#give my condolences to all the monster fuckers for their day has come

[juju-on-that-yeet]

The Dangers of Showbiz

Whumptober 2020 Day 16: A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Prompt: Shoot The Hostage

Summary: Wilford and Bim are taken hostage by the day's Warfstache TV contestants, determine to get revenge for Wilford's many murders. Wilford is perfectly willing to enjoy the show - until Bim gets caught in the crossfire.

Warnings: Gun violence, blood and injury, non-main character death

Read on AO3 (Full Whumptober 2020 series)

Enjoy!

~

The newest crop of Warfstache Tonight contestants had seemed like ordinary, run-of-the-mill people in the background checks. Two men and one woman who were chosen to appear in today’s filming, Wilford hosting like usual and Bim helping out as an assistant. But the show had barely started before Wilford and Bim were knocked out and tied up beside each other, waking up to guns in their faces.

“Wh-What??” Bim exclaims, disoriented and terrified.

“It’s time for you to pay!” yells one of the men, bearded and holding a gun in Bim’s face.

“Both of you!” adds the lone woman, pointing her own gun at Wilford.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Wilford asks, annoyed, “This is so coming out of your paychecks.”

“Don’t play dumb,” sneers the second man, clean-shaven and standing close by, “You know what you’ve done.”

Wilford squints at the three people for several long seconds.

“Do I know any of you?” he asks, “How many of you did I date?”

“We’re the loved ones of the people you’ve murdered,” the bearded man growls, “Like my wife!”

“And my brother!” chimes in the woman.

“And my best friend,” finishes the clean-shaven man, “All of them and more, dead because of the two of you. Give us one good reason why we shouldn’t kill you both.”

“I have family too!” Bim cries, trying to squirm out of the ropes tying him and Wilford up, “I have two little brothers!”

“I had two younger brothers,” the woman snaps, “Until this psychopath killed one of them!” She thrusts her gun at Wilford, who is no longer annoyed, but a little amused.

“That’s rather rude to say, isn’t it?” Wilford asks amicably, “Just because I shoot people doesn’t mean I’m crazy!”

“Wilford!” Bim hisses, eyes wide and fearful, “Why aren’t you stopping this?? You could free us and let us escape without a second thought!”

“I just wanna see where this goes, Bimmy!” Wilford replies with a grin, “Besides, a little excitement every now and then is good for you! Gets the ol’ heart pumping.”

“Pumping our blood out all over the floor, you mean,” Bim groans, hanging his head.

“Both of you quiet!” shouts the bearded man, pressing his gun into Bim’s forehead. Bim yelps.

“Look, this is fun, but it’s not going to last,” Wilford says, still smiling. “We’re not the only ones in this building, you know. Someone’s probably going to hear us.”

“Then they can go down, too,” mutters the woman.

“Yeah!” puts in the clean-shaven man, “If they try to stop us, we have plenty of bullets.”

“Hey, are we sure about that?” the bearded man asks, no longer looking as angry as he did a moment ago.

“Getting cold feet, old sport?” Wilford asks.

“We can’t let anyone stop us,” snarls the woman, looking away from Wilford to glare at the bearded man. “Isn’t that what we talked about? For our loved ones, for your wife, we’re willing to do anything.”

“Does that include causing the deaths of more innocents?” retorts the bearded man, pulling away from Bim, “Random people walking in on us don’t deserve to die.”

“If they defend these monsters, they deserve it!” chimes in the clean-shaven man. He points accusingly at the bearded man. “You’re gonna fuck up our whole plan! Don’t you care about avenging your wife!?”

“She wouldn’t have wanted this!!” the bearded man shouts back, leaving Bim to stride angrily to the other man, “She’d never want me to kill an innocent person, no matter the reason!”

“And what about these guys, huh?” asks the woman, leaving Wilford to join the men, “Are you gonna chicken out of killing them too, because of some holier-than-thou bullshit attitude!?”

The three people start arguing, waving their guns around, and Bim takes the opportunity to twist his hands, trying to free himself. The rope is around his chest, wrists, and ankles, as it is for Wilford. But if he struggles enough, maybe he can free a hand or two and help himself escape while the others are distracted. Wilford, meanwhile, watches the growing argument with interest.

“I can’t believe you’re not breaking us out of this,” Bim mutters as he rolls his wrists against the rope.

“I’m enjoying the show!” Wilford replies, flashing Bim a grin. “C’mon, Bimmy, watch with me! Maybe one of them’ll shoot the other. My money’s on the lady shooting Beardy there if he doesn’t buck up.”

“Look, Wil,” Bim huffs, working harder at the rope, “Some of us don’t come back in two days after we die. Some of us take weeks, and some of us don’t come back at all. And I’m not interested in finding out which one I am, not today.” He keeps rolling his wrist and shifting his hands against the rope. “I think I’m almost there, just–”

“You don’t think I’m in this!?” yells the bearded man, so forcefully Bim jumps and freezes. “You don’t think I wanna see these fuckers dead??” the man continues, “Then here, I’ll prove it!” He looks at the tied-up pair and raises his gun.

Aims it at Bim.

“Wai–!” Bim cries.

But the gun goes off, and the bullet lodges into Bim’s abdomen, knocking the wind out of him. He gasps as blood starts to darken his suit. Wilford stares at Bim, eyes wide.

“See? I’m in this,” the bearded man says, panting like it took physical exertion to shoot Bim, “I’m in this. Let’s just get it over with.”

Bim slumps back. Blood starts to pool beneath him. He breathes weakly, unable to speak or even look over at Wilford. His face is pale. Wilford keeps staring at him, a bewildered expression on his face.

“Alright, good,” says the woman, satisfied. She turns towards Wilford. “Let’s get it over with, then.”

Wilford’s eyes narrow and his face goes stoic, all the playfulness gone in an instant. He looks sharply to the woman.

“Actually, I think this joke has run its course,” he says, steely. He snaps his fingers and the ropes around him and Bim disappear, making the trio gasp and raise their weapons at him. Bim slumps over on his side, still bleeding. Wilford stands, glaring. “This was a fun diversion while it lasted, but you’ve all quite overstayed your welcome.” A knife appears in his hand, and his eyes turn pink. “I must admit you’ve been very rude guests, and very poor contestants.” He grins, but it’s not happy and playful anymore. It’s cruel, angry, bloodthirsty. “This’ll be coming out of more than just your paychecks.”

He charges.

The group try to defend themselves, but they don’t stand a chance. Even three against one, even two guns against a single knife, it’s impossible to stop Wilford. His knife stabs into the bearded man’s head, swipes across the clean-shaven man’s chest, and nearly slices the woman’s neck right through. When Wilford rushes to Bim’s side, he’s covered in a layer of blood. It matches Bim, as the pool of blood beneath him has only gotten bigger. He’s bone white and barely conscious, one hand limply holding his stomach, futilely trying to stem the bleeding.

“Don’t worry, Bimmy, I took care of them,” Wilford murmurs, scooping Bim into his arms, “Brace yourself, now, we’re going through my void to get to the clinic.”

Fortunately for Bim’s already-beleaguered stomach but less so for the rest of him, Bim is out cold before Wilford even reaches his void.

~~~

Bim wakes up in the clinic with bandages over his stomach and painkillers in his brain. He blinks his eyes open to see Wilford sitting beside him. Wilford brightens immediately upon seeing Bim’s eyes on him, leaning in closer.

“Bim, you’re awake!” he exclaims, “How do you feel? What a day we’ve had, huh? Hey, while you were sleeping off your surgery, I got you this!” Wilford thrusts a card into Bim’s hand. It’s a sympathy card. The front has a watercolor nature scene and the words “Deepest Condolences” in cursive. The inside has text that’s been crossed out, and “Sorry I got you shot” is written in instead. “I couldn’t find any cards that truly fit the situation, but consider this an apology from me to you.”

Bim stares at the card. He stares at Wilford. Wilford stares back, smiling brightly.

Bim whacks Wilford in the head with the card.

“Ow, hey! What gives? I apologized, didn’t I??”

“You almost got me killed, you giant pink idiot!!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t!”

“You just sat back and let them keep us tied up–!”

“It was all in good fun–!”

“A card is not enough to make up–”

“Ow, ow, stop hitting me with–”

“You – ohh, ow, fuck…”

“See, you’re making yourself worse! Just calm down and stop hitting me with that card!”

“How dare you tell Bim Trimmer to calm down, you fucking piece of–”

Before long, Dr. Iplier steps into the room, attracted by the arguing. The pair are too busy yelling at each other to notice him. Dr. Iplier wonders for a moment if he should intervene, but then decides that surely Bim is fine for the moment if he can argue so fiercely with Wilford. Satisfied at his reasoning – and glad to have given himself an out – he exits the room as quietly as he entered, leaving Bim and Wilford to continue shouting at each other.

[see-arcane]

I know we’re all in monster fucker heaven with Venom being confirmed as Loving Eddie (with Tongue), but I really have to take a minute to give my condolences to Eddie for putting up with so Much in a span of like, what? Two days? Maybe a little more by the time the film ends? Like, his whole week was just

Day 1: 

Complete stranger: Rich Asshole is doing evil, come over and sleuth, it’s not like your depressed ass has anything better to do

Eddie:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Day 1, continued: 

Venom: What’s up roomie, lets eat some people and feed Earth to my alien species

Eddie: ????!!?!?!?!?!????!!!?

Day 2: 

Venom: Hey~~~~~~~ ;)~~~~ 💋 💋 💋

Eddie: ?????????????????????????????????????

Day 2, continued:

Venom: I Am Ready To Doom My Species and Die For Your Sweet Ass

Eddie: ?      ?  ? ?? ? ??   ? ? ?

X Days Later:

Venom: Say parasite again and we’re getting a divorce. I’m kidding. I’m here forever. And ever. And ever and ever and ever and ever

Eddie: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯