#get a good night's rest sel okay? and everyone!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

misterewrites · 4 years ago

Text

A Part of Something Bigger (Welcome to the Underground!)

Hello everyone! E here, hoping you are safe and sound and doing good! The new chapter of the Underground is here and I'm excited for this and the next chapter. I am so happy I finally get to reveal something I’ve had in my head since I first started creating the Underground! Man am I cheek E. oh puns, I’m terrible.

I hope you are all have a great week! Stay safe, wash your hands, take care of each other, get the vaccine if you can, push for companies to give it world wide all that jazz. Feel free to comment (I love feedback) tell your friends, reblog I appreciate it all!

If you’re new and curious what the heck I’m talking about, feel free to check out the whole story and have access to my other work right in the link below (cuz I’m 95% Tumblr has shadowbanned me)

https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrE42/pseuds/MrE42

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814297/chapters/68094967 (first chapter)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814297/chapters/78927370 (latest chapter)

Have a great week, E is out!

Summary: Turns out Oliver is a part of the Choir, a secret organization that operates within the Underground. Something big is happening tonight and It's up to Oliver and his allies to ensure it does not. However, the bard has to figure out what's going on before anything else.

-----

Oliver had been many things in the 18 years of his begrudging existence: An orphan, a thief, a con-kid, hopelessly in love, a scout, fry cook that one week and an aspiring minstrel. Many masks and different roles to survive each new day.

The one he took a quiet pride in was being a member of the Choir, a secret organization whose goal was to keep the Underground free from malicious and devious intent.

Every society had their dark, treacherous shadows where evil did its business (Oliver assumed. He only really ever lived in the Underground but you know universal constants and such.) The Choir’s purpose was to ensure those plans never came to fruition.

Rather than being an openly known identity, the Choir was more a loose collection of independent agents operating under secrecy. The organization employed any and everyone who was willing to fight for the cause, each in their own way: Merchants passed coded information, tavernkeepers offered safe havens, those with some level of magical proficiency gathered to study abnormal phenomenon. Fighters fought, clerics healed with lords and ladies used their influence for the greater good.

Sometimes, as is the case now, one individual was too limited for what was required of the organization’s purpose. In these rare moments, agents were granted permission to request help, often leaving hidden messages and imagery for other wandering members to respond to.

That’s what brought Oliver here to this dark alley in the middle of the night: When he first arrived to the capital, he caught sight of the coded symbol asking for any Choir member to lend their skill set to a mission tonight. No details added but that was par for the course.

Terri was the first to recover, her slivers eyes wide with wonder “A soprano? No joke?!Flora, he’s like you!”

Terri was tall, taller than anyone else here. She wore a red vest with torn off sleeves, probably because her muscles were too thick to actually allow them to exist in the first place. Her long jet black hair was elegantly tied into braids with her dark blue leggings tucked into thick hiking boots.

Flora pursed her lips thoughtfully, irises of lavender giving Oliver a curious look “A fellow magic user? Interesting. Wizard?”

“Bard” Oliver corrected “You?”

“Druid.” Flora spoke before drifting into an uncomfortable silence. Oliver suspected she wasn’t impressed by his response.

Flora seemed unassuming but Oliver knew better than to be lured in by appearances: Long silvery hair with petals of green and yellow flowers scattered within. She wore a white blouse with splotches of brown dirt and a long green skirt. Her feet were bare and free to be soiled by the floor.

Terri rushed over to the petrified Tyrell, dragging him into a bone crunching hug “Tyrell here is a baritone like me!”

Tyrell, the youngest beside Oliver, shifted his brown eyes away from anyone’s gaze. He wore rather well kept clothes: A tunic of purple tucked under a leather vest, his leggings were dark gray that blended fairly well in the darkness. His footwear seemed a little too fancy to be workman’s shoes.

“Fighters” Oliver nodded in understanding “Always useful. And you mysterious stranger in the darkness?”

The cloaked figure had pulled back deeper into the shadows, red eyes gleaming in the shades of night. They were trying to hard to hide their appearance but Oliver caught sight of a smooth featureless bronze face. Metallic armor of a matching color and sheen covered the rest of their body, an automaton it seems.

“You may call me Sel. I’m a tenor.” the figure responded, their voice tinged with scratchy static.

“You are going very useful. Lockpicking?”

Sel shrugged casually “Among other less savory techniques. As per usual for tenors.”

Oliver nodded “Okay, fill me in.”

Flora took a step forward, pulling a letter out of her pocket as she did so “Are you aware of one Reiner Brambleoak?”

“Oh fucking hell” Oliver rubbed his eyes tiredly “Him again? What’s he planning this time: Gonna burn an orphanage? Or maybe sell moldy food to the poor? Wait, I know!” Oliver snapped his finger “He’s going to be a terrible piece of shit.”

“Right on the money!” Terri growled.

Sel let out a mechanical click “He is planning to tear down several homes in West Haven.”

Oliver narrowed his eyes “I thought it was illegal to tear down homes in that area?”

“Not if the owners signed them over.” Flora explained “Then he would have the authority to do whatever he wished with them.”

“Let me guess, he tricked them?”

Terri flexed her muscles angrily “His representatives would change languages and double talk when they spoke to the poor folks. Most hadn’t the slightest idea what was going on and the orc thugs his people brought didn’t exactly make them feel warm and safe.”

“So.” Oliver stretched his arms “He’s strong armed his way into property, going to evict helpless folks onto the street and probably fill them with his own thugs to get the rest of the neighborhood to fall in line.”

“Unless we stop him.” Sel spoke with righteous fury.

“Tonight.” Oliver chimed in “Throwing another party?”

“You are good.” Tyrell whistled.

Oliver gave a playful wink “Naturally. What’s the plan?”

Flora reached into her pack and handed Oliver a letter: it was written in such a fancy hand he swore he was getting a headache just looking at it.

“One for each of us.” Flora explained, distributing the rest to the others “A fellow Choir member secured these tonight’s mission.”

“Helpful. Alright here’s the plan….”

“Wait” Flora interrupted “Who said you are in charge bard?”

“Me” Oliver countered with a grin “Because I’ve been to these types of festivities. Have any of you?”

Flora opened her mouth then promptly closed it, irritation in her glance. Tyrell gave a sheepish but unhelpful smile, Sel remained silent while Terri gave a thoughtful scratch of her chin.

“Thought so.” Oliver tried to keep the smugness out of his voice “Look we just need to work together for tonight.”

“Agreed.” Flora spoke with a softness that did not match her glare.

Sel inched closer to the group “What is the plan Oliver?”

“Where’s the party? Merchant Ward? I assume he’s using his office to host it.”

“Correct” Sel confirmed “His office has been chosen as the venue. He claims to be throwing the party as some sort of fundraiser for a charity that is no doubt a front for his illegal operations.”

Terri huffed, crossing her arms furiously “Probably making some more deals to trick people out of their hard earn money.”

“Without a doubt” Oliver agreed “But without any hard proof, we’re not taking him down tonight. Our mission is to ensure those contracts he forced people to sign mysteriously disappear.”

“Will that actually stop him?” Tyrell frowned unhappily “What’s stop him from forging new ones? Or just bullying people again?”

“He can’t forge new ones” Oliver explained carefully “They’re a special type of document only found here in Haven’s Nest. You can only get them from city hall and they’re magically enchanted to be untamperable with. He’ll need to get the ones he has to city hall on open court day which I assume is soon.”

“Indeed. Tomorrow in fact.”

Oliver continued on “So since open court day is the only day any major changes are allowed to be introduced to the city, if we grab them he’ll have to wait a month for another chance of snatching up that land. He’ll no doubt try to bully the folks again but now that they know what he’s up to, hopefully they’ll won’t be as easily pressured and if a few rough looking folks who can take punches and give them back start hanging around the neighborhood when his goons come knocking again…”

“They’re gonna be less eager” Terri cracked her knuckles cheerfully, already savoring the feel of bruised skin and broken bones that would bless her hands.

Oliver caught Tyrell’s eyes “One problem at a time. If you look at the mountain, you’re going to get scared.”

Tyrell nodded timidly in agreement.

“So.” Sel’s voice crackled with curiosity “What is the plan bard?”

Oliver closed his eyes, mentally mapping out the Brambleoak bank: three stories of corrupted, immoral finance who preyed on the helpless and lost. He could still see the faded green hue and cracked paint of the building in his mind’s eye. The ground floor would no doubt be where the bulk of the party would be taking place: a large space with an elevated stage normally reserved for long winded speeches could easily repurposed for a band or some sort of entertainment. His guests would range from any and everyone with any amount of influence or wealth. The second floor were the offices of his lecherous employees while his office took up the entirety of the third floor.

“Alright” Oliver spoke after a moment “I have a good idea what to expect. We’re going to break up into two teams.”

Everyone stared him expectedly.

Oliver gestured to Terri and Tyrell “You two are going to hang out at the bar across the street: The Stinkeye. Charming place, ran by a former pirate captain. Sunday is sea shanty night I think."

“Whoa, wait a minute” Terri grumbled unhappily “I am not letting Flora go into that place without me! It’s enemy turf and I don’t feel comfortable with the idea."

Flora took Terri’s hand within her own “Agreed sweetie.”

“Look this isn’t exactly a fist loaded, knives out situation. Any sort of brawling inside will be dealt with swiftly and painfully. Brambleoak doesn’t like anything scaring away the prey and causing a scene inside won’t accomplish anything. Outside, however.”

Terri’s eyes knowingly sparkled, Tyrell just looked dumbfounded.

Oliver gestured with his hand, muttering a phrase under his breath as magic formed around his hand in a golden light. A small image appeared in his palm: A heavily scarred elf with ashy blonde hair, one eye a brilliant forest green the other dull and cloudy. He wore an elegant officer’s uniform, dark green with various medals pinned to his chest with a long flowing red cape that trailed behind.

Oliver opened mouth to speak but Terri’s low snarl beat him to the punch.

“Lea Foot.”

“Acquaintance I guess?””

Flora nodded, gently squeezing Terri’s hand to get her to calm down “Lea has been a constant thorn in our sides. I believe he suspects we are a part of some greater organization. He has never seen us but he sends his underlings to bully us.”

“So I don’t need to explain his whole mercenaries for hire deal. Been exclusive to Brambleoak for a while now.”

“Can I punch him?” Terri murmured darkly.

“Yes, can she?” Flora chimed in, unable to keep the plead out of her voice.

Oliver shook his head “Maybe but we’ll see. He’s gotta show up at some point but I doubt he’ll be there right at the start. Likes to push old people around, probably eat a child or two before ‘working.’ Your job is to keep him distracted at all costs. He’s a sick man that likes to watch a good fight and the longer he’s out there, the better chance we’ll have.”

Sel tilted their head quizzically “Why is it important to keep him outside?”

“Basically” Oliver cracked his fingers “He’s very perceptive and the person most likely to catch our plan in action. His crew is made up of a nobodies with a perchance for cruelty and a thirst for violence but Lea is an old hand. Keeping himself outside is the best chance for success and if you guys accidentally get too close and managed to stray a hit his way…”

Terri chuckled manically the idea. Tyrell just looked sick.

“Meanwhile Flora, Sel and I will be inside. We’ll be looking for a chance to get Sel into the stairway so he can break into Brambleoak’s office. Without any sort of information, there’s no point to flesh out a full plan but we’ll make it up as we go. It’s a giant party of people who think they’re special. Shouldn’t be too hard to cause some drama and distractions.”

Flora said silent for a moment before speaking up “It’s not a lot to work with but admittedly better than anything I would’ve come up with.”

“Agreed.” Sel added “Without proper intel, it would be pointless to attempt to formulate any sort of long term plan. This works best to our strengths. Wait and create an opportunity,”

“That’s on us.” Oliver cut in “Your job is to get in and out. Preferably without being seen but who knows what will happen.”

The group, previously lost and anxious, glowed with renew sense of purpose and determination: 10 minutes ago they had no plan and now they were ready to do what they signed up for.

“Get ready team” Oliver gestured about “We leave in five.”

Everyone broke away to prepare for the mission: Terri cracked every bone in her body, ready for any brawl she would start. Sel slunk back into the shadows and remained still among the darkness. Tyrell held leaned unevenly against the brick building nearby, trying to steady his breathing.

Flora, on the other hand, approached Oliver, her voice dropping to a whisper.

“Oliver.”

“Flora.”

“I have a question for you.”

Oliver was confused “I’m not sure what about but go ahead.”

Flora pursed her lips “You were coming from West End, delivering a package to a Choir member out there correct?”

“Yeeeeees.” Oliver unsure where this was going “The old man. Lady Rozalin said it was the upmost importance.”

Flora bit her cheek nervously “Before you left, did you see him?”

His stomach turned cold as he remembered how uneasy he felt the day he left with Archie and Abigail, the chill that ran down his spine “No, why?”

“We haven’t been able to contact him. He is not responding to our wizards long range message spells. We’re…..worried.”

Oliver could feel his skin crawl with anxiety, his pulse raced as a horrible realization dawned on him.

“He’s missing.” Oliver spoke what Flora did not.

She nodded in response “As a high ranking member, he is important to our cause and since you were the last person to see him, the higher ups were wondering if anything suspicious happened the last day you spoke with him.”

Oliver remembered it clearly: The free money, rushing them out the door, his ‘tiredness.’ There was no such thing as free money in his mentor’s eyes and Roland was never known for pushing a guest out of his house or being tired in the middle of the day. He was attempting to get them to leave to prevent something from happening.

“He was acting weird.” Oliver admitted “At the time I found it strange but he gave me little room to argue. Now I’m wishing I had.”

Flora’s face was indifferent but Oliver could hear the sincerity in her voice “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. If you need a moment…”

“No” Oliver cut her off quickly “I’m good. We have a mission to do and we need to focus on that now. Afterwards we can talk about finding out what happened to the old man.”

Flora gave a simple nod before wandering over to Terri’s side, lightly kissing her cheek with affection.

Oliver took a deep calming breath: There was no point to let his mind wander, to worry about things out of his control. Even if he wanted to do something, he was needed here and now. Besides the Choir would investigate Roland’s disappearance and there were agents far more experienced than he about.

He would leave it up to them. For the moment he needed to balance out the universe and root out the evil that laid in the shadows.

#Original Work #original story #my story #welcome to the underground

38 notes · View notes

wonder-kid-pugh · 4 years ago

Text

First Words - (Rose Lavelle x reader)

Being one of the younger players on the team always meant that the older player and the vets were always going to be protective of you. But with me they took it to a whole other level. I joined the team the same time as Mal. But when I came onto the team everyone on the team thought I hated them.

"Why won't she talk to us?" Emily pouts as I walk over to a table with my headphones in. I guess they thought I couldn't hear them. "Has anyone actually heard her say a word since she's being here?" Kelley asks. Everyone shakes their head before they all turn to Becky who's my roommate but she just shrugs, "She's hasn't said anything to me". "She doesn't even call for the ball in practice" Pinoe sighs. Tobin shrugs, "Maybe she's just shy. I mean she's seems cool". Although I do stay near Becky and Alyssa I do drift near Tobin always finding the two of of us juggling the ball together before training.

"But what if we did something wrong?" Christen frowns. I bite the inside of my cheek as I pretend to check my phone. I never meant for them to think they did something wrong. They had been so welcoming and kind trying to involve me in their conversations or inviting me to hang out with them. They always tried to get me to talk to them and I wanted to.

It was the fact that I couldn't

I guessed I must of zoned out as I'm snapped out of it by someone sitting across from me. I look up from my plate to see Rose was now sitting across from me with a smile, "Can I ask you a question?" I just nod my head expected her to ask me the obvious question. But I'm surprised when instead she shows me her phone, "Which dog do you think is cuter?"

I look at her in shock and I guess she sees that as she frowns, "What? Please don't tell me your a cat person". I let out a snort and shake my head making her smile, "Good now which one do you think?" She asks again. I lean in front and look at her phone. The first one was Siberian husky puppy with adorable bright blue eyes. While the other was a Pembroke Welsh corgi with white and brown fur. I look over both of them for a few more seconds before pointing at the husky.

A big grin spreads across her face, "I knew it! Lindsey kept saying the corgi but just look at his little blue eyes! I mean they're both adorable but I just can't get over how blue his eyes are". She starts to ramble on about the puppy and I can't help but smile at her. She kept ranting about the blue eyed puppy which was ironic as her own blue eyes seemed to sparkle talking about the dogs.

"Y/n? You okay?" She asks making me shake my head at the thoughts. I just point at her, "Me? She asks pointing at herself. I bite my lip and grab my phone before quickly typing out a message and passing her my phone. She tilts her head at me before taking the phone. I try to ignore the spark when her fingers graze mine. Instead I chuckle at the blush on her face as she reads the message.

"Your eyes sparkle just like the husky's"

Honestly after that some of the team didn't know what to do with me. Some left me alone just happy that they hadn't done something wrong to make me feel out of place. But people like Kelley and Sonnett made it their mission to get me to talk to them.

"So who are you rooting for to win the league this year Y/n?" Sonnett asks. Kelley and Sonnett thought that if they kept asking me open ended questions that I it would force me to speak to them. I had become their latest challenge as they were determined to be the one to get me to talk.

If only they knew

"Definitely the Royals right Y/n?" Kelley grins looking at me but I just shake my head. "Who are you supporting so?" I tug on Rose's sweatshirt making her look at me only for me to point at the badge over her heart making the two frat daddies scoff, "Your cheering for the Spirit?" I nod making Rose smile beside me as Mal teases Kelley and Sonnett.

I cuddle in beside Rose as they are about to start the film and I smile widely as I feel Rose wrap her arm around me as well. As the movie ends and everyone's about to head back to their room Sonnett turns to me, "Did you like the movie Y/n?" I nod as I get up and walk over to Becky who's waiting for me by the door. But before we leave i hear Emily sigh.

"Are you ever going to talk to us?"

I freeze for a second before I continue walking not even stopping to wave goodbye to them. I can hear Becky follow me as I walk into my room and dropping onto my bed. "You okay Y/n?" The centre back asks as she looks at me with concern. I just nod lightly before looking down and playing with my fingers. I hear her sigh before she sits down beside me, "Don't listen to Kelley and Emily. They're idiots and they don't understand that not everyone is loud like them. You don't have to do anything your not comfortable with. We just want to make sure that your happy and working hard with the team okay?"

I nod and smile at her before surprising her with a hug which she returns. As she leaves for the bathroom to get ready for bed, I check my phone as the screen lights up with a message.

Are you okay?

I smile at my phone my heart lifting at the thought of the spirit midfielder worried about me. I shake my head ridding it of any thoughts of her remotely returning my feelings and send off a quick message before turning in for the night.

👍🏻

I think after that the team just accepted that's how I was. Kelley and Sonnett although they kept trying they dialed it back no doubt due to the team talking to them. It was only at my second camp that they learned the true reason behind my silence. They were shocked to say the least.

"Yes Clicker!" Tobin laughs as I nutmeg Lindsey before I continue running down the wing. I couldn't help but laugh at the nickname the team gave me. Tobin called me that after practice one day when everytime I wanted the ball I would click my fingers. After that it just stuck with the rest of the team calling me that as well.

Sonnett steps up trying to tackle the ball off of me but I keep close control of the ball and I end up putting Sonnett on her ass before crossing the ball for Christen to volley it into the net.

I grin and jog over and hug Christen before they call an end to practice with my team winning. "That was incredible Clicks!" Tobin laughs as she wraps her arms around me and Christen making the forward laugh, "That was an amazing run Y/n". I blush at their compliments before beaming up at them.

"Better look out for this one Heath. She'll be coming for your title soon" Pinoe jokes. "I hear your starting in the match against Mexico. Are your parents coming to watch?" Ali asks me. The smile on my face drops and I just shake my head. This makes the other frown as well, "Why not?" I just shrug and look down at my cleats digging them into the turf.

Kelley sensing that I was uncomfortable with the topic tries to lighten it up. "Well if you play like you did today then they don't stand a chance. I think the best part was when she put Sonnett on her ass" Kelley sniggered making everyone else laugh while Sonnett pouts. The blonde defender looks at me but I just wink at her making her wrap me in a headlock.

I squirm before I push her off my harshly as I look at her in fear. I pushed her so hard that she fell to the ground making everyone look at us. Emily looks at me bewildered as my breathing starts to get heavy as I out my hand on my neck. I close my eyes trying to calm down enough to get my breathing normal but nothing works.

Next thing I know is someone grabs my hand dragging me away. I let them pull me along wanting to be anywhere else but here at the moment. When we finally stop in the hallway to the dressing room I feel them hug me tightly guiding my head into the crook of their neck. "Hey it's okay. Everything's okay. Your safe I promise. Now I need you to breathe with me okay?" They say soothingly. I recognize her voice instantly and the smell of her perfume relaxes me slightly as I nod into her neck. Her hands rub up and down my back as she coos in my ear, "Follow my breathing. In and out. That's it. That's good Y/n".

I keep following her breathing for a bit longer before it finally goes back to normal and I sink into her embrace. She just holds me a little while longer before she pulls back just enough to look at me, "You okay Y/n?" I just nod finding comfort in her bright blue eyes. "I'm going to bring you to Dawn okay?" She asks and I just nod again.

She takes my hand again but this time walking beside me rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand reassuringly. She brings us over to the sideline where Dawn looks up at us worried, "What wrong Y/n?" I just lean into Rose laying my head on her shoulder as she explains, "Sonnett got her in a headlock and freaked her out a bit".

Dawn looks at me with pity, "I'm getting that triggered it?" I just nod making Rose look at me in concern, "Triggered what?" Before Dawn can say anything the rest of the team come over. "You okay Y/n?" Becky asks looking me up and down. I nod while Alex looks at me, "What happened?"

I sigh and look at Dawn, "Want me to tell them?" I nod and she looks at me softly, "All of it?" I gulp but nod before leaning back into Rose who wraps her arms around me.

Dawn sighs as she looks at the rest of the woman, "Y/n grew up in foster care. She never knew her parents and she was moved around a lot as a kid. She didn't have the best experience living in the system". Dawn pauses for a second before steeling herself and continuing, "In one of those homes it wasn't great. Her foster parents verbally abused her. And one night her foster father attacked her and nearly choked her to death".

Everyone is quiet as they all digest what Dawn has told them. I can feel Rose's arms hold me tighter. "Oh Y/n" Becky breathes out who looks on the verge of tears. Christen who is crying lets out a few sniffles along with some other players. "She's hasn't spoken since then and doctors says that she was so scared and traumatized by it that she developed selective mutism because of it".

Kelley frowns looking extremely guilty, "That's why you haven't talked to us. Because you can't". I just nod while Sonnett looks at me with tears streaming down her face, "I'm so sorry Y/n". Everyone is quiet no one quiet knowing what to say. That is until Rose pulls back from me taking my face in her hands, "This doesn't change anything. Your still the same person as before. This doesn't change who you are".

She looks at me so determined making sure I know she means her words that I can't help but stare back at her in awe. Only tearing my eyes away from her as Becky puts her hand in my shoulder, "She's right. We're your family now".

I start to cry as I pull the two them into a hug which leads to the rest of the team joining in. I nestle my head into Rose's neck as for the first time I finally felt at Home.

And that led them to be extremely protective of me. Whether it be from other teams, fans or the media. They wouldn't tolerate anything negative about me or my unwillingness to speak. Even after 2 years they were still extremely protective of me. They made me feel the safest I've ever felt. And as I sit in my cubbie I realise how important this team is to me.

"Hey, you okay?" Rose asks putting a hand on my leg. I look down at her hand and put my hand on hers and interlock our fingers making the both of us smile.

"I love you guys"

Everyone stops talking and instead looks in our direction looking at me I shock. But I instead just look down at our enjoined hands playing with her fingers like I usually do. "Did you....just talk?" Rose whispers out. I nod and look up to her dazzling cerulean eyes which are starting to water.

"Yeah"

"Oh my god Y/n! You just spoke!" She exclaims picking me up out of the locker and spins me around in her arms making me laugh. Everyone crowds around us as she puts me back down on the ground, "I just wanted to tell you guys how much I love you. Your like my family". Rose cups my cheeks making me smile and hold her wrists, "God I love the sound of your voice".

Not being able to hold myself back any longer I stare deep into her eyes, "Can I kiss you?" Rose lets out a watery laugh before she nods. I waste no time smashing my lips into hers and she happily returns it. As we break away the entire team cheers us on and smiling at us while I smirk down at Rose who's now breathing heavy unable to speak.

"Looks like I left you Speechless"

#rose lavelle imagines #rose lavelle x reader #rose lavelle imagine #rose lavelle #uswnt imagines #uswnt imagine #uswnt x reader

245 notes · View notes

drlauralwalsh · 4 years ago

Text

You and Your Grieving Parts

Do you ever think about your...parts? No, not those parts, you mischievous little spark plug! I mean inside your mind - the parts that get weird ideas, warn against danger, are mean to you, and tell you to engage in late-night food rituals. That last part might just be me. Seriously though, I’ve been doing some research into the parts of my mind. The idea that our minds have “parts” is not a new idea. Like right now, a part of me wants to keep writing to you and another part just wants to nap. Oh the drama inside! There is one theory that explains this and it has intrigued me since grad school: Internal Family Systems.

INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) THEORY

The IFS theory believes that the mind is made up of a number of sub-personalities or parts, each with their own set of beliefs, opinions, and responses, and that interact with each other. At the core is the Self, which has the ability to lead the parts but isn’t always up to the task. No single part is bad but like an orchestra, the parts can be in harmony or honk cacophonously like a flock of agitated geese.

Along with the core Self, IFS sorts the other parts into categories by function: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles. Managers and Firefighters protect you from feeling the pain of the Exile parts. They have the same goals but use different strategies. Managers constrict and hold you back while Firefighters automatically react and let it rip.

MANAGERS

Manager parts proactively run the day to day operations of the system and are considered the most “acceptable” parts because they say very adult things and sound most like the core Self. They maintain balance within you through control. Managers parts are perfectionist, judgmental, self critical or people pleasing. They want to prevent humiliation and abandonment by keeping you busy, criticizing what you do, worrying, sabotaging connections, and generally being a control freak. They strongly believe in self sufficiency and are generally relentless, exacting, chastising and sometimes, anxious and depressed. They’re really good at giving you a false sense of security by telling you it’s doing it so you’ll look good to others. A typical Manager thought is, “You really should stop bothering people with your sob story.”

FIREFIGHTERS

Firefighters are your first responders. They automatically fly out the door to rescue you when something hits too close to home. They extinguish the fire of pain by smothering or creating a diversion. They attack “enemies” and get defensive in an effort to control or suffocate emotions. These are the parts that have anger issues, spending too much money, drink too much or use drugs, get obsessive or suicidal, self harm, or dissociate. They like to eat too much. binge watch TV and endlessly play video games for hours. They don’t give a crap about the goody-goody manager parts. Those weenies don’t know what it’s like to charge heroically into danger. Firefighters are really good at distracting you from upsetting, painful or overwhelming feelings. A typical Firefighter part thinks it’s better to rage than to show vulnerability - even in the privacy of your own head.

EXILES

As a psychologist, I get to see other people’s Exile parts more than the average person. I’ve developed such a knack for it that the Managers and Firefighters appear almost transparent. When I’m interacting with someone who’s leading with one of those parts, I can see through to the Exile it’s protecting. Just wish I could more reliably turn that super power on myself! Exiles are the younger parts that hold pain from the past. You compartmentalize and isolate them from the rest of the system for their safety and stability in the system. Because of their vulnerability, they also seem kind of dangerous. They’re the parts of you that are scared of being abandoned, get intimidated, experienced trauma, and feel a lot of shame. This is where the Big Four live - not good enough, too much, if you really knew me, and everyone leaves.

Exiles are desperate to tell their story but Managers pessimistically believe your pain is a burden to others. Firefighters flat out refuse to put you in danger of being hurt again. If a sad, little kid part of you revealed a disgusting longing for an authority figure’s approval during a job interview, a Firefighter part might change the subject while a Manager sabotages the rest of the meeting. Neo-exiles are the parts we hide within close relationships. Imagine a romantic partner or friend that gives you attention when you’re doing something nice but ignores your bids for reassurance. You’ll shut down the needy part of you to maintain the relationship. The message from that person you tell yourself is that only your good parts are acceptable.

THE CORE SELF

So far, we’ve been describing the orchestra - or if you’d prefer, the various departments of your business or the governmental branches of your personal nation. Let’s switch to the head of it all - the conductor, the CEO, the President, YOU. In the center of all of this is your core Self. It’s a beautiful place to be. It doesn’t need work because it’s already perfect. It spontaneously emerges when the air is clear and all is safe. It is the natural essence of who you are and is sheltered from damage or destruction by function of your parts.

You know you’re in your grounded center when you feel authentically chill. Some theories describe the Self by the 8 C’s:

Confident

Courageous

Creative

Clarity

Compassion

Calm

Curious

Connected

I know I’m in that place when nothing said or done can move me off my square. For instance, I am confident about my intelligence. If some bozo tried to lecture me about how I’m really a dummy, I might get a little irritated but he’s not going to shake my confidence. Now if the same bozo flicked some booger comment about something more vulnerable, that might temporarily knock me off-center. Note: my own managers and firefighters have censored me from revealing said vulnerability for my own protection.

WORST CASE SCENARIO

Your personal configuration and manifestation of parts was constructed to deal with your worst case scenario to date. Since we have different histories and experiences, each set of parts is like a fingerprint of the individual. While I’m currently working hard to lead with my core Self, recent events (i.e. the death of my wife) have thrown the system into a reorg process. All previous worst case scenarios were blown out of the water and my mind’s company is frantically looking for new hires in two main departments. I thought I’d give you a peek into the frenetic remodeling of my inner Self as the parts run around with their pants on fire.

Exile: [Can’t speak and just cries endlessly into the void.]

Firefighter: “Oh shit! Their wedding song started playing overhead at the grocery store!”

Manager: “It’s fine. Everything is fine. Close your ears, stop being a baby and don’t think about it.”

Exile: “But I can’t stop thinking!” [Stops responding as snot clogs up nose.]

Firefighter: “Leave the store! Leave your groceries where you are!”

Exile: [Blows nose, hides in deserted health food aisle.]

Manager: “Someone could have seen you out there. Now go check out and remember to smile at the clerk.”

Firefighter: “I think it’s a great time to call it a day and watch more episodes of Designing Women.”

These parts are obviously clueless as to what to do with this newly emerged and devastatingly sad grief Exile. She’s a little girl part of me that either pitifully weeps or gets hulk-smash rageful. She isn’t a new part; she’s come out of semi-retirement to hold my overwhelming grief. She believes that everyone will leave her and she’s left on her own to figure everything out. She thinks things like, “Why don’t people notice how sad I am???” She doesn’t know a Firefighter distracts her from feeling with a stupid magic trick while a Manager runs around pulling the curtains around her so no one sees. All the parts are trying to help but the animals are loose at the circus. Though the Exile doesn’t know it, she’s waiting for my core Self to step in and corral the monkeys. My Self knows what to do if I can only find and access it. Stepping from the shadows, my centered Self brings a soothing presence that stops the commotion and quiets the protectors. Here’s an example:

Manager: “You should shower and do a little cleaning. This place is a mess!”

Firefighter: “Honestly, I think eating a little cookie butter will make things better.”

Exile: “[Sobbing] Things are never going to get better! I don’t want them to get better!”

Firefighter: “I know! Let’s listen to Rage Against the Machine really loud in the kitchen!”

Manager: “Fine, don’t shower even though you stink. Don’t change clothes either. It’s not like anyone sees you anyway.”

Firefighter: “Uhhh, isn’t that friend coming over tonight?”

Manager: “Oh yeah! He’ll certainly notice those dishes that have been in the sink for 3 days. Just sayin’...”

Exile: “Oh no! [Hangs head in shame] People will find out how horribly disgusting I am because I haven’t run the dishwasher or broken down and recycled the Amazon boxes.”

Firefighter: “Just throw everything in the backyard!!!”

Manager: “Stack up all the piles neatly so it looks like you wanted them there on purpose.”

SELF: “Alright, let’s think about this. What if you broke down the boxes right now, put them outside, rinse the dishes, and filled the dishwasher all while listening to Rage Against the Machine?”

Manager: “That’s not enough but okay, fine.”

Firefighter: “Great ideas as always. I’m going to rest up for the next emergency.”

Exile: “Thank you for listening to me. I feel a little better and I think we can do this.”

SELF: “Great. Afterwards, everyone can take a break and zone out in front of the TV. Now put on that music and let’s get to work.”

WHO’S IN CHARGE?

As long as there’s no one in charge, your mind is a confusing and chaotic miasma of competing needs. Ideally, the Self steps up and takes over negotiation between the parts and directs the next steps. However, sometimes a part fills in the leadership role. You know you’re leading with a Manager when you feel buttoned up, intellectually sharp and emotionally numbed out. Leading with a Firefighter part feels like a continual state of irritability and agitation and keeps you ‘at the ready’ to react to danger. Exiles are rarely in charge because they’re really bad at it. They collapse the system and insist on activities like staying in bed all day.

WORKING WITH YOUR SYSTEM

As with most life problems, the first step is awareness. You’ve got to get to know your parts - their personalities, beliefs, and functions - before trying to intervene in their conflicts. Like I said before, there are no bad parts - just competing beliefs and strategies. A given part feels strongly that it’s right, sees it how it really is and knows the truth. Every thought or feeling originating from a part is trying to help you out, even if it doesn’t seem that way. The part of me that says no one wants to be around me is actually trying to protect me from rejection and abandonment. Unchallenged, that part will keep me from connecting to supportive people.

OBSERVING AND IDENTIFYING PARTS

It may be difficult to put your finger on and capture a particular part. When you’re ready, there’s a few ways to access them. Start by being curious and non-judgmental. Think of your centered self as just a researcher interested in data collection. Reassure yourself that nothing has to change as you’re presently in observation mode.

Take your emotional temperature by asking yourself how you feel right now. Ask to see what emotions are already present and how or where your body feels with that emotion. Observe those messages that are on repeat in your mind. Alternatively, you can access an upsetting memory from the past and examine it. Ask yourself, what exactly was upsetting about what happened? Did you feel afraid, sad, anxious, angry or something else? How did you react and what did you do? Did you rage, freeze, numb, avoid, or try to smooth it over? These questions will reveal clues to what was exiled and what managers and/or firefighters protected you. If at any time your brain says, “I don’t know,” consider that another protector part and explore accordingly.

STAYING CENTERED

Once you’ve got a handful of observations, pick out one voice and interview it. More than likely, you’ll be talking to a protector - probably a manager. Getting it talking by asking what it believes and it’s job in the system. Ask how old it is and what it looks like. A voice that says. “This isn’t fair,” may believe you get dumped on more than most and thinks the job is to protest on your behalf. It may show up as a finger wagging old man who suggests that something must be wrong with you because this keeps happening. What’s protective about this voice? What kind of Exile is it defending? Be gentle with digging down to the Exiled little kid part underneath. Kids are delicate and need protecting. If you find yourself continuing to have strong emotions or becoming reactive, you’ve likely run into another manager or firefighter. Interview and explore this part before moving deeper. We can’t access, validate and utilize the burdened exiles without honoring how the system set itself up to protect us.

Once you’re working with a particular part, another angle is to check back in with your calm and centered Self. What do you understand about the part? What do you think is going on? Can you find empathy and appreciation for the part? Even our nastiest parts work really hard on our behalf. A critical voice is mean but its heart is in the right place. An obsessive or addictive part is trying to soothe the system in the best and only ways it knows so far.

TRUSTING RELATIONSHIPS

Getting to know your parts is the process of creating trusting relationships between them and the Self. This is the next step in the process of converting your protectors and split-off exiles into your allies. Think about how trust is built with other people: consistent interactions, listening to and honoring what’s said, believing their words are important - even when you don’t understand. That’s exactly how we build rapport with the different parts of ourselves. It may be scary or unpleasant to get close to your inner critic or the tightly-wound explosive rage but it’s a vital step. Like a good CEO or President, once your core Self begins to get everyone on board, it’s easier to know what to do when life throws you the next curveball.

I’ve got a story for you from back when my wife was still alive. I left to go grocery shopping but stopped in at the craft store to shop for just myself. This nagging little voice kept popping up but I successfully shoved it back down at the craft store. Entering the grocery store a short time later, I could no longer ignore a little girl voice on repeat: “She’s going to be mad at you!” Sighing, I got centered and engaged it. Here’s how the conversation went:

Little Girl: “She’s going to be mad at you!”

SELF: “Okay, well, we can handle that. Why will she be mad at me?”

Little Girl: “Because you took too much time at the craft store.”

SELF: “Why is that a big deal to you? What are you feeling?”

Little Girl: “I’m worried she’ll be mad and call you selfish because you took time for yourself.”

SELF: “Okay, well if that happens, I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to explain it to her. I don’t think she’ll actually be mad but if she is, I’ll be in charge. How does that sound?”

Little Girl: “I’m still worried but I’ll try it your way.”

SELF: “Great. Thank you for trusting me. No matter what, it will be okay.”

This is the actual transcription of me engaging with a worried part. For the record, it’s not grounded in current reality. Naturally, Patty would be concerned if I hadn’t returned from shopping if it had been a few hours but she wouldn’t be mad. I already had a relationship with this part - the Little Girl. She’s about 5 or 6 and feels too small and powerless to change things in the world. She’s used to being dismissed and pulls at my sleeve to warn me about all the monsters lurking in the shadows. She’s protected by another part - my rebellious teenager. If I’m not gentle with the Little Girl, the Rebel leaps to her defense and commandeer the entire system. The Rebel says things like, “Oh no, you fucking didn’t just do that! I’ll show you!” and promptly turns off all inhibition and motivation and steers us back to the craft store to buy $100 worth of crap. I’ve learned my lesson - listen to and trust the Little Girl, or else it’ll cost me.

YOUR PARTS IN GRIEF

I’m still getting to know and lead the parts of me as they grieve. As with outside life, my internal life was thrown into disarray after Patty died. I had all the parts nicely organized, productive, and had good working relationships with all. Death took my puny little shoebox diorama on the inside of my mind and… shook it up really hard. I was so proud of my hand painted little figurines, all precisely glued in their rightful places. A manager most assuredly came up with that idea. Now, there’s a part of me that just wants to toss the whole thing and another part that’s picking up each piece, crying over its brokenness.

All I can do is be patient with myself for now as I sort through the pieces in the shoebox. I tried throwing it out but it just reappeared. I’m working on getting the lay of the land. I’m doing my best to accept and soothe the broken parts - even as they overreact, judge me for not keeping things cleaner, numb out with cookie butter, and cry at the grocery store. We are trudging down the road right now but when I get to know everyone again, I’ll call a meeting and figure out what’s next.

#grief #parts #Internal Family Systems #mind

53 notes · View notes

salt-warrior · 4 years ago

Text

WHEN EARTH TURNS TO ASHES

Masterlist

Chapter Eleven: Little Miss Independent

"Stop beating yourself up, Crown." Thorne shoved in another bite of waffles, boysenberry jam staining his lips purple as he did so. "It's not your fault that you're the nosiest person on the planet and she hates herself. Get over it."

Kai rolled his eyes. Thorne was a great friend; he was always there for Kai no matter what. But he was the worst at giving sane advice or motivational speeches. "It just wasn't my business."

"You really should have gone into journalism," Thorne said, his words slurred by the food in his mouth. Kai looked down, his heart heavy at the comment.

When Kai had been young, he had wanted to do nothing more than write, and his mother had encouraged that. His father had even been fine with the whole idea, even if it meant that Kai would not go into the family business. All of it had changed when Kai's mother had died. Kai stopped writing—stopped doing most things he loved. It was too painful.

"Yeah," Kai muttered. "I should have."

"Anyways," Thorne waved his fork erratically through the air, nearly spraying Kai with blue jam. "You need to just rip the bandaid off. Show her that you care— more than you should if you ask me–" Kai glared. Thorne sighed. "She really needs someone on her side, even if she thinks she's little-miss-independent."

Kai looked down into his mug, completely empty except for small flakes of chocolate. It wasn't that Kai didn't want to talk to Cinder—quite the opposite, really. He just didn't want to scare her away. He would never be able to forgive himself.

"It's just, there's something dark about her. She's hiding something," Kai remarked.

"Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious. I don't think I ever would have figured that one out on my own." Thorne threw his arms around his head in exasperation, before ticking off fingers. "I mean, she freaks every time someone calls her by her given name, she had a sister that died while they were alone together and no one will say how it happened, and everyone she once knew hated her. I wonder what that girl has to hide."

"Okay, okay!" Kai drummed his fingers anxiously across the square table. "I'm only thinking out loud, no need to go ballistic."

Scraping chunky jam out of a plastic container, Thorne rubbed it lovingly across the last of his waffles. Kai watched, nose scrunched in disgust. Kai hated berries. They were just too sour, too mushy, and left the back of your tongue scratchy. They were gross.

Thorne smothered whipped cream on top of his creation, practically drooling all over it. "Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Did you learn anything from the Principal or that Chris girl?"

"Cress," Kai said quickly, his palms growing sweaty.

"What?" Thorne looked up, confusion scrawled across his fair features.

"Her name is Cress, not Chris." Kai clarified, his cheeks heating up as he babbled. "And your incredible timing stopped me from learning anything really important, so thanks for that."

An impish grin came across Thorne's face, and Kai knew what he was thinking. If ultra-red was a color, then ‘Kaito Crown's face when talking about pretty girls’ could have been the crayon for it. "Yes, she was cute, but not my type, so please don't ask."

"Ah," Thorne slapped a hand dramatically across his heart. "I would never suggest anything of the sort. I know how attached you are to your hot angel." Thorne quirked an eyebrow devilishly.

"Well, what were you going to ask, then?" Kai grumbled, turning his blazing face down. He hadn't much thought about Cress, considering that she had a mysterious past with the girl he was fighting for. He didn't know if Cress had been a positive or negative factor in Cinder's life, which therefore made her hard to look at in any other way than a source of information.

Thorne played around with his fork before answering, "Well, you must have found out something new. Even the tiniest bit of news. I mean, unless you're hiding it from me." Thorne grinned wickedly, and Kai cursed himself mentally. "You're a terrible liar, Crown."

"Okay, fine. I just feel guilty about the whole thing." Kai rubbed his palms against his sleepless eyes. "When I went to talk with Cress, she told me that Selene—Cinder—kept a bunch of secrets." Kai paused, gauging Thorne's face. He looked almost bored, which send a stab of agitation through Kai.

"And?" Thorne pressed on impatiently.

Kai sighed. "And she told me that Cinder lied about what happened to her mom. Even her records don't have the truth; I would know. The nurses told me that Sel– Cinder's mother was put into prison when she was only six, but apparently that's not true."

Thorne motioned impatiently for Kai to continue, but Kai shrugged his shoulders. Thorne huffed. "What actually happened to her mother?"

"Well, I would know if it weren't for your incredible timing." Kai leaned forward in his seat, glaring at Thorne.

"Hey! You told me to call the second the girl woke up. You can't blame me for a job well done," said Thorne defensively.

Kai threw his body back in his seat, feeling exhausted. He was used to getting a solid eight hours of sleep, but that had gone out the window ever since the accident. It was starting to wear on him. "I know, Thorne. And thank you for being there, it meant a lot."

"It better have." Thorne folded his arms across his chest defensively. "That girl of yours is not an angel."

A chuckle escaped Kai, earning a glare from Thorne. "She's a piece of work!"

"She's not easy," Kai admitted, thinking back on his only encounter with a conscious Cinder. She was different than anyone Kai had ever met, one moment rageful and fiery, and in the next small and pitiable. It was hard for Kai to feel anything but compassion for someone who had clearly suffered much. She had fought her whole life, never leaving her enough time to feel peace or love.

There was something so terribly sad about the fact that Cinder couldn't understand why Kai would save her. She was just a girl—not a woman, but a girl—and she needed at least one person on her side. If that one person was Kai, then he would be one damn good cheerleader.

"Why was she so mad at you in the first place? What did you say to her?" Kai asked, recalling the phone call and Cinder's brief acknowledgment to Thorne's visit. "She seems to hate you even more than me."

Thorne waved his hand as if swatting a fly. "Oh, you know. Some women just can't take no for an answer is all."

"Carswell, please tell me you did not flirt with her the second she woke up. She nearly burned to death!" Kai exclaimed, imagining all of the terrible puns and flirtatious jokes Thorne could have made.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad." Thorne rolled his eyes. "I was perfectly pleasant as always."

"No wonder she hates me so much," Kai grumbled to himself. "I unleashed you on her, and now she's probably frightened to death! She's only nineteen, Thorne."

"And I'm only twenty-two." Thorne countered.

Kai put his head in his hands, his face flushing with embarrassment and... was that jealousy? How could Kai be jealous that Thorne had tormented a girl with his flirtations, or was it the fact that Thorne was able to flirt with her?

Thorne seemed to read Kai's face like a book. He leaned forward teasingly, his voice sing-songy. "Ooh, is Kaito jealous? But of what, may I wonder?" Thorne rested his cheek in his hand, looking like a gossiping school-girl. Kai had hardly ever wanted to hit him more.

"Not jealous." Kai got out through his teeth. "I just don't want you messing with her. She's been through enough."

"Sure, sure." Thorne tossed the words around teasingly. "Anyway, she's not my type. I've always had a thing for gingers. Those devil's wenches. I was thinking about asking out the other nurse."

Kai ignored this, knowing as well as anything that Thorne preferred blondes. Thorne had only ever been out with one redhead, and that date had not been his best.

"I just don't know what to do," Kai whined, getting back on track. Whenever Thorne was involved in a conversation things always got out of hand.

"Go talk to her. She's had a night to think things through and realize that she was rude and irrational. Appeal to your gentler side; women like that."

Kai wrinkled his nose, deciding that was enough advice for one day. It was true that Cinder had been given plenty of time to think things over and decide how she felt. It was unfair of Kai to shove so much information on her all at once. He would be slower, more patient and gentle this time.

"Thanks, Thorne," Kai said, standing from his seat and sliding his body into his coat.

"Anything for my brotha," Thorne winked, throwing out a fist.

Kai bumped Thorne's fist with his own, twisting it and then spinning his fingers before he walked away and out of the café.

***

"How are you doing today, Cinder?" A nurse with vibrant blue braids practically skipped into the room, carrying a tray with milk, chocolate pudding and something that resembled oatmeal. Cinder tried not to wrinkle her nose. At least this nurse had called her by her preferred name.

The first nurse that Cinder had met had been curvy and dark-haired. She had called Cinder 'Selene' so many times that Cinder had yelled for her to stop. The second nurse hadn't spoken at all to Cinder, except to ask her the rudimentary questions, though that may have been the night-shift speaking.

"Fine." Cinder commented, not in the mood for conversation. There was a TV going on in the background, but Cinder had only glanced at it for a few seconds before growing bored. She would much rather be reading a book. Those at least didn't make her eyes burn and head throb.

The room was plainly furnished, with the bed in the center of the room, the said TV across from the bed, and a small plastic chair beside the bed for visitors.

"I brought your breakfast, and your medicine. Now that you're awake, we want to start you on oral medication and ween you off your IV so you can go home." The nurse placed the tray on the over-bed table. "I'm Iko, by the way."

Cinder ignore the last part. "Wasn't I in a medically induced coma? Why didn't they just keep me awake and give me my medication like a normal person?" Cinder questioned, her words tinged with agitation.

"It's part of the treatment," Iko said, her voice cool but firm. She was not a woman to be messed with. "People heal better while sleeping, and this particular treatment can be tricky."

Iko moved around the bed to shift Cinder into an upright position. She fluffed the pillows, and smoothed down the blankets in an affectionate fashion. Cinder almost felt guilty for being so bitter toward such a kind person.

There was something reassuring about Iko's presence. Cinder relaxed her shoulders, not realizing how tense she had been. She had been putting up a mask for so many years; it was nice to let it down, even for a second.

"Take these," Iko handed Cinder a small cup with an assortment of colored pills. Cinder put them all in her mouth at once, washing them down with a chug of milk that made Cinder almost gag. She had never been fond of dairy products, but she didn't want to be a snob.

The nurse seemed to dance around Cinder's bed, fixing monitors and IV bags, changing the lighting, turning the volume down on the TV. She appeared to know exactly what Cinder needed the most to make her comfortable. It was an odd sensation, to be cared for. Cinder hadn't experienced anything of the sort in too many years.

After seeming to finish with her practicality, Iko settled down in the plastic chair next to Cinder's bed. She clasped her hands daintily in her lap and smiled at Cinder. Only then did Cinder begin to marvel at the ageless quality Iko possessed. Her dark skin was clear and unblemished, her golden eyes bright, yet wise, and her blue braids gave her spunk.

"So," Iko smiled teasingly. "You seem to have a couple of male admirers. I hope that I'm not stepping the line when I ask you which one would happen to be your lover."

That took Cinder aback. Her shoulders tensed, and while normally she would have been agitated, or even mad with such an assumption, all Cinder could manage was a laugh. And laugh she did; big, ugly, loud laughing that shook the bed and caused the heart monitor to race.

Iko stared at Cinder in astonishment, and looked nearly appalled when Cinder began to cough and choke. She stood from her seat, placing a hand over Cinder's chest and muttering about smoke inhalation.

"You thought–" Cinder coughed, unable to control her laughter, "–that I was–" A wheezing began at the back of Cinder's throat. "–with one of those stupid–"

"Hey, hey," Iko was practically yelling at Cinder. "Stop with that, or you'll stop breathing soon enough. Hey!" Iko grabbed Cinder by the shoulders, trying to calm her.

Cinder stopped laughing, though it was gradual. She coughed once more before regaining her composure and staring at her befuddled nurse. "I'm okay." Cinder wiped at her eyes, though no tears had escaped. That was odd.

"I'm sorry," Cinder whispered, her voice hoarse. "It's just, I've never met either of those men before. I only know Kai because he saved me and I'm guessing Thorne is the guy that dared him to do it."

Iko softened and looked as if she were about to say something, but someone else, hidden in the shadows, spoke before she could.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I would like to speak with Miss Linh."

#when earth turns to ashes #wetta #a burning world #marissa meyer #tlc #the lunar chronicles #lunar chronicles #tlc fanfiction #kaider fanfiction #linh cinder #selene blackburn #prince kai #emperor kai #carswell thorne #cress darnel #iko #salt warrior stories

7 notes · View notes

miss-choco-chips · 5 years ago

Text

Brother

The journey from Vodka Aunt to Wine Mom starts with Scottish coffee.

Or, Nicole totally thought this through, shut up Janet.

----.----

Nicole had believed -she had believed it would be… not easy, but easier than it had been, for Janet. She had been blindsided, after all, and completely out of her depth. Nicole, as she was now, had a good amount of practice under her belt- almost thirteen years of it. She shouldn’t be as clumsy about this as Jan had been, those first few weeks of Tim’s life.

In any other world, she would have been indifferent to the wounds, the verbal abuse, the disdain and blatant use of an innocent and manipulable mind. But here, now, she had been an aunt- a godmother, for almost thirteen years. Maybe it was Timmy’s kindness, absorbed into her bones via osmosis, maybe it was the maternal instinct Janet sometimes complained took over her life at irregular intervals to make her a better mother, maybe it was because he reminded her so much of her godson… but she just couldn’t stand it.

So she gathered her resources, called in a couple favors, took the child and disappeared into the night. That part was easy; Talia might be stronger, physically speaking, but Nicole’s mind could moon-walk circles around hers all day long.

But, what now? Back in Gotham as per her plan, where Talia couldn’t just waltz in and do as she wished without an angry bat breathing down her neck, but totally fucking lost as to what her next steps should be.

So she goes to Janet. If years of friendship aren’t enough to get her to help, she could always remind her of how it was thanks to Nicole’s contacts that she got Shiva as Tim’s self-defense teacher.

The bitch owes her.

----.----

Tim isn’t worried, exactly, when aunt Nicole power-walks into the tea room where mother and son are having breakfast -much more cozy than the dining room- and smiles tersely, asking if she could have a word with Janet.

He is, though, when she asks him to leave the room. Because never before has Nicole cared that Tim heard what she talked with mom, be it a complain about some mutual acquaintance or some confidential information from one of her cases.

He leaves, of course, because he respects her enough, but sends one not-actually-scared -but-close-enough look at his mother on the way out.

The second the door is closed, he can hear Nicole blurting something out, and the deafening sound of a teacup crashing into the floor. He rushes his steps, stopping by his room to grab his camera before going outside. He doesn’t want to be there for the fall out, if mom’s initial reaction was to lose her grip on her cup. Maybe he should call uncle Lex, get a little vacation outside the city (and line of fire).

He’s entertaining the thoughts of asking for a lift via Lex Corp special jet towards Paris vs Japan, when he sees the kid sitting under his favorite tree.

He approaches, curious and tentative, and the kid looks up to him when he gets within arm distance (doesn’t look surprised, like he knew Tim was there all along). The moment he sees him clearly, though, Tim freezes.

The shape of his eyes. The color of his hair. The ears, the contorn of the face, the scowl. His skin might be tanner, and his irises a different tint, but he looks at the kid for less than a second and knows, without a doubt, that he’s looking at Bruce Wayne’s son.

His heart might have stopped, but the mind is a wonderful thing that never stops working, and the next order of business is figuring out who the mother is. He remembers Nicole’s tight face, her venomous green eyes almost equal to this kid’s, and… Yeah, okay, so this is also Talia Al Ghul’s spawn. What the hell was Bruce thinking? Does Dick know? Does Bruce know?

-Stop looking at me like a buffon, or I’ll have your eyes removed -speaks up the kid, and Tim’s mind reminds him that, yeah, he isn’t looking at a picture, but a real, breathing human being. A six-or-seven year old being, despite his speech.

Manners kicking to the forefront of his head, he crouches down in front of the kid, camera dangling from his neck, all but forgotten by its owner for maybe the first time ever.

-Hey there. My name is Timothy Drake -he smiles, hand offered with kindness, but eyes sharp as he keeps on inspecting the face in front of his. That, and his name, seems to immediately change the kid’s opinion of him, because his eyes widen and he’s quick to return the greeting.

Aunt Nicole must have said something to him about Tim and his special position as Janet Drake’s son, because when the kid shakes his hand (calloused, with more than one scar, probably more used at handling a weapon than Tim is going to be at the end of his life), he’s being almost comically careful about it, as if he’s unsure about how much to squeeze or shake without hurting him. Nicole probably stressed into him about Tim being delicate and how he should handle him with care, which, bullshit, he’s not a baby anymore, not like this kid.

-I see. I’ve heard about you a lot from Aunt during my travels here. My name is Ibn al Xu’ffasch.

Tim blinks twice, smile firmly in place, hand holding lightly into the kid’s. There’s something ridiculous about Bruce’s kid literally being called ‘Son of the bat’.

-...my other name is Damian, Damian Al Ghul.

-I see. Which one do you prefer?

This seems to baffle the kid, though he recovers quickly. Has anyone ever asked him for his preference on something as personal as his name?- You may address me as Damian.

-Okay then, Damian. I was going to go around the property for a walk, take some picture of animals. Why don’t you come with me? You can also tell me a little about yourself. With Nicole as your Aunt, we are sure to meet often.

----.----

-So you just… took the kid and ran.

-No, I had a well thought plan. And I didn’t ran. That’s undignified.

-Really, now.

-I couldn’t just leave him, Jan. He’s six.

-He’s a genetically engineered baby trained since birth by your psychotic sister in how to be a perfect killing machine. Excuse me if I think he can handle himself. But whatever, what’s done is done. What are you going to do now?

-I… I kinda hoped you’d tell me.

-...I’ll tell the butler to prepare refreshments. This is going to be a long talk.

-Vodka?

-It’s nine in the morning, you unclassy fool. We are having Scottish coffee. Besides, you acquired a child, you can’t be the vodka aunt any longer. If anything, be the wine mom.

-No, I’m not adopting this kid. Rip to Bruce, but I’m not like him.

-Well, I’m not doing it for you either.

-I’m not asking that! I plan on giving him to his dad to look after, but he’s too…

-Murderous?

-...yeah, that. I’m going to try to ease him into normal society as much as I can before calling Wayne, to prevent a full blown out culture shock.

-This is Gotham, dear. You want normal society, go to Metropolis. But sure, I’ll help you with this. You might have to move into the Manor for a few weeks, though. Also, you are lucky Tim is on break right now, his innate kindness might help in this. But if your demonic nephew touches a single hair in Tim’s head, I’m throwing him to the sharks.

-Are you talking about reporters, the League of Assassins, or actual sharks?

-Yes.

----.----

Tim snaps a quick pic when the kid isn’t looking, because this is precious.

Damian had been a proud little prick at first, refusing to show the interest shining in his eyes towards the multiple animals Tim introduced him to. But by the time they left behind the horse (the one Lex gave him on his tenth birthday), birds and fishes on the property’s pond, and moved into Tim’s pets, he had left his facade behind and did his best to pet every animal at the same time. He couldn’t, of course, didn’t have enough hands for all two cats, the dog and the bunny, but by god he tried.

Sel, the female cat, had taken residence on the kid’s shoulders, lounging there like an Empress, judging them all from above (or as above as she could be, perched on such a small kid that was sitting down to boot). Her partner in crime and life, Alley, rubbed his head under Tim’s chin, comfortable in his human’s arms.

Then, Max, his Golden Retriever dog. He was a sweetheart, and had charmed Damian in less than a minute, greeting him with enthusiastic licks at his hands and a furiously quick tail moving side to side. Damian had been blindsided by the utter cuteness of the dog immediately falling in love with him, and had responded in kind, dedicating almost half an hour to dote on him alone.

Now, almost two hours after meeting the kid, Tim couldn’t help but snap another picture of Damian, sitting on the ground in front of Tim, one hand petting Max who had laid by his side, the other one carefully stroking Butter the Bunny’s head while he rests on his lap. Sel occasionally nudges her head against his cheek to demand for attention, that he gladly provides, and everything seems out of a Disney movie.

He knows this kid is dangerous. Because he is Nicole’s relative, because his eyes are always scanning their surroundings for threats, because his hand is the hand of a warrior.

But he looks up at Tim when Sel gives a tiny lick to his check, looking as if he’d been blessed by the Kitten Gods and needs guidance on the appropriate response, and Tim thinks he could overlook the danger. God knows everyone is afraid of Mom, and that doesn’t stop Tim from kissing her cheek and hugging her at least once per day.

This kid deserves love, too, and he always wanted a sibling.

#janet drake #Janet drake au #Janet Drake is a scary lady #Nicole Al Ghul (oc)#Tim Drake #Damian Wayne #My writing #No edit people #I'm bored and procastinating

73 notes · View notes

a-winchester-fairytale · 7 years ago

Text

Memories ~ Comforts of Home

Summary: When you lose your father, the Winchesters show up to offer support.

Dean x Reader, Sam

Warnings: Death of a parent, angst

A/N: This is a Supernatural series that I have been working on. The "Memories" are meant to provide a backstory between the reader and the Winchesters, so they will span over a few years. I did change a few things about the timeline, but I tried to stick as much as possible to the events of the show. I appreciate all feedback! Thanks a bunch!

Word Count: 2,365

Memories Master List

“Dean, look.” Sam said, solemnly putting the newspaper in front of his older brother. Dean, still exhausted from the hunt they had just finished, pushed it back towards him.

“Come on, Sammy. We haven’t even had a chance to get a good night’s sleep from this last hunt, and you have already found a new one.” He complained.

“No, Dean. It’s not a case.” Sam told him. Dean looked up, confused and took the paper in his hand. His heart sunk a little when he saw the obituary.

“Y/N didn’t say anything to you? That’s her dad, right?” Dean asked, surprised. Sam usually knew exactly what you were doing, at least he made sure to tell Dean about it every time he talked to you. Sam hadn’t let go of the fact that he thought Dean liked you, much to Dean’s dismay.

“I haven’t talked to her in a week, but we were so busy on this hunt. I assumed she was busy with a hunt on her own.” Sam confessed. He felt bad that he didn’t know, even though he knew there was no way he should.

“How long does it take to get there?” Dean asked, not looking up at him.

“8 hours. If we leave early, we will have time to make it before the service.” Sam answered with a smile. He knew his brother couldn't resist.

“Let’s go.” Dean answered. Although neither of them had met your father, Dean remembered what it felt like to lose his dad. He couldn’t imagine not being there for you after you had always been there for him and Sam.

The brothers rented a motel room for a few hours so they could shower and sleep a little before leaving for Washington DC.

You saw them standing near the tree line at the graveside service. Two tall strangers, dressed in the same suits they used for the FBI disguise. They wore sunglasses to help hide their faces, but you knew them by the way they stood. You couldn’t believe they came. After the service was over, and everyone was wandering back to their cars, they stayed back and waited for everyone to leave. You touched the arm of your father’s FBI partner, who had made it his mission to help you these last several days, and he stopped.

“I’ll be right back.” You said, and walked toward them. As you approached, Sam stepped forward and pulled you into a hug before you could object.

“I’m sorry about your dad.” He whispered. You sucked in a breath to keep from crying. You were determined to keep the floodgates closed, as you glanced back over your shoulder at the casket among the beautifully manicured graves.

“The two most wanted hunters surrounded by a hoard of FBI agents and government officials. Oh, if they only knew.” You tried to joke as Sam released you.

“Yeah, in hindsight that probably wasn’t thought out well.” Dean admitted, putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you to him, kissing your hair. You breathed for what felt like the first time in days as you leaned into his strength, grateful that even after he released the hug, he allowed his hand to remain rested on the small of your back. It made you feel grounded, taking away some of the constant nausea your nerves had created throughout the day.

“Are you guys going to be around for a while, or are you on your way to a new case?” You asked.

“We planned on just staying the night.” Sam replied.

“Good. I plan to have all of these people out of my dad’s house by six. How about you two come by at seven and help me eat all this food.” You offered. “I’ll even save you some pie.” You promised Dean.

“You got a deal.” Dean replied, that childish grin you loved on his face.

True to your word, you walked the last mourner to the door at 6:00, leaving you just enough time to take a hot relaxing bath and change into jeans and a t-shirt before the boys knocked on the front door. It was the first time you had been alone since you arrived at the hospital after your father had been shot. You fought the memories that kept trying to find their way to the surface. You were so relieved when the doorbell rang at seven, you almost ran through the house to open it.

The three of you ate dinner and told stories about recent hunts. You were so grateful to talk about something besides what had happened in the last week. It made it easier to pretend like it never happened, at least for a little while. As you were cleaning up the last of the food on the counter, wrapping a pie to put in the fridge, you realized they would be leaving soon. The idea of staying in the house alone suddenly filled you with panic.

“Why don’t you both stay here? There are plenty of extra bedrooms and it will save you some money on a hotel.” You offered.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked, not wanting to overstep or be in the way. You nodded, then realized that Dean was watching you with that same intense gaze that always made you feel like he could read your mind and you quickly turned and set the pie in the fridge.

“Thanks Y/N. That would be great. I forgot how bad Sammy snores when we have to stay in a hotel room.” Dean teased and playfully punched Sam in the arm as he took the plates to the kitchen and set them in the dishwasher.

"I don’t snore.” Sam said defensively, glaring at Dean. You couldn’t help but smile and shook your head as Dean started laughing.

“There are two rooms at the top of the stairs to the left. Just take your pick, and if you get cold or anything, there are extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet.” You said, and they went to get their bags out of the car.

“Want to watch a movie?” Sam asked you when they walked back downstairs.

“Sure, you pick something.” You answered from the kitchen, putting the last dishes in the dishwasher and starting it.

You could hear them quietly bickering over what movie to watch until Sam finally settled on a comedy. He thought it would help keep your spirits up. Sam sat in the reclining chair and Dean sat on one end of the couch, propping his feet up on the edge of the table in front of the couch. You handed each of them a beer from the fridge and sat on the other end of the couch, tucking your feet under you.

Every time you heard them laugh, you felt yourself relax and feel a little more like your normal self. Once again, you were hit with the realization that you missed being with them; that they made you happy.

The stress of the last week and a lack of sleep started catching up with you. Before the movie was even half way through, you were having a hard time staying awake. You felt Dean get up from the couch, but didn’t think anything of it until he came back with a pillow and blanket from the hall closet.

“Come on, Sweetheart. You look exhausted.” He said, leaning the pillow against his leg as he sat back down. You looked into his eyes, and instead of pity, you found understanding. Of course he would. Dean and Sam had lost both their parents and their surrogate father. You were all in the same boat at this point.

Too worn out to protest, you smiled in thanks and laid down. Dean laid the blanket over you and gently rested his hand on your side, making you feel completely safe. The last thing you remembered before drifting off was Sam glancing over at the two of you with a smirk on his face.

The next morning, you sat quietly in your old bedroom on the edge of the bed. You held a small stuffed tiger in your arms, hugging it tightly. It felt like you were trying desperately to hold on to some piece of yourself, of your childhood. You had never been good at good-byes.

“Did you sleep okay?” You heard a deep voice and practically jumped off the bed, tossing the stuffed toy behind you. Dean leaned against the doorframe, a mild grin on his face as he saw your cheeks flush.

“Better than I have in days.” You said honestly, then quickly looked away when you remembered the warmth of his hand comforting you the night before. “Where’s Sam?” You asked, changing the subject quickly.

“He went for a run.” Dean answered, rolling his eyes and slipping into the bedroom. He casually looked around, occasionally touching some little trinket on the a dresser or looking closely at a picture on the wall. It was strange to see him there, his leather jacket rustling with his movements, his scent filling the air. It almost made you feel completely naked, like he could see every personal thought you had ever had.

When he turned back to face you, for an instant you caught a look of sadness. You realized that Dean and Sam never had this as a kid. They never really had a room of their own to fill with memories and treasures. You stopped packing and watched as he sat on the edge of your bed and picked up the discarded toy you had been holding moments before.

“Tigers, huh?” he commented.

“My dad brought that home for me before he left on his first long case after my mom died. I used to think I was going to grow up and save the endangered tigers or something.” You shrugged, trying to play it off. The truth was that that toy had always made you feel close to your father when he was away. That’s why you were hugging it so tightly this morning.

You turned away, surprised that you would say that much to Dean. You went back to putting your things in boxes, although you could feel his presence still in the room.

Dean had never seen you be vocally vulnerable and he couldn’t help but think that you looked cute like that. Normally he would shy away from anything that he would consider a ‘chick flick moment’, but with you, he wanted to know everything about you; good, bad, happy, heartbreaking, all of it.

“So what now?” He asked, gesturing to the boxes.

“My dad’s partner is going to sell the house for me. This stuff will all get donated.” You answered, looking around at all the pieces of your life. Dean could hear the disappointment in your voice, even though you tried to hide it.

“All of it?” He asked, surprised. You had kept it all this time, just to get rid of it.

“I can’t carry it around in the car with me, and a storage shed is just a waste of money.” You regurgitated the same argument to him that you had been telling yourself for days. “I will miss having a home though.” You let slip out, immediately regretting it. Yes, this had always been your sanctuary when the world became too much, and knowing your dad would always protect you and love you no matter what was your own personal security net, but you certainly never intended on telling that to the hunter sitting in your bedroom.

“Stay at the bunker.” Dean said, without another thought. You were so lost in your insecurities that you almost didn’t hear him. You spun around, shocked.

“I can’t do that, Dean.” You said, looking away. You were convinced that he only felt sorry for you.

“Sure you can.” He encouraged, setting the tiger gently on the bed and standing up to walk toward you. He reached out to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. You turned slowly to face him. “You would still have your freedom to do whatever, but you would always have a place to come home to. I spent most of my life without that. I know what it is worth.” He added.

“You don’t have to do this.” You said. “Besides, what about Sam?”

“I think it would be great.” Sam told you appearing in the doorway. You hadn’t even heard him come back in the house. “Y/N, there are like a hundred rooms there.” He said, exaggerating and you saw Dean’s face change as he glanced at his little brother, obviously thinking Sam was being ridiculous.

“Seriously?” He started.

“Okay, but there is plenty of room. Besides, you are my best friend. I’d love to see you more often.” Sam admitted. You glanced between them, shocked.

“Look, Y/N. I know I don’t….WE don’t have to do this, but you are family. I want you to stay with us.” Dean said, his hypnotizing green eyes focused on you with such sincerity you thought you felt your heart swell in your chest.

“Okay.” You agreed. “Thank you.” You added, still a little embarrassed at what they had said about you.

“Good.” Sam said, reaching out to give your shoulder a squeeze. “Dean, we better get going soon. I got a call from Garth. He said he needs some help with a ghost in Pittsburg.” Sam added as he headed down the hall to the shower.

“Are you going to be okay?” Dean asked, concerned.

“I am now.” You answered, a soft smile forming on your lips.

“OK. I’m going to load up the car. Give us a call in a couple of days when you are ready to move your stuff.” He said, and started out of the room.

“Dean?” You began, not sure what the words were that you needed. He stopped and turned back to face you. “Thank you.” You added, quietly.

“Anytime….Tiger.” He said, smiling. He winked at you and then walked back down the hall. You huffed a laugh and rolled your eyes. Although you wouldn’t admit it to him, you liked your new nickname.

Next...

#dean winchester #dean x reader #Sam Winchester #saying goodbye #family #series #memories #supernatural #fanfic #reader fanfiction

28 notes · View notes

that-sokovian-bastard · 7 years ago

Text

Mortal Immortal (3/31) - August 3 - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1262 Pairing: Avengers x (f)Reader Characters: Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Pietro Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Thor Warnings: dudes there was probably swearing Chapter Summary: Saying goodbye again to Steve and Sam makes for a tiring breakfast. Now it's Wanda's turn for some training. That is, until, FRIDAY calls everyone to the lab with an urgent announcement. Author's Note: it's getting more action-y!!!

Mortal Immortal Masterlist / Full Masterlist

Ao3 / Wattpad Links

---

Thursday's were the days that gave you hope about getting through the week, but also a day that made everything drag on because it wasn't the weekend yet. Yes, a superhero's job never stops, but you also work hand-in-hand with the government many months out of the year thanks to your powers. They trust you and you are the most powerful on the Avengers, so it is your job to create reports and report problems that could be going on, and the days off from that are the weekends.

But trudging out of the living room, from the previous movie night, in your best and most stylish pajamas and unbrushed hair, you met part of your team in the kitchen for breakfast. "Morning my most favorite people ever- and Sam," You smiled as you walked to the cupboard, receiving a joking punch from Sam when he went past you. "Love you," You whispered.

Looking to the group gathered around the table, you could tell Natasha slept terribly and Steve regretted not getting a good few hours of sleep in his own bed. Sam looked refreshed and happy that he was the one who took care of himself, and the twins and Vision were nowhere to be found. You grabbed the cereal you like and started preparing your food. "So, what's the mission?" You asked, quietly, hoping they would actually tell you.

Steve laughed. "Good try, (Y/N), but I've known you for far too long to let anything slip. It's confidential anyway, Natasha doesn't even know."

Natasha's head snapped up when she heard her name and looked with tired eyes. "I tried, he won't tell me anything," She sighed, standing up to grab a cup.

Breakfast went by quickly with barely any commentary from the group because of the tiredness. Your blinks were becoming longer and you desperately needed a nap, but you were forcing yourself to stay awake to send off Sam and Steve. After they finished eating, Steve came up behind you and patted your shoulders. "I'll be back in a few days, okay? Don't die without me!" Steve smiled and walked out with Sam, waving goodbye to you through the window.

The pair walked down to the quinjet hanger, meeting Tony and the agents to be ready for departure. Tony looked concerned, and there was no hiding it. "What's that look for?" Steve asked with a small laugh as he approached Tony.

Tony sighed and crossed his arms. "Are you sure you two want to go? I can just send some SHIELD agents to-"

"You know Steve is going to say no," Sam rolled his eyes. "Plus, we should really go, don't you want us out of your hair for a while?"

"We have to go," Steve deadpanned, not allowing Tony to get a word in. "We have a lead, and I am going to follow it. I'm not letting it get away this time. Keep the SHIELD agents here, Sam and I can handle this mission alone," Steve told him.

Tony's arms dropped to his side and he shook his head. "So be it, call if you need anything. Or find anything, for that matter," He said, watching the two board the quinjet and ensuring their gear was already on board. Steve quickly took off and they were headed to where the lead for their mission was from, leaving Tony hoping they made the right decision about this mission. "Well," He sighed to himself as the agents cleaned the hanger, "Guess I'll get back to my day job."

---

Wanda knew a lot about her powers. She didn't necessarily have more powers than Pietro, just insanely different. While Pietro has speed, and she has the power of "telekinesis plus," it seems like Pietro got the short end of the stick. However, while Wanda may have different things she can do involving actual telekinesis and causing nightmares, Pietro has different functions for his running.

But today you were focusing on helping Wanda control her powers. Things can get out of hand if she is overwhelmed or not totally sure what she is doing, and you are making it a point that she learns to better control her powers. You know how that is, though, it can be very difficult to control something so powerful and big. But that's why you would be the best to help, you understand the hardships of controlling impossible power. You learned to control your reactive evolution powers after years, but with all that you know now, you could help Wanda much quicker.

"I know you know how to move things, that's the easiest part of your powers," You started, "But we need to make sure your powers don't go overboard. Without extreme concentration and focus, all that energy contained from your telekinesis could combust and explode, causing more harm than help," You explained to her. Wanda nodded as you talked, explaining ways to work on focusing and understand all of her power.

You instructed her to do a lot of tests to help both you and her understand what needed work. She listened to everything you had to say and tried her hardest but lost all concentration when FRIDAY chimed in on every speaker in the facility to alert everyone to come to the lab. And the code for "a big problem" followed, so you and Wanda rushed as fast as you two could.

"What's going on?" Natasha called. "I was in the middle of-"

"We've been hacked," Tony sighed and looked to Bruce, who was helping him. "All of it. Everyone. Someone has all of our information, all of our connections, our research, and codes. It's like what Ultron did, hacking and locking us out, but we aren't locked out- at least not yet."

Bruce walked over to Tony's computer. "They have the power to delete everything, see everything, and lock us out, though," Bruce chimed in. "And we don't even know who the source is."

"Not of this Earth, I assume," Thor boomed. "It seems I will not be returning to Asgard until we get to the bottom of this, correct?"

Bruce shrugged. "You can do whatever you want, but if this is something bigger than just a small hacker, we may need you to stick around."

"How do we tell who it is-" Wanda was cut off by a loud screech coming from all the screens in the lab.

"Nice to formally meet you, Avengers, I am Silver Shadow," You looked where the deep voice was coming from. The screen only showed a dark, hooded figure with a hint of silver on the outfit. "I'm unlike anything you've ever seen. I'm not the puny god with a self-destructive army, I'm not a robot with a self-destruct button, and I'm not an actor paid to pretend to be a self-destructor," He spoke. "I'm a hacker, who now, thanks to the immortal, has access to a large part of the government and the biggest protectors of the world. We should save the rest for a later time," You could practically hear this smirk. "I'll see you all around," He finished quickly and all the computers shut off, unable to be turned back on.

The Avengers looked around to each other. "Bruce and I will try to...hack back in..." Tony sighed.

"I'll try to contact Steve and Sam," Natasha added.

"I have to call my connections and let them know what's going on," You groaned at the situation and turned to the other's who hadn't signed up for anything. "Make sure you're geared and ready."

@heyitskatrina @marvel-at-bucky @majbritsr @usualblogforanunsualblogger @chloesegalle003 @221bshrlocked @this-is-moonfairy @wildberry1 @latrombone @fandomtime-123 @the-trashiest-potato @the-scarlet-letter @winterssoldierrs @bands-we-love-you-sel @chrys-1029 @iamtheonewhocares @thatweirdreadergirl @jaderz-mega-yikes @mehrmonga @xcastawayherosx @lexbugz @allertonn@erinella2656 @supernatural-36 @bugalouie @marrvelle @captain-purpledino@erinella2656 @lovingmytelevision @pinetree111 @feelmyroarrrr@cheyennethefangirl @lovemesometimhortons @artisticgamer @messybl0g@stormyfandoms @darkangel1423 @eternalanxious @protontippens@sweetdee198 @yellow-cucumber2 @avengemenugget @umwhatandrea@thesaraaaaahpfan @illuminatithreat3 @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @theboredwriter13 @raindancer2004 @chloesegalle003 @gryffinclaw-marauder @beefybuffybucky

101 notes · View notes

thi5mu5tb3th3pl4ce · 6 years ago

Text

🍌5.04 beware of a lil sadness

I could feel my eyes glistening as I read your descriptions of the films you just watched. I would have enjoyed watching every minute of both films, even more so with you beside me. I’m really glad you enjoyed them and were able to pick up great insights. I definitely agree on what you said about Filipinos vs. Filipino-Americans—there is, also figuratively, a world of difference. I was reminded of the problem I had with “Crazy Rich Asians”. The portrayal of Asians there will always horrifyingly unrealistic, because the writer was Asian-American and no matter how much they want to fight for visibility, at the end of the day, they did not work hard enough to achieve authenticity. Probably a result of innate entitlement brought by their American half. Or maybe I’m just a hater.

This day was not great. It does not come naturally for me to speak accurately about how I feel whenever the feeling is anything sad. I am realizing now that in the past few years, I have lost the ability to allow myself to be that comfortable around people. I wanted to talk about it with you on the phone, but all I could do was tear up several times, tell you how much I missed you, and change the topic. I would be on the brink of saying something about it, but a voice in my head would go, “Don’t ruin a nice trip.” But I know you, you are always so ready to be there for me and protect me from my own irrational, anxiety-driven thoughts. Still, at least through typing this, you have the option of reading this at a better time, maybe at the end of the day when you are home and resting and not first thing in the morning.

Nothing terrible happened, I just felt like I was covered in a blanket of mild depression as I woke up. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was the mood swings brought by my period. But I know now that it is because of something deeper. Talking to you for a bit and seeing you gave me ease in that moment.

I went out for a jog because I thought it could bring my temperature down. Subconsciously, though, it may have been for a different reason. My Tita was having breakfast with my mom when I went downstairs. The last time I saw her was in 2017. She pointed out how I was much thinner back then. Although she didn’t mean it in a bad way, nor is that generally supposed to be a true insult, for some reason I found myself sprinting around the UP oval despite having a 38.2 degree fever. I hate it. Why did I let her do that to me? Why would I let anyone do that to me? It reminded me of a time a few years ago when I overheard a bunch of actors “ranking” the women in the crew, and when someone mentioned my name, one of them said “hindi talaga siya maganda, eh” and I pretended not to care. If I really didn’t care, why did I completely change my hair and start to wear more makeup soon after that day? I hate this. At the end of the day, the way I look should be the least of my problems. I don’t even know why I devoted a whole paragraph to this. Maybe it’s my super-secret, very deep insecurity (which I shared with you) of not being ____ enough. This goes beyond my appearance. I should stop worrying about that.

I realized the true reason for my sadness when we drove past the gates of the cemetery. It’s that time of the year....a year ago, I was in grief. What’s fucked up is that maybe I actually wasn’t, I was burying it deep down under a pile of work and a responsibility to be the one consoling my mother and my brother (who was my Lola’s favorite).

My Lola died first, then Nana died a few months later in July. Two mother figures I have lived with since birth died in one year, and I feel like I haven’t cried about it enough to this day.

I had a vision as a drove into the cemetery. About a year ago on the morning of my Lola’s funeral, my mom told me she couldn’t bring herself to do the eulogy. My brother can never be bothered to do anything like that. I had to do it. I did not want to fucking do it, I was not prepared. But I had to.

While everyone was preparing for the mass, I went out of the chapel (which was by the entrance of the cemetery) and walked around the entire park out of nervousness. I was walking around and pacing like an idiot. I was trying to memorize the speech I had typed in my phone in bullet points. My feet were taking me somewhere but my mind was in panic mode, trying to make sure I would be concise in whatever I had to say. I was looking down at my feet the whole time I was walking and thinking. I eventually looked up and found myself at the other end of the park, at my Lolo’s grave. My Lola was to be buried beside him there.

I walked back, gave the speech, it went okay. I was not satisfied but I was definitely glad it was over.

Just a month later, Nana went from a strong, feisty old lady to being weak and immobile. She started going in and out of the hospital, and I would be the one driving. She took care of my mom since birth, and she took care of my brother and I the same way. When my parents split up and times were hard, we didn’t need to spend on maids to take care of us and the house because we had Nana. Our family was indebted to her in ways that can be too painful to grasp now that she is gone.

She saw me through different phases of my life, especially the worst ones. She would open the gate for me at 4am, either drunk or wired. She would ask me where I had been and I would lie to her every single time.

I remember when we were asking each other those questions when you slept over one time, and one of them was “What was the saddest day of your life?” I answered my suicide attempt, but honestly, that was only second. The saddest moment of my life has yet to uncover and process fully. These memories of last year are still buried deep, and I haven’t been able to talk about any of this with any friend (except for Celest, but even with her, everything I told her was just at surface-level).

On the last day Nana came home from the hospital, we thought she would be okay. We were already somewhat relieved, as we were on our toes the past few weeks. I came over to where she was staying (just right beside our house, at her sister’s apartment). I knocked on the door and her sister answered. I told her I was gonna come by to see her before I left for work, and her sister told me not to go upstairs and just come back tomorrow because she looked tired (after work, I had plans to go to Fete with Sel). I didn’t bother insisting, I just immediately ran to work.

At Fete, an hour in to my 1/4acid trip, I got a call from my mom. Nana had died. I could have seen her for one last time that morning, but I chose not to.

I am confident that getting my heart broken in any form will never hurt as bad as this. My heart was broken, and it will always be.

I couldn’t cry during Fete. Things never process immediately for me. We left and just spent the rest of the night at our friend’s house in Antipolo. I cried like a baby when I got home, and woke up with my eyes thrice its size.

I wrote and posted an entry that night (I took it down right away).

Lost 2 moms already this year, my lola died a few months ago, and in the middle of Fete tonight I got a call that Nana was gone too. She took care of me since literally the day I was born. From every day that I was playing in her room when I was a kid, to my pissy pre-pubescent days, to my fucked up college days, to whoever the fuck I am right now. I still aint fuckin shit and she didn’t even live to see me in a nice version of myself, and a nice version of myself would have been the most proper way to say thank you to her for her literal blood, sweat and tears for me and my family. Hating yourself or obsessing over how inadequate you are isn’t an excuse to just sit there. You have to do better. It’s not for yourself anymore. It’s so you can present yourself to the people who raised you and those who love and care for you in a way that reflects how good they were to you. It’s for them. Just do better.

Most of my regrets come from my grief. I feel stuck in a limbo of grieving and feeling numb. So today, yes, it must have been the fever or the PMS, but more than either of that, it is the fact that it is only after a year that I am realizing that I am not okay.

If I knew you at the time, I’m sure I would have behaved differently. I would have allowed myself to feel because you would bug me to. Instead, I was tied to a now-irrelevant man who not only failed to help, but made everything worse.

I’m sorry for the length and the tone. All of this was basically a summary of my day—my brain getting lost in painful memories I refused to go back to, on top of other relatively trivial matters, like future unemployment and just not being satisfied with myself at all. I genuinely thought it was PMS, though. Its effects on my mood can get to horrible lengths. My suicide attempt was on the third day of my period. Not that I will kill myself, it’s just that I am at my most unstable at this time of the month. But I promise I try my hardest to make it out alive, no matter how deep I am buried in darkness.

My crewmates will be invading my house in a few hours. I guess this could be a good thing. After all, they were there for me last year more than my ex was. We shot a lot of sequences at my Lola’s house when we couldn’t find any other location. They appreciated her, and they also were able to meet Nana several times. Perhaps they are who I need to be with tonight, instead of getting drunk on my own.

I hope the beauty of being in a festival celebrating my favorite medium (*CINEMAAAAHHHH*) and the pride of seeing your music videos screen in front of an audience will lift you up from this very pensive entry. I know it will for me. I am extremely proud of you. If I were there, my eyes would be filled with stars watching your video play, and watching you watch it play.

The only thing reeling me out of my terrible memories is the present moment of being in love with you. A day will never me completely terrible for me because I have you in my life. And with that, I am a much cheesier cloth than you are.

Anna

0 notes

bawrao · 8 years ago

Text

Okay, It has come to my attention that I haven’t posted something ‘proper’ in a while. Mine, and the government agents watching the building. they sent me a lovely ‘Get well soon’ card because they’d noticed I wasn’t posting regularly. That was nice of them, and the sniper they had trained oin me didn’t fire today, which is always a plus

Anyway, this isn’t a post about the ongoing battle with our world government, but a post about eating cereal, at any point in the day, or night.

Now, I’m here to tell everyone here about eating cereal at any point of the day. You can do it. Have a bowl of cornflakes with sugar and raspberries in the morning. have a bowl of cornflakes with sugar and raspberries at lunch. have one at 12 o’clock at night, it’s all completely fine! Plus, if you’re like me, a bowl of cornflakes with sugar and raspberries is like a drug. You have it once, and then non-stop ever since, and it’s gotten to the point where I will wake up, voluntarily at 3AM and go “Oh boy! Cornflakes with sugar and raspberries time!” It’s become quite the annoyance to creebs, who has to deal with me eating it in the next room, and has taken to trying to hide the cornflakes. Silly Creebs. Silly, Silly Creebs.

Now, to those wondering what happened to the breadsticks, I must say, I still have around 30 warehouses and misc locations of backup stashes, but recently, someoen seems to have taken to trying to attack these. Someone is after my breadsticks dear readers, and I fear for their lives. All lives involved. including Pedro, down the street, who sels incredibly good dolls, and I’m 101% sure is one of Oleg’s many disguises. that crafty russian salesman will try ANYTHING to sell you something. something no one knows, is that actually, all people working in retail or sellign anything, are actually Oleg in disguise. I don’t even know that, now do I?

What was I saying? Of course, cereal. Now, you must understand, cereal is a very very important part of life. anyone who says otherwise are trying to sell you something. The thing about cereal, is that it keeps you in energy for the rest of the day, and with a good helping of cereal, whether you have some with or without milk, you’re always good with cereal. remember that. Personally, I’d recommend: - Corn flakes - Special K - Kellogs cereal in general - Corn flakes - A large helping of any grain product, be it oats or a big bowl of barley.

Anyway, that’s it from me friends, I’m going to go back to refilling my bowl for the 15th time today, have fun!

1 note · View note

innybby-blog · 8 years ago

Text

dead dead dead

fare knew that selector’s mother had been through worse than this, knew that she had had cancer and come out on top (she didn’t know the specifics, wasn’t aware of the price tama paid) so fare knew that she it in her to fight this. the question was whether or not she wanted to. did she want to eat and regain her strength? did she want to get rest? did she even want to get better? she wasn’t sure anymore.

the sickness had been progressing fast this time, not like last time back in the other windclan: a racking cough that shook her whole being, her bones were protruding as she rapidly lost weight, she was constantly switching between hot and cold, and she was almost never able to fall asleep and stay asleep. it was tearing her apart piece by piece, ripping her up from the inside, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. after all, she was only able to sit and watch, because she knew the outcome: death. it would be a slow descent into agony, and then when she couldn’t take it anymore, she would take her own life.

she had known she was getting sick a couple days prior to when it had struck her down and rendered her unable to leave her bed. it had come out in her mood, in the way she handled things and spoke, how she reacted to situations with such violent rage. she took on a more dangerous aura, more predator-like. that had always been the first sign of this disease, so she had holed herself up in her cabin to avoid hurting anyone. it wasn’t contagious but she was worried about how her clanmates would take it: seeing their normally optimistic and kind leader reduced to a pile of bones that snarled at any moving object.

all this just meant that she’d had more than enough time to worry about everyone. concern dripped from every pore, making her shudder.

the first one her thoughts gravitated to was ruben. how was he holding up out there, outside these four walls? was he okay? she always seemed to be fretting over him in some part of her mind, whether it be the forefront or some corner. he seemed so sad and lonely and lost and like he just kept it all inside to where no one could see. she thought that she could maybe help him, if the circumstances were different. maybe in a different lifetime, she could have been his mother and raised him to be a light and be brave and to love because love was the most important thing. fare’s own mother had taught her that and sel’s mom had drilled it into the young canine. fare just wished she could impart some of her hope and strength to him. she wished he saw how amazing he truly was. she wasn’t really angry at him for not being around, she just expected more from someone who had been on a pedestal in her mind. “you’re so brave, ruben. i wish i could be like you.”

leo. they were a quiet individual most of the time, but fare would trust them with her life. she… she just hoped that they trusted her. she hadn’t put them in the advisor position because she wanted to, she had put them there because she knew they would give insightful input and help the clan. and now, they were a dawnchaser, an even bigger responsibility. fare hoped they could handle it, she hoped she hadn’t just put too much onto their shoulders. she knew they worried a lot, and she didn’t want that. she just hoped they forgave her for leaving circ in charge while she was gone. “don’t ever give up, leo, okay? you can always do something if you put your mind to it.”

she found tears welling up in her eyes as let her brain rest on this next individual: circusclown. evergreen had told selector stories of how circ had stolen redlipstick from her, had begged tama to kill him, had led the exiles. fare just thought he was misunderstood. he must feel so afraid and lonesome all the time in order to be drinking so often. (fare knew that she got paranoid whenever she drank.) honestly, she thought he was incredibly strong-willed, ferocious, and enduring. she felt like he wanted to help others but was maybe too scared by his past mistakes to do so. but at least he had family. if nothing else, he had his family. “i-i know everyone says you’re bad, but i know you aren’t. you’re so wholly good that i’m jealous. i’m jealous that you have family here and you form relationships, and i’m just sitting in the dust, lost. i know you’ll never hear these words, but i admire you a lot. you’re the kind of person i wanted to be, once. i went to blizzardclan from time to time and you were there and i don’t care what ev says, you’re a damn good guy, circ.”

her thoughts were swirling, little sobs being wrenched from her throat every now and then as she thought on. belladonna. “belladonna, i know you and i haven’t interacted much but you’re like a daughter to me, and i’d die for you in an instant if i had to. i wish you knew that, but there’s no way i could every say it to your face. just remember to slow down and take a breather every once in a while. it helps, okay?” she murmured, ears going flat against her head. she had high hopes for the young medic in training, and if ruben didn’t step up to train her, fare herself would fill that position and make sure bella knew what to do in case of any emergency.

something about shuuya felt familiar. selector had been told many times by a reminiscent evergreen of a male named kamen, and that’s who this individual reminded her of. “you’re hiding something, i can sense it. but i think that deep down, you’re really funny and happy. you remind me of someone selector’s mother used to talk about before everything went to shit. i think you’re pretty okay, shuuya.”

twinruins was a bit of a mystery, appearing out of nowhere and gasping out a name that sounded something akin to ‘ship’ when the other had come encroaching upon shadowclan soil. he made her recall memories of when she was human, of someone curled up in the shape of a comma with a coffee mug held firmly in his hands and his lips twitching up every so often as he read a book silently. twin was something nostalgic, something beautiful and mysterious, an enigma that fare couldn’t quite piece together. “i think you’re scared, twinruins.” she stated to the air in front of her, voice quiet. she felt like a wind-tossed thing in a sea of emotions. “i’m scared too, so i can understand if you are. i think you’re scared of being alone, just like me. i think we could learn to get along, if i ever met you face to face instead of just hearing about you through the grapevine. i think we could be friends.”

with that, the girl would stay quiet for a few moments more before getting to her paws with a pained noise. she shouldered her way out of her cabin and stared up at the stars before laying back down outside. it helped to get out of her cabin, away from the smell of sickness. pretty soon, she was asleep, legs quivering every so often.

it had started out as a calm night, the wind blowing through the carnival, the lights up above all aglow, the ferris wheel spinning as the sound of laughter carried to ev’s ears. however, the atmosphere did nothing to soothe her thoughts, her soul, the anger waiting just inside her being. the wrath had been there for as long as she could remember, but she had always hidden it surprisingly well considering everything that had happened to her. it had only come to light a few times, under certain circumstances.

things had been normal for selector. she had tired of hawkclan’s slow pace, tired of feeling adrift in her own life. she had decided to go see her mother, in order to inform her of her choice to leave hawkclan. she didn’t expect to find someone who was becoming more angry by the day, someone who wanted to hurt another being if they so much as looked at her. and now sel was here, bringing her the news of this next failure and her mother spun, eyes locking on her daughter.

“so now you’re gonna be a runaway, a loser? i thought i taught you better, selector! you gonna be like winterfell and run away from me, from your home and your clan just like she did? what a way to live! things get slow and boring and so you leave? nice, you fucking idiot!” evergreen would snarl, the anger immediately coming to the surface and making sel’s mother a fearsome and dangerous thing, a beast to be reckoned with. ev no longer felt sadness, but a heat that was all too familiar. it tore through her like an explosion, busting through windows and devouring everything in an instantaneous blast.

in slow motion, she could see her paw swinging towards selector, claws extended. the noise it made when it connected with her daughter’s face was reminiscent of a crack, a branch being irreparably broken. sel felt her jaw go slack right after the impact and then pain burst forth, lightning hot and sizzling. oh god, oh god, oh god, what had she been thinking by coming here?

ev and selector reeled away from each other, sel’s mind trying to take her to another place, another time. times where she spent time climbing on roofs, back when she was reaching for the rafters, back when she had been happy, back when she watched the sun rise and the stars fade, back when she was young, back when she was happy, she was happy, she had been so happy then. she just wanted to go back. ev was pinning her ears back and curling her lips once more in a snarl.

they were each frozen for a moment, and then both leaped forward at each other, growls pouring from their throats as the muscles under their skin rippled. sel’s teeth met ev’s face, her throat at the same time as her claws ripped into ev’s side. they were two warring beasts hellbent on destroying one another. ev went for the other’s eyes, the soft underbelly of her stomach, looking to gut her like a fish. in defense, sel twisted away, leaving ragged lines in her mother’s side and tearing a sizable chunk of her cheek and neck in the process. she wasn’t fast enough, though, and a thud could be heard as she slammed into the ground, bright red blood rushing from her mutilated stomach. ”mom! mom, please, stop! i’m not like winterfell, i won’t leave you!” the girl pleaded, but she could only watch as ev crept towards her, blood dripping from her ribcage and facial features.

sel didn’t want to hurt her mother, but she did the only thing she could. she got to her feet and sprang towards evergreen, lips drawn back in a grimace of pain as she went for her mom’s back. there was a brief commotion as something vital was cleaved from ev’s body, and a grunt as the five year old hit the ground.

sel stepped back, dragging a white, feathered mass that had crimson splattered near the base where it had been attached to ev. the older canine was currently laying on the ground, breath heaving in and out of her lungs, her body shaking as rage drained out. terror replaced it, agony tagging along for the ride. she saw sel move away, drop the ivory-colored object and ev realized, with a dim sense of numbness, that it was one of her wings. one of her wings was gone, just leaving a hole where it had been, white bone sticking out from the ragged space. “look what you’ve done to me! do you see this?!” ev said, shock moving and twisting around her brain, clouding her thoughts and actions. she was no longer fierce and full of wrath, but shivering and vulnerable. sel had taken something vital, something crucial from her, and she didn’t know what to do now. so she just layed there.

ev stayed still on the dirt as her daughter stepped through the puddle of blood forming around her, stayed still as selector whispered words of sad remorse, stayed still as sel limped off without a glance back at her mom, and she stayed still as the scarlet liquid ran from her body. she had never wanted anything more in this moment than to kill her daughter for taking away her flight, her freedom.

she just wanted to be normal and this was what she got? well damn her if she was going to sit here and bleed out. she had to get help, and quickly, or else it could be bye bye evergreen. so, she struggled to her paws and made her way back towards her home. and somewhere else, selector was already far off, limping heavily back to hawkclan, calling out for shining and littlepaw and colin. she would be alright, she promised herself. she’d make it somehow.

the dream stopped abruptly, seeming to fast forward so there were three beings there instead of just one. fare whined, very softly, in the back of her throat. this wasn’t her, this wasn’t her, this wasn’t her! she wanted to wake up but it was impossible now.

of course. of course it was him who was the first to show up. it had always been him, and it always would be. “colin,” she whispered, voice cracking, her form lurching forward. it was always going to be him, for every day for the rest of her life. he was the first one she thought about when she woke and the last one she thought about when she curled up to go to sleep, the one she wished was next her to sing her to sleep and be there when nightmares woke her up. she wanted him to be there for her and comfort her and not ever leave her. she wanted…. she wanted him, and that was a strange concept for her because she had never felt this way about anyone or anything and now she did. it was messing with her head.

do you know i dream of you sometimes? a dozen images flashed through her mind as soon as her mind processed this thought, all filtered in a dream-like haziness: them curled up together just dozing, them running away from a swarm of bees that selector had knocked from a tree - it was terrifying and exhilarating and they were both smiling and breathless by the time they’d stopped being pursued -, him teaching her how to read, them collapsing on the beach after a long day and letting the water tug at their fur ever so gently. she had dreamt so much of him that it was hard to come back and see that he wasn’t like that in real life. would he ever be that way?

she hadn’t meant to disappear without saying anything but she hadn’t felt right anywhere, so she had decided to wander around. she had thought that a clean break would be best for everyone than going and saying ‘hey i’m gonna leave for a few days ok bye’. it wouldn’t have been fair to them. but oh if she had known what it had done to colin, she would have stayed. she would have stayed for him. with him.

her vision was starting to get blurry, tears coming to her eyes. here he was, his voice calling her name before his form came rushing at her, crystalline liquid spilling from his own eyes. he was being so gentle and he was putting bandaids on her as if that would help and oh goddess she was sobbing now, crying because how could he be so kind and tender? it was these actions that made her break down, leaning forward to put her face against his shoulder. “i’m so sorry, colin, i’m sorry!” she whimpered, beginning to shake.

she loved him. the realization hit her before she was ready to accept it. she wasn’t even deserving of love, so what she doing going around loving him? what was she thinking?

“i’ve got it from here, colin.”

shining’s voice thankfully broke into her thoughts and she let herself be guided onto the ground and closed her eyes as shining went to work, trying not to breathe too hard in case it messed him up. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry this happened, she just went crazy on me, i’m sorry you guys, i just…. you said ichi’s coming, right?” she murmured softly, doing her best to keep the pain out of her voice. it was gonna be okay, right? right. ichi would be here soon and she could explain everything to him and tell him she was glad he was back and hug him.

fare managed to wrench herself out of the dream and she lay there, trying to catch her breath. what was wrong with her? why was she having these dreams? maybe… no, that wasn’t possible. but still…. no. fare pushed the thought out of her mind and gulped another lungful of air, squeezing her eyes shut. she’d be okay now that she was awake, right?

0 notes

that-sokovian-bastard · 7 years ago

Text

Mortal Immortal (4/31) - August 4 - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1411 Pairing: Avengers x (f)Reader Characters: Pietro Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes Warnings: there's probably swearing, fighting Chapter Summary: After the ominous message was left the day before, it was time to meet the real deal. However, things are not as they seem. Also: Steve and Sam return! Author’s Note: i a m s o e x c i t e d

Mortal Immortal Masterlist / Full Masterlist

Ao3 / Wattpad Links

You were on alert all night. Technically, since you are immortal, you won't die from lack of sleep. Meaning, you were on guard of the lab most of the night while others got their rest or worked to get everything working again. It both benefitted and was useless- nothing struck, no fights and no more threatenings, but there was no luck getting back into the system. It was all getting too close for comfort, and you had a bad feeling that something would be upon the team before everyone was ready. So, naturally, you got them ready as soon as you felt something was off.

"What a way to end off a week," You sighed as you walked with Pietro and Wanda. "A new villain...Threatening the world...Again."

Pietro laughed and Wanda smiled. "Yeah, it's kind of getting out of hand. You'd think after so many failed attempts of taking over the world the villains would get the point that they aren't going to win," Pietro shrugged. "I mean, we even used to be like that...but switched sides. And boy, I am glad we did, because we would have lost."

Wanda felt bad. She is very powerful and every time she gets to fully use her powers, it was either for bad, or things turned out bad because of other issues. "Yeah, I know. The track record just happens to be a powerful trickster god, a supercomputer gone robot, and a bunch of smaller-" You were cut off by an explosion, all three of you jumping. "What was that?"

Running to the window, the Avengers Facility was surrounded by an army. "We need to get out there!" You shouted, running to the closest door, meeting the rest of the team outside. The army floated the ground, throwing explosives on the grass and near the base. The outfits they wore were laced with silver but also had black. "Watch out!" You shouted at Natasha and Clint who hadn't seen a bomb fall behind them. You rushed over and quickly transformed to protect the two of them. "What the hell is going on?" You asked.

Natasha pointed up. "The Silver Shadow has made his appearance," She groaned. You looked up to see a floating figure in the sky wearing a black hooded outfit, complemented by silver. All you could see of his face was a smirk in the middle of it, and his finger touching his temple.

"What are we waiting for? Let's kick some ass!" You shouted, grabbing a gun and aiming for the enemy (alien? You have no idea) closest to you. You were ready to see the enemy fall to the ground in defeat, but the bullet went straight through the enemy and it kept getting closer to you. In fact, the bullet and any punches thrown had not affected any of them and they were still fighting, getting closer, shooting and throwing explosives.

Pietro ran over to you. "What's going on? I can't land a hit and I know I've punched a lot!" Pietro expressed, breathing heavy.

You looked around in confusion, your eyes squinted, trying to figure it out. You looked at the Silver Shadow to see him still holding his temple and moving his other hand around. Then you looked back to his army; back to him, then to the army. "He's...controlling them?" You whispered. "But they're practically ghosts...but they can still hold things. We just can't touch them?" You spoke slowly, trying to work it out in your brain. "But how does he control them? And how do we stop them?"

"Wanda, can you put up a large forcefield?" Tony called as he flew over. "Maybe it will fend them off for a while!" He yelled.

"I can try," Wanda replied.

You walked closer to her. "Focus entirely on what you have to do. Let nothing distract you, focus on protecting," You told her, loud enough for her to hear but not loud enough to throw her off guard. Within a few seconds, you watched a large forcefield grow around the group and even the Avengers base. She had done it! "Yes!" You smiled, making Wanda smile. Then, everyone turned to Tony for instruction.

"What are these things?" Tony asked, standing on the ground now.

"Projections from his mind...kind of?" Your voice got higher towards the end of your sentence. "But they can still- you know, I have no idea. But he's controlling them," You decided on your ideas.

Rhodey groaned from next to Tony. "So you're telling me we have no way to fight against these alien things? We can't hit them, we can't shoot them, how do we stop them?" Rhodey exploded.

Everyone went quiet- the only thing they could hear was the explosions from the aliens/robots/ghosts destroying the ground. Then, the silence was cut off from a gasp from Wanda. "He's a hacker, right? They've got to be programmed into something he has," She started. "He keeps touching his temples, maybe it's glasses or a headband, but the aliens must be programmed in that. We just have to hack that!" Wanda said. She had no idea where this idea came from, but it sounded like a damn good plan.

"FRIDAY, let's hack into it," Tony said. He pulled out his phone and turned it sideways to project a larger screen and started typing as fast as he could, as the rest of the team waited for things to change.

"Wanda, I need you to really concentrate for me, okay?" You whispered to her and she nodded slowly. "I need to get out of the forcefield."

She didn't say anything, she trusts you, and closed her eyes in extreme concentration. Slowly but surely, a small opening appeared in the forcefield, just big enough for you to get out. With the power you have to mimic another's powers, like what you did with Pietro's speed, you stared at the villain and copied his flight. Floating up to him, you seemed to come unnoticed. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm (Y/N)!" You startled him. Honestly, you didn't really know why you were doing this. A distraction? Trying to figure things out? Either way, it would be interesting.

Silver Shadow did not jump, he simply turned his head to where you were floating. "Ah, the immortal. It's a pleasure," He nodded.

"Got it!" You heard Tony from the ground, seeing all the holographic robots disappear and the weapons retreat to the source.

You smirked. "I think we just grounded you-"

"Yes, it seems you have," He sighed. "If I were actually here."

"Wh-" You swiped your hand to punch him, but it only went straight through with nothing changing. A second later, his body glitched away and you saw an orb floating a little higher up with a projector in it- what must have been projecting his body.

"This is only the beginning, Miss Immortal," His deep voice called as the orb flew away and disappeared.

You dropped to the ground and Wanda's forcefield went away. "What is this guy's deal?" You rolled your eyes. "We need to do more research."

Thor flew in and landed hard on the ground, leaving an indent. "I could not track anything down, wait, what happened here?"

"It's a long story, Thor," Bruce sighed as he walked out of the base. "Come with me."

Thor walked with Bruce and everyone else headed inside. "I don't understand," You said as you walked with the twins. "Everything was a hologram? But how were they causing destruction...even the Silver Shadow was a hologram?" You rambled on, hearing Tony's voice in the background, but you didn't listen to it. You just kept going.

"You're back already? That was quick," Tony shook his head.

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, well, as soon as we got there we wasted no time. Tracked down the lead, got him to comply, and then got Natasha's call and he was more than happy to come back with us," Sam explained to Tony.

Steve entered the room talking to Natasha about the things they saw. "(Y/N)?" The man's voice next to them called. You turned around quickly and your jaw dropped.

"Bucky?"

All of the sudden, you could feel your bones begin to stiffen up and everything become weaker. Your hair lost its volume and your eyes were tired and heavy. Looking down at your hands, they were much paler and you could see the veins and the new found wrinkles.

Everything went black.

@heyitskatrina @marvel-at-bucky @majbritsr @usualblogforanunsualblogger @chloesegalle003@221bshrlocked @this-is-moonfairy @wildberry1 @latrombone @fandomtime-123 @the-trashiest-potato @the-scarlet-letter @winterssoldierrs @bands-we-love-you-sel @chrys-1029@iamtheonewhocares @thatweirdreadergirl@jaderz-mega-yikes @mehrmonga @xcastawayherosx@lexbugz @allertonn@erinella2656 @supernatural-36 @bugalouie @marrvelle @captain-purpledino@erinella2656 @lovingmytelevision @pinetree111 @feelmyroarrrr@cheyennethefangirl@lovemesometimhortons @artisticgamer @messybl0g@stormyfandoms @darkangel1423@eternalanxious @protontippens@sweetdee198 @yellow-cucumber2 @avengemenugget@umwhatandrea@thesaraaaaahpfan @illuminatithreat3 @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @theboredwriter13 @raindancer2004 @chloesegalle003 @gryffinclaw-marauder @beefybuffybucky

89 notes · View notes

that-sokovian-bastard · 7 years ago

Text

Mortal Immortal (9/31) - August 9 - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1202 Pairing: Avengers x (f)Reader Characters: Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Rhodey, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Thor Odinson, Loki Laufeyson, Peter Parker (peter makes an entrance!!!), Natasha Romanoff, ok just all of them tbh Warnings: there's probably swearing. Fighting. Ya know, the norm. Chapter Summary: The Silver Shadow returns and he is shadier than ever. You are the guy in the chair now. Taking place much later at night, things get a little more intense as the time nears midnight. Author’s Note: OHH OH OH SHIT you heard me. it's getting reallllll intense. This takes place in like all of an hour, so, it ends kinda cool! I was super proud of this chapter. #The Silver Shadow Likes To Play Gamessss

Mortal Immortal Masterlist / Full Masterlist

Ao3 / Wattpad Links

By now, the Avengers were used to the Silver Shadow attacking during the day. He seemed to have everything under his control during the day- so being woken up in the middle of the night, nearing midnight, was unexpected. Everyone was tired and not prepared for this fight. You watched as they all rushed into their suits then ran outside. You even noticed that Loki made it to Earth just in time to join the fight.

Being one person down, they were happy to have Loki help. However, you did not want to feel useless. So, instead of hiding away in your room and watching from a window, you got to Tony's lab to help. Luckily, earlier in the day Tony and Bruce were able to get back into the computer systems. They saved as much as they could on alternate hard drives before they got locked out again, and upped the difficulty for the code (which was almost not possible). You put one of the comms in your ear and clicked on the cameras for outside the base. The cameras, luckily, have night filters, so you could see anything and everything easily.

You watched as everyone was having a hard time seeing what was going on. It was easy for Tony and Rhodey to see, obviously, but it was pretty dark for the others. Especially when they tried to turn on the lights around the base, the Silver Shadow shot the electricity out of his hands and overloaded the outside lights, burning them all out. Making the Avengers stuck in the dark.

"Okay, Tony, the holograms are back again. This time, don't hack them," You directed as you monitored the fight. "Wanda, bubble everyone while we figure this out."

"You don't want me to hack the holograms? They'll just destroy everything!" Tony yelled as Wanda bubbled her team.

You sighed, unsure how to explain it. "Last time you went face to face with him, he told you there's a reason why his holograms are easy to hack. Maybe it was giving him more power, or to see how you work- we can't risk it again. Last time, need I remind you, all of you got knocked out from him!" You said.

Tony nodded, but everyone still looked confused as ever. "Why, isn't it the Midgardian loving God?" The Silver Shadow boomed, looking straight at Loki. "Good to see you! Finally where you belong, with the other Earth-lovers," The villain shouted, taunting Loki.

"Oh, I can't wait to see you groveling for your life," Loki grumbled, staring so intently you were sure he would burn a hole in his enemy's forehead.

"(Y/N)," Steve called, "Wanda can't hold a bubble this big the entire time. But we can't hack the holograms? What do you suggest we do, then?" Steve asked.

You rolled your eyes lightly and your shaky hands started typing at some code. "I-I don't know...just yet..." You sighed, then gave up. "Disable the holograms." Tony got to work as soon as you said that.

"So, where is the immortal? I haven't seen her around lately!" The Silver Shadow egged on. "Oh, would you look at that, my holograms are gone...yet again. It sure is a shame that you're all here, worrying about me and my easily hackable bots defending your base, while the only person defending the rest of New York City is the Spider-Man. You all must be off your game with a night encounter, as all of you are here and no one is monitoring what could be going on in a different part-"

"(Y/N)?" Tony mumbled.

"On it," You told him and typed in the computer, looking for any news reports. You also called Peter Parker, as he probably knows what's going on. The computers were lagging out again, and luckily Peter picked up.

Between grunting and gunfire, you assumed bad things were happening. "(Y/N)! Glad you called! I could really use some help, there are a bunch of robot things, but I can't hit them?" Peter screamed, hurting your ear. "I have figured out that they are affected by the stuff in my webs. It makes them deteriorate!" Peter told you. "That's the only way I can stop them, if I encase them in a web."

"You found a way to kill them?" You almost fell out of your chair. "Hold on for just a little longer, I'm going to track your location and have the team right on their way- okay?"

Peter groaned a bit, he was probably hit by one of the weapons. "Sounds great!"

You turned back to the Avengers and watched as they stood around, not sure what to do. "Guys, Peter found a way to kill the holograms. He's also being attacked by an army of unhackable holograms, so I'm sending his location for you guys to follow. I really recommend getting some of his web fluid though, as it seems to be our only hope of killing those things-"

"(Y/N)," Sam cut you off. "You're rambling. Calm down, we got this."

"I'm going to go grab some of the stuff Parker is using for his webs, then I'll be on my way. The rest of you can head there," Tony directed. Pietro picked up Wanda and ran, Rhodey flew off, Sam grabbed Steve and flew, Vision held Natasha. Thor grabbed Loki and Bucky, somehow with the ability to hold both of them. Everyone was out of the Avengers base in a matter of seconds. Well, except for Clint, he was waiting for Tony.

"Hey, please be careful," You called to Clint when he ran past where you were inside the base, trying to get to Tony.

Clint nodded. "Same to you. Don't go out and try to fight someone, you know it'll only end badly," He reminded you, poking your forehead lightly.

You playfully rolled your eyes. "Sure thing, dad."

"I'm serious, (Y/N). Your health, somehow, is just like how it used to be. We can't risk it getting any worse- we don't know what we would do without you!" Clint started to get more worried, worried that you weren't taking this seriously. "Promise me you will stay in here."

"Clint-"

"Promise me."

11:56 PM

You sighed and looked at your feet for a second, then looking back up at Clint. "I promise."

Tony appeared outside the room the two of you were in. "Coming, Legolas?"

11:57 PM

Clint looked back and nodded. "Yeah," He said, and turned to you. "I'm serious, (Y/N)," Clint reminded before running out of the room.

You listened as Tony took off with Clint, eyes closed, and sat back in your chair before opening your eyes again. You were facing a window, and when you opened your eyes, you were met by a blue face and a glass eye.

11:58 PM

"Oh, so nice to see you again, (Y/N). What happened to you? You were so young," The Silver Shadow teased.

When you tried to reach for the computer, the villain shot enough electricity to make it through the open window and have it break the connection. "Nice try, but I think we should talk," He smirked.

11:59 PM

It's going to be a long day.

@heyitskatrina @marvel-at-bucky@majbritsr@usualblogforanunsualblogger@chloesegalle003@221bshrlocked @this-is-moonfairy @wildberry1 @latrombone @fandomtime-123 @the-trashiest-potato @the-scarlet-letter@winterssoldierrs@bands-we-love-you-sel @chrys-1029@iamtheonewhocares @thatweirdreadergirl@jaderz-mega-yikes@mehrmonga@xcastawayherosx@lexbugz@allertonn@erinella2656 @supernatural-36@bugalouie@marrvelle@captain-purpledino@erinella2656@lovingmytelevision@pinetree111@feelmyroarrrr@cheyennethefangirl@lovemesometimhortons@artisticgamer@messybl0g@stormyfandoms@darkangel1423@eternalanxious@protontippens@sweetdee198@yellow-cucumber2@avengemenugget@umwhatandrea@thesaraaaaahpfan@illuminatithreat3@harleyquinnandscarletwitch @theboredwriter13 @raindancer2004@chloesegalle003 @gryffinclaw-marauder @beefybuffybucky

46 notes · View notes

innybby-blog · 8 years ago

Text

a oneshot??

all this just meant that she’d had more than enough time to worry about everyone. concern dripped from every pore, making her shudder.

"so now you’re gonna be a runaway, a loser? i thought i taught you better, selector! you gonna be like winterfell and run away from me, from your home and your clan just like she did? what a way to live! things get slow and boring and so you leave? nice, you fucking idiot!" evergreen would snarl, the anger immediately coming to the surface and making sel’s mother a fearsome and dangerous thing, a beast to be reckoned with. ev no longer felt sadness, but a heat that was all too familiar. it tore through her like an explosion, busting through windows and devouring everything in an instantaneous blast.

of course. of course it was him who was the first to show up. it had always been him, and it always would be. "colin," she whispered, voice cracking, her form lurching forward. it was always going to be him, for every day for the rest of her life. he was the first one she thought about when she woke and the last one she thought about when she curled up to go to sleep, the one she wished was next her to sing her to sleep and be there when nightmares woke her up. she wanted him to be there for her and comfort her and not ever leave her. she wanted.... she wanted him, and that was a strange concept for her because she had never felt this way about anyone or anything and now she did. it was messing with her head.

do you know i dream of you sometimes? a dozen images flashed through her mind as soon as her mind processed this thought, all filtered in a dream-like haziness: them curled up together just dozing, them running away from a swarm of bees that selector had knocked from a tree - it was terrifying and exhilarating and they were both smiling and breathless by the time they'd stopped being pursued -, him teaching her how to read, them collapsing on the beach after a long day and letting the water tug at their fur ever so gently. she had dreamt so much of him that it was hard to come back and see that he wasn’t like that in real life. would he ever be that way?

her vision was starting to get blurry, tears coming to her eyes. here he was, his voice calling her name before his form came rushing at her, crystalline liquid spilling from his own eyes. he was being so gentle and he was putting bandaids on her as if that would help and oh goddess she was sobbing now, crying because how could he be so kind and tender? it was these actions that made her break down, leaning forward to put her face against his shoulder. "i’m so sorry, colin, i’m sorry!" she whimpered, beginning to shake.

she loved him. the realization hit her before she was ready to accept it. she wasn’t even deserving of love, so what she doing going around loving him? what was she thinking?

"i've got it from here, colin."

shining’s voice thankfully broke into her thoughts and she let herself be guided onto the ground and closed her eyes as shining went to work, trying not to breathe too hard in case it messed him up. "i’m sorry, i’m sorry this happened, she just went crazy on me, i’m sorry you guys, i just…. you said ichi’s coming, right?” she murmured softly, doing her best to keep the pain out of her voice. it was gonna be okay, right? right. ichi would be here soon and she could explain everything to him and tell him she was glad he was back and hug him.

0 notes