#gives 0 fucks rn
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> You stand in the dark kitchen, illuminated by the light of the open fridge.
> A crowbar leans within grabbing distance, but you’re occupied with the fridge’s contents. You’re just standing there eating anything you can get your hands on. You started with leftovers and moved on to any meat products.
> This is not your hive. You waited for the inhabitant to leave and broke a window at the back of the hive to get in here.
> You hear a door open and close, and ignore it.
#lloric ic#lloric venati#bastrps#i forgot about this until just now#open#he'd probably pick like a low-midblood tier hive but thats about it#gives 0 fucks rn#bonus points for hive / fridge content descriptions btw
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HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
#0.txt#okay okay. obviously i don't want to detract from ypc's solo work by talking about/comparing to genshin#but since this is my genshin blog.#this genuinely has so much sumeru energy with a CRAZY FUCKING ACCORDION thrown in. its so fucking wonderful#i'm mainly saying this because if you liked the vibe of sumeru's ost (main theme specifically) PLEASEEEE give this one a listen#listening through the album rn and this one just grabbed me by the fucking throat#jaw literally dropped when the full orchestra came in after that insane accordion solo#in general this whole album lowkey feels like. ypc found an accordion and went oh FUCK YEAH#only 3/11 songs don't have an accordion going off in it lol#i'm crying in the club over this song yall
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ughh i hate being irritable like why is literally everything annoying
#it’s cuz i’m on 0 nic and my testosterone is super fucking low i guess#like i’m so sorry but i simply cannot give a single fuck rn about Anything but doomscrolling and snacking ngl#and i hate being in this kind of mood because i know people need shit from me that i simply don’t have the spoons to give#like i just need to ride this out like a sick dog sorry#i’ll come back better prommy. hopefully.#punktalk#punkvent
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wanting to visit the archives without looking like a fanatic bc nobody likes posting government documents online apparently
#this is why i hate politics people do shit without proof all the time#and they do it from the both sides so even if i hate one i have to look at the other one and be like please get some proof just because the#are known liars does not put you in a pure truth position simply by disagreeing with them and i really need to like you#so i have to dig for the information myself bc i am done jumping to conclusions after watching reels and then jumping to news articles#created either after the reel or by some random sentence somebody said and then it gets picked up by bigger news outlets#bc NOBODY FACT CHECKS ANYMORE its all abt speed first ig#so i have to check credentials i am not blind hating and fearing anymore#like my dad said information is the most valuable thing rn and the problem is when the government hides it#also get your party out of the protests<3#it is made by the citizens to fight injustice not to put you in charge you have to work on that yourself not by simply being -the others-#bc that is how we got into this mess in the first place#and it discredits the people's concerns so much bc now it's party moves and not citizen unhappiness with the system#which is a story they could not have spun if they did not get involved so clearly i mean dude#will not even going to get into the fucking embarrassing kind of gaslighting the government is doing#they are literally looking at photos and saying nuh uh when faced with bullet proof evidence and then bullshitting#which is so offensive bc at least fucking care enough to lie well but they know they can say the sky is green and they will still stay in#power so why give a fuck i guess#0 notes to me#i am sorry for the rant#i just have to let this off my chest somewhere
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This is why I say I'm cursed istfg
Now I have stress on stress on stress on stress! My phone fell out of my pocket-
I literally cannot use my phone now. it still turns on but I get shards of glass in my fingers if I touch the screen. cooll its not like I need this to keep in constant contact with the court, support systems, therapists and doctors since court is ya know... FIVE DAYS AWAY or anything- I'm fucked.
I cant even buy myself fucking food much less a new fucking phone. I'm so fucked
#Well least I dont have to fucking worry about the no service thing because now ijsut dont have a fucking phone!#I'm so upset rn#like fuck my life ig?!#I NEED a phone and now I ain't got one- if I didn't have to keep in contact with suport systems/court/therapists etc I wouldnt give a shit#but now all that? GONE I have 0 contact when i need it the most#fucking PERFECT fuck my life like acutally the universe is punishing me and idk why#all of this bullshit in ONE MONTH is TOO MUCH for me to handle
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finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.
had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.
feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!
#it's been. a tough few weeks. i couldn't focus at all last week. only got work done on the weekend. yesterday was........ tough.#monday wasn't as rough but was equally exhausting#so! proud of myself that i got. stuff done. big stuff even!#started keeping a task/reward journal to help out too :)#so every night i'll write out some tasks that need to get done the next day#and as i finish them i check them off and give myself silly little stickers to track what i managed!#so i get like. 1 sticker per 10 pages read (bc i usually need a break every 10 or so pages rn) 1 sticker in a diff color for chores.#1 for teaching stuff (laying out a lecture plan/finishing the lecture/doing a dry run/doing the lecture) 1 for meetings etc etc#it's helping bc i have a dumbass brain that doesn't give me dopamine for completing tasks anymore#it all gets lumped into 'yeah i did the bare minimum bc that's what i need to do. that's not special-#-no reward for you! you didn't really *do* anything. just scraped bare minimum!'#turns out that's bad for you lmao to get No Rewards#so i have a journal now! so i have hard proof that shows that i've Done Shit.#and i think the last two weeks i've been 1. underfed 2. overtired and 3. on the verge of burnout#so i haven't been able to do much. but a major stressor is gone now! (the bmv trip...)#and it like. immediately lifted a veil from my brain. 0-60 in like 40 minutes flat.#i hadn't realized how stressed about that i'd even been. it was taking up so much of my brain's metaphorical CPU.#so i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to do what i was doing two weeks ago. just plugging along at my usual pace#instead of just barely dragging my carcass forward#so! anyway. update that was unasked for but you sure are getting#i fuckin did stuff today! fuck yeah!#it is now an hour past my bedtime i'm gonna crash tf out. bedtime. sleepytime. good night
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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i received an email from an outside sales person. who i have NEVER spoken to. at NINE AM on JANUARY 2ND. “hey just wanted to let you know that your out of office is still up :)”
BE SO FR ITS NINE AM ON JANUARY 2ND!
#people brown nosing in the corporate world ughhhhhhhh#fucks i give: 0#i literally have covid i do not care rn#and by outside i mean a different company
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The US Healthcare "system" sucks shit. Send post
#my pharmacy is having issues accepting coupons rn so i can't get medicine i need becaise it's 1400 fucking dollars without the coupon#0 dollars with it#and god forbid they just give me the meds at the coupon price
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just doing this in spite of a post i've seen about the jjk female cast
#hot take post#im NOT a gege defender by any means!! i can make a 30 page dissertation about how yukis death was completely unnecessary#+ if i were to give jjk a 0 to 10 rating i would give it a 6.5/10#but cmon dude be fucking for real rn#this sort of argument is so disingenous that it crosses the line on misogyny#like yes i agree fanboyism over a author doing the bare minimum is bad#BUT not every female/male/whatever character needs to be fucking “useful” in a story#who the fuck sets the standard of what “useful” is anyways?#at the end of the day they're supposed to be PEOPLE!!#so trying to box a whole set of characters into who's “useful” or not is frankly stupid#yes pls go on how female characters should be explored as much as male characters#BUT don't use this broken ass argument bc it can easily be disproven and open a loophole for ppl to be misogynistic#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk spoilers
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i hope this doesn't seem violent but. im gonna kill my bio professor
#reply to my email stupid asshole we both know that's not my fucking grade i busted my ass studying i know that 0/45 is Not my grade.#'oops sorry i dont have the tests rn so i cant give it to u' okayyyy how about we talk about that grade then??#and the worst thing is that he is sending off the grade like that in the report. answer me rn or i will kill us both
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i need professors to start including their late work policies in syllabi again. i'm trying to make strategic decisions here
#damien.txt#i have an essay due in 4 hours that i have not started. and i did not sleep at all last night#so. at what point do i cut my losses and turn this essay in late. like.... god the concept of trying to write it rn makes me wanna die#but also i probably should right. also bc i have literally 0 idea of what this professor's late policy is#so like..... i'm fucked if he's one of those 'no late work whatsoever' people#and ngl. it's not out of the realm of possibility. he's nice but he also gives 'please send the obituary' when a family member dies vibes#what i really should be doing is trying to write it instead of making this post but like truly i have 0 brain cells right now#i haven't even done any prep work for doing this essay 'like deciding what to right about / choosing quotes#you know what the worst part is? the reason i didn't sleep last night. was because i was anxious about this essay.#i kept trying to tell myself to do it. but i just couldn't make myself do it. and now. here we are#......i really need to get tested for adhd lmaooo#edit: just noticed i wrote 'right' instead of 'write'. brain unintentionally deciding to demonstrate how tired i am lol
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might make a blog for my crochet shenanigans I think that would be pretty rad
#just to like have somewhere to display my cool shit i make cause i make truly so fucking much stuff#currently working on. 4 different wips. i started the newest one last Saturday and i am working feverishly on it it's looking great B)#2 are birthday presents that have a deadline one is a sort of ambient project I've been casually adding to for a while#and the one I'm doing rn is just cause i had brainrot at 10pm on a Saturday and decided the way to deal with it was make a fucking doll#something that i have made before 0 times let alone made a custom character specific one#anyway i also have another birthday or two to do presents for cause for some reason everyone iny family decided to give birth in august#and im gonna start on my howl jacket once schools out#but yeah impulsive little for fun things are my main priority i would say mhm#wet floor sign
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Ok so!! It's almost the new year!! Holy shit!!!
2022 has been. Something. A lot went wrong this year, and if you knew me in the first half of it you know how I was ✨going through it✨ lmfao
I kept it off of tumblr mostly, so for those of you who don't know; my family was evicted so I was homeless for like a week (we are now fine thankfully), we all got covid, while isolating we found out my granda could die at any time (he then passed like 2 weeks before we got evicted), had some friend group fuckery, plus a fuckton of school stress , all within the first three months of the year!
There was plenty more shit after that, such as the amount of coursework I had due, drama practical exams, the written exams (featuring my school fucking up the course, which we found out with 24 hours to go til the exam), and a very stressful few months of job searching which eventually ended with me biting the bullet and having to go full time rather than part time like I'd intended, plus a lot of mental health struggles in between 😭
Needless to say; very stressful year, I can safely say I couldn't even really breathe until October. Which was then followed by art burnout caused by sheer exhaustion from now working a 9-5, something that devastated me as I no longer had the energy to do what I love as much as I wanted to. But that doesn't mean everything was all bad!!
I made so many amazing friends this year, and became closer to many I already had. Jumping around fandoms more has honestly been great to meet so many groups. I improved a shitton w my art, got to be involved with multiple fan projects, started posting on other places than just tumblr, we hit 1000 followers here (recently 1600!!!) which is something I only ever dreamed of a couple years ago! I also finally finished school, and honestly didn't realise how amazing it would feel to finally be free from that damn place after 7 long, miserable years
This is so long but, I want to say thank you for bearing with me through it all. I know I've been a bit all over the place, but I genuinely adore the lil community we've built here, and I hope it continues to grow through 2023 💖
#drag rambles#tw: death mention#<- just in case :0#if you read through all of that then I commend you lmfao#but yeah Uh#I was not joking when I kept saying 2022 was hell on earth :')#I shit you not we got the eviction notice on January 5th THE YEAR WAS FUCKED LESS THAN A WEEK IN#I know saying 'I was homeless for a week' sounds v dramatic but like#remember there was a solid 3 months of terrifying uncertainty where we didn't know what was gonna happen to us#we could've been in a hostel until further notice#we could've had to give up our dog if we had nowhere to go#we happened to get lucky. but it was terrifying#even though friends can confirm I was joking about it through it all. I think everyone knew I was terrified lmao#words really can't describe how that dread feels until you live it#but it's all good now! we're ok. that was by far the worst event of the year. but it's ok#this year has been so difficult not just for me but to so many people I know#and look at us. we made it guys. we made it#I'm so proud of everyone. and yes that includes you reading this rn 💖#happy new year everyone 💖💖💖
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i am 99% sure just writing and finishing one (1) single silly little fic will get me out of this funk but that is the problem. i can write neither the sillies nor anything short right now and it is killing me
#what i actually need to write is some absolutely stupid 0-effort shit rn so i stop feeling pressured to Write Good#but then anything i try writing turns into an idea that should be a proper longer fic i need to actually try hard with#like!!!! can my brain please give me a dumb oneshot idea already im stressing the fuck out over here!!!!!!#augh . every day i wish i could just beam brain words into real words on the paper#my post
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#lil rant#i feel like absolute shit#i want to cry so hard rn#there's just too much going on#i can barely sleep#my mother keeps messing with my stuff and gives me 0 privacy like bro im literally 20#my final exam was yesterday and i still don't have my results and that's so fucking stressing#i also feel like i don't have the brain to be a med student anymore#it only takes a look at my notes and im already crying in my desk#i feel so overwhelmed#people at my job treat me like shit#i can't eat well because im always anxious#my friends ignore me#im so fucking tired
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