#genuinely excited to see if anyone has stuff in common with me

[insipid-drivel]

Horses: Since There Seems To Be An Even Wider Knowledge Gap Than I Anticipated

...And actually find it really exciting that I have a reason to expand and address some comments and questions from my first post!

This is a sequel/addition to my original post, "Horses: Since There Seems To be A Knowledge Gap". I want to address more horse-related knowledge gaps, common misinformation and mistakes made by well-meaning and very skilled creators that wouldn't know otherwise unless they worked with horses directly. You should not have to work hands-on with horses to learn some of this stuff, but the fact remains that horse facts and riding knowledge is often underdiscussed and usually only shared by other people that work with/around horses. A lot of this information should be within easier reach for writers and artists, too!

Before I begin, I'd like to thank all of you that politely reached out in the comments, tags, and my DMs/asks with your thoughtful additions to details I forgot/left out/hadn't even considered, and your brave questions posed to me personally that I was more than happy to answer. I'm truly thankful to all of you who contributed with a positive energy, or that had the courage to reach out to me - the OP - with questions my first post didn't manage to help you with. I will never punish, shame, or otherwise mistreat anyone who comes to me with an earnest question or correction in good faith, anonymous or not. If you're polite to me, I will be polite to you. I will try my hardest to answer questions I may not have much experience with, but I will still do my best to research the answers so you don't have to, and tag/cite/refer you to people, books, or other knowledge sources that have more answers and experience than I do if I can't.

So, what more is there to know about writing and portraying horses? I'll just get started off the top of my head with some of the most frequent additions other tumblr horse folk have been hollerin' at me about, and with good reason, because you guys were right to point out what you did and really got me thinking!

-Spurs: My Second Take. In my original post, I voiced my personal distaste for the use of spurs in riding. Spurs, for those who don't know, were traditionally made as sharp metal pinwheels that attached to the back of riding boots for enhanced communication between the rider and the horse, much like how riding crops are used. I, personally, have had a lot of bad experiences seeing riders misuse spurs to hurt horses that I cared for as a stable hand and genuinely loved, and so I've been very shut down about the topic of spurs for many years.

Several people spoke up in defense of spurs as riding and communication tools, and I honestly believe that you guys were very on-point and made some great arguments: Spurs are only as harmful to horses as the intent the rider has in applying them, and I didn't have enough updated information about the different types of spurs that can be used nowadays that are not designed to be sharp or uncomfortable for the horse! I always grew up around traditional Cowboy-style spurs, which are sharp, stabby, star-shaped wheels, and can wound a horse and draw blood if used too aggressively. Tragically, most inexperienced and newer riders will use spurs too forcefully and wind up hurting the horse, and it's largely because new riders are inherently scared of riding, and over-rely on tools like spurs and crops rather than trust the horse to know what it's doing and be intelligent enough to know how to care for a human rider's safety.

Now, I've since learned that there are spurs with rubber wheels, blunted tips like those on the ends of safety-fencing foils, round metal bumpers instead of spurs at all, and even spurs that sport rotating metal balls that just feel (to the horse) like someone rolling a large ball-point pen over their sides, and more! So, to those of you that spoke up in tags and comments, thank you for doing so in a way that got me to open my own mind and check myself and my bad memories. You guys taught me something really cool and valuable that genuinely changed my perspective and opinions, and that's a really good thing!

-A Group Of Zombies/Unarmed Humans Can Take Down A Healthy Adult Horse. This is specifically aimed at The Walking Dead, but... yeah, you know the second episode when Rick rides a horse into the zombie-overrun Atlanta and the only way he's able to survive is when the zombies are distracted taking down and eating his obviously-jello-and-rubber horse?

Yeah, no. That is not how it would happen. At all. I think any biologists in the audience would back me up on that.

See, horses are prey animals, and they are herbivores. We're often used to thinking of herbivorous prey animals as shy, retiring, vulnerable animals that will simply keel over and die of fright when cornered by a predator. In reality, the opposite is often the case! Predatory animals tend to be much more shy, and much more cautious with their physical safety and wellbeing than prey animals tend to be, and that's usually because predators need to be able to remain uninjured and able-bodied enough to hunt again later, or else they and their babies may starve to death. Prey animals, especially herbivores, have evolved to deal with being hunted, and inherently don't need to be quite as healthy and able-bodied as a predator in order to avoid starving in the wild. Grass and leaves don't run away or try to fight back (unless it's like, poison oak or something), so an herbivore can generally recover from more environmental beatings than a predator typically can.

When cornered, horses very often only understand one thing: Murder. That's why you need horse whisperers and stable hands that know how to "gentle" a panicked horse as essential personnel at boarding and teaching ranches. While a horse can absolutely love and adore even the smallest of children and never harm them (at least intentionally - accidents happen), they can and absolutely will kill in order to defend themselves if running isn't an option. Horses can kick with up to 2,000lbs/907kg of force with their back legs. That's enough to break bones, shatter skulls, insta-kill grown men, and if you're kicked in the chest? Cause spontaneous cardiac arrest. Horses kick so hard and so fast they can literally make your heart stop from the speed and force of the impact alone: not from tissue damage. Horses will also paw and stomp with their front hooves until the Threatening Thing is effectively a mincemeat pancake, bite hard enough to take off fingers and hands, and can even cat-jump into the air off all four hooves in order to kick outward with all four legs at once. Spanish cavalry officers traditionally trained their horses to cat-jump on command in order to prevent them and their horse from being surrounded by footsoldiers in battle.

Horses will also use their body weight to roll, crush, scrape, and flatten anything or anyone that they don't want holding onto them. They will use environmental objects like trees, fences, or the corners of buildings to scrape unwanted hangers-on off into bloody smears (my mom's horse actually did this to a guy twice and he wound up in the ER with severe lacerations, bruises, splinters, and worse). Basically: a horse will use its entire body and the weight that comes with it as well as the entire world around it to fucking OBLITERATE anything they see as an unavoidable threat to their safety.

Without heavy-duty ropes, weapons, or tools, a group of adult, living, human men the size of football (the fake kind) linebackers wouldn't be able to successfully wrestle a fully-grown, panicked horse to the ground, much less a bunch of undead, mostly-decomposing zombies that only know how to bite and scratch. The horse Rick is riding on looks like it's probably a Quarterhorse, too. Quarterhorses are very sturdy, moderately-sized breeds that are also the iconic Cowboy Horse. They're tough, they're brave, they're hearty, and if they snap, they can and will kill both other animals and humans.

A horse's skin is so thick and tough that it's virtually impossible for a human to successfully bite or scratch hard enough to puncture through their outer dermal layers. As stable hands, a regular tool we use for getting mud out of a horse's hair is a literal metal wire brush that can rip open our skin if we try to use them, but the horses lean into them without even a hint of damage to their skin from doing so. There may be some tiny welts and a little bit of blood if a human tries to claw and bite at a horse, but horses do far worse to each other when they're just playing! Our fingernails and jaw muscles just aren't strong enough to do much damage to a healthy horse's skin.

-Horses aren't domestic animals.

...Yes they are. But just like other domestic animals, there can be wild populations of them that have had little or no human contact or intervention. Genetically speaking, however, horses are indeed domesticated. They're large domestic animals , but they are very much domesticated. Humans have been working alongside horses for at least 6,000 years. Domestic cats have only been domesticated for about 10,000 years. Truly wild horses in herds today, sadly, are pretty much 100% descended from domesticated horses. The recently-reintroduced-to-the-wild Przewalski's Horse is probably the closest genetic link to the original wild horses native to what are now modern Mongolia and Kazakhstan. Even the revered American Mustang is the product of domestication and planned breeding practices by both white colonists and Indigenous Americans over thousands of years, but Indigenous Americans were capable of maintaining a healthy balance between their personal horses and the essential need for herds of wild horses for the environment, too. White colonists did not understand this and intentionally stripped the North American frontier of its herds of wild horses, and are the primary reason the Mustang is only recently reappearing in wild herds in North America.

Sheep are domestic animals. Cows are domestic animals. Goats are domestic animals. Just because an animal has hooves and doesn't usually live in your house with you does not mean it isn't domesticated: You've just never had to live in an environment where they're essential to daily life or considered welcome companions, so they seem more like wild animals than cats and dogs. Hundreds of years ago, before modern building techniques created houses that could stay sustainably warm year-round, it was very normal for families to bring in cattle as large as horses and cows into their homes and sleep in the same rooms together for security and warmth, dookie and all (horse and cow poop doesn't smell as rank as dog or cat poo; they're herbivores, so it just doesn't smell as foul, and happens to make very good fuel for the fire). We don't do that anymore for health and safety reasons, and so horses, among other farmyard and "rural" domestic animals have become increasingly alienated from most people's psyches as being animals just as capable of being pets as your dog or cat.

-You can calculate how long a horse can run or work every day. This one is largely in response to some well-meaning questions I got from anons that seemed to want me to give them precise hourly work rates and mileage horses can tolerate. I was frustrated by questions like this, because it's a really cool subject to discuss, but not an easy question to answer. Horses are not machines, and "horsepower" is a unit of measurement derived from horses - not applied to them. "Horsepower" is a term used in machinery like tractors and cars. The total horsepower of your average horse is... well, 1, because that's how many horses a single horse can be without getting into some Welcome To Night Vale shit, which I'd love to do, but is a bit too far off topic for this particular post.

A horse's capacity to work or travel is heavily determined by outside factors, as well as organic factors in regards to the individual horse. How old is the horse? How heavy is it? How heavy is the rider? Is it also carrying cargo, like armor and camping supplies? Is it working on a farm and pulling a plow? If so, what quality is the soil? Has it been plowed before? Does the farmer own more than one horse? Is it hot outside? Is the horse going up and downhill? Is it fly season? Is the ground rocky? Are there burrowing animals in the area? Is there clay in the soil? Did it rain recently? How well-kept are the roads? Are there roads to use? What time of year is it- Aaaaaaah!

Ultimately, the answer is: A horse can work as long as it's willing to, and as long as its owner/handler judges is safe for the horse. A horse may be able to pull an old-fashioned plow through well-tilled soil for most of a cool morning before needing a break to cool down, eat, and rehydrate. It takes the judgment of the person commanding the horse when to call for a break or a full-stop to working for that horse by observing how tired it is (is it panting? Sweating? Slowing down? Are there any signs of strain in the hooves or legs?) or if it's in any way injured or in pain. The same applies with traveling long distances: It's up to the rider's judgment and how forgiving the environment is on the horse's body. In some cases, a riding horse may not be able to be ridden safely if the road is too treacherous or uneven for the horse to handle balancing its own weight and the rider's. In those cases, it's better for the rider to get off the horse and gently lead them through the bad terrain until it smooths out.

Also... horses can just... choose to quit. Some are quite sassy or very clear about their boundaries, and if they don't feel motivated or get too bored, they won't cooperate at all. The only way to deal with this is by letting them go do their own thing in the paddock until they decide they wanna cooperate again. Abusive people my try to whip or spur a horse into working past its limits, but humane people just let the guys take a break.

-Two adult people can ride on the same horse for a long time. GOD NO. PLEASE GOD NO. DO NOT DO THIS. PLEASE DO NOT EVER, EVER DO THIS.

Horses can only safely carry a maximum of about 30% of their total body weight on their backs without risking severe spinal damage, if not a broken spine altogether. A Thoroughbred - the iconic racing horse - typically maxes out at about 1,000lbs total in weight as an adult. Thoroughbreds are fairly tall compared to other fast, hot-blooded horses, like Arabians. That means that, at best, a perfectly healthy, not-too-old, not-too-young Thoroughbred horse would not be able to carry a total weight of more than about 450lbs, including the weight of its saddle and other tack, supplies carried by the rider, armor or other gear worn by the rider, and the impacts of gravity and the shocks of the rider's weight on the horse's back when it's moving at any speed. In the vast majority of cases, two adults cannot safely ride on the same horse for more than a very short distance before the horse enters the danger-zone for suffering severe and permanent spinal damage that can result in euthanasia. An adult carrying a baby or toddler is different, but two adults? Please don't. Please. Even if you're getting married and the owner of the super-huge pretty draft horse you're renting to take a gallant shared ride with your spouse with for pictures that reassures you it's fine, do not do it. Please just rent a carriage or pay extra for two horses. Please.

-A paddock with grass is all a horse needs to meet its nutritional needs. If that were true, horses would still be kept as pets more commonly around the world than they actually are. Unfortunately, to really thrive in the wild, horses need hundreds, if not thousands, of hectares of territory they can freely travel around in, while most paddocks are rarely larger than 10-20 acres when you're not talking about generational wealth or land. One of the reasons domestically-raised horses are almost entirely dependent on humans for food is due to the restricted spaces they're kept in. Grass only produces nutrition when the soil itself is fertile, and we humans don't necessarily have the natural ability to sense when soil is too nutrient-deprived for the plant life growing from it to be enough to provide just one horse with the vitamins and minerals they need on a daily basis to be healthy.

Another fact largely lost to history is that, back when most families had to farm to survive, farmers would store green leaves from various healthy and tasty trees and bushes in the boughs of other trees within their cattle paddocks and fields. By doing this, it kept large amounts of pests like rats from infesting the leaves, and keeping the cut branches and leaves stored within other leafy trees actually kept the greens fresher much longer than if they were stored on the ground or in a storage room. Horses would then graze from the leaves in the trees above their heads as well as the grass.

Stable hands and private owners keep rigorous dietary routines tailored to the needs of each individual horse. We're usually up and feeding the horses by dawn at the latest. The horses are usually given a few scoops of oats (not too much, because oats bloat up when they absorb liquid, and too much of that can give a horse colic), carrots and other vegetables for extra vitamins, salt licks (which are infused with extra minerals like a giant multivitamin), and even vitamin tablets/powder that goes straight into their dinner hay or alfalfa. Vets are essential for evaluating a horse's specific nutritional needs, so horses can actually get "prescriptions" for specific ingredients in their regular meals given to us from licensed large animal veterinarians, and not just a wealthy owner's best guess.

-Horses can throw up. Nope! It's not even physically possible for a horse to spit up food! That's part of why stable hands and owners have to be so careful in maintaining a regular, stable, healthy diet for their horses and keep their pastures and paddocks checked for toxic substances like poisonous plants that a horse may not know is toxic, or notice in the grass it's munching on.

Because they have such long necks and tall legs, horses need special muscles in their upper GI tracts in order to graze and drink water without constantly choking and fighting gravity. By having an esophagus that's one-way-only, as well as a muscle that clamps their stomachs shut at the top called a French Tie, horses hold down anything they swallow, even if it's enough to kill them.

-Horses are the best farm animals for a pre-industrial setting. Goodness no! Not at all! In fact, horses didn't start really replacing oxen on farms until the dawn of Draft Horses in the Victorian Era in the West. While many Eastern countries still retain the use of oxen for farming, Western European farmers fell prey to what we all dread: Peer pressure.

When Draft Horses started to appear in the scene in formal horse fancier associations, they were readily advertised as being excellent replacements for oxen (neutered male cows; so, a bull that has no balls). Oxen can be very stubborn, yet affectionate animals, and newer farmers often struggle more with handling oxen compared to horses. The Victorian Era saw a small boom in private farms, and so there became an increasing demand for "easy" farm cattle for newbie farmers to employ.

The other factor that played into horses replacing oxen in Western farming was clout. Horses are more expensive than oxen and generally seen as more prestigious to own. So, farmers often wound up "upgrading" from oxen to horses when their financial means allowed them to. The problem was that, in order to do the same amount of farm work with horses, you need more horses to replace exhausted or injured horses throughout each working day compared to how many more oxen you need to swap out throughout a day of heavy labor. But, nonetheless, horses took over for being "more trainable" and "more intelligent" than oxen (admittedly, oxen can be trickier to work with, but that does NOT mean that horses do a better job at hard field labor), and the Western oxen training industry has almost completely gone extinct.

Really, oxen do a lot better at extremely heavy jobs like tilling and plowing soil for growing crops and hauling large, heavy weights. Because oxen have cloven (two) hooves, they're a lot better at gripping the terrain and avoiding injury to their feet when they're working hard at awkward angles or on rough terrain. Oxen also pack on a lot more muscle and fat around their entire bodies, and so they have fewer vulnerable zones that can become irreparably damaged from exerting a lot of muscle power. Horses, only having a single hoof, can be rendered completely incapable of working or even running just from fracturing a hoof or stepping on a sharp object, like a nail.

-Any leg injury means instant euthanasia. No! No, no, no! There are lots of ways to treat a variety of injuries and illnesses that present in a horse's leg or foot. Especially nowadays, thanks to advances in all forms of prosthetics and 3D printing, horses are euthanized less and less for increasingly severe leg injuries courtesy of prosthetics and mobility aids! Some advances have been made so far that a horse that loses the lower portion of its leg can live a healthy life with a prosthetic!

Don't believe me?

Even in history, there have been treatments for leg and foot ailments for horses used before any talk of euthanasia is brought up. Remember: horses are often beloved service animals to people, today and a thousand years ago! Would you jump straight to euthanizing not only your best friend, but your primary mode of transport, as well as your extraordinarily-expensive ESA?

It's only in cases of severe breaks in a leg bone that injury-related euthanasia is discussed for a horse. Smaller fractures and hoof damage can actually be treated and healed, especially with modern veterinary science, and some fractures can be so successfully treated that a horse can return to riding and competing after recovering!

-Bits are cruel.

Look. There's one person that raked me over the coals in the replies for being ignorant in espousing bits as essential parts of a horse's bridle. I know who you are, and honestly, I feel the compassion you have for the animals... but you're still sipping a little much from PETA's kool-aid and did not convince me over to your side.

Yes, there are bridles that do not require bits to control a horse's head and communicate with it. Yes, there are riders that prefer them, and there are horses that can only be ridden with them due to bad experiences with bit-training or past dental problems. No, it's not cool to tut your fucking finger at me and call me ignorant when I assert that it's a very normal, standard part of tacking up and riding a horse, and the worst a bit can do is pinch the corner of a horse's lip or tongue if you are a jerk with your rein-etiquette. There are bits, just like I observed with spurs, that are specifically designed not to hurt or cause any distress to the horse, so if the person that dumped on me in the last post reads this one: Calm the fuck down and go take yourself on a walk along with your horse. Have an apple. You've clearly been in your stall too long.

As I was saying: Yes, there are different kinds of bits that are specifically designed not to harm a horse. Sometimes horses with smaller mouths or wrinklier lips (it's a thing) can have a hard time with specific bits due many of them sporting hinges where they wrap around out of the horse's mouth and connect to the bridle. This can be easily addressed by switching to a different kind of bit that's less harsh and more flexible for the sake of a horse's comfort, or getting rid of a bit altogether and swapping to bitless bridles. Ironically, I've met horses that actually stim with their bridles; they play with the bits with their tongues when they're excited before an event, kinda like they're grinding their teeth.

And yes, some horses can still have bad sensory issues with bits, and can need bitless bridles, and that's okay! The important thing about bridles in general is that they're the primary way a rider can communicate with the horse's head and show them where they want to go. As with riding, horses tend to go in the direction their heads are facing; they don't usually walk while looking sideways, but rather stand still to look sideways before turning back to the direction they want to go in to walk or run. A lot of riders are taught the phrase, "Head like a princess, hips like a whore," as a reminder to keep their hips loose and moving with the horse, but their heads focusing on where they want the horse to go, rather than looking at the scenery. Most riders, even those that are very experienced, can get distracted and accidentally put a little too much pressure on the horse's bridle and side in the direction of where they're looking, and that causes the horse to go off course, too.

-Horseshoes are incredibly painful and must be replaced only when absolutely necessary. Not at all! A horse's hoof is basically like a gigantic fingernail. While the inner core of the hoof, which is typically concave with a V shape in the middle and needs cleaning by stable hands on a regular basis to keep gunk, debris, and dangerous stuff like nails out of their feet is vulnerable to pain and injury, the rest of the hoof is literally a giant fingernail! A ferrier specializes at grooming a horse's hooves and trimming them so they don't overgrow (which can happen if they spend a lot of time on soft surfaces like grass), and many ferriers also specialize at setting and replacing horseshoes. A horseshoe specifically sits around the outer edge of a horse's hoof - specifically where a hoof is least sensitive and most likely to split or become damaged while riding and lead to infection and pain later - where the horse has no nerve endings. The nails that go into the horseshoe to hold it in place are actually very short and narrow at the tips, and only go into the solid nail a couple of inches into that same nerveless outer edge. The shortest horseshoe nails I've seen used are only 1.5 inches, or 4cm, and the largest around 2 inches, or 5cm and the worst a horse feels when a shoe is being set or replaced is a dull thudding from the tapping of the small hammer used to set the nails. A horse can literally go right back to business after their shoes are fitted, although a ferrier may recommend having them spend some quiet time in their stall for a couple of hours to really make sure the shoes are set properly and the horse is comfortable if something like a trip caused the original shoe to come off (the technical term is "casting a shoe").

My evening meds are kicking in, so I'll stop this very, very long sequel here.

As before, feel free to send me asks with more questions. I'm sure there are even more things I'm too sleepy to remember right now, and this post is running incredibly long.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

April OC of the Month: Olivia Hadley

Please welcome April 2024's MC of the Month! Each month, we highlight one MC or OC on our Meet My MC / OC List. They are selected randomly on the Wheel of Names, and eligibility requirements can be found here. We accept MC / OC profiles on an ongoing basis. Please feel free to send yours in!

This month’s OC of the month is…

@storyofmychoices's Olivia Hadley!

More below...

In your own words, tell us what you like most about your MC / OC.

Olivia is literally sunshine. She is the most genuine and empathetic person. She constantly looks for ways to help others and make life better for those who are not as fortunate as she is. She always tries to make everyone she meets (especially children) feel special and heard/appreciated. It doesn’t matter if she knows them or not. She looks out for everyone. She is just a good person with the most beautiful heart and soul. She is so precious to me. In an ideal world, there would be a lot more Olivia’s to help us all feel special.

Do you feel your MC / OC is like you at all? How are you alike or different?

I do think Olivia and I have a lot in common. While I wish I could be as kind and empathetic as Olivia, I am still human, and I make mistakes. I try really hard to live by the principles of “leave the world a little better than you found it” (even if it’s just putting away a grocery cart someone left or picking up one piece of trash in a parking lot) and “be kind whenever possible; it is always possible” (this one is a little harder, but I try every single day to show kindness to everyone, even when I cannot show it to myself). I feel those principles also represent Olivia, she’s just better at it than me.

I also think we have similar occupations. We both wanted to be veterinarians and then learned we’d have to put animals down. Then we both switched to Pediatric Medicine. Olivia stuck with it. I decided to be a teacher because Pediatricians need to know how to deliver babies, and that’s a hard pass for me. Childbirth might be a miracle, but it’s disgusting (IMHO) lol. But we both work closely with children and try to make a positive impact on their lives. We both do whatever we can to create a safe place where children can tell us stuff they don’t know if they can share with their parents yet (questioning their sexual identity or gender). I’ve been very lucky to help several transgender elementary students feel more confident and accepted as well as work with parents to help them help their child. I’ve also worked with students with abusive home lives or their families can’t afford basic needs so I’ve gone out of my way to try to help them through anonymous donations and gift cards through the school. Anything I can do to ease even one struggle, I will do it and I think that is very much the person Olivia is. Olivia will always look out for anyone in her life. 

As for differences, Olivia is a little more confident than I am. I drink far more coffee than she does. We both love plants, but she keeps them alive better than I do. I try, but I don’t always succeed, though a cactus I got as a gift from a student 3 years ago just bloomed for the first time this month, so I’m super excited for that. Maybe Olivia is finally rubbing off?

What is most important to your MC / OC? What is their motivation in life?

Olivia’s motivation is truly to make the world a better place. She knows that it’s not always easy, and there are so many struggles and so many hardships. She really wants to make a difference in the lives of those closest to her as well as in the community she serves. She knows she can’t conquer world hunger or global peace, but if she can make a difference to people around her then maybe those people can help some others and things would ripple out from there. 

After she has children, her motivation splits. She’ll never stop caring about those around her or the patients she sees, but her children are her first priority.

What are their biggest pet peeves/dislikes?

Olivia doesn’t like gossip. She doesn’t like when people talk about others behind their back in a negative way. It makes her feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t like passive aggressive responses to situations. She genuinely believes that people are good, and if we all just try to have a little more empathy and understanding, the world would be a better place. 

She doesn't like rudeness, pettiness, or dishonesty.

Olivia prefers order and organization, so she dislikes chaos and messy places. 

If your MC / OC could change one thing - anything - what would it be?

If Olivia could change anything, she’d find a cure for childhood cancer. She takes each case to heart and watching children struggle is something that is very hard for her. She would never trade her time at Edenbrook for anything, and she feels guilty for even thinking it, but she is grateful when she opens her own practice that most of her cases become regular checkups and normal/everyday illnesses.

What is your MC / OC’s favorite quote or song?

“My favorite things in life don't cost any money. It's really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time." — Steve Jobs

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that, I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” ― Maya Angelou

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." —Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." — Mary Anne Radmacher

“Even miracles take a little time.” — Fairy GodMother (Cinderella) 

“Happily ever after is about finding happiness within yourself and holding on to it through any storm that comes your way." —Chris Colfer

Is there anything else you’d like to share about your MC / OC?  (It can be why you created them, how they’ve inspired you, or you could write a little blurb as if it is coming from your OC - an acceptance speech. :) )

Ahhh what else to say about my precious Olivia?! She truly brings me so much joy.  

If you’ve been in this fandom long enough, you’ll remember I was an Ethan romancer when OH first released. I enjoyed Ethan/MC’s dynamic. They totally reminded me of Thomas Hunt x MC. However, just before the pandemic, I wrote Bryce, thinking it was a one off thing, but as the world started to shut down, things got darker and scarier, Bryce Lahela’s sunshine and encouragement was something that resonated with me. I tried to make Olivia fit in the role of MC, but I just didn’t like the setup of MC with Bryce. So I made Olivia an original character. Taking her out of that MC role gave me so much more freedom with her and so much more freedom for telling her and Bryce’s story. I loved being able to see where each story would take them. I’m eternally grateful to Olivia (and Bryce) for helping me get through the Covid Pandemic. Having her and Bryce and their friends and family helped me have something positive and hope-filled to hold onto.

Olivia is actually really competitive. You might not see it or notice it at first, but if you’ve ever been a part of any competition with her, you’ll see she will not hold back. 

Olivia has a black belt in taekwondo, even though she never talks about it. She got it in High School. She wanted to do something to challenge herself and she wasn’t participating in any team sports, though she did try to get a pingpong team started in her school but it never took off. 

Olivia volunteered with Habitat for Humanity for a summer in the Dominican Republic.

Olivia has Scottish roots and has always dreamed of going to Scotland. She hasn’t gotten there yet, but one day!

Olivia is almost as lucky to have such good friends in Casey and Merida as I am to have @jerzwriter and @lilyoffandoms in my life. I can’t even begin to express how special they are to me and how I treasure their friendship.

Thank you to everyone who has ever supported Olivia. She is truly a special character who is so close to my heart. The fact that she is truly an original character and you still adore her means so much to me. I can’t say thank you enough. The amount of serotonin I get from writing and sharing her with you should be illegal, and then when anyone interacts, my heart explodes with unicorns and rainbows and all the sunshine. I’m eternally grateful for the support of Olivia, Bryce, and their little world. Thank you!!! 

[jiraisupportgroup]

hi!! is it so wrong to be a young jirai?

i feel so young in this community and idk what to do.. it feels like if people knew my true age theyd shame me or something. i respect the lifestyle and have felt the most comfort here than ever, but im so scared of people finding out my age and just blocking me

There isn’t anything particularly wrong with being young and in spaces like this - a lot of older people just don’t want to interact with minors for their own comfort (& vice versa). I can’t speak for everyone but there’s a lot of reasons for this. Especially in spaces based around mental health (and even more so with Jirai Kei being a space which isn’t inherently recovery based).

A lot of older landmines will talk about or RB things that are sexual in nature & it can feel kind of weird or gross when people who are much younger interact with posts about that stuff. Some people are also afraid because technically you can get in actual trouble if you’re posting nsfw content and knowing that minors follow you / will see it - although functionally there are hardly ever legal repercussions for this. It can still feel icky.

A lot of older landmines also just have trouble relating to younger landmines - our struggles might be similar but there can also be a lot of differences it really depends on the situation. Like a 20 year old and a 15 year old dealing with even the same issues can look extremely different, and sometimes we just can’t relate. Also the language that we use tends to be a bit different. I notice that it’s much more common for younger people to use more heavily romanticized language when talking about certain issues and a lot of older people can’t really relate because a lot of us are at a point where we’re just so defeated and sick of it. I don’t know how to explain this without giving examples but younger people make certain things look fun and new and exciting and like a thing to do while some of us older people have long past that phase and it’s just like a crushing reality for us at this point. It’s not fun anymore. And seeing people have fun with it can be upsetting for a number of reasons. That’s not specific to minors it’s just kind of a trend I’ve noticed. (I don’t know if I explained that well at all)

Another thing (and idk if this is just me) is that seeing teenagers talk about the same issues we have / had as a teenager is genuinely gut wrenching sometimes. It can be really hard to watch young people go down the same paths we went down and just wanting to scream at them to stop and turn back but knowing there is not a single thing we can do to help them - it can feel extremely disheartening sometimes. Especially on Tumblr bc a lot of us grew up on Tumblr and our illnesses were heavily influenced by the mental health spaces we were in on Tumblr & I mean for me at least I can confidently say that it had a negative impact on my mental health as a teenager and now being older it’s like aaaa fuck I don’t want the vents or things I post being shown to teenagers who could be negatively impacted by it just like I was at their age. Real Catcher in the Rye moment.

& some people just don’t really want to interact with minors. The differences between even 18 year olds and 15 year olds are pretty big. I mean I’m 24 and like I don’t really hang out in real life with people under 19 just kind of naturally - like not in “oh you’re only 18 we can’t hang out” kind of way but we just genuinely tend not to vibe. But again that’s just my personal experience so it’s super different for everyone.

There’s also a lot of minors who don’t want anyone who’s over 18 interacting with them for similar reasons. Often times it’s protection, but a lot of minors find adults annoying or not super relatable, which is just as valid.

Tldr: everyone has different comfort levels. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong or that people just automatically hate you bc of your age, it’s more so like the difference between teenagers & 20 year olds can be pretty big so sometimes they don’t want to interact with each other.

[cyle]

Hi! I'm wondering if you can offer any insight into something that's been bugging me with all of the changes. This is genuinely not a hostile ask - I know first-hand how hard (necessary) change management is. I don't envy the position y'all are in.

That being said - I'm having a hard time making sense of the strategy around the roll out for the last few big changes/"experiments"). It seems like the folks doing the messaging vs the actual feature management are not on the same page.

It has been stated several times that:

"We’ll be testing [our new] ideas in an opt-in basis with people who’ve been using Tumblr for years, and more especially with people who’ve never even heard of Tumblr (a difficult group to find)."

We've also seen, repeatedly, that

"Tumblr is a place where you can tailor and customize your experience to individual preferences."

With those statements in mind, the choice to roll these new features out to folks who *didn't* volunteer - and not offer any way to "customize our experience" seems like a strange one.

An expectation (which was positive) was established only to be directly violated within a few weeks. It makes it challenging to get a read on what y'all actually mean -- and to extend good faith or trust when communications do come out.

If you say you're going to do something, then do it, it builds trust. If you don't, it erodes trust. And that just makes your already difficult jobs harder - and the userbase even more reactive and knee-jerk resistant.

Can you give us a sense of what's going on here? Or can you at least pass this feedback on to whoever is handling the messaging around this stuff? We can see that y'all are striving for transparency, but that's only effective if it's honest/consistent.

[TL;DR: Tumblr's messaging emphasizes testing changes with volunteers, and offering the ability to customize - but that doesn't seem to be what's actually happening. What's up?]

this is a really great question, thank you for asking it. you've accurately pointed out some glaring holes in our communication strategy -- some of that is even my fault, to be honest, as someone who tries to help shape our public communications.

the easiest answer is that there's a lot of work happening on the internal tumblr side, and not all of it is the same kind of work, and therefore not all of it is being communicated consistently. that's a huge problem if you're not inside of it, as you point out; the contradictions seem weird for anyone paying attention.

i'm currently a part of the @labs group and we're trying to come up with radical ideas for reshaping tumblr, prototype them quickly, show them to people, and iterate on them, and reject them quickly if they don't make sense. the Tumblr Mini thing recently is an unfortunate example of that -- something leaked way too early, before we even got a chance to really understand how the thing we prototyped would be received. that may never go beyond the thing people saw, for good reason: it doesn't make sense. we're learning from it, but it's unfinished.

in that Labs group, we do want volunteer-based feedback, and we're actually starting that very soon with targeted user research. you may see some surveys soliciting that feedback soon, or invites to be a part of the testing. i'm extremely excited by that, because some other ideas we have feel like they should've been a part of tumblr since the beginning.

but.......

there's a whole different group at tumblr that are making "core product" improvements, and a lot of their work is reflected in the recent staff post about product strategy. their aim is to alleviate a lot of common points of confusion and frustration, some of which will seem counter-intuitive to people who have been on tumblr for many years and learned (what i call) "the hard way".

a lot of that core improvement work will be rolled out, experimented with, and iterated on, the traditional way: involuntary A/B tests, rather than volunteers. that is standard industry practice, because when you're trying to understand the behavior of millions of people, just asking for volunteers introduces too much selection bias.

however, it's important to note that even today's rollout of the new desktop navigation was released to some XKit devs beforehand, so we could get early feedback. so sometimes we do roll these core things out for feedback first, before "regular users", before we A/B test it. usually those small initial experiments are hyper-targeted though... in this case, because we do actually care about XKit and third party developers. you don't see that though!

so full transparency: not everything we do is going to be volunteer-based, not everything we do can be communicated adequately before we test it, not everything during testing will be customizable, because how much we want to customize is dependent on the outcome of these tests. it's a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem.

and furthermore, this is kind of how it's always been, for better or worse, since around 2016 when tumblr started believing in A/B tests and experiments, rather than just "ship it and we'll see"... the common denominator, though, is that we want your feedback. we don't do a good enough job soliciting that feedback, but we do want it. (i kinda wish we had an easy feedback button for the new layout.) we do make decisions based on feedback, but we augment that decision-making process with hard data from experiments.

i hope that makes sense? there's too much to cover to provide you with the full context. i could write a book about it. all i can confidently say is that we're trying as best as we can to balance the ideas of keeping tumblr special and unique, while trying weird/bad/good/uncomfortable new directions to help the platform grow and thrive. status quo and complacency aren't acceptable; tumblr needs to change to survive. i am just as uncomfortable and upset by that fact as anyone, and i worry every day and night about it, whether the price of survival is worth it.

we'll see, hopefully together.

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 4 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

Matt, Lily finally had a name to put instead of only texting the random digits that Alex had given to her a few days prior. Unable to resist and despite the late hour, Lily was eager to share this with her best friend who would definitely enjoy having the latest details regarding the mystery boy as she had called him.

As Lily got up from her bed and rushed to her friend’s room, she didn’t wait for a response when she knocked and immediately entered – Lily knew that Alex was still awake because of the light coming from the bedroom and the fact that Alex was a hundred percent a night owl. The look on Lily’s face and her tone were enough to draw Alex’s attention:

“Alex!”

“Lily!” the blonde replied with the same excitement her best friend had despite not knowing yet what would follow.

“Guess who has a sort of new friend?” Lily asked with a tone that was pretty much giving the answer. 

“Ooh mystery boy is back? Tell me!” Alex was absolutely involved in whatever happened between her friend and the stranger.

“Okay sooo, I have a name: it’s Matt. we actually cleared the ghosting situation, he was just busy which is completely understandable like– we barely know each other so I didn’t need a whole explanation to be honest.” Lily shrugged as saying that – it was true, she wasn’t really bothered by it.

“What else have you learnt about him?”

Alex could see how genuine the smile on her best friend’s face was when talking about this potential new friendship of hers. By force of habit, Lily gave her unlocked phone to Alex for her to read the latest conversation while she replied to the question:

“I’m so happy because he is a huge Pokemon fan and I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting it like he’s not as into the DS games as I am but he seems to adore Pokemon like in general, the universe and everything as much as I do so it’s really exciting that we can bond on that! I hope we can find more stuff we have in common in the future like movies or TV shows, you know?”

While listening to Lily, Alex couldn’t help but think about the only Matt she knew: Matthew Sturniolo, one of the triplets she’s been following on YouTube. A bit far-stretched maybe, Alex thought as there were probably thousands of Matts on earth who love Pokemon, it's just a coincidence. 

For now, Alex was just enjoying her friend having someone else in her life apart from Jade and Lucas who also worked at the café. The blonde was thinking back to middle and high school when it had always been the two of them without anyone else. Obviously, they had had a few classmates they liked talking to at school, but never has Lily ever had other friends for she wasn’t very outgoing – Alex became more of an extroverted during high school and kept a couple of friends from that period but it was hard, even nowadays, for Lily to go up to people and get to know each other. Online friends was a concept that Alex always thought would correspond to Lily as speaking to people without meeting them was so much easier than being face to face with someone you absolutely don’t know. She was really hoping that this friendship would help Lily grow and appreciate new beginnings as well as changes.

~~~ 

For the following weeks, a new routine had started for Lily. On the one hand, she was spending more time knowing Matt – she had for instance learned that he loved hiking in the mountains, while she briefly talked about her wish to travel the world. On the other hand, Alex was successfully getting her deeper into the Sturniolo fandom and twice a week when Lily would come home from work, this was what she was welcomed with:

“NEW VIDEO!!” Alex shouted when hearing Lily close the door.

“Yayy, let me just take a shower and get changed, I’ll be here shortly”, Lily replied, eager to watch the new video.

“Okayyy, I'll wait for you! What’s twenty more minutes after an hour”, Alex laughed at herself.

Since Alex had managed to convert Lily into watching the triplets with her, she decided she would now wait for her best friend to come home so that they could watch the new videos together. Before that, Alex would simply watch the Sturniolo Triplets alone in her room, but as Lily had now found interest in watching them as well – Alex was glad the Wheel of Doom video had convinced Lily that the triplets might be funny, they actually started watching them on their TV in the living room.

After Lily returned from her well-deserved shower, the two girls sprawled out on the sofa and Alex gave a snack to Lily as she looked for the latest video on the boys’ channel – this had been their ritual for every Wednesday and Friday.

“I didn’t see the notif on my phone, what’s the title of today’s video?” Lily asked.

“It’s Triplets brothers lie detector test (Chris’s revenge), it’s gonna be so fun!” Alex replied, excited to see how it would turn out. “Remember last week it was only Chris who had to answer questions, so this time I guess he’s gonna ask Matt and Nick.”

“Yeah I remember, I’ll remind you that most of the time I’m the one with a better memory than you!” Lily argued – honestly it was half-true because there was one time when Lily forgot what Alex said to her only two seconds later. “Last week was really funny, I loved how Chris would just smile after every question for no reason.”

“Oh my god, yes he waaas”, Alex – a certified Chris girl – agreed with her best friend.

As they watched the video, the girls couldn’t stop laughing at the answers given by either Nick or Matt. For instance, when Nick denied that he would give a kidney to Matt – the reply being so quick but turning out to be a lie was always funny to see. Moreover, it simply ended up showing the special bond between the three brothers, something hard to understand but beautiful to look at.

Then, as Nick tried to cover the lie from John – the computer guy that somehow always does these tests, no matter the YouTuber, Lily couldn’t help but feel like she was missing a piece of information.

“Wait what– Chris has a brand? Of what?” she asked the girl sitting next to her.

“Oh, it's his clothing brand. I’ll show you after the video, it’s honestly sick!” Alex explained. “I’d die to have something from FreshLove”.

Unknown to Alex, this was something that Lily would definitely not forget as she was already planning on looking it up on her own – away from Alex’s eyes – so that she could maybe find a birthday present for her best friend. This was always a very special event for the both of them as they were both gift givers that loved trying to find or make the perfect gift for the other.

On the same subject, as Matt was now the one answering questions from his brother, a relationship as pure as the girls’ could be observed when Chris asked him if he ever felt jealous of his brothers. Matt’s no was agreed by John to be true; and while the three boys were smiling, Matt decided to add that he only felt proud of them, thus getting an aaww from both Chris and Nick – as well as Lily and Alex.

The video nearing to an end, Alex and Lily couldn’t help but burst out laughing when Chris mentioned his Pepsi addiction.

“It’s honestly a wonder how this guy even survives on Pepsi like– bro fully believes that it’s not crazy even when his brothers tell him it is.” Lily couldn’t comprehend this triplet.

“No yeah, I don’t know whether to cry or keep laughing right now because I know Chris is def not making it to forty years old”, Alex could only agree with the blonde.

After this simple exchange, Alex looked at her friend and couldn’t help but feel overjoyed with the feeling of knowing that the person she loves the most in her life was loving the same things as she does.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice

[copaceticjillybean]

TW: long and loud ooc vent/rant under the cut.

Ooc: OKAY, THAT IS IT!

I am not on a hiatus, I am on a BREAK. The difference? A break is a lot less scary or prolonged than a hiatus. It was gonna be a long hiatus, but I have changed my mind on that.

As for why I changed my mind? Well, I drank a big glass of Screwitol and have decided that I will NOT let something that’s supposed to be a hobby I do for FUN cause me emotional and mental distress-and neither should any of you, my lovely writing peeps!

If you need to hard block someone-DO IT! Don’t let yourself be terrified that it’ll hurt someone’s feelings. Life is too short, and unless that person is someone you genuinely value to the point of having a legit friendship with them (as in more than just writing together) then STOP LETTING YOUR INNER PEOPLE-PLEASER MAKE YOU MISERABLE! I’m sure gonna start blocking more easily and without fear going forward.

If you need to filter content-DO IT! Why come onto a site just to see stuff that sends you into a triggered mess? This is supposed to be FREAKIN’ FUN!

And if someone you know/follow is interacting with someone who makes you uncomfortable, you have only 3 choices-ignore it, mention it to them and leave it in their hands, or block them. (Note: the 2nd option should only be done if the person in question is committing ACTUAL HARM against ACTUAL PEOPLE. You not liking their content isn’t enough to try and make your writing peeps aware-they likely know that stuff already and are able to handle it according.)

And if you do option 2 and they want to continue interacting with them? Then you can either do options 1 or 3 next. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t make EITHER CHOICE. We are adults who are trying to write with other adults-the middle school bull crap needs to stop. If you decide you don’t want to play with someone anymore, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!

Tumblr has a very dangerous precedent of people either whining about ‘there’s no such thing as over-communication’ (which, as someone who suffers from confession-style OCD, yes there absolutely is!) or getting waaaaaay too attached to people in downright parasocial ways. I don’t think I really understood that until recently, but it’s unfortunately really true.

It…it’s just exhausting, seeing that kind of BS all the time. And it genuinely DID make me consider leaving, to try and hide on discord only, where common sense seems a bit more prevalent.

…but I won’t. For 2 main reasons.

I won’t because, for as actual unhinged as this hellsite is, there are people here who I’ve come to enjoy writing and interacting with so very, very much. People who are talented and kind, and who I’m so excited to see pop up on dash. They have listened to me when I was hurting, and helped make me a better writer and a better person.

And I won’t because I am spiteful. I WILL continue writing on here IN SPITE of the creeps who continue to circulate the site. I WILL continue writing on here IN SPITE of the way we’ve been conditioned to not speak Ooc in a way that’ll ’rock the boat’. And I WILL continue to write on here IN SPITE of how scary it can be. Because I will be the one who makes the choice to leave this site entirely-my anxiety and the fact predators and abusers exist will NOT run me off.

For any who read all that: thank you.

For my lovely mutuals, thank you for being so freakin’ awesome.

For my irl bestie: I love you to the moon and back, and you are literally one of the most important people in my life and the best writer I know.

And for those of you on here who helped talk me through the anxiety that put a major dent in my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year: Yoy majorly helped talk me down from an anxiety spiral that shook me hard. I am forever grateful for that.

And now, with all that said-I’m going on a little break. But I will be back. And until I am-stay safe, stay kind, and ttfn, ta ta for now!

-Mun TNTPig :@3

[nerves-nebula]

Are you ever you ever insecure about your art? And could you explain you answer to that?

Venting to you now

Drawing has taken a lot of effort for me, more than usual recently. I started working on something I originally felt really passionate about. It's more common for me to very quickly give up or get bored so I was really excited to be able to post some artwork. But I ended up not liking the result and I'm not sure if I'm willing to try something else. I've given up on trying in a lot of parts of life to try and save energy to do something I thought I was passionate about (art) but I am still lacking the motivation. The reason I reason I really wanted to share it was because I'm terrible with self-motivation. If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

oh boy, this is gonna be a long one. also, don't take anything i say too seriously, i don't know your situation and I'm barely an adult. anyway, response under the cut

soo lately I'm less insecure about my art and more frustrated when things don't come out well. but i still post that shit !!! I'm still insecure if i'm doing, say, a project for homework, and i don't think i did as well as I could have, but in my personal artistic endeavors it's more about getting it done than it being perfect (for example, my webcomic! my motto is any comic made is better than no comic made and if people don't like that then it wasn't for them in the first place)

the thing about me is that drawing and art and stories is all i've ever had. it's my main form of interacting with the world. these days i make art the same way I live, which is to say in spite of wanting to kill myself. I would LIKE if my art was perfect, and i would LIKE to not be in pain. but i AM in pain and i have to live anyway, and my art ISN'T perfect but i'll make it anyway.

and i like when other people's art isn't perfect either, when it isnt super polished. I think that definitely helped. seeing artists whose work i fell head over heels for when it's never been more than sketches and a bit of shading. it really cemented in my mind that it isn't art being technically perfect that makes it worth while.

i've gotten a lot of people saying kind things to me, saying how much they enjoy my art and my blog in general. and though it doesn't always help, it sometimes inspires me to imagine the number of people who appreciate my stuff who might never mention it to me. I myself am used to lurking and not interacting very much (a habit I'm trying to change since I know artists & creators love feedback most of the time) i know it sucks to not know if anyone gives a shit for sure, but you really can't make that your only reason for doing art, cuz half the time you prolly wont even know if your art deeply affects people or not. it's fine to want that attention but you gotta have something else goin on too, at least I do.

i also know the fear of worrying that you'll lock yourself into something you don't want to do, or something you'll lose passion for. for me, I generally rotate a cast of characters & interests around for years a time before making significant progress. There were spans of times where I'd go years without thinking about loose stitches, but none of that time developing other stories & characters was wasted. it gave loose stitches enough time to properly cook, and the story is still developing under my hands as i draw it, influenced by my other stories and other characters.

it's ok to abandon something and pick it up again years later, or to never pick it up again at all. it's ok to hate the way something turns out but to keep making it anyway because you have to move forward (at least, I do)

moving forward despite not liking the original product is the only way to progress, I think. I don't super like a lot of the first pages of loose stitches but I'm still grateful that past-me posted them because that means present me is at page 76 !!

If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

the problem with this mindset (in my opinion) is that some people aren't going to like your art and that's got nothing to do with the art itself. if you want to find people who go "oh, neat" then you have to keep posting until they see it. trust me, they're out there. like, i don't post for people who can't stand the idea of child abuse, i post to FIND people who want to interact with stories about child abuse the same way i do.

it would be insane to stop trying to find those people because someone else was disappointed or upset by my art. which isn't to say you gotta lock yourself into doing one thing, but that you gotta post what you care about, and people who also care will find it. posting fandom stuff with the same themes as your original art certainly doesn't hurt either, if you REALLY want to find those people faster.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

art should be literally whatever. it's worth is literally whatever you want, it can be a big deal or not. i'm not sure what part of being a "good artist" gives your brain the Good Feelings juice but I'd investigate that feeling more and try to figure out the roots of it, cuz then you might actually be able to figure out what it is that motivates you. approval is nice, yes, but i like approval for things i enjoyed making even more.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

i always find it amusing when people refer to my "struggles" if only because I don't really consider them that way. to me it's just like, a thing that happened that sucks. i don't consider myself "struggling" with it, even though I guess that's what's happening. also, let's be real here, it's not like I'm using my real name. this is an anonymous tumblr blog. though, my openess on here has actually lead to me making more art about it IRL so. eh.

anyway, lucky for you, you can stop caring about what other people think without necessarily liking yourself! for me, it's about spite (sort of). I don't like myself much more than I used to, I just decided I hated everyone else more haha. I still care what people think about me, and I'm still scared of what people might do to me, but I'm also not bending over backwards to please people i dislike. I just get annoyed at them instead.

i did this basically just by repeating it until it became true, lol. there's only so many times you can petulantly say "well fuck those guys anyway they suck" before it becomes your true first reaction.

at some point, i decided i needed to pick and choose who i wanted to please, because it can't be everyone. that's just literally not possible. so i looked at the kinds of people i liked and appreciated, and basically disregarded everyone else. it's the whole "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" thing (not sure where that comes from)

obviously you should probably try to internalize the idea that you even HAVE to be "good for something" but that's way easier said than done. i find it more useful to devote yourself to finding a few things (causes, people, philosophies, niche interests) instead of just general usefulness. because then you can form stronger relationships, be useful, AND not burn yourself out trying to please everyone.

take all this advice with a grain of salt though, I definitely need therapy and this Bitter Angry Defensive persona will probably need to be deconstructed soon... idk. i think it's outlived its usefulness to me but i'm not sure what to do next hahah.

sorry if none of this was helpful or the point. im not even sure why i wrote this much, i kind of just ramble sometimes. i hope you figure it out!

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

thinking back now in nostalgic recollection of my times on amino, i wont share who i once was, i wont say where i was popular, but back then it was shockingly easy to become a popular artist on there, it was so cool being a part of a community, and how when you really put in a lot of effort other people could submit your art to be featured, and how everyone was so much more interactive since they were like ya know, grouped by fandom and or group

it was so fun fighting for the number one spot on the leaderboard its where i spent my earliest years of drawing...

its so strange being here on tumblr as some rando with a small handful of buddies who interact with me.

one funny thing is once you get popular enough people stop talking to you except the occasional really excited person whos *really* eager to talk to you (its so sweet...) but like everyone else is just...weirdly distant-

its a little like how i am now, but now its quiet because im so unpopular! its so neat seeing how much it changes, i wonder if it differs depending on the platform how popular people are treated? i love studying the like, psychological side of things. I dont think im likely to ever find out, but if anyone popular on here has some insight id love to hear your experiences with it, or how you felt on other sites, or people who were previously popular other places but find it really quiet here, etc.

though i would like to add a random note: while i may have had a few thousand followers on amino- they have a SERIOUS bot problem, i would be INCREDIBLY unsurprised if over half if not more of my followers were actually bots, i dont think that exactly counts as true popularity, but regardless other people viewed it as the same thing as genuine popularity and as such, treated me accordingly, i also managed to reach the top of one of the leaderboards, mostly by posting agressively- which probably helped matters. It was a very different system than most sites and i assure you i do not expect any sort of clout over it and frankly id rather not draw the attention of certain people from that time in my life who were...weird toward me in a way that made me uncomfortable and thus i will be keeping most details of it private. im happy to answer most questions if anyone has any especially on if i think amino is a good site or not to hang out on for artists but nothing revealing please , for my sense of safety and comfort-thank you-

on that note i do not suggest joining amino if you're a child, though i left in part because it is frankly, mostly children, ive had personal experiences (and so have my friends) with people who were very dangerous toward children on there though im not entirely sure if they knew i was a child regardless they pushed my boundaries in a very uncomfortable way and this was a VERY common complaint about amino when i was younger) I think it was a fun site and all, and with the right safety rules it was MOSTLY safe, but a LARGE part of why i wasnt as badly affected as some of my friends is because i was better at setting boundaries and I knew what was and wasnt appropriate and i blocked people that made me uncomfortable and my mom was careful to teach me internet safety rules. A lot of my friends didn't have that security and safety let alone parents they could tell comfortably "this person is making me uncomfortable and i need help from an adult"

so please do not take this as a reason to join amino ESPECIALLY if you are underage even though i know most of the userbase is quite young, it does not have safety protections in place for these children and its scary stuff. and remember to please trust the internet safety rules, i know it can be kind of annoying to have rules, but straight up ive had to scold my younger friends for randomly doxxing themselves to me and it scares the frick out of me that people would just tell me where they go to school-which yes is also doxxing yourself dONT DO THAT PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU- no im not mad at you or scolding you JUST FREAKING WORRIED OKAY theres some really dangerous people who might have hurt me when i was younger if i Hadn't known better!!! and dont ask for that information of other people please! or share your real name! do! not! but im getting derailed now-and IF YOURE ONE OF MY FRIENDS

I LOVE YOU BUT I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT INFORMATION PLEASE KEEP IT TO YOURSELF OR I AM GOING MOMMA MODE AND YOU ARE GETTING A LECTURE, EVEN IF YOURE NOT A CHILD I WILL SCOLD YOU- YES IM AWARE IM MILDLY A HIPOCRATE AS SOME OF MY (NOTE: **ADULT FRIENDS WHO ARE CAPABLE OF DRIVING AND MAKING CHOICES FOR THEMSELVES AND VOTE AND STUFF AND THEREFORE, ARE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE SUCH DRASTIC DECISIONS AND GRASP THE DANGERS OF IT AND KNOW THE SAFETY RULES AND I HAVE KNOWN FOR MANY MANY YEARS TO BUILD THIS LEVEL OF TRUST**) FRIENDS HAVE COME TO VISIT ME , BUT THAT WAS STILL A VERY CAREFULLY DONE PROCESS AND THERES A LOT OF RULES YOU SHOULD FOLLOW WHEN DOING THAT, JUST FOR THE RECORD, YOU KNOW, SO YOU DONT GET SERIAL KILLERED OR SOMETHING ELSE HORRIBLE- i love you please stay safe- please do not just assume im not a serial killer, i didint even trust that nightowl and person werent serial killers untill theyd visited me at least once and did not do any serial killing

uhh i honestly kind of lost my train of thought and forgot what i was writing about this is just a ramble, toodloo stay safe ya little gremlins and remember popularity means nothing its just a random thing that happens to people sometimes, and is rarely based in pure skill alone and stuff, stay hydrated ,and maybe do some stretches or something or your bones will get all crunchy and pop rocky if you dont, love you guys!

[castlebyersafterdark]

Maybe yeah, it is because I kinda have a little far away admiring crush on him 🫣

re limerence anon, vinny said this... but i dont see why this is embarassing for you vinny? i think it's pretty obvious that everyone here who is super into the boys has some kind of crush lol? i mean we're talking about what their dicks look like haha and waxing lyrical on their acting and everything. in what universe is that not a major crush haaha

as for the embarassment when you see finn/noah thing (to anyone whom that applies)... i wonder how you manage seeing them and updates etc? i get it sometimes but not as bad as when i was younger. what does everyone here do? any tips? do you sort of look and feel weird but then keep looking? or avoid new content for a bit?

i find having a shared community like this has really helped me come to terms with the bits you might not like or feel odd about but not know why. all the sex chat has done wonders to make sex feel more normal and less scary! as well as making it more exciting and fun at the same time hehe!

I mean, I think it's just not something I'm used to admitting and even anonymously, it's definitely revealing and vulnerable? I don't know. Maybe because it's been awhile since I cared this much to follow specific celebs. It's involved, focusing so much on people you don't know or never will and never want to - and it genuinely sometimes feeling like a crush rather than just attraction or enjoying their body of work. But... this is fine. A lot of us are in this together!! It happens. Good perspective hahaha - I am certainly not alone here 😉

The embarrassment thing was maybe also a little blown out of proportion - it's more when there have been moments in interview or press stuff, rather than just seeing posts and photos and all that stuff. We've dug into that a lot recently and this ask I missed in the bulk of the whole secondhand embarrassment topic. Continuing now. So here's a topical example - learned that Finn has a show soon. New music. I'll probably watch as many clips as get posted. In the back of my head I worry - what if he's bad? What if the songs are not good and he sounds terrible for some reason or something happens at the show and it's really awkward and then I'm gonna feel awkward watching ooooh. But it's not that it prevents me from watching, I'm totally gonna. It just is what it is. How I feel. I deal with it! And most of the time, everything goes ok and then I can rewatch and enjoy more the second go round. I think there's something in me that braces for the worst for some reason. I know I'm not alone in this.

Overall, I think this community has done a lot of good and I'm really happy to be a part of it. Seems silly like you said initially - so much is centered around thirsting over them and imagining them naked or what their characters are like when having sex. But!! There's a lack of this out there in the world today - an open place to discuss these things and find solidarity and have fun and ask the awkward questions and confess things. It's unlearning shame, it's opening yourself to fantasy, it's understanding each other on deeper levels, it's finding connection through a piece of media we all enjoy as common ground and using that to relate to each other in very human ways. Any time someone mentions that all our little chats and posts in this corner have made sex less scary and more normal - that really makes me happy. I didn't know that's what I wanted here until I was made aware of that angle, but it's been my favorite part ❤️❤️

[rikomoriyama01]

It’s me again! I loved your thoughts on Jack and Sheena! I always see so little of him and it’s always “he’s a homophobic asshole who is bad at exy and jealous of Neil for getting Kevin’s attention” but I genuinely think there’s so much more to that. I feel like he did want to be a Raven and he wants to see the mighty Kevin and Riko. Now for his personal issues with Neil I think it’s something like he hates how everyone adores Neil because he believes he’s a better player who has worked SO much harder then him. He’s memorized all the Raven exercises and pushed himself harder than anyone. He deserves to be recognized. In my personal opinion (which I can’t wait to hear your ideas on him) I believe that he hasn’t gotten away from his abusers and is still actively in a situation where he has not gotten over his problems and that’s why he’s so angry all the time. He’s an amazing player and one that stuck out to Kevin Day. He is probably so excited to meet his idols and play on a team with them. Only to be disappointed at how different it is from what he pictured. Sorry for the ramble by the way!

No need to apologize I love hearing that! It's funny to see how different people give depth to the background characters. Jack is really more of a concept for fanbase. Can't really blame people for simplifying him like this we haven't really got much to work with and sometimes people just need plot device to be mad at it's nothing personal, jack really is riko just with even less screen time and even less content lul. You will have the most fun when you wont rely on others to portray him the way you enjoy developing him, characters like this are basically fandom co owned oc's so it,s better to not get too hopeful about others creating content exactly the way you like it. But I love reading stuff like that! we have one thing in common then my jack is def disappointed upon meeting the boys , but as i sad Riko was already a success story to keep things interesting Jack will sadly get opposite of that treatment in narrative. Not everyone can or want to be helped, Foxes were not happy to meet jack , dressed red and black and referring to Riko as Raven king to other man's clear discomfort. But hey .. if Riko could go through it and be tolerable then there sure is hope for Jack .. right? Jack is the worst kind of sport fan - the one who often doe snot even attend the games instead favouring meetings few streets away fights under bridges and needles violence in name of beloved teams. I think a lot of blood got spilled in name of ravens over the 39 years the team was around they just attract people like this. Jack was perfect example of it, perfectly brainwashed by nests ideas and had not even set a foot inside, Tetsuji woudl have been proud, Riko and Kevin wan to vomit. For Riko it's first time truly seeing how brainwashed by raven propaganda people could have become. Jack life was not easy, he comes form military family, his home has set of rules written on a wall both for behaviour and for looks, Jack was not allowed to wear red not allowed to paint his eyes black or dye his hair - things many raven fans did to fit in. Jack was supposed to get drafted but due to his health conditions it would never be an option which led to his father treating him like lost cause waste of space, Jack going to military was the only worth and hope the man had for this boy. It's okay Jack never cared, getting thrown out of house meant freedom and lack of attachment no need to look back He headed to Palmetto got involved with social services this way meeting Renee when she was volunteering, and then down the line wymack. yes yes it was all planned Because now he was in foxes (fuck foxes) with Riko Riko who was much shorter than on tv. Riko who was captain of ravens, the strongest and best team, the person who never allowed other to mistreat him, fierce and dangerous, Jack wanted to be just like that<3 Sadly Riko was not all that any more. And instead of breaking it it just fuelled Jacks obsession, because with good few inches over Riko he started fantasizing about overpowering him, wouldn't this put him at the top of food chain? Jack is the reason Arron does not use slurs any more Arron would never want to sound the way this guy did when referring to Arrons brother and his boyfriend. Jack is the reason Nicky profoundly apologized to Neil and ... Matt over the things he done to them in the past and started therapy with new doctor not connected to rest of them because.... because of Jack so yeah anon I will most likely not give jack redemption or even happy end Riko is my boy for that , but it's not because i dislike him or the idea of him but because i just find him more interesting this way , he need to fill the Riko shaped slot in my doll house.

[poorticklishsoles]

When I was around 10, I searched for the word "tickling" on Google and stumbled upon a guy face down, feet tied together to the bed, getting his feet methodically tickled with fingers and a small electric toothbrush. This was my introduction to what would later become my seemingly lifelong attachment to this kink we all share. I can still hear the exact sound of that toothbrush in my brain, but sadly the video has been erased with no trace of it online. (It was called Ken's Feet Get Tickled if anyone has it)

Throughout the years, while growing up, I knew there was something weird about liking this stuff. It seems like I also became attached to feet from that video, and I soon became very fascinated and almost obsessed with finding these so-called "tickle videos" online. Soon enough, I realized it made me feel funny, and at that point where tickling, feet, and bondage became full-on fetishes for me.

I spent even more time after this realization digging deeper into the topic and trying to figure out just how many other people were like me. There were times when I felt really alone and strange... and sad while growing up because although I knew there were people like me online, they all happened to be much older, and I was not of the age where I could meet anyone anyway. I ended up signing up for forums with like-minded people, creating a kink Instagram account, and desperately searching for people like myself. I just remember thinking, "Why am I such a freak for being into this stuff so young." I would have to wait much longer to realize this is common for many more people than I initially thought.

I got supper excited when I turned 18. I thought, "wow I can finally get out there and explore this stuff safely!" I was pumped to be out there and meet cool people that I could become friends with. That was important for me. I feel like I never could properly engage with my kinks if I wasn't friends with the person first... So I decided to make friends.

I met so many incredible people through Instagram, as I thought that that was where the largest group of people in the community were. (I didn't know about Tumblr yet) One of whom became my best friend. I met ticklewitchjess on Instagram back last year. What amazed me about her was our ability to talk about things outside the kink. We formed a genuine friendship. I learned about her favorite color, how she loves thunderstorms like me, some of her trauma, how she cosplayed, and how she loved to learn things even if they were random because of her adhd... I learned that we had many similar interests in the tickling tropes out there. We roleplayed... A lot. I learned that she was an absolutely gifted writer from that, and I genuinly feel like my own writing improved as a result.

We talked everyday like that for a few months... From morning to when we would go to sleep... but one day she told me....she told everyone that she had to take a step back for personal reasons and take a break from her kink account. We talked for the last time and I gave her my last bit of support. I hope one day she does come back when shes in a better place... 

I never thought I'd have a connection like that with someone ever again... And for the most part I was correct, at least for just under a year. One night I again got in my feels about not having any real connection with anyone, now at the age of 20. I genuinely felt sad and depressed that I wasnt getting to explore my kink irl and even felt jealousy when id see tickle vids with 18 and 19 year olds having such a fun time. I ended up sending around 6 or 7 copy pasted greetings that night just to see if anyone would respond. I was about to send the same thing to a person I found that was super far away from me but instead I decided to switch it up and be genuine. And that's how I met @tklish-princess

We started chatting, taking our time at first, but eventually speeding up when we realized we had so much in common! Over time we flirted with the idea of meeting up and I honestly still can't believe we made it work. That's right! I had my first meet up ever! It wasn't just sessions though. We stayed together in the same Airbnb for a full week, essentially living together, and she showed me all around. We even got to do some super fun stuff further away from the town. It was just such an amazing time and Ari was just so sweet and kind to me that I was just constantly melting. I've never really been to college yet so I never got to have the experience of like..really being on my own and living with someone so I can't lie and say I wasn't a little nervous, but as soon as we met and hugged all that went away.

As you've probably seen on her post we did have sessions...some of which were recorded, and we'll be dropping teases as time goes by 🤭. I'm super excited for that and I'm super excited to finally say I have a real tickle partner in my life now! She has the cutest little feet and toes and even her hands are cute and ticklish 🥺.. I'm quite literally obsessed. She's such a sensitive little tickle bug but also a pretty evil ler...which surprised me because when we started talking she claimed to be 90% lee....yeah no. Youll see soon enough that that's not the case. I truly believe I found the best and it was 100% worth the wait.

So Ari...thanks for making this stubborn little dream of mine come true. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again.. 😇

TLDR: I MET AN AMAZING PERSON IN THE COMMUNITY IRL AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND NOW AND IM SUPER HAPPY 😄

[citrusfield]

( continued. ) ♡ @hcrdknocklife

"how do you know that i’m out of his league if you’ve never met him?” there’s still a small smile on her lips regardless of the finer details because even after all this time, it’s reassuring to hear from people who couldn’t disagree with her ex’s words more; especially when it’s a person she respects so much. the sad truth is that if someone spends enough time telling you that you’re not very smart, you’ll eventually start to believe it, and there are some tougher days at work where riley will start to fall back into that pattern. she swears she’s trying, but learning how to deal with failure without shouldering the full blame has never come naturally for her. “you say you don’t have much experience with it and that might be true, but whatever articles you’ve read seem to be pretty accurate. i can barely remember what not being anxious feels like.” when was the last time they were genuinely entirely carefree, with no nagging thoughts at the back of their mind or something lurking beneath that causes their stomach to twist itself into nervous knots? it must have been around their early school years, back before anybody had managed to figure out just how advanced her little brain could be in comparison to her classmates. once they did, it was all downhill from there. if she asked for assistance with something, what if the adults were disappointed? she was the clever one, after all. surely she shouldn’t need to be talked through the process like everyone else. sadly, she knows not everyone thinks the same way hayes does. not everyone is so willing to help.

“yeah, i know… although i’m starting to think there might be such a thing as caring too much.” imagine how much easier life would be if they could just shut off the limbic system in their brain for a little while and coast through the day without getting caught up on every minor mistake or overthinking every conversation hours after they've already ended. what a dream that would be. “that’s probably the smarter choice in the long run. but for what it's worth, i think you deserve all that praise you don't listen to.” it seems like feeling undeserving of flattery is just another thing they have in common. "i suppose if it was easy, anybody could do it, right? but you're the one in that position for a reason. you said you're doing the best you can and if everyone can already see that when you've barely just begun, i'd take that as a sign that you're moving in the right direction. so don't worry, i don't think you'll disappoint me either." realistically, they aren't even the one he should be afraid of letting down — what does their personal opinion really matter in the long run? "oh, ouch… are you trying to tell me to get a life right now?" being so directly called out would be woefully embarrassing if the initial surprise hadn’t made her laugh. is she that predictable? it's not like she never sees the light of day and spends the time in between shifts at home, staring blankly at the wall until it's time to leave again; she just tends not to do stuff that most people would deem as particularly adventurous or exciting. it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to learn that she's not much of an extrovert. “hey, if you don't have confidence in your love life, someone has to. whatever form it ends up taking, yes, i'm willing to bet that you’ll get there. is that so hard to believe?" riley of all people giving out any kind of relationship advice is incredibly ironic, but she has a feeling about this one. he's so stereotypically perfect, it's close to frustrating. "yeah, that's what i thought… but then again, how else do you plan on meeting someone if you're exhausting all your other options?" at the mention of dating essentially getting in the way of work however, a knowing smile settles on their lips. ah, that sounds familiar. “i'm sorry, what was that you were saying earlier about me needing to work on my work-life balance? i'm afraid you might need to start taking your own advice." at this point, it should probably be considered a miracle that they aren't both still at the hospital right now.

“oh, i see… i suppose i didn’t think about that part.” she hadn't even thought that a member of staff would be an option for him, but it makes sense in hindsight; it's where he spends most of his time after all. the downside to this information is that now, their mind is running at a rapid pace trying to figure out who exactly has managed to capture his attention. they’re not one to gossip — especially not while at work — but they’d be lying if they said their curiosity wasn’t piqued. “as long as it’s consensual though, i’m sure there’s a way to work around the rules somehow, right? it may technically be frowned upon, but it’s not like you’d be breaking the law… i doubt you’re the first person to ever develop feelings for an employee.” aren’t there hundreds of cliche romance books out there about dating your boss? it must be a pretty common line of thinking for some people. as soon as it becomes clear that he's finally going to tell her why they're really here, riley's spine straightens and she tries not to lean forward in anticipation. she hadn’t the faintest idea what she was actually expecting him to say, but it wasn’t… that. her mouth opens the second the words leave his lips, but no sound comes out yet and she has to quickly shut it again. is he positive he hasn’t gotten her mixed up with someone else? “um, the clinic sounds like a great idea,” she begins, trying to find the best way to voice her confusion. this day has taken so many unexpected turns, she's shocked she's not dizzy. “but… why would you want me? you have plenty of other doctors who are far more experienced and capable than i am. giving me that responsibility... it feels like a risk.” 

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Hi y'all! Looks like I'm going to continue doing character analysis lol. So, it's time for HSMTMTS Appreciation Week Day Two: Favorite Dynamic

Now, my favorite dynamic is seblos. And I will talk about them a bit, but I talked about them yesterday, so I wanna focus on some of the others :).

First of all, Ricky being besties with anyone heals my soul <3. He's just such a good friend. With Big Red, with Carlos, with Nini when they weren't together (think season 1), with everybody really. Also, @phoebenpiperx wrote an amazing fic about his friendship with Seb this I totally recommend, and totally believe now as well.

But anyway, about Big Red, for example. They're like, the most supportive besties ever. They tell each other all the tea, they're always there to cheer each other on (BATB auditions, the fact that Big Red joined crew accidentally just because he wanted to be there for Ricky, etc). And one of the moments I love the most is Ricky coming after his breakup with Nini. Big Red just immediately gets up and hugs him. Also, an underrated part of their friendship is how they manage to make each other laugh. Like Big Red in 1x05 when he starts pretending to be Gina. I just- honestly I love them so much <3.

Not to talk about another Ricky dynamic lol, but I love his dynamic with Carlos! And the thing I find really interesting, is it kinda reminds me of his and Gina's dynamic. Not dating, obviously, but think about it. In season 1, Ricky and Gina have a special connection in the beginning because they're both outsiders. Carlos and Gina have that same connection, explored with the co-choreographer thing in season 2, but it's a bit more tumultuous (thinking of 2x04). And Ricky and Carlos do as well. I've never spent too much time thinking about it before, but it's interesting. Of course, all of the Wildcats are outsiders to some degree (that's kind of how theatre is lol), but it's definitely highlighted in the way these three interact with each other. And yet somehow, those three relationships are all completely different. It's SO good, and it's how you know the writing is good.

Lastly (besides a bit about seblos), I wanna talk about Kourtney and Seb! I seriously love their relationship :D. It's just so cute 🥰. And theatre family (Kourtney being Seb's mother lol) really can go deep lol. I've consistently called someone my ex-husband for a year (as in "Hi ex-husband" "Hi ex-wife"), and that show didn't even go on lol. Also, their friendship gave us the wonderful "Seb was struck by lightning" information, which is lovely xD. Now one thing I personally think exists in their dynamic, but we don't really see, is being "side characters". Like, not literally, and Kourtney has definitely been getting more and more focus (as she should!!), but more in their lives. Kourtney as costumer, Seb as accompanist. Kourtney as Nini's best friend. And as I mentioned yesterday in my last post, I see Seb as kind of "the positive one". And sometimes that can be isolating. I'm not quite sure how to explain what I'm thinking here lol, but I hope it's getting across. I just think they have kind of a commonality in stuff like that. Also, I'm pretty sure they're gonna be sharing the bond of Sharpay soon (as in technically we don't know Kourtney is Sharpay yet, but like xD it seems pretty likely lol), so that's another point xD. And of course, them telling each other they can do anything in 1x08, and the ~thinking jazz~ scene in 2x03 are both amazing and so lovely :'D. They just genuinely listen to each other, and try to help each other out (even when dealing with their own stuff), and I love that for them :).

Anyway! Now a bit about seblos. I'm not gonna repeat what I said yesterday, but I do want to say a few more things about them! First of all, their reactions after Carlos asks Seb to homecoming are ADORABLE!! The fact they were both equally excited kills me (in the best way possible) :)) :'DD. Also, I of course have to mention the significance of dance in their storyline - Carlos giving Seb lessons, homecoming, In a Heartbeat, and Camp Prom. There may even be more! It's just such a sweet parallel :'). And it's especially cool to see since Rina has the same thing - and they seem to be the longest lasting endgame couples (based on Rina's development, not when they started dating). Interesting 👀. Also, considering that dance is so important to Carlos (and it's widely thought of in the fandom that Carlos really only had dance for a long time), and seems significant to Seb (from being the only musical theatre person in his family), it's extra sweet to see it brought into their relationship :'). And don't even talk to me about how the whole video situation in 2x05 relates to that. I guess I'm just kind of thinking, they had dance in different ways, and dance kind of honestly brought them together, and it continued into their relationship :). Oh and speaking of 2x05, Seb wanting to do all of that for Carlos is literally the cutest thing ever <33. They love each other so much your honor, and I love them :'D.

And to think I thought this post would be short lol. But, I hope y'all enjoyed reading my thoughts on some of the relationships in HSMTMTS. Don't get me wrong though,I totally love every one, and I may talk about some more I'm the future :D. But yeah! I had fun with this :). Hopefully I can do something for each day! I'm definitely enjoying getting to share my thoughts about some of my favorite characters (and such) :D.

[airasora]

Plot Twist: Do a power move and ship Miguel with Chel to really stick it to Tulio! (Obviously this isn't a serious suggestion xD)

As for serious suggestions, I will admit, my brain isn't that creative for such stuff as well as being unsure what exactly you're looking for, I can't even explain any of my choices/suggestions lol.

For Girls I thought Lottie or Tiana from Princess and the Frog, Marina from Sinbad, Kida from Atlantis or Pcoahontas maybe?

As for guys I could only think of Milo from Atlantis or the Beast/Adam (After Quasi stole his girl)

For some strange reason I thought of either Nani or David from Lilo and the Stitch.

Now if you want smth more angsty or "toxic" for interesting dynamics, maybe Gaston or Eris from Sinbad...?

I also thought maybe Thomas from Pocahontas, but then remembered you made him Lina's brother in your Hollina AUs, but at the same time it'd be kinda funny for both Lina and Thomas falling for the fun-loving outgoing blondes.

And last one I kept thinking of Eric but we already had Sinric, but then again... they all got two hands so who knows.

Again idk enough movies or series probably to fit for Non Disney stuff and especially in the guys department I seem to be lacking ideas for, but I just pondered as a fellow Miguel fan. I always felt like an outlier.

Chel

I know you're joking, but honestly, I agree with the energy lolol xD

I know I'm gonna break some hearts here, but I REALLY don't like Lottie... x'D I get what they were going for, and I do think they accomplished that so I appreciate her in an objective fashion... but me personally? She just annoys me so much xD

Tiana and Naveen make me so sad cause their human designs were SO GOOD and then they're frogs most of the time - I almost wish their human designs had sucked so them being frogs wouldn't have felt like such a slap in the face Dx

I like that you said Chel wasn't a serious suggestion, but then suggest the other "native babes" like Kida and Pocahontas and I am ALL for Miguel getting the hot princess. If anyone deserves it, he does!

I like the idea of Pocahontas because with Miguel, rather than John Smith's initial dismissive and racist attitude, Miguel would (like we see in El Dorado) just run around and want to genuinely learn about her culture. He'd be so excited about literally everything and I could see Pocahontas falling head over heels with that. I think Pocahontas might be my favorite option so far!

My issue with Kida and Milo is the same I have for Hercules and Megara: their animation styles are a little bit too unique.

What I mean by this is that Atlantis' animation is very "sharp." The edges are SO square on, for example, their hands and I don't like when animation is too sharp or too soft - it gotta be just right!

Hercules has a similar, but ALSO opposite problem. If you take a look at Megara's hand here, it legit looks like the back of her hand is swollen, as if she got stung by a bee and that entire area swelled up like this. But no, this is just the animation style. And it freaks me out xD I dislike the sharp edges in movies like Atlantis, but the opposite extreme isn't good either.

These animation styles aren't so different from other (non)Disney styles that it takes me out of crossovers (like The Last Unicorn does, I will die on this hill, I hate that it's considered (non)Disney by majority of the crossover community xD) so I can definitely still ship characters from these movies. It's not that they are hard to work with, but that I'm just not a big fan off overly sharp or round character designs.

I've seen a few Miguel and Nani videos actually, and what is interesting is that in quite a few of them... Nani is toxic as hell xD Something you may have noticed about crossovers (and by you I mean anyone reading this) is that some characters are more often portrayed as the abuser in comparison to other characters, and what they all have in common is that they have a lot of scenes where they're angry - cause that can be used to represent abuse, toxicity or just being mean. Odette is also often used as the "abusive" character because she has so many scenes where she's angry - I think that's why Nani is used to portray that sort of character often in crossovers x'D

I can definitely see her fall for Miguel cause he and David are kinda similar? Good guys with good hearts, absolute himbos and loyal as hell. Which is kinda why I don't personally ship Miguel and David, there isn't quite enough contrast between them for me personally.

GASTON DESERVES NOTHING XD

Eris is a character I would edit with ALL THE TIME if it wasn't for her amazing, but pain in the ass hair xD

Thank you for all the suggestions! It gave a lot of food for thought, and it was fun to think about Miguel this much :D

[which-hospital]

Just seen the Casualty spoilers for next week, I don't know how to describe my feelings. The first Teddy-related spoiler made me so physically excited I had to start jumping around my living room to be able to keep reading. The second one made me throw my phone across the room. Mixed feelings and general nausea.

The first one? More than I even hoped for from this episode. I honestly just expected that this episode would be him in his feelings, maybe telling Paige about it but probably Jodie (I'LL GET TO THAT). Instead, Jan asking him to come collect the ashes? How interesting it is for his characterisation that he still hasn't forgiven her enough for that? Paige finding out he only proposed because of Gethin? The role of family in Teddy's entire existence? MOST IMPORTANTLY: SAH TRYING TO GIVE HIM ADVICE. We're finally getting a Teddy and Sah scene, and it might go horribly but I honestly thought he'd just never talk to them again and the writers would try and pretend they'd resolved that storyline so I genuinely will cry about this. Expect so many edits. I am so fucking excited to see them interact again, I am shaking like one of those little dogs. I am foaming at the mouth. You will never shut me up.

The second one? Exactly what I dreaded would happen in this episode. I'm not happy about the Teddy/Jodie storyline and I don't shut up about that. I've said before that if I ship something I usually ship it forever and in the case of Teddy that means being very tied to Sah/Teddy/Paige for the good times and Sah/Teddy (no Paige) for the bad times, so I'll never really want to see him with anyone else (I'm not even really very big on Teddy/Paige with no Sah). To be fair, I can objectively see why this does kind of make sense in the moment if not on a whole. Teddy and Jodie are the hospital's nepo-babies and I say that as a joke but I do think it can put them in somewhat similar situations. On top of that, Teddy has just lost Gethin, Jodie has been kinda actively losing Max - I don't think their situations are that similar but I think they have more common ground with each other than they do with a lot of other people. So I see why this works but I don't care, I don’t have to be rational or reasonable about the medical drama if I don’t want to. (And incredibly subjectively? There is no main character in the show whose family life makes for more interesting comparsion with Teddy's than Sah's, even with this storyline.)

I'm not gonna lie and pretend I'll accept it as a plot choice because we've known about it for months now and I still don't like it. But I might've found a way to ignore it if they hadn't decided to make it happen this quickly. I always knew that the Gethin stuff would lead to the infidelity somehow, but I wanted an episode of Teddy grieving that didn't feature that. I wanted them to give Teddy and Jan a little time before they went that way. Just to properly establish things before rushing into a very new storyline, if anything. Even a brief acknowlegement in today's episode would've been better than this. I think I'm getting too into it because personal life things, there's a reason why Teddy is so me and let's keep it at that.

Oh and, yeah, I guess technically he does it under the assumption that he and Paige aren't together so it's kind of not cheating. But it is cheating, isn't it? And he's gonna keep at it. So I feel like even if it kind of isn't cheating now, it will be cheating eventually.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

mixed mixed mixed feelings.

(Also, I forget how much I disagree with Casualty Twitter and then Teddy does anything and the response reminds me. I’m not saying he’s not done anything wrong, but the stuff he’s done wrong is so interesting and people there seem to just want him to disappear entirely if he won’t play the role of “Sah’s Best Friend” for them.)