#genuinely angry that he just ‘forgot’ one of my biggest fucking boundaries

[yourheartinyourmouth]

you would think. that after being married to the world’s most neurodivergent and introverted bitch. for eight fricking years. that my spouse would remember that having to wait around all day for strangers to show up at an unspecified time. is a fucking day ruiner for me.

YOU WOULD THINK. HE’D KNOW ME A LITTLE BETTER THAN THAT. BY NOW.

[scoonsalicious]

AH. OKAY. SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. First off, thank you for blessing us today with three parts. I would've said you're a saint but with how you've been tearing our hearts apart, it begs to differ. So thank you, you wonderful devil (affectionate). ANYWAY. Again, I'm going to tackle this by part because I really don't want to miss anything.

First, when Pocket woke up in that pool of blood my immediate thought was: "oh, maybe it's just her period and she forgot." And I really went on in this whole "well, that's a good thing because at least she's not pregnant" and "wow she really does get bad cramps then" even when she passed out because I know a friend who actually passed out from cramps. I kid you not only after the next part did I realize how much of a dumbass I was 😭 like girl, you don't bleed that much during your period. And my second thought was that it had something to do with the drugs which ??? I don't think you bleed out from overdose. Honestly, I was still waking up when I read that part, my braincells hadn't turned on fully yet. Idk i just ruled out her being pregnant because I was convinced she was poisoned LMAO.

Now their first interaction again went as expected, Pocket being angry and Bucky being a sad puppy. But, it did get a little intense though. The way Pocket reacted to the news was a bit, well, cruel and callous. There's no denying that. Like, I genuinely felt like I didn't know her because she's never typically this mean. But then again, she just found out she was pregnant and had a miscarriage at the same fucking time. AND you have the person who's hurt you, someone you hadn't seen in months in the same room. Bucky was also pushing boundaries with the way he reacted too, because at the end of the day, it is Pocket's choice whether she wants to keep the baby or not. And obviously, he can have his opinion being the father of the child but he's not gonna be the one who'd carry it for 9 months and get his body all fucked up so ultimately, he doesn't get the final say. HOWEVER. Pocket didn't have to be so cruel with that "trash taking itself out" line because it was obvious it meant something to Bucky, especially a man from the 40s who has different views on the whole, fetus doesn't equal a conscious baby etc. Sure, if probably given the chance he'd understand the gist of it, but right in the moment when they just found out the news? It was just a really mean thing to say. But again, they're both running on intense emotions so I can't blame either of them for how they handled things.

With that said, I truly do think this whole thing is going to affect Pocket more than she's letting on. Because they DO NOT NEED A BABY RIGHT NOW and she has all the right to not keep it when she would've found out about the pregnancy. But, with her miscarriage? This is yet another choice that was taken from her. Obviously, with the circumstances bringing a child into it is just never going to happen. But I have a feeling deep down, that she probably wanted it and if things were different she would've kept it. I mean, she said it herself at the last part, it probably was something she wanted too. So once she's calmed down and has the time to truly think about what just happened, it's going to hit her much harder than she's going to expect. I mean, I could be wrong, this is all just my assumptions. But in the next part, she did admit that she cared. So this whole thing is going to add another stack to her already growing guilt.

Now, with these next points, I'm probably going to get so much slack but, hey, I'm just here to share my opinion at the end of the day and some might not agree with it. But when they got back to the safe house, I felt a little iffy about Pocket blaming it ALL on Bucky as to why she's acting this way. Like, yes, he might've been the biggest reason she was pushed towards the edge and was sleeping around and doing drugs but, well, she still has some fault in that too. She can't just say that's what Bucky made her out to be because she still made these choices. Yes, she was acting on hurt and anger that was caused by him and yes he fucked up so bad that it caused her to act this way, but she still has some bit of fault in this too. Not everything, obviously, she wasn't in the right state both mentally and emotionally, but she made some bad choices and she won't be able to get through that and be able to learn from it if she's just going to point fingers.

And again, I'm probably going to get so much slack for this but in my opinion, Pocket needed that scolding when Bucky found the remnants of cocaine. Unfortunate it's coming from the person who hurt her the most but, either way, she needed someone to snap her out of this daze of always wanting to numb herself and actually get to see that there's going to be dire consequences if she kept going this route. Because Bucky was right. It's not even just about the baby anymore. She could've died. Can you imagine what that would've done to the people who cared about her? Sam when he's the one who left here there? Tony who's the person who suggested she go on that mission in the first place? Pocket was losing sight of that, so she really did need Bucky to remind her. And she needed to have that breakdown too. She's been running away for far too long and it's going to end up killing her if she keeps going. I mean, it almost did.

And I will say, you can clearly see how much Bucky has grown, despite it being off screen. With him mentioning that he's not expecting anything back from her, that he's going to accept his fate whether she decides to forgive him or not, it is quite refreshing. Like you can see someone who's clearly seen how much he's fucked up and has realized that what he's done is possibly unforgivable and is willing to accept that he's not going to get the love of his life back. Two months of therapy has done him good. I truly do believe that Bucky will be able to redeem himself because he's already shown some growth. I'm so happy that they're starting to have these conversations now too. It really does seem like they're on the healing path. All they need to do is to talk everything out. Even if it won't end in the getting back together, they could salvage some friendship at least.

Lastly, I know there's this argument that people are being too easy on Bucky. And while I don't condone any of the shit he's done, I mean, he still fucked up. But, I might seem that I'm being too forgiving because one, this is just fiction. If someone was like this in real life I'm out. And two, which is the same with the first one, Bucky's case isn't exactly as black and white as most men are. I mean, he's 106 years old, he's been tortured, used, abused, brainwashed for the 70 years and he can't remember most of it, he's a man out of time and he's clearly not yet healed. And I don't think you can't just take all of that into account as to why he is the way he is. BUT BUT again, this doesn't excuse his actions. He still needs to apologize and grovel and get himself together and fix things and do right with Pocket. It just means that I'm not going to view him as some evil asshole who's malicious and gets off from hurting the people he loves. Because he's not. He's a good man who has a good heart but unfortunately has made some terrible choices due to his circumstances. I mean, that doesn't mean he's immediately forgiven. It just means I can give him a bit of grace and empathy and see where he's coming from you know?

Anyway, I'm going to end this by saying, there's truly no villain between him and Pocket, they're both just so human. So there's really no need to pick sides or to argue who's better than who or who’s fully wrong and who's fully right etc etc. (Well, apart from Judas bc she's clearly the villain in every narrative in this story). This is getting so long, I'm so sorry. But you're amazing, and I truly do enjoy this story so much. Lots of love!

— Jnon 🤍

Hell, beloved bestie!

You know, I will happily take Wonderful Devil over Saint any day of the week, so I thank you, lol.

Pocket was also super in denial when she woke up in the puddle of blood. With everything that had been going on in her life, a pregnancy was by far the absolute LAST thing on her mind. It was more logical to think that someone had broken in during the night to stab her, lol. And I really, really, did push the possible poisoning narrative, just because so many people had clued into her being pregnant, I was like "shit! gotta toss a red herring!"

When Pocket got the news (plus the added stress of Bucky just being there), she was in shock. I hated writing her so callous, but I had to think: If I were in her situation, and I hadn't had the opportunity to really process this, and I was running solely on the anger I felt for my ex, how would I respond in my worst moment? And that's what I came up with. Bucky was right, though, when he told her that she didn't mean it. She didn't. She was just trying to make him hurt, and to convince herself (as well as him) that she wouldn't have wanted his baby.

As for Bucky pushing boundaries, I think that, if things had been different and they found out about the pregnancy earlier, and had had the opportunity to actually discuss it, if Pocket had truly wanted an abortion, he would have supported her. It was just the surprise of the moment, and him being from the 40s where that kind of thing wasn't really openly talked about. They were both feeling immense emotions at the moment, and neither one came out looking their best.

And yeah, when she has time to actually sit down and process everything, it's going to hit her, hard. Unfortunately, that's not going to be able to happen for awhile, and off page, because shit's about to go down real soon, and our story (or, this part of it, anyway) will wrap up before she gets the chance to deal with things.

And no, you are totally right-- it's not all Bucky's fault. Yeah, he hurt her, but Pocket chose to deal with that hurt the way she did. There were so many other things she could have done (hello, what happened to tried and true stress eating? lol), but she chose self destruction. The same way he's responsible for the way he handled Carthage, she's responsible for the way she's handled this. And Bucky definitely needed to open the can of tough love on her. I honestly don't think she would have accepted it from anyone else but him. He said harsh truths that she needed to hear. It's the kick in the pants she needed to stop running and start facing shit.

They'll be doing some more talking in 26, too. And I hope the extent of his growth will show more there.

"He's a good man who has a good heart but unfortunately has made some terrible choices due to his circumstances." THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Yes, this is what I'm trying to show for him. He's just a human, who has been put though extremely shit circumstances. He made some bad choices, much like Pocket has, and he's learning from them!

I so appreciate you saying there's no villain between the two of them. They are just two truly flawed individuals. Cunthage is the only villain in this story! <3

As always, I love hearing from you, and picking your thoughts! You make my day!

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.