#gender issues explain so much about her if im honest

[pumpkinrootbeerart]

New light

[monstersinthecosmos]

As a fellow Marius lover, I always find it kind of disheartening how most of the content/fandom talk about him (meta, fic, fanart, etc.) revolves around m/m ships (Marius/Armand in particular but I’d even go as far to include Marius/Daniel here) when, in my opinion, Marius is like the one male character in the VC universe whose relationships with women are far more interesting than his relationships with other men (the only other character might be Lestat but even then it’s pretty 50/50). They’re so monumental and so full of complexities and pain and so much love and they define him and inform his character in ways that I think, his relationships with men simply do not. Interesting/hot under the right circumstances? Sure but like ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS MAN??? AND HOW HE RELATES TO WOMEN??? It’s one of the best things Anne ever wrote and I can never get enough of it and it makes me sad how little content there is of it and I feel I can never say this out loud because I would never want to make people feel bad about what they ship (truly not my intention here) but ugh SO MUCH potential there for life changing discourse and meta about Marius and the women he’s loved and lost and have shaped who he is and there’s like… nothing.

Tl;dr the reason I’m sending this ask is because I’m a firm believer that you must be the change you want to see in this world and because YOU get it! And every time you post or write about Marius/Pandora (or Marius/Akasha! Or talk about Marius/Bianca) an angel gets its (black) wings. You are seen, you are loved and appreciated tysm <3

OKAY FIRST OF ALL THIS WAS SUCH A DELIGHT TO GET IN MY INBOX, SECOND IM GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST AND ADMIT I FEEL TOO INCOHERENT TO TACKLE THIS TOPIC HAHA. I don’t feel articulate enough to do it justice. And I don’t say that to be obnoxious and self deprecating but like in all honesty idk how to synthesize it neatly but I think you’re sharing some GREAT IDEAS. 

I have to say this in bullet points because I don’t feel equipped to string this into a cohesive post:

Marius was based on Anne’s husband, and Marius/Pandora was based on their marriage!!!!! And I think it explains a lot about why their relationship feels so fuckin POTENT to me, like it’s so genuine!!!!!!! And like knowing that I think it makes sense why she wrote him so HOT lol. Like she’s just writing thirsty stuff about her husband right? LOL

Also like insofar as there’s a lot of genderfluidity in VC there’s also something vaguely misogynist about it at times. And Anne Rice was a mega feminist and her work had so much womens lib in it!!!!! So I don’t think it’s intended as misogyny at all vs. Anne having conversations about gender and maybe her own relationship to gender. I think enough characters have said vaguely misogynist stuff that it makes me think it’s an Anne Problem vs being Watsonian. (This is also a historical/time period issue and we can discuss another time if and when vampires are supposed to break out of that when they transcend humanity and social constructs even when they’re still saying weird sexist shit at their big ages.) But I say that to say all VC characters are a tad sexist, even if perhaps she was writing with the intention of her own male power fantasy/male superiority/penis envy. AND THAT MAKES MARIUS VERY INTERESTING. 

Cause like really the three main ladies in his life (Akasha, Pandora, Bianca) DO define him so much! And we don’t see him pine for Armand the way he did for any of them! Why!!!

Like there’s that aspect of sexism where women can be infantilized by men who don’t think they’re being unkind and it makes me wonder, especially when the author is a boomer, like where is that line between condescension and respect? I don’t have an answer here, this is too big-brained for me LOL but like he is SO devoted to the women in his life and I just wonder like if he sees them as creatures unlike himself, you know? 

This is headcanon territory but I bet he’s such a fucking sub to Pandora lol and it just thrills me that he spent 2000 years begging Akasha for affection and she ignored him the whole damn time wow. And he continued to simp!

AND ALSO LIKE, I think people DO NOT DISCUSS THIS OFTEN ENOUGH, but did we forget that he chose Armand because he needed a Bianca rebound? He was absolutely TORTURED by his love for Bianca and picked Armand because he didn’t want to kill her oh my god. Oh my god!!! HE KEPT HER LETTER IN HIS POCKET OVER HIS HEART OKAY??? HE DIDN’T WANT TO DRAG HER INTO HIS COLD AND FATAL DOMAIN????? Fuck lol

It’s so fucked up that he didn’t go after Armand but spent like actual fucking millennia trying to find Pandora. HE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE ARMAND WAS AND LEFT HIM THERE LOL BUT PANDORA HAUNTED HIM EVERY NIGHT OF HIS LIFE FOR CENTURIES.

After everything he wound up spending like 200 years with Bianca or something and ?????? CORRECT because Bianca was the fledgling he actually wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it’s odd, I know I’ve said this 337589235 times, but Marius like. Has an idea of the person he wants to be and he tries SO HARD to live by logic & reason and he just can’t reconcile with the fact that he has EMOTIONS. And so like part of the person he wants to be like, open/empathetic/wise and he begs his lovers/students/fledglings to CHALLENGE HIM when he’s not actually healed enough to be challenged? And to me there’s something kinda like, extra spicy about it when you’re in Rice World and you’re a lil sexist; how much that burns EXTRA when it’s Pandora or Bianca sticking up to you or AKASHA FUCKIN IGNORING YOU. 

Just really incredible that this person who is like the epitome of a patriarch has such fucked up relationships with all the women in his life. And like he underestimates these women, like the way he tries to manipulate Bianca and she leaves him! PANDORA AND AKASHA ARE UNAVAILABLE TO HIM AND BIANCA FUCKIN LEAVES.

akasSHA JUST IGNROING HIM!! JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKIN IGNORING HIM FOR 2,000 YEARS!!!! HE'S OBSESSED WITH HER!

Anyway Enkil is ignoring him too but he doesn’t give a shit about that guy tbh lol 

Also the amount of space he gives Eudoxia and Zenobia in his book like there’s more here too but tbh it’s midnight and I can’t start unpacking. I just think like, in 2000 years it’s interesting how Eudoxia wound up having such a lasting impact on his life. 

I did just peek at the Eudoxia part and I’m dying, he goes “Her face was small, oval, and as close to perfection as anything I've ever beheld, even though she bore no resemblance to Pandora who was for me perfection itself.” CERTIFIED WIFE GUY.

What kinda mommy issues are we dealing with here? HIS MOTHER WAS A SLAVE THAT DIED IN CHILDBIRTH AND HE INHERITED HER GENES AND LOOKED LIKE HER AND DIDN’T LOOK LIKE HIS FATHER & BROTHERS? AND HE’S SORT OF AN OUTCAST AS A HUMAN LIKE ? THE STIGMA HERE? AND THEN HE SPENDS 2000 YEARS WORSHIPPING HIS NEW MOTHER??? PERHAPS YOU COULD SAY ENSLAVED TO HER? IDK MAN. 

IS THIS ALSO WHY HE WAS SO OBSESSED WITH LOSING PANDORA?

The irony too, and something I think a lot of people miss, is that he DIDN’T WANT TO MARRY PANDORA LOL. He wanted to be betrothed to a child so that he could FUCK OFF and NOT get married because she wasn’t old enough to get married! He fucked off! He went exploring! He said this is not for me! 

AND TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND BE MURDERED BY HIS MOTHERS PEOPLE???? IDK. 

I’m not sure how these last two points tie into anything but I just wanted to mention his complicated relationship with Pandora and his own heritage lol. And then Akasha like DELIVERS Pandora to him because she’s like “wow this guy needs somebody lol and I am not emotionally available” — Akasha who was famously a violent genocidal radfem and who would not approve of his relationship with Armand but explicitly allowed him to have Pandora and Bianca. IDK WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN! 

Did Akasha approve of these women because she knew Marius was completely pussywhipped and would worship them and she wanted to see someone mommydom the fuck out of him and she knew that Armand would never be that person? 🫢

And again I want to say like, taking the author into consideration!! Anne Rice had a HORRIFIC relationship with her mom so you see these themes pop up occasionally in her work. DESPITE ALL OF THAT SHE IS STILL A FEMINIST AND WRITES ABOUT MATRILINEAR FAMILIES like The Great Family or the Mayfairs. But thinking about Mothers in Anne Rice Works makes me think a lot about this like, the damage they can do and the voids they can leave even when you’re a feminist and love women! You see a TON of this with Gabrielle and I always think that Lestat & Marius are such similar characters that you can do a lot of extrapolating or backwards engineering to ask questions about them and how they work, since we get SO MUCH Lestat POV in this series to work with and how we can zoom out sometimes and ask like, what is common across her entire body of work and what is more specifically common between Lestat & Marius and WHAT EVEN MORE INTERESTINGLY is a result that they were both based on her husband in their inceptions. 

Like how much of this has to do with Marius’s actual feelings towards men vs women on purpose, or how much was subconscious author bias, how much was simply that Anne Rice based him on her husband and she was THIRSTY, idk. It’s always hard to say in VC because Anne was such an intuitive and self-indulgent author and the stories are so weird!!! So your mileage may vary!

But I agree with you that these are FASCINATING relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I like Marius/Armand too (I recently made a post about how I didn’t “””””ship”””” them but then I spent 2 months working on a M/A fic every day and now I think I’ve corrupted and converted myself LMAO) but yeah like. There’s such a lack of substance between them in the end. He treats Armand like he’s temporary, fucks up and moves on, and it’s such a departure from how DEVOTED he was with all his other partners. 

Wow I didn’t think I had a lot to say, sorry about that. !!! EVERY TIME I BROUGHT A POINT UP I THOUGHT OF 5 MORE POINTS GOSH I COULD TALK ABOUT MARIUS ALL DAY.

[takiisieju]

Hello! I saw your Valentine’s game and thought it would be fun! Could I get a Valentine from jjba, please?

Also, your art style is completely divine and I fangirled over it for like, an hour.

ME

Height: I don’t have an exact height for myself… but between 5’3 and 5’5 is about where I am

Appearance: My body is like Frankenstein. Someone just put a ton of random attractive features on me but they don’t work at all. So like, if someone was describing me the other person would think I’m really hot and then they meet me and I’m ugly. So I guess I’m attractive in theory.

Personality: My personality is all over the place lol. I love to learn more than anything and spend a lot of my time online reading and learning new things. I am very loyal to the people I care about which also makes me very blunt towards them because my least favorite thing in the world is dishonesty. Along with being blunt, I have a lot of strong opinions about a lot of things, especially when it comes to civil rights and mental health, and I will argue and fight for them for hours on end.

Red Flag: So I went through some crap as a kid, and as a result I developed some pretty bad coping mechanisms. Such as almost living completely in my head and my daydreams and anger issues. My anger issues only really come out when I really don’t like someone, and it’s more of an irritation than anger, but it will turn to anger really easily.

Love to me is completely understanding each other and still wanting to be around that person no matter what. Knowing a persons deepest darkest secrets and still wanting to spend the rest of your life solely with that person by your side and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Other: Im really creative and impulsive and most of the time people will find me randomly doing art or writing or just randomly doing something stupid.

MY VALENTINE

Preferred gender: any!

Polyamorous relationship: Acceptable!

Preferred height: any!

Preferred appearance: I don’t care!

Red flag: Cheating, dishonesty, etc.

Characters I don’t want: Joseph. I’m sorry. But he’s gonna cheat on me and I’m not dealing with that.

Thank you for doing this! And again, I absolutely adore your art style!

Hello, dear!

Thank you so much, your support guides me through the darker times of my life.

Now, would you look at this! Not one, not two, but three Valentines! And their names are... Jolyne, Anasui and Weather Report!

Let's start with Anasui, since he is my favorite and the easiest to explain. He loves you. He is obsessed, per usual, but his love is so genuine! He's ready and willing to accept you whole, your every flaw and imperfection is a thing he adores, your every glance makes his heart swoon. After you win his heart, you are meant to be his. And his other lovers!

Jolyne is so down for a loyal, affectionate and ever-present lover. She loves your intelligence as well, always amazed by what crosses your mind. And she loves your honesty, as she is honest with her loved ones as well.

And Weather Report... well, it's not hard to win his heart. Accept him, support him, offer him affection, and he'll respond with the very same love. He is extremely honest as well, would never lie to you (or pretty much anybody). And he relies on you intellect a lot. It helps him understand the world he lost with his memories.

I hope you liked your match-up!

Love,

Dr. True Love

[daenerystemper]

"So, are the smallfolk sexist too just because they rioted under Rhaenyra's rule, since you claim things were essentially the same under Aegon?" im gonna be so honest i never said anything about that but it's nice to know that you have to scramble for points occasionally. the smallfolk do not care about who is sitting on the throne which is why their opinions on the matter sway with the wind. were the positions somehow swapped & rhaenyra emptied the treasury before aegon ascended the throne, they would have rioted regardless of gender. i'm sure that's a hard concept for you to understand.

"For once, we can all agree it’s not the Greens' who supposedly brainwashed Westeros into patriarchy (as the other poster claims) by contesting Rhaenyra's rule. The Targaryens themselves set precedents that worked against her." this is also not what i said <3 i said by employing misogynistic tactics to keep rhaenyra from the throne, like letting her father rot for a week & keeping this news from her so that they could ensure aegon sat the throne, this further setback the rights for women. i'm not sure what precedents you're talking about with the targaryens when the great council all but proved that whoever the king says is heir is heir in times of unease & viserys was steadfast in holding up rhaenyra's position as heir to the iron throne so much so that not even alicent attempting to convince him to marry her to aegon could sway his opinion (which wasn't her being nice btw it was just another way to try to get hightower blood on the throne.)

"Honestly, this entire discussion is making a stronger case for Rhaenys and Visenya as champions of full equality in power, rather than Rhaenyra." im going to hold both your hands when i say that but that's literally the point of the dance. rhaenys & visenya were women who were unobstructed by the faith of the seven at the time & still held fiercely to their valyrian traditions. my entire point is that by subscribing to the teachings of the faith of the seven, reinforced by alysanne & jaehaerys, weakened the power that targaryen women held which is become increasingly evident post-aegon iii's rule with the likes of naerys, rhaella, daenerys. im not sure why this is a hard concept for you to understand. the faith of the seven is an oppressive religion when it comes to the rights of women.

"In a system rigidly set up in a certain way, anyone challenging the status quo had to conquer their rights like those before them did. That's how medieval societies work, especially since there's a thing called "right of conquest" that tramples even usurpation." i'm not sure why you think you have to explain the right of conquest to me like i'm the one who has issues reading asoiaf text, but i feel like this is another case of "rhaenyra wouldn't have to conquer her throne if it hadn't been usurped from her." god, you're like talking to a wall LOL.

"She seemed to believe that power would simply be handed to her on a silver platter when Viserys died despite the amount of scandals that had already weakened her, despite having three brothers who could easily challenge her claim because her dad didn't bother to at least make things easier for her officially issuing another ceremony after his sons were born, creating instead more loopholes" because....it should have been handed to her on a silver platter.... & the only reason it wasn't was because the green party left her father to rot & decompose in bed for a week while planning to usurp her..... her father proclaimed for years post the original ceremony that rhaenyra was his heir & that the iron throne was hers. this opinion didn't change even after he had three sons, because the word of the king is law. having another ceremony to reinforce this wouldn't have changed the fact that the greens were going to let his body rot while they usurped her. i mean, cersei even proves during a game of thrones that precedent hardly matters so long as you have the support of people surrounding her which is why robert's will is torn up & discarded. if people want to usurp the throne, they will & no amount of the king repeatedly issuing his commands is enough to make them stop. sure, rhaenyra's greatest crime was not being there while he father passed but i don't think that takes away from the green party being shit. obviously i am well aware their rights aren't protected "by a piece of paper."

also, lol. not the scandals, oh no!!! the implication that rhaenyra's children are bastards are propped up by alicent & the green party alone. & before you point to their hair color, i just want it to be known that rodrick arryn had brown hair, rhaenys had brown hair & even if rhaenyra had managed to have children with her gay husband, it's very likely that the greens would have found another way to imply that her children are bastards. even circling back AGAIN to the original draft shows that even if her kids had been trueborn, the greens would have usurped her anyway because she's a woman. the only other notable scandal is how quickly she got married after the death of laenor then i suppose we should call out viserys for marrying alicent at all since it was only ~a little under a year that he married her after aemma's death.

"Hence we return to my original post: Rhaenyra's general passivity, poor management during her rule and consequent loss of the war is equally responsible for setting a negative precedent and stronger barriers for women in power and contributed to a lack of sympathy in historical revision, even with her children eventually taking the throne." aegon iii was attempting to be conciliatory, the same reason jaehaerys didn't strike maegor for the list of kings. his rule is overshadowed by his heavy trauma after witnessing the death of most of his siblings & the death of his mother. it would have reignited the previous conflict, especially after jaehaera's murder. the greens won ideologically, which is exactly why there were no other female heirs after rhaenyra until daenerys, who became viserys's heir after rhaegar's line was disinherited. (& she's written to be a stark contrast to rhaenyra anyway by being a politically adept ruler who doesn't sway to cruelty & acclimates into whatever culture she's surrounded by, out of respect.) this is based off a very real historical event: queen elizabeth i didn't clear her mother's name once she ascended the throne because it was politically sensitive. the point was for aegon iii to bring the realm together & secure his claim to the throne, the same way that henry ii claimed the throne through king stephan & not his mother, the empress mathilda. rhaenyra isn't equally responsible for being a victim of misogyny & smear campaigns lol.

Something team black does not seem to compute is the total lack of revisionism post Dance in Rhaenyra's favour, especially since they claim she "won" because she was the one with surviving children and the green faction poisoning Aegon. That alone makes Rhaenyra look even worse because at this point there are all the elements to make Aegon the usurper and legitimising instead those 6 months of Rhaenyra's rule. Stannis' quote from ASOS sums this up. Rhaenyra was the daughter of a king and mother to two more. But she is still remembered as a traitor and nobody contested that, not even her children after taking the throne (as Aegon's cousins through Daemon). The history books list him as Aegon II, the following successions invalidate Rhaenyra even more by pushing all women behind not just their brothers but even their uncles, cousins, nephews etc... No other woman has ever been named after her. Whoever still claims it's just fire and blood being green propaganda by some biased maester is just being delusional. There are historical facts that prove Rhaenyra's claim being belittled by the Targ clan themselves.

[redactedlily]

*sigh*

today has been a bit of a bumpy one. not like super bumpy, but like sorta bumpy.

i had therapy today, and i really like my therapist, she's nice and all, but i'm not the biggest fan of the way our sessions go. i'm used to coming in and just kind of talking with my last therapist, but she starts us off with this "mindfulness meditation" video (not my thing) and she has me do these little assignments and tasks? which i can see working for someone else, but it kinda feels like a chore to me. plus, i was on a spiel about some issues and concerns im having about my new job and (now i dont think she realized) but she kinda cut me off and had me write out something about gender identity. i realize that sounds unrelated but lemme kinda detail it better

i was listing some issues i was having at work (for context its a daycare and my first job at one, im not good at it yet but im trying) and i was in a bit about how all my coworkers come from very different lives than i do, and sometimes it feels like a hurdle (im 19, alt, trans, etc. and most of my coworkers are middle-aged cis women like moms and also kinda intimidating and stand-offish)

i was saying that since they all seem to come from similar backgrounds and have more in common, while my life and experiences dont quite match if that makes sense. i feel like an outsider kind of. anyways, i was talking about how im worried how they perceive me as trans-ish. i usually describe myself as trans-ish because of the fact i chose to use genderqueer to identify, but i present more-so as trans mtf, if that makes sense.

she stopped me to have me take 10 minutes to write out a thing about my identity in detail so she could kind of get a better idea i think? it also could have been for my sake, but i know whats going on already, for several years actually, so i really dont need it written down for my sake?

anyways, i did that and then she asked me to keep a journal over the next week about how i feel around others thru this kinda trans-ish lens (when i go out and about to the store, a resturant, etc.). i understand where she is coming from but i dont think i need that. its not really something im that concerned about in my day to day, its mainly just applicable to my job right now

plus after that we ended the session only a half an hour in? like we started at 2, and we ended at 2:30. i thought i was getting a full hour? huh? plus i didn't get to talk about the other stuff i wanted to cover, like my social problems im having and like 3 other things i cant remember as i type this (but i knew it then i swear)

anyways that was a whole thing. i have another session next week same time. im gonna maybe see if i cant get the sessions to run the way i want? part of me wants to just cancel and find someone else cause im afraid to say anything negative, but part of me is like "well im paying you to listen to me, so A-lets do what i want, and B-ill be taking my full hour, or at least until 50-55 minutes"

i talked to my mom a bit about it before she left (she went to hang with her friend) and she said i should bring it up to her next time. this also brings me to my next bit, which is mainly centric on my behavior in general

im generally unhappy with my personality and behavior to be honest. it would take me like 12 pages to explain in paragraphs, so imma use a bulleted list, except with dashes, cause dashes are cooler

-i wish i was more timid and introverted rather that my more boisterous and ambiverted self

-i worry im not considerate of other peoples feelings as much as i should be

-i worry i go on the defensive too much

-i worry i take/ask for more than i give/offer

-i worry im not pulling my weight enough

-i dont feel i try hard enough to succeed in almost any aspect

-i think ive become less patient and quicker to anger in recent years

-i worry im not mature/ready/in a good enough state to work in child care

-i spend way too much time pointlessly scrolling on youtube or tiktok, but its hard to stop because i get bad fomo about current meme trends (cringe)

-i dont think i really see the big picture as often as i should

-i feel i have too many negative behaviors that need correcting and i just dont realize it

thats just a start i think. lately i just feel so swamped. ive been broke for way too long, and thats causing me issues like nobodys business. i really have been craving a fresh start for so so long and it feels like everytime i think its just within my grasp it gets yanked away. some new obstacle or setback comes up and suddenly its all over.

like the other day, my brakes failed and i got into an accident (no one was hurt, virtually no damage) because there was air in the brake line. now im gonna have to pay to get the lines drained and refilled, plus get the leak fixed that caused it, plus replace a fucked up tire that i just noticed, and fix the wheel bearing thats been fucking with my ABS for like 8 months. so i either need to save up money for that or let my grandparents pay for it (and then try and pay them back if they'll even let me)

really, honestly, i want to take my truck, pack it up with some essentials, and just, start driving. pick a direction and keep going. but i cant even do that cause my truck is out of commission until god knows when, and like a million other obstacles on top of that.

it really just feels like, once everything starts looking up, i get kicked in the balls

[unadulterated-syd]

is this one still up? looks really fun!

Send in a couple things about you, personality + gender + gender preference,, and I'll give you a character I'd pair you with platonically (add your fandom!!)

so, im an intp, i love horror movies and mystery books (my favs at the moment are those from stalking jack the ripper series yk), im a rock/metal music lover, i draw some stuff and write abt romance&horror (usually they walk together), i play rpg and atm im trying the dungeon master thing. i dont talk to alot of people, that takes tooo much energy, few people think im rude cause tbh i dont have much patience and i dont let people step on me yk, still i care too much abt others (i just dont like them to know it), so i help anyone that asks for it on my own way, but i hate being helped cause talking abt my problems makes me feel weak. also i go for she/her and i dont have any gender preferences.

my fandoms are stranger things, twd, supernatural, wednesday, hp and alice in borderland (yep you dont write abt some of these but i like to talk abt them:])

yes all my events are still up!

like you said, i don't write for all your fandoms, however i can give you a matchup for; stranger things, the walking dead, wednesday and harry potter!

we actually have a LOT in common,, you just seem cooler than me tbh

(id love to talk to u about horror btw)

anyway!

stranger things -> this one id like to put you with eleven hopper!

the way id mostly support this is you seem a lot like max, and those two have one of the best bonds (though i ship elmax this friendship would be platonic)

youd help her with bullying problems and would NOT let her ever feel bad about herself

and tbh i think you guys could be a badass duo (not side kick way cause youd both bring equal amounts to the table)

plus i think will would warm up to you and im sure you could help him with his sexuality issues (we all know he thinks badly of himself)

but el would just really adore you, and you her i think itd be a good friendship all around

(i genuinely think shed be scared of horror movies and then she sees a slasher and then is a fanatic tbh)

the walking dead -> i think i want to put you with glenn

hear me out, him being a poser before the apocalypse and you GENUINELY teaching him about punk/rock, and horror culture

like when hes passionate about something he stands his ground,, and you stand his ground with him (you two always win bc youd always be right)

the two of you BOTH going on the ride in his red car

being friends with him since day 1 of the apocalypse and bonding

helping him in your secretive ways and him noticing it >>

he would hes very good at detecting things like that,, and would be v thankful but wouldnt tell you cause obviously you dont want to talk about it

plus hed silently understand your feelings so u dont need to express them

wednesday -> i give you ajax!!

see hypothetically, i think xaviers the type to also be super into horror and punk/rock

so ajax is already heavily exposed to your interests + i think hed be into some horror

and hes the type to enjoy a light amount of rock/punk

i think hed be big on apocalypse shows for some reason

i feel like neither of tou are comfortable sharing emotions you just kind of know everything about eachother and act accordingly

you guys could geek out over new horror movies and such!!!

plus you and enid would get along really well so you three would be best pals

i think youd bud heads with xavier so the two of you would probably argue a lot and Ajax would bully the two of you about it

Harry Potter -> I want to pair you with Fred and George

i cant even explain this one

you guys just are best friends

and youre the only one that ever gets serious (when you need to ofc)

plus they def dont discuss feelings to one another lets be honest

I hope these work for you!!! :)))

[ohnobjyx]

Hi, im wondering about recent clip of D/D/U. I guess yibo is a playful person with his friends. I saw how he teased CX and being pampered by his U/N/I/Q hyung. Im rarely interact with ant!s but due to that clip (CX) all his cp fan happy while leaving hateful comment to B/X/G. Its hurt me when they so hateful to h-o-m-o but okay to h-e-t-e-r-o. Why oh why!?!?! This is only my sharing thought. I love reading ur opinions btw. BJYXSZD!!!

Hi, fabellevixxi95! They are talking about TTXS 200719′s episode, for those who are wondering when did this ask happen (yes, I know, I do answer late).

First of all, there are a lot of CPs featuring dd with a lot of people. His old bros from UNIQ, any female with whom he interacts beyond a “hi”, DZW, etc.

(There’s a really noteworthy douyin from DZW explaining the concept of “CP” to his mother: “when you’re very good bros, people start naming your friendship as CP, (...) like the one I have with WYB”. Golden).

I really can’t judge anyone for adhering to a CP, since it’s the same thing I’m doing, but leaving hateful comments, insulting, and outright refusing to back down and apologize for their insults is not right. Be careful of those people, sometimes they aren’t even fans, but antis trying to stir up problems. Don’t engage, block and report if they’re going against the guidelines of the platform they are in.

Okay, since that part is out now, I leave my thoughts about this CP under the cut.

Disclaimer: fake fake fake.

To be honest, I looked into dd-CX CP out of curiosity, to compare a little bit. I couldn’t even find the name of the CP at first, but it was apparent soon enough as to why: they use the same bjyx initials with the “xiao” being CX’s name. However “bjyx” as a CP name has long been taken over by bxg.

I think many people prefer him being with CX (or any other female celebrity actually) because of 2 reasons:

Homophobia. It was difficult for me to realize that a lot of people are lowkey homophobic. They won’t say “ew, gays”, but they’ll say “it’s obvious he’s with a girl instead of with a man, he can’t be gay”. They are much reluctant to admit the possibility of anyone being in a relationship with a person of the same gender, though they’ll often defend themselves with something along the lines of “hey, I have many queer friends, I’m not homophobic!”

There’s a type of fan (let’s call them gf-fans) that fantasize with the possibility of being their idol’s partner. This, in gg and dd’s case, happens much more often with female fans, who then will grasp at straws to continue believing that their idol is completely straight. Thus why they’re much more willing to see a CP with a female idol (when they accept that their idol might not be single): they feel much more identified with a female than a male.

There’s also a curious phenomenon with these “girlfriend-type” of fans: imo, they’re much more open to an hetero CP because they know it’s just rumours and that it’s much more likely to be false, so that fulfills their fantasy of maybe someday meeting their idol and making them fall head over heels in love with them.

(That’s why many bxg pay a lot of attention to what mtjj outright refuse to discuss about. Like hotpot).

It has often been commented that dd’s CP with CX is one of the most “solid” ones, even though CX has said:

She and dd had collaborated twice in a couple choreographies by the time she went for the first time (prior to dd’s birthday special in 2018) to TTXS, and she said both times they hadn’t said a word to each other outside of work.

She called dd “modern monk” in his birthday special last year, and said that he lacked interest in women.

They started to get along much better when they hosted a skateboarding variety show together in 2019, most likely due to shared interests and work related issues. That had to make the CP reach its peak, because I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of these fans nowadays.

(They got comfortable enough for dd to say that she is very heavy, because he couldn’t carry her princess-style, which she didn’t appreciate at all. Trust me, no idol would have liked that).

Dd started to treat CX as a friend, so it probably made people’s eyes fall out of their sockets, because his interactions with women are scarce and very controlled. It is to the point that some fans say he must be gay because of the nature of his interactions with women.

But... I kind of understand him? People tend to forget that he grew up in South Korea, at the age when boys and girls start to interact and make friends with people of the opposite gender. The majority of the boys usually play with other boys and most of the girls play with other girls, specially in countries so conservative as China or South Korea (it’s a generalization, but it’s what happens 🤷‍♀️).

So, at the age when boys and girls start to mingle, he was in South Korea, living in an all boys dorm and studying with other male trainees (from what I know, mixed dorms are extremely hard to find even for university students), in a society where skin touch between a boy and girl with no romantic relationship is frowned upon. I’m aware that there’s a spectrum of types of couples, but even holding hands is rare for some couples there (let’s leave the sexism that still exists in those countries for another day, but they certainly have room to improve in that issue).

Moreover, dd, for all he is bold when no words are required, is quite shy. He’s coming out of his shell, but many of his interactions with women come from a time where I think it was more shyness what made him “cold” (and many people had said that he’s shy rather than cold, and dd himself says “I’m a slow starter” meaning he needs time to be familiar with other people).

That’s why, from my pov, his stilted, uncomfortable interactions with women (in the past) steems from the environment he grew up in + knowing he’s being observed all the time. There’s a video of him dropping a pen, surrounded by girls in skirts in an event, and to pick it up, he drops carefully, facing away from the girls, and keeping his eyes locked on the pen.

(I’m leaving my own speculation about their sexuality for another post, but just as a spoiler, I’m between gay and bi, leaning towards gay for some reasons).

All in all, dd is a playful person with his friends. He has every right to be however he wants. The fact that he’s comfortable enough to tease his female coworkers is just proof that he’s grown out of his awkward phase and that he has found people he likes to work with, no matter their gender.

The fact that some people take friendship as a CP is a phenomenon that will gradually dispel once he works with more women. I really don’t understand the blind RPS with no real proof (beware of fanservicing), but I’m fine if it’s the CP of their project, ofc. So I hope the fans who want him to be straight because it fits their image of him or whatever reason can just accept that he’s living for himself, not for their fantasies.��

[tigerplushh]

^^^ me rn

HEE HEE GIGGLE IM HAPPY IT MADE U INSANE :333 i MIGHT be projecting when i say stsg x aroace/intimacy issues reader is my fav (closely followed by childhood friends to lovers teehee) but :333 IM SO GLAD YOU SEE THE VISION!!! WE R CONNECTED TRUST!!!!! ughhh and the doing everything u would in a normal relationship but not having a label for it… AUGHH… and dare I say that childhood friends trope and intimacy issues/aroace reader trope go hand in hand… especially with sugu GIGGLES SOO HARD EHSHFHE. But oh em gee I cannot explain how badly reader and sugu by the sea is my favourite thing ever sniffles so hard <//333 YOURE SO RIGHT WHEN U SAY SUGU NEEDS SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND AND LIKE. EMPATHISE WITH. YOU ARE SOSOSOSO RIGHT I feel like this would be such an important thing for him because he’s always looking out for the people he holds dear but him having a meaningful connection with someone whether the line between platonic and romantic is blurred or not is such a sugu thing eugheheuhhh.. it’s why I love the childhood friends trope so much like I personally think suguru is the type to absolutely adore someone that he’s got that strong of a bond with and it would put him at peace sooo much that he not only understands them fully but they understand him right back 😞😞😞😞 maybe that’s because I’m like 100% sure in my mind sugu is Demiromantic in a way. Yeahhh tell him you’re there for him and allow there to be an unspoken understanding that you get him and he’s on his knees with a ring in his hand REAL!!!!!

“He’s your pillar and you’re his anchor.” OHHH KILL ME NOW!!!! DROPS TO MY KNEES AND STARTS CHOKING ON MY OWN SOBS THIS IS SOSOSOSO TRUE TO ME. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t clutch my chest and gasp in awe after reading that eueueheujuj…. I will always take the chance to ramble on Abt my faves and my fav tropes sniffle snorfl…. Guys I’m gonna be very honest I think they could fix me eueheuehuehyerhhrhdhheuhhhh 💔💔 yeah honestly I cannot blame you at all for loving sugu if u couldn’t tell already I am completely and utterly enamoured with him YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

Giggles I KNOWWW this is about aroace/intimacy issues reader but I honestly need to take the opportunity I have to yell about how much I love childhood friends to lovers AND AND THE FIC U WROTE ABOUT IT WITH SUGU. starts bawling look away look away!!!!!!!!! n e ways it’s not even fully relevant to the childhood friends trope but everyone seems to talk about how being “friends” (wink wink) with satoru would involve a lot of physical affection BUT!!!! I think that would be the same for sugu but more privately and a lot more gently. I think physical affection with satoru would be more like spontaneous bone crushing hugs and excited kisses on ur cheek or forehead (and probably him picking u up and twirling you around because honestly it’s satoru gojo we’re talking about here) and physical affection with suguru is more like gentle hand kisses and hugs from behind or patting your head/tucking your hair behind your ear…. :3 augh and when u got the anon about reader being cheated on and then sugu crawling in beside them for comfort HHHRRRRGGGHRHRRG he would be so perfect to hug this is the bit where nobody contradicts me and the crowd jumps to their feet and starts cheering because YEAHHHH SUGU SUGU SUGU SUGU HUGS YEAHH!!! 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

ALSOOO…. while I may be projecting I do have a lot of aroace/queer hcs for jjk characters hehehdherrf obviously. Sugu my demiromantic bicoded princess… satoru I’m not very sure I feel like he’d be pan. Like he doesn’t strike me as the type to care much for gender or looks or presentation all he needs is someone to talk to and someone to love and to love him just as much hehehdheshdh. I think shoko is bi too though I’m very tempted to put her on the ace spectrum somewhere :33 and obviously kenny the silly… my genderfluid romantically/sexually unlabelled gf… apologies but I don’t think there is a single non queer person in jjk they’re all a little fruity in their own way I think. Maybe even mahito thinks about kissing boys sometimes I wouldn’t know

hops off to the corner like a jerboa hides my face this turned out wayyy longer than I intended it to be and I got a bit carried away at the end cough cough hope u don’t mind ANYYYWAYYYYSSSSSS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SICK SATORU FIC EHEHDWHDH HOPE U HAVE A LOVELY TIMEZONE THANK U FOR FEEDING THE STSG NATION PER USUAL

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m aroace myself or because it’s the effect your writing has on me but stsg x aroace reader has been on my mind NONSTOP 😭 what have you done to me. This is literally just my idea and take on it feel free to ignore my silly little ramble I’m actually insane <33

I feel like dynamics where there’s some obstruction of sorts from it being just a regular happy healthy relationship is my fav ever because. It means there’s so much more yearning and pining involved and it’s so much more emotional I LOVE ITTTAUGHH and aroace spec reader is a great example of that. I feel like the main kinda reasoning (“obstruction”) would be how reader views the relationship they have with stsg and how they feel about it, the way it’s supposed to be just a regular platonic friendship but there’s so much unaddressed care and deep rooted love (that maybe reader doesn’t want to address) and it’s just a confusing mess of emotions. Reader being hesitant to accept that maybe it’s more than just a friendship because they aren’t 100% sure what those complex feelings that undoubtedly come with being ‘friends’ with stsg are. AND aside from aroace reader, a reader with intimacy/trust/abandonment issues or trauma that hasn’t been unpacked (take your pick!!) while it is the same kinda theme (basically just reader’s hesitance to have to face and attempt to understand their own emotions) it’s just. AUGH!! It’s such a yummy idea to me there are so many scenarios. Maybe reader just doesn’t want to be helped or is too untrusting/scared to open themselves up and be vulnerable with people again, is kinda introverted maybe, just generally like. Lost. almost as if they don’t really have a place anywhere? They don’t feel particularly special and they’re just painfully conscious of their own negative emotions + their own loneliness?? Are you seeing what I’m seeing. The type of person that could be in a room full of people and still not feel any less alone. In a way they’re a lot like sugu!!! OHHH HOW IT WOULD BREAK SUGUS HEART I ALREADY HAVE A VISION!!!! Him seeing himself in reader. Dear lord. The understanding that bond would create and him slowly coaxing reader into becoming more emotionally open because he gets it, sugu is so special because there’s an unspoken understanding between him and reader that they’re kindred spirits. as I’m writing this I am literally imagining reader and sugu sitting by the sea late at night. The sea is where lost doomed people that are overwhelmed by their own grief belong!!!! Can you hear my heart shattering and can you tell how much I love angst 😇😇😇 takes a deep sigh and leans back in my expensive chair as I dramatically overlook the city below me. Another day of being a stsg fan forcing everyone else to suffer with me because nobody in the jjk fandom will ever feel joy again

OLLIE MY DEAREST ohhhhh reading this made me so :(((( so so emotional AND I AGREE COMPLETELY what if i told you this is literally exactly what i had in mind………… we’re so connected fr

(this got Very long 😭😭 you have been warned!!)

FIRST OFF it’s crazy that you specifically mention The Sea bc !!!!! when i thought of the aroace!reader stsg fic i immediately envisioned them sitting by the sea under the stars :> i might’ve mentioned that but i don’t Think i did …… IT REALLY IS THE PERFECT PLACE FOR LOST SOULS DOOMED SOULS GRIEFSTRICKEN SOULS ETC ETC IT’S TRUE IT’S TRUEEEE i think it’s perfect for sugu/reader especially !!! T_T more on that later tho…

but okok let’s get into this I’M OVERJOYED THAT YOU’RE INTO AROACE!READER/STSG BTW I THINK IT’S SUCH A TASTY CONCEPT ….. from one aspec to another i am equally insane abt them i just. think there’s so much potential there…..

some of the things i love writing about most are 1) the blurry lines between platonic/romantic love (one of my gojo fics was actually written w a qp relationship in mind :33) and 2) the difficult parts of love/the fear of intimacy in general… it’s something i like exploring because it’s interesting + i don’t see it in fanfic often and. idk!! i just think it’s important to me that i depict a kind of love that’s very tender and healing and careful. especially since i literally only write for characters who have intimacy issues themselves LMAO

I feel like dynamics where there’s some obstruction of sorts from it being just a regular happy healthy relationship is my fav ever because. It means there’s so much more yearning and pining involved and it’s so much more emotional I LOVE ITTTAUGHH

LITERALLY THIS you put it so perfectly ollie.. T_T love with obstructions is alwaysss most interesting to me …. AND I AGREE!! if i ever end up writing this fic the focus will definitely be on reader and how they view love!! being on the spectrum is genuinely so isolating sometimes and i feel like that’s comparable to the kind of isolation stsg carry with them :’3 none of you can fully understand the others’ individual hardships but with a lot of understanding and respect i think it would go well.

… honestly i hc both gojo and geto as being on the spectrum themselves LMAO but maybe i’ll avoid those hcs to make the fic more interesting 😭😭 ace demiromantic gojo + demisexual sugu are soooo real to me they’re my pookies <333

it’s supposed to be just a regular platonic friendship but there’s so much unaddressed care and deep rooted love (that maybe reader doesn’t want to address) and it’s just a confusing mess of emotions.

OLLIE I SWEAR WE’RE CONNECTED THROUGH THE AROACE HIVEMIND BC THIS WAS EXACTLY MY THOUGHT PROCESS TOO 😭😭😭 it’s just such a tasty scenario because i feel like stsg would be in denial about their feelings at first, but then (once they’ve come to terms with it!!) approach reader immediately… i kinda pictured it as stsg already being a couple, and then confessing to reader with the hope of them joining their relationship……… and it’s so difficult because reader doesn’t really know where their feeling lies between platonic and romantic, don’t really care about the specifics, they just know that they love them and cherish them but now they feel pressured to put a label on it and i think that would just make them panic.

and it’s not at all intentional on stsg’s side !!! they’re half expecting reader to reject them, but they’re just so sincere and tender about the confession. and i think that they just won’t be able to understand reader’s feelings even when they try to explain it :’3 because reader does like them. love them. but they don’t know if it’s romantic, and they don’t really want to know. and even if they knew for sure, they might not care for a standard relationship anyway!! it would just take a lot of understanding and support from stsg to even have that conversation without reader running away, but i think they’re both so gentle when it comes to you :(( they’re always willing to hear you out, and even if they don’t understand all the aspects of being aroace, that doesn’t mean they won’t support it.

…. tbh i’m not entirely sure how it’d work out 😭😭 i think it’d have to be kind of vague but i can picture the three of them living together, going grocery shopping and cuddling and whatnot, and there aren’t really any labels there. not for reader anyway. but they all love each other and that’s enough <33

i love how we both started ranting LMAO this concept just means a lot to me so i can’t help but ramble a bit T_T BUT BUT BUTTTTT we still need to talk abt stsg with a reader that has intimacy issues/unpacked trauma��� ollie literally every single part of ur ask made me feel insane in the head this is another concept that means a lot to me and i’m SOOO excited that i get to talk abt it with you!!!! :’3 i think i’ve already said this plenty of times but i’ll die on this hill: stsg would be PERFECT for this kind of reader. so loyal and understanding and accepting. they’d be so, so patient because both of them really only care about your happiness!! that’s all!!!!

and tbh i feel like no matter what kind of issues reader has specifically, it all boils down to them having difficulties with vulnerability!! showing it and seeing it and just embracing it as something important and healing. AND that’s perfect for stsg because they’re literally the same LMAO…. and in this case i think that would benefit the relationship as a whole!! it’ll be bumpy at first because i feel like all three of you would encourage the other two to open up, express themselves etc — but then not return that vulnerability. and that just wouldn’t work out!! and i think that would force you to open up, if only so your partners will do the same. same for stsg!! and it’s just soooo tender and raw :(((( but so important!!

i can honestly imagine suguru having the most trouble opening up, even though he’ll be the most insistant that you and satoru do so 😭😭 he’s a big ol hypocrite is what i’m saying. but i can see him dipping his toes into that vulnerability for you, because he knows you won’t get anywhere otherwise and he wants to be a good example for you to follow. it’d make things so much easier for reader because they aren’t the only one who’s having difficulties !! it’s all three of you!! you’re all learning and growing and loving each other so delicately :’3

now on the topic of sugu….

OHHH HOW IT WOULD BREAK SUGUS HEART I ALREADY HAVE A VISION!!!! Him seeing himself in reader. Dear lord. The understanding that bond would create and him slowly coaxing reader into becoming more emotionally open because he gets it, sugu is so special because there’s an unspoken understanding between him and reader that they’re kindred spirits.

THIS THIS THISSSSS OLLIE OUR BRAINS ARE HOLDING HANDS YOU GET IT YOU GET ITTT this is SUCH a great scenario AND IT’S SO REAL TOO… i think sugu would be the mvp in helping reader (NO DISRESPECT TO SATORU i think he would be vital in other ways!!) because like you said!! they’re the same. there’s something so soft and tender in that dynamic :’3 them talking by the sea… about their own loneliness and difficult pasts……. i 100% hc sugu as having had a rough childhood so if reader also did it’d just strenghten their connection even further. i think that what suguru needs more than anything else is understanding, so to receive that from reader, while also being able to give it in return……. yeahhhh. he’s whipped. you’d be talking by the sea looking up at the stars and he would already be thinking of marriage LMAO he’s such a sap to me 😭😭😭 he just has this moment when he realizes that he wants to Protect You Forever and it’s so special to him. he’s your pillar and you’re his anchor. (<- slowly spiralling as we speak I LOVE THIS MAN SO DEARLY…..)

OLLIIIIIEEEEEE THIS MADE ME FUCKING INSANE I’M SO SERIOUS I ALMOST CRIED both these concepts are so good T_T….. i can’t thank u enough for sharing them w me <333 YOU’RE ALWAYS WELCOME IN MY INBOX ILYSM!!!! i really feel like we see stsg the same way i swearrrr it’s the aroace hivemind…… anyway i am looking out at the city right with you………… drinking a glass of orange juice………… pondering stsg…………… they make me so sad/happy/other emotions that i don’t think human beings are supposed to feel 😔😔😔

[embcrry]

ok thisss took wayyy longer than i’d expected . like it’s fucking midnight ? like guys im such a mess omfg . anywaysss * tana mongeau vc “ welcome to my trash bin daught or welcome back to my trash bin daughter ... what ? was ? that ? idfk . if you wanna plot with my overly tired ass give this post a like and i’ll love you down i promise !! also i apologize for how long this intro is going to be in advance !

new york’s very own  𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐄 " 𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐀 " 𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 was spotted on broadway street in 𝘓𝘖𝘜𝘉𝘖𝘜𝘛𝘐𝘕 𝘌𝘓𝘖𝘐𝘚𝘌 𝘉𝘖𝘖𝘛𝘚  . your resemblance to barbara palvin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃  birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being guarded , but also dependable  . i guess being a 𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be  𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘶𝘱, 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘫𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘯 + 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴  .  &  ( female & she/her  )  +  ( faith , 21 , she/her , est . )

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

FULL NAME : emilie sierra berry . NICKNAME : emma , em , emma bear ( by her little sister ) . BIRTH DATE : march 1st , 1998 . AGE : 22 . GENDER : female ( cis ) . PRONOUNS : she + her . ORIENTATION :  pansexual ( attractions are equal ) , panromantic ( leans more toward women ) . BIRTH PLACE : brisbane , australia ( see home here ) . the family still owns this house but don’t use it much . HOMETOWN : new york city ( upper west side ) , new york ( see home here ) . her dad + little sister still live here today . CURRENT LOCATION : new york city ( upper east side ) , new york ( see home here ) . moved in one year ago after break up . EDUCATION LEVEL : highschool diploma .   OCCUPATION : olympic swimmer ( emulated after katie ledecky ) , socialite , escort ( no one knows ) . NET WORTH : 32million ( every year up until she’s twenty five she receives a percentage of her trust fund ) . FAMILY NET WORTH : 3.1billion ( father ) , 4.8billion ( mother + step - father ) . PARENTS : adrian berry ( father , 51 , hedge fund manager ) , natasha laffont ( mother , 48 , former super model + philanthropist ) , thomas laffont ( step - father , 50 ,  businessman + art collector ) . SIBLINGS : tatiana berry ( sister , 10 , student + ballet dancer ) , bradley laffont ( step-brother , 24 , new york rangers player ) . PETS : jagger ( ragdoll cat , picture ) , maggie ( pomeranian - husky , picture ) . NATIONALITY : australian - american . ETHNICITY : hungarian . CLOTHING STYLE : expensive yet casual ; alot of black , hoodies , leather is a staple , high end sneakers , boots , colorful suits . JEWELRY : gold ; dangly earring , cartier bracelet , tiffany rings , barbell nipple piercings. DIET : pescitarian , no dairy ( lactose intolerant ) . WORK OUT HABITS : six times a week ( mostly boxing + swimming  ) . PERSONALITY : guarded ; there is nothing emma hates more than talking about her feelings or letting anyone know who she’s feeling , she has trouble trusting people for good reason ( the girls trust issues have trust issues yall ) + dependable ; if you need anything in the world go to emma she will move mountains to get shit down for you , she’s very punctual , and super disciplined probably due to being an olympian + goofy ; she doesn’t take much too seriously tbh , ( similar to joey + phoebe from friends ) she can be a bit of a space cadet and that always ends in her making everyone laugh + stubborn ; one thing is for sure about emma she’s extremely hard headed , loves getting her way , and is incredibly unforgiving . 

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 ( in bullets )

her parents met during college , where they both attended princeton university . natasha , her mom , was in the middle of her modeling career completely blowing up while adrian was already setting the foundation of his investment company . they had a whirlwind romance and were married just a year after adrian graduated from princeton . both coming from old money , emma’s grandparents on both sides are extremely meticulous about the image of their family + so the same mentality was instilled in adrian + natasha .

 emma spent the first nine years of her life in brisbane , australia . her parents had moved out to australia just a couple years before she was born for the sake of making her father’s company an international success . 

with her parents always off doing something , emma was raised by her nanny + butler . when she was six she expressed her desire to get into swimming after watching michael phelps in the 2004 summer olympics . she was in absolute awe by him + wanted to be just like him . so the next day her nanny spoke to her parents and later that day she was enrolled into a local swimming program .

when she was nine her parents broke the news to her that they were moving to new york . at first she wasn’t all too mad about the move , she didn’t have many friends in school , wasn’t a big fan of her teachers , and knew the one thing she loved she could still do in new york . her outlook on the move changed when she found out that her nanny + butler would not be making the move across the equator with them though . how dare her parents steal the only people who’d ever taken care of her away from her ? she thought . she threw an absolute fit in protest ; completely wrecking the home + locking herself away in the bathroom in her room for nearly 20 hours before her nanny talked her into coming out . 

once in new york , emma was miserable . she had tantrums everyday and even stopped swimming for a few months . what inevitably pulled her out of her funk was a trip disneyland paris + her mom bringing her out to buy a whole new wardrobe . yall ever heard of a spoiled brat ?

once she was open to the idea of new york she kind of fell in love with the city , to be honest . she grew close to her new nanny + butler , of course and fell in love with her new swimming coach .

when she was fourteen her parents got a divorce and just six months later her mom was married to a billionaire living in connecticut with a son just two years older than emma . anyone with a brain could put together that her mom had been cheating on her dad , that was except for her dad who’d fallen into denial that his ex - wife would come back . 

[ trigger warning : alcoholism , child abuse , violence ] after months of listening to her father , emma broke , the two got in a huge screaming match about how her mom wasn’t coming back saying things like “this is so pathetic, stop graveling over a women who doesn’t want you” + “she doesn’t want you” + “just move on, she’s never coming back, she’s fucking an art collector in connecticut”. mind you she’s fourteen talking to her dad like this , yikes . he started spiraling after that , drinking heavily , doing coke more than just at events , and when emma copped an attitude he’d hit her . it started with just a rough slap , pushing her into the pool or down the stairs , and then it turned into punching her . it got so bad her coach started noticing during swim practices and inevitably threatened her dad , either he let her move in with him or he’d call the police . so , not wanting a tarnished reputation , her dad sent her off to live with her swim coach .

[ trigger warning : grooming ] life with her swim coach was cool , she got to swim alot more plus he was extremely high profile due to sending swimmers to the olympics as well acting in a few movies so she got to go to alot of events with him all across the world . she enjoyed her time with him more than she’d enjoyed the entirety of her life and then he got her to the 2012 olympics in london + her trust and appreciation for him sky rocketed . in her eyes no one int he world could or did love her more .

coming back from the olympics , her had fully sobered up and was ready to bring emma back home .  her and her coach weren’t completely gun ho for the move but she inevitably moved back home with her father .

[ trigger warning : statutory rape ] just a month after being back home , her coach started being a little too touchy with her . she felt uncomfortable by his advances but figured her was only taking care of her . then he kissed her and she was pretty creeped out so she asked what he was doing , basically the creep told her he was just missing her alot because she wasn’t living with him and reminded her about how he was really the only person who cared about her . she accepted what he said and soon after they started sleeping together regularly . he didn’t even have to tell her not to tell anyone , she innately knew if she ever told anyone he wouldn’t be her coach anymore and emma just wasn’t willing to lose the best coach she’d ever had . this continued for a little over a year until she went to the doctors and her mom went with her , her mom stayed in the room because the check up wasn’t all that invasive + then when her doctor asked her if she was sexually active her mom answered no but emma , not wanting to lie , stayed silent . she inevitably confessed at the appointment that she was sexually active . her mom freaked out and wanted to know who but of course emma didn’t spill that . she inevitably lied and said some guy she went to school with . within a week her mom found out she lied and refused to let emma go anywhere until she confessed who she was sleeping with . knowing her mom wouldn’t let up she told her it was her coach + that it wasn’t a big deal . but emma knew it was . her mom gave her coach an ultimatum he either quit coaching for good or she’d turn him in . she he quit and emma never heard from him again . 

she stopped talking to her more directly after that + stopped going back to connecticut for the weekends like she had been since her parents divorce . she was now sixteen without a swimming coach + completely mad at the world .  she’d had a rough few years , to say the least . she turned to partying , HEAVY , to cope with it all . she slept with anyone who so much as gave her a second look she didn’t care if they were older than her , had a girlfriend / boyfriend , if you were into her you could have her . it took her almost five months before she committed to a swim coach + they really whipped her back into shape . no more partying , emma went from school to practice and then home . it was awfully boring for the new party girl but she had one of the best coaches in the world + they promised to stop coaching her had she not listened to their every word . the only thing she cared more about then letting loose was going to another olympics . 

she attended a private school in manhattan where she completely smashed each and everyone of the school, districts , and state records in swimming . she was never big into her academics but she upheld a b average for the sake of being able to stay on the schools swimming team . if she received anything less than a b she would guilt her dad into giving her school a donation so they’d give her the grade she felt she deserved . 

she graduated from highschool in 2016 and although she was accepted into multiple schools across the nation , with athletic full ride offers from each school  , but she inevitably declined each school because she did want to spend another second behind a desk . knowing her dad would never approve of her not going to college , with his ivy league education ass , she lied to him and said she was attending nyu . 

she went to the 2016 olympics in rio and completely dominated ( 4 gold medals , 1 silver + breaking five world/olympic/american records in the meets ) . 

just months in 2017 her dad started to pick up on her lie about attending college . telling her she needed to enroll immediately or he’d cut her off . calling his bluff she didn’t enroll . she quickly learned that he wasn’t bluffing when he completely cut her off , telling her she had a month to find a place to live and move out .  

thanks to her olympics money + her endorsements with tyr sports + adidas she had enough money to get an apartment but her saving would deplete quick so she knew she needed to do something to make alot of money + quick .

desperate and running out of time emma joined seeking arrangements under an alias as sierra meyers . there were a few success and plenty of total blunders on the site but she got lucky with the first women she met with who offered to get her into escorting . emma didn’t even give it a second thought before she said yes , the only thing she asked is that the clientele not want her to attend highly publicized events with her as she's quickly get caught due to her socialite status   . 

within a year she’d made half of what her entire lifes work had made her , she grew obsessed with escorting and what made it crazy was there were people who would pay her half a million just to have dinner and talk with her . of course , those were the unicorns though because most wanted to sleep with her at the end of the night . 

when she turned twenty one her dad gave in and gave her back her blackcard + even offered to move her back into the house , she took the credit card but decided to continue living outside of his walls . 

she could’ve quit escorting right then and there , but she’d grown an addiction if you will to her work . there was something about the secrecy of it + her ability to make millions so easily that kept her going .

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

former roommate ; these two moved in together after her dad kicked her out + even though she moved in with someone else months after they signed the lease she payed them for her half of the rent for the rest of the lease , ex ; they dated when she was cut off by her dad + they inevitably moved into together they could of had a rocky or really good relationship by broke up around this time last year , the guy she “ lost “ her virginity to ; he didn’t actually take her virginity , in truth these two could very well have never even slept together but he’s the guy she lied to her about sleeping with to cover up sleeping with her coach he found out about her lie when emma’s mom asked his parents if he was sleeping with emma we can decide where things went from there between these two , suspicious friend ; they’re starting to pick up on her random disappearing + secrecy , maybe they start following her at some point and inevitably confront her about escorting or maybe they think she’s doing something else and accuse her of that ? , first girlfriend , more exes , people she’s slept with , someone who she slept with + they had a significant other , fellow olympians , travel buddy , podcast co-host ; these two came up with an idea recently to start a podcast , they haven't released it just yet but it’d be similar to call her daddy / impulsive !

[transfemininomenon]

Hey, i'm actually a "truscum" i found out recently, but im a little confused on the whole ordeal. Im not even sure if i actually am truscum or not- because some posts seem to tie up with me being one but others dont, but i saw you were really against them, so i wanted to ask if you're okay with a friendly calm conversation about it? I am very confused and i just want to learn a bit more or find out if i'm wrong about the whole ordeal. Are you open to it?

i'll be honest im not sure how friendly i can be with this kind of conversation because i really truly genuinely, and i don't use this word lightly, Hate truscum and its hard for me to really be civil about the discussion. but for the sake of this and me giving you a lot of benefit of the doubt that this ask is in good faith i'll explain why i do not like the entire truscum ideology

1. i guess i'll start off with the Big One - the claim that dysphoria is Required to be trans. i'll preface this by saying that i am someone who has experienced, and currently Experiences in wildly different degrees depending on what is happening in my life, dysphoria throughout my entire life. i had my entire teenage and young adult years stolen from me by it. i won't get into details about it because that is a Very Very Personal subject for me, but needless to say dysphoria is something that was a very prevalent part of my life.

anyway. the notion that dysphoria is a Trans Requirement™ is something that i hugely disagree with. i used to think that me figuring out i was a trans woman was because i experienced dysphoria, but frankly the opposite is true. dysphoria is what made me refuse to believe i was a woman or could ever be one. it made me believe i was a man and that was all i would ever be. it wasn't until i really started experimenting with my gender and unpacking a lot of stuff i felt about myself that i started to finally realize the woman i was. i first started trying our she/her pronouns nearing four years now, and started using the name Alice a few months after that. being referred to as a woman & experimenting with different feminine things gave me such incredible feelings of euphoria that i still experience to this day whenever i discover something new about my identity.

and that is something ive heard from SO many other trans people i know. or different things too - i know people who are completely fine with their bodies, just certain words and terms never felt Right to them. because the thing with dysphoria is that it, like all things gender related, is a product of society. dysphoria only exists because transphobia exists - people are told that there are these two rigid things that you are and HERE is what makes you one of those things, and those things are drilled into you literally since birth. everything from colors to jobs to hobbies to cars to entertainment to clothing to Literally Everything is gendered, and when that happens then of fucking course there are gonna be people who don't fall in line with that, and when it's so instilled into people and seen as such societal norms of COURSE people are going to have trouble with that.

and that's not even getting into the subject of gender on a biological level. the fact of the matter is that the two sex system Isn't True and that biological sex is very complicated. intersex people exist, people with all kinds of different chromosomes exist, people of certain body types that have higher levels of different hormones exist, SO much goes into that subject that frankly narrowing it down to two things just doesn't Work

and that's the real problem at the end of the day. dysphoria only exists because of a fucked up gender binary that clashes with both biology and sociology. people are complicated on both a biological and personal level and having set binaries for things is bound to cause confusion & doubt.

like, people's identities are SUCH personal things in so many different ways. there isn't any Right Way™ to be trans. i know trans women with beards, trans women who have no interest in starting hrt, trans men who wear dresses and makeup, non-binary people who make no effort to be androgynous, i know SO many different identities and different people. because the fact is that there's no right way to be trans because nothing is inherently gendered including people's very bodies. people are themselves and there is no Right way to be themselves.

that's on top of the lack of education when it comes to the subject of gender. such a huge part too of me figuring out i was trans was literally learning that it was even a fucking option. i genuinely didn't know just Being A Girl was an option. reading up on gender stuff and researching the different idea of transitioning was intrinsic in my figuring out who i was because oh shit turns out there are people like me and that is Okay.

like, dysphoria literally could've been a non-issue for me. i could've lived in a world where i could just Exist and enjoy whatever i wanted without it being weird. i could've decided so much sooner that i wasn't happy with the way my body was growing and not spent my entire teen years being so confused why i was so sad seeing my girl peers. i could have from the start just gotten to be a girl and never have had dysphoria be part of the equation.

im not trans being i experience dysphoria. im trans because being a woman is rad as hell and it's what i wanted. im trans because changing my name to Alice was the biggest moment of my entire life. im trans because rebelling against the societal restraints of gender is fucking metal. im trans because my friends can't even remember me ever not being me now. im trans because im a great older sister. im trans because god nerfed me and i said nah thanks man but im not feeling it.

my identity and my gender are very personal and complicated things, and narrowing it down to "i experience dysphoria" is frankly insulting to me.

anyway, that's the big point out of the way, so here's some shorter ones

2. this is kinda expanding on the last point, but truscum both insisting non-binary people aren't a thing and them insisting "transtrenders" exist is hmm Bad

the sheer fact of the matter is the concept of being non-binary has existed from the oldest known records of human history on TOP of that concept being prevalent in many different cultures so what do ya know there's a healthy dose of racism involved in the denial of non-binary people. the gender binary is such a western concept and there are SO many different cultures where different gender identities exist.

and, frankly, going back to the above point that gender is fucking Fake and is a societal concept - again, of fucking course there are going to be people who see a rigid set of rules on gender and are like "well wait that doesn't fit me" so of COURSE non-binary people exist

on the subject of "transtrenders" i feel like i shouldn't even HAVE to get into this subject because of how inherently transphobic it is. the concept doesn't exist. there are people who experiment with their gender and then decide their assigned one is fine. there are people who go through all kinds of different identities. there are people who come out as a different gender and then revert back due to backlash. there are people who get told the way they present their gender is the Wrong Way™ and get branded a trender. it's a dangerous thought process that literally does nothing but serve the cis status quo and make people afraid to experiment and think about their identities.

3. the idea that Those Evil Trenders™ are stealing resources from the Real Trans People™ is, frankly, fucking bullshit. issues when it comes to trans people finding difficulty accessing healthcare comes from a transphobic society hellbent on denying us care on top of fucked up healthcare systems in general. hormones aren't some limited quality hard to acquire thing - when i started hrt transferring my prescription from my clinic to my local pharmacy was a non-issue because it's something basically any pharmacy will have for ALL kinds of different purposes. it's an issue because healthcare in general is a god damn Mess on TOP of inherent transphobia

and, frankly, truscum are directly involved in that transphobia in the medical field. unless you find an informed consent clinic you're going to have to jump through all kinds of hoops to prove you're Actually Trans™ by getting referrals from other (almost always cis) people and then get put on ridiculous waitlists to make sure you're not about to change your mind. that kind of attitude is only encouraged by truscum and it is one of the biggest source of trans people having such difficulty accessing healthcare.

4. truscum as far as im concerned are no different than any other transphobe. two years ago before i started hrt i was harassed by truscum multiple times, each time having them tell me i wasn't trans, that i was just a trender, and it genuinely boggles my mind that anyone thinks misgendering me because i disagreed with their ideology is Woke, actually. I've seen so many fellow trans women getting called men by truscum who disagreed with them. i was actively told i shouldn't start hrt because i "wasn't really trans and was gonna ruin my life"

i really hope all of people live in anger every day knowing ive been on hrt over a year and a half and am fucking Thriving

anyway that's all i got to say on the matter i realize my points became less thought out as it went on but frankly the first point is enough for me to not like truscum

(please refrain from reblogging this i don't want any clowns in my inbox)

[momo-de-avis]

Do you have any recommendations of female artists (sculptors and painters)? (I went to a museum and now im salty lmao)

Off the top of my mind, I might remember someone else some time soon:

Sonia Delaunay. My girl LIVED and BREATHED art. She was the type to literally, and I mean wholly, surround herself with art to the point of living inside art. She sewed, made costumes for the theater, she made puppets, dolls, quilts, even furniture. She was an incredible, outstanding painter. She is at the centre of Orphism more so than Robert, her husband, who was more of a cubism guy. Now, from what I gather, a lot of what people say about Sonia in other countries is coupled with her husband, as if you can't talk about her without mentioning him. To a degree, that's correct because the two had a really secure partnership. They were both creators, and they pushed each other. It was incredibly inspiring tbh. But Sonia has her own merit, and in Portugal she is actually way more relevant than Robert bc of the influence she had on our modernist circle.

Lee Krasner. If only people sort of forgot she was Pollock's wife. Her method of creating is fascinating to me cause this girl just destroyed her past work completely, but instead of throwing it in the trash, she reused it to create new works. Art historians in the post modernist era weren't too kind to her, but she's being avenged. She's methodical and clearly puts so much thought into her composition her creative process is fascinating.

Julia Margaret Cameron. This woman is one of my favourite artists in the world. Cameron began taking photographs at 42 years old after she moved to the isle of Wight in England. She was gifted a camera by her daughter who just wanted her mother to be a bit less bored, and Cameron went on to create over 3000 astonishing photographs that are at the core of the pictorialist movement. She was also INCREDIBLY well acquainted of her society. I mean, literally every famous victorian person you can think of, she met them. The majority of famous photographs you can think of? She took them. She was very honest about her work too. Its really endearing because Cameron was so concerned about her own honesty in capturing beauty she didn't give a fuck about the actual mechanics, which resulted in a lot of photographers at the time labelling her "an amateur". She also refused to photograph high society folk that weren't her friends, and mostly photographed her maids. It must be said that Alfred Lord Tennyson absolutely DESPISED every single illustration made for his Idylls of the King, so much artists knew they were in for hell if they were commissioned the book's illustrations. Cameron was the only person Tennyson personally asked to illustrated, and he absolutely adored her work.

Hannah Hoch. I love Dada so it couldn't miss. Hannah Hoch was married to uhhhhh... Huesekbeck I think? I keep forgetting. Either way, she was part of the Berlin Dada group, and they gave her hell for being a woman. Yes, it's nothing short of that: they didn't want her to belong because she was a woman. Especially her husband, who she supported throughout his life and then he died and she was like "lmao maybe you should have made good art, my bitch". Hannah Hoch mostly makes collages, and it's incredible. Its a very poignant work about being a woman in post-Weimar Germany and the societal issues Germany faced after World War I.

Claude Cahun. There's a post I made about her going around so I wont prolong myself but essentially, though she used female pronouns throughout her life, she identified herself as androgynous and created an INCREDIBLE set of photographs. She was a surrealist who became the inspiration for Davie Bowie and Andre Breton lauded this woman breathless. She was also arrested for taking part in the resistance against the Nazis and lived her whole life with another woman who was her partner. Her work focuses tremendously on issues of gender and our perception of our own bodies.

Camille Claudel. Infamously, she is known as Rodin's lover. Camille's story is a very tragic one. She was a tremendously talented sculptor who accumulated patrons throughout her life, and though she had an a rough affair with Rodin (and he was a bit of a dick), he did praise her work and tried very hard to preserve her artwork. The issue was Camille's family, who scorned her and shamed her for being an artist and her life choices, and destroyed a lot of her art after sticking her in a mental institution where she died at like, 70. But Camille's work is... Well, it's beautiful. Its the kind of work you can see that conflict between being a woman in her society while desperate to liberate herself. Though she incorporates Rodin's language, she has her own mark, her own hand, and her own language.

Janet Sobel. She is actually the first person to coin, use and employ the technique of dripping. You know, the one Pollock gets all the praise for? Essentially, Janet Sobel was a grandmother by the time she picked up a paintbrush. She was also a ukranian emigrant with little to no english, and she engaged in art at her son's insistence. When her son Sol Sobel brought his mom's artwork to the major New York circles (she lived in New Jersey), she immediately caught the eye of Peggy Guggenheim, who put together a collective exhibition about female abstract expressionist painters. That exhibition was in 1946. Pollock was there, he msde a remark wbout Sobel's work, and in 1947 you have the first Pollock dripping painting. Do with that information what you will (and also, check for photos of how Sobel painted, it's so adorable and it just explains SO MUCH MORE THE CONCEPT OF ACTION PAINTING THAN POLLOCK). Eventualyl, Sobel stopped painting and disappeared, and there are several factors as to why we forgot her: Pollock was the CIA's bad boy, so yeah; she spoke little english (she befriended Marc Chagall and Mark Rothko bc they both spoke russian and they claimed that being with Sobel felt like being back home) and she developed an allergy to oil painting.

Maria Helena Vieira da Silva. We're moving to the french circle here, and yes she is portuguese but she belongs to the french post modernist circle. She's an abstract painter who draws a lot from cityscapes, and I think it's worth taking a look at her work.

Niki de Saint Phalle. Now Niki is incredible. She's mostly known for her Nanas, which are immense outdoors sculptures of women with thick bodies, defying the notion of slenderness imposed by fashion magazines that prevailed in the 50s. She also engages with her own trauma of sexual abuse and explores the notion of sexuality a lot, as well as women's bodies outside the realm of sexuality. At a given point, she collaborated with Jean Tingely a lot so she made a series of kinetic sculptures too.

Martha Rosler. I know you said painting and sculpture and I've already talked about collage lmao but Martha Rosler belongs to the first wave of feminist art and those mostly concern video art, though Rosler is very well known for her collages Bringing the War Home in which she literally brings the Vietnam war home. It's worth looking at her work.

Ana Mendieta. Another tragic story. Ana Mendieta was incredibly worried about the notion of the female body as perceived outside the realm of something sexual and nature. She works a lot with perishable material, works of art that are organic, that is, that will disappear with time. One of her most well known methods is leaving an imprint of her own body on natural surfaces, like a beach, or a field of grass, and then photographing it. Ironically, that was exactly how she died: she fell off I believe it was a 10th floor and onto the hood if a car. There is still speculation about it and everything points towards there having been a fight between her and her partner at the time, Carl Andre, who neighbours believe pushed her out the window. Carl Andre never saw justice and Ana Mendieta died at like 25 years old and at the prime of her career.

Kara Walker. She's a pretty young artist who's creating artworks as we speak and she confronts the notion of blackness with US history so blatantly it becomes monumental. She also makes large scale works to defy this message. If you ask me, she's one of the best artists living today.

Hilma af Klimt. She was a Swedish abstractionist and surrealist who was really focused on the occult, and made monumental paintings that engaged with things like the human psyche.

Lizzie Siddal. Now, Lizzie is better known as the Pre-Raphaelite muse, immortalised in Millais' famous Ophelia, but she was an artist of her own. And not just any artist. John Ruskin tutored her and praised her. In fact, he considered her biggest flaw being her love affair with Rossetti lmao she is very naive and honest about her work, and I would also recommend taking a look at her poetry.

Eleonor Fortescue-Brickdale. I know very little about her, but she was a post pre-raphaelite illustrator who, and this is just me, follows the trend of Julia Margaret Cameron. Her paintings are beautiful and seriously, look at both their work and try to see the similarities hah

Helen Frankenthaler and Joan Mitchell, two abstract expressionists who developed their own mode of painting and who border the Colour Field Painting (think Rothko).

Tamara de Lempicka. She's the glamour gal. She makes paintings about the glamorous life of high society and is very interesting because she depicts female nudes in a very intimate way. If I am not mistaken, Tamara de Lempicka had relationships with women, so that tells you a lot. She's very cubist in technique, more so than style.

Faith Ringgold. Oh my God, Faith Ringgold is fantastic. She is a black american woman who paints about the experience of being a black woman, but not just paint. She's best known for her Tar Beaches series, which as quilts she stitches while telling the story of a little girl who dreams about a world while spending time on her tar beach, which is the rooftops of the buildings in Harlem. Please do check her work, she is fantastic.

I'll leave well known names out because they are easy to search like Frida Kahlo, Artemisa Gentilleschi, Josefa d'Obidos, Sofonisba Anguissola (these three are located in the late renaissance period, so there's a lot of portraits, religious themes and still life), Mary Cassat, Berthe Morisot (both impressionists who focus on private female themes), Rosa Bonheur (naturalist who makes landscapes mostly), Evelyn de Morgan (post pre-raphaelite). Also check Zinaida Serebriakova, Georgia O'Keeffe, Lavinia Fontana, Louise Bourgeois, Angelika Kauffmann, Elisabetta Sirani, Romaine Brooks, Sophie Tauber-Arp, Varvara Stepanova, Paula Rego, Bridget Riley, Leonora Carrington, Vigée le Brun, Yayoi Kusama, Francesca Woodman. Etc. These are like .. top of my head with a quick google search to make sure I wrote the names right haha

[angelofwaverlyplace]

@worrywonderwander made this post about me because i said wish you were gay wasnt homophobic. im not sure why she blocked me when our conversation was fairly civil. shes downplaying my opinion and credibility by talking about my age when i am an honest to god adult. now to the content of the post:

the only thing i can concede to wywg being guilty of is queerbaiting. the offensiveness of the song is still unseen by me and a majority of lgbt people regardless of your personal issues with it. with that being said, intention is a huge factor. she had no malicious intent and furthermore went on to apologize if anyone thought she did. even if the song was distasteful, which it wasnt, it cant be homophobic or prejudiced if the intentions were pure

if i stan her so hard that im going to defend a straight teenage girl? im not sure what her age or sexuality have to do with my defending her. i understand the power dynamic between cisgender and heterosexual people versus the lgbt community is unbalanced, but creating a divide the way that you do is unhealthy. if i support someone i dont care who they’re attracted to or how old they are. i also am defending her song more than her herself. i believe that it doesnt deserves the slander it gets and i stand up for what i believe.

again im not following her blindly, its not even about her, but more about the principle of the song being labelled as something its not. similarly, ive found that often people will brand something as homophobic, transphobic, etc when it objectively isnt just because its not up to your standards of inclusivity (not you specifically, people in general).

yes i agree and i said earlier that artists are not responsible for how people interpret their art, but the fact is that a majority of people found the song overall unproblematic. becuase art is subjective someone can take something harmless and make it into a huge deal or even do the opposite and downplay an objectively offensive piece of media. its all open to interpretation so im not sure what you were trying to say there.

in regards to billie profitting off of assumptions about a song topic, you can say that about any subject. khalid has a song called “talk” you wouldnt say that he’s unfairly profitting because some people may assume he’s singing not talking. i understand that people are a little more sensitive when it involves the lgbt community which is understandable but not 100% fair in my opinion. its 2019 and a majority of people are accepting of the lgbt community. we aren’t victims anymore.

i think the issue is that some people are taking the song too seriously. shes not wishing upon a star that the subject of the song wakes up gay one day, but rather that he doesnt like her and since the alternative would be that there is something wrong with HER, she would rather he not be attracted to girls. if i sang that song about a guy i would call it “wish you were straight” because that would mean that it wasnt my flaws he wasn’t attracted to, it was my gender. also, she isnt wishing the gay experience on him, so to speak.

you mentioned that her stance is selfish and thats precisely the point. in the song itself she calls herself selfish. again i will fight for something i believe in. if i thought she was genuinely immature and selfish i would admit it. i strongly find it important to understand the gray areas since Nothing is black and white.

just as you are able to criticize billie i am just as able to explain my differing opinions. she is by no means perfect but this is not the reasons for her imperfections.

the next part is about me so let me simply explain why i compared the community aliens. you said that straight people should not even reference gay people which is ridiculous and creates sn unecessary divide between gay and straight people. i am fully aware of the history of lgbt people between stonewall, the aids epidemic and even trans people dating back centuries. i understand your caution when it comes to people referencing the community, but so much has changed in the past 50 years, hell the past 5 years. its unfair and unrealistic to police their language in regards to us. with the exception of slurs of course, there is no need to dictate the vocabulary when straight people reference the community. the world is a lot more progressive than it used to be.

i dont know if you’ll be notified for this or even see this; i have never blocked anyone so i dont know how it works. but i would love to have an open mature discussion if you want to unblock me and message me.

[dwindlingashesburnt]

I have a tendency to be very hesitant about acknowledging or trying to solve any issues I may have.

Part of that is due to OTHER issues I have

But at least one part of it is this: I know that the issue I want to fix is usually only a small part of a bigger issue, and sometimes I’m not aware of the bigger issue, sometimes I am aware of it but it’s only that one small part that’s bugging me at the time, or that small part is all I’m capable of trying to resolve at the time....But I hesitate because I KNOW that as soon as I acknowledge and fix or start trying to fix that small part, the whole bigger issue is suddenly gonna become a bigger issue - I will be so much more aware of it, it will bug/upset/hinder me so much more, I will be hassled by issues I hadn’t even realised were part of that same big issue!

For this reason, I tend to try to, or at least want to, put off dealing with my problems. Not forever, but put it off long enough that I will theoretically be able to deal with all the small issues and the larger issue itself, all at once, without giving it a chance to pull the whole worsening and multiplying bullshit.

......I think this is now happening with the, well, sideaffects (???? wtf do I refer to this as-) of my being a trans enbie. like. names, behaviour, gender dysphoria with my body, clothes- you name it, its an issue

Because previously, here are the things I was struggling with: I knew I wasn’t a boy or girl, I didn’t like seeing my birthname written down and especially didn’t like writing it down myself, and I didn’t like people making a point of referring to me as a girl. I very very rarely got gender dysphoria about my chest but then I normally just layered up (got into some arguments due to this in summer because I couldn’t explain why I was choosing to overheat instead of taking  a layer off without outing myself...) and it was. well. not fine but bearable

So. I acknowledged that I’m nonbinary, and I think closest to agender. I’d prefer xe/xem pronouns or they/them as a second place option, I asked my friends to refer to me as Ash when safe to do so, and, well. That was about it? It’s not like people normally make a point of talking to other people like “hey, WOMAN! yea, Im talking to you LADY!!! be a decent GIRL and get over here rn, FEMALE!!” so that was...never AS MUCH of a problem

thing is. now that I’ve acknowledged that those things upset me and tried to resolve them, more things that were before minor annoyances at worst are now quite upsetting?

It feels kind of like when you’re incredibly hungry, so you eat, and it’s only then that you realise you’re thirsty too, so you drink, and after you’ve drunk your fill you just about collapse of exhaustion - I was never aware of those problems before, but now that I’ve done my best to deal with the worst/easiest to resolve problems, all possible other problems are trying to snatch my attention all at once and it sucks.

I’ve been daydreaming....much, much more about when I’ll be able to be safely out, present myself how I want, etc, and wondering how much of that I could get away with now. I’ve been dancing around the idea of somehow getting a binder or coming out to some of my teachers or my mentor at school for....a while, now. I’m getting upset much more often about casual, unintentional exclusion, my dysphoria’s worse and more frequently, I’m questioning things about my behaviour or looks I never even thought about before (I’m not sure what to do with the information that if I tuck my hair behind my ears, I look more female, if I leave it completely loose so it’s an inconvenience, I look much more of somewhere between androgynous and male? nor what to do with the sudden fretting about how I sit or walk). Part of the reason I’m considering coming out to a teacher - and it’s a minor one, which is good because it’s kind of a stupid one - is that I hate them using my birthname in class. It’s even worse when they use the abbreviated version of my birthname: most people in my year want their name abbreviated if it’s possible for their name to be shortened, but I don’t because my birthname is common and so there’s almost always been someone else with the same name, and THEY always chose to go with the shortened version. As much as abigail makes me twitch, Abi is so much worse because whilst abigail isn’t my name, at least it isn’t someone else’s entirely - someone who is my friend and normally sat right beside me. 

I’m scared that if I told a teacher that they’d pass it on to other teachers, though. or worse, senior staff. Or even worse than that - my family. 

It’s also just....really weird. Before I got used to my friends calling me by name, I wouldn’t look up when they called for Ash, I’d recognise it consciously sure, but I didn’t have the kind of subconscious, ears metaphorically prick at hearing your name even if you weren’t paying any attention at all, kind of response. 

But now? Now it’s even weirder! because sometimes I’ll look up when they call my name, and won’t really recognise that the word abigail refers to me at all. Other times, I’ll notice that word but my friends will call my name multiple times “ash, guess what - ash? ash! ash are you even listening?-” and I won’t notice or recognise it at all. And that’s....weird and makes me very uncomfortable because a small pessimistic part of me feels like that means maybe I don’t have any name or identity of my own at all anymore. And I know that’s dumb. It doesn’t even make sense and is miserable besides but...It makes me feel uncertain, kind of scared and upset

I just wrote the initial (A.) on all my schoolwork I could get away with so far, but...I’ve gotten called out on needing to put my first name down once already and it’s only been, what? A week? Two? I don’t know

I don’t really know what to do with myself from here on out

I don’t know if I can solve any of this, either, without causing another magnify and multiply hell

I want to talk about it with my friends more, but. But my school friends don’t get it at all and while they try to be supportive, they can’t really help at all beyond listening, and sometimes not even that because as wellmeaning as they are, they really really don’t get it sometimes and I can’t really resent them for that properly, although it kinda makes me feel a bit like that sometimes. I know of several people who are also trans who I guess I could potentially talk about it with - but at least one out of those three has made it clear, rather hurtfully, that they (?) don’t wanna talk about it, at all, about me or them(?). Well. Really hurtfully if I’m being honest with myself but...it’s whatever, I guess...And well, I’m scared to bring it up with the other two? I’m also anxious with one of my friends that me talking about my issues could make her doubly aware of her own, and I don’t wanna cause her to suffer worse from her own dysphoria just cos I wanted to bitch about mine...

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I feel very upset and very very young.

...This is the other reason I want to tell a teacher.

[timeoutforthee]

Like it or Not-Chapter 15

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: referenced self harm, discussion of self-hatred

Looking back on it, Patton won over Paisley and Julia before he even spoke to them, back when they first started the adoption process.

They had agreed to look at all possible choices-no matter what age, what gender, what state of health. They were going to find the perfect fit for their little family, and putting restrictions on who that could be seemed...unnecessary. So when their case worker told them that they had finally, finally, found a child they thought would be a good fit, they set up a meeting as soon as they possibly could.

They were meeting him at a park, with their caseworker and his previous foster family. They had expected him to be on the playground, swinging from the swings, or running through the fake castles. Instead he was at the picnic table with the adults, a stack of paper on one side of him, and a box of crayons on the other.

When he heard footsteps, his head jerked up, making little blonde curls bounce. He smiled.. “Hiiiiiii! Are you Miss Paisley and Miss Julia?”

“We sure are,” Jules had replied, already slipping in across from him. “Are you Patton?”

“Yep!” he giggled.

The foster family held out hands, introduced themselves, and they all followed the rules to ensure Patton was going to be safe and happy. But Paisley kept finding her eyes falling to him, to all the scribbling he was doing. Of course, they weren’t scribbles to him, and finally she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Whatcha drawing?”

Patton looked up, and then held up his drawing. “Issa cat! For Val!”

“Val is another foster kid we’ve taken in,” his foster dad said.

“I’m makin’ drawin’s for all my brothers and sisters,” Patton said. Suddenly, his eyes lit up, “I can make one for you!”

Paisley thinks the right thing to do here is say no, that’s okay, but also she doesn’t want to discourage his creativity.

Also, screw it, she wants a picture.

Patton puts his cat drawing aside, tucked safely under the crayon box with the rest of them so the wind doesn’t blow them away. He stares at the blank piece of paper, and then, carefully, he draws a big heart. He colors it in red, gently, and stays inside the lines as best he can. “A heart for the Harts,” he announces and hands it over. Then he goes, “I can make you one, too, Miss Julia.”

“I would like that very much,” she says, already amazed by this child, “But I would really love it if you could just call me Julia.”

Patton frowns and looks to his foster parents.

“It’s okay, Patton,” they say.

“Okay...Julia and Paisley,” he says, slowly. Then, again, he traces a big heart on the paper, this time it’s pink.

The rest of the meeting is centered around what their next steps might be if they want to continue. Jules and Paisley share looks, because they already know this child is the one that’s been missing in their life.

On the way home, Paisley starts sniffling, which catches her girlfriend completely by surprise.

“I just love him,” she says, which makes Jules smile.

“Good, because I do, too,” she says, leaning over and pecking Paisley on the cheek, “And I love you. And I think this may work out.”

^

Paisley is not sentimental. Stuff is just that-stuff. But she’ll be damned if she ever gets rid of that heart drawing.

It used to hang up in the bedroom, but now it sits in the top drawer of her nightstand. Sometimes she holds it, as if it’s some sort of anchor.

She holds it on the night her girlfriend dies, before they’re even legally allowed to become wives. She holds it and cries, knowing the next morning she’s going to have to tell their son that she’s all he has left now and that feels so empty.

She holds it the first time Patton tells her he hates her. It starts with a big fight, and she honestly can’t remember the trigger, but he hurls the words at her like weapons, stomps off and slams the door, and she feels like ice. She doesn’t cry, knows that if she does he’ll let the guilt eat him alive. It doesn’t matter, because it does anyway, and he ends up slipping a note under her door explaining he’s been hiding the fact that he’s pansexual and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s scared. She lets go of the drawing and goes to hug him instead.

She holds it at four in the morning after she finds Patton on his knees at midnight. She knows she’s not going to work, she knows he’s not going to school, and she knows she’s going to search all day the next day to find a mental health center that can take him. But besides that, she’s completely lost.

She holds it every night, hoping that one day she won’t hear the creak of his steps as he makes his way down the stairs. She aches for it everytime he lies to her.

Paisley works in a hospital as a phlebotomist. She’s not connected to the mental health side of things, but she’s able to follow some leads, do some research, and find out whatever she can about this illness her son has. And she hates it, because everything she finds tells her all she can do is be there for him, and she’s trying but it’s not working. Is there something wrong with her? Should she find a different therapist? No, this is a process, and this new doctor is trying some new methods, so they’re making progress, it’s just slow. She thinks.

All the research has shown her one thing: Patton really, really hates himself.

And she can’t fathom why, because since the moment they’ve met, she’s loved him. She loved him so much it hurt.

^

“Mom? Are you...okay?”

Paisley grips the steering wheel a little tighter, breathes a little deeper, then says, “Of course!”

Patton frowns before looking out the window of the car, and she wonders why, why he still feels the need to look after everyone else when he’s the one who’s hurting so badly.

“It’s just,” she says, knowing if she wants him to be open and honest, she must first be open and honest. Unfortunately, she’s not very good at being open and honest, that was always Jules’s territory. “I’m worried about you.”

“Oh, don’t be!” Patton looks over, eyes bright, “I really like group, it’s really helping me.”

“Is Dr. Sanders helping you? Do I need to find a new one?”

“No, no,” Patton says, “He’s really helping, too.”

She wants to ask him why he’s lying to her, but she doesn’t know if that’s the right move. Really, she doesn’t know anything.

That’s what she thinks when Patton gets out of the car and waves at her. She drives over to park, where she’ll wait for him for the entire session. Just like always.

^

Logan is realizing his new friends are not very subtle.

This is something he realizes when Dr. Picani comes in and asks “what’s new?” and they all respond by looking at him. He sighs. He might as well get this over with.

“I skipped my appointment this week,” he admits.

“Yes, Dr. Sanders mentioned you didn’t show up,” Emile responds, pulling out the notebook, “You say you skipped it?”

“I did,” Logan says, “I had a temporary lapse in judgment.”

“So, is this lapse something you wanted to talk about now or in your individual?”

“I don’t see why I need to talk about it, it’s over.”

“Yes, but if we don’t know what caused it, then what happens if it happens again?”

“It won’t,” Now everyone is avoiding eye contact. “What?”

“Logan, let me ask you a question that I hope you feel comfortable sharing,” Dr. Picani starts, pushing his glasses up with the end of his pen, “How long have you been suffering from your eating disorder?”

“...Three years,” Logan responds.

“Do you think habits, and the things you’ve taught yourself, can be unlearned in a few sessions?”

“Well, I would like it to be,” Logan says, bluntly, before taking a moment to reflect a little more, “I think that’s part of the issue. Healing is going to take so much time, and so much strength, and I just...don’t think I can do it. It’d be easier if I just didn’t have an issue in the first place. So I convinced myself I didn’t.”

“The fact that you’re aware of that is good, Logan,” Dr. Picani says, “I also find it interesting that last session you were talking about invalidation, and you got to the point where you were attempting to invalidate yourself.”

“I...didn’t look at it that way.”

“What happened when you told your mom you weren’t going to therapy? Did she fight it all?”

“No, she forgot about the appointment. She was just grateful we didn’t actually need to leave.”

“So she sees this as more of a chore than something beneficial for you?”

“I...guess,” Logan says, slowly.

“Well, I would like you to discuss this more in your individual with Dr. Sanders, but I think this ties in nicely with what we were planning on talking about this time, which was your support system.”

“Didn’t we talk enough about that last time?” Virgil speaks up.

“Well, as we can see, it’s very clear support systems can have be very impactful.”

“So? We have this now.”

“Well, yes, but ‘this’ is not going to be as helpful if you don’t utilize it.”

“But...we are utilizing it?” Patton says, “Aren’t we?”

“You are using it in a way by showing up,” Emile says, “But I want you guys to realize just how safe you are in here. I want you all to feel like you can talk about anything.”

Virgil thinks back to yesterday, to the cuts on his thigh, and ducks his head, letting his hood fall down over his eyes.

“Patton, Virgil, you’ve said you feel you have a fairly stable support system-”

“Hey! I do, too!”

“Of course, Roman. A fairly stable support system in your family, and you all have the teacher whose room you’re utilizing. You have me and Dr. Sanders, and, of course, you have each other,” Emile says, “So, with all that in mind, if something were to trigger you, where would you go?”

Everyone goes silent.

“I just...I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, you know?” Patton says, “A lot of this stuff feels so...heavy, all the time. I don’t want someone else to have to carry it like I do.”

“But wouldn’t that make it easier to carry?” Virgil asks.

“I...don’t know. And I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone to find out.”

“It does hurt, in a way,” Virgil admits, “To see people you care about suffering, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to help.”

“I find it interesting that you’re the one to say that, Virgil, since Violet has also expressed she wants to help you, yet you don’t feel like you can trust her.”

“That’s different,” Virgil says, immediately.

“How?”

“Because I don’t know her,” Virgil says without thinking. And shit. Now everyone’s expecting an explanation, “Violet is my aunt, but my dad and I were kinda isolated from our family, and she just sort of swooped in one day and since then she’s been making decisions that she thinks are best for me, without even asking me, by the way, and-” he shakes his head. “It’s different.”

“Do you think it’s possible that, even if she doesn’t know you, like you say, that she could care?”

“I mean, I guess. I don’t know why else she’d be going through all this. But she might also just want to be absolved from her guilt.”

“What does she have to feel guilty about?”

“Nice try,” Virgil says, “But we’re not talking about that today.”

[ityi-itui]

I think I’m going to deconstruct my spiritual practice and build it up again.

I’m not entirely sure what it entails yet, but it feels like, at another turning point in my life, it’s the right move for me to make. I know I’m not leaving this community, but I don’t feel as though the structure and build of the Kemetic Orthodox fits me or my life at this time.

I haven’t practiced KO since my family was basically kicked out of our previous house and now that I’m out of the influence of my moms ex boyfriend - I’ve discovered so much more about myself.

So much of my life is involved away from my home life now and without the constant interactions with my family, I’ve found that I’m not happy with who I thought I was supposed to be (I.e “stereotypically male”, that I’m supposed to act a certain way, learn a certain way and look a certain way.

I was so focused on making things easier for everyone else that I lost sight of the reason for transitioning in the first place. That it was for my happiness.

My mom recently ended her relationship with that ex mentioned above, and it was over me.

I think at first she blamed me. Not intentionally or consciously. But the entire reason they broke up was because my mom purposefully (against her ex’s wishes) explained my transition to his now 13 year old daughter. She was tired of hiding it. She didn’t want to see me get kicked out of social events again (I was kicked out of the house for Christmas one year because he didn’t want his daughter to see that I had transitioned. She only knew me as a girl).

I’m on the fence about that issue. On the one hand, they are her parents and we should respect their wishes.

But on the other hand, you can’t just erase me. I’m not who I was. And claiming that you respect me and care for me, but refuse to be honest about who I am is a lie.

Not only that, but she’s 13. She knew more about it than my mom or her parents thought. They never explained any of this to her but she already knew. Most teens do.

I think my turning point was when my mom said “you knew this would effect others when you transitioned.”

I think hearing that kind of broke some barrier. Not in the way she expected but I think it did.

I’m not stupid. I knew it would effect them. But i wanted a chance to have the spotlight. My brother got so much attention growing up that I thought it was time I was able to grow. And I didn’t care. and honestly, I still don’t. Besides. After all those two adults have done to each other, it’s ridiculously stupid that IM the reason they aren’t together anymore. But it isn’t even me. I didn’t ask her to tell anyone. Or explain. Or worry about it. I don’t like her ex anyway. So whether his daughter knows or not means nothing to me.

Anyway...

I’ve discovered that I’m not male. I’m not female. I don’t really care about any of it. I grew up being told how my body should look and be used so I erased it. This isn’t denial. This is neutralization. I don’t want to be seen as anything except me. All these secondary definitions mean nothing and the social ties to those identities are lost on me now.

It’s amazing how much has changed. I rarely think about my body anymore beyond weight control. I don’t think about sex or my former secondary characteristics. I don’t think about whether I need to act a certain way or dress a certain way or buy certain things.

If I like it, I keep it or buy it or use it. If I don’t, I don’t. I don’t bother correcting pronouns. I don’t specify what gender clothing I’m shopping for. When people ask me what I am I shrug and say I’m lucas. Or Reid or whatever name feels right.

It’s freeing.

But what does my spiritual practice have to do with this?

As mentioned previously, I’ve felt a calling to a former patron of mine, Cernunnos. My love for nature and animals has been revitalized in the past year as I’ve restarted my education.

While I appreciate what the Kemetic Orthodox has provided me with in terms of education and structure, the internalization of my spirituality into a House of worship such as KO doesn’t seem right to me anymore.

I’m extremely eclectic as it is, and my decisions and paths change frequently. For lack of a better word, being attached to my Kemetic deities in the way a Shemsu requires isn’t something I can personally do anymore. I’m not abandoning my gods, but the hierarchy involved in being a Shemsu when it comes to my worship isn’t something I am finding myself to be compatible with. I can’t justify putting anyone before anyone else in my head. The way I see relationships I’m involved in prevents that kind of hierarchy of putting someone before someone else.

Not only that, but I feel that sort of hierarchy is preventing me and making me feel guilty of exploring other godly relationships.

I’m not sure if this is something I’m supposed to do within the House or how it works. But I think stepping away from the KO and from being a Shemsu is the right path for me and my spirituality.

[transbonmoved]

mmm kiricourse under cut

i originally had a long ass thing typed but mobile then decided to crash on me.

before i pull out my bullet list, ive been openly talking about my current life situation. im running away from my transphobic & homophobic parents and theyre trying to guilt me back home. it says a lot about your character you would choose to come into my inbox- a pussy on anon, may i add- during this time. youre pathetic. 

given this who knew i would be sensitive to these situations! /s

before i dive into this, i feel lots of people arent really understanding smth. i dont mean homophobia as an insult. i mean it as a descriptor of behavior that harms gay people. if you cannot understand this and proceed to take everything personally, thats on you. this is meant to talk about peoples harmful behavior so they can correct it. i dont want people to beat themselves over a genuine mistake. but yall are coming after a gay man after hes already explained all this to you before so this is you just being a dick & a bad person all in all.

making a gay man out to be some evil dude whos overreacting when calling out homophobia is nothing new and shows how transparent you are.

“its not harming anyone” i mean im a living, breathing example of how youre blatantly wrong but ok

i also have talked to many other gay men on these issues and we all have agreed on it.

and saying an action is harmless when it is called out as homophobia is also nothing new. this is only a silencing tactic.

coding is VERY IMPORTANT to characters and should never be erased.

ex. garnet from su is coded black. humanizing her to be a white person is racism that goes against her coding. it takes away rep from black women.

ex. shigeo kageyama is heavily coded as autistic. denying this & saying hes allistic is ableist and goes against his coding. it takes away from autistic people.

hcing a character that already has a coded sexuality is nothing but erasure that masquerades as being progressive.

ex. saying cana alberona is a lesbian as she is heavily coded as bi is biphobic as it takes away from bi people. 

hcing kirishima as anything but gay takes away from gay men and is homophobic as it goes against his coding. if you follow all the other examples but disagree on kiri, youre nothing but an idiot who only acknowledges coding when you see its convenient to yourself.

coding is important & to deny it is to deny aspects of a character. to strip coding is to act like these arent integral parts of peoples identities (race, gender, sexuality, mental illness). to act like being gay isnt a huge part of a gay mans identity is just a myth perpetuated by non gay ppl, mostly cishets of course. so what a surprise a gay man wouldnt like it that he sees someone whos meant to be canon rep for him being stripped of his own identity.

this isnt a person we’re talking about, this is a character. coding is deliberate. it takes A LOT to accidentally code a character.

further more, this is a mainstream series. coding is often the only way for canon rep to shine as having a character come out can get ppls sales to drop & get wicked backlash. the only openly canon rep we have currently is a trans man & a trans woman who are both based off heavily transphobic stereotypes. and if those are received poorly, like hell gay kiri would even get openly confirmed.

if you hate all my stances on this so much then just block me. i only ever actually went after a person ONCE and havent spoken or looked at their blog since.

i actively avoid bi/pan/polysexual kiri content but sometimes it ends up on my dash one way or another and if it does ill complain. you would only see this if you check up on my blog a lot which is nothing but fucking creepy & shows how much you wanna drag out this beef, or if youre hatefollowing me, which makes no sense, and is also creepy.

i highly doubt lots of the ppl who hc kiri as bi/pan/polysexual recognize this. and i would be civil with most- even friendly if they genuinely dont know, honest mistakes happen, but if you come into my inbox in a rough time in my life, on issues that are very important to me, of course im not gonna act like i owe you jack shit. because i dont! really. i could leave “saying kiri isnt gay is homophobic” and not go deeper than that bc i dont owe you shit! and thats why after this ill try to avoid responding to this kind of stuff bc at this point im beating a dead horse. and i KNOW no new points will be brought up pertaining to this- ive lived through “this gay coded character isnt gay” discourse for years, ive heard it all. you arent shit, you arent special, youre spewing the same bs as everyone else.

if you still dont see my side- and youre not a gay man, then uuh, instead of being stubborn reflect on yourself, why you view things the way you are. if you genuinely dont understand, that shows how youll never understand the issues gay men face. thats ok! thats normal, but to go out and lash out over it shows who you are. youre going after me instead of saying “i wont ever really understand this bc im not a gay man, and thats ok, so i should listen to gay men abt this issue and what i can do to help them out”.

if youre someone who came after me over this and is finally starting to see what im talking abt, im all up for apologies on anything i said that may have hurt your feelings. i dont go out of my way to discourse on issues so personal to me- i actively avoid it but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest. if you think i WANT to keep talking about this, that i WANT to keep this dialogue ive heard in every fandom ever going, youre completely misunderstanding where im coming from. i dont come from these things off spite, but from a genuine place of this is hurting my community, please stop. 

and i feel thats your fundamental misunderstanding here. this isnt fun discourse for me, this is serious business as it pertains to me & my community, and as always, we’re being silenced. we’re just overreacting! oh dude, get over it! who cares, right! let people have fun, even if its at your own expense!