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fandom-imagines · 4 years ago

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Thank you

Fandom: Death Note

Pairing: L X Reader

Warnings: Emotional and physical abuse.

Words: 3k

A/N: I’m in a death note phase again. I wrote this instead of doing my essay oops.

Being the girlfriend of a worldwide, secret detective was hard.

Relationships were hard enough as it is but having to make sure both the partners names were kept hidden made it even harder. Then there’s the constant travelling that takes place along with many other things.

Basically, the relationship between L Lawliet and Y/N Y/S/N was a complicated one. Don’t get me wrong, they were both madly in love with the other, but that didn’t make it any less hard.

“Y/N!” A high-pitched voice sounded from behind the aforementioned couple.

That’s Misa, Y/N’s best friend and often co-worker. The two met at a photoshoot where they became fast friends, the pair being able to work together due to their celebrity status.

“Hi, Misa.” A soft smile crawled onto the Y/H/C-haired girls’ lips.

She usually loved seeing Misa, but today all she wanted was to go back to her house and chill, maybe with Lawliet, maybe not. Who knows? Not her.

“Hi, Ryuzaki.” Misa greeted her best friends’ boyfriend, albeit unknowingly, before grasping her small hand around Y/N’s arm. “Bye, Ryuzaki!” Were her final words as she dragged Y/N away, unaware that she was desperately mouthing “sorry” towards her boyfriend.

“Light won’t even take me on a date, Y/N/N!” Misa whined, still talking about her ‘boyfriend’, “Isn’t that so unfair?”

“Very.” Y/N mumbled, turning the page on her magazine which lay in front of her.

She was currently lying across Misa’s bed, the pink sheets creasing beneath her. The girl’s legs were crossed in the air, the entire weight of her body being placed solely on her stomach. The magazine she was reading was something she had bought on the way back to Misa’s, hoping to share opinions on outfits or gossip about latest celebrities, something that the pair had done since they met.

“Are you even listening, Y/N/N?” The blonde continued to whine upon realizing that her friend was no longer listening to her boy drama.

“Sorry, just deep in thought.” Y/N’s words weren’t necessarily a lie, she was deep in thought just not about something she wished to share.

Misa didn’t know about Lawliet and Y/N’s relationship, nobody did. That was how they liked it. No one could intervene, no drama or anything of the sort. Just the two of them, happy, together.

Oh how she longed to be with him right now. The two of them together, even if they were just sitting in HQ together whilst working on the Kira case that they had been working on for months now. That was how they had met: the Kira case.

Y/N knew of his involvement, her father worked as a detective, similar to Lights. That was how she joined the investigation despite being a student. Both her father and close friend, Light, recommended her.

However, that friendship was slowly fading as she found out more and more evidence that made her suspect Light of being Kira. She’s smart, very smart, that’s why she got along with both geniuses. She fit in well with the two. But the more she investigated the case, the more she realized that Light could possibly be behind the mass murders that were causing terror across the world, especially Japan.

“Ooh! What about? Is it a boy?” Misa was now sat up on the ground, arms wrapped tightly around the yellow pillow that she was previously sitting on. Her loose blonde locks fell down her back as well as over the pillow. She looked absolutely beautiful.

How did Light not love her back?

“Shut up.” The other girl huffed, tossing a pillow from Misa’s bed into the face of the owner, giggling as Misa fell backwards onto the soft carpet before bursting into a fit of giggles herself.

“You have to tell me!” The words left Misa’s lips between giggles as she recomposed herself.

“No!”

“Yes~”

The two argued back and forth for around five minutes before giving up, and bursting into a giggle fit once again, something that was common between the pair.

“So, you like someone?” Misa wiggled her eyebrows in amusement at the fact that her best friend was finally interested in someone other than fictional characters. “Tell me everything.”

Without revealing who it was, Y/N began to tell her about her ‘crush’, despite said crush actually being her boyfriend of a few months now. Ensuring that no significant details were released which could identify the man, she told her everything. Blushing was something new to her, but neither Misa nor Y/N complained. It was a refreshing change for them both.

“Wow,” The model let out a breath she wasn’t aware that she was holding once Y/N had poured her heart out, slightly at least. “I never knew you were capable of such feelings, Y/N/N!”

“Stop teasing me~” Y/N’s hands covered her blushing face, words becoming muffled behind the skin. “This is embarrassing enough as it is,” a groan left her lips as she continued her sentence. “Besides, I doubt he even likes me back.” The final words were mumbled, self-doubt settling in as she realized that her boyfriend might not actually love her.

Logically, Y/N knew that L wouldn’t use her, or at least she hopes, and that he genuinely did value her and her opinion. He enjoyed her company and didn’t find her annoying. He really did love her, despite not having admitted it.

“Sure he does! You’re great, Y/N/N.” Misa grinned at her best friend, unknowingly providing her with a source of comfort.

“Thanks, Misa.” A sigh left the other girls lips, a sinking feeling of doubt looming over her. “I should probably get home, it’s getting late. Goodnight, Misa.”

“Goodnight, Y/N!”

Instead of heading home Y/N decided to take a late-night stroll.

The dark sky was littered with bright stars, a nice change from the usual plain nights sky in Japan. It gave an almost comforting feel to the stroller, reminding her of her childhood when she would stay up late to stare up at the midnight sky with a genuine belief that it was the world watching over her, much like the moon which was ‘following’ her everywhere she went to make sure she was safe.

It was childish, yes, but she was a child so what do you expect?

The Y/H/C-haired girl observed her breath as she exhaled. It was cold which wasn’t a huge surprise considering that it was nearing December now; winter time. Despite being extremely cold, she decided that it wasn’t time to head home just yet. Her mind wasn’t entirely clear and it wasn’t exactly in her best interest to go home with an overthinking mind, so he continued her walk.

The sound of her shoes hitting the ground was one of the only things she could hear other than the occasional passing car or truck. The streetlights lit up her view, being the only thing that did so and Y/N internally thanked whoever put them up considering she wouldn’t be able to use the torch on her phone as it had died long ago. The odd passing-by car provided her with some light also, although it wasn’t much.

It wasn’t until around 1am when she finally decided she should head home.

The house was deadly silent as she entered, but the lights were still alight, leaving the daughter of the local baker and detective confused.

“Mum?” The girls voice was slightly quiet in case she was asleep whilst still being loud enough for anyone seated downstairs to hear.

“Where have you been?!” Her mothers voice was incredibly loud, making Y/N cringe and wince. “I’ve been worried sick! How could you make your mom worry like this?”

Ah, there comes the guilt tripping. Y/N’s thoughts were awfully loud, and she cursed herself internally.

“Sorry, mom.” A frown had made its way onto her lips as she apologized.

Sure, she probably should have warned her that she was going for a walk, but there was no need to guilt trip her.

“You should be. Now go to your room!”

She simply ran upstairs.

The bags under Y/Ns’ eyes almost matched Ryuzaki’s the following day.

She hadn’t gotten any sleep that night as she replayed every bad moment with her mother sine childhood and believe me, there was a lot of them.

Her mother hadn’t been the best parent to say the least. She was never physically abusive, but the mental scars from her words and actions had taken a toll on her daughter throughout the years.

“Are you okay?” Lights words were full of concern upon noticing the girls tired composure. The way she stood further proved that she was exhausted considering how she was slumped over. Hands shaking also, Light was genuinely concerned, despite his status as Kira, something he knew that she suspected. “You look terrible, no offence.”

“I’m fine.” Her words were quiet, almost silent, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to give a completely response but she figured those words would suffice and he would hopefully leave her alone.

Whilst concerned, Light knew not to push things when someone didn’t want to talk, so he didn’t push it further, favouring to ask if she was going to the HQ later which she was.

“Ryuzaki isn’t in today,” Lights words caught her attention, finally pulling her from her trance, “he’s working on the investigation.”

“Oh,” while her response was short, the criminal still cheered internally, glad that he had stopped her worrying, even if it was for a split second.

For the entire day she was completely ‘out of it’, unable to concentrate or even form a coherent sentence and she mentally kicked herself at her so-called failure. However she was slightly grateful that there was no exam today, knowing she would have most definitely failed. She probably wouldn’t have been able to write more than three words.

Y/N’s walk to HQ was lonely as she desperately craved some human contact.

She really needed a hug.

As though in a trance, the girl scanned herself into HQ and headed towards the main room where she knew everyone would be.

“Hi, Y/N,” Matsuda’s cheerful greeting caught Ryuzaki’s attention. Well, more like the name of the person he was greeting.

Nobody could have known however, unaware of the short-lived glance he had spared towards her. This short glance told him a lot: she hadn’t slept, she was deep in thought and she felt… crap.

This worried the detective immensely. He really did care for the girl; a lot more than he would admit. Not that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t know how she would react and didn’t want to risk facing rejection.

It would hurt.

“Hi.” The response she gave Matsuda was blunt, emotionless which L wasn’t happy to hear.

She never used that tone. She was usually cheerful. It must be bad.

“You guys can go for a break. You’ve been here most of today and it’s not nearing 5pm.” L’s words matched his girlfriends tone as usual, uncaring about the relief his words had just provided the others on the case. “Except you.” His gaze was now fixated on his love, making her internally curse at herself for being so obvious about her low mood.

The raven-haired detective waited for everyone to leave, stare unmoving as he observed Y/N’s every move and she walked towards the chair opposite him.

“What is it?” Y/N’s gaze was cast towards the ground, not wanting L to see her like this. “I’m sorry.” Her words were quick, worried that he was going to say something that would simply upset her more. “I-I didn’t mean too.”

L’s cold hand gently grasped her chin, lifting her face so that they could look at each other and he cringed slightly as he saw the tear threatening to fall from her eyes.

Okay, he is now really worried.

“What’s wrong?” His words were quiet but still laced with genuine concern, along with his eyes. “You can tell me.”

“It’s nothing, really.” The words stumbled from her lips, only worrying him more. “C-can I just go today? Please.”

L simply nodded, watching as she dashed from the HQ and out of his sight.

“Why do you keep disappearing?” Y/N’s mothers voice was the first thing she heard as she walked through the door.

“Please, leave me alone.” Y/N begged, simply wishing to be alone.

She made an attempt to dash upstairs, only to be stopped by her mothers tight grip around her wrist as she spun her around to face her. A hash slap hit the younger girls face with such a force that they both knew would leave a mark the following day.

“Y-Y/N…” Upon realisation of what she had just done, her tight grip around her daughters wrist loosened, hand dropping to her side.

“Never talk to me again.” YN’s words were quiet yet laced with venom before she finally dashed up to her room, one goal in mind:

Leave.

Her movements were quick as she packed her bag, tears leaking from her eyes in both pain and sadness,

Within minutes her bag was packed, tossed over her shoulder before she ran downstairs.

“Please don’t leave.” Her mother’s plead fell on deaf ears, the only response coming from the closing of the door as she watched her daughter leave, neither of them knowing if she would ever return.

It was cold. Very cold and Y/N cursed herself for not bringing a jacket, being in a skirt and t-shirt which was the same outfit she had worn to school today.

Shivering, she began her long walk towards HQ, something she knew would take a long time.

“What happened to you?” Detective Yagami’s voice was filled with panic upon seeing the tear stains on her cheeks as well as the bright red bruising hand-mark.

Lawliet payed no attention to his remark, simply assuming that Matsuda had had a clumsy accident yet again.

“Please, can I just sit down?” Was what captured his attention, the soft and exhausted voice being one he recognised immediately.

“O-of course.” Soichiro’s words were rushed as he signalled towards the seat he had previously occupied which Y/N gratefully took.

L spun on his chair to look at the girl, breath hitching as he took in her appearance.

He caught her gaze and she had looked up after hearing the spinning of the chair and she thanked whatever gods there were that it was simply the three of them.

“Detective Yagami would you mind if we have a moment?” L’s stare was unmoving as Yagami nodded, leaving the room.

“R-Ryu…” Her voice sounded broken, eyes filled with pain and he soon noticed the bag on the ground, quickly coming to the conclusion that something had happened at home, presumably with her mother, and she had ran away.

L quickly climbed onto his feet, opening his arms which Y/N gladly ran into, breaking down into sobs. His hand placed itself on her hair, burying itself into her hair as her face buried into his chest. L was uncaring as her tears soaked through his white tee; he only cared that she was okay. They stood like that for a long time, L providing comfort she didn’t know she needed.

“Come on,” L broke the silence as his girlfriend calmed down, her breath evening out, “lets get you to a room.” He offered her a hand as she pulled away, one she took with extreme gratitude, appreciating that it must have been hard for him to give her any affection.

Their hands never parted as they climbed the stairs of the HQ, heading towards Y/N’s new room. Ryuzaki had thrown her bag over his shoulder, the heavy weight of the bag not affecting him one bit.

The room was empty, and it was clear nobody was staying there.

The noise of the bag dropping to the ground was loud, startling Y/N whilst Lawliet remained unaffected, having been the one that had caused the noise; not that it would have scared him anyway.

Y/N was led towards the made bed by the detective, sitting herself down as he wordlessly instructed before taking a seat beside her.

“I’m sorry for being such a bother.” She apologised, making L shake his head in disagreement.

“You could never be a bother, Y/N. Not to me.” His words were less monotone than usual, less devoid of feeling. There was a genuine tone coming from him. “Matsuda’s a bother, not you.” He spoke which made the shorter girl chuckle, something she felt she hadn’t done in ages, despite it having only been a day, #

“Thanks, Ryu. For everything.”

“It’s my pleasure.” His arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closely towards him until her warmth was felt by him. “I-“ He paused as he began to speak, extremely aware of what he was about to say.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, confused at his sudden silence.

“I love you.” His words were quiet, almost unheard had it not been for the fact that the room was deadly silent.

The pair fell into an awkward silence for a moment before L got up to leave, apologising as he did so.

“Wait,” Y/N’s hand wrapped around his own, “I love you too.”

A small smile made its way onto both of their lips, L walking back over to the girl until he was stood directly in front of her. She watched closely as he bent down, unsure of what he was about to do. The second his lips touched her forehead a huge blush flowed across her cheeks.

“R-Ryu…?” Her embarrassed voice sounded, the only response she earned from him being a small smile before he gave her a pat on the head, turning to leave.

“Thank you.” She called, making him stop in the doorway.

“Anytime, Y/N/N.” The use of the nickname only made her blush harder.

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raibebe · 5 years ago

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Birthday Girl

Genre: Smut Words: 6.030 Pairing: Mingyu x Wonwoo x female reader poly relationship Warnings: Meanie/Wongyu (member x member elements, y‘all have been warned), double penetration, dom/sub undertones (subspace?), daddy kink, slight degradation

A/N: This was originally written as a birthday present for @min-inu almost a month ago late at night in her dm’s because that’s apparently the only way for me to write Seventeen smut and today I present you the cleaned up and extended version of what I originally wrote at 1am. This is somewhat of a sequel to Triple Threat. No need to read it though, it‘s also basically PwP but set in the same universe, so if you enjoy these dynamics, give it a read. This has somewhat more of a plot though... I have no idea if this is actually possible like this, but this is fiction and I tried to make it realistic to an extent.

Today was your birthday and you probably hadn’t been this excited about this day since you had been around ten years old. The day had already begun great: The sun’s rays that had tickled your nose had woken you up in the arms of one of your boyfriends that he had sneaked around you and below the big shirt that you had most definitely stolen from Mingyu. Wonwoo had his chest pressed against your back where you could feel the even rhythm of his breaths, indicating that the sunlight wasn’t bothering his sleep in the slightest. Carefully squirming out of his hold, you closed the curtains so he could get another couple of minutes of sleep before you slipped into the kitchen where a small breakfast with a little note written in the messy handwriting of your other boyfriend was already waiting for you. You smiled and quickly read over his saccharine words before eating the fluffy pancakes he had made.

After you had finished the delicious yet a little cold meal and put the dishes in the sink, you quickly scribbled a little heart and a ‘thank you’ on the little paper, sticking it to the fridge. After taking a look at the big clock in your living room, you decided that you still had enough time for a shower before you had to leave for your only class of the day and your shift at work. Because it was your birthday after all, you not only treated yourself to a scorching hot shower but also rubbed some expensive body lotion into your skin before getting dressed in a simple outfit. Nothing of the noise that you had made had seemed to have bothered the still sleeping Wonwoo who instead of you was now hugging your pillow tightly. Smiling you pressed a kiss to his forehead, making him wrinkle his nose adorably before mumbling something incoherent and burying his face deeper into the pillows. Committing the sight to your brain, you quickly gathered your things and softly closed the apartment’s door to go about your day.

Once your class was over, you had your shift at work and after that your parents would treat you for dinner. But what really made you excited was that you got to spend the late evening with your boyfriends who had promised that they both would be at home and didn’t need to finish any essays or needed to study for exams. It had been a while since all three of you had spent time like this and you were basically buzzing with excitement during dinner. When your parents had commented on it, you just said that your flatmates had planned a movie night with your favorite movies for you. To them that was all that Mingyu and Wonwoo were to you because how should you explain to your parents that you had two boyfriends that were also dating each other.

After you had parted ways with your parents before the restaurant, a beautiful new bracelet shining in the low lights of the taxi you took home, you sent a quick text to the group chat with your boyfriends, telling them you were on your way home. As always Mingyu was quick to reply: Be safe on your way back home, darling. We missed you today ❤ You smiled at the message that illuminated your screen, excitement bubbling in your chest. With a bounce in your step, you quickly walked up the stairs to the door of your apartment when you had arrived, taking a deep breath before unlocking the door. “I’m back,” you spoke before your breath was taken away from you. The lights in the apartment were off, the only light coming from what must be hundreds of candles stacked on the furniture and the floor.

Giggling happily, you shrugged off your shoes and coat before you followed the line of candles that first lead you into the kitchen where another note similar to the one from this morning was waiting for you. ‘The first present’, it read. Smiling you opened the silky red ribbon that held the lid of the dark box closed that the note was stuck onto. Beneath a layer of dark red packaging tissue there was a beautiful black negligee made of pretty lace and soft satin with matching lace panties. In awe at the present, you carefully picked it up and felt the soft fabric. You were sure Mingyu had thought of this. While Wonwoo always enjoyed seeing you and Mingyu in pretty clothing, he didn’t quite have the eye for picking these kinds of stuff himself. Your heartbeat picked up in pace when you quickly got rid of your clothes and slipped into the soft dress. It fit you perfectly. Smiling, you traced over the little swirls and blossoms that adored the skirt of the dress before you followed the line of candles into the living room.

On the little table in front of the couch, two more packages and another note were waiting for you alongside a single red rose that was sitting inside a delicate vase. That seemed more like a Wonwoo thing. The little note read: ‘You look gorgeous in that dress.’ And you couldn’t help but blush. Carefully you opened the first, smaller package that seemed to be wrapped by the store in a light blush colored paper, revealing the expensive perfume you had eyed over the past couple of weeks. An excited squeal left your lips as you fumbled to spray a little on your neck and wrists, the flowery scent mixing beautifully with your own natural one.

The last package was just a little smaller than the one you had received in the kitchen but was packaged in a similar way. Carefully you opened the box to find a pair of black lace thigh highs that you also quickly slid onto your legs, making them appear longer than they were. Just wearing this sexy lingerie that your boyfriends had picked, made arousal course through your body and you couldn’t wait to get to the bedroom where you suspected them to be hiding.

When you followed the trail of candles to the door of your shared bedroom, you quickly decided to slip away into the bathroom for a second to apply the dark red lipstick you had gotten yourself as an early birthday present earlier this week to complete the sultry look. Smiling at your reflection, you quickly made your way back to the bedroom, you probably had kept them waiting long enough.

The lights in the bedroom were also off except for the bedside lamp, a cloth draped over it to soften the light, and a couple of fairy lights that you had hung when you first moved in but never really turned on. Your boyfriends both sat on the bed, only wearing tight boxers that left next to nothing to your imagination. “Welcome home beautiful,” Wonwoo spoke up first, getting up from where he had been leaning against the headboard and taking your hand before pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. “Happy birthday,” he whispered before Mingyu took his place and kissed your other cheek. “You look absolutely stunning,” the taller breathed, playfully spinning you around once, “Happy birthday, love.”

You felt your face heat up from their compliments and from how their eyes raked over your body. “Did you like your presents?” Mingyu eagerly asked, trailing his fingers over the skirt of the negligee. “I love them,” you admitted, smiling up at both of them, “Thank you so much.” Chuckling, Wonwoo pulled you along to the bed, encouraging you to sit on his lap when he leaned to sit against the headboard. “But this isn’t everything, princess,” he smiled, his eyes never leaving yours, his hands teasing the skin of your thighs, “Tonight is going to be all about you.” “Let us make you feel good,” Mingyu breathed, kneeling next to you on the mattress, his eyes dark with lust. A soft mewl left your lips and you could feel yourself getting more and more turned on from the arousal that seemed to ooze off of your boyfriends. “Will you let us, princess?” Wonwoo breathed, his deep voice dropping another octave when he gently cupped your face to turn it towards him again. “Please,” You whimpered, letting your eyes flutter closed when Wonwoo claimed your lips in a deep kiss.

It wasn’t long before you felt his tongue tracing your lips and you eagerly opened them to deepen the kiss even further, pressing your body against his where you could feel his growing arousal against your body while making the soft fabric of your dress rub against your sensitive nipples, making you gasp into the kiss. It wasn’t often that he dropped his usually dominant behavior and let you just do as you please and you took full advantage of it, basking in the way you could touch him and bury your hands in his dark hair to mess it up. Soon you felt another pair of hands on your body, gently exploring your curves before settling on your waist and a strong chest pressed to your back. Usually Mingyu would whine about not getting attention by now, but he stayed quiet and instead busied himself with pressing open mouthed kisses along the exposed skin of your neck and jawline, gently sucking and biting on the skin until it bruised, leaving marks just high enough that they would peek out from beneath your collar, making more and more gasps leave your lips that Wonwoo eagerly swallowed.

After a while you felt Mingyu’s big hands sneak beneath the hem of the negligee and your skin almost burned where he was touching you now, pressing you back against him, making you feel his already hard cock. “Feel what you’re doing to me, princess?” He rasped while shamelessly rutting against the swell of your ass, “You look so hot like this.” The moan that left your lips forced you to part from Wonwoo who smirked at you before angling his hips up, so his clothed erection could brush against your core, making you arch your back and another moan leave your lips. “You’re driving us crazy like this, princess,” he spoke softly.

“What do you want princess?” Mingyu asked, his breath hot against your ear. “Touch me please,” you whimpered before clashing your mouths together. The angle wasn’t ideal but that wasn’t stopping you from kissing him like your life depended on it. You felt Wonwoo’s chuckle from where you had your hands braced against his chest more than you actually heard it. “My needy babies,” he chuckled, sounding so fond of you two. His fingers started roaming your form as well, teasing your nipples through the thin fabric before he lowered the fabric just enough so he could wrap his lips around one of them, tearing a moan from your lips. Subconsciously you started grinding your hips against Wonwoo’s erection, desperate for some friction on your neglected core, making him growl and release your perky nipple with a lewd sound. “Touch her Mingyu,” he ordered, eyes dark and fingers gripping your thighs to force them open just a little bit wider.

Eager to please, the younger slipped a hand between your legs, teasing your clit through your panties. “You’re already so wet, princess.” “I need you, please,” you whimpered, grinding down against his palm and throwing your head back to rest on his shoulder. “Don’t tease her, be good Mingyu,” Wonwoo cut in when the other kept slowly pressing the heel of his palm against your clit, making you work for the sweet friction you desperately needed. Following the elder’s orders, Mingyu quickly slipped his fingers inside your panties, letting them drag through your folds. “You’re so wet, fuck,” he cursed but before you could respond, he slipped one of his thick fingers inside you, making any words you wanted to say turn into a drawn out moan. “So pretty,” Wonwoo praised you while Mingyu stretched you around his finger, quickly adding another one and curling them to find your sweet spot, making you moan and writhe in his hold.

“What do you want, princess?” Wonwoo moaned as he palmed his own erection to take some of the edge off. “Need you inside me,” you breathed, trying to even out your shaking voice. “Which one of us?” Mingyu asked, slowing his hand down, so you could form a proper sentence. “Both of you,” you whined. “Baby...” Wonwoo soothed you, carding a hand through your hair. You had tried taking both of them at the same time once before but it hadn’t worked out and it had just made you so frustrated with your own body. “Please Wonwoo,” you begged, “I know I can, please, please, please.” “Ssssh, baby,” he soothed, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “Everything for our princess tonight,” he decided, “Let’s get you out of these panties, hm?” You eagerly nodded, whimpering when Mingyu pulled his fingers from you, so you could slip the soaked fabric down your legs.

When you turned back to the bed, Wonwoo had Mingyu pinned underneath him, kissing the younger hard while rutting their hips together. “Be good for her,” Wonwoo whispered to the taller, finally pulling the dark boxers off him, making his cock spring free, slapping wetly against his toned stomach. “He’s all yours, princess,” he smirked, playfully slapping your ass before climbing off a panting Mingyu who had an adorably crooked grin on his face. Licking your lips, you took Wonwoo’s place, placing your hands on Mingyu’s strong chest and ground your now bare core against his cock, coating him in your juices. “Please,” Mingyu whimpered beneath you, grinding your hips together like two horny teenagers. Smiling, you raised yourself up and grabbed his cock by the base to line him up with your entrance before sinking down on him in one smooth movement, making you both moan loudly.

You slowly circled your hips, getting used to his length inside you, filling you up just right but you couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to truly be filled to the brim with both of your boyfriend’s cocks. Mingyu’s strong hands on your hips tore you from your thoughts when he helped you to set a rhythm as you bounced up and down on his dick, the sounds of your moans and the slick slide of him inside you filling the air. “You feel so good, fuck,” he cursed, pulling you down so he could kiss you while fucking up into your tight heat with sharp snaps of his hips. You lost yourself in Mingyu and the way he stopped his harsh pace to bury himself as deep as it was possible to grind inside you, pressing into your walls just how you liked it, making the pleasure slowly build more and more inside you. It could have been just minutes or hours, you weren’t sure but you quickly felt your orgasm approach, reminding you that this wasn’t how you wanted to cum tonight. “Wonwoo,” you whimpered, straightening up again to turn to where he was sitting, slowly stroking his cock while watching you and Mingyu from dark and hooded eyes. “You looked like you were enjoying yourself, princess,” he grinned. “Need you as well,” you whined, making grabby hands towards him. “I know you do baby,” he rasped, grabbing the lube that he had already prepared and positioned himself behind you. “Lean forward for me,” he breathed, pressing a hand down between your shoulder blades. You easily followed his wish, folding yourself on top of Mingyu’s chest and catching his parted lips in a heated kiss.

“Relax for me princess,” Wonwoo rasped before you felt a lubed up finger massage where you and Mingyu were connected, coating everything in an obscene amount of lube and forcing little moans and whimpers from the younger who did his best to force his hips to stay still. Chuckling Wonwoo slapped the inside of Mingyu’s thigh when he snapped his hips up after Wonwoo had teased the base of his cock. “Stay still, puppy,” he scolded. “Not fair,” Mingyu pouted, making you chuckle before kissing his pursed lips chastely. “Tell me if it’s of much,” Wonwoo spoke after he deemed your entrance lubed up and you relaxed enough to press one of his lubed up fingers inside you alongside Mingyu’s cock. The stretch wasn’t unpleasant yet but you knew that this wasn’t all. When Wonwoo began to pump his finger, you desperately clung to Mingyu, distracting yourself with messy kisses. By the time Wonwoo had worked a second finger in and began scissoring them, the stretch became more painful and you whimpered into Mingyu’s mouth. “You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” he soothed you, gently biting the skin of your neck and fondling your boobs to distract you. The longer Wonwoo stretched you, the less it hurt and the more pleasure began to build inside you again only to be brought back down when he introduced yet another finger. Meanwhile Mingyu did his best to make you relax, canting his hips up so your clit could rub against his pubic bone, the sparks of pleasure numbing the pain from being stretched. “Please Wonwoo,” you begged after a while when the pain had made way for pleasure yet again, “I can take you.”

“Not yet baby,” he soothed, rubbing your back with his free hand, “I want this to be good for you.” You let out a frustrated groan and started to grind back onto his fingers to prove your point. “Fuck, baby,” Mingyu cursed, the grip he still had on your hips tightening, “You’re driving me insane like this.” “No coming yet, puppy,” Wonwoo‘s harsh voice cut in, grabbing the base of the younger‘s dick tightly to starve off his orgasm, making him thrash beneath you, a drawn out whine leaving his swollen lips, his eyes screwed shut. “Please Wonwoo,” you gasped, throwing him a pleading look over your shoulder.

“Tell me if it’s uncomfortable, princess,” he whispered this time, pressing a kiss to your spine before pulling his fingers out, making you whimper. You held your breath when you heard the telltale sound of Wonwoo slicking up his cock before you felt the blunt head of his cock nudge against your entrance before it gave away, stretching you almost impossibly wide, knocking all air from your lungs. When he was finally bottoming out after what felt like hours all three of you let out a deep breath. “Fuck you’re so tight,” Mingyu groaned, gripping the sheets tightly to stop himself from bucking up into the tight heat engulfing his cock. “You feel so good princess,” Wonwoo agreed breathily, the grip he had on your hips almost bruising. “Please move,” you softly spoke when the initial pain had bled into a low throbbing, making you head dizzy.

“Anything for you princess,” Wonwoo promised and gently started rocking his hips, tearing loud moans from Mingyu and you. “F-feels so good, so full,” you blabbered, not even sure if you were even forming coherent sentences anymore. Every thought was wiped from your brain when Mingyu and Wonwoo found a rhythm and both thrust into you, their cocks filling you and pressing deliciously into your walls and into your sweet spot. It wasn’t long that the room was filled with your moans and whines forming a symphony with your boyfriend’s low groans and the sound of skin meeting skin and the obscene squelching sounds from the amount of lube Wonwoo had used.

“I’m not going to last, fuck,” Mingyu cursed, wrapping his arms around you and thrusting up into you hard, his hips losing his rhythm. “Not yet puppy, let her cum first,” Wonwoo spoke through gritted teeth and you could tell that he was fighting back his orgasm as well from how hard he was gripping you. “Don’t hold back please,” you begged,” Want you to fill me up please.” Another curse left Mingyu’s kiss swollen lips and he bucked his hips up a couple of more times before he pressed into you as far as he humanly could, nailing your sweet spot as his orgasm crashed over him. When you felt his cock twitch inside you, painting your insides white, you couldn’t hold off anymore as well, letting your orgasm wash over you, your eyes rolled back while your body completely locked up before you shook in Mingyu’s hold from the force of it. The rhythmic clenching around his cock tipped Wonwoo over the edge as well, his groan resonating deep in his chest as he came inside you as well.

For a while all three of you just laid there, trying to catch your breath, basking in the presence of each other. You could feel the exhaustion settling inside you, finally realizing the strain it had taken on your body to have both of your boyfriends inside you. “Fuck, we really made it work,” Mingyu giggled and broke the silence, high on his post orgasmic bliss. Wonwoo just laughed hoarsely before slowly pulling his softening cock out of you, making you hiss when you felt what must be a mixture of your boyfriend’s cum and lube trickle down your thigh. There was no way you were leaving the bed tomorrow, you already felt impossibly sore but sated and proud at the same time. “Fuck,” Wonwoo cursed, his eyes fixed to where Mingyu was still settled deep inside you, his cock and pelvis smeared with cum and lube. He slowly reached out to run his fingers through the slippery mess, making Mingyu whimper in overstimulation when he teased his shaft. “Wonwoo,” he gasped, his hips twitching to escape the touch, tearing a high pitched sound from your throat. The elder just giggled and retreated his teasing hand. “I just can’t help myself when you look like that.” You didn’t have the strength in you to roll your eyes at Wonwoo and his territorial kink for seeing Mingyu and you covered in his cum.

“How are you feeling, beautiful?” Mingyu gently asked, smoothing down your hair. “You did so well.” “I feel messy,” you slurred against the skin of his neck, breathing in his calming scent. “How about a bath, angel?” he whispered before pressing a kiss into your hair, swiping it back from where it had stuck to your forehead. “I don’t think I can move.” “Not a problem when you have a strong boyfriend like me,” Mingyu laughed. “I’ll fall asleep in the bathtub and drown,” you groaned when his by now soft cock slipped from your core from his laughing, and a mixture of cum and lube followed. “How about a quick shower for you two then?” Wonwoo interrupted, rubbing soothing circles into your lower back. “You two can clean yourselves up and I’ll take care of the bed.” “Don’t wanna,” you pouted even though Wonwoo couldn’t see it. “I can clean you up but you’ll regret it in the morning, angel,” he spoke, pressing kisses to your spine while massaging your lower back where your negligee had ridden up. “Don’t care,” you mumbled into Mingyu’s chest, mind already disappearing into the world of dreams. “I don’t want to hear any complaining tomorrow,” Wonwoo sighed before he pressed a final kiss right between your shoulderblades and slipped out of the room.

“Let’s get you out of this as well, angel,” Mingyu softly spoke, trailing his fingers over the fabric of your dress. After making an affirmative noise you let him gently roll you off of him on the mattress to pull first the negligee off your torso and then your thigh highs off your legs, leaving kisses on every inch of skin he uncovered, making you giggle. “I love you,” you whispered, making grabby hands at him so he would come up to kiss you. Grinning brighter than the sun itself, he granted you your wish, lazily letting his tongue play against yours. You contently sighed, letting his body press you into the soft mattress.

When you heard the door fall into its lock again, you gently broke the kiss, smiling brightly when Mingyu pressed a last kiss to your forehead before he climbed off the bed to clean himself up, letting Wonwoo take his place between your legs. He quickly got rid of most of the mess with the cloth he had wetted with warm water, soothing you with little kisses to your thighs and reassuring words. “You did so well, baby,” he praised when he threw the cloth somewhere into the room, his eyes full of love and adoration. “I told you I could take you both.” “I apologize for ever doubting you were anything else than perfect for us, babygirl.” “Kiss me and I’ll forgive you,” you returned playfully. “If that’s all it takes,” Wonwoo grinned before kissing his way up from your thighs, over your stomach, between the valley of your breasts, along your neck where he paid special attention to the bruises Mingyu had sucked into your skin before he captured your parted lips in a deep kiss, wasting no time to lick into your mouth. This kiss was nothing like what you had shared with Mingyu before. Wonwoo kissed you with so much passion, gently biting your lower lip, a smirk building on his lips when a moan slipped past yours. “Wonwoo,” you gasped his name when he started to place open mouthed kisses along your neck, making you shiver. He just hummed deep in his chest, slowly grinding his hips down.

“You’re hard again,” you gasped, feeling his length drag over your soft skin. “It’s all your fault,” he scolded, biting down on your collarbone. “You look so pretty when you’re fucked out, baby. And it’s your birthday. I can’t just call it quit after one little orgasm, babygirl. You deserve more, don’t you think?” To accentuate his words, he sneaked one of his hands between your bodies, cupping your core. Another whimper fell from your lips and your legs instinctively fell open further to give your boyfriend more access. “Such a good girl,” he praised, grinding the heel of his palm against your clit, making you mewl. “Still sensitive,” you choked out, but knew better than to shy away from his touch. Your head already started to swim from his words, spoken sweetly like the stickiest honey, a dangerous heat starting to pool between your legs. “I know my baby can take it,” Wonwoo rasped when he moved his fingers so he could put pressure on your clit in earnest. Still overly sensitive, your legs twitched close but he had anticipated it and gripped one of your thighs in a tight grip, forcing you to keep them open. “Remind me of your colors, baby.” “Green for good, yellow to slow down and red to stop,” you choked out, eyes screwed shut. “What color are you now?” “I’m green, daddy.”

“Such a good girl,” Wonwoo growled, suddenly slipping a finger into your heat which was both too much and exactly what you needed. “Mingyu, help me out and hold her thighs,” he ordered when you had started to thrash in his hold after he had slowly started to pump his finger inside you, just barely grazing your sweet spot to not overwhelm you. At the mention of Mingyu’s name, your eyes snapped open. You hadn’t even heard your tall boyfriend coming back into the bedroom. Your eyes wandered down from his sunkissed pecs and his subtle abs to his cock that already had started to fill out again. The sight made a whimper slip past your lips. “Like what you see, baby?” He teased when he kneeled next to you, gripping your thighs tightly to spread them for Wonwoo who groaned at the sight of his finger disappearing inside you over and over again. “First you don’t even notice me and now you’re basically drooling for my cock. You are so greedy, baby.”

You didn’t have it in you to deny his words, the words only intensifying the cloud that began to form in your head, reducing you to a needy mess. A mewl left your lips instead and you tried to close your legs again when Wonwoo suddenly pushed two more fingers inside you, pistoning them right into your sweet spot. “Mingyu asked you a question baby. You should answer him,” Wonwoo scolded you, his other hand coming to rub little figure eights into your clit. Had he really asked a question? You couldn’t remember. A helpless moan left your throat instead of an answer and you pressed your face into the pillow to muffle the sounds. The pricking pain from where Mingyu had dug his nails into the tender flesh of your thighs brought you back for a bit. You knew you had to answer them. “I, I don’t know,” you sobbed, feeling tears clinging to your lashes, “I don’t remember, daddy please.”

“Is that all your mouth is good for? Begging and talking nonsense?” Wonwoo growled, crooking his fingers inside you to massage your sweet spot, making more words spill from your lips and at this point you didn’t even know if you made sense anymore. All you could focus on was the pleasure building inside you and the obscene squelching noises that your core made whenever Wonwoo dove his fingers back into you. In the back of your mind you wondered if you had ever been this wet or this far gone into what must be subspace.

“Mingyu, stuff her mouth, let’s see if it’s good for literally anything else, I can’t listen to her nonsense anymore,” Wonwoo scoffed, his words harsh but breathless from how he was rutting against the mattress to relive some of the pressure on his cock that already was leaking precum and turning an angry red shade from neglect. Mingyu eagerly followed his orders, using his height to his advantage so he could still hold your thighs open while dragging the tip of his hard length over your lips and cheeks, smearing them with precum. “Remember to tap my leg three times for me to stop,” he gently said and you weakly nodded before letting your mouth fall open. “Such a good and obedient girl,” he purred before pushing his hips down, engulfing his cock in the warm and wet heat of your mouth, making him groan and you mewl from feeling the familiar weight on your tongue. Like the gentleman Mingyu was, he let you adjust for a bit, just gently grinding his hips before he squeezed your thighs tighter and buried himself deep in your throat, a raw moan spilling past his lips. After some seconds he pulled out again to let you heave a couple of breaths. Seeing the shiny head of his cock connected with your lips by a string of spit, made one or maybe both of your boyfriends groan and before you had the chance to even whine about the absence of cock in your mouth, Mingyu thrust his hips again, effectively muffling any sounds you could try to make.

You could just lie there and take whatever your boyfriend’s gave you and you couldn’t be any happier about it even though tears where staining your cheeks and your throat was hurting from how Mingyu used it. Your lungs where burning with the lack of oxygen but all that was just fueling the fire in your core where Wonwoo was pistoning his fingers inside you expertly. You could feel your orgasm approach you at lightning speed but Wonwoo hadn’t given you permission to cum yet, so you tried your best to fight it back down, your thighs shaking with the effort. “Oh look how good she’s trying to be,” Wonwoo cooed, slipping his fingers from your core to watch it clench around nothing, making you mewl around Mingyu’s cock, who in turn shakily lost his rhythm, a curse leaving his lips. “You want to cum baby?” The older asked, teasing your clit with his drenched fingers, the slide oh so slippery from how wet you were. You could just whine around Mingyu’s cock again, flexing your hips to try to grind against Wonwoo.

“Then cum baby, make a mess for me.” That was all it took for your orgasm to crash over you. Luckily Mingyu had pulled out, so you could scream in pleasure as your whole body went taught, your back arching off the bed as white hot pleasure coursed through your veins. You could feel your core twitching and hot liquid drenched Wonwoo and the sheets below you as your lower body shook from the force of your orgasm, your core pulsating with waves of pleasure, gushing out more liquid. “Fuck baby,” you heard one of your boyfriends curse and just moments later you felt the telltale warmth of drops of cum covering your chest along with a guttural moan. Your core was still throbbing when you opened your eyes again, your chest heaving, to see Wonwoo quickly jerking his cock, his eyes still fixated to your core. Only seconds later, he threw his head back, eyes screwed shut, when his cock spurted out ropes of white cum, painting the space between your spread thighs.

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, fuck,” Mingyu chuckled, shakily climbing off of you to see the mess you had made for himself. “I didn’t know you could do that.” You wanted to tell him that you hadn’t known either but after your orgasm, the fog in your brain had only intensified and your lids felt like they had heavy weights glued onto them, forcing them shut. “Hey, angel,” you heard Mingyu speak through the fog, his big hands gently cupped your face and his thumbs rubbed away the tears that had stained your cheeks. “I’m green,” you managed to slur, turning your body towards his warmth. “You did so well,” he praised, kissing your forehead, “But I need you to come back to me, okay? Take your time but don’t fall asleep on me, okay?” You just hummed, curling your body around his. “Hey, angel. I need to pick you up so we can change the sheets okay? And I’ll clean you up, alright?” You hummed again, managing to put your arms around his neck.

What happened next was lost in the haze of your mind. You knew that Mingyu had lifted you from the bed and that he had carried you somewhere with a lot more light, making bright colors dance behind your closed lids. The next thing your felt was a cooling spray of water before you were wrapped up in a soft fabric that had the scent of something purely Mingyu. You happily buried your nose in the fabric and hummed in content.

“Open your eyes, princess,” you heard another voice speak to you when you felt your back meet the softness of your bed. “For me, please,” the voice repeated and a gentle kiss was pressed to each of your closed eyelids. Scrunching your nose, you tried to fight the weight keeping your eyes closed and when you finally managed to open them again, you were met with Wonwoo’s beautiful amber eyes that shone with love and adoration in the low light of your bedroom. “I’m so proud of you my love,” he smiled before he kissed your forehead. “Can we cuddle?” You asked in a small voice. “Of course, angel,” Mingyu spoke from your other side, a bottle of water in his hands. “As soon as you finish this for us.”

You nodded and drowned the bottle, the cold water doing wonders on your sore throat. You were sure you wouldn’t be able to either sit or speak tomorrow but you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. “Happy birthday baby,” Wonwoo kissed you when he rejoined Mingyu and you after discarding of the ruined bedsheets, your cheeks turning pink when you realized what had happened. “I love you two so much,” you confessed, smiling as you were squished between both of them, feeling warm and safe beneath the fresh sheets.

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eleven-times-lively · 5 years ago

Text

The Twins - Part 1

In which Fred and reader welcome their new bundles of joy into the world.💕 Masterpost

Summary: The first children of Fred and reader are born as the couple beings their adventures in parenting and the first real trial of marriage. With a bit of angst IM SORRY. Word Count: 6845 oops Note: So I kinda forgot I had to do this lol. I wrote this at 1am on Friday cause I had two history essays due that I procrastinated hehehe.

You found him in the kitchen and wrapped your arms around him from behind. “What’s this for, love?” He giggled as he turned to face you. You cupped his face in your hands and looked him right in the eyes, “I’m pregnant.”

The tears quickly began to well in his eyes, his emotions processing before his thoughts. “You’re, pr-”

“Yes, Freddie! Pregnant! We’re going to be parents!” He picked you up into the air like you were no more than a feather. Embracing you in the tightest hug he ever had he nuzzled into your neck.

“How do you know!? How long have you known? How far along are you?! Did you tell anyone else before me? This is amazing! Are you okay?” The amount of questions--both spoken and underlying--that he was throwing at you was unreal.

“I’ve been vomiting, I’m two weeks late, and yes it is amazing!!!” You pulled him into a deep kiss as you celebrated together.

“We need to tell everyone!”

“Woahhh… slow your roll, Weasley. I think I should head to the doctor first. And besides, you aren’t supposed to tell anyone for a few months in case something… happens.” His face contorted a bit at the last part. He had just found out about the little bean inside of you and he already couldn’t bear the thought of something bad happening. “Here, sit down. Can I get you anything?”

You let out a light chuckle. “Fred I’m not diseased. I can’t be more than a month pregnant, it’s almost as if I’m not at all.”

“I knowww,” he groaned, “but you have our baby in there, and I need to protect you at all costs.”

You blushed at his words. “A cup of tea wouldn’t hurt I suppose.”

***

Three days later you and Fred were seated in the doctor's office, practically vibrating with nerves and excitement.

“Mr. and Mrs. Weasley! Nice to meet you! I’m Dr. Bloom. Congratulations on the news!” Dr. Bloom was the peppiest woman you’d ever met. She couldn’t have been more than five foot two and her dusty brown curls bobbed about the room along with her. “Now, when did you find out?”

You sat up a bit straighter, matching her warm smile. “About three weeks ago I missed my period, and I’ve been dizzy and nauseous ever since… Although I just put the pieces together a few days ago,” you added with a chuckle.

“Great! So you could be about a month along already! How exciting!” She grinned at you and Fred, seemingly more excited for the baby than you two were. “Now normally we would wait until about seven weeks to do an ultrasound, but because we aren’t entirely sure how far along you are we may as well do one today. Mrs. Weasley if you’d please hop up here and just life your shirt a bit.”

You stood and did as she asked, and Fred gripped your hand once you were settled.

“Now this may be a bit chilly!” she remarked as she began. Her gleeful face quickly contorted into a cross between confusion and concern. You could practically hear Fred’s heart sink as you both feared the worst. “Mrs. Weasley, how far along did you saw you were?”

“Well I missed my period about three weeks ago, but we did skip protection at the beginning of… last… month…” you’re words trailed off as you realised.

“How fun! Mr. and Mrs. Weasley I’d estimate that you are about six weeks along! Good thing I did an ultrasound, it’s the perfect time!” You and Fred grinned at each other with all of the passion in the universe.

“Could we um… is it too soon to see the baby?” He asked sheepishly.

“Of course not, Mr. Weasley!” She grinned up at Fred… very far up. “Here’s the little bean!” She turned the monitor and your heart melted.

“They’re beautiful,” Fred sighed, the tears welling up in his eyes. “Y/n, love, that’s our baby.” Now you were crying.

“Oh… wait.” Dr. Bloom piped up, except she didn’t sound even the least bit concerned. She turned the monitor back to herself as she searched the screen.

“Doctor?” Fred questioned, a hint of fear pricking at his words.

She turned back to you, practically jumping out of her seat. “Mr. and Mrs. Weasley you are having twins!!” She practically shrieked as she turned the monitor back to you and Fred. “See? There’s one and there’s the other! Now, it’s too early to tell the gender but you do have two separate amniotic sacs so they could both be the same or you could get a boy and a girl!!”

You and Fred looked at each other once more before wrapping in a tight embrace. “Twins!” You both exclaimed in unison.

“Twins!” Dr. Bloom chimed back. “Twins are quite rare at your age, Mrs. Weasley. Do they run in either family?”

“I have a twin brother,” Fred replied, sounding quite proud of himself. “I can’t wait to tell Georgie!” he whispered to you.

“How fun! Aren’t genetics so interesting!?” She once again grinned up at both of you, both now standing. “Now I should mention that this immediately makes the pregnancy high risk.” Even while delivering somewhat concerning news, she still sounded chipper. “You’ll have to have more ultrasounds, you’ll get a lot bigger, and there is a chance you’ll have to go on bedrest for the last few weeks or you’ll have to deliver early. However, it is a good thing that you two are so young because that reduces all of these risks by a lot!” There were smiles around the room as she handed you the printed picture of the sonogram. “Oh! I almost forgot! Your due date is around early January, of course expect mid to late December since twins are usually born around 36 weeks rather than 38 to 40.” You and Fred thanked her as you headed out of the office.

*** Two months later...early July...14 weeks pregnant.

“Ugh! I look like a whale!” You cried out as you tried to tug your dress on. “Whyyy twins!? I’m barely four months but I look huge already!”

“Nonsense!” Fred piped up from behind you, peering in from the doorway.

“Honestly I can’t believe I didn’t know until six bloody weeks! I was already showing then I just thought I got fat!”

“Nonsense!” He repeated. “You are bloody stunning, love.” He walked over to you and placed a kiss to your shoulder before crouching down and placing both hands on your belly. “No matter what you look like, you’ll always be gorgeous in my eyes.” He placed a kiss to your belly before standing up again and placing a kiss on your lips.

“Yeah you say that now, but wait until after I have these beans and I’m all saggy,” you chuckled, a tear pricking at your eyes at your true thoughts behind the joke.

“Still beautiful,” Fred kissed you again, laughing. Then he noticed the tear rolling down your face. “Love, what is it! For real, tell me.”

“I’m massive! And these stretch marks! I mean seriously, why do these have to be a thing?! You’re gonna see me after I have our babies and question why we even got pregnant in the first place.

“Y/n! Stoppit, please. These stretch marks are a sign of power and strength. What you’re doing is a bloody amazing thing, especially since you’re doing twice the work. You are the strongest, most fearless woman I know, and no matter what you look like, that won’t change. I can’t stand to see you talk about yourself like that,” he spoke softly, running his hands through your hair as he went. “I’m not walking away until you say that you love yourself no matter how you look. And you have to mean it.” He smiled down at you as he moved behind you to look at you in the mirror.

“I know you love me, Freddie. Thank you. These changes are just...hard,” you sighed a bit as you spoke. “But I love myself, and my body, and all of the amazing things I’m doing right now.” You smiled at him in the mirror. “Happy now?” There was humour in your tone but he could tell you meant what you had said.

“Very.” He kissed the top of your head before he spoke. “Now, we have a busy day. I told mum to gather everyone at the Burrow to share the news, although of course I didn’t tell her that bit. So we are heading there, then we have to take the photos to send out the announcements to everyone else, and then we have our visit with Dr. Bloom later.”

“I’m exhausted thinking about doing all of that,” you added with a laugh. “Can you believe it’s already our third visit? And we get to find out the genders today!” You added with a smile before trailing off, “Of course, only if you want to.”

“I’d love to find out what you’ve got in there, love,” he laughed at his remark, “But only if you do. And I suppose it doesn’t matter all that much in the end, does it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s all up to them anyway. Boy, girl, somewhere in between, maybe it’ll change. I don’t know, I just want them to be happy and be who they are.” You almost burst into tears at his words.

“I love you, Fred. And our babies.”

“Love you, too.” He gave you a kiss as you both headed out of the bedroom door to apparate to the Burrow.

***

You and Fred tried your best to hide the bump as you came up the path to the front door, but of course everyone noticed as soon as you stepped inside and you were met with a barrage of excited comments.

“Fred Weasley I haven’t seen you in mo-, Y/n you’re pregnant!!” Molly shouted.

“Oi! Look at you, y/n!” Ron and Harry said in unison, “Congratulations!” Ginny and Hermione followed.

“Well would you look at that,” Bill uttered in surprise, “my baby brother’s going to have a baby of his own!” You and Fred exchanged knowing glances, wondering if you should tell them the extra surprise just yet.

“And you didn’t even tell me, your own twin brother!” George scoffed, sounding fake annoyed. “Congratulations, mate!” he said as he patted Fred on the shoulder, “and y/n you’re looking radiant as ever.” You just rolled your eyes and laughed.

“Actually…” Fred began, “we have an extra surprise.” This was met with puzzled looks all around. “Georgie, I guess twins run in the family cause we’re having our own!” This only welcomed another wave of excited shouts from the group.

“Twins!” Fred and Geroge exclaimed in unison, sharing the most excited faces you’d seen in a while.

“How wonderful!” Molly exclaimed, lightly touching your belly, “how far along, y/n? Do you know the genders yet?”

“Fourteen weeks, and we find out today!”

“Fourteen weeks!” George gawked, “Happy birthday to you Freddie…” Fred just rolled his eyes at his brother.

“Fourteen weeks and you’re already huge!” Ron piped up, earning a slap from Molly and Fred. “Heavens no I didn’t mean it like that! I just would’ve thought you were a bit farther along. My apologies, y/n. You look amazing.”

“It’s fine, Ron, I know,” you said, genuinely meaning it, “you get a bit bigger with two babies.” you laughed.

You all sat and talked for a few hours. Discussing everything from how you found out, when you told Fred, and how you felt about it. You noticed it was nearly time for your appointment, so you and Fred rose before saying goodbye to the group and apparating away.

***

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, good to see you again!” Dr. Bloom said, chipper as ever. You and Fred looked down at her, smiling. “Y/n, you know what to do, dear. Will you two be finding out the genders today?”

You and Fred looked at each other expectantly before pronouncing a resounding “Yes!” in unison.

“Fantastic,” Dr. Bloom laughed as she got started. “Alright Mrs. Weasley, the babies look amazing, perfectly healthy and the size we’d expect for fourteen weeks.” She smiled at you and Fred as she spoke. “Are we ready to have a look?” You and Fred nodded and grinned. “Alrighty, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, you are having girls!”

“They’re both girls?!” Fred exclaimed, both stunned and overjoyed.

“Yes! Congratulations!”

You and Fred embraced, both crying.

*** Three months later… end of September… 26 weeks pregnant

“Twelve weeks to go, love,” Fred said as he rubbed your belly, “can you believe it?”

“I certainly cannot. But I can believe that I wanna have these babies and be done with pregnancy,” you groaned. “I’m so excited to meet our beautiful baby girls, Freddie.”

“Me too, y/n. I’d never imagine you’d be so eager to give birth. I mean you look radiant and don’t all women just love being pregnant?” Fred muttered as the two of you were cuddled on the couch.

“Are you serious?” You asked, looking down at him.

“What?”

“I mean look at me!,” you exclaimed as you stood, looking at his seated figure on the couch. “I’m absolutely massive and I still have three months to go! I waddle when I walk, I can barely go upstairs without having to take a break at the top, my ankles and back hurt constantly because I’ve already gained thirty pounds and I can barely keep anything but toast down!” you continued, practically yelling, “I mean, how in the world could I be happy right now!”

“Cause you’re carrying our children…” Fred said softly, standing up and resting his hands on your belly. “Our daughters are in there, y/n.”

“I know that, Fred,” you sighed, “and I can’t wait to meet them. I’d just rather be done with this pregnancy. It’s been horrible! Does everyone feel like this?”

“I mean I know you’re extra hormonal but I think you’re overreacting just a bit, love.” wrong answer, Weasley.

“Excuse me?!” You shouted, taking a step back from Fred. “You try gaining this much weight, carrying TWO children,and being in constant pain!” You were yelling now.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry, I- I don’t know where that came from…”

“Yeah? Well you said it so there has to be some truth behind it, Fred. This is my pregnancy, not yours. I’m allowed to feel however I want right now and you can’t say a damn thing about it! At least make an effort to understand what I’m feeling.” You walked away and out into the gardens before he could respond.

Fred came outside to find you about thirty minutes later, wanting to give you some time to cool down. He found you lounged on the chair in the garden, a tear rolling down your cheek. “Y/n? Love, I-”

“I’m sorry, Fred.”

“What? Why? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” he nearly whispered as he crouched down next to you and wiped the tear from your cheek.

“I exploded on you for no reason. I hate yelling, especially when it’s at you, especially when I have our daughters in me. I feel bad.”

“Love you absolutely had a reason to be upset, I made a horrible comment cause I wasn’t thinking. I’m so, so sorry, y/n. What you are going through is a massive change, and you’re right, I can’t even begin to comprehend what it’s like. It’s your body, your emotions, your experience and I stepped on that. I’m sorry.”

“I know. I love you so much, Freddie. And you’ve been absolutely amazing throughout these past six months. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.”

“I love you, y/n, very much and I hope you know that.”

You slowly and painstakingly rose to your feet before taking his hand and heading inside.

*** Three months later… Christmas Eve… 39 weeks pregnant

“Fred!” you shouted from your bedroom at your husband. He was busy getting the gifts together so the two of you could head to the Burrow for the Christmas festivities. You were huge, tired, and pretty miserable given that you were now a week past your due date of December 17.

“What?!” Fred called out when he reached the bedroom having sprinted upstairs. He’d been on edge ever since your due date and every time you yell his name he thinks this is it, I’m going to meet my daughters. “Is everything okay? Is it time!?”

“No, Freddie,” you said slightly chuckling with an apologetic look on your face. “I just wanted to show you my Christmas Eve outfit.” You looked extremely festive in your red sweater, leggings (you had chosen jeans just ditched them for comfort), and little booties, which all came together with the little Santa hat atop your head.

“You look amazing, love. Ready to go?”

“Absolutely!” Fred went downstairs and came back up with the gifts and from the bedroom floor he grabbed your bags to stay a few nights at the Burrow. You didn’t even have the energy to apparate yourself, let alone go downstairs to do it.

Moments later you and Fred stood in the chilly air outside the Burrow. He quickly ushered you inside while struggling to balance the three bags he was holding.

“Freddie! Y/n!” Molly called out. “Here y/n, please sit,” she offered out the stop on the couch she was just in. You sat down rather fast for your condition, grateful to be off your feet. Molly took the bag of gifts from Fred as he went upstairs to put your bags in his old bedroom, which you’d reluctantly have to share with George and Angelina. “So how are you, darling? The kids are all outside gathering more wood for a fire, and probably getting into trouble,” she chuckled, “Can I get you anything?”

“Oh no, I’m perfectly fine thank you Molly.” She seemed satisfied as she hurried away to call everyone else in from the snowy backyard. The once quiet living room where just you and Arthur, who was asleep, sat quickly filled with Weasleys and their companions.

“Y/n! So great to see you, love,” Ginny smiled warmly at you.

“No babies yet?” Harry asked.

“Unfortunately not,” you chuckled. You answered other questions from the many Weasleys as you greeted them all. Fred then came running down the stairs when he heard everyone.

“Georgie!” he shouted, leaping into his brother’s arms.

“Well hello, Freddie!” he laughed as he hugged his brother. Everyone found various seats around the living room as they asked you more and Fred more questions.

“When is your due date, y/n?” Hermione asked.

“Well it was December 17, but as you can see we’ve since exceeded that.”

“Do you know the genders? If so, why haven’t you told me, er- us?” George questioned.

“We do know, and all in due time, brother.” Fred laughed.

“Are you nervous? Scared?” Charlie asked as Bill shot him a look.

“Extremely,” you and Fred said in unison, exchanging glances. “I’m just so scared I’ll do something wrong, you know?” Fred continued, “Like what if I’m not a good father and I mess them up somehow?” he asked, voice shaky.

“Freddie,” you said softly as Molly spoke up.

“Fred, honey, you’ll do great! Your father and I have surely raised you right and you’re a bloody amazing person, dear. You’ll be one of the best fathers out there!” This was met with affirming nods and ‘mhmm’ from around the room. Seemingly calmed down, Fred took a deep breath as Fleur spoke up.

“Do you have any names in mind?”

“A couple,” you responded, “we definitely want them to have some sentimental or family value to them.”

“Little George Weasley Junior!” George exclaimed. “Or Georgina,” he quickly added.

“They aren’t your kids, you git,” Fred laughed. “Perhaps their middle names could be Molly and Ginevra.” Fred quickly realised his slip, earning a death glare from you as he turned pale as a ghost. He quickly corrected himself, “Or maybe even William, or Percy, or Charles, or… uh… um George, or Ronald, or even Arthur.” He was rambling and it was obvious he was only trying to cover up.

“Y/n Weasley do you have two baby girls in there?” Molly asked, grinning.

“Yes I do! But they aren’t identical,” you said proudly. “We were hoping to announce it tomorrow but someone can’t keep his mouth shut,” you laughed. You and Fred were met with more congratulations and excited sentiments, and Ginny looked like she was about to explode.

“Two baby girls!” she exclaimed, “Harry, we may have to have our own soon!” Harry just froze in his spot and paled.

After many hours of conversation between everyone, it was getting late.

“Alright, kids,” Molly spoke up, “bedtime.”

“But Mummm,” George whined, “ we aren’t children anymore.”

“Then why are you whining like one George Weasley?” Everyone snickered as George turned red. Everyone retreated upstairs to their childhood bedrooms.

“You know, Georgie, sharing a room was great when we were kids but now we’re adults with wives and it’s rather unfortunate.” Fred said to his brother.

“I think it’s quite fun,” George responded, “like one last sleepover before you and y/n are boring adults with kids.”

“Hey now Georgie,” you chimed in, “you seemed awfully excited about these babies a moment ago.”

“Well of course I am, y/n! I can’t wait to meet my little nieces, but I will miss my brother.”

“Oh you wish I’d leave you alone, Georgie,” Fred laughed.

After getting organized and settled you all climbed into your respective beds. At least they weren’t too close to each other. It was quite difficult to squeeze into the twin sized bed with yourself, Fred, and the baby bump. You eventually made it work and found yourselves cuddled closer than ever, though neither of you seemed to mind.

***

You and Fred woke up Christmas morning to an empty room and the smell of breakfast creeping up the stairs.

“Morning, love,” Fred whispered sleepily. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, love,” you said as you kissed him. He helped you out of bed before the two of you got ready for the day. You and Fred went downstairs and were met with warm smiles from the Weasleys.

“Morning you two!” Molly smiled at you from the kitchen, “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Molly, and everyone else of course!”

After breakfast everyone found a place in the livingroom and around the tree, elated to receive their Weasley jumpers. As she was passing them around Molly whispered only to you, “I made you one a bit bigger. It’s not for pregnancy cause I figured you’d have the babies by now, but I figured it’ll be nice right after you have them.”

You felt a tear prick at your eye, “thank you, Molly.”

“Of course, dear,” she said, then continued at a normal volume, “I was going to knit some for the babies but we don’t know their names yet! As soon as they’re born I’ll get to work!”

Gifts were passed out between couples, in-laws, and siblings as laughs and smiles were traded around the room. You were about to give Fred his gift when you felt that dreaded pain in your lower back and abdomen. You stopped mid-movement to clutch your stomach, clearly in pain.

“Y/n?” he asked. Between your noises in pain and his questioning, you had the attention of everyone in the room and quickly felt yourself turn red. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Yeah, I think it was,” you responded once the contraction subsided.

“Merlin!” Hermione gasped, and Fred only turned stark white and didn’t know what to do.

“Is it time?” Ginny asked, sounding more than a bit concerned. Her voice matched the face of everyone else in the room.

“No, I don’t think so. That’s the first contraction I’ve ever had. It’s either my body giving me a little ‘preparation’ one or this is early labour.” Fred winced at ‘labour’.

“Could it be false contractions?” Molly asked, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“I don’t think so. Dr. Bloom said that at this far along any contractions are probably real. She also said that I wouldn’t be able to talk through them, which I couldn’t, and that they’d last at least forty-five seconds. Was anyone timing that, by chance?” you chuckled, expecting the answer to be no.

“Actually, yes,” Hermione spoke up, “fifty-two seconds precisely.”

“Do… do we need to go to the hospital?” Fred asked, finally out of his daze and finally able to speak.

“No, dear,” you and Molly both said. You took a deep breath before continuing, “Dr. Bloom said early labour is confirmed when you have at least two an hour that are forty-five to sixty-five seconds long. And to notify her and get to the hospital when they are five minutes apart and at least two minutes long, or whenever my water breaks.” Fred winced again at that. “There’s still a chance that could’ve just been a… warning contraction,” you said looking around the room, “Even if this is labour, can we please go about the day normally? I’d like to enjoy Christmas.”

“Of course, love,” Molly said, “but you’re going to the hospital as soon as it’s time, Christmas or not.”

About forty minutes later, you had another contraction. You were in the kitchen talking to Bill as he was washing up dishes from breakfast.

“So have you and Fred gotten the nursery set up? I’d sure hope so considering you’re in labour,” he chuckled.

“Well I may not be in la-” you groaned in pain as the second contraction hit.

“Y/n? Is it-” You could only nod your head in response.

“Well I guess I’m in labour,” you chuckled.

“Forty-nine seconds,” he told you, and you were grateful he had counted. You thanked him and walked off to find Fred after assuring him you were completely fine.

Bill finished up and everyone was in the living room. You came back downstairs to share the news. “Looks like I’m officially in labour, everyone!” You were met with cheers, everyone knew it would be soon considering you were overdue.

As the day went on you kept having contractions, and it was like the world would stop spinning whenever one would hit you. Whoever you were in the room with would stop whatever they were doing, count the time for you, and not resume their actions until triple-checking that you were okay. You had also been keeping track of the minutes between contractions, holding steady at about thirty-five. You and Fred went to bed early that night as you were so exhausted from the contractions. You could barely sleep as the contractions kept coming. You’d hoped that they would just hurry up and get you into active labour, but they stayed at no less than thirty-three minutes apart.

Another contraction woke you up the next morning after what couldn’t have been more than an hour of sleep. You just stared at the ceiling, uncomfortable until the contraction passed. Fifty-six seconds. You assumed it was rather early as Fred, George, and Angelina were still asleep. You wandered downstairs, expecting mostly everyone to be awake, thinking it was a normal hour knowing the twins always sleep in. Instead you were welcomed by early morning darkness, save for Percy and his small table lamp.

“It’s barely even six, what’re you doing up?”

“Barely slept, didn’t realize how early it was.” He shrugged and put his book down for you. The third-born Weasley was quite a unique being. Priding himself on his neatness, intelligence, and punctuality, he was already dressed in his daily suit. Come to think of it, you weren’t sure you’d ever seen him in anything other than a suit.

“Still only a half hour apart?” he asked as he headed to the kitchen.

“Unfortunately,” you sighed, “twenty hours now, Percy.” He sighed in content as he handed you a mug of tea, which you then thanked him for.

“What do they feel like? Is it terribly painful?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t say painful. It’s more like pressure and squeezing. I’m sure they’ll hurt more in active labour.” And as you finished your sentence a contraction hit you.

“Merlin,” Percy said when it was over, “that was sixty-one seconds, y/n.”

“That’s the longest one yet,” you said, looking slightly concerned, “and I had one when I woke up, which couldn’t have been more than twenty-five minutes ago.”

“Well I guess things are finally speeding up, eh?” You smiled at him as you sipped your tea. You had always taken a liking to Percy. Sure he was nearly two years older than you, but you had always had the most in common. You can recall all of the late night conversations you’d shared in the Hogwarts library when you and Fred had just started dating.

***

It was around four that afternoon and your labour was finally starting to move along. You were just so happy to be almost done with pregnancy that it was like a little celebration everytime you had a contraction, although they were getting more painful. You were out in the garden with Fleur when another one hit.

“Exactly! So these rose-” you froze in pain, the worst it had been yet. You could see Fleur counting silently, her lips moving and eyes darting around in concentration. When it was over you let out a tired yet excited sigh. “How long?” you asked eagerly.

“Seventy seconds, mademoiselle!” you had confided in Fleur about your struggles and she was now just as relieved as you were. “How long since the last?”

“Fifteen minutes!” You practically cheered. You had been in labour for thirty hours now, and not even active labour yet, and you were over it.

The day went on and the contractions got closer and closer together, but of course more and more painful. By eight that night they were nine minutes apart and Molly made you sit on the couch, not allowing you to get up. “I know it’s not time to go yet, but you need your rest, y/n,” she said, “you have a lot of work ahead of you. Let me get you some tea, love.” She gave you a sympathetic smile before walking away.

Not ten seconds later you groaned loudly in pain as another contraction hit you. Luckily Ron had been in the living room and was crouching at your side in an instant. You whimpered as the pain took over, just wanting it to end. The contraction finally subsided as Ron was running his hand up and down your leg. “Eighty-two seconds now, y/n. Almost there!” He gave his lopsided smile before standing up. “That one seemed bad, are you okay?”

“That one was pretty bad, but I’m fine. Thank you , Ron.” He smiled again before returning to his seat. Molly had been in the doorway and was smiling proudly at her son. She handed you your mug of tea.

“Let me go fetch Fred, love. He’s been outside with Georgie shoveling snow but I’m sure you’d rather have him with you.” She walked off before you could thank her or respond.

Moments later Fred joined you on the couch. Laying back and settling you between his legs so he could place his hands on your belly. His warmth enveloped you and would surely be comforting with the next contraction. “Hi, love,” he whispered, “how are you?”

“Miserable, Freddie,” you answered honestly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he kissed your head. A few minutes later another contraction hit and you tensed against Fred. He gently rubbed your belly and whispered in your ear, helping you through it.

“Eighty-five seconds,” Ron piped up. “Getting closer!”

You smiled at him, silently thanking him. “I think I just want to go to bed now.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, dear,” Molly said, “you’re getting very close and if your water breaks while you're asleep you may not notice.”

“I probably won’t be doing much sleep, but I know I shouldn’t go up.”

“Just relax, darling,” Fred whispered, “I’m right here, you’ll be okay.”

It was now ten thirty, and your contractions were now just under seven minutes apart and very very painful. A particularly bad one hit you as you let out a small scream, you were breathing heavy when it was over. The entire group was in the living room, practically watching your every move.

“Just shy of two minutes, y/n.” Ginny said.

“Thank you,” you said. “You can all go to bed,” you addressed the group, “it’s late.”

“Nonsense!” George said, “We aren’t sleeping until you have those babies.” Everyone nodded and agreed with him.

“I think it’s time to head to the hospital, love,” Fred said.”

“No, Fred,” you replied, a little more sternly than you had intended. “They aren’t five minutes apart yet and they aren’t two minutes long.”

“Love, you’re in a lot of pain and the contractions are barely seven minutes apart any more. That last one was three seconds shy of two minutes.”

“I said no, Fred. I will when they get to six minutes, okay?” He just sighed and placed another kiss on your head.

An hour went by and you were seemingly stuck at seven minutes apart. The pain wasn’t any worse or any better, it was as if you were stuck in labour limbo. You’d been in labour for thirty eight hours now. Various Weasleys had drifted in and out of sleep, but everyone remained relatively alert and they all were at attention when a contraction hit. And after a few more minutes, one did. You let out a louder cry as this one was particularly bad.

“Merlin, that was only six minutes since the last one!” Charlie said, realising what this meant. “Two minutes and two seconds.”

“Love, can we please go now?” Fred asked. “You promised we would when they were six minutes apart.”

“Just a few more contractions, Freddie. They may not stay that close, it could go back up.” Fred only groaned.

“Y/n,” Molly began, “you know I love you but that’s not usually how that works. Speaking from experience, you know I have done this a few times, I think you should go.”

“I don’t want to…” you muttered quietly, but mostly everyone still heard due to the night time silence.

“What’s that, love?” Fred asked.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Well I know you don’t just yet, we can wait a little bit if you’d really like.”

“No, Fred, I don’t want to go at all.”

“Pardon? I don’t think mum would like it very much if you had our babies on her couch.”

“I scared Fred,” you whimpered, holding back tears which inevitably came down. Everyone in the room was looking at you with either concern, sympathy, or both. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this…” you were fully crying now.

“Love, what do you mean? Of course you can do this. You’ve been carrying our babies for nearly ten months now. You’re the strongest woman I know, you can do anything.”

“I know, I’m just scared that something bad is going to happen.” Molly crouched down next to you when she heard that.

“Y/n, I was bloody terrified the first time. We were so young just like you and Fred were. I had all of the same feelings, and believe it or not they all came back again with the twins even though I’d done it three times before. I’ll be honest, having a baby isn’t easy, especially when you do it twice in one day, but I know how strong you are and I know you can do this.” She took your hand in hers and smiled at you. “So would you like to go to the hospital now, love?”

Everyone in the room looked at you expectantly awaiting your answer. You could hear the collective sigh of relief when you nodded your head. The house was quickly alive in an instant. Molly helped you to your feet, everyone put on their winter jackets, Fred called Dr. Blom, and George grabbed the hospital bags. In an instant you had all apparated away to the hospital where you were quickly ushered into a room. The nurse had gotten you situated and into the bed as the Weasley family removed their coats and hats as they found places to sit or stand around the room. Your contractions were four minutes apart now and your water had broken. Fred and George stood on either side of you, squeezing your hands and helping you through each contraction however you needed. Dr. Bloom burst into the room a few minutes later, looking rather peppy for it being midnight, as she began to ask you all the standard questions. You had started to answer, but Fred took over when another contraction hit. Dr. Bloom estimated you had about twenty more minutes to go. Your contractions were now two minutes apart and lasted nearly three minutes. You were showered with words of encouragement from all around the room and George and Fred kept your hair out of your face and rubbed your shoulders. Just as Dr. Bloom has estimated, twenty minutes later she declared that you were ready. “Alrighty! Everyone except the father out!”, a nurse declared as the room burst into a flurry of activity.

“You heard her, love,” Fred began, “out you go.”

You wanted to laugh at his joke but another contraction came over you. “Alright Mrs. Weasley,” Dr. Bloom said, “you can start pushing now!”

About ten minutes of horrible pain later, Dr. Bloom announced, “here’s the first baby, born 12:34 am on December 27, 2002!”

You and Fred both began to cry as the screaming baby was placed on your chest. Sure she

was red and wrinkly, but she was yours. “Ready for round two, Mrs. Weasley?” After a longer amount of time Dr. Bloom spoke up again, “And here’s baby number two! Born 12:50 am on December 27, 2002!” The second baby was placed on your chest and you and Fred were still crying. After a short time, two nurses came to clean the babies up as Dr. Bloom finished what she was doing. Not ten minutes later the babies were handed back to you in their little caps and hospital blankets.

“They’re beautiful, love. Fantastic job.”

“Thank you, Freddie. But I suppose you had a part in this as well.” You both chuckled as

Fred gently ran his finger over the cheek of the baby closest to him. The girls weren’t identical, but they may as well have been. Every single feature was the same, all except the hair. Both girls were born with a full head of hair, and the only difference between the two was that one had the trademark Weasley red hair and the other had your hair color. The rest of their features were practically a direct copy of Fred. “Would you like to hold your daughters?”

Fred nearly fainted at those words, his daughters, he gently cradled each baby in his arms, whispering to each of them. “Hi, loves. I’m your dad. And that’s your mum over there, she’s the bravest woman you’ll ever meet. I can’t wait to bring you two home.” You practically melted at his words. After a while longer the rest of the Weasleys were brought in and welcomed by you and Fred, who each had one baby. They all remarked over how both girls looked just like Fred, and how the hair was the only difference.

After a moment you spoke up once everyone surrounded the bed and you had their attention. “Everyone,” you began, slightly holding up the red-haired baby in your arms, “this is Cassiopeia Ginevra Weasley.”

“And this,” Fred began with the other little girl in his arms, “is Calliope Molly Weasley.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as everyone admired the newest Weasleys.

“You did have the names picked out!” Bill exclaimed. Molly and Ginny were crying the most, looking overjoyed at the babies named after them.

“I love the names, y/n,” Percy said, “you could call them Callie and Cassie for short.” There was a collective ‘awww’ around the room as everyone had realised what you and Fred had done.

After another hour or so of everyone admiring the babies, you started to drift off to sleep. Everyone agreed it was time to be heading home to give you so much-needed rest. You quickly fell asleep, happy to not have to worry about contractions anymore, as Fred set the girls in their little carts before sitting in the chair beside your bed.

“I love you, y/n,” he whispered, “and our new family.”

#HP #fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley series #series #marriage story #bill weasley #george weasley #george weasley x y/n #george weasley fluff

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mikeshanlon · 5 years ago

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iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

#if we were villians #books #also literally dont apologize for any mistakes or going bonkers like i have no problem n i understood what u meant anyways LMAO #anon #ask

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the-invisible-self · 6 years ago

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Sonia Ruiz

The Universes In This One

by Kit Lea Cheang

After three days of bathing in the Myrtle Beach sun, sipping on sangria from red cups and jumping waves, I fell sick. So I sat in my Chapel Street apartment for a day, on a diet of Tylenol and water, binge-watching the Netflix drama The OA. The OA is about many things — a blind girl who regains her sight, a telepathic octopus Old Knight, a video game that brings its players to a mysterious house — but at heart it is about the multiverse.

In the multiverse, parallel universes exist side-by-side. In one, Sonia and I were not in the same Froco group — we never met and never became best friends. Clinton was president, not Trump. I took Organic Chemistry instead of Directed Studies. I never fell in love with philosophy. In another, I never even came to Yale. In one, I was born a boy.

There is no way for me to access these universes, only imagine them. I gain comfort in the other me’s living other lives but ache for the universes I will never live.

But what if multiverse exists, in this universe?

Think of the universes we inhabited. That third floor lecture hall in LC where we learned about the growing block theory of time as snow pelted outside the window. The Hopper Cabaret, where we spent our nights rehearsing for our spoken word show, the world outside the theatre disappearing as we listened to each other. The attic of the Yale Daily News building, where we gave each other lap dances to Glen Campbell at 1am as we proofread the Friday morning spread. That house on Lynwood, where we played kiss marry kill and showed each other parts of ourselves that were difficult to share. Our favorite table in Hopper, where we had lunch together every other day before your astronomy lecture. The apartment where the three of us talked about empathy, lab rats, and our freshman year mistakes, as Rihanna belted from the speakers.

As I read books, wrote essays, heard from brilliant minds and met new people, I started to question the basic tenets of the universe I had always known. Taking a class on citizenship made me wonder what allowed me to belong to a country any more than someone without a passport who had fled here out of fear of persecution. Reading Althusser prompted me to consider how everything personal is political, from who I desire to what I value to how I like my coffee in the morning. Attending my first protest made me wonder how our emotions — anger, blame, contempt — could be channeled productively. Taking a class on human evolution led me to revel in how all that we take for granted — fire, tools, language — had to be discovered.

I came to realise that the people around me held a universe in them. I could gain access to these universes simply by listening. In my internship at the Public Defender’s Office, I heard stories from girls and boys my age about how they stole, snorted, punched and wondered what brought them to that side of the table and me to this. In listening to stories from peers from distant backgrounds, I marvelled at the ways they overcame challenges I had never even considered. Walking down the streets, I cringed at every catcall and turned away panhandlers, but thought about how situations produce people as much as people produce situations.

Yale is the most brilliant of universes, but ultimately, it is a closed one. It opened my mind to a multitude of universes beyond my own, but the work it can do for me and for us is limited. There are dimensions I cannot yet fathom beyond these gates, and the quest of learning about these universes continues as we step beyond Yale.

What I wish for myself and for my peers who will graduate with me is that we be comfortable with ambiguity, as we move into universes yet unknown to us. One of the most memorable lessons I learned at Yale, from my philosophy professor, was that an essay need not take one side unequivocally and denounce the other. Sometimes, it can sit in the space of ambiguity and hold two seemingly contradictory truths at once. I know you so well, but you are still unknown to me. I cannot wait to grow up but I want to be twenty-three forever. I earned my place here, but there were factors conspiring to help. We all deserve to be here, but none of us do.

The light on cross campus falls differently in the eyes of Sonia, Julie, Yixuan, Jacob, Marc, Josh, Rachel. Our bodies fold in different ways under the sun. The trick is to see all the universes in this one, including those that are very different from us. And to realise that as much as these universes are next to us, open to us, they remain wholly separate from us, impenetrable to us. We can behold them, come close to them, even enter them, yet never fully be inside of them. Yet I hope we never lose our ability to imagine these universes that are other to our own, to get lost in their unknowable mystery, to give into their gravitational pull and to find ourselves in their orbit.

#the oa #the oa articles

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ruinsofxerxes · 7 years ago

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u mentioned fma gives u memories tell us about them!!!

oh so many!!! i don’t even know where to begin lol

when I had to write an essay about a fictional character i admire for my college application so i wrote about ed got accepted into the school because of it HSKLLAJDALJDK

the Vic McNugget Fiasco of 2013

That time my mom put ed and al on my birthday cake and i was so overwhelmed i just kinda put my head on the table and started crying and refused to eat their cute faces

Seeing the US premiere of the FMA Live Action of course!!!!! AND GETTING TO MEET @moosemum aFTER HAVING BEEN FRIENDS ON HERE FOR WHAT???? FIVE YEARS???

AND ALSO GETTING TO MEET @dancerladyaqua IRL AFTER HAVING BEEN FRIENDS ON HERE FOR YEARS TOO I’M GONNA CRY OLIVIA I MISS YOU

actually yeah fma is actually the reason i got into going to conventions/cosplaying so yeah a lot of memories from those too of course!!

my first semester of college this one kid didn’t know my name for like two months so he just called me That Fullmetal Girl and all my friends were like oh you mean nikki

Ummmmm that time i was on pain meds and remembered this one fma post i started laughing so hard i got banned from the thanksgiving table

once when i cosplayed as mei and i met an al cosplayer and he gave me this fake philosopher’s stone…..he was….so pure. i still have it on my dresser lol

tHAT TIME i purchased my fma body pillow and had to go on a public train with it and…….the amount of people who stared at me i was like dON’T LOOK AT US iM AWARE OF HOW I LOOK RN

forcing my irl friends to watch it with me and screaming with them and making fma cupcakes for the occasions lol

the first time i watched fma when Pride is Revealed, I was freaking the fuck out but i had to go to my french final, but all I could think about was fma so for my final we had to write a short story so I kind of wrote an fma modern au fic entirely in french thats just how it IS sometimes

tHE TIME i was in this cafe and???? the first 03 opening started playing on the loud speakers and i swear i almost had a heart attack………………

uMMMMMM LITERALLY ALL THE FRIENDS I’VE MADE ON HERE I’VE MADE SO MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF FMA AND HAD SO MANY GOOD TIMES ON HERE

the time i first finished brotherhood and i just cried on the bathroom floor for like an hour at 1am………………or the time i finished 03 for the first time and started crying and i called up my friend at 3am sobbing and she still has the incoherent voicemail r i p

this is so dorky but literally the entire summer of 2013 i was staying up till the sun rose binging on Sevlow fics afhsklafjaslfja

also i have this weird need to online shop for fma merch in the middle of the night in the summer something about the SUMMER GETS ME IN SUCH AN FMA MOOD then i wake up at like 1pm distraught and $80 poorer and i’m like who am i

this one is so extra but i was originally going to go to school to become a graphic designer then i got really into drawing because of fma so at the last second i changed to illustration because i wanted to draw and arakawa really inspired me and now i have an illustration degree thanks fma ;’))))

UMMMMM THERE’S SO MANY MORE I’M SO LAME BUT FMA……HAPPENS A LOT TO ME LMFAO

#ask #i AM sO EXTRA I EMBARRASS MYSELF #Anonymous #i forgot i changed my icon and i was like who is this

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seungstarss · 3 years ago

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oh. so y/n is tryna blame jake now. he shouldve went off at her instead of saying sorry. like i get he started the bet but, hes sorry okay. he just tried to comfort you but you blame him and try to make him feel bad? sick. and reiko? wow. absolute lunatic. yes y/n is annoying, but was she annoying in the first chapters? no. was she annoying to you? no. honestly. im just not rooting for anyone at this point. except for soobin & yeonjun who are GOOD people and decided not to play y/n. y/n shouldve focused on what she had. her friends that were plenty nice already. why go head over heels some guy you met not too long ago. Jay is pretty much the only one who is somewhat redeemable. He still participated in the bet when he knew he was dating reiko so not a good point but he still cared for y/n. honestly im betting ive wrote a essay of y/n slander. ive wrote about most of the latest chapters and all of them have been y/n slander which is so deserved. honestly once this ends im just gonna copy n paste all the asks ive sent bcz man ive sent only some but theyve been pretty long. I just want y/n to reflect on their actions. review ur text messages. see how pick me girl uve been acting. reiko, stop hurting people for your satisfaction. heesung. you made a sob story for urself? pathetic. not funny, y/n opened up and you lie abt ur brother. sick. sunghoon? at least he stopped doing the bet. but ending it in such a hurtful way? not cool. seoyeon. i forgive you, but you still have the going along w sunghoons plan. luna. one of the only people who apologized, she was still somewhat nice but going behind y/ns back just bcz of a boy? disappointing. honestly ill just stop here. ive written way too much. its literally 1 am for me but noe ill prob be thinking abt this for the entire night. but uh. gn ☹️ </3

Yeah yn really needs to take a break and reflect after this expirence. The slander is def deserved but slander for the rest of them is deserved too🤩 bff heeseung is just not okay and hella manipulative, it's scary tbh. Jake was supposed to be the only precious one hahaha

When you sent this ask it was 1am for me too HOHOHO

#anonymous ☎️ voicemail ✦#𝐁𝐄𝐓≛

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hellozengbei · 3 years ago

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So glad to be here again, so glad that I found this place 11 years ago— my very own space to let it all out. This post is random, nothing specific. Just to catch up with myself.

Why am I here again after so many years? Because I want to be myself again, to be heard, to be found. Not whining about my current life, I’m forever grateful for what I have today. It’s just this girl lost in her own mind.

I wanted to be strong, powerful, determined, sincere, motivated, loving, humble. However, sometimes I just couldn’t stand my own ground, got influenced easily and eventually conflicts happen within myself. We’re all adults now, can’t we identify what’s right what’s wrong? What’s good what’s bad? Nope nope, some people just couldn’t make it right and that’s me. I gotta pick myself up, sinking under water for so long.

Let’s talk about something else.

This profile aged longer than my relationship with my husband. Yes you heard it right, I’m married and contented with my marriage life now.

He’s the man that I spoke and wrote about before. The man that used to make me wrote long essays about him. It’s 1am in the midnight now, he’s already deep in slumber, sleeping like a baby beside me. I feel so so thankful for being his wife. He’s changed, nearly not the same person that I complained about years ago. I sincerely thank Buddha and Master JinBodhi for blessing me with a good husband.

That’s a brief update about my relationship status.

In fact I browsed through my old Tumblr posts to reminisce my precious past memories before writing this long random essay.

Some people might find it awkward or even childish while looking back at what we posted on social media, yet I find this process gratifying and I treasure every word that I wrote. It’s a learning process, for me it signifies growth.

Every emotion that we felt, every heartbeat, every up and down take us where we are and make us who we are today.

I’ve got thousands things to say but I’m going to end here. Hope it won’t be long until we meet again Tumblr.

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thea-travels · 8 years ago

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Recap-volunteering in dang

So did a really poor job of staying up to date many times this past year but I am determined now to finish the year so I am going to write a recap of the time I had in Dang nepal at Gurukul school. I left the day after I arrived at 6 in the morning to head to the bus station and got a bus which stupidly was technically the third class bus. I was told i shouldn't arrive later than 7pm so I got on and went on a long adventure at one point the road split either straight north or theee hours west before heading north and the faster way two people had died on the night before so we went the other way which added some time on the the journey which originally should have been around 10-12 hours and was 17.. so that was a real adventure but it was exactly that an adventure and an experience. And the guy sitting next to me was super helpful and I've we finally arrived in dang they brought me all the way to the street the school was on where I was received by Teeka the schon Principal. It was already 1am and so they just showed me my room and I went to bed. The first 6 days I was there were vacation for the school because of local elections. One day Teeka took me to a local temple and holy spot where they sacrifice goats and sheep and also a local place to bring your family and have a picnic with a dirty lake where the kids play. He drove me there on his motorbike slowly and carefully but it was fun. I was also invited to join four of the founders of the school who were there for the vacation(two of them because dang is their home district and they were also there to vote) to go to swagadori one of the most holy places for Hindu people. For them basically what heaven is for christians. It was a real adventure three hours with the car up and down windy mountain roads with four adult men who acted like little boys going to the candy store. Once we got to the bottom of the mountain we had to get into a different car a four wheel drive to drive another hour up a small, dusty, bumpy and rocky path up the mountain. Once we got to the top there was another 20 min walking up this large stairs and by the time we got there it was dark with the most beautiful view of the stars I've seen in a long time definitely best in Asia. We got up to the top which was a temple with a stable for lots of cows a building with housing and a cafeteria type room. There was a school on the top for children of all ages to become yogis and we had dinner and settled into our room which was just a bunch of beds and thick blankets I got a whole row of beds to myself and the guys slept across from me. The next morning we got up very early and they went from temple to temple each for a different god and I was allowed to watch and take pictures. Everyone stared at me with such bewilderment understandably because I think very very few foreigners get to go to this temple. Aanant, one of the guys, told me they think probably what is this creature from what world did I come from. Really fascinating. And after the adventure to the temple we went to a city where one of the other guys came from where some of his relatives were running in the election so he went to wish them good luck and such. So that was a nice little adventure out of the campus. Which is extremely nice. Clearly a privat school with a lot of money but they are trying to be the best school in all of dang and that shows. There's three school buildings, a Montessori kindergarten, elementary 1st-5th grade and a jr high building 6th-8th as well as a cafeteria building, boarding school building and another building with a chemistry lab and music room and the best of all a swimming pool! So the days before school started I spent a lot in my hammock and hanging out with the 14 kids who live in the boarding school. We also started to create a theater show which was a really fun and stressful process because they are all very energized and not so good listeners but it still turned out pretty awesomely. Than school started and I had a little bit more of a schedule. Mornings after assembly, which was different every morning sometimes dancing, karate, yoga or swimming, I would go to one of the kindergarten classes either pre 1 a or b or pre 2 so 4/5 year olds or 6 year olds and sang songs or did origami. They were so adorable. Everything in the school is taught in English except their Nepali class so they could all speak minimal English and it was so cute to interact with them. They all wanted to sit closest to me in the circle and tell me about it show me all sorts of things. Very cute. Than I ate lunch and after lunch had a English class with 7th graders and than with 6th graders. I did the same thing in both classes and at the beginning was asked for a teaching plan of what I was going to do which I did and when I finished it the coordinator who asked me to do it was so shocked and said oh you could just follow the teacher that was a bit frustrating but because I had a detailed plan I also followed it. Teaching things like vowel and consonant sounds, how to write a paragraph or essay, reading stories, how to write a script etc. in the end I only had 8 days where I was actually teaching because at the end they started exams, all students in Nepal had them at the same time every day a different subject so that was kind of unfortunate. The first day with the 6th graders I got cornered and asked by every single one of them for an autograph on their arm or hand or journal it was pretty crazy and funny. But than after the English classes I had some free time where I usually took a nap and went to watch and play with the really little ones in foundations/play group so ages 2-4 really cuties they also got let out at 3:30 so I would watch as they all waddled away with their oversized backpacks and waved good bye or all huddled under one big umbrella when it rained. Really adorable. Than there was snack which was always delicious and after school I would either immediately have rehearsal with the kids or wait until they finished their homework or play a bit before rehearsing. That was basically my time there. There were two Spanish girls who came for 5 days they were scouts and it was one of their final projects before becoming a scout leader and than her supervisor. One evening I was invited to Depti one of the lovely kindergarten teachers home. First we went to a different local temple and than to her home. That was a really awesome experience her family was so incredibly kind and even without English we were able to communicate and have a good time together. It was super interesting seeing how the locals really live and walking around everyone asked who I was and what I was doing and I said the couple words in Nepali that I know. It was really lovely. Also incredible to think she walks an hour to and from school everyday to teach. Another fun thing I did was help one of the teachers with his music video for a song he wrote and produced in his music video really silly but lots of fun and I'm excited for the end result. It's a quitchy love song and a lot of slow motion of me running or twirling or being serenaded haha it was really funny to me but super serious for him and I support it!! Also funny how at the beginning of filming we had like 5 or 6 kids watching and by the end like 30 minutes later there were at least 25/30 people watching the kids got their grandparents and parents and little siblings and neighbors and we had a huge fan base haha. I really enjoyed my time at gurukul it was entirely different than all the other times mainly because the only other white people I met in the three weeks I was there were these Spanish girls otherwise only locals and they were so incredibly kind and giving and loving it was so nice!! And the food from the cafeteria was so yummy I definitely got a little sick or rice but once I left I missed it. All in all a really incredible time.

#recap #volunteering #Nepal #dang #ghorani #gurukul international school #incredible time #adventure #theater #teaching

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nadi-nadi · 8 years ago

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100 questions tag

tagged by @justkeeponsimming obvi 💕

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? closed, because i never leave them open omg

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? no, mine are better

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i had to google what does it mean and i think they’re out

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? no, everybody knows i’m a good girl, officer

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? only to note what i want others to buy me

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? imagine having coupons in poland, can’t relate

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? bees, at least i’d have a chance to live

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? no, but i wish i had some, freckles are soooo cute

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? mostly, because if i don’t i look like a rude cunt

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? oh boy, i could write an essay on my pet peeves

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? no, but lemme tell you i make like 3 and a half a day

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? boy, i lived next to a forest for 12 years, of course i did

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? not sure, but i guess so?

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? yehhh

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? no, it’s gross but i do chew on straws (and i drink all cold drinks though a straw)

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? none, i’m such a virgin

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? idk? 1,5 person??

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? annie lennox - don’t let it bring you down

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? iS iT oK FoR GuYs To WeAr PiNk?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? no, i don’t really watch anything rn

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? anything with adam sander, i hate his guts

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? up in my ass

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water with lemons, i only drink water now

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? sand, chickens really love sand baths, they might become stressed when they don’t have some sand to bathe in :(

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? i don’t know, i don’t care about food too much? i like vegan pizza tho

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? kill bill, american beauty

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? some random guy at a party, but it was a long time ago

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? no, i was too lazy

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if my titties were a lil bit bigger then sure, i love myself

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? 12 or 13 years ago me and my friend were writing letters because WE WERE KIDS AND I DIDN’T HAVE INTERNET BACK THEN

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no, it gets you dirty

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? but...

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? i don’t even have a car nor a driver’s licence

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? i like sandwiches!!! with avocado, all kinds of vegan shit or with peanut butter

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? i only drink green tea for breakfast, how sad

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? midnight - 1am mostly

37. ARE YOU LAZY? is lana del rey the most beautiful woman in the world?

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? we don’t celebrate halloween in this shithole

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? the ox!!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? polish, english, a lil bit of russian and i used to learn german but lmao the only thing i can say is “ich habe keine lust”

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? no, but now i wish i lived in the uk and subscribed to elle ehh

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? the fuck are lincoln logs lmaoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? as fuck

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? dude i’m from poland, have some mercy

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? used to watch muñeca brava when i was little lmao

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? yesss, but i’m slowly overcoming the fear

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? when i’m riding with my mom (this is our song) or with my brother

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? yes, i always start with florida kilos, then lolita and i like to end the show with black beauty (all by ldr)

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? sometimes, yes

50. EVER USED A GUN? does a bow count?

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? when i was 7

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? yes! but some of them are iconic (hsm!!!!)

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? i only get the second hand stress from everyone around me, i don’t celebrate christmas anymore

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? UM YESS?? i don’t like them that much but they’re so popular in poland omg

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? i... don’t eat pies :(

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? a hoe, a singer, a doctor, an architect blah blah, i just wanna be a sb now

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? kinda

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? all the time

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? not daily, but i take b12 weekly

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? y e s, do you guys walk around your house barefoot or what

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? rn? no. sometimes? yes.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? p a j a m a s you naughty

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? like... a concert of a person i really wanted to see? then none. but i’m seeing lana in august ahhhh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? biedronka, tesco or lidl?

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? both or none, idk

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? what are fritos :(

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? NUTS

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? noo? ever hear of our lord and savior lana del rey?

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? not really, unfortunately

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? something that gets him lots of $$, idc what

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? :( no :(

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? we don’t have thoooose, because in polish you spell everything the way it’s written, it wouldn’t be fun at all lmao

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? yeah, probably but i cry VERY rarely

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? i don’t, but my dad has shit ton of old classics

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? as above - my dad has one

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? regularly? no. sometimes? yehh

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? i only ever loved lana

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? lana (obvi), the weeknd, cupcakke, marina

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? some shitband, i don’t even remember their name

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? how much do you need to hate yourself to drink cold tea

81. TEA OR COFFEE? green tea, because HeAlThY

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? sugar daddies

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i haven’t swam in like 8 years, but i think i still could, the only thing is i’m afraid of wetting my hair

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? for like 20 secs yes

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? very patient, maybe even too patient

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? what wedding aksjdlasfklaj I DON’T KNOW HER

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? yes, i won katy perry’s album once lmaoo

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? not yet *winky dinky*

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? none, olives are disgusting

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? my mom taught me how to knit but i don’t remember anymore

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fireplace in every roooooooom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? NO.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? ugh

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? i had some crushes, but they were all trash

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? i’m not gonna cry nor throw a fit, but i WILL get my own way, mostly

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? yikes, don’t even say that

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? no i don’t, life’s so much more than getting married and fucking like rabbits

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? yellow

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? my mommy, my brother, my bff, also can you miss someone you’ve never seen? if so, then lana

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

no one sksklafl but it was fun

#tag #nonsims #saviorhide

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araeofsun · 6 years ago

Text

Rose Tinted Glasses- An Essay.

Note: this was reposted from another website, but the words are all mine.

Lately, I haven’t been able to write. I’ve grown more and more restless by this, as writing has always been a source of comfort for me. Today, I said fuck it and wrote about what I really want to write about, my last relationship. This essay has a general TW for upsetting content. Specifically to do with alcohol, abuse, suicide attempts, and references to self-harm and past mental battles. I’ll keep it all under the cut.

My name is Rae. I'm 22 years old, I'm a college dropout who moved back in with her parents in December, and I just came out of an intense and deeply toxic relationship with a woman I'll call Liv. Since doing so, I've felt hopelessly stuck. I used to be a bright, talented person. I have always battled depression and anxiety, and in high school I dealt with bullying and my own struggles with schoolwork. But I've always been smart. Teachers have been known to say that I'd blossom, if I just applied myself. But these days, I don't even feel a resemblance of that spark. It might be silly to long for high school days at the tender age of 22, but I truly feel too damaged by this woman to ever gain that part of me back. She may have ruined my life. I've never knew anger like this, I'm shocked by how much hatred I have for her.

I met Liv when I was 20 and she was 19. I was coasting through community college, taking a theater course that I knew wouldn't help me. She and I were placed in the same group to wrote and produce a one act show of our own. From the moment I saw her, I was gone. I thought she was beautiful, but she wore a frown near-constantly, and her voice never had much emotion in it. She seemed, to a degree, numb to the world. Detached in a way that tortured artist me found enticing. I made it my goal to get to know her, unsure if I wanted to hook up or become her.

Liv didn't take with me at first. I lack much tact when talking among groups. I get nervous, sometimes I tend to shout when I don't mean to. It was a bit overwhelming for Liv, I could imagine, to suddenly have this dumb golden retriever of a lesbian trying to get with you. But she came around to the idea one night when I wrote her a poem. All my life, I've loved to write, and sappy love poems made up for my lack of social grace. We kissed in a photobooth on our first date, got intimate after date 2, and by date 3, I was fully in love with her.

I felt like I could trust her with everything, because of how brutally honest she was about her own struggles. She had debilitating major depression that pills and talk therapy weren't as effective on. She had two suicide attempts in her high school past. She skin picked, to the point where scars were up and down her arms and legs. And she was open about all these things, so I was open about my father's substance abuse, my parents separating, and how I sometimes didn't feel like anything at all. Like a cloud of grey would just hang over me for weeks at a time. I talked about my self harm in high school. My suicide attempt. We both had been through a lot. I felt as though nobody on the planet understood me better.

Liv was a weird girl. She claimed her parents were awful people, but swore she loved them in the same breath. She was always conflicted about family. Her traditions taught her to honor her parents, but she felt as though they put her under too much pressure to succeed. She always felt as though her father was incredibly disappointed in her, and that she lived in the shadow of her older brother. She was going to community college, meanwhile, he was getting a post-grad degree in psychology. He had a beautiful girlfriend, he was scary disciplined, and he had a strange obsession with his little sister. When I say strange, I mean strange.

I never saw the evil, awful side to Liv's parents that she described. I won't say I don't believe her, I do believe there's a lot I didn't see in that house. Her father was always quiet and serious with me. He wasn't a joking type, and I was always intimidated by his presence. He was a grown up version of Liv, perma-frowning and speaking very plainly and flat. Numb to the world. Her mother was a talkative woman who was devout in buddhism. She spoke with a Vietnamese accent and always seemed to like me. She said I seemed so good with her daughter, she might have been our only fan. Neither of them seemed to love each other, Liv said they didn't. At face value, they seem like an okay family, but there was always something off, especially with her brother. Her brother was... a whole different beast.

He was the golden child. Everything he did in life was right, and her parents clearly saw him as a point of pride. More so than they ever seemed to see Liv. He took no chances with health, physical and spiritual. He lived by a strict diet, spent next to none of his money, worked out regularly, got all A's in his classes. Her brother, who we'll call Danny, could do no wrong. And he had a particular bond with Liv. I... don't know what to make of it. All I ever saw was his extreme investment in her future. Every older sibling gets a bit annoying about life plan talks, but his were every meeting, oftentimes in front of me. Liv was always presented with a list of ways to improve herself, her grades, her job prospects, he pushed her more openly and harshly than I ever saw her dad push her. She once told me that Danny studied psychology specifically because of her, because he wanted to care for her. I thought the family relation to be a clear conflict of interest. One day, while we were out shopping with my family, she got a text from him. He asked her to write one of his essays for him. College level. UC Davis. I didn't understand why she so willingly took up the job, especially last minute. He apparently had only hours before it was due. I would find out that while this didn't happen regularly, it was enough times that this wasn't the first. It cut into my time with her, but it was also a disrespect to her. He wasn't even going to pay her, she was just expected to write something for him, I found the entire situation utterly unbelievable. She was a 19 year old community college student. He was working towards a masters. When I pointed out how wrong Danny was, she... shut down completely. First she made excuses for him, excuses I countered because I was adamant that what he was doing was incorrect. Then she refused to talk about it for the rest of the day, giving me a cold shoulder until I coaxed her to speak to me again.

Beyond that, his vested interest in his sister rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe watching a sibling grow up with a lot of emotional instabilities was hard, maybe his helicopter methods were a result of that. But I ignored it, like I did a lot of things.

We fell in love hard and fast. On the outside, nobody really got it. My mother hated her, our mutual friends would talk about us behind our backs, or so she told me. But it didn't matter what anyone else thought. We made it work between us, that was all that mattered. It was an us against the world kinda relationship.

I was so intent on making this relationship work, after many short ones before it, that I ignored obvious signs from the get go. One such instance sticks out clear as day.

My little sister is 7 years my junior. We love each other dearly, and there's no other person I adore more than her, but we get on each others nerves a lot. As sisters do. When I first began dating Liv, I was still under my family's roof. My sister and I had gotten into one of our bigger fights, and she wasn't talking to me. I admit, I was crushed. My sister got mean when she was mad. cutting comments, subtweets, 14 year olds rarely handle themselves well. But Liv could see how much it was hurting me.

I had given Liv my immediate family's contact info because it was a good idea in case of emergency, and she had expressed interest in getting close to my father and little sister, specifically. She wanted to become involved in my family, let's put this in perspective for a moment, we had been dating for a month. But I was blind to the risks, and I trusted her with my little sister's number.

Liv texted my sister during that fight telling her that I was owed an explanation, that she was being a horrible sister to me, and that she needed to apologize. The messages were filled with guilt tripping, which I recognized right away from previous relationship. While my sister had been saying hurtful things, I thought it was incredibly inappropriate for Liv to get involved. And so did my mother. I learned about these texts through her, not Liv. I was immediately embarrassed, and confused as to why she would say such hurtful things to my sister when she knew how much I loved her, despite her teenager bullshit. Liv didn't ever give me a straight explanation for why she texted her. She shifted the blame on my mom, for ignoring the fact that my little sister had been trying to stir the pot during a fight. Then she questioned why I wasn't on her side, when she was only trying to help. I believed her intentions to be pure, and forgot about the incident.

And that was only the beginning to a long line of strange, often nightmarish things. Like the time we got into an argument, she texted me threats to kill herself, and I urged her to call a hotline or tell her parents. I had been coaxing her off the ledge for days now, I was tired and mentally drained, myself. Liv took this badly, insisting I was a bad girlfriend for trying to shove the burden of taking care of her onto somebody else. She scared me so much, I did wind up going to her house at 1am that night, hours before I would have to be at school. She looked me dead in the eye and told me that I didn't really love her. I was exhausted from all the other hours I put in helping her, I broke down and apologized, begging her not to break up with me. It was there I was first called 'too distant' and it wouldn't be the last.

Over summer break, we worked close to 40 hour weeks to save up for a move. Two mutuals who supported our relationship invited us to move down to southern California with them. Excited at the chance to live together, she pressed the idea on me, and I let up fairly easily. The idea of living away from my troubles at home were enticing. We had been dating maybe four and a half months? I got her a job at the reception desk of the shop I worked at in San Francisco.

While on a vacation to Monterrey with my family, I proposed to her. Four and a half months. Part of me was desperate to prove that I truly did love her, those words stuck with me from there on out. The rest of the relationship was shaped by that night. She happily accepted, we were on our way to a fairytale ending.

Except things didn't work out perfectly. Last minute, one of the people our two mutuals had involved in our group dropped out of the plan. Without him, it would be impossible to move in together. All that hard work went down the drain, and we were discouraged. The same night, however, we scoured the Facebook marketplace for quick housing in Socal, determined to make our dreams come true. We were able to afford a room with another female gay couple and their friend. They all hailed from Brazil.

We moved in two weeks later. At this point, we had been together 6 months. It was August, I turned 21 just in time for the first day of my independence. I was able to buy my own celebration wine the night my dad drove us down to our new home. Our roommates seemed alright. We were in relative bliss.

For a week.

Liv was prone to episodes where she will completely zone everything and everyone out. I likened it to my own dissociation problems. But she only ever seemed to fall into this state when things weren't exactly to her plan. I worked at a competitive swim shop to support our unit, she got a job at Panera but it quickly posed a problem for her. In addition to her depression and her dissociation, Liv claimed to have fatigue disorder. This was one claim I have since began doubting for any reasons.

Before we moved, Liv had gone to her family doctor to talk about her fatigue. I was able to sit in on the meeting, and I won't air out all the details, but he suggested that it wasn't fatigue, but Liv not taking her ant-depressants. She admitted to quitting her meds cold turkey, without the guidance of any psychiatrist. I was aware that she was phasing out of medication and had grown dissatisfied with the lack of results. I did not know that she was doing it without help from her doctors and felt personally deceived. She framed it in such a way that her parents and doctors were on board when she suggested the idea to me. I believed her, only to be told that her suddenly ending her medication like that was incredibly dangerous. Crazy enough, I still moved in with her after this. I remember the fight after that doctor's appointment being a nasty one. I wanted to try the doctor's suggesting of taking her pills again and discussing a better way to come off them with her psych. She was angry at me for taking the doctor's side, went as far as saying that because she was Asian and a woman, every male doctor was dismissive. I'm a far left feminist, I know about the issues women of color face with white male doctors. But this man was her family doctor, she had known him her entire life.

It just didn't add up. But her implying I was in any way racist was always a good way to make me cave. I dropped the matter. She agreed to go back on her pills eventually, but for the next few months, it's very murky as to how often she took them, if at all. Or maybe it was just another lie.

Anyway, she wasn't showing up to her job due to her fatigue. She would miss entire weeks of training, which scared me every month rent was due. When we moved down to Socal, we had to get all new doctors and therapists and all the like. We both put it off, but I eventually did find a therapist. I encouraged her find a new doctor, one who might be more willing to a fatigue diagnosis. She did, but she never got a new psychiatrist. Instead, she had her mom mail her prescriptions up in Northern California. Again, I really don't know how consistently she took her meds. I do believe she felt fatigue. I also believe that she had a bit of a role in it by skipping her meds. I was never brave enough to confront her on it.

With her fatigue, our newness to the area, and the lack of a network for us both, adjustment was hard. We still had our two other friends close by, at least, but other than that, we were completely on our own. Our roommates didn't like us much because Liv would make comments when she thought they didn't hear, often making fun of how closed off and weird they seemed. They caught on that we were talking about them and thus, a potentially useful bridge was burned. I regret participating in that childish game, but it wouldn't have mattered if they were our friends or not. We were growing more and more unstable as a couple.

Her distant periods always cropped up when I wanted things more to my liking. I'm a social person by nature and I used to love going out all the time. She was always too tired to, and my option were to stay at home or to go out alone. When I went out alone, she always got possessive. She would claim to have no problems with me enjoying the night life, but passive aggressive comments and distant behavior would say otherwise. It was almost as if she we on me 24/7 until the moment I wanted something for myself, something that didn't involve her. Then she would 180 and turn cold. I admit it interfered with our sex life, as I always felt a need to perform for her. Not in the bed, but everywhere else. I was too tired for sex. But she saw this not as burnout, but as me not being as devoted to her as she was to me. In addition to going into a dissosiative, "blank" state, she would cut me down when I tried to make things right. Sometimes she would threaten suicide.

I'm a social person but I'm not a heavy partier. My worst vices are weed and alcohol. I like to take the edge off a week with a beer or a wine. I have chronic knee pain and smoking relieves that and the swelling in my joints. I don't drink alone. I don't drink often. The last time I went to a bar, as of today, was two months ago. While I was in Socal, I only drank when I had the money to. I'm a tiny person, so it doesn't take much before I was drunk. I was also 21 and still figuring out my limits. Throw in my stress of moving and my failing relationship, and you can imagine that I was drunk every time I did go out to drink. I average out my heavier drinking to about two days a month during the time I spent living with Liv. I won't say I was 100% sober all those other days, but my bingeing only came with a lack of experience, an inability to handle the very new stresses in my life, and the freedom going out gave me. For a few hours, I felt like I could be at ease. I never really knew anyone I went out with, but I was happy for the new company. At this point, the only person I regularly hung out with was my fiancee. The only person I talked to on a regular basis outside of coworkers was my fiancee. She was all I knew, because my friends never seemed good enough, and she always seemed to need me around. But I never drank alone.

These are the facts about my relationship with alcohol. Think of those habits however you will, I never found them to be a problem with myself. Until Liv.

Liv told me I had a drinking problem. When I told her that I only got seriously drunk maybe twice a month, she told me that was twice too many and I still drank at home. I would drink around her for dinner, again, not alone, because I liked wine with my dinners when I could afford it. I would set money aside for beer and cheap wine, but according to her, I binged those at home. I didn't think my one glass a night was a binge, but she insisted I was getting drunk so often, it was putting her off. She was gaslighting me, looking back. Telling me there was a problem when there might have been, but not to the degree she described. Not even close. I would get confused, try to justify her words by saying they were more sober, and therefore more trustworthy than mine. Like I knew she was lying, but I wanted to shift reality with her to make sure she wasn't.

When we could swing a date night, which I always tried to save up for in addition to my drinking nights, I wasn't allowed to order wine. On the rare occasions we went out with friends, I was only allowed one drink. Liv insisted that I go find a therapist for my drinking, and I did. I did everything she asked, I was perfectly compliant for her.

Because I was doing so much self growth for her, I began trying to ask for the same effort from her. At this point, I had began catching Liv drinking from my liquor stash, alone, often after we fought. She rarely left the bed, citing fatigue. We were at risk of getting kicked out of our current apartment because we weren't on a lease and our roommates were still not keen on us. I asked her to go to work, I was called insensitive. I asked her to seek a second opinion from her new doctor, she never scheduled any appointment beyond the initial physical. I asked her to see if we could make amends with our roommates, and all of these requests were too much for her. She would call me a hypocrite if I brought up her obviously declining mental health. She would get insulted at the thought of a talk therapist, which I knew she claimed were ineffective for her, but at this point, I was the only person she even talked to. I knew that couldn't possibly be healthy.

I remembered one time when I had a package that I needed to have shipped by a certain day, it was important to me. I asked her to get around to getting it to the postal office, it was already pre-paid for postage and ready to go. While I was at work, she slept all day, I had to walk to the post office myself because I couldn't drive and I didn't have uber money. It was a two mile walk on my own for a task I had asked her to get done. When I expressed my frustration with her, she tried to make it up to me in the form of chicken nuggets. Overall, she was very dismissive of how hurtful it was when I would ask her to run errands for me, and she simply wouldn't do them. But again, it was my fault, because obviously in her fatigued state, she couldn't.

The claws really came out when it came to money. Liv came from a family far more comfortable than mine. She never got how anxious I was working to make things okay on my end, while she at this point was just asking her parents monthly for money. She found it personally offensive when I asked her to find other ways to contribute. I just didn't want her sitting at home all day, in our bed, waiting for me to tend to her every need. I was so tired, so desperate for her to have some other outlet that wasn't me. But Liv found it offensive for me to even ask. She was offended by a lot of things.

I began seeing a therapist, who I tasked with helping me figure out how I could possibly be a better fiancee for my obviously unhappy partner. I would spend sessions crying over things she said or did to me, things I was too blind to realize were harmful things. The therapist was a great one, and she gently guided me through my own guilt, showing me that not all of this was my fault. I truly felt like such a failure, with how miserable both Liv and I were.

It all came to a head when my father came down on a business trip and took the time to also visit me. My father and I have a close relationship, but used to have no relationship at all. She knew the story between us, how his substance abuse and his cheating drove a wedge between me and him. Which was why it especially hurt to be called an alcoholic over two nights a month of drinking.

My father invited me to a casual meetup among his coworkers. I was comfortable among these people, as I had known them my whole life. They weren't family, but I knew that my dad's company was filled with good people. I indulged with a few drinks at a dinner party with Liv's blessing, then a few more at the after-party at a bowling alley. Liv was only present for the dinner and did not want to do the bowling alley. Without her to stop me, I got drunk again.

I want to stress that when I'm drunk, I don't get mean. I get bubbly and talkative, I don't cry. That night, I did cry. I began throwing up on the way home. My dad was my DD and took me home to Liv. She watched over me while I threw up in our bathroom. At this point, she had been let go from Panera. We had gotten kicked out of our first place, and quickly made a move to a criagslist room with a tyrant of a house head. Money was dwindling and I was exhausted. I had never been more drained of fight in my life. I was suicidal, my confidence was in the gutter, it seemed like my fiancee was always mad at me.

She hated taking care of me while I cried drunk and threw up. She was cold about it, mean sometimes. Like how she was after fights about money, snippy and blunt and cruel. I apologized for being such a useless partner. She never contested to those words, never comforted me through my breakdown. She agreed with my rambling. She felt entitled to those apologies after breaking me down to the point where I would even feel that lowly about myself. That night crushed me and the relationship.

When I woke up the next morning, I was severely hungover. And she was nowhere to be found. She left to stay with our mutuals. All day, I was left alone to my own devices. I told her I wanted to die the night before. I was unable to hold any food down, I couldn't leave the bed, I couldn't stop crying. I would text her only to get radio silence. I had no idea on her whereabouts until late into the evening and even then, she refused to come home or give me any other information. I managed to hold myself together long enough to fall asleep before I could do anything stupid and permanent. My father had gotten the first flight out of Socal that morning, and anyway, he knew nothing about all this. I refused to tell him for fear that my family would view this as me failing to live on my own. I had no one again.

I'm only telling the highlights of this relationship, the most telling, prominent parts of it that I look back on and I wonder what was I thinking by staying? But I haven't really gone into much detail about the day-to-day life between Liv and I. It's taken me months, but one night, I managed to write down a good visual.

You walk into a room. There is another person. You don't know what their thoughts on you are today. They don't know how they're feeling in general. All you have to go on is their body language and what they say to you, for any hint on where their head is at. Sounds like any situation, right? Not quite. They sit on a couch. You stand in front of them. They begin a conversation. There is a gun on the coffee table.

You try to focus on what they're saying to you, but it's hard to. You can't. There's a gun on the coffee table, it looms over whatever the person is trying to convey to you. In my situation, that gun represents the uncertainty of Liv's moods. How I never knew who I would get when I got home, but I always knew that there was something brewing in the back of her mind. There was a gun, a tense air, but it depended on whether she picked it up and shot or not.

You have to focus on what they want to say, they begin to grow agitated with you because you can't seem to distract yourself from the gun.

If you interrupt, they might pick it up

If you turn away, they might pick it up

If you speak out of turn

If you stand up for yourself

If you bring up an off-bounds topic

There is a gun, and your every action and word could be the one to get that gun off the table, into the other person's hands.

For me, that person was Liv. And that feeling continues to this day. I live in absolute fear of other people now, I see guns on coffee tables everywhere I go. She never owned a gun or threatened one on me, but I never liked the things. It's the most vivid image I can use to describe the horror of going home after work for me. If she picked up the gun that night, I would be spending it convincing her to put it down before she turned it on herself or me. I tiptoed around her, performed as best as I could for her. It depleted me.

Liv came home the day after leaving me alone and suicidal. She came over to dump me and pack a bag. I cried, sobbed, begged for her not to leave me. I told her I needed her, she told me the fact that was why I wanted to stay together was reason enough why she should leave. She broke my heart and ran back out to her friend's car. I was alone again.

I had one friend down south, who I'll name Greg. however he lived nearly two hours away from me, near San Diego. I called him, begged him to come over. He did, and then he took me to his place that same night. Already, I was beginning to feel a little bit better. I failed Liv in every way possible, but I was also free from that feeling she gave me. That unease in my chest. I once thought those were butterflies, but it was terror she kept me under. With her suicide threats and her moodiness and her cutting words.

I slept well that night in Greg's bed. Then the next day, another friend of mine from Norcal drove down to meet up with me. He wanted to discuss my next step, how he could help in any way. He offered to take me out on town that night to cheer me up. I accepted happily, as I wanted more than anything a night at the bars to unwind and chat.

I took two pictures for my instastory, mostly to let people in my life know I was okay after calling them up last night, telling them about a major breakup. One was a picture of downtown San Diego, the other was a video of a jazz band in a bar. I wasn't making out with anyone drunkenly, losing my cool after getting dumped. Liv, however, wasn't pleased that I was enjoying myself at all.

Liv had a private twitter account. I'm not sure how to explain concepts like Finsta or private twitters, but essentially, you use them to vent. a select few close friends follow, or maybe no friends at all. Liv loved the concept of private accounts. That night, she used hers to post several nasty tweets about how it was insulting for me to move on so quickly, to be out having fun after losing a fiancee. One of the tweets said "can she really not even pretend to feel bad about all this?"

I had no knowledge of these tweets until she tried to call me at the jazz bar. I ignored her call. She texted a link to one of her tweets to the friend I was with instead, after sending me a voicemail where she said her goodbye to me. Liv was going to attempt her life.

My friend, who we'll call Billy, showed me the tweet she linked to him. It was four screenshot images of suicide notes. One addressed to me, one to her brother, one to her parents, and one to her friends she was staying with. I was horrified and sobered up immediately.

For those unfamiliar with California, San Diego is a lot farther from LA than one thinks. Liv's friends lived in Fullerton, a city close to the county line between LA and Orange. I was, at that point, a good two hours away accounting for traffic. My friend and I had no chance of catching her in time. I called 911 and gave them the address to her friend's place and a physical description. The couldn't do much but wait without an apartment number and I didn't even know how she was going to attempt it. I called her mother and her brother, both of the friends she was staying with, anyone who might be of any help at all. Billy was in the driver's seat, neither of us were worried about speeding or how much we drank, it didn't matter when a life was on the line. We were risking our own in the process. I eventually got a call from a cop from Fullerton PD, Liv had been found after she had walked out into oncoming traffic. She had been hit. They were sending her to UC Irvine's medical center, and he had no word on her condition. Just that she had been taken to the ER.

I can find the exact day on my google timelines. December 11th. A two hour drive from downtown San Diego to UCI medical center was done in an hour, twenty-three. I waited in the ER waiting room for what felt like hours. Finally, a doctor was able to give us some kind of status update, and offered to let me visit her. Billy and her friends were there as well.

I went in first with Billy, one of the first words that came out of her mouth, "Do you really think your drinking isn't a problem?"

At this point, I had woken up. I couldn't stand her. I was worried for hours over her, and we were still discussing my mental health, my drinking, my issues. I wasn't the one in a goddamn stretcher, but it was still all about how I was wrong. I promised her that this wouldn't be the last time we saw each other. Then I broke that promise. The next day, my elder sister Kathleen had driven through the night from our hometown. She helped me pack all my stuff, and I abandoned ship. I sold my bed to one of our roommates, I told the head of house don't bother asking for help filling the empty room and I blocked him. I wanted nothing more than to end this chapter of my life immediately. I wanted to escape Liv so badly, I wanted to rid myself of anything that had the slightest to do with her. I never even properly left my job, I just... stopped showing up.

I didn't care. I still don't really care.

That entire relationship has left me completely frozen in trauma. I'm unsure whether to post this under relationships, emotional abuse, or PTSD. All apply here. The first month back, I was too scared to leave the house. Cars terrified me, walking too close to the street was too scary. I couldn't go to work. I had dropped out of school to partake in this pipe dream with Liv, I couldn't just go back. At that point, the fall semester was over with, spring classes has been picked clean. I was stuck.

I'm still kind of stuck.

I have a job again, one I had before I moved away. And one that I almost lost because I'm no longer able to perform at cash register. One customer got to me so much, reminded me so much of Liv, that I broke down and yelled in her face instead of scanning her items. I was taken off register and put to graveyard and early shifts, where I don't have to service anyway. It works for me, but it's a little heartbreaking that I can no longer handle a cash register. I can't go out alone. Dating is an unspeakable thing, I feel like I can no longer do that. Opening up to people is impossible unless it's under the guise of anonymity, Like on here, for example. I've still yet to re-enroll in school. I don't want to see her there, what if she decided to go back too? I can't hang out in the city we both now live in again. I can't risk running into her, not only because I fear the confrontation of that. I also fear that I might return to her. She texted me asking to see me again in the beginning, but I think she realized quickly that her plaything was no longer hers. This experience depleted the savings I had for school, ruined my credit score, and broke me emotionally. I have nightmares every week.

When Liv came back home, after a week and a half in a hospital down south, she took all our mutual friends with us. Even Billy jumped ship to her camp, when I realized that he was only being nice to me to sleep with me. I hear they might be a thing now. I can't help but feel betrayed by him, I truly thought Billy was my friend. He was that night. I wish he still was, sometimes. Interestingly, Greg was not a mutual friend. He stayed by my side after all this, but Liv never liked him while we were together. And he never liked her. In fact, all the friends I have left are the ones that weren't i some way related to Liv.

The night before I got drunk with my father, Liv brought up the idea of enrolling in a school down south for their spring semester. I was insulted. I left school for her, something I had begun to regret after the move. But I had no time for it while I was stuck trying to provide. She knew how much I missed school, and told me that this would be the only way she would get out of the house. Like someone twisted a knife they already stabbed you with, she didn't understand why I wanted her to instead focus on earning her keep. I asked her how she was going to pay for it. She said her parents would happily supply. I asked what I was to do if I wanted to return to school, cuz my parents couldn't even afford my rent, much less school. She told me to look into more jobs. That was our last "minor" argument.

It should have been a red flag, so many things should have been. I could go on for hours how broken, how mean this woman was in her 20 short years of life. But when you're in love, I suppose all those red flags are just flags when you view them through rose-tinted lenses.

#my writing #writing #essay #writeblr #writblr

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barnowl98 · 7 years ago

Text

AYYYY I’m going to share my mental health story

I was watching a thing on youtube about someone who was sharing their story, and I decided I wanted to do that too. This may contain triggers, but if you do decide to read it, read it all the way through.

You should know that I’ve only ever told a few people about this, I’ve never told any of my friends off the internet, or my parents, and it should be noted that I HAVE NOT TALKED TO NOR AM I A PROFESSIONAL. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN PROFESSIONAL HELP AND IF YOU ARE CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THIS STUFF GET HELP, TRUST ME I WISH I HAD BUT THERE WERE OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL AND A LOT THAT I KNOW NOW THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THEN. SERIOUSLY, IT CAN’T HURT SO JUST DO IT.

But seriously, it’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I can share this, and even now it’s only on a somewhat anonymous post where no one I actually know will ever find it.

Now that I’m done yelling at you, I can start.

Sooo... the first thing that should be known is that one of my family members is borderline (actually maybe not even borderline, they may have crossed that line but I don’t know) abusive, not physically, but mentally. I’ve been told I’m worthless, ugly, useless, never going to be happy, my whole life. I’m overweight, and always have been. When I was 9 this person tried to convince me to basically not eat anything, and I almost bought their argument until they told me I would never be happy if I was fat.

When I was little I would write short cute stories, and as far as I remember they weren’t bad, and when I let this person read them, they would always laugh. I thought they were laughing at the stories. Turns out they were laughing at my spelling mistakes. I found out when I asked them to read my essay for school. They laughed at it. It wasn’t funny. I told them I wanted to be an author when I grew up. They told me I could never be an author because I was to fat. Thats when I stopped worrying about my weight. That statement, that I couldn’t write because I was fat, was just so BS that even I could tell it wasn’t true.

But the thing is: if someone tells you these things, every few days, for years, you start to wonder if they’re right. Especially if this is an authority figure. I promised myself then that I was going to prove them wrong. I still am working on that promise. I write as much as I want, and I do what makes me happy, and the day after I can consider myself happy is the day I start a diet. Is it physically healthy? No. But as I’ve grown I realized that even before I knew what mental health was, I was putting it first. Its more important to be happy than it is to be happy.

Anyway thats that part of the basic info. The other part is that in elementary school I had a best friend. We became friends in first grade, and by 4th we were nearly inseparable. Except that apparently she wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t know what happened. She won’t tell me. Did I say something or do something? I still don’t know. All I know is that one day we were fine and the next day on the playground she told me not to talk to her again.

I don’t know, maybe its just my kind of personality, but that completely destroyed me. Like its one thing if you don’t like me because of something, but to go from being my best friend to nothing with no explanation... I still don’t know what I did, and that still bothers me. Now I’ve guessed that it was probably peer pressure since all the other girls in our class came to me 3 days later and told me they also wanted nothing to do with me. But I didn’t really care about them, they were only my friends because of her, but I do remember sitting on the playground when they told me all of they're little speech and I just remember crying and asking why. I said why so many times. They wouldn’t answer. After that I was left with one guy who also didn’t understand what was going on, and he pretty much saved my life the first time. He made it a goal to make sure I smiled every day. And I did because of him, but I also started into depression and social anxiety.

About a month after the end of our friendship, this girl comes back and thinks we can go back to being best friends, and I was like Bitch excuse you? But also I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t know it then, but now its completely obvious. I had anxiety attacks when I tried to talk to her. 2 times I actually blacked out. I don’t think i fainted, but I remember being terrified when one second I was trying to talk to her, and the next thing I know I’m in a completely different place, but I have no memory of what happened, just a sense that time had passed. Its fucking terrifying, especially if you don’t know what’s happening.

But this girl, she doesn’t give up. We wrote notes back and forth for 2 years. She always insisted that she did want to be friends again and she was sorry for what happened. She never told me why though, and thats most of why it took 2 years. When I finally was able to talk to her again we became pretty close friends again. By then I had made friends with another girl, and the boy I had been friends with kind of headed towards hanging out with other guys. It was middle school, girls had cooties again. This other girl deserves a name because she literally saved me. But since I don’t have her permission, we’ll just call her Ash. Ash, “Her” and I were friends for a while, and it was great. That year I also got invited to a leadership conference in Washington DC for a week (which, side note, I think I had a nightmare that they were trying to sue me over the events that happened that I will now describe, so I’m going to be very careful about not mentioning the name. Don’t sue me, none of this is my fault.) So that spring I got on a plane with my aunt and went to WA DC. The conference thing was great. I got to see lots of places and we went all over and learned lots. The food was not great, so I didn’t really eat. I thought it was ok to skip eating so much since I was overweight. I WAS WRONG DO NOT EVER THINK THAT’S OK YOUR BODY THINKS ITS STARVING AND GOES INTO SURVIVAL MODE AND ACTUALLY WON’T LET YOU LOOSE ANY WEIGHT AND MAKES YOUR BRAIN NOT WORK RIGHT AND SUCH. This was just one of the factors. Another was my roommates. We were assigned rooms in groups of 4 with other kids from around the country. I should mention that this trip was kind of expensive, and I was lucky to raise the money to go, but almost everyone else there was rich. I got roomed with 2 rich... I’m just going to say it. Bitches. Fuck them. I’m getting ahead of myself. The other girl was like eh whatever I’m going to sleep. The 2 girls decided that instead of like just sleeping or whatever, it’d be fun to make my life living hell for the week. Now I’d been bullied at my school. I mean the best example is all the girls from the previous story shunning me. But the thing about my school is that they don’t do the bullying directly to the face. They might whisper behind your back, but they would never say it to your face. These girls were not that kind. They stole my stuff, they wouldn’t leave me alone, they kept watching tv so loud I couldn’t sleep till midnight or 1AM. Thats on top of jet lag. They bullied me into not asking for a room change. Finally on the Thursday of that week, I locked myself in the bathroom with my phone. I was crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t move but I couldn’t stand to stay still. It was terrible.

That was the point. We were in a room on the 8th floor. There was a window. I wanted to end it all. I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to stop existing forever.

But there was this tiny voice in my head begging me to try to get help. I had 2 friends, The girl and Ash, and Ash was kind of known for not being the most reliable person and little more happy go lucky, not really the kind of person that would help in this kind of a situation. This girl was reliable right? Seriously, what happened before was just so out of character for her, theres no way she would leave me literally on the edge. Right?

I called her. She answered. I was mid anxiety attack and couldn’t really make words, i was just sort of crying into the phone. She didn’t even listen or ask me if I was ok. She yelled at me for calling her so late at night, and she hung up. I called again. I texted her. I told her I needed to talk to her, I told her what was happening. I told her I wanted to say goodbye.

I decided to call Ash, just as a last resort. And I will tell you one thing about Ash. She has a slytherin exterior and persona, but on the inside she is a hufflepuff. She is the most loyal friend I’ve ever had, and she was ready to kill whoever hurt me. She let me talk to her mom, and she got grounded for a month for being on her phone at night, but she also didn’t care about those things. She cussed out the girls in my room for me. She stayed on the phone with me till morning to make sure I got the rest of the night to sleep. She made sure I was ok.

And like I wasn’t. I’m still not that ok. I’m still crying even thinking about it. And the other girl? She still gives me anxiety attacks. I avoid her at all costs. Shes not a bad person, in fact I we have a lot of common interests. There was a reason we were such good friends. Now she works in my bank, and I have to go talk to her sometimes, and I always leave the bank on the verge of an anxiety attack.

And Ash and I aren’t really friends anymore we kind of went into different branches in high school, but I will always be thankful for her. She always has a place in my heart.

I want to say more about how all this has effected me but honestly I’m exhausted rn. What happened made me who I am, but I think I’d like to change that bit if I could. Its ok to have regrets. Its ok to have problems. Take care of them. Take care of yourself. You will be ok, even if it doesn’t seem like it now, and it will take time. You won’t be ok next week, or next month, or maybe even next year. Maybe not 10 years from now. But eventually one day you’ll think back and realized that hey, you’re ok. Its ok. And then you can let it go. And thats ok. Everythings ok in the end. I love you. Its late and night. I’m going to sleep now. Seriously, I love you, especially if you think no one else does. I would love to talk to anyone who I can, but tbh find a professional, I’m just a young adult who doesn’t know anything and I tend to mother hen ppl with problems and thats not good for my choice to put my happiness first, and also I don’t consistently get tumblr messages, but there are plenty of free emergency health lines, some even that you can text to, so google one up and get help. Seriously, its worth finding help. Your life is worth it. I promise.

Sorry for spelling mistakes there are a lot of red squiggly lines but idc rn

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