s going  too. So you’ve got the lair to yourself. Maybe you could load the dishwasher? Vacuum the dojo? Thanks.

Truthfully, Leonardo’s comment would’ve made him mad any other day, but he figured it was the least he could do, after sleeping through a day with friends. Don made a mental note to send them a quick apology text. He did feel a little guilty, but… Well, for starters, things never really sat well with he and Mondo. And Leatherhead was just uncomfortable around him, after the last time he had an episode and they were together… Don reckoned he still had the scars around his neck… And then there was Slash. Who’d apologized relentlessly about his behavior. But he couldn’t help being suspicious. When someone tries to kill you, and then suddenly changes their game, there’s reason to get skeptical. His joints popped as he got up, and he shuffled to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. After his first two cups, he loaded the dishwasher and took the trash out, where they would pick it up for patrolling the next time they were up top. He thought back to last night- how great it felt to feel the fresh summer air against his skin. To finally feel like he was doing something worthwhile. Until… He remembered her slim figure. Her long legs, her freckled skin, and her long hair. The glint of the wedding ring in the light- the luggage. Casey fucking Jones getting out of the cab with a car seat. A baby… She had a baby. He shook his head. He knew it was wrong of him to be angry; it was her life. And she was happy. Isn’t that what he’d wished for?

Donatello grabbed the vacuum and started working in the living room area. He forgot how long it took to clean the place- which is why they always did it together. The first Saturday of every month. He turned on Beethoven’s 5th, focusing his thoughts on the music and the tasks at hand. It was three hours before he finished cleaning the entire lair, including his own room, which had grown messy from his nights in the lab. He kept the music going as he began to organize his lab. Certain sized washers, nuts, bolts, nails, etc, in different buckets, putting all of his projects together… He was welding some pieces together for a part for the Shell Raiser when he heard a noise. His hand instinctively went to his bo, and he slid the welding helmet up. Quietly and carefully, he clicked to the security cameras on one of his monitors, but they showed nothing. He unsheathed his weapon and creeped to his door, which was ajar. When he saw a shadow approach, his eyes went white and he melted into the darkness of the wall. The footsteps got closer, and he jumped out, ready to strike.

Only it wasn’t an intruder.

“April?!”

“Oh! Don! I’m so sorry! I just-”

“You scared the shit out of me! What-what are you doing here?”

He took off the helmet and sheathed his bo.

She stared at the ground.

“I… Honestly, I don’t know… I wanted to… I should-I should leave.”

“No! No, stay.”

“I can go. I should go.”

She turned to leave and he put a hand on her shoulder.

“No. April. Please. I insist.”

She smiled.

“Okay…”

“Coffee?”

“Oh God, yes please,” she said. The two made their way into the kitchen, and he pulled out the beans to grind them. She cleared her throat and went to the sink. Above it, was a cabinet, where they kept all the mugs. She grabbed two, and put them on the island. He looked over at her, and she realized what she’d done. Her face went hot with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry… I…”

“No, I… I just couldn’t believe you remembered where they were.”

“Had you forgotten that my Dad was kidnapped by the Kraang? And then turned into a giant, mutant bat? I spent a lot of time down here,” she said, smiling. Donatello laughed softly.

“You’re right. You did practically live here for a couple years. How is Kirby?”

“He’s alright… He’s been… Seeing a doctor. Getting mutated twice really took a toll on him. He’s better, though. Not like before, with the night terrors and the wandering…”

“That’s good. I’m glad he’s doing better.”

“Yeah, thanks… He’s been having nightmares lately. Calling me late at night. I mean, I’m usually awake anyway, but… I’m kinda worried about him.”

“Oh… I mean, if your Dad can get through all of that, he can get through this. He’s strong… How’s your job, Professor?”

“It’s fun, actually. My students are all pretty enthusiastic. They actually want to study Biology. It’s not like when I was interning at the high school and the kids just wanted to look down my shirt. It’s really cool to see how passionate they are about it… But what about you? How have you been?”

“Uh… I mean, nothing’s really changed. Ice Cream Kitty passed away. That was pretty hard on Mike… I started an online business. Basically, people pay me to update their websites and fix any viruses. It doesn’t pay much, but it helps for when the washer breaks or the place floods.” She blinked.

“Yeah… That’s happened a couple times. Once, there was at least three inches of sewage in here…”

“Oh my God. That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah… It took a really long time to get the smell out… It hasn’t happened in a couple years, though… Other than that… No big changes here.”

“Mike told me about Ice Cream Kitty last night… I’m so sorry.”

“I mean… She was mostly his, but she was nice to have around…” The room went silent for a bit, as the liquid poured into the pot.

“Why didn’t you come by last night?”

He froze.

“I… didn’t think I’d be welcome…”

“Oh… Don, of course you are. Always.”

“W-what’re you doing in the city, anyway? Don’t you live upstate?”

“Yeah, actually… We renovated the farmhouse. We were gonna get an apartment closer to the university, but then I found out that I was-” she stopped. His shoulder twitched.

“It’s okay,” he said.

“Pregnant. That I was pregnant... And we decided to buy the house. And it’s nice, ya know, raising my daughter in the house I grew up.”

Donatello felt a pang in his chest.

April has a daughter.

“That’s so great. I’m really happy for you… What’s her name?”

He grabbed the mugs and began pouring.

“You’re gonna laugh…”

“What? Why?”

“It’s Mae… With an ‘e’.”

He smiled, taking a sip of his coffee to hide it.

“I know, I know… I’d said that I never wanted to name my child that… And people always suggested it as a joke… But there were some complications with her birth, and I was so doped up… The doctors were asking for a name, and Casey just said it… But it grew on me, ya know? She’s such a sweetheart. Big, brown eyes… Red hair, though, surprisingly. Though, she’ll probably grow out of it. Here, I’ll just…”

He set her cup in front of her, and she brought out her phone. When she clicked on the button, her screen popped up. Behind the time, was a photo of a beautiful rosy-cheeked baby, grinning with half a tiny fist in her mouth.

“Oh… Oh, wow… April, she’s…”

He blinked away tears.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing… I dunno, it’s this new thing… where I cry… Old age or something.”

She smiled uneasily.

“God, we are getting old, aren’t we?” When she looked down at her cup, she gasped. April looked up at him with that look; the kunoichi smile. He felt his stomach stir.

“You made it black…”

“Y-yeah… That’s how you always took your coffee…?”

“I just… Casey always puts creamer in mine… But you remembered…”

“Oh…”

The room fell silent again, and the two sipped from their mugs.

“I know this is weird, but… Would you wanna see some of my projects?”

“Dude, yes! I would love to!”

She began following Donatello, who was already rambling on about an article he read about thermodynamics and quantum shortcuts, and she couldn’t help but feel an impending sense of dread at the thought of his solitary life below the city.  He was so damned smart. He was lightyears ahead any of her peers at the University. He could've taught their courses at the age of sixteen. He’d played a part in saving the world more times than he could count on both hands.

And yet, they would never accept him.

She’d been there when they called him “freak”. When they put up signs reading “We don’t serve mutants.” When he pulled a woman’s baby from a fire and she screamed and ran away. She was there, dressing his wounds as he held back the tears and the anger at his own form. She knew what he was thinking: If only I were human… Donatello single handedly created a retromutagen for not only her father, but the entirety of New York. April had watched as he used his smartphone to hack an entire Kraang data base. But he would spend his life in hiding. Everything he did- even some of the best scientific discoveries of the twentieth century -would go unnoticed. It probably wouldn’t be in their lifetime that some of his discoveries would even be made by the scientists who would actually get credit for it. That was the life of a ninja, was it not? Hiding.

She shoved the thoughts from her head, and wandered about the room, clutching the mug against her chest, knuckles white. He was still talking when she approached his locker. He’d told her that it was all old junk from when they were kids. Pictures, toys, boring stuff. Still… it’d been so long. She reached for the handle and he ran over.

“Wait! Stop!”

“What’ve you got to hide, D?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Before he could protest again, she flung the door open. He stepped back, rubbing his neck awkwardly with one hand, and she blinked. At her eye-level, was the music box. A thin layer of dust coated it, dulling the glow of the gold heart that decorated the top. She pulled it out, setting her mug down, and opened it. An out-of-tune song could be heard playing, and fifteen-year-old Donnie smiled up at her. Tears stung her eyes, and she shut it.

“You… still have this? Don, I-”

“Yeah, I just… well, you didn’t- I mean, I-”

She ran her hand over it, feeling immense guilt waft over her.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m-”

“Don't.”

She turned to him quizzically. His expression softened and he smiled, taking the box from her, putting a hand on her shoulder. Donatello reached past her, to put it back, and his plastron brushed against her chest. A barely audible gasp escaped her lips as he stepped back, closer than before. His figure towered over her, and she felt her eyes fall to his bobbing throat. They stood in the silence for too long, before he coughed and stepped away.

“Hey, do you… wanna do something fun?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Do you wanna have some fun?”

“I dunno, you're scaring me…”

“Just come with me.”

“I can't believe we’re actually doing this,” April whispered, concealing herself in the shadows of the alley. She knew it was juvenile, but she felt her heart hammer in her chest anyway.

“We’re fine. I’m on the lookout,” Donatello encouraged her, pressing his hand into the small of her back. Six hours ago, she would’ve felt uncomfortable with the contact, but she barely noticed it as she broke out in a nervous sweat. April crept toward the wall of the old building, and pulled the bandana over her face. She rolled and cracked her neck.

“C’mon, you sissy!” he teased, winking when she glanced back to shoot daggers at him. She raised her arm and shook the can, surprised by the rush of joy that warmed her chest. The red paint stained the wall and she grinned beneath her temporary mask. He gave her a thumbs up, and she was ready to laugh when the door swung open. A booming voice cursed at them in Italian, and they booked it around the corner. The two huddled against the wall, and Don stifled a laugh, peering around the edge of the brick. As the man got closer, the shadow of a gun came into view. The man yelled again, brandishing the weapon in the air.

“I’ll get you thugs! I’m not jokin’ this time! No more mista nice guy!” He fired a warning shot in the air, causing them to flinch. Her laughter ceased immediately, as Donatello pressed her into the cold brick, his arms on either side of her head. She watched as his eyes went white, and his left hand twitched toward his bo. After a few minutes, the man walked away, mumbling. April huffed, realizing that she’d been holding her breath.

“Phew! That was-”

“Shh!”

He got even closer, and his breath rolled down her neck. She blushed when she shivered, goosebumps rising on the skin that his breath touched. His nictitating membranes slid back and he relaxed.

“We’re clear,” he said, looking down into her eyes. He blinked a few times, before stepping away, turning his attention to their recent art project. It read:

WERE CUMIN FOR U NEXT, TIGER CLAW!

The red paint corrected every mistake in the poorly written threat. Adding an apostrophe and the rest of the word ‘you’. The word cumin was crossed out and written as ‘coming’. He smiled, thinking back to simpler times, when their grammatical and spelling errors were things that really mattered. When they watched the news cover the story about their graffiti.

“Jesus, you’d think they'd at least know that cumin is a spice…”

“Well, they spelled Tiger Claw right,” she said, tossing the can into a trash bin. She stood next to him, admiring the new and improved message.

“Nice work, professor O’Neil.”

She crossed her arms and leaned against him. Glancing at the time on her phone, she gasped. He looked over, concerned, and she dialed the number. She turned to hold a finger up at him, and walked around the corner.

“Hey, babe… I know I've been out awhile, but- oh. Oh, really? That's… Yeah that would be great. I shouldn't be long. I just ran into… an old friend. Give her kisses for me. There's breastmilk in the fridge. Alright. Bye. L-love you too. See ya.”

He raised an eyebrow when she got back, and she guiltily turned her gaze to the pavement.

“It's almost sunset… you wanna-”

“Yes,” he blurted.

She grinned.

When they finally got to the rooftop, their slurpees were practically melted, but she didn't care. It was the best seat in the house. One of the only places in the city that you could see the entire skyline, without a building obstructing the view. They talked and drank as the light faded away, huddling under a blanket and laying on a few old sleeping bags. He was pointing out constellations to her when she turned to him.

“It’s such a clear night,” he whispered, grinning.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“I've been… taking anti-depressants.”

His eyes went wide and a browridge furrowed. She gulped.

“Doc says it’s really common in new mothers, but I… I haven't even told Casey. He just thinks that I have it all together. That I have it all figured out, and the truth is, I look at her and I-I feel nothing… Well, not nothing. But I look in her eyes and I just… I’m waiting for the motherly instinct to just sink in, and it… doesn't. How is that fair to her? How can I be a good mother if… if…”

She began to cry. Hard. Sobs racking her body like dry heaves. He pulled her into him. She inhaled his familiar scent, waiting for him to say some scientific facts to make her feel better, but he just held her there, in the crisp night air. She sniffed and pulled away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Okay, so I told you something. Your turn.”

“What? No, that's-”

“Rules are rules.”

She wiped her nose with a sleeve of her sweater.

He put his head back, staring up at the stars. Donatello took a deep breath and swallowed.

“Sensei is sick,” he almost whispered. Tears gathered at the edges of his eyes and her gut twisted.

“What?”

“It's… cancer. H-he asked me not to…” His throat worked and his mask stained a dark purple. “Sorry, I… it’s the first time I've said it… out loud. And- God, I'm sorry.” He wiped his eyes with his wrist wraps and looked at her. “He asked me not to tell my brothers. He wants to do it himself.”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed, and they sat quietly for awhile.

“Donnie…”

“Yeah?”

“Will you kiss me?”

He blinked, taking his hand out of her grip.

“April-”

“Please?”

He was hovering above her in an instant, licking his lips. She gulped, wrapping a hand around the base of his skull and pulling him in. She relished in the taste of him, his labored breath against her cheeks. He wrapped a massive hand under her back, and lifted her, wrapping her legs around his torso. Don attached his lips to her neck, and a moan escaped through her teeth. Caught off guard by the noise, she recoiled, and stumbled to her feet, gathering her purse.

“Shit,” she whispered. “Shit, shit, shit.”

He got up too, guiltily rubbing the back of his neck. She kept her eyes to the ground.

“I have to go,” she said.

“April, no, I’m so sorry-”

“God, Donnie! I'm-I’m fucking married!”

“I'm so sorry…”

“I just- I’m married. I h-have to go. I have to go.”

“April, wait! I’m sorry-”

“Would you stop saying that?!”

He blinked.

“But I-”

“Just stop! Stop apologizing!”

“Oh, that's rich,” he spat.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that at least I am apologizing, April! I’m trying to-”

“Oh, so you're expecting me to?!”

“YES!” he boomed. “You left! You bailed when it got hard! I was ready to-to-”

“What, to wait for me?! You know that's not what I wanted!”

“No, of course not. You wanted me to just run away with you, and leave my family!”

“I never expected you to do that!”

“No, but you wanted me to! And did you ever think about I wanted?! That I was willing to make it work?! That it wasn't just all or nothing for me?! I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with-” He stopped, jaw working and turned away from her.

“You're the one who broke it off! You-”

He spun around then, storming over, towering above her.

“You gave me no other choice! You wanted ‘normal’! Any sort of normal you could muster up from all the shit that's happened. How could I keep you from having that?! And I don't blame you. I guess I wasn't human enough for you- or, maybe I just wasn't enough asshole-”

“Don't fucking bring Casey into this!”

“He brought himself into this!”

“That's not true, and you know it, Don!”

“He was pining for you since the day you met! And you just- you dangled him in front of me! He was always the more normal choice. The most obvious one. But instead, you chose me. You chose me, April! And no matter how many times I asked, you always told me he wasn't a problem. And then you give me a goddamn ultimatum!”

“I still don't see what he has to do with-”

“He has everything to do with it! Need I remind you of all the girls he brought home?”

“Shut up! He’s not like that anymore! He's grown up. A lot. Which is more than I can say for you!”

“How about what he did to Raph-”

She cut him off with a stinging slap, and he tumbled to the rooftop. April gasped, reaching for him, and he shrunk away, getting himself up. He turned his back to her again, and spoke up, his voice low and wavering.

“That was supposed to be my life.”

“Don-”

“No. Please, just let me say this?” She stayed quiet, waiting as the wind picked up. “All I ever wanted was to be accepted by humans. And all I was ever taught was that they never would. And then, you came along. God, I can still remember the day we met. When against all odds, you took my hand anyway. And that was the first time I ever had a spark of hope that maybe I wasn’t a disgusting freak of nature. Then again, when all odds were against me, you loved me. Me. An accident…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I would give anything to have what he has.” Donatello faced her, finally, tears staining his mask and her lip quivered.

“Why didn’t you fight for me?” she asked, sniffling.

“We were so young, April, I-I was scared.”

He stepped closer, as did she.

“I was scared too!”

“And how would it be fair of me to ask you to give up your life? To give up any semblance of a normal life?  It would’ve been so selfish of me to ask that of you!”

“So you just… let me go?” she asked, her fist clenched beside her.

He smiled sadly up at April and crossed to her.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

She blinked, and looked at the ground guiltily. Don tilted her face up to his, still smiling, and fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Yes.”

“And you’re happy?”

“Yes I am,” she whispered.

“That’s all I ever wanted.”

April sobbed then, doubling over, clutching a hand over her mouth. Don gulped, and pulled her into a fierce embrace. He kissed her head, tearing up as he realized she still used the same shampoo. He closed his eyes and thought of her daughter; that both her parents would attend her kindergarten graduation. That they both would take her to the park; and out to dinners after her school plays. Mae would have every opportunity he didn’t; graduating high school, college, having a career. A normal family…

Donatello hugged her tighter, and he knew.

He’d made the right decision all those years ago.