#genuinely taken aback by my figure in these pics

[myfriendgoo94]

took a nice lil walk around the park today :3

[hxltic]

can you do capt price with an s/o who used to have braces (the reader has glasses) and proce found this out cause like he was going through all photo albums and stumbled upon readers old pics when the reader was like in middle school (OH AND ALSO IMAGINE THE READER BEING A METALHEAD IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND UNTIL NOW AND PRICE IS JUST SO SUPRISED HAHAHAH)

I am so sleepy so this may be bad or short but i find this hilarious

One of the reasons Price loved you was because you were absolutely gorgeous. Your hair complimented your eyes, and the jewelry you wore sat glistening on your skin. Your figure gave him something to grab onto, all his favorite parts of your body on display when you wore those tight fitting dresses for the summer.

When you brought the man home to your parent’s house, you’d expected him to be downstairs helping out for dinner despite how much you tell him to rest. It’s the sweet, traditional side of him.

Not in your childhood room, silently looking through things that aren’t technically hidden, so you can’t get upset with him for noticing.

And it wasn’t the records plastered on your wall with a protective glass over them, or the stickers permanently stuck to the sides of your mirror—it was the pictures. All in relatively small frames that didn’t have the best quality, but good quality enough for him to see the worst of you. You stroll out the bathroom and close the door to the man holding one and chuckling to himself. His brow was turned up in amusement.

“Put. That. Down.”

He turns to you with the frame still in hand, his face never wavering even though you looked like you were about to combust with embarrassment. Cheeks red, eyes blown wide darting anywhere else but him, and hands coming up to cover your face.

The worst part was, you knew exactly which picture he was holding. It was you and two other girls, one of which you don’t speak to anymore. Anyway, your teeth were dark with black braces to match the atrocious personality you’d invented for yourself at the time, and your haircut was one you try your best to forget about. You really wish you would’ve thrown that away.

It doesn’t help your features look the exact same.

The only difference was you were wearing your prescription glasses, the ones you brought into adulthood, but they were somewhere tucked in a drawer as your contacts held their spot.

“Why? You look adorable.” He teases. You looked far from that. You were a menace.

His perfectly sculpted beard moves as he tips his head back in laughter, genuinely taken aback by young you. You somehow are still the same, just more tolerable, with a snappy attitude on top but a lovey dovey mess underneath.

“Oh my god.” You wanted to roll yourself up in a ditch and never escape. The only reason you kept that picture was because the other girl has the same one. The date was written on the back in marker, but you didn’t have to look to know it was during your darkest days.

You finally calm yourself and blink up to your spouse, who seemed to be in thought. His mouth opened to ask, then it closed, and it took everything in you to pretend you didn’t see it. You just knew it would be something else by the taunting half-smile on his face.

Instead, you asked him what he was about to say. You shouldn’t have.

“I searched up the band on the wall. They still around?” He asked.

And while the question seemed purely genuine, you did not take it as such. One side of you wanted to tell him, “No, they stopped making music a while ago,” and the other half is saying, “Kill me now.”

Now he knows you used to listen to metal, but not just the regular kind; the barely coherent, head-bopping, voice-ripping kind. If the man wasn’t older, and this was Gaz, he wouldn’t have hesitated to call you emo.

“No,” you mustered up. You tried your best to not return to the previous state of embarrassment, but knowing your husband, he’d now look into it and try to get you printed shirts for your birthday and whatnot.

He didn’t openly tell you how weird or concerning it was, but this was worse. When someone won’t tell you something directly, but you just know what they’re thinking anyway.

“I didn’t think a pretty lady like you would listen to that.”

. .

The entire way to the dinner table he was on and off laughing. It even got the point he had to temporarily excuse himself, just somehow unable to rid the image from his mind. Even though that’s far from what he wanted.

This late in the relationship and your mother still has horror stories to tell.

[stylesnews]

If your quarantine has been anything like mine, Harry Styles content has been the only thing getting you through. At the beginning of the national lockdown, he created a line of shirts and donated the proceeds to coronavirus charities. And last month, he showed solidarity with the Black Lives Matter protests by marching in L.A. and posting about the cause on Instagram. Even more recently, he recorded a sleep story for the Calm app because his fans had been begging for one for so long. Basically, he's been doing what he can during this crazy time, and it's a delight to see.

But back on May 18 (approximately two centuries ago ago), when the sexy and fruit-filled “Watermelon Sugar” music video dropped, Twitter rightfully lost its collective mind. Watching the video was an ~experience~, and it made me wonder what it was like being in it. You know, feeding Harry watermelon, running in the ocean with him, and cracking jokes as the sun set. The video dropped during a time when people were supposed to be avoiding any personal contact. Watching Harry and all the other people in the video rolling around with each other felt almost voyeuristic, and it made me miss living in a time even just a few months ago when touching other people wasn't so scary.

I hadn't stopped thinking about the video in the weeks since, so I decided to do some digging. For your reading pleasure, I talked to five models about the juicy (heh, get it?) details of being in the video.

Most of us scroll through the ’gram to see pics of Harry, but these ladies’ feeds landed them the gig. After putting out a call, the casting director scouted every model on Insta, sending them DMs if they thought they’d be a good fit. Many of them didn't even know the shoot was with Harry at first, only finding out it was him the literal night beforehand.

"I was immediately down to do it when I found out was him," model Elizabeth Tyson says.

Unlike us normal people, these girls balance their day jobs with, you know, spending time with Harry Styles. “I actually didn't even ask my boss if I was going to get [the day] off [for the shoot],” laughs model Mercy Odima, who is also a nanny. “I just replied, and I was like, ‘Yeah. I will be there.’”

That was back in January, and the girls had to keep their mouths shut for literal months until the video premiered on May 18. Can you imagine not being able to tell a single soul about the way Harry suggestively eats a watermelon slice?

By the end of the day, after countless shots where models were not-so-subtly licking watermelon slices and shoving their face (and Harry's) with the very-dense fruit, these ladies could 100 percent live without the watermelon sugar high. “We were like, ‘I can never eat a watermelon ever again!’—we were all sticky, it was dripping,” says Elizabeth. “They must have gone through a hundred watermelons for that shoot.”

And not all of it was so sweet: “I said something like, ‘Did you know that watermelon is actually kind of bad for you if you eat a lot of it? It’s bad for your digestive system,’” Maris says she told Harry. “He was like, ‘Oh, really? I’ve never heard that before.’”

Looking sexy while you feel like Bloat City is a challenge, to be sure. “The last part was us running up and down the beach at sunset,” Maris says. “I had just eaten probably a whole watermelon at that point. I was just praying it didn't come across—I just felt so uncomfortable.”

If it looks like the video is just a massive group hang with friends rolling around on the sand and making orgasmic faces into the camera, that’s because it basically was. “Everything was genuine,” Ephrata says. “They weren't like ‘now laugh’ or ‘now go crazy.' A lot of our scenes are actually us talking.”

Other scenes, though, had more direction. “There was a moment where the directors were like, ‘Okay, we want it to be kind of like an LSD trip,’” Maris laughs. We'll let you try to figure out which scene that is, because, TBH, it could have been any of them.

Overall, all the models agreed it was an incredibly chill experience. “It was probably one of the most natural shoots I've ever been on,” model Aalany McMahan says.

As if there weren’t enough about Harry Styles to fawn over, he also has top-notch nail polish game, as many people know. He ended up matching with one of the models on the set and it became an inside joke.

“Me and him literally had the same polish on,” Ephrata remembers. “We started laughing, and he was like, ‘I think yours is more like a coral.’” Before long, it became an on-set debate: “Everybody was trying to decide what color our nails were,” she laughs.

ICYMI, Harry was recently knighted a “consent king” for asking before he touched Ephrata’s hair. “[The directors] were like ‘You can play with her hair!’ And then he was like, ‘Wait wait wait, are you even cool with that? Is that okay? Are you comfortable with that?’” she remembers.

It meant a lot to her that he took that second to check in (and she later asked him if it was okay to kiss him on the cheek). “That was a moment on set where I was taken aback for just a second, and was like, ‘Wow, he really cares if I’m comfortable. He cares if the other models are comfortable,’” she says.

It goes without saying that a Harry Styles music video is guaranteed to be flirty. I mean, this shoot required the models to lay all over Harry, rest their heads on his shoulders, sexily feed him, etc. Those vibes didn’t stop when the cameras did.

During breaks in shooting, Harry—ever the gentleman—asked the group of models where they were all from. Maris said Wisconsin, which piqued Harry’s attention. “He goes, in his very British accent, ‘Oh, you’re from Wisconsin? Are you a Packers fan?’” she laughs. “I was like, ‘Yes, duh, I’m a Packers fan!’”

Later, as the sun went down on the Malibu beach, Maris tried (unsuccessfully) to hide how cold she was in her bikini. It was January, remember? “In between takes, he kept asking me if I was okay, cause I was shivering,” she reveals. “He was making jokes, like, ‘Oh, you're from Wisconsin, you should be able to deal with this!”

But even for a music video for a song is probably definitely about oral sex, it only went so far as flirting. “There was a group of us who were trying to get him to go out to dinner, but he had plans with someone else,” Maris says. Have fun spiraling while trying to figure out who that someone might be!

Considering his entire brand is "treat people with kindness," it's no surprise Harry was nice on set. That energy started right at the beginning of the shoot. “He was nice enough to come and say 'hi' to us even before we started shooting,” Ephrata recalls. “He came and shook everybody's hand and gave us hugs and was like, ‘Hi, I'm Harry,’ and I was like, ‘Yeah, I know.’”

Throughout the shoot, Elizabeth says he would have conversations, ask questions, and joke around with the models. “Most people, when they hit cut, they just sit there quietly, they don’t interact with you, but he definitely did,” she says. “He’s so laid back. He’s so funny, sweet—he has a personality.”

Many of the models expressed that it was this experience that made them full-fledged stans: “After working with him, I was definitely a bigger fan,” Ephtata says. Welcome to the club, ladies!

[asoftslytherin]

sweetener. ch. vi

a/n: i’m so sorry this took forever. i kept changing my mind on certain things and eventually had to split this chapter in half and if you look down at the word count, you’ll understand why. 

summary: people are stressed about the wedding. namely you, but not about the wedding, technically. basically, you’re just stressed.

warnings: innacuracies about how weddings work in the uk. bad writing bc i’m editing this after i post it because the painkillers about to kick in and i really wanted to get this up as soon as possible. slight violence, idk if you could call it that but i just wanna cover all my bases. a little smuttiness. swearing, duh. a smidge of angst. drama? scandal? intrigue?

word count: 6k.

(as per usual, i don’t own the pic i just edit. also i’m actively trying harder to use more poc in these pics bc i don’t want any lovelies to feel ostracized bc i’m trying (hopefully doing at least okay) to keep this race neutral)

Before anyone realized it, the wedding was in a week. There was no bachelorette party, simply because there wasn’t enough time to have one, let alone plan one. Who knew about the guys, and honestly, who cared? You and every other bridesmaid had way more important things to take care of. The upside of all of this wedding prep drama was that Lily was handling it quite well. You weren’t sure if she was just really good at hiding when she’s about to freak out she’ll just snap one day over nothing, or if she was just genuinely relaxed. James only had one request for the bridesmaids: that their dresses be the color of Lily’s eyes. It was simultaneously the sweetest thing you’d ever heard and made you want to vomit. Some of Lily’s friends from school came into town the week before the wedding since they were some of the bridesmaids. Marlene was the Maid of Honor, obviously, and you, Mary, a very sweet girl who reminded you of sunshine, Dorcas, someone you knew immediately that she was not someone to be messed with, but nice nonetheless, and Alice, a friend who had already been married a year or two, were the bridesmaids.

You and Sirius had put a hold on the “meet-ups”, since you were both running around doing wedding errands and no time between work and the wedding. He’d still sext you occasionally, which just made you want him even more and it took some persuading and empty promises to make him stop. At the same time, those occasional texts would be to see how your day was going or just to talk. You told yourself he was just being a good friend, since there was technically a “friend” part to “friends with benefits”, and to not read anything into it, but there was a teensy part of you that was hoping that he had a teensy part of him that felt what you were feeling for him. Whenever those thoughts came up, you shoved them back down. Who had time for emotions am I right? Lily was the one who was allowed to have emotions right now, not you, you told yourself one morning while getting dressed when your eyes stopped on the dress you wore the first night you met Sirius. Nope. Feelings? Don’t know her.

You pushed through your workdays, concentrating solely on the task at hand, even if it just making copies or sending an email, you were only allowed to think about that email or that menial copy. Your phone was off the entire time you were at work, if you got a text from him while working, deep down you knew that you wouldn’t get anything done for the rest of the day because you’d be staring at your phone. When you got home from work you only did things that needed to be done for the wedding, if you had nothing to do, you’d text or call Lily because you knew she’d have something for you to do.

That Wednesday before the wedding you had finished tying ribbons on mason jars for the centerpieces and texted Lily, she needed to pick them up and if she just happened to have something to do for the wedding, then you’d do it. Because you’re a good friend. When Lily knocked on the door, you paused the podcast you were listening to (you didn’t really listen to music anymore, too many songs were about the feelings that you were currently suppressing) and basically sprinted to the door.

“Woah, hey,” Lily stumbled over her sentence, a little startled at how quickly you’d opened the door.

“Hello beautiful!” you beamed at her, probably looking ridiculous with a smile that big on your face. “Come in!” you gestured for her to walk in to your place.

Lily chuckled and walked through the door, setting herself down on the couch and crossing her legs. “You’re very enthusiastic today, what’s up?” Lily gave you a quizzical look.

“I’m just excited for your wedding, that’s all!” you sat down next to her and softly patted her on her knee.

Lily looked down at her lap and then looked back up at you. “Y/N, I would believe you if you hadn’t been acting like this for two and a half weeks. What is going on with you?”

“What?” You were somewhat taken aback by her question. “There’s nothing going on. Just work and working on your wedding, that’s it.”

Lily gave you a knowing look before she spoke. “When was the last time you saw Sirius?”

“What does he have to do with anything?” You were getting more confused by the second.

“Just answer the question, as an early wedding present.” Lily casually put one of her arms around the back of the sofa.

“A week ago, maybe a week and a half? We’re pausing things until after the wedding since he’s the best man and I’m a bridesmaid and there’s shit to do,” you somewhat glared over at her. “Why?”

“Because for the last week and a half you’ve been more eager to get things done for the wedding than my mother. I’d expect every text from her to be about my wedding but not you. It’s almost like you’re avoiding something.” She gave you a concerned look. “Did something happen with you and Sirius?”

“Wha- No! Things are fine between us! Am I really being that intense?” You finally figured out what she was getting at and tried your hardest to play innocent.

Lily picked up her phone and handed it to you, “I just want you to read through all the texts you’ve sent me for the last week and a half.”

You internally winced and took the phone from the redhead next to you. Every single text you sent her was about the wedding and if you could do anything or that you had an idea or wanted to know who you’d be sitting next to, and you’d been texting her almost daily. Inside, you knew that you were using the wedding to keep yourself from thinking about Sirius and that kiss in your bedroom and that feeling in your stomach that you hated. You set her phone down next to you and put your head in your hands, elbows resting on your knees. “Okay fine, but you can’t tell anyone! Maybe Marlene, but nobody else. Not even your soon to be husband,” you emphasized before looking directly into her green eyes and taking a deep breath. “After the night all of us had ramen and hung out here, while you we were taking things back to yours and James’ car, when I got the last stuff in the cars James told me to get Sirius because he hadn’t come outside yet. Well, Sirius was in my room just looking at my books and I told him they wanted to leave and he gave me this look and kissed me and…”

“Had you never kissed him before?!” Lily exclaimed in shock.

“No, I definitely kissed him before then, calm down,” you smacked her knee. “He kissed me and it like it was a quick kiss, but I wanted more but not in a sexual way, if that makes sense. Like he tried to pull away but I pulled him back down and, oh my god this is gonna sound so fucking stupid, but when I let him go my lips felt all tingly and then he gave me that same look when he left my room. And since that he’s been texting me every now and then, like not just sexts like asking how I’m doing and wanting to talk and I don’t know if he’s being friendly or has feelingslikeIdoandIdon’twannafuckitup.” You blew out a gust of air and flopped your torso on the back of the sofa.

“Not gonna lie, I didn’t entirely get what you said but I got ‘feelings’ and ‘fuck it up’, so I think I know what you’re saying. Plus Marlene texted me that night and said you had a ‘stupid look on her face since Sirius left her room’ and we kinda put the pieces together,” Lily grinned.

You were a little annoyed that your friend made you admit what you’d been denying for a while. What kind of friend makes someone come to terms with their emotions? “I’m gonna kill both of you,” you groaned.

“I just want to say that it’s okay to have feelings. If you didn’t I would call a doctor to make sure you’re not some kind of robot,” Lily leaned over and held one of your hands. “Plus, you can’t do this anymore. Mostly because there’s literally nothing left to do for the wedding except the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and the actual. fucking. wedding,” she bore her eyes into yours and emphasized those last three words. “And on top of that, you’re gonna have to see Sirius at all of those things so you need to not act like a lunatic around him if you don’t wanna actually make things complicated between you two.”

Frowning at her you nodded. “You’re right. I can’t just avoid my problems, but it’s so easy,” you whined. “I think it’s so easy to just push all my feelings down because he’s ‘Mr. Non-Commital’ and you heard him at dinner! The longest relationship he’s ever had was with Marlene and that was back in school! All signs are pointing to ‘don’t get attached’. Plus, I’ve already been hurt way too many times by guys nowhere near as hot or as good in bed or as nice or as- Ugh! You see what I’m getting at?” You threw your hands in the air and widened your eyes at Lily. “This is a no win situation.”

Lily put her hands out in front of her, kind of looking like Chris Pratt from that scene in Jurassic World. “Okay, I get it. You’ve been hurt and that sucks. But you can’t give up just because someone attractive may or may not be into you! Why don’t you just try your hardest to be chill around him until after the wedding stuff is over and James and I are in Rome? That way, you aren’t acting like you’re going to explode, and when you do, I’ll be in another country!”

“Thanks, Lily,” you said in a monotone voice, watching her pick her phone up from the cushion next to her and begin typing a message to someone.

“I didn’t even tell you that you could tell Marlene! At least not yet,” you felt a little dejected.

“Oh, we both already knew,” Lily said casually, not looking up from her phone. “I’’m just letting her know that she owes me five quid because you told me about it first and not Marlene,” Lily shut her eyes and gave you a big grin.

“This is why we can’t have nice things.”

⭐️🌙⭐️

The wedding rehearsal itself took about fifteen minutes total. Surprisingly, weddings take like no time if just take out the actual matrimony stuff. Who knew? You definitely tried your hardest to be a normal person around Sirius. It probably just looked like you were really concentrating on standing in that one spot, that’s what you were hoping that was what it looked like. Every now and then you looked at Sirius just to see that he was looking right at you, with that smirk on his face, it might have been because Lily had asked all of you to dress nicely for the rehearsal and you settled on the dress you wore the night you met Sirius; partly because you liked torture probably, and it was the nicest dress you had. You felt your face getting warm each time you saw that smirk and prayed that people would think you were just a little warm. In November. In England.

When the rehearsal was officially over, James and Lily called the wedding party over to where they were standing, probably wanting to just thank you all for being in the wedding or something nice like that.

“Okay, you guys,” Lily began with an incredible grin on her face. “You know we love you and that you have done so many favors for us and some have even flown in to be here which means so much to the both of us.” She turned her grin up to James who was looking at her like she hung the stars, basically the way he always looked at Lily, but somehow it was with even more adoration than before, which none of you thought was possible.

James continued to look at Lily for a couple of seconds before he was elbowed in the stomach by her and realized he was supposed to say something as well. “Oh, right,” he snapped himself out of his daze, causing all of you to laugh, since this was just how James has always been around Lily. “The two of us wanted to take you all out to a nice dinner, just us, no relatives or anything. We just wanted to show you our gratitude and catch up with some of you and the rest of you can just drink and be merry,” James laughed. “We have some cars outside waiting for us. You can split up however you’d like, don’t really care either way, just be in a car in ten minutes!” He clapped his hands and walked towards the doors to the sanctuary you were in (Lily’s mother insisted the wedding be in a church).

Before you could even take a step, Sirius was right behind you, his mouth against one of your ears. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were wearing that dress just for me.” Turning around, he was standing about as close as he could without being flush against you, until he wrapped an arm around you and made it so he was truly flush against you. He was wearing a suit, something you didn’t know he owned and if Lily and James weren’t treating you to dinner, you’d be dragging him to your car.

With him so close to you, that feeling in your stomach graduated from a twinge to essentially what people referred to as “butterflies”, a metaphor you hadn’t fully understood until that very moment. “It’s a good thing you do know better, considering we’re in a church,” you said through gritted teeth, feeling the arm around you dip lower and lower down your back and you had to grab his elbow and yank it back up to an acceptable spot. “Regardless, we have to leave in ten minutes,” you rationalized.

“Oh, we both know what can be done in just ten minutes,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine that you were sure that he could feel through your dress.

Taking a deep breath, you gathered all the composure that was left in your body, standing up straighter, looking directly into his piercing eyes. “And we both know that we’re not doing that here,” you smiled innocently. “However,” you leaned into his ear this time, “there are cars right outside, waiting for us.” The second the words left your lips, Sirius’ hand was clutched around your wrist, leading you towards the exit, causing you to stumble and tell him to slow down so you could grab your purse and jacket. Of course, he didn’t give you any time to actually put the jacket on, so when you were dragged outside you really wanted to put on that jacket, but as you were putting it on, Sirius was opening the door to one of the town cars on the curb and yanked you down into it and shut the door behind you.

“Any more coming?” the driver asked, looking at the two of you through his rearview mirror.

“No it’s just the two of us,” Sirius hastily replied. “No rush, we can leave with the rest of the cars, we aren’t in a hurry.” Sirius then pressed a button or switch, you weren’t sure, on his door handle and a partition came up between the front section with the driver and the backseat where you and Sirius were.

You gave him the side-eye. “Really?”

“You’re wearing that dress and you weren’t expecting this? Wait- that sounded awful. I mean, you look- And I haven’t-“ He paused and studied your face for a moment. “It’s been too damn long.” He was leaning towards you as he spoke and his words almost slipped out of his mouth and into yours. He kissed you quickly and forcefully, his hands gripping the sides of your face and pulling you as close to him as possible. You kissed him back with the same amount of force, your hands threading through his hair and mentally stopping yourself from just leaning over and straddling him, which gave you an idea.

You kissed him for a few more minutes, wanting to savor him, but you realized that if he was missing you as much as you were missing him, you could use this to your advantage. You began slowing the kisses down, removing your tongue from the equation and turning the full-on makeout session into soft pecks on his lips. Pulling away momentarily, you saw a look of pure confusion dance across his face. You slowly brushed your lips from his lips to his ear and sultrily said, “I thought you said we weren’t in a hurry.” You leaned back slightly to gather his reaction, which was sexual frustration and confusion.

“What do you- No,” he glared down at you. “I haven’t seen you at all in a week and a half and now you’re teasing me?” Part of him looked a little hurt, but you knew that he was playing up his reaction. “Literally any other time I would be so into this, but oh-ooh-“ He glared at you again as you slowly put your hand on his thigh and rubbed the inner part with your thumb. “This is just mean.” He squinted his eyes at you, not even flinching when the car began to move.

You smiled to yourself, turning your head and pretending to look out the window, sighing, letting your hand creep slowly up Sirius’ thigh. You felt his muscles tense underneath your hand and heard what sounded like a growl slip from his obviously clenched teeth. Your smile got a little bit wider. You’d never heard a noise quite like that from him. You looked back over to the man beginning to unravel next to you, watching him shake a strand of hair out of his eyes and turn them towards you.

“You do realize that two can play at this game, darling?” he smirked back, inching slightly closer towards you. He reached an arm across the back of the seat, hung a couple of his long fingers down, letting them find their way to your neck and let them stroke up and down the side of your neck, barely touching you causing a gasp to escape your lips and sending shivers down your spine for the second time that evening. Why did you do this to yourself? You still had a whole dinner to get through. Soon enough, his lips were brushing against where his fingers had just been. You really hadn’t thought this through. He was breaking your defenses faster than you attempted to build them up just moments before. You attempted to concentrate on the hand that was moving closer and closer to Sirius’ growing erection, just the sensation of feeling how hard he was for you, mixed with his kisses that were creeping up your neck and close to meeting your lips.

Before you completely broke, you turned your head away from him, so his lips couldn’t meet yours and moved your hand from his crotch, placing your hands in your lap. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw that Sirius had a look of concern on his beautiful face. “Have I done something wrong? I swear I didn’t mean anything when I was talking about your dress. I-“

You put your hand on his and looked directly at Sirius. “No, nothing’s wrong.” You gave him the smirk he’d given you so often. “I just decided I wanted to be in charge tonight.” You looked down at your hands and caressed his thumb with yours.

Sirius took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair with his free hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it. But why?” He had a look of bewilderment on his face.

You coyly leaned your ear over to his to whisper: “Just think about how good it’ll be when we finally get together.”

Before you had a chance to explain your wording, the driver had come around to your door and opened it for you. You hadn’t even noticed that the car stopped. You removed your hand from Sirius’ and grabbed your bag from the floor of the car, slipping your jacket on as you slipped out. You thanked the driver and kept your composure distracting yourself by looking up at the restaurant you were at. You’d never seen it or heard of it before, then again, you couldn’t really read the name of the place. The sign just looked like an ’S’ connected to wiggly line, so honestly, it could have been anything. The rest of the wedding party began getting out of their cars and making their way towards James and Lily who were standing just outside the entrance. Lily seemed to notice that you were standing uncomfortably with your arms across your chest. The redhead raised her eyebrows at you and you gave her a pointed look that said “Don’t ask”. She simply nodded, knowing not to push the subject and turning her attention to Marlene who was walking up to Lily to ask what kind of food they served at whatever this place was called, she’d always been kind of a picky eater.

Soon enough, the lot of you were sitting at a giant round table in a room separate from the restaurant. It even had it’s own door. You attempted to not be seated next to Sirius, but due to different people wanting to sit next to each other to catch up, you had no choice. Sirius, who still hadn’t taken his coat off, most likely to what you had done to him in the car, quickly excused himself, while everyone else was taking their seats.

Remus, who was sitting on your opposite side leaned over towards you. “So how are things between you two?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at you.

You lightly sighed and pretended to look at the menu. “I think it’s fine right now, but… I don’t know, I don’t think we want the same things,” you shrugged.

Remus chuckled. “Well, I think-“

“Oh no, Remus is giving his opinion, this can’t be good,” Sirius laughed, sitting down next to you.

“Oh, we were just talking about,” you began, still pretending to read your menu, “how ridiculous these prices are. Jesus Christ, Lily! I don’t even think I can afford water here,” you looked up at Lily with your eyes widened.

“Y/N, what part of ‘taking you out to dinner’ do you not understand? We’re treating you guys. And you aren’t allowed to order the cheapest thing on the menu so we don’t spend as much on you. I’m watching you, Y/L/N,” James said with a stern look on his face, pointing two of his fingers at his eyes and then pointing them towards you. You smiled and nodded, they were the ones getting married, after all. What they say, goes.

The waiter came around and got everyone’s drink order, luckily this place had your favorite drink on their menu, so you could at least relax a little bit. What you’d slipped out to Sirius was still hot on your mind. The table was soon filled with conversation, people catching up, talking about old times at school. You learned that James, Remus and Sirius were notorious for getting into trouble. They even had another friend that hung out with them but he was always quiet and died years ago in a terrible car crash into a lake where he was then eaten by an alligator.

“It’s so funny, it’s almost as though nothing has changed with you three,” Mary smiled, leaning back in her chair. “Remus is still extremely practical. I’m honestly surprised that you aren’t a professor somewhere”

“Actually,” Remus began, “I’m considering going back to uni for my doctorate. That’s the best thing about literature, they just keep making more of it.” Remus joked and looked down at his drink, obviously not liking the attention being on him in this capacity.

You put your hand on his forearm and squeezed it lightly, smiling up at him. “You’re too smart to not be great at whatever you do.”

He lightly smiled back, keeping his eyes on his drink and you removed your hand from his arm, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable than he already was. You took a small sip of your drink and looked around the table, feeling slightly out of place. As if he was reading your mind, Sirius moved his hand under the table and took yours, lightly making circles on the back of your hand. You looked over at him and smiled, feeling like everything would be okay.

The feeling of Sirius holding your hand had you in a slight trance for a moment, you didn’t realize that Mary continued talking about the three guys in their ‘heyday’.

“Of course James and Lily are getting married. I vaguely remember hearing James say that if he ever married Lily that he would… what was the exact quote?” Mary looked off into the distance trying to remember.

“Oh!” Dorcas exclaimed. “It was ‘If I ever get the chance to marry her I’m doing a musical number at the reception’!”

The whole table began to laugh as James put a hand on his chest, feigning offense. “Well now you’ve gone and ruined the surprise,” he joked, folding his arms over his chest.

“Now, let’s not forget about the infamous Sirius Black,” Alice smiled, pointing a finger to the man who was still holding your hand.

“Or as we liked to call him: ‘Mr. Non-Commital’,” Mary laughed. You tensed, unsure of what to do, wondering if you should even move. You really just wanted to be invisible.

“He used to swear that James was an idiot for pining after Lils,” Marlene added.

“But his rationalization of it was that you can’t just be with one woman at a time. ‘Sample every flavor’ is something I heard him throw around a lot,” Dorcas nodded, smiling at Sirius. You immediately dropped his hand from yours and began fidgeting with your fingers, trying to seem as calm as collected as you could to the rest of the table, even though it felt like your worst fears were being broadcasted.

“Alright, alright,” James started to attempt to diffuse the situation. “I think we’ve beaten on his ego enough for one night.”

Mary, Dorcas and Alice rolled their eyes at James and began whispering amongst themselves. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding and downed the rest of your drink. You felt like you were going to be okay, until Dorcas let out a hearty laugh and almost yelled, “Oh my god! I forgot about ‘sexcapades’!” The three girls began laughing again.

You stood up and Sirius gave you a concerned look, “I’m just going to the bathroom,” you said somewhat defensively, taking your purse with you to fix your lipstick that you knew wasn’t looking great from how hard you had been pursing your lips together. You were glad no one else noticed you leave, you had stared at one of your forks for about thirty seconds after what Dorcas said before getting up so it wouldn’t seem suspicious.

When the door to the room closed behind you, it was like you could breathe easier now that you had gotten out of that situation, for now. You walked through the door that led to the restrooms and turned towards the women’s door until someone grabbed your wrist. “Sirius? What are you doing?” you ripped your wrist out of his hand and widened your eyes at him when he didn’t give you an answer.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he spoke softly, a look of genuine concern on his face.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” You put your best mask on, the one you’d spent years perfecting. “Everything’s fine,” you smiled and gave a small shrug.

“Y/N…” Sirius whispered, reaching for one of your hands. “I know that-“

“Black.” A man with long black hair and a large nose had walked into the hallway.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sirius said underneath his breath. “Really? Why are you even here?” Sirius nearly yelled as he turned to the man behind him.

“Am I not good enough to be here, Black? Or am I interrupting something with the woman I’m assuming is your, ahem, escort for the night?” The man had a devilish grin on his face and you wanted no part in any of this.

“I’m leaving.” You walked past Sirius and the greasy-haired man.

Right as you got to your door you heard the man say “Oh, don’t look so despondent, Sirius. We both know you have the money to just find another whore.”

You stormed out the door, walking as quickly as you could to the front of the restaurant. Not completely sure how you were getting home. Assuming you’d stumble upon a taxi or something. If you walked far enough away you could get an Uber without Sirius trying to catch up with you.

You needed to be alone.

🌙⭐️🌙

Sirius’ night already wasn’t going great when you had excused yourself right after the things the girls had said about him. If it were possible to go back in time and beat his own ass, he would. “I’ll be back,” he said to no one in particular, walking through the same door you had just used.

You walked faster than expected, and Sirius had to pick up the pace if he was gonna beat you to the restrooms. Opening the door, he saw you and lunged towards your wrist, letting his legs catch up once he knew he could talk to you.

“Sirius? What are you doing?” He honestly didn’t think he would get this far and wasn’t sure exactly what to say. When you kept staring at him, he knew he had to lay it all down.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Sirius looked up at you, trying to find the eyes of the girl he shared a car with. He hated seeing you like this.

Sirius saw your face change as if something inside of you had flipped a switch. You were shutting down before his very eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be okay,” she said with a plastic smile. “Everything’s fine.”

Sirius obviously knew that everything was not fine. He’d been in the same room as her and heard what they’d said about him. “Y/N…” Sirius began reaching for one of your hands, wanting to feel your hand against his one more time just in case you never wanted to see him again. “I know that-“

Sirius was suddenly cut off by a voice he would know anywhere. “Black.”

Snape. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he said under his breath. If he weren’t in a nice restaurant, he likely would have screamed it. “Really? Why are you even here?” Sirius was trying his hardest to not explode and it wasn’t working that well as he heard his voice reverberate off the walls somewhat. He turned to look at the last person he wanted to see right then, only wanting to punch him in the face.

“Am I not good enough to be here, Black? Or am I interrupting something with the woman I’m assuming is your, ahem, escort for the night?” Snape sneered at him. Sirius only saw red. Every fiber of his being was telling him to make Snape pay for those words, but the other part focused on the fact that you began walking away.

“I’m leaving,” you said in a straight tone.

Sirius let you walk, knowing there was nothing he could do at that moment that would convince you to want to have anything to do with him.

“Oh, don’t look so despondent, Sirius. We both know you have the money to just find another whore,” Snape spat at him. He heard the door close after Snape’s comment, letting him know that you had heard everything.

Sirius grabbed Snape by the collar and pushed him against the wall. “Don’t think I don’t see the ‘coincidence’ of you being at the same restaurant as James and Lily the night before their wedding. If you even think about being within fifty meteres of the wedding, or Lily, I will be the one to handle the situation and give you what you deserve. Do you understand?”

“Fine,” Snape coughed out. Hearing that, Sirius dropped him to the floor and hoped that he could still find you.

The first place he looked was the room where he had been just minutes prior. The second he opened the door all eyes were on him.

“Sirius, what’s going on? I just got a text from Y/N saying ‘heading home, not feeling well, enjoy dinner. see you tomorrow’. Did you do something?” Lily questioned him.

“I went to go talk to her and Snape, yeah that one,” he added when everyone’s eyes widened, “saw me talking to her and assumed she was my escort and then he called her a whore and she ran off.”

“Where is he now?” James asked, the same anger in his eyes.

“Might’ve run off, I don’t know. I did tell him to stay the hell away from the two of you and said some other things,” he threw in that last part before he leaned down and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. “I’m gonna go find Y/N and make sure she’s okay,” he said quickly before bolting out the door.

⭐️🌙⭐️

You’d put your phone on Do Not Disturb right after you sent the text to Lily and got in the cab. You were grateful that the cabbie wasn’t a talkative one, or maybe he just noticed he had a girl on the verge of a breakdown in his car and knew better than to try to talk.

He dropped you off, you paid him and tipped probably more than you should have, but you were glad you found a cab so quickly. Opening your front door, the first thing you saw were yours and Marlene’s dresses for tomorrow hanging in the middle of the living room. Another reminder that you couldn’t escape this. You grabbed some leftover pizza from the fridge, walked back to your room and flopped onto your bed. You were quite hungry and flipped the pizza box open so hard, the corner of the box hit the home button of your phone.

(37) missed calls from Sirius

You sighed, picked up your phone, about to type up a text to Sirius to leave you be, when his face appeared on your screen.

You gave in.

“Leave me alone.”

“Y/N, let me explain,” Sirius pleaded.

“What could you possibly say that would make any of this okay?” You felt your throat begin to close up but refused to let yourself cry over this. You can’t cry over a guy and then be in a wedding with him the next day.

“Give me five minutes, and if after that you don’t want to see me ever again, then I’ll respect that, just please give me a chance,” you heard the worry and hurt in his voice.

You glanced at the clock on your bedside table.

“You have exactly five minutes.”

to be continued…

a/n: if you made it this far honestly you deserve an award. also lemme know if i should make a taglist. the next chapter won’t take as long to get up bc a. i don’t have surgery in the foreseeable future and b. i know where i’m taking this. i think i left an easter egg for avps in this i don’t remember i’m gonna make a grilled cheese and curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.

💖-ella

[kotorirod]

Chapter Summary With no idea if the change of heart was happening to Kamoshida, Ren decides to go spend his Sunday to relax the best he can. Needless to say, things didn’t go according to plan. 

Notes So this one took awhile longer because I debated on what I would have Lucien (Simon) be focused on. Just a head’s up, he’s mostly going to be toying with Ren in the first couple of ranks before something happens :P

I had also wanted to put Victor’s (Zen’s) Confidant start in here but decided against it. He’ll be having his own chapter :D

Also I did art of one little scene because I was bored, thought it be fun :3  Enjoy the chapter! Pic here

5/1/XX - Daytime  

Ren finished the curry bowl that Sojiro was kind enough to make for him. It was one of the many perks he got while working some nights with his guardian, especially a tasty coffee to match. As the teenager finished the warm cup, Ren heard the bell ring. He could feel the urging daggers from his elder, making him rush to down the coffee so he could leave and let the man work. The teenager had grabbed his bag and slid off the stool, only to stop when he saw who the person was at the entrance. It was that man from before, the one who had been drinking with Dr. Takemi. What was his name? He knew the doctor had mentioned it once offhandedly before they discussed their deal.

Not that it mattered. 

Ren began to ponder on what his plans would be for today. Maybe he can head to the diner to try that one dish Kira had mentioned before. Ever since that afternoon, he and Kira would hang out every so often at school. Sure, people were still spreading rumors about him, but after taking the upperclassman's advice, they weren't as frequently heard. He remembered Kira and Ryuji mentioning about a movie called The Cake Knight Rises . It sounded corny, but for it to be a sequel of a rather highly-acclaimed film, he could give it a chance.

His thoughts stopped as Morgana meowed something, alerting him that the man hadn’t moved from the door. Thinking he was in the way, Ren had taken a step the side to let him pass him. However, the man never moved. Instead, he saw that his smile and gaze was focused on him as the man asked, “Amamiya-san, right?”

”Um... yes?” Ren answered with some uncertainty.

”Ah, good,” the man spoke. “I was looking for you.”

Ren kept his face from going pale. Wait, why was this guy looking for him? Was he someone that worked at school, maybe? Maybe he worked with Kamoshida, and this was how they were going to be silenced by outside means.

Oh great, Ryuji’s crazy theories were suddenly rubbing off on him.

As if reading what was on his mind, the man chuckled and stated, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I had wanted to thank you for helping Takemi-san.”

”Is he troubling you?” Sojiro’s stern voice broke through, making Ren look behind him to see that his guardian was ready to scold him. Even with the times that they had worked together, he knew he still had to earn the full trust of his caretaker.

”No, it’s alright, Sakura-san,” the man assured him. “This young man has been helping a friend of mine, and I wanted to thank him.”

Although his expression softened, Ren did see that there was still distrust in his eyes. Although, he felt that it was less aimed at him and more at the would-be customer. It seemed his plans weren’t going to be done by his lonesome as the man suggested he treat him to a meal. At least he could probably get a chance to try to that item at the diner.

-+-+-+-

5/1/XX - Daytime  

The meal was excellent, and he was able to sneak a few bites to Morgana, who softly mewled in thanks. He smiled down at him before he heard the man ask, "Do you always carry your cat everywhere?"

Ren looked up, staring at the man who was Simon Gentou. They had traded a few words on the way to Shibuya, mostly what felt like the older man trying to get information on what Takemi-san was working on. It may not have been said, but he wasn't going to break her trust. She helped him get the best medicine they needed to fight the Shadows in the Palace and Mementos. Plus, she was a kind woman.

So now, the topics have been more revolving on him or more so, Morgana.

"I can't really leave him be at the cafe," Ren confessed. "Sakura-san may have fatten him up when I'm not looking."

He ignored the glower from his feline friend and the soft chuckle from Gentou-san.

"He does seem to do that with the strays around Yogenjaya," Gentou-san agreed.

Ren watched him rest one of his arms on the table, chin resting on the hand before the older man stated, "I'm unsure what to make of you, Amamiya-san. With the way Sakura-san spoke of you, you seemed the kind to keep to your own devices, but for you to go out of your way to help Takemi-san on whatever she is working on... I must say, I am thankful for your assistance."

With that said, the older man bowed his head, taking Ren a bit aback by this. He wasn't sure what to make of the guy. Was he really thanking him or poking at him to figure him out? 

"Do you... know what she is working on?" Ren asked carefully.

Gentou-san just smiled before asking, "Do you? It seems rather reckless for you to help someone who could be altering your body for nefarious reasons."

Okay, so that meant that Gentou-san was aware of Takemi-san's research. This means he was trustworthy, right? Unless it was a lucky guess. 

"She and I have a deal," Ren confessed. "I help her with her research, and she gives me medication for my entrance exams."

There was a long pause between them as Ren reached with the hand hidden by the table edge to pat Morgana's head for comfort. After a while, he watched Gentou-san relax in his seat and relayed, "My apologies, Amamiya-san. I simply wanted to be sure that my colleague wasn't being used. She is a close friend and has been through a lot."

Up until this point, Ren felt he was walking on eggshells around this man. With that confession, he felt the conversation's weight finally lifted as he listened to the older man continue.

"I'm not sure what she has told you about herself so far, so I won't go into detail. That's her story to tell, but I was there when she was taken away from her calling. She used to be someone who had a strong drive to help people, even after all that's happened. I'd hate for someone to toy with her when she's getting closer and closer to her goal."

Ren didn't miss the subtle warning in the man's words. He nodded his head and replied, "Although we have a deal, I genuinely want to help Takemi-san on her research. She can help a lot of people if it is completed."

Nodding his head, Lucien tilted his head to the left and smiled. "So, I would also like to propose a deal with you, Amamiya-san."

"A deal?"

Gentou-san laced his fingers together, resting his chin on it before smiling almost too innocently.

"I'd like your help with a research project of my own."

The teenager stared blankly at him, waiting for the older man to explain. The next couple of minutes were filled with information about mental health and cognitive research. Ren blinked at the last part, finding it somewhat surprising that the word "cognitive" has been thrown everywhere lately. At least, around him, he heard it used. 

"So, I would like you to accompany me when we are both free on Sundays," Gentou-san requested.

Ren blinked a few times, thinking carefully about this. It'll probably help to have another adult help him, especially if it's to understand the cognitive world. 

"What exactly am I supposed to do?"

"We'll figure that out in a second," he told the young man, pressing the call button to end the meal.

They stepped outside together as Ren patted his stomach. He realized he had eaten a lot in just a small span of a few hours. The teenager shouldn't have eaten the curry, but Ren didn't plan to eat so soon, especially with Gentou-san. Still, the meal was worth it, something he'll have to tell Kira tomorrow if he saw him at school.

The two stood out in Central Street, people walking around them to get by. Ren turned to Gentou-san as he asked, "What do you want to do?"

For the next few hours, Ren walked with the man around Shibuya, namely the station's underground mall. They hopped between shops, some of which Ren took note that he could apply for some jobs. As the day went on, he noticed that Gentou-san had been buying some trinkets here and there that were in small bags that he had placed in his carrier. Morgana had pointed out such every so often, but neither made a verbal inquiry towards the older man about it.

-+-+-+-

5/1/XX - Evening  

The sun was starting to set, disappearing behind the 109 department building of Shibuya. It always astonished him how almost no matter the time of day, the city was still lively. 

Ren and Gentou-san were at the entrance that led to the J Line as the older man took a few of the bags. After situating everything into a more manageable container, he smiled at Ren and stated, "Thank you for a fun day. It was quite interesting."

The teenager glowered behind his glasses, looking at him before stating, "I felt more like this was some weird shopping spree, and I was your carrier."

Gentou-san looked slightly surprised before he let out a soft chuckle. "Is that what you think happened today?"

Ren continued to observe the man before Gentou-san reached out, grabbing the teenager's wrist so that the palm was facing upward. He then placed the bag of all the trinkets and items into his grasp and making him grasp the handle. 

A long moment of silence emitted from them as Gentou-san just held an innocent smile on his face. 

"Who said these were for me?" 

Ren kept holding a skeptical look on his face as he felt Morgana move about in the bag that was slung on his shoulder. He stared down at the items in the bag, seeing assort knick-knacks, little figures, and posters. One was of that famous singer that was shown across the electronic billboards and pillars. There was even a small Jack Frost plushie, something he remembered staring at in the little store selling stuff animals. As he looked, even more, he realized why all the items were sticking out to him even more.

They were all items he had stared with some interest while walking with Gentou-san in the Underground Mall. 

"Wait..."

Several assumptions were now going through his mind. After a while, one stood out, but that was impossible and the most unlikely. He didn't say it out loud, only returning his gaze to Gentou-san's smile. 

"So, what do you think happened today, Amamiya-kun?"

Keeping his composure the best he could, Ren lifted his shaking hand to his glasses to keep them still on his face. He felt that the sudden realization of the past few hours have made him shrink as he felt smaller in Gentou-san's presence. Ren could feel his face warming up, a blush growing on his face as he reached up to play with the bangs of his black hair.

"Uh... I mean... I guess this could be..."

He couldn't get himself to say the last two words, averting his eyes towards the ground as he continued to play with his bangs. Gentou-san finally chuckled, shaking his head as he stated, "I'm sorry, Amamiya-kun. I just wanted to see what sort of conclusion you would think of, and I can tell what you are thinking right now."

Ren was probably looking red as an apple at this point, keeping his eyes at the ground. He nearly jumped from where he stood when he saw Gentou-san's face appearing before him, having bent down to match his avoiding gaze. Despite the sudden closeness, Ren stood in place and stared back with little confidence. His red ears and cheeks weren't helping, given that Gentou-san looked extremely amused. If only he was in the Metaverse, he could easily stare down this man. He could feel the temptation to rip off his glasses like it was his mask, hoping Arsene or one of the other persona he collected would appear.

The older man just continued to smile before standing up straight and heading towards the turnstiles. "I hope you'll be free next weekend, Amamiya-kun," he called back at him.

The teenager was left standing dumbfounded as he felt a swelling sensation in his chest.

[showmethedestiel]

Like I said; I don’t like Hospitals

Chapter Twelve

[Masterlist]

Summary:  You help Misha while he’s going through a hard time. The two of you quickly become friends, but will it lead to something more in such trying circumstances?

Words: 2,714

Pairing: Misha/Reader

“Y/N, can you come here for a sec?” Misha calls through from the kitchen.

You wander through to see him on his phone, leaning against the countertop. “What’s up?” You ask, taking an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I kinda need to talk to you about something.” He sighs.

“Uh-oh.”

“It’s nothing bad.” Misha chuckles, “It’s just that Darius finished editing the episode of Cooking Fast and Fresh with West, and all the good bits have you in them.”

You nod slowly. “So, you want my permission to post it?”

“Well, yes. But it’s more than that. I’m a public figure whose wife died recently and now I’m living with this beautiful girl who clearly loves my kids, who I film retching into my toilet.” Misha chuckles. “People are gonna assume stuff.” He hesitates, “And unfortunately you might get shit for it.”

“Do you mind?” You ask, taking a bite of the apple.

Misha shakes his head, “Not if you don’t.” He pauses as if he’s thinking, “Darius suggested it might be easier to go public at this point.”

You consider this for a few moments before nodding. “Okay. If that’s best, I’m cool with it.”

Misha raises an eyebrow, “You sure? You don’t have to.”

“I’m sure.” You smile, walking over to wrap your arms around his neck. “I love you, after all.”

Misha smirks and leans down to kiss you, before taking your arms and moving them from behind his neck.

You give him a confused look, before he takes a bite of your apple, smirking.

“So,” He says, “You wanna see the tweet?” He walks over to his laptop on the table.

“You’re doing it over Twitter?” You laugh, following him.

Misha shrugs, “It’s my preferred method of communication.” He turns the laptop to face you, “Here.” He says.

On the screen there’s a picture you’ve never seen before, and didn’t see anyone take at the time. It’s of you and Misha two nights ago among the trees. You’re looking around in awe, and he’s looking at you with pure adoration.

“Jensen took it when we first got there.” Misha explains, watching you to gauge your reaction.

“Well damn,” You say, nodding in approval. “We look good.” You grin and Misha smiles widely.

You look at the screen again and read the caption:

Found: one girlfriend; short, adorable. Please claim if yours (although if you do – I know you’re lying because she’s mine.)

“Nice.” You laugh.

A few hours later Misha posts both the announcement and the episode of Cooking Fast and Fresh with West. For the rest of the day you very carefully avoid going on any social media, but once you’re lying in bed next to Misha curiosity gets the better of you.

You pick up your phone and sign into your personal Twitter – where, of course, people have found you already. You have a couple dozen Misha fan accounts following you, but that’s manageable so far.  

You go to Misha’s Twitter, mentally bracing yourself to go through the replies on his post.

There’s the typical “dad” and “marry me”, but once you get past those, you see

You look so happy!

Aww, y’all are so cute together

She is so pretty!!!

Slayy Misha

You cover your grin with your hand, the positivity overwhelming you.

“Babe, you okay?” Misha asks, noticing you.

You nod slowly, “Have you seen the comments on your post?” You ask, smiling.

Misha grins in relief, “Yeah – they love you.” He laughs.

You go back to scrolling through Twitter – there are a few tabloids calling you Misha’s Rebound but they don’t ruin the fan’s reaction.

After a few minutes you ask, “Hey, do you mind if I tweet a photo of us?”

“Sure – just no nudes.” Misha teases. “Although your social media will get mobbed.”

“Yeah, I know.” You say, looking through your pictures. “I’m prepared.”

Eventually you settle on a picture you took a few days ago, of you and Misha making faces at the camera. You caption it –

Hello world. You might have heard of my adorkable bf Dmitri.

You put your phone down and wait for Misha to check his Twitter. You watch him as his phone buzzes, he smiles – then he glares at you.

“Come on,” He laughs, “Dmitri? Really?”

You grin and shrug. “You have my Twitter notifications on?”

Misha shrugs and murmurs. “Not anymore.”

Later you notice he retweeted your photo anyway. You scroll through some of the comments and laugh when you see:

Yes! A new source of adorable Misha photos – score.

You decide to reply with:

True. There will be a lot of Misha pics from me; it is my true purpose in life.

You toss your phone away and look over to see Misha asleep, you frown – it’s late but you’re not tired in the slightest.

You carefully slip out of bed after turning the lights off, and wander down the hall, wondering what to do at midnight on a Tuesday.

You make your way into the living room, where there’s still a small pile of your things that no one put away, kneeling down you notice your sketchbook, a few canvases and paints.

Hmm.

You fill a jar with water and take everything upstairs, turning on the dimmest light in the bedroom. There’s nowhere to sit with a good view of Misha, so you move a few of your things off the dresser in the corner of the room and clamber on top.

Here you have a good angle of Misha’s sprawled out form, half under - half on top of the covers – his bedhead hair sticking up at angles on the pillow, and the sinews of his toned back emphasised by the warm, low light.

You sketch out his form, and then begin to paint. Art runs in your family – but you had never considered it more than a casual hobby; something you’d do at weekends, or if a friend asked. That wasn’t to say you weren’t good – you were very good, but art had never seemed like a real future for you.

You end up painting for hours - into the early morning, until pale morning sun begins flowing through the curtains; ruining your lighting.

You squint through your tired eyes, inspecting your work. You’ve always been a perfectionist when it came to your work – but it is perfect.

Exhausted, you place the painting haphazardly onto the dresser and slide off the hard wood surface, collapsing into bed next to Misha.

Misha doesn’t wake you when he gets up to drive the kids to school, instead letting you sleep until midday.

When you finally wander into the kitchen, yawning, Misha’s at the table – on his laptop. In front of him is your painting from last night. You’re sincerely taken aback – seeing as you genuinely forgot you’d made it in your weird, sleep-deprived state. “Morning.” You say, coming over.

Misha looks up, startled. “Morning Y/N, did you paint this?” He asks, gesturing at the painting.

You nod casually, getting a bowl from the cupboard and turning back to face him.

Misha’s staring at you incredulously, “Y/N this is incredible – I didn’t know you could paint!” He exclaims.

You shrug, “It’s just a hobby.” You bring your newly made cereal back to the table and sit across from Misha, taking another look at your painting.

It’s good – better than you remembered.

“You should paint more – this is fucking amazing.” He says sincerely.

“Hm.” You say, taking a spoonful of cornflakes. “Maybe I will.”

The next morning Misha comes back into the kitchen after dropping the kids off at school and sighs dramatically.

“What’s up?” You ask, putting the kettle on to make tea.

“Work wants me to come back soon; which I don’t mind – I’m kinda looking forward to going back - but it means moving back up to Washington – Jared and Jensen left yesterday, and…” He trails off, frowning.

“What?”

“Well it’s just… Vicki always used to look after the kids when I was gone, but now… I’m gonna have to get a nanny or something.” He flops down onto a chair.

“Well…” You start hesitantly, before sighing. “I think we should have a conversation.” You say reluctantly before adding, “Like a real, adult conversation.” You take a seat next to Misha.

“Okay…”

“So, you’re gonna be gone sometimes – the kids need looked after. Right now I’m taking time off work with a personal emergency, but I’m meant to be back next week.” You state, absent-mindedly playing with the sleeve of your shirt.

“Y/N, do you like your job?” Misha asks abruptly.

You shrug, “It’s just a job.”

“Do you like painting?” He continues,

“Well, yeah.” You say, starting to regret starting this conversation. “But it isn’t sustainable – I wouldn’t make enough to live off my art…”

“Which is where I come in.” Misha interrupts. “I think you would make more than enough to live off, because your stuff is fucking amazing, but even if you don’t…” He trails off.

“Misha no.” You say firmly.

He raises his hands in defence, “It’s just accommodation.” He says, “And food. And it would give you time to look after the kids… It’s just a suggestion. Think about it. Okay?”

You sigh, “Okay, I’ll think about it.” You roll your eyes. “I guess it would mean West and Maison wouldn’t need a nanny…”

“Exactly! That’s the attitude.” Misha chuckles, standing. “Plus…” He adds, “We have a spare room up North that would look incredible as a studio.”

“Stop.” You laugh, standing to cover Misha’s mouth with your hand.

He just grins, “I’ve been wanting to do some renovating – it’s a perfect excuse.”

“Are you serious about all this?” You ask.

“Yes.” Misha says simply, moving your hand to lean down and kiss you softly.

Misha has to go back to the set of Supernatural a short three days later. In those three days, you quit your job and Misha packs the both his car and your mini with things for the move.

You sigh, taking a step back to admire your work. Your car is filled to the brim with clothes, bags, food and your belongings.

Misha’s driving the kids because he “didn’t want to subject you to that hell”, and you’re following him up to Bellingham – stopping overnight in Medford, Oregon. You’re setting off early tomorrow.

“You ready for tomorrow?” Misha asks, coming to stand beside you.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You chuckle, slightly nervously. “I’ve never driven this far before.”

“It’ll be fine, as long as you’re stocked up on coffee, snacks and good music – you’re good. Just be glad you don’t have to deal with those monsters.” He gestures at West; currently chasing Maison along the sidewalk.

“That I am glad of.” You say, genuinely relieved.

The four of you stop at a hotel overnight, which is stressful because the kids have so much pent up energy. Luckily, you and Misha do not have any energy – so you basically pass out as soon as you see the bed.

As the sun’s setting on the second day, you see that heaven-sent road sign – “Welcome to Bellingham”. You breathe a sigh of relief and follow Misha’s car to a navy house, looking out onto the marina.

You park and get out of the car, stretching as you walk over to Misha – who’s doing much the same.

“How was that?” He asks.

“I’m sore, sweaty and exhausted. So I’d say it went better than expected.” You say, opening the back door to retrieve a sleeping Maison.

Misha takes West and leads you in through the front door and up the stairs to the kids room. You tuck Maison in and follow Misha to the master bedroom, not even bothering to undress before collapsing onto the soft, white blankets.

“We’ll unpack the cars tomorrow.” Misha mumbles, crawling under the covers beside you.

You wake up early – before anyone else, so decide to look around a bit. The view out of the bedroom window is a stunning picture of water glistening in the morning light.

After taking a shower, you change into a robe and wander downstairs to find the kitchen – deciding to make pancakes, you get out some plates and a pan, but realise all the food is in cool-bags in the car.

You sigh and wander outside, grabbing a few bags of food and some clothes for everyone.

“Do I smell pancakes?” Misha says, appearing at the kitchen door.

“That’s why I admire you darling – your good nose.” You tease, leaving the pancakes to wander over and kiss the tip of Misha’s nose.

Misha scrunches up his face before pulling you in by your hips and kissing your lips.

“Mm,” You hum, breaking away. “Pancakes!” You say, skipping back to the stove.

Misha chuckles, following you. “Are the kids not up yet? That’s weird.”

You shrug, “Peaceful though.”

“True.” He laughs, “They might lynch us if they miss pancakes though.”

“Good point – our lives are in serious danger, you should wake them.

Misha has to go to work that afternoon, which means – after unpacking the cars – the rest of the morning is spent showing you where everything is, how everything works and what to do if something goes wrong.

“I’ve got it Mish.” You laugh, batting his hand away from one of the many dials on the electrical box. “I’m not gonna need to use any of this stuff.”

Misha sighs, “Fine. I’ll be back late tonight though – and if anything happens-“

“Mish.” You cut him off. “I know, you said. I’ll call. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Remember to feed the chickens.” He adds, kissing you cheek. “I’d better get going, have you got this?”

“Have fun at work babe.” You say, following him to the front door. “Say hi to Jared and Jensen for me. Go knock everyone’s socks off.” You smirk, kissing him before he goes out to his car.

You’re checking your phone on the couch once you’ve fed, read to, and put to bed the kids that evening.

You notice that basically the entire cast of Supernatural – who you may or may not have googled - have congratulated you and Misha on Twitter.

You smile and get to replying to everyone, as well as answering a few of the fans questions.

After that, you go to check out the room Misha said you could use for art – it’s spacious and lets in plenty of natural light. There’s very little furniture in it, aside from a wooden table and a few chairs. You bring all your art supplies in, dumping them on the table. Your sketchbook falls open on one of your best pieces – it’s of your sister, dancing with one of her ex-boyfriends. You smile, and briefly consider posting it online – to gauge the reaction – but decide to call your sister and make sure she’s cool with it first.

“Hey Y/N.” She answers.

“Hey.” You say, subconsciously doodling on the table. “Oh, first things first – I’m in Washington.”

“The state?” She asks, surprised.

“Yes. Misha had to go back to work, so I went with him.”

“Right. Of course.” She says, laughing. “I saw that you went public on Twitter – people even found me you know.”

“Ah. Sorry about that.” You say awkwardly. “But um, I was wondering if you’d mind if I published one of my drawings of you?”  

Beth sighs. “I guess not – the one of me dancing with Liam? Yeah, it’s good.”

“Yeah. Misha convinced me to start doing shit with my art.” You chuckle.

“Huh, give that man an award – I’ve been trying to do that for years. Anyway – I’d better go. Have fun in Washington.”

“Bye Beth.” You say, hanging up.

The drawing is just a taster, so you take a photo of it and post it to Twitter with the caption:

Does anyone know why this happened when I put a pencil to paper?? Is it cursed?

Immediately a hoard of your new followers comment on “this is amazing” and “she can draw too? Damn”. You smile to yourself and put your phone down, deciding to start another painting; this time of Misha and his kids. You pull up the reference image on your laptop, roll up your sleeves and get started on the large canvas.  

Chapter Thirteen

[nothingbutthefix]

Teaser

Authors Note: I’m testing the waters on my hand at fan fiction. This is only a little of what I have written. If I see there is an interest, I’ll post more. Otherwise, I probably will keep it for personal stock. Feel free to let me know of any errors I might have over looked.

Warnings: This piece contains strong language as well as reference to adultery, implied drug use and male/male preference.

Tags: Erwin, Eren, Levi, AoTAU

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of AoT. This is a work of fantasy and in no way mirrors the thoughts or beliefs of AoT. Reader discretion is advised.

Eren stared up at the daunting, slate grey building from under his umbrella while rain drizzled down from the sky. His lips puckered like he had just sucked a lemon. He was aware that this was just a formality to appease his new employer but it still made his stomach feel like rot. No matter how little he had in the way of sexual history, testing for STI’s was no joking matter.

Eventually, he got his feet to move up to and through the sliding glass doors. Immediately his nose was assaulted by the scent of antiseptic and he had to squint as the too-bright over head lights that bounced off the sterile white walls. The receptionist hadn’t looked up from her computer as Eren approached. Her nameplate said Annie.

“Hi, I’m-,” he started but her ice blue eyes looking up silenced him. They were narrowed and Eren felt a little naked under their gaze.

“Eren Jaeger? Yes, you’re the only one who would schedule an appointment last minute on a Friday afternoon, you’re lucky the attending Physician is a workaholic, otherwise the clinic would have been closed two hours ago leaving some of us a little bit more of a weekend,” she spoke quickly and with a cold undertone.

“I’m sorry?” Eren ventured, taken aback by her chilled nature but she merely shrugged and handed him a clipboard by her computer.

“Fill that out completely, if you have any questions feel free to ask,” she replied but her face told him that he should keep his mouth shut.

He quickly took care of the paperwork and before he knew it an exuberant looking brunette bounced into the reception area.

“Eren?” She requested, glancing around at the emptied waiting room, eyes zeroing in on the only other occupant beside the pissy receptionist.

Eren swallowed and stood. His knees almost gave out, the weight of his nerves finally catching up to him.

“Hi Eren,” the brunette started cheerfully, standing to the side so they could walk down the hall together, “I’m nurse Hange and I’ll be doing the preliminary exam before Dr. Smith sees you.”

“O-ok, um, will I have to…uh,” he made a vague gesture at himself and Hange laughed at his coyness.

“For a boy requesting the works I’m surprised you’re so shy,” she teased and Eren couldn’t find any way to respond other than to shrug helplessly.

Suddenly the nurse became serious as she showed him into the exam room. There were posters reminding patients to wash their hands and diagrams of the male reproductive system as well as a small replica of what the female uterus looked like. Eren cocked an eyebrow at it as Hange instructed him to sit on the crate paper covered bench.

“Ok, so let’s get your vitals and see what we are working with,” she muttered as she burrowed through a cabinet hanging above a small sanitary station, “Woah, woah, woah! What are you doing?” she exclaimed as Eren stood and began removing his jeans.

“I thought you wanted to see what you were working with,” Eren started, his face turning red as he really thought through what she had said, “ Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Quickly he redid his fly, sitting down hard and burying his flushed face in his hands. It was deadly silent after that before Hange burst out in laughter.

“Sorry about that,” she said wiping her eyes, “I definitely was a little vague just then.”

“I-…it’s ok,” Eren finally managed, forcing out a chuckle. The situation was rather comical and he was sure he’d laugh more genuinely…someday.

“Well anyways, stick out your arm and open your mouth,” Hange smiled.

 Hange left with a cheery, “Dr. Smith will be right in!” after having gone through the ringer with him, to include him having to pee into a cup.

He stared at his ring finger where a hello kitty bandage was placed. The prick on his finger was for an HIV test. The testing was far better than when he was younger and just starting out. But it had been five years since he was 15, visiting a local planned parenthood.

His quiet contemplation about how much had changed was interrupted by a soft rap on the door. Starting slightly he looked up as the doctor entered the room. Eren had to swallow hard to keep his mouth from dropping open.

The doctor was mid-thirties, dirty blonde and had a jaw line that could cut steel. His eyes were the most striking ocean blue behind a pair of sleek glasses. Eren could drown in eyes like that. They crinkled a little around the corners as the doctor smiled kindly at him.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Smith,” he started, holding out a slightly calloused hand. Eren regarded it with confusion before his senses came back to him and the voice in his head screamed, “What are you doing idiot?! Shake it!”

“Oh-uh, I’m Eren Jager,” the young brunette managed to sputter as he gripped the doctors hand. His flesh was softer than it looked and warm like spring sunshine.

Good god, did he just compare the doctor’s body temperature to a season? He had to snap out of it. Sure the guy was extremely attractive and his voice was like honey but if Eren followed those thoughts any further another awkward situation might ‘pop’ up.

“So, nurse Hange says you want to update your sexual history, as it were,” he smiled again, trying to put Eren at ease as he took a seat on the rolling stool Hange had previously occupied. Eren nodded gazing at the doctor and really taking a look at him.

Though he was smiling, his eyes were pained, his rather prominent eyebrows slightly furrowed. Oh no, was something on his chart bad?

“Yes,” Eren said firmly even though his hands began to shake. He gripped his thighs tightly to stop, hoping Dr. Smith had yet to notice.

“Okay,” Dr. Smith nodded as he looked back to the chart, his face becoming blank as he examined it. Eren felt bile rise to the back of his throat, he couldn’t do this and he didn’t want to know.

He was about to bolt from the door when the doctor sighed quietly and smiled up at him.

“Well, the HIV test came back negative and as for the urine test, the results should be back by Monday, however, seeing that you’re asymptomatic and that you haven’t had much in the way of sexual partners, you should have nothing to worry about,” Dr. Smith stated as he stood, walking over to the sanitary station to rummage through the drawers much like Hange had done before him.

Eren felt himself sag in relief.

“However, unless you are in a serious relationship where both you and your partner have been tested, I would recommend always using a condom and dental dam,” Smith continued as he pulled out a few packages of the aforementioned items and handed them to Eren.

Eren felt himself start to get a little heated as he nodded and took what the doctor was offering, his fingers brushing Smith’s wrist as he did. The young man felt a small jolt of electricity that seemed to go straight to his dick as his eyes met the doctor’s.

Dr. Smith held his gaze for a few seconds before clearing his throat, his pale cheeks turning a soft pink. Eren stammered his thanks as he hastily stuffed the condoms in his jean pockets.

“So, unless you have any other questions for me, you’re free to go,” the older man murmured, seeming a little shaken himself as he handed Eren his test results. Eren made no comment and opted to shake his head. He was afraid of what would come out now if he opened his mouth. Besides, he had to get his results back to his boss.

 Levi made a grunt of disapproval as he looked at his watch. His model was 20 minutes late. Figures, we should have never looked at strip clubs, always stick to the burlesque that Pixis owned, always. At least the old man had common business sense as well as an eye for aspiring talent, male or female. Just like Levi, or so the raven haired photographer had thought.

He had been banking on this girl to show, it was a part of his Midnight collection which was set to premiere in less than a month and his inspiration had run dry. The girl in question had a nice gothic vibe to her which he was hoping would cultivate some creativity. Her pale skin and gaunt eyes must’ve been from something other than lack of sun light however…

“Tch,” Levi made another noise as he turned and went into a nearby coffee shop. At least a tea for the road might not have made this a complete waste of a Friday afternoon.

Patiently, he stood in line, his camera slung over his waist. He got a few glances and frowns of annoyance. People must have thought he was one of those hipster bloggers that ordered the most complicated drink just to snap a few pics then toss the concoction in the trash after a sip or two. He didn’t care too much however as he approached the counter as a young man was finishing up.

Levi was set to brush past this stranger until he turned to scan for a place to sit and they locked eyes. Granted, the young man was taller than Levi but that wasn’t saying much as most people, even teenagers, were taller than him. However, his piercing green eyes gave Levi pause from moving on. Then there was the rest of his face.

“E-excuse me,” the young man’s voice was slightly lower than Levi was expecting but they had that in common. His cheeks colored red when Levi did nothing but cock an eyebrow and offer one of his seductive smiles. Even if the young man wasn’t gay (but Levi was absolutely sure he was) he was definitely affected by the alpha male vibe the photographer gave out, he could see it in the widening of the young man’s pupils.

“You’re excused,” Levi finally said, his voice barely above a low murmur but the young man stiffened as his body almost gave way to an involuntary shudder.

Levi tried not to chuckle as the brunette retreated to the pick-up side of the counter, allowing Levi to order from the young woman who had been waiting during the entire exchange. Levi asked for whatever tea they had that was strongest while he watched the young man’s backside as he fled. He had a nice ass, Levi would give him that,

           “Eren?” the barista asked loudly causing the young man to wince as he indicated he was standing not three feet away. Levi did chuckle then, getting Eren’s attention. The brunette stuck his lip out in a slight pout before taking his coffee and heading out the door.

           Levi cleared his throat and looked down, slightly ashamed of himself, which he rarely felt. He hadn’t meant to embarrass the kid.

           “Levi?” the barista practically barked and Levi baulked slightly. Jeez, this guy vastly overestimated the noise level in there.

             Erwin scrubbed his face with a sigh before checking the time. 6:30pm. He knew he should head home, Annie and Hange went home hours ago but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. That entire apartment reminded him of how empty his life now was.

           Sure, he was the one who kicked Rob out after catching him fucking their maid but every time he thought about it he wondered what he had done to drive his ex to that. Did he work too much? Did he not treat Rob well enough when he was home? His thoughts were starting to turn toxic when his cell phone vibrated harshly against the desk.

           “Hey Levi,” he answered without looking at the caller ID. Only one person ever bothered to call him instead of text.

           “You sound like you’re about to kick a chair out from under you and end it all, you know that?”

           “Someone must’ve gotten laid, you’re much more brash than normal,” Erwin bantered back as he leaned back in his chair, his spine cracking softly, He winced and made a mental note to keep better posture when he was slaving away over patient charts.

           “Nah, I actually got stood up and need to find a new model as soon as possible,” Levi replied, sounded disinterested but Erwin could hear the under tone of annoyance.

           “Stripper end up not being your golden goose?” the doctor questioned, logging out and shutting down his computer.

           “Big shocker, right? I’m going to go back to The Steel Rose tonight, Pixis always employs the cream of the crop,” the photographer replied and Erwin could hear the jingle of keys in the background.

           “I take it I’m coming with,” there was no question there, really. The only time Levi drove was when he had someone to drive him back when he had one too many.

           “You got anything better to do?” the raven haired man asked before unceremoniously hanging up.

           Erwin sighed as he pocketed his phone. With one last glance around his office he hung up his lab coat, rolled up his sleeves and ventured out, making sure everything as locked up tight. Levi was correct, he had nothing better to do except wallow in misery. At least now, he’d have company.

[sylsabastian]

More Bushmen Stories - Part 2

Direct audio link: https://buff.ly/2nRzknN (For mobile)

Continued from Part 1: https://buff.ly/2CaiF3h

One morning, the two young men among the Bushmen casually announced that they were going to the store. Now you might wonder why this is significant. Going to the store, no big deal. But if the store is thirty-five kilometres away and you have no transport, it is. No worries, they wanted to go, and so they did.

Off they went and no-one paid it any mind, except me. They returned in the afternoon, very much looking like they had indeed only gone to the corner store, except they had run there and back. For most, a seventy-kilometre run is somewhat of a big deal, but for them it really seemed like nothing. I was amazed, especially since it was not like they ran every day, or trained or anything like that. They simply did it.

The two young men, somewhat older in this pic.

*

A few of the women had unfortunately had not-so-pleasant interactions with some of the farmers where they had lived before, in the north. One in particular. A young vibrant and spirited woman named Luis. (Pronounced Lace.) It means louse, a nickname resulting from an unfortunate episode with lice. She was fairly attractive and had nice natural breasts. Large for a woman of the Bushmen. She had some mixed blood in her and was physically the largest of the women. Her breasts of course drew much attention to her. Not all of it kindly received. Despite her general positivity and good spirits, she carried a deep anger and resentment toward white men.

With winter approaching, the owners asked me to oversee building more permanent huts for them. They had been living in their traditional structures. These were simply thin dried reeds, bound together on a framework of branches to make a cone. Fairly weatherproof. One can not even call them huts. They were basic shelters only. And small. Maybe five to six feet in diameter at the base. A family would all crowd into the shelter, sleeping very much right on top of each other. These shelters served their purpose well enough as they were only used for sleeping. However heavy snow would be a different matter, not only for the pressure on the structures, but requiring a more extended indoor presence.

In the hot climate of the Kalahari, these basic shelters would be enough. The desert does get very cold at night, the shelters sufficed with the body heat by their close physical proximity. But, on the mountain plateau where we were, it snowed heavily in winter. Bushmen had lived there in earlier times, plenty of rock paintings attested to that. One imagines they used caves, which if deep enough have a constant cool temperature year round. Or they simply moved to the warmer valleys below during winter. They were a nomadic people after all.

Looking to fulfil my task as best as possible, I went to all the Bushmen, explaining about the larger more permanent weatherproof huts, and asked them all in turn where they would like the huts placed. Nothing untoward or unusual, except that none really cared. Wherever was fine. They didn't seem to care much about my doings one way or the other. Until I came to Luis.

She responded with annoyance to my request, Annoyance with a touch of anger. I was taken aback. Explaining to Luis I was attempting to place the huts where they wanted them. But the more I tried to explain what I was doing, the angrier Luis became, finally erupting into a full-blown anger-rage at me. The gist of her anger came out as I was in charge and it was up to me, Why was I asking them. it was my doing, not theirs, just put it where I wanted, and so on.

I protested, explaining that yes, I could do that, but I was being considerate, making some extra effort so they would be happy with where the huts were placed. But Luis would hear none of it. Just becoming even angrier. She really laid into me with a ferocity. I was not only amazed, but dismayed. And as she kept going at me, not letting up, I became irritated, really annoyed.

What the hell! Here I was trying to be nice and look out for them, and I get all this crap. The sheer irrationality and unreasonableness of it got to me. So I laid into Luis in return, letting her have it. I was truly annoyed. I remember feeling my annoyance inside me, feeling myself pushing my annoyance at her. I really scolded her, most vigorously, and of course, with anger. It was the only time such an incident took place. I was truly put out by the craziness of her response to my niceness and consideration. I didn't expect any appreciation, but she could just have said wherever, and left it there. Why get angry with me and scold me and lay into me? It was mind-boggling.

I left after laying into Luis, not wanting to spread the anger and annoyance. But I had still not asked everyone or determined suitable places for the huts. I came back later, anger never stayed long with me, and since it was so irrational, I figured that maybe it was something completely unrelated that had triggered Luis. So I let it go and returned in my normal good mood. Happy to let bygones be bygones.

But on returning it was immediately apparent that something was amiss. The women were all crowded round Luis lying on her back. They were rubbing and massaging and otherwise ministering to her abdomen area. Noticing me, the women shot dark looks my way. this surprised me, as during our altercation, none of them, or the men, took much notice, as was their way, they left others to do what others were doing. It had been between me and Luis. But now it was certainly a something between me and all the women.

Seeing Luis lying there in obvious distress, I realised what I had done. Never before had I seen the actual physical effects of anger on another. The Bushmen were open when it came to feelings. Not only incoming, but also they used feeling as a way of perceiving the world, kind of like sensor emissions probing and feeling the world to know it. Their entire beings were way more centred around feeling than thinking and talking. I realised that this sensitivity and openness to feeling had made Luis very vulnerable to the intensity of my projected annoyance and anger. My intent had indeed been communicated, all too terribly well.

I felt like the most horrid piece of crap seeing Luis suffering because of my doings. We do not think of our anger and negativity as having a real actual physical impact, but right there I realised that indeed it very much did. I resolved never ever to push energy like that again, no matter how annoyed or angry I might become. Anger was a force, I realised. One we do not ordinarily perceive as having an effect, but it is nonetheless there. In this instance it was clearly obvious, and those involved knew what it was all about. In other societies those effects are likely explained away as due to some other cause. The overall effect made me extremely cautious with pushing Intent in general.

Luis recovered quickly though. She had a fierce energy and was a strong woman and individual. I never found out what was behind her anger and why my innocuous question had set her off so. It doesn't matter, the lesson was profound, for both of us. I am also pleased to say, that the altercation made no difference after that. Luis and I, and all the women, maintained our good relationship. Forgive and forget was very much a part of the Bushmen, as it also is for me.

Thinking of this as I write, it comes to me that Luis was, it now seems to me, annoyed and distressed because I was genuinely being nice. This seems utterly counter-intuitive, but, by that time, we had already been accepted into the group, we were to a certain extent, family. She knew that I was actually nice, that I did not have hidden agendas and such like. Now why would this upset her? Because of the implications. My niceness meant that niceness from a white man IS possible. And thus the abuse she had suffered from white men need not have been, as that abuse had been optional.

I feel I had been a safe release for Luis. Unfortunately, an insight I did not realise at the time.

*

Luis was also very fit, and had an athleticness to her. One weekend, a film crew for a large international hotel group, came to make a commercial in which the Bushmen were to be featured. Extremely professional, thoroughly immersed in all of the rigmarole of film production, the crew set about preparing for the shoot, right next to our restaurant. We provided catering, as we had done a few times previously for other film crews. The incredible landscape making the game ranch a popular location.

The ranch had wonderful rock formations on it. A standout feature of the area. One of the reasons the owners had decided to convert it into a place open to visitors. The restaurant was situated in a natural amphitheatre of tall rocks in an extended circle around the restaurant. Only one side had no rocks. Their height was typically about two to three stories high. A most magnificent and spectacular setting.

Everything was finally ready. Two shoots were planned. Some footage during the day and then the main footage of a fireside dance later, after dark. (The dance turned out to be uninspiring and unimaginative. just repetitiveness in a circle, most disappointing.) I was the translator and liaison to the Bushmen. Luis had caught their eye. The producer explained to me they wanted a shot of Luis atop the rocks. One column stood alone. It was not vertical like some of the others, but nonetheless had very steep sloping sides. I explained to Luis what they wanted. She said no problem and started to head towards the rock column. Luis had a potent energy to her. Always doing things immediately. She did not suffer fools well either. Not typical in her demeanour among the Bushmen. But all loved her. She was full of life.

"Wait wait!!" The producer shouted after Luis, almost in a panic. He had not expected her to simply get going. He hastily called over one of the safety crew who handed me ropes and climbing safety gear. "This is for her," he said. Perhaps some of my mischievous side came into my translating, along with my ethical side, I always made an effort to translate exactly what was said. I never added my own opinions or suggestions. Unless I was asked to. But I never was. Always scrupulous in the precision of my translating.

"This is for you," I said to Luis, waiting for the safety expert to provide further instruction. But before he could say anything, Luis simply said OK, and ran off with the safety gear flung over her shoulder. Then proceeded to scamper up one of the steep sides of that stand alone rock column, much to the horror and terror of the producer and his crew. But there was no stopping Luis, even if they had been able to reach her. All they could do was watch in panic. Luis was a magnificent climber. She fairly ran up to the top. It was the most alacritous climbing I have ever seen. I hoped that someone had a camera rolling. But they had been caught by surprise. They were far from ready.

I can't find a photo of the exact column, but something like this.

Luis makes it to the top, much to the relief of the producer, who looks like he is about to have a heart attack. I can see law-suits and liability torturing his corporate soul. The crew scurry to ready for the shoot. Luis is not impressed by any of it. Her attitude is one of putting up with their folly because she has been asked to do so. To punctuate this perspective, and much to the embarrassment of the crew when I translate, she shouts down to me: "And what do you want me to do with this stuff?" The producer sighs with resignation, "Oh, just tell her to throw it down." Her bafflement was priceless when I pass on she was to just toss it back down. That look of having to deal with complete idiots is one I will never forget.

*

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