#genuinely thought i'd be kinda posting into the void here

[goryglass]

WAH thank you all for 50 followers already I honestly didn't expect to uuuuuuuuh gain followers terribly quickly over here but I APPWCIATE IT....

[luckstergal]

Yandere Elliott Mod is funny as hell (to me)

Disclaimer: None of this is meant to be taken seriously, this is me rambling into the void and to my friends.

I cannot believe I'm reviewing a mod, lol. Is it a review? I don't know anymore, just giving my take on it.

It's been like 2 weeks since I gave the Yandere Elliott mod a try and honestly I find it more unintentionally hilarious than off-putting in most places.

I felt that some of the moments could be interpreted as genuinely wholesome and sweet if you isolated them (but that's just how context works in a nutshell I suppose. Look, I genuinely thought the insomnia scene and the post-moonlight-jellies scene with adorable, alright?).

The fact that I have to go out of my way to play very different than I ever would have certainly modifies my overall perspective. If I played normally, the only really unsettling thing would be his unhinged letters. Well, one in particular at least. Most of the letters were campy and funny, knowing how melodramatic this character is naturally. Only 1 letter made me and 2 other people I showed it to go "Oh GOD". Everything else? Unintentionally hilarious, or wholesome if you take the obsession letters out. His stalker-schedule was funny as hell. What do I mean by that? How is the "stalker schedule" funny? The mod alters his schedule after 1 heart, so he'll periodically go spy on you on the farm. This was scary only twice for me because I didn't expect it, and there was a long gap between the first time and the second time. Once summer hit, however, it got funny. He was showing up every single day at 6:30 on the dot, except for Friday and Sunday. He was so punctual that I'd look at the clock, see he's about to show up, and prepare myself for my daily convo with him/gift giving if it's Monday and Tuesday. Man was so consistent it was hilarious.

Even better: when he's standing there for so long, his pathfinding kinda... glitches? He'll act like there's something in front of him preventing his movement (like when a player character standing in an NPC's pathing) and suddenly just... book it across the map into the void. Practically died laughing (though I did freak out the first time it happened because I thought "WAIT THIS MOD LETS HIM CHASE YOU?" only for him to run passed and into nothingness)

It actually got a bit lonely in autumn when he stopped showing up and opted to camp outside the mines instead all day. (Elli, sweetie, Ignatius is not going there most of the time because autumn 1 is a busy season for him, come back!) The fact that I have to fully romance all the other bachelors in order to activate one of the legitimately most unhinged aspects of the mod is what throws me off. I know they're fictional characters, but I've always felt icky at multi-dating personally. Just not for me. I pick one and I stick with my decision. Reading the text in the content file is one thing, but I wanted to see the event play out for myself.

After the event, it got hilarious again completely on accident.

Cue Elli not letting Ignatius leave the farm because of his jealousy. It was winter when this happened. The Obsession Cage-Loop event is designed to where Pierre will send you 50 of a random seed packet every day to make up for the fact that you cannot leave.

Crops don't grow in winter.

The mod makes up for this fact by Pierre sending you ANCIENT FRUIT SEEDS. I had over 300 seeds by the time spring hit. Elli straight up SCAMMING Pierre during the Cage-Loop completely on accident. I'm just sitting here thinking "Dang, had I known this would have happened, I'd have activated this sooner AND kept Elli's heart-level low just to get more bang for my buck. Endless supply of Ancient Fruit Seeds just because you're jealous? Yes please!".

After the cage-loop is over, that's pretty much it. Elli apologizes, wants to do better so you feel safe around him, is willing to just be tormented by his jealousy; etc. and things just kinda go... normal??? After that. He still has his eye-brow raising marriage lines afterwards but after everything has passed, he's not too unsettling.

He's just a weirdo who doesn't know how to handle his love.

Other than ONE letter, and the fact that I had to go OUT OF MY WAY to deliberately activate the Cage-Loop event?

This mod vanilla as fuck, lol.

And no, I didn't do the divorce event. I have a history relating to such dark thoughts and even just reading the dialogue in the content file made me uncomfortable.

Overall 10/10 good way to have spent my week between my 2.0 vtuber model work.

--

It also do not help at all that what makes this mod hilarious in my head is that I play as an inhuman farmer who absolutely towers over Elli in every way. Ignatius is not threatened by this obsessive weirdo in the least bit.

[sl33py-g4m3r]

Kinda sad posting again cause I saw something about blindness awareness month and that brought up something I don't wanna think about.

not like posting it here is gonna help me forget about it or that it happened in the first place...

just something stupid in my life that makes me think I'm kind of a failure somehow...

was getting help from rehab for the blind during high school

vocational help from them and schooling/mobility aids, its how I got a red and white stick to signify blindness

have anxiety

get out of school and talk to them once or so out of school

too afraid to get job

too afraid to go back to school after I dropped out of college after high school

fail to contact them again because anxiety

fail to do a bunch of stuff due to anxiety i guess

get letter that due to no contact from me they are no longer aiding and helping me find a job/work/schooling

get income from blind pension fund and ssi cause disabled

too anxious to go to school again or look for work

become NEET who just helps sibling/plays games/watches anime

feel like a failure

idk how I feel about that or what tbh... is it my anxiety's fault or my own?? why do I feel like such a failure about it??

am I a failure??

I feel like that sometimes.... Tho I help my sibling and mom so I'm not a failure... Give the bank and places I work with (therapy office, bank, doctors offices...) gifts like candy or coffee for the break room sometimes just cause I feel they're unappreciated.

Like to give people stuff and help whenever I can...

So I'm not a failure....

so why do I feel like that...?

The White trying to trick me?? That's what I'd like to think anyway... The call of the void?? Or just an intrusive thought??

My vision is bad and I'm anxious; but I'm not a failure surely....

I hate that a post about (disability awareness month of all things; a good positive post telling people about it) brought about such feelings...

idk what to think about it... and hopefully me typing this out will help me forget about it.....

sorry for the depressing, sad boi hours personal post.

I'm not one to feel sorry for myself or throw a pity party; and despise people who do.... That's not what I'm doing..... Just airing out my thoughts and thinking mainly......

It's probably just an intrusive thought and meaningless..... I'm not a failure, nor useless... I'm a great help to the people around me even if only an ear to listen to what they're going through....

I'm not a failure....

..... right?

at least it's not me complaining about and trying to figure out whether I'm transgender or not cause that's another thing I overthink about and am genuinely not sure about but i really don't like being female sometimes but being a guy, or seen that way anyway (like that would ever happen anyway), might not be any better anyway.... idk....

been running that thought process around in circles for almost a decade and I'm still not sure.........

my indecisive self......

*internal screaming*

[coldercreation]

skdjaks im catching up on ur recent posts cuz ive been inactive on tumblr, and i came across the one where u and some ppl in the replies lament on loving the idea of relationships but never developing crushes rlly and finding it hard to date and whatnot, and damn i relate. i was gonna comment but i wanna stay anon for now, so i am in ur inbox instead huhu. but yh i deal w the same thing, ppl have had crushes on me before, but ive never once returned them? and like even if i find someone attractive as far as i know that doesn’t translate to wanting to bone… blech. i was talking to my friend abt this yesterday, and i was telling her that maybe ill try just going on dates and figure out how i tick?? general research has led me to id as demi after contemplating ace when i was like 13 so,,, who knows rlly. tldr i am similar and i get being confused abt it H

Ohh this is so interesting actually! Like, I genuinely wasn't expecting that so many of you would relate when I wrote that post??🤔 Obviously I knew that there's no way that I'm the only one on this whole planet, but still, seems a lot more common than what I had thought!

I'd like to think that it's very much okay to be confused by these kinds of things, no matter how frustrating it can also be. That's pretty much what I've been telling myself recently. Even if I'd like to find someone I really connect with and to have a relationship, there's no rush or need to force anything immediately just for the sake of it. Maybe it can even be fun to explore with time, and to figure out those things that will make us tick?

For me it's probably more about working on my social life in general than about anything else. Especially since the apps clearly don't do it for me and there's not really any other ways to meet new people. But I'm kinda feeling optimistic about it, mostly because I've been enjoying being social so much more lately!

Thank you for sharing love! This topic has been so interesting and I've enjoyed hearing everyone's experiences xx

///

Huge RAMBLE warning lmao:

I actually brought this topic up in therapy after we chatted about it here, kinda just theorised about it while trying to make sense of it all. My/our conclusion was that, for me, it could stem from ✨trauma✨ and needing a lot of time to truly open up/warm up to people (demi?/trust issues/hyper-independence). And since the societal norm is to often move a lot faster than that, I haven't even had the time to see the possible connection/spark/whatever in people, because they've already deducted, based on me having been very cautious and closed off, that I'm not interested, and so they moved on. Which in turn could've made me feel unwanted or uninteresting or unattractive or even abandoned, y'know? So I'd be left confused, feeling like there was something wrong and unattractive? about me, while also wondering why I'm never actually interested in anyone even though I've always longed for those deep connections with people.

Nowadays I've been feeling a lot lighter and... open? I guess, and I can genuinely see a change in the way people approach me? Or maybe they've always approached me the same way but I just wasn't able to be receptive to it🤔 Dunno! But there must've been some sort of micro-visible behavioural shift in me or something, because as soon as I have started to feel like I can and want to seek out people's company and I genuinely enjoy it, people are just... suddenly there? Whereas before there was this void?? Even when I tried to change that.

And despite me not having met anyone specific I'd be interested in dating, I have felt like I could actually do it now if the right person came along. (When I tried dating through apps years ago I felt like I was forcing it. It was very surface level and short lived, didn't feel... right?) And with that 'shift', or whatever it is that's changed in my behaviour??? I've literally been dodging date invites this past year like it's a sport???? Like tf?😭😂 This is mind boggling to someone who has for years thought that no one just gives a shit about me and there's something so unattractive about me that that's why no one shows any interest... But I think it really is a lot to do with some strange subtle messages that were given off? (and maybe also me leaving the house sometimes lmao....) I believe I wrote it in one of the more brainy stories as well, maybe CYE?, that if someone's whole body language, subconsciously or not, screams 'leave me the fuck alone', people are likely to leave them alone. And if we're not aware that that's the message we're giving off, it can very easily make us feel confused and like something's inherently wrong with us.

But then again, I don't think I would've been ready for anything like this a few years back, so perhaps the brains are smarter than we think and know that it takes time to heal. My therapist agreed that not having crushes could be due to so many things, but what I was saying did track to him. Slow to warm up/demi? + (social) anxiety + trauma are a hell of a combo when it comes to building new relationships. No matter why I'm not having crushes easily, he told me to take it easy on myself and to be understanding; after dealing with mental health crap and trauma for most of my life, it'd be very unreasonable to compare myself to the societal 'standards' or expect myself to do things in the same phase as other people are. Like, I had other shit to deal with growing up, so maybe I'm just now feeling like I'm ready to be myself, and it's okay to take things slow.

(And while writing that, speaking about people suddenly being there when before I felt like no matter what I tried, I was struggling to connect with people; I just got a thank you text from someone I helped at work when they were upset about something, and they said they'd love to see me (this one is in a friend way, not a date way) outside of work sometime as well :((((( is it weird if I cry lmaooo) xx

[detectivemarvelingcomics]

Alrightyyyyyy Post-Episode Ms. Marvel Thoughts!

Spoilers under the cut! I wanna do these again, I did them a lot for TFATWS haha

I love this show. I'll be honest the power change is kinda a big thing for me, but its a different universe and me shouting into the void about it isn't going to change anything, but so far I like what they're doing with it! They found a way to connect her culture with her powers and it's really fascinating to see it!

I wasn't joking when I said that Marvel should've put a TW for immigrant parenting though, a lot of that hit hard. I remember having to set up my case before asking my parents to even stay after school for a bit and even twisting some truths to make it favorable to them. There was one time me and my friends wanted to go get slushies and I basically had to tell my parents a week ahead of time and tell them it was a study session. And, good gosh, I absolutely felt it when Kamala failed her driver's test and her mom just rambled off on things in that tone of voice it literally set off a response in me because like "damn I know I did bad but you don't need to rub it in like that."

But the line that really got me?

"We trust you. We don't trust anyone else."

Now that triggered me, because that is the exact sentence that my parents always told me when I asked them to go places. I kid you not, I literally had to go with my dad to Anime Expo, of all the cons, because they didn't trust me to go with my friends and I was literally a junior in high school when that happened too! Genuinely, I relate to Kamala so much. And I mad respect her because she's got guts to pull that off, I immediately fold when my parents say 'no.'

That's another thing, so many people are villanizing Kamala's mom, and while I understand why, I don't agree with it. I'll never understand why people will always search for a villain (key cases being Encanto and Turning Red) in characters that are too complex and rounded to just be one? Obviously I don't mean this in a way to defend her because I also don't agree with how she speaks to Kamala, but at the same time my mom is the exact same way. The actions come out of love, could they be expressed better? Yeah, of course. But at the same time seeing people flat out villanize her gives me the ick, you know? There is a balance that is not agreeing with your parents but also loving them so much that it overcomes that, and that's how I see Kamala's relationship with her mom, and that's proven in the scene with Bruno where she expresses how hurt she felt when she realized she really hurt her parents'. It's nuanced, guys, like I said earlier, the girls who get it get it and the girls who don't don't.

Now aside from the heavy parts, god I loved the fun parts. Scott has a podcast? Not the thing we wanted, but the thing we needed. The animation? Top notch! It makes the show so vibrant and it's such a change from Moon Knight that to me its refreshing! What I'm really enjoying is the fact that these high school kids are going through high school problems. College apps, socializing, going to cons, ugh, it's so nice to see.

Oh gosh, Avengerscon, oh gosh. It's weird to think about it with the context we know of the Avengers also considering some of them are still probably deemed war criminals and here they are at a convention and if that isn't the most fan convention shit idk what is AHAHAHA but gosh it looked so fun to be a part of, I hope for D23 Marvel hops on that concept and has an Avengerscon section cuz that would be super popular!

Also I'd die for Bruno.

Overall, I'm liking the pacing so far!! It was a great first episode and I can't wait for the next one!

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hi dropping by for 2 things... I think? I'm so sleepy can't think! 😬

First, thank you for your clexa fic and just had discovered your cruel intentions clexa fic today. Idk why, it blows my mind🤯 I mean i love everything you write about clexa so idk why i'm shooked.

Second, Please don't be scared for my over abundance of ❤️ and reblogged you would see on your notif 😬 I forgot to be discreet on reblogging since I got excited over your CI Clexa.

Also for your ship question game, I would really like to know

Cruel Intentions (Pre relationship)4,5 and 6 and (General) 1,2 and 3

Teach Me (love) 4 and 5, 9 and 10

(domestic) 6,9 and 10

G'night and stay safe you and everyone on here. I might dream CI Clexa thanks to you! ☺️

Hello hello!

Ok listen because I've gotten this a few times within the last couple weeks and I'm not sure what's causing it but let me say without pause, please god do not apologize for liking and reblogging. You don't have to be ~discreet~, I don't think it's cringey, I don't think anything other than "Oh they like it 🥺👉👈"

I have fun writing this stuff and interacting with you guys, but it's still work, so you guys interacting is the whole point! Without likes or reblogs or asks I have no idea if anyone likes a story. Without them I'm sat here wondering if anyone even likes or cares about this extra stuff and in turn that'll make me question if I'm wasting my time 🤷‍♀️. I have a few people who show up every few days and just go through everything and what that tells me is wow, someone took time out of their day to look at my stuff and appreciate the work I put out. That's fuckin awesome. So please, don't apologize. I'd rather hear and see what you guys like than wonder if I'm screaming into a void

Ok I'll put my answers under the cut because this already long cuz I can't shut up 😅

Cruel Intentions

Pre relationship:

4: Oof that's a hard question to answer. You're talking about two woman who really good and living in denial and talking themselves into thinking they're above feelings. But I'd say if push came to shove, the first one to really give in and say "Shit ok I really have genuine feelings for her" would be Lexa.

5: Lexa more than Clakre despite Clarke being more slow in realizing that her feelings went much deeper than attraction and infatuation. I've touched on this in a few asks before and you can kinda see the thought process in that latest installment as well, but for a long time Lexa was intent on keeping Clarke at arm's length. Until she couldn't.

6: If someone had told younger them that they'd end up blissfully married and grow old together like two bickering haughty babies they would've told you to lay off the nose candy

General:

1: Part 1 of that has been posted, sorry can't spoil part 2 😈

2: ask me this again separately and I'll write a snippet for it

3: It's in a snippet so you'll be able to read it🥰

Teach Me

Love:

4: You mean once... everything happens? They're not the biggest on PDAs ironically considering they started out fucking all around campus on anything that would hold still. But once they settle into their relationship and stop feeling like they're living on stolen time? They like holding hands, small hello pecks, sitting close. That kinda stuff. Loving but respectful.

5: Both. Lexa's a big fan of hello kisses, celebratory kisses, still asleep midnight kisses to Clarke's shoulder that neither remember in the morning. Clarke likes forehead kisses and little thank you kisses and goodbye kisses because she wants the feel of Lexa's lips to tie her over for the day.

9: Short answer, Lexa but I'm not getting into it cuz spoilers 😔

10: A healthy mix of both. It does kinda surprise Clarke just how... physical Lexa can be once they start things up tho. Professor Elbow patches wasn't exactly kidding about the wild thing 🥴

Domestic:

6: Lexa, but within reason. She worries about things that are appropriate to worry about whereas Clarke's more of a just roll with it girl.

9: 🤐 they're gonna celebrate Lexa's birthday if that counts so you'll see

10: Both pretty equal. I mean Clarke's 39 and Lexa's 41, they were both married for close to two decades not to mention Clarke has a kid. They've definitely learned their way around a kitchen. The question is, can they not be too controlling to actually allow the other to help them in the kitchen🤔

[ohhalefire]

This is just a reminder that getting COVID is not a moral failing.

Being an asshole about masks can be, of course. But the current strains are SO virulent, and take so little time to take hold, that not even the most cautious among us can really guarantee a lack of infection.

Everybody's situation is different. Some of us have no choice but to stay home and shelter and shield; others have equally no choice but to go out and work. Aside from the genuine assholes out there, most of us are just doing the best we can with the resources that we have.

Despite our precautions, my partner caught COVID. (He isolated from me and the world as soon as symptoms appeared; I'm negative.) Now, I'm part of a covid support chat for my high-risk friends, and for one reason or another, I have been nervous to post in that group that my partner is positive because I was afraid we'd be judged for getting it, somehow. This morning, though, I woke up with a stuffy nose, and was super anxious to take my morning COVID test. I decided to bite the bullet and tell the group, looking for some support and solidarity in my anxiety... and the only comment I got was that fwiw we should probably have been masking even if we're outside with no one around. Nothing about the stress of it, or even asking how my partner is doing (on day one, he was VERY sick). Guess what? Felt judged. I didn't tell them how ill he was. I didn't tell them the only way he could have gotten it was through something weird and very fast, and that it shows just how virulent COVID currently is, and how frustrated I have been. I didn't tell them how this all feels so fucking unfair, given how we're literally the most cautious people we know who aren't able to shield full-time. I just sort of defended why I didn't think it was that, and then shut down until I reported that my test came back negative and that my stuffy nose was getting better (it's very dry in here, and I now suspect it was just that, but gut instinct does not science make, so of course I'm not going out anyway). It took me a second time of specifically bringing up the anxiety of it all to even get a few heart emojis. So far, still no one in the group has asked after my partner. I genuinely don't want to be passive-aggressive here. The people in that group have two and a half years of anger and frustration over feeling unheard about their COVID concerns, and most of the group's chatting usually focuses on guidance, action, and science, not on the emotional aspect of the pandemic, so really, I'm not sure what I should have expected. It's just that I went to what I thought might be the only place to feel supported in my nervousness for my test - and also by that point, I kinda felt like it was weird that I was keeping my partner's positive status a strange secret from them? - and didn't get that. So I'm writing it here, into the void, I guess, because I don't think it's fair to make it their business that no one in the chat read my mind. I'm just... I'm pretty hurt, even though I'm less anxious now, and I literally had no one else to tell while locked down and caring for my sick partner.

If you're able, I'd love some cute animals or something.