#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck

[butterflieswhisper]

looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom

[separatist-apologist]

I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.

I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?

I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.

Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?

I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.

When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.

And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.

That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.

And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?

Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for using my moms money to buy games?

The title sounds bad, but I'm not sure how else to word it. This is also going to be a weird one as, in advance, I know the other party isn't an asshole, however I think it's a similar situation im tone and I really need some feedback on this.

I'm 22 and live with my mom and cat. I've lived with her my whole life, and continue to due to disability. My mom has 2 jobs that she mainly works on weekends, and I'm unemployed. Ever since covid it's been incredibly difficult for me to find work because it is still very much a thing despite what people want to believe, and I can't be in contact with random people physically due to immune issues and the chance of getting sick. Online jobs are apparently very hard to find (my mom has tried) and many ask for a payment beforehand. I do however get social security income that pays most of our bills/utilities, and we're also on foodstamps for groceries.

My family has never been well off. I wouldn't call us dirt poor, we've never had to go hungry, and I always had toys to play with/clothes as a kid. But my mom has had to manage funds well and we've never had a lot of money for leisure or frivolous purchases. My mom will buy herself things like some new clothes, a phone charger, roku set, etc smaller things like that when she gets her paycheck but extra expenses such as furniture have to be planned out probably weeks/months ahead of time. We also moved recently and ever since then our budget has been more difficult, the down payment really screwed with my moms expenses.

Because of our situation, I never really had games growing up. I remember we had maybe 3 big family consoles during me and my sisters whole childhood (with like 3-6 games on them each, most of which were guitar hero which my mom and sister loved to play), and I would get a new handheld for myself every few years. I never got to play the new exciting games people were always talking about, and my gaming experience has really been limited to like. Animal crossing, the sims, and cooking mama.

I played a bunch of roms as a kid so that helped, but I was always kinda sad and felt left out that I never got to experience gaming the way other people did. I really wanted to try the "classics" people talked about but didn't have any way to. People (especially as I got into my 20s and started following streamers + nintendo direct for example) would always talk about the New Thing coming out and playing it the day it dropped, all the excitement and community people had around that, but if I really wanted that kind of game, I'd have to wait a few years before getting it and trying it out, and by then no one was playing it anymore anyways.

As time went on things got a little better. Especially because of my moms new jobs, both of which she genuinely loves doing, though it's still work, we have been a bit better off. It's only been recently we started struggling more again.

Recently I've been kind of asking for things from my mom. Mostly it's steam games. I found I've gotten much more into gaming as a hobby as I've gotten older, and I have a long wishlist of games that I really want to get into, but of course have no money to myself. I should also clarify that NONE of these are those big triple A $60 titles, as I still can't ever justify paying something so expensive for one game. So sometimes lately I've been asking my mom "hey, can I get this/these games?" And use her money/card to purchase them. I don't do it constantly, or even super often, but I feel like it's becoming more often and it makes me feel really guilty.

I have done this before, around high school I started asking my mom for certain things I wanted around the house, and usually she had no problem buying them for me. This also wasn't large stuff, nothing ever over $30 and usually only up to $20. But when I'd find something I *really* wanted, especially if it was a time limited thing like merch drops from a favorite content creator, often yarn for my knitting or art supplies I wanted to try, I would ask her.

I've pretty much always felt guilty about this. I would ask for something despite my better judgement, and for the most part my mom would say yes, and that it was okay, whereas I was the one apologizing and asking if it was "really alright". She has told me she has no issues buying things for me as long as I ask her. She says the social security I get is "technichally my money", and that she wants me to be able to use it. (Obviously we don't use the actual ssi to buy random shit, but her giving me spending money is the next best thing).

Every time I've asked my mom for something like this, I've told myself that it would be the last time, that I would get my own job and own money and not mooch on my mom anymore, but both with the stress of chronic illness and depression I never seem to get around to it. I try to do dishes and keep my room clean, take care of the cat etc as ways I can help without working, but for some reason the money really weighs on me. I know that it's really my fault, I haven't even been looking for jobs and I could always take art commissions again, but somehow a mental block always stops me.

I feel like I have a bit of an impulsivity problem when it comes to spending. The money I got from my one summer job and commissions would never last long, and honestly I couldn't even tell you what I spent it on for the weeks I had it. I have issues taking money from people, but when I realized that I may not have had the stuff I wanted as a kid simply because I never asked for/communicated that I wanted it, it made me more bold to actually ask my mom for things.

I never pester my mother about this. I'll ask once and if she says no I'll be dissapointed but won't continue. Sometimes she says that we don't have the money for it then, or that I'll have to wait until xyz thing is paid for, which is always fine. I also have *never* bought anything with her money without asking first. I get pretty much all the steam games I buy on sale (usually that's what prompts me to ask about them, actually) as personally I can't justify getting games for their asking price for the experience I'm going to get.

I feel bad as I feel like I'm wasting our money, mooching off my mom and not putting in the work to have spending money myself. I also worry that sometimes when she says it's fine, it's untrue and she's really just trying to make me feel better. I also sometimes don't play the games as soon as I get them, I have a sizeable backlog of games I have gotten but haven't "got around" to playing as I was excited to get them at a low price at the time, but then haven't felt like I'm in the right mood. This also makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm not being appreciative enough of her buying for me.

So am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[issuesdolly]

First date with Jonathan Davis

This story is part 1 of a fantasy where a young lady from a bad home meets Jonathan in high school (both of you are high school aged) and fall in love/lust. Part 1 is about escaping home and going on your first date with him

Side note, I have a TikTok where I make a lot of Jonathan Davis thirst traps/sexy edits/comedy edits if y'all are interested. Here's a link to one example lol:

& a link to the TikTok in general. Apologies if that's not allowed I'll remove the links, I'm new to Tumblr.

The day of the date, she woke up excited. She had a cute outfit picked out, but saw that it was pouring rain and quite cold out. Relunctantly, she got dressed in jeans and a hoodie and prepared to meet him. Time couldn't pass more slowly. As she got her stuff ready, her dad pulled her aside and demanded she stay home and help clean the garage.

She told him she had to head to the library and study. Although he wasn't going to fight her on that, he demanded she stay behind for awhile and at least begin helping him sort. She couldn't let on where she was really going, so instead she kept arguing she really had to get going.

That only made her father more mad until it escalated to a full blown fight.When he told her if she'd gotten up early she'd have time to help him and get her studying done, she lost it and yelled "it's the weekend can't I catch even a little break? Her dad didn't like it. Stood up and got in her face."Don't you ever raise your voice like that to me. Get the hell out of here before I really lose it. But when you're done studying you're going to finish all this sorting by yourself!" the dad bellowed.

Fighting back tears she took off. She went out into the rain, her cheek still stinging. She looked at her watch. She was already 45 minutes late for the date. She raced over to the pizza place, fulling expecting Jonathan will have given up by now.However, when she got to pizza place, she saw Jonathan was sat outside on at a bistro under the awning, looking around kind of sad and aimlessly. The awning didn't provide a whole lot of protection from the rain and he had his arms folded trying to keep warm.

He definitely looked like he'd already accepted that he had been stood up, but for whatever reason was just hanging out. When he saw her come into view, he quickly brightened and stood up. He had his hands tucked in his sleeves for warmth but he gave her a big hug and wrapped his arms around when she approached. She was genuinely so happy to see him she hugged him back very enthusiastically. They went inside.

"I'm so sorry, my dad wouldn't let me leave," she mustered as she shook from the cold and the mix of adrenaline from the morning and excitement that he was still there. She tried to smile but clearly was still flustered and upset about what happened at home. "I'm sorry," Jonathan said softly, already picking up on the fact that something was wrong. "I'm glad you're here," he added.She sat across from him in the booth, catching her breath.

She couldn't stop shivering. "You look really cold," Jonathan said. "Are you ok?" "I'm... sure I will be," she said trying to act normal. They looked at each other in silence for a minute after they ordered. "Come on that doesn't look fun, come sit on this side of the booth," Jonathan said. She got up and made her way over to sit next to him. She was too shy to start holding him but he put his arm around her. She was rigid in his arms, having a difficult time relaxing.

She still was suppressing tears thinking about her morning at home and how relieved she was he waited for her.There was an awkward silence and he gave her a tender kiss on the cheek and rubbed her shoulder, trying to warm her up. "Did something happen at home?" Jonathan asked. "Yeah," she said holding back tears. "It was just a really bad morning. I'm glad you waited for me." "Of course I waited!" Jonathan said, surprised she would even think he would stand her up. "I didn't want you to think I don't care," she said, still shivering but feeling the warmth of his body. "If you didn't turn up, I wasn't gonna think that."

Jonathan said. "I wish I had somewhere else to go when my dad gets like that," she admitted. "Same," Jonathan said with a resigned tone. The pizza arrived. It was warm and steam came up from it and it smelled good."Are you hungry?" Jonathan asked, trying to lighten the mood. "Um.... not really," she admitted. "You sure? It looks pretty good.... maybe having some will help," Jonathan said. She didn't know what to say. She was just grateful for him. She was still overwhelmed but shivering less.

Jonathan kept rubbing her shoulder and she relaxed her face against his chest for a second. Eventually, she decided to eat. They got talking and laughing and enjoying themselves again, all the while she stayed on Jon's side of the booth and he kept an arm around her. "What next?" Jonathan said, when they were done eating. "I don't know," she admitted. "But I definitely want to keep hanging out," she added. "It's not really walking weather, is it?" Jonathan said. "Do you want to just drive around?" he asked. "Sure," she said, happy for any excuse to spend more time.

They went outside to his car and she got inside. It was still raining and windy when they went back outside. Being out in the cold after being so cozy in his arms and eating the hot food was unpleasant. Jonathan ran the heat and they both warmed their hands over the vents. She began shivering again. He put his hand on her shoulder saying "sorry, you're too far away to cuddle now haha."

They both giggled a little and then grew silent, clearly realizing that's both what they wanted to do more of. After the car warmed up a little, Jonathan began driving. They made it up to the parking lot for the local park. There were not any cars nearby on such a lousy day. He parked but kept the car running with the heat going and the radio playing. He offered her his hand to at least warm up hers.

She wanted to scoot over next to him but the center divider was a major mojo block. It was clear he wasn't going to try to make a move, he was happy just being with her. She asked if they could sit in the back together instead. Jonathan said "sure, if you want to," making sure she didn't think it was something she had to do. They hopped out and got back in the back of the car and got under a spare jacket together. She was happy to be back in his arms and cuddling him again. She nervously returned the cuddle by putting her arm around his waist.

Jonathan paused and gave her a kiss on the cheek again. She turned her head to give him a kiss on the mouth in return. At first it was a quick kiss. But she withdrew from the kiss and looked at his eyes. They looked a mix of vulnerable, vibrant, and nervous. Searching kind of glance. She went for another kiss and they embraced while kissing longer this time.His grip tightened on her with need as he returned her kiss. He had one arm around the small of her back and the other moving up towards her face to stroke her hair and hold her face.

She couldn't believe her day had started so awful and now this was happening. She wished she could stay like this with him forever, but she knew she'd have to get back before dark. But, at the same time, she was getting quite lost in the makeout session.Her hands moved up to his hair and she gently stoked his long hair, surprised how soft it was. She shifted closer until she was practically sat on his lap. The closer she got to his lap, and the deeper they kissed, the more Jonathan started moaning softly. It was clear he was getting really into it.

He started shaking, but not from the cold this time. He was definitely getting really nervous and turned on by how aggressive their session was getting. She could feel his warm lap and his erection pressing hard between her trembling thighs . It turned her on knowing fabric was all that separated him from being so easily inside her and her clit throbbed nShe didn't want to, but in the back of her mind, she knew she should stop. This was a bit much for a first date, but she couldn't resist him.

She nuzzled his face for a minute and tried to catch her breath. His hands stayed wrapped around her while they shook a bit."I..... I have to get back.... I'm sorry," she said. "Don't be," Jonathan said, trying to catch his breath also. They looked at each other, catching his breath. His hair looked adorable all messed up. She patted his hair back into place and they giggled for a bit. She could feel how wet she was and was trying hard to play off how turned on she was as well. As they reluctantly scooted away from each other and prepared to hop back in the front seats, she stole a glimpse and his pants and could see he was very hard for her.

When they got back to the front seats, they decided to sit and "chill" while listening to the radio for awhile. Both of them could not wipe the smiles off their faces. They both felt that mix of silliness, romance, arousal and disbelief that they had found someone equally into them. Jonathan eventually got it together to start the car. They had a bit of an awkward ride back and he dropped her off a block from her dad's house, as per her request. Before hopping out, she couldn't resist giving him another kiss.

His lips tasted so good and his face was very soft. "Hang in there," Jonathan said honestly. "And call me if it gets bad ok?" "Yes, I promise... You too, ok? Call me" she replied. Jonathan was happy she was willing to keep him company in whatever way she could. He felt like they were both prisoners who escaped for the afternoon. He didn't want to leave her side. But they both knew they had to get home. "Okay, talk to you soon," Jonathan said softly, before leaning in for one last kiss. They kissed slowly and tenderly and made it last. She made her up the street slowly, staggering a little from still being turned on. Jonathan drove off and turned left, with his right blinker on. She giggled a little before going inside and returning to reality.

[processingabuse]

I had really bad mental health these past few days and I realized it might have something to do with the film Killers of the Flower Moon coming out this weekend. I think it genuinely triggered my cptsd, but I don't know how to make that not sound dumb. Leonardo Dicaprio and Martin Scorsese (their films separately and together) were my OBSESSIONS when I was in high school. Unhealthy, all-consuming obsessions. It was the first time I had an interest of my own without my parents telling me what I liked and what I didn't like. They had to approve of it or I would never have let my self like it in the first place, but once I had permission it was the first interest I had that I let myself run with at least in the privacy of my own brain. My teenage years were filled with constant chaos and abuse and manipulation and screaming and hopelessness and dissociation because I couldn't feel anything that I wasn't allowed to. But when I watched Leonardo Dicaprio act, when Martin Scorsese sucked me into the worlds he created, I was allowed to be sad or scared, I was allowed to escape. Not to a world more pleasant than mine, but to a world where brutality was artfully rendered and I could become briefly in touch with feelings I pushed away in real life because it wasn't safe there. I didn't have any agency over my own life, I made no decisions for myself, I had nowhere to go to escape the chaos and abuse, so I retreated into their films because it was the only way I knew how to cope. I've been away from the abuse for almost 4 and a half years now. I have a sense of self, I have agency. I'm struggling really bad with mental health every day, but I own my own mind and I can feel whatever I want at any time because I am a whole person, not a shell. It's been a long time since I've watched either of their films, not because I'm not still a big fan, but because it's just too painful. With advertisements and reminders of Killers of the Flower Moon everywhere it's gotten to me in a way I didn't expect. Even just seeing Leonardo Dicaprio's face in the trailers is making me feel a lot of feelings. And it's not like I freak out at every reminder of it, but the cumulative effect of seeing it everywhere I think really got to me. Even the smallest thing about it is like "Hey, do you remember when you were in so much pain all the time every day? Do you remember when this meant the world to you because your world was too horrible to articulate? Remember when this was a hollow replacement for being a person? Remember when you loved him because no one loved you? Remember when he was the only way you could feel?" They represent so many years lost to abuse, and the immense grief that comes with that. I'm free from the clutches of abuse and in a lot of ways I am in a much better place, but I still struggle a lot. And their films, for better or worse, filled the hole in my heart at least temporarily, and there's a part of me that (especially since it's gotten such rave reviews) is afraid that it won't fill that hole in the same way. Not that it should or needs to, I've matured and I'm not dependent on it, but there will be a kind of disappointment if it doesn't because it's kind of like a helpful tool that you don't want to use but you like knowing it's there. Or if it does will it be like, relapsing? Like if I get really into it will it be like I haven't grown at all? I almost don't want to see it (even though like objectively I very much do) because no matter what happens there's downsides. I'm also a little afraid that I might just... cry the whole time or won't be able to finish it, because if the advertisement causes me this much grief, what will the whole 3 and half hour film do to me? If I get a ticket I might buy one way in the back in the corner so I can feel free to just express all my emotions that I'm feeling, and I don't think I'll wait until streaming because then I probably just won't get up the nerve to start it or I'll stop in the middle. Anyway, hope this made sense and trauma is weird.

[1d1195]

Friends genuinely can be the worst, I literally lost all my close friendships last year in span of weeks and I'm officially friendless so cheers to that 🥂 I never understood when adults used to say that it gets harder to make friends as you grow up cause I used to be the kind of person to make friends anywhere I go, so I was like "how hard could it be"... IT'S HARD...Harder to even maintain them as time goes on ...I am 19 and I don't think I have ever had a best friend that was truly my best friend, yk what I mean, that I genuinely was really open with....so for now I have kind of left it...Maybe college could be a place but I have lost all hope 🥲

Maybe it's just because its the second month, but I agree the last 4 years went by too fast but they were also SO FREAKING EVENTFUL...it makes you think did all that happen in the same year....I really really hope, I genuinely get to experience everyday of this year, good or bad

Dude me too, when I read protection I was like aweee bodyguard love story...but yk i love angst like gimme all of it (with a happy ending ofc) i love scenes where if one of the MCs get hurt and the other is like panicking but simultaneously telling them how much they really mean....the brink of death scenarios add a little depth just sayin' ....but she was a fiesty one for sure...like she practices running and can out run them all...she is kind and has flowers all over her apartment but will send you glitter christmas cards...I love it

At this point, if im not watching you tube during my study breaks, I just pick new stories of yours to read, because physical books are so much of a commitment now although i miss them soo much! I might even peak at your "OLD STORIES"

🤭🤭🤭🤭

-🧸

P.S. my sunday was shitty too lol this week was not mine

I met my best friend in college. Felt the same way as you. I had a best friend in elementary/middle school. Definitely was alone throughout high school. All this to say, don't count it out yet. It's easy to lose hope, believe me. But you'll be glad you didn't. Easier said than done, I know. But she was worth the wait.

I am exhausted by time, so I hope it slows down, for SURE. I don't feel old but then I feel like I'm running out of time (very Hamilton of me). I don't know. It makes me sad sometimes. I like your philosophy, I hope I experience all the year has to offer.

I loved writing Protection so I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! 💕 That's so sweet 😭 Physical books ARE a commitment. I have to admit, I think I am too old for all the YouTube hype. I just missed the boat I think. The good news is I waste my time scrolling through TikTok for hours on end when I'm not writing or reading. I should do more math though is what I should do--keep my skills sharp 😅

So sorry to hear about your weekend. Glad you get a fresh start on a new week!

xoxo

[aliasimagines]

It Was You All Along // Dave Lizewski

requested by a lovely anon 💕

Can u write dave x fem!reader where reader Always had a crush on him but he kinda ignored reader bc of Katie but then someone popular asks reader out and he gets jealous and y/n dresses up super hot and he realizes he fucked up

word count: 1809

a/n: i hope this is close enough! ❤️ (i couldn't think of a different title but this one reminds me of Agatha All Along xd)

"Hey, Dave! My folks are gone for the weekend and I thought we could have an X-men watch party. Wanna come?" 

"Sorry I can't, I'm hanging out with Katie." 

"Again?" you ask a bit louder than intended,causing a few people to look at you in the hallway. You continue with a lower voice "Aren't you like, tired of all the lying? Like, what if she finds out that you're not actually gay, hm? Cause you know she will, eventually." 

"Why do you care so much?!" Dave says, clearly frustrated. 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"Oh why would I? Maybe because we have been best friends since diapers, you stupid asshole!" you say not caring if some students hear you or not, anymore. "But you know what, you are right. I shouldn't care. Go play pretend with Katie but don't come to me, crying when you end up getting your heart broken." 

"Don't worry, I won't." he snaps back. And you turn around and leave but not before flipping him off. You felt the angry tears rolling down your cheeks as you zigzagged between the chattering teenagers. 

You couldn’t  believe how Dave could be so blind! He only had eyes for Miss Perfect. Whom by the way, is a real bitch and would go back to ignoring Dave or calling him a freak if it wasn’t for his little gay act. 

Somehow you made your way over to the restroom and locked yourself into one of the booths.

Dave couldn’t even see you as a potential “love-interest”. Eventhough you were the one who always were there for him, you were always there when he called, running to him like a lost puppy. And he couldn’t even care less. And you hate him for it. But you hate yourself more for still liking him. 

It’s not like you can do something about it, if you could, you would have. But that’s not how it works, so you are just crying your guts out on the toilet trying not to think about Dave.

In all honesty, you have no idea how you made it through the day. You almost cried during biology but you caught yourself after a few lonely tears. You could feel Dave’s gaze on you but there was no way you would look at him. As soon as the last bell rang you were out of school, hurring past Tod and Marty, not being in the mood for them either.

The next day wasn’t any different, you didn’t hang with Dave, Tod and Marty like you normally do. You didn’t sit with them at lunch, instead walked over to the only empty table you saw and placed your tray there. You mounched on your food, completely unaware of your surroundings until you hear the chair next to you being pulled out. You look up to see Matthew Greendale, resident hottie of the school sit next to you. 

"Hey, sorry, it's not a problem if I sit here, right?" he asks. You eyed him suspiciously. 

"No, it's fine." 

It's fine?! You mentally scold yourself. You never even spoke to this guy, outside of literature in first year. Why would he sit next to you? 

"I didn't want to sit with all the other "popular jocks" he answered you unspoken question while taking a bite of his canteen-hamburger. “They’re fun and everything but it’s nice to get away from them sometimes.”

You think of your friends who are sitting a few tables away and you can’t help but agree with Matthew.

“Yeah, I feel you.” you say without thinking.

“Hey..We used to sit next to each other in freshman year, didn’t we? It’s y/n ,right?” 

You nod with a smile, honestly being surprised that he remembers you.

“Yeah!”

“I haven’t really seen you around a lot. But when I do you are always hanging with those comic book nerds.”

“Hey! Comics are great.”

He puts his hands up in a defense.

“Oh no! I didn’t mean it as an insult. Some comics are good, my little brother made read one last month. It was actually great.”

“What comic was it?”

“Oh, uhm..It was about some kind of blind dude in a devil costume.”

“Daredevil?” you ask with a giggle.

“Yes, that one!” he laughs too.

The two of you continue talking until the end of lunch break. He is surprisingly fun to talk to and he even offers to walk you to your next class after lunch. You had such a good time you didn’t even think about Dave, heck, you didn’t even notice him literally glaring daggers into Matthew.

“What’s up with you, dude?” Tod asks snapping Dave out of it. 

“Yeah, Dave. What the shit is going on with you and Y/N?” Marty asks too.

Dave forrows is eyebrows. Yes, what the shit is going on with the two of you? Every since yesterday's 'fight' with you he can't stop thinking. About how he spends most, if not all of his time either with being Kick-Ass or, rather with Katie. It used to be different. He spent every second with you and he just threw you away so he could maybe get laid. And sure, Katie may be hot as fuck but she is.. Well, she is not you. 

"We had a fight, yesterday. I.. And she was right." he explains with a grimace. "But why the fuck is that Greendale asshole is with her?" 

"You jealous or something, dude?" 

"Wha- Of course I am not jealous! Why would I be? You guys are nuts." 

Jealous… The word rolled around in his mouth like a new flavored milkshake he never tasted before. 

Could he be… Jealous? He never thought of you that way, you were always his best friend. Just that. But.. The more he thinks about it the more he can't stop that twist like feeling in his stomach. 

That night he can't focus on crime fighting. All his thoughts are tied to you. Whether he likes it or not, memories of you keep popping up in his mind. How didn't he notice your beautiful smile before? And your laugh? It's like a beautiful melody. And… Gosh! When did he become such a sappy teenager? Oh and another thing.. He kept trying to think of something else, anything else like Katie for example but he doesn't care anymore! 

Dave goes home early with a frustrated growl. The remaining hours of the night he spends with tossing and turning and daydreaming instead of sleeping. 

(the next afternoon, Atomic Comics) 

Dave bangs his head against the wood table once again. A tired groan leaves his lips when he hears Tod almost choking on his iced coffee. 

"What the tunk, Tod?" Marty and Dave ask almost at the same time. The dirty blonde haired boy keeps pointing outside the huge window that they are sitting next to at Atomic Comics. 

"Is that fucking y/n?!" 

Now all three of them look outside the shop and see you, all dressed up nad seemingly waiting for someone. 

"Holy fuck!" Dave whispers. He stares at you, with his mouth a gap before jumping up from the booth they were sitting at and rushing outside the store. 

"Y/n! Y/-" he yells almost tripping on thin air. 

"Dave?" you question, quickly turning towards him. Damn, you missed him. No! Yeah, you did… "What do you want?" 

"What do I- What, can't I talk to you?" 

"If you wanted to talk you would have in these past days!" you say. Yes, you might have missed him, but it's not like you're gonna show it. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am waiting for my date to show up." 

"Your.. Your what, now?!" 

"My date" 

"You can't go on a date!" 

"And why is that, Lizewski?" 

"Lizewski? Really, you're calling me by my surname? Are we in such a bad place right now?" 

"I don't know, you tell me. Are you going to tell me what i can and can't do, hm?" 

"I didn't mean it like that. I just…" 

"What, it's fine when you say it but when I do it with you about Katie I'm the bad friend?" 

"No,it's just-" 

"Sorry. Matt's here." you point to the street across the road where you saw the boy walk towards you. "I gotta go." 

You start walking away but Dave grabs your wrist. 

"Please, don't." he mumbles. 

"Why not?" you snap at him but your expressions soften upon your eyes land on his saddened face. 

"I- because I don't want you with him. O-or anyone." 

You raise an eyebrow. 

"What?" 

He took a deep breath before looking around. Matt was waiting patiently by the traffic light so he could cross the road. Dave quickly began explaining. 

"You were right. About Katie. I was such a dickhead, I am so sorry, y/n. I am sorry for ignoring you over her and and.." from the corner of his eye he sees the traffic light turn green. "Shit! I don't want you to go out with Greendale cause I.. Because I like you. Like really fucking like you. And oh my god you look so fucking hot in this outfit, not that you're not always hot but holy shit. I know we are just friends and you don't think of me that way but I ju-"

"Oh my god! Do you ever shut up?" you yell before pressing your lips to his. Dave stumbled back a little, but quickly recovered and kissed back. Your hands cupped his face and his hands grabbed your waist in response. You both tilled your heads, deepening the kiss earning loud knocking from Marty and Tod as they watched the whole scene through the window. Not that you noticed any of it. You didn't hear the passing by car honk at you nor the yells or whistles. You also did not notice Matthew walking away with a sad smile after seeing the two of you. Your touches intertwine and you're pretty sure you heard Dave moan slightly which causes you to giggle into the kiss. You both pull away gasping for air. You look down at your shoes, hoping to hide your flushed cheeks. Dave scratches his back and looks around nervously only to see his two idiotic friends making kissy faces. He lifts his middle finger for them before clearing his throat. 

"So.. Khm.. I guess you like me too?" 

You let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I do." you say looking at him with a smile.

"That's.. Fuck. That's great." he replied genuinely happy. "Wanna get out of here?" 

You nod and you take off. You take Dave's hand and he intertwines your fingers with a smile. Maybe he is truly a superhero. He helps people and he gets the girl of his dreams. The happy ending. 

Dave Lizewski taglist : @sethcohenluvr @your-hispanichufflepuff

[streetlight11]

Neighbour's Fate

Summary: He was your neighbour growing up but he has always been distant. You didn't know for what reasons he chose not to mingle with you or your younger brother. It's been 6 years since you saw him. One day, you best friend asks for a favour from you that would eventually lead you to meeting his close friends. Who would've thought your old neighbour was now one of your best friend's close friends.

Theme: university au, old neighbours to lovers

Genre: fluff, a tad bit of jealousy, a little suggestive

Warning: mentions of anxiety, one or two curse words, very mild harassment (grabbing of wrist, that's all)

WC: 6.5k

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader

a/n: This was just a spur of the moment kind of idea I had the other day, and so this was the work I created... Hope you guys like it :)

Growing up, you lived beside the Seo family. They were a family of four and so were you. Their oldest child was a girl and her name was Seo Jiwoo. Their youngest child was a boy and his name was Seo Changbin. You were pretty close to the girl, to the point where you would always go to school together but the boy had always avoided you for unknown reasons.

He wouldn’t even play with your younger brother. It used to upset you but as you grew up, you realized that you can never force anyone to like someone or do something they didn’t want to do. And for that reason, you ended up letting him be.

However, despite not talking to you as much as his sister did, he was very attentive on small little things and he noticed that you tend to get anxiety attacks whenever you are in front of a huge crowd or the centre of attraction. And he knows this.

You had just entered senior year when you heard news from your parents that the Seo family were moving.

You were sad considering you’re already so close to Jiwoo. But you couldn’t force them to stay there anyways. You accepted the fact that you probably wouldn’t see them anytime soon, maybe not ever. You bid them goodbye, not forgetting to glance at Changbin one last time before they drove off with their boxes loaded into a van.

Two years passed since they moved and you were finally going to college.

You decided to move to Seoul alone and your parents allowed it. Your heart was heavy to leave them behind but they understood that you were doing it because you wanted to further your studies. For that, they willingly let you go.

After graduation, you enrolled yourself into a college with your favourite course, not forgetting to find an affordable apartment for yourself. And that was the start to a new chapter in your life.

4 years passed by in a flash and you had managed to further your studies by going to university. You were currently a Computer Science major in Hankuk University, together with your best friend whom you met in college and have been friends ever since. He was two years younger than you but he was pretty mature for his age, and his name is Hwang Hyunjin.

It was a bright Thursday morning and you were just strolling to your lecture class when someone swung their arm over your shoulder. Right when you were about to curse, the familiar voice warned you.

“Relax, stop being too defensive will you?”

You clicked your tongue at him, seeing him shake his head a little to get his long beautiful blonde bangs away from his eyes.

“Then announce who you are first before putting your arm around me next time, will you?” You scoffed, earning a roll of his eyes. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?” Hyunjin sighed.

“I appreciate that compliment.”

“Whatever…” Hyunjin could only laugh as the two of you continued to walk to class.

Hours went by, it was currently lunch hour. You made it to the cafeteria in time when there still weren’t many students yet. Hyunjin was walking beside you, telling you stories about his ex-girlfriend whom he caught cheating on him last month when you spotted an empty table a few rows down from you.

With that, you grabbed his shirt and began to drag him to the table before anyone else occupies it. A few minutes later, you were just munching on your smoked squid when someone came to give Hyunjin a handshake.

You looked up to see two guys whom you knew to be in Hyunjin’s dance crew team that represented the campus.

One of them had pretty freckles all over his face while the other one had a cute gummy smile with doe round eyes. They simply acknowledged you with a friendly smile and a nod before walking away.

You’ve never really met Hyunjin’s friends before properly because you were shy.

Even with those two guys, you knew they were part of Hyunjin’s close circle of friends that had other guys from other campuses but you’ve never met them before. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to, if they’re all just going to be as equally good looking as the two dancers from your campus.

A few days later, you were lounging in your living room on a Friday night watching your favourite TV show on Netflix. You were in nothing but panties and a big hoodie that you remembered to be Hyunjin’s but you stole it one night when you slept over at his place after he broke things off with his ex-girlfriend when he found her cheating on him with a friend of his but not from his circle.

You were just seated on your couch with a chocolate almond drink in your hand when you got a text from Hyunjin.

With that, he told you to pick him up at his apartment so that you could go meet his friends at the mall and discuss his plan. It sounds ridiculously dramatic to you but then again, it’s Hyunjin. Nothing’s ever not ridiculously dramatic when it comes to him.

You texted him you’ll pick him up at around 2, in which he said okay. You were scheming through your closet to see what you could wear. You didn’t want his friends to have a bad first impression on you so you opted to wear a little feminine. After rummaging your closet for a good few minutes, you ended up pulling out a baby blue off shoulder, floral print dress.

You’ve worn this out with Hyunjin before once but mostly with your girl friends. You kept your hair simple with a messy low bun, leaving your fringe to frame your face as it parts nicely in the centre.

Once it was time to pick him up, you left your apartment. Not forgetting to bring your purse along to keep your important belongings.

You wore your favourite white Nike air force 1s to pair it with your outfit.

After you’ve managed to pick him up from his apartment, he tells you which mall they promised to meet. The drive there was filled with him complaining to you saying his ex kept bothering him on kakao talk and also social media.

He said he’s had enough so he wants to get back at her to show her that he’s moved on. He told you that she invited him and his friends to her birthday party at her house next weekend.

So he wants to use this chance for his payback.

You simply listened to his plan as you focused on the road ahead of you. Once you’ve found yourself a parking space, you park your vehicle and leave.

He walked with you to the restaurant, all the while talking to you about your dreadful assignment. You arrived at the restaurant, only for a waiter to approach you two.

“Uhh, hi. My friends are here actually. Table reserved under Chan I think?” Hyunjin said as the waiter went ahead and checked the booking list, only for him to nod when his eyes met the name that was mentioned.

“Ah, yes. Right this way.” He led you deeper into the restaurant as you followed behind Hyunjin.

You were too busy focusing on the crying child across the room, not realizing you were already at the table until Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist to stop you from walking. You whipped your head around to lock eyes with him as he chuckled at you for being clumsy.

Just then, you turned towards the table and you saw a whole table filled with really handsome guys. You also noticed that the two dancers from campus whom you recognized pretty well by now.

“Oh, hey!” The one with freckles said as he waved to you and so did the other one. You smiled shyly to them as you rested your right hand on your left elbow.

You schemed through the different pairs of eyes, smiling to them as a way of saying hello.

Just when you thought you were done, you didn’t notice the one who got blocked by Hyunjin’s tall and lean body. It wasn’t until Hyunjin turned around to call for the waiter, that you finally locked eyes with the individual seated at the edge of the bench.

He was absolutely breath-taking.

He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his upper body a little too perfectly.

His muscles were in full view. His broad chest puffing out against the soft material of his shirt. The sleeves of his shirt doing the bare minimum in giving his muscular arms air to breath. His shirt tucked into his black cargo pants that had a chain attached to the belt hooks.

He wore a silver chain necklace as his accessory and a few chain bracelets as well. His hair was styled to show his forehead despite it not being slick back. However, his eyes were cold at first but the minute he looked at you, you could’ve sworn his eyes went wide for a split second before it softened.

Your smile slowly disappeared as Hyunjin spoke up to get your attention, “Noona? You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

With that, he chuckled as he turned to his friends and continued talking, “Friends, this is my best friend since college, Y/N. Noona, these are my friends, Felix, Minho hyung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung, Chan hyung and Changbin hyung.”

At the mention of that last name, a sudden rush of adrenaline flowed through your veins as you turned to look at the said individual. Letting his name roll off your tongue.

“Chang… bin?”

The table fell quiet as your eyes diverted from his to the plate in front of him. The boys didn’t miss the frown that soon appeared on your face.

“Do you know him?” Hyunjin asked, genuinely intrigued by your reaction.

Why is the name making your heart flutter?

Just then, you looked back into Changbin’s soft eyes only to ask, “Seo… Changbin?” You heard a few light gasps from the guys but they weren’t your main focus right now.

You watched as Changbin shifted in his seat, making him ask, “How did you know my name?”

His question made you confused.

Was he not your neighbour? Was he not the same Seo Changbin you used to grow up next to? Was he a different Seo Changbin?

This made you feel slightly embarrassed thinking you mistook him for someone else. So you apologized, “I… sorry, maybe I mistook you for someone else.” With that being said, he didn’t say anything else as Hyunjin brought you to the empty space beside Jisung and Seungmin. During lunch, Hyunjin explains what his plan was to everyone.

You listened to him as well, occasionally giving him scoffs or a click of your tongue if you felt that he might be a bit too sassy about the things he wanted to do.

After lunch was over, they wanted to walk around the mall for a bit so you followed.

You had all just entered the lift to go down to level 1 from level 6. There were a few strangers who came in as well. You were the last to enter after the boys while the other shoppers came rushing in behind you.

You had just turned around when a rowdy bunch of people pushed you in further. You were about to lose balance when you felt a firm hold on your waist. What you also felt was your upper back accidentally crashing into a firm chest. You were secretly hoping your guess was wrong but it wasn’t.

“It’s okay. I got you.” His raspy voice said quietly in your ear over the noisy lift, making you turn your head slightly.

That was your first mistake.

The minute you turned, his lips accidentally brushed against your cheek as it was now inches away from your own lips. You were caught off guard by the close proximity so you softly gasped and were going to pull away from him when you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you.

That was your second mistake.

Because the minute you slightly bumped into them, the person turned around to give you a disapproving look, making you apologize quietly as you felt the hands on your waist wrap itself around you and tugged you against him as a way to comfort you.

Changbin simply hid his smile against your hair on his left where his face was between your head and the lift walls so none of his friends saw this.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you unconsciously rested your hands on top of his forearms. After the crowd left the lift at level 3, you could finally breathe as Changbin let go of you before his friends saw him hold you.

You went home that day feeling lost and confused.

Does that mean he knows you, that he was simply acting as if he doesn’t remember you? Why else would he act that way, unless he’s that type of guy who knows his way around girls?

As far as you remember, Hyunjin has never mentioned being friends with fuckboys and that he says that his friends were all very sweet and humble guys.

Either way, you decided not to think much of Changbin and just carry out Hyunjin’s favour and you’d call it done with being around his friends. But of course luck wasn’t on your side and that it always has it’s way of turning things around in your life. This time, it was with Hyunjin’s friends.

More specifically, Changbin.

The day finally came, you were going to be Hyunjin’s fake girlfriend for the night. You weren’t really nervous considering you don’t have any special feelings for him. You were more anxious that you will be seeing his friends tonight. And that means you’ll be seeing Changbin too.

Hyunjin came to pick you up this time, coming earlier to pick out the perfect outfit for you to wear so that his ex would feel jealous when he sees you with him.

Hyunjin ended up choosing a pink satin dress with quite a deep neckline that essentially shows your cleavage. You were against wearing it at first but Hyunjin insists on you wearing it.

“Dude, you do realise I might get guys staring at me the whole night if I wore this right?” You asked, your tone was serious as he knows how you feel about being a centre of attraction. It gives you major anxiety. With that being said, Hyunjin gave in and chose a different dress that was also satin but with a decent neck line and a thin strap to rest on your shoulders.

It hugs your figure perfectly, with the hem stopping right on your mid thighs.

Hyunjin gave you the privacy to change as he waited for you in your living room. After you were done, you came back out with your purse and heels from your shoe closet.

Hyunjin almost choked on his own spit as he scanned you from head to toe.

“Woah! You are looking hot as hell!” He praised you, earning a roll of your eyes. You slapped his chest with your purse, telling him to get up so you can both leave.

The drive to his ex’s house took about 40 minutes, filling the drive with singing your favourite songs with Hyunjin and just laughing about random things. His friends were going to meet you two there, hence the reason why you were now leaning against Hyunjin’s car door with him towering over you.

He trapped you by resting both hands on top of his car roof on either side of your body.

“So, let me make myself clear. You can hold my hand, hold my waist, kiss my cheek, wherever you want up here…” You said as you pointed from your shoulder to your face before continuing your speech, “But, not my lips.”

Hyunjin pouted as he got a gentle slap from you to his chest, making him chuckle.

“Okay, but what if she wants proof of us dating and she asks us to kiss?” He asked, making you think through your potential actions.

“Fine, only if she asks. If not, don’t even think about tricking me into kissing you.” You warned as he scoffed, telling you that you were ‘no fun’. You rolled your eyes at him but the smile on your lips betrayed you.

Right when you wanted to look away from him, instead you saw a group of guys walking up to you and Hyunjin. Only to realize it was his friends.

Your eyes just naturally travelled over to the one walking near the curb.

Changbin wore a black skinny cargo pants, a black button down formal shirt tucked in, leaving the first few buttons undone. It definitely was low enough to expose a slight amount of his chest. He accessorized with his favourite silver necklace and a chain bracelet with a watch. He had a pair of black combat boots on to go with his outfit.

His hair was styled nicely to partially show his forehead and his undercut. You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good. But you decided to keep the comment to yourself as Chan smirked at you and Hyunjin.

“Damn, you’re not even inside and you guys already started the act?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows as he pushed himself off his car only to snake one arm around your waist and pulled you against his side gently.

“By the way, you look really pretty Y/N.” Chan smiled at you genuinely, making you feel shy. But nonetheless thanked him for his compliment.

The rest of them agreed to their friend’s comment as well, saying that you look good with this dress.

The 9 of you soon walked to the house as Hyunjin slid his hands into yours swiftly when you were reaching the door. However, Changbin couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw this. Yes he knows it was all an act. Yes he knows that it was only for a day. But why did he wish that was him instead of Hyunjin?

You arrived at the house, only for Hyunjin’s ex to open the door. Her smile immediately dropped when she looked down at your locked fingers with Hyunjin.

“Hey, you guys made it… And, with a friend…” She said through her clenched teeth.

“Oh my goodness, where’s my manners? This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Baby, this is my... friend, Yuna.” Hyunjin said as he slid his arm around your waist, making you smile at the girl and proceeded to shake her hand.

She was clearly uncomfortable but she just pressed on a smile as she welcomed the 9 of you in.

The birthday party was definitely leaning more towards a party which includes alcohol and random hooking ups with strangers. But since some of them drove, they made sure not to drink, including yourself because you don’t drink alcohol.

It has been almost an hour since you reached here and there were already a whole bunch of drunk university students everywhere in this house.

You were just seated on the couch next to Hyunjin and Minho with some of the guys. The only ones who were tipsy amongst the 9 of you were Jisung, Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin. You were just leaning your head against Hyunjin’s shoulder, feeling tired from having been surrounded by drunk students when you felt the need to get a refill of your non alcoholic drink.

You rested your hand on Hyunjin’s lap to gain his attention, who was busy talking to the other four guys, as all four pairs of eyes soon turned to you. “I’m gonna get a refill. I’ll be back.” You said as you got up after receiving a nod from him.

A few minutes later, you were just walking back to where the guys were sitting when a warm hand on your waist made you jump.

You turned around to see a guy whom you didn’t recognize, smiling down at you drunkenly.

“Wanna dance, baby girl?” He slurred over his words, making you excuse yourself. But when you turned to walk, he gripped your wrist so tightly that it made you drop your cup to the floor. You winced as he began tugging you towards the stairs.

But then a firm grip around your waist made you stop walking as someone ripped his hand away from yours only to throw a solid punch to his jaw.

“Fucking touch her again and I’ll break your nose.” Hyunjin growled as the guy began to stumble away. This has caught the eyes of those around you, making your anxiety grow. You didn’t realize this but you began to shake, something you always did when your anxiety was kicking in.

You were about to panic when the soft voice behind you managed to calm you down.

“Hey? Hey, calm down. Breathe. It’s okay.” Changbin whispered in your ear. It confused you on how he seemed to know that this was due to your anxiety but your mind couldn’t properly function right now.

So when Changbin called Hyunjin and told him you were shaking, the minute he passed you over to Hyunjin who immediately hugged you, that’s when it hit you.

This Changbin knows about your anxiety.

You allowed yourself to calm down in Hyunjin’s arms as he caressed your back soothingly and it worked.

A few minutes later, you finally stopped shaking as he pulled away from you only to cup your face gently. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for you. All you could do was smile at him and thank him, in which he told you it was fine and that he should’ve been more alert when leaving you alone in this kind of atmosphere.

You were just walking back to where his three friends were sitting, when a familiar voice called Hyunjin’s name behind you. The pair turned around as Yuna came to a stop behind Hyunjin.

She awkwardly glanced at you before focusing back at him.

“Hey, I need to talk to you… in private?” Yuna said.

“Why? We can just speak here.” Hyunjin said.

“I want to talk about something important… it’s about… us.” She paused. Hyunjin sighed as he stared at her with nothing but lingering pain in his eyes.

“There’s nothing else to talk about Yuna. You cheated on me when I told you I loved you. Was I not enough for you?”

“I’m sorry Hyunjin… I… I wasn’t thinking. Please… can we talk in private?” She said desperately, making you glance up to him who had an obvious frown on his face. You knew he wanted to talk to her to clear things between them. But you could also see that he was already tired of her bullshit and that he wanted nothing but to move on from her.

So you opted to give them space by holding his forearm gently and told him, “I think there’s some things you guys need to settle. Go. I’ll wait with the guys.”

You flashed him and Yuna a smile as you let go of his hand, turning around to walk towards where Minho, Changbin and Chan were sitting. The three of them were already looking at your direction, seeing the situation unravel in front of their eyes.

Hyunjin was at a cross road as he wasn’t sure if he should follow his heart or mind.

After what felt like forever, he decided to follow his heart and that was to completely end ties with Yuna. With that being said, he turned back to her only to speak up.

“I’m sorry Yuna. But all of that was in the past. I’ve already moved on and you should too.” Hyunjin said as he then turned on his heels and left.

He re-joined you and the guys, where you were sitting on the arm rest beside Minho since the other end of the couch was already occupied by drunk couples. Hyunjin was just standing beside you when Yuna placed her hand on his shoulder and roughly turned him around.

“That’s it? It was just that one time. You can’t tell me you’ve moved on that fast.” She scoffed as he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

“With what you did to me, it only makes sense for me to move on this fast. Besides, I’m already dating someone now. You’re too late.” Hyunjin taunts but it seems like Yuna had a different plan as she scoffed at you.

“As if. I’ve noticed you two acting quite distant when I’m not near you. Just tell me you guys are friends and leave. I don’t need fakers at my party.” Yuna said, her tone visibly angered.

Hyunjin smirks, knowing that she was just trying to bite his tail.

“What do I need to do then to prove to you that I’ve really moved on from you?”

“Kiss her. If you’re really dating her and you guys aren’t just friends, then kiss her.”

There it is.

That was probably the last thing you’d wanna hear tonight. Especially not in front of Changbin. With that being said, Hyunjin smirks as he accepted the challenge easily. Since you both agreed on this before you entered the house just now, you knew you couldn’t really say no to it.

“Oh, sure thing sweetheart.” Hyunjin said as he turned to you and immediately leaned down to kiss you on the lips, hands reaching up to cup your face.

You swiftly moved your lips against his to make it seem legit. You could feel Hyunjin’s lips curving into a smile against your lips as you heard Yuna scoff and soon stormed off. Hyunjin pulled back the minute she left, only to apologize to you.

“I’m really sorry noona…”

“It’s okay.” You smiled as Minho and Chan began to tease you two for executing the perfect kiss, saying that it looks too legit. They even mentioned saying you two looked like a nice couple.

In which you responded with a fake gag, earning a soft punch to your arm by Hyunjin himself. You giggled but you completely missed the way Changbin’s eyes were burning with jealousy from seeing you kiss Hyunjin.

He knows this was just an act but why was he so pressed by the simple kiss?

A few days later, you were in class when Hyunjin told you he was meeting his friends this weekend and asked if you wanted to join them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to but you decided to go along with it. He said they planned to watch a movie and maybe go to the pier. You nodded, agreeing to tag along since he offered you to come.

Weekend finally came and you had just left your apartment. You wore your denim skinny ripped jeans, a white cropped fitted tank top and a black oversized jacket.

Hyunjin told you he was going to pick you up so you met him at the roadside in front of your apartment building.

You both made it to the mall to queue for the movie tickets. Chan was queueing with Hyunjin so you were left with the others. You were just scrolling through your Instagram when someone fed you popcorn. You looked up to see Changbin holding two popped kernels in front of your lips. You unconsciously blushed as you opened your mouth to let him feed you.

Changbin chuckled after feeding you, only to pop some in his own mouth. You stood in between Changbin and Jeongin against the wall while Seungmin, Jisung, Felix and Minho were standing in front of you three.

They were just talking amongst themselves when you glanced over to the full bucket filled with caramel popcorn that Changbin was hugging.

He saw you looking so he took some out and held it up to your mouth.

“Ahh, it’s okay, I can take myself.” You said softly, gently pushing his hand away but instead, he said something that made your stomach churn in a good way.

“Don’t worry, I like feeding people.”

You stared at him for a second as he teasingly tapped the popcorns on your lips, making you giggle. Changbin fed you a few times, even after you’ve entered the cinema theatre. After the movie ended, all of you made your way to the pier.

Once there, you were walking past the game booths which had some very cute prizes. Just then, your eyes caught a glimpse of your favourite cartoon character as a prize for one of the booths.

It was Stitch.

You gasped as you eagerly reached out for whoever’s arm that was nearest to you, only to grab both Changbin’s and Seungmin’s forearms on either side of you before pointing to the booth with the Stitch soft toy.

“Guys look! It’s stitch! It’s so cute! Omg!” You giggled, hearing both of them chuckle as you jogged over to the booth. It was a game of shooting which you clearly weren’t good at. Just as you were pondering over the game, a familiar voice spoke up from behind you causing you to turn.

“One round please.” Changbin said as he handed the man his bill before the man gave him a loaded nerf gun.

“What are you doing?” You asked as Changbin simply smiled at you.

“Playing the game?”

“Of course I know that… but why?”

“For fun…” He smiled as he began to aim for the targets. He was getting the shots perfect so far. Barely missing any target. After a stressful close round, you watched as he won a prize. You didn’t know why but you thought he was going to choose something that was for himself.

But instead, the next thing you see was the man reaching up to grab the exact one that you’ve been eyeing all these while.

Changbin smiled as he thanked the man for the prize. But when he turned away from the man, you expected him to walk back to his friends. You didn’t expect him to give you the Stitch soft toy and then proceed to say innocently, “Take it.”

You raised your eyebrows at him softly, clearly taken aback by his offer.

“W-What?”

“It’s for you… You looked like you wanted it so bad.” Changbin chuckled as he gently took your hands and wrapped it around the toy to make you hug it.

“Changbin… thank you…” You whispered as he could only smile, guiding you back to where the guys were. The minute you came back to where some of them were, you excitedly showed off your prize.

“Jin ah! Look!” You exclaimed as Hyunjin gasped at the size of the soft toy.

“Woah! Where did you get this?”

“From that shooting booth! Isn’t he cute!”

“You won the shooting game?!” Hyunjin asked in shock, making you blush as you turned to Changbin. He had a soft smile on his face before he spoke up for you.

“I did. So I gave the prize to her.”

The guys began to tease as Changbin rolled his eyes thickly at them.

“Oh? Was that a gift to her?” Minho smirked.

“Never thought I’d see the day Seo Changbin goes out of his way to win a prize for a girl…” Jisung teased. Changbin simply brushed all their comments off as you all continued walking. You have been hugging the soft toy for the past hour wherever you went, earning soft laughs from the guys. Just then, Hyunjin wanted to take pictures at the pier.

Felix was helping to take Hyunjin’s pictures while Chan was helping to take Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin’s picture.

You were just burying your face in the soft toy when Changbin’s voice softly spoke up from beside you, “Do you like it that much?” With that, you turned to him and a bright smile decorated your face, warming his heart even more.

“I’ve loved it since I was young! He’s so cute! Don’t you remember? I used to bring my small stuffed-” You were rambling excited until you stopped yourself when you realized what you were doing. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry… I got a little carried away there…” You apologized as you avoided his gaze but you missed the little smile growing on his face.

But what he said next made your heart stop for a split second, almost not believing your ears.

“I remember…” He whispered so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t properly listening. You whipped your head around as you stared at him in shock.

“You… do?” Your voice was quiet as his eyes held the galaxy.

But your little moment gets cut when Felix calls you over to take a picture with Hyunjin who deliberately drags you away from Changbin. He could only smile as he nods at Hyunjin’s figure behind you, signalling you to just go follow him.

You frowned as you stood beside Hyunjin and proceeded to take a few memorable pictures with him. After everyone was almost done taking pictures, you didn’t want the memory to go to waste so you turned to Hyunjin and quietly asked when the rest of the guys were already walking away.

“Jinie, can you take one picture of me with Changbin?”

“Why?”

“Just for memories…” You smiled and you definitely saw the confused look on his face but nonetheless, he smiled and called the boy over. When Changbin was standing in front of you, Hyunjin told him what you wanted. Changbin looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face before he agrees to it.

You soon reached down to slide your hand in his and brought him to the edge of the pier. You stood beside him with the huge soft toy in your arms. Right when Hyunjin was just trying to find the right angle, you felt Changbin snake his arm around your waist and pulled you closer into his side.

Your heart was palpitating against your chest as he turned to you and whispered softly in your ear, “I’m sorry for being distant back then. I hope you can forgive me and we can start fresh? Properly this time?”

You turned to him, only to find his face just inches away from you. At this moment, neither of you dared to move an inch.

Just then, you heard Hyunjin’s voice counting down from 3.

You turned to Hyunjin and back to Changbin, wanting to ask what pose you two should do. But the moment you turned to Changbin, he gave you no warning whatsoever as he simply pressed his lips against yours sweetly. You closed your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling when you heard the click of the camera followed by Hyunjin screaming excitedly.

Changbin was the one to pull away as his lips lingered over your for a second. You struggled to look at him, feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. “Was that okay?” He whispered, making you nod.

“Hey! Since when are you two a thing?! And secretly behind my back too?! Pfft…” Hyunjin scoffed but his cheeky smirk didn’t go unnoticed.

“Yeah… about that, we still have a lot to clear between us…” Changbin said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously but you helped him clear the air before Hyunjin got more confused with the situation.

“Let’s just say we have an unfinished history between us and we’re going to settle it once and for all, okay?” With that, Hyunjin nods as he wished you and Changbin good luck. The 3 of you rejoined the group, only for them to ask where you three were. Hyunjin simply said taking pictures, completely hiding the fact that he just witnessed his best friend kiss his close friend.

On the way to all your vehicles, Hyunjin asks if you wanted to ride home with Changbin instead and that he could send Jisung home. You turned to Changbin who overheard your conversation with Hyunjin.

You saw him smile as he shrugged his shoulders, so you turned to Hyunjin and felt your lips curving upwards into a soft expression, “I’d love that.”

With that, Changbin told Jisung the plan and the younger could only nod happily despite not knowing the true intentions of the car swap. After all of you had said your goodbyes, you followed Changbin to his car and he soon drove off after you told him your address.

The car ride was filled with jokes and laughter, purposely avoiding the main talks first until you got to your apartment.

You let him in, telling him to take a seat while you went to make him a drink. After you came back with his iced chocolate, you sat down with him on the couch. He took a few sips of it before he finally spoke up.

“Is it okay if we start over? I know I wasn’t the warmest when I was young… I barely socialize with you and your brother… I guess I was just too shy and a little antisocial back then.”

You smiled as you reached up to cup his face gently in your hand. “It’s okay Binie. I didn’t understand why back then but now I know.” You whispered, feeling him lean into your touch.

You didn’t know who leaned in first but the next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

On the lips.

Changbin wraps his arms around your waist as he pulls you onto his lap. Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest. He kisses you passionately, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Just then, your breath hitched in your throat when his lips left yours only to make his way down your neck.

“Changbin…” You whispered breathily, making him smirk against your skin.

You swiftly took off his shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same for you. Changbin took a second to admire your body, seeing this much skin on you for the first time.

“Wow…” His voice soft, feeling yourself get shy all of a sudden. He chuckled as he kissed your lips to distract you.

He took his time with you, making sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. He brought you to your room after a good amount of time on the couch. He had been so respectful of you that he would always ask for your permission to touch you anywhere. He left you wanting more.

He made sure to clean you after spending your time together before pulling you against him to cuddle. You couldn’t help but prop yourself on your elbow as you rested one hand on his bare chest, softly caressing it before sliding your hand up to cup his face.

“I’m so happy I found you again.” You whispered as he giggled. His eyes crinkled into two crescent moons that disappeared as soon as he smiled.

“I could say the same for you too.” Changbin said as he kissed you sweetly. Both of you fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, waking up the next day feeling so warm and full in your hearts. You were happy that you met him again after all these years. Who knew you would end up with the boy whom you used to live next door to.

~~~

[beomeli]

Rainy days - C.BG

Warning: none

Genre: angst, fake dating, unrequited love

Non-idol!Beomgyu x fem!Reader (x Non-idol!Taehyun)

Click here for Part 2!

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Why him? Why did you fall for him out of everyone. You didn't understand, you couldn't understand.

“What’s your name?” You looked up at him, eyes meeting his. His eyes showed kindness, as he looked down at you with a smile.

You looked down at his hand that reached out to you, noticing him opting you to shake it. Once again you looked up at him, this time with a smile, placing your hand in his and giving it a firm shake.

“My name is Y/N” he tilted his head at that, letting go of your hand. But the smile was still evident. “And your name?” You asked him,

“My name is Beomgyu, nice to meet you.” He softened his expression even more.

Beomgyu was the first person to be called your friend. He was interested in getting to know the new student, hence starting a friendship. You were happy that he asked for your name, happy that you could befriend such a sweet person. And Beomgyu was happy too, you really did make a great friendship. He was always sweet, funny and you found comfort in his charming personality. He never failed to make you laugh, neither did he fail to make you blush. You had tried neglecting the growing feeling in your stomach, that whenever he touched you, got close enough or said something remotely romantic, your heart started to flutter. But day by day, you realized that feelings had erupted for him. You had fallen for him.

He would unknowingly make your heart quicken. His hand softly brushing against your cheek, while lending out his scarf or jacket. His hand lightly bumping onto yours as you were walking home from school, which ended in him reaching his hand out for you. And whenever he visited you, he would kindly help your studying or cuddle next to you on your sofa.

You had taken the gesture as acts of love, who could blame you?

Only did you realize it was one sided when he came up to you, bright smile and panting a bit. Saying words you never wanted to hear.

“I’ve finally asked Ryujin out! We’re going to the get ice-cream next Saturday!” He looked at you with the brightest smile, happily telling you the ‘good’ news he had been holding onto for the entire weekend. You could feel your smile drop at mere seconds before bringing it back up. This time, forced.

“I’m really happy for you Beomgyu.” You didn’t really know what else to say. you were happy for him, sure. But at the same time, you could feel your heart crumble piece by piece as the realization hit you. He never loved you back, never even glanced a second thought about loving you. You’ve been so naive, so blind.

Before you could engage more into the conversation, Beomgyu excused himself. Mentioning something about greeting Ryuijun, which further broke you. And before you could even say a “see you later” he was off. In a way, you were thankful for not having to further talk to him, listening to him talk about his new lover would be too much to handle. And even though you could play it of cool, you knew the facade wouldn’t hold forever.

Eventually class begun and you tried to focus on the professor before you, but your mind kept slipping away. Thinking about Beomgyu. You had caught yourself thinking about him before, but today was different. In the end, you couldn’t hold yourself. Feeling tears peck at the corner of your eyes, the last thing you wanted was to cry. So you tried holding back your tears at best,

“Don’t cry over Beomgyu, you deserve better.”

Your eyes widened at that remark. The sentence was quiet, as if only you could hear it. And while you tried to subtly look for the culprit of those words, everyone was listening intently as to what the professor had to say. Eventually you gave up, figuring that it was your mind playing tricks. You knew your mind was at a hazy state. overthinking was bound to happen at situations like these. And even though you kept that in mind, you couldn’t help but feel eyes on you. This time, you knew that the feeling was real.

Turning slowly to look at your left, you saw a boy subtly staring at you with a bored expression before turning towards the professor, looking uninterested with his head resting in his hand. You remembered his face, trying to process what his name was.

Taehyun, Right? Whatever, he was just looking your way and you just happened to be so emotionally distressed that you felt eyed upon. Time to focus on the professor, don’t think about Beomgyu.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

As soon as you entered your home, you let out a loud sigh. The feeling of crying was no longer evident, but the big lump in your stomach, along with the drowning feeling of sadness was growing.

And as you tried your best to focus on something else, you couldn’t help but crumble in your bed, letting your eyes fill with sorrow as you thought about Beomgyu and Ryujin. Tears were now streaming down your blushed cheeks as you tried holding back your sobs, but eventually you couldn’t hold it back any longer. You cried for a long time, and in the end, dizziness and exhaustion caused you to fall asleep.

**Incoming call...**

The loud sound erupting from your phone woke you in a beat. In daze, you reached for your phone and answered without checking the ID.

“Hello?” Your voice was groggy.

“Hey Y/N, Sorry did I wake you up or something?” You recognized that voice, quickly you scanned over the caller ID and did a mental face palm at yourself for not checking thoroughly.

“Yeah, I ended up falling asleep as soon as I came home..” you chuckled a bit, trying to sound like your normal self. You hoped that your grogginess in your voice could hide the fact that you’d been crying.

“Sorry for waking you up, hehe. I just wondered why you didn’t wait for me to walk you home..?” He sounded a bit worried, and you felt guilty for making him feel that way. Ironic.

“Oh, sorry Beomgyu.. I didn’t want to bother you and Ryujin so I figured I’d walk home earlier.” was that really a good answer, it was the truth, but did he really need to know it?

“That’s okay. But don’t worry too much about that, I still want to walk home with you, okay?” You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to be rude and a small part of you were happy that Beomgyu still wanted to walk with you. But you knew that further engaging with him would lead to heartbreak. More or less, you dismissed your sinking feeling, you couldn’t say no to Beomgyu.

“Sure..” you smiled through the phone as there was a few moments of silence, you could hear Beomgyu shuffle a bit through the phone before letting out a sigh.

“Okay, good. Just wanted to make sure, I have to go now but can I call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah sure, bye Beomgyu.”

“Bye Y/N.”

A heavy sigh escapes your lips, the smile dropping at an instant. You hated this, this feeling of having to fake an facade towards him, while being at the brink of crying every second. You hated the sinking feeling in your chest whenever the thought of Beomgyu came. Beomgyu used to make you happy, make you feel butterflies. But the happiness you once felt was shot down so quickly, you didn’t know how to recover.

Trying to ease of your mind once and for all, you buried yourself in the world of television. Even though you knew watching reality shows could be frustrating, you still found them entertaining enough to engage in. The rain was pouring outside, with occasional thundering sounds loudly filling the room. You on the other hand, were to invested on the TV to even glance a second at the outside storm. Just as a commercial break erupted, a few knocks could be heard from your front door, Making you jump at your spot. Surely this was the last thing you expected to hear a thundering evening like this. Your chest tightened as you looked at the wooden door before quickly glancing at the clock hung over the TV.

07:23 PM, neither to late nor to early for visitors. Questioning who could be at the door was unnecessary since you knew Beomgyu was out of the question. And thus you were stuck on whether you should open to door or not. A soft knock could be heard once again. You let out a sigh trying to ignore the person at the door. But the curiosity got the better of you.

Slowly you made your way to the door, turning the cold handle, feeling a chill crawl your spine. As you opened it, you were faced with

“Taehyun?”

You never expected to come face-to-face with Kang Taehyun. Sure, he was a close friend to Beomgyu. But you never saw him as your close friends, If even friends at all. you’d only only had a few conversations which usually was led by Beomgyu. Never did you think Taehyun would stand before you.

He stood in the rain, holding an umbrella to his right and a plastic back to his left. His shoulders were wet from the rain, indicating that he was outside and a bit caught of guard when the rain started. His hair and beanie dripping small droplets onto the pavement.

“Uhm, what brings you here?” You had genuine confusion in your voice as you eyed him up and down. But you didn’t want to sound rude, he did make time to come here.

“I just wanted to come by, I’ve brought snacks.” He answered monotonous, not seeming to be bothered by the growing tension between you. Sure, you knew he could be bold at times. But this was uncalled for. Further confusion grew on you.

“Okay..? thanks..” you scooted yourself to the side and widened the door, signaling for him to come in. Quickly, he closed his umbrella, shaking the water off it before stepping in.

It was quiet, very awkward as you closed the door behind him. The air felt electric, you wanted to say something but nothing came up. eventually, Taehyun spoke up again,

“I saw what happened this morning, with Beomgyu.. it was really sad to watch.” He kept that monotone voice as he said those words. how could he say something like that, while acting so confident?

you felt shocked at his statement. He came all the way here to tell you that? You almost felt a bit offended.

“Okay? So you’ve just come here to make fun of me?” You scoffed at his blunt remark, crossing your arms at his confidence.

“Actually, I’ve come to offer a deal.”

“A deal?” You looked at him with visible confusion as you shifted the weight on your stance.

“I know you like Beomgyu, it’s pretty obvious,” obvious? Maybe for an outsider but, did Beomgyu also think it was obvious? You kept listening as to what he had to say.

“And I also know how hurt you were, by him I mean. I saw you trying to hold back your tears in the classroom. And since you deserve better, I wondered if you wanted to be my girlfriend.”

That was uncalled for, you didn’t even know how to react to a sentence like that. Be his girlfriend? Why? Was he actually serious right now? This almost felt unreal.

“W- what?” Was all you could muster out, still being in utter shock at his previous statement.

“I want you to be my girlfriend, I’ll treat you right.” He answered. An answer that was so dislocated from everything. How could he say something like that so easily? Trying to calm yourself down, you questioned him

“What is the point? You don’t really like me and It wouldn’t benefit you? More or less, I’m not really the type of person you would date. I don’t really understand.”

“I’ll keep it simple, you’re pretty interesting and I’m bored. You’ll just have to be my girlfriend, and I’ll give you as much attention as you want. That’s it.”

It was a rather simple request, Taehyun knew what you wanted, was he really that observant? Did he see how lonely you were? Sure, if anyone looked close enough they would notice, but how close of an eye has Taehyun been keeping on you? his reasoning for wanting you was that he was bored? Taehyun wasn’t the type to play with a girls feelings, that much you knew. But couldn’t he find enjoyment somewhere else? He wasn’t directly unpopular nor a loner. You knew many people that fawned over the infamous Kang Taehyun, amazing at sports, singing, having good looks and being very smart. Why would he engage in something like this, when he could be in a real relationship. you didn’t understand.

Even though you were confused as ever, you couldn’t help but thinking about accepting his offer. Sure, it wouldn’t fill the void completely, but it could be a good distraction. As he said, he was willing to give you all the attention you needed. You gulped, heaving a sad sigh before speaking up,

“Sure.. I accept the offer.. but keep in mind that I’ve never dated anyone so..” you trailed off, not knowing how to further the sentence.

“Just be yourself. I know how to treat a girl, unlike some people..” with that he gave you a nod before setting down the plastic bag with the presumed ‘snacks’. You noticed how the storm had now calmed down, as if it was almost on qué.

“I’ll be heading off, I’ll see you tomorrow if that’s okay..?” You kept quiet, watching his every move. As he made his way to the metal door handle and turned it, before exiting he looked back at you.

You thought for a moment before nodding.

“Okay..”

Giving him small smile.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Night flew by quickly, along with morning, and suddenly 12 PM hit you as you made your way towards the living room. Beomgyu had called you earlier, as promised. And even though you wanted to ignore him, you couldn’t help yourself but to answer. The conversation was short, just him asking you about your morning and what you’re going to do the following hours. Of course you didn’t tell him about Taehyun, instead you said that you’d chill at home. He believed you.

Familiar knocking was heard at the door around 3 PM, and this time, you were prepared for his arrival. Before his arrival you had just spent the day wrapped around a blanket, watching movies as the rain kept pouring at an alarming rate outside. Wishing that the main characters on TV was you, having a happy ending. But now you could finally occupy your loneliness, even though your company was rather unusual.

You made your way to the door once again, checking through the curtains just to make sure ,

“Taehyun..” you were right, as expected. Slowly you opened the door for him, letting him in instantly. He once again shook his umbrella before closing the door behind him.

You watched him with big eyes as he hung his umbrella by a lonely hook, along with his dark rain coat and beanie. You figured he wanted to come more prepared against the wetness than yesterday when his head was drenched. Not much words were spoken, just a weirdly comfortable silence that bestowed between you. As he slowly looked around your house, looking at pictures of you and your family. You figured you had to break the silence,

“Nice blanket..” he spoke up before you, you didn’t even notice that you still had a blanked wrapped around your shoulders, more or less, a Hello kitty one you’ve had since you were young. He smirked to himself as he said those words,

“Oh... thanks hehe..” you were embarrassed to say the least, quickly shaking if the blanket and placing it on the sofa. Quickly you try to redirect the attention.

“Do you want to sit down?” You asked, a bit of nervousness was evident in your voice. Taehyun gave you small nod before walking over to the couch, taking a seating.

You watched him as he looked around once again, stopping at the TV in front of him.

Quietly you sat next to him, keeping a fair distance. You were still nervous and awkward about the whole ordeal. Taehyun on the other hand seemed like the opposite, more confident and laid back. You tried focusing on the movie in front of you, but you could feel deep dark eyes staring at you. Watching your every move as if you’re the most fascinating thing on earth. It made you uneasy. You couldn’t help but compare him to Beomgyu. How could you still be so fixated on him, comparing Taehyuns every move to Beomgyus. You tried shaking that feeling off, you did all this to forget about Beomgyu, remember? So the last thing you want is to always think about him.

Before your internal fight could become an internal war, you felt a warm hand brush against yours. And before you knew it, Taehyuns hand had slowly held a firm grip on yours. You didn’t dare to look over at Taehyun. He knew what he was doing, and still, the way he held your hand so delicate, like it was made out of precious glass about to break any second. He was gentle, and you couldn’t help but to crave more of his warmth. You even questioned how he could feel so warm when he was just outside in the freezing rain. You felt him shift a little bit closer to you, his arm lightly touching yours. Watching from the corner of your eyes, as you saw him grabbing that mentioned blanked from before, softly draping it over the two of you, before he slowly pulled you down, allowing you to rest on his shoulder.

Your heart was beating fast, as if it would explode at any second. You felt Taehyun shift further, now leaning towards you, gently leaning his head onto yours as he kept watching the movie. You didn’t know how you’d allow this, but you enjoyed his warmth. His softness. He was gentle with you, occasionally stroking your hand lightly with his thumb. And in a weird way, he made you feel comfortable. Eventually you started leaning more firmly into his touch, cuddling him further.

It was something you had been dreaming about for so long, having someone you could call “lover”. And for the first time in a long time, you forgot about all your worries, forgot about the pain that you’d once felt towards the one you held dearly. Taehyuns touch was enough to make you melt. Your thoughts were in haven, before a bickering started to occur. Unintentionally, beomgyu entered your mind once again. Thinking about him and Ryujin, in this exact position, would Beomgyu also hold Ryujin like this, letting her rest her head on the nape of his neck, occasionally give him kisses.

Taehyun seemed to noticed your shift in behavour, figuring what had occupied your mind.

Slowly, he leaned closer on your head, whispering that everything would be okay. The sweet affirmations surprisingly gave you a reassurance. Slowly you could feel your eyes falter, taking in his sweet scent, and warmth, you could feel yourself drift to sleep in Taehyuns touch.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A/N:

Hello! My name is Em hehe! And yeah this is my first post. I hope you liked it and I’m sorry if there was anything grammatically incorrect.

I actually took a lot of inspiration from a SP fanfic I read 2 years ago when writing this story. But I really enjoyed writing this a lot (although it’s a bit hastily written since I wrote it over night, sleep is for the weak)

Thank you for reading ! (Also sorry for being so awkward I’m new to this hehe)

This work belongs to @Beomeli on tumblr. Please do not trace or copy my work ©

[sweetestlamb]

Teaser- Story Coming Soon

Summary: The heart tends to be uncontrollable.

Author's note: Dedicated to @prodmina who lives, breathes and bleeds JunJin to an admirable level, thanks for everything you do my dear! If you've been around for a while you're used to my teasers then, I'm a teacher and this week will be very crazy for me I know I won't be able to update until the weekend. But I know exactly what's going to happen in the next chapter so here's a teaser I wrote, I'm feeling very inspired today. It's been a productive day on Tumblr (don't ask me about the rest of my life) please enjoy this second cliffhanger (I'm sorry truly!!) But also know some fun stuff is coming and then it gets sad again LMAO 🎢

She stands dumbfounded in his arms, unable to process the words that have left his lips. She couldn't have heard him right, why on Earth would someone like him who had girls fighting to be his girlfriend want anything to do with her? Did he pity her that much? Was this the premise of a high school drama and he’d taken some sort of bet to befriend her? Somehow all of those options seem more feasible than him having genuine feelings for her. 

But it's her first real confession, she's always seen others receive this and never experienced it herself. There had been some grandiose ones at school but she secretly tells herself she prefers this, just them two without an audience. it feels more intimate and authentic, as if he couldn’t wait another minute and his feelings for her overwhelmed him. Her heart is beating rapidly despite her deep calming breaths, he's effectively turned her world upside down with just those small three words.

I like you.

She can't control the way her heart flutters, but surely it would react that way to anyone? It wasn't connected to the confession-er, she was merely affected because someone liked her that was human nature. It didn't matter that it was Han Seojun, they were nothing to each other. Pity was surely clouding his emotions and she wanted no part in being there when he realized that and abandoned her, it was best not to get attached at all she argues with her traitorous heart. 

Her phone brings her back to reality, suddenly she remembers where she's meant to be right now and her father's enraged face appears in her mind. He'd told her not to embarrass him, which meant she had to go on this date and paint on a happy face and pretend that she wasn't dying inside. All for a man who treated her no better than scum under his shoes.

Pulling out the phone, Obligation flashes on her phone screen that's all he was after all she'd already forgotten his name, it was of no importance to her. She doesn't know if she should answer, still confused about her next step and while she's ruminating a hand suddenly fills her vision and snatches the object from her hand. Twisting out of his hug she stares in shock before trying to grab the phone back, "Are you insane? Give it back!" But he steps back, putting more space between them as he holds the stolen object just out of her reach tauntingly using his looming height. 

"Is this your date? Obligation." He reads the name from the phone, venom in his voice and she's taken back by his tone he's hardly ever serious or cold with her. She’s seeing many different facets to his personality today. 

"Han Seojun, give it back!" She demands, stomping her feet before lunging for the item, putting a hand on his shoulder for more leverage. But she miscalculates and her face smashes into his jaw making him cry out in pain and sending her flying forward her body crashing into his painfully, he steadies her with an arm around her waist bringing her dangerously close to him. Their eyes connect as if they are magnetized, just like that day in front of her house. 

"Is this your answer, princess? You sure know how to hurt a guy." She peers at him in bewilderment before searching his face, there's not even a fraction of a smile on his lip and he refuses to meet her eyes. Gazing off into the distance although he's speaking to her. He seems...hurt and he’s not doing a good job of hiding it at all, it’s written all over his face and she wonders vaguely what kind of world he must live in to be able to so freely reveal his feelings? She yearns to grab his lips and literally turn his frown upside down, smiles look much better on him. 

"You mean it." She whispers in awe, the ice around her heart defrosting as his palpable pain washes over her. He'd thought she was rejecting him for her "date". He clearly wasn't a great listener, she had no feelings for that guy it was just another part of her world that she had no control over. For some reason she wants to explain that to him, make him understand that in another universe maybe things would be different, maybe she would be allowed to want and she would explore this but this isn't her reality, things are not that simple. Love isn't an option for her.

"I told you. About my world, I can't--"

"That's just an excuse. You have a choice Sujin." He states his word are cold as ice, he looks livid as he puffs out an exasperated breath of air and frantically runs his fingers through his hair. 

Shoving him hard she sneers up at him before shouting in his face, "What choice do I have? I have control over nothing in my life, my first date is being stolen from me. I'll probably have to kiss him too so that will also be stolen! I can't control anything I didn't even choose this outfit. None of this is my choice." It's not his fault, and he's the one person that's been there for her and that makes her even angrier, why isn't she allowed to have this? Go on a date with a boy who might care for her, why is life cruel enough that this is being presented but she can't grab onto it with both hands? 

For the first time ever, he doesn't deflate or back off like he usually does when they get to these moments, he's usually her safety pin pulling her back from the edge of detonation so she's not ready for him to scream back at her, "Then choose me! Fuck all of that, fuck your father." He lifts up her phone which has started to ring again, "Fuck this guy! Just choose me, let me be your first." They both stand still, staring at each other the jingle of her iPhone not enough to cut the thick coiling tension and then she watches in gaped surprise as he angrily slides her phone open. "Stop fucking calling, she's not coming. She's with her boyfriend." Then he slides the phone close, finally handing it back to her looking at her with those hard glistening eyes. She looks at the phone and then back at him, eyes wide as the moon.

Stupefied and flustered she stutters out, "You're n-n-ot my boyfriend. What are you doing?"

"Let me take you on a date. Pick me Sujin.” 

[quarantinebreakup412081121]

Day 6: I slept through the night and didn't wake up crying this morning

So that's progress, right??? I think that the Theraflu helped me to kick whatever fever, etc. I had, because now I only feel sadness, not debilitating sickness. Head hurts a little- the way it hurts the day after I've cried intensely about something. I know this feeling because I had it probably weekly when I was with J, and I'd experienced a couple instances of it with R over the past month.

I'm trying to frame R as the bad guy, but it's still hard because I can't forget about all of the good--- because there was SO MUCH GOOD. I'm coming to realize though, that a large amount of the "good" was the face you put on for a person when you first meet and you're trying to get on their good side- even if you're not being 100% you. He did do some bad things, yes, but I keep finding my mind gravitating to the positive memories. That's natural and that happened with J right after we broke up, even though I knew he was 85% shit bag and 10% nice guy and probably 5% lizard person.

So here are some of the things that didn't, as he said "sit right with me" about him; let me know what you think.

1. He drank- like every day- like a couple or a few beers. I rarely drink, but I thought, if he can hold his shit together, we’re still having a good time- it's all good! Then one day, I was bringing up something we'd had a 20 minute conversation about the day before and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about. No recollection. He laughed and said "I was drunk!" I had NO idea because he seemed totally sober and I didn't realize that he'd had however many beers and like an entire large bottle of wine while we were playing video games with his friends. Come to think of it- I think the only times we were together and he wasn't drinking were when he drove here (I mean, I hope he didn't drink before he drove- WITH HIS DOG- over here.) And when we were out for a date day in Raleigh. He did have a couple drinks at lunch, but that's reasonable.  Any time he had a long day or something difficult happened- his first comment was about how he needed a drink.  I wish he’d sometimes just talked about some of those things instead of handling it with alcohol all the time.  That’s not healthy for anyone and eventually it will take its toll.

2. He drove tired. It was to see me (a 1 hour drive,) which I appreciated, but I'd have rather come to him or seen him a little less frequently if it meant he'd only drive when fully rested. Once again-- he had his dog with him every time, so he was putting them both-- and others-- at risk! This bothered me and I think it bothered him that I was bothered by it. He said he'd fallen asleep- like dozed off for a couple seconds- driving all the time and it was fine... 🤔🤔🤔 That's very much not okay.

3. He texted while driving. He said it's fine and he's okay and it's not a big deal. It stressed me out. Once again, I think he was bothered that I was bothered by him putting everyone in the car (plus others) at risk by driving distracted. But he's a cop and former military (and a white American man) so I guess there is that piece of him that believes he's above the law and he can just do what he wants.

4. He would not talk about his previous sexual partners- not a number, not anything, and he was adamant about it. I didn't like that; I didn't need details, I just wanted to have an idea of how many people he'd been with before me.  I just wanted to know that he was taking us seriously enough to talk about real life stuff like that.

5. He would not make our relationship official. We "dated exclusively" for 5 months and then he ghosted me.  And I was the one who asked him if we were exclusive during our first month because I assumed we were, but then I thought I should say it and get verbal confirmation before I ended up in a situation where I was dating someone who was dating other people because we’d never officially established those boundaries.

6. He wouldn't add me on social media because he "hardly used it." That was a gigantic red flag and I intentionally ignored it because he seemed genuine and it seemed like something silly to make a big deal of-- but I should have made it a big deal.  It didn’t sit 100% right with me, but I figured, not everybody is into social media and I don’t want to make it out to be a bigger thing than it was.  But what I realize now is that since it wasn’t a big deal, the fact that he was fighting against it was a sign that he was trying to hide something from me.

7. The only time he did a "weekend getaway" type of thing was when we were going to go to the beach a month after we first met. He was going to pick me up, we'd go to the beach for a few days and stay at a hotel there together. Then he said the person who was going to dog sit while we were gone had just lost their parent so they couldn't do it anymore, but he'd ask some other people. He said everyone he asked was unavailable, so he cancelled the hotel and said we could go to the beach for just the day and then do a Raleigh date- Disney Store, Build A Bear, cheesecake, sushi, etc. instead on the following day. But he's still be stealing me for the weekend. These were the first nights we spent together. After our Raleigh date, which included Disney Store (yay!) but no build a bear because the line was too long, and picking up cheesecake to go, we went to a different place to eat than originally planned because the restaurant wait was 2 hours. When we got back to his place, we watched TV and he gave me wine- I had a couple glasses- and those hit me pretty hard because I am a lightweight lol. I knew we were going to have our first time that night. It wasn't discussed, I just kind of knew, and he did, too... We had been building up to it so it wasn’t out of nowhere.  And I was ready- and I wanted to- so there was no issue with that. But looking back, I can't help but feel like he was trying to get some alcohol in me so I’d be more likely to go with it. He did not force anything on me at all, I could have stopped it at any time if that’s what I wanted, but I was totally aware and did what I wanted to do-- this still doesn't change his motivation for doing what he did and that on its own just doesn't "sit right with me." Also, it's convenient how he never sent me the hotel info before the trip got cancelled, and how everybody was unavailable, and how he was able to cancel the hotel so close to the time as well as the aquarium reservation (that I think you had to pay for.) Not saying any of this isn't what happened; it just seems really odd.

8. He would tell me the same stories again and again. I noticed him do it with his friends, too. And they'd just kind of laugh along- as if that's something they're used to. Had he already done some damage to his brain? I was concerned about that, for him and for me, but I figured, it's a quirk. I can deal with it.

9. He would always shit talk kids. Like he really disliked kids. He didn't want to go to the pool if there were "screaming kids" there. He said he did an escape room and there were kids there who ruined the experience. He talked about living with his ex (for many years) and how he got along okay with her kids but was closer with the toddler than the one in school. How do you LIVE with a person for years and then move out, but continue to date on and off, and just kind of get along okay with their kids?  And when he met my best friend and her husband and daughter, he was so great with her!  Didn’t even skip a beat talking to her and playing card games with her.  But I guess that’s all part of his ability to act like the “good guy” when he has to.  That makes more sense now.

10. The story of how he got his dog. The day we met he said as part of his sheriff dept rotation he had to work at the animal shelter and he ended up meeting Luna falling in love with her so brought her home with him. Couple months later, he's telling a story about it and said that it was his ex who wanted to get Luna and he only brought her with him after he moved out because Luna couldn't stay in the house alone with the cat and it was better for her to be with him where she didn't have to be crated all the time. So that was a good way to handle it, but that's definitely not the story I was told about him and his bond with Luna. He absolutely loves her more than anything now, but that's just something that there's no need to lie about?

11. He didn't like taking pictures. He said he didn't like his smile. I liked his smile; I still like his smile. It's cute and sweet and him and I always loved seeing it. But I get it, everyone has their issues with themselves. I told him I loved taking pics and that I was just taking them for me- they wouldn't be posted anywhere. He obliged a couple times for selfies and Snapchat filtered pics, but I could tell he didn't want to, so I wouldn't ask- and when we were at his friends' wedding party, there was a lovely floral setup and I wanted a pic together, and he saw the pic I took there by myself and asked if I wanted one of us there together, but I thought I should say no, so that if be compromising with the photo taking and his dislike of photos. I said, do you want a pic? And he said he never wanted to take pics, did I want a pic? And I said it's alright, he'd already been in another pic with me earlier. I was clearly disappointed and he should have just said-- it's fine, give ********* your phone and let's get one. But he said okay and we never got it. And if I had to do that kind of thing forever, I would have absolutely hated it.

12. When we met, he said he wanted to go to Disney with me, and that even though he gets motion sickness, he'd take Dramamine and go on rides with me and he'd be fine. Then another time he said if I could convince his other couple friends to go, me and the girl could go on rides and he and the guy could wait for us and drink 🤦🏽‍♀️. Then another time he said that he probably wouldn't much fun at the parks because he couldn't do anything. I never even asked him again-- these were just things he was bringing up to back out. Disney is my life and if my partner can't- or won't- do park trips with me, what's the point???

13. He said he loved the beach and used to love there and that he goes all the time. Then I told him I love the beach, too! He said that as a school resource officer, it was easy to get time off during the summer when school wasn't in session. I waited. We never went to the beach. He took one day off all summer and that was because his friend came over to spend Friday night with him before a card game competition on Saturday. I only benefited from part of that because I drove up Thursday night (through the worst storm of the year) and we went to the pool for a couple hours on Friday. I thought he did it for me, for us to spend time together... But it turns out, he didn't. He just fit me into something that was already in the works.

14. He didn't have any pet names for me, he didn't really ever compliment me outside of a few times when we first met, or the occasional, "I like those shoes/that dress/your hair like that." He didn't greet me through text with cutesy things, just a couple times when he said "what's cookin good lookin?" And that was it.

15. Presents- this isn't about physical presents, but rather about thoughtfulness and effort being reciprocated. The only presents he ever gotten me were two Build-A-Bears when we were at the mall another time, after the first date BAB plans fell through. We were walking around and the line wasn't super long, so I kind of pushed to go and he tried to avoid it, sort of, but gave in. I got a brown bear with a Captain America suit and R's voice saying "I'm Captain Falcon, huhu." He'd gotten confused once and called Falcon & Winter Soldier Captain Falcon, so that was a little joke we shared. And the laugh was just a cute and silly laugh he'd do. It was adorable. Also got a mermaid bear with a shiny beachy dress because she was as sassy and extra as me! It was so sweet and so fun and I just thought, this is real- I've found someone who gets and accepts me without judgement.

I had given him a matching St. Patrick's day shirt- we wore those together. I special ordered custom "pea in a pod #1" (him) and "pea in a pod #2" (me) shirts because he always said we're two peas in a pod. I tried to get him to wear it, but he said he was saving it for another time and that we'd get pics in them and then it was forgotten and we never wore them together. I took mine every time I visited; it was a staple in my overnight duffel.

I gave him a Grape Soda Ellie Badge Pin (from Pixar's Up) to show him how much I really liked him. I sent him cards in the mail. I got him a huge candle- like a nice $30 candle- because he always had candles lit around his apartment. I got him a beach/pool towel because he would just use a regular bath towel when he went out to the pool. He said he liked mint tea, so I got him a large Epcot Starbucks mug and a container of Starbucks Mint Tea. I gave Luna multiple bags of dog treats and a couple bandanas. I gave him a nice blanket to lay on the couch so Luna could sit on the couch without messing it up- because before that he wasn't letting her on the couch because he said it would ruin the couch. My mom made meals and sent them at least 4 or 5 times. I made cheesecake- his favorite dessert- more times than I can count and took it for him. I also made rice pudding for him when he mentioned that he liked rice pudding. Anything he mentioned or anything I noticed- I was on top of it because I wanted to do things to show him I was listening and I cared. I already had a Christmas present for him and a couple presents for his friends.  They’re still up in my closet. I know he wanted the next Mario Party game for Switch so I was going to get it for him for his birthday, along with a new pair of Crocs because he showed me how his were wearing out at the bottom, but he still kept wearing them. I'm also not working right now and he is working- so if $ is a factor- it's harder on my end for this stuff. I never got flowers- even just a couple. He made dinners for me, but I made dinners for him too. He'd buy us Taco Bell sometimes, but it wasn't like a thoughtful gesture type of thing. I guess he isn't a card writer, so that would have been too much to expect... I always talked about my interests and passions and things that I enjoyed- so I would have been super easy to surprise with something- anything! Maybe like a cupcake from the cupcake shop down the road from him that would be closed by the time I'd arrive in town when I was visiting him. I didn't need anything huge, but he just isn't that type of person- not with me. He'd tell me how he went to this place or that place, because his ex wanted to go to a certain place for New Year's, so they went, or she wanted to check out somewhere else, so they went. And it hurt that I was getting a different side of him than she got- especially considering this was so early on and this was probably the best I'd get from him. One day I noticed that Luna's tags were never updated, so they still had R's number and his ex's number as contacts. I popped her # into Facebook and found her. She seems nice. I wouldn't know. The kids seem like regular kids. She's white. I think I already knew that though. I guess I'm 2 for 2 on being given less than I deserve by a man because I'm brown. It's f*cking hurtful.

16. He didn't brush his teeth after waking up; he'd eat first and that's just something I'm not a fan of. It's like a pet peeve of mine, and I refuse to kiss someone in the morning before we have both brushed our teeth. I did it one time-- I'd already brushed my teeth because I HATE morning breath. He hadn't. We were messing around I guess, and for some reason I just did it. Never again.

17. I never slept through the night with him in his bed. Maybe that was my subconscious telling me something was wrong and I shouldn't be there, but try as I might, I never could. We switched sides once, that helped some, but I was still up throughout the night. I took Benadryl to make me drowsy, it just made me sick. I took Melatonin; it didn't help. I had wine before bed once, it didn't help.  I guess my body was never going to acclimate to it because it was fighting its way out of something it knew it shouldn't be in.

18. He insisted I sign the wedding frame with him at his friends' wedding party (that's what his friends had instead of a guest book.) I told him he should just do it by himself, but he insisted. This seemed like he was telling me that he wanted us to be long term and that I'd be a part of his life and his friends' life for a while. He gave me hope and intentionally/unintentionally misled me into believing that everything was great and that he thought we were a good fit. He did this until he hit me with "I don't think we're a good match" and disappeared. Who pulls a 180 like that?? Rather, what kind of functional adult does something like that? Answer: they don't.

19. He didn't like stand up comedy. None of it, not at all. He said it's too forced. What the hell does that even mean. Everyone likes standup????

20. He wouldn't plan things, because he said his mom would plan vacations and other things down to the hour and that ruined trips for them-- okay I get that. And he has really intense and negative feelings toward his mother- they don't even speak. A lot happened in his family and he has his reasons. He told me about that stuff and it all made sense and he needs to handle those things in a way that's best for him. But he never stuck to plans with us. Everything was always changing. It was stressful to expect to go to the beach and aquarium and then hear, oh were going to the mall instead and tomorrow we'll do that. Then tomorrow it would be, oh we missed the aquarium window so we're just going to go to the beach. Then on the way to the beach, he pulls into a zoo parking lot and now we're at the zoo. This is too much crazy for me and if this is how he does everything... I can't handle it long term.  Or he would say we were going to do things- long term and short term, small things and big things- and I’d get excited about them, but then they’d just never happen and he;d make no effort to make them happen.

21. He's really wasteful. It's kind of a side effect of living along as a single guy and trying to be efficient. He tosses like a few things into the wash or the dryer, doesn't wait for a full load. One time I'm pretty sure he put in two towels and that was it. He only uses his dishwasher, but used almost as much water to rinse off the dishes before he loaded them in the dishwasher as he would to just wash them. He throws out recyclables (not his fault, the apartment is only collecting trash since the pandemic started.) But instead of using like a Brita filter, he just buys shit tons of bottled water.

22. All of his meals consist of the same basic group of foods. Cut up turkey sausage, turkey bacon (half of the time burnt- not crispy, BURNT,) eggs, hot sauce, wonton strips, salad, wontons, beyond meat/shrimp tacos. I didn't love the tacos, but they were the first thing he made me (our first date at his place) and he was so excited about them that I couldn't not love them. He made them again when I met his dad.

23. He wore one of two pairs of shoes all the time. He wore solid polos and khaki shorts or pants anytime we went out. At home, it was athletic shorts and an old Hanes t-shirt (usually a white one, sometimes a black one.) I understand comfort but like... He never tried to look nice for me and I always had multiple outfits with me just in case. He did wear the St. Patrick's day shirt I got for him a couple times.

24. I think he was genuinely bothered by my celebrity crush on Chris Evans. And this isn’t like how I used to be kind of jealous of Taylor Swift when my ex was obsessed with her-- because I knew he was never going to pursue her or walk up to her on the street and leave me for her.  Obviously the same goes for Chris Evans.  I'm not even going to say anything else about this because it's ridiculous.

25. When we met he said he was respectful of people's passions and the things they like because why wouldn't you be? We even talked about how my ex looked down on me for the things I enjoyed.  But I really do feel like he wasn't about my love of Disney or Concerts or beach time... You can never trust men in the beginning. They all just lie until they get what they want and then you see true colors.  Why not support the passions of someone you care about?  What does that take away from you?

To be continued... I need to make myself eat something. Fever didn't come back today so hopefully it's done for real now.

[plastic-l0veee]

It's 4:32 am on August 5th and I'm lying in your bed, waiting for you to wake up for work before I make the 3+ hour drive back home. Since I've been here, I had so much fun. I don't remember the last time I laughed this much, genuinely. You made me laugh so hard I peed. It's been a REALLY long time since I could bounce back and forth so well with someone's humor. Thank you so much for showing me this breakfast place that's 24/7 because of my awful inconsistent sleep schedule. For getting up after 3 hours when I couldn't fall back asleep with you Saturday morning, for the energy drinks to get by. For the stickers you bought me because you know I love covering my things in art, for finding my love of magical girl culture charming instead of childish. Thanks for holding my hand, for taking me to the park to catch pokémon and allow me to reintroduce you to a game you gave up after your rough spot last year. For literally driving up/down Houston and tipping that girl 12 dollars at sonic because you listened to all my work stories over the last 10 months. When we finally crashed back at your house, we couldn't even fall asleep because we were THAT tired but it was also that early. I confessed that something about laying in bed with you made me cry that first night and you look upset that you didn't know even though I took every precaution not to wake you. I tell you I'm doing mostly okay, I just think he unfortunately lives by the spot my ex dumped me at 3 years ago, and it's almost to the dot (August 4th.) You tell me I'm wonderful and I deserve more. I am so sleep deprived, I laugh and tell you I hate myself so much but I love you. Your I love you sounds so sincere. You tell me you've been sitting on saying it, because you didn't know what I wanted with you. I want to cry now because by all accounts, this should mean our broken pieces should line up together to form something beautiful, something real, but I also know deep down, I'm still a bitter piece of shit from everything with my ex. I confess that I have to move next year. You're sad but more importantly, you're happy the move means I'll be able to go back to school and commit to my art. You're so supportive. My mind draws a contrast between your excitement for me and the way my ex begged me to stay for him instead of Germany almost 3 years ago. We laugh about it, how I could end up somewhere silly like Alaska, how you'll move there with your dog to avoid losing contact, your chest contracts with all our laughter and suddenly your room feels like the only real thing in this world. I really love you, Jonathan. We're both crying a little, from sadness we're falling in love at such a bad time, from laughter for all the teasing we bounce off of each other, from happiness that we ever got to be in something so wonderful. We watch ratatouille while eating pasta, we laugh about our messed up lives a little more and I get to fall asleep being held by you. You always reach out for me in your sleep. The next morning, we just stay in as long as we can, talking about our psuedo relationship, kissing, playing with your dog, and it's really hard to just not shout about how much I love you while the day has just started. It's another day of making you laugh too loud on this con floor and driving around to taste everything. And I spend another night to enjoy every second with you, even if you have work at 5am the next morning.

Fuck, I'm really in love with you. And I'm very happy being with you. I wish I met you at a better time.

You're beautiful, Jonathan. I could never repay this kindness you've given me over this weekend, much less over the last 10 months. I'm such a coward, honestly, but you sincerely make me want to almost give this a shot. And thanks so much for letting me know I can love again. I'm going to enjoy every remaining moment with you. And my heart is really going to break when you meet someone new because despite what you believe, you're so easy to love. You are never too much. Other people are just not enough. Thank you for everything.