#gimme hope that i can change too
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san-wren · 3 months ago
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oh man incoming vent/brain dump post cuz ugh
man i do not think im a good friend. at least in this moment i don't. i can barely put together the words to actually say what im feeling and thinking and yet i just need to put something out there.
i rly do feel like a failure. and maybe i am. and maybe i have to sit in my consequences for a while.
but ive been trying for months to get better at handling my anxiety and managing my expectations in friendships and yet. why do i land flat on my face everytime ???
its like 1 step forward, 10 steps back. and atm im doubting myself. am i even improving or getting better?? ive read so many resources and watched videos and yet it feels so futile to get to the person i want to be. maybe i'm going about it wrong?? idkidk
i wanted to get it right and make it work this time. i wanted to (i still want to) to change my patterns and habits. but i feel so stuck !!! so defeated !!
i wish i had more people to talk about this with, but hardly anyone understands how i approach friendship. i can think of two people of the top of my head ans they're not available atm. so tumblr, you get to hear my ramble.
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k8felge · 6 months ago
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nothing hurts more than seeing ur fave character depicted in an official au story or elseworld where details ab them r different but it explores the character in a new way -- its good in a vacuum, but u know it isn't the Definitive Version of that character. Just a new exploration (cool!). but because the adaptation brought in so many new fans and/or was a huge success it ends up being treated like its the Definitive Version and all discussions of prev versions are overshadowed bc of it... even worse when studios / execs see the success and try to pivot to this New Version only and never try to explore new routes for the character ever again (can you tell this is about comics yet)
#like its not as bad as it was but when the batman (2022) came out...#like this is not hating on ppl who are fans of these depictions at all. if u like the riddler in the batman (2022) ur fine#i like the riddler but eh i dont think that version should be the new riddler. my two cents#but dc isnt marvel so i wasnt worried ab them changing the comics riddler to him moving forward#now MARVEL on the other hand...#i dont rly go there tho so take everything with a huge huge huge pile of salt. but sigh#anyways. this post is NOT about shaming ppl who are fans of these new versions#you can be a fan of any of these new versions. idc.#this post is about STUDIOS and EXECS changing the character completely to capitalize on the new versions success#this is just mostly ab mcu i guess i dont know#i want more explorations of characters gimme moreeee there shouldnt be one defined version#i guess my talking points r confusing. i hope this is coherent and comes across well#ALSO SOME RETCONS / NEW VERSIONS R GOOD SOMETIMES!!! it just depends i guess :p#i hope this post didnt come off as malicious to fans of these versions.#HOWEVER. new fans u gotta try to read some of the other stuff too! maybe u will find another version u like TOO!#u can have two cakes... and eat them... lets hold hands and appreciate diff versions of our faves 2gether#a good example of a retcon being good is arcane i guess... not comics but just the designs r so much better#but i wouldnt say everything ab arcane SHOULD be the new runeterra canon...#it works bc its only focused on zaun and piltover characters. to fit it in with everything else is... hard#BUT THATS OK 👍
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zhongrin · 2 years ago
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— fin.
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alrighty, i will be cuddling the shit out of a certain dragon after this but before that, a small bonus (read: silly doodles) because we all need therapy after all that (or at least i do) -
1:
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2:
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"i had a nightmare."
"but i just went to buy milk-"
/silly
3:
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we both have separation anxiety now so that's that 👍🏻
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skeletalheartattack · 2 years ago
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im sure he's relaxing on a beach somewhere. i bet he's still single.
a bestie can be anything. a bestie can be the 2007 roblox chain chomp face changer. ive known him since childhood. we grew up together. he literally changed my face and it was so cool. i hope he's still out there causing a ruckus and shit.
#my art#boe#boe tai marrow#my character#was gonna use an actual screenshot i took but. i think its funnier with the 2007 adaptation of my guy.#i had to redraw everything and also make it look more like 2007.#since the studs are square now and the roblox man has bevels#and the shadows are blurrier#i also didnt want to show my dude cause i dress him in a way i think is cool looking but looks very stupid in actuality. good stupid.#like hes got horns and halos and antlers and wings. plus he wouldve been too visually complex#i like dressing up my guy. gimme a break.#also the whole reason im talking about this specific face changer is because i found a community item that remakes it from scratch#and i was like ''wow 2007-2009 me wouldve loved to have had this face.''#oh i also wanted to make like. two more panels for this#one where boes crying and looking down to the POV. then another polaroid thats the exact same but his face is the chain chomp face#i had drawn a version of the dude with the face but i decided against using it#only because i feel like itd make more visual sense to not have the faces be the same. if you never played this god forsaken game.#i hope people who know what im talking about can parse the polaroid. or moreso people who dont.#that yellow wall with the face basically would change your face decal upon touching it#back then you only had the default :) and face changers were the way to give you different faces. atleast on that server you were in.#anyway the only reason i play roblox these days is to visit old levels my brain remembers#and then i experience serious dread and sadness once i learn specific old levels dont work the way they use to.#and i also experience the dread and sadness of roblox in general#sorry can you notice that im hyperfixating. blushing.#sorry#''drud whats that last sentence about'' what sentence#i just love to say dumb shit
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chelseeebe · 6 months ago
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bump n’ grind
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a lil continuation to gimme a hand wherein our lovely reader helps eddie out after an embarrassing mistake.
18+ mdni. again, mostly just smut. maybe some angst towards the end i guessss. eddie munson x female reader.
eddie’s on cloud nine.
his head floating well above the pretty pink room he was currently in.
not entirely sure how he ended up here but also not at all angry about it. a night of rum and beer had lead him to this.
sarah.. savanna.. something, sits atop of his lap, bouncing off of his thighs like a jacked up rabbit.
he’s clawing at her back, trying and failing, to keep a steady grip on her wild body. appreciating the soft squeaks that left her mouth with every bounce.
and before he can really think about it enough to stop his mouth, he says it. wanting to dig his own grave the second his lips spread.
a long, drawn out iteration of your name.
she stops, immediately. breathless as she grips his shoulders, “what’d you say?”
his cock aches and his cheeks burn, any hope that she’d just ignore it and continue had flown out of the window, “what?” acting clueless, “i didn’t.. didn’t say anything.”
eddie knows full well what had slipped out of his loose lips, muscle memory from the embarrassing amount of times he had whined your name while imagining that it was your hand wrapped around his cock instead.
“you said somebody else’s name,” she frowns, sounding far too close to a possessive girlfriend rather than the one night stand that she actually was.
“did i? i don’t really remember.. does it matter?” with full sincerity, wondering if she was going to stay on his dick or climb off and throw him out.
“if i’m having sex with someone, i at least expect them to know my name,” she scowls, clambering from his lap to the empty space next to him.
“shit,” he mumbles, head in his hands, “fuck. i’m sorry,” sobering up instantly, embarrassed by his blunder.
she sighs, taking pity on his pathetic self, “is she your ex or something?” re-dressing herself with an old t-shirt, rightfully putting an end to their encounter.
“no..” eddie frowns, shaking his head, “she’s my.. my friend.”
best friend actually. making it all the more confusing and complicated. he’d spare her of all the gory details, for her sake.
“oh,” the girl gawps, stifling her laugh. “you should tell her,” leaning over to grab her phone, no doubt to tell all of her friends about eddie’s embarrassing freudian slip.
he’d deserve it.
-
eddie perches on the end of your bed, not daring to move any closer for fear of losing it and touching you like he dreamed of doing.
it had been four months, two weeks and five days since you’d jerked him off in that tiny bathroom.
not that he was counting.
and still nothing more had happened between you. a few instances where eddie had thought you were close but nothing of any real consequence.
nevertheless, a day hadn’t passed since where he hadn’t thought about it at least once.
he’s memorised every single frame of that video, all the times you pant and twist your hand. the exact second his phone falls onto the counter and the video changes to an image of the back of his head.
every. last. detail.
you jab your foot into his back, peering over your phone screen to frown at him, “what’s wrong with you?”
eddie sighs, letting his shoulders slump, still staring at the torn ac/dc poster he had ripped off the wall for you. it reminds him too much of times where things weren’t so complicated.
“i hooked up with someone the other day,” he states monotonously, uncaring anymore about telling you what had really happened.
“okay?” you jab him again, “why are you sad about that?” confusion echoing.
“i’m not sad.”
you sit up, the mattress shifting behind him, “then what the fuck’s your problem?” leaning forward to rest your chin on his shoulder, in that similar position you were in all those months ago.
sometimes he wishes you’d never touched him. that he had just settled with chrissy and you had never been an option. not that you really were now, still unobtainable, taunting and teasing him.
“i said your name,” he exhales in one big breath, “i said your name while i was having sex with her.”
his shoulders felt lighter now, despite you still resting on them. something about the relief of finally letting you know how he felt. embracing his stupidity.
“really?” your mouth falls open, “holy shit, that’s funny,” he can feel your hands creep up his back, sending shivers over his skin.
eddie shakes his head, at a loss for words. he could see how you’d find it funny, but he couldn’t see the humour in it himself. in fact, it was a marker for the absolute desperation he felt towards your new complex relationship. not only had you taken over all of his waking thoughts, but you’d somehow subliminally crept into his intoxicated mind thoo.
“what were you thinking about? when you said it,” you pry, head twisting around to look at him.
“you.”
“me?” you rasp, right into his ear. “what about me?” feeling your breath against his cheek, transporting him straight back to wayne’s cramped bathroom.
his eyes fall shut, like he’s in some humiliation ritual, getting off to the way you teased him so.
“that video.. that stupid video,” he whispers, tuned in to every twitch of your fingers on his back, your soft breaths in his ear.
“oh,” he can hear the smirk in your voice, unwilling to open his eyes to see it again, “is that it? just the video?”
he doesn’t understand why you’re asking so many questions. obviously enjoying the way he squirmed under your touch, antsy and reluctant to say anything.
“i was.. picturing you were her,” he squeezes out, blood rushing to not only his cheeks, but his cock too.
“aw,” you coo, hand sliding higher, “tell me how it felt,” voice thick with desire, fingers circling around his shaking shoulders.
“good..” his eyes squeeze together, feeling his jeans shift uncomfortably, “not as good as you did,” almost begging, pleading for it.
you hum, your other hand finding the top of his thigh, dangerously close to the tent in his jeans.
if you kept this up, he’d cum all over his fucking pants.
you squeeze the skin, a low grumble from yours lips, “what position were you in?”
oh god.
“w-why?” eddie chokes, seeing stars behind his eyelids.
“i just wanna know, eds.. so i can picture the scene.”
his head tilts back, allowing you the opportunity to creep into the crook of his neck, traces of your lips just barely touching the sensitive skin.
“please tell me,” you mumble, vibrating against his trachea, making his toes curl, grounding himself with the rough carpet.
“she was on top,” he spits, balling his fist around your blanket.
it didn’t feel real between his fingers, poorly substituting your body for the cotton.
“oh,” you shift, the bed frame creaking as you clamber into his lap, resting atop of his thighs. “like this?”
he doesn’t open his eyes. can’t, not without cumming his pants right there. but he can feel you, perched just below his crotch,
“what’d she do now? hmm?” dragging your nails down his chest, your fingers prod at his skin, forcing him to flop back against the mattress.
the space allows you to shuffle upwards, your cunt brushing against his aching cock, leaving him no choice but to turn into pure mush beneath you.
“fuck,” he breathes, daring a glance in hopes to keep the image ingrained in his mind forever.
your hips begin to grind against his crotch, groaning softly with your palms flat to his chest.
“you like that?” you purr, rocking back and forth on top for he rough denim of his jeans.
“i need you.. fuck, please,” he keens, fingertips so firmly pressed into your waist that they’d leave indentations for days.
you don’t respond, sighing softly as the friction between you grows stronger, cruel and twisted in the way you tease him.
he doesn’t understand what all of these almost-encounters mean. it’s like you want him but not fully. holding yourself back for the right moment or perhaps just trying to keep him going until somebody else came along.
his hands slide around to your ass, moving with every jerk and cant of your hips. gruff, frustrated sighs leave his mouth, mixing somewhere in the air with your whiny moans. need and urgency ricocheting around the walls of your room, yet neither one of you prepared to take it all the way.
“jesus eds, are you gonna cum?” you breathe, as much as this was for his benefit, you were getting off as well.
that alone makes this other worldly. even if he was doing absolutely none of the work, you were writhing and gasping just as he was.
it’s almost incomprehensible how much you using him to get off was frying his brain.
eddie was about to combust, the closeness of it all, so near and yet still so far apart. two layers of clothes felt like a million miles. finally brave enough to open his eyes, hoping to keep this image seared into his brain forever.
“yeah.. yeah i’m gonna cum,” he whines, jerking his hips up to meet yours, rocking against each other in perfect rhythm, “please.. oh fuck- fuckfuckfuck,” his cock positioned perfectly between your folds, covering your pajama shorts with your slick.
“good boy,” you breathe, fingers twisted into his shirt, tugging at the fabric, not letting up on your torturous grinding.
your tone is somewhere between mocking and sincere, but he doesn’t care. doesn’t have the brain capacity to if he’s honest.
his cock twitches against his boxers, hips shuddering into the air as an uncomfortable warmth overtakes his crotch.
“oh god.. shit,” the sudden realisation of the mess in his pants, how grotesquely down bad he was for you, hits all at once.
your lips curve, shuffling down to the top of his thighs. you don’t exchange words, just a sly glance that erupts into giggles. leaning down to peck his lips as your hands let go of their hold on his chest.
eddie’s hands don’t move, gripping onto your hips, hoping you’ll stay there for the rest of eternity. not only had he cum in his pants, he had done so at a disturbingly fast rate. a few minutes of what was essentially dry humping had left him sticky and full of shame.
“are you ever gonna let me fuck you?” he asks, practically begging for your mercy, needing to know for his own sake.
he likes to think that if you said no, he’d be able to walk away with his dignity, to never let this embarrassing display for pathetic yearning happen again.
yet deep down, he also knows that that’ll never happen. you could string him along forever and ever and he’d never do a thing about it other than cherish the moments you let him touch you.
your laugh topples over, slinging your leg over his waist to kneel beside his lifeless body, “one day,” kneeing him softly in the side, “go get changed, i’m hungry,” climbing off of the mattress, disappearing from his eyesight.
his head flops back onto the bed, sweaty and exhausted, ignoring the feel of his boxers clinging to his skin and the inevitable wet patch seeping through to his jeans.
an insatiable churning in his stomach for more, for you.
but eddie is eddie, so instead of doing any of the things that he really wanted to do, he rolls off of your bed with a sigh, shimmying out of his jeans just as you’d asked him to.
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omgeto · 1 year ago
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☆ GIMME, GIMME MORE — GETO SUGURU
summary: you were just a stripper who had no desire to fuck with any customers, but there was just one you couldn’t shake. once he laid his eyes on you, he wanted you. and with every little piece of you he got — he wanted more.
wc: 6.5k (my longest fic ever, lord help me) its a lot of plot with a nice chunk of smut
cw: afab!stripper!reader, angst to fluff, smutty smut, you fuck in his car, you fuck in a private room (i remembered condoms this time) so mdni sassy geto, if you squint.
an: listen to this song to feel the vibe, I love me some geto and I’ve yet to do a fic for him so I hope you enjoy this one.
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the entrance to the high-end club exudes an air of opulence, with its glimmering lights and sophisticated clientele. geto suguru strolls in alongside his best friend, gojo satoru, the low hum of the music washing over them. the glances around, a mixture of boredom and detachment etched on his face. this isn't really his scene, but gojo had insisted on a night out.
as they find their way to a table, surrounded by plush seating and an atmosphere of indulgence, geto's attention wanders. the dancers on stage move with practised sensuality, but his gaze remains distant. until, that is, a change in the music's tempo signals a shift in the performance.
the spotlight illuminates the stage, revealing a figure that seems to command the room's attention effortlessly. you move with a fluid grace, your body swaying in time with the sultry rhythm. the way your hips move, the confidence in your eyes, it's as if you own the room. gojo's earlier detachment gives way to fascination he can't deny.
he couldn’t take his eyes off the way you were sliding down the pole, leaning forward in his seat to see more of you. the star shaped nipple covers and the gem encrusted thong you were wearing left nothing to the imagination. but still he couldn’t help but picture it all off of you, leaning forward in his seat to try and get a closer look. 
gojo nudges him playfully. "not bad, right?"
geto’s response is a low, appreciative whistle as his eyes remain locked on the captivating dancer. his heart races as he watches you command the stage, a magnetic presence that draws him in despite his earlier disinterest. he couldn’t help but feel that you were dancing for him, call him cocky but the way your eyes were locked on him as you threw your ass back against the pole — he knew that was just for him. he looked around the room and saw that everyone else was just as captivated by you as he was.
“she’s the best performer here, she doesn’t do private dances, she doesn’t even do a long set,” gojo brags to geto but he’s barely listening, his eyes too focused on you, “this is as much of her as we can get.” 
as the performance reaches its climax, geto’s lips curve into a slow smile. gojo’s grin is knowing. "looks like someone's found their muse." geto’s tears his gaze away just as you exit the stage, his interest piqued.
“you’ve got a request,” your boss announces insistent and smug, cornering you immediately after you exit the stage.
“you know i don't do requests, i come here, i do a 30 minute set and i leave remember?” you retort, stepping to walk straight past him, but he stops you, standing in front of you to block your path.
“this is a request you can’t refuse,” he adds, a smirk forming on his lips. your eyes narrow at his words, already feeling a sense of unease.
“oh i think i can,” your intention is clear as you step forward, intending to brush past him and continue on your way. but he remains unmoved, determined to stand in your path, his stance a physical barrier you can't easily circumvent.
“there’s a special guest tonight, someone who’s willing to pay handsomely for a private performance,” he explains, his tone implying much more than his words reveal.
you pause, folding your arms, sceptical. “how much are we talking about?”
he names a figure that makes your eyebrows shoot up. It’s a significant sum, the kind that could cover your bills for months, or even help you save for a future beyond the club. but still, you hesitate.
“like i said, i don't take request,” you conclude, brushing past your boss.
“i don’t think this particular patron will like that,” he tries to argue, following directly behind you.
“ask me if i care,” with those words, you step forward once more, your purpose clear as you attempt to carry on. but his presence remains a persistent shadow at your side, his attempts to sway you far from over. 
his argument falters momentarily, but he regains his composure quickly, his tone becoming insistent. "this particular patron isn't accustomed to denial. I don't think he'll take kindly to it."
a defiant smirk tugs at your lips, your patience waning as you find yourself driven further by your own principles. "well, here's a thought—perhaps he should learn."
with that final retort, you pivot on your heel, striding purposefully toward the locker room. the temptation of the significant sum and the vague promise of this special patron tug at the edges of your thoughts, but your determination remains resolute.
“if you don’t do it your fired.” he calls out after you, a desperate final attempt to get you to agree.
you knew you were going against your better judgement, but you turn back to face your boss and with a deep sigh you agree, “fine, i’ll do it. but you owe me.”
with simmering frustration bubbling beneath the surface, you push open the door to the private room, your entrance punctuated by the subtle swish of the heavy fabric. the air within was charged, a blend of anticipation and tension, as you found geto suguru lounging on the plush sofa, his presence an unwelcome sight that intensified your irritation.
your words come out abruptly, a firm reminder to both him and yourself, “i don’t fuck clients,” you state, a touch of defensiveness in your tone. you wanted to establish your boundaries, to make it clear you wouldn’t be swayed easily.
he chuckles, catching you off guard, his amusement evident. “thats nice…” he adds, with a hint of playfulness, “i just wanted to talk anyways.”
“to talk?” you question, surprised at his request, as you knew what went on in the private rooms and talking was far from that.
“yeah, just wanna get to know you,” he explains casually, his eyes studying you.
“i don’t do time wasters,” you complain, ready to leave the room, “and i don’t have time to waste.”
“even if im paying for your time?” he bargains, raising his eyebrows, “im sure your boss told you the pretty expensive bill im footing just for your time.”
crossing your arms, you met his gaze with a steady one of your own. “look, mr…?”
“just call me suguru,” he interjected with a smile that held a hint of charm.
“alright, suguru,” you continued, your tone resolute, “i'm not here to entertain idle chit-chat. i’ll dance for you for an hour and thats it. just abide by the club rules, otherwise im out.”
“why don’t you take private requests?” he inquiries, disregarding your comments.
“because i don’t have to,” you respond nonchalantly, “why are you so persistent that you pay for my time. there’s tons of other great strippers in this club.”
“because i want you.” he shrugs.
“well too bad,” you mock, “just because you have money doesn’t mean you can buy everything.”
“everyone’s got a price,” he argues, chuckling softly, a condescending tone underling his words, “ah, but isn't that the way the world works? everything has a price, even principles.”
the audacity of his statement ignited a fire within you, your voice heated with defiance and scorn. “you think im for sale? you think i’d compromise my integrity just for a fat stack of bills? you’re delusional.”
“oh but isn’t your integrity already compromised,” he teases, raising his eyebrows, “is miss, ‘i dont do private dances,’ not in a private dance with me right now?”
“you know wha–” 
“i changed my mind. i don’t want to talk anymore,” there was a shift in his tone, amusement danced in his eyes, “strip for me.”
you were pissed. but you couldn’t actually argue – he was right. he was paying for your time and he could spend it anyway he wanted to. you’d rather have him silently watching you anyways than talking to you. 
the music blared through the speakers in the room, and you immediately straddled geto, you could feel his dick harden underneath you. the only thing separating you two was the thin layer of fabric of your thong. 
you could see him smirk at you, but you ignored him, grinding your hips down on him to the beat of the music. his starts to trail down your sides, but you give him a pointed look reminding him of the rules – no touching. he surrenders his hands placing them besides his head, content in watching you dance on his lap.
you moved off of him, using the pole that was in the room, his eyes stayed fixed on you. you wanted to put on a show for him, so you move your body expressing a mix of sensuality and power, your eyes lock onto his, daring him to challenge you further, to push your boundaries even more.
the hour was eventually up, and geto didn’t say anything as he left, he just leaves a fat stack of bills on the table, and for some reason you couldn’t bite your tongue, “is that it? you’re just going to leave?”
“well the hours up, no?” he responds, checking his watch, “and, i’ve paid you for your time.” you couldn’t argue with that, so you remain silent watching as he turns his back on you to leave the room.
“suguru,” you call out, getting him to pause, “wait.”
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“i thought you didn’t fuck clients,” he smirks, coming up from in between your thighs, “but i am not complaining”
“s-shut up,” you exhale, you’d like to believe that you didn’t expect this to happen, but you knew that was a lie. you didn’t get far out of the club, in fact you didn’t make it out of the parking lot. the back of geto’s car seemed to be perfect with the way he was eating you out. 
the feeling of geto sucking on your clit, had your head empty. his head being pressed between your thighs makes your back arch as you push up against his face. he laps against your folds, drowning in your wetness. 
“‘i don’t do private dances,’” he mocks your previous words, amused with himself, “oh if only you could see yourself now.” he enjoyed you like this, pinned under him, your pussy dripping all over his face, you were a writhing mess; no longer complaining to him about his actions, you were reduced down to moans and incoherent sentences, the only thing he could hear clearly was his name.
“suguru ah s-shit,” you curse, as he presses down on your clit, “do you always talk this much?” you tangle your fingers in his hair, guiding his face closer in your pussy, his nose deep in your arousal. he was practically inhaling you, swirling his tongue deep inside, trying to taste every inch of you.
“‘m close suguru,” you whine, thrust up against his face aiming to reach your peak on your own.
“calm down princess,” he teases, pulling his lips away from your pussy, “didn’t know you were this eager.” he presses his lips down on yours, making you taste yourself as his hand goes behind your neck to hold you in place. “see how sweet you can be?” 
he takes his dick out of his pants, quickly putting on a condom, not even giving you much time to think before he’s slamming into your cunt. your eyes widen as your pussy stretches, and geto can only bite his lip as he feels you clench around him.
“you feel so good, y’know that right” he murmurs, forcing himself into you deeper, “so fuckin’ tight.” 
he was merciless, gripping his hands on your tits, as he pistons out of you. he could only focus on how your cunt tightens around him with every push. you were pushing yourself down on him, fucking him right back. you didn’t care for his praise, you just wanted to cum.
“‘you’re t-too much, i-it’s too much”
“but you’re taking me so well,” he argues, with a grin. peppering kissing against your neck as he fucks you to a hilt. your hands find their way back into his hair, pulling and tugging at it as you moan out his name. 
his dick twitches inside you as you call at his name, you could feel that he was about to cum. his strokes were getting sloppier, and his mouth went from biting to sucking on your neck. you could feel yourself about to climax, clawing at his back, as he continues to hit your spot.
“suguru, i’m about to–”
“cum with me,” he demands, swiftly pulling out of and leaving his cum all over your stomach. you release onto his car seats, your cum spilling out of your pussy, pooling into his car seats.
after coming down off your high, you come to your senses. “this doesn’t change anything.” you remove yourself out of his hold, pushing him off you.
“you really gonna say that after i gave you the best time of your life?” 
"'best time of my life?'" you echo, a smirk tugging at your lips as you gather your belongings, "someone's cocky."
“i'm starting to feel you like me that way,” he teases, his words a playful challenge.
you roll your eyes, not willing to engage in his banter any longer. "goodbye, suguru," you reply, opening his car door. "don't return to the club."
“oi princess,” he calls after you, “you left your thong.”
“keep it.” you wink as you step outside of the car, “think of it as a souvenir.”
“why would i need that, when im going to see you again?” you don't respond, shutting the car door with a smile on your face as part of you hoped that he did return.
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geto did see you again, practically every day after that. it became a consistent routine, he’d book a private room for a couple hours, you’d fuck, you’d talk and see each other whenever he wanted. he came when he needed you – and he always needed you.
as a stripper, you’ve always had one rule ‘don’t fuck with clients,’ but the moment that geto suguru laid his eyes on you – you were his. there was something about him that made him different from all the other patrons, although they were all snobby rich guys, the way that geto carried himself made you feel like he was worth breaking your rule. or at least that's what you told yourself. 
you didn’t just fuck each other – sometimes he just wanted to talk to you, to ask you about your day, to get to know you. and you could tell he was starting to catch feelings that you weren’t prepared to deal with. however, despite him being rich, there was something endearing in knowing that he went out of his way, every day, to pay just to see you. even when you were mean and standoffish.
you always spoke for longer than you expected – longer than he even paid for. geto surprised you, he was actually interested in talking with you. as the minutes turned into an hour, the conversations flowed in unexpected directions. you found yourselves sharing stories, discussing interests, and laughing at each other’s jokes. geto’s charming demeanour and genuine interest gradually chipped away at your initial reservations.
“did you always want to be a stripper?” he asks, you had just finished fucking and he still had an hour left of paid time with you, and he was going to use it.
“do you always pillowtalk?” you retort smartly, evading his question.
“who would’ve thought you’d still be this bitchy after being fucked so good,” he jokes, pulling you into his hold that you quickly ease into, “girl just answer the question.”
“i don’t know,” you sigh, “i needed the money, i loved to dance, so being a stripper was a no brainer to me.”
“do you like working here?” 
you shift slightly in his embrace, your fingers idly trace patterns on his chest. "liking it? well, it pays the bills, if that's what you're asking."
his fingers brush against your hair in a soothing gesture. "but is that all? just a means to an end?"
you sigh, a mixture of vulnerability and honesty in your tone. "i mean, it's not like i dreamt of becoming a stripper when I was a kid. but it's a job that's allowed me some financial stability, even if it's temporary."
geto's voice was gentle, his curiosity evident. "temporary for how long?"
you hesitate for a moment, contemplating how much to reveal. "i don’t know, i haven’t thought that far. i just wanna make money.”
"well, if you ever get tired of dancing, i can always buy the club for you." his response was unexpected, a mixture of humour and absurdity. “i think you’d make a good boss.”
“ha, if you did that i’d know that you’re truly obsessed with me,” you chuckle, his words catching you off guard. “i know you enjoy this place, but that's a little extreme, don't you think?"
"maybe, but you're worth it." he grins, his playful demeanour unwavering. "you're more than what you do here, you know."
a soft, ironic chuckle escapes your lips. "funny, coming from someone who's always here."
his grip on you tightens slightly, his voice holding a trace of seriousness. "perhaps I come here because I want to be around you. not just the dancer."
it was as if his presence had chipped away at the walls you had erected, leaving you exposed to a whirlwind of feelings you hadn't anticipated.his gaze, unwavering and intense, held yours as if searching for a sign—a spark of recognition that you too were experiencing this undeniable pull.
"suguru," you begin, your voice a whisper that barely bridged the distance between you, "this... whatever it is between us, it can't be as simple as you wanting to be around me."
he smiles softly, a gentle curve of his lips that holds both understanding and patience. "you're right, it's not simple. but isn't that what makes it worth exploring?" his words were a delicate melody, an invitation to step beyond the boundaries you had created.
you met his gaze with a mixture of uncertainty and longing. the weight of his presence was undeniable, a force that had drawn you in and left you yearning for more. but your insecurities whispered caution, reminding you of the differences that set you apart.
"suguru," you admit, your voice softer now, "i've never let anyone get this close. it's complicated, and I don't even know where this could lead."
“it doesn’t matter where it will leads,” he says, “what matters is that you like me? right?”
his words hung in the air, a direct question that pierced through the layers of uncertainty and vulnerability that surrounded you. the room seemed to hold its breath, the weight of his question settling like a delicate veil over the intimate space you shared.
your breath caught, and for a moment, time itself seemed to pause. the truth, the raw honesty that had eluded you, stood before you—bold and unyielding. you looked into his eyes, his gaze unwavering and patient, as if he was giving you the space to find your own truth within the question.
your voice, soft and tinged with a mixture of trepidation and longing, finally found its way to the surface. "i..." you pause, the words catching in your throat. but in the depth of his gaze, you found a strange sense of comfort, an assurance that you could be honest without judgement.
"maybe," you admit, your voice a whisper that carries the weight of your emotions. "maybe i do like you, suguru." the admission felt like a release, letting go of the barriers you had constructed to protect yourself.
a slow smile curved his lips, a genuine expression that lit up his features. it was as if your honesty had unlocked a door, allowing both of you to step closer to a truth that had been waiting to surface. he replies with deep content, "maybe is a good start," 
the room felt charged with an energy you couldn't quite define, a tension that simmered beneath the surface. your eyes held his, a silent conversation that spoke volumes—an acknowledgement of the unspoken connection that had grown between you.
as you lay there, cocooned in the aftermath of both physical intimacy and heartfelt conversation, an internal struggle brewed within you. your heart was stirred by the sincerity of geto's words, by the connection that seemed to grow stronger with every interaction. yet, amidst the warmth and comfort, a sense of bittersweet uncertainty gnawed at you.
the boundary you had set, the rule you had vowed to uphold, wavered under the weight of emotions you hadn't anticipated. you were drawn to geto, but a tangle of reservations held you back.
in the embrace of the night, you found yourself torn between the allure of a connection you had come to cherish and the lingering fear of what being with him might entail. 
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“you’re here early,” you comment, seeing geto in his usual seat. at this point, you were practically excited to see him, happy to go to work knowing that he’d show up.
“i guess i thought i’d change things up a bit,” he mutters his tone of voice off, “we’ve got to make this quick, though” he starts to undo his belt, “i’ve only got an hour till my next meeting.”
“wow no talking today?” you ask amused. geto usually is the one that likes to take his time, he always says he prefers to stimulate your mind before anything else, but today was different.
he gives you a pointed look, not bothering to respond so you continue to say, “an hour?” smirking as you straddle his lap, freeing his dick, “i think that’s more than enough time.” 
“new outfit?” he muses, pulling at the straps of the lingerie you were wearing. you nod, focusing on stroking his dick, “red’s your colour, i like it. but i’d rather see it off you.” suddenly, he rips off your bra and forces you up to take off your panties. you bend down to take off your heels, but he pauses you, “keep those on.”                 
“get my fingers wet for me,” he commands, dragging you back onto his lap. you happily comply, taking in two fingers into your warm, pouty mouth. he caresses your jaw as you greedily nibble on his fingers. 
he pulls them out thoroughly coated with your saliva and shoves them into your pussy. you gasp at the contact, and crumble into his side but he forces your head up with his hand pressing a rough kiss to your lips. 
“w-whats with you today?” you query, as you see the look on geto’s face – something was off with him. although you couldn’t deny the pleasure you were getting from his current roughness, you were used to a gentler geto.
“nothing,” he dismisses you, slipping in another finger into your soaking pussy. his thumb rubs against your clit as his fingers easily glide in and out of you. you felt like you cum off of his fingers alone, you grind down hard against his fingers aiding yourself in reaching your climax. but just as you were nearing, he swiftly removes his fingers landing a fat smack against your clit, “i know i said i had to make it quick, but i didn’t think you’d be this excited.”
geto swiftly puts on a condom, raises you up slightly before slamming you down on his dick. he smiles as your legs wrap around his back, pleased by the sound of your heels clacking together. you shudder as he immediately fills you, your pussy stretching, taking all of him. 
he thrusts into you hard, and you try to meet his pace and fuck him back as hard as he was doing to you – but you were no match for him. you were practically a ragdoll as he hammered into you, your arms flinging around his neck to hold yourself up.
“f-fuck,” you moan, clawing at his back, “im gonna cum.”
“hold it,” he demands, continuing to give you strong, relentless strokes. your head falls into his shoulder in submission, you were already gushing all over him, but he keeps going, hard and fast. he lifts up your head, and presses a soft peck against your lips before saying, “cum.”
geto movements turn sloppy as he finishes into the condom. you release all over his dick, shuddering as you feel your peak surge through you. he presses one more kiss to your neck, before you move off of him. 
“are you good?” you finally ask him, as you put back on your outfit, “you seemed a little out of it tonight.”
he shifts on his feet, his restlessness palpable as he watches you. "yeah," he mumbles, looking around the room at everything but you, his fingers fumbling with his belt as if seeking something to anchor himself. "i'm alright."
"you sure?" you persist, a touch of concern pushing you to press further. usually, you wouldn't challenge him this way – because whatever he says goes in the time that he pays for. but the stark contrast to his usual demeanour gnaws at your thoughts. "i just want to make sure that you're okay–"
"didn't I say I was alright," he sneers, a defensive edge entering his tone, "it's like you don't listen or something."
“see, there is definitely something wrong with you,” you snap, screwing your face up at his tone, “since the usual geto that walks up in here knows that he’ll have my heel shoved up his asshole before he can talk to me like that.”
your words hang in the air, the charged tension growing thicker as you each hold your ground. he shifts his weight, his gaze flickering toward you briefly before skittering away. the air seems heavy with unspoken words, a tangible unease settling between you.
"i've actually been wondering how long we're going to be doing this for," he finally says, his voice low, almost as if he's reluctant to voice the thought.
“this?” you question, a confused look appears upon your face as you fold your arms. you knew what he was getting at – you just wanted to hear him say it, “you mean my job.”
his gaze finally lifts to meet yours, a sardonic smile tugging at his lips. "oh, I didn't know it was your job to fuck the customers here. I thought you were just a stripper��� not a prostitute." 
his words hit like a jolt, a rush of emotion flooding your senses as you absorb their implications. your jaw tightens, a surge of frustration warring with a pang of hurt. "don't be condescending."
he chuckles, the sound a mix of amusement and something else you can't quite place. "why not? you seem to be a pro at it."
“fuck you.”
“y’know, i’ve figured a lot about you in these times we’ve spent together – despite the fact that you don’t talk much,” he starts to say, his grin getting wider with every word, “i’ve worked out that you liked to be chased, you like the fact that I was intrigued enough to make you break your dumb ass rule, you like the fact that even after I managed to break down your pussy walls, I still wanna take your rude ass to dinner.”
his words cut deep, the truth laced with a mocking tone. you glare at him, the mixture of attraction and anger churning within you. he was right in a way – you did like the chase, the thrill of his attention. 
"you really have it all figured out, don't you?" you retort, your voice dripping with sarcasm. his observations stung because they hit too close to the mark. but there was a small part of you that reminded yourself that he was just like the rest of the rich assholes that strolled through the club – and he was proving you right in this very moment.
“well suguru, i’ve worked some things about you.” you sneer, “you’re not the first wealthy lame that has walked into this club demanding more from me than a lap dance and some ego stroking–”
“but i’m the first to get it though aren’t i,” he interrupts, his tone teasing, “what does that say about me?”
you scoff, rolling your eyes as you cross your arms defensively. "it says that you're just like the rest of them, thinking you're different, thinking you're special."
his gaze narrows, the spark of something more intense gleaming in his eyes. "oh, I never said I was different. but I am special, darling, and you know it.” you huff defiantly, sitting back down on the couch – this was an argument you couldn’t. because although he was cocky, he was right.
geto joins you, his hand coming gripping your thigh to get your attention, “look i don't want to be doing this with you, all i want is to spend time out with you outside these four walls,” he says as you gnaw on your lip, considering it, “it would be nice to see you with some clothes on for a change.”
he holds your gaze, his fingers tightening slightly on your thigh as if trying to anchor himself in the midst of the storm of emotions you've stirred. his vulnerability is a stark contrast to the confidence he usually exudes, and it catches you off guard. for a moment, you're caught in a whirlwind of conflicting feelings – his words tugging at something deep within you that you're not quite ready to acknowledge.
but then, you remember the rules you've set for yourself, the boundaries you've fought so hard to maintain. no matter how much he may want to blur those lines, you can't afford to give in.
without giving him a direct answer, you shift slightly, his hand sliding off your thigh as you put some distance between you. your gaze flickers away from him, focusing on some distant point in the room as you compose yourself.
"well, hour's over," you finally say, your tone a touch colder than before. "leave the money where you usually do."
his face falls, the vulnerability replaced by a mixture of disappointment and frustration. he opens his mouth, as if he wants to protest or say something more, but the words seem to die on his lips. the atmosphere between you turns tense once again, the unspoken words and desires hanging heavily in the air. 
you don't meet his gaze as you move to gather your things, your actions brisk and efficient. you've mastered the art of detachment, of creating a barrier between yourself and the clients who come and go, no matter how they may affect you.
as you head toward the exit, your heart beats a little faster, a mix of regret and longing that you refuse to entertain. this is how it has to be – business, no matter how much your heart might argue otherwise.
behind you, you hear him sigh, a sound heavy with frustration and resignation. the door clicks shut behind you, the echo of the room's tension lingering in the silence.
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he never returned after that. days turned into weeks, and still, geto's presence remained absent from the club. while you hadn't expected him to return, a small part of you had held onto a glimmer of hope that he might. but the weeks turned into months, and the emptiness left by his absence lingered.
life settled back into its routine – the dimly lit stage, the rhythmic music, you danced, you entertained, you put on a show. yet, there was an ache within you, a void that refused to be filled.
as time went on, you found yourself replaying memories of his presence in your mind – the teasing glint in his eyes, the genuine concern in his voice, the way his smile could light up a room. the connection you had shared, brief as it was, had left an indelible mark on your heart.
you missed the daily banter, the way he would surprise you with his insights, the simple pleasure of knowing he was there. the club felt different now, as if it had lost a part of its vibrancy. the nights were quieter, the laughter more subdued, and the glamour that once surrounded your performances felt somewhat dimmed.
despite your best efforts, you couldn't shake the longing that had settled within you. you had a taste of something more with him, a glimpse of a world beyond the club's confines. and now, as you danced under the neon lights, you couldn't help but wonder if you would ever find that connection again.
the longing in your heart grew with each passing day, a constant reminder of what had been and what might have been. yet, even as you missed him, you were grateful for the moments you had shared – moments that had shown you a different side of life, a side you had almost forgotten was possible.
as you stepped into the club again to start your shift, an unsettling feeling settled in your stomach. the club, which was typically alive with the pulsating beat of music and the murmurs of patrons, was eerily quiet. it was as if the very essence of the place had been stripped away, leaving behind an empty void.
confusion crept into your mind as you glanced around, searching for any sign of movement or life. your footsteps echoed in the emptiness, the sound feeling unusually loud against the backdrop of silence. what was going on? had something happened that you weren't aware of?
just as you were about to turn and leave, the sense of unease growing stronger, your eyes land on a figure sitting on the main stage. your heart skipps a beat, a mix of surprise and a rush of emotions flooding over you. it was him – geto. he was here, his presence filling the void that had gripped the club.
he sat there, as if he belonged on that stage, his posture relaxed but his gaze intense as he watches you. the familiar, cocky smirk was ever present on his lips, and despite the confusion that clouds your mind, a warmth spreads through your chest at the sight of him.
as you draw closer, his smirk softens into a genuine smile, a glimmer of something unspoken in his eyes. the air was thick with tension, a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty hanging between you. your heart races in your chest, the space between you charged with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.
"suguru," you finally breathe his name, your voice a mere whisper in the stillness.
he stands, his movements fluid and confident, as he closes the distance between you. "hey," he greets, his voice carrying a warmth that echoed through the empty club.
"what are you doing here?" you ask, your voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and curiosity.
“let’s just say there’s new management here” 
“you bought the club.” you interrogate, “why?”
“i don’t know, im a guy with a lot of money, so i bought a business.” he shrugs blatantly lying, “that’s what guys like me do…”
"you missed me," you conclude, with a grin.
he nods, "I guess I missed you...or whatever," his facade drops immediately. "it's just after you rejected me, i was pissed. all i wanted to do was to show you that i actually cared about you, for you to give me a chance.”
“and buying the club was the most logical way for you to show me that you care?” you argue. “you didn’t have to do that,” emotions swirled within you – a mixture of surprise, hope, and a spark of something you hadn't allowed yourself to feel in a long time. before you could respond, he took a step closer, his fingers gently brushing against yours. it was a simple touch, but it held a promise, a connection that went beyond words.
"why do you always have to be so difficult?” he questions fiercely, “why can’t you just let me show you that i do care about you?”
the weight of his words hung in the air, and as you looked into his eyes, you saw the vulnerability, the sincerity that had always been there, hidden beneath the surface. “why do you care?” you retort, almost childishly. you knew that he cared, you knew why he cared – you just had an affinity for making things difficult. 
he rolls his eyes at your hard front “if it was anybody else, he would’ve given up a long time ago. but for some reason you were worth it. “because i see you for more than just the standoffish dancer who doesn’t let anyone get to her, im sure you know this by now.” he pulls you closer to him, into a strong hold. “now will you stop fronting and let me have you – all of you?”
you nod with mock reluctance, practically melting in his arms, “but what about my job? I’m not gonna stop being a stripper just because of you.”
“and i wouldn’t even ask you too,” he says quick with reassurance, “besides i find it hot that everyone gets to see you this way but they just can’t have you like i do.” he starts to work your top off your body, unhooking your bra, exposing your tits, “like just imagine, a crowd full of people watching me fuck the shit out of you — wanting you so badly, but not getting to touch.”
“we can’t do this here,” you gasp out as his fingers start to toy with your hard nipples, pinching and twisting them.
“why not?” he smirks, “you’re the boss aren’t you?”
“me, but i thought you bought the club.”
“you’re the one who said if i bought it you’d know that im truly obsessed with you,” he reasons, his lips pressing a kiss under your ear as he whispers, “do you get the picture now?”
“like I said you really d-didn’t have to do that,” you say, “i was the one that fucked things up here. you didn’t have to buy a whole business for get me to tell you that i like you.”
“oh so you do like me,” he comments sarcastically, “who would’ve thought.”
“shut up,” you grumble, swatting at his chest as he laughs, “i am sorry though. i don’t know why i pulled you into my little game, i knew i liked you a long time ago — but I just couldn't bring myself to admitting it. and I'm sorry for that .”
“it’s fine,” he reassures, “i knew dealing with you would be a challenge — granted i didn’t think it would be this hard — but i knew in the end it would be worth it.” his hands lower down your body, shimmying your pants off of you, “so now you gonna show me how sorry you truly are?”
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AN: um so this was A LOT my longest fic ever, please lemme know what you thought since I am SOOOO UNSURE ABOU THIS ONE. thank you to my baessss @kazushawty @satoruhour for beta reading (I owe you two my life) also ur boss was pissed asf to find out that the club he owned was bought and given to you when he was the one that basically got you and geto together in the first place. ill make a part two where gojo comes back to the club to see the pretty little stripper who's got all of his besties attention looool jk
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hyperfixatedbastard · 8 months ago
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how to get the First Man™ out of bed
Soft!Adam x GN!Reader
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Turns out the 'First Man' himself is actually super clingy. And he is a big baby when it comes to getting up in the mornings. Good luck convincing him to get his ass outta bed!
Word Count: 1.1k
WARNINGS: mentions of sex, implied sexual content, withholding sex, kissing (it's still SFW!)
A/N: Here is the Adam x Reader fluff, finally! I didn't mean for this to have so much sex-adjacent content but I think that's just too integral to Adam's character lmao. It's still SFW though so it's fineee. I didn't mean for the 'withholding sex' part to be manipulative, it's all fun n' games here, so apologies if it comes across as too serious. (It was originally 'one week', not 'one day' - I changed it just in case lol)
Dividers
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Beneath the douchebag exterior of the First Man™, Adam’s really just a big ol’ softie. Just deep, deep, deep down. It took a long time to find that part of him, but as his partner, you’re one of the only people that even knows this side of him exists.
One thing you really hadn’t expected from the man is how clingy he can get—it probably has something to do with the abandonment issues, but you’ve never tried to broach that subject. It’s currently early in the morning, and Adam doesn’t seem to plan on letting go of you anytime soon. You’re cuddled up with him in bed, his mask and robes absent as he sleeps. His wings are wrapped around you like a protective blanket. And now you have to try and convince his stubborn ass to get the fuck up. You’ve already been awake for about fifteen minutes, hoping your boyfriend will wake up on his own, but of course, that’s not going to happen. 
Getting Adam out of bed is always a struggle. Despite the promotion of Heaven as the ‘perfect place’ with ‘no bad days,’ there’s still a schedule to abide by, and angels still need sleep. And Adam really hates those damn schedules, and loves his beauty sleep. There are a multitude of ways to try and get him out of bed, and every morning is a guessing game to see which one will work.
1. Be sweet and try to gently encourage him to get out of bed.
“Adam, babe,” you murmur softly, opting for a gentle approach this time around. You pat his arms where they’re wrapped securely around your waist—you would try to get a look at his face, but he’s spooning you from behind and giving you absolutely zero wiggle room. “You gotta get up, we have shit to do.”
“Mm…fuck off,” Adam grumbles, only tightening his hold on you and nuzzling his face into the nape of your neck. Which was about what you expected.
2. Be a little assertive.
“Adam, c’mon,” you warn in an attempt to convince him to get the fuck up. “I’ve already given you an extra fifteen minutes.”
“Then gimme fifteen more,” he insists, his voice sounding almost whiny. His childishness would be adorable if you didn’t actually have shit to do today. 
3. Be a little more assertive.
You sigh. It’s never easy with this asshole. “Adam.”
The angel in question makes a little ‘mmpf’ sound into your back.
“Get the fuck up.”
He doesn’t even respond this time—he just holds you tighter, his wings copying his arms and trapping you in his embrace.
4. Bribery.
Actually, fuck no. You refuse to bribe him again. He’s already gotten that out of you several times before, getting anything from sex to food to picking what movie you two watch that night (you’ve watched Die Hard three times this week alone)
No, this is a game you are not losing this time.
5. Threats.
“Okay, you’ve got three options,” you offer, your voice less stern than your last attempt but not as soft as your first. “One: you get up.”
Adam makes another noncommittal little grunt of acknowledgment.
“Two: you don’t get up, and Lute breaks into our apartment again to drag your ass out of bed.”
He lets out a sound that sounds kind of like a chuckle, but it’s muffled against the back of your neck, so it’s hard to tell. But he’s clearly not intimidated by the warning.
“Three: you don’t get up and we don’t fuck tonight.”
That gets him. He tenses up for a moment before scoffing in disbelief. “Yeah, right, like you could go a day without this dick.”
A smirk pulls at your lips. You’ve got him now. “Try me.”
Adam’s silent for nearly a full minute. He has a much higher libido than you, and he knows you’d be fine without sex for a day. Him, on the other hand? He’s got a high sex drive and is downright spoiled. 
You’re worried he’s fallen back asleep, but eventually, he sighs. His wings unfurl and his grip around you loosens, though not letting go entirely. “Fineee,” he groans dramatically. “But only because I don’t wanna deprive you of my amazing dick.”
You chuckle and turn to face him, now that you have the ability to actually move. His hair’s all messy, as it usually is, and his golden eyes are just barely cracked open. 
“Oh, how generous of you,” you joke, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. He instinctively pushes his face into your palm ever so slightly. 
“I know, I’m fucking great,” he agrees, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. He knows you were being sarcastic, but he’ll turn damn near anything into a compliment that strokes his ego.
You just roll your eyes at his response, albeit fondly. He’s a dumbass, but he’s your dumbass.
“Alright, you big baby, time to get up,” you tease, moving to sit up before his arms tighten around you once more, pulling you back down.
“Hey—” you start, but are immediately cut off by a pair of lips on yours. His lips move slowly and languidly along with yours, and you’re all too happy to reciprocate.
You sigh into the kiss, unable to stop yourself from smiling against Adam’s lips. There’s a big difference between your usual hungry, eager make-outs and the sweet, lazy kisses you get when he’s all soft and sleepy. Both are great, but you really savor these tender, gentle moments with him. In the mornings, he’s too tired to keep up that arrogant ‘too cool for all that mushy, affectionate shit’ persona. And while you love him all the time, sleepy Adam definitely holds a special place in your heart.
He’s smiling when he lets you pull away. The kiss wasn’t a particularly long one, but you could’ve let it go on forever. But you’d be one hell of a hypocrite if you stayed in bed just to kiss your boyfriend after making such a point to get his ass out of bed.
“Now are you ready to get up?” you ask softly, still basking in the warmth of his embrace and the memory of his lips on yours.
“Mm…” Adam hums in consideration. His smile quickly turns to a smirk as he tightens his hold on you yet again and wraps his wings around you. “No.”
“Oh, for the love of—”
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
Needless to say, you do not stay true to your word about the consequences of Adam not getting out of bed. And Lute does, in fact, break into your apartment half an hour later to be confronted with a sight she sees far too often for her liking. 
Fuck him for being so damn stubborn. Literally.
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Taglist - @3sire-777
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gimmebackmyskeeball · 2 months ago
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Just friends? Fuck no.
author’s note: I love enemy!jj and I’m a hoe for an enemies you lover arc but I just want me a flirty best friend jj so bad so I had to write his headcanons (?). I don’t even know what this is actually. There’s hc and small little blurbs all together so it’s definitely a little longer than a blurb but not a one shot either. I’m confused but I hope ur not. Enjoy!
summary: just some hc(?) about best friend!jj !!
pairing: best friend!jj maybank x pogue!reader
First of all, you can’t convince me that this man isn’t clingy with his best friend. And honestly not just with you and Kie but with Jb and Pope too. So picture this, divorced parents, your dad lives in another country with his new wife and your mom lives with your sister whilst you stay in the château. Your best friend John B offered you a room after his father made it clear that he wasn’t going to be back soon if never. So now you’re practically living in the château, stopping by your own house to check on your mom and your sister every couple of days. That also means you’re practically living in the same house with the one and only Jj Maybank.
At that point you were familiar with the lines such as; “How can you wake up that early? What’s the deal with that?” or “Y/N open the door! I don’t care that you’re changing, I left my lighter in there!”. He would wake up in the spare room with his messy hair and in his John B’s shorts. No shirt, obviously. He has to show off those muscles. “Yeah, you know, this is what happens when you’re god’s favorite.” He act’s like this is totally from his genes and just basically from carrying stuff to help his dad and shit but his dirty little secret is that he works out for it. Not a lot but enough to keep him in shape.
He’d walk around the château looking for some kind of food, any kind. He’d see Jb standing in the hallway, fresh out of shower, hair wet, of course he wouldn’t miss the chance to make some kinda flirty comment. “Hey, Jb. Morning shower? Too bad, wish you had invited me.” John would scoff, rolling his eyes, “Stop saying shit like that, Jj.” But Jj being the Jj he is, of course he wouldn’t stop. “Cmon gimme a hug, babe.” “Get away from me.”
“Don’t be shy.” He’d playfully caress his shoulder, with a smile on his face. “I’m literally throwing up in my mouth.” John took a step back, replicating gagging noises. “Cmon, John B. Don’t hide the infamous John D from me.” The brunette boy would pick up a pillow from the couch, shoving it right in the middle of his face before speaking, “Dude, you creep me the fuck out.” In that moment you’d walk in door from the porch, you’d woke up early to enjoy to morning breeze because you knew you’d be burning and melting and suffering thanks to Jb who kept putting off getting his AC fixed. “There she is! Hey, peach.” he’d say smiling, walking over to you before grabbing your face and giving your cheek multiple wet sloppy kisses.
“Gross.” you’d mumble. You’re tripping if you think this boy wouldn’t call you some kinda cheesy lame nickname like ‘peach’ or ‘sugar’ or ‘cupcake’ that’s suddenly music to your ears when he says it with that crooked southern accent of his. “Okay, rude. You lookin’ mad cute today. Don’t wanna kiss?” you pushed his face away, not able to stop the smile growing on your face.
Since when did you pushed him? You made the blonde mad. He’d wrap his arms around your neck, placing his head on top of yours. He’d pull you towards him until your back was completely leaning against his chest. He was heavy, you had to give him that. He was hot too. Not that way. I mean, yes, that way, he was hot, everyone knew that, including him. But he was the type of guys whose body heat was always high. The heat from how he wraps his arms around you, hot. He’s hot. In every way, shape or form. “Jay, get off! You’re hot!” He’d raise an eyebrow, pretending to be impressed by your sudden compliment that he knew was not a compliment, “Oh, I’m aware. But too bad I’m not gonna get off of ya.”
Definitely the kind of guy that would get offended if you told someone he wasn’t your boyfriend, “No partners over! This is my house and y’all are using it as a motel six!” John yelled to Kiara who had just been walked in by the owner of that very house. “That’s not fair! Y/N and Jj stay here all the time!” Kiara bit back. You crossed your arms over your chest, furrowing your brows, “What does that even mean?” Kiara sighed, “It means that boyfriend and girlfriends do stay here together and that I’m allowed to too!” you gave her a disgusted look, okay, to be completely honest, it was kinda cute she said that but you couldn’t act like you find it cute. Obviously. “We are not!” you whined. Jj shot you a look, “I mean, you don’t have to say it like that…” he frowned. The man actually frowned.
“Huh?” you were genuinely confused, was he upset? “You didn’t had to sound so aggressive about it…”
Sometimes he’d come up to you in the middle of the night, tv noises coming from the living room, meaning Jb wasn’t asleep either. “Peach?” you saw his figure on your doorstep,“Yeah, Jay?” you sat up on your bed. “I can’t sleep.” he walked over to you, sitting on your bed. “Why?”
He pouted, “Hot.” Oh how the tables have turned, “Thank you.” you spoke as he’d grin, scooting over more to your side. “I always appreciate a self aware girl.” “Okay, back off playboy.”
You scooted back, closer to the head of your bed now. “I’m just being honest.” he kept moving to get closer to you as much as he can. “Well, keep your honest ass over there.” you gently pushed his knee, trying with everything you have in you to keep your distance.
Sometimes you’d wonder if you were really only best friends. You knew how you felt about him but this is how he was with everybody, so he was ridiculously confusing. All the long weed sessions in the Twinkie, the way he’d beg to be the one rubbing your sunscreen, how he’d get visibly happy every time you’d pick him to sit next to on the couch. He is cheesy. And he isn’t embarrassed of it. If anything he knows he’s cheesy and I feel like he’s proud of it.
He’d yawn and gently stretch his arms, one of them slowly going over your shoulders and he’d end up caressing your arm. You know what he’s doing, he knows you know what he’s doing. Is he ever going to stop? No one knows. The way he’d rest his hands (definitely and totally not gripping them like you’re gonna jump off the bike and run away) on your thighs on red lights whenever you’re on his bike for him to drop you off for you to see your mom.
How he’d wrap his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder despite your whines about how you want him off of you. It’s just him, it’s just Jj Maybank and you don’t know if he’ll change or not. Not that you want him to, anyway.
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moonstruckme · 13 days ago
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Hi lovely!! I hope you’re having a superbly wonderful week so far! I’m absolutely obsessed with all your whimsical!reader works, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to write another with tasm!Peter? I just love the dynamic of someone as scientifically minded as him with someone more celestial-oriented and he never makes her feel dumb or silly or anything and supports her ugh they’re precious <3 you’re precious too <3
Thank you for requesting angel! You're the most precious <3
tasm!Peter Parker x whimsical!reader ♡ 539 words
“This is your life line.” The touch of your fingertip is light enough to tickle. Peter shivers, but you’re too focused to notice. “It doesn’t have any breaks in it, which means you’re dependable and you have strong, healthy genes.” 
Peter hums. “Do you think it’s accounting for the spider genes, or just mine?” 
You nod. “I think you had good genes before that, but it may have gotten deeper over time.” 
“Yeah?” Peter doesn’t doubt that the lines on his palm have changed over time. He thinks it’s for different reasons than you do, but that’s okay. 
“Mhm.” 
“Show me another one.” 
You smile, and it feels like sunlight shining down on his palm. “I was going to. You’re in such a rush.” 
“Well, I’m learning about my fate and everything.” He bumps the top of your head with his nose. “It’s urgent stuff.” 
“This,” your index finger tickles across the top of his palm, “is your heart line.” 
Peter peers at it. “It’s short.” 
“That’s okay. It’s going towards your middle finger, which means you’re passionate. That seems right.” 
“Does it?” 
You hear the smile in Peter’s voice and look up to give him one of your own. “I think so,” you say in that soft, easy way of yours. “You’re very romantic. And see, it breaks into two at the end, which means you put others before yourself. That sounds a lot like you.” 
Peter admires your concentration. Your lashes screen your eyes as you inspect his palm, your features relaxed but lips still curved with the echo of a smile. 
“It’s mostly straight,” you muse, “which I think indicates that you’re content in your relationships.” 
“You don’t say,” Peter hums. “I wonder why that might be.” 
You laugh as he grabs you around the middle, pulling you close and planting a firm kiss on the top of your head. 
“I don’t need my hand to tell me I’m happy, you weirdo.” 
“I’m just telling you what it says,” you defend yourself. 
“Let me see yours.” He sits you between his thighs, leaning over your shoulder. 
“You won’t know what it means, though.” 
“You can tell me. C’mon, gimme. ‘Nless you have something to hide, huh?” 
You relinquish your hand to him, letting him smooth his thumbs over the canvas of your palm. You lean your head into his. 
“Oh,” says Peter. “Hmm. I see. This is very good.” 
“Peter.” Your voice is warm with fondness. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“I know it’s pretty. It’s a very, very nice line.” He brings it to his lips. “It probably says something about you being sweet, and romantic, and having an okay-looking boyfriend who loves you a lot.” 
You turn your face towards him, your nose to his cheek. “Those aren’t the sorts of things it tells you. And you’re more than okay-looking.” 
“Pretty sure I’m reading it loud and clear, sweetheart. You sure you’re the one who knows how to do this?” 
“I think so,” you say. Your lips part contentedly when Peter finds them with his own, soft and pliant to his touch. 
“Guess I just have natural instincts for it, then.” 
It’s his favorite feeling, your smile blooming against his. “Maybe so.” 
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miss-oranje-disco-dancer · 18 days ago
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gimme more
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pairing: joel x reader x tommy
tags/cws: sex pollen (reader is infected by it), breeding kink
summary: joel is just being a good friend by helping reader out, and tommy is just being a good brother by tag-teaming
a/n: div creds to @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
this is kind of theoretically set in jackson (AU where nothing bad happens lol), but we're going to pretend that the writer has finished tlou2 (and has not been caught up in playing silent hill) and is not just guessing about the details of jackson and such
wc: 2.2k
tags: @vaaaaaiolet @leonfucker3000 @withonly-sweetheart
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You've experienced your fair share of unthinkable, inexplicable things since the outbreak began. Out of necessity, you've become familiar with the cordyceps — what it looks like, how it spreads, what the cure is (a bullet to the head). Whatever you just inhaled is not the cordyceps virus, but you feel zero relief in knowing that. You have no idea what this is and what it's going to do to you.
Joel calls out to you from above.
"Don't come down here," you yell back. "I think something's wrong."
It's the best way you can explain it.
"Then get your ass up here!" He's pissed, he's scared.
You shouldn't have been so reckless. You were stupid to think you'd find anything good in that abandoned bunker. If there was once something worth your excursion, it's long gone. Like everywhere else, it's been looted.
When Joel reaches out to help you pull yourself above ground, you can't help but notice how big his hands are, how strong he is, the way his arms flex when he pulls you up to relative safety.
"What happened down there?"
"I don't know, but I feel… weird. Something's not right with me."
"You didn't get bit did you?"
"No, it's not that. Definitely not. It's something different. When I went down there, it was like I set off some sort of alarm system, except it didn't make any noise, it just sprayed out some sort of blue smoke."
"And you inhaled it?"
"I didn't mean to."
The route back is short, but it's torture – your whole body feels like its been set on fire, and you want to keel over in pain.
"Do you need me to carry you?" Joel asks.
"No, I'm fine." You're not fine. You're out of breath, dizzy, aching for something.
Joel ignores your lies and picks you up. The minute he touches you, you know exactly what your body wants — him. You whimper at his touch — his hands aren't anywhere they shouldn't be, but your whole body feels sensitive.
"Am I hurting you?"
"No, not really… I don't know."
"Why are you whining then? Either you're hurt or you're on the edge of a fuckin' orgasm."
He laughs, but you don't.
"…Both," you admit.
He looks at his hands, making sure he's not touching you inappropriately.
"I don't understand. I'm not touching you down there, and you're not touching yourself. You got vibrating panties or somethin'?"
"I wish."
He stops. Then, in a whisper despite the fact that you're alone, asks, "Do you think it's whatever you inhaled?"
"Yeah."
"Let's hurry down to the infirmary then."
"No. There's nothing they can do for me."
"Don't say that. I'm sure it's nothin' and they'll be able to fix you up just fine."
"No, they can't. I know what I need. I can feel it."
Or at least, you hope it's what you need. You'd rather die than walk into a clinic and tell the nurse that you're so horny you think you're about to, well, die. You've made your bed and you're ready to lie in it — so long as Joel is there too.
He changes course slightly, and walks towards his house. Not much needs to be said. The look of sheer desperation in your eyes is enough. Has he dreamt about fucking you before? Maybe, but that's not why he agrees to do it. Above all else, Joel cares about you.
You don't make it to his bedroom, only to the living room couch. The curtains are drawn and Joel lives alone, so it makes little difference (minus the back pain that you'll inevitably endure from a couch rendezvous).
It's not your first time having sex, and you know it's not Joel's either, but it's the first time you've ever done this together. See, in your nighttime fantasies, he comes to you — on you, in you, for you — quite often, but in the real world, you're just close friends. The rumors that circulate are (unfortunately) not true: you're not fucking Joel. Or, you weren't. Now, you are. Now, you're tearing off your clothes because holy fuck it's hotter than it should be in April. You're feeling feverish as you help Joel strip (while he takes a minute to be awestruck by your bare body).
You're fiddling helplessly with his belt buckle like it's a brand new contraption to your hazy eyes.
"Are you sure you don't want me to get you ready first? Could go down on you…"
If someone put a gun to your head and asked you if you'd ever turn down Joel Miller offering to go down on you, you'd be dead. But despite how much you crave his mouth on your skin, you swear this thing might kill you if you wait any longer.
"I need you," is all you can muster.
"Lemme see if I can find a—"
He stands up, presumably to get a condom, but you grab him by the wrist.
"I need you," you say with more force this time.
It takes a mere glimpse of his cock — hard, throbbing in anticipation — to know that he needs you too.
"Jesus fuckin' Christ," he says when his hand reaches your glistening slit.
You let out a pathetic whimper. You're no longer in control. Whatever this toxin is, it's taken over. It needs Joel, you need Joel, it needs you to need Joel (more than you did already).
"I know, baby, I know," he soothes you as he steadies himself above you.
He slides into you with ease, buries himself to the hilt and then stops. He looks up to the ceiling, like he's about to speak to God, but all that leaves his mouth is a single word, "fuck", it comes out harsh, through gritted teeth, yet ultimately, it's his surrender.
His surrender to your needs, to your cunt that grips him like a vise and soaks him like a leaky faucet. Both of his hands hold your hips steady so he can pound into you as you beg for him to go harder, and he swears he hasn't fucked anyone like this in the last 20 years. Honestly, he's shocked his knees can handle it. He ought to have you ride him if you're so intent on controlling the pace, but then again, he doesn't trust your impulses.
Not only is he going to embarrass himself if he cums quickly, but he'll also leave you hanging. One hand moves to cover your mouth because he can't have you screaming. It takes everything in him to stifle you when you're moaning his name.
It's something between a warning and an apology. "I'm sorry, baby—I'm gonna cum." Naturally, he attempts to pull out since he's not wearing a condom, but you lock your legs around his hips and rip his hand from your mouth so you can tell him the three most important words right now, "Don't. Pull. Out."
"I don't wanna get you pregnant—"
"I want you to."
It all makes sense. "Is that what it wants?" His curiosity is piqued and the distraction of solving this puzzle keeps his orgasm at bay. "It wants me to… breed you? It's making you want me to get you pregnant?"
"Yes," you say a bit too enthusiastically. "Joel, please, I need you to."
"Need me to what?" He knows exactly what, and you can see that in the slight upward curve of his lips.
You groan in frustration — would he really be so cruel as to make you beg in a moment of crisis? Maybe.
"I need to hear you say it."
Joel could easily fill you to the brim right now, he needs to hear you beg because he'll need the memory later when he's alone, when he thinks about you. If you make it out of this situation, that is. But, fuck, if you're right, and all he really has to do is get you pregnant, there shouldn't be any problem.
"I need you to put a baby in me," you say, and while your body is still running wild in its starvation, embarrassment flashes across your face.
When Joel agrees, your orgasm overtakes you -- simply the thought is enough to make you gush all over his furniture. You thought you'd never reach your peak and be forced to teeter on the edge for the rest of your life. You hold him as close as you possibly can, forcing him deeper inside you with your legs around his hips and your arms around his back, digging your nails into his skin. He returns the sting with a bite to your neck, muffling a groan that threatens to escape him.
You're writhing against the pleasure, the overstimulation and the need for more mixing together, and Joel, melting in your arms, soothes you as best he can. His words are filthy and sweet all at once.
"It's okay, baby. I'm gonna put a baby in you, gonna get you knocked up. Don't gotta worry 'bout a thing."
When his grunts turn breathy, barely short of whimpers, you realize that he's turned on by this too. It's a blessing and a curse — his pride grapples with his arousal, fighting to keep his orgasm at bay but it's in vain. He cums inside you, and it feels like he's the one dying, and ascending to heaven (a place he never believed he'd step foot in).
You try to keep him inside you, but he insists that he has to pull out at some point.
Joel's about to put his pants on when the door swings open. At first you're afraid it's Ellie, and even though she's an adult, she's practically Joel's daughter – she's the last person who would want to see this. Who else has a key to Joel's house? you think. He's not giving them out to just anyone, even you don't have one (and you could be carrying his child).
Tommy, you realize, just as his voice echoes through the hall, calling for Joel.
"Hold on," Joel yells back, much louder than he needs to, considering the fact that there's only one wall between your naked body and an unsuspecting visitor.
Footsteps approach, and Joel gets the word "wait" halfway out of his mouth before Tommy enters the room. You all share a moment of silence before he apologizes, and excuses himself.
As he's walking towards the door, you try to pull Joel back in, telling him how badly you need him.
But he has another idea. Unconventional at best, but it's not like you're in an everyday situation anyway.
"Tommy," he says, stopping him before he leaves. "Will you do me — us — a huge favor?"
"Yeah, I won't tell anyone. Don't worry about it," he says, preemptively.
"No, no. A different favor." He peeks his head into the living room to see your miserable, desperate state.
"What's going on?"
Joel explains everything as best he can in as little time as possible. You admit, with less shame than you would otherwise, that you need someone to fuck you, and if Joel has to wait a bit to recover, it's a good thing he has a brother.
"You're sure about this?" Tommy asks.
Once you swear on your life that you are absolutely positive about this, he gives in, allows himself to indulge because ultimately, Tommy wants this too. Maybe their shared DNA influences their shared kinks, or maybe you're an attractive woman, splayed out on the couch naked and begging to be fucked.
Tommy makes quick work of his clothes, discarding them on the floor — he can sense your eagerness to have him inside you, almost as intense as his own desire.
It's not like you needed any lubricant anyway, but Joel left you even slicker than before, so Tommy slides inside you with greater ease despite being nearly as big as his brother. He's quick to lift your legs to gain greater leverage so he can up the pace of his thrusts.
You moans, despite how loud they are, do not cover up the wet sounds of Tommy fucking you.
"Are you sure you want me to cum inside you?"
"Yes, please, need you to get me pregnant," you say, throwing him for a loop. Whoops, you must've forgotten to mention that part.
He looks at you, then at Joel, in disbelief, assuming this is some sort of trick, a test, a gift — it doesn't really matter because he's too far gone to hold back.
"Fuck, I'll knock you up if that's what you really want, baby."
All you can say is "please".
"Wonder whose baby it'll be," he says, steady thrusts gaining momentum.
If he's toying with you, it's working, strange as it might be, the concept is a turn-on. It's Schrodinger's baby. You cannot be sure whose baby you're carrying -- if there is one at all -- so you can imagine it as both Joel's and Tommy's at once.
You look at Tommy, eyes half-lidded, lips parted, mind blanking. Surely, he's not having a scientific breakthrough, but maybe a transcendental experience.
Then, you look at Joel, who holds the awe of a full auditorium in his eyes, but there will be no standing ovation for your performance because he's using all of his strength to hold himself back from rushing the metaphorical stage, and one hand is busy palming his aching cock through his jeans to subdue that urge.
Tommy takes your chin, and with a sudden sternness, says, "Look at me when I cum inside you. Not him. He's not fucking you."
But when your eyes meet his, he's not the only one approaching his peak – you are going over the edge with him. You swear you might've blacked out because Tommy is already pulling out of you when you fully regain consciousness.
Once you get your bearings straight you realize something: you feel a lot better.
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silentglassbreak · 4 months ago
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hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme
friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.
going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay
feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺
Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst
Can You Feel My Heart
Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?
If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.
If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.
If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.
At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?
This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.
Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.
He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.
He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.
We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.
"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."
"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."
He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.
That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.
As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.
He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.
Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.
So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.
He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.
There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.
The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.
We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.
That's when the words left his mouth.
"We need to talk."
That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.
It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.
"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"
And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.
Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.
How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?
I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...
I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.
“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”
"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.
His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."
I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."
Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.
"You don't need to get up for another hour."
"Not if I want to shower."
He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."
I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."
"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.
"Shut up. And get off me!"
He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.
"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.
"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.
I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.
Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.
"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."
I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."
He scoffed. "Not a chance."
Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.
"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."
I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.
"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.
"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."
He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"
I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"
He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"
His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.
"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."
He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."
I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."
"So, why would you want to be so far away?"
"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."
He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."
I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."
He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."
There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.
"Oh no? And if I do?"
"You can't."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"
He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."
Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"
He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."
"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"
His eyes popped open, then. "What?"
"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.
"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.
"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.
"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."
Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."
His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."
Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"
"What act?"
I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.
"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"
I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.
"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"
His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."
I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."
"I thought that's what we wanted."
Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."
He was silent, then.
"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."
I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.
His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.
"What do you want from me, Y/N?"
I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."
He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.
"I do love you!"
I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"
Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.
And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.
He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.
But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.
"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."
I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.
"You need to leave, Noah."
I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.
"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.
I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.
"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."
His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.
"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."
I let myself laugh at that.
"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."
7 Years Later
Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.
Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.
Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.
I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.
Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.
"You look so fine!"
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"
She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.
"So, Tyler isn't coming."
She frowned at me. "Why not?"
I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."
She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."
Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.
I liked him.
Right?
It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.
"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.
"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"
"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."
I nodded. "I've never heard them."
"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.
My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.
That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...
Bad Omens...they were the headliner.
Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.
I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...
“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”
My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?
I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.
Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?
Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.
“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”
I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?
“Long time ago.”
I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.
In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.
Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.
Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.
We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.
The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.
During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.
"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."
He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"
I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."
He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.
When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...
The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.
He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.
"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.
His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.
"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"
My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.
"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.
Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.
"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.
"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.
"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"
Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."
I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"
He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."
My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."
I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.
"He doesn't know I'm here."
He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"
I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."
"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"
Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.
"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"
I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.
"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"
I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."
"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.
I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."
He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"
"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"
He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"
I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.
Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...
"Nick?"
His face turned back to me.
"How is he?"
I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.
"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."
"How so?"
Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?
"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."
I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."
He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."
I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?
"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"
Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.
I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."
This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"
I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"
She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"
Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?
"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."
I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.
"Damn it, alright, come here."
She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.
"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."
Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"
I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."
"Do you know anyone else in the band?"
I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.
"I may know the entire band."
Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.
"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"
I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."
She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."
Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."
Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.
We turned, ready to make our way back inside.
"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."
I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.
"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."
"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.
"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"
I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."
"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"
I was going to actually vomit at that.
"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."
She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"
I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."
I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.
I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.
I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.
"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."
My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."
She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."
My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."
She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"
I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."
She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.
I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.
Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?
I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?
Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.
He didn't take but a minute to respond.
Tyler: Having fun?
Ha, what a joke.
Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.
Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.
That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.
The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.
A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.
A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.
Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.
Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.
And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.
A voice I'd never forget.
"Can you hear me through the white noise?"
He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.
He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.
The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.
As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.
The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.
They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.
The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.
"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."
Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.
Noah had changed...
The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.
The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?
"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...
The crowd erupted.
"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"
The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.
"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."
The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.
"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."
My heart twisted in my chest.
"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"
The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.
"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."
"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."
My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.
"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"
I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.
I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"
Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.
"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.
When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.
"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."
She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."
After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.
"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"
I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.
I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.
Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.
After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.
"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"
I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.
"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.
"Hang on! Wait!"
A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.
A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.
He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.
The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.
"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"
My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?
He thought he did, but now...
"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.
He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."
I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.
In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.
"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.
"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.
"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."
I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."
-
A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.
I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.
I couldn't do that again.
I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.
Who would be calling me at 2AM?
I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.
"Hello?"
"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"
I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.
"Noah?" It barely came out.
"It's been a long time."
I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."
"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"
I sighed. "Nick told you?"
"He might've."
I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."
"Why?"
I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."
He hummed. "That's true."
I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.
"What did you think?"
"Of the show?"
"Mhm."
I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."
A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"
I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."
"In a bad way?"
"No. Not at all."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.
The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?
"Why did you call, Noah?"
I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."
"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."
My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."
"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."
My heart pounded. "What?"
"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.
"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."
"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"
I perused the idea. "When?"
"Now?"
I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."
"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."
This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?
"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."
"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"
I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.
My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?
It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.
I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!
I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.
I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.
Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...
Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.
I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.
"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.
"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.
"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.
I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."
He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.
"I had to."
I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."
I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.
"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."
"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."
I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.
To my chagrin, he was still there.
Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.
"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"
Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."
My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"
He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."
"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.
This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.
"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.
"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"
I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."
He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."
He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.
"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."
He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"
Oop. I wasn't expecting that.
"The second one. Villain, or something?"
He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"
I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"
"Mm, and which one was that?"
I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.
"Uh, I don't know the name."
He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"
"Am I wrong?"
He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.
I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."
He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."
"You still haven't said why."
"Why did you want to see me?"
My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"
"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.
He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.
"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"
I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.
"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."
I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"
"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."
There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.
In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"
He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.
"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"
He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'
"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"
He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.
"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"
My heart stopped, completely motionless.
"What?"
"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."
I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.
"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"
My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.
"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."
This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.
"Noah, I had no idea-"
"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."
I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.
"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."
He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."
"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"
He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."
My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.
Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.
"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.
I couldn't take it.
I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.
His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.
My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.
Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.
His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.
His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.
"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"
I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."
His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.
"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"
I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.
I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.
"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."
His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"
Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.
"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"
I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."
My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."
Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.
"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."
He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.
I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.
"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.
"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.
My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.
My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.
"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"
My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.
"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."
My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.
"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."
Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.
"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."
He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."
My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."
He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.
I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.
We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.
I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.
"Hi." Was all I could manage.
He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."
-
After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.
He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.
However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.
"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."
"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."
"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."
"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."
And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.
I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?
But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.
Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.
When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?
Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.
Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)
I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.
Odd?
I resent it, getting the same response.
Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?
Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.
His number was the same, right?
I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.
So...what the hell?
My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.
I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.
"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."
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peppermintquartz · 3 months ago
Text
Tempt
Explicit Bucktommy
-
Tommy checks his hair once more in the mirror - mentally grimacing slightly at the gray hairs peppered in his dark hair - before he heads out of the en-suite.
And stops in his tracks to admire the languid sprawl of his Evan on top of their bed, wearing nothing except a pair of dark green shorts. Sun is spilling in, bathing him in light. Evan himself is awake, but he's still clearly drowsy; Tommy did keep him up for most of the night.
"Hey honey," Evan says with a smile. "Going off so early?"
"Yeah," says Tommy, not without a little regret. He goes to Evan and kisses his brow. "Team brunch. Gotta go grab tables."
It's a thing Tommy suggested recently, hoping to build a stronger bond within the 217. Nothing will replicate the family atmosphere of the 118, but more of Tommy's colleagues are joining in and they're becoming friendlier.
Evan stretches and sighs. "Well, have fun. Wish I could keep you for longer." He flutters his lashes at Tommy as he slides the waistband of his shorts down.
Tommy glances at the clock on the bedside table. He can spare ten minutes. "You want me to be late?"
"Someone else can grab the tables," Evan drawls, reaching up to pull Tommy down for a deeper kiss. Tommy pretends to resist for two seconds before acceding. Then he sits next to Evan and slides one hand down the younger man's chest, enjoying the tickle of fuzz, and slips his hand into Evan's shorts. Evan's breath hitches as Tommy reaches for his cock. It's not fully hard, but it's getting there, a nicely heated length in his grip that gets slicker as he strokes. Tommy smiles to himself as he twists his wrist, alternates the firmness of his grip, rubs the head of Evan's cock with his thumb the way Evan loves it.
Evan rocks his hips, his eyes closed. Moans and gasps of pleasure fall shamelessly from his lips, some loud enough that, were this Evan's loft, Tommy will worry about the neighbors. As it is, he leans down to kiss Evan's birthmark and then whispers, "Come on, baby, you can be louder. You know I like it when you show everyone in this neighborhood how good it is when I touch you."
"It is good," Evan replies, mouth open, arching up to try to kiss Tommy, but the motion moves his cock free of Tommy's grip. "Babe, hand, gimme."
"Of course, Evan, don't worry," Tommy murmurs, wrapping his hand around Evan's erection again and speeding up. The change in pace makes Evan's moans go higher in pitch. One hand reaches up to grip the headboard, and the other tangles itself in Tommy's shirt. His head is thrown back, the lines of his neck tense and clean, tempting Tommy to mark it up with love bites.
The smell of sex is getting Tommy hard in his pants too, but he shuts it away. This is about Evan, and he focuses on the slick slide of his hand up and down the hot shaft, the press of his palm against the glans, and every few strokes, he rubs the calloused edge of his thumb over the slit, appreciating how much precome Evan leaks. He always loves it, and he loves trying to lick Evan's cock clean of it. Hasn't worked so far, but Tommy is going to try, regardless.
Evan cries out about two seconds before his whole body tenses, almost locks up as he comes over Tommy's hand and his own belly, and then he relaxes completely. There's not that much ejaculate, but they did go several rounds last night.
"Mm. That was yummy," Evan says, eyes fluttering open and his pouty lips curving into a satisfied smile.
Tommy meets his boyfriend's eyes as he extracts his hand from Evan's pants and licks it clean of Evan's come. A whine crawls out of Evan's throat at the sight. Knowing it's just another ploy for affection, Tommy leans down and kisses the taste into Evan's mouth, their tongues sliding together for a hot minute.
"I'm gonna be late," Tommy says, pulling away with some wistfulness. He goes to wash his hands, tell his hard-on to calm the fuck down, and check that his clothes are clean of any incriminating evidence. When he comes out, Evan has rolled on his side to watch him, and this time he's naked. He waggles his eyebrows at Tommy suggestively.
Amused, Tommy narrows his eyes and shakes his head. "Oh no, you can wait for three hours. Be a good boy and clean up."
"What if I don't wanna be a good boy?" Evan says. It's a playful challenge.
"Well, a good boy gets to have his choice of reward," says Tommy, one hand on the bedroom door. "And since Daddy has a new plug..." He winks at Evan and leaves, just before a pillow flies at and lands on the door.
Tommy chuckles as he starts his car. Evan will be climbing all over him by the time he comes home from brunch, and he will be his brattiest self, demanding to have the new plug.
Tommy can't wait.
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chlorinecake · 10 months ago
Note
A non con fanfiction? On sunghoon or jake
Btw love you're fanfics! Lots of lovee!🤍
cross my heart and hope to die
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syn. Basically while your university hosts a school event, Jake convinces you to help him break into an abandoned frat house before fucking the living daylights out of you
pair. star student!fratboy!jake x gullible!fem!reader
warnings. swearing, guided f. masturbation, cum eating (?), tit play, hickey, petnames (angel, doll face), cnc themes, mild degrading and exhibition kink, light choking/slapping/hair pulling, unprotected sex (stay safe guys), creampie, not proofread
word count. 2.1k
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Today marked the day of your university’s annual student and staff celebration, and as promised in the lengthy event criterion, would offer free refreshments, entertainment, awards, and most importantly, a place for everyone on campus to fit in.
Or at least… mostly everyone.
You and your university’s proudly dubbed star student and “spoiled brat,” Sim Jake, occupied yourselves with other plans for the evening.
To most people, Jake in a nutshell was someone who’s brain matched their pockets.
Not that you were particularly interested in Jake’s money or brilliance… you just simply found him attractive. Very attractive.
His strikingly sharp smile, almond brown eyes, perfect cupid's bow, olive skin, strong hands... you could go on for days about how beautiful he was to you.
Gosh, looking at him alone was like a wet dream.
So much so that you'd do basically anything just to be in his presence, despite your own impending bashfulness getting in the way.
And he noticed it. All of your fangirl tendencies...
Despite that, your relationship with Jake wasn't necessarily ideal: you basically just did whatever he asked of you, leading to the partial friendship you two now share.
Though, the only boundary Jake’s favors hadn’t passed yet was anything sexual, all the while one way or another, he planned to change that.
Now, you wish you could say this particular night was all his idea, but you knew deep down in your heart that you had every intent within your own gullible will to join him in his folly.
To give in.
“Hey, you almost done in there, doll face?,” Jake whispered from behind the halfway opened door to the dean’s office, extending his head to take a look down the hallways as if preparing to cross the street.
You two couldn’t risk getting caught.
Not in here, and not over this.
“Yeah, I.... I’m locking the drawer back now, just gimme a few more seconds,” you replied while focused on the task at hand, locking the dean’s desk drawer back and doing a quick check to make sure everything was in the same place you’d found it initially before leaving.
Everything except the key to your university’s former frat house, which had since five or so years ago become a vacant property of forgotten memories and potential.
Of course Jake thought to seek your help with getting the key, hoping that someday, he and his friends would be able to reoccupy the place.
“Alright, we’re good to go,” you said, meeting him at the door as you both ran down the left hall, a flight of stairs, along a few sidewalks, and onto the football field.
“The house should be a few more minutes from here,” Jake added, taking your hand in his to guide you, his touch practically sending electric waves to your heart.
It was starting to get dark quickly, and you weren't sure if the event was coming to an end or not, given how quiet everything suddenly became... but still, you were more focused on exploring anyways.
For better or worse, you were just too curious, too desperate for Jake’s attention.
Click.
You finally unlocked the door upon trying the three other keys you stole from the office, taking in the view of the place that looked as if it’d been kept clean over all these years, with an audacity to smell of pleasant florals, citrus, and pine.
“Hey, where’d you get that?,” you asked Jake, noticing the can of soda he sipped from, and the way his lips glimmered under the faint lighting.
“From the party… I must've been thirsty earlier and forgot I brought this with me,” he said, puppy eyes looking around before meeting you, “want some?”
“Uh, sure, thanks,” you said shyly, taking the soda can to sip, even though the fizz was a bit faded for some reason.
“Oh! Sorry, ____!,” he suddenly yelped, having nudged your hand to take the drink away and accidentally spilling some of the sparkling liquid all over the top you wore.
“Ahh,” you sighed quietly, feeling the cold and sugary drink stick to your skin, “it’s fine, Jake... there’s gotta be towels in here somewhere anyway.”
“Hey, maybe check upstairs, if there's a main bedroom, there should be some cloths in there,” Jake offered, going to discard the can as you did just as he said.
You found a room eventually, where hand towels with dainty cross embroidery at each corner laid on the bed. They stood out like a sore thumb considering the erotic playboy magazine covers hung up on either end of the headboard in gold picture frames.
Jake came back quickly, watching as you plopped yourself on the bed, your chest jiggling a bit with you’re movements as you wiped up your shirt.
He laid down beside you with a groan, yawning out of boredom more than tiredness, “Wonder what kind of shit went down in this room,” he though to himself before glancing back at you. “That’s not gonna work, you know? You’re gonna need to change your entire shirt at this point.”
“But… I don’t wanna risk getting caught by taking anything else, seeing how I’ve already messed up this nice towel,” you rationalized with him.
“Take off your shirt, angel,” Jake said in a husky voice, sitting up now on the bed to look at you better, his gaze practically undressing you itself, “you just look so uncomfortable with it on…”
Your nipples were hard thanks to the cold drink, so they poked through your outfit, just enough for him to get a good sneak peek.
There was something about the tone of his voice that made you feel different this time, though. Nervous.
“I’m fine… really,” you replied before continuing, “So what do you think about the frat house," you asked, still patting the wet spot of your shirt with the towel, ignoring his previous comment.
"Hmm… It's pretty nice... spacious... the condition isn’t too bad, so that means less work for me and the boys,” he answered, shamelessly staring at you, “plus, it already has everything we need in it.”
The place really was like a hidden resort house.
“Yeah… now that you mention it, I wouldn’t doubt they still have some soap in here, too. I really need to wash this stain out, anyway—”
Jake’s hands found your shoulder first, pushing you back first against the bed before straddling you, hooking the lower seam of your top with his fingers and pulling it up over your head.
“W-what’re you doing, Jake?” You stuttered, nervous as you laid half naked beneath him.
“What you obviously couldn’t do yourself,” he slithered, lips already meeting your sweet breasts, thanks to his little soda accident earlier.
You regretfully moaned, already feeling your core warm up at his actions. The effect he had on you was honestly a bit embarrassing.
“M-maybe we should go back downstairs-”
“But you don’t want to…” he whispered against your skin as he left a trail of kisses all over your chest.
“J-Jake, this isn’t why I came here with you-”
“You know how much I like it when you do as I say, angel... now I just need you to keep being a good girl for me, okay?”
“Jake, stop-” you whined, feeling as his hands toyed with your panties.
“Why? It’s not like you haven’t been dying for me to touch you like this,” he grinned, looking up at you with the sluttiest eyes as his hand sat just above the wet spot of your core.
He snickered to himself, “You want this, don't you?”
His hand harshly smacked the tender skin of your inner thigh, a loud sound filling the room as your body flinched.
“Yes,” you yelped in discomfort, biting your lip to hold back any tears.
“So why are you telling me to stop?”
“I was… I don’t…,” your mind was getting fuzzy, chest starting to heave as you struggled to think with his finger circling your clothed clit.
What had gotten into him?
“You were cold because I spilled my drink on you, and now I’m helping you warm up again,” he smiled, mouth connecting with your neck as he continued to suck relentlessly, skillfully teasing your heat as he marked you, “Right, ____?”
“Jake,” you whined, arching your back once you felt his fingers apply pressure.
“Shhh,” he cooed, pulling down your bottoms the rest of the way and spreading your legs.
Leaning back, he finally spoke, “Touch yourself for me… and use two fingers so I can see how your pathetic little pussy struggles to take it.”
And of course, you did just that, already slick enough to put on a nice show for him.
He slapped your face when you closed your eyes, telling you to look at him the entire time.
You continued to pleasure yourself before him, a bit of moisture seeping from your aching hole when he slapped your tit this time, “Oh, you like the pain, don’t you slut? Can’t come without it, can you?”
“Nngh, no,” you answered for reasons you don’t understand, fucking yourself faster as you circled your hips, just as he snatched your wrist, licking the juices from your fingers.
“Up,” was all he said before taking you to the window, bending you over the sill.
“It’s getting stuffy in here, I say we let some air out, yeah?”
All you did was nod dumbly as his words, his belt buckle hitting the ground with a clink as his dick found your entrance, shoving past your slimy tightness with his lips kissing down your back.
His grunts sounded animalistic as he picked up the pace, his accent thick and strong with each curse that slipped from his mouth.
Jake’s hands found your neck, gripping tightly as his thrusts sped up, fucking you back and forth with you your head resting at the window.
“Look up slut, so everyone can see your cute little face tear up while I fuck you from behind… fuck you like my good little cock whore. Taking all of me so well— mmm.”
He pulled your hair by the roots, causing a loud moan to slip past your mouth as he stretched you out. “You’re such a slut for pain,” he grunted, “am I wrong, angel?”
You whimpered at his words, barely even present with how dizzy you felt, “you’re always righ— mghh, yes, right there...”
He pulled you from the window sill, shoving your face against the ground as he continued to thrust from behind, your tits shaking with his aggressive thrusts.
Picking you back up by the elbows, he pistoled into you, fluids trickling down your thighs and glistening against his pelvis as your poor thighs shook from all the pleasure, your weak moans dancing off the walls.
He thrusted in and out of you, fucking you into overstim as he chased him own high, taking pleasure in the way you squirmed whenever you felt his tongue against your skin.
His hands slid up your ribs before cupping your tits again, gripping at them relentlessly as his moans grew louder, breathier.
Needier.
Your hips bounced against his as you helped by fucking yourself on his cock, throwing your head back against his chest as you both came at the same time.
“Aww, fuck,” he groaned loudly, loosening his grip as you felt him paint your walls with his warm release.
Despite how out of breath both of you were, Jake picked you up and brought you to the bed, taking the same towels from earlier to clean you up before joining the empty spot beside you.
The three keys you borrowed from the dean's office were as good as misplaced by now, you and Jake both too tired to give a shut about looking for 'em now.
“You can’t tell anyone about this…," he started with a rasp voice, "nothing about tonight… not your friends, and especially not mine,” he said, pulling you close to him as you laid in only his jacket and your panties, Jake himself wearing just a t-shirt and jeans.
You looked into his face, that was unbelievably more striking with a post-sex glow.
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” you answered softly, as both of you stared at the ceiling, hearing nothing more than your hearts beating and a few faint sounds from outside.
Still, the fact remained that you’d do anything for Jake… even sexual favors now.
“Thank you,” he whispered back, but you were already fast asleep, the final thought on his own mind being that the abandoned frat house would be a place just for the two of you now.
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❊ Thank you all so much for reading this quick fic !! I honestly think it's kinda garbage, but I hope someone out there finds it enjoyable at least (probably gonna make a revised version of this for another member tho, we'll see...) !! Also, make sure to check out my masterlist for more reads like this ~
❊ [Perm] Taglist: @squoxle @ashgonedash @nikisdubblchococake @yourmomscuntis2tighy @watamotee33
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dilfl0v3rss · 1 year ago
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hiii, I love your work, just wanted to ask if you would do the “shes busy bro” text thing with the baldies
i’m so slow bc this is not what you meant but i made the texts too don’t worry😭
she’s busy
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𝑜𝑛𝑦
it wasn’t your fault that the waiter was flirting with you while ony was using the bathroom, but he still took it very personal. you knew how he felt about that “friendly” attitude you seemed to have towards people. and even though the waiter had no business trying to get your number while he was in the bathroom, you had no business giggling and smiling in his face like you were going to give it to him. you were both wrong, but since ony can’t deal with the waiter tonight, he will deal with you.
“ma stop wit the runnin. you not goin nowhere.” ony groaned, yanking your hips back to him as you tried to crawl away from his relentless backshots. “i-i didn’t even d-do nun” he chuckled at your weak defense, thrusting back into you at full speed to shut you up. “and ian doing nun right now either. you lucky ion got yo ass cuffed up. daddy bein nice” ony jingled the cuffs in his hand before putting them down and continuing his brutal thrusts, your stomach brushing the sheets as he held your back down with one hand. you decided to just shut up, because little did he know you gave the waiter your number. to you, ony was just overreacting. he seemed like a genuinely nice guy to you so you gave it to him hoping the two of you could become good friends.
*ring ring* the sound of your phone snatched the both of your attention. ‘please don’t be him please don’t be him please don’t be him’ you repeatedly thought as ony picked up your phone. of course the guy had one of those automatic contacts with the picture so ony immediately knew it was him. “oh so this what we doin now?” he mumbled, dick still fully hard inside you as he showed you the screen. “i-it’s not what it looked like baby. i wanna be his f-friend”
ony scoffed as he answered the phone, smirking as an idea popped up in his head. the next thing you knew he was starting his quick pace up again, pounding you into the sheets as he spoke normally through the receiver. “yo?….you looking for my girl?……nah nah nah it’s all good. she right here” he put the phone towards your mouth before thrusting into you even harder, making sure to get each one of your pitiful moans through to him. “d-daddy pleaseeee m’gonna….fuckk m’gonna cummm!” you screamed as you felt his dick kissing your cervix. he brought the phone back to his ear, hearing nothing but the man’s breathing on the other line. “she busy right now…..move your fucking hand ma m’not playin wit you….delete this number or your next shift at that lil restaurant gon be your last” and with that he hung up the phone. you already know you were gonna get it as soon as you heard the sound of metal clanking. the fur of the cuffs brushing against your ass while ony spoke.
“gimme your hands mama”
𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑒
“you can do it mami. just give me one more and you can get a break ‘kay?” connie said before dipping his tongue back inside your awaiting pussy. you came home from work with tears in your eyes as you explained to connie the rude words your coworker uttered to you. sentences like “what are you, stupid?” and “jesus you can do anything right” thrown your way all day as your frustrated colleague used you as a punching bag.
in order to help fix your sad face, connie decided to change it into one of pleasure. sitting in between your thighs for hours as he gave you words of encouragement and reassurance to help uplift your spirits. “you not dumb mi vida. smartest girl i know so don’t even trip over that . papi gon fix it” connie’s mouth worked wonders on you, kissing, licking, and sucking orgasm after orgasm to keep you from thinking about the harsh words said to you.
the vibration of your phone took connie’s attention. the contact name “charles (coworker)” was calling you. connie brought the phone to your face, giving you time to read the name as he continued pleasuring you with his fingers. “this him?” all it took was a singular nod from you before connie had the phone answered and at his ear. he could hear the man trying to apologize almost instantly. “listen y/n. m’really sorry about how i was actin today. i was just frustrated and you were the closest person to me. please let me make it up t’you with dinner or something”
connie looked up at you, pretty eyes all glossy and low as you tried not to scream from how heavenly connie’s fingers fucked you. he mouthed a “you wanna talk to em?” smiling as you quickly shook your head no. “didn’t think so” he said before putting the phone to his ear. “this her man. she s little preoccupied at the moment” connie quickly flicked his tongue on your clit, digging quicker and deeper into you with his fingers to draw out a loud moan. “auughhh ohh my goddd” your back arched off the bed as you felt your release coming close. connie continued to finger you while he moved his mouth from your clit to speak. “uhh she most definitely will not be having dinner wit your punk ass tho so you can dead that shit. m’not gon fuck you up cause she told me how much you need every check from that lil job, but if she come here crying again cause of you ima break your jaw”
𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑛
“fuck keep suckin it jus like that mama” aran groaned as you were hard at work on his living room floor. knees burning from being in the same position for so long as you sucked the life out of aran’s dick while he sat on the couch. were you supposed to be here? fuck no, but there was no way you were turning down going to see the d1 athlete just so you can be home arguing with your bum ass ex boyfriend.
aran has been trying to get at you for awhile, and you would’ve been with him too if your ex would just hurry up and move out. he’s been purposely dragging his feet when it came to getting his shit out of your house, always lingering on the couch when you have company over to keep you from moving on. you don’t want to put aran through that so the two of you just settled for this. coming over to his place and getting the best dick if your life every weekend.
you had both of your hands wrapped around his thick dick. stroking him with a tight grip as you sucked on his tip. your eyes trained on his beautiful physique as you watched his big pecs move up and down with each breath. “shit girl you gon make me trap you” he chuckled as he watched you slap the head of his dick all over your tongue, spit dripping all over him as the both of your brown eyes locked. “do it daddy” you sighed before taking his full length down your throat. “oh i will”. the sound of your ringtone went off into the air, the both of you ignoring it as you continued, but it didn’t stop there. whoever was calling must’ve been dying or something because after the call came a bunch of notifications, then it rang again.
“man who the fuck-” aran mumble, his annoyed face quickly becoming one of mischief as he read the name on your phone. “s’randy” he said with a smirk. you rolled your eyes as you released his dick with a pop. “gimme i’ll just turn it off” you went to reach for the phone, but aran pulled it out of your reach, a petty smirk on his face as he answered the call and put the phone to his ear. before you could protest, his big hand found the back of your head, pushing you back down on his dick for you to continue.
“wassup randy. how you been nigga?” you rolled your eyes as you continued to let aran guide your head up and down. your tongue running along the underside of his dick while he continued to talk to your ex. “who is this? tell y/n it’s time to come home. m’hungry and i need her to cook something” randy mumbled, probably sitting on the couch surrounded by bear bottles and filth. “she busy. eating right now as we speak. how it taste mama?” aran said before pushing your head all the way down, his dick hitting the back of your throat as you gagged loudly into the receiver. aran brought the phone back to his ear with a smirk before letting go of your head. it was time for payback so you wrapped both of your hands around him again, quickly stroking him before roughly sucking his sensitive tip. “ooouu shit man we gotta go”
𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑘𝑎
“ohhh my godddd i’m about to give you a baby” tanaka groaned as he watched your skillfully bounce on his dick. large inked hands gripping your hips as the two of you moaned in unison. “want you t’nut in me daddy. cum in this pussy” tanaka’s eyes rolled at your words, the thought of him filling you up bringing him closer to his climax. he was the best bff you could ever ask for.
you’ve been having some issues with a guy you were talking to. he couldn’t seem to be able to grasp the fact that you are a bad bitch and could easily replace him if he didn’t act right. so that’s exactly what you did. you “replaced” him with tanaka. posting him and going on little “dates” with your best friend to get his attention. the two of you never expected to actually fall for each other. letting your true feelings take over as you plopped yourself repeatedly on his dick. you had forgotten all about your ex.
you knew he’d come crawling back one of these days, and you couldn’t wait to break the new to him that you were intact in love with another man. *ring ring* ‘just on time’ you thought as you snatched up your phone on the first ring, picking it up as you began to bounce harder on the man below you. “s-shittt who it that?” tanaka grumbled, but you ignored him. listening to the man on the other line beg for forgiveness. “listen baby i didn’t know it would be like this. i was stupid to think i didn’t need you. you were the best thing that every happened to me please give me another chance.”
a giggled escaped from your mouth before you put the phone to tanaka’s ear. “it’s my ex” you said before letting tanaka listen to the pitiful man beg. a smile planted on his face before he quickly brought your face down to his by your neck, thrusting up into you quickly. you tried to swallow your moans but he was just fucking you too good. “fuck daddy s-slow downnnn” you moaned, eyes rolling back as tanaka held the phone between your faces on speaker.
“stop bitchin, she can’t even talk right now. too busy getting fucked by her new man”
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greymoonfeelings · 1 year ago
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You and Me
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pairing: Jake Seresin x fem! reader
word count: 0.7k
note: this is a little blurb I’ve had in my drafts forever and I wanted to get it published. I firmly believe Jake says says “give me some sugar” when he wants a kiss and you will not change my mind.
•••
You let out a huff, swirling the ice cubes in your drink around with the plastic straw. With your head in your hand, you watch as Jake celebrates his latest pool victory with his friends. He wasn’t ignoring you on purpose, but he was so wrapped up in the energy of his friends that he had yet to realize you weren’t feeling the same.
After Coyote slaps him on the back, Jake spins around to face you. He looks over to you expectantly, hoping to see you smiling at him, but instead notices the downturn of your lips as you stare down at your drink. Jake excuses himself from his friends before approaching you.
“What's wrong, darlin?” He slides into the booth beside you, throwing an arm around your slumped shoulders.
“Nothing.” You force a smile, not wanting to ruin his fun with your sour mood. Jake cocks his head to the side giving you a knowing look. There is no use lying to him. He has always been able to see right through you.
You sigh in defeat. “I thought tonight would just be us. I love your friends, but we’re with them so much and I miss spending time alone with you.”
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” His tone is soft, not accusing.
“I didn’t want to sound needy.” You peer down at your drink again, pretending to be interested in the condensation running down this side so you don’t have to look your boyfriend in the eye.
You’re terrified of Jake suddenly deciding that you’re too high maintenance. Maybe he wants a girlfriend who’s more go-with-the-flow and less clingy. Jake is a boisterous and extroverted person, why would he ever want to be with someone who was the exact opposite?
Jake recognizes that look on your face. The one you make when your order comes out wrong but you eat it anyway because you don’t want to be a bother. The one you wear when someone suddenly starts talking over you because they either didn’t realize you were speaking or they just didn’t care. Jake hates that look, hates that you feel like you’re not good enough to take up space.
“There’s no one else I would rather spend time with than you, darlin’. You can always tell me what you’re feeling, you don’t have to hide from me or feel embarrassed.”
“You’re so good to me, Jake. I’m not used to my feelings being considered.”
“Your feelings deserve to be treated with respect and I love you, I always want you to be comfortable.”
“I love you too.”
“Gimme some sugar.” Jake leans in, his lips searching for yours.
“Not here.” You duck away from him, looking around at the crowded bar.
“No one’s looking. They’re all too focused on themselves. C’mon, I missed you too, darling.” Jake whispers reassuringly as he presses kisses to the side of your face.
You take another quick look around the bar before deciding that he’s right. You lean into Jake’s side and press your glossed lips against his.
When you pull away, Jake licks his lips trying to savor the taste of you. “Mm, cherry. My favorite.”
“You’re not supposed to lick it off, weirdo.” You laugh and give your boyfriend a playful shove.
“Let’s get out of here. There’s a carton of ice cream back home with our names written all over it and I may have finally caved and subscribed to Disney Plus.”
Jake wraps his arm around your waist and tucks you against his side. After saying goodbye to his friends, he leads you out into the parking lot, his body warming you against the cool breeze from the ocean.
The two of you spend the remainder of the night curled up in bed sharing the tub of ice cream while your favorite movie plays. Jake makes sure you know just how much he cherishes his time with you. Being alone with just him refills your energy just the way you were hoping it would and you fall asleep feeling even more in love with your man.
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kozachenko · 6 months ago
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Here's a digital sketch dump of some pose/anatomy practices and some 2hu doodles, I think from now on if I don't have any big final piece to post, I'll just post sketches I liked that I did digitally (might also reblog some drawings of mine that I want more people to see, maybe idk).
Artist's Notes:
Ok so after the recent Hifuu fanart I did, I've been hoping to experiment more with how I draw faces, how I render, as well as how I stylize things. In some of the earlier sketches I did, I had an idea for a pose that I wanted to try drawing, so I took a ref pic of myself doing said pose (the leaning one btw) and then did a sketch over top of it just to get an idea for the shapes, negative space, and silhouette. After that, I wanted to do some simpler breakdowns of the shapes so I can get better at simplifying the body (these ended up being the bottom right sketches in the post). I also did some experimenting with how to push certain parts of said sketches to create a different body type (via liquify and then a more refined version based on that sketch), as well as figuring out what makes a pose feel natural and not stiff. This was also a bit of a foreshortening practice just so I can get more confident with it, and I ended up using the arms from the liquified version for the coloured Zanmu sketch I did since I liked them so much (dw I'll get to that).
The next thing I wanted to try and draw was Hisami, mainly because.... I am very bad at drawing her in my style. Last time I drew her I made her look really creepy and spindly, and it is my headcanon now that she can switch between a more human, and more creepy look whenever she wants. I'm liking where the face is going a lot, might have to refine a few things about it in the future, but it's cute (I also made the blush purple which I think is what I'm gonna do with her face from now on). I also like how her hair in the sketch turned out a lot, but the outfit..... not as much... Ever since I started changing my style to something less cartoony, I've had a hard time drawing her outfit in my style. Especially the flower veil thing she has on, which, I did try to find a way to draw, but I ended up deleting that sketch because I didn't like it. I'm also not a fan of using the colour purple, like, pure purple, magentas are fine, indigos are fine, but not strict purple. I also have a hard time with drawing all the little pattern details on her dress. I also need to find a way to draw the flower veil in a way that looks good because everytime I try it ends up just looking off (very similar to whenever I try to draw Zanmu's blue spears). I think the only solution to this problem is to do what I normally do and make my own version of the outfit, but with adjustments to suit my style while still trying to keep core elements from the original design intact (like I do with Zanmu and Keiki, and yes I am going to get to that Zanmu drawing just gimme a minute).
Ok next up is Keiki, my favourite Touhou character who I haven't drawn since the beginning of the year. Since my style has changed a lot, I wanted to just do a face sketch of her to get a hang of drawing her again, and I..... really really like how it turned out! When I drew her eyes, I realized that a good way of keeping faces too same facey can be via varying the sizes of their pupils, so that's an idea I'm gonna keep in mind from now on. I had a lot of fun with her hair, I initially was gonna do it like how it is in the official art, but I ended up not liking it, so now I'm gonna draw Keiki with wavy heir like this because it's fun and it looks nice. I also included my base sketch for Keiki's face since I was initially struggling with drawing her bandanna, and in the coloured sketch I added some more detail into her hair.
Now to finally talk about the sketches for Zanmu. Good lord was I having a tough time with her face. I also did this sketch before I figured out how I wanted to draw hair, so that's why the rendering on her hair is different (I did this soon after the Hisami sketch actually). Since I changed my art style a lot, I had to find a way to translate her face from my more cartoony style to my more detailed style, so while the face shape, nose shape and mouth was fine, I was really struggling with the eyes. I did get somewhere eventually though, and I am super happy with how it turned out. I wanted to lean more towards the androgynous side of the gender presentation spectrum, mainly because I think that makes sense for her character. Also made sure to include the silver hairs and some wrinkles just to bring some signs of her aging into her face because those are just staple features of how I draw Zanmu at this point lol. You will also notice that I gave her some scars on the right side of her face, and that's because I am a Zanmu-with-scars truther, I fucking love it whenever I see someone give Zanmu visible scars like that it just adds so much omg (I also tried to put a wolf bite mark on her arm in the full body drawing but idk if it reads well). While you can argue that her not having scars sells the idea of her being this "powerful, untouchable mastermind who is impossible to defeat," I'd say that instead of those scars representing times she got injured, they represent everyone who has failed to defeat her.
As I was drawing Zanmu's face, I referenced my sketch of to help with contrasting their features since I made Keiki's face more traditionally feminine. I also didn't mention this in my commentary on Keiki's face because I wanted to save it for here, but giving Zanmu scars also plays into the fact that she used to be human, wheras Keiki doesn't have any scars because she's a god who doesn't follow the rules of normal human biology. Plus I'm thinking about the two of them interacting again (return of Zan/Keik??? (I'm a multishipper btw) maybe???) so drawing their faces together will definitely help me in the future if I wanna draw them together (again, maybe as a ship? I've kinda been ironing out the kinks in their potential interactions (romantic and non-romantic) for a while now so idk maybe expect that in the future lol).
And now for the full body drawing, when I was doing the face sketch I did this little snippet of an outfit, had a vision, and the made it into a reality. I'll admit, part of me was worried that it would end up looking too much like Yuugi's outfits in the spinoffs and mangas, but I feel like I made enough changes to differentiate them. I tried to keep a few of the major details in Zanmu's design (i.e. the red tassles and yellow lining on her shirt) while putting a new spin on it. I also dialed up the scars to 11 since without them the whole thing kinda looked incomplete. Also, while I could say that the leaves on her kimono are "a nod to the fact that technically she should be a tengu because back then people belived that corrupt monks would turn into tengu but no Zanmu is an oni and they're maple leaves because...tengu...ahahahaha" what really ended up happening was that I looked up clothing patterns from Sengoku era Japan, liked the leaves the most because the red picked up on the red from the rest of her design and just ran with it. I also always had the idea to put Zanmu in men's clothing from Sengoku era Japan and while the accurate thing to do would be to put her in a Buddhist's clothes from that era.... from a character standpoint, I don't think Zanmu is pious enough to strictly wear the proper monk uniform, and also since she's basically the king of Hell, she would probably dress herself like royalty from that era. TBH, I probably could've been a bit more historically accurate, but again, this was mainly for conceptual purposes because I had a vision and I needed to see it through.
If I were to draw her in this sort of outfit again, I should probably try and use more references, although now that I look at it, if she were to wear it properly this would maybe, probably look a bit closer to a Kyūtai sugata (a very huge stretch, but it just kinda reminds me of that) just without the layers under and over the main piece of clothing (In the website that I searched up to try and compare the outfit in my sketch to, they name the outfit pieces but don't label them on the image, so I don't know 100% what everything is called) so I will definitely have to use that style of clothing as a reference going forward.
Also, I was kind of inspired by the ToTK design for Ganondorf since I have finished the game a while ago and I absolutely love what they did with his design (it's just so fucking cool omg) and I thought that sort of look would look good on Zanmu, so yeah got some inspo from that.
And those were all the notes for each of the sketches, I'm motivated to draw rn but kinda art blocked, so doing these little coloured sketches helps a lot.
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