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snake-seeds · 2 days ago

Text

Is it really you?

2,789 Words

Pairing: Copia | Papa Emeritus IV / Cardinal Enzo

(Oc x Canon)

Hurt/comfort

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When Enzo got the call that Sister Imperator had died at the end of that day they didn’t know how to feel. Enzo wasn’t close with his boss… well former boss now, his feelings on her were a little more… complex… than most people’s. It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel good either, it just made him feel worried. Not for himself, but for someone who had forced their way into his mind ever since the final performance in LA began…

Copia, or Papa Emeritus IV. Enzo’s ex boyfriend.

Just as Sister dying was to be expected, so was Copia. But unlike Sister, Copia didn’t have a long term illness or any health defects: in fact his last check up had given him a clean bill of health (outside of the usual concerns that come with the process of aging). No, it was most likely that Copia would have been murdered: then he would be stuffed, then he would be shown off like some zoo animal to all the ghost fans and clergy members alike. Despite having ‘moved on,’ having a new boyfriend in his life: the thought of only being able to see the man he used to be so attached to cold and lifeless in a plexiglass coffin scared him.

Sat on the soft couch in their apartment, trying to distract himself by playing his guitar, but he kept messing up. Enzo couldn’t stop his own knee from bobbing, or keep himself from tapping the wooden surface of his black acoustic; only to try force himself into focusing on a song, any song at all! (Apart from ghost… he didn’t want to think about anything involved with Copia right now).

Soon Enzo’s procrastination was interrupted by their phone ringing, which they quickly rushed to take out and look at the screen. His blood rushing and his head turning from the sudden bright light that invaded his vision: they winced, looking away briefly before sucking it up and squinting at the screen. Groaning when they saw who it was, or more who it wasn’t. The text on the screen read ‘Alesso’, Enzo’s boyfriend.

They threw their phone to the other side of the couch, letting it ring aimlessly.

He had been ringing them every now and then, but Enzo didn’t feel like answering any of them: why would he? Alesso isn’t the one he wants to hear from… As much as he hates admitting that it’s true. He hated Copia for leaving them but he still felt like he needed Copia in his life. The guilt that made him feel was immeasurable. Alesso was practically perfect: handsome, not much older than him, mature, intelligent and not to mention he treated Enzo like he was the only other person in the world… But he’s just not Copia.

How dare that old bastard take up so much space in his mind.

The phone paused its ringing, Enzo sighing in relief as it seemed to ease its headache: it buzzed to inform Enzo that a voicemail was left before shutting off. The Cardinal decided that it was time for bed, head too full to focus on actually playing his guitar instead of just holding it; placing it aside and leaving it on the couch while he headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

He washed his face, rubbing his skin until it was on fire; red, angry and sore from the cleansing. Their black eye makeup stained the sink when it mixed with the water, dancing around the porcelain and falling down the drain. Disappearing to never be seen again… Until the next wash that is. Enzo groaned; now dabbing their face with a cool wash cloth to cool their skin and dry their face. Mumbling to themself tiredly.

As they headed to bed; yawning and stretching his tired body, they paused to look at themselves in the mirror. Inspecting their appearance:

Enzo was a thin man; slender neck, delicate and womanly features that he still struggled to love. He used to use these to their advantage; but since they started dating Copia even they could admit that they went somewhat soft over the years. He couldn’t help but noticed that he had lost weight since he broke up with Copia, though it made sense, when they were dating Copia insisted on an awful lot of food dates and sugary gifts. It was weird, he found himself missing the subtle plumpness their body once had.

Enzo sighed, pouting a little as they approached their own bed. But just as they finally sat down on the plush mattress they heard something…

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!

Enzo’s brows furrowed, the knocking sounded frantic and scared. They came as rushed sounds, he worried if it was because the person behind his apartment door was angry. Did he upset anyone today? Anyone who knew his apartment number no less. He let out a loud groan, throwing his hands in the air and cussing something in Italian as he stood; putting his slippers back on and trudging out of his bedroom. He considered ignoring it… However…

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!

They just refused to stop!

Enzo slammed open the door, snapping at the person there without even looking: “I’ve been ignoring your calls for a reas-“ then paused mid yelling when they finally opened their eyes to who was standing there, Enzo was stunned…

Before Enzo’s eyes was a very worn out looking Copia, he was still in his show makeup and sparkly red jacket. Black, panda eye face paint streaking down his cheeks, the older man had clearly been crying and Enzo couldn’t blame him. Sister Imperator was Copia’s mother, of course he would be in a state. Copia’s knuckled hand was still in the air, as if he was preparing to knock again: he too looked surprised. As if he had seen a ghost.

“Copia?” Enzo questioned, tilting his head slightly. Their artificially blonde hair flopping to the side with the movement as he staggered back in shock, putting his hand on the open door to ground himself. He then cleared his throat, blinking and repeatedly looking away and back at him again. They bit their lip, then cleared their throat, slowly making their way towards Copia.

Copia hesitantly moved back, nervous and feeling awkward. He had ended their relationship rather messily and he was just now realising how stupid of an idea it was for him to go crawling back to Enzo the moment he needed company, this was stupid, he should just go back to his own small room with the small twin sized bed and the small lava lamp- “oh!” He exclaimed.

Enzo’s hands were touching Copia’s face, gently caressing and squeezing the painted skin. Their breathing was light and breathy, just like their touches. “Y-you’re alive… are you real?” Enzo asked, blue eyes darting all over their ex boyfriend’s features. Copia bit his lip the moment he felt it quiver, slowly nodding. Enzo watched him, they could feel themselves getting emotional just seeing him: “A- You-“ they began, but paused. He didn’t know what to say.

Copia practically collapsed onto Enzo, exhausted from more than just the performance, his arms wrapping around Enzo’s smaller frame and holding him tightly against his own body. Copia’s face resting snugly in the crook of Enzo’s shoulder. Enzo stumbled back, but made an effort to support Copia’s weight (even if it did strain their own body). Enzo held their arms out for a moment, shocked at the sudden action: though he did cave, wrapping his arms around the other man’s body.

“Inside.” Copia mumbled into Enzo’s skin, squeezing their body slightly. “I erm… don’t think I can handle anyone seeing me like this…”

Enzo nodded, slowly guiding Copia inside and closing the door behind him. It was a huge effort, holding up Copia’s practically limp body and trying to move around all the tables and trinkets in the apartment. They finally reach the sofa, sitting Copia down and settling next to him. Copia looked like a sad puppy, letting out a little whine and looking at Enzo: almost as if he was expecting something.

“You were…” Copia began, swallowing what felt like lump in his throat before continuing; “you were the only one I felt… I felt I could come to.” He says awkwardly, looking away and playing with the hem of his jacket awkwardly. “Please don’t leave me alone…” Copia practically shrunk into himself when he mumbled that last part.

There was a stabbing silence in the air after he said those words, Enzo was trying to calculate what to do next. Half of him wanted to scream and yell at Copia, he was the one who left them alone first! But the other half of him wanted to hold Copia into their arms and squeeze him until he feels better. They took a deep breath, looking at Copia’s outfit: “You didn’t even get changed before you rushed over here.” They commented.

“I just wanted to get back.” Copia hummed; he couldn’t tell how Enzo was feeling and that worried him. Enzo let out an exhausted sigh, holding their arms open for Copia: in this moment Enzo forgot all about Alesso, Copia needed them now. The older man took the offer after eying the move skeptically for a few seconds, shuffling his way into Enzo’s arms and making himself comfortable by laying on Enzo’s soft chest. “Thank you so much.” He mumbled,

Cuddling in closer to them: “I… I think I needed this…” Enzo just nodded.

The silence ate away at Copia, even if he was in Enzo’s arms. He no longer felt like he was going to cry, he had sobbed it all out like a baby on the way to see Enzo anyway. Now he was just tired. Utterly exhausted and he despised the idea of being left alone. “I just… don’t know what to erm.. do now.” He spoke up, looking up at Enzo.

“She did a lot for me… and was my Mom… which is crazy right ehe? I didn’t get to know until recently and she’s gone already.” He hummed, eyes trained on Enzo’s face to try and gauge how he was feeling. He really wished Enzo was a little less stoic right now.

“I never got to get her any Mother’s Day shit… or a world’s best mom mug…” he pondered, now deciding to focus on the ceiling. He was mainly talking just to fill the space right now, Copia wasn’t expecting a reply, but to his surprise he got one.

Enzo hummed, looking down at Copia: he opted to ignore the fact that sister wasn’t exactly mother of the year; “Would you have gotten Papa Nihil a world’s best dad mug too?” They asked. Copia snorted, amused at Enzo’s joke. “Heh- no. He was still a dick head, even if he was my old man.” He hummed, looking back at Enzo again. Gazing into their eyes. Noticing the small smile on Enzo’s face at his response he decided to continue:

“Yeah, ehe- that geezer would be lucky to get… erm…” He took a brief pause to think, “to get a bundle of diapers and a world’s shittiest dad keychain.” He smirked smugly, despite his father not even being around to witness his insult towards him. Enzo giggled, “I doubt he’s the worst dad out there.” He comments lightly, but Copia shrugged. “Yeah I know… but he shit himself in my car once aha- and I’m never forgiving that… thus, world’s shittiest dad.” He explained. Enzo cringed at the story, and at the idea of Copia’s vintage La Sabre’s seats getting tarnished. “So you meant it more literally then?” They asked. Copia nods, chuckling.

Enzo gagged, a little melodramatically, “ugh! I’m never getting in your car again!” They cringed, realising that Copia’s story seemed to be true (much to Enzo’s dread). Copia laughed, “yeah, right after insulting my car too! He’s… he thinks it’s a shitty car.” He complained, rolling his eyes. Enzo snorted, their thumb rubbing Copia’s arm absently as they continued to talk: “it’s not shitty! It’s a classic!” They defended, clearly at least a little offended that not everyone seemed to appreciate vintage cars as much as he did. Copia grinned, shuffling to face Enzo properly. “Exactly! I try to tell him this but he never listens… maybe he aha- has just gotten too old to appreciate anything anymore?” He hummed. Seemingly in a better mood now that he wasn’t stuck in silence, dwelling on the passing of his just recently discovered mother.

“Yeah probably.” Enzo replied, not knowing for sure since they can’t interact with Papa Nihil like Copia can. What they know is mainly from second hand recounts that Copia gave them back in the day. The two hadn’t seemed to notice how close their faces were now, Enzo’s hand that was on Copia’s arm slid up to his back. Now stroking the still tense muscles on his body. They could feel each other’s breath on their faces, subconsciously appreciating each other’s features like they used to. “You’re… so close.” Enzo comments, watching Copia like a hawk, waiting for what his next move might be. Copia laugh’s nervously, but surprisingly doesn’t move, letting out a nervous hybrid between a sigh and a giggle, ��yeah… erm… we are, aha-“ he hummed, but didn’t move away.

The two stare at eachother for a moment, then Copia couldn’t help but glance down at Enzo’s lips. Oh he really missed him, despite being the one to initiate their breakup in the past he yearned for Enzo to be back with him. He still loved him, and nothing he tried was able to fix that. Copia bit his lip briefly once he realised that he was staring, glancing away from Enzo briefly to check the door, then looking back: at this point Enzo’s hands had crept up into Copia’s hair, stroking the slightly sticky strands in an attempt to soothe him. It was all too familiar, it felt like what they used to have, how it once was between them; how it should be between them.

A switch in Copia’s brain was flipped, he dove in and kissed Enzo. Hands moving to hold Enzo’s cheeks in place as he did so. The kiss was soft, gentle, longing. Something Copia felt like he needed as well as wanted.

Enzo’s eyes widened in shock, sure even he could feel that there was some tension between them but they weren’t expecting Copia to straight up kiss them. This was so forward of him, especially in a moment like this one. Once he had finally processed what was happening they placed a hand on Copia’s chest and pushed him back gently; breaking the kiss. A mix of different emotions seemed to swirl in the back of Copia’s mind at the action: confusion, frustration, nervousness and the still very much prevalent grief.

“You’re not in your right mind.” Enzo said definitively, having noticed the internal struggle going on in Copia’s head. The former Papa objected: “I’m in great mind, erm… perfect mind even… please Enzo just give me this one shot,” he pleaded, moving one of his hands so he can lean down and kiss at Enzo’s neck: Copia’s lips were quivering as he kissed Enzo, eyes getting glossy again and his breathing a little shaken. Enzo basked in the attention briefly before snapping back into reality; Copia just lost his mom, this isn’t what he needed. Enzo wasn’t even thinking about his boyfriend in this moment, and the immorality of enjoying Copia’s kisses: his only motivation for cutting this off being for Copia’s benefit. He sighed a little, he still wasn’t over Copia was he?

Enzo’s hands move back to Copia’s hair, gently holding rather side of his head and pulling him up to look at them. They could see Copia biting his lip. “It’s okay to just… sit with me a while… process things a little more?” They offered, hands sliding down to Copia’s cheeks to stroke the painted skin gently.

“Ah- I…” Copia whimpered, his body starting to shake a little. The dam finally broke when he flung himself back into Enzo’s arms and burst into tears; holding the Cardinal tightly as he sobbed.

Enzo rested their chin on Copia’s head, wrapping their arms around him and letting him cry it all out, it was clear that this is what he really needed. “I-I just don’t know what to do.” Copia spoke between hiccups and laboured breaths, squeezing Enzo’s body closed to himself as he cried into their chest…

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Sorry if it’s a little messy, I’ve not written anything in a while so that’s probably why. Also first fanfic on here, yay? I’m nervous.

COPIA POST RHRN!

I’m really proud of this small comic page that I’ve worked on; it was more just to see what enzo would look like in this style and it’s safe to say I really like it. I hope I find the motivation to do nicer drawings in the future.

After the events of right here right now, Copia rushes to see Enzo (at this point in time his ex boyfriend) for some much needed comfort after the death of sister imperator: realising Enzo might be the only connection he has left alive, and he desperately doesn’t want to lose him.

Enzo comforts him. Not only because he still loves Copia but because Enzo thinks he needs it.