#ghost of the burnt out overachiever

[shallowseeker]

oooh the inverse of him not believing in sam is interesting because i cant remember if they had thought up the lucifer sam plan at that point, but he might've been like "i believe in you" which is WHY he's sacrificing himself bc he knows this'll end with sam in the pit forever.

I think you're right about the timing. I'll keep an eye out on this for my rewatch, because this is definitely a sticking point for Sam, and Dean is certainly aware of it.

Sam wants to be at the big kids' table; he wants to be trusted! Dean knows this, and of course, knows that Sam's missteps with Ruby and demon blood make Sam's mistrustfulness all the more painful.

Sam wants to be reliable—the go-to guy—the tireless generator of hope and ideas! (And by and large, he's not resilient to be that ideal... at least not yet.)

And I know this isn't your ask, but I love that this is also what he assumed that Jack wants to hear in 14x01:

SAM: I talked to Bobby. He says you may have had a rough day today. JACK (sullen, closed off): It was fine. (Sam tries some more.) SAM: I know it's a lot, I'm sure, but you can get past this. I know you will. I have faith in you, Jack, and I believe in you. (Mary enters; Jack still looks sullen and upset.)

[pbpsbff]

3, 20, 22~

hiiiii thank u for the ask

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

ok so this is less a scene and more an entire fic concept but i literally cannot figure out a context to put it into and it hurts because i really like it

there’s a family living there now, from what he’s heard. a mom and a dad, and two daughters. maybe he should tell them about the money. but what would he even say? hey, there’s a twenty dollar bill somewhere in your walls. also, a part of me died here and i’m afraid his ghost might be wandering the halls. is he overstaying his welcome? i’m sorry if he is, by the way. i’d recommend you a nice priest for an exorcism, but he’ll probably just leave if you tell him to go.

peter thinks maybe he’ll slip a note under the door instead, but there’s too many words to fit on a page to describe the way his bones ache when he passes by the building, how he still wakes up in the morning expecting to smell burnt toast and hear may singing along to some garbage song from the 80’s she claims is the best thing she’s ever heard, or all the different creaks and moans of the apartment, all its quirks and flaws that he once knew like the back of his hand.

he could explain it all away; that faucet leaks because i was an overachieving nine year old who thought he could take it apart and put it back together without a problem, or that weird brown-ish stain on the ceiling is from when may accidentally flung spaghetti across the room, or why are you trying to rid this apartment of all the evidence of it being a home?

maybe i make it into something post nwh?? idk. this isn’t even all of it

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

i wish i could say that all my writing is really deep and there's clues everywhere but most foreshadowing in my fics is something i did on accident and then went holy shit i can use this. i'm a genius.

i will say though, the way tony rhodey and peter's dynamic changes throughout everything i have posted for r&r (and everything in my drafts oop) is probably my favorite thing ever like idk i'm a huge fan of the walking dead and the way relationships shift with each new experience and that is exactly what i wanted to do when i started the series

i was gonna look through a couple of my fics to see if i could find specific references but ao3 is fucking. DOWN and i'm too lazy to pull up my google docs. god bless

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

i reread them all the TIME omfg. a lot of the times i'm cringing at spelling or grammatical errors (and then i fix them) but idk there's something so fun about being able to go back to a fic and think wow i would've done that differently if i wrote it today. it's also fun to read through a fic i don't remember writing at ALL and being like holy shit............ banger.............. it's an ego boost i guess

[mycharacterdump]

𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐀𝐋𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

You know I'll do anything you ask me to But oh my God, I think I'm in love with you Standin' here alone now, think that we can drive around I just wanna say how I love you with your hair down Baby, you don't gotta fight, I'll be here 'til the end of time Wishin' that you were mine, pull you in, it's alright.

BASIC INFORMATION ,

FULL NAME: riley aracelia marcela morales albright.

NICKNAME(S): riles, riri, ridley. 

DATE OF BIRTH: june 6th.

ETHNICITY: caucasian + mexican.

GENDER: demi woman.

PRONOUNS: she/they.

ORIENTATION: homoromantic, homosexual.

RELIGION: atheist, raised catholic.

MARITAL STATUS: single.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: bilingual in english and spanish.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ,

FACE CLAIM: camila mendes.

HAIR COLOUR/STYLE: naturally black.

EYE COLOUR: dark brown eyes. 

HEIGHT: five foot two.

WEIGHT: 120 lbs.

BUILD: slightly athletic.

TATTOOS: her son's initials on her inner left wrist. 

PIERCINGS: lobes double-pierced. 

CLOTHING STYLE: button-ups, jackets and slacks, paired with doc martens or sneakers, minimal jewelry minus a venus symbol necklace she wears everywhere.

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: scar on lower torso from when she needed a liver resection after overdosing.

AESTHETICS: piles of books all over the place, printed out posters of horror movies, a laugh in the face of authority, dark greens and black filling your wardrobe, the smell of weed stuck to clothes, lies that sound genuine, found family, over-sized clothing, showing up late to everything with a large coffee, bags under your eyes, a worn out beanie, still using an ipod for music, papers all over their space, a pencil behind their ear, bedhead, research books and journals, greek tragedies, a worn-down leather briefcase, rolled up sleeves, a small yet cozy apartment, roaming empty streets late at night, leather jackets, driving too fast on an empty street, the peak of a high, old jackets, eavesdropping, flickering neon signs, broken glass, rainbow gasoline puddles, long naps, uncertain paths, not recognizing yourself in the mirror, feeling hollow inside, enjoying the rain, leaving before the other wakes up,

HEALTH ,

AILMENTS: none.

MENTAL AILMENTS: generalized anxiety disorder + obsessive compulsive disorder.

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: medium.

BODY TEMPERATURE: warm.

ADDICTIONS: oxycontin + heroin. 

DRUG USE: often. 

ALCOHOL USE: socially. 

PERSONALITY ,

LABEL: the lone wolf.

POSITIVE TRAITS: independent, politically-minded, willing to try new things, witty, understanding, innovative, overachiever. 

NEGATIVE TRAITS: dogmatic, restless, tryhard, partial weaboo, very argumentative, has plenty of obsessive tendencies, burnt out, self-control issues.

HOBBIES: art ( drawing + painting + sketching ), debate, soccer.

QUIRKS: half-fluent in spanish at her mother's insistence, doodles wherever she can and always has some sort of pen or pencil on hand, loves reorganizing, draws portraits of random passersby, always sleeps on the right side of her bed, keeps her pills in a sugar skull candy box from her abuela.

LIKES: drugs, her best friends, rabbits, anime and manga, driving around town aimlessly, studio ghibli movies, art, watching old clips of the colbert report, hooking up with ginny, being spaced out, sunsets, visiting her family in mexico.

DISLIKES: attending class, the current political climate, reading obnoxious harper's articles, having to wait for a fix, her anxiety, always needing to be clean, being left on read, people who spit casually, dirt and grime.

FAVOURITE ,

WEATHER: sunny.

COLOUR: navy blue. 

MUSIC: 80s alt rock.

MOVIES: ghost in the shell, whisper of the heart, neon genesis evangelion: the end of evangelion. 

BOOK: slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut.

FLOWER: california poppy.

SPORT: soccer. 

BEVERAGE: black coffee. 

FOOD: meat lover's pizza.

FAMILY ,

FATHER: adam albright (alive.)

MOTHER: marcela morales-albright (alive.)

SIBLING(S): one older sister, manon albright.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER: none.

CHILDREN: one five year old son, amaru 'rue' albright.

PET(S): holland lop named sylux.

FAMILY’S FINANCIAL STATUS: comfortable.