#gender calvinism

[gatheringbones]

["MEN, EXPERIENCE AND FEMINISM

Why has it taken so long for men to explore their experience of masculinity? In part, the workings of masculinity within modernity have remained invisible as dominant men have learned to speak in the impartial voice of reason. This has been part of an Enlightenment tradition and is deeply embodied in western inherited forms of philosophy and social theory. So a man's voice assumes a pitch of objectivity and impartiality as it becomes an impersonalised voice, a voice that has 'authority' because it belongs to no one in particular while claiming at the same time to respect all.

Thus it is hard to judge men's accounts of their own experience because often these personal accounts are not forthcoming. Traditionally, men have relied on women to provide them with an account and understanding of what they are experiencing in their emotional lives. It is as if men do not have to learn to take responsibility for their relationships, since this can traditionally be left to women within heterosexual relationships. Often men learn to put up with things since they have to learn to identify themselves with an absence of emotional needs, and so to centre their lives around the demands of work where male identity is supposedly constructed. But it also that feminism has sought to account for men's experience in particular ways, most sharply in the radical feminist idea that all men are 'potentially rapists.' This is a challenging but also a damaging notion, for it works to discount differences between men as 'illusory', for as the story goes, all men are fundamentally the same. They 'have to be' because they all occupy the same position in the hierarchy of power. They are not to be trusted.

This creates a difficult and tense silence, for it means that women often stay silent about their relationships with men. They can constantly feel critical, as if assuming blame is a way of assuaging an underlying sense that relationships with men can only be a sign of weakness. For men it creates a silence because it makes them feel that they do not know their own natures, that there is something to fear in them, and that their emotional lives and sexualities are full of danger. This reinforces, rather than challenges, a traditional Kantian conception of masculinity as somehow dominated by an animal nature and as something that can only be curbed by the strong hand of reason. It also reinforces an idea that women somehow know what men are like better than they can know themselves. It does not encourage men to build a different, possibly more trusting relationship, to their own experience. It tends to encourage men to hide further, feeling that somehow they have to be guilty of all the issues and problems emerging in their relationships with women. It can make it easier for women to take the morally high ground and thereby refuse to recognize their own collusions and responsibilities for the way the relationship is going.

Guilt can help explain why it is not uncommon for men to take to heard and identify with this radical feminist vision of themselves. But it is still in many ways a surprising fact that needs explanation. It tends to reinforce a negative vision of masculinity as a form of self-denial, even self-hatred, which is deeply embedded within a Protestant culture, as Nietzsche recognised. It also allows men to talk about masculinity as a relationship of power in relation to women and so it gives men a kind of security in being able to uphold this analysis. It gives men an overarching rationalistic analysis of the situation and somehow allows them to render their own experience invisible.

But this path hardly helps men to reflect upon their own masculinities, and it blocks any vision that men can really change their lives. It resonates with a feeling that men inherit, within a Protestant culture, that they really are not trustworthy themselves, that they do not know what they are feeling, and that what they come to feel cannot really be trusted. It can become a version of 'mother knows best'. But at the same time it allows men to feel that they are 'right' because they have thereby been able to identify with radical feminism. But it is a strange way to identify for it discounts men's own experience of themselves and their relationships, and it often says them men's accounts of their own experiences are never to be trusted. Paradoxically it means that men do not learn to take responsibility for themselves.

Men can assure themselves that they have the 'right analysis' of 'patriarchy' but at some level this then helps produce a form of self-rejection and self-hatred. There might be a feeling of tension between what men feel about themselves from their own experiences, namely that they are not 'potential rapists', and the pull of the culture notion of masculinity which says that men 'should always have a go', that their masculinity is somehow being compromised if they do not make a move sexually. It reinforces a notion that men cannot help themselves and that sexuality is somehow some kind of irresistible animal urge.

If we are to deny this position and argue that sexuality is not 'given' but is socially and historically constructed, then we still have to think clearly about imposing a sharp modernist duality between 'nature' and 'culture' and about the nature and character of this 'construction'. We have to think about the ways men can come to know themselves and develop a different relationship to their emotions, feelings, and sexual desires. We have to recognise the ground opened up by different forms of therapy which make it possible for men to work on their sexualities and so to change. All this is denied if we insist on automatically discounting men's own accounts of their experience and saying that 'in reality' men are always 'potentially rapists'.

This does not men that men will always know best, for we have to acknowledge real differences between men and in the level of self-awareness and in the work men have been ready to do on themselves. But it does mean that we cannot automatically discount their accounts of their experience. We have to recognise this as part of a process, for men's perceptions of themselves, at least in personal and sexual relationships, are likely to be on the skew, defensive, superficial and many other things, because of the disconnections which often exist between inherited forms of masculinity and men's relationships with their emotions, feelings, and desires. Men have for so long within modernity learned to discount the impulses of their emotional lives that it is difficult to forge this relationship simply as a matter of will and determination."]

victor j. seidler, from unreasonable men: masculinity and social theory, 1994

[prokopetz]

The real central tension of Puella Magi Madoka Magica is that Homura Akemi is a Catholic living in a world where Calvinism is demonstrably correct, but only for girls.

[jeonjcngkook]

JUNGKOOK: for calvin klein

[casterhex]

was supposed to apply for a job this morning got possessed by the urge to make a caldre gender grid instead

[theflannelwizard]

IN THIS HOUSE WE STAND FOR THE FLAG!! 🇺🇸🏳️‍⚧️

[newestcool]

Christy Turlington for Calvin Klein Eyewear 1997 Newest Cool

[spideyladman]

Made these after a mental breakdown 💀

[thisgirlsophia]

HC’s for Bernard the Elf dating a Sweet!Reader

(gifs not mine)

I wrote this all the way back at the beginning of August during Summer vacation and just waited till now, since Bernard season was back

CW: GN! Reader, Pure Fluff 

You two are complete opposites. You being the upbeat, positive, sweet one. Him being the sarcastic, grumpy, overthinker one. But opposites attract! You do occasionally have a few sarcasm battles with each other though.

Him being 2 inches taller than you.

I feel like he only uses nicknames when it’s just the two of you. Ex: Love, Sweetheart, dear, darling, (very simple but sickly sweet).

You use a few sweet ones too, but you also like to make fun of him sometimes so Mr. perfectionist, and grumpy it is.

If you use a sweet one in public, he will get embarrassed.

“I told you not to use that in public!” 

You smile and laugh mischievously.

“Seriously, this is a work environment! Be professional!”

You lean in and kiss his cheek.

“Whatever you say sweetie.”

You walk away leaving behind a blushing annoyed Bernard.

Having snowball fights. 

Him winning and you insisting it was a tie.

Making snow angels together.

Sitting by the fire and cuddling while drinking hot chocolate.

Ice skating together. That boy is one great skater.

You help him have more fun.

Stealing his hat (Doesn’t matter if it was on or off his head).

“Hey Y/N, have you seen-”

He didn’t even bother trying to get it back, you just looked so adorable.

Oh, and when you see him genuinely smile or laugh for the first time-

“Hey, love?”

Bernard waves his hand in front of your face.

You were just so lovestruck!

“Oh! Um I just never thought- you should do that more often.”

Being close with Charlie.

Coming with Bernard whenever he visits him.

Charlie looks up to you two.

He was so happy when you two got together.

And Bernard was so embarrassed-

Calming him down when he gets angry.

“It’s okay Bernard, we can figure it out together.”

You give him a comforting hug, linking your arms around his waist, leaning your head on his collarbone.

He hugs you back, puts his head in the crook of your neck, and sighs.

Kisses are full of love and adoration.

Him letting you play with his curly hair.

You two have definitely kissed under the mistletoe before (Scott & Charlie 100% had something to do with it).

Maybe when you two were just friends you only gave him a kiss on the forehead.

(Probably really blushes whenever you kiss him on the forehead, since it reminds him of that moment).

But when you became a couple.

You two had the sweetest most beautiful kiss ever!

Scott/Santa thinks you are one of the best things that have happened to Bernard.

He’s less uptight and seems to be happier at work now that you’re in his life.

When cuddling, if you are facing each other, your head will be in his chest and his head will be on top of yours.

Holding you like the teddy bear you are <3

If you’re spooning he’s most likely the big spoon.

But sometimes when he’s had a rough stressful day *cough* Curtis bugging him.

He loves for you to be holding him.

It’s very comforting and gives him the hope that tomorrow will be better.

Getting him to take breaks (ones that are longer than 5 minutes lol).

And possibly a vacation. 

Might take a lot of an effect but it will be worth it.

“But Bernard-”

“No! Too much needs to be done!”

“Christmas is 360 days away! Can’t you spare 15 minutes?”

“I-”

He looks down and sees you with pleating eyes, and a small pout.

“Fine.”

You smile wide and you give him a great big hug.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He blushes and smiles ever so slightly. 

He always tends to over work himself.

Sometimes he falls asleep in his office.

You'll come home and he won’t be there.

So, you head over to the workshop and open his door.

You find him slumped over his desk with his pen still in his hand.

You smile and walk over to him, removing the pen from his grasp.

You slightly nudge his shoulder.

“Bernard honey, you can finish that in the morning. Let’s go home.”

You make him eat a little bit of dinner before he goes to bed.

He falls asleep in your arms <3

You just care and love this elf so much, and as stubborn as he may be you wouldn’t want it any other way.

I really enjoyed writing this at the time, so I hoped you enjoyed reading them.

[voidbeans]

gender is a game with no rules. gender is calvinball. is what i'm saying. it's. we're playing calvinball okay.

[jeonsbaes]

can’t spell babygirl without jungkook

[inezrable]

why do i get gender envy from a stick figure what have i become

[deathmentaal]

when people say anything mean about jungkook im showing them these

[qbdream]

the yard premium #94

[thsc-confessions]

"charles is a character that can be any gender."

"tboy? works. tgirl? works. non-binary? works. multiple of the above? none of the above? all of the above? all work. fr charles can be any gender and it just works" submitted by anon

[schnanko]

i love fischoeder so much bc even when he loses, he like...doesn't care. like he's genuinely a funny character and his ability to be totally carefree is incredible, bc he's rich, but he's not like, evil. he's an excellent example of a modern, goofy, campy villain.

1. him immediately conceding defeat in "the taking of funtime one two three." no anger, no threats of revenge - just a genuine "well played."

2. in "beach please" he still gives the kids foot long taco dogs. like he literally didn't have to do that, he easily could have just given them nothing but he upheld his end of the (original) deal

3. literally the entirety of "what an april fool believes"

[dontaskchaosandco]

drawing poll: characters that are very gender edition