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sanderssidesfanfiction · 4 years ago

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If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Sixty Six

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

November 14th, 2001

“So, wait...what do I call you?” Emile asked them.

“You can still call me Jordan, man. It’s my name,” they said. “I just happen to be genderqueer, instead of a woman, like you thought.”

“Right...” Emile said, struggling to understand. “I’m sorry, I really don’t understand a lot of this, but I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, Emile, that’s why I told you,” they said, patting his arm. “Lots of people don’t understand perfectly, and those who do are usually genderqueer themselves.”

Emile nodded. “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“Of course!” Jordan exclaimed. “After seeing you with Remy, I knew I could trust you with this.”

“Wait, what? Remy? Why?” Emile asked.

“Isn’t he trans?” Jordan asked, frowning.

“Not that I know of?” Emile said.

“Oh,” Jordan said. “My mistake, then. Still, anyone who’s queer has a better chance of understanding than someone who isn’t. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Emile said, letting Jordan go. Emile’s mind was reeling. Why did Remy keep getting clocked as trans?

June 20th, 2002

Emile was living for this moment. He and Remy had just taken their first few steps into the pride parade, Emile wearing what he had dubbed his “Remy-approved skinny jeans” and an old T-shirt that looked exactly like one that Remy might wear. Remy was wearing that infernal leather jacket, a pair of blue jeans and that green gingham blouse he had gotten in February. And already, they could see dozens upon dozens of people just like them, walking around and having a good time as the pride parade was in full swing.

Remy held Emile’s hand, but the looseness of his grip meant that he wasn’t worried about losing Emile in the crowd, he just wanted to hold hands. And Emile loved it. “Where do you want to go first, Rem?” Emile asked.

Shrugging, Remy looked around. “Not sure. I’m a bit curious about that stall over there,” he pointed.

“Let’s check it out, then!” Emile said, walking Remy over there. “Hi!” he chirped at the individual running the both. “What are you representing at the pride parade today?”

“Oh, this is a stall for nonbinary support!” the individual replied.

“Non...binary?” Remy asked.

“It’s a label for people who don’t identify as a man or a woman,” the individual explained. “You may have heard the term ‘genderqueer’ before? Nonbinary is similar, but for those who don’t want to use the word ‘genderqueer.’”

“That’s an option?” Remy asked. “You really can be neither? I mean, Emile said something about this in passing before, but...”

The individual nodded. Emile looked Remy over. He looked...not perturbed, but definitely curious. “You think that describes you, Rem?”

“Hm? Oh, no. No, I’m cis, Emile, I’ve told you before.” Remy shook his head. “I’m definitely cis. I’m just curious. I’ve never heard of that as an option before.”

“Okay,” Emile said. Remy moved away a couple feet and Emile glanced at the individual at the stall. “Thanks for explaining that to my boyfriend and myself.”

“Hey, no worries,” the individual said. “Though your boyfriend? Don’t tell him, but anyone who shows that much interest in nonbinary identities? Is usually not cisgender.”

“Yeah, I know,” Emile sighed. “But he’s extremely closeted if he’s nonbinary. And I love him either way, bisexual, and all that, but...I don’t want to push him.”

“Understandable,” the individual said. “Whenever he’s ready, be there for him. We’ll all be in his corner when he decides.”

Emile nodded and thanked them, heading over to where Remy was talking with someone who seemed to be from that comic company that Remy had been obsessing over for the past year. Remy glanced at him and smiled. “Hey. You have a good conversation with them?”

“Yeah,” Emile said. “They clarified some things a little further for me. I don’t know if you’d be interested...?”

“Not at the moment, no offense to them,” Remy said. “I just have a hard time wrapping my head around that sort of thing.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Emile said. “There’s only so much new information you can take in at a time.”

“Exactly,” Remy said, looking back at the comics.

“So, anything new about the comics that you can confuse me with?” Emile asked.

Remy laughed. “Oh, come on, you’re not that interested in my stuff,” he said.

“It’s important to you, so it’s important to me,” Emile said, putting a hand on Remy’s shoulder. “Now, come on. Why don’t you at least try to explain instead of just saying you’ll immediately lose me?”

“You won’t understand,” Remy warned. “You haven’t read the comics, you won’t get it.”

“But I’m willing to try and understand,” Emile said.

Remy sighed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Not really. If you don’t explain now, I’ll ask you to explain when we’re home and you can point out parts in the comics.”

“Why don’t we do that from the start? You read and I explain when you get confused?” Remy suggested. “It would be easier with visuals, wouldn’t it?”

“I mean, maybe...” Emile said.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll explain when we get home,” Remy said, smiling softly. “And for what it’s worth...I appreciate your efforts to understand.”

Emile smiled back and when Remy took an obligatory bookmark from the booth, they kept walking inward.

After a time, they could hear music being played from one of the booths, rather loudly, and they both gravitated towards it. When they got to the booth, there was a little bit of open space, enough for two people to dance in. Emile grinned and turned to look at Remy, who was glancing at Emile. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Emile asked.

Remy just grinned and offered his hand to Emile. “Care to dance?”

Emile took the hand with a grin and yelped as Remy immediately rushed forward into the open space, just as “Mambo No. 5” started playing on the speaker. They both laughed as Remy led Emile around the small open space, their dancing not very well-coordinated with each other but having fun all the same.

By the time they reached the chorus, there was a small crowd watching them as they slowly got more in tune with each other’s moves. Remy was laughing, and Emile giggled along with him. This was great fun, and he didn’t even care that people were watching, for once. It was just him and Remy in the world, dancing along to a silly song.

As they reached the end of the song, Emile dipped Remy and swooped in for a kiss, causing the crowd around them to cheer. Remy brought a hand to Emile’s cheek near the end of the kiss, and when Emile righted them both, flushed and grinning, Remy huffed. “I have half a mind to tell you off for that kiss.”

“Aw, no one’s gonna come after us for it, Rem,” Emile said with a shrug.

Remy was still huffing a little as they moved on and another couple replaced them in front of the music. “Still. I need revenge.”

“How are you gonna—” Emile yelped as Remy slapped his butt. “Rude! You won’t let me touch your butt and yet you can touch mine?”

“Mine was in revenge, not just because,” Remy said, a smug grin on his face.

“Rude!” Emile repeated.

Remy shrugged. “Don’t deny that you like it, I know you do,” he said.

“Not the point!” Emile exclaimed.

“Look, Emile, I let you tongue me in public. A lot. And that gets me...excitable. It’s only fair that I have something to even the playing field,” Remy said.

Emile blinked. “You...get excited when I tongue you?”

Remy rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Have for at least a couple months, but probably longer. It’s not a huge deal, but it still seems unfair that you can do that but I don’t have any way to return the favor.”

Considering this, Emile adjusted his previous statement. “Okay, not rude. Just cheeky.”

“In a good way?” Remy asked.

“Is there such a thing as a good kind of brash and forward?” Emile asked.

“Yeah,” Remy said. “It’s like when someone flirts with you and asks you out on a date the first day of meeting you.”

“I wouldn’t really call that ‘brash,’” Emile sighed. “But it’s whatever, I guess. You have your revenge, now.”

Remy grinned and said, “I hope you realize I’ll do this any time you decide to tongue me in public.”

“Yeah, I kinda had that part figured out,” Emile said, rolling his eyes. He was fighting back a smile as he added, “It’s part of your charm.”

“Stubbornness is part of my charm?” Remy asked.

“Well, it’s either part of your charm or it’s a drawback, and personally, I don’t really see any drawbacks about you,” Emile said with a shrug.

“Oh, so the ‘part of my charm’ is you being an antiquities dealer trying to sell that old haunted baby doll that no one in their right mind would ever buy off you, got it,” Remy teased.

“Not exactly,” Emile said. “Because I don’t want anyone to buy you off me.”

“I—oh,” Remy said simply. “Okay.”

Emile nudged Remy. “Come on, you didn’t seriously expect me to say anything else?”

“I mean...no, but it’s one thing to expect it, another to actually...hear it,” Remy said. “I...I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

Emile shrugged. “Affirmation can be very powerful,” he offered. “Just hearing someone say that your feelings are acceptable, even if you knew that before, can leave quite an impact.”

Remy blew out a breath. “I did not expect us to get this sappy at pride. I just expected us to have a good time running around like lunatics, in all honesty.”

“Hey, we can still do that, if you want,” Emile offered.

“Maybe after grabbing something to eat? I’m getting kinda hungry.”

“Sure,” Emile agreed.

They went to the food trucks, Emile with his ID at the ready, not that he really expected to be buying any alcohol. Looking around a little bit, they settled for hot dogs and a soda each, and settled down at one of the picnic tables strewn around. “So,” Remy said.

“So?” Emile asked.

“What do you think of my outfit choice today? Be honest,” Remy said. “The skinny jeans and blouse, I know you always have thoughts when I wear stuff like this. But you almost never share them.”

“Well,” Emile paused. “I just don’t always know if my thoughts are welcome.”

“Unless you’re being insulting, your thoughts are always welcome,” Remy said.

Emile chewed on his hotdog, trying to buy some time. When he swallowed, he said, “Admittedly, I wonder if you’re actually trans when you wear this sort of stuff. Or at least gender non-conforming.” Remy got that familiar set in his jaw and Emile said, “That response! Right there! Is why I don’t bring this up.”

Remy huffed. “I’m cis, Emile. I don’t know why that’s so hard for you to understand!”

“Remy, listen. It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Emile said. “You say you’re cis, then you’re cis. Okay. I’m not trying to question your decision on your own identity. But...you certainly behave differently when you wear more feminine clothing. Not, like, noticeably to most. But you prefer being called pretty, you don’t mind me calling you ‘girl,’ and you sometimes look at women wearing feminine clothing with a sense of...longing, I guess would be the word. And you don’t do any of these things when you don’t wear more feminine clothing.”

Remy looked surprised. “I do that?”

Emile nodded.

“Huh,” Remy said. “But only when I wear my blouses?”

“That I’ve noticed,” Emile said.

“Well, what am I supposed to do with that? I can’t just be ninety percent cisgender, can I? And the other ten percent would be, what? A woman? What about the days where I don’t like being pretty or handsome? It doesn’t make sense, Emile,” Remy sighed. “I act like I’m cis most of the time, so I’m cis. That’s the best answer I’ve got.”

“Okay,” Emile said, feeling somewhat sad. Remy was just...settling for the best answer he had, instead of looking for something that might fit him better. He didn’t want Remy struggling like that for the rest of his life, but...he couldn’t force Remy to look for a label that fit better. So if Remy wanted to be cis, Emile would have to accept that. And if one day, that no longer fit, well, then Emile would be there to help Remy through the process of finding a new label that fit better. Because Emile would never not want to help Remy. “Anywhere specific you want to go after we finish lunch?”

“Not particularly,” Remy said with a shrug. “Not many places in particular that caught my interest last year. I just like the sense of community I get from coming here, more than anything else. That, and watching you loosen up some.”

Emile laughed. “I thought you said that when I loosened up I reminded you of that overly-cheery nerd you first met in college?”

“Oh, no, you do,” Remy said. “Don’t get me wrong. But it’s fun to see every once in a while.”

Emile grinned. “I love you, too.”

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

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hpconsentfest · 6 years ago

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Consent Fest 2019: Masterlist

CF friends--here we are. After months of prompting, creating, betaing, revising, reading, hyping, squeeing, and guessing, it’s time for reveals.

As with last year, the mods were staggered by the depth of thought and care and time and energy that everyone put into their creations. Likewise, we were heartened every time we saw a like, reblog, kudos, comment, or other hype.

Thank you to every creators and every reader and hyper for giving this fest such a wonderful, community vibe--you folks make CF.

Now, without further ado, read on for reveals!

ART

Title: Coming loose Artist: @owlpostart Prompt: #80 Rating: E Pairing: None Warnings/Content Notes: Lots of very pornographic NSFW drawings, internalised acephobia, unenjoyable sex, bite and blood fetish. Summary: Pansy Parkinson has a lot of sex. Until she realises that it’s okay to not want to. Medium: Ink and marker on paper

Title: Human, Not Object Artist: @nifflers-n-nargles Prompt: #23 Rating: Teen Warnings/Content Notes: Street harassment, cat calling, unsolicited touching, verbal harassment of a sexual nature, fighting back, defiant woman, powerful woman Summary: Fleur Delacour has endured harassment of all kinds from men from a young age. Growing up she’s told that’s “just what men do.” As a powerful woman learning to navigate the world she finds this mentality unacceptable and chooses to live her life defiantly. Medium: Digital

Title: Something they don’t want to be afraid of Artist: @impasseart Prompt: # 21 Rating: explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Internalized Homophobia, unenjoyable sex in a flashback See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco struggles with his internalized homophobia and fears, even when he really wants something. Last time, it went ugly. And ugly won’t do. They have to try again. Find a way to make it better. Medium: digital art

Title: Who They Are Artist: @spaceaas Prompt: #15 Rating: G Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: genderqueer/nonbinary character, minor transphobia that is more unintended ignorance than anything else Summary: Draco’s always known who they are. They’ve just been waiting for someone to listen. Medium: Digital

FIC

Title: All The Little Signs Add Up Author: @gold-from-straw Prompt: # 49 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Past domestic abuse, past child abuse Summary: Harry starts to notice some worrying signs in his relationship with Draco. He flinches when Harry moves too quickly, he thinks everything is going to be blamed on him, and he doesn’t think his own desires count. Harry, fresh from dealing with his own childhood PTSD, jumps to some conclusions. Some of them are right, some of them are way off. Word Count: 9624

Title: Blind Item #3 Author: @postjentacular Prompt: #88 Rating: T Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings/Content Notes: tabloids, right to privacy, forced outing, homophobic slurs, rated T for swearing, british sixteen year old talking about sex, blink and you’ll miss it threat of sexual violence Summary: What’s the ssssecret doing the rounds in a certain common room? Rumour has it that the other snakes have been turning a blind eye to this burgeoning love affair, but what will the boys’ fathers say when they hear about it? Word Count: 7064

Title: Blood Will Out Author: @frnklymrshnkly Prompt: # 87 Rating: T Pairing: Marietta Edgecombe/Pansy Parkinson Warnings/Content Notes: menstruation, PMS, endometriosis, heavy bleeding, cramps, intense period pain, Healers, doctors, hospitals, exams, critique of Healing and medical institutions, family secrets, memory modification, horrible parenting, blood status discourse, self-reflection redemption arcs See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Marietta Edgecombe doesn’t need re-education. She’s done nothing wrong. She just wants to keep her head down and keep her job. At least until Pansy Parkinson starts acting weird and a visit to the Healer suddenly brings the post-war conversation too close for comfort. Word Count: 21565

Title: Capture the moment (Capture my heart) Author: @all-drarry-to-me Prompt number: 24 Rating: Mature Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Asexual Draco Malfoy, Demisexuality, Queer Character, Brief mention (from previous encounter) of Mildly Dubious Consent, Photographs, Minor Luna Lovegood/Pansy Parkinson, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley Summary: Surrounded by photographs with just a cat to keep him company, Draco was left questioning his identity and what a new label would mean for his relationship with Harry. Word Count: 9,612

Title: Curry & Wine Author: @dorthyanndrarry Prompt: # 35 Rating: Mature Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Mentions of main character being pressured to have sex in the past Summary: Harry’s promised Draco their first proper date. What could be better than homemade curry, a little wine, a much-needed talk? Word Count: 1,651

Title: Epoximise Author: @ladderofyears Prompt: #10 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Consent Notes: Press and Tabloids, Dom/Sub Play, Sub Harry Potter, Dom Draco Malfoy, Sex Magic, Kink Spells, Coming on Demand, Dildos, Magic used as a Restraint, Panic Attacks, Discussion about Consent, Discussion about setting Ground Rules before Sexual Activity, Discussion about Safe Words, Sexual Triggers. Word count: 2487

Title: Forbidden Fruit Author: @momstiel Prompt: # 15 Rating: Teen Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Internalized Homophobia Summary: “To Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter had always been akin to forbidden fruit.” In which Harry comes out as genderqueer, and Draco envies his self-confidence. Word Count: 1,907

Title: The Generation Who Lived Author: @lettersbyelise Prompt: # 11 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Journalist Draco Malfoy, Enemies to lovers, Past relationship, Getting back together, Minor Luna/Neville, Minor Ginny/Blaise, Interview format, Post second war with Voldemort, Enthusiastic consent, Rimming, Anal sex, POV Draco Malfoy Summary: In the months leading up to the 10th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy writes a series of articles about famous war survivors.

So far, he’s managed to interview everyone he wanted.

Everyone…except his old nemesis, his one-time lover, and the elusive war hero who stubbornly refuses to be featured in Draco’s interview series, Harry Potter. Word Count: 14761

Title:I See You In The Club Author: Elle Gray (LGray) Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/OMC Warnings/Content Notes: Sex club, Dom/sub play, Light Bondage, Age difference, Consent Issues, Dubious Consent due to Identity Issues, Ruminating on the Topic of Consent See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco, recently divorced (for the second time) is finally free to explore ‘other interests’. In particular, reconnecting with some long-put-aside desires to play with dominance. He’s not confident in what he’s doing, but he’s done his research, and surely this delectable young thing, kneeling in wait for him, can help?

'Hello,’ he says, and feels immediately stupid.

'Hello, Sir,’ Alex says, his voice low, barely above a whisper. Draco wonders if it’s an effort to sound sexy, or show submission, or if his throat is so well-fucked by others that he can no longer talk. He doesn’t even know if it matters. Word Count: 12909

Title: Knights in Shining Armour (Ever After Lovers) Author: @thirdeyeblinkings Prompt #: 23 Rating: M Pairing: Bill Weasley/Fleur Delacour Warnings: No major archive warnings See tagset on AO3 Summary: Fleur has been objectified for most of her life, her bodily autonomy often dismissed. Being part Veela only makes matters worse. Word Count: 8.6 k

Title: Like The Sun Author: @marlenemckinn Prompt: #78 Rating: T Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black Warnings/Content Notes: Unaware Veritaserum consumption See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Sirius wants a good laugh and when he comes across some Veritaserum, he decides slipping into Remus Lupin’s, the ever guarded werewolf, pumpkin juice will be a great way to start their day. Remus ends up revealing a bit more than Sirius had anticipated. Word Count: 4033

Title: Lily Luna, Unapologetic: The Things We Don’t Talk About (But Should) Author: @nifflers-n-nargles and @slashfoxes Prompt: #39 Rating: Hard T Pairing: None Warnings/Content Notes: Implied Dubcon/Noncon, Offscreen Dubcon/Noncon, Implied Violence (offscreen), Implied vs Explicit Consent, Consent Issues, Teaching Consent, Sex Education, Peer Pressure, Harry Potter Next Generation, Badass!Lily Luna, When Internet Meets Magic, Alternative format: magazine profile Summary: “Before I can get my first question out Lily asks me, ‘When was the first time someone gave you a sex talk?’I find myself telling her about overhearing my mom in my older sister’s room when she was home on hols from Hogwarts in her fourth year—I was 10 and had just received my letter. It was the year there had been a string of love potion ‘accidents’ and I could tell my mum was worried.

She nods and jots something down in her notebook. As I continue telling her about these memories, I wonder why I’m sharing all this information with Lily. Aren’t I the one supposed to be interviewing her?

‘That sounds awful,’ she commiserates, ‘but can I ask you one more thing?’ I nod, curiosity piqued by her tone. ‘When was the first time someone talked to you about consent?’” Word Count: ~8,000

Title: Long live the beautiful heart (who find love and tear it apart) Author: @etalice Prompt: #46 Rating: GEN Pairing: Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Angst, Depression, Abusive relationship See full tagset on AO3 Summary: If Harry were someone else, someone who loves and understand books, someone like Hermione or Draco, he might think of a classical tragedy. He might section the whole catastrophe neatly into five acts and make sense of it that way. But he’s not, and so he doesn’t, and, anyway it’s just the beginning of the story yet. Word Count: 6630

Title: (Never) Be Still My Beating Heart Author: @sliceosunshine Prompt: Self-Prompt Rating: M Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Trauma, Violence, some blood, Vampires, Light Dubcon Parallels, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, further explanation of dubcon tag in A/N See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Post-War, Draco decides he’s done being comfortable. Which turns out to be quite convenient as he’s thrust headlong into a case involving a Serial Biting Vampire. Worst of all, Potter’s gotten himself involved. Draco thinks he can take it, so long as his heart doesn’t give out on him along the way. Word Count: 15595

Title: a note to the boy I love Author: @violetclarity Prompt: # 81 Rating: E Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings: Underage See full tagset on AO3 Content Notes: epistolary, first person POV, established relationship, school romance, communication, consent, sexting except in letters because they are wizards, underage in that they are both seventeen (17), first time, loss of virginity (but that’s a social construct anyway), letter writing, dirty talk (sort of), vignettes, kissing, frottage, dry humping, oral sex, love confessions, boys in love Summary: Albus knows what he wants to do in bed with Scorpius, but struggles with actually talking about it. Scorpius’s solution? Writing letters. Word Count: 4,359

Title: A pink tie, a box of condoms Author: Barry_Manilows_Wardrobe Prompt: 52 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: See tagset on AO3 Summary: It had been months since they’d last seen each other. And if Potter didn’t show up soon… Word Count: 1459

Title: One and Only Author: @nerdherderette Prompt: # 20 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Draco Malfoy Warnings/Content Notes: Bodyguard AU, Bodyguard!Draco, Minister for Magic!Harry Potter, Pansexual Albus Potter, Potions Accident, Forced Bonding, Sharing a Bed, Legilimency, Explicit Sexual Content, Masturbation, Frottage, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Bottom!Draco Malfoy, Age Difference, Implied/Reference Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, References to Addiction, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Eventual Consensual Relationship, Romance Summary: Draco always knew his downfall would be at the hands of a Potter.He just never realised which one. Word Count: 19.6k

Title: Risks Worth Taking Author: @keyflight790 Prompt: 83 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Light BDSM, Dubious Consent, Mildly Dubious Consent See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco and Harry broke up 78 nights ago. Only a miracle (or perhaps an errant spell) could bring them back together. Word Count: 18,149

Title: Ron Weasley and the Clothes of Doom Author: Liesha130 Prompt: #86 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Blaise Zabini/Ron Weasley Warnings/Content Notes: (I honestly don’t know) Summary: Do the clothes make the man?Ron Weasley thinks he has no chance, until one night when he dresses up and Blaise Zabini can’t take his eyes off him. The solution is easy, then, right? Ron just has to keep dressing up, and Blaise will keep wanting him. But every time Ron puts the new clothes on, he’s sent spiraling off into a past filled with insecurity. Will he really be able to keep this up without going completely bonkers? And what does Blaise actually want from him, anyway? Word Count: 32,872

Title: Safe Words Author: @e-sebastian Prompt: # 47 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Consent, BDSM, Bondage, Whipping, Safe words, Safe Sane and Consensual, Kink, Family Drama, lots of book reading, Dirty Talk, Slapping, Kink Negotiation, Rough Sex, Accidental Bodily Harm, Remorse, Weasley Bashing, Molly Bashing, but please know it’s from Draco’s admittedly skewed perspective, In this house we love Molly Weasley to death even if our characters don’t always, Married couples are kinky too Summary: Draco discovers his husband has been keeping a secret from him. At first he’s amused. Then he’s curious.

The problem? Harry’s always had a hard time saying no. Word Count: 26,867

Title: Sex Ed for Witches and Wizards of All Ages Author: AhaMarimbas Prompt: # 68 Rating: E Pairing: Multi-ship Warnings/Content Notes: Major Character Death, Underage, Explicit sexual content See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco and Astoria decide on their wedding night that they’re not going to raise their future children with the same outdated traditions they were raised with, especially relating to love and sex. They never could have predicted exactly how much that decision would change Scorpius’ life. Word Count: 76 732

Title: So sweet with that blood in your teeth Author: @bangyababy Prompt: # 16 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Dom/Sub, Consent issues, vampires, sleep issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Mind manipulation, depression See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Harry works for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. His latest case his to stop a vampire uprising lead by none other than Draco Malfoy. Malfoy seems willing to negotiate with the Ministry. There’s just one small condition: Harry has to agree to be Malfoy’s dinner. Word Count: 25k

Title: swallow your words Author: @candybarrnerd Prompt: # 67 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: No archive warnings apply Summary: The truth is, not many things are known about the magic that is behind soulmarks. They’ll turn up when they want and not before.

The truth is, you don’t get a choice in your soulmark. The truth is, not everyone is okay with that. Word Count: 9,140

Title: That’s Ace Author: @acciotomriddle Prompt: Self-prompt Rating: Explicit Pairing: Charlie Weasley/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Asexual character, bisexual character, sex toys, non-penetrative sex, mutual masturbation, monogamy Summary: Charlie is asexual. Harry isn’t. They still find a way to satisfy both of their needs, however Word Count: 2080

Title: They Talked Author: @unadulteratedstorycollector Prompt: Self-prompt Rating: Teen Pairing: Ron & Draco (platonic) Warnings/Content Notes: none Summary: Is it ok if they talk? Draco isn’t sure, but it keeps happening. Word Count: 1094

Title: This Year’s Love Author: @thusspoketrish Prompt: Self-Prompt. H/D—how to navigate feelings for your best mate. Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: This story discusses complex topics such as slut-shaming, promiscuity, heartbreak, dating culture(s), and sexual autonomy within everyday life. See full tagset on AO3 Summary: This year’s love had better last, heaven knows it’s high time when you try to make lovers from friends. But Harry Potter realises time and time again that it’s simply not possible for him. And then along comes Draco Malfoy— the ultimate foe on the mend. Whatever will become of them? A story about love. Word Count: 84000

Title: A Touch Of Respect Author: @rose-grangerweasleyisbae Prompt: #90 Rating: Teen Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Family Drama, Touch Phobia, Panic Attacks, Old Fashioned Parenting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Minor Character Death (Astoria), Past Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter, Child in Hospital Summary: Five year old Scorpius isn’t fond of people touching him, and he has a million reasons for it. However, his father is of the opinion that just saying ‘no’ should be enough without giving any of those reasons, but not everyone in his new-found family agrees. Word Count: 23.432

Title: Unconditional Author: @ladderofyears Prompt: #32 Rating: Teen and up Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings/Consent Notes: Anxiety, Boys in Love, First Boyfriend, First Kiss, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Feelings of Inadequacy in a relationship, Discussions of Pyschological and Emotional Manipulation, Relationship Discussions, non-consensual touching, Scorpius gives good advice, Mild Bigoted Language to describe Asexuality, Discussions about Healthy Relationships, Demisexual Albus Potter, Awakening Feelings of Desire, Eventual happy Ending. Word count: 7277

Title: The Way Your Heart Touches Mine Author: @bafflinghaze Prompt: # 56 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: N/A Summary: What does it mean when a certain someone gives you numerous gifts on ordinary days? Harry’s kind of sure (and mostly hoping) that Draco likes him. So why hasn’t Draco asked him out yet? Word Count: 3.9k

Title: The Words that Pass Between Us Author: @elderxprice Prompt: # 28 Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: POV Draco Malfoy; Invasion of Privacy; Loss of Trust; Infidelity; Misogyny, Classism, Unredeemed Draco Malfoy, Verbal Abuse of a House Elf Summary: Sometimes, Draco draws pictures of what could have been, had he made all the right choices: Draco in the Slug Club; Draco holding the Quidditch World Cup; Draco holding hands with some nameless, faceless person whose become some sick, secret sort of friend. He’s on every page Draco has touched. He flies with him, sleeps with him, laughs with him. And sometimes, if he pretends hard enough, Draco swears he can feel this person’s breath against his neck; a whispered I love you that has him pressing into the mattress every night, only to wake up alone wishing it were real. Word Count: 10,047

Title: Working Out The Kinks Author: @potter-loves-malfoy Prompt: #18 Rating: E Pairing: Jeddy Warnings/Content Notes: Mild Dom/Sub Elements, Mild DubCon See full tagset on AO3 Summary:

There are three things James Sirius Potter is certain of:

One: He’s loved his boyfriend since he learned what romantic love was;

Two: There is nothing James wants more than said boyfriend to pound him into the mattress;

Three: His boyfriend, Teddy Lupin, can never find out about number two.

—or—

Four times James tried to pretend he wasn’t submissive and the one time he didn’t.

Word Count: 6,247

Title: You Set My Soul Alight Author: @parkkate Prompt: #13 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Post-War, Auror partners, case fic, enemies to lovers, mystery, romance, adventure, pining, getting together, forced proximity, bed sharing, banter, UST, loss of virginity, first time, dub-con, consent issues, secrets, misunderstandings, miscommunication, sleep talking, frottage, rimming, face-sitting, intergluteal sex, anal sex, switching, blow jobs, fluff, angst, angst with a happy ending, references to suicidal thoughts, implied/referenced child abuse, references to depression, mental health issues, emotional hurt/comfort, minor character death, arguing, reconciliation, ewe Summary: Students are going missing at Hogwarts, but that’s not the only mystery Draco is determined to solve. Something’s going on with Potter. He can deny it all he wants. Draco is going to find out what it is. Unfortunately, trying to get to the bottom of it has some unexpected consequences and if Draco isn’t careful, he’s going to jeopardise their mission. Word Count: 54k

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yespoetry · 5 years ago

Text

Teddy L. Friedline: Gender

REPRODUCTION.

My body has always been a smaller version of my mother’s. From the time I was a baby, my mother and I had the same face—I have my father’s mouth and chin, but he covers these with a mustache and goatee on his own face, obscuring our connections. As I grew older I grew more to resemble my mother—my hair grew in thick dark curls, my cheeks rounded and softened, my mouth nestled between parentheses. I learn to find pictures of my mother from her college days and watch my friends’ faces unfold into shock at our similarity. I accept my mother’s old clothes from when she was my age, tuck oversized button-downs into the back of my jeans, let leather Keds dig into my heels. Through divorce and displacement our bodies have changed shape, but mine remains a false duplicate of my mother’s that she created herself: compressed, pinched, worked like clay with water—before I was born she squeezed me between two clasped hands, fingers folded over fingers, pushing my matter into the center of her palms.

Gender Of The Poet, As Evaluated Through First & Second Derivative Tests

I. f(x) = gender, as I currently experience it

changes by the day discontent I do not call myself genderfluid

lest my scratching brain latch onto it and use it as a spiral

to throw me into what genders can I diagnose myself with

agender or neutrois? what is the difference between

the presence of neutrality and the absence of a presence? nonbinary

or genderqueer? blue-purple or green-orange? I need a list

fully calculated of every gender I will experience I need to be ready

like how the eggs in my ovaries count themselves off each time

my uterus sheds its cicada-skin lining but no let’s stop

remember what I have learned gender is an experience comfort

with a label is more important than its accuracy threatening to run away

won’t make your parents call you the right name I have found

an identity I can sit with I have found a name

I can feel with I have found pronouns that don’t feel wrong

I can rest now

II. f’(x) = gender, as I have expressed it

Critical values:

x = cicada

x = fabrication

x = parent

III. Maximum: cicada

I have constructed a version of myself for motherhood sometimes

she is a cicada she begets begets she is a mythology

of veiny thin wings and of children who all look different who all look exactly

like her propagation mourner the connection between Mother Bug

and myself is our shared cradle-womb the place I am a woman ends at

the place I can construct within me I cannot force myself to hate

IV. Minimum: fabrication

Some days I compress myself arrange flesh beneath nylon

pulled tight I hide behind loose jeanfronts at thirteen I made a penis for myself

from balled-up socks washed shame off them in the laundry I trap

curls beneath a baseball cap that’s a penis if I want it to be

I can pee standing up if I curl the brim stop the cicada-skin falling

if I fold the hat part and tuck it within me my manhood

is a construction canvas and thread held in my pants

I anticipate the moment it will fall out of my Jockeys

V. Neither: parent

when I tell my father I understand how hard this is for him I’m lying

he hides the way we look alike behind facial hair I think that must be what

he means when he says he doesn’t see any guy in me he’s been buying

me clothes from the men’s sections for years he thought it would make

me love him more he bought me almost anything those years

I spent my time climbing in and out of the gender pool wading in

before scraping my stomach trying to climb out maybe I have done

such an effective job concealing my own ungender around him washing

the pride makeup off on the metro home leaving trans emotions at the door

not because he won’t approve he won’t see them right

the way they turn in the light is different his sit in his lap

next to the tub of pimento cheese

VI. f”(x) = gender, as I have moved through it

Critical values:

x = in relation

x = Robin Hood (1973)

VII. Point of inflection [concave up to concave down]: in relation

really we never talked about this the place we met was pronouns

if they preferred a label, they used genderqueer I call myself nonbinary

tank tops masturbation trans bodies corsets binders

we never talked about how did they see themselves in relation to me how

is it different from how I saw myself in relation to them and I don’t mean

me on top of them their hair pulled back my Fisher-Price: My First

Lingerie the relation of above to below within to without my presence

to their transposed presence I mean how did we see each other?

did it differ from how we see ourselves? when they hold theirs up to the window

what pattern does it make on the floor? do

I touch it when I hold up mine? still?

VIII. Point of inflection [concave down to concave up]: Robin Hood (1973)

I hate to admit it my father’s question got me thinking I have scoured

my childhood I cannot find a piece of evidence to show him

say I always loved boy’s toys I was dysphoric and I didn’t have a name for it

I didn’t know I was different for that I knew I was different because kids

called me a devil worshipper not gay not a tranny I have this though

a fascination with soft-drawn foxes the sound of Phil Harris’s

voice the roll of the r’s KING Rrrrichard? not wanting to be

Maid Marian but Robin his teasaucer eyes

ooh de lally, ooh de lally, golly, what a day!

Teddy L. Friedline is a Maryland-based queer writer. They previously served as assistant poetry editor for Crashtest (crashtestmag.com). They are the recipient of various regional awards from the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards. If you're reading this, they're probably thinking about cicadas. They currently attend Washington College. You can find them on Instagram and on Twitter, both @jadeitebtrdish.

#Teddy L. Friedline #poetry #special feature

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promiseimnotacop · 6 years ago

Note

let's go about this a different way: pick your fave ten questions from the trans journey ask game and answer them!

bold of you to assume I’ve ever managed to make a decision in my life. also warning this gonna be looooooong

from this ask game

1. How did you choose your name?

so I’ve always been interested in names and a couple years before i ever came out to anyone I asked my mum casually if there were any other names she’d considered giving me. She said that Finn or Finnbar were up there had I “”been born a boy”” and so I latched on to that. It worked pretty well for me because I wanted something that felt like an equivalent exchange for my birthname and that I didn’t associate strongly with a particular individual and I’d never had a Finn in my year at school so that was all hunky dory. Took me a while longer to figure out middle names (because my birthname has two middle names and it’s sort of a tradition on my dad’s side so I wanted to have those).

There was a hot minute when I considered calling myself “Hugo Finn” which I’m so glad I didn’t, not that it is objectively a bad name, but because my reasoning was erm....bad. It was at a time when I had a lot of internalised self hatred/disgust and the name Hugo I first came across and associated heavily with the morally ambiguous “freak” from ASOUE. At the time I thought using a name I associated so heavily with the word freak was a way of subverting negative feelings but tbh it wasn’t. I’m so glad I didn’t tether myself that negativity.

Also fun fact, my birthname is Shakespearean protagonist who spends most of the play dressed as a boy so again for a hot second I considered using the name she does, Fidele, but I wasn’t about having a super conspicuously uncommon name.

For middle names in the end I went for James Lee (though nothing is legal or set in stone feedback and opinions are welcome lol). Lee came first, after the river in my village that I have a lot of postive memories associated with, outside of all the gender bullshit. The problem then became that the name “Finn Lee” would sound like/get mistaken for “Finley” and “Finnbar Lee” would sound like “Finn Barley” which would be eccentric and confusing. So it needed a buffer. In the end I went for James, partly because the first middle name of my given name is a saint, but mostly because James can be Jim and that allows for some of my childhood nicknames (im jim jam, imbo jimbo) to sort of still apply. that was a long answer to a short question lol but I spent a lot of time thinking about this because for some reason I felt like I couldn’t come out until I’d already settled on a full name.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

I don’t think they’re separable. I have dysphoria about my body but it is because of societal perceptions of my body

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

depends on how savvy that person is to trans jargon honestly. The best, if clunky, label I’ve found for my gender is “transmasculine non-binary” which is two different quite broad umbrella terms lol. I like the looseness of it. For me personally, it means that the framework of masculinity and maleness is not an exact fit and does not cover some of the complexities of my gender but, in my daily interactions it is a close enough approximation and I do desire to pursue parts of what might be considered a “trans masculine” medical transition. For the most part masculine coded language (including he/him pronouns) is what suits me the best, with only a few particular exceptions. So, for most of the world I am functionally “a man” (even though that is one of the few bits of masculine coded language I don’t gel with), or maybe “a gender non-conforming man” and I am not gonna split hairs about that if we aren’t close.

But if we’re seriously getting into a chat about gender there’s a lot more to be said. If drawing a diagram of my gender I would say I’m about 55% male, 30% “other”/third gender/maverique/genderqueer/whatever you want to call a gender identity autonomous and seperate from male or female, and 15% nothing/void. And all of that is subject to fluctuate a bit and which parts I might connect with most can be slightly contextual. I am more “a man” than anything else but also pretending to be a binary man is cutting out a significant part.

12. Do you pass?

Let’s unpack the most Problematique question lol. Just kidding. It is important to acknowledge how “passing” or not effects daily safety/experiences but....god can we not use that word? Can that not be the agreed upon term? The implication that you are otherwise “failing”? The way in which it is incredibly difficult to apply to no-binary people? The way it does not acknowledge the nuances and the way that being read as a certain gender can be conditional?

I prefer to use the terms “read as” because it allows for more nuanced discussion, does not have moralistic implications, puts the onus on the people viewing - not the individual being viewed and is kinda intuitive to understand.

To answer the question though? For the most part (like maybe 80% of the time) I am read as male. By no means always, and it is conditional on me following a certain level of gender conformity, but for the most part I interact with the world being addressed as a guy. As someone who is very much pre-t it seems that this alone subverts the standard “trans narrative”. Hell I was mostly read as male for a while before I ever came out. I’ve been corrected and laughed at in the women’s bathrooms. I’ve been harassed for gender nonconformity not in spite of but because I was wearing “girl’s” uniform. I have had fellow trans people assume I was a cis man (on more than one occasion) even when I introduced myself by my very much feminine birthname. I have little kids point blank refuse to believe I am “a girl”. I have had strangers confront and correct my mum for addressing me with she/her pronouns (before I was out). I have had kids yell the T slur at me (before I had begun to learn the invisible rules - which to be totally clear are bullshit -that need to be followed in order to be more consistently and unerringly read as male). I’ve been read as male occasionally in contexts where it was impossible for me to be out (near strangers on holiday whilst using birthname, new teachers and students at a school i’d been at since I was 11 and worn “girl’s uniform” until 16, etc).

It’s by no means always though. Which makes the times I don’t difficult and awkward. The technician on my course refers to me with feminine language but none of my tutors. The other day I tried out wearing eye shadow to class and I guy I bumped into later said that he hadn’t recognised me because it made me look like a girl (cringe). etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

haha i don’t go. I literally haven’t been to the men’s bathroom (apart from once on holiday) but also i get harassed in the women’s/get directed towards the men’s so.....here’s to hoping I don’t get a UTI lads. Literally been in a public loos once since June (not including holiday abroad) and then i nipped into the disabled one during shark week.

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

so at the beginning of uni I sort of tried to go stealth to see if I could/if it was comfortable (and by go stealth I mostly mean I just didn’t openly talk about my trans-ness for a while). I didn’t wanna be known as ‘the trans one’ and so i didn’t want to introduce myself with that fact. It fucking sucked would not recommend 0/10. It’s incredibly lonely-making to try and filter your experiences and to not be able to discuss certain issues with anyone irl.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I used to do this thing when I was feeling particularly dysphoric/hopeless where I would draw myself now, and myself in 5 years time. Help construct something to look forward to, and work out what I would sincerely like to wear/express but don’t due to dysphoria. For me I really want to get to a place where I am comfortable in androgyny. I want to grow my hair out without sacrificing being read as male. I want to wear long skirts and crop tops whilst still being read and understood as a guy. I’ve done a lot of self reflection and I don’t think I can get to the place of being comfortable until I have had top surgery and I might also require T (though top surgery is really the necessity for my day to day life). Fingers crossed that will be possible and slightly healed within 5 years but given the NHS it really is not certain.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

T4T is self care. Jk. Honestly probably but that’s not to say a cis person couldn’t be my ideal partner? like at any rate it’s fucking necessary that my partner fully understands/perceives me to not be a woman. They could just be cis and no. 1 ally but in all likeliness they’re probably gonna be trans (particularly given the number trans and/or nb cuties out there)

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I’m not managing. Send help.

seriously every week I have a break down about how long NHS wait times are.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I’m an art student in Brighton. Yes.

(Also my sibling Sumner is an NB lesbian, and my childhood best friend Hunter is NB).

Literally going to be one cis person in my house of six next year.

#rockintwink

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