#gdi mark you angsty squish

[hidesinhisarchived]

for a second, mark can almost fool himself into thinking that there's something there on sam's side. something undefined, quickly hidden from sight. but that was foolish, even for him. sam had power and money. he had men far more beautiful and talented and more experienced than mark at his beck and call. what did mark have that would single him out from the rest of the crowd? mark was nothing, just a miserable college student who was forced to go to a university he hated and follow a career path that bored him to tears. sam had options. mark had nothing.

he can feel the tears prick behind his eyelids as sharp pain curls in his chest at sam's reaction. stupid, stupid, stupid. mark tries to swallow, but there's a lump in his throat that threatens to choke him. he finds himself pulling away, curling inside himself in a poor attempt to protect his vulnerable heart from further wounds. his arms wrap around his slight frame as he takes half a step back, putting distance in between himself and sam. away from the pain.

he looks up at sam for a moment more before looking away, gaze moving to the side before settling on their feet. "a-are you sure, sam? i'm a good nurse. i kinda...i kinda got really good at patching my own wounds when i was in school. i -" mark stops himself, mouth shutting around the rambling and choking it back down. sam doesn't care about that. sam doesn't care about you.

the filmmaker shakes his head at his stupidity. this was why he had been trying so hard to stay away, to try and avoid places he knew sam could be, leaving any time that he spotted the older man. this pain, like the tip of a knife planted in his chest and digging around, was exactly what he wanted to avoid. "forget i said anything."

his gaze finally shifts back up to sam's face and there's a sad hopelessness in those blue eyes, even as he tries to smile. "i really do appreciate the help, though. i just...i just wish those asshole cops hadn't arrested you. if anything, the guy whose jaw you broke deserved it more." he was rambling again. why couldn't he stop talking for once? "um, i-i guess i'll go since...um...since..." he trails off and shakes his head, once more clamping his mouth shut. "sorry," came the final whisper, barely audible.

the words feel like ash in sam's mouth. burning with fire , only to die upon release. a slip of the tongue that he wasn't ready to admit out loud , now in the air floating between the pair , the smoke left in it's wake. he could use a real smoke right now. fingertips graze into the pocket of his dark colored jeans , carefully flipping out a single cigarette. changing pockets , hand grasps the metallic lighter bringing it to front with a slight flourish. light comes to life & sam's hands open & close in time with the lighter. it goes back into his pocket , forgotten for the time being.

real smoke now comes into air , bringing a semblance of silence for the time being to his ever loud & invasive thoughts. it was those sam thoughts , sam recounts , that have led them to this moment now. his arrival had been unintentional , merely a passer by. dark eyes fell on marks right away , quickly assessing the gravity of the situation. it's his own un bridled rage for that kind of practice that has sam taking control of that encounter , quite quickly. a broken jaw was poetic in a way , good luck spreading your lies now you . . . . . no this wasn't about him.

he had laughed his way out of that jail cell just moments before. did the new york police really think they could tame him ? the man who went from absolutely nothing to one of the most successful business men around ? the devils grin did not fane from his face as he handed them the money. another victory won.

❝ don't worry about it. ❞ eyes not making contact , words are hurried & rushed , as if trying to avoid what admitting any of this might mean. more terrors to contemplate on when sam is already spiraling. why are you pulling me apart at the seems ? i'm the one supposed to pull you apart. a shiver runs down his spine , unintentional but very much noticed by sam in his state. he's a bleeding wound , vulnerability stripping him of his castle , his safety.

not raised to love tender , afraid of it's very meaning , small moment of breathlessness hits when mark shows his thanks. now his knuckles are not only bruised from war , but from another kind of violence that sam can barely understand. love. hand curls backwards slowly , retreating into the shadows where the comfort of the silence will carry him to tomorrow. ❝ thats really not needed mark. i'll be fine. ❞ finally letting his gaze wonder to marks , fuck. there is nothing left to do but surrender now. the kid is looking at you like you are some fucking god. is this not what you wanted sam ?