#gem harvest spoilers

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

.⋆｡Oasis｡⋆.

Stilgar x plus size reader

When the sand is still and the sun has set, you reflect on what has become of your life but there is someone unexpected who wishes to show you how valued you truly are

Warnings: some Dune 2 spoilers but nothing too major, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, fluff, love confessions, hope , mentions of death and pregnancy

WC: 1.1k

Minors DNI

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

You doubted that you would ever get used to the harshness of Arrakis. The heat and the perpetual dryness were a constant reminder about how far from home you really were but your duty was not to your own comfort, it was to your Lady Jessica. You followed her from the drowned planet of Caladin all the way here, protecting her and her son, as well as the unborn child within her. 

The Fremen looked down on you, even after Jessica was named Reverend Mother and Paul became Muad'Dib, you were still the outsider, the one whose eyes had yet to be stained by the Spice. You got used to eating, sleeping and walking alone, the sand beneath your feet becoming the only thing you could count on. You trailed behind everyone else, they called you a waste of water and there were times that you couldn’t help but agree. You could not fight, nor harvest Spice, you were raised and trained to be a lady’s maid, destined to spend your days in the shadows observing the world around you as life passed you by.

You often wondered why Stilgar had fought so hard for you to stay with the Fremen when you had nothing to offer them. Even Lady Jessica couldn’t find a use for you anymore. 

The moonlight cast a blue glow over the mountainous sand dunes and you could almost imagine that they were the ocean waves of your home planet. The camp was quiet, everyone having retired for the night an hour before yet you remained awake, deep in thought. No one would know you had gone until the morning, the wind would wash away your foot prints. You would give your water to the desert.

Just as you rose to your feet, a strong hand clamped down onto your shoulder, keeping you in place. “Why are you not resting Suhl?” Stilgar’s voice was quiet but it still held such power over you. You turned slowly in his hold to face him, yet he did not release your shoulder. His blue eyes shone like gems in the moonlight, making your heart jump and flutter. 

“Forgive me for worrying you, I found that I couldn’t sleep.” You bowed your head. Stilgar tutted softly and hooked a finger beneath your chin, guiding your eyes back to his. His thick brows were pinched in confusion though his expression remained soft, far softer than you had seen him look at anyone else. He seemed doubtful of your excuse.

“How many times have I told you to come find me if you need something?” Your cheeks blazed with the heat of shame. Stilgar was a generous man, especially with those he cared for and inexplicably, he was almost too giving when it came to you. He gave you extra water when you had consumed yours too quickly, he showed you how to sand walk when your fear of the sand worms had mounted, he had even shared his tent with you on so many occasions that you had lost track of the number. 

His hand shifted to your soft cheek, his calloused palm from a lifetime of fighting a stark reminder that you were not made for this life, this planet. “I can see that is not all that worries you Suhl. Tell me what troubles are clouding your mind.” You attempted to swallow down the thick lump trapped in your throat but when the older Fremen let his free hand wander to your lower back, his thumb gently rubbing the base of your spine, you choked on the tears you had not allowed yourself to shed.

“It is nothing.” You tried to deny and tug yourself away from the man that had been caring for you. Your eyes burned as he held you closer, a show of affection that you had never received before. He clicked his tongue at you, as if he were scolding a child.

“Suhl.” He cooed, dipping down to press his forehead to your own, the tips of your noses brushing together. You could no longer hold back.

The first tear that rolled down your full cheek shocked you both. It was quickly followed by another and another and another until they dripped down your chin and onto the loose white shirt Stilgar wore at night. You hiccuped and slumped into his strong chest. You clutched at his waist as you continued to sob but the Fremen, despite his constant insistence that absolutely no water could be wasted, gently rocked you back and forth, whispering comforting words into your hair, even if you couldn’t understand them.

“I shouldn’t be here. I should have been killed with the others when the Harkonnens. I am of no use to anyone and everyone knows it.” You pretend not to notice the way his muscles seize and he goes stiff in your arms, you wished to bask in his affections for as long as you could, before he too realised the truth.

His thumb ceased its movement and he slowly pried his chest away from yours. “Is that what you truly believe?” Your lack of an answer told him everything he needed to know.

He pulled you back into him, his thick arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders like he were fearful that you would suddenly dart away from him and into the desert where he could not follow you. Your eyes screwed shut as you curled into him. More tears stained his shirt but he did not flinch away from you.

“Do not waste your water on those who would not drink from you. You are better off crying for the dead.” A light breeze washed over the both of you, kicking up the sand around your feet. “You are not like us Suhl, you are soft where we are ruthless. It is true that you are not meant for this life but I would not have you take that light away from this world, not when I can keep you safe until this world is kind enough to let you bloom.” 

“Why?”

His chuckle made your head bounce against his sternum. “I thought it obvious. You are my Suhl.” A hand came up to lovingly cup the back of your head, urging you to look him in the eyes. “Suhl means peace. And that is what you are: my peace. And one day, when the sands have disappeared beneath a sea of green and Dune is free once more, I hope that I shall be yours too.”

You can’t help but smile which in turn makes Stilgar beam, the blue of his eyes shimmering with what you now realised was love. “Thank you Suhl.” Your pronunciation was clumsy and most certainly needed some practice but still, he squeezed the base of your skull and dipped down, pressing his lips to yours.

The sun would rise soon and you would be forced back into the real world and all its dangers, but for now, you basked in the moonlight, safe in his arms. Perhaps Arrakis held more than just pain.

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[loud-n]

What's up with Roshar's Money and Why is Sapphire so Valuable

I recently started my reread of Stormlight Archive to prepare for book 5, and coincidentally, this happened at roughly the same time the cosmere rpg started kickstarting. So, reading TWoK and the beta rules of the rpg at the same time, a few things happened to come together. For one, the rpg had this table:

I thought this was very interesting. I hadn't ever seen anything like this (though, checking coppermind, a similar chart has been available since an interview in 2018 that I wasn't aware of). It's a nice way for me to contextualize just how much money Shallan throws around at the beginning of TWoK (for example, based on remarks from Yalb in chapter 3, we know that a week's wages for a sailor is roughly one ruby mark/firemark, or 10 diamond marks/clearmarks), and while it seems like it might be simplified for gameplay purposes, it's also broadly consistent with the other sources.

So I kept reading until I got to this line:

"Emeralds were the most valuable, for they could be used by soulcasters to create food." (The Way of Kings ch. 3, pg. 72 on the trade paperback)

This line lays out explicitly that the soulcasting traits of a gem are the primary way (or at least a very significant one) that these values were assigned. This makes a lot of sense: the ability to soulcast food is the key component that allows Roshar the kind of military structures it has, and would provide an extremely valuable way to compensate for issues with harvests that might come with Roshar's 'temperamental' weather patterns.

(some major oathbringer spoilers below the cut)

I then wanted to know how this translates to the other types of gem. Many of these make a lot of sense: amethyst can be used to soulcast metal, which is important and difficult to obtain on roshar (coppermind notes that this may also be the only way to get aluminum on Roshar); ruby, smokestone, and zircon are all used as part of infrastructure for food preparation and waste management (and rubies seem especially common in the fabrials we've seen); garnet, heliodor, and topaz all provide less vital (though still useful) and less valuable materials; and diamond can be used to soulcast quartz, glass, and crystal, none of which are particularly valuable (especially given easy access to even light with stormlight and danger from highstorms making windows difficult and less valuable).

However, one gem caught my eye here.

Why is sapphire so valuable?

Sapphire's soulcasting can produce translucent gas or air, which seems a bit redundant with smokestone, a stone we know is regularly used. To my knowledge, we don't see any characters ever use soulcasting powered by a sapphire (please correct me if I'm wrong, I may be forgetting or confusing an instance with smokestone). So unless there's something we're missing or something to come, it doesn't seem like sapphire's value is because it is especially useful in soulcasting.

If this isn't the case, I can think of three possible explanations for why sapphire is worth so much:

Sapphire is less common. We know that obtaining emerald is a major part of the Rosharan economy and a significant reason for the continued occupation of the shattered plains at the start of the series. This might also be the case for sapphire: greatshells with sapphire gemhearts may be less common or more difficult to farm, making sapphire more scarce and thus more valuable.

Sapphire is especially useful in fabrials. So far, we've only seen one fabrial using sapphire that I can remember: the soul-harvesting dagger used to kill Jezrien (Oathbringer ch. 121). Even this may not be a specific trait of all sapphires, but rather due to the fact that sapphires are associated with Jezrien and the windrunners. I think it's possible and maybe even likely that sapphires are the gems used in half-shards, since none of the examples ever specify what gem is used and Taravangian states that the spren within could have graced a knight radiant (Oathbringer ch. 100) - possibly an honorspren trapped within a sapphire. This may also have been Taravangian lying, though.

The value is somehow associated with Jezrien and the Windrunners. This one seems the most far-fetched to me: at the start of the series, the knights radiant are not viewed especially fondly, and I doubt the Windrunners would have enough staying power to change the value of a gem. The idea that it may be association with Jezrien seems to me to have more merit; Jezrien seems to generally be elevated to a point beyond the other heralds.

Based on the information we have, I think that my second proposal has the highest chance of being at least partially correct. Association with Jezrien seems far-fetched, sapphire being especially scarce seems like something too far off course to get significant confirmation of in-text, and fabrials are one of the elements of the world still being developed in universe that we also don't have a lot of extra information about.

If any of this is going to be answered, I honestly think it might come through the rpg: the first wave of releases will include a world guide with canon information that might shed some light on these elements less important to the actual story, and the rules will also detail a lot of information about fabrials that could answer my questions about half-shards. Until then, though, I'm just going to have to sit here and wonder (and keep a special eye out for mentions of sapphire on my reread for anything I missed).

[danidrabbles]

ok dani here’s a headcanon for you - i think ezra likes it when he has to shut up during sex, when he’s with someone who makes him stop talking for a change

Astrid, you sent me this in November 2021... It was supposed to be a five sentences challenge, but between three years ago and now, I went in a different direction. Sorry for the wait, but think it might have been worth it 😌

Pairing: Ezra (Prospect) x f!reader

Rating: Explicit (18+!, smut, also: spoilers for Prospect)

You’ve been on the Green Moon together for two months now.

Ezra, hesitant to go back after what happened the last time he was here, was eventually won over because of the filters Kaslo Porting installed. Spore counts are low and dust is absent from the surface. On your joint income, you got a better landing pod - large enough to fit a bed, an ultrasonic shower. When it’s dark, it almost resembles an apartment. It’s where you spend the time you aren’t prospecting. You spend the day in the forest, finding and harvesting Aurelac, watching as Ezra extracts the gems. Even one-handed, he’s good at it, much better than you, efficiently switching between chemicals and tools. 

Today’s harvest is fruitful; your collection case is almost full, which means you can almost go home. When you return to your pod, you share a meal. After, you take turns to freshen up, the vibrations relieving some of the ache in your arms and back. 

When you step out of the shower, Ezra’s in bed, and you make your way to him. You watch as he turns the pages of the magazine in his lap in search of something, keeping the paper down with his palm when he finds what he’s looking for. His reading glasses are perched on the tip of his nose, threatening to slip off… until you reach down and carefully push them back up. Without looking up from his reading, he presses a kiss to the palm of your hand in thanks.

“Do you think we should get this new edition of the Crusader Laser Scalpel?” he asks.

“New edition?” you reply. “It’s probably too expensive.”

Ezra looks up at you with a smile. “Not after we bring our case of gold back up.”

You lift the magazine, turning it so you can read. “Ralon’s latest laser tool for precision cutting now comes with a glove that effectively lowers the required skill level of individuals during harvesting,” you recite while you climb in Ezra’s lap. “Do you really think we need that?”

“The glove might… aid me with my cramps,” he says carefully, clenching and unclenching his fist. 

Your expression immediately softens. Closing the magazine, you put it next to his pillow, before taking off his reading glasses, folding them neatly and putting them on top of the glossy front cover. Taking his hand in yours, you massage his palm. “We'll get it when we get back,” you agree. 

Giving you a thankful smile, Ezra slumps back against the headboard, eyes slipping closed as you relieve the pain in his hand. His hips buck under you when your thumb rolls over a good spot, and you bite your lip when you feel how your close proximity and ministrations affect him. 

“Been thinking about this all day,” he murmurs, his hand slipping from your grasp to settle on your warm thigh.

You stroke his face, thumb tracing the scar under his eye, sliding down his nose, over his moustache, to his full bottom lip. “About what?” you ask, amused, guiding his face closer.

A warm, rumbling sound leaves his throat when his mouth seals over yours. With a swipe of his tongue, he tastes you. “Making you sit on my cock,” he answers between kisses.

“Hmm, is that so?” you smile, heat pooling in your stomach at the simple admission. Reaching between the two of you, you pull the waistband of his boxers down, hooking the fabric under his balls. Ezra pulls away from your mouth with a groan, allowing you to swipe your tongue over your palm and close it around his hardening cock. With a few strokes, you get him wet, using the rest of your saliva on yourself when you hook your underwear to the side and drag your hand between your legs. Twin moans fill the room when you press yourself down against him, your pussy sliding along his shaft with an experimental roll of your hips. “Like this?”

“Not how I envisioned it, but….,” he laughs around a groan when your stiff clit rolls over the swollen tip of his cock, “...as always that pretty head of yours knows just how to make my fantasies even more erotic.”

Heated pride tingles up your spine. The muscles in your thighs work with more deliberation to move yourself up and down over his cock, your hands sliding up over Ezra’s bare chest to his shoulders to give yourself more leverage. A helpful hand reaches down, clamping over the soft skin at your hip to guide your movements while Ezra's thumb hooks your underwear out of the way.

His gaze is trained on the way he disappears between the lips of your pussy, babbling all the while, choruses of “Yeah, fuck”s, “Just like that”s, and “Don’t stop”s, mixed in with curious, affectionate nicknames for you he seems to be making up on the spot. On his third “It’s so good like this,” you shush him with a little laugh.

“Can’t,” he says, the word coming out breathy. “Not unless you were to make me.”

Your hips twitch when you drag yourself over him at a new angle, “Hmm, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

He looks up and something changes in his expression, with a glint in his eye and a subtle upturn of one of the corners of his mouth. One of the hands you have on his shoulder moves, your thumb dipping in the hollow of his throat. “How?” you ask, fingers tightening on the side of his neck. “Like this?”

His throat bobs under your touch, voice rough when he says, “Close.”

With a frown, your hand slides upward, the slight stubble there scraping against your palm. Your fingers dig into the skin below his jaw. “Here?”

“Closer,” he manages. Sweat begins gathering at his brow, and his face turns a pretty shade of red.

Straightaway, your hand lifts from his neck to dig a thumb and forefinger into his cheeks, shoving his head back against the headboard. “Show me,” you growl, grinding down against him.

You expect him to cover your hand with his, to guide you to the right place and squeeze where he needs it. You don’t expect his mouth to open, his tongue to roll out, his eyes to find yours, shiny with lust… Something in you takes over, makes two fingers of the hand you hold his face with slide over his waiting tongue. His lips close around the digits immediately, his tongue swirling around them before he hollows his cheeks with a suck. When you begin to pull back, he whines, sucking harder until his mouth opens around your fingers. “That’s i–”

“Shh,” you say sharply. Your fingers thrust into his mouth, the tips of them skating along the back of his tongue and pushing down. His groan is muffled, saliva sputtering out over the back of your hand when he gags, tears springing into his eyes while you draw little circles over the slick muscle under your fingers. His cock throbs against your cunt, hardening under you while you clench on his shaft and coat him in more of your arousal. “Those are pretty sounds, Ezra. Those are the only ones I want to hear from you.” 

Ezra’s eyes stay on yours, glazing over while his jaw drops further, allowing you to repeat your actions. Prepared this time, his throat only makes a squelching sound in response. It goes straight between your legs when it fills the room as you fuck his throat, when a thick string of spit begins sliding down his chin.

“I’m gonna make you come like this, baby,” you promise, your hips picking up speed as you spread your fingers on his tongue, before thrusting them back into the back of his throat. “And afterwards, I’m going to sit on this handsome face.”

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

ok since you mentioned stardew valley i have to ask: who do you think the m6’s favorite sdv characters would be?

-🍄

The Arcana HCs: M6 playing Stardew Valley

~ dear anon, there is a reason for why I am known as brainrot. you have somehow combined two of my greatest obsessions and for that you have my thanks. please enjoy! - brainrot ~

(spoilers for SDV content)

Julian

He's got a special soft spot for George and Evelyn. He just wants to be their grandson (not by marriage though, Alex isn't really his type)

Lowkey freaked out by the wizard at first, learns to get along with him anyways because he made it possible to talk to the Junimos

Enjoys most of the game play besides the farming and crafting. He doesn't have the attention span for all of that

Initially falls for Leah, ends up marrying Shane because he told the farmer to leave him alone and Julian takes that as a challenge

It's also strangely cathartic for him to be on the other side of the "I can help him heal" trope

He likes Leo but learning about the shipwreck is mildly triggering for him, he's very happy once it's resolved and he can forget about it

Completely forgets about the Community Center at first because he's too busy romancing all the marriageables. Gets back to it after he's had two kids and befriended all the villagers

Convinced that Mr Qi is secretly evil

Gossips to MC about all of the lore between the villagers

Asra

Gets into it for the aesthetic, stays for the Junimos

Their farm is a jumbled hodgepodge of all the weirdest plants they could find, with random plots of crops needed for different quests

Spends so much time in the mines, there's just so many interesting creatures down there (and he likes all the gems and minerals)

Dislikes Clint so strongly that they end up dating Emily for the vibes and spite

Ends up having Krobus move in as his roommate, but his ideal is playing with MC so he can marry them

Doesn't put any effort into befriending most of the villagers until it becomes a requirement to achieve perfection, ends up stopping by Pierre's every Tuesday to hang out with all the moms

Likes Mr Qi for his aesthetic, gets a little hung up on the Wizard because that's not how magic works

Obsesses over finding all the artifacts, becomes friends with Penny and the kids from their frequent Library visits

Takes full advantage of using Lewis's shorts to mess with him in every possible way

Robin reminds them of their mom and they don't know how to feel about that

Nadia

She has some very strong opinions about Lewis as a mayor and the more she plays and finds out about him the stronger those opinions become

Dedicates herself to the Community Center as soon as it's unlocked

Has a hard time deciding who to court at first. She likes to know her goal before she starts her journey, but it's hard to get a read on everyone right off the bat

Chooses Leah and knows she's the right one when she gets to help her spite her ex by living well and thriving

Perfection is her end goal as soon as she learns about it

Has a soft spot for Linus and Harvey

Her farm is impeccable. Perfectly planned out, greenhouse at max capacity, crops always timed to yield the most harvest per season

Takes a grim satisfaction in Haley and Emily's sisterly disputes

Always has the perfect present prepared for someone's birthday. Except Lewis. She hates that she has to befriend Lewis

Lowkey judgemental of Marnie for sticking with him

Maxes out crafting first and uses everything she makes

Thinks that Robin should be mayor instead

Muriel

He loves Linus. He wants to live in a tent like Linus too

Does not like the mines at all. Too much animal killing

Avoids Shane at first because he clearly wants to be left alone, ends up befriending him for the blue chickens, is grateful he did once Shane gets his act together

Marries Penny to get her out of the trailer and because her interactions stress him out the least

Terrified of Emily, Alex, and Haley, doesn't go near that house

Hates Joja Co with a passion. It's what got him to complete the Community Center, because he wanted to see Morris's empire crumble at his feet. And to make the Junimos happy

Avoids all community events as much as he can

Loves fishing, foraging, and crafting. The first villagers he got ten hearts with were the Wizard and Willy

Fiercely protective of Leo, adores the parrots, tolerates Mr Qi

Prefers to play with MC and Asra, especially because he really wants the Golden Chicken from achieving perfection but he doesn't like talking to the villagers or going in the mines

Half of his farm is chicken coops

Portia

She starting playing it for the fun of a "build a new life" game and kept playing it for the mines and the villager drama

She's got the entire Friendship and Gifts page on the Stardew Valley Wiki memorized

Thinks the wizard is awesome because he teaches her magic

Has so many opinions on who should be with who that it makes it hard for her to settle down with someone. She ended up with Abigail for the swordfights and adventure

Hardcore ships Gus with Willy, waxes poetic about their shared scenes with the crab invasion and giant omelet

Wants Marnie and Marlon to date so badly, she writes tons of fanfiction about Lewis being brutally dumped and the two of them getting together and adopting Leo

Has a personal grudge against Sebastian because people keep rooting for him over his little sister and no she's not projecting at all

She'll reach perfection eventually because she's that good at managing her tasks, but it's not her main objective

Attends every single community event and comes up with so many headcanons about why this villager always stands there and what's going on with that dialogue

Lucio

Accidentally went the Joja route at first and got ticked off when it meant he was the "bad guy" just because he has FOMO

He's all about the adventuring, his farm is mostly wild

Gets annoyed by Marlon's cautious advice, thinks the wizard is cool for giving him magic but wishes he could do more with it

Married Haley and subsequently lost all his hearts with her because he was too busy getting out the door each morning

Couldn't be bothered with the Community Center until he reached the bottom of the mines and heard that there were more levels elsewhere

Divorces Haley to marry Sandy, throws a fit when he finds out she isn't marriageable. Marries Elliot instead because he wrote a book for him

Hates fishing with a passion, especially the legendary fish

Really starts getting into the game once Calico Desert and Ginger Island are open

Obsessed with raising slimes

Doesn't meet Krobus for a long time because he couldn't be bothered with artifacts, brings him diamonds every week once he does

Also wants to be friends with Kent but can't remember his likes

Desperately craves Mr Qi's approval

[zalmoxis-the-great]

About Orikan, Divinity, Divine Sparks and Speculations

C.W. Spoilers from TITD, T.W. mentions of death

A more technical aspect of Orikan's ascension can be explained in the D&D universe. There are a lot of real world religions that touch the subject of divinity, but I found a pretty satisfying explanation about reaching Godhood from role playing games, and by consulting forums online, as well as a well-made homebrew guide which clarified the information. I am sharing my understanding of what I read, as well as my own speculations.

In Dungeons and Dragons (the source I am using for this is The Extensive Guide to Godhood/ The Path to Godhood V1.2, which is homebrew, but the forums I consulted used the same concept from the 3.5E up to the 5E, and are very similar, but less organized), there are multiple methods to becoming a god, but all of them require the divine spark. A divine spark is what transforms a normal being into a divine entity. “To behold a divine spark, in the flesh, is akin to staring into a star”.  That is something that the divine has but mortals lack.

“If the soul is a flame, the divine spark is a star”. Depending on where you look, some will say that a few normal people are born with a bit of a divine spark in them, or that only a few special someones have some divine spark. But the facts are: it can be taken, gathered, accumulated, and after all that, if somehow, someone manages to absorb one, they get to go under Apotheotic Ascension, where “their bodies attempt to cope with the fluctuation of raw power inside of them, at the end of which their form will try it’s best to maintain that power without perishing”. That change is only the beginning of the transformation into godhood. Huh, that is an interesting and familiar concept. (Extensive Guide)

The issue is that many who dare try, fail to hold that power, those who succeed "will walk away with something more". In the book, Orikan didn’t explode nor die when absorbing the spark, therefor he succeeded his roll in absorbing it, otherwise, the only other outcome would have been complete and utter death and destruction of his being.

A way to acquire such a spark would be to simply slay a god and take their diviner spark(s) (dnd5e), other way would be to be worshiped by followers (“A deity’s divinity is measured by how much sparks they have”), another way mentioned in the guide is by harvesting the rare divinity of others within a week’s time, so pretty much mindless slaughter (the chaos gods growing fat with power from the divinity harvested by their worshipers), a less bloody way would be receiving it as a gift from another divinity, at the cost of theirs, them (the donor) growing weaker to birth a new god.

The eleven race, the equivalent of Aeldari, used Mythallas, magic items with a lot of power, that could manipulate the fabric of reality itself, drawing their energy from the weave (Dndbeyond 5E). Sometimes the essence of those Mythallas would contain the essence of the collection of hundreds or thousands of souls – that can form a divine spark. Sounds familiar? (Extensive Guide)

That is one way, the other way Orikan could get his divine spark is by using Mephet’ran.

We can assume that the Deceiver is a divine being, a star god. The more divine sparks you have, the greater the divine being you become, or are. Unfortunately for him, (the diviner) Orikan, cannibalized him at the end of the book. Since in the Warhammer universe, it is impossible to kill Star Gods without actually changing the natural order, since they are the embodiment of the laws of the universe, and killing them alternates the fabric of the reality, we can speculate he lost some of his divine ranking, by losing some of his divine sparks, consumed by the newly ascended god.

Based on the events in the book, I think Orikan has two divine sparks: one from the aeldari gem (which concentrated thousands of souls, and not any old regular souls, but aeldari souls, so long-lived and powerful), and another one from consuming the Deceiver.

Orikan right now seems to be a Quasi-deity, “he has enough divinity to be spectacularly powerful, but lacks worshipers, or power, has no clerics, no one to pray to him”. He is, I presume, an Ascended Being ( I liked how the Guide describes it, even if it is homebrew, “divinity being absorbed by him, able to walk among the material world unhindered, still bound by their “mortal shacks””).

So I think that Orikan might just become a deity of the Time Domain if he keeps on growing his powers, hopefully turning that divine spark into a fully fledge Godspark. (Extensive Guide)

~Z.

[exololyunho]

vault 33

***spoiler warning for ep. 1 of the Fallout tv show***

masterlist

struggling to find a husband in your vault, you submit yourself for the triennial trade, hoping to find a husband from your neighboring vault. you do, but he's not all he seems to be

wc: 2.1k

warnings: violence and death, fingering, vaginal sex, oral sex, clothed sex, unprotected sex, multiple rounds, multiple orgasms, san tries to kill the reader, reader kills san, angst, it gets pretty violent at the end

an: hello I'm back! kind of. its been quite a year and im considering this my redebut lol. this isn't my best work but I'm decently proud of it and I hope you enjoy!

taglist: @staytinyinmybpack @jeonride @becky4733107-blog @ignoretheskies

“My name is Y/n L/n,” your smile is nervous as the three council members before you stare impassively back. “I enjoy teaching ancient history and English. I participate regularly in intermediate phys ed, I do decently well in fencing, and I’ve been known to score moderately highly in riflery.”

Clearing your throat, you spared a glance at the motivational poster of Vault Boy behind the council. Do your best!

“In my free time, I like to garden, write short stories, and read any book I can get my hands on. I received a thorough check from our doctor, and I am proud to announce my reproductive organs are in excellent shape! Even so, I have not been able to find a suitable partner within our vault. Therefore, I submit myself as a candidate for intervault marriage in the upcoming triennial trade!.”

Your heart was beating rapidly as all three of the council members nodded, before lifting their wrists to tap at their pipboys. Within seconds, your own was dinging. You couldn’t believe your eyes as the message “Congratulations!” flashed across your own pipboy.

One week later and here you were, dressed in the standard white dress every woman in your vault had been married in. It was knee length with a flowy skirt that swished whenever you walked. With your name signed on the lining and the veil attached to your perfectly styled hair, you were off to the intervault door.

With your father, the overseer, at your side, you waited with the rest of Vault 33, eagerly anticipating the first glimpse in three years of your neighbor Vault 32. As the gatekeeper pushed the button, the big door labeled 32 moved towards you, then rolled to the side to reveal the people hidden behind.

They were… not what you had expected. In your own vault, everyone and everything was pristine, the example of a shining gem of a society. The people of Vault 32 were far from that. Their standard issue jumpsuits were worn and slightly faded. The people themselves weren’t necessarily dirty, but their hair was messy, their skin blotched and weathered, and their appearance all around unorthodox. Some of them had tattoos, even on the limited skin showing at their hands and necks. A few even had visible scars that looked like knife wounds, something that shouldn’t be possible in a vault.

But no matter. These people had been through hardship, losing their overseer and having a poor harvest this year. You did your best to keep the smile on your face as their overseer stepped forward to greet your father. The two made small talk, but you were not listening. All you could focus on was scanning the faces of the people before you, trying to figure out which one would be your new husband. There were lots of them, so it was hard to make out the faces of the people in the back. Everyone in the front seemed to be either too old or female so that ruled them out.

Finally, you grew tired of speculating. “Sooo, who am I marrying?”

The overseer of vault 32 smiled at you before gesturing at her people. “This is San.”

From the back of the crowd, a man walked forward. Unlike many of the other vault 32 dwellers, he had no visible scars. His head hung low, but other than that he looked like he belonged in your vault. He was handsome, with a chiseled face, a strong frame, and a full head of thick black hair.

One of the women behind you whistled under her breath. 

“Let’s get this show on the road!” Your dad exclaimed, and everyone began to move.

In the hall, you and San traded vows. They were standard really, nothing too exciting since you didn’t know each other. But that first kiss… that first kiss was great. It was relatively chaste but the feel of his plush lips against yours and the intensity in his eyes before and after left you heated and ready for your first night together.

San didn’t speak much after that. Instead he focused on the food provided, devouring almost everything on his plate quickly, as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Even as he was stuffing his face, you couldn’t help but admire his features. His dimples added to his charm and the way his hair fell into his eyes made him look younger. His youthful but handsome appearance was doing things to you, lighting a fire deep inside.

“So, San,” you began, “what is your sperm count?”

San choked a bit on the bite of food he had just swallowed. Coughing a few times, he eventually croaked out,  “Um, high.”

“Ah good, my reproductive organs are in great shape so we should have a fruitful marriage!” your smile was wide, although your happiness was dashed slightly by the noncommittal “yeah” San gave. Focus on the positive, Y/n.

A few hours had passed and by this point you were mingling, talking to some of your friends and nibbling on jello cake, when a hand met your waist. Looking up, your eyes met San’s.

“Show me to my new home?” He had a sly smile on his face.

A light flush reached your cheeks as you nodded at him with a wide smile. With that, the two of you were off. Cheers followed you as you led him down the winding hallways to your very own unit. Pressing the button, the large door rose to reveal the one room unit you’d be sharing for the foreseeable future.

“This is us!” you led the way inside, eager to show him all the amenities available to you both as he shut the door behind you. “We’ve got every kitchen appliance you could think of, a full shower, they even got us a little welcome home basket!” 

You turned back to face him but your happy smile quickly turned to shock at seeing him standing there, completely naked with a hand stroking his impressive dick. His face had that sly smile back on it.

Regaining your composure, you smiled again. “Okey dokey!”

With that you moved towards him, connecting your lips as your hands roamed his body. San’s tongue invaded your mouth as your hands traced his abs. Gosh, he was so hot it was making your knees weak. His hands reached around to grab your ass as he spun you so your back was against the wall. 

One of your hands found his hair, tugging on the stands as his lips traveled to your neck, nipping and sucking on your pulse point, forcing a sigh from your lips as your eyes closed to enjoy the sensation. 

All too soon, he stepped away from you, his hooded eyes meeting yours. “I want to fuck you on the table.”

A grin crept onto your face as you removed your undergarments. “Then lie down big boy.”

San’s devastatingly handsome smirk matched yours as he laid back on the table, lazily stroking his dick and watching you walk towards him, still wearing your veil and wedding dress. With ease, you climbed onto the table, straddling his waist. 

Sinking down, you let out a sigh that matched his groan as you took him all the way in. Gosh, this felt good. He filled you in the best way, reaching deep inside you and brushing past that spongy spot that made your mind blank. 

You only allowed yourself a few seconds to enjoy being full before beginning to move. Rolling your hips up and down as your fingers left scratches on his chest. His hands came to your waist to help you move even faster on top of him. The pace was incredible, easily the best sex you’d ever had. 

San’s hips started pumping up into you on every downstroke you made, causing your eyes to flutter shut as you gasped out a moan. His hands disappeared from your waist, sneaking under your skirt where one grasped your thigh and the other made contact with your clit.

You doubled over as his fingers started working you in tight circles. Letting out gasping cries of his name, your rhythm faltered and he took over.

Holding you to him, San stood up off the table before laying you out on it, your hips positioned at the edge. He started thrusting with a vengeance as his fingers still circled your clit at a wondrous pace. Your back arched off the table as your moans increased in volume while your orgasm crept up on you.

“San- I-” your mouth dropped open when he switched the angle of his thrusts to perfectly hit your g-spot. He noticed your reaction and kept that angle, jerking gasps and whines out of you with every thrust in. You were so close, teetering on the edge of what was surely about to be the best orgasm you had ever experienced.

“Cum for me, Y/n. Come on be a good girl,” San’s crude words and the increase of pressure on your clit from his fingers pushed you past the breaking point. 

Your body locked up, interior muscles spasming around him as he groaned and gave a few more jerky thrusts before spilling inside you. Meanwhile, colors were exploding behind your eyes as you rode out the waves of pleasure that were overtaking your conscious mind.

Panting, both of you stayed connected as you came down. With your eyes closed, you rested, relishing the fading high and the boneless feeling of good sex. Until San was pulling you up from the table.

“Wha-” you could barely get a word out as he spun you around, pulling down the zipper of your dress, leaving you standing there naked as it fell to your feet. 

“San-” again you tried to ask what he was doing but he was pulling you to the bed and tossing you into the middle before crawling in after you. His hands quickly found your thighs, forcing them apart as his face descended between them. You let out a strangled gasp as his tongue made contact with your clit and two of his fingers made their way inside you. 

Your hands gripped the sheets below you as his tongue traced circles around you, relighting the fire in your stomach.

“God, fuck,” one of your hands jumped to grip his hair as he introduced a third finger inside you. San was moving fast, and his ministrations were quickly bringing you to your second orgasm of the night. With a stuttered cry, you came again, your hand clenching in his hair as he worked you through it. 

Closing your eyes and relaxing as you came down, San flopped next to you. The two of you laid in silence. You allowed yourself to close your eyes, breathing deeply and anticipating the exciting new way your life was going to change for the better.

Your eyes were drawn open by San standing. He stared at the fake balcony for a moment, before wiping his dick clean on the curtains. Your mouth dropped open in shock as you watched him. He pulled on his boxers before heading to the sink and filling a flower vase with water. He chugged the whole thing. You watched him cautiously, quietly climbing out of bed to grab your pipboy and flipping to the radiation detector. It clicked furiously as you pointed it at San. He was still chugging water.

“You’re from the surface,” you whispered. San froze before he turned to look at you. There was a beat of silence between you before he was lunging at you. You ran trying to open the door but he grabbed you, throwing you down, causing you to slide along the linoleum floor, slamming into the kitchen cabinets. As you caught your breath, you looked up at him, only to find him now holding a long, curved blade he must have hidden in his jumpsuit. 

“Sorry, babe,” he approached you, “this has still been the best day of my life.”

You scrambled to your feet, looking for a weapon, but it was no use. He was on you, plunging the knife into your side and lifting you up so you sat on the kitchen counter, gasping for breath. 

You hands were desperately searching for anything to protect yourself as he leaned in to kiss your neck one last time. Luckily, your hands made contact with the vase he was previously drinking out of. You snatched it up, swinging it and breaking it over his head as he gasped out in pain.

With one final swipe, you drug the shattered edge across his throat, causing him to sputter as he took staggering steps away from you, before he collapsed on the floor.

With shaking hands, you pulled the knife from your side as you took deep breaths. 

“Raiders.”

[desultory-novice]

//rtdldx, Magolor epilouge main spoiler

Ok how do you think about the ending of Magolor epilouge ?

I'm pretty satisfied but I've seen some people who don't like it, because it's even more vague if the main mode Magolor really come back to Dreamland.

But regarding of the Ultimate Sword move in Star Allies, I think they are all the same Magolor. Maybe Lor found him in that *Spoiler* dimension and they come back together (20th anniversary).

I believe that Magolor still misses Kirby and the rtdl team, even those characters in *Spoiler* world parallel those in the og universe, they are still not the same. Hal, please don't prove us that Magolor abandons every relationship he had had in the og universe. (Start to feel scared.) Ok... let me drink some water... and calm down. I don't think Magolor would do that, although I only have some little evidence.

But hey! Your headcanon get somehow justified! *Spoiler* Magolor is the og Magolor!

I saw that some people didn't like it! To be honest, I was surprised to learn that! Not that there's anything wrong with people feeling that way. It's going to touch everyone differently, but I felt satisfied through pretty much the whole experience!

I DID drop my controller and scream and point at the TV when I saw Kirby Clash Magolor, but since I was always a fan of "Magolor ended up in Kirby Clash after his loss in RtDL" one of my rare HC getting justified made me excited!

And yes, I think it's pretty seriously likely that Magolor managed to find his way back to Dream Land/Pop Star. This game doesn't exactly de-canonize Kirby's Dream Collection, and Magolor and the Lor had to have reunited at some point...

Plus, it always seemed to me as if buying out Shopkeeper Magolor's shop, allowing him to re-decorate his store to be gold, blue, and gear themed, and having him switch into his original clothes, was emblematic of a "My time here is over!" moment for him.

That's always when I pictured him finally being "free" to return to Dream Land. (And now that we know there's some kind of power - Master Crown Power, to be precise - attached to the Gem Apples, it makes sense that he'd need to collect them in order to gather enough power to return to the Lor/Dream Land. In fact...)

...It's kind of fun to speculate!

Maybe Magolor was unable to/unwilling to collect the gem apples himself? (I mean, why run a store right next to a literal "gold mine?" Just get the money yourself!) Or maybe he's still a little traumatized from the whole Master Crown thing and didn't want to touch the tree... (You can see him visibly shaking/crying after the Epilogue boss fight, poor guy) Or maybe he COULDN'T harvest from the tree directly? Maybe he feared corrupting it/being corrupted by the power of the Master Tree Crown again!

The end result is, Magolor needed even more power to return/cross dimensions, but he also needed someone else to provide it for him. Someone pure of heart and unable to be corrupted. (As even Landia struggled with the crown.) Thus, Team Kirby enters the picture.

...Also, he also always wanted to run his own shop, so I guess that's convenient!

But I think your theory that the Lor comes and finds him  (aka, the Dream Collection theory) is a great one too! It didn't make sense for the Lor to rescue Magolor immediately after him going overlord, but after Magolor's worked hard for days/months/years/??? to change and become better? And has been living side by side with the Master Tree Crown for all that time without being tempted by it? (As the new pause screens suggest the Lor didn't "talk" to him before because it suspected he was being influenced by the crown)

And yes, I absolutely agree with you that Magolor cares about his bonds with the RtDL group and wants to see them all again!

-

Circling back around, I saw someone mention that it seemed cruel for Magolor to abandon (or potentially betray) the people he met in Dream Kingdom to return to Pop Star, but there is such a thing as making friends in a new place while still having another, separate place that's more "home" to you.

It's pretty clear that Bandanna Waddle Dee makes a fine guardian for the tree, and Team Kirby will keep Dream Kingdom safe. Even though Magolor probably WAS on good terms with the people of Dream Kingdom, I think that for him, it would still be kind of mentally exhausting/emotionally painful to deal with people who only LOOKED like those he wanted to see again day after, day after day.

:cough cough: and there's no Marx anywhere in Dream Kingdom, which would also be sad for him </Marxolor feels> :cough cough:

Magolor really does need to go home. Even if Team Kirby sees him as a friend, the person he REALLy wanted to be friends with... was OUR Kirby.

...I'll talk more about that later of course!

[black-feather-fiction]

You said you didn't mind questions so a floodgate has opened:

1. how do Fenrir and Jormungandr EAT? Fenrir has a huge-ass sword driven through his snout and if Jurmungandr ate the regular way then earth's ecosystem would have uhhh.. a bit of a Problem. At first I thought Fenrir was in some kind of stasis, but since Jormungandr can already harness earth's magnetic field or something(I don't have the exact quote at hand) now I'm more convinced that they have a way of converting Seidr into energy, like how fairies can feed off of chaos magic.

2. Would I be correct to assume that the reason Loki didn't free his kids the second he got the reality stone back is because it wouldn't have been naratively satisfying and therefore the Norns wouldn't have allowed it?

3. Loki mentions that they and Fenrir can shapeshift, while Hela can't, but they say nothing about Sleipnir and Jormun. Are those two shapeshifters as well?

4. Why didn't Loki go to Hatchet for help when he was pregnant with the triplets? Was Hatchet somehow off-limits, was Loki too afraid and paranoid to trust even him, or was it internalized transphobia/misogyny(thanks a lot Odin), and Loki thought Hatchet would be ashamed of them?

5. How old is Hatchet? His and Loki's relationship is hard to define, but Tony refers to Loki as Hatchet's godchild during the Alice in the Wonderland arc and somewhere earlier Loki says something along the lines of Hatchet already knowing he would outlive them(Loki).

(Though I know writing fanfiction is your hobby and that one can't explain every little thing in a fantasy world and maybe some of the answers are spoilers so no obligation to answer ig🤷‍♀️)

Oh, wow, so many questions 😆❤️💞. I'll try to answer them as best as I can ❤️❤️💕

1. Yes, Jormungandr is sustained by the magic he harvests from the motion. Fenrir is sustained similarly, partly also by the magic that imprisons him (Odin had to make sure he survives after all) and by the magic of Sutur, and yes, the stasis does help. That said, Fenrir in contrast to Jormungandr is definitely hungry. He's the sibling whose conditions are by far the worst.

Generally, the triplets, including Hela, are a bit of a special case because they are born of the mingling of excess magic - they are literally magic made flesh. So their bodies work differently than those of Sleipnir and Loki, including food consumption.

2. Yes. Far too easy - Loki is not that stupid. And all the infinity stones obey narration first and their wielder only second. This is also why the time stone is especially fickle and almost no one can really use it for much. The power stone, since it's mostly good for destruction and thus not a narratively potent gem, is much less picky.

It takes a very special mindset to wield reality in a way that won't backfire spectacularly - a mindset that Loki luckily has. Always going for the straightforward solution is not part of that mindset however.

3. Good question. I think I haven't specified that yet. But even if they could shapeshift, I think they would be inclined to remain in their current form, while Fenrir would like shifting almost as much as Loki. The sword also serves to imprison him in his current body.

4. Also a very good question - I think that everything that happened after Loki eating Angrboda's heart must be seen in the light of extreme magical, emotional and mental instability. Just like Loki didn't even consider abortion as an option. They just were really not in a good place, full of grief and rage and guilt (they had only just killed their lover and integrated their lover's frigging core), and full of Angrboda's emotions too (who had not been in a "good place" either). Definitely suicidal and not able to think straight. And asking for help is not Loki's biggest strength at the best of times, to put it mildly, which they have demonstrated several times already in the series 😬. This Loki is definitely their own worst enemy.

5. I think that Scyllala has specified Hatchet's age in "Bend around the wind" at some point, and I would stick with that. He should be at least two millennia older than Loki, I think, and as a faeling, he can live virtually forever.

[uncrownedjules]

Three Accidental Shortish Reviews

They asked us to write a few, like, "staff's picks" at the shop and if you know me I love getting to ramble about video games I think people should play. I figured those little blurbs are worth sharing/preserving here too.

So I guess here's three mini reviews/recommendations from yours truly. No spoilers or anything really.

Titanfall 2 feel like if you approached designing a first person shooter with the inventiveness and sheer tightness you find in Mario games. It’s not hard for me to say that Titanfall 2’s campaign is far and away the best FPS campaign I’ve played, with singular levels more memorable than some entire games I’ve played. If you’ve played Apex Legends at all you’ve already got some baseline familiarity with the mechanics at play, although instead of a battle royal playground you’re instead led through impressively thought out levels with gimmicks each more memorable than the last. It’s not the sort of shooter where you’re just hiding behind cover mowing down waves of enemies in a generic warzone. Instead you’re running across walls or jumping into your mech while fighting through an assembly line or playing with reality bending mechanics straight out of Portal. 

If you consider yourself a fan of shooters, especially those with satisfying movement and creative levels- Titanfall 2 is a must play. It is as important to the genre as something like Half-Life or the original Modern Warfare, Titanfall 2 not only helped form the basis of modern movement shooters, but its engine and core mechanics have been adapted into further projects from the company. Even if you never touch the multiplayer, Titanfall 2 is a game well worth your time and one that will make you wish for more shooters that are half as creative with their run time and level layouts.

Viva Piñata is one of those little gems that’s only so underappreciated because it lives on the Xbox. If it were a Nintendo title people would be intensely angry every time a new entry wasn’t announced any given Direct. Instead Viva Piñata lives on the console of Halo and Gears of War, and thus this novel little garden tending simulator lives in the periphery of most peoples’ memories. It doesn’t help that the 4Kids produced cartoon anthropomorphized the cute Piñata animals into over the top 4Kids caricatures and likely gave many people an impression that Viva Piñata was something it wasn’t. In the actual game the piñatas act much closer to their real world counterparts than they do cartoon characters, with the game’s main focus centering on cultivating a garden that welcomes a wide variety of piñata to live in it. You’re essentially a backyard ecologist, helping bolster populations and keep the circle of life in check with not too many predator or prey piñata overtaking your garden. 

In what feels like a marriage of Pokémon and Harvest Moon, Viva Piñata's a simple game that offers just enough depth to engage more adept players and overflows with charm that’ll enrapture most anyone who likes the idea of tending a fantastical animal sanctuary. If you pick only one Viva Piñata game, Trouble in Paradise is essentially feels like the original game with an added expansion built in. However if you wish to play on modern consoles both games are included in Rare Replay, a collection of 30 games from Rare’s history including Banjo Kazooie, all of which are playable in 3D on your current gen Xbox. And if that wasn’t good enough, Rare Replay comes in a double pack with Gears of War Ultimate Edition that sells for like thirteen dollars. So if everything said about Viva Piñata wasn’t enough to convince you, it also comes with a few dozen other games just in case you weren’t convinced it was worth a shot.

Most everyone well versed in the gaming sphere knows the tale of Final Fantasy’s origins. A desperate Square on the verge of collapse poured all their passion and effort into a last ditch effort- their Final Fantasy. A few decades later and Final Fantasy stands as a monolith of the industry, standing as perhaps the most dominant MMO of the modern day and with more entries than most franchises could ever dream of. So perhaps it was only fitting that for their sixteenth entry they decided to radically shift the course of the franchise. Final Fantasy XVI is no turn based RPG, in fact one could say its RPG elements at times feel borderline vestigial. But despite this brazen turn away from the genre it once defined, Final Fantasy confidently steps into its new future by asking one simple question. What if these fights felt and looked as cool as we always imagined they’d be?

In what feels like an earnest embrace of the bombastic nature of blockbuster games and cinema, Final Fantasy has turned itself into a feverishly fast character action game in the same sorts of conversations as Bayonetta and Devil May Cry. It helps, of course, that both DMC 5’s director and Platinum Games worked on the combat of Final Fantasy XVI. All star developers all came together to create a game that truly feels bombastic and triumphant. The story has shades of Game of Thrones in all the best ways with political machinations a plenty and villains so vile you’ll want to yell at the screen. Each combat encounter is a frantic dash as you cycle through abilities and dodge massive attacks at the last possible second. When you get in the zone the game feels incredible, with such freedom of expression in your combat even from early stages that by the time you hit midgame you’re swimming in ways to style on all of Final Fantasy’s most iconic foes. If any game justifies the PS5, it is Final Fantasy XVI. It’s an angry game about overthrowing horribly corrupt systems, a game about not just earning a good death, but living a good life- and what doing so requires. And even if you don’t care about that narrative stuff, it’s the most electrifying action game I’ve played since Hades. Final Fantasy may have stepped away from what it is known for, but I am confident it was a step firmly in the right direction.

[laresearchette]

Friday, October 13, 2023 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: LESSONS IN CHEMISTRY (Apple TV+) THE PUPPETMAN (Shudder/AMC+) RAID THE CAGE (Global) 9:00pm CURIOUS CATERER: FATAL VOWS (W Network) 9:00pm CREEPSHOW (AMC 10:00pm/Shudder/AMC+) SHINING VALE (Starz Canada) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT? JOHN CARPENTER’S SUBURBAN SCREAMS (Premiering on October 18 on Showcase at 10:00pm) NEXT AT THE KENNEDY CENTER (PBS Feed) READY TO LOVE: MAKE A MOVE (TBD - OWN Canada)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME CANADA THE BURIAL DARK HARVEST EVERYBODY LOVES DIAMONDS JIGEN DAISUKE

CBC GEM CHUCK AND THE FIRST PEOPLE’S KITCHEN COME TRUE HOW TO FAIL AS A POPSTAR

CRAVE TV BRIA MACK GETS A LIFE (Season 1, Episodes 1-3) CABBIE THE CABLE GUY THE DROP FINDING A FAMILY FREDDY VS. JASON THE HATEFUL EIGHT PREDATOR (1987) THE PREDATOR (2018) PREDATORS (2010) SHINING VALE (Season 2, Episode 1) SPOILER ALERT STAYING INN: HOTEL JULIE (Season 1) STELLAR THE THING

DISNEY + STAR GHOST OF THE MOUNTAINS GOOSEBUMPS (five-episode series premiere) THE SOUND OF THE POLICE

NETFLIX CANADA THE CONFERENCE IJOGBON SPY KIDS SPY KIDS 2: THE ISLAND OF LOST DREAMS SPY KIDS 3: GAME OVER SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

CFL FOOTBALL (TSN/TSN4/TSN5) 7:00pm: Lions vs. Ti-Cats (TSN/TSN3) 10:00pm: Roughriders vs. Stamps

MONSTER HIGH 2 (YTV) 7:00pm: As they enter sophomore year at Monster High, Clawdeen Wolf, Draculaura and Frankie Stein face new students, new powers, and an even bigger threat that could not only tear their friendship apart but could change the world forever.

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 7:30pm: Penguins vs. Capitals

NBA BASKETBALL (TSN2) 7:30pm: Heat vs. Spurs (TSN2) 10:00pm: Warriors vs. Lakers

BE MY VALENTINE (Super Channel Heart & Home) 7:30pm: A widowed firefighter (William Baldwin) asks a florist (Natalie Brown) to be his date for a Valentine's Day ball.

MARKETPLACE (CBC) 8:00pm

THE MULE (CTV2) 8:00pm: Broke and facing foreclosure on his business, a 90-year-old horticulturist takes a job as a drug courier for a Mexican cartel. His immediate success leads to easy money and a larger shipment that soon draws the attention of a hard-charging DEA agent.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF JERSEY (Slice) 8:00pm: A Grave Concern

THE VERY VERY BEST OF THE 80s (AXS Canada) 8:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): We're ranking EPIC MOVIES OF 1987. From tear-jerking to side-splitting, find out what made our list as Jodie Sweetin, Tia Carrere, Morgan Fairchild, and more give us their opinions!

PLANET WONDER (CBC) 8:30pm: Johanna dives into how climate change is messing with the motion of the ocean.

FRIDAY NIGHT THUNDER (APTN) 8:30pm: Joshua Hill, alongside friends and family, orchestrates a massive lacrosse stick giveaway to help kids in the community and remind us of the importance of giving back.

BIG NEWS (CBC) 9:00pm: Unpacking the media's role in polarization and its effects on democracy.

TRANSPLANT (CTV) 9:00pm: When a sinkhole traps a man beneath the city street, Bash dives in.

THE DROP (Crave) 9:00pm: A married couple face a marriage test when one of them drops a baby during an island wedding.

DEATH OF THE PARTY (Super Channel Fuse) 9:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): After a night of partying, a young California woman disappears; the police and her parents scour the area around her abandoned car, but there is no trace of Denise; three long years pass without a single clue to the mystery.

W5 (CTV) 10:00pm: Who Killed Sonia?: A 50-year-old cold case murder is blown open by new scientific evidence.

CRIME BEAT (Global) 10:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): A sexual predator on the loose in the 1970s and 1980s; two little girls are attacked by the "Southwest Calgary Rapist" while riding their bikes one hot sunny day; homicide investigators were on the trail for a killer.

MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT (Slice) 10:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): In Denver, 10 singles take the plunge to marry strangers, sight unseen in two weeks; among them, an inexperienced bride questions her decision, while a groom's girthy secret shocks everyone; the countdown to the weddings is on.

MYSTERIES OF THE ABANDONED: HIDDEN AMERICA (Cottage Life) 10:00pm: A curiously designed, windowless building adorned with gold tinted diamond shapes now stands derelict in Tulsa; experts investigate and uncover a controversial religious figure and the headquarters behind a pioneering form of American TV evangelism.

STELLAR (Crave) 10:35pm: A man and a woman meet in a bar as catastrophe looms outside.

[paperanddice]

Many different stories are spread over crawling hands. Some say that a murderer killed in the middle of hunting their target may channel all of their hatred into one hand, which splits off of their body and continues hunting down their intended victim. Others say that necromancers create them as assassins. Still other stories say that a living person's hand can become infected and possessed, popping off while they sleep to commit murders they want in their heart, before returning in the morning to reattach before the host wakes up. Regardless of the origin, they are focused and dedicated killers, rarely acting unless they have a specific target in mind, who they will pursue without hesitation or distraction.

Giant crawling hands are always purposefully created however, as the magic to form them requires additional effort to expand their size beyond that of even a giant's. Perhaps they can form naturally from the hands of a titan, but such things are so rare that no one actually has confirmed such an event. At least, titans themselves won't confirm it.

A crysmal is an animated chunk of transparent crystals in the form of a dog sized scorpion, crysmals are elemental creatures that obsessively hunt precious gemstones. They fuse roughly 500 gp worth of these gems into a new young crysmal, called a shardling. This process turns the gems into much less valuable crystal, making them hated enemies of dwarves. Killing a crysmal will reveal the gems it has collected in preparation for creating a shardling, usually 1d4x50 gp from any given crysmal. Hunting them can be an easier way to collect raw gems, as the crysmal separates out the slag, holding onto just the precious material. Some more vicious gemcutters will farm crysmals. Less valuable gems will be used to expand the population, while higher quality ones will be cleaned by feeding them to a crysmal, then killing the creature and harvesting the stone.

Inspired by the Pathfinder 1e Bestiary 2. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

Crawling Hand  0 level spoiler [undead]  Initiative: +2 Vulnerability: Holy Leaping Claw +7 vs. AC - 2 damage. Natural 14+: The crawling hand latches onto the target. While latched on, the crawling hand gains resist damage 14+ to any attacks from creatures except the one it’s attached to, and travels with the target if it moves (except teleporting, which leaves the crawling hand behind). Any creature within reach of the crawling hand can spend a standard action to make a save; on a success, it removes the hand. Strangle +7 vs. PD (one enemy the crawling hand is latched on to) - ongoing 5 damage. This damage can’t be saved against normally, and only ends when the crawling hand is no longer latched to the target. The crawling hand can’t make attacks until the ongoing damage ends. Natural Even Hit: The target is also hampered and can’t cast spells, use bard songs or commander commands, or any other ability or feature that requires speaking as long as it’s taking the ongoing damage. Resist Negative Energy 12+. AC 15 PD 14 MD 11 HP 14 Nastier Special  Mark Quarry: The crawling hand can be marked with a drop of a creature’s blood. If it has no creature marked as its quarry, the first creature it damages during a battle becomes its quarry. Until it or the creature is slain, the crawling hand always knows the creature’s location and can follow it effortlessly, and gains a +1 bonus to attack rolls and defenses against that creature.

Giant Crawling Hand  2nd level troop [undead]  Initiative: +4 Vulnerability: Holy Leaping Claw +7 vs. AC - 5 damage and the crawling hand can grab the target. While it has a target grabbed, it can’t attack other creatures. Squeeze +11 vs. PD (one grabbed enemy; includes +4 grab bonus) - 7 damage. Natural Even Hit: The target is also hampered until the end of the crawling hand’s next turn. [Special Trigger] Pus Burst +7 vs. PD - 1d4 negative energy damage and the target is dazed (save ends). Limited Use: 1/round, as an interrupt action when an enemy engaged with the crawling hand hits it with an attack and rolls a natural odd attack roll. Resist Negative Energy 14+. AC 18 PD 17 MD 11 HP 34 Nastier Special  Mark Quarry: The crawling hand can be marked with a drop of a creature’s blood. If it has no creature marked as its quarry, the first creature it damages during a battle becomes its quarry. Until it or the creature is slain, the crawling hand always knows the creature’s location and can follow it effortlessly, and gains a +1 bonus to attack rolls and defenses against that creature.

Crysmal  1st level troop [elemental]  Initiative: +6 Vulnerability: Thunder Crystal Stinger +6 vs. AC - 4 damage. Natural 16+: The target also takes 3 ongoing damage. R: Shard Spike +6 vs. AC (one nearby enemy) - 8 damage. Natural Even Hit: 1d4 enemies nearby the target take 2 damage. Limited Use: 1/battle. After the crysmal uses this attack, its crystal stinger attacks only deal 2 damage. [Group Ability] C: Sparkling Burst +6 vs. PD (1d4 nearby enemies) - The target is hampered (save ends). Limited Use: The crysmal must be in a source of light to use this attack. Group Ability: For every two crysmal in the battle (round up), one of them can use sparkling burst once during the battle. Resist Cold 14+. AC 18 PD 15 MD 11 HP 24

[pt-piranha]

SU episode titles in the style of Community episode titles

Most episodes of Community are named in the style of a hypothetical college course. So I applied that format to Steven Universe. Why? I dunno, bored. Apologies if I overuse certain terms.

Spoilers for the whole series. Includes Future, excludes the movie.

For fun, see if you can recognize each episode.

Season 1A

Gemology 101

Basic Artillery

Applicability of Meat-Based Accessories

Cooperative Dining

Mascot Care and Upkeep

Introduction to Shapeshifting

Bubble Invocation

Basic Mission Decorum

Introduction to Wrestling

Beginner’s Lion Care

Video Game Appreciation

Introduction to Gem Fusion

Advanced Biology

Basic Sociology

Economics of Figurines

Swordplay and the Art of Reformation

Intermediate Lion Care

Women’s Volleyball

Studies in Wish Fulfillment

Physical Education

Ethics of Pastry Avoidance

Basic Multiplication

Arthropod Domestication

Gem Repair

Mirrors

Hydrokinetic Theft

Season 1B

Nursing 101

Rocket Science

Cooperative Conspiracy

Summer Vacation

Theoretical Invasion Response

Table Manners

Speculative Maternal Habits

Basic Horticulture

Advanced Lion Care

Introduction to Human Fusion

Paranoia and Parental Debate

Extracurricular Dungeon Navigation

Crisis Clairvoyance

Introduction to Kindergarten

Basic Cinema

Clairvoyant Meteorology

Espionage and Modern Robotics

Weapon Containment and Grief Therapy

Revisionist Literature

Fashion and Paternal Appreciation

Parental Chemistry

Basic Message Decryption

Politics of Crisis Management

Evacuation Tactics

Applied Chemistry

Season 2

Interpersonal Communication

Driver’s Ed

Avuncular and Grandparental Relations

Romantic Literature

Reformative Psychology

Advanced Swordsmanship

Amateur Documentary Filmmaking

Involuntary Mineral Permutation

Parental Communication

Somnambulant Projectionism

Celebrity Addiction

Gemological Fission

Root Vegetables

Alternative History

Accounting for Pearls

Hospitality

Theoretical Music Appreciation

Extraterrestrial Custody Law

Weather Documentation and Gratitude

Competitive Mechatronics

Intro to Gossip

History of Chemistry

Remedial Biology

Theoretical Terraforming

Interstellar Communication

Survival Documentation

Season 3

Citrullus Anthropology

Core Studies

Earth 101

Rural Cohabitation

Galactic Baseball

Advanced Aerodynamics

Competitive Fatherhood

Empirical Romanticism

Height Properties and Ferrokinesis

Social Impressionism

Ethics of Satisfaction and Road Rage

Culinary Tribalism

Cooperative Oneirology

Arthropod Reformation

Yacht Ownership and Relationship Dynamics

Postnatal Supervision

Arctic Mineralogy

Combat Instinct

Competitive Self-Deprecation

Introduction to Blacksmithing

Alternative Kindergarten

Earth Population Studies

Lunar Archeology

Advanced Bubble Invocation

Season 4

Hunting 101

Additive Properties of Negativity

Advanced Historical Documentation

Meditative Stress Management

Predictive Technology

Rebellious Romanticism

Advanced Root Vegetables

Family Relations and Harvest Tradition

Neonatal Gemology

Korean History

Effects of Lightspeed Velocity

Gem Society and You

Anthropological Zoology

Authoritarian Subversion and Coping

Supplementary Heroism

Maternal Bonding

Cultural Appreciation and Appropriation

Advanced Wrestling

Naval Assimilation

Alternative Lion Care

Investigative Surveillance

Self-Image and the Culinary Arts

Missing Persons Tracking

Sacrificial Self-Parenthood

Season 5

Captivity 101

Gem Law

Color Theory

Movements in Follicle Patterns

Political Certification

Obsessive Behavior and Radio Silence

Advanced Barn Raising

Intro to Botany

Applied Music Appreciation

Party Etiquette

Interstellar Piracy

Jungle Survival

History of Gems

Musical Documentary Filmmaking

Chaos Theory and Ailurophilia

Interstellar Community Review

Lunar Escapism

Recursive Cognitive Neuroscience

Sapphire Maintenance

Therapeutic Custody

Equine Isolationism

Matrimonial Ornament Crafting

Wedding Security and Family Dynamics

Travel Capacity of Lower Limbs

Advanced Gemology

Dancehall Decorum

Citrullus Communication

Advanced Gemological Persuasion

Future

Homeschool 101

Career Application

Maternal Impressionism

History of Volleyball

Response to Additive Irritants

Basic Time Management

Recess

Hydrokinetic Persuasion

Fluidity of Status Quo

Advanced Horticulture

Somnambulant Television Writing

Advanced Sociology

Matrimonial Desperation

Basic Child Psychology

Universal Parenthood

How to Get Away with Murder

Homecoming

Trauma Avoidance

Emotional Consequences of Lifelong Trauma

Applied Self-Care

[taimio]

Your Guide to Growing Vibrant Chinese Pink Celery at Home

Interested in adding a delicious and eye-catching veggie to your garden? Try your hand at growing Chinese Pink Celery, a flavorful and highly nutritious plant that not only adds color to your garden, but also zing to your meals. The cultivation of Chinese Pink Celery is a garden adventure that promises a unique addition to your dinner table. This article is a comprehensive guide that will help you understand every step of growing Chinese Pink Celery— from the soil preparation, the right time to sow the seeds, tending to the young plants, to the appropriate time of harvesting. We aim to provide tips and tricks to nurture your Chinese Pink Celery to full growth efficiently and effectively. Immerse yourself in an intriguing gardening experience and let the pink bling bloom in your backyard. Keep reading to discover the exquisite world of Chinese Pink Celery. ```html

How Do You Grow Chinese Pink Celery?

When I first heard about Chinese pink celery, I thought, “Wait, celery can be pink?!” Spoiler alert: Yes, it can, and it’s absolutely stunning. But as much as it’s a feast for the eyes, growing it takes a bit more finesse than your average garden veggie.

Why Grow Chinese Pink Celery?

First, let’s talk motivation. Chinese pink celery isn’t just pretty; it’s flavorful, aromatic, and jam-packed with nutrients. Plus, growing it feels like cultivating a rare gem—like you’re part of an elite, celery-growing secret society.

What’s not to love about a crop that makes your garden look Instagram-worthy while turning heads at the dinner table? It’s like the Beyoncé of the vegetable world.

Step 1: Start With the Right Seeds

Not all celery is created equal, so you’ll need seeds specifically for Chinese pink celery. Trust me, I learned this the hard way when I planted “regular” celery thinking it would just magically turn pink. (Spoiler: It didn’t.)

Look for seeds from a reputable source, preferably organic. This is the foundation for your success.

Step 2: Timing Is Everything

Celery is not a fan of rushing things. Start seeds indoors about 10–12 weeks before your last frost date. It’s a slow grower, but patience pays off.

One year, I got eager and planted too early in the season. Let’s just say frost and baby celery don’t mix. Lesson learned.

Step 3: Give It TLC (Tender Loving Celery-Care)

Chinese pink celery thrives in rich, well-draining soil with plenty of organic matter. Think of it as bougie and demanding, but worth the effort. Keep the soil evenly moist—never soggy, never dry.

And light? It’s a diva. Provide full sun but watch for those midday scorchers. A little afternoon shade works wonders.

Step 4: Transplant With Care

When your seedlings are about 4–6 inches tall, it’s time to move them outside—but only if the weather is warm and stable. They hate drama (read: sudden temperature drops). Space them about 8 inches apart to give their roots room to stretch.

I once crowded my plants, thinking I’d save space. Instead, I got stunted celery that looked more like sad pink parsley. Don’t make that mistake.

Step 5: Harvest Like a Pro

Chinese pink celery takes about 100–120 days to mature. You’ll know it’s ready when the stalks are firm, vibrant, and, well, pink. Use a sharp knife to cut the stalks at the base.

Pro Tip: Harvest in the morning for the best flavor. The plant’s natural sugars peak when the air is cool and crisp—it’s science, but it tastes like magic.

Why It’s Worth It

Growing Chinese pink celery is more than a gardening project—it’s a conversation starter, a culinary adventure, and a tiny act of defiance against dull, green monotony. Plus, slicing into a pink stalk feels like unwrapping a gift every single time.

If you’re ready to elevate your garden game, give it a shot. And for more tips on unique veggies, check out my article on other vibrant crops to grow this season.

Closing Thoughts

Chinese pink celery will challenge your patience, test your gardening skills, and make you question your life choices somewhere around week six. But when you finally taste its crisp, subtly sweet stalks, you’ll realize it was all worth it. Trust me, your future self will thank you.

``` Learn more about gardening with Taim.io!

[cyarskaren52]

these are the ten best tv shows of this year (and three of the worst)

The 10 best TV shows of 2023 (and 3 worst)

The year's best TV featured dazzling debuts, first-rate farewell seasons, and the funniest show about an organ-harvesting ring you'll see all year.

Updated on December 8, 2023

Even though the TV industry was shut down for 192 days this year due to a pair of strikes, it was still remarkably hard to narrow this best-of-2023 list down to 10. Shout-out to a few runners-up, which would also be worthy additions to your watch list: Mrs. Davis (Peacock) is a religious experience for fans of Betty Gilpin (a.k.a. everyone); Queen Charlotte (Netflix) will have your Bridgerton-loving bosom heaving with bittersweet sobs; and Yellowjackets (Showtime) delivered a killer ending after an occasionally wobbly second season. With that bit of housekeeping over, let's get on with the show(s).

The 10 Best Shows of 2023 

10. 'Judge Steve Harvey' (ABC/Hulu) 

ABC/Erika Doss

Steve Harvey is not a real judge, but he plays one in this reliably funny and life-affirming (yes!) quasi-court show featuring everyday folks facing off over small-claims complaints. Judge Steve Harvey highlights interesting but low-stakes cases that hinge more on interpersonal relationships than money. Think a husband suing his wife over her obsession with pickleball (including $500 for pain and suffering due to his loneliness); a mom suing her son because he broke his promise to cut his hair; or two factions of an a capella group suing each other over costly (and sequin-covered) costumes. Harvey — a comedian, veteran TV host, relationship advice author, and self-described “full-blown Christian” — nimbly draws out the issues at the root of these conflicts in a way that emphasizes how the people we love are far more important than material things. The host ensures there are plenty of feel-good moments on the docket by frequently surprising the litigants, like a hard-working stay-at-home mom or a couple whose wedding was ruined by COVID, with lavish gifts and much-needed cash. And everyone leaves the courtroom with a valuable dose of tough love. “I think you all need to find your way back to each other,” Harvey tells a pair of siblings squabbling over a dating app profile. “Because when all these men come and go, y’all still gonna be sisters.” The verdict is in: Judge Steve Harvey is comfort TV at its finest.

9. 'The Curse' (Paramount+ with Showtime) 

Richard Foreman Jr./A24/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME

Spoiler sensitivity precludes me from saying too much about this tenaciously peculiar kinda-comedy from Nathan Fielder (The Rehearsal) and Benny Safdie (Uncut Gems); only four of 10 episodes have aired so far. But taken as a whole, The Curse — starring Fielder and Emma Stoneas married TV hosts — leaves an indelible and thoroughly disquieting impression. As hosts of HGTV’s Flipanthropy, Asher and Whitney Siegel’s stated goal is to bring upscale, eco-friendly homes to the working-class city of Española, New Mexico. The locals aren’t enthusiastic, including Nala (Hikmah Warsame, a little star in the making), who puts a curse on Asher after he renegs on his promise to give her 100 dollars. But The Curse’s real curse isn’t some childish hex; it’s Asher and Whitney and Dougie (Safdie), their wretched producer, all of whom refuse to be honest with themselves or one another about what they really want. Come for Nathan Fielder’s (prosthetic) micropenis; stay for the merciless satire of colonialist greed masquerading as modern allyship.

8. 'Harlem' (Amazon Prime Video) 

Amazon

One scene in Harlem’s second seasonencapsulates everything there is to love about Tracy Oliver’s snappy, savvy comedy about friendship, femininity, and finding yourself. Having just landed a small part in a Hallmark Christmas movie, Angie (Shoniqua Shandai) arrives in hair and makeup to prep for an upcoming party scene. The white stylist (Ursula Abbott) tentatively pats Angie’s natural curls. “I’m thinking it’s perfect!” she chirps, before breezing her way out the door. A stunned Angie sits in silence, flanked by posters featuring the white casts of (fictional) Hallmark films, including Christmas Sail and You’ll Tide Me Over. 

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(Tagline: “Sometimes, you have to settle.”) She’s on the brink of walking out when beloved sitcom diva Countess Vaughn appears to her as a vision. “What about that brown girl that is hooked on the Hallmark Channel?” she asks Angie. “You want her to see you, right?” A buoyant tale of four BFFs — anthropology professor Camille (Meagan Good), fashion designer Quinn (Grace Byers), queer tech exec Tye (Jerrie Johnson), and aspiring actress Angie — Harlem examines the realities and nuances of life as a Black woman with frank insights and savage pop culture parody. Don’t call it the new Sex and the City — seriously, don’t. (The characters literally roll their eyes when someone mentions SATC in the finale.) Just know this: If you’re looking for a delightfully smart, funny series with an authentic point of view, you don’t have to settle.

7. 'Bargain' (Paramount+) 

 TVING Co/Paramount+

A fast-paced fusion of body horror, disaster drama, black comedy, and psychological character study, Bargain packs a lot of payoff into its six sleek episodes. The Korean survival thriller opens with an unsettling vignette: Park Joo Young (Jeon Jong-Seo), a teen girl wearing a short black skirt and a private school blazer, meets an older man named Noh Hyung-soo (Jin Sun-kyu) in a remote hotel room. They proceed to have a detailed discussion about the technical status of her virginity. It’s excruciating, which makes the pandemonium that follows — a black-market organ-harvesting ring! a catastrophic earthquake! murderous gangsters on the hunt for any surviving witnesses! — all the more exhilarating. Writers Jeon Woo-sung, Choi Byeong Yun, and Kwak Jae Min don’t use the natural disaster to vault Joo Young and Hyung-soo into something as predictable as a redemption arc. Instead, they send Bargain’s assortment of venal and untrustworthy characters on a survival scramble that’s so deranged and giddily suspenseful, watching it play out is priceless.

6. 'American Born Chinese' (Disney+) 

Disney+

On the night before his big soccer game, stressed-out tenth grader Jin Wang (Ben Wang) has a dream. He’s on the apartment set of Beyond Repair, a corny ‘90s sitcom whose wacky neighbor character, Freddy Wong (Key Huy Quan), is as problematic as it gets. Just as Jin confesses that he was too scared to help his friend Wei-Chen (Jimmy Liu) find the mythical Fourth Scroll, Jin’s immigrant parents, Simon (Chin Han) and Christine (Yeo Yann Yann), appear and beckon him to the dinner table. “You have to be brave, Jin,” Christine tells her son. 

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“You are all the pieces merging into one.” Based on Gene Luen Yang’s acclaimed graphic novel, American Born Chinese itself merges a variety of fascinating pieces — ancient folk tales, wuxia-inspired martial arts action, pervasive racist stereotypes, and a portrait of one Asian-American family’s experience — into an electrifying, heartfelt saga about high school, friendship, and saving the world. Sandwiched as it was between a raft of Marvel spinoffs and Star Wars brand extensions, American Born Chinese broke through with its stellar cast (including Michelle Yeoh as Guanyin, the Goddess of Mercy), endearingly relatable characters, and a beautifully simple message. As Freddy explains to Jin in his dream, “A hero doesn’t always have to have superpowers. A hero is someone who goes on a journey, shows courage, helps others.” Fingers crossed that the execs at Disney+, which has yet to renew ABCfor season 2, are listening.

5. 'The Bear' (FX/Hulu) 

Chuck Hodes/FX

“Yo, you ever think about purpose?” Standing in the basement of The Original Beef sandwich shop, 45-year-old Richie Jerimovich (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) admits to Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) that he can’t see a path forward. “What’s my purpose?” That question — both existential and maddeningly practical — is the emotional catalyst pushing Richie and his restaurant family forward in The Bear’s propulsive and poignant sophomore season. Creator Christopher Storer and his writers balance the ticking-clock narrative of an impending restaurant opening with remarkable stand-alone episodes: Marcus (Lionel Boyce) finds inspiration and his confidence in the meditative “Honeydew”; Carmy, Natalie (Abby Elliott), and Mikey (Jon Bernthal) navigate a tumultuous family Christmas in the claustrophobic “Fishes”; Richie realizes that hospitality is his raison d’être in the sublime “Forks.” Serving up powerful moments of hypnotic quiet (Ayo Edebiri’s Sydney lovingly crafting the platonic ideal of an omelet for Natalie) and turbocharged chaos (Carmy, a victim of his own procrastination, gets trapped in the walk-in freezer on friends-and-family night), The Bearfound meaning in the madness of family.

4. 'Reservation Dogs' (FX/Hulu) 

Shane Brown/FX

When we first met Bear (D'Pharoah Woon-a-Tai), Elora (Devery Jacobs), Willie Jack (Paulina Alexis), and Cheese (Lane Factor), all they wanted was an escape — from life in their sleepy reservation town of Okern, Okla.; from the constant (and often cryptic) advice of their elders; from the pain of losing their best friend Daniel (Dalton Cramer) to suicide. Two years and 28 magical episodes later, the glorious coming-of-age comedy from Sterlin Harjo and Taika Waititi ended with the rez dogs understanding and embracing the gift of community. The past was a constant presence in the dreamy, penetrating final season: The Deer Lady (Kaniehtiio Horn), a spirit who enacts vengeance on amoral men, returned for a chilling episode focused on the U.S. government's abduction and abuse of Indigenous children through federal "boarding schools." The trippy “House Full of Bongs” gave us a glimpse of Okern’s winningly eccentric elders — Big (Zahn McClarnon), Brownie (Gary Farmer), Irene (Casey Camp-Horinek), Bucky (Wes Studi), Fixico (Richard Ray Whitman), and Maximus (Graham Greene) — as indolent teenage shitasses. And in “Elora’s Dad,” Ethan Hawke dropped by and absolutely nailed the fidgety, earnest energy of an estranged parent trying to make up for a decades-long absence over a cup of diner coffee. It's painful to say goodbye to this little marvel of a show, so I’ll just echo the words of Willie Jack in the finale’s funeral: “I know I didn’t get to spend enough time with you. But mvto for everything that you taught me.”

3. 'Barry' (HBO/Max) 

Merrick Morton/HBO

Staring with pleading eyes through a wall of prison plexiglass, Barry Berkman begs Sally (Sarah Goldberg), the love of his life, to forgive him. “I didn’t lie to you,” he rasps. “I just, I didn’t tell you the part I didn’t want to be true.” In the grisly final season of Barry, Bill Hader’s titular hitman sought redemption through revisionism, rewriting his homicidal personal history in real time rather than suffering the pain of true repentance. Though accountability hangs like an albatross on Barry and everyone else in his corrosive circle, they transform their regret into outward-facing rage, seeking vengeance on a world that allowed them to make such life-destroying choices. Season 4 of Barry was TV’s funniest tragedy, one that gave the exceptional cast the chance to plumb the true depths of their characters’ misery. Anthony Carrigan’s NoHo Hank, his polished façade stretched thin over a heart demolished by guilt over his soulmate’s death; Henry Winkler’s Gene Cousineau, a Hollywood wannabe done in by hubris; Stephen Root’s merciless Fuches, who emerges from his torturous prison stay with a violent distaste for dishonesty. A few additional accolades are required for Goldberg, whose Sally descends into an emotional hell of her own making, only to claw herself back to the precipice of peace.

2. 'I'm A Virgo' (Amazon Prime Video) 

Amazon Prime

“I’m either a villain or a clown,” laments Cootie (Jharrel Jerome), the 13-foot Black teenager at the center of I’m A Virgo. “I want to inspire people.” In his brilliantly offbeat debut TV series, Sorry to Bother You auteur Boots Riley sends his singular protagonist on a hero’s journey that’s equal parts provocative, uproarious, and inspirational. Emerging from a 19-year seclusion imposed by his overprotective aunt and uncle (Carmen Ejogo and Mike Epps), Cootie balances coming-of-age milestones — like falling in love with Flora (Olivia Washington), a comely fast-food cashier — with the ugly reality of the socioeconomic oppression his Oakland community endures. He’s immediately marked as a threat by a billionaire comic-book publisher (Walton Goggins, wondrously weird) who channels his intense despair into cosplaying as a vigilante crime fighter called The Hero. I’m A Virgo’s fearlessly outrageous narrative offers a dark (and darkly funny) critique of the over-policing of poor communities, the fetishization of law enforcement by pop culture, and the grim connection between crime and capitalism. There’s a lot wrong with the world today, but this year, Boots Riley delivered a dazzlingly original anti-capitalist fable on a platform owned by one of the most powerful corporate behemoths in the world. There’s no other word for it but inspired.

1. 'Succession' (HBO/Max) 

Warner Bros.

Five years after Logan Roy (Brian Cox) suffered a stroke and catapulted his children into a cutthroat, internecine battle for control of the family business, his son Kendall (Jeremy Strong) was struck with a profound and crushing moment of clarity: “He made me hate him, then he died.” In its miraculous final season, Succession laid bare the calamitous effects of Logan’s parenting style on Kendall, Shiv (Sarah Snook), Roman (Kieran Culkin), and Connor (Alan Ruck) by giving the siblings the one thing they thought they wanted: Freedom. Prior to Logan’s astonishingly abrupt death in episode 3, creator Jesse Armstrong brought the Roy family together for fleeting moments of connection. “Holy s--t, did dad just say a feeling?” scoffed Kendall, after a somber Logan bemoaned his children’s absence at his birthday party. Was that “I love you” Logan offered his children in the purple glow of the karaoke bar real, or was the Roy family patriarch just feeding their starved hearts a few crumbs of affection to keep them from tanking the GoJo deal? Probably. Even once their formidable father was gone for good, the Roy children clung stubbornly to his toxic playbook, turning every interaction with one another into a negotiation — for power, for loyalty, for validation that they were, in fact, serious people, no matter what daddy said. Offering sufficient praise for Succession’s unparalleled ensemble is an impossible feat, but I’ll treasure Ruck’s wistful performance as Connor, an insider perpetually on the outside — and the only Roy child who almost understood that vying for Logan’s love was a zero-sum game.

The Worst Shows of 2023 

3. 'Citadel' (Amazon Prime Video) 

Amazon

Want to read a really depressing sentence? Here’s Jen Salke, head of Amazon and MGM Studios, lauding the first season of Citadel in May: “Our goal was always to create a new franchise rooted in original IP that would grow Prime Video’s international audience.” Corpo-to-English translation: We want flashy, conventional, easily duplicated content that we can own. Amazon’s plan worked: The overpriced, paint-by-numbers spy thriller starring Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Richard Madden as sexy agents fighting a global crime syndicate was popular overseas, and the streamer is already replicating that formula with two international spinoffs. Television is a business, and I’m not naive enough to expect execs to value creativity and originality over profits. But man, at least they used to pretend to care about quality. As the industry melds into one giant conglomerate, expect more like Citadel — less a TV show than a mass-produced unit of “entertainment.”

2. Rehashed IP 

Netflix;Paramount+;CBS

Another year, another glut of unnecessary and uninspired reboots, revivals, and (a pox on this word!) “reimaginings.” Showtime’s Fatal Attraction and the Frasier revival on Paramount+trapped likable actors in flimsy creative constructs, while Netflix’s That ‘90s Show thrust once-likable characters into a purgatory of artless, laugh-track powered nostalgia. Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies on Paramount+ all but sabotaged its intriguing, feminist-origin-story premise with a desperate excess of Easter eggs, but at least it tried harder than CBS’ True Lies, which played like a 44-minute network note. A few IP re-dos rose above mediocrity: Night Courtearned big ratings for NBC, and Netflix’s anime Scott Pilgrim sequel became an instant critical darling. You know what that modicum of success means, folks: More rehashed IP! Heading into 2024, my New Year’s resolution is to keep an open mind about the new versions of Fawlty Towers, Matlock, Who’s the Boss?, Baywatch, Ally McBeal… [sobs quietly into hands]

1. 'The Idol' (HBO/Max) 

The Idol is a fascinating example of what happens when network execs give a hotshot showrunner carte blanche — or, as Abel Tesfaye’s character pronounces it with such confidence, cart-ay blanch-ay. The drama — which was co-created by Euphoria mastermind Sam Levinson, Tesfaye (formerly known as The Weeknd), and Reza Fahim — centers on Jocelyn (Lily-Rose Depp), a famous but troubled pop star. Just as she’s on the cusp of launching a comeback after the death of her mother, Jocelyn falls under the sway of a charismatic and abusive charlatan named Tedros (Tesfaye). Behind the scenes, The Idol experienced its own power shift with the departure of original director Amy Seimetz, leading to extensive rewrites and reshoots under Levinson’s purview. What was apparently supposed to be a satire of modern fame and the exploitation of female celebrities became a laughable, affected, and morbidly fascinating exercise in soft-core porn. As an actor, Tesfaye is an excellent musician, and The Idol has nothing insightful or interesting to say other than, “Look at how many times we can get Lily-Rose Depp naked!” (It should be noted that Depp is a talented actress and clearly did her best with the schlock she was handed.) HBO wanted the next Euphoria. Instead, they learned a very unsexy lesson: When wunderkinds are left unsupervised, the results can be agony. 

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Sent from my iPhone

[lorbanery]

Oh interesting!

**Speculation on spoilers below the cut!**

So yeah, the teaser trailers have shown a few things that have raised some questions: The setup is relatively straightforwardly from the anime with Yusuke dying and then being revived to become the Spirit Detective. But later, we not only see shots of Hiei, Kurama, and Yukina, who don't appear until later in the first arc; we see Sakyo and the entirety of Team Toguro, two of whom we don't see until the second arc.

Now this isn't that surprising. Even though they don't actually show up until episode 6, Hiei and Kurama became protagonists in the show and are wildly popular characters. It wouldn't feel like Yu Yu Hakusho without them.

Likewise, even though it's the second of four arcs, the Dark Tournament Arc, where we meet the entirety of Team Toguro and they clash with our protagonists, is undeniably the most popular and well-known arcs of the series. So it makes sense that, with a one-shot movie adaptation, they would want to find a way to include that.

The question was: How are they going to do it?

And the answer seems to be by carefully mixing together ingredients from the first, second, and third arcs.

Koenma's exposition mentions a hole in the barrier between the Human and Demon Worlds, and that it's manmade. The cut to Sakyo and the Toguro Brothers is then meant to lead us to the connection that it was made by Sakyo.

The hole in the barrier being forced open by a human antagonist is the plot of the third arc, the Chapter Black Arc. So it appears that they're just reassigning that supervillain plan to Sakyo, an antagonist from the first and second arcs. Which, honestly? I think that's in character for him. Not for the reasons that the original antagonist had for doing it, but it's highly unlikely that they're using that justification instead of just ... using Sakyo's own canonical Rich Fuckboy Ennui.

Since we know that, like in the anime, the Toguro Brothers are working for Sakyo, we can safely assume that Bui and Karasu, the rest of Team Toguro, are working with them as muscle for Sakyo. They're there to keep Team Urameshi from getting to the hole or Sakyo.

There are still some things that we don't know yet, like how Hiei and Kurama end up meeting and joining up with Yusuke, since it seems that they're largely skipping the early cases from the series where he normally first encounters them. It's unclear, but it seems like they appear either on the way to or at Sakyo's hideout. Which implies that Kurama and Hiei either have some personal investment in stopping Sakyo, or that they are also working for Sakyo at first and then switch sides.

As much as I find the latter a really interesting possibility, I do think it's more likely to be the former. If only because Yukina, Hiei's long lost sister, also makes an appearance in the trailer, but it's still unclear exactly what her role is. In the original series she was part of one of those early Spirit Detective missions, being imprisoned solely to harvest the very valuable gems that form from her tears. Maybe that's still just what's happening and Sakyo's using her to fund his evil plot, but I don't know. It seems likely, though, that Hiei is there to rescue her, which is pretty close to the series.

I'm less sure about Kurama's motivations if that's the case, though. We know that he's kept his backstory about having an ill mother and being desperate to cure her. In the series he stole a wish-granting mirror to do so. I'm not sure what they could have given Sakyo to make him a target for that particular motivation. In fact that setup kind of makes the "he's working for Sakyo" option more plausible since Sakyo is obscenely rich and presumably pays well for talented, powerful muscle who are more than willing and able to kill.

I know a lot of people are probably going to be pissed about all the liberties being taken with the plot and character arcs.

But fuck that, I'm excited. I don't need to see an exact adaptation of the original story, I've already seen that story. Multiple times. I'm perfectly happy to watch a new and interesting take on the story and characters.

Also to finally see the Dragon of the Darkness Flames semi-decently animated for the first time.

Netflix's Yu Yu Hakusho Live Action Final Trailer and Key Art

After a couple of teasers, the final trailer has finally been released by Netlix! It seems there are many changes in the script. Is this series already showing the big final fight of Yusuke VS Toguro? Is there going to be a Dark Tournament Saga in the future? We will all know the answers on December 14!

The action scenes are really amazing, I wanna see Genkai kicking Yusuke's ass 😁