#getting double teamed by milfs with issues

[she-is-27-i-checked]

Want to read General Alder and General Bellwether splitting Tally between them like a Christmas cracker?

Or course you do.

[pisscreant]

An open and needlessly explicit letter to the anonymous message in my inbox, RE: my carnal desire towards one (1) Lieutenant Double-Yfreitor Harrier Du Bois

Just. Just listen ok. Would Harry even get around to having sex with me? Probably not. Provably, he'd cry or call me a slur or both. Then he'd flee by running straight through my wall, leaving a Harry-shaped hole in the bricks looney-tunes style.

Even if he managed to pass that skill check, would he be stinky? Would he be his cringe, diseased and obnoxious self? Absolutely, and so would I.

You don't understand. I am consumed with lust and degeneracy, and it has been pent up in my virginial form for a decade. I've put myself at risk of worse diseases at the mere CHANCE of getting some action, and I'd fucking do it again for some Harry Du Bussy. There is A Chance. A Chance of something twisted within me getting sated. And imo it is worth the risk.

"you'd fuck a fence if it was white" oh oh I'm sorry! is the fence psychic? Does the fence have like ten guys in his head who might be able to find my g-spot with the precision of a team of NASA engineers? Would the fence maybe let me peg him, tug him around by his facial hair, let me put a nose hook on him, and call him a 'good pig'? Then fucking call me cooper the way I'm about to build the whole bloody enclosure.

And you know what? You underestimate me. You think a 28 year old wasian woman can't match the rank energy of Harry Du Bois? Buddy I have Issues that you wouldn't believe. I've had identity crises that you could not comprehend. My little hirstuite body has created Odours that would horrify even the most seasoned medieval plague doctor. And I dont even have the Body Odour Gene! I had to DIY this shit, dickhead! Signature blend! Im defying racism so hard thay not even BIOLOGY ITSELF has command over me!

fuck the double standard. so like I'm allowed to drool about big fat hairy milfs and their glorious old pussies, but suddenly when I desire some morally dubious whiteman hole I'M too much of a pervert??? Well I don't fucking care. I was always an equal opportunity pervert, and I always will be. I have rights. I have a right to express how much I want to go at Harry Du Bois like a bull elephant in musth. This is my fucken blog and I control what I write here.

If Kim doesn't fuck that sad little man, then I will.

[novankenn]

I Refuse! (6)

/== Table of Contents ==/

The next morning found the newest additions to Beacon’s student body mingling and meandering about the cafeteria. The newly minted team CRDL took a seat at a table near the doors.

Cardin was not happy, news from home had been a double barreled shot to his gut. Not only was his sister's condition not improving; she ended up having a relapse and was at the institution once again. It was the fourth time so far that year. 

The second hit was finding out that his bride to be had taken off, and was nowhere to be found. That was a double hit in itself, as he had yet to have an in person meeting with the young woman that he had been betrothed to, through a marital contract. 

He had seen pictures of her, and spoken to her once over a video call, with his mother and her mother in attendance. He had been respectful, kind and gentlemanly during the interaction. Cardin felt they had made a connection; but apparently they hadn't or that it wasn’t strong enough for her to even tell him her plans. Both families were involved in a search for her, and a missing person's report had been submitted. Knowing the prestige of his family and hers, there was no doubt that the case was taking a top priority.

His team was quiet as Cardin took several long, slow breaths. Inside, tucked away far from any chance of anyone noticing; he was worried about both his sister and bride. The world was too wicked a place for such innocence to survive. He had failed his sister, he wouldn't fail his bride. On the outside, presented for the world to see, he was stressed and angry. Trying to calm down, he turned to his scroll and opened the photo app. 

He flicked through some pictures, stopping on one of a demure looking young blonde woman his age. She was seated in a wicker lawn chair, her mother standing behind her; hands upon her daughter's shoulders. Both were dressed in matching light blue gowns. Conservative yet fashionable. It was a classically and professionally done introduction picture. He had to sit through one of his own, in a dark suit, with his parents standing beside him.

“Whoa!” Russel exclaimed, having leaned over to see what his team leader was looking at. “Total looker. Who is she?”

“Screw that!” Sky exclaimed as he leaned over Cardin's other arm to take a gander, “Who's the MILF?”

“Don't you EVER...�� Cardin growled into Sky's face, after having dropped his scroll on the table before grabbing Sky by the back of his head, smearing his face against the metallic surface of the table, “attempt to say something like that around me again. Understand?”

“Whoa, calm down bro, calm down.” Dove stepped in, speaking in a steady tone. “Sky's a moron, but he's sorry. So let up okay big guy?”

“Ease up Cardin, like what's the...” Russel stopped talking as Cardin glared at him, his hands still pressing Sky face-first into the table.

“The issue, is this douche just insulted my mother-in-law to be. A lady of refinement and status, by being an uncouth piece of gutter trash.”

“Mother-in-law? Are you getting hitched?”

“I am, or was...” Cardin replied to Dove's question as he released his grip on Sky.

“To the girl in the chair?” Russel asked, taking another look at the picture.

“Yes.”

“Why'd you say was? Something happen to her?” Sky asked while rubbing his face, trying to ease the feeling back into it.

“She's missing.” Cardin replied, picking up his scroll.

“What do you...?”

“Just what I said. She is missing.” Cardin cut off Dove, “Her mother doesn't know if she ran, or if she was taken. Both options worry me, cause both mean she's in danger.”

[tibby]

i can’t believe some people think the third season of riverdale is the worst as if the first ten episodes aren’t the greatest thing to ever happen to television. like the season premiere opens with archie being sent to prison for a murder he didn’t commit and the biggest tension in the gang war is that their dog was stolen. episode two features archie at prison delivering his famous “epic highs and lows of high school football speech” which leads to them having a game of prison football while being cheered on by the riverdale high cheerleading team singing “jailhouse rock” and meanwhile jughead and betty are off investigating d&d related suicides. this continues into the next episode, when betty’s milf mom and jughead’s dilf dad (who are also hooking up) tell them to stop playing the game because they did in their youth and it was fucked up, also archie is still in prison and veronica (16) opened a speakeasy. then we get the greatest episode in the history of television: 90s flashback breakfast club inspired episode in which everyone plays their parents and guest star anthony michael hall is killed because one of the pilfs (before they were pilfs) poisoned a chalice and he drank it instead of one of the pre-pilfs and so they all decide to take the secret to the grave and milf alice (who was telling betty this story) tells her to avoid the game and so betty goes to say this to jughead who is playing the game. this leads into episode five, in which jughead’s d&d game miraculously coincides with the rest of the gang breaking archie out of prison. episode six opens with the gang being questioned about archie’s prison break except then josie has a seizure so that’s kinda dropped, betty gets the pilfs together about that night they killed a teacher and cheryl’s homophobic milf mom says that the dad of one of the kids who killed himself (who also committed suicide) did the poisoning but betty is like “that makes no sense” and so milf alice sends her off to an institution (to be fair this is after someone dressed as the gargoyle king showed up in their house), and jughead, sick of gang drama, decides to go on the run with archie. in episode seven, their gay adventure features them visiting a farm that in a town has been ruined by d&d and the drug fizzle rocks, and they’re forced to run after archie is knocked out and veronica’s mob dad shows up to kill him. this is intercut with scenes of veronica opening an illegal underground casino and betty being forcefully drugged after she made fun of ethel for saying that “ethelhead” is endgame. jughead and archie’s adventure continues into the next episode, where they go to hang out with jughead’s milf mom, who immediately diagnoses them with gay. jughead talks about his mommy issues and so his milf mom decides to cut out the eye of the woman who tried to kill him a few months ago to make it up to him, before calling up dilf fp and dilf fred, who arrange to take jughead back to town and send archie to canada until they deal with veronica’s mob boss dad. but uh oh! the town is in quarantine after hiram convinced the governor that seizures were illegal and so jughead can’t get back into riverdale. also betty and ethel make amends after realising the gargoyle king isn’t real and help break all the kids out of the institution they’re in, just in time for quarantine shenanigans. this doesn’t last, as the next episode shows that jughead is back in town and betty has a bunch of weird teenagers living at her house, until milf alice has cult leader chad michael murray take them to his cult hideout. archie fights a bear and passes out from blood loss, in which he dreams about killing his double. also cheryl and toni are now stealing. archie comes back to town in episode ten, only to be told he’s probably gonna fail the sats. jughead’s gang friends sweet pea and fangs accidentally murder tall boy (the tallest boy in the room, kicked out of the gang for hanging with hiram), and so jughead’s dilf dad fp decides the best course of action is to become sheriff so he can cover up all the gang’s crimes. and veronica’s mob boss dad hiram is shot, after pissing off pretty much everyone in town.

and we’re not even halfway through the season. this is the best show ever made.

[halleiswriting]

title | sea cryptid wip (working)

genre | ya contemporary fantasy, horror (?), romance

setting | neptune island, wa in the puget sound

themes | small town lore, bad girl, rich boy, sea monsters and other cryptids, campy government conspiracies, hate to love slow burn

pov | first person present tense

status | planning

summary |

18 year old Marilyn Walton will do anything to leave Neptune Island.

To support her grief-stricken mother in the wake of her father’s death, Marilyn thieves and cons just as she learned from Dad. But to meet her first college tuition payment due at the end of July, she has something bigger in store: stealing a boat from one of the richest families on Neptune. The heist goes south, however, when she’s caught by the teenage son of the old money Spellmeyers, Augustus, but instead of turning her in, he makes her a deal to help him hunt down 230 year old buried treasure worth upwards of a million dollars and split the boon. 

Tides turn when their search for the rumored treasure starts to lead them down a path far more sinister than anticipated. Just as men in black start their chase for something her father stole, Marilyn and Gus discover a hideous sea monster and the horrifying tests being conducted at the government facility on the nearby skerry. If they don’t watch their step, they may never escape the island—nor the waters that surround it.

characters |

marilyn walton: the mc. the daughter of two con artists. secret soft girl inside a shotgun shell. calls herself a “double feature” (has both daddy AND mommy issues, thinks that’s very sexy of her). please contribute to her gofundme so she can get and education uwu. 

augustus spellmeyer: the love interest. super rich kid with nothing but fake friends. swim team star but like, his parents also paid his way into an ivy and his arrogance is Grappling™ with that knowledge. the best dressed straight boy on the western seaboard. proud simp. 

doris: the sea monster. sort of a mermaid but in a new age post modern hyperfeminist mysterious socially isolated uncanny valley but alluring creature from the black lagoon sort of way. loves girls and wants a makeover montage more than anything. biting is her love language. 

elodie tillman-choi: the frenemy. former best friend of marilyn because they had “a falling out.” recovering aspiring girlboss (don’t worry, she still gaslights and gatekeeper plenty). monsterfucker. likes to talk about how she’s “going to new haven in the fall.” 

dr. wesch: the psychiatrist. treats half the town because it’s Tiny, including gus, and therefore knows everything. kind of a milf. never works Fridays because she is “researching.��

the men in black: ???. not affiliated with the sony pictures film. definitely tied up in some sketchy stuff. three dudes living out of an old van that reads REPAIRMEN in big letters. needs to learn boundaries.

please let me know if you want to be tagged! 

[crystalelemental]

So you’re looking at Sygna Suit Lusamine, going “Man, is this worth pulling for?”  ...have you seen her art?  Yes.  Absolutely yes.  But supposing you’re one of those people who likes to plan things instead of recklessly spending your money for jpegs, you may be wondering if she’s worth investing the gems for.  ...she’s a Master Fair, so yes, they always are.  But let’s talk about the why and the what.

There have been many things said about SS Lusamine.  Broken.  Best unit.  Unnecessary.  Overkill.  Milf.  But what exactly does she bring?

Ridiculous AoE damage, primarily.  Her damage output is already tremendous, but a lot of multipliers are specific to on-type stages.  As an off-type striker, a lot of people were...rather suspicious of her performance.  But now that she’s out, and I’ve been able to test her a bit...yeah, don’t worry, she’s still doing well.  And the primary reason for that is just...AoE spam with none of the penalties.  This is what sets Lusamine apart, and makes her fantastic as an all-around damage dealer.

This leads to discussion around two Lusamine sets.  The first is probably more obvious: her sync nuke is ridiculous on-type.  Double Down 9 is absurd.  Hide and Sync, however, is...not actually required.  Lusamine never wants to spam her accuracy debuff, and there are so few supportive allies who work well with it that it’s better off being put into other skills.  You can also tech more into that AoE basic attack, since the only real sync multiplier she needs off-type is Brain Sync 5.  Arguably, specializing in Prismatic Laser is more valuable, as this is definitely the specific tool that makes Lusamine so dangerous.

Now of course, there is the issue of on-type being her strength, and Giovanni existing.  As many have pointed out, her damage numbers on-type are just...unnecessary.  There really is no need for her to go this hard.  Giovanni clears Psychic-weak stages really well, and can even clear Ghost-weak stages, which...kinda covers the two main elements SS Lusamine is good for (the Ghost solely because of an optimal partner).  So is she necessary?  No.  It’s gacha, no unit is ever necessary.  You can get by just fine without.  But is she one of the best units available, and well worth the investment?  Absolutely.

Team 1: SS Lusamine, Anni Lillie/Mallow/Hapu, Bianca/Kiawe/Elio/Hapu This is the team.  If you got Anni Lillie, this is how you make SS Lusamine unstoppable in a very literal sense.  Two master passives that total 55% bonus damage for the whole team.  Bianca’s Psychic Terrain is another 50%.  Over double damage just by team comp alone.  And frankly, Anni Lillie offers a lot for this particular kind of structure.  On teams where Lusamine is damage, she provides Potion support and Healthy Benefits, so she can even tank in some scenarios.  But you can also use Lusamine here as a secondary unit, having the emphasis be on Lillie’s damage output in Ghost or Fairy-weak stages, and swap Bianca for another Alolan supporter.  They’re really strong together.

But Anni Lillie is super limited, so there must be substitutions.  Mallow is a solid Alolan to replace Lillie.  She doesn’t offer the same Master stack, but she does offer confusion and rapid attack debuffs, which is great because one of SS Lusamine’s weaknesses is low bulk.  If Bianca’s missing, Kiawe or Elio are decent enough supports.  Kiawe has Potions for a longer sustain, but hilariously Elio has some pretty good tech as well with Sparkling Aria, including special defense debuffs and speed buffs, both of which Lusamine would love.

I save Hapu for last mention because...listen, she’s not good.  Yet.  Given a grid, she could be the best possible partner.  But as it stands, her only redeeming feature is being Alolan, and having a 1-gauge accuracy drop for Hide and Sync.  This means she’s specifically good for all-out sync nuke Lusamine, but very often the damage numbers get so high so fast anyway that it’s complete overkill, and you have to use Hapu to do it.  But man, if she gets Ripple Effect or Double Down on her grid...that’s the stuff.

Team 2: SS Lusamine, Bianca, Sabrina Listen, you know this one.  Psychic team, but with a new flavor.  They are exactly as good as they’ve always been.  Sabrina is also well worth considering.  While the Master passive takes a hit, Sabrina offers Reflect, speed buffs, and healing, all of which are incredibly valuable.

Team 3: SS Lusamine, Lilliebee, Halloween Caitlin/SS Blue Initially, I did this almost as a joke, since max evasion combined with max accuracy debuff sounded funny.  But honestly? The team works, like...really well.  The only Master Mode 2k I couldn’t beat this week with it was Shauntal, and that was solely because SS Lusamine is Ghost-weak, and no amount of damage reduction will save her.  But maximized defenses and evasion is really, really good overall, and Lilliebee has something that is...honestly unreasonably good: queue cutter.

See, SS Lusamine’s trainer skill?  Worst of the max offense buffs.  Speed drop hurts a lot, and -2 cooldown isn’t enough.  You need 3 to save a full turn, so most of the time this does nothing.  But not if you have queue cutter to speed up that sync countdown again.  And she has Dire Hit All+.  She can max out crit for Lusamine prior to sync on turn 2 with a lucky opening turn.  Otherwise, she gets your second sync in right before the foe’s first, which can be the difference between a clean win and potential devastation.  I knocked this one as more of a gimmick, but it...actually works, and I don’t know how to feel about that.  Guess I’m trying to 3/5 Lilliebee next month after all.

Team 4: SS Lusamine, Skyla/Roxanne/Marley, Drake/Liza F2P support team.  Skyla is the known best F2P supporter, and does wonders for Lusamine’s needed gauges, to say nothing of her healing sustain.  Roxanne can buff defense and stop AoE attacks in situations where that’s important, while Marley is like...you just needed speed buffs really bad.  Drake and Liza are the other special defense buffers, keeping her rounded on the defensive end.  Drake paralyzes, Liza has one-gauge spam.

Final Thoughts I knew going in that she’d be stupid strong, but even I wasn’t ready for how strong she is.  On-type, she is unstoppable.  Like, actually unstoppable, her damage is unreal.  Off-type, she’s a lot less devastating, and you do need to try, but she’s still an absolute force.  I love her.  10/10.

[starbygone]

s01e02: oh no he is still alive.

i get why Marcia and Logan got married. ok. i get it. everybody is so fucking fake lol with her and each other

Connor. seriously? Willa looks like a teenager bro. i like how they all judge him about it

Shiv seens like the most competent (and succesfully bossy) out of the siblings. She is a girlboss. Tom is a malewife. She would be the "he asked for no pickles" one. The proposal is further proof that Tom is 100% no thoughts head empty but i like it. i like it. IT WAS WEIRD CUTE. SUE ME

"Our family" STFU

Tom is perfectly mildy. except when goes to talk to Greg. is like his double personality created a double personality. such a strong reaction for a random guy he just met, like wtf???? for the spoilers ive read hoho this is going to escalate A LOT

Roman has a crush on that milf. and daddy issues

Shiv and Roman full on fighting and backing each other up and making mocking eyes to each other as they team up agaist their other brother is just peak sibling culture. realistic and accurate. show stopping.

Kendall is once more a poor little meow meow but he made a little smart move, he got what he wanted. unrelated but i like his ex-wife. i dont get their relation tho. does he always look like his on the verge of tears?

Logan was stealing from his company and the meow meow got fucked. anyway.

Greg has no ideia of what he is doing with his life. i resonate.

I calling now. Greg's best friend is his mom. and she is very tired of him and his loserness. everytime she makes an appearance she is still in bed and looking like she just woke up and girl... i get it

also her uncle is dying and she doesnt give a shit. i feel u. good for her.

[gymleaderjakes]

Hello hello again lads lassies and non-binary friends, im back again with more nonsense from my dragon challenger run!

Last i posted, i talked about the rock and the fairy gyms. Which were kinda meg from family guy.

The ice gym, however, with apocalypse milf was ridiculous.

My heavy hitters are insanely weak against her bullshit ice cream pokemon, and this bitch has the balls to gmax a lapras??

This is one of the issues i have with the new games. They give these dumbass forms (mostly to charizard, the secondary mascot) and then the gym leaders rarely ever use region specific Pokemon. Sure lapras is an insane tank, but for fuck sake.

At least the gym trainers (and leaders, i'm looking at your ass volkner) went back to being type specialists because bdsp was the wild west of dumbass pokemon teams.

I still think diamond and pearl is the Thor: the dark world of Pokemon games. Sure its a game, but its successor is infinitely better.

"We need to categorize the leaders under a type banner"

Ok well raihan is not a dragon specialist at all.

Rock, dragon/ground, ground & steel dragon.

/but its a sandstorm team/

Go fuck yourself. That shit should be in battle tower, and your ass keeps getting swept by Leon.

LEON. The oblivious but "powerful" champion that was trained by a former champion. Yeah. And you have to use a weather gimmick and the double battle gimmick and then the proper gimmick of the game.

You sure are an influencer. Im still going to destroy you and your dumbass team.

You only have two dragons on your team and have been talking shit.

Well KNOCK KNOCK a proper dragon specialist is coming for not only your title, but the championship. And probably both dlc's because im biding my time until scarlet & violet come out.

*edit* so lance called himself a dragon tamer back in the day, but he was realistically a flying type specialist who just so happened to have dragons.

The only champions i have respect for are Steven Stone and Cynthia.

Everyone else is a non-starter.

So BIGTIME teaser: my wife and i are going to to a podcast soon, and its going to be hilarious.

[ampersandra]

isaac & i actually talked a lot about mutsuki yesterday & its definitely like. surface level, thinking about mutsuki, he's a super funny character. this 16 yr old got kidnapped, & after he was saved, the first thing he was worried about was that he missed a date with his girlfriend, & not that he'd been missing for who knows how long, apparently rightfully bc she doesn't believe him when he tells her, but he really did forget to get literally any proof. the arc where he's being possessed by the evil spider belt goes right into the least serious arc of the show where hajime loses his memory & swaps lives with his double who is the son of two warring street vendor families, & then when you next see mutsuki, he's been completely possessed & given an edgy makeover that looks like he raided a hot topic, complete with single spiderweb earring, and even though his whole goal is to be the super powerful ultimate rider, he just keeps failing & looking stupid while everyone around him is getting upgrades

but also mutsuki makes me very sad bc hes literally like 16 & the only people reaching out to him consistently the entire time he's going through this are his gf, also a teen, & tachibana, who under no circumstances should've been trusted to give advice to & mentor anyone, let alone a traumatized & mentally unstable teenager. the rest of the main characters are honestly too busy dealing w/ their own issues or not close enough to mutsuki to pay him a ton of attention. mainly though, literally no adult that was in mutsuki's life before blade ever reaches out to him or tries to help him, that we see. his parents are seen exactly once being like "man i bet our kid's dealing with stuff because of that traumatic event he went through!" & then never do anything about it after & apparently never did anything before then either bc mutsuki has sure never been to therapy. he was an active member of the basketball team but we never see his coach as a presence in his life, or even any other teacher, only the upperclassmen that get on his case. there's even a solid part of blade where spider-mutsuki is most definitely living in an abandoned building & not going to school, but we never see anyone looking for him except his gf. like that sucks. mutsuki was a teenager failed by almost every adult around him, even the one that did technically try. the tiger milf undead is the one person who ends up really concretely helping him after she accidentally adopts him bc he was just so pathetic & little bits of his real self slipped through.

but if you only think about him for like 15 seconds, it's really easy to laugh about him. mutsuki's just a shitty, kinda self-centered, crybaby teenager (like most teens!) whose shittiness is exacerbated by the edgy but kinda lame spider that takes over his head but just constantly fails at any goal that isn't "make mutsuki's life harder."