#girl idc about people doing whatever they want behind closed doors but i am going to be like Okay Why Do You Do That Though

[plaguery]

indepth discussion of my qualms with/reaction to a youtube video about incest porn below. read at your own discretion (mentions of other paraphilias, csa, cnc & rape)

"What's with all the incest porn?"

The video in question first defends the existence of incest porn by attempting to defend consensual incest itself. (read what I had to say about the creator's definition of incest here, warning for mentions of csa) To the creator, consensual incest is another social construct that we hold too much reserve for and constrain ourselves in our inherent reactions of disgust, rather than engaging with the truth of it's impact. Historically, incest has occurred across cultures and economic lines, often with little fanfare involved. They examine how inbreeding only fosters negative genetic effects after several generations and how it can be easily "rectified" in just a couple generations with the reintroduction of genetic diversity. Our inherent disgust towards incest is claimed to be unfounded against the evidence of how severe and reoccuring inbreeding must be to create tangible effects. Outside of those genetic effects, what else can excuse this nearly "universal" feeling of disgust? Well, that is a question quickly ignored and driven into the ground in this video.

It is often mentioned in the video that incest, even consensual, is a taboo across the many cultures of the world. But I must ask, why is it a taboo? What causes the instinctual feeling of disgust? And my favorite question, why is this taboo in particular popular to fantacize about?

Taboos are often culturally unique, many taboos found in one culture are readily engaged in with little question in another. Yet, there are some "universal" taboos (said with a grain of salt as there really can't be anything Universal about cultures but. we'll say almost here). These typically concern death and the dead. It's easy to connect these to basic fear and sanitary reasons: death will come for all of us, it ends us, we live to defy death until we can no longer, we must properly dispose of/treat the dead to avoid catching it and avoid inflaming the spiritual dead for own peaceful afterlife. But in our modern world, incest has grown close to being one of these near "universal" taboos, especially the closer the relation. It can be quite hard for most to say exactly why. We feel the revulsion, the writhing barriers of transgression around it. It feels obvious, yet just outside full comprehension.

The video explains the common evolutionary explanation that we evolved to feel disgust towards a practice that puts our genetic legacy at a disadvantage. It addresses how this doesn't quite explain why single instances of consensual incest feel just as disgusting as mass occurrences of it over time. Just once is enough to cross the line. Additionally, they claim that it isn't too clear whether scientific evidence supports this or not. And they move on.

But I come back around to the why of it, what is at the heart of this social phenomenon? Even the creator themself laughed at the evolutionary concept, calling evolutionary psychology "astrology for men". So, if that isn't a sufficient answer, what is?

Humans move past basic survival once they can accomplish a feeling of safety and security. I reckon that this can't be achieved alone, at least a small grouping of people is necessary to watch your back when you're at rest or occupied. Shelter becomes property once other people are involved. We start to say that "this is mine" and "this is yours" and "this is ours". And we create the rules amongst each other to respect this. We build trust and camaraderie until our closest network of people becomes our family. Typically, we find this with our blood relations, with parents who are biologically attached to us, with siblings we are raised alongside, with grandparents and aunts/uncles who watch and help us grow up. Your grandparents had the biological hardwiring to care for your parents and their siblings and now by association they build similar care for you, even if its no longer a biological process. And as centuries upon centuries have passed, family has come to mean many things, blood involved or not, but we attach this meaning of utmost security, trust and reliability unto it. Human survival, as a social species, is reliant on the building and operation of a "family", no matter how dysfunctional, no matter the size, no matter who is necessarily involved (meaning blood relation isn't necessary, although extremely typical).

Sociologically, we've created particular ideas of the family, but they do typically involve certain socially ordained sub-groupings where sexual relations are allowed. In many cultures today, this means that of a monogamous committed couple, but different groupings of different sizes can and do exist. Yet, an individual member finds their matches for their sexual sub-groupings by moving out of the family sphere and into the community, where they are allowed to move past mere safety and survival into building the self through integration with the world outside the family. Here, you build larger community with friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. And it is also where you find sexual partners, potentially building a socially ordained sexual sub-grouping that can either absorb into or create a family.

Within the sect of the family, sexual interaction is not meant to exit those socially ordained sub-groupings. My thought is that this is to ensure our safety. I believe that the incestual taboo and our revulsion to it stems from the fact that we have built the family to be this place of ultimate security and fortitude, yet still so fragile and precarious. The sect of the family asks you to play out very specific roles and play them well, yet human fallibility shows we often fail at this. Dysfunction amongst families is common, if not nearly ubiquitous, as members fail to play their roles and force others to play the wrong ones. Outside of the socially ordained sexual sub-groupings, sexual contact is not part of these roles. Socially, we have moved sexual need from the realm of survival and into the realm of self-realization. We survive in the family and realize ourselves outside it. Something could be said for how we need to socially reorganize ourselves into accepting sexuality as a survival need and how that might change our ideas of family. But at this point, it is very socially ingrained in us to separate sexuality from family, outside of the socially ordained sexual subsects.

I figure that we are more prone to digust towards incest rather than, let's say, parentification (as another kind of family role transgression), due to both the visceral nature of it and the fears we have towards general sexuality. Again, something could be said for how our cultural views of sexuality need to be dismantled and reenvisioned and how this might change our feelings towards all kinds of sexual transgression. Even amongst consenting adults, the fear of incest is one of survival threatening role reversal, general sexual taboo, and a violation of what we consider to be nature (this is where the negative effects of inbreeding would come into play, mixed with typically religious ideas about procreation) all wrapped in one.

I did mention points where even I would agree that our cultural ideas of sexuality need to be reexamined and how they may impact our ideas of family and what sexuality can or cannot be limited to. And we are in an era where many cultural ideas, particularly around sexuality, are being questioned and revolted against. We often will hear that cultural constructs are just that, cultural inventions that served a certain purpose at a certain point in time that are not inherent to the human race. But this doesn't necessarily demean their worth. Should the social sect of the family be abolished or should it be reimagined? Should socially ordained sexual sub-groupings exist or should we find new avenues for engaging with sexuality? What will these things say about our future views of incest? I don't aim to answer these, but I leave it to you to find your own answers.

So, now I concern myself with my favorite question. Why is it this taboo in particular that has found popularity?

The video brought up how the rise in popularity of consensual incest/"fauxcest" (step-) porn happened around the time that Game of Thrones found large cultural purchase. But let me ask you this. If next month, a new show filled with necrophilia blew up "Game of Thrones style", do you think that necrophilia fantasies and porn would follow suit? I must say that I really don't think so. There is merit in that the mass exposure of the American masses to incestuous sex scenes probably helped make them aware of this as a possible fetish, but the exposure alone doesn't explain the whole of it.

I figure taboos exist on this kind of linear continuum of least taboo to extreme taboo. Different cultures will place certain things in different positions from other cultures. For Americans, consensual incest would be more on the extreme side, yet not so extreme as my earlier example of necrophilia. What I posit is that there is a "point of titillation" that is unique to the individual, rather than their culture.

Taboos create a sensational atmosphere around them and many people find themselves intrigued with some taboo or another, while rebuking others. By drawing an uncrossable line, they dare us to cross them and reap the possible rewards and/or consequences. There is a socially constructed danger that thrills and kills all the same. I think as a species, we are enamoured with the idea of transgression (to an extent), and we seek to push ourselves physically, emotionally, and psychologically, some more than others.

What I see as the "point of titillation" is a point in the linear continuum of taboo severity where the individual finds satisfaction in the idea of transgression itself, of engaging with the taboo, regardless of the content of said taboo. The proximity to the taboo, to a perceived extremity of physical/emotional/mental experience, is the core principal. This point does not engage with anything outside the near limits of it, meaning that just because someone finds satisfaction in transgression around this idea of taboo, it does not mean that they will also find satisfaction in any and every taboo that precedes it in severity. The point is only concerned with itself.

I would argue that, for those engaged with incest fantasy and pornography, their "point of titillation" is likely matched up quite well with the cultural marking of incest on the taboo severity continuum, whereas something like necrophilia is too far and thus, merely disgusting.

I believe that most people engaged with incest fantasies are not aroused by the actual idea of incest itself, but rather the transgression around it. Most of them would not be aroused by the idea of actually finding a sexual partner within their family sect and prefer to find sexual engagement in the outer community, as is socially acceptable. In this way, the "point of titillation" is not so much a demarcation of where exactly they're willing to "cross the line" but where they find intrigue in the mere idea of it.

And we come to my other point: it's quite easy.

People are intrigued by the danger of transgression, yet are either unknowledgable or negligent of how to mitigate these dangers while actually practicing the act of transgression. The kink scene is full of players who love dangerous practices and have built the proper protocols and conversational templates to create safe spaces for these transgressions to take place. They've put work and dedication into building their communities and dungeons and scenes. It takes consistent effort. But the average sexually engaged person, with partners or alone, is not particularly interested in all the non-sexy bits of safe transgressive sex. Hell, it's hard enough to get people on board with plain safe sex. They look for the easy routes to get their fix.

If you want to roleplay an incestuous encounter with a partner, it's as easy as calling them by certain titles. If you want to produce a pornographic video, it's as easy as scripting your actors to call each other certain titles. If you're looking for pornography a little more transgressive than usual but not too "out there", it's as easy as watching all the easily made incest fantasy pornographic videos flooding the sites.

A lot of fetishes and kinks take a lot of work and communication to happen safely, especially the more transgressive you go, but this is a rarer case of pretty high transgression, little danger (in the fantasy/fictional realm). For example, consensual non-consent (CNC) can be very endangering to its participants without the proper protocols and communication. Just roleplaying the fantasy of rape alone has a whole host of dangers, whereas roleplaying the fantasy of consensual incest (in cases where no engaging party has a history of the literal thing) is felt to be just another new way to spice things up.

Incest, in the American imagination, has become something to joke and gawk at. While it is still deeply taboo to many, including those who fantacize of it, it has been turned into an oddity, something those "poor Southerners" do and something that "silly" old royals used to protect the "bloodline" with. It is only real in the very fringes of society, if we ignore the CSA. It's a "funny" thing that occasionally shows up in books and movies. It's fanservice, it's fiction, it's simply "not real", if we don't want it to be. We like it because it's taboo and we don't want to talk about it more than that because it's precisely so. Afraid of our own shadow. Ask us about it past the freakshow and we'll laugh, not yet ready to discuss our real fear.

[wonwoonlight]

my way to you / jeon wonwoo | chapter 8

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ rich!AU // heir & heiress!AU // best friends to lovers // idiots to lovers lol // fluff // a lil drama bc why not // somewhat angsty // clicheeeee <3

➝ series warning: OC is Dense with a capital D, so many cliches but idc, implied sexual activities (but no actual smut scenes), eventual suggestive scenes, theyre both idiots, food, insecurity and self doubts, somewhat toxic parents, someone fainted like once, not always proofread am sorry ;-; that’s probably it? tell me if there’s more!

➝ A/N: surprise!!!!!! triple update for this week because today's a special day for me so i want to give you smth instead hehe. i'd love to to thank everyone who has dropped by and sent their thoughts with me til now and i hope you're all still enjoying this story. hope you'll like this update <3

series masterlist

You bite down a satisfied grin when you see how pleased everyone is during the charity dinner, trying your best to keep still despite the pride buzzing throughout your body.

Even you’re pleased at how smooth everything is going. You’ve gone a little bit more extravagant than last year, and despite your own doubt about the concept you’ve chosen, it’s getting clearer that it’s the right choice as the night drags on.

“Tired?” a familiar voice whispers, which makes you squeal a little at the sudden warmth at the back of your neck.

“Soonyoung!” you laugh as you hit his arm and then hug him in greeting. “Thank you for coming. Did you use to come to these dinners before?”

“It’s my pleasure, really. I’ve been wanting to greet you since I stepped in but you seem busy so I let you be,” he flashes you a small grin. “My parents usually attend because I’m not really into these events either, but I have to come now, don’t I? Gotta make sure you weren’t acting when you fainted preparing for said event.”

You laugh again at his words, once again thanking him for the food he’s sent before you tell him you still have some leftovers though you’ve eaten most of the food with Wonwoo and the others.

“Where’s Wonwoo, anyway?” he asks as he looks around the place to catch a glimpse of your best friend. “Doesn’t he usually stick with you throughout the event?”

“He has to go around greeting important people,” you grin, telling him this is usually the only time when he leaves your side. “He usually drags me with him, but I said I’m not in the mood to pretend to laugh at their lame jokes so he went alone.”

You’re not sure how long you’ve been standing there speaking with Soonyoung, but it must’ve been longer than you thought because Wonwoo’s back before you know it and, like before, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around your waist the moment he stands beside you while he nods to Soonyoung.

“Done meeting VIPs?” you nudge him with a teasing grin, your body automatically leaning into his. “Did they offer Young Master Jeon any proposal?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes playfully and pinches your waist, making you welp though you laugh just the same. Soonyoung looks at the sight in front of him with an amused smile, wondering why the two of you aren’t together yet; are you the type of couple who doesn’t want to put a ring on it? Are you still in denial about each other? Or is there any other reason that he’s not aware of?

Whatever it is, it doesn’t make sense.

He thinks it’s obvious that you two belong to each other and he would’ve just made it official if he was Wonwoo. But there’s always something people don’t see behind closed doors and Soonyoung can only guess something’s stopping you both from doing so.

“Hello,” a delicate voice joins your little group, and your eyes find Jennie falling in step right beside Soonyoung, wrapped in a beautiful cocktail dress that stops right before her knees. You can only imagine she probably sews it herself. “I’ve been meaning to catch you guys but I got caught up. It’s a very beautiful party, Y/N, I’m glad I can finally attend Yoon Holdings’ famous charity dinner.”

You smile politely at her, telling the girl you’re also glad she’s able to attend. It might sound like pleasantries, but Jennie is also some kind of public figure on top of her bloodline and you’re actually more than glad that she attends because you’re getting more coverage than the previous year–everyone wants to see Kim Jennie, fashion icon, famous high fashion designer, and Ruby Corp.’s only heiress.

“I love what you did with the decoration; it’s not easy to blend baby blue linings on those tablecloths and the curtains near the entrance,” Jennie says carefully, unsure how you’d take her compliment, But, to her surprise, you thank her for noticing the details because no one says anything about it. “I hope you’re feeling better? Sorry I didn’t get to drop by.”

Something akin to guilt creeps up on you, because it was you who told Wonwoo you don’t really want to meet anyone even though he probably knows you’re just refusing to outright say you don’t want to meet Jennie in particular.

“It’s okay, you’re probably busy too,” you smile awkwardly, very glad that you see Jeonghan and Shua making their way to where you’re at so you're able to steer the conversation elsewhere. Jeonghan takes you away from Wonwoo to his embrace, his arms caging you by the shoulders as he drops a kiss to your forehead.

“You’re lucky the party is wonderful,” he pulls away and narrows his eyes at you. “I wasn’t going to forgive you for fainting if this party was just meh.”

“You think I’d prepare a meh party?” You laugh and reach up to kiss his cheek before moving to Shua and do the same. “Been so long since I saw you in a suit, Mr. Hong.”

“I look good, don’t I?” he grins, not minding the way Jeonghan snickers at him. The night goes on like that, Chaeyoung joins in later on and then steps away because her parents call her to meet someone, Jinyoung and Jisoo make their way to your group too, and some of Wonwoo’s friends stop by to make pleasantries until eventually everyone goes to do their own stuff until it’s just you and Wonwoo again.

“That’s… a lot of talking,” you say after everyone has left.

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything, but he opens his arm and you readily step back into his embrace and buries your forehead into his shoulder. You don’t know how to explain it exactly; but Wonwoo smells like home–feels like home. Like a mug of hot chocolate when it’s raining outside, like the soft breeze of wind that hits your face when you’re out on the beach, like your favorite blanket that you curl yourself into when it’s been a long day.

“Wanna leave?”

“Are you insane?”

The stern tone you’re using makes him chuckle, and you feel the plump of his lips on your head before he nudges you and whispers that your parents are coming this way. His arm doesn’t falter from your waist, and your parents greet him before they address you.

“Good job as always, princess.” Something akin to pride blooms in your chest at his words, though the nickname makes you cringe inside, and not in the way that you cringe because it’s embarrassing, it just feels alien and shouldn’t be. You think it’s because it’s him saying it instead of the man next to you and the straight tone he’s using. Your father calls you that from time to time, but only when his mood is particularly good because you did something for the company. “Perhaps we should build an EO company for you; you’re clearly talented and invested in this field.”

Everything’s a business to your father, which is something that you thought you’ve learnt to accept since long ago. But, evidently, the very sentence he’s just said only proves otherwise.

Why couldn’t he praise you for the event and leave it there? Was it really necessary to point out that there’s a possibility to monetize this and put you in yet another company? You don’t even bother denying something very bitter in your mouth the moment the words are out of his mouth.

Your mother talks about how some of her friends are pleased by the food choice and flowery gate you’ve put on the entrance, and you just know that she’s going to talk about their single sons sooner or later.

But Wonwoo swipes in and turns the topic into something else to entertain them before eventually saying his parents were looking for them earlier, something that your father just can’t resist because he’s always liked talking to Wonwoo’s dad, one of the very few people that he considers equal to him. He pats Wonwoo on the back before telling you once again that you did a good job before walking away to find Mr. & Mrs. Jeon.

“Thank you,” you huff at Wonwoo after they’re out of earshot.

“Should we go?”

You hum, a look that Wonwoo can only describe as sad flashing across your face. It’s gone just as fast as it appears though, and the weak smile you give him afterwards before you square your shoulder and pull him to the desert table breaks him a little.

You’re quiet for a while, like you always are after an episode with your parents, and then you start talking about the sweet treats on your hands as if to distract yourself from the short interaction earlier.

It’s never easy with your parents, and if there’s anyone who understands the entirety of how shitty they make you feel, it’s Wonwoo. Not even Shua or Jeonghan who are literally related to them by blood.

Jeonghan is a family person, and as much as he understands that your relationship with your parents isn’t ideal, he’s the type of person who also thinks that family is family. He’d never truly understand.

Shua would understand. But you’re not letting him because he takes care too much of you already so you never confide him in even though he knows.

You know Shua is aware of your feelings, but Shua has never been the type to push so he never asks even though it’s clear that it bothers him not knowing. He waits. He patiently waits until you open up because he wants you comfortable speaking about it.

Hence you choose to never say anything about it altogether.

“I… kind of want to be alone for a while,” you whisper eventually, and despite the fact that it’s normal for you to be like this, it worries him still. “Cover for me?”

He nods nevertheless, because he knows you need it and then takes off his suit and puts it around your shoulders. You’re probably going to the balcony for a breather like you usually would. Wonwoo reaches for your fingers and squeezes them firmly before letting go.

“Don’t catch a cold.”

And then you’re gone.

Wonwoo tries his best to make pleasantries and entertain the guests, telling everyone that’s looking for you that you’re touching up your makeup or that you’re taking an important call somewhere. No one finds it odd–at least no one that’s not close to you because when Shua asks, Wonwoo simply gives him the look and he immediately understands–no one except for Jennie.

“Is she in trouble?” she asks, genuinely concerned. She has just returned from the restroom when she spots Wonwoo by himself, his suit missing and he’s looking at his phone. Naturally, she makes her way to him. “I know you’re lying, Jeon. She couldn’t have gone this long if she’s simply touching up her makeup.”

“Just… personal stuff,” he gives in, figuring out that he could tell her at least that much. “She needs to be alone at times.”

It’s such a simple sentence, one that wouldn’t mean much to other people in passing. But it gets Jennie pondering to herself and then contemplating whether or not to say what’s on her mind.

“Do you realize how attached you are to her?”

Wonwoo looks at her, confused, and Jennie helpfully explains further.

“It’s just… I know you’re worried and you don’t want to leave her alone. But you know she needs it so you’re here, covering for her, even though you can’t stop glancing at the entrance every few seconds. You’re so… emotionally attached to her, you know? And I don’t mean it in a bad way. It just really amazes me. And even though it was obvious since we were kids that you’re both dependent on each other, I never thought it would go on until now.”

Is it really that obvious? Wonwoo thinks to himself. To the point where Jennie, who barely sees you both, can point it out?

If he’s being completely honest, Wonwoo knows his feelings aren’t subtle enough—at least not to the people close to him. No one has ever really pointed it out though, perhaps aware that Wonwoo isn’t really one to talk about what he feels. So to have Jennie saying it to his face isn’t something that Wonwoo expects to face tonight.

“I don’t mean to prod, I promise,” she says, afraid that Wonwoo might think she’s being nosy. He doesn’t though, just mainly dumbfounded to hear how people outside his circle but close enough perceive the both of you. “I’m really just amazed and, like I said the other day, I’m envious of your friendship. And… umm…”

She hesitates for a bit, the look on her face close to discomfort. Wonwoo simply stares at her though, a curious eyebrow raised as if allowing her to continue if she wants.

“Umm… I hope you’re not going to take this the wrong way, but it’s also pretty obvious that you love her more than that.”

His eyes widen in surprise, coughing to mask his uneasiness, truly not expecting anyone, let alone Jennie, to ever say those words out loud. Perhaps because it’s Jennie who says it, someone he’s just close enough with, but it hits him more than it would had it been Shua or Jeonghan who said it to him.

Jennie looks at him timidly, a little unsure about his reaction. Nevertheless, she continues to speak in a hushed tone, trying to convince him that it’s a good thing and that you’re lucky to have him love you that way.

Wonwoo stays silent though, his mouth a little ajar and his eyes still widen in shock. Is he shocked because she’s being too honest? Or is he in denial about his feelings? “You’re not… unaware of your feelings, right?”

For a few seconds, Wonwoo is too stunned to speak. But then he steps closer and Jennie actually holds her breath because she’s flustered, not in the way that she has butterflies in her stomach but in the way that she’s afraid that she’s offended him somehow.

“Is… is it that obvious?” he says instead, his voice a little shaky. Jennie hates to be the one to break it to him, but she nods and whispers that anyone with eyes and just enough sense would know he’s into you.

“I–”

“Wonwoo?” your voice cuts him off and Wonwoo immediately turns away to see still you wrapped in his suit.

You eye the both of them, and then subtly frown at the proximity when you realize just how close the two are standing to each other. It doesn’t help that Jennie looks a little flustered too, like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t be doing, and you think you hear her say something along the lines of ‘we’ll talk about it some other time’ before she excuses herself to find someone.

The whole thing just seems off to you and you can’t help but feel uneasy at the interaction. Has Wonwoo always been that close to Jennie?

“Feeling better?” he softly asks as he reaches for your fingers. His own fingers feel warm against yours, almost enough to make you forget about the uneasiness you felt just now.

Almost.

You shrug, not really up to talk about it, you step closer to him though, because even though there’s a queasy feeling in your stomach because of what you’ve just seen seconds ago, this is still your Wonwoo who brings you comfort when you need it most.

“What were you talking about with Jennie?”

He’s a little surprised to say the least, not expecting you to ask.. You never talk about her, after all. But he shakes his head and squeezes your fingers, his voice a little too strained than he would’ve liked. “Just… something.”

It’s really nothing, but you frown at the way he sounds a little defensive–like he has a secret he’s willing to share with Jennie but not you.

He never does that.

“Really?” you try one more time, looking at him expectantly.

“Mhm,” he hums and reaches out to fix the strands of hair that escapes your ear. His palm pats your cheek once before he closes the topic by saying it’s not important and changes it into something else.

It’s normal, something that Wonwoo often does when he doesn’t wish to talk about something. Wonwoo isn’t exactly a man of many words, after all. You’re used to it and you’re not exactly someone who prods either, especially when it’s Wonwoo. You understand him more than you understand yourself.

So why are you upset that Wonwoo’s doing something he always does?

What’s this uncomfortable feeling inside your chest, settling itself deep within yourself the more you replay the way Wonwoo brushes off the topic like he doesn’t want you to know about it?

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission. taglist:@hoe4wonwoo@dnylwoo@yslshua@twogyuu@najaemin138 @blueixnie@boowanie@pwettytae@itsveronicaxxx@aphrodyteeth@leechanniee@jeoonghann@sdoulc@kyeomjjigae@ru-lin@listxn@yngreid@vynnz@lilactangerine@justasoftstan@amymoonl @02psh@lovelywoo@pusangmamon@yoontaedotin@soonchanshua@fanfic24@nothingbutadeadesceane@nollixtrml@sweetheart-gs@rjsmochii

[calypsoff]

Fifty Six.

Life is so weird; I feel very weird. I sometimes sit here and think oh my god I am pregnant, I can’t believe at the age of twenty six I am going to be a mother. I’ve always wanted to be a young mother, but I wouldn’t have done it without the right man and Chris is that, he is the love of my life and I feel safe with him, I want a family with him. I am ready for that, but it’s so surreal and my excitement to be a mother, I just can’t wait. I want to hold my baby in my arms already, I feel so complete. I don’t feel drained today, I am very much lively, but I need to be, we are going home finally. I rushed through that last Puma meeting and told them it’s time for me to go home, everything else can be done on Skype and they know it. It’s time for me to rest and get ready to be a mother, spend time with Chris and enjoy this, I want to spend time with Chris. That is my major goal, I want to be involved in his business, I want him to know I care about him and care about what he does. My mother actually mentioned it to me, she said why am I still in London what about your husband, why aren’t you there for him. It’s unfair, I need to spend time with him, and I get where she is coming from and that is what I am going to do when I get back, help him progress in his business. Enough of me, it’s about him. It still makes me smile that he came here for me, I could just tell as much as I missed him he missed me and I love that about him, even though he can be stupid at times. I am so happy, even though he continues to undress me. That reminds me, sex needs to happen but like I find it so weird I don’t know, it needs to happen either way “I packed my suitcase, I come to help you now” I cooed out “you’re adorable, thank you. My feet hurt” I whined, with an added drama with that “then you rest, I can do it” he’s going to throw my clothes in the suitcase, I just know him “are you going to nicely put them in?” I questioned “I can, I can fold?” Nodding my head slowly, I guess I will try and trust him.

Chris is terrible, honestly he threw my things in the suitcase like it was nothing, but I just really couldn’t be bothered to say no to him, he offered so I let him do it, I don’t want to whine too much at him either about it “excited to go back home” walking behind him “mhmm yeah, with you yes. I am glad that we can finally just be a family. It sucks not having you around you know?” Poking my lips out “I know, well you got me now. I will be annoying you lots” grabbing his tee and pulling him back but he’s too strong for me as always “I’ll let you pull me back, what is it” he turned to me “nothing, I just can’t wait to annoy you so much. You’re going to hate me now I’m home” Chris placed his arm around my shoulder “you will never annoy me, I love you too much” I know he does “I just can’t believe that you’re actually pregnant, it’s weird to see you like this. When I see you come out of bed, when you’re just walking around in your own world I am sat there like, wow. This is really us, we are married and having a baby, wild isn’t it?” Chris is having a moment clearly “I know, at first I didn’t have that feeling of wanting to be a mother. I was just thinking of my career then you came into my life and all of a sudden I wanted to settle down, oh yeah. Let me wear your jacket, it is big. I don’t want anyone taking pictures of my bump, you never know at the airport, they love doing random checks. I haven’t said a word about this, so the world is on edge about me” I am going to be wearing baggy clothes for a while now.

I ended up wanting food, I was hungry, so they stopped at McDonald’s drive thru, I mean we didn’t need too but I wanted it. I am craving their fries for some reason “if this line doesn’t hurry up I am going to scream” I huffed out “girl relax, you have us in this queue for fries, the fuck. You’re lucky we are early” Mel is judging me “whatever, I want them now. Hey, Chris. Have you seen my lock screen picture?” turning my phone to him, he looked over at me. More like dragging his head away from his phone “you like it, don’t I look good though? I look sexy, say it? I am saying it my damn self. Marriage looks good on me” side eyeing Chris, Dennis takes good pictures. He looks so sexy, I had to use it on my lock screen “I was thinking” looking over at Chris, he is so deep in his phone “oi!?” I spat “what?” who is he saying what too “I am sorry, yes?” he is annoyed “what is wrong? Did I do something wrong?” he shook his head “no, just my ex annoying me, here you can read it” he passed me his phone “I have nothing to hide from you Robyn, I promise you” taking his phone “scroll to the top, she has a new number” I was about to ask but he answered me.

Seiko: Married for love or money!???

Chris: Who is this?

Seiko: The ex you left for that bitch! You loved me Chris, you said it with your own mouth! Everything you promised me you did it for her!!!! YOU NEVER WANTED KIDS!

Chris: Delete my number you fucked my friend and had his kid, we squashed this beef Seiko, FOH!

Seiko: Until I see you on the front page of Vogue!? And pregnant too, you liar. You was fucking her and me at the same time, you know what I will be talking! Idc!!!!

Chris: And say what?

Seiko: I have kept your old messages the love you ones asshole, every memory I have kept. I have your dick picture too

Chris: I have a big dick I don’t really care, leave me alone. Leak whatever you want. I love Robyn, you was just … there?

The conversation ended from there “are you kidding me?” What the fuck riled this bitch back up for what!? Block her and ignore her, I have already got this bitch a gag order and she needs to stop before her son and her go hungry. I am not having it, she leaks your shit Chris you tell TJ find a job, I am not feeding his family” I spat, I mean every word too “that is harsh” Chris mumbled “harsh!? She is fucking with my family, so I will fuck with hers. Ok? And why is this bitch texting you, god. I fucking hate women, listen. Block her, if she does leak a thing. You fire TJ and you can say it’s with love from me, no! I am not feeding her son and she talks shit, she will fucking learn” throwing Chris’ phone onto his lap “lioness” Mel said laughing “Chris has a whole team now, he doesn’t need them anyways. That has really annoyed me, trash just in his life. Chris, you can call me harsh, but I am right. You have a team so why is your friends hanging on your balls?” let me calm down “don’t be in my business Robyn ok? Just leave me and mines, she won’t leak shit. I am saying it nicely, stop” pulling a face at him, he is stupid.

Chris and his love for his friends is deep, he won’t speak to me now on the jet. He is sleeping so it’s whatever, what can I say but it angers me. The bitch really thinks she has a hold over us like that, I will kill her if she posts anything about Chris “she doesn’t know I am crazy, I will go there and I will fucking beat her ass, yes Mel I am still on it. I am on it still because how dare she do that, what gave her the right to threaten him. And then you see how he said leave me and mines, those friends were barely there when I was taking care of him, he has a new team. You tell me now Mel, why do people get a new team?” I questioned “when niggas don’t know how to act but let’s keep Barry out of it, my nigga needs a job” I chuckled “well if he gets in my way I will, Tina! Come here” I spat, she text me that she has news but can’t walk her ass over here “I am tired Rihanna” she said in a huff “well why text you have news, spill” Tina dragged her feet over to me “you have some Nominations” letting out an oh “oh really, please do tell” Tina sat next to Mel “Grammy nomination for Best urban contemporary album and best pop/group performance” clapped my hands “woo! I will take that, I am happy with that” I always do like a Grammy “time for you to do a thank you post” rolling my eyes “you are my assistant not my social media manager” Tina is annoying “I am helping you here, shall I just write a little thank you” nodding my head, I can’t be bothered with that.

Landing in LAX is a good feeling, I will be here for the foreseeable time now anyways, I guess I better kiss the jet bye “thank you” Rich took my bag from me, Chris rushed to the SUV. He has a face on with me because I said what I said, I don’t regret any of it. What I said was true, I am not feeding that bitch when she is doing that. Looking down at the caller I.D, my mother is calling. Answering the call as I got into the SUV “hello mother” Rich closed the door behind “how are you? Are you feeling less fatigue now, I worry about you, so please tell me how you are” I cooed out “I feel better mom, weird enough I feel less fatigue, more energy anyways. I feel like I am ready to do a whole performance” I joked “no, you just rest now. Are you home now?” my mother questioned “I am, just got off the jet. You worry too much, do not worry. I promise you that I am doing what you said” I will just say that because she keeps going on “good, just too much distance, too long. He was unwell for a while and he has therapy and you’re where? London, no. You stay with him now and you take care of him, you are a wife first now Robyn” rolling my eyes “mother I get it please, my life isn’t over” she is so old school “you have a husband and child Robyn, independent woman can wait” I chuckled “ok mom, I love you I need to go” time for me to go “you call me later, I mean it” I breathed out “ok mom, bye” disconnecting the call, she is terrible sometimes.

Chris is really quiet with me over his friends and it’s not even funny anymore “you should have sat in the back if you was going to be this quiet with me” I said to him “you just do too much sometimes, I am not that kind of guy to just tell my friends to go with no money, they was there for me” frowning at him “Chris, they are your friends I get it but she is coming at my family. She is threatening to expose you, what are you going to do? Just sit here and take it, is that it? I will come for her family like she is coming for mine, if that means TJ is getting it in the neck then it means it, your loyalty should should be with me Chris remember that” shaking my head at him “Robyn, I promise you now my loyalty to you is higher then what you think, I would drop them. Trust me, I have a lot on my mind right, I don’t like that I may need to get rid of them, ok sorry I snapped but I just have a lot on my mind” he finally can speak “say that to me instead of being quiet with me, no need to apologise I just rather you speak to me. I got angered that she is coming at you like that, I don’t want to argue with you so let’s just get on. Now that I am home, see what I said now that I am here” Robyn chuckled “you want to go back now?” I knew he would say that.

I haven’t really spent any time in this home, what is one night. So I am finally home, this is our home “what is it like now? Being in this home, do you like it?” this home is more Chris then me, I wanted the one with the fountain, much more extravagant but I rather he be comfortable “I love it, I was ok to stay here. The guy that did the security system was amazing, he showed me all the new gadgets. The bed is nice but I do like it, I am sure you will too. There is boxes around though, these are your things, also mine. I don’t know what is my part of the closet and yours, we still have things to do together” he is right we actually do “oh yeah-”I was about to tell him I got nominated for two Grammys but my phone started to ring, Jay Brown of course. Answering the call “hello, I am back in LA by the way” I mentioned “good but I just wanted to say congratulations! Two nominations, I am super happy for you but I do need to speak to you on something” here we go “I am listening and thank you” I added “Grammys, they have asked for you to perform. They want you to perform Stay and also to include you for the Bob Marley tribute, they have reached out to you. I said I will speak to her, it is down to what she would like to do” I groaned out “you know what, that tribute would come up when I am pregnant. I am not sure, by then I will be what six months or maybe five then. Then again it’s nothing big in regards to performance, I will think on it. I will discuss and get back to you” that is the best I can do “and I take that, speak soon” he disconnected the call “I just seen your post, baby. I am happy for you, congratulations” Chris has seen it “thank you poppa” locking my phone, turning in the seat “they want me to perform, I said I will thin on it but I really would like input. I am on the borderline, yes and no. Hide or don’t hide” I am stuck between those things, I want to do it, but I don’t want to do it.

Chris turned his phone to me “what is this?” squinting my eyes “I put you in my page, read what I wrote” seeing the picture first, tilting my head to the side “what was I doing there? Was I laying my head on your lap, I look so peaceful” I chuckled, he really took a picture of me just in my zone watching TV “ok sorry, I am so proud of you Robyn. I treasure every waking moment with you but to see how much you work hard for everything, to see you being awarded for it. You do deserve it baby, two nominations” I cooed out “thank you so much Chris, you think I work hard?” I raised an eyebrow “yeah, on a real. To begin with, I just was like she’s a singer. She can’t be busy; she tours and that is it. But sitting with you and being with you, you work hard, and you’re so hands on with it. But I miss you, I think I can learn from you though. Work hard and then you get to play hard, but I just miss you a lot, I miss you being there for me” nodding my head understanding “I get it and I am here now am I not? You got me now but what should I do about this performance, you tell me? I always like your advice anyways” Chris pulled a face not believing that I do “erm, I would. I don’t know, do it in Rihanna style, you want to do things your way, so I don’t know. Maybe you should go to the Grammys and without any warning, they see you’re pregnant and the day will be about you” I like the sound of that “you maybe right” I think that is good.

I breathed out seeing the bedroom, Chris never mentioned that he left the house as it was so the bed covers are just like he left them, slept in “bed is nice isn’t it?” he says this but doesn’t see the mess he left it in “yeah, about that. What happened? And the bathroom, you just left it. I can imagine the rooms are a mess” Chris shrugged “I hate clothes being on the floor Chris pick it up” he always does it, Chris wrapped his arms around my shoulder “I really want sex Robyn” he wants sex and he shows me a mess of a room “and I said soon, to turn me on it would be nice if the bedroom was spotless. The clothes, I thought we had a cleaner come out every week?” I am confused “she does but she didn’t come before I left and I told her nobody would be home so don’t come” men are a mess “fine, but I don’t feel horny Chris. Pick your clothes up, I seen your clothes in the corner of the bathroom too when exactly did the cleaner come?” how can he make this much mess “so she came and then we made the mess again and I told her to not come because I was away” he really expects me to feel horny, he is funny “I have the scan tomorrow you know, I changed the appointment, maybe if you help me clean then tomorrow we can you know” I will bribe him.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so we said that JJ have gone to get the PE shit and are casually having a 🚬 and the teacher is like go see what the hold up is and Ella volunteers cos 1000% that bitch and she of course starts a vague rumour about them being saucy with it] Janis: are the boys saying shit Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: fuck's sake Janis: right, how do you wanna deal from your end Janis: 'cos you can say shit or you can slag me off like you'd never, either way, your move, new boy Jimmy: how do you want me to? Jimmy: I could give a shit what gets said about me Janis: alright, just say nothing then Janis: I'll deck her Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hardly Jimmy: nowt close to a challenge my end Jimmy: and it ain't like you'll have one flooring her Janis: still can't get her to take it back Janis: have to force feed her or some shit for that Jimmy: and what? you've got a missus waiting at home that'll be 💔 you were at it with someone else in the sport's cupboard? Janis: Fuck off Janis: if I've got to explain sexism to you then cba Janis: no one's chatting shit on your name like they are mine Jimmy: I bet lasses are, 'cause I shouldn't have touched you with a barge pole or some bollocks Jimmy: hang on, I'll check Jimmy: [DMs] Janis: and what? Janis: I didn't start it, take it up with Blondie Jimmy: I don't care what any dickhead in this shithole reckons, it's your problem if you do Jimmy: that's what Janis: Don't need your groundbreaking hot take to know that, tah Jimmy: stop whinging at me then, tah Janis: I ain't, do one Janis: I was checking you weren't making it worse for me, that's it Jimmy: job done Jimmy: and there'll be a new #scandal tomorrow so no need to check in with me again Janis: you reckon, new boy? Janis: you'll be lucky if another kid joins before you leave yourself Jimmy: I'll be leaving myself soon as Jimmy: you'll be lucky if it ain't you and 👑💀 stuck doing the project Janis: mistaking me for the bitch that cares about her A Jimmy: nah, I weren't Jimmy: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: i'd get her to spread that it is Janis: don't wanna shout about how that look is a choice Jimmy: you ain't that bad that I feel the need, looks wise at least Janis: great Jimmy: any road, my brother's deaf, if I start spreading that shit about they'll be asking my sister if she's got a fake leg or some bollocks Jimmy: be a bit rude to her Janis: I'm not gonna chat shit on your unfortunate genetics, don't worry Janis: can't rival mine anyway Jimmy: @iantaylor8 if you wanna have a go Janis: unless he has his own law firm, I'm not bothered Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: obviously, we had a great time amongst the unwashed bibs and muddy footballs Jimmy: surprised she could get the door open Jimmy: 💀💪 Janis: got that burst of adrenaline knowing she'd get extra treats from her master for it Janis: could've been in there alone, obviously helps other people give more of a fuck that it was you Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so yeah, it is your fault, cheers Jimmy: didn't send myself or force you to have that 🚬 off me, mate Janis: not my go-to defense story Janis: crying rape might seem kinda cute but I'm alright Jimmy: funny Jimmy: you ain't that cute I NEED to fuck you mid P.E Janis: oh no Janis: let me go cry into the nearest 🏀 Jimmy: the mats would be a better shout, they've managed all that 💦 Janis: oh yeah, bring up the mats Janis: not heard enough about what a romantic setting they are Jimmy: soz, next time I'll assault you in the 🚽 Janis: even better Janis: I'll just stay in there and set up shop Jimmy: 💕 Janis: should've picked an option with a racket Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: work too, fair heft behind that Jimmy: bit of class an' all Jimmy: rich girl won't have nowt to whinge about Janis: 'cos I've proved well classy Jimmy: will do with a full orchestra behind your rampage Janis: I'll find a music nerd in these DMs Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: beats Mia suing me 'cos I killed her girlfriend Jimmy: another'd spawn from Mia's rib or some bollocks Jimmy: she'd be alright Jimmy: if she don't regurgitate one like a 🐍 jaw unhinged Janis: 🐑 don't baa on the way out, new boy Janis: ask my sister Jimmy: You're alright, I'd rather not talk to her Janis: wow Janis: same Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMG Jimmy: no wonder every dickhead thinks we're love's young dream Janis: yeah, she's SUCH a delight, everyone else 💘s her Jimmy: obvs Janis: you're new, so I'll let you off for not being up enough on the gossip this once Jimmy: tah Jimmy: so generous, you Janis: apparently so Jimmy: go on, what do you want me to do Janis: ? Jimmy: you're that 💔 Janis: you can't do fuck all Janis: even if I were Jimmy: Why can't I? Janis: what's to do Janis: they chat shit 'cos they got none of their own Janis: none as interesting as what they wanna gob off about anyway Jimmy: I dunno, that's why I asked Jimmy: but alright Janis: just forget about it 'til they do, like you said Jimmy: nowt to bother remembering Janis: not a diss, just factual so Janis: yeah Jimmy: bet Ella counts her 🚬 Janis: easier habit to hide when you have to brush your teeth at least ten times a day Jimmy: got something else to blame when they go yellow and fall out an' all Janis: set of falsies is the way to go Janis: off and on again whenever you need to purge Janis: I'll float it Jimmy: shame she don't do lads Jimmy: that's a kink right there Janis: she definitely does Janis: that's why this is bullshit Janis: does whatever 💀👑 needs her to Jimmy: I'll live without hearing about them threesomes Janis: grim Jimmy: they still ain't welcome up north Janis: 💔 how will they cope Jimmy: idk idc obvs babes Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Jimmy: go ahead and spread that about as your official ™ reaction to my 😘 Janis: no one cares if you were good, new boy Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that'll be why my inbox is full Janis: your inbox is full because a. people think you're good as is b. they wanna know if I am Jimmy: if they reckon I'm good they care enough to have thought about it Janis: alright, they're well concerned Janis: if you need 'em to be Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you ain't concerned about what I do or don't need Janis: nah, I'm not Janis: just a weird hill to live and die on Jimmy: would be if it were the one I were on Janis: 👍 Janis: just saying, no one is concerning themselves if I had a good time or not Jimmy: I heard you Janis: alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: later Janis: [actually later, like a lesson or so whatever] Janis: do you know George Daley? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos I wanna know if he's telling the truth or not Jimmy: about what? Janis: apparently you told him loads of extra details he was loudly telling his mates Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: new boy, remember Janis: he's not also saying you're best friends Jimmy: I'm saying I've said nowt Jimmy: piss off Janis: okay Janis: you're marginally more plausible than him so take your word Jimmy: I'll take my 🏆 soon as you've engraved it Janis: don't get ahead of yourself Janis: either your imagination is lacking or it's his Janis: and I know you're WELL artistic so Jimmy: alright, stop flirting with me Janis: how many more girls need to tell you that's disgusting Jimmy: how many lasses are in this school? Janis: ha Janis: know they don't do royalty in the north, even they ain't that thick Janis: come up with a new bit probably Jimmy: 👌 Janis: send you his socials if you wanna smack him down Jimmy: go on then Janis: [does] Janis: he's the least attractive one in the groupshot, go figure Jimmy: the 🦐 looking twat? Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: good shout Janis: fits with your fish kink Jimmy: What lesson you in? Janis: Physics Jimmy: that's [a classroom/ lab number situ, don't get lost boy] ? Janis: next one along Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [shows up and decks this boy so that all kicks off] Janis: [dramaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [enjoy the show bitches] Janis: [what are you gonna make of that, ladies, when it looks like you're defending her honour instead of your own] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are though, we see you boy] Janis: [we all do, not her though so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally been here no time Jimothy, casual crush at first sight okay then] Janis: [we know you're both hot no hiding from that] Janis: how much trouble you get in? Jimmy: You've been here longer than me, have a guess Janis: 🤔🤔 Janis: depends how much of a good mood the head was in 🥴 Jimmy: ☕ were half full Jimmy: might be 🥃🥃 or 🥃🥃🥃 depending on his measures Janis: either way, bet you have to write him an apology Janis: always make you do that Jimmy: [shows her his 🦐 doodles all over said apology] Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 😏 sincere Jimmy: Am I supposed to invite him out for a 🦐🍛 or what? Janis: no Janis: he'll 😢 and with his eye how it is now, might explode from the pressure Jimmy: can either handle a #ladsnightout or you can't Janis: poor shrimpy Janis: he looks better for the swelling, honestly Jimmy: might write me a thank you note Jimmy: been after a pen pal Jimmy: 💕 Janis: figures Jimmy: ? Janis: artistic Janis: prefer 🖋 over 🗣 Jimmy: nah, just northern Jimmy: can barely write and I need the practice Janis: tell the head that, she can tell her bosses, and they'll get you out of detention Jimmy: 👍 Janis: success story ⭐ Jimmy: my dad will be dead proud Janis: buzzing Jimmy: what am I missing then? Janis: a sense of purpose? Janis: your keys? Janis: what? Jimmy: what 🗨 dickhead Janis: oh, what shrimpdick said? Janis: just more bollocks than I'd heard already Janis: if it were bad before, it's 💘 now Jimmy: you could've said 💀👑 were in there Janis: how was I supposed to know you'd show up Jimmy: what did you think I were gonna do? Janis: well, see him after school sounds a bit gay but Janis: not barge in to a lesson, obviously Jimmy: yeah I asked you for directions I weren't gonna use Janis: I thought you were bullshitting Jimmy: you're alright, there's nobody about to see me 😭 Janis: probably work in our favour once everyone else calms down Janis: reckons we're both gay so Janis: let her do the work with the 🗨 Jimmy: what were it you said? buzzing Jimmy: that'll be me Janis: 👍 Janis: you didn't get in proper shit, did you Jimmy: What's proper shit? Janis: like excluded level Janis: anything below that, not saying sorry for your 😭 Jimmy: weren't after a sorry off you any road Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and I never hit him that hard Janis: I know Janis: but he's being a right tart about it Janis: make more sense if he was good looking to start with Jimmy: 🦐💔 Jimmy: you a vegetarian or what? Janis: hilarious 🙄 Jimmy: 🤡 me Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: 'cos my taste borders outside aquatic, I'm gay now, alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: literally Janis: you asked Jimmy: nah Janis: you just curious about my dietary needs Jimmy: if that's a crime, give Mia's dad a bell Janis: 🤞💘 Janis: they're well pissed off rn, nothing else Jimmy: sod catholic school, don't even need it Jimmy: about to get into heaven off the back of that Janis: told 'em it weren't me that was getting #saved Jimmy: you wanna piss 'em off a bit more? Janis: obviously? Jimmy: Alright, what would? Jimmy: I'm here, you're there and we're 💕 Janis: you said no one's about? Jimmy: I did do Janis: a teachers showed? Jimmy: nah but that means they could in a bit Janis: fuck it Janis: hang on then Jimmy: 🤞💘 Janis: [ask for a pissbreak, go to whatever room this is and take a #goals selfie for the first time] Jimmy: [love that because it makes the fake dating less out of the blue as a request so well done lads] Janis: [you're welcome] Janis: get more ❤s than her she'll 💥 Jimmy: I'd say challenge accepted but it ain't one Janis: 🥺 when your boyfriend isn't as fit as you thought Jimmy: if you're doing that face since you've been back, you'll really sell the starcrossed lovers angle Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😒 translate just as well Jimmy: I get it, there's no oscar in your future Janis: fuck off Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: couldn't hack the proposition of being in my ad, you Janis: that's different Janis: besides, tell me it won't be funnier to make her do it Jimmy: might be for the first 10 takes Janis: she gets to roleplay with daddy to rehearse she'll be 🏆 Jimmy: SUCH a romantic, you Janis: just want her to be happy, like Jimmy: fuck her, I'm giving you the 🏆 Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that's me, obvs Janis: no, you're #saved Janis: don't hog them all Jimmy: one #'s worth fuck all Jimmy: every dickhead knows you need to flood it Jimmy: bit biblical an' all, that Janis: you get sent her to get turned? Janis: hardcore conversion therapy Janis: here* Jimmy: not gay, just fit and mysterious Janis: 👌 Jimmy: gone right off 🐙🦑🦐🦞🦀🐡🐠🐟 but I don't reckon we can call that hardcore Jimmy: or much of a turn Janis: aren't supposed to eat shellfish actually, so God should be made up Jimmy: success story ⭐ Jimmy: like you said Janis: can go back to where you came from now Janis: in the nicest, non-racist way possible Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🙏* Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not 👠👠 but you get what you pay for Jimmy: ain't my fault the tip jar's got nowt in Jimmy: @💀👑 Janis: I remember Jimmy: she ain't changed her ways or owt recently, funny that Janis: she needs the #bornagain Janis: thank fuck she ain't got a dog Jimmy: Oi, what's El if not a service 🐕? Janis: she walks herself enough though Jimmy: she does do laps round the table before she gets her ☕ Janis: not surprised Janis: beyond surprised she can still manage it without the heart attack, obvs Jimmy: 🙏* Janis: deal with the 😈 Janis: gotcha Jimmy: if you can say fuck it today, why not, like? Janis: decent tagline Janis: I'll put it on the site Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: I were gonna say if you need 📸 for it, give me a shout an' all Janis: like IOU one 💘 selfie? Jimmy: sir ain't getting my nudes that easy Janis: gutted Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: call it another deal with the 😈 if you want, mate, but I were being serious Jimmy: bagsied the 🎨 ages ago Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: was thinking, how do we piss her off more with this project Janis: without it being dead obvious that that's what we're doing Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: do you mean us or the #content? Janis: both Jimmy: what thoughts did you have? Janis: well, obviously we can't put in anything that she can run to sir with Janis: but, like the ad, you can edit it to be like one of those no win no fee things like you said Janis: shit like that Jimmy: Do you know what her dad actually looks like? Janis: hold on Janis: [finds his linkedin or whatever 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you reckon we could use his shit Janis: he has a website as well, can take bits of that as #inspiration Jimmy: few edits so it ain't LITERALLY his, bit of a parody, OMG she'll be fuming Janis: right, that's the VIBE Janis: could use his face but distort it, shadow it, put a bag over Janis: you know she'd know still Jimmy: I've been pissing about with hers an' all Jimmy: [shows her what he's been up to because he didn't have her father's deets] Janis: that's good Janis: on the same page on this one Janis: make 'em victims of medical negligence or something Janis: botched hair transplant Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: dickheads sometimes put a 👍 review of their website, happy clients that sort of bollocks Janis: right Janis: and if we make her the lawyer she wants to be Janis: can't really complain Jimmy: she can't but not to sir Jimmy: can* Janis: that's all I care about Janis: she ain't gonna stop COMING for me 😭 Jimmy: or her man for me 😱😱 Janis: soz I don't know what classes he takes so you can smack him and all Jimmy: he'll find me, unless they're both all mouth Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: *🤞 Janis: least the muscles are purely for show Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Janis: mhmm Jimmy: so complimentary, you Jimmy: I get why your inbox is full Janis: don't need to be Janis: I'm the 🏆 Jimmy: I'm taking back the one I gave you a bit ago for generosity or whatever bollocks it were Janis: I'll survive, mate Jimmy: 👌 dry your eyes and crack on Janis: enjoy your DMs Jimmy: Oi I'm illiterate remember, and there's no need to rub it in, Janet Janis: there'll be lots of pictures for you, no doubt Janis: get the gist real easy Jimmy: 🤤🤤😍😍 Jimmy: might be right about me being saved Janis: 😷 GROSS Jimmy: we'll both live Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: real tragedy that Jimmy: give it a few years to get on the English curriculum Janis: not that you'll ever know Jimmy: might still be trying to pass it Janis: awh Jimmy: *🤷 Janis: i'm well concerned about your education Jimmy: HANG ON, is this NERD FLIRTING?!! 💕🤓 Jimmy: I'd heard loads about it Janis: have to see what 💀👑 reckons Jimmy: I'll @ her Janis: she'll love that Jimmy: [does obviously and sends her whatever response] Janis: good to know she's SO on board with this 💘 Janis: have to keep it up if she's gonna be so 😭 😤 Jimmy: if she can't have us, next best, obvs Janis: now she knows how poor Ella feels Jimmy: what the fuck is going on there? Janis: if she ain't in love with her idk Janis: she don't need her to buy her shit Jimmy: I'll have to @ her an' all Janis: fill your boots sherlock Janis: 🤞 it's a death cult naturally, so they take my sister with 'em Jimmy: sounds like a bit of me, that Jimmy: gutted I pissed off their leader Janis: well, you want a new 👜 she'll take you in and make you pay with  🩸🥵😭 Jimmy: if it can start a gay teletubby scandal, might do something for me Janis: better rep than 💫💘 Janis: probably Jimmy: what ain't? Janis: cheer Janis: s Janis: not the only one with an inbox full of hilarious 'better' offers Jimmy: you wanna go from 😍😍 to 💀💀💀 in 3 days that's your shout Jimmy: be a record around here at any rate Janis: I'll just do one when you get mixed messages and top yourself Jimmy: take it up with the 'better' offers, more of 'em you can take out, the 'better' this shithole would be Janis: no shit, like Janis: not that much of a slag, sadly Jimmy: you called me Sherlock, pointing out the bloody obvious is my job done Janis: go shoot up and go to your mind palace, like Jimmy: not that much of a druggie, sadly Janis: letdown Janis: said you were 😎 Jimmy: 😎 by 💀👑 standards is bound to be a letdown by yours, Jules Janis: understatement Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: coming from you, that's almost a compliment Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you can stop fishing now Janis: piss off Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕 NEW BOY Jimmy: 💕 Janis: anything that reminds you of our glorious leader 😍 Jimmy: this teacher's ☕ breath is really doing it for me Janis: cruel and unusual punishment that Janis: tell socials you're being tortured Jimmy: start me a # Janis: #justiceforjimmy is catchy but you don't have a name so won't help Jimmy: @ Mia's dad for legal words beginning with n Jimmy: 🤞 he's got that far in the alphabet or you're on your own, girl Janis: I'll have to go for the cryptic #whereisnewboy Janis: not having 👀 on you must be well distressing for them anyway Jimmy: steady on though, sounds a bit like I've already ghosted you Jimmy: not very #goals that Janis: oh yeah Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: 🐇 on the boil or nowt Jimmy: 💀👑 rule 1 Janis: I'll think on it then 👻 boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #getghostboyout Janis: how long did you actually get in there? Jimmy: #bustoutghostboy Janis: lowkey suggestive Jimmy: 👻👻👻👻👻👻👻 Jimmy: right, they'll LOVE that Janis: [pisstakey socials] Jimmy: [replies that are lowkey suggestive because we know we've started something] Janis: [when you don't even know what you're doing but you're doing IT] Jimmy: [god bless you both]

[dysphoric-dumbass13]

All of them. Every single fall themed ask at once. Lets see how you like it. (love you)

Whatever. Something to do in bio. Love you too boo.

Lantern: (how did you meet your best friend?) I have three. For Evan, they said something about the flannel I was wearing. I didnt like them that much to start out, they were too bubbly for my taste. For TJ, I was friends with his best friend in 6th grade. She left and I didnt have any friends so J tried to become friends with him and Angel. I loved him, he was so sassy and cool. For Kass, the asshole who's making me do this, it was 6th grade science. I didn't know what to call them and spent the entire year trying to figure it out but being too afraid to ask. They were actually pretty cool. Idk what all of their initial opinions of me were.

Frost: (if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?) Quit pretending you're an adult, itll just hurt you. Let yourself dress masculine, it's ok to do that. And it's ok to like girls like you do, dont be afraid to express yourself.

Maple: (is there a hobby/skill you've always wanted to try but never did?) Yeah, I always wanted to be on a little league football team when I was little.

Harvest: (what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?) Dean winchester. Because I am just..... basically him if he wasnt raised in an environment with toxic masculinity *cough cough* John *cough cough*

Fireside: (if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?) Flannel, band tees, everything would be from the Mens section. Some binders for masculine and nb days and lots of mens skinny jeans. Also David Bowie Vans, pride converse, and combat boots.

Cider: (a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?) Idk. For a period of time I hated coffee, I dont mind it now.

Amber: (share an unpopular opinion that you may have.) Oof. Um, christians aren't necessarily bad, the ones we all know of are because they hide behind the bible to hate people.

Fog: (how well do you think you'd do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?) Either really well or terribly. I'd either let then get me, or wear a medieval suit of armor and just walk through everywhere boss mode. And Costco.

Jack-O-Lantern: (if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?) Ruby rose.

Spice: (have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?) Yes. Mine. Creepy baby handprints in the basement. In keeping the spirits occupied with my old Barbies.

Orchard: (share one thing you'd like to happen this autumn) Oh, that's hard. I think I'd want a partner so I dont go into winter depressed like I always do.

Crow: (which school subject do you have an aptitude for?) Math or English? Does choir count? Idk

Bonfire: (describe your dream house) Idc that much. As long as it has a library and multiple bedrooms, and the people I care about loving with me/nearby

Cinnamon: (if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?) Either Ireland in the medieval times as a knight, or the 70s in Europe or the US.

Cranberry: (what is one physical feature you get complimented on?) Annoyingly, my boobs. Apparently they're big and nice, whatever. Recently, my hair though. I just cut it short.

Maize: (share the weirdest encounter you've had with a stranger on the street.) Last year, I was at the mall in a bathroom and an older woman (idk maybe 60?) came up to me and said "I'm either having a drink or I have to pee. You're living the golden years kid, not me." In hindsight I think she was just quoting John Mulaney at me, but it was weird to me when it happened.

Quilt: (how do you take your tea or coffee?) Tea, chai and Irish breakfast are my favorites, I really like green tea though. It has to be sweet though, I can't stand unsweetened tea (theres my mom's Texan coming out)

Pumpkin: (do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?) Neither, I think people are born blank slates and our experiences shape everything about us.

Moonlit: (are you a neat or messy person? Is your room/house orderly?) Hahahaha, what's a floor?

Flannel #1: (have you ever gone on a bad date?) No. I've only ever been on one date, and I thought it was pretty good. I dated one person who was an asshole but that's it.

Cocoa: (if you could have any type of hair, what color and cut would you have?) Probably my natural color (light brown, easiest to dye), cut short, but curly in texture instead of this wavyish shit.

Ghost: (is there someone that you miss having in your life?) Yeah. I mean she isn't dead, but my 6th grade best friend. I miss her.

Pumpkin spice: (what is your drink of choice?) Mt Dew, Dr. Pepper, or tea. But it has to be sweet.

Wool socks: (what is something you look forward to in fall?) If I lived anywhere but where I live this would work, my wardrobe is actually fitting for the type of weather. Coolish, with some breezes, and crisp. Warm sometimes. My flannel is great for that, but stupid Colorado snows nearly year round.

Falling leaves: (you're stranded on a desert island and here's the twist: what three things do you NOT bring with you?) A boat so I can live in solidarity, thank you very much, anyone that's homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, racist, etc, and peanuts.

Smelly candles: (what's your absolute favorite scent?) Fredh baked apple pie 🤤

Big sweaters: (do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between?) I'm practically a living heater. So cold weather.

Halloween: (if you could dress up as anyone/anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?) Idk if this counts, but whatever gender I currently identify with (nb, feminine, masculine, in between). If that doesn't, then Jensen Ackles.

Cozy blankets: (where do you feel the most safe and at home?) With TJ. He's my family.

Hot tea: (when was the last time you kissed someone?) July 21st at around.... 5 or 6am?

Flannel #2: (what's your favorite day of the year? Is there a reason it's your favorite?) I don't really have one.

Chilly air: (what's your least favorite and favorite type of weather?) Is it weird that snowing is both my favorite and least favorite type of weather depending on the time of year?

Scarves: (if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?) My pair of black ripped guys skinny jeand with my dark blue distressed flannel and my wolf shirt.

Apple cider: (if you could throw a party and invite absolutely anyone, who would they be?) All of my close friends, plus the one I haven't seen in forever that I miss too much, and Misha Collins.

Haunted houses: (what's your scariest memory?) It was a dream I had when I was 5 that I remember in perfect detail. When I find the time I texted it to Kass I'll make a post with a screenshot of it.

Fuzzy boots: (if you could live in any year/era, which would it be and why?) See cinnamon above

Thanksgiving: (what is someone/something that you're most grateful for? Any particular reason?) That's hard. Can I say my best friends? That's only 3 people. And because they're always there and care about me and I love them.

Black friday: (what is one thing, if anything, that you would sell your soul to own?) The rights to be the writer of a Supernatural sequel.

Apple picking: (if you could go anywhere, where would it be and why?) Ireland. Castles. About 60% of my heritage. Green.

Corn mazes: (do you have any secret talents/abilities?) Not secret ones

Hay rides: (if you could pick absolutely anything to be your form of transportation, what would it be?) A 1967 4-door black Chevrolet Impala. Obviously.

The color orange: (do you have a specific song that reminds you of autumn? What is it?) Yeah, a few. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood, Trees by twenty one pilots, Smithereens by twenty one pilots, Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blackbird by The Beatles, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran, Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood, and What I Got by Sublime. To name a few.

Windy nights: (if you could go to any concert whose would it be?) Live Aid lmao. If they dont have to be alive then Queen, if they do then either Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, or Panic!

Holding hands: (do you believe in soulmates?) Kinda? I think I want to. I think you feel it at one point, if you meet someone you love that dearly. But idk, maybe I'm just being stupid.

Kass, thank you. And I hate you.

[apricottah]

there’s so many things i want to tell you and it builds up and becomes too much, anyway let me tell you what has been happenninnggg there is something so wrong with me all the time i swear the past like 2 weeks? week? three weeks? idk how long it’s been but anyway i went out whenever this is like at the start of when i last wrote something and me and my friend go out and jay who i went es with is there bc he works at the pub we went to and we had a really nice time but then we’re all talking about ages ago when we went to the eden project and me and this guy broke into the eden project and stole ice skates and went ice skating and swam in the waterfall but apparently the night before that there was this girl and they found me behind the portaloos 😭😭 telling her like no no get off me and she was trying to get it onnn with me and they had to save me from her bc i was like nooo and she was like 😜😜😜 so new trauma got unlocked that i completely don’t remember. whatever there’s this guy at work i fancy the fucking arse off of but like when i like someone im so nervous i just cant if idc im fine whatever but i literally idk i have a problem so ofc i told everyone and their nan i think he’s Fitttttt, we’ve been talking a bit but im still working on it but then a couple days later i sort of got over it. i asked my step dad to get some bread a week ago and he gave me the dirtiest look so my home life isn’t so great also my sister’s got really bad again and i shldn’t be workinf so much so i can look after her but i need to get my own place so i can just get custody of her it’s tricky and i’m really bad at law. i was out the other day and im walking to the loo and i see caitlin fucking daniels i haven’t spoken to her in yearrsss man she was like omg grace?!? and i was like hi!! and we’re gonna meet on sunday im so excited i was like ahhhh im doing so much better now im so heaLTHY lets do smth! she’s doing really good she seems more balanced. i have this 50th bday party on sat and im so anxious bc the only people i know going is the girl who’s parents it is, her bf and my fucking disgusting toxic ex who i would literally rather set fire to my own body than sit in a room with for any amount of time because everyone is still so blind i literally feel crazy saying he’s an asshole but im sorry i called it from the start and then i was psychotic so idrk what happened but my therapist said it’s best to just leave closed doors closed and accept what was left behind them which yeah i get but fucking hell im not drinking when i go onsat because one fucking glass of wine and i would honestly choke the shit out of him chop his cock off and bury his body in the woods yeah maybe i do have a lot of repressed anger and resentment but at least i’m getting it out in ways like writing it down instead of doing something about it. i had a dream i was pregnant last night and it was soo weird also i didn’t get into halls for uni but i think it’s a good thing i just do not think it wld be good for me im gonna just go into a house and get a job and get on with it i actually have a goal now and i am soooo gassed for it because the law changed a while ago too so you can live in italy if you’re working abroad like idk i think it’ll make it easier for me and i won’t have to fake marry a gay italian man. i have such a good idea for a book i can’t wait to start it also i finally finished my draft of the first one i am SO excited except now i need to go back and edit it alllllll which will bore the ABSOLUTE SHIT out of me but it’s also okay because i love myself

[buttercream-me-up]

Crash // Maynard Brothers

Word Count: 1842

Summary- You get into a car crash, and suddenly your twin starts acting weird.

Warnings; car crash, mention of a coma, & swears? (don’t actually remember, this was written in like a 3 day span and I can’t be bothered to check.)

A/n; I thought I’d try a different writing style, tell me what you think?? Also I’m lowkey really happy with this one, but at the same time, I’m not. Idk. Let me know your thoughts.

Requested; Yes.

req; Is it ok if you do an imagine with jack? It takes place post car accident (with both reader and jack in the car, without jack, either is fine. You can even write the accident if you wanted idc) and he is TERRIFIED of you getting anywhere near a car? It's ok if you can't, I know it's a lot XD

*ITALIC WRITING- FLASHBACK

*NORMAL- PRESENT

-

“Can you pick up some Nando’s on the way home?” Jack asked, his voice playing through the car’s speakers. “Sure thing Jack.” You said, your eyes not moving off the road. You were thankful cars had Bluetooth, especially for calls. It made everything so easy. “Anything in particular you wan-” You began to say, but were cut off by a huge smashing sound, glass flying and the world spinning rapidly, before you hit your head and everything went black.

You shot up out of your bed, drenched in sweat. You had tears rolling down your cheeks, and you were panting heavily. You mentally cursed yourself for still shaking at the thought of that day. It still haunted you like a fresh wound; as if it were only yesterday. Even if for half of that period you weren’t awake, it was still hard to believe. You expected it to scar you, but you didn’t think it would be quite like this.

Beep. Beep. Beep. “Please, Y/N, please..” You faintly heard, the sound familiar, but indistinguishable. “I need you, please..” You groaned, the bright light nearly blinding you as you peeled open your eyes. The room you found yourself in was unfamiliar, ugly light yellow walls surrounding you and very bright long lights stretched across the ceiling. You weren’t sure where you were, but you knew it wasn’t your room.

The crash. Thankfully, no one got hurt. No one else, anyway. The truck that hit you spun out of control and smashed into the side of your car. You were in a coma for a month. Or so you were told. You struggled to wrap your head around the situation. A whole month. A whole month you were in complete darkness. It felt like mere hours, the distant beeps you now know was the heart monitor, a noise in the background of the dark abyss you found yourself in.

You rubbed your eyes. When you raised it, your arm felt slightly restricted, and you looked down, you realized there were IVs in your arm and hand. “What the..” You whispered, throat sore. “Where am I?” You rasped, as if you hadn’t spoken in weeks. “Y/N?” You looked up at the sound of a voice, your blue eyes meeting the concerned, yet relieved ones of your twin. “Jack?” You whispered, unable to speak fully with your dry, sore throat. Jack looked stunned, but shook his head, jumping up suddenly, running to the door and throwing it open. “Doctor! Nurse! She’s awake!” He called out to the room, and a bunch of people crowded in.

You shook your head. You knew you weren’t the only one who was suffering. For you, it was terrifying; and the worst part was; you didn’t even see it coming. You only felt the impact; mentally, and physically. Jack, on the other hand, was taking it harder than you. You couldn’t imagine what he’d been through in the last month. You on one hand, were trapped in the abyss of nothing, unknowing of time or anything around you. Jack had to spend every day, waiting agonizingly for his other half to wake up, praying she would come back. Praying you would come back. Maybe you would know, but he refused to look at you, let alone talk to you.

“Hello, dear. I’m a doctor. You’re in the hospital. Can you tell me your name, some facts about you and the last thing you remember?” A man told/asked you. “My name is Y/N Maynard, I’m 22 years old, and I have a twin brother named Jack, and older brother named Conor and a younger sister named Anna. Last I remember is driving my car and a loud crashing sound.” You said, slightly confused. The doctor smiled, though it was bittersweet, you didn’t know why. That’s when the news came. “You’ve been in a coma for a month, Y/N.”

Jack was always a very secluded person. He liked his feelings to stay his; to keep things to himself. Always, ever since you were a kid, you were his only exception. You were the one he’d go to for everything, from girl problems to anxiety attacks, you were his rock. Now, you felt like you were missing your other half. Jack had shut himself from not only you, but everyone. All his friends were worried, Conor was worried. You weren’t worried. You were absolutely terrified.

After the news, the doctors left, and you were sitting in silence. The door creaked, and in walked several sets of footsteps. The watery eyes of Conor, Anna, your mum and dad met your own, and a smile illuminated your face. “Hi.” You croaked, and they all ran over, squishing you in a Maynard hug. Except one. “Where’s Jack?” You asked, the pain evident in your groggy voice. “He said he needed time.” Conor whispered, tucking your hair behind your ears and scanning your face, as if unbelieving you were awake. “I’m sorry.” Conor said, he knew how much you wanted your twin, and he wasn’t there.

“Jack. Let me in.” You pleaded, banging on his door. “No.” He said, and you distinctively heard his voice crack. “Jack please..” “Leave me alone, Y/N!” He yelled, clearly annoyed. “No, Jack! Stop whatever this is! I want to know why you’ve shut me out since I got back! You didn’t even visit me in the hospital for god's sake!” You screamed, and the door swung open.

“Why not?” You asked, wanting to know at least a decent reason Jack wasn’t here. Conor looked at your parents, as if asking if he should tell you. They look to each other, unsure. Anna steps up to your bed, and only then did you notice the tears running down her cheeks. “He thinks it’s his fault.” She whispered, choking back a sob. You took in a sharp breath, completely stunned by the news.

“You wanna know why I wasn’t there? One month, Y/N! An entire month without my sister, without you! I watched you for weeks, sitting in absolute silence! I talked to you, and you didn’t reply! The doctors said you could’ve died! By the way things were going, I thought you already were dead! What the hell would I have done then? I need you! You’re the better half of me, and I’m scared, alright? I’m scared of losing you!” Jack screamed, and you fell silent. You quickly realized the tears running down his already stained cheeks, his eyes red and puffy from crying.

“How would it be his fault? That doesn’t make sense..” You stuttered, your heart rate increasing. “Relax, relax, Y/N.” Your mom said, stroking your forehead gently. “You were on the phone with him when you were driving, yeah?” Anna asked, and Conor looked about ready to pull her out of the room. He stepped forward, presumably to do so, but you cut him off. “Yeah..” You answered, and suddenly, it all made sense.

“Jack..” You whispered, tears blurring your own sight. “No! I spent a month talking to your limp body. I prepared myself for the worst. I shut out everyone because all I wanted was you. I wanted my twin. You weren’t there, and it was all my fault!” He sobbed, and you ran over engulfing him in a hug. He tensed, but let his arms swing around your torso and pull you close. “I was so scared, Y/N..” He whimpered, and you realized just how hard this must’ve been for him.

“He thinks he distracted me because he was talking to me on the phone? He thinks I crashed because of that?” You asked, your voice cracking. None of your family answered, but Conor was giving Anna a look, as to say ‘you’ve fucked up.’ She backed away slightly, an apologetic look in her eyes. “Sorry.” She muttered, mainly to Conor. “B-but, I didn’t even crash! The truck ran into me!” You said, trying desperately to make an excuse for Jack not to feel guilty. You failed.

“Jack, I’m right here. I didn’t die. It’s not your fault, you know? The truck hit me, not the other way around.” You said, pulling him back to be face to face with his. “I was calling you, I was still distracting you from the road. It was my fault.” He stuttered, trying to control the seemingly endless stream of tears. “Jack, it’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re both fine. It was not your fault, okay? I promise.” You said, and he broke down, sobbing into your shoulder.

“I want to see him.” You said, looking at your family. They all gave each other looks. Anna gestured for Conor to speak, as besides Jack, you were the closest with him. He ran a hand through his hair; a nervous tick of his. He stepped forward, looking down at you sadly.You could see up close, he had tears blurring his eyes, and you knew the news wouldn’t be good. “Y/N.. He doesn’t want to see you.” Conor said, softly.

“The Uber is here.” You muttered, rubbing his back soothingly. “No!” Jack exclaimed, grabbing you tighter. You frowned, confused. “Jack, why not? We have to go to Conor’s.” You said, looking into his eyes. “W-what… what if we crash?” He stutters, nervously. “Jack, we won’t. What happened to me was a rare occasion. It won’t happen again. I won’t leave you again, okay? This time, you’ll be there for me too, right?” You told him, and he nodded.

“How could he not want to see me! This is ridiculous!” You cried, tears running down your face. Your family smiled sadly. “He’s been here for a month, Y/N. He thought you were going to die.” Anna blurted, being shushed once again by the eldest Maynard child. “Did you all think that?” You asked, vulnerably. Conor frowned. “We didn’t know what to think, Y/N. For all we knew, you could’ve already been dead.” “But I’m not.” You defended, saddened by the thought your twin didn’t want to see you. “We know, and he knows too. He’s just scared you wouldn’t be.” Your dad said, grabbing your hand and squeezing it lightly. “It was a bit of a shock for us all.”

“Now let’s go before we get a complaint from our driver.” You teased, and he wiped his red eyes. “I look like shit.” He said, looking at his reflection in his phone camera. “You always do. Come onnn!” You said, pulling his arm. He looked at you in mock offense, storming off in front of you. He took off into a run, calling back “Last one there is a rotten egg!” You laughed at the childish nature of your twin, but you were glad he was back to normal, and you’d much prefer him like this than have him shut you out at all. “I win, Y/N!” Even if he was an annoying twin, he was your annoying twin, and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

[leadrains]

why does it look so foggy

this bitch dumb as hell

is this a movie in a movie or

ok ya

kristen bell??

is this another movie in a movie

please this is so stupid are they doing it again

the blood looks so thick that's like jello

im gonna need to rewatch scream 1 2 cleanse after these sequels

oh that one was real?

ik it was filmed in 2010 but when does it take place

the editing is SOOOOO weird looking

not him being a cop again

weird bitch lady cop

the film nerd is a freak i dont like him. he doesnt have randys irritating charm

is she not with the cop damn rashida i liked him but also fuck 12 yk

oh it's the white balance that's fucked that's why it looks so bad

the lady cop is a stupid irritating bitch i need her to die so bad

the sound mixing is fucking atrocious im not sure i can even stand to watch this from the design alone let alone the plot

i can see the obvious callbacks to the first movie

i wish the design wasnt so horrible so i could process whats going on

let me cbeck another site and make sure its not just the bootleg im watching rn

it's not the bootleg it's just terribly designed

ok the sound is actually just the bootleg mostly but the visual design is just the whole movie

the bitch outside is gonna die in her house or sum

why does ghostface sound like that this is embarrassing for him

hes just whispering wheres the voice changer

hes probably in their friends closet

yeah

why would they just stand there screaming and not like call 911 as the cops supposed to be watching them were clearly not there

oh her organs are all over the place

thats a fucked thing to say to a victim why does everyone dehumanize sidney so much

am i supposed to sympathize with jill? drop dead

someone got fucking gutted on these cops watch while 3 people were screaming for help and they just get to go home

publicist lady is gonna die

yeah like right now

hes probably already in the car

lock the doors bitch

YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR

DUMB FUCKING BITCH

ugh just die at this point idc shes evil anyways

the sfx are fucking terrible

the angry boyfriend is kind of fine but WAIT IS THAT NICO

ok anyways he doesnt have the angry fucked up charm of billy and stu

jill is a stupid evil bitch i hope she dies stop being such an angsty bitch oh my god

their relationship sucks ass

his aim is ass

im already an hour in?????

ig the cop is dead

bro fuck off

oh ok damn

he got stabbed in the fuckinf brain and he gonna use his last breaths to stumble around and not. call for backup

holy shit that was close OH MY GOD

OHHHHMY GOD

oh my god

ok

oh kay

i feel like stabbing is not as immediately fatal as they depict it as in these films

obviously im supposed to suspect this new cop but i just want her fucking dead i dont think it's her

the blonde is dressed so horribly

and the ex boyfriend now that he just showed up

theyre so aggressively stupid this is obviously a setup for murder

theyre supposed to be horror movie buffs and they dont know jack shit about horror??

ok nerd is gonna die. do not care for him so good riddance i guess

hes even dressed like a knockoff randy

just die bro

the blood here looks worse than it did 20 years ago

HES GAY AJSSHAHAHHAAHAGAG

girl behind u probably

oop

just let go u have better chances

ok purr

now jill is still in the house

blondie is sus idk

ohhh no not them emulating oh god

oh my god you stupid fucking bitch you stupid fucking oh my guvking god why would you leave the house OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT OH SHIT ITS HIM DAMN OK who is he working with?

that was a fun reveal tbh idk

WHAT

JILL

REALLY

okay i thought about it but i was like nah no way they wouldnt do that again it would be stupid

whatever

SHE SHOT HIS FUCKING DICK

oh he is dead ok

i think theyre a fun little psycho couple this movie would be good if it was stand alone and not a sequel tbh but like yeah it does suck

traitor. fuck you. im glad i hated her the whole time

oh she is committed thats a lot of self mutilation

obviously sidney is not dead

oh the fucking white balance again

YEAHHHHHH SIDNEY BABY

OH HER FUCKING EYE

oughhhhhhh the wound the wound

this whole scene is rough holy shit oughhhhh

now how is she supposed to frame herself as the hero

sid grab the gun

please shoot the blonde YEAHHHHHHH fuck her

HAHA YEAHHHH

this movie is crazy and stupid but in the fun horror sequel way

it's bad but in a homosexual way

OH FUCK OFFFF I WANTEF THAT BLONDE BITCH DEAD

ok it's over

that movie was camp

watching scream 4. this one actually looks like it's going to be bad

[fuck-customers]

idfc anymore

I was tempted to go anonymous but I am far too tired.

I haven't really made a post yet, I've just been following this blog for quite a while as a release as I'm sure is the same for most. But things have changed and I thought for the better, not so sure now.

this does not include the 2nd job I'd gotten WHILE working this one, which put me at 7 days a week, a little around 60 hours a week, for 9 months. That in itself was hell and requires an entirely different submission.

It'll probably get long so just scroll to the tl;dr at the bottom if you want idc.

When I had just graduated HS, I waited the summer out before applying for a job. I already knew I wasn't going to college - a 2.3GPA isn't going to get you anywhere, especially when you're in the working class just brushing the poverty line. Getting loans is not something I wanted to do either, since everyone I'd ever met, seen, or heard who'd gotten them were miserable fcks.

At the suggestion of a relative I dropped off my resume everywhere it interested me. I got hired. Things looked good. I bonded with one of the coworkers, wasn't so bad. But I was inexperienced. And their idea of 'training' was to send 3 different people from 3 different parts of the business to train me on their own time, separately, and then argue about it because either something was miscommunicated i.e I was taught to do something one way but another person said that was wrong so they'd scold me and then "re-teach" me. This went on for a few weeks.

Okay, cool, fine. Whatever. That's stupid, you do you. Shit kind of improves. But because of this miscommunication, I get a write up for talking to one of the co-workers about something I wasn't supposed to because technically they're NOT a coworker and I don't find out exactly what that means until later (paid under the table) nor was I told I couldn't speak to them about the fact that this random ass volunteer was not only getting in the way of my work, but was being a safety hazard for my clients, despite my many warnings and corrections. Because obviously we are a hive mind and I must know that 1. Do not speak to paid-under-the-table "employees" 2. Do not tell mentally unstable child to not crawl into bin and taunt clients 3. Especially do not ban him when he was spraying the hose nozzle directly at clients.

So I get a "strike". Boss lady holds out her fingers and ticks them off once by one, as If I had made a horrible grievance upon the business. I'd only been working there for a few months, I believe. Still early, still new. Still young, fresh out of HS. 

A little back story cause I really feel this is integral to the story and hopefully for those with the same issues will look at this like "ye same" and those who haven't might be able to understand the following actions on the part of myself and others. Either way, here you go:

I've got diagnosed C-PTSD, Anxiety, Depression Bipolar, and ADHD. It has been heavily suggested I also fall along the Autism spectrum (by various doctors and nurses). I am also a victim of emotional, psychological, mental, and physical abuse (with a little stockholm I recently discovered, it's not something you yourself are generally aware of and now that I am it's ... It's worse than if I didn't know.), and I have been suffering with it for as long as I've been consciously aware to the present day. I don't always like to be so forthright with this kind of knowledge because there are quite a few people that either don't believe me, or then don't think I'm reliable enough to function and/or work. So it's usually best I don't.

And during the entire time of my employment there, I underwent a lot of manipulation and emotional abuse. A lot. By a person who believed they were doing a service for others. 

The months go on. I continue to be mistreated but it doesn't get bad until my family decide they want to adopt from the shelter boss lady also happens to run. I'm at work and I am notified of the cutest little puppy who had just gotten surrendered. I immediately asked my parents if they'd like the foster (we'd been looking for a 'family dog'). Said yes but couldn't get down there. I said that's fine, I'll fill the paperwork out. So I go to the other side and I fill everything out, we're set. We go home later on and she fits in perfectly. We decide then we'll adopt her come morning when the shelter opens up again.

Morning comes, I'm about ready to walk out the door to go to work, but I'm sent a message from one of the coworkers. "Bring the puppy in" was essentially the message being sent. Puppy's mom had originally surrendered puppy because she couldn't find a place to live that would accept dogs. So she surrendered her. But then in the morning she found a place. What a moron. Anyway.

Boss lady accepted her to having her dog back. No communication to me other than "Bring the dog in". Well we were about to adopt. Essentially what this scenario was turning into was: You work for me, therefore I 1. Don't have to explain myself 2. You work for me 3. The dog is my property.

So I'm texting the coworker back and forth like "Uh I need a little more info, also my parents want to talk with the ACO". This takes way too long, I eventually get the number, mom and ACO have a chat. I thought it went well. Apparently it didn't. He was giving her the script, paraphrased and a little blase. Moms pissed, understandably. She blows it out of proportion, note she's a psychotic bitxch and does this often with everything involving life but I can see where she's coming from with this. I'm like alright well I have to go to work, good luck barring the doors from the "Police". We go to work and it's kind of fcked.

We open the doors and everyone goes silent and turns towards us, in the kind of way you know they were just talking about you. Cause we got everyone in one room. The Boss Lady, the girl txting me over the phone, the ACO, some unnamed volunteer[s]. It's fcking uncomfortable and idk whats going on. The coworker I'd been txting was known and a little too happy to gossip, run her mouth, and cause problems. I was not surprised this was what was going on, but it didn't make me any less pissed.

Boss Lady confronts relative who'd dropped me off at work. He barely says a word, just stares at her, while she's maybe a couple inches from him. She says things like "Don't stare at me like that, this is how it works" "They are MY property, and as MY property I CAN call the police and they WILL show up on your front door do you want that?" "Peeriet, go with him to get the dog so I know she's coming back." And other really really volatile bullshit. The fact that she called the puppy her PROPERTY, threatened to call the POLICE, like...I was there during all of these interactions. My texts were neutral and just asking questions, my moms convo with the ACO was really calm and easy, and the relative was doing nothing but standing there and staring as she went off her rocker. So. 

I said no, I have to go to work, I'm not going with him to get the dog but he's going to get her. So he goes, I clock in, I leave.

I go to my job and vent to my coworker about the situation because I was still trying to wrap my head around it, when the ACO shows up wanting to have a private "chat."

The fcking conversation went something like this.

"So uh, you really care about your job, right?"

this fcking asshole was alluding, in so many words, probably to get the point across while also saving his ass so if I had gone to anyone saying he THREATENED MY POSITION OVER MY HEAD TO MAKE ME COOPERATE it may have been a problem. Wonder why.

So I said yeah, it's not even an issue also, they're bringing the dog back, etc. They'd even said because I filled out the application under my name that I was liable for anything to happen if it were to happen and that, because it's under my name, well, shucks, this is all your responsibility at the end of the day, we can wipe our hands clean and call it good.

Even though we were following the 'rules' and never once 1. Yelled 2. Caused a scene 3. Refused 4. Or threatened.

So that's settled. I thought. I go home and moms pissed. Que the next few weeks of absolute stupid shit storm via the internet by way of her leaving a trail of bad reviews. Of course this falls on me.

Everything my mom ever did or said, was my fault, as they "alluded" because we can't tell the truth in this business lest we be taken to court for whatever illegal activity we're probably doing behind closed doors.

So that started a whole new thing. They're hatred becomes amplified. Coworkers I'd bonded or befriended just outright stopped talking to me, barely acknowledging my precense and going to my manager for anything, including relaying messages to me. This did not stop for another 2 years.

So eventually things calm down, as calm as it could get. I continue to get harassed a lot, manipulated. I get injured at work fairly frequently, more than most - injuries that required medical treatment. I lied my first visit because it was after work. I was truthful the other time. I'd already been told by a few coworkers but Boss Lady specifically had a few special conversations with me about not telling any of my family I got injured at work, "Because you know how your mom is". They always spoke too sweetly, too nicely and feeding me excuses to cover up the real reasons. And I'd been so used to abuse my whole life that stockholm was bleeding into my work life and if anyone has ever fcking experienced that, it is fcking hell.

So I didn't tell anyone.

Until I'd gotten injured real bad. A dog had clamped full jaws onto my leg and shook. I had an indent for every tooth, including at least 3 deep punctures. I had it disinfected, shot a water missile into the punctures to make sure debris was out, wrapped, and given meds, orally and topically. I limped when I went home. And at the weekend went bye, I continued to get worse emotionally. I couldn't keep this a secret, I was experiencing actual physical pain because of the situation I'd been put under and I, mentally, could not cope. So I blew up in the kitchen. I had a meltdown, I showed my leg, I explained what happened, I said sorry but that I couldn't hide it anymore. 

The next day or days at work I told boss lady I couldn't hide it. I just couldn't. She backpeddled, explained "Oh no no, you shouldn't feel like you have to hide it, I never said that." This was her keyphrase after being called out for every single threat, warning, and manipulation. "I never said that.". Because it was true. She didn't. She said it in a way that couldn't hold her accountable in any true legal situation.

Months go by. I continue with the abuse not just at home but at work now. Abuse most people wouldn't even consider was abuse, but unfortunately I'd been groomed for this sort of thing my entire life, so when it happened at work? I fit in so naturally I didn't even know it was abuse/wrong until I'd left. 

And the real kicker is that she knew of my mental disorders. Because when stockholm had got me good, and I was especially tired, and I'd suffered some real hard shit at home, I'd break and I'd confess to boss lady in hopes of some kind of understanding: See, this is what I deal with, please don't mistreat me.

I wrote letters. I tried talking to her one on one. I tried working so hard at work to show how good I'd gotten.

Each letter was misunderstood. She'd bring me into her office after our oral talk and tell me that, because of what I'd written, I could be misunderstood, taken 'at my word.' "Well it says here that you don't ... want to work with your clients? Well if this is true then I legally can't have you with them. Because you wrote it. And legally I have to put this in your file." So I had to rewrite it, delete everything incriminating so I was left with my personal feelings.

Talking with her wasn't possible. She used tactics my mother does, so I physically couldn't talk, and I did, it was only "Sorrys" and "Thank yous" and accepting I was wrong and she was right and yes, I understand.

Working hard didn't work. I paid for my training personally and attended a school solely to improve. I kept making mistakes though. I wasn't good enough. I was doing some of the work my manager was with none of the pay, none of the acknowledgment or acceptance. I brought her in money, and clients, and good reviews, for nothing more than what I'd already had. Because she knew I wouldn't fight for it. Because she knew I'd continue giving her money and she didn't have to shell out anything more. And legally she didn't have to, because I had no experience, I was out of HS, and no official schooling.

But she'd always give me 'tidbits' of 'rewards'. The kicker for anyone with stockholm and/or abuse is you can basically continue to abuse them without too much issue if they 'reward' you and make it seem like they're doing you a favour. You know what I mean?

So she'd have occasionally 'positive' conversations, or she'd 'comment' something good about me, but I really loved when she'd give me a .50cent raise about twice in 2 years disguising it under her "charity" when it was probably because it was actually required. Cause in her office I was like "Why do I have a .50cent raise?" "Why are you asking, that's not something you normally ask when getting a raise." "???" "It's cause -....Just be thankful" Yeeee you see that? See that? How she almost said something but didn't? Yeah.

When she hired a new person they actually made about the same as me but more than another coworker, who'd been there longer, and when asked, boss lady said she basically didn't want to pay him if he wasn't sticking around (What kind of bullshit is that). He was. He corrected her, and his pay got fixed.

Again, months passed. Sometimes It'd be so good and I truly loved my job. I formed relationships with the clients to this day I can't think about because I get emotional. And every time she would critique me. Make things harder for us, she'd always be watching us on the cameras, and if she didn't see us, she'd assume we weren't working. She'd even come out of office to walk by just to watch us as she passed. 

2 months ago she made some changes. She'd hired someone that was her irl friend. The entire business save 1 or 2 people, were connected either by blood, marriage, or irl friendship. Which wasn't a good thing.

So she hires this new manager. Does ok for maybe a week or two. But then they started making some changes. She redid how we did our payments and filed clients in a really convoluted way. We went back to the old system in a week.

Then she switched everyones schedules. Really inconveniently and without asking anyone for confirmation like she said. She never even spoke to me like she did the others. 

Then she wanted opening crew to take our lunches back to back. Which made the early morning person take their lunch 6-7 hours after they'd already been clocked on, and me take mine only a couple hours after I'd been clocked on. Well, what about the afternoon crew?

Afternoon crew, as Boss lady told our manager and new morning crew person, didn't have to take a lunch now because of the new schedule. Which put him at over 5/5.5 hours anyway, despite the hour cut.

My hours were being cut. She'd just hired new manager and new morning crew, who'd taken over everything of mine previously. She'd also already fired a few people, and the new minimum wage mandatory increase was right around the corner.

I watched my hours. I waited. Few days pass. The next week comes, everyones on edge, I'm a fireball.

She tells us we're not allowed to keep our "belongings" with the rest of the other clients when we're on lunch. We must remove them into an entire separate room, because they would otherwise make our numbers higher (of total clients allowed in a space per person ratio) and thus become "illegal". We'd been seen by a health inspector twice in a year or so by request of a client who wasn't too keen on our 'policies'. Boss Lady was adamantly covering bases, which meant fcking everyone over.

It was kind of the last straw. I applied elsewhere, got accepted, and left. I spent 2 weeks after my last day literally going through a detox/withdrawal. I became physically ill. I had mental breakdowns about once every couple days. It was hell, it was horrible. I hated every minute of it.

Someone else left. A month later another person left. Several people that'd gotten hired have already been fired. And apparently a business too similar to the glory days of the place I'd left, has moved a couple blocks down the road to a second location. 

I've gotten a new job, but It's only partially an improvement, and I am still affected everyday by the abuse I'd suffered at that place, coupled with everything I already go through at home. And I am tired, and I do this alone, and I've been looking for a place to move into for years but minimum wage isn't a livable wage.

I am tired.

tl;dr how tf do you even summarize that?