#get groceries. the minute he’s out of sight of lucifer he doesn’t want to hurt him anymore but the curse keeps him from realizing that what

[quietwingsinthesky]

prev post samifer version of that curse scenario where lucifer is the one cursed. play with me in this space, yeah? let us take the torture in the cage as the product of the cage itself, lucifer’s actual involvement in it either nonexistent or minimal with no agency — his own torture being made into a tool to inflict so much pain on sam as to make any connection they have forever tainted by it. when sam gets out of the cage, he goes through all of the canon aftermath, including hallucifer, the obvious face of his trauma whether or not lucifer wanted anything to do with it, and lives with it for years until lucifer finally gets out again and they have to go through the slow and horrible process of coming to terms with everything. but crucially: they ARE coming to terms with it.

they’re finding that they can still have a connection, even if the idea of sam being lucifer’s vessel again is enough to make him lock himself in the bathroom and make himself puke again and again like he can purge the memory of being filled with power, demon blood and angel grace both. even if lucifer freezes up whenever sam makes the slightest sound of pain while they’re in the same room, even if all he did was burn his finger on a hot pan while lucifer wasn’t even near him. they’re working on it.

and then lucifer gets cursed. and the curse lowers everyone’s inhibitions around him to zero. (maybe he’s still an angel and that means he ends up getting stabbed seven times before he’s even gotten to the kitchen to make sam coffee because dean will follow him around and attack him. casual and constant violence, you know. or maybe he’s human, and it’s genuinely dangerous for him to even be in the bunker around other hunters or castiel or anyone at all, because they will try to kill him.)

but the worst of it is when it comes to sam. for both of them. because sam “i’m dealing with the devil being the face of my trauma just FINE guys im handling it so well i have no lingering resentments” winchester really thinks that he won’t be a danger to lucifer. that if he is, it actually reflects on him and his failure to Deal With It. because he would never want to hurt lucifer, would never want lucifer to feel as scared and in pain and trapped as he did in the cage, not when he knows that it wasn’t even lucifer’s fault that he did, right?

and then when they’re alone, cooped up in a cabin far away from everyone else for lucifer’s own safety, lucifer has to fight sam off when sam immediately tries to handcuff him down and start torturing him. the curse fucking with sam’s head until all he can think is how, just once, he needs lucifer to understand, he can’t forgive lucifer completely until lucifer understands, if he hurts lucifer enough then it’ll be fair.

even better, imagine the aftermath of the curse being broken (maybe by cas & dean & whoever back home working on it, breaking it at the worst possible moment for sam & lucifer) and sam being flooded with guilt over the fact that he did this, thinking that having the impulse to at all must mean he wants to deep down, what a monster he is for it. (or maybe worse, feeling almost. satisfied. vindicated. even if only for a moment, even if only a little, staring down at lucifer when he’s cuffed and bleeding and curled in on himself trying to get away from sam.) sam having to be the one who takes care of lucifer’s injuries that he caused <3 and who knows how long it took for the curse to be broken, maybe they’ve been at this for hours or days or weeks, maybe sam doesn’t even know because time started blurring just like it did in the cage (or they both forgot that they weren’t in the cage anymore.) and it obviously isn’t anywhere near the length of time that they actually spent in hell, but still.

[mybookstorecarlovinghusbands]

Oh, the Irony Part 2 (Crowley x Female! Reader)

Part One Here

Summary: As Armageddon is underway, the demon, Crowley’s relationship with demon hunter, Y/n is tested and certain flashbacks of their history together unfold even further than before.

Fandom: Good Omens, Supernatural

Warning: Angst, tiny fluff, the usual

Notes: As requested! Also, should I possibly turn this into a fanfic on Archive? I have so many ideas for it than just these two parts. Let me know!

((REQUESTS OPEN!))

~~~~~~~~~

AMERICA, TEN YEARS BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD

Of course, Sam and Dean Winchester were worried about her after she and Crowley showed up. Scared that she might have sold her soul to the demon to help them find Michael’s sword, the brothers were rough to Crowley and interrogated him with no remorse. The entire time Y/n tried explaining the situation, Crowley had kept cool and as usual, cocky, which didn’t help the situation. Y/n thought the only reason Dean didn’t kill the bastard was because of their love for cars. Meanwhile, Y/n and Sam hear a distress call from Jo and Rufus and when they all get there, they were all tricked into thinking that each other were possessed by demons, illusions created by a member of the Four Horsemen, War. By the time they barely escaped with their lives, Y/n reported this finding in to Crowley, who stiffened at the mention of War and suddenly became serious, explaining Armaggedon to the rest of the hunting crew. It was then did everyone agree to put the past aside and help each other out by working together to find a solution in stopping Lucifer and finding God. 

After meeting a Cambion named Jesse Turner in Alliance, Nebraska, Crowley starts getting anxious to go back to London. He gets snappy and tries irritating Y/n to no end to try and get her to leave with him so the two of them could hurry up and stop Armaggedon, but Y/n had always put her foot down whenever her friends were concerned and refused to leave. She even threatened to exorcise Crowley if he tried taking her away. After a threat like that, Crowley had to give in and help. He offers to give them another weapon. It’s not Michael’s sword, but it’s powerful, maybe even powerful enough to stop Lucifer. He tells the Winchesters about the Colt, the same weapon the brothers had lost awhile back. After they demanded he tell them where it is, Crowley willingly gives them the Colt with the promise that they don’t miss when trying to kill Lucifer. A battle ensues, a battle that ends with Jo and Ellen dead, but Lucifer is still very much alive. It wasn’t a victory, and all it did was make Y/n feel heavy and defeated. After losing her friends, she knew that Crowley had held up his end of the bargain and so there was no reason to stay in America anymore.

And so, without accomplishing anything, Y/n watches as the two silhouettes of Sam and Dean Winchester slowly fade into the fog of that rainy morning before disappearing completely in the side mirror of Crowley’s Bentley. Leaning back in her seat, she practically glares at the dashboard in front of her.

Crowley doesn’t say a word as they drive off, thinking about London and was ready to whisk the car, the woman, and himself back there when said woman suddenly opened her mouth, “Thank you, Crowley.”

He turns his head at her, the car nearly swerving off the road as he does so. Y/n didn’t seem to notice as she meets his gaze underneath his glasses with sincerity, “Thank you for sticking around. You could have stabbed me in the back at any time and take off, but you didn’t.”

Crowley stares at her for several minutes before turning back to the road, frowning, “I don’t think I like you when you’re nice.”

Y/n snorts, “That would be the appropriate answer of a demon.”

“Well, maybe not every creature with black wings and a handsome complexion is evil. After all, your angel friend, Castiel, has black wings.”

“Yeah,” Y/n’s eyes are distant while thinking about it, a hint of a smile on her lips while thinking. Crowley watches the wonder sparkle in her eyes and he decides to look away before the sight affected him.

“Don’t actually take that to heart,” he quickly defends, clutching the steering wheel, “So! As we are about to head into my territory, are you going to try and stab me in the back and back out on your side of the deal?"

Y/n’s lips tighten, the moment passing while pointing him with a knowing look, "Not unless you give me a reason to."

Crowley grins.

~~~~~~~~~

LONDON, THE LAST DAY OF THE WORLD

Out of all the things Y/n imagined Crowley doing on the last day of the world, she wasn’t expecting to walk into the apartment after work to find him looking over old maps and checking off places on the globe he keeps on the desk.

“What are you doing?” She asked, setting down some groceries she grabbed on the way home while walking over to the desk to look over the maps herself.

Crowley looks over at her and takes off his glasses, throwing them onto the desk and watch them skid into a halt before talking, “Where should we go?”

“What?” Y/n frowned while tilting her head in confusion, staring into his golden hue eyes for an answer.

“England’s out,” he continues while grabbing the small globe and letting it float in the air between his hands, watching it spin, “America’s out.”

Y/n steps closer to notice a new place on the globe near Africa, reading off its name with utter shock, “Atlantis?”

“Didn’t exist yesterday,” Crowley thought she was suggesting places and continued to list off others, “It exists today. Still out.”

He tosses the globe aside and lets it float in the air on its own while he slams down The Extremely Big Book of Astronomy onto the desk, startling his girlfriend in the process. Hastily, he flips through the pages, muttering under his breath, “The moon. No atmosphere. No nightlife. Unless you plan on wearing a space suit for the rest of your life, it’s out of the question.”

“Crowley, what are you-?”

As Crowley flips through the pages, they spring out of the book and fly all around the room, causing Y/n’s hair to fly around her as she watches in wonder. Crowley plucks a certain page from the air and reads it off, “Alpha Centauri! That’s always nice this time of years. Beautiful nebula, look at that,” he pushes the floating paper in her direction, and as she holds onto the page to read it, he shrugs knowingly, “I helped build that one.”

“It’s lovely,” she comments, letting go of the page to watch it fly off before eyeing her boyfriend, “But I still don’t see what this has anything to do with the Antichri--”

“I only ever ask questions,” Crowley continues, and the whine he lets out afterward made Y/n wonder if he had been drinking, “That’s all it took to be a demon in the old days.”

Y/n’s face softens, sadly watching Crowley mope around his throne while staring up at the ceiling, groaning, “Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan. Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction,” Crowley eyes the floating globe beside them, “Not to the end of the world.”

He bats the globe aside like a cat with its toy, only to watch the globe float back into position. When the room is silent, Y/n finally found a moment to talk without being interrupted, “Crowley, again, what is going on?”

“We need to leave,” his voice lowers now that his episode was over, pushing himself off the throne to walk over to her, “Alpha Centauri. You’ll love it there. Pack your things and then we can go off together. Aziraphale wants to stay, but if we leave now maybe we’ll run into him again before taking off. Tempt him to dinner or the cinema maybe then we can all go-?”

“And leave Earth?” She finished his sentence, understanding finally crossing her mind while straightening her shoulders, crossing her arms, “We’re running away?”

“Call it what you like. But we can’t win this. Heaven and Hell, they’re going to win. It doesn’t matter which of them wins because, by the time they do, humanity will already be gone. The world will end with the victor on top next to the Antichrist. They and the Four Horsemen are going to rule the world and there will be nothing left here for you, do you understand?”

Crowley places his hands on both of her arms, “All I know is that I can save you... and Aziraphale once he gets that stick out of his arse. Now come on. Let’s get you some clothes and food and we can take off. There won’t be any monsters left for you to fight so we can leave all you weapons and gear behind--”

Y/n steps out of Crowley’s grasp, staring down at her feet with defeat in her eyes when she looks up at Crowley’s confused expression, “As long as there is still time for me to do something, I’m going to do it.”

“Y/n, there isn’t any time left! Armageddon starts today! Not tomorrow, not next week--”

“I’m not an idiot,” Y/n hisses back, “I heard you the first five hundred times you’ve said it since the day we met or did you forget that you wanted me to help you stop Armageddon? Well, I told you I wasn’t going to step out of the deal and I won’t start now.”

“I’m sorry, but did I just so happen to make up the part about where we’re more than just partners now or did you make that bit up because it would make the deal we made easier?” Crowley snapped, and Y/n realized too late that what she said came out wrong to him as hurt was practically blazing from his snake eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Are you still telling me that you want to hold your end of the bargain? Because I thought we threw that deal out the window the moment we decided to be together because the deal didn’t exactly matter by then.”

“It matters to me,” she snapped, “I promised to help you. Us being together only made it even more crucial that I keep up my end of the bargain because it meant that much to you. Together or not, I want to help the world, and I will.”

“Even when I’m asking you not to?” Crowley’s voice cracks to a higher pitch as he’s desperate to get a move on.

“If we just find the boy then we can--”

“For Heaven’s sake, Y/n, we need to leave!”

“I’m not leaving!” Y/n suddenly screams, “I am going to stop Armageddon in any way I can. Even if you’re too scared to do it--”

“I’m not scared, Y/n. I’m terrified!” Crowley curses under his breath and paces the room, before turning on his heels to waltz right back up to Y/n, “How long have we been together? Five years?”

Y/n went tightlipped as Crowley desperately tries to persuade her, “Please, darling. I’ve never begged you to do anything before but I’m begging you now. Come with me. We can run away together and live out the rest of our lives among the stars. Lots of spare planets up there. Nobody would even notice us.”

“You’re asking me to leave Earth! To leave my friends and family to die here. After all the friends I’ve lost to monsters, demons, and angels, I think it’s time I do something to make sure that never happens again,” Y/n’s voice cracks, taking a deep breath before she starts walking towards the door while grabbing her bag, “Sam and Dean expect me to visit next week to tell them everything about how I helped save the world... I don’t intend on disappointing my boys.”

“Darling, wait!” Crowley moves to grab Y/n but the female hunter was faster. After years of fighting and hunting demons, she’s learned how to avoid and even kill them of course. Before Crowley could reach her, Y/n took out a small tin of salt she had in her bags of groceries and before he could blink, Crowley was stopped by a line of salt inside the front doorway, with Y/n already on the other side, dropping the salt canister with a huff of air. She stares at Crowley with sad eyes, the two of them standing on either side of the salt line, silent, a look of betrayal in the demon’s eyes. Y/n wills herself to look away and she did.

“Goodbye, Crowley.”

“Y/n!” He cries after her as she leaves, and for all that he knew, it would be the last time he ever sees her.

~~~~~~~~~

At first, Y/n didn’t know where to start. Her first idea was to go to Aziraphale and help him figure out how to stop Armageddon. When she got to his shop, he was desperate to tell her everything. The angel had felt guilty for lying to Crowley about finding out where the Antichrist is and so he told Y/n instead. After telling Y/n the whereabouts of Adam Young, Aziraphale said he had work to do and so the human left him to his own devices. Now it was Y/n’s turn to get ready for her trip to Tadfield. 

She takes the bus to the nearest cemetery, looking both ways before crossing the street towards the iron gate and climbing over it. Once she’s sure no one saw her, she makes it towards the large tomb overlooking the whole graveyard at the very center of all the stones. She fiddles with the lock and once the door opens, she makes her way inside. Without a second thought, Y/n throws the lid to the coffin in the center of the room aside, only to reveal that instead of a body, there was a spiral staircase heading down. Y/n hops inside the coffin and makes her way down the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

Like I’ve said before, Y/n had a network of hunters working for her outside of London for the very long years she has lived here. And during this time, a sophisticated hunter such as her needed to build a lair in which all sorts of weapons, traps, and other supernatural gear could be hidden away from prying eyes. Not even Crowley has been here since the tomb itself is riddled with traps for all sorts of beings. Y/n had even used blood magic so that only she could access the lair. Once inside, she turns on the light to find everything just where she left it. Guns were propped up onto the walls, and in the center was a glass case of other objects meant for the unreal monsters of the night. Salt, holy water, holy oil, dead man’s blood, Enochian puzzle boxes, the list goes on. She grabs a sawed-off double-barrelled shotgun from off the wall, loading it with a couple of rock salt shotgun shells before blowing a strand of hair from out of her face.

“Right then. Off to work.”

~~~~~~~~~

(Part 3?)

[sanity-is-overratedxp]

Please write a Adam milligan x (not hunter)reader(Adam never was trapped with lucifer) about the reader and Adam dating and the reader ends up pregnant and tells Adam and he says to get rid of the child( ps I'm pro life so it would be nice if the reader was to but if you don't want her to then I guess you can have the reader be pro choice but chooses to keep it) but she wants to keep it. She runs to dean and Sam and they talk to Adam and he begs the reader for forgiveness

Why?

A/N: I hope you like this and that it was what you were picturing! Btw thank you for asking for Adam! I feel like he doesn’t get enough love. (*Though he’s my favorite brother*) Don’t tell Sam or Dean! XP

Summary: What should’ve been the best day of your life turns sour.  

Warnings: Angst okay… this is full of angst. Language and Adam being a douche. but it ends happy okay! I couldn’t leave it sad…

Pairings: Adam x reader

Word Count: 2982 DAMN I’M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW XP

Sad Adam hurts my heart… someone love this man.

Why?

Your hands were shaking. This was the moment that you had been simultaneously dreading and looking forward too. You only had four minutes left till you knew for sure if you were pregnant or not. You had decided to do the test when Adam was at the grocery store. You were nervous about it but you knew you could handle it, with Adam by your side there wasn’t anything the two of you couldn’t do. You had been together for two years now and you couldn’t be happier.

You were more than a bit concerned though, you knew what Adam did for a living. Hunting the things that go bump in the night, it scared you thinking that he might not make it home to you because of his job. You had never known about all of this before him and you could never see yourself doing what he did. You knew the basics about salt and iron because Adam wanted you to be able to protect yourself. Thank god you hadn’t had to… yet.

All of a sudden you heard the alarm you set on your phone, the test was done. You walked over to the sink and picked up the test, your hands almost couldn’t hold it because they were shaking so badly. You opened your eyes and your heart stopped. You dropped the test…

It was positive.

You slid down the door behind you trying to breathe again. You had a baby growing inside you… you couldn’t believe it, you needed to talk to somebody and Adam wasn’t due home for another hour or so. You picked up your phone and dialed the first person you thought of. “Hey Sam…” You could hear him moving a few papers around. “Hey Y/N! Everything okay?” you didn’t know how to say it, so before you could chicken out you just blurted it. “Sam I’m pregnant. And the baby is Adam’s.” You could almost see the look of shock on his face.

“Y/N are you sure? What am I saying of course you’re sure or you wouldn’t be calling me. Wow… Does Adam know yet?” you couldn’t say anything. “I’m gonna take your silence as an answer, you need to tell him. And soon. The sooner you get this out in the open the better it will be in the long run.” You knew he was right. But you couldn’t help but be apprehensive about it. “You’re right Sam… I’m just a bit worried.” your hand went to your stomach. There was a life growing inside you right now… the knowledge seemed almost surreal. In about nine months you would be a mother. And that scared the shit out of you. “Sam what if I can’t do this? What if I’m not a good mother.” You were starting to hyperventilate, you didn’t know if you could do this after all. “Y/N stop it. You are going to be an amazing mother, I have never met a more kind, caring and loving woman than you. You have been Adam’s rock through everything and now it’s his turn to be your rock through this.”

You could feel your breathing regulating. Sam was right. You could do this, you and Adam could do this. As if he had been waiting for this moment you heard the door open. “Sam he’s home. I’ll call you back later when I’ve told him.” You stood up and fixed your hair. “Good luck Y/N. you’ve got this.” he hung up the phone. You wondered how to tell Adam, then decided on a very straightforward method. You grabbed the test and opened the door. “Y/N I’m home! Where are you?” you moved forward and stepped into his line of sight. “Hey Adam.” you walked forward but stopped before you got too close. “Y/N what’s wrong? You usually can’t stay away from me when I get home.” the look of concern on his face just made you more nervous. You didn’t know if you could do this. You almost said it like you did with Sam but your mouth was dry. You did the only thing you could think of, you opened the hand that had the test. Adam’s face went white, he took a step toward you and took the test out of your hand. He let out a shuddering breath, “How… how long have you know.” You could see the fear in his eyes. “I just found out.” he ran a hand down his face. “Okay, that means we caught it in time. We can be at the clinic in no time.” he looked at you with determination. “Adam what are you talking about? I have to set up an appointment with a Pre-natal care doctor. And that will take a couple days at least.” The look on his face was what told you. “You don’t… Oh my god. I’m not getting rid of this child Adam.”

“What are you talking about?!? Neither one of us is ready to be a parent!” he walked up to you and took your hands. “The only responsible thing we can do is to get rid of it.” you felt sick, you couldn’t believe your ears. The man you loved with all your heart wanted to get rid of your child. “Adam I can’t do that. There is a life growing inside me right now.” you took your hands from his. “I can’t do this. I’m going to have this child with or without you. It’s my decision not yours.” you watched as his eyes went cold. “If you have this child it won’t be here. This is my home and I don’t think I’m ready for a kid.” You looked at him in disbelief. He was serious, you made a choice in that moment. “Fine.” you turned around and walked to your bedroom. As you packed everything you heard him behind you. “Y/N what are you doing?” you were silent as you kept packing. “You’re leaving aren’t you.” you straightened your back and walked to the closet to grab your stuff in there and your other suitcase. “Okay then. I’m gonna go take a drive. If you have changed your mind by the time I get back we’ll go to the clinic.” you kept your head down as you felt the tears running down your face. “I love you Adam, But I’m not changing my mind.” you heard the door slam behind you and that’s when you broke. You had thought he would be happy about this. You didn’t know what to do. So you called Sam.

When he picked up you could hear Dean in the background. “Hey Y/N! How’d it go?” the question was innocent enough but you just broke, you were crying into the phone and you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. “Y/N what’s wrong? Oh god. Don’t tell me… did he seriously? I’m gonna hurt him.” you couldn’t form any words, but all of a sudden you heard Dean on the line. “Y/N what did he say. I need you to tell me. Do we need to come get you?” you calmed down enough to say, “He want’s me to get rid of it.” you heard Dean swearing on the other end of the line. “Hey it’s gonna be okay. Me and Sam will be there in about an hour. Is there somewhere you can go in the meantime?” You had just finished packing. “Yeah I can go to a fast food place near here.” there was a McDonald’s within walking distance of you. “Okay, we’ll be there soon. It’ll be okay. Me and Sam can help you raise your kid.” you hung up the phone and picked up your bags. For the first time in a long time you didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But now you knew Sam and Dean would be there to help you through it.

{{TIME SKIP FORWARD FIVE MONTHS}}

It had been a long road getting here. But you were finally ready to have this kid. The boys had all been amazing, helping you get the nursery ready and getting whatever you had been craving at the time. It still hurt that Adam wasn’t here for all of this but you knew that yours and his child would be well taken care of, you still loved Adam though and you wished he wanted you and your child. Dean had made sure that you were well taken care of while Sam had been more of the emotional rock for you, Cas was always there when you needed someone. It was as if they had all made a pact to protect you no matter what. You were about halfway through your pregnancy, and everything was going smoothly thanks to them.

One day you were in the kitchen cooking dinner like you usually did when you heard Sam call you from somewhere in the Bunker. “I’m in the kitchen Sam!” You could hear him as he made his way to the kitchen. “Hey Y/N… I have a question for you.” You were curious as to what could make the lumbering giant next to you so nervous. “Yeah? Shoot Sam.” he ran his hand through his chestnut hair and looked at you, “You mind stepping away from the stove for a second?” now you were a bit concerned. “Okay but I can’t be away for long or the chicken will burn and then your chicken alfredo will be gross.” you tried to get a laugh or smile out of him but he was very serious right now. “What’s wrong Sam?” he sighed and looked at you. “There’s no easy way to say this… Y/N Adam want’s to see you. He says he wants to talk.”

You had to sit down, after all this time he wanted to talk? It seemed to good to be true. “Sam are you serious?” he nodded. “Oh god… He wants to talk? Did he say what about?” you couldn’t believe it. “He said it was about the baby…” oh god… maybe you couldn’t do this. Last time you two talked about the baby you had moved in with the boys. Maybe this time he would say there was no hope for you two anymore. “Sam I don’t know if I can, what if he says there’s no hope for us anymore? I think that would break me.” Sam came over and hugged you, you melted into him. “I know you’re scared but I don’t think he would do that. He doesn’t seem like the type to hurt you like that, I think if that was what he was gonna say that he would just not reach out.” you saw the reasoning behind his statement and even though you were still worried it calmed you down a bit. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can tell him you don’t want to see him.”

You thought about it. “No Sam. I need this.” he nodded. “Is he here?” Sam shook his head. “He’s on his way though. He’ll be here in an hour or so.” You drew in a shaky breath. You looked at him and smiled. You knew it was time, you would either close a door today or have the love you so sorely missed back in your life.

After you had all finished dinner you went to the library to wait for Adam. You were nervous, you kept fidgeting with your hands. You tried to calm your breathing. After a bit you could hear a familiar tread. Your heart sped up knowing he was this close. Your world came to a halt as soon as you saw his beautiful eyes. His face looked different, there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he had seen a ghost. You stood up but Sam came in between you two while Dean went up to Adam. Dean stood in front of him and said, “Brother or not Adam, you hurt her anymore than you have and I will knock you back on your ass faster than you can say “Sorry.” You got that?” Adam nodded. “Can I see her?” Dean looked back at you. “Dean, Sam can you give us the room?” they all looked at you surprised. “Are you sure Y/N?” Sam looked at you concerned. You nodded at him, “This is something I need to do on my own Sam.” the boys nodded and left the room reluctantly. You looked at Adam, “Alright. You have ten minutes to tell me what you came to say. Then I’m gonna walk through that door and you won’t hear from me again until I’m ready.” you were surprised at the confidence of your tone.

Adam swallowed and then he started speaking, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or the right to be involved in my child’s life, but I wanted to make sure you knew that I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that I tried to make you get rid of the life that I helped create. I was just scared, scared that I was gonna be the same kind of father mine was. That life inside of you deserves only the best and I know that’s not me. I’m too fucked up…” he had started to cry at this point. The tears running down his face matched your own. He drew in a shuddering breath as he continued, “And bringing a child into my life? It’s dangerous. There is no guarantee that I’ll make it home most days, and I don’t wanna do that to my kid. I know this doesn’t excuse what I did, and no words can express how sorry I am. But I just had to try, I had to try to make you understand because I can’t live without you. I need you like I need air. You are the only thing in my fucked up life that makes me smile, and I can’t live another day without you.” he had slowly walked closer to you with every word, finally grabbing your hands as he finished. “Please Y/N… I need you.”

All you wanted right then was to forgive him and fall back into how you two were. But you needed to know one more thing, “I just need to know one thing…” He looked at you with so much sincerity in his eyes it hurt. “Anything.” he said. You steadied your nerves and your voice. “Why did it take you so long? Do you know how it felt for me? I lived these last few months thinking you didn’t love me anymore… thinking that I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. If it wasn’t for Sam and Dean I don’t know where I would be right now.” you could feel yourself losing control faster and faster as the tears ran down your face. “All I wanted was to forget everything, all the little things. How it felt waking up next to you, how it felt cooking breakfast in the morning together, how we would cuddle on the couch when we had a hard day, the times you would steal kisses as you passed or how you would interrupt me when I was talking by grabbing my face and kissing me with such passion that it made me dizzy. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I can still feel your arms around me. So I ask you. Why? Why the fuck did you wait?”

He looked at you with such sadness in his eyes, “I waited because I thought you would be better off without me.” you scoffed at that ready to turn around but he pulled you back, “Wait, I mean it. All my life every good thing has always been taken from me. I lost my mother and then I was killed by the thing that killed her. The angels brought me back but only to use me. If it wasn’t for Sam and Dean I don’t think I’d be here. Since then I have been so fucking scared of getting close to anyone, but you blew right past that. You broke down every single wall I had and made my life worth living again. But I hurt you, I couldn’t believe it. I hurt the most important person in my life in what should have been the best moment of our lives. So I tried to forget you so that you could have the life you deserved. But I couldn’t do it, you filled every waking moment of my life and even my dreams. So I had to try and win you back.”

You felt so overwhelmed, he wanted you like you wanted him. You couldn’t form the words you needed to tell him you forgave him, and you could see the light of hope leaving his eyes as every second passed. You felt him letting go of you, “I understand if you can’t forgive me. I just wanted to try.” He turned to walk away. This was it, you were going to lose him again because you couldn’t form a goddamn sentence to save your life. You couldn’t lose him again, so you did the only thing you could think of… you kissed him. You kissed him like your life depended on it, like he was going to disappear if you stopped. And when you finally pulled away for air you said, “Don’t go. I can’t lose you again.”

As you two held each other kissing away the other’s tears, you knew that even though it would never be the way it was… your lives would be better with each other. And when your child came, they would never have to worry about anything if it was in your power to stop it.

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