#gender fuckery is part of my butch heritage

[boba-t-butch]

cw suicide / suicidality / menstruation

okay as a woman-aligned person with debilitating pmdd, at this point i'm pretty much still on testosterone just because it's one of the only ways to stop the hormone menstrual cycle afaik. if other people have other experiences i'd love to hear them, but from the research i've done/ what my doctors have told me, even getting a total hysterectomy won't necessarily stop the hormone cycles that contribute to pmdd. i got a hormonal iud because for some people that helps, but it ended up giving me like 3 months of pmdd instead... i might start reducing my t dosage as my mental health stabilizes, but legit like. on top of how uncomfortable and dysphoria-inducing spotting/bleeding and cramping and all that can feel. i could not handle the way i'd get pretty fuckn suicidal the week before my periods.

in "what my bones know", stephanie foo talks about how intergenerational trauma impacts epigenetic expression, so people with intergenerational trauma and/or cPTSD often have more painful/complicated menstruation. so i'm also someone with super irregular cycles that were hard to track. (also period-tracking is kinda scary now too given limitations and surveillance on reproductive rights). so i'd have these irregular intervals when my mental health would crash. and i wouldn't piece together why it happened until i'd start bleeding. taking T is how i've been able to control that experience.

i have so much love and respect for trans women and its been that work of interrogating and unlearning bioessentialism that has allowed me to feel good about taking T and continuing to claim my womanhood, even though i get dysphoric when people misgender me as a man. and like. it's something i don't love talking about bc i don't want to contribute to misogynistic stereotypes about periods. but it feels important to talk about the reality of how hard staying alive can be, and the options we have around that.

What procedure did you get to stop your periods? Was it an IUD or a full surgical procedure? I want to stop mine, hence why I’m asking.

baby taking brestosterone does that