#gay angels DID get finished today :D

[thedragonagelesbian]

reverence

Fandom: Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous

Pairing: M!CommanderXThe Hand of the Inheritor

Rating: T

Length: 3,046 words

Summary: Knight Commander Cyrus, formerly a martyr paladin wielding the Light of Heaven, now a legend struggling to redefine himself, knows all too well the grief and guilt that come with failing to live up to divine expectation. So when he finds his dear angelic friend in the heart of Baphomet's labyrinth, he's desperate to convince him to stay.

Fight it, and I will save you.

I do not need to be saved.

Cyrus let his guard slip. Not enough to expose anything vital. Just raising his shield, catching a blow from the Assertion of Dominance and revealing his left hip in the process, leaving it open to the Hand of the Inheritor— or rather, the husk that Baphomet had made of him, harried by rays and arrows and daggers but still possessing enough strength to bury his blade into the tiefling’s pelvis. He was prepared for the pain, demanded not only by this gambit but by his role in life, front line of the Fifth Crusade and self-appointed defender of those who could not defend themselves. It had only recently started to worry him, how good he was at being hurt, but it seemed unavoidable now, required to pull the Hand of the Inheritor in close.

What he was not prepared for was the intensity, gasping and groaning as the sword pierced him. Deep. Down to the hilt and bursting through his thigh, nearly pinning him in place as whatever foulness Baphomet had poured into the Hand through the hole in his heart bled into him too.

In the cracked helm bearing down above him, he saw only the reflection of his own agony. No triumph. No sympathy. Just smooth metal.

And still, Cyrus whispered, “I’m sorry,” before he moved. With every ounce of force he could muster, he threw himself to the side. The sword wrenched out of the Hand’s grasp as he spun, twisting around the angel’s body. One blow to the back of the neck with a shield was all it took to make his knees buckle, and then that helm was in reach, the throat beneath caught against Cyrus’ longsword.

“Surrender.” He pressed on the blade, just until he could smell more of that noxious black ichor. “…Please.”

“The end is near,” the Hand replied flatly. He dropped to one knee, a gesture not of piety or submission but of simple fact. “You will kill me, and it will break something in you to do so. As Baphomet expected.”

“I am not beholden to the expectations of any demon lord.”

Keep reading on Ao3

[airenyah]

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone 

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

 cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space”     also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is 

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love” 

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them 

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas*    also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.”  “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially  “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk) 

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

[hopecountyisforlovers]

breakfast;

rating: general. implied sexual content but nothing graphic. lets call it pg-13

pairing: summerseed ( john x tobias )

words: 1430

summary: happy pride month ! i actually started this last week but im just finishing and editing it now. tobias makes john breakfast in this one and theres lots of gay shit

----------x----------

It's still early when the idea strikes Tobias- at least, early for him. It surprises him that he can still feel John in bed next to him, can still hear him mumbling in his sleep in the midst of a dream. Hadn't he mentioned taking a day off? That made his idea even more perfect, didn't it?

Fortunately ( or unfortunately, depending on how he thought about it ), John was currently sleeping with his back to him, which made it much easier to slip gently out of bed than if he had to pry himself out of his grip.

At a hint of motion, John turns over, still obviously asleep, grasping for where Tobias had just lain and seeming distressed when he finds nothing in the space. Thinking fast, the blonde slips his pillow from it's place at the head of the bed, pushing it gently towards his husbands reaching arms. It works like a charm- he wraps around it as easily as he would if it actually were him, sleep becoming peaceful once more.

Tobias could watch him sleep for hours, and on previous occasions he had, but this morning he's on a mission. He pads out of their shared bedroom lightly, closing the door behind him with a feather-light touch. John slept in so rarely- it simply wouldn't do for anything to wake him up. Especially when there was still so much work to be done.

Through the living room, into the kitchen- the hardwood floor is cool under his feet, except where late morning light pours in through the windows to warm it. Seed Ranch is serene at this time of day, something straight out of a cottagecore fantasy. If you could call their sprawling estate home a "cottage", that is. The thought makes him laugh.

This was second nature to him, a routine that even before this place he had done most every morning. It was more special, here- something he chose to do and not something he was forced to do. The fridge was usually well stocked, and today was no exception- it gives him a chill when he peeks into it. The blueberries he had picked fresh from their backyard garden sit, enticingly brightly colored, in a Tupperware on the second shelf.

Perfect.

It doesn't take him long- combining ingredients, frying bacon, slicing bread he had baked just the other night for thick, golden toast- or at least, it doesn't feel like it's taken him that long. Truthfully, Tobias finds it impossibly easy to lose himself in domestic activities. He's flipping a pancake dotted with plump blueberries when a set of arms wraps firm around his waist, the soft contrast of lips against his neck followed in a shiver-inducing way by the scratch of John's beard against sensitive skin.

"You didn't think that pillow would fool me forever, did you, my dear?" he still sounds half asleep- there's a husky tone to his usually smooth voice that summons butterflies to Tobias' stomach.

"I sure hoped it wouldn't. You'd miss breakfast."

"Breakfast?" he seems to notice what Tobias is doing for the first time- the smaller man can feel his lips curve up into a smile against the curve of his jawline. "Mmnn, you know your blueberry pancakes are my favorite. Whats the occasion?"

"The occasion?" Tobias giggles under his breath. "Well, I woke up in bed next to the most handsome man I'd ever seen. And then I saw the ring on his finger matched mine, so...."

This time John laughs, a sound like rich, dripping honey that he's sure must be the undiscovered secret cure for something. It makes what he is sure must be the dopiest grin alive stretch at the corners of his mouth. "You really are an angel, you know that?"

Tobias laughs with him in turn and he is finishing another pancake for the stack, starting a fresh ladle of thick batter against the gently popping oil despite being restrained by John's arms as he is. It was a necessity, really, developing that skill- John never let him go when he didn't have to, and that was how he preferred it. "Takes one to know one."

John's laughter brushes just lightly against the shell of his ear this time, and the flame of hot sensation it sends right down his spine to pool in his stomach is enough to almost make him drop the spatula he's holding. He can tell John saw it, too- he can practically hear the satisfaction in his voice when it comes to the power he holds over his little husband. "Careful, wildflower. Don't burn yourself."

He's already burning in a much different way. Tobias is sure he already knows. He flips the last finished pancake off into the pre-prepared plate, turning his head a bit to face him and leaning up to place a gentle kiss against his lips that sparks with sweet electricity. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me, Mr. Seed."

"Oh really? Did I wake up and make you a breakfast fit for a king?"

"Mmmn, you caught me. I almost decided to do it in nothing but my apron." It sounds awkward, coming from him, like he feels it always does when he attempts to be charming in the same effortless way John is, but the tightening of John's arms around his waist and the little shuddering breath he muffles against the skin of his throat are a fine indication that he thought otherwise. He would have to explore that idea more later- today, they have all the time in the world. "Why don't you go sit, get comfortable, and I'll make you a plate?"

"If you keep spoiling me like this, Joseph will make a law against it."

"God himself couldn't stop me from spoiling you, much less Joseph. Now go," Another kiss, this time in parting. It would only be for a few minutes, but it still feels necessary. "Sit."

"Sir yes sir." John's warmth pulls away from him, leaving him to his labor of love. He can hear the shift of chair legs against the hardwood floor, can hear him barely suppress a yawn and a soft moan as he stretches. He can picture it in his head clear as day, as he arranges food on of John's fancy plates- a little dab of butter here, some syrup there, bacon and toast arranged just so. It doesn't have to look perfect, but he takes it as a personal bit of pride that it does- or at least, as close to perfect as he can recreate.

Tobias slides it across the table towards him, finishing off the picture with a fork and a tall glass of fresh, cold milk from the fridge. The seat next to him is absent, of course, and he takes it, unwilling to be too far from him for too long. There- now it's perfect.

"Aren't you going to have some?"

"I...Uh.." Tobias just stares at him, suddenly flushed hot in embarrassment as he realizes his mistake, and the look that slides over John's face is endearingly exasperated.

"Did you only make enough for me again?"

"....Ahaha, old habits die hard, I guess." He had always been the one to make breakfast, but never for himself.

"That just means we get to share, doesn't it?"

"You don't have to d-" Tobias starts to protest, but is quickly silenced as John shoves a fork loaded with blueberry pancake into his open mouth. He has to admit, he's really outdone himself with this batch. He hums low in approval, eyes fluttering for a moment, and from this close John's answering laugh practically brushes against his skin.

"That's what I thought."

"Okay, okay..." He can't help but smile, watching his husband fork a bite for himself. His hair is messy and unkempt, the usual tension in his shoulders dissolved into a pleasant slope. It occurs to him, like it often does, how few people have gotten to see him this way- his heart swells in his chest, warm and saccharine. How could he possibly deny him the chance to share his breakfast, if that was what he wanted? How could he possibly deny him anything? "A few bites can't hurt. But I'm making you a snack later, okay?"

"Hmmmmm." He considers for a moment, twirling his fork in a circular motion, before a downright illegal sort of expression slides over his handsome features. "How about I have you for a snack later?"

Tobias' stomach fills with the beat of wings.

"Deal."

[eiirisworkshop]

DragonCon Gothic

-You are in the food court going to the Hilton. You take the sky bridge. You are in the Marriott. You take the other sky bridge. You are in the Hyatt. You take the sky bridge. You are in the food court. 

-You are in a Very Serious Panel discussing First Amendment Law. You hear Gangnam Style through the wall. 

-You hear a woman scream. She runs. She hugs Darth Vader. She is fine. 

-You hear a woman scream. The escalator is eating her ballgown. It tears. The Addams Family comes to her rescue. Supergirl mends the gown. She is fine. 

-You hear a man scream. His dragonhide stiletto has gone through the grate in the broken Atlanta pavement. He falls. Six anime characters and a Harley Quinn come to his rescue. He...will be fine tomorrow. 

-A mother is dressed as Misty from Pokémon. Her baby is a Togapi strapped to her front. 

-A mother is dressed as Misty from Pokémon. Her children are the Pikachu evolutionary line. 

-A mother is dressed as Misty from Pokémon. Her baby is a Magikarp. Years later you see a young Garydose. You remember the baby. You wonder. 

-There is an hour wait at the Hardrock. You go to the food court instead. It takes an hour to find a table. 

-You are in the overflow seating for the food court. It used to be a Mexican restaurant. You look at the broken floor, the missing ceiling tiles, the shelf hanging crooked on the wall by one last screw. It has not changed since last year, or the year before, or the year before that.... You wonder why nothing new has used the space. You wonder where you would sit if anything ever did. 

-There is...a character. You’ve seen it twenty times today. You have no idea what it’s from. You are scared to ask. 

-There is a character. You have never seen it before. You tell the cosplayer they look great and ask what they are. They excitedly tell you the life story of this fictional person. They finish then hurry to catch back up with their friends. They never told you what it’s from. 

-There is a wolf in the Marriott. An actual wolf. It is a service dog. You want to pet it. You spend the next half hour helping prevent drunk pikachus and storm troopers from petting the wolf. 

-You are on MARTA with Spider-Man. 

-You are on MARTA in cosplay. The train is full of sports fans. You feel the way they look at you, like you are a freak, like their jersey and face paint is any different from your costume. You all exit at peachtree station. The platform is full of Sailor Scouts and Doctors Who. The sports fans realize they are outnumbered. Some of them are afraid. Some of them will be dressed as the joker next year. 

-Someone is crying in the bathroom. They just want to get their contacts out. 

-Someone is crying in the bathroom. They were too far back in line, the room filled, they didn’t get to see David Tennant. 

-Someone cries for help in the bathroom. It’s a variation of Spider-Man you have never seen before. She can’t unzip her suit. You help her. She is drunk and swears she will see you again next year and buy you a drink. You see her next year. She gives you a glow stick. 

-There is a woman in a Marriott Carpet dress. There is a Sailor Marriott with the Carpet pattern on their fuku. The Marriott Flying Carpets quidditch team has the pattern on their robes. There is a car painted like the Carpet. There is a vendor selling Cult of the Carpet merch. The Carpet is copyrighted. You hear there is a lawsuit. The Marriott hasn’t had that carpet in years. You’ve been walking through the Marriott all day. You have no idea what the carpet looks like now. 

-There is a character. You’ve seen it twelve times today. You have no idea what it’s from. You see it for a thirteenth time alongside another character from the same thing. You know both characters. You know the entire life story of the character you’ve seen thirteen times. 

-You want to go to a panel. You find five simultaneous panels. You narrow it down to two. You go to neither of them. 

-You want to go to a panel. You find five simultaneous panels. You narrow it down to two. You go to a sixth because it is in the hotel you’re already in. 

-You want to go to the burlesque. You meant to go to the burlesque last year. They move the burlesque. Everyone gets there before you. You do not go to the burlesque this year. 

-You are in the Dealer’s Room. You want to buy a sword. A vender hands you a D-20 die made of gemstone. You roll it. You nat 20. You spend $100 on stone dice. You do not buy a sword. 

-There are hundreds of men in kilts. This is normal. A woman chases them with a leaf blower. This is normal. You would worry if she weren’t there. 

-There is an ambulance outside the Sheraton. You hope everyone is okay. You think there was an ambulance here last year. You can’t remember. 

-You are in the Walk of Fame. You meet your hero. They are the sweetest person you have ever met. 

-You are in the Walk of Fame. You meet your hero. They’re a creep. 

-You are in the Walk of Fame. There is almost no line for George Takei. You do not understand why. You talk to him. He is the sweetest person you have ever met. 

-There are hateful protesters outside the food court. No one can hear them. Darth Vader is playing bagpipes. 

-You walk past a woman wearing a censor bar and pants. You walk past her again After Dark. She is no longer wearing a censor bar. Or pants. 

-You are at the Yule Ball. It is a fun, family party. The Golden Trio run by in their Hogwarts robes. They are too young to go to Hogwarts. 

-You are at the Yule Ball. It has just hit ten o’clock. The children are escorted out. The lights go down. A belly dancing elf pulls out a flask. You don’t know from where. 

-You are at the Yule Ball. Batman is on a date with Sailor Moon. He asks if he can kiss her. She says no. He leaves. She dances with the elf, then with Madam Hooch. 

-You are at a panel. Someone has the mic. There is feedback. The sound guy tries to fix it. There is still feedback. The sound guy tries again. There is still feedback. There is always feedback. No one blames the sound guy. 

-You need an elevator to go down. An elevator arrives. It is going up. You get on. You go up fourteen floors then go down. You clutch the handrail in the zero gravity. 

-A drag queen who is not a drag queen compliments your cosplay. You almost buy a corset from him. 

-Your shoes are not comfortable but they go with your cosplay. You’ve been walking for hours. Your feet hurt. 

-You are wearing your most comfortable shoes. You’ve been walking for hours. Your feet hurt. 

-You’ve wanted to do this cosplay for years. You’ve been working on it for months. You finished it last night. 

-You poured your soul into this cosplay. No one has recognized it all day. Someone thought you were Robin Williams. You return to your hotel, blocks away from the heart of the con. The night porter compliments your cosplay by name. You are Validated. 

-There is someone checking into the Marriott in a suit. A battalion of Storm Troopers pass. The person in a suit looks confused, maybe scared. The person behind the desk is unfazed. 

-You are in the Marriott where the Blood Drive used to be. The Blood Drive hasn’t been here in years. You still think of this place as where the Blood Drive used to be. You still think vampire costumes should be mandatory for the Blood Drive crew. 

-A Blood Drive volunteer tells your group you should donate. Most of you are gay. Two of you have new tattoos. One of you just returned from abroad. The rest have medical conditions. None of you have eaten in hours. None of you can give blood. 

-You are in the Marriott where the Blood Drive used to be. A chorus of elves are singing, each of them carrying a lantern. They are beautiful. You are almost moved to tears. They are a chorus of angels, except they are elves, and the only angels you’ve seen all weekend are Castiel and Aziraphale, neither of whom seem to sing. The elves leave. BB-8 appears, followed by R2. The droids interact with the crowd. A small girl dressed as Leia pats BB-8 on the head. A second BB-8 approaches her, then a third, then a fourth tiny BB-8. The girl is delighted. It is adorable. You are moved to tears. 

-You had the con crud last year. You do not want it again. You load yourself up with vitamin C and zinc. By Sunday your throat is raw. You have the con crud. You will have it next year too. 

-You are in the CVS on Peachtree. The rest of the con is there too. You are buying tissues and cough drops. So are they. You all have the con crud. 

-You see a badge on the floor. You are overcome with dread. You check your own badge. It’s still there. You exhale in relief. Your heart breaks for a stranger you have never seen. 

-You buy a piece of jewelry and put it on. You go to a panel. Your jewelry is gone. You don’t know what happened. There is nothing to be done. You may go back to the vender tomorrow if you still have money. You may not. 

-You are at a panel. The panelist makes a sex joke, then realizes there are children in the room. They apologize profusely to the parents while the children giggle. Five minutes later, it happens again. 

-You see a character. You ask your friend where it’s from. “Anime,” they say. That explains nothing. That explains everything.

-A ducky squeaks in the distance. 

-It is Monday. It hits five o’clock. Everyone is chased out of the venders hall. In the hotels, the Hunger Games breaks out over luggage carts. The crowds and madness disperse. The city is as quiet as it ever is. The con is over. You must return to the real world. You’re not sure you know how, but you’ll be okay. You begin to plan for next year.

[pan-inc]

SDR2 Boys +Chiaki Figuring Out Their S/O Is FtM

  Blank (Aka Mod Rantaro) was working on part SDR2 and DRV3 of the boys when they have a crush on you, but she dislocated her wrist part way of writing them and insisted she finish them herself, so I decided to do some work and write this with some ideas from Blank since I’m not too good at making ideas ;;

  I don’t think I was too specific on whether or not they’re FtM or MtF, so go ahead and change the pronouns if you need!

  (I myself am not transgender and don’t know anyone who is, so I’m very sorry if I get some incorrect information on you guys)   Non-Despair AU

  Y/N- Your Name   D/N- Dead Name

-Mod Chihiro

Spoilers under the cut

  (Warning, there is a tiny bit of dead naming in this but not in a ‘them trying to be transphobic or rude’  way, just them not knowing your actual name yet.)

Hajime Hinata

  Not even gonna hide it, I headcannon Hajime as FtM as well, so let’s just go with he hasn’t told you about how he’s trans either.

  “YOU’RE TRANS?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED DATING D/N?!”

  Him calling you by your now dead name made you flinch slightly, “I-Im sorry! I knew that you would be grossed out and stuff, so I-”

  “Grossed out? Why the hell would I be grossed out by you being trans?”

  “Y-You just got mad... Mad at me? And... A-And......” You are very confused, his mood switch from yelling to being concerned was a bit too much to deal with over the heart-pounding anxiety of coming out to him.

  Your anxiety dies down a little and confusion rises through the roof once Hajime hugs you as tightly as he can, “I wasn’t mad at you being who you really are, I was just... A little upset that you didn’t trust me with this information earlier in our relationship, but I guess I have no room to talk.”

  You hug him back while not processing the last part of his explanation, snuggling your face into his neck instead. “I also have something to tell you.” “Hm?”

  “I’m also trans,,,,”

  So after you two coming out to each other he takes a little bit to get used to your new name, and he promises to himself that he’ll buy you literally anything you need from The Store™ to feel comfortable once he gets a hang of your name.

  If you feel ~dysphoria~ before then, he will not hesitate to let you borrow some of his baggier clothes and possibly even a binder if your body hates you enough.

Nagito Komeada

  You wanted to talk to him about your transition, but he just started rambling on and on about hope. You were getting a little upset (so was Hajime, but a lot more than just a little upset.) but your anxiety about him not accepting you forced you to stay quiet and just let him ramble.

  “God Nagito, if you’re not going to shut up for me at least do it to hear what D/N has to say.” Hajime snaps, shutting up Nagito.

  “Y/N...” You whisper softly in an attempt to correct Hajime, but he doesn’t hear.

  “Okay, what do you need D/N?” He seems slightly upset that Hajime interrupted his preaching, but lightened up when he started talking to you.

  “Please call me Y/N!” You accidentally shout, quickly covering your mouth, “Sorry for yelling...”

  Hajime, despite not knowing how to spell without help, clicked it in his brain what you were trying to say to Nagito, so he quickly excused himself and walks away.

  “I’m sorry Y/N, what do you need?”

  “I, uhm... You’re bisexual right? So, that means my transition won’t be too hard on you right?”

  Nagito tilts his head to the side, but then quickly picks you up and hugs you.

  “My wonderful Y/N is so amazing, don’t be filled with so much despair just because you want to come out to me!”

  Honestly, what else would you expect. He’s insanely supportive of your transition and thinks of you as an even more special hope that he isn’t deserving of. 

  You might have to reassure him a bit more than you usually did, but it’s 100% worth it in the end.

  Will totally lend you his jacket.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

  To be honest, you came out to Peko before getting anywhere close to coming out to Fuyuhiko. You knew he loved you with all of his heart, but you were worried about if that would change if you transitioned.

  Peko was really supportive, but she had let it slip a few times to Fuyuhiko.

  Thank God Peko is smart enough to make a smooth recovery to make sure Fuyuhiko doesn’t find out before you’re comfortable with him knowing.

  After a bit of encouraging and planning from Peko, you finally decided it was time to come out to him.

  You walk up to Fuyuhiko, who was talking to Peko, and pull on his suit sleeve as gently as you could while still gaining his attention. “Huh? Yeah D/N?” “Can we talk about something?” You respond, trying to not sound too serious to try to not scare him.

  Fuyuhiko looks at Peko, back at you, then back to Peko, as if asking for permission to leave the conversation.

  “Go ahead Young Master. Our conversation can wait.” She smiles and walks away, leaving you panicking to yourself and a confused Fuyuhiko.

  “U-Uhm... Does the Kuzuryu Clan support same sex relationships?”

  “Huh? The hell? Why do you want to know that?”

  “Because I am now the second leader of the Kuzuryu Clan, Y-Y/N! A-And now your.... Your b-boyfriend?”

  “Well fuck, they better support gays and transgenders or they’re getting kicked out and fucking murdered.”

  Peko smiles in strong Ally.

Kazuichi Soda

  Big think.

  Was he into guys? Before he got to know you, a gal (Sos if you aren’t), better he was enamored by Sonia, also a gal.

  From what you know, he’s never liked any guys, so what if he wasn’t okay with dating you when you transitioned?

  (Spoiler for later in this scenario, he’s bi-curious uvu)

  You decided to come out to him using your knowledge that he taught you about making electronic stuff.

  It was hard to hide that you were making something from him. but with a quick “I’m making a gift for you, you’re going to be so proud of me!” He (reluctantly) leaves you be to create whatever your creating.

  After a long bit of working, you had finally finished.

  Two little doll-like items (Kinda like Mini Maru) that looked like Kazuichi and the real you. The Mini Y/N was holding a trans flag and Mini Kazu had a blank flag that can be changed at a later time, and the two Minis had their arms intertwined.

  “Kazu~! Look look, I’m done with my project!”

  He turns and looks at your invention. “Oh, what is this D/N? Is that me? Who’s that?”

  “It’s me and you of course!”

  After a bit of his confusion, he understands and supports you greatly. Like a simp 

Gundham Tanaka

  After thinking about the pros and cons of every possible way to come out to  G U N D H A M  T A N A K A , you just decided to come out to him in a more straight-forward way after brainstorming with Sonia.

  You run up behind the slightly embarrassed G U N D H A M  T A N A K A who was being complimented by Sonia and jump onto him, almost making him fall over onto poor Sonia. After giving her the signal she excuses herself and makes her escape.

  After getting off G U N D H A M  T A N A K A ‘s back and calming him down from his extremely blushy state, you start panicking over what to do again.

  ‘What if he doesn’t like me because I’m a guy? What if he’s transphobic? Love isn’t the purpose of life, but he’s been such a huge part of me that I don’t even know how I’d be if he was gone. You’d be so lost without him-’

  “Fallen Angel, are you alright? My skin didn’t poison you, did it?” He asks, obvious concern in his voice.

  “Oh, no, it’s not that.” You take a deep breath, look up at him, and push your anxiety as far down as it can go.

  “I-I don’t want to be your Queen a-anymore!”

  “You... Don’t want to be my Queen?” There was a lot of pain in his voice and you realize what you said.

  “T-That’s not what I meant! I want to be your Queen of the Underworld and Overworld, b-but I would...” You take a deep breath, “I would rather be your K-King!”

  He pulls you into his arms and hugs you as tightly as he can, burying his face into your neck.

  You hug him back, “Also, please call me Y/N.”

  “Anything for my King. I will tell my Devas of this news so they do not make you uncomfortable.”

  Sonia is very happy about the energy she has created in the studio today.

Nekomaru Nedai

  I’m not very good at writing for Nekomaru so I’m gonna have to skip the coming out part, I’m very sorry if you wanted to read you coming out to him TvT

  But anyways~

  He isn’t the brightest light bulb, so he does his research.

  If you wear chest binders he’ll panic quite a bit but after asking you and gaining more knowledge, he goes less hard on you when it comes to exercising.

  Your binder is giving you troubles? Fucking take a break, take it off, B R E A T H E.

  Oh, you want muscles to look more ‘manly’ like him? First, he will let you know that you don’t have to look ‘manly’ to be who you are. If you still insist then he will help with your want.

Teruteru Hanamura

  Before you officially got together he would flirt with practically everyone no matter their gender, so you were pretty confident about him not leaving you because he’s ‘NoT gAy’.   So uh

  I’m horrible at writing him

  So just know he’s supportive and doesn’t really mind that you transition.

Chiaki Nanami

  “Hey Chiaki? Can I talk to you about something?” You walk into her room with your beautiful flag in your arms.

  “Yes D/N?” Chiaki hums, not looking away from the screen of whatever she was playing.

  You drape your flag over your arms and then wrap them around Chiaki’s neck in an attempt to hug her from behind, “Please call me Y/N.”

  She looks over at the flag and after a bit of the wheels in her brain turning, it clicks in her brain what you mean. “Okay. Is there anything else you need, Y/N?” You smile at your names coming from her and sit next to her properly and nuzzle into her hair while using your flag as a blanket, “Just your support.”

  She smiles softly, “You already have that bunny, you should know that already. Also, tell me if my nicknames make you feel uncomfortable.”

  Very supportive, will get into the head of anyone who says anything mean to you about you being transgender.

  But besides that she doesn’t really make a big deal of you being trans. A gud gorl.

Ultimate Imposter

  He’s someone who can and will be the impostor of anyone no matter their gender (’Cuz that’s his whole ultimate) So he absolutely wouldn’t judge you for changing genders, right?

  So I’ve rewritten this like 4 times, even with the help of Mod Rantaro, and neither of us know his personality very well so sorry about this.

  Either way, he’d be very supportive and buy you everything you need to feel comfortable in your body.

Izuru Kamakura

  Hm.

  Oh, you’re trans?

  Oh cool.

  So who are we giving despair to today?

[messyworldfanfictions]

Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale are your best friends, you all spend your time together and you can’t imagine living without them. You share everything except sex. But is it really what you want… ? Sometimes, It’s fantastic the way things pan out.

Pairing: Crowley x Aziraphale x Reader & Crowley x Aziraphale

Warnings: Smut. Rough sex. Threesome M/F/M. Gay sex.

Notes: Hi guys ! I’m very happy to show you this, it’s my first fanfiction so … Be gentle ;) ! All constructive criticism are welcome. If you see errors, please tell me, English is not my first language and I apologize for the possible mistakes :/ ! I know it’s a smut but I tried to put a bit of humor ^^. Tell me what you think in the comments and if you want the next chapter (smut only) and have fun ! :D

IMPORTANT : Here is the link of the dress you are going to wear in the fanfiction. If it can helps you to imagine it. ^^

——————————————————————————————-

Chapter 1: The game

Today is your birthday, as every year Crowley and Aziraphale have invited you to celebrate this moment in Crowley’s apartment. You’re so excited! You wait for this evening every year, it’s the best party of the year, you spend your night with the two men you love most, drink alcohol, listen to Aziraphale sermonize Crowley about the way he swears all the time. Play alcohol games to end up lying on the sofa with them by your side. Then you go home.

But sometimes you’d like to never go home and spend the night with them. Sleep with them. It’s hard to admit, but you want to feel their hands caressing your body while the alcohol warms your heart. You want to see them kissing on the mouth, wherever there’s a piece of skin. You have always imagined Crowley dominant, fiery and passionate and you have always imagined Aziraphale soft, patiente and attentive. Crowley is so sexy with his snake walk ready to pounce on his prey and Aziraphale is so charming with his all spruced up look… But you chase all the images out of your mind because they are YOUR BEST FRIENDS for god’s sake!

                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━                                                          6 PM                                          Two hours before the party.                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“If I don’t decide to prepare myself, I’m going to be late and Azie will grumble…” You thought, talking to yourself. And your naughty side came back “But maybe I’ll get a punishment… lying on Aziraphale’s thick and soft legs… ” no no no no “STOP IT Y/N” Were you really screaming at yourself ? … It was so hard for you to not think these naughty things about them, you are lucky enough to already know what they look like when they are practically naked because you sometimes help Aziraphale and Crowley choose their clothes when you do shopping. It really helps your overactive imagination even more.

After showering, it’s time to choose your clothes you’re going to wear. You always dress very sexy when you go to see them, because there’s a part of you that wants to seduce them. You like it when Crowley looks at you and tells you you’d be a perfect succubus. You like it even more when Aziraphale looks at you from head to toe in shock and then tells you that you could make him fall. But you know they tell you that to be nice, you know they’re not attracted to women. It’s like “gay friend’s compliments” for you, but you still like those compliments, you feel desired by them just for a moment.

You are wearing black underwear in lace, Crowley’s favorite color. You chose this tight black dress that enhances your shapes. At the front, it goes up to your neck and encircles it with a thin lace strap. The opening at the back of your dress shows your finely drawn back. You slide your fishnet tights along your legs and attach them to your suspenders. Aziraphale loves fishnet tights, he likes it on you and he likes wearing them too. You choose to wear your most beautiful red pumps, color of your passion for them.

Now it’s make-up time ! You opted for a pale skin, smoky black eyes and a pulpy red mouth.

                   ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━                                                        7.50 PM                     You are too early, you are waiting in front of the door.                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You know Aziraphale hates late people so you left your house early. You patiently wait until it’s 8:00 in front of the door, when suddenly you hear through the door :

“Crowley, I don’t think that’s a good idea, I think a more common gift would be better. Can you imagine if she has a bad reaction ?!” Aziraphale’s voice was worried.

“Oh come on Azie, we both know it’s something she’s been wanting for a long time!”

“No no no no no, Crowley. I don’t know! I don’t know! That’s the problem. What if you’re wrong? What if she doesn’t want that… Gift ?!” Your ear glued to the door, you were starting to worry, why were they arguing about your gift? What gift?

“Angel, I’m a demon, she can’t hide from me what she wants deep down.” *Silence* “Ohwww fine ! If she doesn’t like it we can pretend it’s just a joke and…” *Knock Knock*. You haven’t seen the time passed, it’s 8.00 PM. Before Crowley finishes his sentence, you knock at the door. Their conversation was really starting to stress you out. You heard quick steps coming towards you before the door opened. Crowley was standing in front of you with a tense smile, you lean to the side to see that Aziraphale was sitting on the sofa with a false surprised look.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re in advance w-we were t-talking ab-about… uhm…” Aziraphale stuttering. “We were talking about how happy we were to see you, love! Come in, don’t just stand there!” Crowley interrupted him.

You came in with a smile on your face trying to forget what you had heard 10 minutes earlier.

                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━                                                           9 PM                   You just finished dinner. You’re going to sit on the sofa.                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You are sitting next to Aziraphale on the sofa and Crowley is sitting on a chair in front of you, there is a table between you, where your glasses of red wine are. You were gossiping about the Archangel Gabriel when Crowley asked :

“Y/N sweetheart, have you found the man of your dreams? You told us about an "Alex”, how are things going with him?“ You didn’t expect this question, rather unusual from Crowley who thinks no man is good enough for you.

"Well, we met a few times but he told me he wasn’t ready to get into a relationship so… I just.. Gave up.” You said.

“What an asshole! He doesn’t know what he’s missing ! Men are so …” Aziraphale says angry. “Langage Azie !” you interrupted him with a mischievous smile. “Sorry sweetheart, what I’m trying to say is that you deserve better!” he responds kissing you on your forehead.

“Soooooo you haven’t had sex in a long time, right? Not too hard?” Said Crowley, out of nowhere.

Aziraphale’s reaction was not long in coming. “Crowley! That’s not a question you ask to a lady! What’s on your mind! »

"Oh, come on! She’s a big girl Azie, let her answer. So, Y/N ?” There you were, with your mouth open, shocked by the question Crowley had just asked you. Of course you talk about sex with them, but in general you have a lot of alcohol in your blood!

Laughing, you answer “I have to admit, it must have been a long time ago, but I’m fine, Crowley, don’t worry.”

“I don’t understand how a woman like you, so beautiful, elegant, smart, sexy, is in need of sex. You should have all men at your feet… It’s a crime to leave you like this…” Aziraphale gave Crowley a dark look. You don’t know what’s going on, but you feel the heat rising to your cheeks. Crowley’s words touch you deeply in your body. You don’t know what to say to what Crowley just said, you’re not going to thank him, no… But if he keeps talking to you like that you won’t be able to hold back your desire to thank him, on your knees.

                   ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━                                                          11 PM                You feel the alcohol running through your body, you’re drunk.                They are too. You are playing a drinking game, truth or dare.                    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was your turn to ask Azie. “Annnngel, t-truth or dare ?”

“Uhmmm… Truth pleeeease!” he said with mocking eyes.

“Okay okay, uhmmm… Have you ever slept with a girl?” you ask smiling.

“Of course I have !” he claims.“I’m an Angel but I’m not perfect !” he whispers with a false exaggerated expression of discomfort.

“It’s your turn Crowley! Ask me !” Meanwhile, Crowley didn’t say anything, he was staring at you he was looking at a part of your body. you followed his gaze and he landed on your legs, your dress went up and was showing your suspenders. Embarrassed, you lowered your dress, your cheeks red. “Sorry about the view Crowley, I didn’t notice that…” “Oh, don’t be sorry, dear” He interrupts you. “The view was perfect, wasn’t it Aziraphale? "Aziraphale looked you in the eyes and then slowly descended towards your body. "Oh yes, perfect. "You wonder if you heard what they just said, you think you’re dreaming. What’s going on? Is it the alcohol or is it hot in this room? You take off your pumps, as if this scorching heat could be reduced with less clothes.

Crowley leans over to you and says, "Remember when I helped you with your car last time? »

"Y-yes, of course, w-why?” you answer shyly.

He looks at you for a few seconds before he talks. “You told me you owed me something, I want this thing to be a truth and a dare. »

So simple! "Ohw yes Crowley, that suits me! I I couldn’t help you fix your car.” You said giggling.

Crowley looked at Aziraphale with a naughty smile. “I start with the truth, Y/N, have you ever fantasized about me and Aziraphale ?” Your face is decomposing. How did He know? Red goes up your cheeks, you hesitate between answering honestly or getting up and running out of the apartment. If you confess your secret, maybe they won’t want to be friends with you anymore? You can tell the truth and pretend it was a joke tomorrow…

You rub your hands together nervously, “Actually, maybe sometimes…” Crowley interrupts you with a wave of his hand, more firmly he says, “Be a good girl, be honest. ». The silence in the room was embarrassing, you had to say something because it was getting suspicious, Aziraphale was looking at you with big eyes, waiting for your answer impatiently. "Y-yes…” you sigh coyly.

“Great” says Crowley softly, almost like a whisper. “Now, it’s dare time! I’m going to put some music and I want you to give us a sexy dance.”

He wasn’t serious, you can’t do that. Not in front of… Them. You look at Aziraphale with an interrogating look, but he says nothing and waits for your answer. Your eyes are glued to the ground, intimidated, “Crowley, uhm… i-i’ll n-not uhm… Give y-you a lap dance, i-i can’t do…”

“Oh no I’m not asking you that, i just want you to give us a sexy dance in front of us, and so we can watch. That’s all ” Crowley’s gaze was different, reptilian. You felt an animosity coming from him, it turned you on but it scared you too.

Aziraphale hastened to speak. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to sweetheart. Huh, Crowley?” “Yes, of course,” Crowley replied without taking his eyes off you.

“O-Okay” you said.

Crowley snaps his fingers and the music *Beyonce - Naughty girl* starts. You are smiling now, it was just for fun! You knew it! You knew it! You know Crowley put that song on because he knows you love it, there’s nothing sexual about it! So you start dancing without restraint. You dance like they are not in the same room, you forget them. You move your hips while caressing your face, you put your hand through your hair. You wave your body, close your eyes and feel the music carry you away.

Minutes pass, dancing in this way awakens your sexual appetite, you start moaning while you dance when suddenly you feel strong hands grabbing your hips from behind. You open your eyes, Crowley is in front of you, his eyes darkened by desire, your mouths are so close, they could touch. He leans towards your neck and gives you wet kisses. You turn your head slightly, Aziraphale is against your butt, he presses your hips against his own, burying his nose in your hair. Crowley caresses your legs and lifts your dress slightly. “C-Crowley, A-Az… w-wait…”

It’s like a dream come true, but if it’s just a game for them, they have to stop. The heat rises in your body, you are burning inside, it hurts. Your panties are getting wet. Soon you won’t be able to control yourself. “You just have one word to say, and we stop. Say it love, if you don’t want our hands on your eager body, tell us to stop.” Husked Aziraphale in your ear encircling his arms around you, deliciously caressing your belly.

“N-no, it’s not t-that” you moan. “I-I just…” you stammer. But you just can’t speak anymore, Aziraphale’s hands have gone up to your breasts, he caresses them gently, your nipples harden when he touches them with his angel fingers. Crowley has slipped his hand under your dress, with a firm hand, he takes your chin between his fingers and moves your face up towards his. “Look at me, I want to see the pleasure corrupt your eyes.” While his other hand roughly caresses your private parts. It was exactly as you imagined it would be. Aziraphale so soft and Crowley so rough. So they are not playing a game…

Aziraphale puts his hands inside your dress to have better access to your breasts. Crowley has stopped touching you, he’s just looking at you in the eyes, always holding your chin firmly between his fingers, you want to touch him, you want to give him pleasure too. You can see he’s excited because of the erection in his pants. You can feel Aziraphale’s erection against your butt and it turns you on. You move your hands towards Crowley, to touch that part of his anatomy that you have so dreamed of. But before you can touch him, he slaps your hands away, his hand leaves your chin and comes into your hair. He grabs your hair firmly and pulls it a little. “Did I tell you, you could touch me? ” . “N-no” you said softly.

Crowley looks at Aziraphale mischievously over your shoulder and says, “I think she deserves a little punishment, what do you think, Angel?”

[xtrashmammalstefx]

Jesus (A Deacury Fluff/ Smut)

Part 9 of The Queen Repertoire

Warnings: Language, smut

Notes: This will contain same sex love and overall homosexual/ lgbtq+  themes. If you don’t like that well... tough titties! Go follow another blog, nobody cares!

I've always been a reserved kind of man. People made me nervous, stemming from my childhood when the lads at school would give me shit about my size and stature; I've always been rather small and slender compared to most.

As I got older music became more and more of a  beacon of hope for me. Every time I picked up my bass guitar and started plucking at the strings I felt a weight lift and suddenly felt I could breathe easier. It was almost as though my guitar kept telling my anxiety to fuck right off back to hell, the bloody demon.

When I went away to London for school my anxiety grew worse but I managed as best I could. I tried venturing out at night and at one point wound up at a local disco. It is there I met my first real friend; a blonde haired drunkard named Roger. Trying my best to be friendly I answered every question he asked and when I mentioned I played bass he grew wide eyed ( a feat I didn't think was possible since his eyes were naturally big and round, as though he were a blue eyed cherub). He then asked me if I would be willing to audition for his band. I figured what have I to lose? Besides it would make music an even bigger part of my life which meant my bloody demons could stay away longer.

So we arranged a day, time, and a place.

The following week I went to Imperial College and made my way to the lecture room where the band was holding the auditions. I was shaking horribly. The annoying voice in my head that was always with me kept whispering at me. And as I got closer the voice grew louder. You're rubbish mate. They'll probably have a listen and tell you they'll call you but instead leave you hanging. Or worse they'll tell you you're garbage and tell you not to let the door hit you in arse on the way out.

It. Was. Maddening!

By the time I was a couple feet from the door the voice was screaming at me. My breathing was rapid and I felt like I would break. I used to have panic attacks when I was a kid and it had been years since the last one. I knew the feeling though and knew I had to stop and sit down before I faint. I leaned against the wall and slid down until I was seated on the floor.

I was working on trying to slow my breath and silencing that bloody voice when suddenly there were a pair of legs standing in front of me. I followed them up to the most beautiful being I had ever seen. The man had long dark hair, tan skin, a bone structure that seemed to have been carved by  Michelangelo himself, and he peered down at me with dark concerned eyes.

“Are you alright there, darling?” he asked. My breathing was still a little fast and ragged but not as bad as before.

“I-It's nothing I haven't dealt with before,” I said.

He nodded but continued to look at me worried. “Are you here for the audition?” I nodded. “And is it that that's caused this?” He motioned at me. I nodded again. He sighed and brought his hand to my cheek. “Darling, no matter what happens today I doubt it'll be anything compared to the pain of regret you will have if you decided not to go in there and shine. I promise you everyone in there is family, and won't tree you as anything less.”

My breathing finally slowed to a normal rhythm. The voice was rendered silent and I felt a great amount of peace. “Who are you?”

He smiled. “Freddie Mercury, darling,” he said. “Or at least I will be.” He held his hand out to me. “Now are you ready to change your life? Or did you want to stay out here and let your life pass you by?”

I breathed a sigh of relief and placed my hand in his. I picked up my bass and followed him inside.

“You're late,” said a tall lad sitting at one of the desks.

“Just doing a good deed Bri, no need to get snippy at me,” Freddie said taking his place among Bri and Roger. In introduced myself to Freddie and Bri and took my bass out. I played some songs from my former band and gave them my all. Freddie was the one who welcomed me into the band, once they'd deliberated. “You're playing is brilliant and your dance moves are definitely what this band needs.”

I smiled and hugged the shit out of the man.

We played a few gigs at the local pub and eventually decided we wanted to record an album. That album led to a record deal, which led to a tour, which led to more records, and eventually the whole world knew our name.

As time passed my feelings for Freddie grew. They continued to grow until I felt something that at the time was seen as vile among the assholes of the world; something a lot of people had to keep under wraps for fear of being killed. I was in love with him.

Sure he had Mary, the love of his life, and I had Ronnie but no matter how hard I tried there was no stopping it.

Then one night it happened.

We were a few days away from starting on our fifth record. I was married and a father. More importantly I was happy, and the voice that had taunted me that day all those years ago had never returned. We just finished another tour and were taking a week long break to relax before getting back to the studio. Two days into the break Ronnie got a call from her mum saying that her father was ill, so she took the baby and went to see him for a few days.

I was home alone the following night when there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it and found Freddie in tears. “Fred...what?”

“Mary left me,” he cried.

“Oh dear,” I sighed and moved aside to let him in. I closed the door and escorted him to the sitting room, sitting him down on the sofa. “What happened?”

Not going to lie. The lads and I knew there was something going on between him and Mary for quite some time now but we didn't want to pry.

“I-If I tell you something will you promise not to hate me?” Freddie said, almost begging.

“I could never hate you Fred,” I said. “I promise.”

He sniffed back a few tears and took a deep breath. “I-I'm gay Deaky.”

He looked at me expectantly but honestly... I had a feeling he was...we all did. For years we had believed that Fred was special, and would just come out when he was ready. Besides who am I to judge? I, a closeted bi-sexual in love with a man who just came out as gay. “D-Did you know?” he asked when I said nothing.

“I had a feeling,” I said. “Doesn't change how I feel about you though. I love you Fred...I'll always love you.”

Freddie broke down crying again and I wrapped my arms around him. I held him and let him sob, all the while cooing him and trying my best to sooth him. I kissed the tops of his head, tears now leaving my own face. Very slowly and nervously I brought my lips down to his cheek. Freddie froze at this.

“W-What are you doing?” he asked. I brought my hand to his cheek.

“You saved my life once,” I said. “And ever since then I've looked at you and seen an angel. Eventually I found out that not only do you exist but that one can indeed fall in love with an angel.” His eyes grew wide. “I love you Fred.”

I kissed his cheek again.

“I'm so in love with you it bloody hurt to think you might never really be mine,” I brushed my nose with his. “You're the love of my life Fred...and I'd rather die than go another day without saying so and doing this.”

I crashed my lips to his.

At first he didn't do anything. Just sat there frozen but then I felt him wrap his arms around me and he kissed back.

After a while we pulled back. “I love you too, Deaky.”

I smiled at that and stood up holding out my hand. He took it and I led him upstairs to the guest room. Once inside I brought my lips back to his and led him to the bed. I'd never done it with a man but I always imagined it feeling just as brilliant.

Once the clothes were gone we took turns. We kissed and touched. He would be inside me for a while and then I would be inside of him. Eventually, we both moaned loudly and released.

Sweaty and breathless we laid there holding one another. “So what happens now?” Fred asked. “I don't exactly want this...well I mean I do want this but...you know how the world will see it.”

“Fuck the world,” I said.

“And what about Ronnie and the baby?” Freddie asked. “I-I don't want to hurt them. I love them both too much to ever...”

“Ronnie already knows how I feel about you,” I said. “She's known for a while now but still loves me nonetheless and refuses to leave me to be killed by the press like a common criminal. I told her it was okay that she needn't stay and pretend. But she said she loved me, and I honestly love her and the baby.”

“So you'll stay with them then,” Freddie said. “I won't have it any other way. Freddie Mercury does not break families. Not now, not ever.”

“Then I guess this will have to be enough,” I said peppering his face and lips with kisses. “You, and me...together...for as long as we both shall live.”

“I do love having a romantic getaway every now and then,” he smiled.

We laughed and got to having another round. Then as we laid there peacefully being pulled into sleep I thought back to an old song of ours and how in a way those words were true, for us at least.

Then came a man before His feet he fell Unclean said the leper and rang his bell Felt the palm of a hand touch his head Go now go now you're a new man instead

I was indeed a new man after meeting Fred, a changed man, a better man. And I know that no matter what may come he will always be a part of me.

Taglist: @okaykathryn​ @fairestkillerqueenofall​ @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @boherahpsody​ @thebohemianpenguin​ @ihatethespacebars​ @madsthegroupie​ @freddie-bulsara-queen​ @rose-de-jaune​ @xxkellsvixen19xx​ @valeriecarolinaw​ @5sos-wdw​ @hearttshapeddboxx​ @spicyarreagaa​ @fluffffffffffff​ @pleasingiswhatweaimfor​ @hatemylifesofuckingmuch​ @jollyavacado​ @painandpleasure86​ @haileynicoleseavey17​ @queenlover1997​ @rrogerrz​ @peachyywine​ @mrsmazzello​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @zwiezraczek​ @night-writer-writer​ @theborhapboysawakenedmywhatever​ @tinywildeace​

[possibilistfanfiction]

Sutton D Brady is an actual angel on this earth thats all i really have if you want to do something with that

[ok honestly this is like five times sutton accidentally is a third wheel on a date w kat & adena + one time she isn’t (she hangs out w kat as her best friend pls don’t be weird pls do not) lmao poor sutton but don’t worry its cute]

//

1

you don’t really realize that kat had invited you as a third wheel on this date until it’s too late. you had had a really slow day at the office and kat had made up some excuse for both of you to have to leave, which you don’t think oliver or jacqueline had really bought but it’s a beautiful day and you had been a little down that morning about richard—it comes and goes, who knows why you were sad today—anyway.

kat takes you out for a late lunch somewhere in north bedstuy that serves southern comfort food and when you ask her how she knew about it she just shrugged, smiled, got you a bottle of rosé to share. 

you’re definitely a little day drunk and feeling a lot better, because kat had made you laugh a lot with distracting dumb stories and reports from this focus group she’d had to run, and you walk to the C afterward so you can go to the piers and get ice cream, even though you’re so. full.

you’re almost at ample when you see who you’re 99% sure is adena from a distance, and kat grins, this huge smile lighting up her face.

it definitely is adena, who is in a pretty hijab and these killer flowy dark green pants, and kat gives her a quick kiss.

‘i was nearby at my friend’s office in dumbo,’ she explains. ‘i hope it’s okay?’

she genuinely says it like a question, like she would leave if you said no, and kat scoffs but adena looks to you.

‘it’s definitely okay,’ you say, and it is, because you want to spend more time with your best friend’s girlfriend; from what you can tell, kat is definitely in it for the long haul. ‘i’m glad we get to hang out.’

‘me too,’ adena says, and asks about your day. kat jumps in so you don’t have to tell her how you’re ditching work because you were a little upset and you could hug her for it, but she’s holding adena’s hand and they walk beside you, both paying complete attention to you, but their hands are linked and they’re quite literally the most beautiful couple you’ve ever seen, you’re pretty sure. it makes you ache a little more but adena buys you all ice cream and you sit at pier three in the gardens and the city is beautiful behind you; it’s quiet.

kat licks melting ice cream off of adena’s hand and it makes adena roll her eyes and it makes you laugh and you definitely realize this part of your day was absolutely a date.

but then, after you’ve finished your ice cream, adena leaves to go do some editing on a shoot she’d finished last week; she kisses kat goodbye and gives you a tight, heartfelt hug.

‘good to see you, sutton,’ she says.

‘yeah,’ you say, ‘you too.’

kat is a little stunned watching adena walk away, you think, from her wide eyes and dumb ass little smile.

‘i’m definitely falling in love,’ she says.

you laugh at your friend and she helps you up and then shoves you a little, cheeks turning pink. 

‘you’re absolutely already in love,’ you tell her, wrap your arm around her shoulders as you walk toward high street. 

‘yeah, i guess.’

‘you are.’ you bump her hip and she smiles. ‘it’s great though, kat.’

she lets out a deep breath and goes to hold your hand, but you swat it away. ‘i don’t know where that thing has been.’

‘i’ve washed my hands today, sutton.’

‘ah, so you have had sex.’

kat lifts a brow and strides off in front of you. ‘i like to start my mornings with cardio, what can i say?’

‘you’re terrible,’ you grumble, but it’s fond and you and kat fall asleep on your couch once you get home, trying to get through the staircase in like your fifth attempt.

you wake up to jane taking a series of pictures of the two of you and you groan and kat just burrows into the pillows.

‘she’s tired,’ you explain, ‘from her sex fest this morning.’

‘whatever,’ she says. ‘be jealous all you want.’

//

2

it’s very clearly a date to you this time about ten minutes in, even though this is the most ridiculous date ever.

all you had wanted to do was get bread, milk, eggs, and ginger beer from trader joe’s and you were already near downtown brooklyn anyway, because jane had some weird work drinks thing at kimoto and you could both just take the train back from hoyt. you had been at target with kat because it’s like the most pleasant dissociative episode ever, each time you’re there, and somehow adena finds the two of your in the middle of the home decor section, kisses kat hello and then manages to find the ugliest mirror you have ever seen in your life, which had made you both laugh.

you’d met jane in the grocery store and of course the line is long as shit, and kat and adena wander off to find halal chicken nuggets, apparently, and you and jane watch them with a synchronized sigh as the white dude with dreads in front of you fumbles with his kombucha.

‘did they just turn a grocery run into a date?’ you ask.

‘kat has been on a melodrama loop lately. you know, hard feelings.’

‘i honestly thought that was because of liability.’

jane waits a beat and then lets out a big laugh, a good laugh. ‘incredible,’ she says. ‘what a drag.’

you shrug. ‘what can i say? the library is open.’

kat and adena come back and kat says, ‘paris is burning,’ dramatically and with absolutely zero context.

they’re holding hands and have found the halal nuggets in dramatic fashion because the box adena’s holding is gigantic. 

‘we were reading you,’ jane says.

kat rolls her eyes. ‘about what?’ she asks. ‘i’m perfect.’

‘chaotic neutral big dick energy,’ you say.

kat grins and adena laughs.

‘that’s not a read,’ kat says, and you and jane have an unspoken agreement, you’re sure, to never tell kat about how you know she’s really terrified she’s going to fuck everything up with adena because you can see what sh’e listening to on spotify—blond and ctrl and melodrama, yikes—so you let her have it.

‘here, ms big dick energy,’ jane says, handing over the ginger beer which is admittedly a little heavy. ‘hold this.’

kat sighs and hefts it up like she’s doing a bicep curl only her arm shakes a little and it’s adena who laughs first.

you and jane grin and start laughing too and it’s not the worst date ever, you guess.

//

3

you’d definitely made plans to watch nanette with kat at 7 pm thursday night, because you’d seen it and you knew sacrificing your own tears a second time would be vital because kat’s really been through a lot of ‘identity politics,’ as jane calls them, the past few months, even though she acts like it doesn’t affect her very much.

you’re sure these were your plans because she’d put them into your phone herself, so you’re a little confused as to why she’s not answering her door and you’re holding a bottle of wine and a bag of truffle butter popcorn you’d stollen from a shoot earlier and it’s hot as shit in her hallway. 

when you try the door, though, it’s unlocked, thank god, even though you’re a little worried, so you go in.

you are, sadly but also hilariously, not surprised when you see kat completely naked in bed, her computer propped up next to her kind of clumsily, and her head shoots up in your direction and says, ‘shit, adena, i’m sorry, i gotta go,’ and slams her computer shut.

you start to laugh and she tries to wipe her hand on her sheets without you noticing and scrambles around to find a pair of underwear.

‘i’ve seen you naked, like, a thousand times,’ you say, getting out wine glasses, because you’d definitely just walked in on your best friend having facetime sex with her girlfriend but honestly you’re surprised it’s taken you this long at this point. ‘don’t hurry on my account.’

kat throws on a t-shirt and walks over to you, a little smirk on her face. ‘i lost track of time.’

‘you sure did.’

she laughs because you’re smiling and goes to grab a handful of popcorn.

‘are you kidding me?’

‘i’m hungry.’

‘wash your hands, kat.’

‘it was the other hand, i swear to god.’

you lift a brow and she grumbles but dutifully scrubs at her hands while keeping eye contact with you. the back of her hair is coming out of its bun and her cheeks are flushed and she dries her hands with a flourish. ‘happy now?’

‘not as happy as you.’

kat has the courtesy to blush even more. ‘adena’s been gone for two weeks shooting in indonesia—’

‘—oh, we know—’

‘—so i just, you know, missed her.’

‘gay.’

kat huffs. ‘i’m bi.’ she thinks to herself. ‘queer?’

you kiss her cheek, start to pour the wine. ‘i can’t believe i crashed a date when your girlfriend isn’t even in the country.’

kat takes the glass of wine you hand her and lifts it in a toast. ‘i’m sorry.’

you shrug. ‘don’t be. i’m glad you’re happy.’

you clink glasses. ‘me too.’

you sit down on her couch and she grabs popcorn and this time you don’t mind.

‘this is going to ruin your mood for sure, though.’

kat sighs. ‘so i’ve heard.’

you’re both crying by the end and kat burrows into your side, sniffling.

‘stay here tonight?’

‘buy me coffee in the morning,’ you say, even though you have a full outfit for tomorrow and all of your makeup in your bag anyway, because you know her.

‘breakfast too, even that disgusting sandwich with sausage if you want.’

‘deal.’

kat smiles a little and you go to get in her bed wearily before you remember exactly what activity she was doing earlier.

‘change the sheets first, kat.’

‘i’m so tired,’ she pouts.

you raise your brows.

‘so sad, sutton.’

you stand your ground and she rolls her eyes and stomps around but you help her change the sheets.

‘i love you,’ she says, once you’re both situated.

‘i love you too, kat.’

‘you’ve been, just, really important to me in all this, really good, you know that?’

‘yeah,’ you say. ‘i’m the best.’

/

you wake up to pee in the middle of the night and it’s like 2 am but kat is texting adena, you know, because she’s turned over in bed and there’s a little light radiating from her phone. you don’t say anything because you understand mostly but maybe a little you don’t, and she puts away her phone.

‘time difference,’ she says, and you know it’s about comfort and love but you let her have it.

‘tragic.’

‘she’ll be home in a few days.’

‘great,’ you say, ‘because i really don’t think facetime is fully doing it for you. you’ve been a tightly wound pain in the ass to all of your interns lately.’

you’re both a little delirious so you end up laughing and it’s warm and safe and you fall back asleep.

//

4

you’re walking back to kat’s apartment from chelsea, where you’d been to see adena’s latest gallery show—which was really stunning and featured your best friend, a lot, so you cannot wait to tease her later—and they’re holding hands and they keep kissing, light little kisses and it’s cute and really sweet and you love them a lot.

jane is talking about the paintings that were at the show too and it’s a beautiful night, a little chilly after a rainstorm, and it’s late, but there’s really no place you’d rather be.

it’s awesome and peaceful and sort of perfect until some random dude walks past the four of you, takes one look at kat and adena, and says a word that makes adena grit her teeth and jane stiffen and you’re absolutely positive kat is going to get into a fight when she turns around immediately.

‘what the fuck,’ she says, and you’ve seen kat angry and you’ve seen kat hurt and you’ve seen kat genuinely confused and this is all of those things at once, which is. not great.

adena tugs on her hand. ‘kat,’ she says, and from the immediate weariness in her voice you can tell this is certainly not the first time someone has called her a slur. it makes your heart ache and jane is so tiny but she’s already stepping between kat and the dude, and you do too.

he doesn’t seem fazed at all and says it again and you swear to god kat is about to lose her fucking mind and you feel furious too, but it’s not safe for any of you to get into an actual physical fight with this dude and you’re also really fucking terrified.

‘kat,’ you say, tug on her shoulder hard. her jaw clenches and she swallows and then says, ‘fuck you,’ at the dude and to your relief turns around.

adena takes her hand again but it’s not the same gentleness they’d had just a few seconds ago, because mostly she just pulls kat down the street quickly.

jane is absolutely your favorite person in the world because she stands her ground until you can tell they’re far enough down the block.

‘i’m going to call the police,’ jane says, her phone already on 911, all she has to do is press call. 

the guy narrows his eyes, looks at her brightly lit phone, and turns around, starts to walk away quickly.

‘oh my god,’ she says, puts her phone in her pocket and you hold her hand immediately because it is shaking.

you both take a few deep breaths and walk toward where kat and adena had gone, and you’re really not surprised when you see kat pacing back and forth around the next street corner, holding her phone in a white knuckled grip, while adena just stands calmly, quiet.

she sees the two of you and launches into a hug and she’s crying and shaking and it makes you really fucking sad and really fucking angry that her life is going to have shit like this in it.

none of you says anything and you go back to her apartment and open a really good bottle of whiskey her parents had gotten her for her birthday and you and jane busy yourself making sandwiches for everyone while kat and adena talk quietly in the corner.

you glance over and kat brushes some of adena’s hair behind her ear and adena rubs her hand under kat’s eye, wiping some tears. kat takes a deep breath and kisses adena deeply and you and jane wait for, like, a full minute before loudly announcing that you’re done with the sandwiches and would definitely like to do a shot.

it gets a laugh out of kat and adena smiles in thanks at the two of you and you get drunk watching every single hayley kiyoko music video on youtube.

/

the next day you and jane get to work before kat and the little rainbow flag fits perfectly in her mason jar of styluses—weirdo, but you let her have it—on her desk. 

you meet her in the lobby thirty minutes later and buy her coffee and you’d left late last night sufficiently drunk so you’re all hungover but you hug her tight and you and jane watch when she goes to her desk.

she smiles, soft and tender and big, and looks over to the two of you.

jane winks and you do finger guns and you hear kat laughing as you walk toward the fashion department.

//

5

you don’t realize that kat took you to a queer night at union pool until you’re there, but you honestly don’t mind at all because not one person has touched your ass or just assumed you wanted another drink.

kat and adena hang out with you long enough that you and kat finish two drinks and then kat’s eyes start drifting down to adena’s boobs and adena’s hand snakes around kat’s back and you laugh and tell them to go dance, that you’ll be fine.

and you definitely are totally fine, because someone super cute—reggie, you find out—comes up and sits next to you, buys you another drink after they’ve asked if you want one.

you’re verging on drunk but suddenly you remember some fucking soliloquy kat had gone on the other day after a queer panel jacqueline had had her speak on while you were all doing face masks before grey’s anatomy and so you ask, ‘hey, what are your pronouns?’

reggie smiles and says, ‘they/them,’ and you nod.

‘cool,’ you say. ‘she/her.’

distantly you think kat would be really proud but reggie smiles at you and asks if you want to dance and you try to find kat and adena for a second but you have no idea where they went off to, but you definitely do want to dance.

it’s fun and reggie is handsome and has braids that might be even better than kat’s—you’d never tell her because she wouldn’t talk to you for, like, a day probably—and tomboy by princess nokia comes on and it’s fun and you’re laughing and you’re sure your best friend is living her best fucking life because you have heard this song more times in the past two weeks from her spotify than you have in years.

reggie grins and it doesn’t feel odd at all to kiss them, because you’re dancing and it’s sexy and you’re having fun. you dance some more and go to the bar to get some water, eventually, and kat finds you there, her lipstick definitely more adena’s shade now than it was before they went off somewhere and adena is trying to fix her hijab.

they’re ridiculous and in love and kat grins at you while she closes your tab and you’re really fucking tired but you get reggie’s number before you head out with your friends.

‘who was that?’ adena asks, squished between the two of you in the back of a lyft but she’s resting her head on kat’s shoulder and they both look far too sated for having just danced.

‘reggie,’ you say. kat winks. ‘they’re cute.’

kat reaches across adena to give you a high five and then definitely performs a very clumsy and incredibly obvious boob graze on her girlfriend and they make eyes at each other and you clear your throat for posterity.

you don’t mind at all, though, really, not even a little bit.

//

1

shit with your mom has been fucked up and exhausting and dating is fun but kind of lonely, really, and it’s so nice outside but jane is knee deep in an article about neighborhood segregation and public school districts and you’re just.

a little achy.

kat texts you and asks if you want to go to prospect park for a picnic and you almost say no, because you fucking love adena but they’re so in love and so happy sometimes they just make your loneliness worse, even though that’s a shitty thing to think—they do.

but you say yes because you definitely need to not watch dark tourist all day and you get ready and are remarkably there on time even with delays on the Q.

you’re surprised when kat is waiting for you by herself, lounging on a bench near the market with sunglasses and an actual, honest to good book.

‘hey,’ you say, and she stands to give you a hug. ‘where’s your girlfriend.’

‘i don’t do everything with her,’ kat says. ‘but she’s at her office today. she got nominated for some big award and instead of wanting to celebrate she just went right back to work.’

‘ah, so that’s why you get along so well,’ you say, take off in the direction of your favorite bread stall. ‘workaholics.’

kat scoffs and pushes you but she doesn’t bother to argue.

‘so i’m second choice, then.’

you say it as a light joke and you don’t think that at all but you’re in A Mood and it comes out more serious than you intended.

‘what?’ kat says, grabs your arm and turns to face you, flicks her sunglasses up. ‘you’re never my second choice, sutton. i love you so fucking much.’

you sniffle and you hate that you’re going to cry all of a sudden and kat frowns and pulls you into a hug.

‘i’m sorry if i’ve ever made you feel otherwise.’

you shake your head into her shoulder and your, ‘you don’t, you haven’t,’ comes out a little muffled but you feel her nod so you know she heard.

‘okay.’

you sigh and back up and wipe under your eyes. kat still looks concerned so you shake your head. ‘just—stuff with babs, dating sucks, all of that.’

‘yeah.’ she heads toward the bread stall too, even though you hadn’t said anything.

‘do you want to talk about it?’ she picks out an olive oil and rosemary loaf and you really fucking love her. 

‘not right now,’ you say.

she nods. ‘well, i brought champagne.’

‘incredible.’

you buy cheese and fruit and walk to a place near the lake, lay out the blanket kat had brought, one she’d gotten in peru, which makes you grin because you know she’d thought of you and jane and your picnics when she’d found it.

she talks about her latest project at work and you lowkey want to inform her that she’s an influencer now but she’s a little arrogant enough already honestly so you just let her have this one. you make little sandwiches and you make her put sunscreen on even when she whines about it because the UV index is 10 today and jane would kill you both if you got sunburned.

you lay down and talk about music and the actual paper copy of a book she was reading and how she might want a tattoo and you pet like six dogs and eventually you sit up and grin.

‘this is wild, but we’re already on the Q so do you want to go to coney island?’

she laughs and shrugs. ‘why the hell not?’

you gather your stuff and she leans against you on the train, sundrunk and exhausted, and you’re both sweaty and not at all glamorous and this is exactly what you needed.

she patiently stands in line with you at nathan’s and only moderately complains about all the tourists, and you’re both in denim shorts but she stands with you in the ocean eating her hot dog and laughs when you take a boomerang and you walk back to the train eventually, so tired and much, much lighter than you’d felt this morning.

you ride together and are quiet, and it’s easy and you’re both way more grown up now, but you’ve been best friends for five years and you think you’re really fucking lucky.

she gets ready to get off at canal, before you at 14th, and gives you a weirdly positioned hug—you’re still sitting and she’s stood up—and it makes you both laugh.

‘that was the best day,’ she says. ‘thanks.’

‘have fun celebrating tonight.’

‘are you kidding? i’m so tired i’m just going to watch dark tourist and go to sleep.’

you laugh. ‘love me some good problematic binge watching.’

kat grins. ‘always.’

the train comes to a stop and she waves. ‘love you, sutton.’

‘love you too, kat.’

[lids-flutter-open]

a thing i wrote for the rabbi in preparation for finishing my conversion

1. How did you get to be sitting here today - tell me your story, how you learned to love Judaism, why you aren't x-tan anymore

I grew up in Olympia, Washington. My mother was "spiritual" but not specifically religious, and took us to a Unitarian Universalist church. I think this was a good experience for me, because it connected time in church ("church") to time talking about social justice concerns, and to caring about other people in a concentrated way. The UU church fed people at a shelter and raised money for environmental causes. I think it informed my principles as a person, even though my mother stopped taking us after a while. My father, whose mother was fairly fervently Methodist, didn't like religion. As a child, I associated religion proper--the kind of Christianity that other people did, for instance--with being asked to believe in something that was impossible, and the moral logic of religion, and especially Christianity as my grandmother knew it, didn't make a lot of sense to me. I was without any kind of religion throughout high school. I often felt depressed and anxious; I was gay and trans, and even after my parents began supporting me, many of my friends faced bullying, homelessness, mental health crises, and abuse. As I learned more about war, iniquity, and imperialism, I often felt like the world as it existed was beyond help, and that too many people suffered for the world to have any order. During that time, as I participated in LGBT groups around my town, I met some friends who were Jewish and coming into what that meant to them. I had really interesting conversations around Jewish ideas of God and morality with my friend Levi, who had grown up in a very racist town in Nevada and who embraced the idea of an all-knowing God who at the same time was mysteriously and frustratingly absent and who one had to both believe in and be angry at. In college, I took a class on European Jewish literature since the 1800s and read a lot of literature (from Gluckel von Hameln to Irene Nemirovsky and Stefan Zweig and Marx and Freud) accompanied by the analysis of a very gay older professor who tried very hard to keep his analysis secular while giving us religious concepts to provide context for the significance of writers' desperation, alienation, and struggle. A central idea that stuck with me from that class was the paradox of a God who has issued laws which everyone must follow for the salvation of the world even though nobody is sure exactly how to follow them. It combined the comforting and somewhat idealistic certainty that there was a plan with the sensible conclusion that, based on the chaos and horror extant in the world today, nobody was enforcing that plan and for practical purposes humanity was on its own to solve its problems. I also was fascinated that the ideas of Marx, and the ideas of many of the people who tried to formulate socialist states from the ruins of monarchies in the early 20th century, were influenced by the Jewish messianic tradition and were part of the idea that people themselves could bring on the dawn of the ultimate, perfect era of life on Earth if we only worked together and worked hard enough. It's romantic, but I pictured Jewish socialists motorcycling across the Russian steppe (as indeed they did, when carrying news during the 1918 crisis), imagining that their work might fix what everyone else had gotten wrong. I like Judaism because it recognizes humanity's messiness and mistakes, including prophets. It notes the arguments people have had, the different views people take, the times people have seriously messed up and faced consequences for it, the times people have seriously messed up and faced no consequences. It is concerned with bodies and matter and daily practice more than with immortal souls, but also speaks about souls and love and hope. It remembers, and it watches, and it hopes for the day where the word of G-D becomes something real--something explicitly material--, and tries to work for it, but admits that there may or may not be a clear path to get there. At the same time, it motivates me to do work in the world directed outwards, toward helping people. 2. Tell me about God / spirituality / prayer. What does that all mean to you?

I like thinking of God as the connection that exists between people, and anything good, but also as something boundless, beyond good and evil, and utterly incomprehensible to human identity, morality, etc. God is in the wonder of a wave crashing down on the sand. God is the potential for good things to happen because God is the potential for anything to happen, and when someone is a human, the best potential is that humans can come together and fix something, or figure out a way to care for each other better. Prayer is also being glad to be alive, to see candles or smell smoke or feel one's arms working in the morning. I pray because I believe there's some way to tap into that sort of divine similarity I have with all other beings and all other matter and make something happen that's good. I also think there is a lot to be said for the way Jewish prayer emphasizes sensual pleasure and simple appreciation of one's material body and material existence. I think God is a way for me to understand all bodies as good, for all experiences of bodies to be divine, even if they are painful. 

3. What are some meaningful Jewish rituals / practices that you do and why are they important to you?

I observe Shabbat by avoiding grocery shopping, laundry, and travel on that day, and by trying to spend time with friends. I attend services on Friday nights and some Saturday mornings at CBE. In the last year, I have also observed the Jewish holidays of Shavuot, Tisha b'Av, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hannukah, Purim and Pesach. On Rosh Hashanah, I made food for my friends, including two new friends from my synagogue, even though my apartment is pretty small, and tried to incorporate foods traditional to the new year like apples and honey, round challah, and other foods. I observed Tisha b'Av and Yom Kippur by fasting, and throughout the month of Elul I thought a lot about the things in my life I wanted to change and about calamities I wanted to do something to prevent or to help people recover from. I read a book recommended by Rabbi Katz (This is Real and You're Completely Unprepared by Alan Lew) in order to better approach the holiday from a mindset of introspection and reconciliation with the parts of myself I wanted to leave behind. I also took a new appreciation of the themes of Elul and Yom Kippur with me as I rewatched Angels in America, which deals a lot in Jewish reconciliation, forgiveness, and death. On Hannukah I went to friends' houses in order to eat latkes and other oily foods and also engaged in conversations about the dubious victory of the Maccabees/when a revolution becomes a repressive regime. On Purim I went to party and attended services, and thought about what it means to survive something terrible and what it means to ask for revenge or to make up a story where you get revenge, and what the difference is. On Passover I was with friends in 2017 and 2018, talking about freedom, human trafficking, refugees, motherhood and reproductive freedom, and a list of other issues that seem more relevant every year. In 2018 I also learned songs, both traditional and more recent.   In terms of everyday rituals: I try to give to people who ask for things. I try to care for people in my life who I value. I try to think critically and to better myself and to improve the world. I try to criticize tyrants. I try to be thankful for my body. I try to forgive people, and also to think carefully about when someone deserves forgiveness. I try to rigorously evaluate my standards for living a decent life and see if they are good enough. I try to remember history. I think about how the lessons of Torah relate to my life and what wisdom that text contains that I can apply to my life and sometimes make Spotify playlists related to books of the Torah. I try to read the weekly parsha and think about it critically. I read feminist books about Judaism and read fiction by Jewish authors. 4. What do you still want to learn / read about when you are Jewish?

I want to learn Hebrew so I can comfortably read in services in either language. I want to learn more about the history of Jewish people in the United States and around the world, because even as I learn more there is still a lot I have missed out on. 

5. What Hebrew name are you thinking of having? And Why? Zev as a biblical name originates from a reference to Benjamin, who is called "a wolf that raveneth". The text refers to Benjamin-as-wolf killing prey in the morning and dividing spoils in evening. But there isn't much reference to whether Benjamin actually ever does any killing, though he gave rise to the line that included Ehud, Saul and, supposedly, Mordecai. Some consider the term "ravenous Wolf" not to refer to war at all but to refer to Temple sacrifices. Benjamin is known in rabbinic tradition as being a uniquely upstanding, sin-free person, and is also notable for being the youngest son of Rachel, and the last child of Jacob. When I was considering names for myself as a fifteen-year-old after coming out as trans, I considered Benjamin (on the advice of my therapist!) because of Rachel trying to name Benjamin Benoni after her pain and death, but failing. The name represented a triumph above origin while also presenting a puzzle because the actual etymology of the name is contested--it means son of days, son of the south, etc etc. But I didn't choose Benjamin as a name then, and I don't want to choose it now, because it's too full of a story and too precise. I like Zev because, though it's technically an allusion to this character, it also just means Wolf. I like that there are aspects of Benjamin's life I could step into, but don't want to draw parallels between myself and a biblical character every time I say my name. I like wolves, and have since I was a child, because they are both powerful and dangerous but also care for one another. Researchers studying wolves have found that in the wild they are far more communal and less aggressive toward each other than they are in captivity or under stress. I think that the protective powers of the wolf, and also the familial bonds between wolves, is something I want to emulate. I want to step into a different aspect of the name than Zev Jabotinsky, whose militancy and ferocity I think are antithetical to building an enduring, peaceful, prosperous future for humanity and other species on this planet.

[nighterfangirlwriter]

New Beginning: The gaze (Part1)

Reader x Sister x Stepfather (meeting Klaus and Elijah)

Fandom: The Originals

Wordcount: 1430

Imagine living in New York City with your stepfather after your mother passed away. You are now 18, and your little sister is 6. Your stepfather abuses you physically, mentally and sexually but you know that you cannot leave your sister alone. And so, one day you notice that he looks at her with a strange look and you try to figure out how to escape that powerful man.

Authors note: I hope you will enjoy this piece. Please let me know if you did and if would like part two. This may surprise you, but I am new to the tumblr, and so I hope you like my creation. If you did not like it, then please say why, instead of spreading hate. Please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes, but English is not my first language.

Warnings: Mention of violence: physical, mental and sexual, (the brutal, violent scene at the end) if you are not okay with this type of writing or if you struggle and this might worsen your condition then please skip this writing. I am sure you will find something more appealing to you.  

It is six in the morning when your phone starts buzzing. You get up, and you look around your bedroom. The door to your bathroom is to your right and to your left is a double door leading to your walk-in closet and in-between of those two rooms are doors leading out of your room. You go into the bathroom, you take a shower, wash your hair and your face. Then you sit in front of the large mirror and put your makeup on. You then dried and styled your hair into a high ponytail. You then left your bathroom and walked into your closed, you took an outfit that you prepared a day before. It consisted red-wine sweeter, a white-collar shirt, skinny black jeans and high heel boots. On top of that, you put on your favourite vintage-marine black coat. You grabbed your school bag and your car keys and walk down the stairs.

It was already 8.30 am, and you meet your sister in the hallway waiting for you to drive her to school. ‘Are you ready?’ You ask her. She looked at you with a big smile and said ‘Always’ you returned her smile and as you were about to leave he came into the hallway. And you saw that vicious smile on his face, but you were used to it, and it didn’t frighten you anymore. It was the way he looked at Lili that made you shiver. He looked at her as if he was the hunter and she was the pray. He was about to walk away when Lili noticed his presence and turned; with a blink of an eye she was running towards him calling ‘Daddy’. God, she is so innocent. You thought, but you had to do something to get her away from him so you did the only thing that you could. ‘Lili, we are going to be late’ you said impatiently, you could not bear to see him touch her especially today because he hugged her “possessively”. When he let go of her, his eyes rested on you, His lips were curved in a fake smile, but his eyes were strangling you. ‘Bye, daddy, I love you, have a lovely day!’ Lili thundered full of enthusiasm. ‘I love you too dolly.’ He responded with fake warmth in voice. He is not capable of loving, you thought. And then you two left the house.

You were listening to Lili’s favourite song all the way to her school. You were thinking of a way of protecting her from that monster. After 30 minutes of driving, you finally got to Lili’s school. ‘Have a wonderful day Lil’ you said to her as she was about to leave the car. She then looked at you and with a big smile said. ‘You too Y/N’. And she disappeared into the school crowd.

You then carried on driving to your school. You were drowning in your thoughts, unnoticeably you started to speak to yourself. ‘What should I do? How can I protect her? He can hurt me, I will take it. Whatever it is. His words can’t hurt me anymore. His actions already hurt me. He can’t hurt me anymore. There is only one thing he can do to break me. If he hurts Lily. She is innocent and pure. She is an angel, and he is the Devil himself. I need to do something to protect her. But what?’ By the time you could answer your question, you were already in the parking lot at your school. And someone was knocking at your car window to get your attention. ‘If you are planning on getting to Mrs Trarian class on time, you better hurry up!’ Alex shouted so you could hear him.

Alex was your best friend. Your only friend, as you were constantly moving from city to city, and despite being rich, you didn’t want to “buy” yourself a bunch of fake friends and instead you decided to be friends with this awkward, cute, gay boy. Who had a bright smile and messy blonde hair and who never took anything seriously. He believed that worry brings wrinkles. You told him and trusted him with everything, apart from this one thing. You never told him about who really is your stepfather; a monster. You reserved to a minimum when it came to him, that you didn’t really like him, but you never said why.

When you got out of the car, Alex immediately took your hand under his arm. ‘Oh My God, you will not believe who was at my house last night.’ He said with such enthusiasm that you couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at you with the playful-angry look and carried on. ‘So, I was with Andrew.’ He seemed so proud. Andrew was his all-time crush. ‘No freaking way, tell me all about it. And don’t you dare miss any detail. I. Want. To. Know. It. All.’ You said the last couple of words like a threat to signal him that he can’t miss anything. Not a single detail. ‘So…’ he carried on ‘he came to my house because he needed my help with physics. And after an hour my mom said that she is going to her friends. After the front doors fell shut, he got up, and we started to make out and then … we, you know.’ He finished his story as we here approaching our history class. ‘I can’t believe you have done it before me, really I need to speed up my game.’ And then we walked into the class.

Thankfully, Mrs Trarian was off, and your substitute teacher turned on some documentary about the “French Revolution” because you could not concentrate on what was happening in the classroom. You were preoccupied with the behaviour of your stepfather, every time you closed your eyes you could see how he looked at your baby sister.

After your history class, you faked to feel ill, and you went home. Unfortunately, your stepfather was there. You walked into the house and instantly realised that he wasn’t alone. He was with clients. You were headed upstairs when you heard ‘Y/N, is that you.’ You immediately thought regrettably yes, but you only said. ‘Yes.’ As politely as you could. ‘Can you please come here for a second?’ And you made your way into his office, at least he can’t hurt you. You thought as you walked. You walked into his office, and you immediately saw two men standing there. You swallowed hard, and you heard. ‘What is wrong darling? Why are you home?’ You stood there astonished. What a son-of-a-bitch, a fucking actor. ‘I wasn’t feeling very well, so I decided to come home.’ You tried to sound like a good daughter, that you had to pretend to be every time his work-related people were around. ‘Listen I am about to finish with these gentlemen so why don’t you go to your room and I will come right there to see if you needed anything?’ Your eyes wide open with fear and you say with trembling voice. ‘I, um it is, it’s, um fine. I am s-sure it will pass soon. D-d-don’t trouble yourself. He looked at you viciously, as you almost disguised him. ‘Excuse me Misters Mikealson’ You saw him walk towards you and you couldn’t help but take a step back. He gripped your arm hard and motion you to your room. Your body tensioned and your steps were forced by him. You walked in silence.

He opened your bedroom door and pushed you, you struggled to keep your balance. And then he came close to you; his body millimetres way. ‘Do you think you can come here and embarrass me in front of my best clients?’ You could smell his rotten breath. ‘Gosh, you’re so beautiful’ His breath heavy on your right ear as his hand moved a piece of hair off your face. ‘But you need to be punished.’ He spat with sharp, aggressive voice. And then you felt a firm grip pulling your hair, and he pushed you. You landed on the floor. And all you could hear is ringing in your ears, your eyes unable to focus, you feel a heavy weight on your stomach, and then pain shoots your face, and you could taste your blood in your mouth. A tight grip on your shoulders lifted you. Then pushed you to the ground, hitting your head and back on the floor. Once. Twice. And then it stopped, and you laid on the floor peacefully. Half unconscious. Your eyes struggled to stay open, and you saw two pairs of shoes. Your eyes fell shut.  

Thank you for taking your time and reading my work! Please let me know what your thoughts on this piece are! I really want to know! :)      

Part Two

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[bergaruh]

Tagged by @wheezboys​ thank u so much??!!?

Rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last:

1. Drink - coffee 

2. Phone call - mac or my grandmother i dont know which 

3. Text message - my friend jesse!

4. Song you listened to - should have known better, sufjan stevens

5. Time you cried - i crushed my finger under the cream machine at work today and tears rose to my eyes unbidden 

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice? - ive never dated :(

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - ive kissed two people and hated both of them in the end 

8. Been cheated on - not technically 

9. Lost someone special - we all have at some point i think

10. Been depressed - i mean.....yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - i will never throw up. i won't let myself im not even kidding

Fave colours:

12. red

13. purple

14. olive green

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - no the last friend i made was tessa and that was over a year ago now!!!

16. Fallen out of love - platonically, yeah

17. Laughed until you cried - yeah there was this one post and i fukcnig died last night ask me for it im dying to laugh again jhfklghfdljkghd

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yesterday! 

19. Met someone who changed you - yeah, not great

20. Found out who your friends are - i dont have irl friends anymore so i guess thats a yes?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no i blocked ****** and j*sse doesn't have social media

General:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but two that i met on tungle

23. Do you have any pets -technically no but my parents have a gorgeous boy named stinky (ask for pics and ye shall receive) 

24. Do you want to change your name - Most Desperately 

25. What did you do for your last birthday - i was at my friend jess’ and her mother found out ive never gotten a birthday cake and made me a cinnamon roll with a candle and i almost cried

26. What time did you wake up today - 06:15

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - trying to sleep

28. What is something you can’t wait for - friday i get trained for my executive position at my school!

30. What are you listening to right now - eugene, sufjan stevens (BEST SUFJAN SONG) 

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah!! we wrote music together! i wanted to uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... d*te him 

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - all my impending deadlines :)

33. Most visited website - JSTOR

34. Hair colour - blonde but brown in some places

35. Long or short hair - long and thicc 

36. Do you have a crush on someone - kind of??? but i dont Know because th*mas really fuvked me up

37. What do you like about yourself - nothing much to like! 

38. Want any piercings? - i have Several and i think i want my next one to be on my nose somewhere

39. Blood type -  o negative

40. Nicknames - zak is technically a nickname since its short for zacharian but zak attack (tessa), sweet gee (myself but also tessa), geesus (mac)

41. Relationship status - single and gay

42. Zodiac - scorpio 

43. Pronouns - he/they 

44. Fave tv shows - x files, dirk gently, t**n w*lf (sorry god sorry mam), hannibal, the good place

45. Tattoos -two on my leg. a mourning band and karma police

46. Right or left handed - left but i can write faster with my right hand because my mother legit forced me to as a kid

47. Ever had surgery - again, Several, 

48. Piercings - i had my lip pierced but it got ripped out in a fight. my ears are pierced thrice on both sides and an industrial on the right

49. Sport - i was in a car accident that crushed the left side of my body so not anymore but i used to play soccer, rugby, and i figure skated 

50. Vacation - road trip around north america w my friends!

51. Trainers - as in shoes? i have some. 

More general:

52. Eating - im scared to eat rn because theres a stomach bug going around and my roommate had it yesterday and if i dont eat i won't be able to throw up so 

53. Drinking - i drink whiskey every day of my life. also coffee. and when im feeling healthy, tea. 

54. I’m about to watch - nothing im writing a research paper on commodus and nero

55. Waiting for - the day i finally best god in hand to hand combat

56. Want - to finish this essay

57. Get married - for sure! id love to be like “thats my husband!” and knock someone tf OUT

Which is better:

59. Hugs or kisses - not great w physical contact tbh

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - uuuuuuuh im 4′11″ so im gonna say....taller......

62. Older or younger - older im 20 so right now anyone younger is kinda weird for me

63. Nice arms or stomach - ARMS justin_bieber_i_love_arm.jpg

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker i cause shit all the time 

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger - not physically

67. Drank hard liquor - yeah moonshine is my bitch

68. Lost glasses - no i only had one pair throughout my entire life and then i switched to contacts and wore them way longer than ur supposed to because it was cheaper and now i Just Dont See

69. Turned someone down - yeah and it was awkward

70. Sex on first date - never dated so No

71. Broken someones heart - i think so but u know

72. Had your heart broken - oh yeah losing vogal felt like losing family

73. Been arrested - :)

74. Cried when someone died - mark

75. Fallen for a friend - jesse i guess but not really

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself - absolutely not im a bozo 

77. Miracles - no 

78. Love at first sight - no but i believe u were meant for some people?? like at first sight is a little soon but some people u meet and u Know i guess

79. Santa Claus - yeah!! its so uplifting to think he's real, christmas feels that much better if u do

80. Kiss on a first date - i wouldn't but you do you! if ur comfortable and u ask u can and should! 

81. Angels - i want to

Other:

82. Best friend’s name - tessa! stormy! begrudgingly mac... 

83. Eye colour - one is blue and one is green but if u weren't looking u wouldn't notice

84. Fave movie: rn pacrim is my Interest so we’ll say pacific rim

85. Fave actor- HUGH DANCY

Tagging: @unsolvedbfs @spoookystardust @ghoulign (even tho u already did it) and uuuuh anyone who wants to! the ppl i usually tag on main aren't in this fandom and i dont know many ppl 

[just0nemorepage]

My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories || Stephanie Perkins || 321 pages ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top 3 Genres: Young Adult / Short Stories / Romance

Synopsis: If you love holiday stories, holiday movies, made-for-TV-holiday specials, holiday episodes of your favorite sitcoms and, especially, if you love holiday anthologies, you’re going to fall in love with My True Love Gave To Me: Twelve Holiday Stories by twelve bestselling young adult writers, edited by international bestselling author Stephanie Perkins. Whether you enjoy celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah, Winter Solstice or New Year's there's something here for everyone. So curl up by the fireplace and get cozy. You have twelve reasons this season to stay indoors and fall in love.

Finished: December 14th, 2017.

Progress: 13 / 50. 26% complete.

My Rating: ★★★★★. [5/5]

My Review: [Under the read more - NOT SPOILER FREE]

Alright, it's been three days, I've seen the new Star Wars on opening night, survived my office's Christmas party and a trip to the mall, spent a night with Tyler and an evening out with my entire family for my dad's birthday, ticked off another D&D session, woke up early to do some dog sitting, passed out in bed before 11pm on both of my days off cause – who knew – I am tired, SO, it's about time I wrote this review.

Gift wrapping still needs done today too.

REVIEW FIRST.

CAUSE THIS BOOK DID THINGS TO ME.

To be fair – as with all short story books, some stories fell kind of flat, most others were either neutral or just generally enjoyable, and the rest were like JESUS CHRIST I WANT A FULL NOVEL OF THIS.

I also had a fun time trying to identify which of the ice skating couples on the front of the book corresponded with each couple in each story. 😁

So I suppose I'll do a breakdown of all twelve stories, with individual ratings and comments for each one, knowing that the whole book gets a full five stars cause holy shit my heart.

Midnights ; Rainbow Rowell - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. One of the ones I felt kind of neutral towards, and maybe even fell a little flat. It was cute, definitely, and a good start to the book, but the characters felt so... "young adult." They didn't feel real at all. It felt like an extremely romanticized version of a friendship turning into a romance, and like it was more a stylized painting of a relationship than an actual relationship. But, it was still cute.

The Lady and the Fox ; Kelly Link - ★★☆☆☆. 2/5. The writing was beautiful and poetic, but the relationship was... weird. I know that a lot was left unexplained and up to your imagination on purpose, but there was so much left out that I don't know if it was actually on purpose or if it was just poor storytelling. I also don't like the concept of a young girl meeting a strange older man, and as she "ages into it" they eventually fall in love. Especially since he was mean to her at first. Plus her personality change into "goth/punk" and the witch's appearance and deciding to let Fenny out of her grasp happened very abruptly, and left me feeling very unsatisfied. And Elspeth sort of just.. appearing in the middle of it all? Already fully understanding the situation? It was weird and needed much more explaining to feel like a fully developed story, and without it just felt like the bare bones outline of a story that could have maybe been decent with more flushing out.

Angels in the Snow ; Matt de la Pena - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. Yaaas Mexican main character, and mixed-race relationship. The story was all extremely adorable and felt very real, and I like how the ending wasn't necessarily happy. I also like how the whole situation was messy, and neither character is completely likable – Shy had his pride, was a chronic liar, and had issues with expressing healthy emotions, and Haley never fully explained WHY she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, and also had a night of cheating on him. These things are what made me feel genuinely annoyed enough to not actually be able to enjoy the story and the messiness of everything. But – BUT – Shy understood consent, and Haley understood things were no longer fair and healthy between her and her boyfriend, so she broke up with him that very same night she cheated. I heavily appreciate and respect these things, and I must say that even though the character's annoyances cut through too deep for me to rate the story any higher, it was very powerful and actually pretty well done.

Polaris is Where You'll Find Me ; Jenny Han - ★★★☆☆. 3/5. THIS ONE WAS SAD. I wasn't expecting a fantasy story in this book, and it was a pleasant surprise! BUT IT WAS SAD. I loved that the MC was Asian, and the concept of a human raised amongst Christmas elves is a pleasing one to me, especially since these elves seemed more like LotR elves than Elf elves. But that Natalie was so unaccepted and unwelcomed by everybody? That Santa (as her father) seemed relatively oblivious to it all? That Flynn apparently has had feelings for her and only showed it after he provided her with Lars's address, already knowing she's likely to go back to the human world to choose Lars than stay where she knows she doesn't belong? Annoying, hence the three stars, BUT SO SAD. Probably the saddest story in the book, and having an ending that wasn't necessarily happy and left so up in the air REALLY was a nice surprise.

It's a Yuletide Miracle, Charlie Brown ; Stephanie Perkins - ★★★★★. 5/5. THE FIRST ONE I ADORED. OH GOD. This is also my first ever Stephanie Perkins story. If all of her shit is like this then OH MAN OH MAN. The story and the situation was so fucking cute, and actually believable, and holy wow *another* PoC MC, and paganism treated as real and respectable and legit and holy shit it's actually in a story (which legit made me want to find ways to celebrate the Solstice in addition to Christmas cause fuck man that's closer to what I actually feel than anything else out there), and I just, idek. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS STORY was fucking amazing and incredible and I want a whole NOVEL of it. I mean I could re-read it again right now cause AAAHHHH. This isn't doing the story justice at all and I feel horrible for it but I CAN'T ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS OKAY.

Your Temporary Santa ; David Levithan - ★★★★☆. 4/5. A gay couple!! Treated as completely normal and not about coming out and not facing shitty people and oppression!!! That in itself is fantastic. And then there's the "oh, this is more complicated than I thought" thing that pops up right about when Lana comes out to taunt the (Jewish!!) MC, who I think I just realized went unnamed in the whole story. It's never stated clearly but it's heavily implied that the last person to wear that Santa suit is Connor's dad, who is also heavily implied to have left the family. Riley is still too young to understand, Lana is SO ANGRY about the situation and takes it out on everyone and everything at only 12 years old (that poor kid), and Connor seems to just want to do something for his baby sister without realizing what it might do to the rest of the family.. that, and that the MC crawls into bed with Connor at the end of it when it was both implied that he wasn't yet properly introduced to the family, AND that to do so would give away the Santa secret.. those last couple things are what made me go "?" and docked the one star off. Otherwise though, it's powerful and sad and I am a HUGE fan of the diversity in this whole book cause omg.

Krampuslauf ; Holly Black - ★★★★★. 5/5. THE SECOND ONE I ADORED. At first it seemed like it was too try-hard and edgelord, but then quickly proved to be a PERFECT combination of my aesthetic – cause I mean, a faun IS going to be my next costume project, so there's that, AND justice is a massive turn-on, SO. Creatures from some sort of fae realm showing up during Christmas to deliver justice against a cheating sexist shit-head as a gift to the girls he's wronged, especially in the form of a fae woman with a knife and a satyr who's probably the sexiest character I've read about in a book to date (the gold-painted goat-legged Krampus self-dubbed Joachim), is EXACTLY my kind of shit and oh my god I want like – a whole novel or a whole series of novels about this. Just oh my god. Once I realized what was going on I was like "HOLY SHIT" and almost felt like it was written specifically for me because it fit so perfectly. I mean of course it wasn't – BUT STILL. I WANT MORE. I was NOT expecting darkness or anything seductive in a CHRISTMAS story so this took me so off guard and asdhkjhkdhf.

FAE, BUDDY. YOU DON'T MESS WITH THEM. THEY ARE GOALS IN LIFE.

What the Hell Have you Done, Sophie Roth? ; Gayle Forman - ★★★★★. 5/5. Another one I thought was utterly fantastic. The storytelling and the characters and the setting felt so well done and so real, and ANOTHER mixed-race relationship (AW YISS), and the MC being a card-carrying intersectional feminist in all but a specific statement saying so, and, DUDE, SHE'S JEWISH, and idk this one was SO FUCKING CUTE and I loved it to pieces. She reminded me SO much of myself – a personality and sense of humor that doesn't really fit in and tries so hard to be aware of other peoples' plights and troubles, and that she actually fucks up and handles it, and just. IT HIT ME IN THE FEELS.

These comments with each story are probably getting less and less clear and concise as I go on but idgaf.

Beer Buckets and Baby Jesus ; Myra McEntire - ★★★★★. 5/5. I didn't adore this one as much as the other five starers, but it still gets five in just how pleasantly surprised I was, and how all my stereotypical expectations were blown completely apart and proved totally wrong. Troublemaker guy has a crush on pastor's daughter, who is dating the star football player, and all these people end up coming together to put on a Christmas pageant troublemaker-guy is responsible for as his act of community service for all the trouble he gets into. And it's set in the south. Quite frankly, it sounds sickening and like I'd rather suck on a cactus.

BUT. Pastor's daughter (Gracie) COMPLETELY proved to be her own, strong, willful person who doesn't even seem to be SUPER religious – still religious, sure, but more into science and historical accuracy than "Bible this and Bible that", who knows what she wants and goes for it and is complicated and fucking smart (valedictorian!), and Vaughn – troublemaker guy – eventually sees all of this and COMPLETELY RESPECTS ALL OF IT. No taking advantage of her, no thinking less of her, no belittling her, IS RESPECTING OF CONSENT, sees her completely as her own person, respect everywhere, oh my god. And the football star Gracie's dating? Is ALSO ACTUALLY PRETTY RESPECTFUL. And nice. And it turns out the situation there was just a cover for a long-distance relationship he's in that his family wouldn't approve of, that she's understandably not a fan of and wants out of, and they promise to handle it and fix it like mature adults. So. DUDE.

I WAS SO SURPRISED.

It gets a full five stars just for shattering all my horrible expectations and actually being completely everything I could ever want in this situation.

More things need to shatter my expectations like that! I was so happy!

Welcome to Christmas, CA ; Kiersten White - ★★★★★. 5/5. Oh man another one I loved. Maria reminded me so much of my boyfriend, and this whole story is just so adorably sickeningly cute and sweet and I can't get enough of it. Candy's boyfriend can go FUCK HIMSELF and I am so happy she got away, and also so happy that Maria came to see the truth of things and adopted a much more healthy outlook at the end, and I am HALF CONVINCED Ben's story of "juvie" is just a cover-up that he's a Christmas elf. Though I also accept the story that he's actually from juvie, cause fuck, people with those kinds of backgrounds NEED more stories of hope and success and still making a good life for themselves.

I'M FEELING ALL FLUFFY INSIDE AGAIN JUST THINKING OF THESE STORIES I LOVED SO MUCH JESUS CHRIST.

I'm gonna have to bookmark them or something so I can re-read them again whenever I want omg.

Star of Bethlehem ; Ally Carter - ★☆☆☆☆. 1/5. Seemed more like a situation that was trying too hard to be a thriller, and with an ending that was a COMPLETE flop and let down. I spent the whole story trying to figure out wtf the real issue was and why Liddy was as scarred as she was. So when it got to the end, and it was revealed that she was a teen music star and the "bad guy" was her manager-turned-guardian and was only missing the goatee and steepled fingers for as typical of a "bad guy" as he was – I mean, he all but yelled back "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME" like some Batman villain – just, man. I was so disappointed. It all was so fast and so basic and so stereotypical and so one-dimensional – I mean, the family and town would all accept her just like that? No anger that she lied at all? Aunt Mary actually wants to adopt her after just a WEEK? She let Ethan kiss her and actually felt okay with it amongst all the rest of it? I mean – wasn't he upset about Hulda? He knows nothing about this girl and just knows she's lying and could hurt his whole family – how could he feel anything good at all, let alone romantic feelings toward her? None of it made sense and none of it fit and it actually felt kind of... bad. I mean, okay, the underlying story was interesting, I appreciate the idea of someone famous just wanting to be normal again and have a loving family again, and I like the idea of a family seeing through someone's completely obviously bad coverup story and taking care of the person anyway, but I DON'T like the lack of consequences, the complete inconsistencies in character development and plot, and how friggen rushed and horribly written the ending and the reveal was. This one was probably my least favorite story in the entire book, and left me feeling actively annoyed and disappointed.

The Girl Who Woke the Dreamer ; Laini Taylor - ★★★★★. 5/5. AND THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.

OH, MAN.

I almost want to just leave this review at JUST THAT cause holy shit how do you review this one.

It was SUCH a perfect ending to this book, I just, oh my god, it was so beautiful and perfect and wonderful and fantastical and FUCK THAT MINISTER MAN and idk it seemed all about the "fuck Christianity pro-nature pro-paganism" that I feel down in my bones and the depth of my soul, and I JUST COMPLETELY ADORED THIS STORY. idk other people might be able to say that it's "fuck a very specific kind of Christianity", which I get and agree with. But this "very specific kind" is like.. 99% of all people who follow it. Including all of history and what America was founded on and what people are trying to work into American law. So like. Yeah.

Enough about that though. Oh my GOD, this whole story and situation and everything about it. THE WRITING. OH, MY. THE WRITING. Holy shit I do not do favorite authors, but I think Laini Taylor just found her way into a spot amongst my favorites anyway. This is not the first story of hers I've read that has been written this beautifully, so I believe it's a consistent thing and I AM IN LOVE.

The only thing that made me sad was leaving all the other girls behind in the dust. So things went WONDERFULLY for Neve... but what about all the others? Are they going to be left behind to rot in unwanted, rape-y relationships? Was this society and the situation fixed at all? Was the shitty oppressive religion silenced in favor of the old one, the real one, the one that doesn't empower horrible people and punishes ACTUAL wrong-doings and sees all people as equals?

I sincerely hope so.

A BOOK COULD BE WRITTEN ABOUT IT TO ELABORATE.

Yanno. Just saying.

Oh my god I am so happy with all the diversity and differences and equality and YAAAAS in this book. SO HAPPY.

Things that could have made it all even better: A LADY-LOVE ROMANCE. Or some other form of gay relationship – like maybe someone who's bi! Or even ace or pan – THAT would've been wonderfully rare and unexpected!

I do realize that the average of my star ratings should put my overall rating at about.. a 3.8. But, seriously – the ones I loved, I loved SO MUCH, that it completely overrode any feelings I had about any of the ones that I didn't. They were just THAT GOOD, that I could ignore the meh ones' presences entirely and go right ahead and fucking love the entire compilation anyway.

I mean, it's not like I didn't appreciate the efforts and the stories and what all the others were trying to get across. Everything still had its own sweet or sad notes and it all still felt appropriately Christmas-y to me.

So, yeah, I can still honestly say I adored the whole book and would shove it in the faces of people who are in the mood for some cute romantic shit and are ready to barf Christmas everywhere. :D Barfing Christmas everywhere is my LIFE each December. So this is absolutely for anyone who does the same!

Those five-star stories I'll read YEAR-ROUND anyway, not even gonna lie, they were THAT GOOD. I'll barf Christmas in JUNE to re-read that shit.

[lurkz]

Thanks @all-the-gay-feels​ and @sapphicscholarwrites

The last 1. drink: water 2. phone call: car repair shop (hail is dumb) 3. text message:  “Sounds like a plan :)” 4. song you listened to: Uhh... “The Sound of Silence” I’m like 90% sure 5. time you cried: Depends on your definition? Teared up? Earlier today reading the new chapter of one of my fav fics. Legit full on crying? Um... I honestly don’t remember. Possibly when Carrie Fisher died? Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: yep, it was a mistake 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no (but then... I don’t kiss many people so...) 8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: ha, definitely yes 3 favorite colors 12. blue 13. maroon 14. gray                                                                                  

In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yep, several 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: definitely 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, but it was in a good way 19. met someone who changed you: not that I can think of 20. found out who your friends are: no, my life is too boring for this 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: does kissing my dad on his cheek count? General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most if not all, I generally only friend people I actually know (though some random people I’ve only met in passing from undergrad are probably on there) 23. do you have any pets: three dogs 24. do you want to change your name: nah, not anymore (I hated my name as a kid, too many people in my family with the same one) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: Visited @sithwitch13 and @weareallkosh in Houston and @sithwitch13 made me a BvS inspired “hero cake” and it was awesome :D @weareallkosh made homemade pizza and we watched Power Rangers and Wonder Woman 26. what time did you wake up: the first time: 7:30ish. The time I actually got out of bed: 9:30ish (perks of working from home and being a night owl) 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading fan fic and chatting with @iamdeltas 28. name something you can’t wait for: The Last Jedi 31. what are you listening to right now: the sound of the fan 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Definitely but I couldn’t tell you a specific example off the top of my head

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the executive and legislative branches of our government (just gonna leave this because truth) 34. most visited website: probably this hellsite XD 35. hair colour: blonde on top and currently purple in the back/underneath 36. long or short hair: short (but it was long until ~March of this year) 39. piercings: two in both ears (and a third planned) 40. blood type: A+ 41. nicknames: "Puppy” or “Scarlett” (assuming callsigns count as nicknames) but no one uses either one anymore. “Lurkz” also came about as a nickname though, again, no one actually calls me that anymore outside the intarwebs 42. relationship status:  romantically single; but also def. queer platonic 43. zodiac: cancer 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: ... too many to list but for sure Stargate SG-1, Babylon 5, Farscape, Firefly, Buffy, Xena, and I still love The Adventures of Sinbad (in all its cheesy glory and recently got the DVDs) 46. tattoos: 3 so far, many more planned 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: wisdom teeth

49. piercing: still ears                                            

50. sport: to watch or play? To watch, either hockey or football. To play... I don’t play many sports anymore but I do enjoy fencing and archery and played soccer and baseball as a kid 51. vacation: Uhh... depends on how you define “vacation.” Most recent was that short trip to Houston for my birthday, before that NYC prior to staying up there for my LLM 52. pair of trainers: II have a couple but the ones I use most are a pair of New Balance

More general: 53. eating: right now? I just finished a piece of cake 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: continue banging my head against this Big Bang fic probably 56. waiting for: tomorrow I guess since I have a meeting to go to 57. want: to hopefully not see the start of WW3 58. get married: did that, didn’t end well. We’ll see again in the future 59. career: currently an attorney, hope to be a law prof some day Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: Eh, hugs I guess 61. lips or eyes: I’ve... never really paid attention one way or the other 62. shorter or taller: Generally speaking, everyone’s taller than me so...

63. older or younger: No real preference so long as the age gap isn’t too ridiculous

64. nice arms or nice stomach: [insert Road to Eldorado both gif] 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: nope 68. drank hard liquor: yes, frequently

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: yes 73. had your heart broken: in hindsight... nope 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yes, again in hindsight Do you believe in: 77. yourself: usually 78. miracles: maybe? 79. love at first sight: jury’s out 80. santa claus: not since I was about 5 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: not willing to rule it out

Other: 83. current best friend’s name: Lauren and Scott (that should really say permanent... can’t possibly fathom it ever changing) 84. eye colour: blue 85. favourite movie: Star Wars, original trilogy (I don’t care if there’s three, those are my favorites and I refuse to pick just one)

tag you’re it @sithwitch13, @weareallkosh, @sralinchen, @iamdeltas, @older-danvers

[bianca-warriorwriter]

Midnight terror - part 3- S.M ft Luke

part 2 here

Part 3:

“mine? What do you mean mine?” I screeched pushing away from him.

“you told” he said glaring at me through the mirror. “you let the little secret slip” he spat the last word.

“i-I” I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what he was talking about. “what are you talking about?” I yelled. Words just spinning around my head “just spit it out, Ollie” I said crossing my arms.

“you. Told. You told that whole fucking party, my secret. The thing I’ve kept from my parents. The thing you try to protect me from because of who I am. You told the world I was gay. You yelled it from the roof tops” I could see the tears lining his eyes. And I felt my word spin just a bit.

“i-I wo-wouldn’t d-do th-th-at” i dug my nails into my palms.

“were you really that fucked up that night that you can’t even remember what you did? Did you lose it that much that you can’t remember because you think your life is shit. ” he pushed off the sink “look at mine now” he moved for the door.

“ollie” I whispered.

“leave me the fuck alone” he slammed the door on his way out. the floor slid out from underneath me. Shawn who had been standing not a few feet away through the whole exchange wasn’t fast enough to catch me. I was just in shock. I wouldn’t- I couldn’t have done that.

“hey, it’s okay” he said crouching in front of me.

“no, it’s not” I whispered to him. “I- can’t fix this” I breathed out.

“I’m sure you- “before he could finish his sentence, someone shoved in.

“didn’t you know Belle that there are no girls allowed in here” Luke’s voice flowed from the doorway.

“go fuck yourself” I seethed glaring at him.

“why don’t you show me what that pretty little mouth can do” he smirked.

“don’t speak to her like that” Shawn growled from next to me.

“get the fuck out of here” I snarled.

“you know this is the boy’s locker room, right?” he laughed.

“that means you’d also have to have a dick, Luke and not just your personality.”

“so, many dirty words, I wonder what other pretty sounds can come out of there” he sly said. I was off the floor, one hand bawled in a fist. I would have been a foot away from him, when Shawn’s hand latched around my wrist.

“let go of me” I snarled.

“no” he said softly behind me. He moved his hand from my wrist down to my hand and squeezed tightly as he pulled me from the bathroom. As soon as the door close he let go of me. I spun around fast, to where I knew where Luke was. I shot my hand out fast to strike Luke but he had been prepared and so was Shawn. Shawn’s arm snaked around my waist and Luke’s hand wrapped around my wrist.

“both of you let go of me” they both ignored me, both sharing a look meaning they were having their own private conversation. Luke nodded, Shawn’s arm tightened and then Luke let go. Shawn hauled me off and away from Luke. His arm wrapped tightly around me to stop from running back and ripping Luke’s musical tongue from him. People were starring.

“calm down.” Shawn said softly.

“how can you protect him” I spat out.

“because- he’s… like a brother to me” he said trying to find words. I scoffed at that but kept quiet.

 Shawn had taken me to my next class and to my surprise he was actually in it as well.

“how do you not know that we have similar classes?” he asked in disbelief.

“it’s not like I’m looking for you, or anyone.” I gritted out.

for that lesson, Shawn sat next to me, and Luke who was also in this bloody class sat 3 seats away, and every time he turned to talk to Shawn I would clench my fist and Shawn would notice it.  

“can you stop starring” I whisper yelled at him at one stage.

“you know for someone who claims that they are a nobody, you sure do like to draw attention and people sure do love to stare” he whispered back and ignored me for the rest of the lesson. When I had collected my stuff to get up and leave he had walked past me and still ignored me. I guess I deserved it, but… it still kind of hurt. I wanted attention. It’s like drowning a person in water that they haven’t had any for a while and then depriving them from it again.

I got up and left quietly. It was the end of the day to and me deciding that I didn’t want to stay, headed to my favourite café shop, black magic the coffee tasted delicious here. I sat in the corner booth my hair now tied into a messy bun and my bangs tucked behind my ear, as I drank coffee whilst reading A Court of Wings and Ruin. I was peacefully minding my own business when the other side of my booth groaned with the weight of 2 new on comers. I looked up over my pages and groaned at the sight: Luke and Eva. I ignored them and kept reading, after a minute they hadn’t moved.

“its occupied” I said flipping the page.

“we have to talk” Eva silky voice flew out.

“no, we don’t” I said.

“it’s about Ollie” they knew this would interest me. I finished my page and put my angel blade bookmark in place.

“what about him?” I said pulling a foot onto the chair to rest my elbow on.

“we want to help him” Eva said with an ice-cold smile.

“what’s in It for you?” I snarled.

“oh, nothing really, you simply give Shawn a shot” Luke said smiling.

“and what if I don’t?” I cocked an eyebrow.

“today was only a taste of what he’s going to cop, so if he somehow miraculously started ‘dating’ the hottest girl in school” I scoff at that. “or even if he became friends with us” she pointing to Luke and her. “he’d be safe, no one messes with us” she said smiling, Her Brunette hair burning intensively that the frayed strands glowed red.

“give Shawn a shot, is all I’m asking and we will protect Ollie” Luke said again. “don’t pretend that you don’t want to give him a shot anyway, Belle. I saw the way you looked at him and everyone else saw how he looked at you.” Luke said leaning on the bench.

Before I could even answer, tell them yes or no the café door opened and Shawn stood in the doorway, the light caressing him like an angel.

tell me what ya thought here 

[gayspacepilots]

Tag Game!

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

Indirectly tagged by @kickedtotheside​.

BASICS: a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Arty, they/them and he/him. b. AGE (and birthday!): 18, Dec.17th. c. SEXUALITY: Aroace. d. GENDER: thought I was non-binary, but I had a late night-realitation and know I don’t know anymore. I’m not cis, I’m something else, just not sure what. e. COUNTRY: Canada f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: Anything with plants or space. TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: General anxiety, social anxiety and lots of severe depression.

THE LAST: 1. DRINK: Well the last drink I had was water, but I’m drinking a Ginger Ale right now. (It’s making my head throb...) 2. PHONE CALL: My mom? I think... 3. TEXT MESSAGE: “Well, that’s good!” My mom got to where she needed to get to after her bus blew a tire. She told me she arrived safely. 4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: “I Was Made For Loving You” by KISS. I’ve been listening to a lot of classic rock lately. I’ve missed it. 5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: Probably a couple days ago, I’m not sure. 6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: No. 7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: I’ve never kissed someone. I’ve been kissed, but I’ve never initiated one. 8. BEEN CHEATED ON: Nope... unless you count during board games. 9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: Yeah, my step grandfather, but he never felt like that. He was so similar in mannerisms and behavior, and he had the same sense of humour that the rest of my family has, that I've never doubted that he’s related to me. His and my grandmother’s wedding is the first and only wedding I’ve ever been and I think it’s pretty spectacular that any wedding, from here on out, that I see will be compared to the most important wedding I’ve ever been a part of. There were so many highlights of that night and I’m going to carry them with me forever. 10. BEEN DEPRESSED: More times than I could count. 11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: Been drunk, yes. Thrown up from it, no, and I hope I never do. I did get a terrible hangover after I fucked myself up on some amazing red wine.

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS 12. Red 13. Purple 14. Green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: I’ve made some nice work friends and I’ve met some really nice seniors at work. They seem to like me and they make me laugh. 16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: No, it’s pretty easy not to when you’re aro. 17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: Yeah, I (and my co-workers) have done some dumb things at work and made some jokes that make my lungs burn and make my eyes pour.  18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: Yeah, several times. 19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: I don’t know, it depends on what way you’re talking about. 20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: *sigh* Yeah, I have. 21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: N/A, I don’t have Facebook.

GENERAL 22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: N/A again. 23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: Yeah, two cats. 24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: I want to change my legal name to my name. It just is a long process and I haven’t had time to work on it yet. 25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: I turned 18 last December (on a Saturday), meaning, I went to the Gay club (my city only has one) and drank. It was a grand ol’ time. 26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 7:00, I had an early shift today and I spent the whole day feeding and talking to some very nice seniors. 27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: I was working on a very long Benkaru Castle AU fanfics that has taken over my entire life. 28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: I don’t think I’m waiting for anything. 29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: A couple hours ago. 30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: I don’t want to be aro. I’d like to be pan. 31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Back In Black by AC/DC. I told I was listening to some classic rock. 32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: Yes? I think? I’m not sure... I probably have. 33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: Mouth noises, they sound so weird and gross. I’m just getting really sick of them.

LOST QUESTIONS 34. MOLE(S): None. 35. MARK(S): Too many to count and that I’d rather not talk about. I do have some badass scars. I’ve got a dent in my chin, a large scar on each of my forearms and a Harry Potter scar across my skull. (No, I’m not kidding, it’s pretty cool. I’ve very proud of it. My undercut shows it off very well.) 36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: Doctor. 37. HAIR COLOR: Dark Brown. I’m thinking about dyeing it red. 38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: Short, very short. The shorter the better. 39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: No. 40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I’m determined and stubborn. If I want something done and I’m committed to it, I won’t rest until it gets done. It just takes me a little something to get me going. 41. PIERCINGS: Just my ears, but one’s filled in cause I don’t wear anything in them anymore. 42. BLOODTYPE: A-, I found out because they had to know what type I was for my brain surgery. Luckily my dad donated for me. 43. NICKNAME(S): Art, Archie, Arthur, or any other name that starts with ‘Ar’. 44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Forever alone, and would like to be left alone. 45. ZODIAC: Sagittarius 46. PRONOUNS: They/Them and He/Him 47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: I’ve been watching Downton Abbey for my story. I’ve mostly had it on as background noise, but I’ve been enjoying it. 48. TATTOOS: *Sigh* No, none. 49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: Right. 50. SURGERY: Top tier, brain surgery at 3 months. I was a bad ass baby and I carry a sick scar from it! 51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: Soon I will die my hair red, but I’ve got to get it bleached first. 52. SPORT: “Yeah, right!” They laughed, sarcastically, “An art kid doing sports! That’s a laugh!” 53. VACATION: I wish. 54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: I love my Converse, would never go anywhere without them or any of my multiple pairs of them.

MORE GENERAL 55. EATING: I just had some Triscuits, they were pretty good. 56. DRINKING: Ginger Ale. 57. I’M ABOUT TO: Work on my story. 58. WAITING FOR: My queue to be finished. 59. WANT: A s/o to spend my life with, but that’s not going to happen. 60. GET MARRIED: *See above 61. CAREER: Hopefully a successful Graphic Designer who part-time works on their own books. 62. HUGS OR KISSES: Hugs, but only from certain people at certain times. 63. LIPS OR EYES: Err... neither. 64. SHORTER OR TALLER: Shorter. 65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: Doesn’t really matter to me. 66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: Strong arms and a squishy stomach. 67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: Sensitive. 68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: Relationship. 69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Hesitant.

HAVE YOUR EVER: 70. KISSED A STRANGER: No, but I’ve been kissed by a stranger. It was very weird to say the least. 71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: More than once. 72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: Yes, multiple times a day. 73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: No? Not that I know of. 74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: No. 75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: No. 76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: Yeah. 77. BEEN ARRESTED: Oh god no. 78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Oh yeah. 79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: No, that seems really weird to me.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 80. YOURSELF: No, I don’t think I ever have. 81. MIRACLES: Not particularly. 82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: No. 83. SANTA CLAUS: No. 84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: Maybe, idk. 85. ANGELS: No.

OTHER 86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): N/A. 87. EYECOLOR: Green. 88. FAVORITE MOVIE: Star Trek Beyond, Big Eden, Uno the Movie.

I’m tired and I wasn’t properly tagged in this, so I feel bad if I tag anyone else. If you’d like to do this, and by all means, feel free.