#genuinely i am so upset rn i am like three seconds from just leaving the server entirely bc i am tired

[pyrriax]

mayhaps coming up with a fic idea :3

[persona-brainrot-real]

a very long about haru because i love her and im upset about how the game let her story get overshadowed at every turn

its nearly 3am rn but i'm thinking about how genuinely insane it is for persona 5 to introduce Haru as a character who is struggling to find any of her autonomy and treat her the way that they do. her father is marrying her off to a man who makes it explicitly clear he wants to use her for sex and even Okumura, in his palace, is shown to understand this.

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru in her Phantom Thief outfit says "Father! You want me to be that mans plaything to satisfy your own ambitions?" the second is of Shadow Okumura, looking angry, saying "This is the only value you've had from the very beginning. The third image is before the boss fight against the cognition of Haru's fiance. He is saying "let's have fun! I'll play with you until I get bored!"]

even outside of the palace, in their daily life he makes it extremely clear that he has no intent on trusting Haru with company business (likely because he expects the company to be handed off to her husband after he dies) and he doesn't acknowledge her feelings or anything she says to defend her own autonomy (i know this is me reciting everything in the game i do have a point)

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru is upset as she says "So I'm not even allowed to decide where I will live, am I?". In the second, Okumura is saying "not only do you come home late, you've even stayed out overnight without permission..." looking disapproving. In the third image, Okumura is saying "I have my hands full right now with the company. Don't cause any more trouble for me." He is holding his phone.]

even when she first joins your team, she tries to insist on being useful and fighting, considering this is her request and her fathers palace, and morgana tells her she cant. i know its 'for her own sake' that she cant fight, but considering that Morgana was there when she first awakened and planned on using her to get through a palace alone, its really frustrating to then see him say shes not strong enough to fight in a team.

[ID: two screenshots of persona five royal. Both are taken in Okumura's palace. In the first, Haru is saying "I can fight too! Please, let me join you in battle!". In the second, Morgana is saying "Your persona is too weak to fight safely at the moment. Just leave that side of things to us for now."]

and this comes in AFTER morgana, while using her, gets her to insult his friends on his behalf because hes annoyed with them, even though she's visibly uncomfortable doing so, contradicts what morgana wants her to say, and is shown later to have no real malicious feelings for them - and all of the bitter feelings she DID have were because morgana told her that the PT's were mean and didn't treat him right or didn't need him, which wasn't true to begin with, and is why she has to ask him for direction on what to say,

[ID: Haru looks upset. She stands opposite the Phantom Thieves and looks at Morgana. She is asking him "What was it again?"]

and you bring all of this into a brilliant character of a girl who is so self-assured, so firm on what she wants and her own autonomy - i want to be a Phantom Thief, i want to be a hero, i want to have my autonomy but more importantly i want to earn it, i want to change my fathers heart myself so that he becomes a better person and a better business owner, i want to prove to him that i can be trusted with the company and that i have more worth than being married off - but never really gets to express that? Even when it comes to the fight with Okumura and her chance to have her moment - the moment where Yusuke tells Madarame he's a coward who lost sight of his passion, where Ann gets to tell Kamoshida that he's only alive because she wants him to live through all he's done (both in the palace and the real world), where Futaba gets to talk to her mom directly in a scene that always makes me tear up - Haru's moment to stand up to her father is overshadowed by her father speaking to Morgana instead!!!!!

i know that this could also be a huge meta moment - he sees his daughter standing up to him, defending herself, and dismisses her entirely to try and appeal to the next rational subject, a man, but . the man is a cat. it doesnt work as well if he turns to a cat to be like "well certainly you'll be more reasonable" and turns the focus to Morgana - who has already taken up a lot of time that Haru deserved to have recognised!!!!

i have issues with morgana, yes, and I believe a lot of that arc could have been really useful character building for him if it had been handled slightly better, given more weight and better pacing, but it really wouldn't have been such a big problem for me if it hadn't been pushed so heavily during Haru's character moments, because she is SUCH a good character!!!!

in her first appearance she makes for a really good subversion of what the PT's think that they are. her insistence on working for justice helps them work through their temporary doubt for what their purpose is and by having such a difficult situation happening in her life, she unites them all on something that they have to do. At least until they go to Okumura's palace for the first proper investigation, the intent to rescue Haru from her fiance is more important than the Phan-site and more important than any of Okumura's business practices.

she prioritises everyone elses happiness over her own to the point where she watches her father die on live television and tells the PT's to continue having fun at destinyland without her without considering that they'd want to be there for her. She has always suspected that people only wanted to be her friend for her money - and this seems to have affected her so much that despite being 'secretive about her history' at Shujin, she still doesn't mention at any point whether or not she has friends and is only seen speaking with teachers.

after her fathers death she has no real reason to trust any of the PT's - they were navigating with an unknown method, with no proof to show that what they were doing wouldn't cause a mental shutdown, they barely know each other, and yet she trusts them in spite of this and places her faith in the PT's regardless. even when faced with the person who DID kill her father, she understands that his death was a larger piece in a bigger plan and that it wasn't akechi's fault, it was the fault of Shido for ordering him dead, and in Shido's palace she's able to get the catharsis of killing the cognition of the person who aired her fathers death publicly on TV.

And what I think is a more frustrating part than any of that - where all of the Phantom Thieves, after their palace, get following story beats that increase their importance to make sure that you, as the player, can get attached to them, but the more PT's that join the team, the harder it is to juggle all of those characters and a lot of them have very vocal and prominent personalities that keep them involved. Yusuke's general quirks and behaviour keep him interesting, Makoto has an entire arc that's established ages before she's involved in Kaneshiro's palace, Futaba becoming navigator keeps her relevant, but where Haru's arc is taken over by Morgana in the palace where she's introduced, all subsequent story beats are entirely overtaken by Akechi.

Don't get me wrong, I love Akechi and he is in my brain 24/7, but it is extremely unfortunate that her fathers death immediately kickstarts the section of plot where the PT's realise that they're being tricked, meaning the plot suddenly ramps up, and during the school fair (something Haru is explicitly very excited about), Akechi's growing popularity and prominence in the story takes centre stage, especially as a day later he blackmails the PTs and joins their party.

Again, not complaining about Akechi, its just unfortunate that Haru's main story is clouded over by Morgana having a character arc and then the fan favourite comes in and immediately becomes the most prominent character for almost the entire rest of the game. It's sad because I love Haru but it wasn't until I romanced her that I realised how much I love her and how much there is too her - which ESPECIALLY sucks because it makes the section where you're reassuring her in the velvet room fall so flat compared to how you reassure everyone else.

ALL to say that i think it's wild to have a character whose entire arc routinely revolves around proving herself and reclaiming her autonomy from the men in her life, like her father and her fiance, and having her character arc so heavily influenced and even overshadowed by morgana, a male character. thank you guys for listening and if you disagree with me consider writing what your opinions are on your own post and not on mine :3

Anyway. huge rant post over. Haru is my wife and my girlfriend and my silly rabbit and i think she should be hyped up way more. ESPECIALLY for her showtime attack with makoto because that's fucking adorable. everyone must post one thousand haru okumura positivity posts right now

[ID: a gif of Haru Okumura, in her Phantom Thief outfit, holding her hat with one hand and pointing with the other. She says "I am no longer your subservient puppet!" while looking determined.]

[starlocked01]

These Words are Knives

AO3

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary: Virgil doesn't like being a secret boyfriend. He honestly just wants his soulmate to be able to be himself at home and at work. But has Janus ever been himself with anyone? Remus probably. But Virgil and Remus don't know about each other and that's about to become everyone's problem 

Content Warning: Unsympathetic Janus, Swearing, Fighting, Capslock, Emotional Abuse and Manipulation

Day 28 Anxceitmus- A sentence appears on your arm each night recapping something your soulmate said that day. Modified so that it only shows up after you've met them in person.

"If you love me, let me go If you love me, let me go These words are knives that often leave scars The fear, the fear of falling apart Truth be told I never was yours The fear, the fear of falling apart" -This is Gospel Panic! at the Disco

"Oh yes, my girlfriend and I enjoy true crime shows pretty often."

Virgil sighed, staring at the golden letters glowing on his skin. It stung a lot to see his soulmate lie like this every night.

He turned over in bed to face Janus, "I hate your boss."

"Mmhmm, me too," Janus replied flatly, not taking his eyes off the newspaper.

"I shouldn't have to see this. You shouldn't have to keep me hidden from your coworkers," Virgil felt anger knotting at the bottom of his stomach. It truly wasn't fair.

"If he finds out I'm gay, he will fire me. I'm not having this discussion right now," Janus declared with a tone of finality.

"I'm not asking you to out yourself, I'm just upset about the situation," Virgil twisted onto his back and stared at the ceiling, "what does yours say?"

Janus gave an exasperated sigh and made a show of rolling up his sleeve before reading the shiny purple text, "'Oh my god, that would definitely have killed me!' Honestly, Virgil, it was a mouse. Bit of an overreaction."

"Whatever, good night."

"Virgil?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Well, it wasn't a lie, Virgil is far too trusting of him for him to not mean it when he says he loves him.

Janus could remember back when they'd first met, Virgil wouldn't even give him his phone number. It had been a tedious process getting the anxious man to open up, and it was more than worth it to Janus. The problems only started when he'd met her.

Remus had been completely unexpected; Janus had literally run into her on his way to work. He panicked that first night the neon green script appeared on his arm opposite the purple text. Remus was also his soulmate and unlike Virgil, she was eager to know Janus.

Janus had made his decision to keep his second soulmate a secret the moment he saw the text, and now he sat like a spider atop his web of lies.

Janus glanced over at Virgil as he lay there, clearly not asleep yet, and started humming a lullaby that usually helped Virgil relax. The tension in his shoulders started to ease and soon he was snoring. Janus folded up the newspaper and took the disposable phone out of his nightstand.

R<3: heyyyy sexy i wanna c u tomrw ;]

He smiled and responded, keeping an eye on Virgil to make sure he was still asleep.

J: I agree, at our usual place?

R<3: !!!!!!

He quickly shut off the phone and hid it again before turning off the bedside lamp and rolling over to fall asleep. ---- Truth be told, it was simply easier to talk about Remus at work because they went by multiple pronouns. It also helped that they didn't immediately get suspicious anytime Janus brought them up. Virgil’s concern could be overbearing and it was just easier to stay under the radar of homophobic coworkers who would no longer respect him if they found out.

He didn't feel good about lying; it was survival. But he was good at it.

"Jan!" Remus waved him over as soon as he arrived at the restaurant. He smiled and joined them at their table, "it's been too long, why are you avoiding me?" Remus asked with a grin.

"I'm not, I just don't want to interrupt your work," Janus smirked, taking a sip of his water.

"What? You don't think I could handle you trying to distract me?" Remus laughed happily, leaning over to kiss their soulmate’s cheek.

They laughed and joked all through dinner, gossiping about coworkers, generally having a good time. The time got away from Janus and it was midnight before he realized how late it had gotten.

"Oh! I want to see what your soul mark says today!" Remus beamed, excitedly rolling up their own sleeve.

"You do tend to have quite… entertaining quotes," Janus' smile hid his irritation but he obliged, rolling up his sleeve as well, "'Why don't we eat the babies and call it Swifting?' Really, Remus? Do I want context?"

"You remember 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift, right?" he giggled, reading his own quote of the day, "'Honestly, Virgil, it was a mouse.' Huh…" Remus looked confused, "who's Virgil? You don't talk about him but I see his name come up pretty often."

"A coworker. He's not very pleasant to talk with but we often have projects together," the lie was smooth as silk. He knew this one would happen someday and had prepared.

Remus glanced over and saw a streak of purple along Janus’ wrist of his other arm, "what's that?" they grabbed Janus' wrist and pushed the sleeve up before he could protest. They read the words out loud, "'sup, fellow cryptids? I'm your host, Virgil Keir and it's time to talk about why you absolutely should run to the woods to date the Fae.' Wait…" Remus looked up knowingly, "Virgil is your soulmate, not your coworker."

"He can be both. Like I said, he's not easy to get along with-" Janus was sweating under his collar.

"I want to meet him!" Remus exclaimed.

"Why?' Janus was genuinely puzzled by their reaction.

"Hello! I love his youtube channel and you're my easy in! Plus he's your soulmate so he's gotta be important to you, which makes him all the more important to me," Remus grinned happily, "I swear I'm not jealous that you have two soulmates."

Janus let the comment slide past him, "I'll talk with him, but he's rather private. He may not want to meet you. I mean, he hasn't asked about you at all."

"Alright alright. Thanks, Jan!" Remus kissed him again, "wanna stay the night?" they asked with a wink.

"Not tonight, we both have work tomorrow and it's late enough already," Janus gave them a silvery smile while standing to pay the bill.

"Aw man, I can't wait to tell Stormy about this!" Remus pulled out their phone and was already texting with fire in their eyes.

"Who’s Stormy?" Janus asked hesitantly.

"Tumblr mutual. He's like the biggest fan of 'Mothman Mondays'. He'll be so stoked!"

"Ah- well have fun with that. Goodnight, darling," Janus left quickly. This needed to be contained. ---- Virgil stared at his phone in disbelief.

thotiestthoughts: stormy ull nvr guess!!

thotiestthoughts: my soulmate knows Virgil K!!!

Thoti was probably Virgil’s favorite fan, they messaged on tumblr all the time and had become quite good friends, but it was through his anonymous account not the official blog for his show. He debated how he would respond before typing back.

stormcloud07734: wow what a coincidence. r u secretly him? ;)

The best defense is a strong offense, right?

thotiestthoughts: !!!! im so excite!!!!!!

stormcloud07734: that means u must live pretty close to him

thotiestthoughts: u think hes in Orlando???

Virgil smiled. He knew he was in Orlando. But he had a better idea.

stormcloud07734: don't know about Virgil but im in Orlando. wanna meet up?

His heart was pounding. If this were anyone else but thoti he'd never consider it.

thotiestthoughts: OMG WHEN? RN?

stormcloud07734: how about tomorrow?

Virgil smiled at thoti's enthusiasm. They both picked a local cafe to meet in the afternoon and signed off for the night. Virgil didn’t even wait for Janus to get home before falling asleep. ---- Virgil got to the cafe an hour early. He could barely feel his own breathing as his heart felt like it filled his whole chest and stomach. What if he was wrong and thoti turned out to be a creep or stalker? What if he was never heard from again? He hadn't even said goodbye to Janus that morning. He tried to scroll tumblr to calm down, tried to research for his next episode, anything to distract himself from the anticipation and anxiety.

Remus couldn't wait to meet stormy and was practically bouncing around the back seat of xyr Uber. He'd given xem his phone number since they'd never shared photos and xe was trying desperately to not call before xe got to the cafe.

About a block away xyr phone started ringing. It was stormy.

"Hello?" Xe answered breathlessly.

An all too familiar voice answered xem, "hey, thoti, I know you're not here just yet but I have a bit of a confession to make."

"Virgil…" Remus was practically shoved out of the car by the driver as xe was paralyzed in shock. Xe looked up and saw the familiar pale face, purple hair with swooping bangs and dark eyeshadow smiling at him from a table in the corner, phone held to his face.

"Yup, sorry," Virgil hung up as Remus walked over, mouth agape.

"All this time?" xe asked, not ready to sit at the table with one of xyr favorite minor celebrities.

"Yeah, I kinda like participating in cryptid culture without being hounded about my videos," Virgil shrugged with a grin, "come on, sit down. I'm a lot more like stormcloud than I am like my videos."

"I'm Remus," xe stuck out xyr hand.

"Virgil," he snickered and pinched Remus' fingers with three of his own and gave a curt little shake. Xe laughed and sat down across the table, fidgeting with xyr hoodie strings. Virgil gave xem a long look over, "so your soulmate knows me?"

"Oh yeah, I kinda found out last night and asked him to ask you to meet me so if he brings that up, sorry. I just got really excited about it," Remus blushed in embarrassment, "hopefully Janus will be cool about it."

Virgil stopped mid-sip of a mocha latte, "Janus?"

"Yeah, our soulmate."

"You're his soulmate too? I don't believe you," Virgil shook his head.

"I saw both lines of writing on his arms last night, I'm sure of it!" Remus' grin began to falter, "but whatever, right? We're not here to talk about soulmates. I've been so excited to meet you."

"Hang on, how long?" Virgil demanded.

"How long what? My d-"

"How long have you been soulmates?" Virgil smacked the table.

"About 5 months," Remus looked down at the table. This was going terribly.

"Janus has been my soulmate for 2 years and he never brought up a second soulmate. I can't-" Virgil looked like something inside him was dying, "why wouldn't he mention you?"

"He- oh my god he doesn't want me around… and you probably hate me just for existing…" Remus looked up as Virgil laid a hand gently on xyrs.

"No. I don't hate you. We're going to get to the bottom of this." ---- Virgil sat in bed next to Janus who was preoccupied with a book. He didn't know how to bring up Remus and every moment he felt sicker and sicker in his stomach. The frequent fights, the talk at work about a girlfriend, the distance between them, when he thought about it he realized it had only really started 5 months ago.

Janus reached out to take his hand and Virgil instinctively pulled away.

"What's wrong, Virgil?" Janus asked sweetly.

"Don't touch me," he muttered just as the clock struck midnight. He glanced at the yellow text without bothering to read it, "I bet this one is a lie too."

"Virgil, what do you mean? You're acting suspicious," Janus’ mind was reeling. He'd forgotten what Virgil had said he was going to do that day and didn't expect him to be so hostile. He glanced down at the purple text on his arm and asked, "who's 'thoti', Virgil?"

Virgil started to reply when he saw a flash of green on his own arm. He looked and was surprised to find a second soul mark in a dark green scrawl. His phone was ringing and he didn't even need caller ID to know who it was, "are you seeing this too, Rem?" Virgil's eyes flicked over to Janus and narrowed, "a second soulmate, who could have guessed?" Janus kept his face impressively passive at the news and subtle accusation, "okay, see you soon."

Virgil hung up and glared at Janus who simply repeated, "who's 'thoti', Virgil?"

"You insufferable bastard! You know exactly who xe is, your 'girlfriend' our soulmate," Virgil scowled, ready to tear out a throat and leave the body for the wolves. He saw that Remus had texted him that xe was 10 minutes away. Janus had nowhere to run now.

"Her name is Remus. Why would I assume she was your soulmate or that you would give her such a disrespectful nickname?" Janus tried to steer the conversation in his favor.

"You're going to accuse me of disrespect? For the last five months, you have done nothing but lie to us and you're saying I'm the disrespectful one? You can't deflect your way out of this one, babe," Virgil felt his eye twitch. Remus better get there fast if he wanted both soulmates intact.

Virgil was screaming and beating Janus with a pillow when the doorbell rang.

"What the fuck? Is this a confrontation or a sleepover?" Remus burst in the door, finding it unlocked. He ran over and pulled Virgil off of Janus, getting a face full of feathers in the process.

"Oh just casual domestic abuse," Janus picked himself off the floor as Virgil struggled to get out of Remus' grasp.

"I'm going to make him pay, one way or another!" Virgil snarled.

"I don't know, Virgil, I think we can work this out," he blurted out.

Virgil stared at Remus dumbfounded, "you think what? Work this out? He's lied to you the whole time you've known him!"

"So did you," Remus looked down as if ashamed to say it out loud, "I thought you were stormcloud. I gushed about Virgil to you for hours and you never thought to tell me who you really were. I bet you even got content ideas from me and never had to credit them. So how is that different, if not worse, than Janus being scared of you doing exactly what you're doing right now?"

"You really think having an anonymous tumblr is worse than being manipulated for years? Is that what I'm hearing, Remus?"

"I think you're overreacting. I want to try and fix this relationship because we're soulmates and we should be able to make it work," Remus sighed, turning away from Virgil, "I'm not cutting anyone off."

"It's alright, Virgil. I forgive you. Let's figure this out together-"

"NO!" something snapped. Virgil squared up, facing the other two, "get out."

"Virgil," Janus took a step towards him.

"I said, Get Out."

"Oh, did you forget? The lease is in my name. I'm not leaving my fucking apartment. If you don't want to work with us then you can work on getting your own place to live," Janus’ look turned smug and cold as ice.

"Janus, don't kick him out," Remus looked as though he were about to spiral into a panic attack. If he'd just kept his mouth shut for once maybe-

"No, he's right. He holds shelter and food over my head to keep me in line so he can keep a secret fuck boy on the side and expects me to 'work it out' like I'm too scared to fend for myself. Fuck you," Virgil started to laugh with tears streaming down his cheeks. He turned and grabbed his backpack, walking to their room to grab as much of his stuff as he could. Remus followed him, holding Janus back from saying anything more.

"Virgil, please. I don't want to lose you," Remus pleaded softly.

"I thought you were pissed at me for being a liar on the internet," Virgil muttered.

"Maybe, but if I'm willing to forgive Janus don't you think I can forgive you too?" Remus held up his arm to block the door.

Virgil stopped with a heavy exhausted sigh, "I don't want your forgiveness. Remus, if you love me, let me go."

Virgil watched as a tear slipped down Remus' face and he lowered his arm. The rage that fueled him broke and he grabbed Remus in a hug. The other stiffened, uncertain, before relaxing and hugging Virgil back.

"I didn't want to leave you; I just can't stay with him," Virgil fought to keep his voice from trembling as much as his shoulders were shaking.

"I'll see if my landlord can add you on my lease… that way you don't have to leave?" Remus offered hopefully.

"That sounds like a thousand more nights spent screaming. Not a good idea," Virgil broke away from the hug, "thank you, Remus."

"You… you know how to find me if you need me," Remus laughed sullenly.

"Thanks. I'm sorry."

Remus only nodded as Virgil made for the front door.

"If you leave right now, you'll never see him again," Janus spoke from his place on the couch, wine glass in hand, and already half-empty in the short time Virgil spent packing.

"I know. Anything to keep me from fighting you, right? Just watch me find a way to be happy, asshole," Virgil spat before walking out without a second glance back. ---- "Virgil?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"No, you don't!" Virgil hissed, pushing himself away as hard as he could.

"Virgil, I know I'm not your soulmate but I am confident about my feelings for you," Logan looked confused and hurt but all Virgil could see was a cold, sly smile he'd tried so hard to forget. Reality started to blur and Virgil began to hyperventilate while the smirk leered closer, "Virgil, it's me, Logan. In for four."

Virgil focused on the calming voice and followed its instructions. After a few minutes, he could see Logan’s living room, feel the blanket tangled around their feet, the soft touch of his best friend pulling him back from the edge.

"Logan, I- I'm-"

"Don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for," Logan held him close, resting his chin in Virgil’s hair, "you were clearly triggered. I did not mean to hurt you and your lashing out wasn't directed at me."

"But I know you aren't him, it's not fair for me to treat you that way," Virgil shuddered, pushing in to be as close to Logan as possible.

"Perhaps not, but I'm choosing to forgive it because I know this isn't easy for you," Logan smiled rubbing small circles on his back, "I will learn one thousand different ways to show you my appreciation and care if those three little words are ineffective and harmful to you."

"I don't deserve you," Virgil's voice was muffled as he buried his face in Logan’s chest to hide the tears threatening to spill over.

"No, you deserve so much more than I can give you, and you didn't deserve what happened in the past," Logan kissed the top of his head sweetly.

Virgil choked back a sob, "don't your soulmates hate me?"

Logan sighed, "no. They are happy together and I am happy for them. It has been a while since I've talked to either Patton or Roman, but I think they're okay with me finding you. Not every breakup is toxic, nor are all soulbonds romantic."

They stayed curled together like that on the couch for quite a while, the movie they'd been watching left forgotten on pause.

"Are you happy, Logan?" Virgil whispered, breaking the easy silence.

"With you, yes."

"Promise?"

"I promise I won't lie to you. I am happy with you, Stormcloud," Logan squeezed him tighter, trying to impart every ounce of his love with the application of force. He never wanted to be the one hurting Virgil, and if he ever met Janus or Remus, there was a baseball bat with their names on it in the corner.

Tag List: @stoicpanther @ifrickenhatedeverythingaboutthis @idontgiveafuckaboutshit @tsshipmonth2020

[trulymadlysydney]

HI BESTIE ITS ME! I DONT WANNA SPOIL THIS FOR YOU ACCIDENTALLY SO DONT READ ON UNTIL YOUVE WATCHED!

I AM SO UPSET! JEREMY OVER JAVONNY AND WES?? LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THEY HAD ONE JOB AND THEY FUCKED IT UP! THAT WAS THE ONE GUY WE ALL WANTED TO GO HOME AND THEY MESSED UP SO UNBELIEVABLY BAD! JAVONNY DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO FIND SOMEONE BC OF OLIVIA STRINGING HIM ALONG FOR 3 WEEKS! GOD HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO HIM?

AND PICKING OLIVIA OVER AIMEE? REALLY? WHAT WAS THE THOUGHT PROCESS BEHIND THAT? AND DID YOU HEAR CASH TELL OLIVIA THE GUYS SAID IT WAS BETWEEN FLORITA AND OLIVIA? LIKE WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING? AIMEE DESERVED TO BE THERE MORE THAN THOSE OTHER TWO! OLIVIA IS SO BLAND AND EVERYTHING WEVE SEEN OF HER MAKES ME SO ANNOYED! I DONT LIKE HER! GET HER OFF THE ISLAND NOW!

Okay I think I’m done with caps now lmao. But dude I am so mad and I will admit I teared up when they were saying goodbye to javonny. He deserved so much better than what he got. And the fact that they played falling right after they were all dumped?? A bitch was crying. And it was sweet that will made Jeremy a sandwich to make him feel better but fuck Jeremy oh my god I hate him so much. Everytime Jeremy or Olivia would talk I would say shut up and maybe that’s petty but come on! Why are they still there? The islanders are not on the same page as the viewers and I hate it so much.

And now I feel like the show is so boring with javonny. I could barely pay attention to tonight’s episode bc I was so mad and all the people who are left don’t have half the personality javonny does. That man was literally carrying the entire show on his shoulders huh.

Everything is just the same shit isn’t it? Cash and Trina and cinco every episode… I am TIRED. Cash is starting to look borderline desperate legit begging cinco to be with her. I feel like we talk about this everyday bc that’s literally all that they show. And honestly the more the show of it the more I don’t like cash. She needs to move tf on and her and Olivia together being painted as girls who are second choice irritates me. Like they keep playing victim but they go for guys who don’t want them! What do you expect? I cannot stand them anymore. God I’m so salty rn. I hate everyone in that villa😂

Okay last thing! There may be a chance for javonny and Aimee! In like the third uk season of love island towards the end they let the public vote for two islanders to return and they included two people who were previously kicked out and they came back! So maybe that’ll happen this season too! They’d be kinda dumb not to bc javonny is a fan favorite and twitter is so mad that Jeremy and Olivia were saved. I guess one good thing that came out of it is that Wes and Aimee made it seem like they were gonna stay together after the villa and I hope to god they work out even if it’s just for a little. They deserved a chance the two hottest people in the villa… my king and queen I miss them :( -E

OKAY FINALLY WATCHED IT BESTIE LETS DISCUSS

I LITERALLY!! CRIED AT JAVONNY LEAVING LIKE HIS LITTLE GOODBYE WITH OLIVIA? "I'm gonna dance with you in the rain one last time" or whatever he said oh my god I was legit in tears. I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY PICKED JEREMY LIKE WHAT? OVER JAVONNY? Luckily everything I've seen on social media about it (because I had the episode spoiled for me when I opened insta rip) is showing that like, everyone is as upset about it as we are. Jeremy needs to go. I AGREE ABOUT OLIVIA LIKE!!! YALL SHOULD HAVE GIVEN AIMEE A CHANCE! Olivia had her chance and BLEW IT FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS LIKE GET HER OUT OF THERE.

LIKE HOW DID IT COME DOWN TO OLIVIA AND FLORITA?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??! Olivia is boring and Florita is a whole SNAKE like AIMEE WAS GENUINE AND, LETS BE REAL HERE, SHE WAS THE HOTTEST GIRL IN THE ENTIRE VILLA PERIOD.

Will making Jeremy a sandwich was the cutest shit I've ever seen like when I tell you I am so in love and obsessed with Will lmao he's so cute 🥺. It's so crazy though, like they really are NOT on the same page as we are and like, yes that kind of goes to show how much they manipulate the show but it's also like.... I feel like these islanders love drama. (I agree though. Javonny carried.)

I'm so glad you're saying that because I didn't want to say it but like... I'm getting real tired of miss Cash lmao. "I can't just not go for it because of the love and respect I have for Trina" like why not? Also WHAT love and respect like ???? where? And like, on the one hand it's like "well Trina is getting exactly what she deserves because this is exactly what she did to Cash" but like Cash literally looks desperate the way she like... clings to Cinco (physically and emotionally) like I'm over it. Move on. Cinco is a fool lmao

OH SHIT THAT WOULD BE AMAZING IF THEY COULD COME BACK. I hopeeee they do because they literally deserve it. ALTHOUGH, something I've seen people mentioning is that Javonny needs to go for Cely from season 2, and HOLY SHIT I want nothing more than for that to happen. Like can you imagine? THE POWER THEY WOULD HOLD? THE FUNNIEST COUPLE ALIVE AND YOU KNOOOOW HE WOULD TREAT HER LIKE THE FUCKIN QUEEN SHE IS. I NEED THEM TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

[seokstyle]

critical condition (m) - 1

pair: hoseok x reader, light jungkook x reader (series) themes: med student!reader, nurse!hoseok, lots of medically-related flirting genre: smut, some fluff, future angst warnings: dom/sub undertones, dirty talk, thigh riding, orgasm denial

you knew that your first rotation as a medical student was going to have its challenges. you did not anticipate one of those challenges to be dealing with a handsome ER nurse who won’t give you a break.

word count: 5.3k 

part 2 | masterlist

“Joon, I genuinely don’t know if I’ll make it.”

“Ah, don’t be so negative,” he reassures you. “It takes a learning curve but it’s only been one week.”

“I’ve messed up so much though! They’ll just stand me in the corner and shame me until I melt into a puddle.”

 “It takes time to adjust,” he protests. 

You fix him with an annoyed look. “Did you know someone came in and they tried to give it to me as an easy first case? One that’s dumbass-proof, right?” He nods, a little weary of what you’ll say next. “It was an ear infection. Did you know what I forgot to do, Namjoon?” You lean in across the cafeteria table towards him for dramatic effect. “I forgot to look at his fucking ear.” You lean back in your chair and groan into your hands.

Your friend winces, but does not let up on his optimism. “We’ve only just started, Y/N. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

“Why do you always try to be so reasonable,” you grumble as you spoon the last of the mashed potatoes into your mouth. “It makes it harder to throw myself a pity party.”

Namjoon chuckles in response. “I’m saying it as much to myself as I am to you. Peds has not been easy,” he added with a sigh. “So many crying children, so many angry parents, so many impatient doctors…” He trails off, and you both sit there in silence thinking about the hellscapes you both have to return back to in a few minutes.

This was the first rotation for both of you as medical students, and though you had heard that most residency programs were more lenient on the first couple since you were still getting the hang of the clinical setting, you didn’t want to completely blow your chances at a good recommendation from your supervisors. Though your reputation during this past week was not doing you any good. 

You and Namjoon had become fast friends in the whirlwind that was your first two years of medical school. He had saved your ass in anatomy lab, and you had come to his rescue in biochemistry. But despite your successes in the classroom, neither of you had anticipated how abrupt the transition would be from looking at textbooks and lectures to talking to real patients and actually diagnosing diseases yourself. 

Add getting thrown into the ER for your first ever clinical experience, as was your luck. With the fast pace, the trauma emergencies you had to assist in on, just everything… you were in over your head. Just thinking about all of the questions you were going to have to ask (and would inevitably forget to ask) when you went back upstairs already was making your head spin. At least you could hold onto small fragments of your sanity when you grabbed food breaks, though you both had to return to reality soon.

Namjoon sighs as he pushes his chair back from the table, picking up his tray and giving you a small smile. “Best of luck.”

“You too, pal.”

The night started off better than your previous shifts this week have been. You had been more attentive when it comes to asking patients what brings them in today, remembered key aspects of physical exams when it applied, and you actually felt a little competent. But then you had left for your dinner break, and by the time you made it back to the ER all hell had broken loose.

The other local hospitals were at capacity which meant that all ambulances were going to come to you instead. On top of that, a new rush of admissions had come in, and now the ER was overflowing with people who needed quick medical attention. Soon there were a million things going on and before you knew it, it was past midnight and you were barely staying afloat. You were quickly sent out by the attending to grab a laceration tray, and all of your usual spots to check for supplies were empty. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, using all of your 3 brain cells to think. If I was a laceration tray, where would I be hiding?

“Looking for this?” you heard someone say in a playful tone. You opened your eyes. An outstretched hand had appeared in front of you holding the coveted tray, and you turned to see a handsome nurse you had gotten to know well. 

“Oh my God, Hobi,” you sigh in relief. “How did you know?”

He smirked, and you wanted to roll your eyes at him. “I overheard the resident while I passed outside of the room, so I went ahead and grabbed one for you.” 

You smile. “Thank you, seriously. This shift is getting insane, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

He gasped dramatically in response. “Well we wouldn’t want that! Though,” he added as he leans in closer to you, “I guess it’s a good thing I’m CPR-certified,” he responds with a wink. 

You actually do roll your eyes this time. “You and everyone else in this hospital.”

The first shift in the emergency department may have well been the worst day of your life. Patients had gotten upset with you for forgetting to fulfill requests they had made, you had gotten lost three times in the maze of hallways, and you kept fumbling with every question asked of you. You were under the resident Dr. Kim for that shift, and would continue to be on his charge for the rest of the week. You were petrified because he was chief resident, but he urged you to drop formalities and just call him Seokjin. He was incredibly kind and understanding when you made mistakes (which was often). 

Near the end of the shift, Seokjin had asked you to grab a suture kit so he could close up someone’s finger that had gotten sliced. You had agreed enthusiastically, eager to redeem yourself, but realized the second you stepped out of the room you had no clue where the sutures were kept. 

Great. 

You didn’t know what to do but you were NOT going back into there to ask and make a fool of yourself for the 20th time today. As nice as the resident was being to you, you didn’t want to test his patience either. You wanted to lock yourself into one of the closets and hide until they found you and kicked you out of medical school, because it felt inevitable at this point. 

Right as you were contemplating ways to escape the hospital, you felt someone tap on your shoulder. 

“Are you looking for something?”

Maybe your prayers had been answered, because when you turned around to see who was speaking you swear you saw an angel sent from the heavens for you. His smile was dazzling, with adorable dimples peeking out from the corners of his mouth, and his chestnut hair looked divinely soft as it swooped down onto his forehead. He brushed it out of his eyes, and you noticed that his arms looked strong and toned, and it only made you wonder what other muscles he must be hiding under his scrubs. 

He looked like a sun-kissed god who had somehow gotten lost in the ER hallways. And from the way he was smirking at you, he could definitely tell you had been checking him out. Shit.

“D-do you know where the sutures are kept?”, you managed to squeak out. He grinned. It would be your luck that he procured exactly what you needed from his pants pocket at that moment. You weren’t going to die, after all.

“I always keep a few packs on me, it’s come in handy before. Do you need nylon or monofilament? Probably monofilament.” He muses to himself as he rummages through his pockets some more. He looks up at you and asks, “Do you know what size you need either, 4-0 or 3-0?” You shake your head. “That’s okay! I’ll just give you one of each just in case.” He takes your hand, placing the suture packets into your palm and sending you a dazzling smile.  

You were so relieved you could cry. “Oh my God, I love you, thank you so much,” you blurted without thinking, immediately cringing at your words. 

“Wow sweetheart, at least take me out to dinner before you confess like that.” You felt your cheeks burn from his words, and he must have noticed your embarrassment because his tone was more gentle when he spoke next. “First day?”

God, it must be that obvious that you’re a deer in the headlights right now. You nod, putting the sutures into your white coat pocket.

He looked down at your badge, reading your name and credentials. God, your name sounded so much nicer coming from his lips. “Medical student?” You nod again.

“I remember my first day, it was rough. It does get better though, I promise.” You nod dumbly once more, not fully believing him. He offers you a small smile. “Listen,” he says as he comes to stand behind you, lightly grabbing your shoulders and maneuvering you towards wherever he wants you to look. You could feel the heat of his touch through your thin hospital-issued scrubs and coat, and it sent your pulse running. 

He pointed a little way down from you in the hallway. “Do you see that door? That’s the supply closet, it will have almost anything you ever will need, on a shelf with a label. If it’s not there, try asking the ER secretary,” he steers you a little more to the right, pointing to the center of the area to where the nurses’ desks are located. “They know if no one else does. And if they can’t help you, you can always come find me.” He turns you around so that you are facing each other now, removing his hands from your shoulders, and you almost miss the feel of his touch on you. He points to himself. “My name’s Hoseok, see?” He points to his badge. Hoseok Jung, RN. 

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sighed in relief. He laughed, and you could almost swoon at how pretty he looked when his eyes crinkled up like that. “I guess that is my job, technically. But for someone as cute as you? Anytime,” he replied with a wink. And with that he turned around, leaving you with cheeks red again from the compliment he had added without a second thought. 

“Are you saying you wouldn’t want me to give you mouth-to-mouth?” He pouted, his dimples poking out from the corners of his mouth, but you saw the twinkle in his eyes. Cheeky bastard.

You laugh at him instead of entertaining his comment, taking the tray from his hands and preparing for your mad dash back to the patient room before the resident came looking for you. “Thank you, Hoseok!” 

“That wasn’t a no!” he called after you. You shook your head, smiling to yourself. He had come to your rescue again and again over the past few days, almost as if he knew exactly when you needed his help. Maybe you were growing immune to his charms (or maybe you were becoming emboldened by them), but you were less intimidated and a little more flirtatious with each new interaction with him lately.

You make it back to the patient’s room, and Seokjin even lets you assist with suturing and repairing the wound, under his supervision. The attending had come in shortly after and praised your handiwork as well. You were over the moon! 

But your joy at helping in a procedure for the first time was short-lived. In the next three rooms you entered, the family and patient decided you were the best person on staff to yell at about their outrageous waiting times in the ER. The patient after that did not verbally abuse you, and you made what you thought was a stellar interrogation and clinical analysis, but as you presented to the attending he sent you back for 15 more questions you hadn’t thought to ask. You just wanted to go home to pass out or cry, you would be fine with either at this point. 

As you go to enter the room of the last patient you are assigned for the shift, you see Hoseok wheeling his mobile scribing computer out as he finished taking the preliminary exam. “Hey,” you place a hand on his upper arm to catch him from leaving too soon. “Can you brief me real quick on what’s up? Seokjin was too swamped to give me many details.” 

“Oh, yeah sure.” Hoseok pulls up the patient chart. “Kid came in with severe abdominal pain going on for a couple of hours now. He’s hypertensive at 160/90 but that’s likely due to pain, and he’s tachycardic at 110 bpm. All other vitals look okay,” he added as he scrolls through. “I did a super quick overall physical exam on him just to make sure he wasn’t going to code. Lungs sound clear, heart sounded okay, but I have to run to the trauma bay since they’re short-staffed tonight, so I wasn’t able to do anything too focused on exam,” he explains. “That should get you started off at least though.” He grins and starts walking backwards away from you, tugging his computer along with him. “See you later, angel!” You slide open the room’s door and send him a smile back. “Thanks, Hobi. Good luck!”

You go inside and confirm all of the findings that Hoseok mentioned to you with the patient. The pain is all over his abdomen he says, and he can’t tell you exactly where it’s coming from but it’s clear he’s in a lot of discomfort. You ask a few more pointed questions to try and narrow down your diagnosis, double-check that his lungs and heart sound normal, and tell the patient the doctor will be in shortly to discuss their plan of care.

You go back outside and find Seokjin and the attending to present your findings in the small conference room connected to the ER hallway. “25 year-old male presents with severe abdominal pain, dull in character with increased severity upon ingestion. Pain began within the past two hours but patient states that it has been getting increasingly worse, and has increased to an 8 out of 10. Reports having nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Patient appears dehydrated which could be symptomatic of his condition or could be a result of his vomiting, and is tachycardic and hypertensive.” 

Jin nods encouragingly, and the attending contemplates on what you have told him. “Good presentation, good initial history. Okay,” he continues, “what did you find on the physical exam?”

“His lungs appeared clear to auscultation and heart sounds were all normal, no murmurs noted. Patient did appear diaphoretic and feverish and had weakened grip strength and poorer motor skills than expected, but is capable of ambulation.” 

The attending hums in response, looking over the patient’s chart. “Okay very good, no reason to suspect any cardiac or respiratory abnormalities. That’s important to ensure with all patients.” You beam, proud that you were at least ending the night on a high note and being praised for your work. “What else?”

You hesitate for a moment. “I believe that was everything, sir.”

“What about his abdomen?”

“Sir?”

He looks up at you from the computer. “What were your abdominal exam findings?” You can see Seokjin’s face pale slightly behind him, understanding what is happening. 

You didn’t do it, you forgot. You didn’t examine the abdomen. Of a patient. With abdominal pain. You hear white noise ringing in your ears as panic sets in. “S-sir, I didn’t do a full abdomen exam.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “You didn’t do it?” You nod. “So then what were your differential diagnoses?”

You gulp. “I suspected appendicitis, diverticulitis, or colitis.” 

“So what would be plan of care?”

You guess you had a chance to redeem yourself maybe now, if you were thorough with what you wanted to do with the patient. Maybe then the doctor would ease up on you some. “Initially manage pain and nausea with anti-emetic and pain relief medications. All of my differentials would be confirmed either by CT scan, most likely, so that would assist the patient in feeling better while imaging returns from radiology.” Hopefully, that was enough.

“I see,” the attending muses, looking back at the charts for a moment. You brace yourself for what he would say next. “So, you had made some ideas of what the patient could have going on, all abdominal-related, but,” he turns back towards you. “You didn’t even think to touch the patient first?”

Fuck. It had backfired. You wanted to melt into the ground. Seokjin offers you a sympathetic look from behind the attending as he grills you further while you shrink into your seat. You were getting your ass handed to you and you deserved it. You had to say something at this point; you would be damned if you had to keep working with this doctor who made the assumption that you were an enormous dumbass because of ONE mistake you made. You had to recover, and quick. 

So you go with the first idea that comes to mind. 

“Sir, I am regretful for not performing the physical exam myself, that was wrong of me to do,” you apologize. “I had spoken with the nurse assigned to this patient prior to taking the history, and he had told me that he had already done a physical exam and the findings should be in the chart from his records, but I suppose he failed to do so.” 

You knew what you were doing wasn’t fair, but Hoseok was in the trauma bay and would never know. And you had to do something to save face or any chance you had at matching into emergency medicine were going to be gone at this rate. “I had higher expectations from him but it was my mistake for entrusting him to do that correctly.”

The attending is quiet as you make this excuse as believable and apologetic as possible, then scrolls through the chart. “It says Hoseok Jung was the nurse assigned to his care.” You bristle at hearing his name. “He’s usually incredibly thorough with his job,” the attending mentions in surprise. “I guess this time he didn’t record the findings as he normally would.” He turns to you now, and you pray for salvation from his wrath. “Next time, don’t rely on anyone else on staff. Make sure you do the exam yourself, and trust your own knowledge and intuition most. Others can be wrong, too.” He sighs, and you let out your own sigh of relief. “Okay, I’m going to go grab a coffee and I’ll take care of the patient from here.” He gets up and heads out the conference room door, but turns around to add one last comment before he goes. “Good work, Y/N.”

You thank every power in this universe for sparing you this once. Your recommendation letter was still safe, for now.

“Hey,” you hear the other person left in the room call out to you. You look over at Seokjin and feel a pang of guilt from the expression he has.

“I know what you were trying to do there.” He sounds disappointed, and you feel like a little kid, caught doing something they shouldn’t. You avert your eyes, opting to look down at your shoes instead of look at him directly. His tone softens some. “It’s been a rough week for you to start on, and it’s hard to get the hang of talking to patients and all. I don’t blame you for it, but it’s best to just own up to a mistake instead of bringing someone else into it.” He gets up from his seat to leave, and pauses as he walks by you to put a hand on your shoulder. You look up at him again.; his eyes are empathetic and understanding. “You must be exhausted. Go home and get some sleep, okay?” You nod, and he turns to leave out of the door.

God. You felt like such a colossal bitch. You close your eyes and rub your temples. At least the shift from hell was finally over, and you survived. You still had a chance to properly earn the respect of this attending, and you could finally enjoy your first day off tomorrow. You get up and head out of the conference room as well, closing the door behind you. 

“Hey there,” you hear someone say to your left, and you jump. You look over and see Hoseok with his scribing computer, staring intently at the screen. 

Your blood runs cold for a moment, and you look at him nervously. “Hey,” you answer quietly. “How was the trauma?”

He doesn’t move to look over at you as he responds. “Oh, they had it under control so they sent me back to this hall,” he says offhandedly as he resumes his typing. 

“Oh.” You nod slowly, looking at the floor for a second, thinking to yourself in a panic. Fuck, what if he was right outside the room the whole time? Could he have heard you throw him under the bus like that? You look back over at him, very tentatively. He doesn’t seem as animated and charismatic as he usually is with you, his jaw clenched tight like he’s frustrated with something. 

But maybe he’s just tired after a long shift, or had a bad patient? Right? 

“Okay well, I’m done for the night so I’m going to finish up my charting,” you offer eagerly. He doesn’t move to even look at you, and the guilt comes creeping into your bones again. You turn and walk back towards one of the computer desks, swiping your badge to log in. You start typing notes up, but your thinking gets more and more muddled with every line you write.

There would probably have been so many other chances to recover from that one slip-up. Why did you act like it was the end of the world? Was it worth it just for the off-chance that you might get a good recommendation? You haven’t even liked this rotation so far. You sit in your chair, staring blankly at someone’s lab report from 4 hours ago mulling over whether or not you completely ruined your friendship with Hoseok. 

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t hear when the mobile computer rolls up behind you, and someone says your name quietly. 

You jump, and you feel your ears turning pink as you recognize the voice, lacking its usual light-hearted tone. You turn to look at him, and his face was completely devoid of any emotion. You feel a chill go down your spine. “Can you help me get something from the supply room?” 

God, he did. He must have heard you. You nod, not trusting yourself to say anything out loud, and get up to follow him meekly down the hall and into the supply closet, the same one he had pointed out to you on your first day. Ironic, somehow. Hoseok opens the door, motioning for you to walk in first, and you oblige. 

He walks in after you, flipping on the lights and shutting the door behind him, locking it quickly. You barely have enough time to turn around to face him before you felt him move. He pushed you backwards, your back meeting the wall behind you with a soft thud. His forearms rested on either side of your head, propping himself up and caging you in. You look at him in surprise and can’t help yourself from letting out a small gasp. His jaw was still set but his eyes had turned overwhelmingly dark, swimming with anger. 

You had expected Hoseok to yell at you, call you a bitch, threaten to tell the attending. Best case scenario, he actually needed your help getting something and you would be fine and he heard nothing. What you did not expect was this. 

“So,” he starts, a lazy drawl to his voice, “I heard someone thinks she’s been around the block enough times to put a nurse in his place.” 

Your cheeks burn at his words. “That’s not what I was-” 

He cuts you off. “What did you say again?” He pulls back for a moment, pretending to be lost in thought. “You had ‘higher expectations’ of me?” He chuckles. “I’m sorry to be such a disappointment, princess.” The pet name sent shivers down your back. 

God, you had really fucked up. “No, wait,” you push your hands up against his chest to try and get some space for a moment so you could explain yourself. You tried not to think about how firm he felt under your fingertips, and how your pulse was quickening from being in such close proximity to him. “I didn’t mean to-” 

Hoseok moves so fast you don’t even fully process it, grabbing your wrists away from your feeble attempts to make room between you two and pinning them above your head. It takes everything in you to not gasp out loud, the action going straight to your core. What the fuck was happening right now?

“Shh,” he whispers condescendingly against your ear, your heart fluttering from his close proximity. “I think you’ve said plenty today, wouldn’t you agree? I think it’s my turn to talk, hmm?” He pulls back to look at you, a wolf-life expression engulfing his features. You swallow and nod dumbly. “Good girl,” he smirks, and you hold in the urge to moan out. 

“Did you forget that I have been at this ER for three years?” He crowds your body against the wall, his chest flush against yours. “That I have more experience than you?” You felt breathless like you had been running for miles. You were losing your mind.

“That just because you’re a medical student,” he grabs your white coat and pulls you closer to him, making you shudder, “doesn’t mean you get to push me around like that?” 

Your head was swimming and you had lost all coherent thoughts, but you were still desperate to clear the air between you. “If you just would let me explain-” Your words are cut off as Hoseok pulls back and places his hand across your mouth, muffling anything you have to say. Your eyes widen in anger and in arousal, and he smirks again.

“Didn’t I say no talking?” You try to protest, muffling words against his palm, and he lets out a sound of disapproval. “Are you going to be a good girl and listen?”

You actually moan out against his hand this time. Something about being at his complete mercy like this was unraveling you in ways you had never felt before, and he was clearly catching on. Hoseok grins, eyes swimming with lust, and leans in to whisper against your ear once more. “Oh? Does someone like being put in her place?” You moan out again, a muffled quiet admission. He uses his free hand to dip behind your white coat and pull you closer to him by the waist, until you lay flush against him. 

“Sweetheart, I think you should remember,” He had pulled you so close against him that you could feel his growing arousal against your lower stomach. Your eyes roll back, and he chuckles. “If you didn’t have me, you still would be fumbling around the hallways, in a daze.” You could barely process his admonishing words at this point. You cant your hips towards his, desperate for any stimulation, and he groans deeply against the shell of your ear. You felt so fucked out, and he hadn’t even touched you.

Hoseok finally acquiesces, using his thigh to part your legs open, and you let out another muffled moan as he ground his leg up against you, offering you some relief. “Look at you, so desperate for me,” he traces the shell of your ear with his tongue, “grinding against me like a dirty whore.” You didn’t even realize it, but you were right; he had stopped moving and you were still chasing your pleasure, riding his muscular thigh without realizing it. “I can feel how soaked you are through both of our scrubs. So wet, just for me?” His words should have embarrassed you, but you were so far gone you didn’t care. It only turned you on more.

He pulls back from you suddenly, much to your displeasure, and you whine out in protest. “Oh I’m sorry angel,” he comments unapologetically, drawing his gaze up and down your body, “but only girls who behave themselves get what they want.” He had the cockiest look you had ever seen on his face, and you could feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes from frustration. 

You could choke Hoseok right now, but you were too desperate for him to continue. You needed to reach your end. So you grabbed the hem of his scrub top. “I won’t do it again, I’ll be a good girl,” you begged, not even fully hearing yourself as you tried to pull him back and finish what he started. “I promise, please!”

The tears in your eyes, your flushed cheeks, the desperation in your voice. It was unraveling him too, though he didn’t want to admit it. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back with a groan. “I don’t think you’ve quite learned your lesson yet,” he tuts as he looks down at you again, his eyes hooded and you moan again, almost in relief. “I think you need me to remind you where you belong.”

At that exact moment, someone turns the key in the locked door, and Hoseok springs back away from you towards some of the shelving on the opposite side of the closet. Your thoughts are still flustered, not processing anything, and you stay pinned against the wall as though his hands are still on you, holding you there. The door opens to reveal none other than, as your luck would have it, Seokjin.

“Oh, Hoseok,” he starts, then notices your presence in the closet as well. His cheeks flush, and you are mortified. You must look like the definition of a hot mess. “Oh...Y/N… I thought your shift ended already?”

“Oh hey! It sure did!” You respond, sounding way too chirpy, pulling yourself up from the wall and towards Seokjin. You see out of the corner of your eye that Hoseok suppressing a laugh. How the fuck does he look completely unaffected and flawless, and you’re still trying to catch your breath? “I was just… making sure that we had enough supplies for next shift! There weren’t any laceration trays here earlier.”

He eyes the two of you wearily. “Okay… I guess so.” 

Hoseok shrugs, back to his cheery self leaving his dark, dominating persona behind, as though he had flipped a switch. “Hey, Jin!” He exclaims as he walks over to the resident. “Y/N was just telling me about her amazing case with the kid with appendicitis! It’s a shame I forgot to write down the abdomen exam findings though.” Seokjin looked over at you in confusion. “She said she would teach me a thing or two about being a good clinician whenever she got a chance,” Hoseok adds while giving you a look laced with hidden meanings. You wanted to kill him.

Hoseok clapped Jin on the back. “I’ll see you later, man,” and he saunters out of the closet. Seokjin looks at you for a moment, looks out the door at Hoseok, decides not to press any further questions, and turns around and out the door. Leaving you alone, still incredibly affected, confused, and pissed.

a/n: this is my very first fic in a loooooooooooong time!! i got hit with some inspiration recently and wanted to try my hand at writing again, and i really like how it turned out considering i’m kinda rusty hehe. i hope you enjoyed reading this, i’m planning on making it into a bit of a series with a few more parts. thank you so much for reading!!

[an-everything-blog]

Everything's Different

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: Language, some angst 

Summary: You were best friends with Billy, kinda fwb but not really? Anyway you confess your feelings and he don’t know how to deal. Strongly inspired by the song Body Ain’t Me by Pink Sweat$

Word Count: 1.7K

Author’s Note: I’m obsessed with writing for Billy rn idk why. I think s3 just really got to me. But anyway I’m usually not a big fan of song fics, but these songs just keep making me think of Billy! I highly recommend listening to the song, it’s very good!

Used to know you, but I don't know you now Everything's getting so blurry now Vision hurting, I can't stand the look of you now Everything’s different

Another night, another party, another hookup.

It’s been like this since May. Since the day you left him. It has been three months since he’s seen your beautiful smile. It’s all his fault. He’s the one that can’t properly love. You gave everything to him and he threw it away.

Billy shook his head aggressively trying to get the thought of you out of his head. Most nights he finds himself getting drunk to the point of forgetting the look in your eyes the last day he saw you.

Billy downed another shot of Jack and threw his arm around the nearest girl that was more than willing to follow him up to an empty room.

I heard you're movin' back from out of town I heard you travelin' all these miles and miles Tryna get back to my love, but it's harder now Everything's different

“Did you hear (Y/n) will be back on Monday?” Lauren said to Stacy in a low voice in hopes no one would hear her. To Billy’s dismay he caught your name and he physically couldn’t stop himself from listening. He was leaning against his car in the mall parking lot smoking a cigarette while waiting on Max to finish doing whatever she was doing. Lauren and Stacy were only a few cars down making small talk before they went their separate ways.

“Yeah I heard she was coming back from her internship! Did you know she had the option to stay, but word has it she is coming back for Billy Hargrove! Can you believe it?” Stacy laughed. Billy pushed the smoke out of his lungs in shock. She was coming back for him? After what he said to her?

“Well yeah I can believe it! She is desperately in love with him! It’s sad honestly. Seeing her draping herself all over him. I heard that he dumped her ass though and that’s why she left. Sad.” Lauren shrugged making Stacy giggle. Billy threw his cigarette down angrily. Half the shit they were talking about was bullshit. Billy hates small towns like this because word gets out quick and then it all turns into bullshit.

Billy turned and threw open his car door and deflating into his seat while hitting his steering wheel. You shouldn’t be affecting him this much. It has been three months and he most definitely didn’t have feelings for you. So why were you always on his mind? Why were the color of your eyes always in his sight?

He turned his key in the ignition aggressively and pressed down on the gas speeding past Lauren and Stacy and past the town forgetting about Max entirely in the process. He needed to get you off his mind...

I can't lie, I want you on me And girl, I wanna love you closely I don't want nobody on you If that body ain't me, body ain't me I lied when I said I hate you Baby, I was tryna get through

“I hate you! Get out! Just leave me the fuck alone (Y/n)!” He yelled abruptly. He was gripping his steering wheel much too tightly and he was looking forward refusing to look you in the eyes. You noticed his eyes were brimming with tears as yours were already falling. You didn’t understand and you wanted to hold him or shake him to try and grasp why he’s acting this way.

You told him you loved him. You hadn’t told him that yet because he hadn’t officially asked you to be his girlfriend. Yet he would always hold your hand and call you baby at the end of the day. And it was true. You did love him. Too much that you couldn’t contain it anymore. You loved the way he gave you that special smile that was only reserved for you. You loved the sound of his genuine laugh that you heard so rarely. You loved the shape of his birthmark right in the middle of his back, so small that not everyone would notice and you most definitely loved the way he cared even though he claims he doesn’t.

So when he pulled into your driveway and he kissed your cheek so tenderly you murmured it to him against his cheek not thinking twice about it. This made him freeze immediately and you feared you made a mistake.

You continued to look at Billy in shock at his confession. Hate is such a strong word and it made you flinch the moment it left his beautiful lips. He couldn’t possibly mean that right? Yeah he was upset when you told him you’d be leaving for the summer for your internship, but you didn’t think he’d be that upset by it.

You didn’t say anything as you slowly reached for the door handle hoping he would take it back, but he didn’t and your heart dropped like a stone on your stomach. You pushed the door open and closed it harshly before quickly walking into your house. You looked out your window watching as Billy beat his steering wheel before hitting his car in reverse and speeding down the road. You pressed your back against the door and slid down slowly as you stared blankly at the floor.

I don't want nobody on you If that body ain't me, body ain't me I've been hearin' voices, can't get 'em out You still playin' cool, but I need you now Vision clearer, I can see it all better now Everything's different

Billy was already four shots in the party he was at and the thoughts of you were well on their way out of Billy’s mind for the night as he eyed the crowd for yet another girl he could capture. Ever since you came back to town his thoughts were louder than ever. He hated feeling this way so he did what he did best. Drank away his feelings. Spotting his next target he started making his way over to her.

Suddenly his beer fell to the floor and he realized someone had bumped into him.

“Hey, fucking watch it-“ he exclaimed turning around.

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry-“ Billy gasped inaudibly hearing that voice. It couldn’t be. He turned fully and stumbled a bit getting a whiff of the perfume you always wore. Fuck. He cant do this right now.

You looked up to him in shock not expecting to see Billy so soon. He still looked so beautiful and your heart twitched seeing that head full of curls. You noticed he looked scared and you hated that you made him feel like that because you were the one that he went to for everything. He quickly stumbled away from you and out the door.

Billy gasped for fresh air as his heart dropped and stomach turned. He didn’t expect to see you so soon and he most definitely was not prepared for it. He wasn’t prepared to see those eyes or the curve of your nose. Your beauty struck him in the face and he immediately noticed that you got a trim on your hair and he hated that he noticed something so minute about you when he told himself he didn’t care for you.

He then suddenly realized at 12:43 in the morning, that he loved you too.

Yeah, I know you got a whole lot to figure out Just know that I'm always here for you girl, no doubt Before buildin' up, sometimes gotta break it down Everything's different

It had been a few days since you seen Billy at the party and you have to say, you were pretty shaken when you saw him. You knew you still loved him, but you thought maybe it would be a little better seeing him. As it turns out it made it that much harder and your feelings immediately came back stronger than ever. You sighed trying to will him away from your thoughts like you’d been doing all summer.

There was a soft knock on your door and without thinking much of it, you hopped of your kitchen counter and pulled open the door. You gasped seeing him.

“Billy..” You sighed before he spoke up.

“No, please before you say anything just let me say what I have to say, okay?” Billy said softly looking into your eyes. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything so you just nodded.

I can't lie, I want you on me And girl, I wanna love you closely I don't want nobody on you If that body ain't me, body ain't me I lied when I said I hate you Baby, I was tryna get through I don't want nobody on you If that body ain't me, body ain't me

“Look... I know what I said was... awful. Like really awful. But I hope you know that I lied when I said I hated you. I could never hate you. Like ever. And I’m going to be honest here, when you left I became a complete Jackass. I slept around a lot and drank a whole lot more. That’s not fair to you and I’m sorry. I was just trying to get through all of my thoughts and trying to push them away at the same time. But when I saw you the other day I couldn’t run from it anymore.” Billy breathes out pausing for a second. You look into his eyes hopeful before he inhales and continues.

“I am in love with you. And it scares the absolute shit out of me and obviously I didn’t know how to handle being loved back because I fucked this all up and I’m just sorry. I understand if you need time to think or just don’t want to see me. I just had to tell you.” He concluded looking to see your reaction.

“Oh, Billy...” You sighed sadly. You felt so many different things and you had no idea how to form the words. Instead you curled your fingers gently in his hair and pulled him close before pressing your lips to his. It was slow and sensual and it poured all the emotions you had been feeling throughout the past few months: longing, sadness, frustration, but most of all love. You smiled into the kiss at the realization that Billy Hargrove loves you. He’s in love with you.

“I love you Billy Hargrove.” You murmured against his lips like you had done months previous. Except this time Billy gave you that smile that was only for you.

“I love you more, Baby.”

[crowned-ladybug]

(Same anon here) I'm really happy u liked my idea :D I love finding people with the same/similar ideas I have :> also I love your writing and I like the scenario you mentioned about Joseph and Caesar, that could lead to some angst and fluff :0

Hi I am So Sorry that this is so late, I’m not even gonna list the reasons why, I’m just. so sorry.

It’s so nice finding other ppl who enjoy the same hcs I do and getting to Talk About Them!!!

As for the plot idea - part of me wishes I could make this a proper fic but alas, I already have too much on my plate and no time/energy to write most days. It still ran away with me a bit tho so under the read more it goes!

So this is still back on Air Supplena and Caesar and Joseph are just. hanging out. Caesar is trying to Read but emphasis on Trying actually bc he’s been rereading the same damn line for the past two minutes just not comprehending any of it bc Joseph won’t stop messing with his goddamn clackers and Making Noise and it’s Distracting and Annoying and Caesar is getting real fed up with it

(Maybe if he actually Said something in a civil manner then Joseph would’ve stopped doing that and let him read instead of leaving Caesar to fume without saying Anything just expecting things to change on their own but I digress)

So eventually Caesar groans: “Jesus Christ, why do you have to be so Annoying, just Stay Quiet Already,” and he reaches over and yanks the clackers out of Joseph’s hand. “I’m taking these. There.”

And he’d be ready to just go back to reading with the clackers dropped on his lap and Joseph finally Quiet bc for all Caesar cares he can stalk off to sulk elsewhere as long as he’s Quiet about it

Joseph is not quiet about anything

The clackers, as already established, are his stim toy. His favourite at that. He’s had the dang things for a while now and they’re Perfect and he uses them so often that they’ve become His Thing and since he can use them for fighting also he doesn’t have to feel weird about having them on hand all the time

And he’s grown up with almost every adult besides Erina and Speedwagon, as well as a lot of not-adults, telling him that everything he does bc of his ADHD is weird or wrong or stupid. He’s been yelled at to stay still in school so many times and had his stim/fidget toys taken and told off for stimming (and poor volume control, and memory issues, and infodumping, and so many other things that are just Natural to him) and told to just grow up and stop acting so childish and embarrassing and annoying, that everything he ever does to make himself comfortable and happy is actually gross and immature and should be stopped-

And now Caesar just told him the same thing and it hits differently from all the other times he’s called him annoying, and he took his fuckin clackers too and he’s acting like it’s just Okay to Do and-

Joseph sees red.

Caesar has no time to react before they’re both on the floor and all he can do is try to dodge and block Joseph’s fists as he yells at him to give him his fuckin clackers back. And it’s scary beyond just. fighting someone who’s v strong and knows how to punch (bc ofc so does Caesar), it’s scary bc Joseph is v obviously Genuinely Upset?? This isn’t an impromptu wrestling match on the floor over something dumb and petty that they’ll call truce over in just a bit and go back to teasing each other. No, Caesar has somehow Fucked Up even if he doesn’t realise How nor how to Fix It

This all goes down in the span of seconds btw before Joseph like. catches himself and realises what he’s doing, which is. trying to beat his best friend into the carpet for taking his Stupid Childish Toy that he shouldn’t even Have bc what kind of Idiot gets so attached to some dumb Toy and makes Constant Annoying Noises with it. And Caesar is reaching up tentatively to put a hand on his arm to try to placate him or snap him out of it or Something and that’s when Joseph just Bolts

Like. clackers forgotten and everything, he just. utilises his favourite secret technique and runs for it

“It” being his room. He locks the door and sits on the floor next to it for a while trying to catch his breath and collect himself. Eventually he manages to get up and get his scarf to fumble with it to calm himself better bc the scarf is also Important like the clackers are

He’s fucked up Big Time. Now Caesar knows he’s weird no matter how hard he tries to save face, bc even if he doesn’t Say anything, even if he never gets his clackers back (oh god, where are they, did he leave them with Caesar, oh fuck-) his strong reaction to Caesar taking them will Definitely betray to him that Something Is Up. Caesar is a smart guy, Joseph can’t expect him not to catch on to Something being off anyway even if he doesn’t exactly know What bc it’s already enough evidence that Joseph is Weird and Childish in all the ways that are Undesirable

Caesar goes after him bc ofc he does. He wants to figure out how he fucked up and Fix It and also lbr. if this Was something Joseph would want to just be left alone with, Caesar wouldn’t really realise that until he got punched again. So he takes the clackers and goes looking for Joseph (which takes him some time bc he doesn’t Know what’s going on and thus that Joseph would be in his room where he can dig out his favourite scarf or bury himself under a pile of blankets bc that’s Comforting, and as small as the island is, it’s Full of good hiding places)

But he eventually comes up to Joseph’s room and knocks. “Jojo, you in there?”

“Go away.”

“…do you actually mean that?”

And okay that’s unfair bc even buried under three blankets (pressure is Good but his weighted blanket is at home in New York and he is here in positively Not New York) and feeling like the world is overall a v shitty place, he still likes Caesar. Even if he knows that it’s dumb to want comfort from the same person that hurt him in the first place.

And then Caesar adds: “I still have your clackers.”

And it’s not like. blackmail or anything, more like “hey I wanna give these back tho” and that’s what does it bc Joseph wants his clackers back and so he v bitterly decides that if Caesar thinks he’s gross and weird now then Joseph can just punch him and they can go back to hating each other like they had back in Rome

He hates that possibility tho

He allows Caesar in and sits up in his bed while he’s at it so that he can have at least Some dignity left. Caesar sits on the bed with him tho he does keep a larger distance than he usually does and Joseph Really hopes that’s “I don’t wanna freak you out again” kinda distance and not “you’re just gonna punch me for no reason again aren’t you” kinda distance

Before he does anything else, Caesar gives the clackers back and Joseph just. puts them down on the bed on the Caesar-free side of himself bc he’s Very Consciously trying Not to Act Weird

He doesn’t look at Caesar’s face tho bc that’s a lil too much for him rn

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Joseph just shrugs. “It’s fine, it’s…dumb.”

“It’s not dumb if it made you upset.”

And that’s so fuckin sweet and Honest and Caesar sounds like he genuinely feels bad for messing Joseph up so much but also Joseph doesn’t know what to Do with that when Caesar doesn’t even Know what he’s talking about, bc ofc it’s Dumb.

“No, it…it is dumb. Don’t worry about it.”

I’d say Caesar operates like 80% on Pure Spite so if you tell him not to worry about something he Will worry about it just to be an asshole but tbh it’s mostly just bc he loves Joseph in this case

“Can I ask why though?”

Joseph doesn’t expect whatever that is so much that he actually looks at Caesar for a moment. “Why what?”

“Why you got so upset. Or why you think it’s dumb,” and when Joseph doesn’t look convinced he continues. “I mean, we fight all the time, sure, but it’s never Serious…right?”

He genuinely looks Uncertain there for a moment and that’s a Big Fuckin Ouch bc of Course it’s never serious, ever since they took turns punting each other into that fountain in Rome none of their fights have been actually serious. They spar for training and they have joke-fights bc it’s fun to rile each other up and gain bragging rights but it’s never about Hurting and in face of real danger they’d protect each other over themselves in a heartbeat

So Joseph just nods, and Caesar carries on.

“But back there you got. really fucked up over what I did and. I guess I just wanna know Why so I know not to do that again?” and with that even He thinks he’s done but then he adds: “You’re my friend.”

And that’s such a fuckin clumsy way to end it bc he can’t say the rest of it, the “I know this here isn’t about comfort but I want you to be comfortable anyway” and “the world is shit and I don’t wanna be another person who hurt you” and “I love you.” So he just leaves it at that.

Joseph automatically wants to go “that’s easy, don’t take my clackers then, dipshit” but like. 1, Caesar is being v v nice so he Won’t be mean in return and 2, there’s so much more connected to his Weirdness that could set him off the same way besides his clackers being taken. So instead he just really appreciates the sentiment and Caesar in general and decides that it’s all a too big a can of worms for him to wrangle and he’d rather just weather the painful parts as they come

“It’s fine, you wouldn’t get it anyway, it’s fine.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, just no one gets it! Whatever, it’s weird shit.”

“If you think I don’t get it, fine, then explain it to me!”

And Joseph doesn’t know what to fuckin Say to that bc no one besides his family has ever asked him to do that. It was always just being told to put his stim toys away and stop moving too much and oh fuck just shut up already, never Why.

He makes a vague noise bc he forgets how to Words for a moment bc of that, and Caesar takes it as a question.

“Jojo, we’re gearing up to fight a bunch of gods with ancient magic so that we can get two rings of poison out of your body, and you really think I can’t handle ‘weird’? Because I can, thank you very much, and it’s You, so I don’t Care if it’s weird anyway.

(He ignores the huge fuckin implications of that and just keeps talking.)

"So, will you explain so that I can understand?”

And he’s Smiling and how Dare and oh fuck when did Joseph even manage to look at him again. He stares for a lil too long bc What The Fuck before he goes “Okay.”

And Caesar’s smile grows into a grin like he really is just. genuinely happy to understand this part of Joseph and make sure he doesn’t hurt him again, and Joseph braces himself for an awkward conversation with Hopefully a happy ending.

(And Joseph ends up being right bc Caesar doesn’t Understand, he can’t really fully understand.

But he Tries and more importantly he Listens and he Learns and is v adamant about the fact that Joseph isn’t Weird and Wrong when it comes to these things. So he doesn’t take away the clackers again and he finally connects the dots about why Joseph always lets him lean too much of his weight on him even if he risks toppling the two of them over and so he keeps doing it. He learns Joseph’s hyperfixations and how to prod him into talking about them to make him happy or distract him from shitty things, and what it looks like when his RSD kicks in and how to act around it.

Maybe he doesn’t Get It but it’s part of Joseph, and he loves all the other parts of Joseph too. And also tbh he’s a decent fuckin human being, even if he didn’t love Joseph so much he still wouldn’t act like an asshole about this stuff.)

[surviveatitlan]

Rites of Passage

The final three reflect on their time in the game and the people who helped them get here.

Madison

Alex, We were never on a tribe together so I don’t have much to say other than you seem like a great person and I wish we had a chance to play together in this game.

Dan

I literally made a confessional praying you would be first boot! OOPS.

Sammy

so yikes...honestly i was surprised to see you go so soon, but I was also nervous to be in another game with you tbh heheh. Anway you are so talented and are a great person to talk to because you can typically keep a convo going. I hope you had some fun in this game and I hope you are doing well in general too!

Madison

MY HIGH PRIESTESS WITCH BITCH! I hope I’ve done you proud by being the only woman to make it to FTC. I dedicate this accomplishment to the Coven of Nightshade.

Sammy

ugg I wanted to work with you so bad I just remember we kind of got put up against each other! you are such  great person and never fail to liven up the party. Also I remember the caterpillar thing from the music video and I legit died.

Dan

Sorry your hex didn't work xoxo.

Madison

Yike everyone wanted you gone so fast I didn’t have much choice in you leaving. You were robbed and I’m really sorry.

Sammy

you were one of my favorites in the beginning of the game because you had so much energy and spirit that was really contagious. You crushed the music video challenge and you were just so outgoing as well.  Good luck in other games and hope I get to work with you again! Thanks for having my back:)

Dan

When will you learn that your actions have consequences?

Madison

We were never on a tribe together but you’re an icon!!!

Sammy

we didn't get the chance to talk that much. I know you were super busy at the start of this game, and I think if you would've had more time you would have went pretty far in this game! Hope everything is well!

Dan

Idk her ):

Madison

You were so nice! I never felt like we really connected too much during the game, but you’re such a nice person I’m sure you would’ve killed it if you hadnt been such an early boot.

Sammy

When you were voted off I was so sad because you were another person I was wanting to work with more and I felt like our friendship was cut short. From the short amount of time you were here, you definitely made several connections and were super likeable! Hope you had fun and hope to see you around!!

Dan

Allan, you really came for me huh! I know it's not personal and you were trying to save yourself. Thanks for making our original tribe fun and giving it your all!

Madison

You pissed so many people off SO FAST!!! I honestly felt bad bc you went from neutral and likely to float for a while to BRIAN MUST GO NOW!!! It’s kind of impressive tbh.

Sammy

So sad that you didn't get further but you definitely made your mark on this game. You also were not afraid to shake this game up and were upfront with people. Be proud of your game and I hope to see you in other games around!!

Dan

Brian, I wish we could have connected more. You gave me some good laughs!

Madison

I LOVE YOU BITCH! I AINT NEVER GON STOP LOVING YOU BITCH! You were fucking robbed and I’m still mad about it. I made it to the end to avenge you and I hope I did you proud girl. Viva la Rebecka!

Sammy

I am so so upset that we didn't really get a chance to play this game together. I have heard several great things about you and I know all of them are true! I really hope I can play a game with you in the future and I am so glad I got to meet you:)

Dan

Beckka, you have become one of my best friends in life and in games. I am so thankful to have you in my life because I know I can always talk to you without judgement. You have a heart of gold and deserve the world. I wanted nothing more than to be sitting here at the end with you again like we did in Circle. I will never in my life meet someone as genuine, caring, and kind as you. I literally cried when these people turned fake and yoinked you on out of here. https://im-01.gifer.com/S6dx.gif

Madison

WOW ANOTHER KING! I wanted to work with you SO. BAD. but I knew you were playing the middle™️ hard and that was SO scary. You’re a lipsync king and I’m so glad we finally got to play together. Again, I hope you don’t hate me, because I love you so much as a person. You’re just such a threat in these games ahfjdjdj!!! Love you!

Sammy

ahh okay so from the first time we spoke I automatically clicked with you and I watched your intro and you were so kind and have positive vibes and this game was so much fun with you!  Once we got split up a bunch of drama unfolded but no hard feelings, and I hope you are doing AMAZING!

Dan

Tim, I was so sad to see you go! You're someone I would really like to get to know better. Thank you so much for leaking your alliance to Emily because without that info, I definitely don't think I would be here rn. You were just such a genuinely nice person and I hope we can play a game together again soon!

Madison

A KING! Your vote was also TRAGIC! I can’t say I was too upset at the time because it was you or me (you SNEK!) but I love you so much. I’m glad we got to work together for a couple votes (finally!) but sad it didn’t work out for us to make merge together. You’re an icon, I love you, I hope you don’t hate me ahdjdjdj.

Sammy

so we didn't get the chance to play much game together...but I know you are such a great person and you have such a great personality that makes these games so much better. I hope we get to see each other in future games or current ones heheheh

Dan

Timmy, we literally know each other irl and we refuse to work together. It's like exhausting tbh, like we should just not apply to the same games.

Madison

Hm who were you again? Ahfjdjdnd jkjk you know I literally love you to the moon and back you’re a queen. I’m so MAD you got voted out when you did! I think your vote was the only time I was truly blindsided in this game. we were finally gonna get to work together in a game, and that’s the biggest robbery. I also know if you’d stayed in the game it’d be a wholeeee lot different, and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here. You’re one of the best players I know, so I’m honored to have been able to play with you again. And hey thanks for getting me into this ORG mess otherwise I wouldn’t be here! Anyway I love you and you’re an icon. Nakabanana.

Sammy

ahh okay so like I love you as a person and even as a player.  When I entered this game and saw you were casted, I was so nervous because I know you have this natural ability to make people trust you and want to work with you.  There were several times where I also felt like you and I were able to put the game aside and just about our personal lives. You are so so so so iconic.

Dan

EMILY. I LITERALLY KNEW THE SECOND YOU LEFT THAT I NEEDED TO SLAY FOR YOU. Wow, literally this story arc is unreal. From literally lying to each other through our teeth in Mongolia to working so closely and honestly in this game I have gotten to know you as a human being and a player, and I love both. As cunning as people think you are, you're so sweet and offered me such an amazing ally, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you for not throwing comps with me at the second swap <3 I couldn't be here without you.

Madison

It’s essentially my fault that you’re out of the game, but HOLY SHIT YOU WERE ROBBED. You were another person I never imagined not making it to f3, but again I think that’s why you didn’t. You were RUNNING that majority alliance and you were killing it. I respect your game so much but I knew if you were in this game much longer, I wouldn’t be. I hate we never got to work together (I guess Atomic is cursed for us), but hopefully we can stay friends after this because you’re such an icon.

Sammy

so we def went through every situation in this game and we just always had each other's back.  You have this ability to make people comfortable with you and you are so kind.  One things I respect  about your game is that you are able to separate emotions/relationships from these games, which is super hard to do so props!

Dan

Olivia, wow were you the person I was scared of most in this game. You are so sweet and so cunning. I wish I could be like that haha I usually just come off looking like a dick. You were running this show and if you hadn't been stopped by Tim's loose lips, you could have made it all the way. I respect your hard gameplay so much and I wish I could have made a majority alliance that lasted for a while pre-jury. I'm sorry I flipped on the Misfits, but you were such a powerful force in this game and after taking out Emily, I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore.

Madison

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMFG. You’re truly the sweetest most genuine person I’ve met playing these games, and while we never managed to work on the same side during this game, I’m so glad I got to play with you. I don’t even know how to express how much I respect and adore you, but it’s a wholeeee lot. I also still have the video of you misquoting the “I never fucking learned how to read” vine.

Sammy

wow, you literally blew my mind away with your personality.  You didn't take anything in this game personal and you had such a general interest in people,like Francie, that set you apart from the rest of the group. I hope you are proud of the way you played and I am so proud of you for beating your placement EEK! Thank you for being so genuine with me and just looking out for me!

Dan

ANNMARIE MY FALLEN QUEEN. Voting you out was one of the most depressing things to occur in this game. You were also someone I didn't work with too closely, but you were so kind and good hearted. I think all of your goodbye messages (except yours you shady lady) all speak to the person you are and how much it hurt to see you go. I can't wait to see you play more games and grow in this community <3

Madison

Oh boy here we go. Out of all the mess of this game, you were BY FAR the hardest vote for me, mostly because I know how much it hurt you. Not being able to talk to you and explain anything or just let you yell at me has been the worst part, because I still consider you one of my best friends in this community. I have my side and my reasons and my explanation, but none of that is relevant in comparison to my apology for hurting you. We both know I’m a snake, I’m a fake, my game is opaque, but it’s never my intention to make anything personal or to make you hate me. I truly am so sorry Bryan. I really hope you’ll be willing to talk to me after the game, because I love you so much.

Sammy

AHHH okay so you were literally one of the funniest people in this game and you always knew how to make people laugh when we were going through stressful times.  You were never afraid to call people out and you weren't afraid to shake the game up.  We both were after each other quite a few times but we still managed to get along haha, and I remember us automatically clicking bc of SAM BUSSY

Dan

BRYAN! I watched you play the last season of circle and be such a strong competitor physically and you didn't let me down playing with you. You popping off at tribal was one of my favorite moments of the season even though it was very calm and I didn't even get snatched that hard. You aren't afraid to say what everyone is thinking and that's such a valuable trait to possess. You going when you did mad me so sad, but I was just so worried that you'd kill the end game. Only respect for the game that you played and the mark you left on my game <3

Madison

MORE ROYALTY!! My showmance, the love of my life. Another super hard vote whew. I felt like even though we were sort of on opposite sides, we still managed to work together when we could, and our communication skills were iconic! I love you so much! I hope we can stay close after this game, because it’s honestly sucked not being able to talk to you.

Sammy

ahh, we were with each other since day one and you were just super outgoing and like you just seemed genuinely interested in people's lives rather than the game. It was refreshing to play a game with you just because we are able to put the game aside and just talk about life. Thank you for that!

Dan

Francie, another game in the books and we still haven't ever even worked together?? How screwed up is that haha. I wanted to get to know you so bad, but in a lot of ways I think we're very similar. We really pride ourselves in academia and making sure our personal lives are secure before these games, and that is something I respect a lot. I hope that someday soon we can talk Star Trek and just have a normal non-game convo, because the more personal convos with you are what I really valued through this experience!

Madison

Another queen!! y’all really aren’t making this easy huh? You know I love you. You were one of the hardest votes for me (although there were many) just because I love you so much as a person. As I said in my goodbye to you, I hope we stay friends for so long after this game because I love you so much. This game was the Isle of Skye we never had.

Sammy

so this was my first time meeting you and you have one of the brightest personalities I have ever came across! You never made a single person mad at you. No matter what happened to you, it seemed like you were always smiling and you were the light of the group.  Thank you for adding such a bright ray of sunshine into this game and I hope you are killing it in your other games!

Dan

Heatherrrr <3 I was so sad that we never got on a pre-merge tribe together and only chit chatted briefly in the one world twist. Your fire and passion for this game did not go unnoticed. I could tell you were smart, daring, and willing to do what it took to get to the end in this game and I respect that so much. I hate that it came down to a "you or me" kind of situation with my idol, but I was truly thankful to have played on the same side as you when we hit merge.

Madison

Wow another queen who knew?! I NEVER imagined a f3 without you in it, and the fact you’re not here is honestly a robbery, but I think that’s why you’re not. If I had gone when you did I’d basically have no choice but to give you my vote because you played an INCREDIBLE game. I have nothing but respect for you and I’m so glad we had the chance to bond not only as players, but as people.

Sammy

we definitely went on an emotional roller coaster together, but no matter what you should be so proud of your game because you gave so many people motivation to keep fighting.  You never gave up, even when you knew it could be your last day...you fought till you couldn't fight anymore. Thank you for adding so many great qualities to this game. This game would not have been the same without you and you are one of the most memorable for sure.

Dan

Jayyyyyyy, my fellow snake. To say that our relationship was complicated would be the understatement of the century. Our self deprecating out look on life brought us together and I was really thankful for the kindness you showed me in this game. You were such a strong competitor and in my mind there was not a scenario I could have thought of where you wouldn't have been in the ftc. It broke my heart more than you know seeing you go, and I understand and animosity. We slithered together in this game and when times were good, they were some of the best times I've ever had in these games. Love you so so much. <3

Madison

Autumn holy shit my queen. Your sacrifice is literally the reason I’m here right now and I don’t think I could thank you enough. I have no words to describe how NICE it’s been not being against each other all game. Even though we were on opposite sides, you were SO loyal to me (and I was loyal to you too! what a concept!), and I’m so grateful for that. You masterminded this f3 and got us all here. I love you so much.

Sammy

From the moment I saw we were in this game together I was so excited because I always wanted to play a game with you.  We definitely were not together with votes several times but at the end of the day we always had each other. You are literally so perfect and have one of the sweetest personalities. Never change! Thank you for being a helping hand when I needed it and thanks for helping me shake the game up! YOU ARE ICONIC

Dan

Autumn, my selfless queen. After hearing about you for so long, I was so excited to get to know you! While we never worked super closely together, when we did talk, you made me laugh, smile, and just were a breath of fresh air. There needs to be more people like you in this community because you always met me with such kindness and respect, even if you did write my name down like every tribal council :P Thank you again for being a class act, I've loved getting to know you and I hope we can talk more once the season is over!

-

From me to all of 20 of you, thank you for playing what has proven to be the best season of Atomic Survivor yet. Tomorrow night, starting at 10pm, the finalists will plead their cases to the jury, and the follow night, our winner will be revealed. I am so proud of each and every one of you and am so glad I have had the honor of hosting each of you fantastic individuals.

[survivornavarino]

Episode #8: Stop Worrying About the Kickback and Just Fire Your Shot Already -Autumn

I was worried for what over that last tribal lol. So Tyler was blindsided and it was kinda heartbreaking espicially when Mitch said "he really loved this game" like I was genuinely sad. But it's time to smile now cry later because holy moly I just fucking did that. I think at the moment, I am golden. I have bonds with everyone BUT Mitch. And I know Mitch isn't going to fall for my tricks if I tried it with him. So my only other option is to kill Mitch. And hopefully we have this last round before we merge because, I really wan't Mitch gone at this point. He is first of all amazing a competetions, and he is smart. And I don't wanna have to deal with it when it's going to be harder to get done. 

Operation get Tyler out was a success. But now the hosts want to kill me with flash games. HOW RUDE!!

Okay so Tyler got voted out andddd i'm upset cus I wanted to take it to the end with him. The other tribe is shady as fuck and Heather is clearly with those faves. The fans are horribly outnumbered now so I need to put my trust in Eddie, Drew, and Autumn going forward so that I'm not a sitting duck at merge. If I can stay close with my alliance with Eddie and Autumn, and stay close with Drew/Trixie/Shoib, then hopefully I'll be in a good position. 

So I am doing Casanova but I don't know what a good score even is.

I'm starting to become good friends with Julia and I'm really hoping I can get past merge with her, she's super supportive and has helped me out a lot. Also how the flappy flying fuck do I play Wings Over Water?????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiZsS9sqPiw ________________________________________________________________ did we just fucking tie again

I love Mitch that’s all I gotta say

I can't remember if I submitted a confessional so I'm gonna write one just in case!!!!! So today autumn and Eddie messaged me saying that people are trying to form an alliance without me autumn or Matt in it. So the goal rn is to get the 4 of us together on this vote. Unfortunately that means I have to vote drew, who I really did want to get closer with this game but he not against voting me out so I can't feel too bad.  Oh well, hope this works fingers crossed.  Hoping that by the end of the night I'll be in a new alliance called BEAM- Bec Eddie Autumn Matt!! BEAM MOBILIZE ON 3. 1 2 3 big moves only playa playas!! 

Okay so we lost the challenge sadly. I'm nervous this round just because I think we're merging next and I really want to make merge. My alliance of Eddie/Autumn were indifferent to voting out Trixie or Matt, but I am pushing for Matt to go. I trust Trixie way more than him and I can't have another fan leave pre-merge. I talked to Drew about it and he doesn't seem too close to Matt, which is good. But he keeps bringing up the fact that Autumn/Ben are close, and Autumn somehow knows he was talking shit, so there's animosity there. Matt going is the best outcome this tribal for me. I think he has connections with the other tribe who I do not trust AT ALL besides Shoib. I am not going to let that tribe gain another number if we merge next. It still seems up in the air though, how the others want to vote. So I'm seriously just going to hope for the best and that they listen to my reasoning for voting out Matt over Trixie.

So we are down to 4 fans and TBH I am not worried. I trust a lot of the faves especially Mitch and Julia. I just hope that Trixie survives tribal on the other side, I trust her 100% and as much as I don't want the idol played I hope she does play it if she is in danger.

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! First of all, rip my baby Tyler he was swapfucked and I know that life all too well. Second of all I'm so happy we're going to tribal so I can do what I've been waiting to do for the past 5 rounds and clock Drew haha. Third of all everything is falling into place and I'm so excited I just need everyone to stick to the plan. Ok here we go: Last night, I had a group call with Jake and Eddie; Jake was very adamant that we keep Trixie and Drew. So naturally I didn't talk any shit I was just like oh I know Drew thinks me and Ben are close when we really are not but otherwise he's cool. So we hung up and we said we should discuss tomorrow but it'll probably be Matt. Morning comes and Eddie tells me that Jake and Drew are creating an alliance w/ him and Trixie. So I was like oh really? Well let me fuck it up real quick https://media.giphy.com/media/CpxCYD0Or2Ty8/giphy.gif I then hit up Rebecka, we start talking about the vote, how there's too many men, and I tell her about this new alliance/ that she, Matt, and I are on the bottom. Rebecka is like damn ok well I really like Matt and Eddie is spilling tea so I think we should go for Jake or Drew. This sends at the exact same time that I say "highkey we should split up Jake and Drew." So Rebecka tells the tea to Matt and asks me if I want the three of us to be in a group chat. Obviously I say yes so now me, Matt, and Rebecka are in an alliance called BAM trying to stay alive. Eddie then works to gain the trust of Rebecka and Matt so now they're cool with him and know that he's with us. Now we have a new group called BEAM with Eddie so we out here. The vote is going 4-3 Drew leaving, all 3 women are staying, Jake is being a snake and will fall to the bottom of the tribe, and (with Eddie's help) I did what I always do: THAT https://78.media.tumblr.com/ba82bcc0d2aac3bd1cd4731bb379c2bb/tumblr_inline_odvxu5m7lz1tbz32w_500.gif The only issue is Trixie. We finally bonded last night and had a great convo but then I went to bed and didn't see her say that we should work together and with Julia at merge. So when I saw it this morning I was like YAAAASS let's do it but Trixie hasn't been online yet to reply. Meanwhile, Jake and Drew are hitting her up to work with them and she hasn't replied to them either. SO everyone is nervous about a) what Trixie knows, b) who Trixie will vote with, and c) which deal will she expose (if any at all). Half the tribe thinks Matt is going home while the other half knows Drew is actually going home and I'm nervous that Trixie could blow it all up, especially because we don't need her vote. Soooo who knows what she'll do but if she does vote Matt and rolls with the mens, I'll just do damage control. Anyway, Rebecka and I are finally succeeding at working together, my target is leaving, me and my homies making merge, another man isn't, and I'm one step closer to beating my placement and taking that title. Last night Jake was like I wanna see cracked messy Autumn so bad and I just laughed and here we are a day later. Ask and you shall receive https://media.giphy.com/media/OTbo92zetdsha/giphy.gif

WOW OH WOW WE WON IMMUNITY. this swap is so equal its crazy but its cool. Gives me time to rest and not worry about being booted. 

https://youtu.be/wd8UusiRUbA

Hey I'm in class but like I'm super glad I won the tiebreaker for our tribe!! Aaaaaaa

https://www.gofundme.com/help-my-ass-get-another-idol-2night

yo dog!! finally some craziness is happening and the game is afoot. I was totally willing to be Nice Matt to merge, just do as I'm told and chill in the background, but for WHATEVER reason these bozos thought it would be a great idea to form a 4 person alliance, leaving 3 people on the bottom, right before merge. Like, the entire point of a merge is to have numbers!! For the my third straight tribal council I do believe I will be getting some votes thrown on me, but I'm down to clown and ready to save myself. The beast has been awaken and the game is on! This blindside attempt on me could actually end up being an ideal situation, given that I can make it out alive. It brings me closer to Rebecka and Autumn, who are without a doubt my two favorite people in this game (along with Julia), and pushes forward the alliance that I wanted once we started. The only thing that's questionable is that my fate is resting in the hands of Eddie. In Emathia, our roles were basically flipped; I controlled his fate, and I'm a big reason he ended up getting blindsided pre-merge. Right now I just have to put all of my trust into him, but I'm hoping that his willingness to work with Rebecka and Autumn will bring him closer to me and prevent any sort of "revenge" vote from happening. If all goes well, we're sending out a big threat right before the merge. I have a great track record with turning the tables back around on Drew after he tries to blindside me, it's actually one of my favorite hobbies, so I'm anxious to see if all of this is going to work out!! If not, rip 2 me, it was litty.

Eddie: is on board all day with the Drew plan and kicked off the domino that started it all Also Eddie (@ 6:01): "oh btw should i ask jake if he would vote drew?" https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/degrassi/images/a/a0/Da%27vonne_6.gif/revision/latest?cb=20170224230229 Naturally I say um fuck no keep your mouth shut and don't tip Jake off cause he will snitch/ if you really want to tell him do it right before tribal. Eddie goes "yeah I just feel like he'll never fully trust us again. idk what to do ._." http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/holleratalex/11490921/84927/84927_600.gif Ok how about STICKING TO THE PLAN???! Like I'm sorry but Jake didn't give a fuck about me when he blindsided Rebecka in Crossroads and sent a novel after tribal explaining himself. And he sure as hell didn't give a fuck about me when he created an alliance behind my back and lied about it. Also Drew would use this entire situation to send me and Eddie out, seeing how WE are at the center of the plan. Sooo Eddie needs to get his shit his together and stop about Jake's feelings and start about the hell that will unleashed if he botches this and Drew stays. Like why have me work so hard to pull this blindside off if you're just gonna ruin it 2 hours before tribal? That's that shit I don't like. He wants to be Aubry Bracco but he playing like fucking Joe and Debbie and I don't have time. Jake is at the fucking movies and the last time someone was at the movies in Athena it wrecked my game so Imma need Eddie to be sedated. Like snap out of it- stop worrying about the kickback and just fire your shot already

Can somebody tell me how the hell I became the swing vote? All of a sudden Jake, Drew, and Trixie want me to vote with them and Autumn, Rebecca, and Matt want me to vote with them. I'm siding with Autumn Rebecca and Matt and I'm voting out my good buddy Drew and I do really feel bad about it. I was hoping we could either win or I could spare him until the merge cause I definitely wanted to get him there but the cards didn't fall the way I wanted them to. I think this is like highkey messy cause I really don't think Jake is going to trust us anymore after this and it's almost like a damned if you do damned if you dont kind of situation. No matter what I do here there will be some sort of aftermath that comes with it. I just have to hope and pray for the merge because I don't feel comfortable on this tribe cause Jake is going to be pissed and Autumn and I might become targets for playing the middle this round. It sucks that I have to lie to Jake because I consider him one of the people that I am closest to in this game and I really want us to have full trust for one another but now I feel like that's damn near impossible. Autumn wanted to just completely blindside him but I pushed her into agreeing to at least tell him before the tribal because we have a merge coming soon and we can't afford to be making enemies. I really hope that my damage control with Jake will work. But I'm smart enough to know that he's smart enough to know we're bullshitting him. He doesn't seem like the kind of player to give you another shot. He'll definitely play like he's going to give you another shot but once you betray him once, you're over to him. I really don't know how I feel voting Drew over Matt. I kinda really just want to vote Matt out but I'm already way to deep into this plan to blindside Drew that I will be exposed for being a double crossing snake for flipping on both sides at one point nofnfnkls. Matt seems to have a lot of connections on the other tribe which is trouble and I think will definitely bite me in the ass come merge. Autumn seems to think she's 100% totally in with them but we'll see how that holds up come merge. We have know idea if they're just going to ditch us for their old allies, a scenario which could very well be the case. I feel that Drew does trust me and that he wants to work with me going forward in this game but I'm not sure how far he'll let me get into the merge. He knows I'm a dangerous social player and he knows what I'm capable of. I'm ready for the fire works tonight. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I was blindsided, but that's just my paranoia. That's all and if we don't merge next round I'll be fighting one of the hosts!

So my ass goes to tribal twice this premerge. Both times I vote out a Favorite. They are the only two tribals where a Favorite will be going home premerge. I love being the champion of equality and justice in this world. If you're looking for the reason why a fan won this game, it's me. It's right here. I am doing that and will continue to do that.

[tayegi]

Hey lu! I just read equilibrium's new update and its so good! I have been waiting to see the drama unfold once OC realises that Jungkook likes her. This has got to be one of my favourite writings from you! The storyline is so fucked up and sad yet i could totally see this happening in real life. Take your time to write the next part and i'll like you to know that you have found yourself a loyal fan here! Have a great day!

Ah im glad that you liked the update! And as strange as it is, theres a bit of realism, huh? bc real life relationships are never perfect. and this is such a level of fucked up that it could srsly happen in our fucked up world haha. Thank you so much and i hope you have a great day as well!

Anonymous said:If I were OC in equilibrium I definitely wouldn't have continued or even gotten into the relationship to begin with. Idk maybe I'm too prideful but if anything I would be MORE upset over being in love with someone who obviously cares more about someone else WHILE in a relationship with both. Like I'd have to witness the extent to which the person I love values someone else more than me, be constantly reminded that even if I'm with him and he cares about me to a degree, I will always be 2nd best.

wait really? This is so interesting to hear! I mean, i completely understand your perspective, but i feel like it would be hard for me to resist... Like imagine if it was IRL Jimin and he wanted to share you with an outside party. Could you really resist that? I am an weak bitch and id prob crumble in seconds D: 

Anonymous said:I really don't understand why all of these anons are so upset with the Mc and not the boys as well? The three of them are clearly using each other, it's not just her using Jk. Anyways, I love your stories and this one is fabulous as well, and those stupid anons need to chill out. You're fantastic and have every right to put them in their place! I look forward to the next chapter!

exactly! The internalized misogyny on this site is fucking ridiculous. But all of your kind comments make me realize that these idiots are the minority so im super grateful

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is so compelling. It's essentially a story like a chair with three legs- if one breaks, the whole structures collapses. Each person is only willing on keeping eachother around for their own gain. If anyone should be blamed for this, it should be Jungkook for simply suggesting the polygamous relationship knowing full well what it could mean for him specifically. Even more so, he's the only person "playing the field" taking advantage of Jimin's affection and OC's desperation - C Anon

Anonymous said:Continuing on my last ask. I also can't help but to notice that both Jimin or OC are particularly biased. They probably didn't intend to act that way but they do. But they also respect the "third wheel" of their ideal relationship respectively. Jungkook didn't do that. He intentionally tends to Jimin's needs knowing that's what he wants for no other reason than to keep OC away from Jimin. Cunning John Junglecock... someone is going to get hurt with this relationship built on lies - C Anon

Yes exactly! Theyre all pretty messed up, but Jungkook seems to be the most conniving of them all. I love the way you’ve thought this through and your interpretation is so spot on! Thanks so much for reading so carefully ^^

Anonymous said:Now that ive read chapter 10....how the FUCK are ppl mad at oc for this mess? Oc is dense for not picking up on jimin being willing to sell her for a corn chip in comparison to kookie, but the boys are by far the worst. They should've broken up after a week, with everything as toxic is it is. Both have ulterior motives when they say yes to the relationship. Everybody is in competition. And there is like, ZERO communication between them until kookie confessed in this chapter. It's a hot mess.

i know right??? seriously asdfjlksdfjk. tho i wouldnt go as far as saying that jimin is worse than the OC. theyre pretty damn equivalent. But no one’s innocent here haha. It’s just a truly screwed up situation D: 

Anonymous said:You are queen and I love you. I literally don't give a flying fuck what anyone else says about OC being a 'whatever-the-fuck-they-said' cause mygOD ARE YOU A FABULOUS WRITER. Fuck me Equilibrium is amazing. I'm slightly tipsy rn, but I know good literature when I read it, and I am leaving it open to reread it tomorrow when I am sober, but even I can see that the characters are all equally using each other, and each of them are to blame for this shit-storm of a relationship. Perhaps JK even more?

ahahahaha this is amazing! I’m so glad that you are tipsy! TAKE AN EXTRA SHOT FOR ME!

and i know right? I feel like Jimin and the OC have been played. Theyre innocent idiots. But then again, it’s not like they were forced into doing anything. it was their own free will :/ 

Anonymous said:Gahh ch10 was so intense! I agree with others that all three are wrong to manipulate each other but idk i found myself feeling kinda sorry for Jimin by the end of 10? The way I've interpreted it so far is that he probably felt the most inclined to just go with it and agree to the poly relationship, or at least that's how I read it, and yeah fine maybe he hasn't treated yn quite as 'nicely' but like he hasn't condemned her for also being affiliated with jungkook, but then again he's using this(1)

Anonymous said:(2) relationship to be with jungkook but yeah sorry I'm repeating myself but I really get the sense that he's just been kinda going along with it rather than outright manipulating them both, and yeah his resolve has been kinda breaking over the last few chapters but the flashbacks suggest that Jimin is at heart caring and just lovesick with jungkook whereas the oc and jungkook seem to have an unhealthy obsession w jimin and y/n respectively. Sorry I'm rambling but yeah thx for the amazing fic!

yeah i can see it that way! I feel like jimin has a better sense of morality and guilt than the other two. They are unhealthily obsessed, but jimin genuinely cares about them both, so it’s a bit sad. :/ But you can also see it from another dimension-- Jimin knew the OC liked him, Jungkook knew Jimin liked him and they both are playing their respective parties to get to what they want. However, the OC did not know that Jungkook liked him until the latest chapter, so she was pretty much innocent until now. so yeah. it’s debatable who’s the most innocent, but it sure as hell isnt jjk lol 

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is amazing for me because the longer you think about it the worse the characters get likeJimin at first seems like the purest one but then you realize he knew the OC was always being bullied and used and she depended on him because he was her first friend and he still made the decision to use her once again.Also I feel like part of her feelings for him have something to do with her feelings she came from an environment where she was never treated well and then suddenly here he was.

YES EXACTLY! It’s so hard to tell. bc jimin does genuinely care about the OC, but at the same time, the OC wasn’t manipulating anyone or stringing along anymore until the latest chapter where she finally broke and turned into one of them. So yeah... it’s the lucifer effect, man. The situation will change you 

[del-co-mrade-blog]

I’m sure at some point I’ll try to morph this blog into something with a theme - maybe communism/activism, maybe aesthetics, I don’t know. Right now I kind of need an outlet, so I guess that’s what it’ll be. I only have two followers, and one of them is my boyfriend, so I guess you two can enjoy the ramblings I’m gonna post here for a while. This tumblr was made because I wasn’t allowed to have one, so I guess I’ll run with the theme of doing things I didn’t think I could do, and actually try to process and be open about my feelings without bombarding one person with them. So, if you’re here for some reason, I guess read on. 

If you’ve made it this far, hi. 

I don’t know what I’m gonna write about in the future but since this is my first post I guess I’ll just go for what’s on my mind.

I’m really sad rn. A bit ago I reconnected with an old friend. Things didn’t end well between us in the past, due to my past relationship and drama in that friend group, but since I’ve grown and some time had passed, we ended up getting along a lot better than I had originally expected. We reconnected to talk about my ex, who was her friend, and who was a really shitty, abusive person, from whom I have plenty of mental and emotional scars (I’m sure I’ll go on about him sometime in the future). We talked about him, and she seemed to agree that he was toxic, and we ended up talking about a lot of other things, and eventually having semi-consistent contact via snapchat/other social media. 

That was so great. I felt like I finally had the friend that I felt I never quite had back in the day, since I think we were both in different places in our lives, and I for one wasn’t able to be honest or genuine with anyone at that point. I had always heard about what an amazing friend she was, especially from my boyfriend, so it was really nice to experience what he was talking about, and be able to connect with someone in the way that we did. 

Fun shit, though, her boyfriend of many years hates me. Not to get into that too much at this point, but there is a mutual disdain between us due to things that happened following my breakup with my ex and the beginning of my relationship with my new boyfriend. He resents me (supposedly) for being shitty to my ex (lmao), ripping my current boyfriend out of his life (which my bf doesn’t regret sooo), and I guess just generally being .... idek to be honest haha. I’m not a huge fan of him for being a horrible friend to me and pretty much anyone else I’ve ever witnessed him be friends with, in my opinion a bad boyfriend, and p much the opposite of someone I’d want to have anything to do with at this point in my life. Oh yeah and sexual assault, but that’s nothing compared to what my ex did I guess. 

Side note, I wanna point out a little lesser known irony. While in a relationship with my ex, I was dead inside to the point of intense suicidal ideation. I was extremely depressed and had endured so much abuse on so many levels, I didn’t know how to get out or what to do. One aspect of our relationship is he had spend over a year convincing me to be okay with “polyamory” (aka he wanted to fuck multiple “flavors” (races) of women while dating me). Eventually, with his knowledge, I started a relationship with a mutual friend (my current bf), which began 3 months of confusion wherein I fell in love with one guy while realizing how horrible my past relationship had been. There was a lot of back and forth, since I was scared of leaving the relationship I had been stuck in for so long, but eventually I left and am now dating my wonderful boyfriend. Here’s where the irony comes in. Both my ex and my friend’s ex (from above) resented me for what happened. Thought I was a cheater, a bad girlfriend, whatever. Here’s the tea. 

My friend’s bf actively pursued me without my ex bf’s permission for a bit. Even while sitting in the same room, he made me feel him up and kissed my neck - not even 6 inches from my bf at the time. When my bf would step out of the room, my friend’s bf came over and tried to kiss me - when I dodged, he turned the lights out and tried again. He liked being physical with me - said it was bc he was on a break with his gf and wanted to touch someone - but did all of that behind my ex’s back. Same ex he was pissed that I “cheated on”, even though that situation was with his permission and much more above ground. It was about a week or so later he sexually assaulted me, jumped on me shirtless and shoved his tongue down my throat after cornering me in the basement alone. (My bf’s takeaway of all of this, after telling him I was kissed and touched against my will? “I wish he would have asked my permission first”.)

Tea #2: After breaking up with my ex, I tried to stay friends with him because I hated myself so much for “hurting him” (no regrets now, tho). I was so apologetic and just wanted him to forgive me, so I was quite a yes man for a while and didn’t want to cause any more waves in our friend group (that didn’t go so well tho haha). To jump to the chase, about 2 or so months after we broke up, he started telling me about who he was interested in. LO AND BEHOLD, it’s this same friend that I just reconnected with, whose bf sexually assaulted me. He talked about how he wanted them to break up, how he thought about her sexually all the time, how he had fantasies about fucking her in an elementary school (how didn’t i see he was a pedo at that point?), all kinds of stuff. He was trying to find out shit about their relationship in the hopes that they’d break up and he could date her. Told me about how he was talking to her at night and trying to find out her kinks and prove to her that he had the same ones so maybe she’d like him. All kind of shit. In retrospect, maybe I should have said something. Ironic that he was actually trying to do what people claimed had happened between the three of us during the breakup. 

The summary of this is: my friend’s bf always had a problem with me since the breakup since I was a “cheater”, and my bf “stole me away” or something. Meanwhile, he was doing the same thing behind my ex boyfriend’s back about 9 months before, AND my ex was doing the SAME THING to him the fuckin second he was single. They’re both shitty, inconsistent people, and I will never have a single good thing to say about either til the day I die.

Getting back on track. My friend’s bf hates me, and since he found out we were talking again, he apparently had a big problem with that. I don’t know many details, but apparently he was v upset with her about it and felt like she was betraying him (I won’t even begin with the levels of irony here). The two of us kept talking for a while, but I knew it bothered her that she was being dishonest with him. One night recently she opened up to me about something going on in their relationship that involved her bf secretly texting his ex behind her back, and one thing led to another and he managed to blame it on her talking to me (fuckin snake). As I have been since we started talking again, I wanted to be supportive of her, and I stand by that because she deserves to know what healthy respect and boundaries look like from someone, but it led to her deciding that she wanted to try to make it work with him, and that we shouldn’t talk anymore.

That’s been it for the most part since then. I’ve checked her social media a few times since (even though we had to disconnect on p much everything) and I’ve refrained from liking any of her posts, even though I’ve wished I could. It sucks because I can tell she’s going through some shit still, or at least was as of a bit ago, but I can’t ask if she’s okay, reach out to her, be a support system - be a fucking friend.

And this is what led me to start typing here as an outlet. We had a tiny bit of contact today, which I felt and feel guilty about since I really don’t want to stress her out or get her into any trouble. I was just reading an article about abusive relationships and “trauma bonding”, which is something that happens in an abuse victim’s brain that makes staying in their abusive relationship almost addicting, making it very hard to leave or see the situation clearly. I read it and very closely identified it, but also read it and saw a lot of things that made me worried for my friend. See, I know her boyfriend. We were friends for a while and I watched him be shitty to other people, and shitty to me, and honestly shitty to her for a long time. He’s not a good person. He reminds me so much of my ex it makes me sick, and especially makes me sick to know that she’s in that relationship and doesn’t feel like she can/should leave. Everyone has known it since high school - she’s better than she thinks, and deserves more. He has never treated her right for longer than it takes to get back into a relationship with her. That’s not to say there aren’t good things he does - all abusers give you something to hold onto so you can rationalize staying. I’m sure he does, my ex did, all shitty boyfriend and abusers do. I read that article and got really sad and really scared for her.

She told me that she doesn’t know how much she’ll let him hurt her. I have the same fear. I let my ex hurt me for so long, and would have let him do it to this day if my current boyfriend hadn’t gotten involved. I know she wants to make it work, but what I don’t think she understands, and I didn’t want to tell her out of respect, and it’s not her problem. 

There is nothing she can do, or should do, to make it work. All she can do is push down how she feels and make excuses in order to maintain an unhealthy relationship. She idealizes who he was in the past, yet admits he wasn’t good to people in the past. She says he wants to get better, yet all I’ve ever heard is that he apologizes and repeats the patterns. She says he is sorry for the things he’s done and wants to make them right, but I know several people he has wronged, and never seen him do anything to make it up to them. He says what he needs to say, and since he’s good at being manipulative, it works. And I don’t blame her. I don’t think she’s stupid. I don’t think a single negative thing of her. I was there, I know how it is. They’re really fucking convincing and can make even the worst things seem okay, turn anything into your fault, or take the blame and yet avoid blame altogether. 

I don’t know what to do. I can’t sit here and watch someone go through what I did. In retrospect I would have wanted someone to get me out, even if it hurt (in fact, my bf did, and I will be forever grateful). I want to help her live her life in a way I bet she doesn’t think is possible. Live truthfully. Surround herself with supportive people. Find someone who truly truly loves her and respects her. Have total control of her body and mind. Be fucking truly happy for more than hours or days at a time. SHE CAN DO IT. I fucking know she can. If she believes that she’s worth it and she wants what’s best for herself, she’ll leave. I wouldn’t say it to her before, but I spend a lot of time studying abusive relationships both because of my past and because of my field of study. She isn’t in a healthy relationship. He’s not good for her. It’s never going to get better. It’s not her fault.

So many people care about her and will be there for her (hopefully) when she decides to leave him. We will all support her and help her be her best self. She won’t be lonely, there’s always someone to talk to, usually someone to hang out with. 

God I wish things weren’t how they were. I want to respect her boundaries, but equally I want to help her get through this and be in a better place.

What the fuck do I do.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode # 12: “I Can’t Shut Up to Save My Life” ~ Dana

i am actually trembling. will is so mad at me but it's okay. this feels okay. I'm literally the biggest rat in this series LMAO fkasdjh fuck I feel so bad for Ali rn but I also am....fkadshf really kinda happy idk. I just know a lot of heat is coming my way and Cameron's idols are going to make me pay for this

Everyone is mad. Everyone is crying. Everyone feels fucked over. But um. Everyone is me merge vote and I am everyone merge vote. So. I guess we’re even.

im so sorry

Hi im drunk and im here to say that I almost cried in the club tonight because of how much i miss Will.   I just feel really alone and I think everyone hates me, especially owen, and im just trying to be friends n have fun and make it to the end of the game and also win is that too much to ask. IDk I played myself.  Also I actually just started crying now writing this yikes. I dont know what to do, I'm never in the minority because usually I just get voted out over all my allies because i'm upsetting. I don't know what to say to people, I don' trust anybody, why is kevin in the game. Does Ashvika actually like me? WHo knows. I'm just happy I wasn't totally blindsided. I knew Will might leave, I knew he was getting votes and I let it happen so I wouldnt get any which makes me a snake ass bitch. I just couldnt believe his vote out stayed so air-tight with the exception of Ashvika letting me know what happened. Idk if this means she wants to work with me, probably not, who would, she didn't respond to my pms after the vote, but i'm trying not to stress. Hopefully I can just continue to be a meme and appear non threatening but I just want some tea im getting thirsty nd also i love to strategize i crave it. Remember... I'm the village idiot? Like I will photoshop as many lizard hidden immunity idols on these people as i need to if these snakos dont vote me out thank u so much. This is the first time in my life where everyone hates me more than I hate myself and i just cannot handle IT. 

I...can't believe that worked??? I can't believe I voted in the majority??? ???????????? I'm really happy about this and I hope the Soup alliance (??? where did soup come from) can stick together even if just for one round. The biggest problem is if Cameron or someone else has an idol. Owen told me an idol had gone missing in one of the areas which means someone has already gotten it so we have to tread very carefully if we don't wanna get fucked.  

I love filming a 30 minute confessional about the game, where I get upset again over Will hating me and crying over how much I love Owen and Emily. I'm a mess sakdjhfa

You know? No matter what I do in this game, I’m going to be deemed a threat. Even if I don’t do shit. Even if I just sit and take orders. Hm. Well. Here’s to proving people right! If anyone’s upset with me, just know that they woke me up! Threat Emily is here and she’s ready to fucking win.

I love Ali. I love that he's such a good friend and that we're so able to move past things like this - I really do want to go far in this game with him. It's what we deserve. Wouldn't it be cute if Owen got 4th again too <3

this would be a better challenge if we could discuss xo but I think like....there isnt any way we shouldnt win unless someone is intentionally messy. two groups of people, four A's and five B's. no matter how it gets cut, whoeveer starts, one A and one B should end up in the final two with three As and four Bs voting, so someone from B SHOULD win, I think. It just alternates who starts each time, A, B, A, B or B, A, B, A, until yeah one from each is left. and it'll be easy to see who a snake is bc we directly see the lists. I'm more worried about Ashvika and Kevin at this point....but oh well. I also need to be on high alert of getting idoled out this round. Cameron is denying that he has two idols which like....yeah I'd way rather have Ashvika or Emily have one and be lying than Cameron have one, but at the same time I'm just gonna like assume  ksadjhf that Cameron has two :) worst case scenario :) so I like?? would think he uses both of them this round maybe unless he is worried more about himself, and also ugh idk like ashvika or kevin could flip or even emily/ali although I think the three of us can trust each other rn. idk yet.

I came in second... again. Woohoo! I love immunity challenges yes I do! :—————) ________________________________________________________________

(This was filmed like 7 hours before the immunity challenge)

The soup alliance is hopefully sticking together!!!! Unfortunately we can't get Cameron out so we're playing some 4d chess mind games tonight. The plan's to vote Ruthie, and then we tell the others...Zach or Cameron, I'm not sure I already forget. Not like they'll approach me about this but you know. My ass will scream if things flip on us because people are rats, double the screaming if it's me who gets flipped on butttt things are looking good so far, but then again I've found that it's when I'm most confident in our plans that I get blindsided. 

Welcome to my roundly long confessionals where I, Zachary rae, gives information on the past few days. Before we begin, I should put a disclaimer - this may be the last one! --- Hello fans! So where do I begin. Last vote Dana and Will called me in paranoia and, frankly, they were right! However, on that call I suggested that if the idea of them having majority (or half; 5) was accurate, we may as well just not split and pray for no idols. Dana didn't like that idea, and in hesitation, asked to split the vote 3-2 and... yeah. Bye Will. I was like crying afterwards though cause I genuinely love him and he's a great person and ugh it sucks cause I really wanted to continue working with him and i'm just so disappointed. Moving forward, I made an alliance of four [Ruthie/Zach/Dana/Cameron], entitled "Will's Puppets".  In this immunity, it's common sense by any mathematical logistics that one person from each "side" will make final two, and one of them five will win immunity. However, Cameron adjusted our views and just saved Ali and maybe it was because they didn't comprehend what a proper strategy was, or perhaps to build bonds with Ali. In the end, I voted (once again, wow) in the minority and for Emily to win immunity, but Ali came out victorious. Good job for him! Going into tribal it's kind of like... there are 5 people on one side, vs us four. Dana and I talked and it's kind of like... we needed a plan. Ideally, everyone knows that Cameron (and Ali) have an idol. They want Cameron out, I believe THAT part of their expression, but they know he isn't easily struck as he's likely playing his idol tonight. Dana and I realized a good way to escape, since it's probably better to take out one of us, is to get in the good graces of Emily and Owen. I like them both as people, I genuinely do, but in this game they are two of the biggest threats to win. What we are suggesting to Owen is that in the event we take out Ruthie this vote, and then Cameron next, it's final 7 and that's when you need to start realizing who you want to be with in the finale. Dana called with Owen for so long suggesting that if me and her are safe (we're trying to separate ourselves slightly but like saying we both think alike), then we can help him take out Emily at 7. He needs the numbers since Emily is a powerful player. I don't know if he sees value in me but hopefully he likes me cause he thinks i'm funny and I love him. I go to Emily and I say that I will make sure Cameron plays his idol as my piece of leverage to keep me safe. They vote out Ruthie, Cameron flushes his idol and goes next, and then it's FFA at final seven, and I think at that time Dana and I are safe for one vote. Do I want to go to the end with Dana though? HELL NO!! Originally I was thinking I would love to sit with Kevin and Ruthie. If Ruthie goes, then I think i'd want to go with Kevin and Ali. Maybe Ashvika but... i'm not sure. She's just so adorable and likeable but she's not playing strategically amazing like other people. Neither am I though so I can't talk. Do I think Emily's being honest with me though when she leaked that "Ruthie's the vote and she wants to clue me in"? Not at all. I would not be surprised if I leave tonight, and she better be able to justify herself when she lies. She's manipulative and a liar (IN A GOOD WAY I STAN!!) but like I don't vote bitterly, I vote who I think I connected with more and played better, and if you can't justify why i'm the good vote this round (which I truthfully disagree i'm a good vote this round), then you ain't getting my vote. I also think if I survive I can easily go final 4/5. Dana's a bigger threat than me, which is my strategy to align with physically bigger threats so i'm able to slide by like a little snake, and say Ruthie/Cameron leave next, then Dana, one of Emily/Owen and Ashvika even are the big threats. I don't see how I will go unless it's final 4/5 but who knows. I'm not being cocky but that's how I see things, and if they let Dana make it further than me, which is possible, i'll be shocked. I really will be. Also can I just say how much I adore Owen. Dana said he talked about how funny I was and he pmed me saying that i'm funny and hilarious and despite the occurrences in this game, he'd love to be friends and I agree. Though this is a message reassuring i'm probably leaving tonight, I adore him and he has my vote 100% if he makes FTC and I leave. I don't want to leave, but that's the fact. Weirdly - well not weirdly but just... I don't know. I'm troll. I'm just trying to play fun but I really don't want to leave tonight like i'll cry. I've had so much fun and i'm not ready to leave and... ugh. I really want to be here and prove myself because I don't think I have and I don't want to see myself as a flop. Not saying 10th+ is a flop, but saying that I haven't done anything or utilized my All Star spot yet, and it's just... ugh. I'm defeated. I hope I can stay to keep going further in this game but... I don't know. I hope this isn't my last confessional. I really hope I get to stay and... elaborate on my amazing gameplay. Joke, of course, but I do hope I get to stay. please!!! :(

This could be my last confessional. When I go home tonight and become the long suffering 4th juror I have waited 8 games and lots of failed strategy to become, I just want to say it’s been a fun game and I genuinely love everyone. Tribal is in 3 hrs and I just don’t know how i’m Voting. The biggest meme of all is that I implicitly trust Owen, who I feel is far and away the best player in this game. I told him I don’t think he can get to the end with goats, because they’ll all flip on him, and I think that’s true. He needs other key players as buffers towards the end. Inevitably when the Emily v. Owen power struggle for power, glory, and stardom breaks out, I’d LOVE to be a spectator still in the game. I will vote how Owen tells me tonight, and even though he has promised me i’m not going home, i’m Not sure he’s in the position to promise that. I just dunno. I had such a good talk with him last night and tbh if nothing else that was amazing jury management. He knows I can’t shut up to save my life, and he just let me talk for hours. So thank u for validating my goblin personality. Also he told me he thought I was smart which honestly... my kink thank u. I also talked to Ali for a while this morning, and he says he’s doing his best to keep me and Cameron safe, I believe it idk. Like why lie to me i’m On the bottom and everyone knows i’m an idol-less sad snake, so like no point tbh. The hardest part about playing with him is that I feel like I want him to succeede more than he wants himself to succeede. Like I can’t want it for you, and had so much to work with, I just wish he would own it. He’s like a defenseless almond and I just want him to be a bad bitch ya know? Finally, I’m trying to play with Ashvika here and use the fact that she game me info last round that I “kept quiet” as a bargaining chip to show I can be trusted. Will Ashvika end up as my target or my closest ally u be the judge. Overall I’m so prepared to get voted out i’ve all but made total peace with it. Hopefully I can push through tonight wih my sparkling personality and some wheeling and dealing. ________________________________________________________________ Owen stopped talking to me about the game which means i’m going home. I love watching my own death occur in real time. 

thanks for reminding me about the way zach pronounces mario. I know what I'm writing on the parchment tonight.

I..... have no idea what's going on tonight.

THAT WASNT MY LAST CONFESSIONAL BECAUSE.. OWEN AND EMILY ARE SNAKES! (mario)

iiiii feel really uneasy about ashvika for some reason??? idk she keeps asking if we're voting for ruthie, so she could be planning to #flip on us which would be a dumb move, or maybe she's just confused and if that's the case then me too. Owen and I kinda talked about this the night before because we know she's somewhat attached to Dana but like we ain't voting Dana so I hope that's not a problem. And I mean we both voted for Ruthie at the Duncan blindside so like??? I hope she wants to do it again?? I just think any of us flipping now especially would be bad for us and for them. I have secure trust in everyone else in this alliance so like...let's make it through please??? If anyone goes home I hope it isn't Emily because I think her vote negator can play an important role in f8, no matter who goes home tonight. Iiiii just don't want things to get fucked up tonight!!! and i haven't talked to anyone from the other side (i mean they could approach me but yknow two way street and all that) and idk if i should??? bc being too pushy and saying oh yeah we're voting cameron could be a big miss steak??? 

I can’t be the only one who sees that Owen is aligned with Cameron right?? I thought I would have been one of his closest allies after the duncan voted but he didn’t save me and later chose to save Cameron over ali even though he’s supposedly in the minority, and now he’s vying not to vote Cameron out? I understand he makes some good points but  it’s sketchy 

im going home bye ________________________________________________________________ I LITERALLY FEEL WHAT IS HAPPENING DSAKSJHF I AM GETTING FLIPPED ON BY EMILY PROBABLY EITHER THAT OR LIKE???? IM GETTING IDOLED TF OUT OF HERE AND I JUST WANNA DIE WHERE IS ALI I NEED TO TALK TO ALI I WAS SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HIM FSDHAFHJ GOD

Day by day, I get closer to voting Kevin as the sole survivor of Athena All-Stars. Congratulations, I played myself, but Kevin played me better. 

ali is rlly acting sketchy why :'( i think I'm going home ugh ________________________________________________________________ I dont think ali will idol me and I want 2 scream dfskajhkdjfhkjsdhfjkhsdkjfhkjsdhfkjds

so I won immunity and literally am confessing at tribal and am a mess

Ruthie becomes the 12th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-4 vote, and the 4th member of our jury. You can see Ruthie’s preseason interview here.