#generally speaking the pattern is that if it's going to be your problem and not theirs if they don't understand and communicate with you

[theprissythumbelina]

So you want to write about horses.

Part 2 now out!

Or you're writing and horses show up. Or its a pre-industrial fantasy and your characters have to get somewhere. Or you have a faint idea of your MC's love interest showing up on a white stallion.

Whatever the cause, you're writing, and a horse appears. But you know nothing about horses. I can help.

This is a horse. Horses come in many sizes.

^ Big Jake, a Belgian Draft horse, and a roughly 5 foot woman for scale.

1 hand = 4 inches = 10.16 cm

Once a horse is smaller than about 14.2hh, it is generally considered a pony. In the modern day, ponies are not considered suitable for adult riders due to weight and height issues. Some pony breeds, such as Welsh, Fjords, ect. are known for being sturdy, and can more easily carry adult sized humans. Miniature horses should never be ridden by adults.

^The only suitable 'riding' a miniature horse should do

The above graphic mentions that horses are measured from the top of the withers, not the top of the head. But, what are withers?

The withers are where the horse's shoulders meet the spine, and the neck becomes the back. Withers are incredibly important for saddle placement, as a badly placed saddle in this area can prevent a horse from moving its legs properly, cause a large amount of pain, and even damage a horse's spine. Speaking of spines, this is a horse skeleton, with the withers pointed out.

Horses have four legs. Horses cannot have any fewer than four legs. They are obligate quadrupeds. This is, in part, due to their weight, as well as the construction of their legs and hooves. This is to say, that while cats, dogs, and other animals can be amputees, a horse, short of some incredible magic solution, cannot. Even a broken leg bone will cause a huge amount of problems, as all of the weight that leg would usually hold must be shifted to the other feet, and this causes a condition called laminitis, where the tissue that holds together the hoof and the toe bone becomes inflamed, and begins to separate. Once this happens, the hoof tissue dies from lack of blood, and the bone begins to rotate. This is extremely painful for the horse, and so often the best solution for a horse with a broken leg is to be spared that pain. Famous American racehorse Barbaro experienced a complex broken bone, which began to heal fine, but complications from laminitis in two of his other legs caused him to be put down. This is why media will almost always show a horse with a broken or injured leg being 'taken care of'.

^Barbaro, in his prime. Even the best veterinary medicine couldn't save him.

Now, racehorses like Barbaro are moving at the fastest speed and the fastest gait of the horse, the gallop. The patterns that horses move their feet are referred to as gaits, with most horses having four, with some breeds having five or more.

The first gait and the slowest is the walk. In the walk, all four feet move independently, which leads it to be called a four-beat gait, as the footfalls make a sort of drumbeat on the ground.

The next gait is the trot, a two beat gait with diagonal pairs of legs moving together.

^Diagonal pairs marked in red and blue

The trot is a very bouncy experience for the rider, and can be uncomfortable. Some riders will rise and fall with a pair of diagonal legs, called a posting trot, some will stand in their stirrups, called a two-point or jump position, and some will sit the trot, which requires a lot of core strength (seriously, if you want a strong core, screw the gym)

The third gait is the canter, a three-beat gait with a single diagonal pair. This gait is ridden sitting, and feels a lot like going over waves on a jetski. There is a rise, a scoop, and a fall feeling. The canter is also called a lope in Western riding, they are the same gait.

^diagonal pair marked in red

A gallop is sometimes considered a variation on canter, as it is similar save for the legs actually moving in a four-beat pattern. As you can see with the image of Barbaro, all four of his feet are moving in different patterns, at different times, even though the gallop is really a four beat version of the canter. Riders in the gallop rise off the horse's back into a raised position, which allows the horse to use the full length of its spine and musculature to get as much reach and speed as possible. It feels like riding on top of a train barreling down the tracks, at least until your horse takes an unexpected turn and the ground is suddenly the only thing you're riding.

^ I've been there. The trick is to push away and hit the ground rolling, it hurts less that way. And don't land on your head.

That's all for this post. I'll have more when I feel like it, and send me questions if you want to know more about specific things or need a writing question answered

Reblogs welcome and encouraged

@jacqueswriteblrlibrary for wider reach

[deeswrld]

Random astro observations

Some content is 18+

I’ve noticed people with Sagittarius/9H placements always seem to stand out in the field they pick or in some sort of way become pioneers. E.g. Jimi Hendrix was a Sag stellium and has a reputation of a guitar God for his innovative and crazy good guitar skills. Teena Marie (Sag moon) became a beloved non black R&B singer/artist at Motown. I just feel like Sag placements are just out here breaking barriers lol.

People with trining risings all have a certain similar look!!

E.g Most Air risings tend to have pointy chins and high cheekbones with prominent noses—I’ve noticed they always seem to have a prominent nose bridge even if it’s not that thin but it sorta gives them this Greek god/goddess look with their eyebrows slightly arching.

With water risings I’ve noticed Scorpio risings have a more reserved look in their eyes and all water risings have a somewhat oval shaped face. You can literally tell them by their eyes lol. Cancer risings have bambi eyes and Pisces risings have doll like watery eyes.

Now, I knew I started recognizing earth risings when I found Sarah Paulson to look like Adele.😭 Which further goes to prove the trining risings point I made previously.

I think I’ve stated this before but hear me out! Idk what the connection is but the moon sign also affects how you look!! I fr can’t stop guessing people’s moon signs at first glance.💀

Libra rising with 1H venus & mercury culture is constantly teasing others!! Wanting to be in a relationship yet wanting to be independent and having no problem breaking things off if they feel something’s not right.

Gemini risings with 10H suns have an INSANE bone structure/hot body!!! 😮‍💨🔥 Their arms & legs tend to be long! Legs tend to be skinny and thighs thick meanwhile their collarbones just stand out, overall they just have great bone structure! I’ve noticed this with myself & Irene Cara! 😩

I’d apply it to 10H suns in general but I haven’t looked into it as a collective thing yet.

11H Aries mercuries only speak what they think is true to them regardless of anybody’s opinion and I love how real they keep it, they’re also very humanitarian and speak up for groups/communities!

Pisces and Aquarius in the big 3 HATE boundaries. I’ve noticed this with myself and Axl Rose!😂 Ironically I’m Pisces sun-Aqua moon and he’s Aqua sun-Pisces moon.😛

I’ve noticed a pattern with people that have Aqua venus and mars and being aggressive…🥲

Taurus venus love soul/R&B music?

I’ve noticed some 10H Chiron people have trouble with work like, they might switch jobs often.

8H Chiron and having a phobia of being touched by anybody and for no reason too?

People who’s planets fall in your 9H might be the ones who you rarely see crying but are the first to try and cheer you up! You might also see them as arrogant or too blunt at times too especially if their mercury falls in your 9H!

People who’s planets fall in your 10H, you’ll see them as reserved and hardworking, they might like to give you stuff as a love language like share their food or they might like to invite you to go somewhere. Even though it might feel a little awkward at times, you both might get into deep conversations.

Not Gemini suns with Leo moons out here causing chaos then if somebody else asks them about it they’ll charmingly lie their way out of it and make it seem like it was the other person’s fault.😭😂

Scorpio mars lowkey live for toxic sex. ✋🏽 Some Scorpio mars & Aries mars I know, also secretly have a spanking kink??😛

If you have mars in somebody’s 1H they just won’t be able to contain themselves around you! You might sexually fantasize about them a LOT too. And you’ll find them hot down to the way they talk, their body language!!😮‍💨🔥

And if somebody’s mars falls in your 1H you’re prone to getting horny like 24/7 and it’ll feel like an intense and passionate connection! Sex might be like, ripping each other’s clothes off and one get thrown on the bed while the other dominates them and they both make out while grabbing each other—basically just not being able to keep your hands off of each other lmao. Also, having sex anywhere too and going for multiple rounds during the day!💀🔥

That also applies to Aries mars in composite too!⤴️⤴️

Pisces and Sagittarius suns—when they’re not at each other’s throats—actually make a good pair!❣️

Earth suns with Earth mars are so sensual and sexy😩😩😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨!!!

Having composite mars at Libra degree (7, 19) can indicate compliments and vanilla sex!😮‍💨

If somebody has their mars in your 7H, most likely they’ll be super possessive over you. 😭

If someone has their venus in your 7H then you’ll feel very comfortable with their love language or feel like you’ve found the one!💗

Sagittarius mars in composite is often grabbing thighs, giggles or soft laughter, a somewhat competitive energy and possessive aura.❣️Also, wanting to travel and explore new places together or talking about moving or including each other in future plans! Also, learning new things from each other or talking about subjects like geography/history and genealogy or about different cultures! You both could be from different backgrounds too or similar but one person is mixed, etc…

Also, when looking at appearance not only should we consider the rising but also the 7H! Say if you’re a Gemini rising; You might be able to build muscle easily or have long legs yet thick thighs because Sag falls in your 7H and Libra is also ruled by venus. Just like how Aries risings tend to have charming smiles and great bodies (7H falls in Libra), etc…

[xiao-come-home]

How Genshin men wake up with you;

and spend their morning with you.

┏━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━┓

✰ Characters: Kaeya, Diluc, Zhongli, Xiao, Itto, Ayato, Kazuha, Dainsleif, Alhaitham.

✰ Words: ~3,5k.

✰ SFW ; gn!reader, no mentions of pronouns. fluff.

Warnings: a lot of physical touch and kisses, reader is implied to have hair, ayato is a bit sus, kazu deserves the world, alhaitham makes kavehs life a bit difficult by choice. msg me to add more.

A/N: this is a sequel to How Genshin men sleep with you post, with two new characters added cuz it was fun to write :') a lot of alhaitham's morning routine is assumed because usually, id try to base it off canon, so yeah ;3;

┗━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━┛

Kamisato Ayato:

as the Yashiro commissioner, he has to wake up pretty early. but... there's only one problem - Ayato hates it with passion. poor Thoma used to shake him awake every 15 minutes, at least three times. ayato would just swat his hands away, press his face into the pillow and sigh loudly, promising Thoma to get up in a few minutes. (he didn't)

now that you're living with your boyfriend, you share the same bed. which means a few things - he clings to you the entire night, your limbs are tangled together in the morning, and now you're the one in charge of getting him out of bed (Thoma almost cried in happiness). he annoyingly turns off the screaming alarm and snuggles back into you.

he has a habit of, quite literally - squishing his cheek against yours as he lies next to you. he also likes to nuzzle into your neck and grip you like a monkey that found the last banana in its vicinity. he hums at you and lies down with his eyes closed if you ask him questions or say anything. you can tell by the tone he hums with whether he agrees on something or not, but generally, that keeps him enough busy not to fall asleep again.

i can't stress this enough, he's ALL over you. if he's in his "cheek-against-cheek" mode, he literally cradles your other one with his palm. if his face is in your neck and you lie on your back, his fingers are intertwined with yours. the more awake he is, the more kisses are being placed by his lips.

he definitely requests breakfast in bed. at this point he's cuddled enough, so now he wants to feed you. literally. he picks up the food skillfully with his favorite chopsticks and carefully brings it to your mouth, "open up my love," he speaks in his usual, soft-spoken tone, but it's clear his morning voice is still there. "that's it, you're so good for me. is it good? would you like some more?" hmm..

just so you know: he wants you to feed him too and will pout and threaten (playfully) to go back to sleep if you don't. since he likes to sleep more, there aren't many activities you share in the morning; as a result, he cherishes the morning snuggle and sharing your first meal together a lot. Ayato is always curious to hear about your upcoming plans for the day - but he won't say no to lighthearted conversations either. he just really wants to hear your voice.

Arataki Itto:

listen. he either sleeps until 6am or 1pm. there's no in-between, sometimes he stays up all night or falls asleep on your lap on the couch as soon as he comes back home. no, he won't move.

it's hard to say whether he's a morning person - but probably not; he whines a lot into your hair when he has to wake up early and hasn't rested enough, babbling how dark it is outside and that you're too warm to let go of.

speaking of, he holds onto you in the mornings like his life depends on it - you have to work? no, no, no - just stay for a while longer, while he smushes your face right into his... um, prominent chest. you feel the warmth of his bare skin, his chin on top of your head, his large hands drawing invisible patterns of stars, clouds, or hearts under your pajama t-shirt; he sneaks a few kisses on your hair, humming in contentment when he feels you hug him back with your arm over his own hip.

he's totally willing to make you a nice meal before work though, and wake up earlier in the process. most of the time it ends up in absolute disaster and him taking twice as much time to clean it up. but... if you decide to make breakfast together, itto can actually cook up a nice meal (with "a little of your help"). while the preparations are done and the meal is almost ready to be served, the oni hugs you from behind and sways a little from side to side, nuzzling into your neck drowsily and trying not to drool on you.

generally, he's very touchy after waking up (as you can probably guess by now), so he wants to accompany you everywhere before you have to leave. he'll cuddle you before leaving the sheets, link your pinkies when you wait for the water to boil, go showering together, have his hand on your thigh if you do your makeup, attempt to help you with your makeup which might end up in very interesting results, and trying to mischievously steal some kisses just as you're about to leave.

Itto's hands cup your cheeks gently and he flashes you a boyish smirk; he leans in and connects your lips, purring as some of his unruly hair falls onto your shoulders. he always claims he "just wants to give his little sunshine a good luck kiss for the day," but in reality, he just wants to feel you real good before you depart for today. also, he really likes flavored lip glosses, and you keep buying them, so it's not his fault for giving in to your "devilish temptations"

Kaeya:

the bed is an absolute mess. the pillows are everywhere, his part of the duvet is barely covering him from the stomach down, and probably, he has one of his arms on your face.

it takes a while for him to fully wake up; once he opens his eyes just barely enough to see, he scans the room to make sure you're near him - and then he either gets up or decides to snuggle up to you, kiss your temple and go back to sleep for a bit more.

if it's a work day, he uses all his willpower (read: 30 alarms) to wake up earlier and just admire you. he likes to big spoon you and have his arm over your hip, gently grazing your hand with the pads of his fingers; Kaeya just can't get enough of the smell of your shampoo, of your warmth, of your presence.

before properly getting out of bed, he hovers above your sleeping form - it gives him butterflies to see you so peaceful; therefore, he always bends down and places a few butterfly kisses on your cheek with his pretty lashes. he chuckles lightly when he sees you stir in your sleep because of the interaction, so he gives your cheek a proper kiss and (unwillingly) leaves the warm bed.

just so you know - he WILL attempt to get in your pants if he has a day off. Kaeya's hands start to wander automatically as he kisses you awake (or at least attempts to), and if he feels like a little shiet enough - he might place his cold feet on your legs to help you wake up and have some fun! :)

you might need reinforcements if he doesn't wanna get up in winter when it's cold. Kaeya clings to the duvet like he's about to meet the grim reaper himself.

Diluc:

he has a routine that he strictly follows - but at the same time, he's an expert at being quiet and letting you sleep. he takes his time getting dressed up though - he can't help but cheat a bit and watch you snore.

even if it's his day off, he still wakes up earlier than you. but there's a catch - he then leaves your shared bed for a moment to greet his maids and order them to make you a mix of your and his favorites for breakfast. he doesn't want to wake you up, but he really wants to talk with you again - so he might do that with that precious scent of freshly prepared food..

an absolute sucker for playing with your hair in the morning. he runs his fingers through your hair in the gentlest way possible, shifting closer to you and pressing a sweet, warm kiss on your forehead that he lets to linger for a bit longer.

likewise, when you play with his hair to wake HIM up - he might just feel his heart explode and shed a few happy tears. he's never believed there will be a day he meets an angel like you, even more so that graces him with such affection, sincere affection that makes your eyes sparkle.

Diluc leaves you his t-shirt he sleeps in just before going to Angel's Share - it smells like his body wash with a little bit of his natural scent. He usually takes it off in the middle of the night anyway, finding himself to feel a bit too hot for his liking.

Either way, you love cuddling with it. He's not there physically, but it's a reminder that he made it safely and spent the remaining hours of the night next to you.

Zhongli:

he also has his own routine! he wakes up as soon as the sun begins to rise, quietly walking to the kitchen and carefully making a cup of tea for himself. he drinks his tea slowly, shuddering at the taste; his taste buds overflown with the right combination of spices. he finishes his drink just in the right time - it's time to wake you up now.

Zhongli sits on the bed and brushes some of your hair behind your ear; he kisses your forehead and begins to mumble good morning to you. He smiles at you and caresses your cheek with his thumb when he sees you trying to convince him to get just 5 more minutes.

while you finally get up and groggily change your clothes, he goes to prepare your favorite drink, be it tea, coffee, or anything else. he likes to put some mild spices in it to make your usual drink feel a bit more special and surprising. if you can't handle spices, that's fine! instead, he can give you a small snack :)

he really, really wants to brush your hair and vice versa. it's probably one of his favorite morning activities. he's trying his best not to pull your hair and if he does, he places an apologetic kiss on the crown of your hair. he'd be even happier if you let him style your hair, going to the garden or a flower shop nearby and decorating it with small flowers.

but... if you persuade him to get back to bed, he'll oblige. though, in return, you can't fall back asleep - he keeps you awake by asking you if you had any dreams or nightmares, to tell him about them, or what you'd like to eat.

he asks you to do his makeup! Zhongli's perfectly able to do it himself, but he loves seeing how focused you are on the given task, the corners of his lips going up when he hears you curse under your breath, trying to suppress his laugh.

Xiao:

a morning bird (ha!) just like Zhongli, but he has no routine... unless killing demons counts as one. considering this, he usually isn't around when you wake up :( (not that he sleeps anyway.. 90% of the time.)

however, all it takes to make him appear is to call his name - Xiao never misses it and always prioritizes you first. he might roll his eyes if you call him "just" to lie in bed with you. but it's fine - he "berates" you (not really) while almost spooning you.

there are some rare mornings shared together with Xiao, though; he says he has to watch you to keep you safe and hopes that you won't question the excuse any further, but you know it's something else. After all, his hands covering the rosy cheeks seem to give everything away.

in reality, Xiao's cold heart gets well-deserved warmth whenever he sees you sleep. of course he still wants to protect you, but realizing how much trust you have in him to fall asleep without second thoughts is more than anything he could ever want. he smiles, eyebrows knitting together ever so slightly when he pecks your face all over; his kisses are quick and chaste. even though you can't really feel this now, you know his lips leave a tingling sensation.

he lets you sleep a bit longer on his bare hand and doesn't care if it falls asleep. he's so mesmerized by your faith in him that he just does not care. even as simple as it sounds.

when the tiredness gets the best of him, the next morning you find him breathing steadily next to you. you don't wake him up though, probably because as soon as you'd do that, he's gone off to fight the evil. give him a blanket and prepare a plate of almond tofu - the disbelief on his face quickly turns into adoration, accepting the meal and savoring every bite. after he's done, he kisses your knuckles and whispers "I love you" against your skin.

Kaedehara Kazuha:

yet another person who wakes up extremely early. he opens his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to get used to the light; his crimson orbs scan the environment, and his face lights up when there's no danger around. he stretches his arms to shake off the remains of sleepiness and presses a good morning kiss on your shoulder.

he later decides to hunt or fish for fresh meat - depends on what you like more, but he'd be overjoyed if you let him do his signature dish! he doesn't go far, just enough to still keep an eye on you. don't worry - he's also prepared if you don't eat meat at all! he's more than happy to learn recipes to accommodate and just to simply make you smile more.

he starts a small fire nearby your sleeping form, the distance is enough to make you feel warm, but not enough to possibly hurt you. the crackling of fire wakes you up, along with the delicious smell of Kazuha's cooking. when he notices you slowly awakening, his mouth curves into a smile; he shifts next to you and kisses your nose.

he's trying to fight the grin creeping on his face every time you enjoy his food. really, that's why he does that every time you're traveling together. also, by this point - he still has a massive bed hair. please brush his hair in return. and braid it too - he'll touch the finished piece with a blush on his face and shyly thank you for being so kind to him.

also! he trusts you a lot and lets you change his bandage every morning. particular spots hurt more than the others and Kazu tries not to show his pain; but seeing how much care you're putting into it, disinfecting it, and kissing the pain away when he winces - the love stored in his heart makes the relief appear faster.

he ALWAYS makes sure you're all warm and comfy, especially in winter. Kazu covers you entirely with a thick blanket from his bag, the sole item in it during your shared travels. he's also willing to stay cuddled up together for a bit longer when he notices the snowfall outside. his warm breath fans over your neck as his arm over your waist tightens and brings you closer to him.

Dainsleif:

again, another morning person - but slightly less by choice. as soon as Dainsleif shoots open his eyes, he tries to calm down his racing heart; he lets out a sigh of relief when his indigo eyes notice you sound asleep.

he smiles shyly at your intertwined hands. he brings them closer to his face, pressing a sweet kiss on each of your knuckles, careful not to wake you up and give you a bit more time to rest.

even though you've expressed multiple times that you hate it - Dain can't stop guarding you right after awakening himself. He won't get back to sleep no matter what, keeping an eye out on the possible danger. He's aware that you don't like it - but he can't let anything happen to you, not even a scratch if he's nearby. You're everything he has left. He's lost everything else and despite being aware of the strength that gods possess, he's willing to cross blades with them if it meant extending your life more in return.

he always shifts your resting body on his - sometimes just your head on his lap so you can sleep a bit more comfortably, or entirely, so he keeps you secure between his legs, using his chest as a pillow and having his arms wrapped around you tightly.

"Good morning, my star. How was your sleep? Did you have any pleasant dreams?" is his daily mantra he says when he sees you arise. Next, Dain caresses your lips with his own in a tender kiss. if you decide that you feel cheesy that morning, answer something along these lines: "it seems like I haven't awoken from my pleasant dream yet." his cheeks will flush cherry red, hand flying to cover the blush immediately; even if you can't see it, you know it worked. it always does.

Dainsleif might not be kazuha-tier when it comes to cooking, so he prefers to take you to various taverns for your first meal if it's possible (yes, he's in mom-mode when it comes to breakfast and won't stop until you eat, because "breakfast must not be skipped. it's the most important meal!"). however, when that option isn't available, he prepares you a meal himself. some recipes are long forgotten, they taste like nothing else you've eaten before - they taste bizarre at first, but later on dain finally hits the jackpot and discovers your favorite. while your stomach gets filled with khaenri'ahn delicacies, his chest almost suffocates with the warmth and he watches you with twinkling eyes and the most tender smile.

Alhaitham:

this man. he ZOOMS out of bed as soon as the alarm rings. immediately puts on half of his clothes. when he's about to leave the room... he comes back near the bed, gives you a quick kiss on the forehead, and then moves to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and your favorite drink.

he really wants to avoid Kaveh. he will NOT deal with him in the morning, nuh uh. unless he can make his day a bit worse than Kaveh anticipates...

either way, he lets you sleep 20 more minutes. the exact moment the clock on his wall hits 7:20am, he returns to your shared room and gently shakes you to wake you up. if you don't comply, he just takes you bridal style to the kitchen and sits you on his lap, regardless of whether you still sleep.

he loves pressing you tightly to his chest, inhaling the fresh scent of your laundry detergent and your own, natural one; he hides his face in your neck, closing his eyes. his lips connect with your neck and leave a trail of kisses, while his defined arm tightens around your waist. perhaps that will wake you up?

hearing Kaveh entering the kitchen and greeting you (and mumbling something to him too, but clearly not genuine) he looks at him with a slight annoyance. Kaveh merely lets out a "hmph" sound, clearly unaware of what Alhaitham is about to do. the scribe locks eyes with him shortly before going back to kissing your neck, but this time marking you; the obscene noises cause you to immediately awaken if you haven't, and Kaveh storming out of the room with a blush, muttering curses under his breath. Alhaitham only chuckles as you turn your head to face him, "good morning, love. you've finally woken up. we have to leave soon, so hurry up and drink it before it gets cold like last time."

on his day off, his day starts similarly - he wakes up a bit later though, but still needs his morning coffee. with the steaming drink on his nightstand, he joins you back below the cozy sheets, sitting down with his back against the headboard. he glances at you one last time and kisses your lips ever so slightly, the touch so tender that you barely register it; then, his eyes are glued to the book in hand he's been reading for a few days. if you wish, he'll gladly have you between his legs and let you snore on his chest - you don't even have to say a thing - he automatically rises his arm and waits for you to move without moving his eyes from the book. once you've settled comfortably, he pulls up the duvet and puts his chin on your head (and occasionally rubs your back gently, but denies it. even if you catch him. every time).

[bvckleyydiaz]

smut below the cut. mdni, 18+. you know the drill.

So, I know that I promised you guys this scenario ages ago, but work got in the way and… yeah. C’est la vie. Anyway, back to our original thirsting.

This shit is filthy. Enjoy it, you heathens.

You and Aaron had been dating a while at this point, about a year roughly. I feel like after Haley, he wouldn’t immediately jump into sex with a new partner. I feel like it would take some time to really let him find his groove in this relationship, adjust to it, and almost… let the dust settle, so to speak.

By this point in your relationship, you two have had sex a handful of times. You guys don’t breed like jackrabbits (we don’t need to mention Aaron’s breeding kink), but he definitely satisfies your needs. Now, don’t get you wrong, sex with Aaron is fucking amazing. Your man is very generous lover; he even has a rule of a two-orgasm minimum. Aaron will not let you leave the bed before he makes you cum a second time, sometimes a third. However, as much as you love Aaron, you have to admit that he falls into a bit of a pattern when it comes to sex.

When you and Aaron are getting hot and heavy, he is always careful about the way he touches you. You’re his baby, so he would never want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. He is also hyperaware of the fact that he is much bigger than you. I mean, the man is six-two and two-fifty easy. He treats you delicately when he makes love to you, caresses you gently, whispers praises in your ear, and worships every inch of your body like it’s sacred.

You love that Aaron does that for you because it makes you feel beautiful, loved, wanted when he does that. The thing is, he’s this way every time you guys have sex. He is so careful about the way he touches you that it makes you feel like he thinks you can’t handle anything more than that. That is not the case at all.

You love rough sex. Before Aaron, you always made it clear to your partners that they don’t need to be gentle with you in the bedroom, that you prefer it if they weren’t. You lost count of how many times you’ve been spanked, choked, or tied down. And to be honest, you miss the thrill you got from those past experiences. You know that Aaron can’t fix the problem if he doesn’t know there is one, but for some reason, it’s hard to express your kinkier desires to him. He’s different.

So, one random night after a few too many sips of wine, you call Penelope to vent about your current situation. You knew that she would be the best person out of your friends to go to because she’s not afraid to talk about sex. She’s always been very forthcoming with her sexuality. She asks you how you and Aaron are doing, and you tell her that you guys are great, just that you need some advice. You tell her about the conflict that you’re having and ask her what the best way would be to tell Aaron that you want him to rough you up a little bit.

“I just wish that he wouldn’t treat me like I’m made of glass, you know,” you tell her. “I mean, don’t be afraid to slap me and call me cock-hungry whore every once and a while.”

You are so immersed in your conversation with Penelope—which you have on speaker because you were alone and weren’t expecting Aaron back until later—that you didn’t hear Aaron coming home until it was too late. You were in the midst of detailing the things that you would want your boyfriend to do to you, and suddenly, your phone was taken out of your hand. You look up in surprise to see a stony-faced Aaron holding your phone.

“She’ll have to call you back, Garcia,” is all he says before he hangs up.

You give a sheepish smile. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Clearly.” He leans down, bracing his large hands on either side of your head, and he says to you while holding your gaze steady, “Looks like we need to have a talk, little one.”

[theneighborhoodwatch]

Do you have any initial thoughts on the update? I have so many crossing my mind.

[rubbing my hands deviously before remembering i should put this under the cut so people can avoid in-depth spoilers]

first - between this latest update and The Homewarming Incident, i'm beginning to notice A Pattern of home reacting very quickly when they either see an opportunity to have the spotlight on them, or if they think said spotlight is being taken away from them. consider for a moment how most of wally's dialogue this update was just him speaking on home's behalf. and i mean - the homewarming party was supposed to be for them. it's in the name, after all. they don't seem to have many qualms about sacrificing another neighbor's wellbeing for it, either. i wonder if they were even counting on the neighbors generally not having the Best emotional problem-solving skills to take care of the rest, or on neighbors like eddie or poppy being less likely to speak up if they went just a bit too far in getting them out of the way for a while. it has to be frustrating, being rooted to one spot and only being able to be part of a scene once other people happen to wander by. i imagine it'd be very easy to resort to doing anything to make that happen. i also imagine that you'd get very attached to the one person who always comes back at the end of the day, and that it's very important that it stays that way.... much to think about.

anyways. let's ALSO talk about the ending to the awayfrompryingeyes version of the video! the little bit of the storyteller's conversation that we hear when they stop narrating, the fact that the two people we hear at the end of the audio clearly Sound a lot like sally and frank but are left unidentified in the transcript - i don't think it's a huge reach to guess that this is the first we're hearing of the actual playfellow staff. y'know, voice actors, puppet handlers, etc etc. but then... is that poppy at the end of the video? or is it her actor/handler? if it's the latter, when did poppy leave the scene? where does poppy end and poppy's actor begin?

to elaborate: i've written a lot about how the horror of a puppet's existence in welcome home is that they cannot exist without being maneuvered around by something so much bigger than them (if not in literal size than by virtue of being considered a Full Person whereas a puppet is a simulacrum of a person) that it borders on incomprehensible, right? and also about how i'm not a Huge fan of the idea that things are only starting to go sideways for the neighbors bc they're actually possessed by human souls, but the Idea of possession could work for me in a select few contexts? what if we're seeing a sort of role reversal of the typical possession theory stuff here - instead of humans possessing puppets, it's puppets (making an attempt at) possessing humans, however unconsciously or imperfectly. after all, if you really, truly cannot exist without that aforementioned incomprehensibly vast presence, i suppose your next best bet would be to try to subsume it into yourself somehow.

but this also comes with a cost. it's not wrong to want to exist or to have autonomy. but could you really just end another's existence to get that? would you know what to do with it afterwards? i know i'd have a hard time with it, at least.

...of course poppy could have just ceased to exist temporarily once the door was opened/her actor Presumably got out of costume, but let me have this late night ramble.

i think those are all my thoughts for now! this was a short but Meaty update. maybe i'll have some more in the morning.

[noctivague]

PAC: What area of your life needs nurturing?

Hello! Felt like doing another Pick a Card/Pile reading.

The topic of the day is: "What area of your life needs nurturing?"

How it's going to unfold is that I'll first narrow down to an area of life, look at the challenges and then the advice on how to nurture this area. This is meant to be a supporting reading that will help you grow in that specific field.

Focus on the 4 pictures above, pick the one that resonates the most (it can also happen that you feel drawn to more than one) and then read more below the pile(s) you selected.

Take what resonates and leave out the rest as this is a general reading meant for multiple people and situations.

Feel free to tell me if that resonates as I wish to improve :)

PILE 1

Cards: 4 of Swords + Valiant Courage: Take Actions with Passion Rx; 4 of Cups Rx + The Chariot + 4 of Pentacles; The Creator + The Shadow + The Mystic

The area of your life that needs nurturing is your mental and perhaps physical health. As in, you are currently depleted and in need of a rest, with a sense that your energy levels are so low that you are unable to take actions towards what matters to you.

Right of the bat I notice you got 3 out of 4 Fours of the minor arcana (Swords, Cups and Pentacles), which indicates a need to go back to the foundation and restructure yourself. Your foundations are crumbling and it's stopping you in your track because you are not tasking good care of your basic needs.

You are not allowing yourself to be bored, to rest and contemplate what's happening within and outside of yourself. So focused that you are on pushing through and advancing your life. I'm getting strong ambition and goals from this pile. You are afraid that if you take time off, you're going to lose what you have so you hang onto it for dear life, but it is counter productive and keeping you stuck in place.

The advice on how to nurture this area of your life is to:

1) get in touch with your creativity in a free, childlike and non-judgemental way. Whether you are a creative person of not doesn't really matter as it is not about skills but about expression, and we all have things to express. Keep your creations for yourself so that you can truly feel free from expectations and results. So whether that is drawing, painting, collages, sculpture, pottery, cooking, music, dancing, acting, sewing, makeup, making floral arrangements of cutting bonsai, whatever it is, pick up something that calls you and start expressing yourself creatively. Doesn't matter if you're a beginner or have done it in the past, as long as it is fun to practice.

2) another important aspect of nurturing yourself is understanding your shadow. In non-esoteric speak, what it means is that there are things withing yourself that you are pushing away because you don't want to accept them. The problem is that by denying these important aspects of yourself, you are cutting your growth short. The most important messages we can receive come from the depth of our own mind, and the shadow, while it may be painful and scary, contains keys that can make you free through understanding, compassion and acceptance. I would suggest meditation and journalling, but something else that's quite cool that ties with the first advice is that you totally can look at your creations and see what themes, thoughts or emotions are naturally emerging. Nothing is ever random when it comes to creativity, there is always something from you that comes out!

3) Once you've started being in touch with those dark thoughts, feelings and patterns, you must learn to sit with them, integrate them and make them part of your full self so that they are not a shadowy treat lurking beneath the surface anymore, but something you are fully aware of and can live in peace with. I'm getting that you should not hesitate to reach out for help if you realize at any point that you need support in order to overcome that. Some traumas are better handled with the help of a professional to guide you through it. I would also highly suggest looking up and reading about the concept of integration in psychotherapy as it could help and empower you on your quest.

Hope that helps Pile 1 and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💚

PILE 2

Cards: Queen of Pentacles Rx + 8 of Swords; 2 of Cups + Page of Swords Rx + 10 of Wands Rx; The Underworld + The Shapeshifter + The Maiden

The area of your life that needs nurturing is your relationship with love.

I'm sensing that this pile is for people who are single, either since birth or for a long time, or people who got out of a relationship and have trouble finding their footing.

What I'm getting is that you feel powerless, stuck and can't seem to see an end to your situation. You are eagerly waiting for things to blossom again but loosing hope because it's taking too long in your mind. It's like you set yourself this goal that you would find love and you're frustrating yourself that it is not happening.

You have a very idealistic view of love and are looking for something perfect and transcending, which is not necessarily a bad thing, I truly believe that we're often better off alone than with the wrong person, but the problem here is that you are being overly defensive and it's stopping the flow of things.

You may have trouble communicating your desires, which again, implies that you found someone willing and able to listen, but there is something in the way you express yourself and come across that feels like a wall between you and potential lovers. You are guarding yourself up at all times and it's not a good strategy.

Also, you are carrying a lot of baggage that you have not faced yet and so long as you don't do it, you will either be stuck where you are or cave in for something that is not the beautiful relationship you're dreaming of. There is again a message to open up, free yourself to let enough space for someone to get in.

Here is the advice on how to nurture your relationship with love:

First, you need to dive within yourself and face those burdens and over-defensiveness regarding forming new connections. The Underworld implies that it is something you dread a lot. It might be scary and ugly at times, but it is so necessary. It's an internal process that may take some time depending on your dispositions and willingness to do the work, but going through your own personal hell will make you stronger when you come out of it.

I'm getting that some of you might have a lot of disgust and shame towards intimacy and sensuality.

Your self is composed of so many facets and it's time to explore those you have been neglecting for so long. Again, I'm getting that you are neglecting your romantic, emotional, and/or sensual side. You don't have to make it your whole personality but it seems that it's important for you and that you should integrate that in your whole self more.

I'm getting that some of you have also either been neglecting their appearance, or been stuck with the same look for a while, so it might be a good idea to switch things up a little! Get a haircut or find a few new outfits. The important thing is not to look like someone else but find something that makes you feel fresh and confident and that expresses a new part of yourself, one that has been hidden for a while. This might take so trial and error as you are lacking practice, so don't expect to find the right thing straight away, but trust in the process and have fun exploring!

The last card asks you to reconnect with your sensuality and candid openness to romance. Whatever gender you are, there is a lot of healing energy in the Maiden archetype you can embody. And you don't need anyone to do that *wink wink* use your imagination or whatever support you want (audio, visual, written, etc...) the goal is to explore your body, your sensations and your emotions, and, again, explore that neglected part of yourself.

As a result you will be more willing to open up to new connections, whether it be from people in your circle or outside of it.

That's it for today Pile 2! Hope that helped and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💗

PILE 3

Cards: 4 of Cups Rx + 8 of Wands Rx + Crossing Bridges Rx; Judgement + The Chariot Rx + 6 of Pentacles; The Creator + The Riddle + The Father

The area of your life that needs nurturing is your own stance towards life. More precisely, I'm getting isolation and refusing to be on the receiving end of things.

Basically, it seems you are shutting yourself off from the world and people around you. Refusing help and advice and shutting yourself off in your own familiar world of self-reliance. You are reluctant to leave this old way of doing things behind, metaphorically crossing the bridge and leaving the past behind.

Perhaps you hold unresolved grudges and resentment towards someone or a situation and you are unable to let it go and move forward. Perhaps you have been a carer for a long time and forgot that you al so need to receive sometimes to keep the balance of things.

It seems like you are stopping the flow of exchanges between you and other people, as in, you refuse to receive and you are giving too much of yourself, your time, your energy and/or resources, and are depleting yourself in a way.

You are getting stuck in your track and unable or unwilling to transcend to a new state of being and looking at the world. You are unable to see that life holds so many possibilities and potential for growth and you are stuck in stagnation.

The advice for Pile 3 is the following:

Like Pile 1 you got the Creator archetype, but I feel like it's way less literal in your case. For Pile 3, I'm getting that you need to focus on yourself and your own self expression more. Do things that make you happy and fulfilled and stop always trying to please everyone. The Creator archetypes creates for their own pleasure and enjoyment, and you need to embrace that stance on life, which might or might not include creative endeavors, but you've been neglecting your own enjoyment of life and it's time to stop.

I'm also getting that you are facing an impossible problem to resolve and you're getting stuck in mind games, trying to find the answer to the Riddle. The truth is, you need to step away from finding the answer to this problem because you are looking in the wrong direction. I'm getting savior complex. You are just one person, you cannot neglect yourself for the sake of your family, your friends, your community or the world. You need to help yourself first before you can help anyone else.

Finally, the Father here indicates me that you are over-focusing on the negative aspects of masculinity, and I'm saying that regardless of your gender, as everyone embodies these qualities in one way or another.

Basically, you need to learn to talk about your feelings and ask for help when you need it. Don't try to be a carer for everyone and find balance in the knowing that you can be taken care of to, and you need it!

If people around you don't accept that, I'm sorry but you're going to need a time out from them until they understand and change their way, or cut them off completely if that's not an change they are willing to make. You deserve so much more than what you are getting Pile 3!

That's it for this reading, I hope it was helpful and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💛

PILE 4

Cards: 2 of Wands + 4 of Swords; Knight of Wands + Page of Cups + X of Pentacles Rx; The Box + The Orphan + The Eternal Child Rx

The area of your life that needs nurturing is towards your career and your future goals regarding prosperity.

It seems, when it comes to your career, that you are stuck in a state of inaction and vague contemplation towards your future.

You feel quite dissatisfied with the state of things but you can't quite tell what it is you need in order to finally feel fulfilled. I'm getting that these thoughts are nailing you down.

You feel like you need to wait for something to happen, to show you the light, and that then you'll be able to find your path.

For the struggles regarding this situation, it seems you are balancing between two states. The first is some type of tense over-activity that pushes you to run towards the first potential opportunity that arises for you. You might jump from one idea of path to another, or one job or education to another, never truly digging deep enough or being committed enough to go anywhere. You're basically running in circles.

The other side is to get lost in your wishy washy stance and drowning in your feelings of indecision. Again, it's like you find a thing that seems cool, you go for it, get cold feet, and opt out. The result is that you are blocking your own prosperity, which by nature takes time and dedication.

The advice for Pile 4 and their career is the following:

First, it seems you are putting yourself into a box made of expectations learned from your upbringing and society. You feel like you need to find THE solution, find it fast, and earn success and/or fulfillment straight away. Reality is unfortunately rarely like that.

So you need to examine these expectations you are imposing on yourself and free yourself from them, because they are hindering you more than they are supporting you. They seem like a good idea to motivate yourself but really they are only making you more confused.

Because at the core, you are not asking yourself what you truly need. Perhaps the reason why you struggle so much to find your path is because you are rejecting what you need the most. Perhaps even it's related to the box because you've been told that this isn't possible or desirable.

This is not for everyone, but I'm getting that some of you have some undiagnosed disorder making it difficult for them to function. In that sense the box is literally you not fitting the mold of society and the best thing you could to is to seek help in order to navigate that because you've been trying for a while and you can't do this on your own.

Lastly, there is a need to grow up, and I'm not saying this to be mean, but rather, to encourage you to take accountability for your life and make decision for yourself. Not what other people wants from you, not what society tries to makes of you, but what YOU want to do. Stop waiting for an answer to fall from the sky, pick a path and work towards it. It doesn't mean that you will forever do that, but at some point you need to get out of your nest and pursue something with dedication.

Voilà I hope it was useful Pile 4! I wish you good luck on your journey! 💚

[hollowed-theory-hall]

ok so what are some of the changes you would want in the upcoming harry potter hbo series. and since your blog is Harry centric so I'll ask how do you want him to be portrayed in the series ? what traits of him do you think the series makers should shine more light on ?

Okay, I have, like, a list of things I didn't like in the movies and could be improved upon by the show. The list I have here isn't just about things the show could improve, but also things I want to see in the show in general. I think most of my opinions are pretty common, though.

(Also I'm not sure how good the show will be, like, I'm somewhat hopeful, but also very cautious with my expectations. We should start getting casting announcements around in a few months, which could help indicate where this show is going)

Regardless, here's my list of top concerns for the upcoming show:

Harry's character

This is the one you questioned specifically and one that could make or break the show for me. I want Harry's sass and anger, I don't want him to be a self-insert for the audience the way he was in the movies. I want his actual character. The sass, anger, and tenacity that is Harry Potter combined with his kindness, compassion, and sometimes clueless awkwardness. Let him be smart, clever, and talented.

Harry in the books is so much more than "just Expeliarmos" and the fact people could think that about Harry is a legitimate crime against his character the movies committed. Truly character assassination that Harry isn't an exceptional wizard with the world's lowest self-esteem and cheeky attitude.

(Also, for the love of god, give him green eyes, please. Contacts exist for a reason and it'll be a good way to differentiate the new actor from Radcliffe)

2. Ron & Hermione's characters

I could probably just put a "make all characters like in the books" category since this is true for a lot of them.

Specifically for the other two members of the Golden Trio, I want Hermione to have her flaws, and Ron to be smart. He is talented and smart and just as skilled as Harry and Hermione. He isn't the dumb comic relief and I'm so mad the movies made him such. And Hermione isn't a perfect Mary Sue who can do no wrong. Let her put Rita in a jar. Let her show how much she actually appreciates Ron and Harry and their approach to problems, different as it is to hers.

3. Voldemort's everything

I didn't like Voldemort's design, I didn't like his characterization, I didn't like how he spoke, how he walked — none of it felt like Voldemort to me.

I want Voldemort to be scary, not some odd caricature of himself. Give me a Voldemort design that looks scary. Give him the red eyes, and make him look actually skeletal. And let him move elegantly, talk softly. He isn't shouting and throwing tantrums, usually, he is very deliberate in what he says and does.

Also, give him his weird sense of humor. In the books, he makes bad puns ("Wormtail is here to lend a hand"), I like my villains a little campy with bad puns but also terrifying.

4. Dumbledore's everything

Well, honestly, I have no complaints about Dumbledore in the first movie, my problems started after he was recast.

I want Dumbledore to speak softly. I need an actor who could say "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" and make it work. I want an actor who'd smile like he knows things you don't as his eyes fucking twinkle, but could still look intense and even intimidating for the later seasons. I also want him to look whimsical and dress in the most absurd eye-catching robes you've ever seen.

5. On the matter of robes — wizard fashion

I want wizarding fashion. I want long robes, silly hats, colors, and patterns. I want the costume designers on the show to have fun with it. I want them to go wild.

The wizarding world should look whimsical and campy — that's part of the magic. I want it to look like a foreign world. Even the most purebloods of purebloods (like the Blacks) are more like the Addams Family than any serious drama. They have a sense of campiness and whimsy. Let wizards be weird as shit and show it in their dress and interior design (I mean, the Blacks hang house elf heads and have a troll leg umbrella stand, the Ministry of Magic has paper airplanes flying all around, they're weird).

6. About the more filler-y sections of the books

I want all the silly little plots that were removed from the movies. I think some of the more filer-y things add a lot to the books and to the whimsy of being a student at Hogwarts. I want the trio to sneak out Norbert, I want to see Peeves, the deathday party, all of these things that make Hogwarts truly feel like a magic school.

7. Hogwarts Castle

I love the castle of the movies and that of Hogwarts Legacy. Honestly, I think Hogwarts Legacy did a good job of capturing the feeling of the movies castle while making it its own new unique thing. I think the TV show should do something similar and kinda create a Hogwarts castle amalgamation of all previous iterations that would feel familiar and allow them to still use some of the same merchandise but also be new and unique at the same time.

8. Time period

I think this is a pretty common opinion, but I want the muggle clothes and sets to clearly be set in the 1990s. I want the show to be a period piece. I don't want to see smartphones, or modern fashion, or modern cars — none of that.

9. Age-appropriate casting

I'm not the only one who says this, but as great as Allen Rickman was, he was too old for the role. Part of the tragedy of Snape and the Marauders is how young they actually are. I think it'll just be much more heartbreaking if the actors looked as young as they're supposed to be.

(Including James and Lily in the flashbacks!)

10. Worldbuilding & extra scenes

Since it's a TV show and not a book, which opens up more perspective options, I would like to get, maybe, some extended Pottermore facts into the show. Like, to flash out the world in a way the movies didn't.

Additionally, I wouldn't mind if some extra scenes were added to build up characters we don't get as much of in the books and it could serve the plot. Like, as long as the scenes are added in a way which is like 'they might've happened in the books, we just didn't see them cause Harry wasn't there', that sort of thing without subtracting from anything else and without retconning or contradicting anything. Like, with good writers, this could be really well done, I'm just worried about them adding anything because I don't know how much faith I have in the whole project. But it could be cool if done well.

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

it's really frustrating to see people buying into arbitrary and incorrect divisions between "mental" and "physical" disabilities to describe the very real ableist aggression and disparity in social privilege that is better described by the ability to conform to abled hegemony

like... yes, there is a very real phenomenon of the adhd tiktokker with perfect makeup reacting with disgust towards the wheelchair user in their space

this is because that adhd tiktokker is able to fit into normative abled hegemony. their symptoms do not, currently, present as a significant barrier to engaging in abled hegemony to the extent that they exist entirely outside of it and therefore have to question its very roots. they are still able to be seen as productive, attractive, and therefore socially valuable under abled hegemony, and so they find value and utility in that hegemony and are able to use it to punch down on other disabled people who cannot.

this is still true even if their adhd manifests as what many refer to as a "physical disability" (for example, it's not uncommon for adhd to manifest with invisible breathing and heart problems, which i'm not going to get into the methodology behind here because it'd be derailing). i've encountered scores of people with what would generally be classed as "physical disabilities" who exist in this space--asthma, joint hypermobility disorders, chronic pain, limb replacements, hearing disorders--i have seen people whose "physical" disorders do not disqualify them entirely from acceptance into abled hegemony, time and time again, enact violence on people who are incapable of conforming to abled hegemony. i see this in the "spoonie" and "zebra" communities, i see it in "chronic illness" spaces that accept capitalist class interests and breed liberalism.

equally, i've encountered scores of people labeled as solely "mentally ill" or "mentally disabled" who experience the kind of disenfranchisement that is associated with "physical disability" separatism right now--people with ID and autism who are nonverbal/use AAC or who experience severe mobility issues causing them to use mobility aids for purely "mental" reasons, for example. people who tic visibly/audibly in ways that subject them to social violence. schizophrenics who are subject to physical violence simply because of their body language, even if they don't interact with anyone at all. people who uncontrollably faint at certain stimuli due to panic disorders and face public access barriers as a result.

there's a pattern being picked up on, in that what we classify as "physical" symptoms tend to actually be visible symptoms, and what we classify as "mental" symptoms tend to be invisible symptoms. but that is a false and arbitrary dividing line; there isn't a hard and fast line between the brain and the body. as with the sex binary, classifying something into two dialectic categories extremely rarely works as anything other than a thought exercise.

broadly speaking, the more publicly visible your disabled traits are, the less you're able to fit into normative abled hegemony; broadly speaking, the disabled people who enact oppression on other disabled people via utilizing abled hegemonic ideals tend to have more invisible disabled traits. but that doesn't sort into a clean physical/mental divide, because that method of sorting bodymind traits is outdated and unscientific.

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Babysitter (3)

Falling Asleep On The Job

Wanda Maximoff X Reader

Summary: In need of money and a way to escape the problems at home, you get a job babysitting two lovely boys named Billy and Tommy Maximoff. What happens when you start to feel things you shouldn't for their mother? Will it bloom into love or leave you heartbroken?

A/N- I would just like to say that there will be some sensitive issues in this story such as alcoholism, homophobia, anxiety as well as more mature content such as smut so, if you continue to read this, please consider this warning.

The Babysitter Master list | General Master List

Chapter 3- W/c 3.6k

Falling Asleep On The Job

The cup of coffee warmed your hands while you sipped from it slowly, listening to Natasha as she talked about the class she just escaped from, Professor Harkness being her usual bitchy self according to your best friend.

"But at least I got to stare at Maria for almost an hour," she mumbled at the end, a chuckle leaving you at the amazement in her eyes when she thinks back to the blue-eyed beauty. "Anyway, enough about me, how's the babysitting job going?" You smile at the thought of your job, the last two weeks of looking after the boys passing like a blur, everyday full of fun and silly adventures.

"I love it," you sigh out contently, finger tracing the rim of the coffee cup, "The twins are perfect for me and actually really fun to play with." Natasha laughs with you, teasing you about finding better friends than her.

"What are their parents like?" she splits her chocolate chip muffin, handing you half knowing you wanted to have some without even needing to ask.

"Their father is well...He's a bit of a dick," you answer honestly, thinking back to every encounter you've had with the man. Vision is always either blunt, cold or dismissive of you and is extremely keen on leaving the house as soon as you arrive. Natasha merely grins at the small scowl that appears on your face while thinking of the man, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"What about their mother?" she asks, and you feel a slight blush form on your cheeks, "Oh so the mother is nice then," she jokes, you taking a bite of the muffin and ignoring her comments. "Oh, come on Y/n, spill."

"Fine," you grumble, fingers tapping against your cup now, a subconscious thing you do when you're happy. "Wanda is just amazing," you ignore the insinuating look your best friend is giving you and continue, "She is so kind and caring all the time, makes sure I'm alright and is just a perfect mother to the twins."

"It seems like you finally have a crush," she teases, knowing you're not the kind to fall for many people, too scared of the consequences.

"It's not a crush," you dismiss, taking a bite of the muffin, Natasha chuckling at how quick you were to deny her comment. "I can't have a crush on her anyway, she's married with children in case you forgot."

"That doesn't stop you from being able to like her," she counters, and you just retort to stealing her half of the muffin to shut her up. "Cyka," she mutters, you smile innocently at her with your mouth full of her treat. "You can pay me for that."

"No, I won't," you joke back, "You love me too much to charge me for a muffin." She shakes her head at you, laughter tumbling out of your mouth as she grumbles something else in Russian. You simply sit there looking at each other for a few moments, basking in the comfortable silence before she speaks up.

"How's everything at home at the moment?" her tone is not pushing as she knows it's a sensitive topic for you. Your gaze flickers down to the table, staring at the wood patterns, each swirl and darker tone standing out to you.

"The usual," you say, shrugging your shoulders and taking a sip of your coffee again, the warm liquid helping with the lump forming in your throat. "I haven't spoken to her properly for a few days, she's either at work or passed out so..." Natasha moves to sit next to you in the booth of the cafe, letting you lean your head on her shoulder as she can tell you don't want to talk about it anymore.

"The offer is always there, Y/n," she softly says, "You know Melina and Alexie would love to have to stay at ours," you smile at her but shake your head.

"I can't just leave her Nat, I know she's not perfect but I'm all she has," her arm then wraps around you, letting the conversation die out when you rest your head back against her shoulder and stare out the window. Your eyes follow the people passing by, poking Natasha's ribs and making her look when a dog like Fanny walks past with its owner.

"I can't believe you guys let Yelena name the dog," you chuckle out, Natasha groaning as you always tease her about this.

"It's her dog Y/n," she mumbles, "And how was I supposed to know she'd name it Fanny Longbottom." You bark out a laugh at the name, unable to help yourself and almost falling over when she playfully pushes your head off her body.

"Cyka," you say, trying to copy her Russian but your pronunciation is not the best, making her laugh. Natasha goes to say something in return but is interrupted when your phone starts to ring. The name Wanda flashes across your screen, the redhead smirking at the way your lips tug up into a small smile.

"Hello?" you answer the phone, Natasha moving back to the seat across from you and continuing to drink her coffee.

"Hey Y/n," Wanda's voice rings through the phone as you place it near your ear to talk to her, not putting in on speaker as you just know Natasha would try something while you speak to the older woman, "I know we said you could have today off, but Vision has just called me saying he has some emergency meeting he needs to attend to." You listen and look over to your best friend who's looking at you curiously, "Is there any chance you could look after the twins until he comes home? I'm sorry, I know how out of the blue this is and understand if you can't."

"What time would I need to be there?" you mouth 'babysitting' to Nat, her nodding her head in understanding, smiling at the apologetic look on your face.

"As soon as you can," you plan the journey in your head, trying to figure out what buses you would need to get to reach their house quickly.

"I can do it but it might take me a while to get there depending on the buses," Natasha grins at you before making a whipping gesture at you, a pained noise escaping her when you kick her shin under the table. "What time would Vision or you be back?"

"Well, I'm currently out of Westview on a work trip and just coming back from my parents so I won't be back until after twelve, Vision on the other hand said around six or seven."

"That's fine then, I'll start heading over there now," Natasha helps you put away the work you two were doing before you both got side tracked.

"Thank you, sweetheart," A smile takes over your face at her term of endearment before you both say goodbye.

"I'm sorry Nat-"

"Don't apologise," she cuts you off. "Go and have fun with your other friends," she jokes, giving you a hug and letting you get on your way to the Maximoff's residence.

***

Panting slightly, you ring the bell and try and catch your breath, running all the way from the bus stop as it started to rain, your hair and jumper now drenched. Within seconds, the door opens, an impatient and unhappy Vision standing at the doorway.

"You're late," is all he says before grabbing his own coat and making his way out of the house. You don't even bother making a comment to him, accepting the fact that he's definitely got something shoved so far up his arse that makes him act like a dick.

You take your shoes off, not wanting to trample dirt and water into the home and walk into the living room to see Tommy playing Mario Kart and Billy sat on the sofa watching his brother, seemingly lost in thought with a sad expression.

"Hey mini Maximoffs," you call out, slicking your hair back and deciding that the warmth of this house will quickly dry it. Tommy's face lights up at the sight of you, Billy only smiling a little making you concerned. You drop your backpack off at the table before sitting with Billy, wrapping an arm around him and letting him lean against you. "What's wrong Billy?" Your voice is soft as you speak to him, his shoulders shrugging as he stays quiet, his gaze lowering to the floor. "Come on," you stand up, motioning your head for him to follow you while his brother is preoccupied with his game.

You walk to the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water while Billy takes a seat at the kitchen island, placing his hands on his cheeks as he looks at you.

"I can tell something's bothering you, ok?" you say calmly, sitting next to him and mirroring his body language, arm propping your head up. "I'm not going to make you tell me if you don't want to, but I just want you to know you can talk to me if you need to, alright?" He slowly nods at you, pondering for a minute while his mouth opens and closes as he tries to find the words he wants to say.

"Is...Is it bad for a boy to like drawing?" his voice is quiet while he looks away from you, fingers playing with one another.

"What? Of course it's not," your brows furrow at his question, "Boy can draw if they want to, anyone can." You try to explain him looking back at you with a confused look.

"But my dad said boys shouldn't like to draw," You see red for a second, imagining Vision telling Billy false things, especially when it involves something he likes. "He said it's a waste of time and I should like things like science or sports."

"Your father is wrong, Billy," you don't want to go against one of your bosses but when it comes to crushing this little boy's heart you don't care. "Just because you're a boy that doesn't mean you have to like certain stuff, you can do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy," you see a smile starting to form on his face again. "Also, as long as it's legal," he lets out a chuckle at that.

"Can we draw some things now?" hope starts to surface in his eyes and who were you to deny him.

"Of course we can, go and grab your things and bring them into the living room," he runs off to his room while you go back to where Tommy was.

Soon enough, you have Billy drawing at a small table while you play against Tommy at Mario Kart, swallowing your pride and letting him win a few games to make him cheer. When the track Rainbow Road comes up, you pull a face, remembering how horrible this track was when you would play it with your father.

"I'm so going to beat you Y/n," Tommy teases, sitting upright and focusing hard on the screen as the countdown shows.

"Bring it on Maximoff," you retort, a competitive nature overtaking you. The game is neck and neck as you both complete your laps, the race coming down to the wire as you take the lead. Just as you're about to celebrate, a red shell hits your car, your character spinning out while Tommy's drives past and wins the race, jumping up off the sofa in joy.

"I win!" he exclaims, sticking his tongue out at you making you laugh and roll your eyes.

"Cheap move Maximoff, cheap move," you grumble, placing down the controller and walking over to Billy, checking how his drawing was before making your way back into their kitchen.

Your eyes check the clock, seeing it just gone past half six and decide to make their dinner as you don't want Vision to come back soon and complain. Flicking through cupboards and the fridge, you decide the only thing you're going to have time to make is a simple dish of chicken nuggets and chips.

While preparing the food, as in putting in on a tray to put in the oven, the twins come in to ask what's for dinner, their eyes lighting up at the dinosaur shaped nuggets that you were putting in to cook.

"Thank you, Y/n," the twins say at the same time, freaking you out a little but you brush it aside as you hand them both their plates and sit with them, eating your own plate of food. Biting the head off the poor dinosaur you chose to eat, your eyes widened at the random questions that were thrown your way from either twin. You tried your best to answer them, the question of 'how were we made' making you choke on your chip before you stuttered out that you didn't know.

After the eventful conversation finished, you let the boys digest their food before sending them for their showers and telling them to get dressed in their pyjamas. Billy came down in his red and navy set of pjs while his brother came down in a matching sky blue and green set. The three of you then sat watching one more episode of a cartoon they were watching, you check your phone to see the time and frowning when you see it's half eight. You replied to the few messages Natasha sent, her asking you about your 'dreamy boss' and teasing you more before you decided it was time to get the boys in bed.

"Thank you for tonight Y/n," Billy says while you tuck him into bed, making sure he was snug in his duvet before pulling away.

"No problem, Billy," you whisper, "Remember if you ever want to talk, I'm also here for you." He nods and lets you go over to his brother, tucking him in and chuckling when he starts to say he's too old for it.

"I guess I'll just go now then," you tease, slowly walking away from him, his eyes widening.

"Wait no," his voice a little panicked, "You can still tuck me in if you want to." Chuckling, you move back to tuck him in, ruffling his hair a little before saying goodnight to them both and heading downstairs.

You let out a tired sigh, glancing over to the clock and seeing it was past nine, a little confused as to where Vision was. You send Wanda a message, asking if she knows when Vision will be home and decide to try and finish some of the schoolwork that's in your bag.

Psychology work stares back at you while you glare at the paper, the abundance of information you're meant to be learning not wanting to stay in your mind. Flashcards are soon filled with notes as you try and learn the topic for the test you will be having in Mr Wilson's class in a few days, your eyes growing heavy while you look over the notes once again. Before you know it, you're placing your head down on your arms, resting your eyes for a minute that soon becomes longer than intended.

***

Just after midnight, the front door of the Maximoff residence opens to reveal a very drained Wanda, her hand running through her auburn locks as she leans against the door after closing it. A tired and defeated sigh leaves her lips, exhausted after the long drive from her work trip and ready to just climb into bed and let sleep overtake her.

With the last bit of energy she has, she pushes herself off the door, waking up when she sees the sight of your shoes near the entrance and walks through her home. She tosses her phone onto the side table, the item useless as it died a few hours ago, and searches for you or her husband. Wanda pauses when she sees you, confused as to why you're still here but also concerned as you're slouched over the table, the position definitely going to give you a sore back.

"Sweetheart," she whispers, gently rubbing up and down your back, trying to stir you awake. In response, you just let out a sleepy noise, Wanda's face softening at how peaceful you look, eyes closed and mouth slightly parted as gentle, quiet snores leave your lips. "Come on dear, wake up for me," she tries again, shaking you a little bit to try and get you to wake up.

"Mum?" you murmur, waking up gradually and moving to rub your eyes, back cracking as you stretch.

"Not your mum sweetheart," you hear a voice say, not comprehending it for a moment before your eyes widen when you realise who it is.

"Wanda, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep-"

"Hush dear it's alright," she says softly, "It's past midnight, if you weren't asleep, I would have been worried." You flush at the way she's looking down at you, her hands still running up and down your back soothingly. "Is Vision not home?" she asks, her tone more serious than before making you blink your eyes to try and fully wake up.

"Uh, no?" you look away from her trying to think, not noticing how her jaw clenches at the news. "He wasn't home before I fell asleep, that was probably around ten?" you look at her with a shy look, still embarrassed that you fell asleep at their table. "I messaged you earlier about asking where he was, did you not get it?"

"My phone died a while ago dear," she explains, moving her hands to your shoulder and giving it a gentle and assuring squeeze. "I'm sorry you had to stay here so long," she sighs out, moving to sit next to you, her hands moving off you making you miss her touch.

"I didn't mind it," the tone of your voice genuine, "But I am so tired," you honestly say, stretching once again. "Morning classes are practically child abuse," you mutter, her laughing and remembering how she felt all those years ago when she was in your position.

"Oh god, they were absolute hell," she reminisces on her college life, thinking back to the early mornings and grumpy lecturers. "What did you have this morning?" Despite both of you being so exhausted, Wanda found it easy to talk with you, wanting to stay up a little longer just so she could find out more about you.

"Psychology," you practically groan, "Mr Wilson decided to set another test, so I've been trying to learn it all, but it just won't stay in my brain." Wanda can hear the hint of stress in your voice and places her hand on top of yours, your eyes not meeting hers and skin feeling warm wherever she touches.

"Hey, look at me," your gaze immediately catches her, her green eyes almost overwhelming you with care, "Don't try and force yourself to learn things otherwise you'll just burn out."

"That doesn't matter, I need to pass this test-"

"Don't say that," her hand squeezes yours, "You need to take care of yourself, ok?" You refuse to meet her gaze once again making her speak up, "Can you do that for me Y/n?"

"Yeah," you whisper, giving her a small smile, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me dear," her tone motherly, "Now, do you want to crash here in a guest room?"

"I need to get back home," you considered her offer for a moment but remembered your morning class tomorrow, well today as it was early in the morning, and did not fancy travelling to the college from here. "I just need to find out what buses are still running-"

"I'm not letting you get a bus at this time," her voice leaves no room for arguing, "What would your mother say if I let you do that?"

"Probably nothing," you mutter, Wanda not able to hear the comment. "I need to get home though."

"I'll take you home then," she stands up, moving to grab a glass of water to drink before she drives you back.

"What about the twins? You can't leave them alone," as soon as the words left your lips the front door opened, Vision entered the house, face paling at the look Wanda was giving him, her head tilting to the side slightly.

"Vision can stay with them while I take you home," she states, Vision lowering his head as he walks up the stairs of the house, Wanda helping you put all your things away and walking you to her car. You climb into the red vehicle, Wanda following suit and motioning for you to enter your address in the sat nav.

The drive is only about twenty minutes but the whole journey passed in a blur, you just enjoying the company of the older woman. She assured you many times that she didn't mind taking you home, wanting to make sure you got there safely. During the drive you occasionally glance over at her, admiring her side profile and noticing how her fingers drummed against the steering wheel to the beat of the music playing.

"This is it," you say, a little embarrassed, your apartment block is nothing in comparison to her house. "Thank you once again Wanda for the ride," you turn to her, a smile gracing your lips.

"No problem, dear," her eyes look over at your building before returning back to you, "Have a good night, Y/n," she calls out when you start to climb out of the car, grabbing your backpack from the backseats.

"You too Wanda," your hands hold your bag strap, Wanda's heart melting how cute you look before shaking the thought away. "Get home safely," you tease, copying her words from whenever she walks you to the door after babysitting.

"See you soon Y/n," she says while you open the door to the building, putting her car in reverse and heading back home with you on her mind.

---

As a brit, Yelena naming the dog Fanny will forever been funny

I hope you enjoyed :)

Please leave any thoughts/comments/votes <3 I really appreciate them!

Ao3- LoveIsAnImaginaryDagger

[zarnzarn]

Part four (+FOUR ASKS FUCK YEAH) of the reverse odyssey au! all tagged on the blog.

1/2/3/4

||

Penelope takes a shaky breath and waves off the maid trying to light one of the lamps. The maid bows nervously and leaves the room, bumping into the fake door with a squeak before running off.

Must be new. Who's hiring them, though?

A rustling noise next to her pulls her attention away and she turns to watch Polites nod gravely to her and then sink down at her feet, petting Argos. If she'd had energy, she'd raise an eyebrow, but all she can think of is how Odysseus would have teasingly asked her why she wasn't chiding Polites for looking so unkempt and miserable with his wooden leg unpolished and crutches uncared for, in his roundabout, carefree way of being worried. Already Eurylochus had run himself into the ground and taken so ill he could barely speak. She'd have to keep a careful eye on them both.

In her most secret, private moments, Penelope remembers Anticlea's muttered words about Athena teaching Odysseus her emotional repression along with the battle strategies, and has to tamp down on a smile desperately in case an owl is nearby.

Although, on the topic of Athena.

Penelope looks out at the sea, grimacing at the green algae now covering the waters. It was poisoning the fish, that much was for sure, making them float to the surface in droves of corpses, a clear insult to the water god- and only Athena with her cunning would be able to cause such widespread damage.

On one hand, it was glorious to see how much the goddess loved her husband, no matter if her infamous pride was probably the larger reason why she had poisoned the oceans so. It was still in part for Odysseus' curse that the waters now found themselves under a brutal, uncaring attack, becoming more filthy by the day, and something in Penelope's chest that was still a nymph despite all her effort to rid herself of it purred in satisfaction.

On the other hand. How long till they ran out of fish?

Queen Anticlea, bless Hestia, was the descendant of a farmer, and had spent much of her time as queen overseeing the grain of their kingdom and bullying them all into establishing good agriculture- but the rains had been bleak and old Leartes had not remembered to barter for a freshwater supply this year, so they ran the chance of running slim, especially with six hundred men now returned.

The heavy doors creak open and Penelope comes back to herself. A problem for later.

"Good evening, everyone!" A voice calls from beyond, nasal and cheerful, and they all rise.

Ctimene is a tall woman, thin and sleek, with a chiton bare of patterns but made of the finest cloth. What comes to mind since the day Penelope first laid eyes on her is sharp, from her hairstyle to her amber eyes, someone who wears a smile as warm as her brother's but doesn't expect you to believe in it like he does- doesn't need you to, because she's going to get her way regardless.

She'd left Ithaka a few months after Penelope arrived, coming home sporadically from where Penelope assumes she's been happily terrorizing Same, but she remembers how her husband's sister is.

That she and Odysseus did not kill each other in the womb itself is something of a minor miracle, is the general consensus amongst everyone.

"Princess Ctimene," Penelope says, bowing.

"Queen is what your missive said," She replies before Penelope can speak further. Her eyes narrow and Penelope carefully shows no sign of her impending headache- Hermes' eyes are not to be looked upon, and his children share his preference- and holds the gaze calmly. Ctimene throws her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head. "So, did my idiot brother finally run out of luck?"

Penelope blinks and- actually looks. Ctimene is a stone tower, but Penelope can suddenly see the cracks- a trembling lip, the flash of agonized grief in her eyes, fingernails clenched into her own palm.

"No!" She blurts out, stumbling down the stairs to take her hand. "No, he's not- he is not lost to us, sister, I should have written that before."

"What does that mean?" Ctimene's eyes narrow, as she pulls herself up, emotion hidden once again. "Speak plainly, Pen."

Pen hits her straight in the chest, stealing her breath from her for a moment. It has been so long since her Helen and Clymenestra and Iphitimene have called her that, and for Ctimene to do so so easily, even though they barely know each other-

She takes in a shaky breath and holds herself back high. "Poseidon has- cursed Odysseus, for blinding his son instead of killing him. His men were allowed to return in exchange, but he swims the seas as a strange creature now, with the tail of a fish, unable to speak to us; we spent the last year on the seas, looking for him, but were taken away by bad luck and bad timing just as we reached him and-"

"What are you talking about?" Ctimene interrupts incredulous, unfolding her arms to finally let her body language show. "What? Poseidon? How in Gaia's name did that fool- I thought he was being held hostage by Troy or something! Cursed?"

Penelope tries not to let her resolve waver. Ten years of only letters and missives have taken their toll, as much as she was spitefully determined to not let them; to have to deal with the injustice now that the war was not yet over for her, that there was still a fight left before she had her husband in her arms again, her darling, trickster husband who she spent every morning missing, every moment she was alone aching for-

Her husband, who had been at her fingertips, who had looked at her for that one brief moment with recognition and joy so bright and loving and a smile so wide at her presence that her final image of him now was blurred because of her tears-

Her husband, who had been swept away. Whom she had failed.

"Yes," She replies. "But during our search- we were blessed... by the presence of Lady Athena herself."

"Let me guess," Ctimene interrupts, lips quirking in amusement. The men around her frown and look at each other with disbelief as she has no reaction to the news, as if gods appeared to mortals as often as the goats bleated. "She lectured you all for running off without a plan and dragged you back like disobedient children."

Penelope's mouth opens and closes, with no idea what to say. She feels her aunt's paranoia about the wrath of the gods grip her and she has to actively fight the urge to shake this woman and tell her to keep her mouth shut, but- was that not... technically what had happened?

"I would not put it that way," She manages, hoping that no one is around to hear. "Athena's counsel is unparalleled-"

"Do not bother," Athena says next to her, and several people shout and fall to the floor, trembling. Penelope herself feels her heart drop to the ground in fear. "You might convince a mountain to move aside, before you get this insolent woman to show some respect to me. Hello, Ctimene."

"Hi, Athena," Ctimene straightens up, hands behind her back as she grins, suddenly looking much more younger and childish. "Where have you been? You haven't come to meet me in ages!"

"On the battlefields of Troy," Athena says dryly. By someone's grace, she is not yet angry; although from the pieces Penelope is putting together, her husband's mentorship seems to be much less hands-off than she'd assumed it was; and she can describe Odysseus as many things but significantly not someone you can spend a lot of time with without having a high tolerance to annoyance.

That would give Ctimene some leeway with her casualness, but she really needed to stop talking before Athena grew cross with them as well-

Ctimene pouts, moving closer. "That's no excuse," She insists, giving half the people in the room so much stress that Penelope thinks they'll keel over in a faint, and the other half some new resignation to dying violently. "I want your wisdom too!"

Athena- laughs?

"When will you ever change, weasel?" She says, lips twisted in amusement.

"Never," Ctimene says, warmer than Penelope's ever heard her, before straightening up and tilting her chin up. "So. You want me to take the throne."

"Yes." Penelope steps in, heart pounding nervously. Talking in front of Athena with a clear mind was wracking, but Ctimene's familiarity gives her confidence enough to step in. She knows politics. She had ruled Ithaka for ten years. She is a princess of Sparta and the best statesperson of her lands, and she must believe in herself for others to believe in her. "I have written up a contract-"

"None is needed," Ctimene interrupts, waving a hand dismissively. Penelope is stunned silent for a moment, letting the other woman turn away to comment on the worn curtains- then her blood boils. This- This absolute-

It takes every inch of her will to calm herself down and not show any sign of her anger in front of all the people looking on. It is a skill honed well from arguing her father and uncle in court, but in front of Athena it feels scorchingly worse, unbelievable mortification.

"May I ask why?" Penelope says, voice cold.

Ctimene turns in surprise, eyes flicking to the side and back. "I do not contract with family," She says, voice slightly smaller, and all the anger goes rushing back out of Penelope, leaving both embarassment and relief in its wake. "I have no designs to the throne of Ithaka, after all. But if you want, I could."

"Please," Penelope inclines her head, walking forward to place the scroll in her hand. "And in the future, do remember that while dealing with any of the Spartan family, at least, there is no love lost between blood. Contracts are needed in every aspect of politics."

Ctimene nods, and Penelope turns away to bow in front of Athena while her courage lasts. "Goddess of Wisdom, patron of Ithaka," She pitches her voice respectably. "May I inquire about a matter, if I might recieve your blessings to do so?"

"Granted."

"Our people rely on fish," She says simply. Does not look up to see if Athena is angry, about to fly into a rage and curse her for her insolence. "I would greatly be thankful if you would let me know if we require to trade for supplies from the mainland this year."

Athena is silent for a long moment. Penelope's heart pounds. Then- "It will last a month more. Do not eat seafood till then."

Her breath escapes her. "Thank you, Pallas Athena."

She turns back to the men, lifting her chin. "We will stay in for the rains and resume our search next summer, giving Odysseus time to return to the sea. When we sail, Ctimene will be crowned queen, and rule with her husband until we return. But the men who had come with us the first time will be all replaced by a new cohort."

She silences their loud protests with a raised hand, trying not to waver in the face of their betrayed looks and devastation. "No," She says firmly. "Odysseus sacrificed himself for all of you to return home, to make new lives safe and happy; not spend time chasing him down on the high seas endlessly. Honor his choice. We will have rotations every season, barring the storms. Choose amongst the remaining men who will be coming by next harvest."

Polites looks at her as the men are dismissed, filing out of the main hall muttering desolately. "I will not be leaving, Penelope."

Her lips quirk. It might be the first time he's called her by name. "Wouldn't expect any different." She's incredibly aware that this is uncharted territory, her first actual order as Queen of Ithaka. Ten years she had learnt the politics, but it had been under Anticlea and Laertes, with an end date she could look forward to. Now she is no longer a replacement sovereign, no longer has a husband sailing back to lighten her load.

Queen of Ithaka. How ironic, that of the three jewels, of all her sisters, she was the only one to achieve their dream of being able to rule alone and visible- yet it meant was that she would never be happy.

She turns back to Ctimene and Athena, who are both staring at her with the same unreadable expression.

Discomfort rushes through her- had she said the wrong thing somewhere?- but she pushes it aside to bow again. "How is Eurylochus?"

Ctimene smiles, and something genuine breaks through. "Better. Did you know he was not eating, though?"

Penelope starts at the sudden accusation, shocked. Feels anger rise at Eurylochus' idiocy, putting her at odds with her sister-in-law because of his own stupidity. "No, I did not," She said evenly. "Rations were distributed equally."

"But you must have known!" Ctimene snaps. "How-"

Athena places a hand on her shoulder. "Screaming helps no one."

Ctimene jerks her head to the side, cheeks burning. Penelope opens her mouth to say something, but the other suddenly rushes past, skirts billowing. "I have to go. Let us meet in the evening, Penelope."

"Alright," Penelope says, and when she turns back Athena has disappeared as well.

She takes a long breath, shoulders slumping as the doors bang closed. Then looks beside her and squints. "You better be eating. I don't want to hear nonsense about fainting and wasting away from you, understand?"

Polites snorts and gets to his feet. "Yes, your grace."

She groans, putting her head in her hands, exhausted. "Why did he have to not eat? Now Ctimene blames me and will fight me on everything as recompense. How was I supposed to even know!"

Polites sighs, and she remembers with a start that he is Eurylochus' best friend as well. "You must understand, Penelope." He says quietly, with all the sorrow that she knew he'd been pushing aside for a brave face with the men, their unending optimism made person. Some days, even she couldn't tell whether he was acting or not. "That the reason we got into this mess at all was because of the two of us."

Penelope frowns. "I'm sure that's not-"

"It was on Eurylochus' behest that we stopped for food. It was on my insistence that we trusted the Lotus people. Odysseus would still be here if it wasn't for the two of us, pushing him to make decisions on behalf of all of us, then standing back while he took all the punishment for it."

"That is what ruling is-!" Penelope exclaims, but is cut off again.

"It was still our fault!" He bursts out, voice cracking. "Do you know, not one second-in-command survived the Trojan war? That the war only stretched as long as it did because Odysseus was the only strategist determined to not let even one of his men be a casualty? I myself saw three soldiers throw themselves in front of fatal blows for Patroclus, I saw Diomedes' general get shot down after he forced his king to stay back while they inspected a rumor about a crack in the wall- man after man died for their rulers, and us? All six hundred, whole and hearty, returned miraculously to our families, our home; while our brother and friend-" His face twists up. "-our ruler who made it possible is lost to us. Ten years of his love and care and jokes made us lose sight of the fact that he was still our King, not just our captain. We should have been the ones to go, Penelope. Even if every man, every soldier had been Poseidon's cost- we knew the risks. We knew when we sailed that not all would return. If no one else, me and Eurylochus should have had the damn courage-"

He breaks into sobs and Penelope drops all sense of propriety to pull him into a hug, mouth downturned as she silently cries as well, shoulders jerking.

"I miss him," He sobs. "My best friend. Why did the gods have to take him? Why must the Fates be so cruel?"

Penelope's eyes mist over, as she turns to stare out the window, out at the poisoned ocean, her husband swimming somewhere under its waters.

Come back, she begs. Oh, Odysseus, everyone loves and misses you so. Come back soon.

[zorosdimples]

there seems to be this common sentiment that you’re only allowed to feel lonely when you’re physically isolated—when you don’t have friends, when you’re estranged from family, etc. but the truth is that loneliness is much more of a mental struggle—a frame of mind—than it is a physical state of being or a verifiable fact.

for example: think about a point in your life where you have felt incredibly and all-consumingly alone. sure, maybe you didn’t have many people around you. but i’m also willing to bet that there was at least one person in your life that cared—be it a friend or a partner or a teacher. but you didn’t confide in or open up to anyone because you either 1. were embarrassed; 2. thought they wouldn’t understand; or 3. didn’t want to be a burden.

none of these hang-ups are indicative of us actually having no one to speak to—no loved ones to comfort us. rather, they’re our own mental struggles which reflect our personal insecurities and emotions. at the end of the day, having friends around you doesn’t mean that you can’t (or won’t) have days where you feel isolated. you can have a sea of friends and family and mentors who adore you; but they can’t exactly reach out to that solitary place in your mind.

it’s silly to gatekeep feelings of isolation, especially on the internet. when people bring up “cliques” on tumblr, it’s usually rooted in a place of insecurity—one that we can all empathize with, as social media tends to exacerbate our personal feelings of inadequacy. but also, these individuals are generally pointing to small friend groups. a group friends isn’t inherently cliquish, because calling them such would mean that they are at their root exclusionary.

defining inclusivity within an online space is difficult, but often, people are quick to cry “clique” without any nuance. if someone is kind to you, i wouldn’t call that exclusionary behavior—would you? are they barring you from public spaces? are they actively targeting or harassing you? if not, your feelings are exactly that: your feelings. we can’t project our insecurities onto others and assume the worst; we need to give others the benefit of the doubt. we all have lives offline that are often more difficult than we will ever divulge.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that while we all are allowed to (and do, at times) feel lonely, we are each responsible for regulating our own emotions. going out of your way to blame others for your problems—when you have no evidence, no established patterns of behavior to reference—is childish. instead, let’s assume good intent, love on one another, and always be open to growth.

[cripplecharacters]

Hello. I am writing a character with intellectual disability, and I have found your posts about that really helpful. Thank you for taking the time to make them.

I am trying to do research and write him well, and I was hoping you could give me some advice on how to do that. My problem is that I would like to describe the way he speaks and the sound of his voice, but I'm not sure how to do that respectfully.

What I would like to describe is the way he takes a little longer to complete his sentences, needs more time than others do to plan what he's going to say, and pronounces some sounds a bit differently because of motor skills issues. I want to honor his unique voice and also help readers understand that he is noticeably disabled.

Are there any words or terms that would be really good/preferred to describe this sort of thing? And, on the other side, is there anything stereotypical or hurtful that should be avoided?

Thank you!

Hi!

I recommend our guide on writing speech disabilities!

In-dialogue, you can try showing him taking a break mid-sentence or using a lot of filler words/sounds to show that he's taking his time. You can spell them out in his speech, but I wouldn't overuse it - you can put more of them at the start, but later your readers will remember that that's how he talks, and occasional reminders should be enough.

It's important to remember that 1) ableists often mock the things I just mentioned, and 2) they're nonetheless real and real life people (me) talk with those patterns. I'd urge you to show them as just how he talks, not something that's inherently "annoying" or "child-like". Stray away from any sorts of infantilizing comparisons in general (that is, if he's not an actual child).

For him taking longer to plan what he is going to say, that's very real lol. How it shows (or doesn't show) will be very personal, I specifically tend to look up + fidget with my hands and people who know me can recognize that it means I'm trying to say something but need a moment (though strangers also often get it). But he can show it completely differently of course.

I don't think there's a consensus on what's the best way of "spelling out" someone's speech disability. My personal preference is leaving it out of the actual speech, but making it clear in the dialogue tags. It's also easier for readers who might have reading disabilities or not be native speakers of the language you write in. So you could make it clear there whether it's that he's slurring words, has a lisp, or stutters.

For terms, a lot of the accurate ones have also been used to mock how we talk. "Slow" would be the best example, "loud" would be there as well. A lot of us will talk slow, a lot will talk very loudly. I do the latter, and I know people who do both or neither. The key is to say it in a way that's neutral and not pass it off as some funny quirk or an outright gag. It's just a speech characteristic, the same way that someone could have a lower pitched voice, or speak very softly.

You can also show him struggling to follow the flow of the conversation. So sometimes it could be that he just loses the main topic and just asks what the discussion has been about (I do that all the time), or continues going on the subject that the other character(s) already moved on from.

Thanks for the ask and being thoughtful about it! I hope this helps

mod Sasza

[angelkiyo]

groomsmen! kita shinsuke x reader : falling behind

a/n: no warnings, just tooth rotting fluff and this being fairly short, enjoy !

growing up, kita shinsuke had never been one to consider love or romance. to him, falling in love and the idea of romance seemed far-fetched and didn’t seem to be in the cards for him. since childhood and middle school, he has perfected and articulated his schedule and routines to follow. because of these thought out patterns throughout the trajectory of his life, he gets to live life peacefully as a rice farmer and have his business booming. though nothing on his schedule had ever said about meeting a partner? so when his old friend, aran, was getting married and asked shinsuke who his date was, shinsuke couldn’t give him an answer.

aran was getting married, osamu and his girlfriend were expecting, and atsumu was going to propose to his fiancée after the paris olympics. what was shinsuke going to do?

“so you need a date to a wedding? which is when?” you took another sip of your tea as you eyed shinsuke. your grandmother has been friends with his since birth, leading for the two of you to be close. you went to a girls academy as he went to inarizaki, you played tennis while he had volleyball and you were a successful lawyer and had promised to help shinsuke if he was ever sued due to his rice business. you promised to help with anything in general. you two are best friends. apart from his grandma, you’re the person he’s closest with.

shinsuke took a bite out of his pastry, “next week.”

your face shifted into one of slight annoyance as you sipped your drink again, “shin, that’s so— why’d you ask me so last minute?”

the two of you were at a local cafe with the intention to catch up, where shinsuke’s date problem to the wedding was revealed. asking you to come with him was something he hadn’t thought of before meeting up. he hasn’t seen you in two years due to conflicting schedules and the fact that you spend a lot of time in tokyo, only going to hyōgo to visit sometimes. you’ve changed and he’s noticed. you look more mature.

shinsuke gave you a pleading look, “i mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but i would really like you to.”

you pursed your lips and shrugged, “well i can’t just let you rent a girlfriend when you have me.” he smiled at you as you lightly laughed. he felt his chest tighten but brushed it off as heart burn.

———————-

the day of the wedding came faster than he had expected. you were going to meet him at the reception outside in the parking lot. he felt himself fiddle with his cuff links in anxiety. he could always rely on you, he just didn’t know why his hands felt so clammy and why his heartbeat was raising. though, when he saw you step out of your uber, he felt his heart in his stomach and his face soften as you scurried to him, giving him such a saccharine smile. he felt like that for the whole night, soaking up your presence as you hung around his arm. the way you were simply able to speak without overthinking your words and your wit, was refreshing. he enjoyed being there with you, he always has. he felt his senses go into hyperdrive as you were closer with him tonight.

with that said, when he saw you catch the flower bouquet from the bride and clearly look at him flustered afterward, noted by the groom and groomsmen, he felt his heart beating faster than ever. the sore sight of you under the wedding spotlight, shining on your beautiful figure and ethereal features, looking at him, made him feel like he was melting. it felt almost uncanny as when it was time for aran to throw the garter, shinsuke caught it. aran went to shinsuke and held him by the shoulder, “if that isn’t a sign, man, i don’t know what is.” he looked at you, laughing in embarrassment as he headed back to your table.

a sign?

you waved the bouquet at him and laughed, "look at our luck, shin!"

he felt blood rise in his cheeks as he chuckled, “yup!” he felt a stupid smile grow on his face as his face burned. he never felt this giddy? you’ve always been this way. you’ve always been so sweet. he just felt your entire presence hit him like a bullet train. he felt a tug at his suit jacket to see you standing up, motioning to the dance floor, “c’mon shin, i like this song.”

it was a type of bossa-nova song, he knew you loved the genre and took your hand. he saw atsumu, rintarō, and aran give him a thumbs up from his peripheral vision and snorted. as he danced with you amongst the crowd on the dance floor, he couldn’t help but still feel so nervous. the candle lit chandelier shining on your face showed your features in such a beautiful way, shinsuke didn’t know how to describe it. he’s known you for 26 years and this was the first time he really got to see you. it was stupid, really, that he hasn’t seen you like this before.

you leaned towards him and smiled, “im glad you asked me to go with you, shin. you look so handsome.” he saw your smile and felt his heartbeat accelerate. he’s surprised he hasn’t dropped dead from a heart attack yet, “you look so beautiful…”

you slapped his bicep as you laughed, “geez shin, you’ve never called me that before. you flatter me.” as the two of you swayed to the soft music, you just kissed him. it was more of a peck but enough to get shinsuke’s face red. the two of you widened your eyes at each other as you looked away, “im sorry, i just—“

“it’s fine.”

you looked at him again and smiled, “did i tell you that you looked really handsome tonight?”

he laughed and gave you a light spin. maybe romance was in the cards for him after all...

[sukunaology]

Hello, I am a first time reader. May I please request for Yandere Nanami Kento one shot wherein his darling is trying to hide from him inside their shared home.

𝚗.𝚔. — 𝚓𝚓𝚔

a/n: hihi !! thank you for requesting!! i was so excited to see my first request! i hope i fulfilled what you asked for you! kento is a new character to write for me so i hope i do him justice lolol

w/c: 758

synopsis: in which you screw up royally

trigger warnings: pet names (dear, darling), general yandere scariness, kidnapping mentions, forced financial dependency, mentions of violence, mention of punishment, forced domestic roles and spanking. MDNI, read under the cut.

it hadn't been long since kento had brought you back to his home. you still have nightmares of that moment when you had been knocked out and taken to the home that he had recently bought. he told you that it was perfect, it would be just you and him, in a shared domestic bliss.

though in your eyes, it did not feel that way. even though you greeted him every evening at the door, you never ever truly loved him. it was a matter of survival for you.

you quickly learned kento's pattern, if you had disobeyed or made any attempt to run away, he would bend you over his knee or he'd lock you up in that strangely large basement depending on the severity. kento isn't quick to anger, in fact, compared to everyone else, he has loads of patience toward you. he didn't mind that dinner was not always ready when he came home. he didn't mind that learning how to sow took you a long time. it was only when you decided to challenge that domestic fantasy he had created that were you subject to the worst of kento.

"dear, i'm going to work now"

his voice pulls you from the chasm of your mind, and you look up at him. you feel his lips press gently against your forehead, his hands cupping your cheeks. you lean into his touch, feeding his fantasies. you began to notice that he trusted you more than he did in the past.

he lets you watch tv for a certain amount of time, he lets you outside when he is home. he also started letting you access the knives in the kitchen, you hadn't tried to test his patience since the last time he had locked you in the basement.. but today you felt brave.

you walk kento to the door, giving him a final goodbye kiss. you wave as he enters his car and he drives away.

closing the door, you decide to occupy your time by reading books or doing menial chores around the house, it's the only thing you can really do. you watched carefully as the clock ticked by, waiting for that very specific time. 3'oclock. this busiest hour of kento's office job.

when that fated time clicks on the clock hands, you get up and carefully head to the farthest window down the hallway that connects the living room to the stairs. you push up the window lock and you cheer mentally as it opens with no problem. it seems easy.. almost too easy, but you pay no mind to the minute details of the moment.

pulling yourself up to the window ledge, you freeze as you notice the green light reflection in the window. your hands feel clammy as you jump down, closing the window. you turn slowly, meeting face to face with the camera. damn it. you should have seen that coming

kento plans everything

he knows everything you do

he must be coming home now.

in the distance, outside the door, you can hear the tires of kento's car tires screech. you shake out of your stupor to find a place to hide. instinctively, you go where you always hide when kento gets like this. the bedroom closet. predictable, but it allows you a moment to get ready for what is to come.

like clockwork, you hear the door slam. his footsteps stomp up the steps and you can hear as he enters the bedroom. "dear, come out. now" he speaks evenly, but you know of the hell that will come to you. you might as well face it now. you get up from your fetal position and you step out of the closet door.

kento sits on the edge of the bed, and he gives a stern yet disappointed look. "i expected better from you, darling. you know what to do, come here"

you do as you are told and you come to him, you bend over his knee. he hikes up your pants, "we'll do fifteen. this will help you remember exactly what happens if you do this again" clenching the sheets from where you lay, you prepare yourself for the first hit.

then the next

the next

and the next

it feels like forever before it is over. he rubs his hand up and down your back as you sob, the stinging pain hitting you like a freight train. "i know it hurts, but you'll do good to remember that this is for your own good darling"

[messiahzzz]

while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

[coldresolve]

How to Write a Schizoid Character

Schizoid Personality Disorder (SzPD) affects an estimated 1% of the population, similar to rates of autism, but is widely overlooked both in real life and in fiction - to the point where it is often colloquially labelled "the silent disorder". This is a somewhat comprehensive guide in how to write a character with SzPD, from someone who has it.

Quick research guide

I'm writing this guide with the underlying assumption that you've already done some cursory reading into the basics of SzPD. At this point, you need to understand two things: One is that this disorder is incredibly poorly researched, due to schizoids often not seeking treatment for the disorder itself (they sometimes seek treatment for comorbidities like depression or anxiety); and two, as a result of this, there is a lot of over-simplified misinformation out there about SzPD. This disorder often gets boiled down, even by mental health professionals, to the DSM-V or IDC-10 diagnostic criteria, which are criticised widely in the schizoid community for being incredibly superficial descriptions of overt SzPD. This is the kind of case where you need to seek out the SzPD specialists or the schizoids themselves for information about the disorder.

Akhtar's profile is a good overview. Psychologist Elinor Greenberg has a quora where she answers all sorts of questions about SzPD, and she typically hits the nail on the head. Other resources include Schizoid Angst, a youtube channel run by a man who has SzPD (this convo in particular is really good). If you're interested in a deep dive, I recommend reading The Divided Self by R.D. Laing for a deeper understanding of the inner workings of schizoids, as well as the relationship between SzPD and the rest of the schizophrenia spectrum.

Understand the "root" of SzPD

SzPD typically forms as the result abuse, neglect or abandonment in childhood. Schizoids have learned through trauma that emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and dependence on other people all have the potential to harm them badly, and as a result, they tend to avoid those things. In that sense, schizoids don't have a problem with other people, per se. Understanding this fact can help you write your schizoid character with more realism and nuance.

For example, it's a common misconception that all schizoids are averse to having sex. Many schizoids are, to be fair - but plenty of schizoids also frequently engage in hook-up culture, or form other sexual relationships. Physical intimacy can be entirely seperate from emotional intimacy, and thus pose no real risk to a person with SzPD. It's also possible for schizoids to form good relationships with other people, if those relationships are based on non-emotional grounds, such as recreational interests, work, religion, etc.

You can show this in your schizoid character by thinking about which of your other characters your schizoid might gravitate towards. In general, they will feel safest with characters who place few (or no) emotional demands on them, don't place high value on phatic gestures, don't pry into their emotional state or background, respect their need for independence and agency, and so on.

Overt or Covert?

Once you've researched the disorder a bit, you need to decide whether your schizoid character is overt or covert. The overt/covert split is about 50%/50%, so neither is more likely than the other.

Overt schizoids tend to be a lot more blunt about their indifference, visibly detached and aloof, and are typically way less likely to engage in social settings (or be in social settings at all). These are the characters who have blunt affect, ie. won't have much of an emotional reaction to their surroundings, even if it directly involves them (ex. getting praised/criticised). They may have odd speaking patterns, such as stilted or vague speech, and can sometimes come across as cold and uncaring. Overt schizoids are noticably reluctant to reveal what's going on in their internal world, so they might also come across as enigmatic, secretive, or mistrustful.

If your character is an overt schizoid, think about how their behavior and personality are percieved by other characters, what kind of reactions might arise. Think about how your schizoid character might navigate these reactions - after all, they're probably used to getting comments. How do they react if someone comments on how disinterested/moody they seem? Do they tell the person to fuck off? Do they raise an eyebrow, and that's that?

Covert schizoids, or "secret" schizoids, experience the exact same symptoms as overt SzPD, but they hide it behind what's called a false-self system. You can think of it as a form of compulsive masking. Apart from perhaps vaguely eccentric behavior, you typically won't be able to tell that a secret schizoid has SzPD unless you know what you're looking for. If your character is a secret schizoid, they will behave in a way that seems socially engaged and interested, maybe even extroverted, but they will be emotionally withdrawn and safe within an internal world.

If your character is a covert schizoid, your other characters might not notice that anything is out of the ordinary with them at all - until they learn more about your character's lifestyle. Secret schizoids are not as used to being confronted about their odd behavior as overt schizoids are, and, depending on the character overall, might respond to these confrontations with awkwardness, defensiveness or confusion. Many secret schizoids are also unaware that they have SzPD, but are instead just vaguely aware that their behavior and preferences seem strange and different to other people.

Figure out the internals

An intricate internal fantasy life makes for a well-thought-out, sharply self-aware character. Schizoids spend most of their time in their own heads, so you need to have a good understanding of your character's internal world, fantasies and reflections, and how these things affect their behavior, priorities and decisions.

For many schizoids, their fantasy life is rooted in their own lives, either their past, present, or future - what-ifs, what-if-nots and could've-beens. They'll have internal "interactions" with other people they know, play out entire conversations and scenarios, and respond and react much more vividly than they tend to in real life. For other schizoids, their fantasies exist in a world entirely seperate to our own, with its own rules and structure, which they can explore to their own liking. For others yet, they think up fictional stories, sometimes inspired by real life, sometimes not.

Themes in the internal world often reflect the schizoid's own struggle with independence and intimacy. A lot of schizoids use their fantasies as a safe and sufficient way to feel "connected" to others. Others have violent, vengeful fantasies, which often juxtapose the indifferent demeanor - these fantasies tie in to the need for independence and emotional control, sometimes referred to as schizoid omnipotence.

Beyond the intricate fantasies, consider your character's moral beliefs. Schizoids tend toward idiosyncasy - we're in the "odd and eccentric" cluster for a reason. Akhtar described this quality as "occasionally strikingly amoral, at other times altruistically self-sacrificing." Take some time to figure out how this might express itself in your character, and how it is percieved by the characters around them.

Schizoids and relationships

You know how borderlines have their favorite person, and narcissists have their chosen person? A schizoid might just stumble upon someone who will become their interest person, or IP.

An IP is someone outside their immediate close family who the schizoid feels safe enough to be vulnerable with, are genuinely interested in, and who the schizoid forms an honest-to-god emotional connection to. This relationship can be either romantic or platonic in nature. If you choose to give your schizoid character an IP, make sure to emphasize how much this relationship stands out as uniquely meaningful to the schizoid - this is the one person they are even capable of having a genuine bond with, and that bond alone can keep them grounded against feelings of cosmic isolation. Your schizoid isn't likely to take this for granted.

An interesting tidbit of information is that schizoids paradoxically tend to gravitate towards relationships with highly extroverted, emotional people, to the point where the schizoid-hysteric relationships are an entire category of psychological research. Here's a really good snippet that describes how that dynamic tends to play out.

(Also keep in mind that just because a schizoid doesn't have an IP does not necessarily mean they are miserable. A lot of schizoids are capable of finding their own peace with whatever tools they have available.)

Another notable term for schizoid relationships is the controversial stock friend. A stock friend is a person who considers themself friends with the (typically covert) schizoid, and who thinks they have an emotional connection with them, but who the schizoid feels no emotional connection to, has no real interest in, and only interacts with out of convenience or happenstance. Is this immoral? Are schizoids leading people on, or are we justified in masking to avoid a constant stream of awkward confrontations, that have the potential to hurt other people's feelings? Who knows.

Splitting

You might have heard of idealization/devaluation-splitting as it pertains to borderline PD (bad/good) or narcissistic PD (worthy/unworthy). Splitting happens in SzPD as well, along the axis of safe/unsafe.

Schizoids will occasionally cut other people out of their lives, and this usually happens when they get overwhelmed with another person's attempts at emotional intimacy, or their boundaries have been deliberately or repeatedly crossed. They will often view the person as relentlessly prying, controlling, demanding, or dangerous, and will desperately seperate themself from that person as a way to avoid being consumed, or "smothered". At this point, if the other person doesn't let the schizoid get away, the schizoid might become overtly hostile. This is a fear response.

If you want to write a schizoid splitting, be aware that a split with a schizoid usually marks the end of the relationship altogether - especially if the relationship hasn't lasted for very long, and double especially if the person isn't the schizoid's IP. Once a schizoid has lost trust in someone, that trust is very, very difficult to build back up, even if both parties agree to try. Your schizoid character is going to be incredibly wary of the other person, and the relationship is probably never going to feel like it did before.

Beware of stereotypes

Every once in a while I'll encounter a story that features a character who has very obvious schizoid traits, and almost every single time, their arc leaves me disappointed and frustrated. Here are some tropes I would personally avoid writing for a schizoid character.

"He just needed love all along." Kill this trope, no exceptions. Strong emotional intimacy can erode or overpower a schizoid's sense of self, and usually leads to feelings of smothering, being trapped/crushed by the other, and losing autonomy and independence. A schizoid is capable of love on their own specific terms, but if it's on the terms of other people, they will strongly feel like it's something being forced on them against their will. They might still outwardly "accept it" as a form submission or compliance, but it will not be out of love. This trope gives me psychic damage.

"He sacrificed his life for others, which proves that he cared all along." This trope isn't necessarily bad, it just always leaves me with this impression that neurotypicals can only interpret caring when it happens in the extremes. And while it's true that schizoids can sometimes be altruistically self-sacrificing, it's kinda depressing to see schizoid-like characters die all the time. There are other ways you could show schizoid altruism that would also leave the door open for more closure for the character themself.

"He turned evil and violent." While this trope isn't quite as common as it is with other disorders, notably those from cluster B, it does still exist. So here's your friendly reminder that mentally ill and neurodivergent people are more likely to be the victims of violence than to be perpetrators, by far. I'm not saying you should never write a schizoid bad guy, you certainly can - I'm just telling you to be very careful about how you go about it, so you don't end up sending the wrong kind of message.

Conclusion

Schizoid characters are cool, and I wish there were more well-written canonically schizoid characters out there. But I'm also clearly biased, so what do I know