#generally speaking i think men should be ok with showing emotions and crying etc

[all-pacas]

i read all your house fics over the past few days and i love your style of writing. the dialogue fits the characters and show so well, idk what it is about it but it just clicks in my head and i can hear their voices while i read it. and all of their internal monologues are just perfect. i love the grasp you have on the ducklings' backstories and motivations its seriously inspired :))

now im trying to work on the oneshot idea ive been stewing over for an entire year, about chase being house's only fellow pre-canon, which seems like a weird and absurd situation to me. the idea is that something must have happened for him to basically be secured as house's fellow, but he also has to realize himself that he passed house's mysterious criteria. any specific tips for writing him? especially younger him?

Oh wow that’s so flattering! And SUCH a good idea for a fanfic, I’m also lowkey obsessed with the mysterious year (!) Chase spent with House pre-series lmao. Like I think we all agree, there’s no way House would have kept him just because his dad called, right? I actually can’t think of a way to get someone fired faster than telling House he has to employ this kid.

I have no idea for tips, because I feel like I still kind of am like ??? when it comes to Chase. But I’m also always happy to yell about god’s least favorite princess:

Chase is kinda passive-aggressive! He will do his best to avoid and freeze out his problems. When everyone is trying to talk to him about his dad, he ignores, refuses to engage, literally walks away. When House confronts him about the nun in S1, Chase doesn’t actually confirm that he’s Catholic, even: he just changes the subject to “I bet the nun’s boss knows about her.” By implication, he confirms House is right, but he never says shit. He’s private as hell. Likewise, he gets touchy when people “pry.” We also see it in his relationship with Cameron, to an extent: it bothers him for a long while that she never makes him feel welcome at her apartment, but he doesn’t say anything, just lowkey makes sure they’re always at his. 

He also tends to be conflict avoidant. When Cameron and Foreman are fighting over the “stolen” article, they both try to get him on their side, and he tells them both what they want to hear. He doesn’t defend himself against House’s bullying, Foreman tells him to his face a couple of times that he doesn’t like him and Chase says nothing. However, this doesn’t mean he’s that easy going. We see with his dad he will hold a fucking grudge forever — even in S5 he’s talking about how much he hated him, and in S8 and how he talks about his mother, we see he hasn’t stopped hating her, either. Also he calls out Foreman a couple of times, either by just being a little bitch (telling a patient “Foreman doesn’t like me either” while Foreman is right there) or by just laying things out for him (S7′s “oh, you think you’re better than me?” stairway rant). It also doesn’t mean Chase is totally spineless and has no boundaries. With Cameron, he actually dumps her when she tries to avoid him over the engagement, and has no problem calling off the wedding over sperm-gate. When things matter to him, he’ll stand up for himself; he just prefers to freeze out or avoid conflict. He also has no problem in confronting House when he feels like it. He’s not very scared of House, House just doesn’t bother him.

He also gains more… let’s call it confidence… as time goes on. Chase always seems to be pretty secure in his self-worth and idea of himself (and NEVER willingly opens up to other people), but over time he definitely becomes a little punchier. In S1-3 he’s willing to just sort of roll his eyes and take it when things happen, but by S4-5 he’s happy to call House or Foreman out and argue instead of just letting things go (passive-aggressively). He never gets any better at emotional honesty (his “punch House instead of talking about his divorce” thing is straight out of his S1 daddy issues playbook), but he does grow something of a spine. I imagine before the show started, he was even less prone to fighting back beyond snarky comments.

He genuinely finds House funny. He almost always laughs at House’s stupidest jokes, and as much as he’s accused of being an asskisser, he. Really just does think House is funny. Foreman and Cameron hardly ever react to House’s little comments, Chase is always grinning along. This is important. Chase’s sense of humor sucks! He is an idiot! He likes House. In S1 he says he likes how direct House is, there’s the way he always laughs at House’s jokes, he is absolutely a huge suck up also but he also likes House. I think pre-canon this was absolutely still the case. House comes in all prepared to make this little nepo-baby cry and instead Chase not just imprints on him but thinks he’s so funny and admires how mean he is and how smart he is. Chase really likes his job. He says it a lot, but I don’t know if it gets focused on all that much. He ratted to Vogler because he wanted to keep his job, he makes comments many times about how he won’t risk his job. He likes working for House, he wants to keep doing it, he will ass-kiss and work hard and throw people under the bus to keep it: with the Vogler situation, he was pretty willing to fight Cameron for it, and he and Cameron usually get along!

He’s very observant when he wants to be. He gets House; from his little monologue to Wilson in Private Lives we see he basically can analyze “House is looking at a book” and figure out it’s a fake book and that House is really invested in it. In S3, he’s able to pick apart House and Foreman’s resignation drama over like. Two sentences. In ‘Nobody’s Fault’ in S8, Chase is pissed with House (for really the first time ever), but also sees through his excuses to do differentials in the OR as excuses for House to check in, he knows House is worried: in S5, Chase realizes House is broken up about his father’s death without even seeing him. This is also something House appreciates about Chase, a lot. He says in S3 it’s why he hired him; House also tends to “reward” Chase by being pretty honest with him. When Chase asks him something, House usually answers him honestly. (with Foreman’s resignation, as soon as Chase calls him out, House admits it and they have an honest conversation on what House should do next; in S5, House wants a surgery done for personal reasons and admits it and why when Chase asks.) 

I think part of this is because Chase actually very rarely does ask House anything, and he never makes demands on House or his feelings. He accepts at face value that House is “fine” during Detox, he doesn’t try and fix or change him, in “Half Wit” when the others are scheming to get House tested or make amends with him, Chase tries (and fails) to act normal, and then just wants a hug. Compare like. Cameron, who keeps trying to change or push House into acting how she wants him to act (blackmailing him into a date, for example). I’m not saying House doesn’t care about her, just. House is more open with Chase than he is with a lot of people who aren’t Wilson. Also, Chase does not return the favor. He literally ran up the stairs rather than tell House about his daddy issues, lmao. It’s kind of crazy that House is arguably more open and honest with Chase than vice-versa.

Finally, despite all his secret seething passive-aggression and daddy issues, and the fact that honestly Chase could really benefit from therapy and anti-depressants? He is not a sad uwu baby. This is sort of a general rant, but. You see it all the tiiime in fanfic. And yes, he’s super fucked up. But he’s cheerful most of the time! He likes doing crazy things, he is often pretty sarcastic and makes bad jokes! He’s a flirt, even before his S7 manwhore days — in early seasons we see him check out girls in the hallways, flirt at parties, with residents and nurses. He has hobbies (he’s fairly sporty, if Cameron’s “your apartment was decorated by a drunk rugby player” comment is anything to go on), he likes to read and do crossword puzzles and surfs and skis. He tells bad jokes. He tends to be fairly self confident — he doesn’t just take it when he’s accused of making mistakes, he has no problems with social situations or interactions, he hilariously thinks women are attracted to his personality and not his looks, like, he thinks he has a winning personality, that’s incredibly funny. He’s not arrogant in that he doesn’t really have much of a need to prove himself (he’s pretty fucking unambitious, actually), but he definitely has the Good Looking Rich Kid mentality where he thinks he belongs in any given situation and that people like him. He also has the social skills to back it up. Because he represses and avoids and seethes instead of expressing emotions, he comes off as generally cheerful and laid back, you know? Why be sad when you can just repress everything and flirt with nurses instead!

Finally finally: he's a huge fucking crybaby. Have you seen how red his eyes get. He might try to be stoic and repress but he tears up at the drop of a hat. First time House bullied him he probably started to cry.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

I’m still working on the NSFW Alphabet for Enigma/Edward Nashton/Riddler-Before-He-Was-Riddler from “Arkham Origins,” and it’s going to take some time because of my work schedule being the PITA that it is...

However, I do have some snippets of an Arkham Knight!Riddler x female!Reader fic I’ve been working on here and there over the last few weeks. 

Now, these are not beta-read, so there may be some mistakes, and some things might change or be added or rearranged, etc. when I do get around to proof-reading the complete fic, but the basic idea of each snippet won’t change from here on to the finished product. 

The general concept behind this fic is what would it take for AK!Riddler to, well, get his shit together? We all know how he started out as a snack -- or more accurately, a damn MEAL:

then became a...well, a hot mess (still adorable, though):

Possibly having someone in his life who actually appreciates him and shows him some affection could get him to clean himself up? Because we all know this boy is most likely touch-starved and would probably cry if someone was actually sweet to him, and he’d probably do whatever he could to be as presentable as possible to keep them around -- anything to keep them from vanishing from his life and leaving him all alone and unwanted again.

Anyway, here are the three (non-beta’d!) snippets from the fic:

Snippet 1:

Initially, Edward told himself it was for his own good. He was Gotham’s one true genius so why shouldn’t he take better care of himself? Cloning was not possible, nor was there any way to transfer the human consciousness into a machine. All of this meant there was only ONE Edward Nigma, and he deserved to look and feel his absolute best. 

Besides, he thought it was yet another way to one-up anyone who opposed him. Yes, of course he could look just as put together as anyone else -- or better. He was superior in every possible way after all.

It had all started with a comment from Selina as she was leaving to take care of the job Edward had assigned to her.

“You know, Eddie,” she said, turning to look at him over her shoulder. “Ladies like men who don’t smell like a car repair shop.”

With that, she was gone and Edward was, at first, not even registering what she had said to him. But it did creep into his thoughts faster than he would have liked, and he analyzed every piece of it. Why would Selina say such a thing? Then again, most people said pointless -- or more accurately, stupid -- things. Normally, he would have disregarded and forgot about it as he went about his work, but it nagged at him like a mathematical equation without a proper solution.

Taking a break from working on some new Riddlerbots, Edward went to the bathroom to locate anything he had on hand to take care of the headache he was currently dealing with. He found a bottle of Aspirin in the medicine cabinet, but when he closed the door, he stared at his reflection for a moment (When was the last time he’d given himself a proper glance in a mirror?)

As Edward took the Aspirin, he remembered Y/N was coming to see him that day -- soon, actually. Perhaps a shower would be a good idea? She would probably appreciate it if he didn’t smell like a car repair shop. And he probably would feel better being clean. Could help him think a little more clearly.

As he showered, Edward told himself this was primarily for his benefit and he wasn’t trying to impress Y/N -- or anyone for that matter. Deep down, though, he knew this was part of something he didn’t quite understand, something dealing with Y/N, something he hadn’t experienced before. That part of him was too afraid at that time to come forth and propose an answer to this dilemma. This was unfamiliar territory, something that wasn’t logical or scientific but emotional and...no, that “strange” part of him needed to stay quiet if he wanted to keep his thoughts together.

This was nothing. Nothing was going on. Everything was normal. And no, Edward didn’t feel relieved when Y/N complimented him on his appearance upon arriving. Taking a shower and putting on nice, clean clothes had nothing to do with gaining her approval. He did it for himself, to give himself a “refresh” before getting back to work. He wasn’t aiming to please or impress anyone, remember? Not even Y/N.

Especially not Y/N.

Or so he thought.

Snippet 2:

Something was different when Edward put someone else before anything of his, namely his work. Had it been anyone else, he’d have tossed a bunch of insults and told them never to bother helping him again. 

However, with Y/N, it was completely different -- and he didn’t even realize it at first.

She was carrying a box of mechanical parts to bring to Edward to aid in constructing new robots, and he had warned her to be careful, to not overload the box or it would be too heavy for her. While carrying the box of gears, wires, and metal bits, she tripped over her own feet and fell forward. The box toppled over onto the floor, spilling the contents everywhere, and she collapsed on her left forearm and knee.

“I told you to be careful!” Edward growled as he rushed over.

“I’m sorry!” Y/N said, pushing herself up and looking at the mess. “I don’t think I broke anything--”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

Y/N fully expected Edward to examine the scattered parts to see if they had sustained any damage but he went right by them. Kneeling down beside her, he gently took her left arm and briefly studied the scratched skin. 

“I don’t think it’s broken,” Edward said as he carefully felt her forearm and elbow. “And your knee….”

“I think it’s ok,” Y/N said as she moved to sit. “It hurts, though.”

Edward placard his hands on Y/N’s left knee, feeling around and noting how she winced several times. 

“Not broken,” he said. “But most certainly will be sore and bruised for a while. Here…let’s get you up.”

Edward let Y/N put an arm around him to steady her as he helped her to stand. Of course, her left knee ached far too much for her to walk on her own, so he continued to guide her to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry about the stuff,” Y/N said, looking and sounding as guilty as she felt.

“Don’t worry about it,” Edward said absent-mindedly as he located some clean bandages and antiseptic cream. “Most of it probably won’t even be needed for what I’m doing now, and I can always acquire more. In fact...I have more in storage.”

Edward turned on the faucet and tested the water until it was comfortably warm, then he gingerly took Y/N’s left arm and began cleaning it with soap. It stung a little but she tolerated it, studying his highly focused expression and wondering if this was even happening? He truly wasn’t upset that she dropped the box of bits and pieces? She just couldn’t wrap her head around it, and doubted that anyone would believe her without proof.

Edward dried Y/N’s arm with a clean towel before tossing it in the trash. After applying some antiseptic cream to a strip of bandage, he proceeded to wrap it around her arm, covering the wound. 

“There…” Edward said, admiring his handiwork. “How does that feel?

“Good,” Y/N said.

“Now for your, uh, knee.” Edward swallowed, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “It...doesn’t appear to be bleeding so...I think we can just put, um, ice on it. Unless you think it needs to be looked at?”

“No, I think it’s fine. Ice is fine. Thank you.”

Edward nodded before clearing his throat and reaching out to Y/N.

“Come,” he said. “Let me help you to the couch.”

Snippet 3:

“Ok, who are you and what did you do with Eddie?” asked Selina as she looked Edward over incredulously.

It appeared that Edward finally got his shit together and was taking care of himself. Not only was he free of grime and grease, he was dressed in rather impressive attire: black dress shirt, green gloves, green trousers, and dark brown boots. Even his hair was cut and styled differently as it was shorter with subtle layering, the offset part causing bangs to fall over most of his forehead and just above his brows. 

Another noteworthy change was Edward’s weight. Instead of surviving on snacks and coffee, he must have been eating actual food again as he was no longer skin and bones. Actually, he looked a little bit...toned? Was he back to his old routine of perfectly planned, ultra-healthy, balanced meals coupled with a decent amount of exercise? Selina remembered he used to get up early in the and exercise almost right away most days of the week. It helped him “get focused” before even having coffee, he had said.

“What are you going on about?” Edward asked in an agitated tone. “Nevermind. It’s nonsense anyway.”

“Personality is still the same,” Selina muttered as she followed Edward to a workbench.

Once he was done explaining in excessive, almost condescending detail the particulars of the items she needed to steal for him, she decided to ask some questions.

“So, tell me, Eddie,” Selina began, turning to him. “What inspired you to finally start looking like a professional criminal mastermind as opposed to an overworked grease monkey?”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Edward said, before clearing his throat and straightening, a smug smile on his face. “I came to the long overdue conclusion that, as Gotham’s one true genius and Batman’s superior, I should look after myself and be presentable. What’s on the outside should reflect what’s going on inside, so to speak. I mean, what a waste of a brilliant mind such as mine to live in a body akin to a starving, filthy rat scurrying about in the sewers?”

“So you are basically telling me you did this for yourself,” Selina said resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Edward’s narcissistic ramblings. “Are you sure you didn’t do this for any other reason?”

“Like what?” Edward asked, clearly puzzled by such a question.

“Hmm...well, let me ask this: Has Y/N seen your ‘transformed’ self?”

Selina noted how Edward’s blue eyes lit up upon hearing Y/N’s name, and suddenly, his obnoxious personality changed to a much more amiable one.

“She likes it,” Edward said with a bright smile. “Her compliments about my appearance go hand in hand with her compliments about my genius. It’s wonderful having someone around who actually appreciates my existence.”

“I take it that her approval means a lot to you then?”

“Of course! Considering she’s the only person who treats me with respect, I think she deserves the privilege of having me listen to, accept, and sometimes take her advice.”

Selina smirked as she had received the answer to her question.

“Well then, I must be going, Eddie,” she said as she turned to leave. “I’ll get you what you requested in no time.”

“Yes, please do,” Edward said sternly, going back to his arrogant tone. “My request should be of the utmost importance compared to whoever else you’re working with at the moment.”

“Yes, yes, Eddie, of course. Bye!”

[nossbean]

Top 7 comfort movies

I’m roughly 12 years late to the party but I was tagged by @ajoblotofjunk and @ilikeblue ! Thanks so much!

So confession up front - when looking for comfort stuff I actually tend towards TV! So here’s a mix of comfort media XD Also, like, in which I ramble only semi-coherently about things I love. 😅

1. Singin’ in the Rain

I... have no deep reasons for loving this. I just - I love Cosmo Brown. I love tap dancing. I love the earnestness of this whole flick and the OT3-ness that is just, like, everywhere in this damn movie. The songs are catchy, the dancing is impressive as all get out, it’s a lot of fun. The dorky scenes about enunciation - even if I could do without the sexist overtones to Lena’s storyline. I used to work in TV, so the stuff about where to put the mics was RELATABLE (if... not exactly the same ofc). The cast is attractive. There is 1 space mom (Debbie Reynolds) and 1 space aunt (Cyd Charisse) in it, which tickles me xD 

Let’s see, I’ve given random headcanons on Singin’ before, but let’s go with this one. When watching it the first time in my twenties and “Make ‘em Laugh” came on, my pal said with such deep earnest and pained joy, “Cosmo is doing all this just to make Don laugh,” and I think about that every time I watch that sequence. 

THE LOVE. it’s eVERYWHERE.

2. Parks and Recreation

Look, I can totally see how Parks & Rec isn’t for everyone. But to me, it’s a half-hour long televisual hug of people doing their best to love each other and make the world better, with helpings of political commentary and utterly absurd comedy. It definitely doesn’t come without caveats and is already dated in some ways, but in a weird way, I appreciate that Schur & Goor have grown in their politics that missteps taken in P&R aren’t repeated in and are often actually rectified in B99 & The Good Place. I deeply, deeply love the relationship between Ben and Leslie, and how hard Leslie loves: people, Pawnee, politics, public service. The families-of-choice vibes are strong in this one and there are few things I am more of a suck for than families-of-choice. I could ramble endlessly on this one, so I’ll cut myself off there.

Anyhoops, I have very many feelings about P&R and if you’ve been wondering whether to watch it but holding back for whatever reason, please DEFINITELY message me and I will share with you my many thoughts on why you should watch, where there might be squicks, and why you should actually start with season 2, episode 21 (yes, even the completionists amongst you).

Bonus gif:

3. Jurassic Park

... I love dinosaurs, and I love Dr Ellie Satler. She is amazing and if there was a gif of her with the triceratops I would have chosen that one. Between her general personality/competency, her unabashed feminism and her face, she remains the best 🥰Also I appreciate that Lex also got to save the day, in a way v specific to her skillset and that the film didn’t dismiss her despite being v scared and way outside her comfort zone in the outdoorsy survival parts of the film. 

I also have fond memories of going to see it for my sixth birthday and going to the bathroom when the T-rex eats Gennaro, so not totally understanding why all my pals were terrified when I got back. Ofc I then had fears that a t-rex would stomp and crush our home, but *handwaves* I grew out of that fear. And grew a new one.

4. Avatar: the Last Airbender

Ho-hum. Where to start with Avatar. Lmao, in the context of Game of Thrones (to which it has been ofc compared lately) just having a long-form television show which delivers on the vast majority of its themes and premises is a relief and satisfying. But, I liked Avatar long before I was back in the GOT-verse so. It’s a compelling narrative, carefully constructed and mindful of the stories and values it’s putting out into the world. And those stories, values and themes aren’t light. It tackles war, genocide, familial abuse, revenge, and redemption alongside things like building family, accepting differences, forgiveness, and honesty. That said, it balances those things with children-being-children, and moments of grace and humour. Each character is well-drawn, their personalities and choices respected, and the idea that character-drives-plot is masterfully demonstrated. Hey look - we’ve got some families-of-choice vibes here too!

I think I’ve previously rambled in the tags of a post about Katara specifically. But as someone who has, ah, an appreciation for anger and an awareness that women + anger = bad, societally speaking, Katara was a breath of fresh air. She is as compassionate as she is angry, and while there are philosophical differences between characters when it comes to her acting on her anger, the anger itself is never questioned or denigrated, by other characters or by the narrative itself. Her anger is never used as a tool to invalidate her other characteristics, or the reverse (her compassion, her nurturing side, etc, are never used to invalidate her anger), and she means a lot to me.

Also idk what this is but it came up when I searched Avatar and if I have to see it and be slightly confused and embarrassed then so do you:

5. Pacific Rim

lmao I rambled so much about the past few I’m tempted to just say: I JUST LOVE IT OK. Which is true, but. A bit more. Pacific Rim is like two hours of hope. I think I have in my queue a post that describes the relationship between Mako and Raleigh as two hurt & hardened warriors who nonetheless find softness with each other, and that is 100% true. But that ignores how in many ways, the same is true for Stacker and Mako, and even Stacker and Raleigh to degrees. Stacker’s adoption of Mako is very important. A black man with an East London accent being the most vital person in the movement to save the world is important. The multi-national, scrappy and semi-guerilla response to a weird af global threat, and the related deep humanity in facing the end of the world and hoping against hope that there’s a chance, also deeply resonant. 

It’s also stunning: Guillermo del Toro and his colour schemes, y’all. The fight scenes are so GOOD and INTERESTING and just so blatantly done by someone who knew exactly what they were doing and loved every minute of it. The idea of the drift and of drift compatibility is lovely: that philosophical belief in the interconnectedness of people. The (somewhat blink-and-you-miss-it) background class commentary (del Toro, icu) 👏. 

And, ofc, as with many on this list: the centering of Mako, the dedication to playing out the full emotional arc, of her having complex emotions which are respected and acknowledged by other characters and the narrative... yes please thank you.

6. Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries

Women being competent and supported is deeply comforting. I’ve particularly found myself rewatching MFMM as the world is on fire. Just - watching Phryne build her family (families of choice!) and her community, get her men, and win the day through cleverness and determination is heartening.

7. The Holiday

I love Kate Winslet’s arc in this. But honestly I think much of my love for this centres on the fact that I saw it when v much longing to move to the UK and it is the most charming/romantic portrayal of Britain and that appealed to 20 y-o K who was so desperate to go. That said, the arc between Iris & Arthur (eg the gif below) makes me cry every time, so there’s that.

As mentioned, I’m v late to this game so I don’t know who’s been tagged! If you haven’t done it yet, please consider yourself tagged & let me know when you’ve done it! (Yes, I definitely do mean you!)

[theparaminds]

When taught to young children, music is explained as ‘what emotions feel like’, in it’s simplest form that is all that music is. Yet, Holladay has embraced this idea to the highest degree, whether purposefully or subconsciously, to create some of the most honest and hopeful music around. 

Standing as both a person of colour and as someone who identifies with queer communities, Holladay is not the final puzzle piece ready to complete an existing story. Instead, he survives as a piece uniquely his own, starting his own puzzle to find the answers to questions he and so many others know, yet struggle to understand. 

Music is much more than just sound or vibrations to Holladay; it’s a way of life, it’s healing and above all, it’s freedom in a form that can never be taken away. And in the same vein, Holladay is more than just a musician to those around him; he’s an open book that challenges us to listen and understand others, yet above all, to reflect on ourselves and to become the best possible individuals we can become. 

PM: First question as always, how is your day going?

H: My day is ok, I had something planned but just woke up late. But tomorrow's a new day and I can get back on it. I have just been at home with the homies.

PM: Is that a sort of morning meditation for you all?

H: Actually, Yeah! First, we drink coffee then we all just spiral together

PM: To begin why don't we look at your beginnings as an artist, how do you believe your environment growing up led to you becoming an artist and feeling you needed to express yourself artistically?

H: Music has not always been, but has now become a healing tool. Ever before the music, I make now I was making hip hop and at the time I was perpetrating the same cycles that I was put in, that was machismo culture and indulging in that. At one point I moved away and freed myself and just decided to create music of what I truly feel and wanting to create healing.

PM: Have you found a positivity and personal success in rejecting modern male stereotypes and hyper-masculinity? And what do you find the importance of that is in art and in general life?

H: I’m looking to free myself in every way possible and stepping back from hip-hop and just allowing myself to create based on feelings. But it's really important for all of us, especially us men of color who make music because there is no black and white. We should be able to touch any topic, cry and be able to feel in general.

PM: Through the challenges of being queer and a POC, how did you find yourself working towards self-acceptance and understanding?

H: As of recently its funny to me, the past two weeks I've been getting a lot of people reaching out and telling me how my work makes them comfortable with their queerness or in their own skin. We tell ourselves this is why we do this, and you can become very narcissistic in it, but my end goal is to make music that makes me feel safe and to see other people are feeling that way it boggles my mind yet happy.

PM: As well, while looking at music, how have you felt the groups you represent have been treated in the industry and how could it improve as time goes on?

H: I won't name but some of the people who have been representing the QPOC community have this fetish for white men and It's so easy for us men of color to love someone that doesn't look like us, it's harder to love someone that is a mirror. We need to keep working on loving ourselves and being accepting of how we as a community are and our faults.

PM: How about the indie community specifically? Has it embraced it you and given you a better safe space that's a lot more positive to work in?

H: Yeah I don't have that many homies in the scene, but the ones I do, like Victor, Cuco and Jasper Bones, are all very loving and accepting. When I was making hip-hop, not to say there weren't love filled spaces, but it was to an extent, but now I’m happy and feel like I'm apart of something special.

PM: While you mention them, what’re your thoughts on this rising group of brown artists like Victor and Cuco, and how would you say their and your rise has meant for all of your shared cultures in media?

H: I think it happens a lot in the media where each generation has a group of brown artists come up. There's this marketing tool of ‘the Latin explosion’ and it happens all the time. In the 2000s it was Frankie J, Baby Bash etc. and it makes me uncomfortable, it makes me feel like we always haven't been here and are something new. But with this happening it's being seen as us finally being heard and hopefully it can break the chain of what the media has done to latinx artists.

PM: Almost in a way the difference seems to be a lot more pride and self-love towards the community you guys have come from, have you felt growing up you’ve always been connected to where you come from or did you find you rejected it for a while?

H: For my experiences, I went through a long self-hate phase, I used to be so lost after the 2000s it felt like there was no representation of myself. Whatever I saw I wanted to be, and I wasn't seeing me. Slowly I started reading and becoming educated about becoming myself and why brown is beautiful. I hope I can be that for other kids and make sure real representation that isn't token can speak to others that I once was like.

PM: We talk about healing but you also speak about self-hate. But you're also someone who speaks a lot on mental health in your communities, is this something music has helped you heal through?

H: Of course, releasing music is always after coming to terms with an issue and something I needed to confront. Talking about mental health is so important to me because there's such a stigma around it,  It's something essential and it's something that needs to be a core of dialogue.

PM: How have you felt the communities you are a part of have, especially the POC communities, dealt with the rise in mental health importance and dealt with others being more open on the issue

H: I would like to say it's getting better, and I say that because I'm not around a lot of older brown folks anymore, I’m very much around those in my age range, and we’re all pretty accepting. We’re working towards things and being transparent as much as possible. It feels it's getting better but there’s the outside world I'm not part of, you know? There are still kids being told to not cry, it'll take a long time till we get there.

PM: Who have you found as you’re healing, growing and creating that you are looking up to and learning from as you discover yourself and transverse through challenges

H: The universe, and that can be any higher power, whatever it means to you. It guides me and teaches everything as I go. As well, the people in my space and my managers and the people I work with, all the homies. I feel the universe has given them the message to pass down to me.

PM: Looking ahead, how do you hope to see yourself grow as an artist through the next months and years and how does that growth look for you?

H: I just hope that whatever I’m working on, it'll be beautiful and that's what’ll come out of me. The last song I released, Baby boy, that came from wanting to figure things out and be comfier so the more I go into it, the more I learned myself. I just want to keep creating until it’s habit

PM: Do you have any future work on the horizon? And how does it build on past work?

H: I think since I'm trying to figure out something new every day or any chance I get, every time I do that is when I create but with the same cadence and feeling as before. I do want to put an EP together soon, it's going to sound different but it’s still going to be me.

PM: What to you is the most important lesson to pass down to others who have been through or are going through the same challenges as you?

H: Be patient with yourself and your process, it seems like a long road, feeling like you'll never reach where you want to be, but you just have to trust your process and the universe. Step back from the moment and group yourself when possible. And second, know safe spaces exist and that you're loved and accepted somewhere, trust the world will take you there.

PM: And for a final question, what’s a book everyone reading should pick up?

H: The Malcolm X autobiography, after I read it in high school it just sparked something in me, it didn't stop there because it shows you that change is possible within a person.

PM: Do you have anybody or anything to shout out or promote? The floor is yours.

H: Shout out to my safe space and everyone in it. I love them very much and the past couple months being here has helped me so much, I feel like if I didn't find this space I would probably not be here anymore, honestly, and having a support group is so important, you don't have to be an individual and independent all the time. We are social creatures who feed off each other. We need people. Shoutout to the music homies, Victor, Cuco, Jasper Bones. That’s about it.

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[datinglove07-blog-blog-blog]

Dating anxiety, need help? - GirlsAskGuys

New Post has been published on https://onlinedatingloves.com/trending/dating-anxiety-need-help-girlsaskguys/

Dating anxiety, need help? - GirlsAskGuys

Recently I came across a guy who was interested and I wasn’t before because I said it would never happen. We had conversation and after a few weeks I woke up with a feeling in my stomach. I was so frustrated at myself and now I sleep at night thinking of him no matter what I do. I have anxiety because I don’t want to get hurt and he hasn’t shown me any red flags the month we’ve gotten to know one another.

I had two crying episodes because I’m falling for him by the second, I’m receiving no answers on what to do next, and I can’t take it anymore and it’s weighing heavy on me. I need all the advice I can get because anxiety is no fun at all

Seems to me you regret rejecting him.

There are missing pieces to this puzzle and something that I need you and all women to understand.

Healthy heterosexual men and women; can’t just be friends for extended periods of time.

You haven’t at all indicated your general level of attraction towards him only that you now have anxiety.

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb, but that regret you feel may not be due to infatuation in the since of typical attraction.

This guy gave you attention, security, someone to talk to and possibly emotional support through all of it the time you’ve been talking. You can’t help but feel you should reciprocate that or that you’ve burned a bridge.

The anxiety affecting you now is, possibly your fear of losing him as you said he hasn’t displayed any red flags which means that could possibly be a big chunk of positivity in your life. Essentially, he is emotional validation.

So I—we need to know in definite words how you feel about him and now how you feel because of him.

The only bit I gleaned is that you are falling for him.

Anxiety is a serious issue. One not to be taken lightly. Because of past experiences you definitely want to protect yourself. But we do have feelings and emotions and they at times rears its head. Since you’re preoccupied with this notion and feeling, you have to trust yourself. If you cannot weigh everything to your satisfaction insecurity curiosity etc it will consume you. You have to put your best foot forward and trust you are the best judge of character by being you and not holding back. If you are all you say you are then if they are true to themselves it will come out. By being all of you with every nuance behavior mannerisms etc if they cannot deal with you then they cannot deal with themselves. It’s not what’s wrong with you on the contrary its what’s right with you. Everything requires work. Nothing is easy even when you think it is it requires time and effort. Once motivation drive interest and lack of agreement on many issues by not seeing eye to eye gives you enough information to proceed or not. We have hearts love compassion and so on. But if they like you they will go out of their way all the time. If that interests even dips there’s a reason. Communication is detrimental to survival and longevity. You should be able to talk about anything and if you can’t you can’t grow. Even at a snail’s pace everything grows if not then it just stands still.

0|0

Frankly, here is what I can offer. I think you need to be brave (and only you can be brave enough to stand tall, even when inside you may feel quite small) and if you have enough courage and you feel ready. Speak to him face-to-face… But, only if you feel comfortable, tell him that you have dating anxiety. Option No. 2: If you are too overwhelmed and anxious, talk it over with your closest and most trusted friend and see what they say.

You are just nerveous, it’s normal especially if you like someone. Don’t try to diagnose yourself with a mental illness.

I went to the doctor already I have anxiety way before this situation.

Well you rejected him so he probably moved on so if u want him you are going to have to put in effort to get him back

What? Look , if you like him then go ahead and do everything to grab him , if you don’t like him then be neutral and pet a dog to relive yourself of all the stress.

Talk to him. Admit the anxiety issues and go from their.

I guess having that anxiety in u on your first date, can at least teach u how it feels for the very first time… i guess after that date, you won’t even stop thinking about it.

If you have dating anxiety, you shouldn’t date… It’s for the best,

I know from personal experience… It will just be awkward

the most common causes of anxiety within relationships/dating are mostly linked to bad history of experiences, as we go through our lives we will meet honest and not so honest people, some will be healthy for us and others will be purely out to get whatever they want to satiate their own needs and not be interested in returning the favour… and bad experiences with the latter will inevitably question any future connection with other people and the severity of that depends on the seriousness of the damage those people caused… if he hasn’t given you any red flags or any reason to doubt him or his intent then talk to him and explain to him how you feel and how you feel about him and the situation and if he cares about you he will understand and be patient with you

Firstly, you’re walking a dangerous line right now lady. Lemme tell you from experience, infatuation while having anxiety is more stressful that it’s worth.

Secondly, I think it’s time for you to take a step back and realize that it isn’t the end of the world. You’re not gonna die or get hurt from being a friend. That’s all you are anyways, friend (in this case, they’re a friend you happen to have a crush on).

Thirdly, talk about your feelings with someone else. Even if they give you crappy advice, at least you won’t have to fight your battle alone. Remember, when it comes to anxiety, you are literally your own worst enemy. Everything you are thinking is just that, a thought, nothing more.

If you figure it out, let me know. I have a friend who is going through this.

it’s normal, fear gives a bad impression to the person you like. keep calm and go on a date.

So you friendzoned a guy and now you want him when you had the opportunity before but didn’t take it? Why should he give you the time of day now? What’s to stop him from friendzoning you the way you did him? If I were him I would. If a woman doesn’t take the opportunity the first time around very seldomly do I give them a second chance and even then I regret it afterwards for them wasting my time. If I were him I wouldn’t even bother. You made your bed now you lie in it. Choke it up as a learning experience and move on with your life

Ok here’s my advice. He needs to run! Not walk. Run as fast as he can away from you. Because you are completely out of your mind.

Pain is a part of life. How you deal with it, is another thing

I’m actually in a similar situation, and you gotta just go for it. Even be open about how you felt before and what’s changed up until now. Just because you weren’t into it the first time around doesn’t mean things/people can’t change. You got this! Just try. The mindset I like to have in this situation is, our time here is limited. People are constantly changing and growing, so when you get an opportunity, don’t think, just do! 🙂 We spend so much time over thinking and analyzing.

Your too obsessed and you need to stop. You are not ready for a relationship, and your reactions are signs of fear, not because you want a relationship with him. You fear that you will NEVER date somebody because of your fears. Listen to what your heart is trying to tell you. There is a reason why you feel like your going to get hurt again. Do what makes you happy right now. There is no rush for you to get into a relationship and into something your not ready for. Do you want to make him miserable because you can’t get it emotionally together? Only you can be responsible for you. He cannot be catering to everything you don’t have unless he wants to. But now he has to be responsible for that. You are in no position to be dating. Dating with all of that baggage and anxiety is a big no-no. You want to that badly, go seek counseling. They cannot help you, but they can give you some guidance into understanding yourself and getting to the root cause of your problems.

0|0

I have same anxiety and just embraced it a month ago. I am a bit busy right now I will share you my experience later. You are not alone in this.

I totally understand that situation, been there myself, it is hard to let someone in your heart and give them the power to hurt you, but then again, relationships and love always involve a risk. It is an integral part of life, living in fear is not living at all so don’t let it control you. You would miss out on so many experiences, good or bad, they are all valuable. You are stronger than that fear, trust me, so go there and chase your happiness. Just live and see what happens. I pushed these bad feelings away, took that leap of faith and have not regretted it even for a second, even if it is not forever, I will be forever grateful for the memories I have made now. 🙂

0|2

I think you need take a chance and tell him and eat crow.

Take some Pepto Bismo and you’ll get over it.

Talk to him about your fears. If he knows what you’re worried about, maybe he’ll understand you better. I think you should go for it 🙂 it sounds like you like this guy. Invite him to coffee or something chill and enjoy your time together.

I hope this helps!

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[tamerajedwards]

The Clinton VS Trump 2016 Presidential Election (The year of entitlement and hypersensitivity)

By Tamera Edwards © 2017

   In all my 52 years of life I’ve never witnessed or felt such and emotional rollercoaster ride as I have with the 2016 presidential election between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. The mudslinging between candidates was gut wrenching and it got worse as days drifted by. As a nation I feel we need a mental, spiritual, and emotional cleansing from all the filth we have had to take in for the past 18 months. The skewed biased news casting from various television stations left many of us feeling depressed, hopeless and dirty. What has happened to beautiful America? Our land of the free and home of the brave!

I will tell you what has happened. It has been a slow yet swift process to bring us to this point in America where everyone is so easy offended and quick to judge. I hope you will listen to what I have to say. I will try to be as unbiased as I can. I will try to extend grace and understanding to all people groups whether you are a Jew, Muslim, Christian, black, white, Latino, gay or straight, I think we can all agree that there is no denying we have a problem in America. We are headed to a point of no return if we do not turn this ship around.

The sense of entitlement regardless of its cost is sewn into the fabric of our nation. We are a society laced with hypersensitivity. We have thrown away the moral Christian values that our country was founded on by our forefathers so many years ago. Satisfying and pleasing the immediate desires of the flesh has now become the number one thing to obtain no matter the cost. We have people crossing our borders without proper documentation who feel entitled to take a spot on our jobs sites and displacing those allowed to be here. They want their slice of American pie. I do believe we should allow people of all nations to join our great nation. But not without going through the proper channels. 

America is an English speaking nation and therefore if you enter America you should expect to learn the American language, which is English. I have gone to Wal-Mart and a few other places only to ask the worker in the isle a question about an item I couldn’t find only to hear, “No English” from the worker. Our box tops and labels are equally English and Spanish. I wonder if several millions of us English speaking American’s crossed the Mexican border and took up their jobs would they accommodate us by speaking English and change all their product packaging? I have seen undocumented workers pile into the back of work trucks to do construction work thinking it was perfectly ok. A man I was dating at the time made the mistake of hiring some of them to work in a private home he was flipping. When he went to buy them lunch, they robbed him of his cash, a camera I had just bought him and cleaned out his fridge. This may be an exception and not the case for all undocumented workers but shouldn’t we do background checks and require legal citizenship? Yet again we have slipped into the hypersensitive way of thinking, we don’t want to offend anyone. We must have proper checks and balances at our borders. The most dangerous of all are the immigrants practicing Sharia Law entering our country. It is no wonder President Trump wants to protect our borders. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this the people who practice this read and live by the Coran. They are asked to kill the infidel. Anyone who does not believe in Sharia Law is the infidel and that is the rest of us. So being murdered, yes here in America is a real possibility. The alarm is sounding and we need to put a stop to this immediately. Are we excluding and marginalizing Islamic people? I don’t believe so when it comes to religious belief. Nowhere in the bible or any other religion that I am aware does it say it is ok to murder. This becomes a safety of protecting human life issue. It is morally, ethically, and spiritually wrong to murder anyone. America needs to sound the alarm. Not everyone will like the fact that Donald Trump was selected to be our 45th President. Not everyone will realize that perhaps they are being saved from a clear and present danger. We all don’t come in pretty packages, we all fall short and we all are here to grow and learn from each other. I hope that you will keep an open mind to that now that President Obama and the majority of the Democratic party has had to step down and now allow the Republican’s to take a turn. This is what our forefathers set up for us to run a somewhat stable democracy. We’ve got to grow up and learn to take turns.

   The educational system holds the heart and pulse of our future. I am a recent college graduate and have worked for the public school system for 10 years now. I live daily with the sense of entitlement and hypersensitivity staring me directly in the face. Children are often a direct reflection of what their home life is like. Children today are taught everyone is a winner and no one is a loser. Unfortunately this is a detrimental way of thinking and can set children up for failure as they grow into adulthood and enter the real world. The truth is, not everyone is a winner and there will always be a loser. Knowing how to handle these facts is crucial to the future of a child. This kind of thinking will lead to disaster. It’s in the losing that personal growth takes place and personal character is built. Now we have a generation of young people with a sense of entitlement without the work being put into it. In the school system discipline has been replaced with a system of coddling and rewards. Students are allowed to throw temper tantrums, cry, threaten, lash out, and we must tolerate the behavior, keep them in the classroom so they don’t miss out on their education and carry clipboards were we document their behavior with a happy or frowny face to help them make it through their day. Where is old-fashioned discipline and character building? As teachers we are fighting a losing battle. Our hands are now tied. Parents need to parent and quit expecting teachers to do what you were called to do. The young people we have today will be our next leaders. It’s time we get them on the path to success and great personal character.

    In college I was a straight A student except for the 3 B’s I received. Two were from lesbian professors in the English department who plastered my assignments with rainbow stickers and comments reflecting their disapproval of my Christian stance. The other B that I received was from an older male professor who was a priest who clearly disagreed with my viewpoints. One fall day he called me into a meeting with him behind closed doors where he proceeded to throw some textbooks at the door to express his anger with me. His words still ring in my ears today,

“You Jesus people just bother me! You go around trying to talk about Him all the time and come to my door.”

Wow! I never realized a priest could feel this way. He was so hypersensitive. We do not live in a neutral world. Even collage professors have very biased opinions. Liberals scream, “Tolerance! Equality for all!” Yet are unable to extend those same sentiments and grace back to those with conservative viewpoints. This is the thought process we have seen through our entire 2016 presidential election and now after President Trump’s Inauguration. We see riots in the streets, the destruction of property, vile acts of disrespect against the President and each other right here in the streets of America. We have seen the temper tantrums from the left as people scream, “What about our rights?!” Cards are pulled out of the deck, “Black lives matter, Latino lives matter, LGBT equality,” etc.. and instead of taking a mature approach to making your voices heard, people take to the streets displaying the most disrespectful signs I would never want my children and grand children to see. Vile acts of desecration on pictures of our new president. Those that behave in this manner are not only disrespectful and ungodly but can never be taken seriously. 

   Without Christ and a moral compass we as a nation will surely be lost and given over to darkness. I think people are living in fear of change. Whether it’s good or bad change, no one wants to leave their comfort zone. The layers of the onion have now been peeled back and the world see’s what the American people are really made of. There is no more hiding that face that we as a nation has murdered over 60 million babies. Most of these murders were done in the name of hiding sexual immorality and inconvenience. The bible has something to say about this,

“1 But understand this: In the last days terrible times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love of good,…” ( 2 Timothy 3:2)

We have replace “In God We Trust” with “In Myself I Trust.” We are lovers of “self” with social media, in which I have been equally guilty. Our lives are lived out relishing reality T.V. instead of living out our own lives to the fullest. We savor television stars disasters as they unfold before us, make them rich by supporting their shows, buying their products and then coveting them with our jealousy after we’ve made them rich and famous. Is it no surprise we are in this place today? Wake up America! The night watchman has fallen asleep and the wolf snuck into our camp. The wolf is clothed in selfishness, pride, greed, jealousy and unforgiveness.

When it comes to the election no one wants to forgive Hillary or President Trump for their past indiscretions. Yet we want God to forgive us. We turn a blind eye to one and hold the stone to crucify the other. No matter who would have won the election plenty would cry foul! We are failing as a nation. We’ve lost control of our morals. What was once a sin is now called “old fashioned thinking.” It has been revised for those want and "ok" on gay marriage, sexual reassignment as well as a host of other things. Since when did God rewrite his holy word? Since when did Jesus Christ make a mistake? Never! What part of Jesus dying on the Cross needs to be rewritten to suit our ever- changing society? Never!

   We are here because the media has fed us lies, pitted us against each other, bred free thinking so much that we are self destructing. I have tried to remain unbiased in my writing but it is impossible to separate Christ and morality because they are truly one in the same.

   It is my prayer that regardless of your view point and walk in life you would find peace, love, acceptance, and tolerance for “all” for the sake of mankind or “humankind” if being politically correct is needed. We share planet earth together. We must walk peacefully together even in the midst of our differences. May you find that peace!