#gd this is gorgeous. I am so sad

[philhoffman]

Ending an awfully rough month with one of the gentlest films for this week’s Monday Philm: A Late Quartet (2012), dir. Yaron Zilberman. Hard to pick just ten shots for this post when the movie—and Phil as Robert Gelbart—are so gorgeous throughout.

In the brief making-of featurette Discord and Harmony, Phil talks about how this isn’t a film where someone is dying, no one is robbing a bank—it’s just about life and regular people going through real struggles in their relationships, reckoning with their lives up to now. That really allows the characters (and actors) to shine, making use of the smallest nuances to show how the quartet has fallen out of tune.

So many little things I love about this film, especially on this watch—Robert’s damp, messy, fresh-out-of-the-shower morning hair at the start. His impression of Daniel’s accent. The balance between the cold, undersaturated blues and greens of New York City in the winter and the rich warm tones found in the music, in bed, in the concert hall. I’m not too familiar with Christopher Walken’s career but he brings such a quiet sadness to Peter’s loneliness. Imogen Poots is overacting but it’s kind of camp? Robert’s gives a little laugh, and PSH’s voice is so deep, so bass, it rumbles the speakers on my old TV a bit. For a film about music, there’s an awful lot of silence—which serves as tension, cut softly by an up-bow or violently by Robert’s outburst. 

Especially loved the scenes of Robert jogging through Central Park, because in less than a month I’m gonna be running through Central Park in this year’s NYC half marathon! It’s a funny, full-circle moment when I think about it, since Phil is one of the primary reasons I’m running it to begin with!

I started rambling a bit here so I’m just gonna throw it under a cut:

I’ve mentioned before that Phil confided in a friend that he felt this was his best performance. It’s interesting to watch A Late Quartet with that thought in mind. His friend partially agreed, later writing that this performance was the start of what should’ve been—the next, deeper, more powerful, incredible chapter of Phil’s career. He is so clear-eyed, so in control of his body, in sync with the story and his fellow actors and the music. He took violin lessons and was quite good, apparently to everyone’s surprise lmao. Robert’s pain goes so deep, uncertainty and doubts and fears of not being good enough stretching back 25 years, and PSH shows it with the tears in his eyes, a quavering voice, glares of restrained fury and deep breaths.

Anyone at all familiar with Phil Hoffman is probably aware of how hard he was on himself—almost comically, often infuriatingly humble and/or self-critical, take your pick. So I’m glad he was proud of this performance and recognized his own strengths here. He was and is so loved, outside of his work, just for who he was, for being himself, someone so many people would move heaven and earth for. I know I would love him anywhere, doing anything. I’d love him if he fulfilled that fantasy of running away to work at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, unknown and unrecognized, or his other idea of moving to France to teach English, or if he stayed at the deli forever. That’s just how the stars are crossed. But I’m also grateful for what he did do, the souls he brought forth from his own, the lives he lived onscreen and left for us. It’s acting and it’s art and it’s so much more.

Feeling especially emotional tonight because it’s the end of February, the longest shortest month, and this has been a particularly terrible one. It’s one of those illogical quirks of love and grief that he is the reason this time is unbearable and he is also the reason I am able to bear it. Gd, words fail. I just didn’t know what life meant until I met him, is all. Love you in the snow and love you in the sun, Phil.

[randomnameless]

I feel sad because when I first played 3h and finished with GW, I was so happy and it felt like it was going to be one of my favorite FE games, maybe one kf NY favorites of all games. I loved all of the GD crew, the maps looked gorgeous, and the thematic of that story being breaking down the walls of tradition to embrace others deeply resonated with me. I loved AM very similarly, CF not so much. But what makes me sad is the more I think about the game and read about all the sloppy writing mistakes that I didn't notice or think about, the more I can't really claim its a favorite of mine anymore. Sorry if this is a bad place to vent, but my venture into the discourse of this game really killed what I once thought of a great story.

No, don't worry, I love salt!

I think FE16 had a long honeymoon, and now all those small things we didn't care about are suddenly much more important, or we're not wearing googles anymore.

Coupled with a lot of devoted fans spreading nonsense after nonsense everywhere - inviting people to look closer at the script - and we end up with this weird fandom, where everything was consumed in around 3 years, with a lot of "us vs them" mentality coming from redshit and other spheres.

Is the fandom dead? I don't know. I don't think so, people are still engaging with AUs, making fanarts and all (even if some people still have to diss on a character because she ate their pet or something), there are "meta" posts, or just people talking about things they like.

However, discourse really poisoned the story and the game, because you cannot talk to people due to the "us vs them" mentality from Redshit, which permeated (thanks epsilon!) through SF, Twitter (it has always been a hell hole) and even some corners of Tumblr. Fanfic? Transformative works have always been transformative, and no one writes canon - but for 10 "Rhea bakes cookies for the children" fics you have 87 951 "Rhea eats babies and is a homophobe and wanted to kill Billy who is always a woman" fics. Draco in Leatherpants has always been a thing, but to this magnitude? I will never pretend to have the only valable reading/characterisation on a character, but damn if only reading Ao3 makes me believe I'm completely out of my game regarding some characters. The Aeneid is a must-read, and shits on so many characters - and yet characterisation from The Aeneid is copied and pasted in other fics like, are you writing fics based on canon, or based on... The Aeneid (and NoA's FE16) ?

FE16's story is boring and not engaging - save for AM, because of the very interpersonnal nature of Dimitri's story, Claude's story promised things, it ends on a positive note but... I was left expecting more. Will Claude really be able to build this world? Will he face difficulties ? What about traditions that are worth keeping, will he throw them away? I don't know. I wish we had more about this than an ending card.

I disagree about Tru Piss though, it's like reading the posts from a Twitter parody account. You're not supposed to believe it, or if you do, then it's just for the lols or you're perfectly aware this is the "trap" route, as in you thought you were going to save the world? Psyche! Your goal has always been to topple Fodlan to Make Adrestia Great Again! Even if you never knew it.

I won't say FE16 doesn't take itself seriously like Awakening, it tries to be serious, too serious, that's why a good punchline like Tru Piss works perfectly.

Ultimately, if they release the Elibe bundle, we will return to a "complete" game, where people hired a continuity guy and where the most important issue is not to make the player happy, but to tell a story in an engaging way.

For what it's worth, if you want to talk about the story you're welcome here, I'm don't reply that fast, but I'm trying!

[asklaytonandwright]

I suppose I won’t take a break. I want to get done with it. I suspected it might have been Olive... At least they didn’t make her turn out to be horrible... The end of the case was still bittersweet. I love dark chocolate, but still... I cried physical tears about that part of the story and they had to go and ruin it!

I really want cases to end on satisfying notes. The only one so far out of both was Gina’s case. Rei’s was alright, but there’s still the unsolved mystery and the fact that no one who knows anything is willing to trust us with the info... This is going to get long in the tooth...

I’m also a bit upset about something else. I’m docking imaginary points any time the game unnecessarily reuses characters. They made the Great Ace Attorney so they would have a whole new world or setting to work with... what have they done so far?

You have so much potential, but you reuse so many of the characters and gimmicks. (Like summation exams every half hour) It’s like its own little pocket instead of a whole new world.

Let’s see, new characters in GAA 2, not counting anyone who so much as showed their face in the first one, one way or another. Who do we have?

Rei Membami- Lovely girl, took a few bites out of Maya. She’s really just a Maya clone though. Maybe an afterthought because the developers realized that Susato wasn’t “Maya” enough. Which, Susato < Maya, sooo yeah. (Not saying I don’t like Susato in her own way. But I’m head over heals for Maya for reasons.)

She so wants Susato now that she’s seen her cross-dressing though, and I am in full support.

Menimemo - Another racist name, good job. Claims he attempted murder for justice, but didn’t actually kill. Passes it off on a sixteen-year-old girl, but pretends it would have been far less heroic for her to do it. When it’s pointed out he’s just as bad as the murderer he killed, he just says, “I guess.” Yeah, he definitely believes that (not).

Mrs Altamont - Gorgeous and fairly reasonable as a juror, honestly. I love her queen bee motif and really she could be my queen. Ahem, moving on.

Duncan Ross - Really sad to have died so young. He was about to start his career and his marriage. Honestly, if I meet the love of my life now after waiting for so long (about fifteen years I suppose) and lose them just like that... I probably WOULD go out like Olive wanted to. Taking their killer down with me.

Selden - Pretty much like Cece Yew or Deid Mann. One of those characters you forget about not long after because the writers practically did too. Okay, next....

Oh, is that it? Brand new setting, you can use all the new characters you want, no obligations to reuse any, and in the first two cases, you use 5 new characters? Two of which barely count because they’re already dead and have very little characterization. Really, AA franchise, I thought you could do better.

Seems like they try to make up for it by having like 75 percent of them be loony toons. I get it, AA has eccentric characters, it’s like their seal of authenticity. But they still need normies to make the wackos stand out! Like all the rest of AA did!

Like, every other character not only is at least a little eccentric, but they practically have to LIVE that silliness 24/7 in this game! Painters have to paint on the stand (I really thought there would be some purpose, like a reveal of her painting), actors have to prance, dance and quote like that’s the only thing that matters, like lunatics! If your job is radio transmissions you do that constantly, you can’t even take a day to, IDK, pay attention on a jury!!! The doctor has to come to court still wearing the gloves from his latest operation, and might I add, not hear half of the GD trial! The list just goes on and on!

Honestly, I really just want them to go back to Phoenix. I really hope they haven’t abandoned him and all the lose ends they left behind, five years ago at this point. And wasn’t it the original creator, Shu Takumi who made GAA? After not working on it since Trials and Tribulations? I have no idea how he worked on Spirit of Justice slightly after the first GAA, getting SoJ right, but GAA wrong. I know a lot of people hate SoJ, as well as DD, but I love them. The people who say that are probably like the gen wunners of the series.

Either way, I don’t know what to think. Just as long as none of the bad elements make it from GAA to the main series. I guess he wanted to try something new with it. Honestly, the music makes it feel like Prof Layton, but with all the charm of Mystery Journey. Maybe he liked what he saw in PLvsAA. I don’t know what it is, but they just can’t make the story work. Not even for individual cases. Aside from a handful of good things (*AHEM* Iris, Gina, Holmes) I’ve been thoroughly let down with this side series. It doesn’t look like there’s going to be a third and I’m actually glad.

Now where the heck is AA7? It’s been five years! I think we all want Apollo and Trucy to find out they’re related already! I mean, it was mentioned at the end! You can’t not finish that!

[something-tofightfor]

It’s Festivus!

... and even though I’m not a Seinfeld fan, this is a good opportunity for me to rant. 

** Grievances beneath a cut for those of you that don’t give a shit ** 

FIRST OF ALL I HAD A POST WRITTEN OUT AND THEN MY BROWSER CLOSED AFTER I FINISHED #5 AND SO NOW I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL AGAIN AND I AM READY TO RAGE. 

1. TAG. YOUR. POSTS. Yes. It’s your blog. Yes. You can post whatever you want and that’s fine... but it literally takes three seconds (slightly longer on desktop) to put in a single solitary tag in order to allow people to filter the tag so they don’t see post after post that they’re not interested in. I get that you can’t always take the time to write out witty tags or whatever... but at least giving us something to go off of would be appreciated. It’s not that I (we) don’t want to follow you and see what you post... it’s just that we don’t want to see a dashboard filled with posts that we don’t care about. My filtered tag list is so extensive now, and most of it is phrases that I’ve selected at random because I HOPE that the people you’re reblogging from have tagged it with that at some point. 

2. Writers, I appreciate you and what you do... but begging for feedback and holding your content hostage until you receive a certain amount of attention is not a good look. People don’t always comment or reblog, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t read... and yes, it’s frustrating, but that’s the way it is. We do this for free - it’s a hobby. And therefore we do not and SHOULD NOT get to make people feel like shit because they don’t always give us the responses we seek. There are plenty of reasons why people don’t comment or like or reblog - like maybe they just don’t feel comfortable? (see below) ... if you’re unhappy with the amount of feedback you receive, and that’s what’s going to make you stop writing... maybe you should think harder about why you’re releasing content. 

3. The amount of sucking up and clique-forming on this site is absolutely astounding to me. Do people tend to form friend groups? Yes. Is that wrong? No, I am close with a small group on here. But... you were new here once, too. You had five followers and a few reblogs on your blog, remember? Setting yourself apart from others and being selective about the comments you choose to reply to or the messages you choose to answer sets a really bad example. Everyone is just trying to find and consume the content that they love on here, and having a message ignored or something overlooked can be really disheartening and make people think twice about trying to interact again in the future. Surrounding yourself with only the people that give you something in return might feel great and be an escape... but it’s not the whole truth, and it excludes a ton of people. 

4. These people you idolize? The actors and actresses and singers? They are REAL PEOPLE. They have emotions and feelings and thoughts and families and friends... and they don’t want to come online and read all of the disgusting things people say to them from behind a screen. There is a definite difference between appreciating someone and admitting you’re attracted to them - (”I wanna kiss his face”, “I want to cuddle with him”, “Look at her gorgeous body”) - and making a disgusting comment that I’m sure you wouldn’t ever say to their face - (”I want to sit on his face”, “Look at those tits”) Characters are a little different, because even though it’s said person’s face, you’re supposed to look at them and feel things based on what you see and learn... which is why fanfiction works so well and is an outlet for the writing of smut. 

5. Tumblr, for everything that it is, is not a place for you to have 40 reply long chats with your friends on your dashboard. Honestly, you might think that you’re hilarious, but I can almost PROMISE you that no one wants to see the same initial post reblogged 45 times in a matter of a half hour between two or three people with a meaningless word or two (lol - haha - omg for real)  added as a reply each time. Use a DM. Use WhatsApp. Add your friends on other social media where you can chat privately in a better format than a tumblr message or a post... That’s what these things are for. 

6. Tumblr, get your fucking shit together and stop making it so that if we include a link in a post, it doesn’t show up in search results. This is the most USEFUL ways for writers and artists to show off their previous work, and yet if we do it, we don’t get visibility. ONE LINK. ONE CLICK. IT’S SIMPLE. Bring back this function, assholes. You’ve had a GD year. 

My final grievance (even though I could go on but it would just make me look like a huge bitch) is this: 

7. All of the people I’ve met on here and truly want to be friends with do not live close enough for us to hang out on a regular basis and that makes me sad and frustrated - and yet super thankful for them at the same time. Different states, different countries, different continents... it’s not fair and I hate it.

[mameleh-life]

Life is what you make it

I learned at a very young age that life is what you make it, we can be sad about things and that's okay cause were all human and sadness is a part of that but theres a point where we just need to look at the life Gd gave us from a new perspective. I've had alot of sadness in my life and alot of stuff I never want to think about and I recently learned that hey I dont have to think about it I could just find my chill and it's okay to have scars everyone carries pain with them now more than ever, but we can use that resilience to past pain as an armor to help us through crazy times like these and so maybe theres a hashgacha in it anyone whos felt scared, loss, trauma these are wounds that heal eventually and we learn from them but we also get stronger and like a beautiful thing I heard recently is were all just pieceing our lives together and ain't that the truth especially now when its literally that, day by day piecing our life together bit by bit.

So I totally get this concept becaus when I was a kid I started to collage as an artform because I'm the kind of person who saves old birthday cards and letters in my jewelry box and like twenty years later I reread them so I could recapture that memory I'm the one who actually cries from greeting cards the one percent who actually get teary-eyed over a cartoon koala saying I hug you very much or something like that or like some uplifting quote magnet will occasionally make me start to cry if I really feel that at the moment. But at the same time I also have been through some pretty heavy stuff throughout my life and as much as I'm emotional I also get back up again and I take those broken pieces and I start a collage. So what started as a hobby with scraps of paper old photos old letters all the things I kept anyways, postcards, magazines etc became like a whole creative way for me to make art that I hung on my walls for years and I would give them as gifts and what's cool about collage is that it takes what is essentially destined for the recycling bin and makes it into something really beautiful to look at🙌 well in life I realized I have to look at it as scraps of the proverbial "stuff" that isnt always pretty to look and maybe is something that caused me pain and I wanna just black it out and I realized instead of doing that I can just look at it from a different perspective it's just a part of who I am who made me me and it may not be pretty but its uniquely me and the gorgeous thing about life is we all have our unique story it's what makes us individual but it's also what strengthens us for times like these when we need to be tough and keep doing what we gotta do cause for single mamas we have babies and they need us to be on it at all times.

I read this book to Lil every night for like a year because it comforted me as much as it comforted her it's the most incredible book and it's all about looking at life from a beautiful perspective, it's about being hopeful and optimistic but it's also about loss and about how imperfect life is in a very gentle way for kids to understand subtly and not be scared. Its about a beautiful blanket that a zeidy sews for his grandson but as time goes on the fabric fades and rips tears and gets ruined. Every time the grandfather has to rework the fabric into something new but equally cool and the reader learns that in life stuff happens and we have to just push forward and rework our life and readjust our perspective and we can still be very happy it's just learning to adapt. Layla wanted a place to keep her mitzvah notes she doesnt have school anymore but she wanted to keep the mitzvah notes going because my baby girl is an angel and she's my daily inspiration. And so I took a piece of paper I found on the floor and made something really awesome or at least Layla thought so✨

And it's like when Layla and Tuli wanted to go to Disneyworld there was no way I could get them there too many things were happening in my life so I took them to the glass carousel and told them it was like Disneyworld and i never saw Tuli that happy and in total awe and Layla told me after she wanted to go back a million times [we did visit way too many times after] and I never heard about Disneyworld again because in life it really is what we make it, it really is how we look at things if we want life to be full of joy it can be if we want to focus on the positives we want to overcome pain we can it's all in us we just have to turn that fabric of our life around a few times in our hands take it all in and change our point of view and with that attitude a person can get through anything even with babies and even with scars whatever it is and kal vichomer when time passes that quilt of your life pieced together with scraps could actually be a gorgeous weave of who we are and how we got to where we are 🙌

[curioussubjects]

Non-jittery Thoughts on 15.01

Alright, had some time too calm the hell down, so I could have thoughts beyond a keysmash and a crying emoji. Chances are, too, that I’ll have more to say once I sit down with the episode again. Had to get these initial reactions/musings out of the way first.

This episode did a bang up job setting up the personal plot points for tfw. I’m super excited to see where this is going: Dean’s hell trauma revisited, Sam’s wound and its connection to his own darkness, Cas still struggling with belonging, Dean and Cas’s continuous wrongfootedness coming to a head. It’s going to be a killer of a season emotionally, and I am Here. For. It. 

Full disclosure: the biggest chunk is destiel related. In my defense, Dabb & co. didn’t have to enable me, but here we are.

More thoughts under the cut. 

General Thoughts:

My hype was not squashed! We got a really strong season opener and I’m so happy about it. Sure, we got running ghosts. But overall the episode was incredible; just a solid SPN episode all around. A+ job and kudos to all involved ♥♥♥

The new title card is gorgeous and full of meta potential goodness. See this post for more on that; op hit it on the head I think. For additional analysis, there’s this post from different op that is killer.

Opening sequence with tfw fighting zombie ghosts and running for shelter? Amazing. Showstopping. Breathtaking. 

Dean’s grief over Jack that’s embroiled in his grief for Mary. Just. “He was our kid.” That’s some complicated shit right there. 

Gotta love all the tidbits hinting at what is to come during 15.a, at the very least, if not the larger goal of the season. Reading y’all’s thoughts on the episode has been great so far, and I can’t wait to see what else crops up this week.

                                                              //

On Sam: Currently, Sam’s role in the more interesting aspects of the plot continue to not quite match Dean’s, which has been a problem for a while. I’m seriously hoping that changes some with Eileen’s return, Rowena coming in with some banter maybe next week, and whatever weird curse Sam got with that bullet wound. I’m loving the potential and I’m loving the prospect of having Sam brought back to the center of the plot. I missed some more emotional involvement from him this episode, too, but that should be addressed once things calm down and Sam and Dean can debrief. However, we got peak Sam in a crisis and it’s always a treat to see him do his job. Bless. Him telling the clown to shut up made my night. I love him so much. 

                                                               //

On Belphegor: First off, Alex did such a fantastic job. I giggled a ridiculous amount. Instantly invested in the character as bringer of shenanigans. Was not disappointed. Quick deliciously meta tidbits about Belphegor, some of which may not feature in the show, but are still *chef’s kiss* (x):

Moabite deity responsible for fertility and sexual power (in case the ep wasn’t clear on that lmao)

was worshiped in the form of a phallus (so glad that made it to canon jfc)

is a fallen angel??? hello???

he’s the demonic embodiment of sloth, BUT specifically negligence and apathy (i am screaming isnt negligence the whole ordeal with dean and cas atm...and apathy was the problem with jack’s soulessness) 

rules misogyny and licentious men (yeah ok no wonder he was a fan of younger dean oof)

the juiciest: emerged from hell to investigate marriage among humans (and is conveniently in the peanut gallery of dean and cas’s fight. funny how that happens. hilarious, even.) 

apparently after living as a man to experience sexual pleasure he was appalled and fled back to hell where sex between men and women wasn’t a thing i’m??? what?? (yet in the show he seemed ok with hot dudes ayy)

I’m glad my “horny on main” observation turned out to be so on point jesus. Can’t help but wonder how long he’s gonna stick around. His outside perspective is amusing, at the very least. However, the fact that he barely interacted with Sam, but was a lot interested in Dean as well as Cas (though to a lesser extent) makes me think that he’s doing more than just deus exing them out of zombies and ghosts or offering hell exposition. Seems like he going to expose SOME OTHER STUFF. ABOUT DEAN (AND CAS?). He is the “Lord of Opening” after all. And isn’t using their words and being honest the thing we’re all waiting for wrt to DeanCas?? There’s some opening up that is necessary posthaste. Listen, I know I’ve been saying they need a marriage counselor, but this is not what I had in mind. Pretty on brand, though, I guess lol

I’m also really interested about the coding work the character is doing in continuing to queer Dean’s characterization. Belphegor being himself associated with (male) sexuality, and the show clearly focusing on his attraction to humans of the man variety. I wouldn’t even call it subtextual at this point as Belphegor’s interaction with Dean in the car to was really overt. My hopes that the show might actually be explicit about Dean’s bisexuality is uhhhh getting high again *confetti.* Should also maybe at least note that using a demon to do this is probs not like the best strategy, but at least said demon was 1. not skeevy and 2. mostly sympathetic to the audience. 

This is all assuming, ofc, that Belphegor is not catfishing tfw (there’s precedence, after all -- and kudos to anon and op for the timely observations). 

                                                                  //

On Dean & Cas: I think it’s really damn telling that so much space was given to their relationship as like the most important thing going on with their characters? Obviously they have individual issues to deal with (their own struggles with Chuck, revisiting Dean’s stint in hell....which btw also eventually involves Cas too so *hands*), but my sweet baby jesus the validation feels good. Onwards. 

We actually have a weird amount to unpack here because, as others have said, the tension between them is coming from more than just Mary and Jack -- though Mary and Jack are absolutely the main stressors atm as well as emblematic of problems they’ve had for a long long time.  

I’m gonna start with Dean because boy do I love that dumbass; I want to shake him. So we have Dean: he’s grieving Mary, he’s angry, he’s scared, he’s lashing out. It’s a Thursday. We know he’s angry with Cas because he blames him for Mary’s death, even if indirectly. You know what that reminds me of? Dean hating Jack for causing Cas’s death, even though it wasn’t directly Jack’s fault. More importantly, though, both the loss of Mary and the loss of Cas were caused by the same catalyst: Cas going off on his own to solve a problem instead of asking Dean (and Sam, but really, mostly Dean) for help. Like, it’s the one thing Dean has very clearly expressed that Cas needs to stop doing (hi 12x19). It’s the same mistake Cas has been making for years. There was a false sense of security there during seasons 13 and most of 14, but alas. Again, here we have Dean losing someone because Cas couldn’t just come ask him for help. Like. It makes sense, and it’s understandable, despite Dean’s coping mechanisms being shit. In short, Dean’s actual problem with Cas is less that Mary is dead and more that Cas refuses to learn his lesson wrt them being stronger as a unit rather than doing their own thing and putting themselves and others in unnecessary danger. 

Meanwhile, we have a continuation of Cas just being really sad and heartbroken because not only is Jack dead, but he’s once again unsure about his standing with Dean. He wants to protect his family, he wants to protect Dean, he wants to come back with a win; once more, he goes off on his own to do it and it blows up in his face somehow. As much as I loved Cas getting mad at the end of last season, I get why he’s somewhat subdued again. He has his guilt and grief and doubt to deal with. He doesn’t want to be mad at Dean probably about as much as he doesn’t want Dean to be mad at him. So far I’m not yet seeing the return of the spark we got when Cas was defending Jack last season, but I’m sure Dean walking out rattled him beyond the hurt. I wanna see what else happens to make him leave “in a huff” (a bit of spec on this further down). That said, what I’m most excited about is seeing how Cas gets reintegrated into the family -- pretty sure that’s universal lol.

The juiciest part now, though: I was all about the interplay of distance and care that we saw between them; let’s pause here for a quick sec to appreciate how that same interplay has been such a central part of Dean and Cas’s relationship since always like ugh. So much of the larger plot points in the show have also been situations that kept them from being truly partners as well as being constant interruptions on their ability to USE THEIR FRIGGIN’ WORDS AAAACK. We give Sam a lot of flack, but everything has awful timing in this show. We’ve had moments of honesty and vulnerability, but they’re always always cut short before we actually get somewhere; before they arrive at a place where they can talk about their issues. If the “are you ok” scene isn’t a perfect microcosm of that idk what is  /sigh

So, yeah, the “Are you ok” scene oooh boy. I wasn’t as excited as some of you at this scene being an example that Dean still cared, as that was never a doubt I had in my mind (it was definitely a yes omg just talk jesus moments nevertheless). Dean couldn’t possibly just turn that shit off, no matter how much he thinks he’s done with Cas. Like, please.  What we do have is Dean indulging on his own need to know that Cas is, at least, immediately fine. Triage, if you will. Him walking off before Cas can either elaborate, or, most likely, tell him about Sam, is peak Dean passive-aggressiveness. The meltdown I had in the tags of a gifset of the scene is still relevant:

 #cas's little sigh of idk relief???#like he's so sad and physically fine but he's SO SAD and heartbroken#and here's dean finally not just being cold to him and ASKING ABOUT HIS WELLBEING#look at cas's face in tht second gif my heart#you can see him gd relax too i cant#and dean has his fucking check in during a break in the chaos face#im so mad#jdhakjsdfhklsd#and then dean just.........walks away and doesnt actually debrief or help or none of the things he would do#and cas is just...there all vulnerable and upset right before he clams up at the demon's quip#but it doesnt even last look at his damn face as he leaves IM SO#somebody hug him#skldjfhklsajdfa#he needs a dean hug#but noooo dean is being a jackass#this is awful#im not ok#i hate it when they fight#im over it that's enough drama dabb i take back everything i said about loving pain

I’ll definitely have more thoughts on this once we have whatever emotional payload next week.

All in all, I’m not actually concerned about the future of their relationship. They’ve been through much, they’ll be fine. I am, though, tickled that we’ll see these key problems in their relationship reach a point where they have to be dealt with. Also: I can’t wait for the catharsis that Cas leaving is bound to elicit. Both for us, the viewers, and the characters. Besides, Dean needs to go to a corner and have a think about his behavior and if pushing Cas away is really what he wants. And then maybe finally we can get that sweet sweet resolution of an affirmation about Cas’s place in Dean’s life. And in turn an affirmation that Cas does trust their family unit enough to depend on them. 

I think we got a good set up in this episode leading into whatever drama we get in the coming weeks. The tension was up to 11. Love it. Hate it. Personally, I think the empty deal might be what does sets off Cas walking out. Somehow, the deal is not a secret anymore. We have here another instance of Cas making a super important decision that affects The Family on his own and then keeping it a secret (to protect Sam and Dean, a pattern). Dean can be angry and think Cas is dead to him all he wants, he will blow tf up when he learns about this deal. Sam isn’t gonna be thrilled either, though he’s more likely to make puppy eyes of sadness and Disappointment than yell at Cas. Seriously, though, I can just see Dean saying some bullshit because he’s just so done and here goes Cas potentially dying again, which in turn will probably piss Cas off. Etc etc. Cue the violins. 

                                                               //

tl;dr: if episode 1 is any indication, we’re in for a wild fucking ride, kiddos. hold onto your butts!!! 

[mysteriousbean5]

it made me so incredibly star struck when you decided to follow me LMAo you're a big inspiration of mine GDS;jlkdsffl;kj [nervous sweating] also this is your friendly reminder that your art is gorgeous liKE holy HeCC

Oh my goodness, don't be nervous! I am simply another sad human who has fallen victim to these four boys who have me by the throat and I wouldn't have it any other way! Seriously, everyone I have met in this fandom has been absolutely precious and wonderful; artists, writers, bloggers, gif makers, and fans in general. We are all in this together and that makes us equals! I'm always open to scream about these boys! Thank you so much for your kind words!

[kweebtrash]

Universe Challenge Day 10: Pentaversary

Dear Pentagon,

I probably should have made a graphic or something but instead I'm doing a sappy letter a day late. Most of my followers kind of know my pentagon story but if I ever meet you guys (again) I want you to know how much you've made an impact on my life. I first found out about PTG because of 365 So Fresh. Everyone was saying the MV was "so controversial". 365 So Fresh was amazing and I found out about Hui and Edawn whom I fell in love with instantly. When I googled Triple H (which as you can imagine is weird for a WWE fan like myself) I found that Hui and Dawnie were part of PTG. Not long after I found Shine and I can't remember how exactly but I think it might have been randomly recommended in YouTube. When I watched it I thought the song was absolutely amazing and it instantly became one of my fave songs. I was watching it over and over and showing my friends, and just screaming my head off because I loved it so much. 2018 was the year I got to go to my first KCON in New York and you guys were preforming there. That year had one of the best line ups but I swear at least once or twice an hour they were playing Shine, which made me happy. The people I went with weren't the greatest but hearing Shine all the time made me have fun. I even went to a dance workshop to try and learn the chorus dance. Then the concert came and I had never been so excited to hear a song be played live so much in my life. It was the first song you guys did and I have so many videos of me screaming while singing. After KCON I spent the next few days learning who everyone was, watching Pentagon Maker, and binge watching all of the MV's. I quickly grew to love all ten of you so much and you guys were becoming one of my fave groups quickly.

I didn't get to enjoy tentagon that much though as that August after, Edawn was kicked out. Edawn was my bias and I loved him a lot. Like so so so much (I still do btw). He was always so weird and screechy but also was affectionate and cute towards the other members. Everyone compared him to GD but I felt like Dawnie was just...Dawnie. He wasn't anyone else but himself. And hes great at what he does, be it rapping, producing, or dancing. I remember when the rumors were floating around, I just had hope that nothing would go wrong. When it was finalized and I found out that Dawnie had been kicked out I cried. I remember the day exactly. I had to get up early for a dentist appointment. My friend had sent me the article on Facebook and the tears were instant. I cried for so long and my entire heart hurt. I even called my mom to tell her how upset I was and though she didn't understand completely, she knows how important kpop is to me so she tried to comfort me as best as she could. Tentagon will always remind me of the happy times I had at KCON, about the new friends I made on Tumblr, and about helping me reignite my passion for writing and improving myself.

Thumbs up was a hard comeback for me. I didn't like anything about it at all; the styling, the theme, Paul jack, nothing. Though I'm still proud of you guys for barreling through such difficult times to put out a comeback it just made me sad. I know Dawnie wanted you guys to continue being successful but it hurt to see tentagon disbanded (but not forgotten). I always thought about Dawnie and Hui because they were so close. I would always picture Hui crying over Dawnie having to leave, move out, and maybe feeling guilty because I'm certain he knew they were dating. But Hui is a great friend and I know that he's happy for them and Dawnie is happy for all his brothers as well.

It used to hurt hearing 'Tentastic' but now it's a sweet reminder that tentagon will be forever.

Fast forward a bit and you guys announced your first world tour! I knew instantly that I wanted to go and see you perform again! I got VIP and hi touch because I couldn't live without seeing you guys up close (ok, Im being dramatic but you get the picture). I was so excited that I literally almost threw up 4 times. I didn't even know that you could throw up from excitement. I also got my very first lightstick. I don't normally like lightsticks but I felt like I definitely needed a pentagon one. The concert was so amazing and I cried so many times; seeing yuto smile, dying because the havana performance was so sexy, uptown funk being so fun, shinwon and hui's English getting better, Yeo one waving at me, and of course seeing my bias Hognseok being perfectly beautiful. It was easily in one of my top 5 favorite concerts. I was nervous to do hi touch, especially because it went by so fast. I will forever remember looking at Kino and telling him how beautiful he was (is). And him telling me thank you was like...I don't know. I fangirled a lot ok? Lol. And hongseoks smile was....😭😭😭

After that I think I finally admitted that PTG is my ult group. Through everything that we've gone through as universes and you guys as a group, we've come out stronger than ever.

I love Hui for always crying and trying your best and being such a sweet leader

I love yuto for how shy you are but so very affectionate around your brothers and how you tried very hard to be an idol so far from home. (And also that voice♥️)

I love wooseok for always screeching and being that one weird brother I never had

I love kino for your creativity and dance (and being ridiculously good looking) and giving me the best memory from the Pentagon cocnert.

I love jinho for being so sassy and as angry and short as I am. I thank you for all the hard work you put into Magazine Ho's and how beautiful they always sound.

I love yanan for trying your best and having such a sweet voice. Youre still confused on how to navigate through Korea but you have great friends to help you. Also king of shade.

I love shinwon for literally NEVER failing to make me laugh. I love you like I love mcnuggets (which is a lot).

I love Yeo one for always being so sweet and bubbly and having the cutest laugh. Your birthday celebration vlive will always be my favorite because everyone was having so much fun and being so goofy and it was all for you.

I love hongseok because you always brighten up my day. youre so gorgeous in more ways than one. Your a giant marvel nerd and it's so cute how much you love Ironman, I love that you like reading and have lots of passion. You're also a giant dork with a heart of gold.

And I love dawnie and will always love dawnie. I love how weird you are, that :] face you always make, how you were never afraid of skinship, how you always held hands, kissed, and hugged everyone, how positive you always seemed to be and how freaking talented you are at everything. (Please propose to hyuna already my god we've been waiting for like a year now).

Happy three years Pentagon! I can't wait for many more to come. And happy (over) 1 year of being a universe to me!

Universe Challenge

[wellhalesbells]

I see you reblogging some comic stuff an I was wondering if you have a favorite comic or favorite character or ship?

this ask is from so long ago but [DEEP BREATH IN] i’m finally going to answer it, nonny.  finally.  i kept wanting to read a little bit farther in my comics stack because.... maybe i’ll like that and will regret not having recced it, i just hafta--get--to it, see?  and, honestly, i’m still there BUT, come on, i’ll never be caught up because that would mean comics would just have to stop coming out and i would be sad forever if that happened, SO

i’m not even going to pretend like i can narrow this down to one comic.  (one ship?  sure, that’s spideypool.  one character?  sure, that’s the merc with a mouth, the regenerating degenerate, wade motherfucking wilson.  but one comic?!)  there is just straight-up too much out there to make a definitive ‘yes, this is it, this is THE ONE ™ ’ statement.  instead, uh, let’s break this shit down, yeah?  (super special secret bonus round, will note all lgbt+ rep and standalone comics.)  in no particular order, here the frig it goes!

HORROR

infidel, by pornsak pichetshote and aaron campbell.  in case you haven’t seen this on every 2018 best list ever, here it is.  and, yeah, it was good.  a muslim-american main character living in a haunted apartment building where the entities feed off the xenophobia of its occupants.  if that’s not a fucking modern horror story i don’t know what is.

spread, by justin jordan and kyle strahm.  THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW AND ALREADY ALL-TIME FAVORITES.  what an awesomely weird and epic story.  the spread is an uncontrollable, unstoppable monster-making force that humanity accidentally unleashed by digging too deep.  it infects everything it touches and basically all of humanity is running from quarantine to quarantine just hoping for the best.  and speaking of hope.... she’s a baby, rescued by no, and the only thing that’s ever been able to stop the spread.  also, no’s gay?  and i just DID NOT see that coming.  it seems like it’s going to be such a formulaic, bro-y story about the action hero who kisses the face off his girl (her name’s molly and she’s batshit insane and amazing) and instead, nope, it is not that at all.  lgbt+ main characters.

the black monday murders, by jonathan hickman and tomm coker.  hate capitalism?  think all the rich and powerful are evil, soul-sucking monsters?  [obnoxious, low-budget commercial sound effects] MAN, HAVE I GOT THE SERIES FOR YOU.

the beauty, by jeremy haun and jason a. hurley.  i just started this recently but so far, oh my good golly gosh, i looove it.  a sexually transmitted disease that makes you conventionally gorgeous.... at least before it explodies you.  [wide, creepy smile]  the art is gorgeous, the characters are aces and i am very, very pleased so far.  lgbt+ minor characters.

the great divide, by ben fisher and adam markiewicz.  this?  was a COOL idea.  the execution stumbled a bit but, gosh, was it neat.  it’s post-apocalyptic where touching another person will literally kill.... one of you.  the survivor then absorbs the memories of the person who dies, taking on a ‘rider.’  some people collect them, some people go mad, some form a bond, all have the side effect of dyslexia.  like i said, neat as all get out.  lgbt+ minor-ish/main-ish character.  standalone.

revival, by tim seely and mike norton.  a rural town in wisconsin experiences ‘miracle day,’ where the dead rise again.... except, they were kinda already mourned and buried and this is really just fucking up the status quo.

the woods, by james tynion iv and michael dialynas.  a high school gets picked up and plopped down in an entirely new, and wickedly hostile universe.  it’s all survival and alliances and seeing what you’re really made of when it comes down to it.  lgbt+ main characters. 

clean room, by gail simone and jon davis-hunt.  a cult, a journalist and a clean room walk into a bar...

anya’s ghost, by vera brosgol.  you think it’ll be a cute story of a girl and her ghost.  HA HA THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS AT ALL, OKAY.

FANTASY

rumble, by john arcudi and james harren.  SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD!!!  okay, first off, the art in this?  pushes every friggin’ button i’ve got, and many i did not know i had.  second, this book is so fucking fun.  it’s mythology that’s balls to the wall ridiculous, funny, and features a main character whose life motto is basically: ‘do i have to?’  infinitely relatable and then some.

heathen, by natasha alterici and rachel deering.  UGH, ONE OF MY FAVORITES.  the art is just horribly, horrendously gorgeous and it’s LESBIAN VIKING MYTHOLOGY, OKAY.  OKAYYYY???   lgbt+ main characters.

the wicked + the divine, by kieron gillen and jamie mckelvie.  one of my favorite ever series right here.  it’s a hella cool concept (gods reincarnating as humans every twelve years, and burning up their hosts in two), whip-smart and if you’ve ever met a human being who likes a pun more than kieron gillen i defy you to produce them.  lgbt+ main and minor characters.

batgirl, by gail simone and adrian sayaf and vicente cifuentes.  you know how people rave about gail simone?  there’s a reason people rave about gail simone.  honestly, i’ve never had much interest in babs.  i don’t tend to go for superheroes who don’t kill and i have even less interest in ‘the killing joke’ story line and i am convinced only gail simone could’ve done the recovery on that and she did a GLORIOUS job of it.

red hood and the outlaws, by scott lobdell and dexter soy.  (ignoring recent - and annoying - developments), this is my favorite of all the rebirths dc did.  scott lobdell is the only writer to have gotten the idea down of: okay, we’re starting over, i assume you don’t know anything but i also assume there are a bajillion people reading who know everything, and hit the perfect medium between those two things.  so if you want to start a jason todd run, you legitimately can here, and get all the found family, badassery, batman-teasing enjoyment there is to be had.

iceman, by sina grace and robert gill (covers by kevin wada).  classic super-heroing here and bobby’s first solo title.  he’s figuring out coming out while fighting (and flirting) with baddies.  sina really gets his humor and how truly wonder-awful it is!  lgbt+ main character.

spider-man/deadpool, by joe kelly and ed mcguinness.  watch those names there, those are your guys right there, period.  they looked at the void of a spider-man/deadpool series and filled it with absolutely everything you could possibly want for the pair (sans a hardcore make-out sesh, though they did get a few variant covers with some puckered up lips in there!)

limbo, by dan watters and caspar wijngaard.  a fusion of 80s aesthetics, voodoo elements and a noir tone.  just some remarkably cool shit in this.  the ending, for me, left something to be desired but it was more than worth it to see worship via mixtapes.  standalone.

hawkeye: kate bishop, by kelly thompson and leonardo romero.  kate bishop is, apparently???, a super impossible character for a lot of writers.  kelly thompson is not one of them.  kelly thompson is my favorite kate bishop writer, actually, and the fact that she is ever not writing her is a gd travesty.

the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north and erica henderson.  honestly, i’m so tempted to just stick this under ‘contemporary,’ because it really does just feel very... normal.  doreen’s navigating college, new friendships, and y’know... the squirrely-ness.  this had every opportunity to suck and instead it’s funny as heck, never takes itself too seriously, and is just pure good-hearted entertainment through and through.

wolf, by ales kot and matt taylor.  a paranormal detective and the-possible-antichrist go on a road trip.  people hated this comic and i don’t know how you can hate a comic that has a character called freddy chtonic who has tentacles for a mouth??? 

ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson and adrian alphona.  hi, you read ms. marvel because the world is a garbage fire and people are terrible and your cynicism is at an all time high and then kamala khan waltzes in and reminds you people generally want to help each other and the world improves when we work together and that thing optimists feel?  you’ll feel that for as long as you’ve got the pages open and that’s a magical thing.  lgbt+ minor character.

monstress, by marjorie m. liu and sana takeda.  psychic links with monsters, matriarchal societies, magic and witchery, half-human/half-animal (and other ratios) characters, all through a steampunk lens.  what’s not to like about that??

inhuman, by charles soule.  i love this series, i love the idea of being a total average joe/joanne, getting smacked in the face by a cloud of mist and suddenly having to figure out how to live basically a whole new life.  also, if you don’t fall madly in love with dante pertuz, i don’t even know what to tell you, my dude.

heart in a box, by kelly thompson and meredith mcclaren.  break-ups suck, but only because of that whole pesky broken heart thing, right?  so emma gives hers away.  problem solved, no?  standalone.

i kill giants, by joe kelly and j.m. ken niimura.  i didn’t cry my eyes out or anything.  did not.  standalone.

sex criminals, by matt fraction and chip zdarsky.  having sex = stopping time, which leads suzie and jon to the only logical conclusion: let’s rob some banks!

hawkeye, by matt fraction and david aja.  honestly there are a lot of other artist combos in this run but the only ones that are worthwhile are the ones that have fraction and aja’s names on them - sorry not sorry.

SCIENCE FICTION

black bolt, by saladin ahmed and christian ward.  saladin revived this character one hundred million percent.  there is absolutely a reason this was parading around all over ‘best’ lists when it was released.  it really, really did the damn thing.

saga, by brian k. vaughan and fiona staples.  this is the comic you recommend to people who don’t even like comics because it is that good.  like, my dad - who hadn’t read a comic since he was a pre-teen, eagerly awaits each new trade.  the world-building, the characters, the care put into every single solitary bit of all the things?  unparalleled.  lgbt+ minor characters.

frostbite, by joshua williamson and jason shawn alexander.  a post-apocalyptic story that has humanity dying from a plague that literally freezes you from the inside out.  very neat, very cold, very readable.  standalone.

descender, by jeff lemire and dustin nguyen.  this had a rough start, for me, with the main character of the first trade being tim-21, an android who is literally incapable of having the depth to be a lead BUT that does not last through to the next trade, thank god.  lots of space and found family and world-building in this to be had!  but you know how people rave about jeff lemire?  there’s a reason people rave about jeff lemire.

paper girls, by brian k. vaughan and cliff chiang.  the 80s and time travel and lifelong friendships.  it’s brian k. vaughan, you know it’s good, okay?  why do i even have to sell you here, man?  lgbt+ main characters.

injection, by warren ellis and declan shalvey.  this is another one on my list that started out a little rough but really appealed to me later on.  there was just a lot to absorb in that first trade but, once you’ve got it, the ride gets way, way smoother.   lgbt+ main and minor characters.

black science, by rick remender and matteo scalera.  this was a rocky start, because the main character is such an asshole but in a way where he can’t see he’s an asshole, he’s just a tortured genius who’s superior to all of you, don’t you know? but i am so glad i persevered because if that’s the set up?  the rest of the series is knocking him back down.  super scientist grant mckay finds a way to access the eververse, every possible reality the universe has on offer, and that’s really what causes every single problem that follows.  hard to cause the apocalypse and be an arrogant prick, ya know?

CONTEMPORARY

giant days, by john allison and lissa treiman.  this series is so funny and smart and warm.  these girls are so kind to each other and relatable and failing at adulting regularly and often and i love reading about them.  lgbt+ main character.

lumberjanes, by noelle stevenson and grace ellis and brooke a. allen.  this is funny and ridiculous and kind and cool and all other awesome adjectives and you should read it, fact.  lgbt+ main characters.

my brother’s husband, by gengoroh tagame and anne ishii (translator).  this is such a sweet story about acceptance and family tbh.   lgbt+ main character.

fence, by c. s. pacat and johanna the mad.  i mean... i need to see nicholas and seiji hook-up, i need that, stat.  stat means now!   lgbt+ main characters.

WEB/INDEPENDENT COMICS

long exposure, by kam heyward.  so mitch and jonas are my absolute faves and i love them to death and the author is so kind in that they actually put this up in print on indyplanet so i can read it the way i, personally, love to read comics (and - bonus! - support them with the monies).  lgbt+ main characters.

modern dread, by pat shand and ryan fassett (editors).  i’ve been trying to find more better horror comics lately so i’ve been kind of half-heartedly stumbling through kickstarter on the hunt and this was SUCH a great find.  it’s an anthology but more cleverly done than any other kickstarter anthology i’ve read, with a main story line that seamlessly strings together the would-be-disjointed ones.  this was really thoughtfully put together and really well done!  standalone.

heartstopper, by alice oseman.  a very sweet story about two high school-aged boys becoming fast friends, playing rugby and falling in love.  the two characters are mentioned as an aside in the author’s book, solitaire, and she became so invested in them that she wrote their backstory as a free webcomic.   lgbt+ main characters.

the pale, by jay fabares.  JUST started this (like, just a day or so ago) but i’m enjoying it so far!

hotblood!, by toril orlesky.  i mean... is it a webcomic about a centaur falling in love with his boss?  it just might be.  did i get a bound edition through a kickstarter campaign?  maybe.  maybe i did that.  who’s to say?   lgbt+ main characters.

the bay, by bbz.  life on mars through the lens of three young professionals who form an odd but lasting friendship.  lgbt+ main characters.

hard drive, by artroan.  is it a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot?  .... it might be a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot.  [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

seen nothing yet, by tess stone.  a nsfw comic about two amateur ghost hunters.  can’t imagine why i might be interested in that [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

captain imani and the cosmic chase, by lin darrow and alex assan.  i mean did i want a starship captain who can’t help but lust after the smuggler he’s chasing.  i mean, maybe i did.  maybe.   lgbt+ main characters.

taproot, by keezy young.  ghost falls in love with boy, boy falls in love with ghost, AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  lgbt+ main characters.

always raining here, by bell and hazel.  just two boys falling in lurve.  lgbt+ main characters.

[theblobmaster]

17 songs of 2017

tagged by lovely @marinacourage​, thank you <3 

so this slightly killed me, i started with 29 songs and 3 full albums. i got it down to 14 songs and 3 full albums. i don’t care, the albums need to be on there in full because i’ve listened to them from start to finish so often. 

i decided to only do kpop/kpop related and limit myself to songs released in 2017 otherwise roy kims whole discography would be on and i would have to cut down from over a 100 songs probably. all titles will be links if you’re curious :D 

the first six are in order afterwards not.  

1. Verse 2 - JJ Project.

this album okay. this fucking album. i fell in love with jjp in 2012 and during the five years it took them to comeback i’ve probably listened to the bounce single over a thousand times. this album is a 180 in music style but goddammit it hit me. this mellow RnB sound just relaxes me so much. the thing is that this is full of emotions that is conveyed through their voices and their voices compliment each other so much. and i think it has a lot to do with the fact that they were so involved with the making of the album. their solo songs fit them perfectly and i get feels every time i listen to it. i have listened to this album minimum once a day since it’s been released and i’m still not over it. will probably never be over it. 

2. Stone Heart - Taemin

okay first of all the whole move album is amazing but stone heart captured me. his album came out while i was in korea or just before i left. for around four days during that trip i basically only had this song on repeat. the beat, the atmosphere, his fucking voice okay it’s just. so. good. it’s sultry in the best way. and now every time i hear it i can smell korea which is nice as well. i’m so proud of him and this album really cermented that, seeing him grow so much just warms my heart. but can he please just start wearing clothes that’s not see through or just put on a fucking shirt pls. 

3. 7 for 7 - GOT7

another full album i know but i would make it into one song if i could alright? so good. first of all this feels like an /album/, this songs are consistent and have a red thread in their atmosphere. i don’t feel like i’m being jerked around in different directions when i listen to it which is a big plus for me. again the boys being so involved with the producing does a lot, it makes it more personal and i feel like it shines through. (jaebum miming along to the chorus of teenager fx.) also i get caught up in feels when i listen to it, it makes me want to belt out the songs with them and i have had too many loudly singalongs to this album. at work, at home, in my head walking the streets. 

4. Cave Me In - Gallant, Tablo & Eric Nam

this song is just. wow. just fucking wow. listen to it, feel it in your body and then scream at how good it is okay. their voices blend so well and the flow of the song is so nice. it kind of invites you along. i also really like the lyrics. it’s a song where when it comes on i just kind of stop what i’m doing and listen to it, taking it in. it’s just amazing. 

5. Hush - Primary feat. JB of GOT7

so this is probably also the year i fell in love with jaebum’s voice... i actually really liked the whole album. it was filled with some of my favourite kpop vocals of all time and i would’ve put the whole album on here but i had to limit myself. this song though made me realise how good jaebum could sound if his voice is utilized correctly. sometimes in got7 songs his voice can end up rather shrill which hurts my ears. but in this one it’s again kinda mellow and soft even when he goes into the higher notes. it makes it extremely pleasant to listen to. really well produced.

6. Circles - G.Soul

another full album, but the last one. i’ve always enjoyed g.soul’s voice. and i absolutely adored his dirty album. i have at some point since the release of this album had all of the songs on repeat. again it’s such a well produced album that even if goes from a party song like tequila to the more slow and relaxing beat of can’t it doesn’t feel out of place. you get to appreciate his vocals in a completely new way that you didn’t when he was under jype. it’s sultry and inviting in all the right ways and so relaxing. if you haven’t heard it pls listen to it. 

7. Plz Don’t Be Sad - Highlight 

their first comeback after leaving cube and it was perfect. beast were always consistent with their comebacks and it seems like highlight will be too. this is such a fun and happy song and it makes me smile when i listen to it. the music video made me chuckle. this is all in all just a song that makes me so happy and smiley. and they all looked so good, so so good. 

8. Swimming Fool - Seventeen Performance Unit. 

another happy song. this song is perfect for this unit because it’s a song that makes you wanna dance. it’s a song that has a vibe of being carefree and loving life. i just can’t help but smile when it comes on, and wriggle in my seat if i’m sitting down. i see swimming pools and the ocean in my mind when i listen to this song. 

9. Artist - Zico

fun song, fun mv, fun everything. i want to sing along to this song when it comes on. i want to groove with the music and i let myself drift along to the playful beat. it so light and kind of airy?? i like the small sounds laying over the beat. the sax that comes in shortly and as always the way zico plays with the flow is incredible. 

10. Really Really - Winner

i adored their last comeback with taehyun and i was worried how they would do without his vocals because their music before has relied alot on it. especially jinwoo since i figured there would be an increase in lines for him. he’s not the strongest vocal but wow i was impressed. the flow of the song, the blend of voices and the use of jinwoo’s soft warm voice really really (kekeke) got me. it’s a song that makes you want to dance, it’s a song that you can’t help but fall for.

11. Egoist - Roy Kim

this is probably my least favourite album from roy. which is evident in the way that i haven’t listened it to death. the title song though, so light and fun. it’s a song that kind of gives me the feeling of being full of happiness. his voice is soft and soothing and the melody and beat is playful. it makes me think of summer and that’s really what he does so well. making albums fitting each season that you can’t help but mentally teleporting to that season. 

12. Not Today - BTS

i love this song. the beat that’s heavy but kinda funky? like it seems more based on a bass than a drum which yesh please. it flows so well and the chorus. again it’s a song that sweeps me along for the ride and i can’t help but sing along or mime and have fun with them. also i like making weird faces to this song which i have no idea why. 

13. Ko Ko Bop - EXO

ko ko bop is a bop. so summer chill and relaxing. their vocals shine through. in the beginning i had a hard time with the breakdown because i enjoy the chillness of the verses. every time i hear it i sees light clouds on a blue sky. the styling tho why oh god why. 

14. Oh Hey Yeah - Gikwang

this song again is so chill. i just want to lay down and listen to his voice. i was really excited for his solo comeback and i love the whole album. another example of a voice used right. he’s not the strongest vocal and his low tones a so much more comfortable to listen to and this is a song full of them. i kinda just melt listening to his voice in this song. it’s almost as if he’s whispering the song into your ear while you’re cuddling. 

15. Honeymoon - B.A.P

first of i love this mv. the colours blew me away. what really got me with this song is their vocals. there’s not as many high notes in this song compared to their other titles songs. and while i love the high notes of daehyun, he’s deeper tones takes me to fucking paradise. also what’s up jongup when did your voice becomes so fucking amazing? it’s a song that makes me happy and think of the ocean (which is apparently happiness for me??) the rap blends in well and yeah. i’m in love with how all of their voices sounds in the song. gives me the feels. 

16. Empty Road - Taeyang

i haven’t really been as excited over the different releases from bb this year as i usually am. i think the whole thing with tabi really threw me out of it. it’s really evident since this list is missing gd songs and only has a single yb song. i like the softness of this song and it kind of reminds me of my childhood. the guitar and melody feels familiar to me and it’s super relaxing. his voice doesn’t go shrill and he’s using a lot of his lower tones which is when i love his voice the most. 

17. Here Comes the Regrets - Epik High feat. Lee Hi

i haven’t heard this song as much and mostly it because it hits so hard. the emotions in their voices kills me. first of all lee hi and her gorgeous voice. the chorus gives me goosebumps. tablo and his voice, first of fuck you how are you so good at heartbreak, second so good i love you. mithra rapping in english?? omfg wow okay i’m so impressed by everything. then that beat tukutz why. so many fucking feels. so good. i just can’t fucking handle it. also can we just talk about the brigde? the deepness of her voice unf. 

honorable mentions because i need to: lip & hip - hyunah, ganisha - sunmi, red flavour & peek-a-boo - red velvet, crazy sexy cool - astro, lalala - babylon feat. chungha, bling bling - ikon, 365 fresh - triple h, rumor & oh nana - kard, i’m good - henry feat. nafla, sleepover - hayley kiyoko, milion eyes - loïs nottet (he’s a dancer and it’s a beautiful dance music video. watch it).  

i want to tag: @thechoi-choi, @divaaboo :D 

[mikapeanut]

Waterfalls, blushing, icy, clouds, and silk??

Waterfalls:describe your perfect date.

Oh god, tha's gonnabe kitschy.(Is that even a english word tho? I dunno)

* hand cracking * take your cocao, your tea or whatever, that's gonnabe long xD

Since I adore thewinter months, it should be in november or december, but in Germanyunfortunately the winter is not really snowy, the most of the time itis more rainy because the earth is still very hot from the summer,but we do have days were the snow keeps laying on the ground and ONTHIS DAY I wanna have my „perfect date“. We don't have to domuch, seriously. I am a very simple person, so I'd love to go overthe christmas market*(explanation is following, don't worry) drinksome egg nog or hot cocao while walking trough the snowy town andwatching all the christmas lights turning on while the sun is slowlysetting.

After we finishedour hot drinks, we would go at home and because we are lazy we woulddeliver some tasty food and start a chistmas movie marathon.

But I don't have togo out tho, I'd still be happy with only the christmas moviemarathon! :3

Blushing:describe a rad person you know.

(I just had to google what „rad“ means lol)

I'll describe one of my best friends @lilymissawesome #yaman

She sees the world in a different type of way and trys to seeeverything in a different angle, so she maybe can understand theother person infront of her. She would never judge a person by looksor by wrong actions they once did.

-She is mother 'effin beautiful

-Her mind is freaking gorgeous (like her)

-Smart af

- a lil' sweety because she is shy af xD

-Broda (love ya)

Icy: homemadeor takeout?

It depends on the situation. Sometimes I do like takeout more andsometimes i am more for homemade, but I'd say I would go withhomemade, because I  am pretty good cook and so is my Mama and Icould freaking die for her food.

Clouds:list your top5 songs at the moment and how they make you feel.

-Maryia by Halo

Halo is a really cute but unfortunately not really known kpop groupand their songs just make me freaking happy!

-Numb by Linkin Park

In the moment I am feeling all sad when I listen to Linkin Park, butI still love them of course. (Rest in peace)

-Michael X by Casper

Casper is a german rapper and his song Michael X is for his dead bestfriend. That songs makes me all melancholic.

-Super Fly by 24K

Always when I listen to this song, I am all hyper and I love it!

-First Love by BTS Suga

I just love this song.

-DISNEY SONGS THEY JUST MAKE ME FREAKING HAPPY(Number6)

Silk: listsongs you listen to for a jam.

- Just right, Got7

-Fire, BTS

-Never Ever, Got7

-Maryia, Halo

-Hero, Monsta X

-Queen, History

-Alone together, Fall Out Boy

-Smells like teen spirit, Nirvana

-Lithium, Nirvana

-It's my life, Bon Jovi

-Mamacita, Super Junior

-Zutter, TOP x GD

-Bullshit, GD

(Thereare definitely more, but Iam way to lazy to write it down now, because it is already 5.27am inGermany lol)

If you don’t know: *A christmas market is a market where you can buy a lot of christmasrelated stuff and drink some egg nog, hot cocoa, tea, alcohol and hotfruit wine with and without alcohol and also eat a lot of differentthings :3

[brightlightscastashadow]

things on my mind (so i can clear it and go do my hw)

-drinking is fun but should be done in moderation -and not on first dates -i dont know how to handle dating -my parents are getting a divorce but im not even supposed to know yet so thats a fun thing i cant talk about  !!! -what is home anymore ?? -i didnt even feel “home” last time i was there bc i was so sad -i need to quit my job gd i dread going back there -can i stop prioritizing boys and tinder and dumb shit that i dont even value -honestly idgi why am i acting so desperate for attention, even with how i act with my friends -how do i even know if this is really me -the guy i went on a date with.. i liked him.. but my friend made fun of his appearance and now i cant get it out of my head i know its so petty -and some like insanely gorgeous dude asked me to hang out like.. tuesday -but on a school night?? and also im scared of that. bc im lowkey ugly and weird -im not good at being an adult -there is trash and clothing everywhere in my room. the stereotypical symptom of failed adulthood -spending too much money! -japan is so lovely, but im beginning to realize how impossible it would be for me to return here some day -so i guess that will probably forever remain a fantasy -bc im not good at challenges -i just always do what is easiest and what is expected of me -also im a sculpture major starting next semester (and painting too but im not concerned about that) and im scared because it still makes me so anxious and i havent even finished any sculpture projects this semester -i worry all my friendships are kinda shallow now -maybe im just shallow now. as if i ever wasnt. but now im more outgoing so more people know it -also wow! how could i forget! im gaining so much weight!!! i love feeling great about my healthy body :-))))))) not -literally what is actually going right

[catchylove]

Daisy

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff have you ever seen anyone braver than this literal gd superhero?? no. you haven’t.best quality: so kind!!! so brave!!!! so heroic and compassionate and she Believes in ppl even though ppl have been letting her down her whole life!!!! basically she’s perfect. fight me.worst quality: feels guilty over things that are in no way her fault. 0/10 would give hugs & therapyship them with: everyone. I am a gigantic multishipper I will ship them allbrotp them with: Joey!!!! bring Joey back!! remember her being all “you’re doing great!” in that one ep and calming him down and mentoring him at the start? let Daisy be Joey’s mentor in all things inhuman! she’ll be so great at it!!!needs to stay away from: a n y t h i n g that makes her sad. no more sadness. ever.misc. thoughts: I need to know how she’s doing!!! I know it’s been like fourteen whole episodes since then but she told ghost rider to kill her bc she deserved it! I need to know that she’s healed or at least started healing!! @ aos why don’t you tell us these things

[mousedetective]

The Past Is The Past (A “Stuff Of Improbable Legends” Story)

So I is sad because in a different game, this couple is breaking up, so...yeah. @posterofamyth‘s claims for Eureka/Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. in a happy AU.

The Past Is The Past - While working to get things settled legally into New Orleans proper, Daisy has a surprising conversation with Zane about his life prior to his universe-hopping, his former love and his take on having his life out for the world to see.

Fandoms: Eureka (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)

Relationship: Zane Donovan/Skye | Daisy Johnson

Characters: Skye | Daisy Johnson, Zane Donovan

Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, Zane's Past, Conversations, Late Night Conversations, Zane Is Fictional, Skye | Daisy Johnson Is Fictional, Past Zane Donovan/Jo Lupo, deep discussions, Male-Female Friendship, Friendship, One-Sided Attraction, Zane Likes Skye | Daisy Johnson, Moved On, Carrying, Roleplay Logs, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation

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She hated to admit it, but her neck was starting to hurt. She had the worst posture when she was hard at work, and with the sudden appearance of a second Youth Center and a three-building apartment complex thanks to Rose’s wish, there was a ton of work to do between her and Zane. She started rubbing the back of her neck and rolling her head around, trying to get the soreness away.

“You need a break, Tech Goddess,” Zane said without looking up from his own computer.

“How do you even do that?” Daisy asked, looking over at him.

“What, the working for hours on end without moving an inch or the knowing you need a break thing?” he asked, his mouth quirking up in a grin.

“Both, smartass,” she replied, moving her laptop aside and coming over to see what he was working on. It looked like fake IDs for some of the newer arrivals.

“You’re a freelance hacker and, let’s be real, Coulson’s a nice boss. You haven’t had the kind of background I have,” he said. “There’s been nights I’ve had to pull all nighters and get maybe four hours sleep because if I keep my eyes off an experiment too long, the world goes up in flames because some idiot thinks it’ll be funny to jack up my experiment. I mean, apparently my first day in Eureka, I had to deal with the recreation of the big bang in the other universe while most of the people in town became children.”

She tilted her head. “You never really talk about Eureka,” she said.

“More fun to watch it, for the most part,” he said with a slight shrug. “I mean, the parts of the story they don’t show are kind of boring, all the stuff with actually building the stuff to save the day, but overall the series is pretty fun.”

After a moment she sat on the edge of his desk, nudging his laptop slightly, and then he looked up. “It doesn’t bother you? Knowing you’re fictional? Knowing anyone can watch your series and know everything about you?”

He shook his head. “It probably helps my series is finished. There’s a whole life left for me to live in Eureka no one knows jack about, unless someone shows up from the future and tells me. And my series isn’t like yours. Yeah, bad stuff happens. We lost people. We had our entire lives changed. But it’s not a kind of...” He groped for the words to describe what her life was like back home.”

“Crapfest?” she said with a wry smile.

“Yeah. Most of us got happy endings. I mean, Holly died, but we got her back in a body, and in the end, she and Fargo got back together and went off to do science together. Henry managed to get Beverly to get Grace out of jail and then he got to run GD when Grant bought it. Allison and Carter are staying in Eureka and Allison’s having their first kid together. And then...” He trailed off.

“You got a happy ending?” she said quietly.

“Should have,” he replied. “My girlfriend proposed to me. Mirrored the proposal I gave to her before she and the others changed history, which mirrored our first real encounter in the old universe. I said yes, by the way.”

Daisy was quiet at that. She knew he’d been serious with someone at some point; he’d seen pictures of him and a dark haired woman in the house, but he didn’t realize it had been that serious. “What was her name?”

“Josefina Lupo,” he said, a soft smile settling on his lips. “She went by Jo, though. There were very few people in the world allowed to call her anything other than Jo. I was lucky I got away with Jo-Jo.” He tapped in a few keys on his laptop and a picture came up of him and the woman. “Ex-Army Ranger, loved her guns, former Catholic, current Presbyterian, only girl in a family of boys, her dad kinda liked me but her brothers hated me until I kicked their asses at football, had this gorgeous yellow dress she’d wear sometimes when she thought I was working too hard and deserved surprise because otherwise she was always in pantsuits. Loved me even when I was a fuck-up, except I didn’t know why.” He looked up at Daisy. “Universe changing stuff. It got weird when I figured it out, but...we worked it out.”

Daisy nodded. “And you still love her?”

“I’m always going to love her,” he said, tracing her face as he looked back at the picture, his smile becoming sad. “But am I in love with her? No, not anymore. Too many years, too many universes, too many other people I’ve met and cared about.”

Daisy felt a sort of relief at that statement. She leaned over and, without thinking, kissed the top of his head. “Good. Don’t be like me.”

Zane grinned slightly. “You’re not so bad, you know. You aren’t moping, at least. You’re a part of the community, you socialize, you have friends.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly Miss Sociability in your hacker cave, now am I?” she asked.

“Okay, that’s it,” he said, moving his chair away. “We’re doing a marathon. I’m going to embarrass myself and we’re going to watch my show from my introductory episode on and we’ll rope Cami into it and anyone else who wants to join in and you guys can laugh at my god awful spiked hair and the really bad beginning to my relationship with Jo-Jo. If I can laugh at it, you can too.” He didn’t even hesitate before picking her up off his desk in both arms and carrying her towards the stairs.

“You know, you are ridiculously comfortable…” Daisy said with a laugh.

“Then you and Cami can fight over who uses me for a human pillow,” he said with a grin as he headed up the stairs. She snuggled against him, pleased for at least a little bit for the distraction. Distraction was good, and it was even better if it was at his expense and not hers.

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[thedeliriumtennants]

Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, and send it to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable). SPREAD POSITIVITY! ;) (p.s. non-negotiable? what's gonna happen if we don't comply???)

What’s up gorgeous? You and @stupidsatsuma sent me this (hello to you too darling!) and I realllllly don’t want to list 10 things so…

What do I like about myself? Right now I like….

1. My sense of humor always. I can make myself laugh all the time and it’s really hard to ever be sad if you’re constantly cracking up at everything. I’m also just a really silly human being that doesn’t take life all that seriously so I’m never really TOO worried about any one thing…I’m just sort of floating through life enjoying whatever happens.

2. I did some late night Amazoning and found a really cool Japanese charcoal peel mask…I couldn’t read any of the instructions (bc Japanese) and I’m pretty sure I did it wrong but my face is so gd smooth I want to rub it all over everyone I see. TOUCH MY FACE STRANGER!!!3. I like how good I am at my job. It was such a long learning process and now I feel really confident and capable and that’s a great feeling.4. I really like how much progress I’ve made toward my goals in the last 6 months. I’ve set a *ton* of them and while I’m slow in achieving most of them, I like the mental progress I’ve made in CARING about achieving them. Like I have made them priorities and actually stuck to that this entire time. So it hasn’t so much been about the results in all of them as it’s been about changing my mental outlook on getting there. That’s a cool feeling. 5. My hair is super soft.

[fwiona-blog1]

1: A Guide to Oxford

hello friends!

so for my first post I wanted to write about what I know best at the moment.  That for me is Oxford!

In case you missed it: I am currently studying abroad in Oxford, UK with my university (go dawgs!) on a program with the School of Public and International Affairs (SPIA) even though that’s not even my major hahaha I still don’t know how I got here anywayyy…

This city is literally so breathtaking.  I’ve been to Florence and Rome and Venice and Prague and Paris and Oxford is so different. It’s got that old-timey brick-housed feel and those cramped pubs that are both too small and perfectly cozy at the same time.  It’s got sprawling marble castles and ivy-covered red brick hole-in-the-wall stores. It’s got three story bookstores and national history museums and urban sprawl and hipsters smoking around corners and tiny coffee shops full of intellectuals I love this place.

So in case you ever decide to visit this beautiful subject of English culture and architecture, I’m going to share with you my favorite places in this town.

Sites of Interest: Random places where I like to hang out

The Covered Market: Okay this place is really cool.  It’s just off Broad Street in the City Centre and it’s a coalition of stores and shops and food places and is honestly just super cute.

The University Parks: I actually went on a run through this place this morning! It’s just a giant ass park off Banbury Road (by Keble College) that has a bunch of soccer fields and random pathways and in the middle there’s this gorgeous ass rickety ass bridge like wtf.  I kinda actually got lost this morning haha but it’s so peaceful and atmospheric and picturesque and existential.  Lots of puppies.

Cafes: Why is it that I get the majority of my work done in cafes? Is it the ambiance? Is it the coffee that I don’t have to make for myself for once?

Society: Society is this adorable little hipster café that always plays the literal best music and is very cheap and very good.  We went there for two weeks straight to converse about the readings for Dr. J Money’s class when we were in that class.  I haven’t been back since but that’s where I went to get all my work done when I still had work to do haha.

George Street Social: I walked past this place maybe 50 times before I realized it was a café. It looks so legit like an actual British cottage but the inside is really kitschy art deco and some beautiful ass little nooks and crannies and natural lighting it kills me you need to go here.  V cheap also dank ass salads.

Pubs: Where ya go to pick up a cheeky pint

Lamb and Flag//Eagle and Child: These pubs are right across the street from each other and are known hangouts of C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkein, & friends.  Dank beer, cute and cozy.  V ambient 10/10 would recommend.

King’s Arms: This my home base.  The Kappa Alpha House can never lead me astray.  They have the best English food (not saying much ja feel) and the best mulled cider around!!! Also cute bartenders, always remember me when I go in (which is frequent).  I used to go here for a cheeky pint and lunch for the first couple of weeks I was here but I haven’t been back for a while which is v sad. Definitely my favorite place around.

Turf Tavern: Okay so Turf is right around the corner from KA and I shit you not apparently this is where Bill Clinton famously “didn’t inhale” or whatever idk I still haven’t found that little chair.  Turf is huge and has a great little patio where you can sit outside and chat though idk why you would when England is so gd cold all the time.  Also they have the best (and most alcoholic) cider on tap which is Rosie’s so deff go here.

Restaurants: When you need something to soak up all the alcohol in your stomach

White Rabbit: When I tell you this place is DANK I mean that literally you could probably walk in with dank and they’d be like ayyy.  This place has it all, such as lots of pints on draft including my favorite Czech beer, authentic pizza italiano, and hot boizz yeah buddy.  Frequent this place with your friends and sit for hours doing absolutely nothing but eating, drinking, and talking.  Very conducive to great conversations.

PieMinister: When I think of British food, I think of meat pies.  This place in the Covered Market is the cutest and coziest and has the BEST pies I’ve ever had.  The first time I went was my first day here and I’m a sucker for goat cheese so I immediately grabbed a goat cheese and sweet potato pie and I died right there on the floor they had to mop me up I swear. Seriously-- go here.

Bill’s: Residing in the residence directly above Society, Bill’s is a convenient hop and skip from Broad Street in the City Centre.  This place is delicious dude they have everything from fried chicken sandwiches (it’s not Chik-Fil-A but hey) to ridiculously good chocolate donuts (I cried and then I licked the plate).  Would recommend especially for brunch.

DISCLAIMER: This is not everything Oxford has to offer, and honestly I’ve only been here for a month now.  These are just my favorite hangouts that I wanted to share with you. If you ever end up in Oxford, feel free to hit me up and consult with me // share your experiences!

Some pictures taken by yours truly (: (the others were taken by the internet)

~sending good vibes your way~

-fiona