#getting into the shower fully clothed was an accident I was still just really dissociated

[platypusisnotonfire]

Thinking about the day my grandmother died and how my reaction looked to outsiders like in my brain I was behaving in completely logical and appropriate ways but like from others POV:

She dies in my arms and I sat there in silence until the ambulance came to take her away. I don’t speak and barely move until I suddenly and seemingly without provocation throw a dining room chair at my aunt who wasn’t even present when my grandmother died, storm out the back door and disappear for 36 hours. I did not take my car. Literally walked into the woods. Return soaked and covered in mud and showing fairly clear signs of hypothermia (we’re Canadian we learn to spot hypothermia) walk into the shower fully clothed and stay in there for three hours until the hot water has completely run out and they can’t get it working at the kitchen sink.

And apparently this was viewed as “yeah that makes sense” because no one questioned, checked on, or spoke to me during that entire 48hrs despite there being like 30-50 people rotating through the house at that time.