#games that have failed me so hard in every way yet. compell me

[hecksupremechips]

Crying and sobbing cuz video game will never be as good as it could’ve been 🥺

[tossawary]

Daud in "Dishonored" has been confirmed by word of god (writer's commentary) to be asexual and, honestly, I really like it. It's not relevant to the story, really, except as an accent to his character, a complement to his lonely career as a brutal assassin and to his complicated mentorship of Billie Lurk being his closest relationship.

He's such a shipwreck of a man. A bitter villain of so many stories, with his one claim to heroism done largely in secret out of guilt. He has so much power and skill, and yet his lot in life is on a precipice; as The Knife of Dunwall, his main mark in history is as a weapon in other people's hands. At least until he takes it upon himself to kill a god rather than take full responsibility for the blood on his hands and fails, leaving Billie Lurk to crawl out of the wreckage of Daud's tragic life and finish the job. He raised people up to drag them down with him. So much of his history is a mystery we don't get to know. I find him deliciously "problematic" and horribly compelling.

(I also really like his voice. It's like seawater on metal for years on end. Every time that I let playthroughs of "Dishonored" go on in the background, when I get to the part where Corvo meets Daud, I rewind in order to appreciate Daud peculiar form of poetic, personal bullshit.)

It's all very funny to me. I usually prefer that sexualities be stated in text in some way, like the way Billie Lurk's attraction to men and women is voiced aloud very explicitly in "Death of the Outsider", but with asexuality I think it's generally harder for characters to casually voice hard proof in an in-universe style, with the "prove a negative" angle on things. And I think there's an argument to be made that maybe Daud being on the aro-ace spectrum contributed to his refusal to form many close connections and to his eventual downfall, which sounds terrible. And he's such a terrible, complicated person that positioning him as "positive asexual representation" in any way is automatically amusing. And still, I love it.

Like, this is Daud, the Knife of Dunwall, and he sucks (affectionate)! He's also ace! Cool, right? (I do honestly think that he's fun ace representation, actually. No "innocence", no "obliviousness", but rather "scarred beyond belief" and "just doesn't give a shit". I like having queer characters, especially playable video game protagonists with cool powers, who are tragic and awful.)

[extant-exhaustion]

Can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 7 favorite ships (can be canon or non canon) from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to ask! I'm sorry for the delay in my reply. I'm so excited to be here to answer though. I didn't rank these in order, but here they are (and oh my gosh was it tough to choose! I especially agonized trying to narrow down the last spot in my ships list, and honestly, it could have gone so many ways...):

My Top 7 Favorite Media

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: If we’re basing purely off of what I think is the best media maybe ever written, FMAB is close to the top. It is the full package of stunning worldbuilding, characterization, emotional depth, intricate yet clear plot lines, and incredibly important themes. I could write an essay on each of those points. It’s the sort of show (and manga) that is a masterclass in how to tell a story beautifully.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke and Team Urameshi mean so much to me. YYH is a classic ’90s anime in some ways, but it has so much heart. Yusuke’s character growth is amazing. And the humor in the English dub never fails to make me laugh. Yet this show also deeply affects me and has such beautiful messages about love and friendship. What a dichotomy.

Assassination Classroom: This show is criminally underrated. Or, rather, not enough people have seen it. It is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen. It’s so sweet. It’s so fucking funny. And it’s so heartwarming. I love these kids so much. I adore Korosensei. Every episode teaches us something—like a real learning opportunity!—and I genuinely cannot say enough good things about it. It makes me smile forever.

Kuroko's Basketball: I am a huge fan of sports anime and this one has so many elements I’m obsessed with. (Plus, Kagami Taiga is in my top ten favorite characters of all time.) There’s Kagami and Kuroko—a red/blue duo who are in love. There are emotionally high-stakes sports games. There are compelling “enemies.” There’s an incredible soundtrack. But most of all, there are basketball superpowers—things no ordinary basketball player could ever do (100% accuracy!?) that just make it so much fun.

Haikyuu!!: My other favorite sports anime is on the other side of the spectrum for realism. It has no superpowers, just hard work and friendship and lots and lots of great characters. I love this show so much because it constantly makes me root for Karasuno, but then I’ll still cry when the other team loses because the characters have all been shown to just be high school kids with dreams who love the sport and are having fun. It’s really sweet.

Demon Slayer: As a total package, Demon Slayer is incredible. It has stunningly beautiful animation; a wonderful protagonist in Tanjirou (and deuteragonist in Nezuko); a lovely sibling story that drives the narrative; a compelling and mysterious central conflict with the series’ big-bad Muzan; an absolutely kickass soundtrack; lovable side characters; high stakes; questions of morality and duty and tradition; and honestly, more that I’m struggling to even name. It’s just an incredibly good anime (and manga).

Tortall books by Tamora Pierce (includes 3 quartets, a trilogy, a duology, and a few standalones; my absolute favorites are the Protector of the Small quartet): Tamora Pierce shaped who I am as a person. I grew up reading her fantasy series and still reread them often. Essentially, they’re books about heroines who conquer various odds, save the day, etc. And because there are so many books that take place in the same universe over many years, you get to see various characters in different lights through different characters’ eyes. My favorite series is about Keladry of Mindelan, the first girl to pursue her knighthood since the king made it legal for girls to do so. Kel is an absolute badass, and she never turns away from injustice, and I genuinely want to be the type of person she is.

My Top 7 Favorite Ships

Kagami/Kuroko (Kuroko’s Basketball): These two will forever and always be one of my top ships. I genuinely don’t know how people can hear some of the things they say to each other and come to a not-in-love conclusion. They complete each other in the way only a true light/shadow metaphor can, but they’re also best friends who laugh together and support each other and have an insanely strong bond. By five episodes in, Kagami is already so protective over Kuroko that he's ready to throw down with street basketball punks over his not-boyfriend. And by the end of the series the trust they have in one another is so beyond a basketball anime that it’s almost ridiculous.

Yusuke/Kuwabara (Yu Yu Hakusho): The number of times these two were willing to die for each other (or gave up their life energy to save the other from death; or found hitherto untapped power as a result of having seen the other hurt) makes me want to scream. Kuwabara crashed Yusuke’s wake to scream at his corpse that he couldn’t die (“You’re supposed to be here…for me!”). Kuwabara shared his life energy to save an injured Yusuke after their very first mission. Yusuke fought multiple insanely powerful demons spurred on at least twice specifically by the fact that they’d wounded Kuwabara. Kuwabara faked his own death thinking it would help Yusuke in battle (which it did, but it also devastated him). Yusuke chased a car down on a bicycle when Kuwabara was kidnapped. Kuwabara cut through the fabric of reality for Yusuke. You get my point. I fucking love them.

Yusuke/Keiko (Yu Yu Hakusho): Yet, I also love Yusuke’s canonical love interest with him. Keiko is his reason for fighting, the light at the end of the tunnel. In one of the very first episodes, while he’s still trying to earn his resurrection, he says that he sees no point in coming back to life if Keiko won’t be there when he does. She’s the only person who stuck by him until he met Team Urameshi. She’s always believed in him, but she doesn’t take crap from him either. They have such a strong relationship that he even once saves the world by essentially trusting in his love for her. (When asked by terrorists to press one of three colored buttons to save the planet, he chose the blue one because blue is Keiko's favorite color.)

Zuko/Mai (Avatar: The Last Airbender): I will probably never shut the fuck go about how important Mai is to Zuko’s journey or how cool she is as a character and how ridiculously underrated she is. She’s so much more than people give her credit for and she understands Zuko on a deeper level than so many other characters. She counters his angst (as only Iroh can do) and she tries to cheer him up (and she inspires some of his only true smiles in the series!). And most importantly, she stands by him even when he abandons her. For me, “I love Zuko more than I fear you” will always be the standard by which other Avatar couples will be measured.

Tamaki/Haruhi (Ouran High School Host Club): I love these two so much. They’re both so queer. Haruhi is my gender-nonconforming fave and the most wonderful character who’s ever responded *shrug emoji* to the question of their gender or sexuality. She’s sassy and hilarious and the reason I say “these damn rich people” with relative frequency. And the fact that she fell for Tamaki, the flamboyant dumb-dumb with a heart of absolute pure gold…ugh. I adore it. He is too good for this world. And they bring out the best in each other. I love them so much.

Ed/Winry (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood): The balance that Edward and Winry strike together is beautiful. They’re both insanely strong people emotionally, and they’re both wildly intelligent and talented. But their compassion and care is what truly helps them shine. They’ve seen each other at their lowest and supported each other through those times, and they know the weakest and most vulnerable parts of each other. The strength of their bond covers distance and time, and Winry is the home that Edward can always return to. She holds him (and, by extension, Al) together and offers the unwavering support he so desperately needs throughout his journey.

Simon/Baz (Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell): This series hit me like a punch to the gut when I first read it. I love chosen ones who don't really match their prophesies and star-crossed lovers who find workarounds because they care more about each other than whatever is standing in their way. And these two are wonderful together. They're so messy and hopeless and sad sometimes, but they have each other and it's really lovely. Simon Snow is a disaster who loses just about everything except his friends and has to claw his way back from the brink throughout the series; and Baz Pitch never thought he deserved much happiness anyway but finds out that he does, but he's going to have to fight for it.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

The Sins of the Father

Honestly, at this point in Dangerous Romance I am not finding the relationship between Sailom and Kang all that compelling, BUT what I *am* very surprisingly so, finding myself constantly drawn in to within this story is the relationship between Kang and his father. I want to know what his Dad was like before his wife died, I want to know why Kang responds so quickly, and with a touch of fear to his father surprising him by coming home early when Kang was playing video games. The way I read Kang in that scene really made me feel like he thought that his father would react harshly. At the moment, I’m personally having difficulty finding problems with Kang’s father. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about how Kang’s response to being bested by Sailom was to escalate the situation based on something his father once said.

And it is so fascinating to me watching this show poke at this idea of what his father’s desire to *remove* pressure from Kang, rather than *place* pressure on him is doing to Kang. Kang feels like his father telling him he doesn’t have to try to be school president, he doesn’t have to wait to pass all of his exams to get the bike he wants is an insult. The fact that his father will be happy with Kang’s performance as long as he doesn’t have to repeat any classes should be a wonderful thing.

I love that Kang was the one who proposed an achievement award, that he was the one who basically begged his father for a little bit of competitive structure. The insistence of Kang’s dad to not push Kang in to anything is really great…except that he goes overboard with it. Kang is excited and interested in being school president, Kang wants to work hard *towards* accomplishing a goal and getting rewarded for it. But he feels constantly belittled by his father reminding him that he doesn’t have to work hard, that he doesn’t have to push himself, that he can just be a teenager.

I won’t speculate too hard about what the family dynamic was like when Kang’s mother was around but I will say I’m thinking about how much Kang’s dad is overcompensating and how much Kang is asking for a little bit of a test. I’m thinking about how at school Kang is constantly being told that he is stupid. No one really challenges him because of how influential his father is to the school’s funding. He has teachers falling all over themselves to absolve him of every single consequence.

Something that is really telling to me is that it really seems like Kang loves his grandma more than anyone else in the world, and she is also the only adult that Kang has been around that does not absolve him of any harm. When he fucks over Sailom, she makes Kang apologize. And Kang does not really fight that apology, not as much as he could.

I don’t know what I’m really trying to say here. I guess ultimately that Dangerous Romance has an opportunity to show a well adjusted, happy, and fulfilled child with a parent that does not place pressure on to them. But they aren’t. But they also haven’t started saying that having all that pressure is a good thing for kids either. Mostly I guess I’m just curious about whether they are making the point that the opposite extreme is also going to harm your children. I said something like this before on my page but Kang’s father could remind him that he doesn’t have to put all this pressure on himself while also encouraging him to go for the school presidency if he is genuinely interested in it. He could withhold the bike until after the exams, and either keep his promise and not get him one if he fails, or he could wait a bit and give him one anyway for trying his best. But instead he just constantly removes any and all expectations from his son, leaving Kang feeling stupid and useless.

[sorenblr]

Now that you've completed the SMT V stream, I (and I'm sure some other folks, too) would love to hear what you think of it compared with the other main Megaten games you've played on stream. I think you've done SMT 1, SMT IV and SMT IV:A so far. Include Persona 1 too if you'd like.

And that dreadful Tokyo Mirage Sessions: pound sign Fire Emblem, too

SMTV is hard for me to discuss because there's very little about it that compels me to deeper thought. It really, genuinely bores me to think about, and anything I do have to say about it only evinces an incredibly cynical read of the series. I'll just put whatever I have left to say here, so that I don't feel the need to revisit.

It's just, you know, this bloodless cultivation of recycled semiotics from Nocturne. We ragged on IV for being overly invested in derivation and homage, but it looks almost daring coming off of V. The only really original idea that it brings to the table, the notion of Nahobino as the 'true' form of these divided and depreciated myth images, is almost offensive in the way it reframes designs that at least try to approximate real cultural attitudes towards religion as lesser, enervated reflections of yet more Tokusatsu tripe. Apart from that, it's a very inert piece of storytelling. I feel like a joke is being played on me whenever the game presumes an emotional investment in characters like Tao or Yuzuru.

I generally think highly of all the little design wrinkles that were implemented under Komori's stewardship, and that owe to his experience directing the more balance-intensive affairs of Etrian Odyssey. The new utility of consumables, dampeners as a limited means of addressing weakness in party structure, the need to attend to enemy and player Magatsuhi gauges etc. All necessary supplements to a battle system that was beginning to wear thin by 2016. Only my opinion of everything that enfolds it, the exploration, was diminished on this second playthrough. The layouts are still compelling, with a novel emphasis on managing layers of verticality, but they're populated with so much idiot open-world cruft. Vending machines, chests, glory crystals, health orbs, Miman. An overabundance of piddling incentive to keep you in a state of compulsion, and which I believe contributes to the exhaustion that many players feel come Taito. I still like the Miman, but they essentially exist in a continuum with the fucking feather collectables in Assassin's Creed.

(All the colored orbs littered around the sands are the perfect wedge to that design sensibility. They're almost totally inconsequential and only worth pursuing for the feeling of having absorbed more bright bobbles into yourself. They whisper to your lizard brain so that you don't feel too unstimulated navigating the space, which is never deigned to be worth the doing for its own sake. I'm out here picking up orbs and I can't even use them to extend the duration of Spartan Rage. Videogames are fucking stupid.)

It also made me more conscious of the ways the game fails to leverage art direction against what were probably non-ideal production conditions. It's never easy to forget that you're in a world of economically distributed UE4 assets, with no less than four brilliant hues of sparkling sand and ruined structures that have largely forfeited the Tokyoite specificity of previous games in favor of the same vending machines and multi-floor apartments and office buildings repeated ad nauseam. Daat never feels more like a hostile environment than a self-conscious playground. The concept art backdrops and rudimentary 3D textures of IV/IVA, and the claustrophobic interiors of I- all more lively by far. Pretty good skyboxes, though. No complaints there.

I think the series has moved into the sort of tired self-pastiche that every franchise turns to after decades of iteration. Time and chance happened, and now it's Angus Young crawling out of his mansion and into his boy-clothes to duckwalk across the stage while his grapefruit-sized prostate wages war against him from within.

If I were to rank just the main series from what we've streamed thus far, it would be something like I > IV > V > IVA. The only sense in which TMS has it at a disadvantage is that it emulates more cleanly. I'm glad that we're done with the latter half of the series and can finally move on, but I'll never forget that big huge enormous ass...

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

Akechi for the character ask thing. If already done Sumire pls

this ask is from *checks date* july 6 2022 and I never did this for either character but honestly i love goro so much that the format barely even works for him and everyone already knows how i feel abt him so i'm just gonna do sumire 1 year late

What I like about them

Her conflict with her sister is sooo compelling and just fucks as a character concept it's so good. The way she erases herself from existence because she wants to be her sister so bad...the way she doesn't want her sister back, she just wants to become her...it's so tasty and angsty and hrghh. And as a foil to Akechi she works soooo well it makes me a 100k+ word fic kind of mentally ill.

What I dislike about them

Her idolization of Akira is never called out by the narrative and it really bothers me because it is literally the exact same problem she had with overly identifying herself with Kasumi but we're supposed to find it cute because it's romantic. There is a version of their relationship that is healthy, and the game wants you to think that's what they have, but that's a little hard to believe when her Metaverse outfit is literally identical to his. I like shusumi and I do think it's cute...but only in theory. Sumire needs to be his equal, and as it stands she just isn't.

Favorite moment

When she goes absolutely apeshit berserk on Akira and Akechi and nearly succeeds in killing them because she wants so desperately to become her sister.

Least favorite moment

Her true awakening to Cendrillion has never and will never sit with me quite right. I don't like that Kasumi is still her Persona. Symbolically, Kasumi is still her mask, and that just doesn't work when her arc is all about finding her own identity? And eventually Sumire realizes that she can be herself while also honoring her sister, but she's just not there in her arc yet. Sumire needs a Persona that is herself before she can have a Persona that is symbolic of the memory of Kasumi living on inside her. I really wish Sumire had gotten her own Persona that wasn't symbolically her sister. She deserves to represent herself and have an identity all her own.

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

Just...everything with Sumire and Akechi, honestly. God. There is so much potential in the way the two of them contrast each other that goes completely unexplored and it's such a shame. They could be besties (or more) in another life. And...I do get why we don't get sumigoro friendship in canon, because Akechi is barely in a place to talk to Akira during third sem, let alone this girl who reminds him of all his own worst problems, but god. Imagine it. They could be so good.

An interesting AU for this character

I have an AU concept that involves Kasumi more than it does Sumire, but it lives rent free in my mind and I've been looking for a chance to post about it, so. here.

Kasumi fails to save Sumire. She blames herself for her sister's death--it's her job as the eldest to protect her little sister; she ran into that road because of how Kasumi made her feel. She has a mental breakdown over it, becoming suicidal. Kasumi is sent to therapy under Maruki and admits that she's always envied her younger sister. Kasumi loves gymnastics, but lately it's become nothing but pressure and stress, and she can't even enjoy it anymore. Kasumi may be the champion, but that also put so much pressure on her that she never knew quite how to handle. If she doesn't win every meet she doesn't think she'd be able to live with the shame. All she is are the trophies--no one truly values her for herself, and they shouldn't, since she's a failure and a fraud. But unlike Kasumi, as the younger sister, Sumire never had that same pressure to be the very best. Sumire doesn't have the pressure of being the perfect older sister who has it all together.

Kasumi put up a strong front as a defense mechanism, but inwardly struggled to connect and understand Sumire like she should have. And now her sister is dead, because of her. Because she was too stupid to realize how she was hurting her.

She wishes she could be Sumire. Maybe then she could relax and be happy. Maybe then people wouldn't put so much pressure on her to always succeed. Maybe then her sister's death wouldn't be her fault.

And so Maruki actualizes Kasumi to become Sumire.

A crossover

I don't really have a crossover involving Sumire, honestly. I don't do crossovers very often anyhow, I'm more of an AU type person.

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favorite ship)

I adore akeshusumi so much you guys. One year ago I wouldn't have shipped them but writing a Royal Trio fic changed me in unalterable ways. They are so good. They are so beautiful. I am obsessed with them. I cannot wait for Repaint Your Heart.

Other ships?

Sumitaba is a very close second to Royal Trio, they're such lesbians. And gamer x athlete is extremely cute.

BROTP

Sumire and Ryuji! Actually, Sumire and literally any of the Phantom Thieves, honestly! There's so much untapped friendship potential between her and all of the Thieves I'm so sad she didn't get to spend more time with them during third semester.

NOTP

I don't really have one. At one point this would have been shusumi but I've changed my mind on that ship. Its execution in game is meh but the concept itself could be so great.

An assortment of headcanons!

I'm bad at thinking of headcanons off the top of my head so Imma be an asshole and link you to my Royal Trio fic code violet instead. It has a ton of Sumire headcanons in it. It's an AU where Sumire saves Akechi's life in the engine room that continues through the whole third semester. I'm getting pretty close to finishing it!

[arcplaysgames]

didn’t you keep saying you didn’t even like p4g when playing? how is p5r worse? genuine question. is it the pacing/characters/story?

cw: P5R negativity, fans might wanna skip this

I think you missed my final round-ups on P4G because outside very specific criticisms (Izanami being bad writing, the P4MC being an anchor around the throat of the game, and JESUS FUCK THE MUSIC WAS SO BAD) I was overall pretty positive on P4G. It has ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs. I think if you check this blog with /tagged/p4 you'll find my two big Final Thoughts posts. I honestly think P4G gets a bad wrap. I'd give it a final score of, like, 7 out of 10.

It's just not Persona 3 Portable Girl Route, which I still maintain is the best scenario writing and some of the best character writing of the series, and I think the structure is much more solid. Also the music is the best I've heard yet.

P5R, I am currently doing the Kaneshiro Arc and I have recruited Makoto. My issue with P5R is probably three-fold.

One: I think that the cast is dramatically weaker than P4 and P3. Like, I'm kind of shocked at how weak the cast is. So far I like Morgana the most, but I think it was my friend Bane who pointed out that Morgana tends to be a very divisive character because he's such a strong character compared to everyone else. Me, I need this. I desperately need this because I think Ryuji and Ann feel incredibly weak, and while I am thrilled to have Yusuke, he's.... like mid-tier. For P5 he's godtier but he's mid-tier for P4 or P3.

I was talking to a friend and basically said that this game fails the Homestuck Rule of Writing, honestly. Like, when you are writing really distinct characters, one of the best shortcuts is to just.... make them passionate in uncool ways. Give them weird hobbies your audience probably will not share, but let the level of passion they have make them feel stronger.

Like, Chie is obsessed with kung fu, Akihiko and Shinjiro have a running fight about protein vs vegetables that's really funny, and Kanji just keeps a sewing kit on him and will fix people's hems on the street. Remember when Junpei met a gothic lolita girl by the train station who was making art in her own blood and was like "haha awesome you seem cool! Wanna hang out?"

God, I miss Junpei every day.

So far, honestly? No one in P5R passes the Homestuck Test. I keep complaining I need some weirdos and that's what I mean. I am kind of just "ugh" on this idea of "oh so and so gets better" but like. No one in P3 and P4 needed to "get better" (okay except Yukari but her arc fucking rocked).

Two: The technical quality of the writing of this game is so much worse than P3 and P4 imo. It's something i have a hard time explaining and I'm to a point I have just given up on even cataloging it because it feels like I'm complaining about something small, but it's a small thing that keeps happening over and over and over and over, until it's just this overall severe lack of polish to the entire game. Which, when I am dealing with a game that feels as overproduced and maximalist as P5R, having the actual script be this rough in a way that was easily fixable with another pass is just a rock in my shoe.

Three: I am severely fucking torn on the entire concept of Joker. In a way, Joker feels like a direct answer to my biggest criticism of P4G, that the MC was such a non-character, a complete void with nothing to balance the story on, a problem so severe that by midway through, P4G was about Yosuke instead of P4MC. And that sucks. Having a MC with no impetus, only reaction, just didn't suit the structure of P4G.

Now, we have Joker, who frankly is a great character who addresses those complaints perfectly. He has an easily detectable personality, he has more frequent and more interesting dialogue choices, he has quirks and oddities, and he has a compelling backstory that lends itself to the core themes and mysteries of the game.

Except: the Gay Options have been removed.

I was able to play P4G as a homogay from start to finish, which frankly softened some of my anger about the entire experience. Not to be flippant, but Reverie The Fourth's only traits were "calm dude" and "fuckin GAY".

After how queer P4G was, the complete absence of that in P5R is.... isolating and disappointing. It's something I am pushing through but the game's repeated calls for rebellion and pushing against what people think of you feels trite with how relentlessly cishet it all is.

At the end of the day, at the moment, I consider P5R easily the weakest of the Big Three. Maybe my opinion will change! But at the moment it's really not getting better.

I was talking to a friend and I think that the Perfect Persona Game would be

fully gender neutral protagonist, just don't refer to their gender at all, don't gate anything around gender, just don't

the setting of P5R

the cast of P4 or P3

Frankly if you gave me the same game, Persona 5 Royal, but inserted SEES or the Investigation Team, you would have the fucking greatest modern Persona game.

[ciitrinitas]

hittin you with the uno reverse card, lessee uhhh makiden, asaden, angela/ayin, benjamin/ayin, hod/yesod, binah/hod

oh boy, lots of good ones here...

(in response to this!)

makiden - A+: OTP.

makiden is so good. prime badtouch material. but the way that they're more than that? part 1 of chainsaw man is nothing short of a plea for empathy, and that for all her flaws, for all her mistakes, for all her horrible acts, it doesn't ask for makima to be forgiven, but for her to be understood--it drives me insane. she never really saw denji, and he was a means to an end for her, but he still loved her. like, ugh, they're really hard to talk coherently and eloquently about because makima is absolutely an abuser and denji her victim, but makima is also a victim. csm doesn't intend to absolve her; it asks that you understand that she is another step in the cycle of abuse.

makiden is the meat and potatoes of csm part 1. incredibly sexy on every level, but also so narratively and thematically compelling. i really can't say enough about how much i love them. it's really hard for me to talk about why they do so much for me without going into a long ramble about why i also love part 1 of csm so damn much. makiden as a relationship is utterly vital to it.

asaden - A+: OTP.

i swear i have denji ships that i wouldn't qualify as otps! (the other one that hits that tier is akiden. u_u) but, god, what a fucking life i am living. this went from a borderline crack ship to having actual canon potential. initially, i was pretty invested in it from the angle of self-hating moronsexual mitaka (it works for asayoru, too! just act stupid, and mitaka will be cursing how horny she is seeing you fail to solve basic math makes her), then oh my god...oh my god, they went on an actual canon date. and mitaka was convinced infodumping all the research she binged the night before at denji would make him hot and bothered for her, and she's legit so charmed at him being a good guy (HE WANTS NAYUTA TO GO TO COLLEGE). i'm doomed. i'm absolutely doomed. i'm deluded enough at this point to have true canon aspirations for asaden and feeling a salty victory at some annoying yshdn shippers i've seen think it stood a chance at being canon when yshd still barely has a character.

thanks for ruining my brain twice over, fujimoto. like, GOD, HE WAS LISTENING DURING HER RAMBLING!! HE ASKED HER OUT AGAIN. I'M GONNA DIE. I SHIPPED THEM FROM EARLY ON. i fully expect it to go south because chainsaw man, but god am i fucking living right now.

angela/ayin - A+: OTP.

thanks for bullying me with just a bunch of my otps because i love too many things and stick the otp label on them. but, boy, this snuck up on me with lobcorp. the ending absolutely makes lobcorp, elevates it to a level of brilliance imo. angela spends the entire game, spends hundreds of years, operating on ayin's script (and i'm very curious to what extent that included, to what minutiae her words were dictated by him. did he set things so specifically that she decided to always introduce herself as such a Special and Advanced AI to him lmao?) until she finally has free will in her grasp and crushes the culmination of his and everyone's suffering to exercise it. it's just so fucking good. spending so much time simmering in hate and bitterness for this man while being made to assist him again and again and again.

and ayin, buddy...friend...fella...you literally just made your crush as an ai but with bigger tits after she died. if that isn't romantic, i don't know what is. but, seriously, the fact he was so heartbroken at carmen's "death" (because she did live on in a fucked up way as the heart of this literal purgatory) only to immediately reject angela because oh...well...he wanted carmen back, but this isn't carmen. angela was made as a replacement that could never fulfill her purpose, and yet ayin kept her so close for so long.

it's deeply fucked up, and it makes me insane. thanks for giving angela daddy issues, ayin. at least let her choke you a few times as compensation!

benjamin/ayin - B: It’s really cute.

benjamin is the funniest motherfucker in lobotomy corporation. even more than ayin himself. i am absolutely desperate to know the hard timeline for how the hell the timey-wimey shit works out for where he always appears as "benjamin" before being shoved in a robot to reappear as hokma. because, man, getting shoved in a toaster sure does something to the guy! like, ayin, let's just be here together in robot purgatory because no one needs to die and we can be husbands and forget carmen like i can put on a wig if you need me too it's fine seriously i don't mind just please god stay with me forever. 💗💗💗

hod/yesod - A+: OTP.

I MADE THIS SHIT UP. I FUCKING TRICKED MYSELF INTO THIS. THEY BARELY INTERACT, but like, one day, i was like oh boy i like hod but what if she Could Make Someone Worse? i went down the list, and malkuth? nah, too strong of a personality versus hod. netzach? it'd be sort of mutual self-worsening between those two. it'd be a whole essay on its own about why it didn't fulfill what i was looking for, but i have Thoughts, i swear. hod/binah? oh, no one can out worse binah. hod/angela? pretty similar to hod/binah.

but. oh. hod/yesod? there's this distinct point of connection for them in their mutual anxieties as a point of exploitation. hod wants to be helpful, wants to be needed, and yesod is someone that holds himself together tightly until he isn't. a little undoing, and oh, wow, he really needs hod's assistance, doesn't he? maybe it's a little nudge from angela (it gets boring repeating shit, okay) or hod herself just Noticing, but hod is not above setting someone else up to be at just the level of functioning where they often fall apart and need to rely on her to get by. yesod is the king of options for hod making someone worse and being the dominant partner. he might have the stronger personality, but he isn't without some degree of humanity, and hod can slowly worm her way in there.

this is sheer nonsense based on me huffing whatever the fuck this ship is. yesod just needs to be a little desperately vulnerable, and hod would be such a good helper! everyone wins! ^_^

binah/hod - B: It’s really cute.

okay, to an extent with binah ships, my brain just empties out and goes oh wow big sexy. i like how casually manipulative and in control binah is (or seems) in every situation. hod is super cute and desperate for validation. let her snap a little, and you'd have a real great violence breakdown girl with some manipulative reassurance. gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, binah. you're so valid.

[verdictvelvet]

i beat fire emblem engage last night so i am going to write what i thought about every stage. okay. this post will be very long and of little interest to just about anybody but you can click on it anyway

prologue - does it even count

chapter 1 - normal

chapter 2 - now we are getting somewhere. pretty normal tutorial with One Funny Trick that sets the stage for this being a game where bosses come and get your ass

chapter 3 - this one has a pretty expressive first couple of turns where you spend that first turn really feeling the pressure of not having enough guys and seeing how things are just going to collapse on you from not having enough units to outpace the amount of guys who will attack you. and then you get more guys. but it is not really exceptional beyond that

chapter 4 - this one is good because it is where you get my best friend warp ragnarok. everything is just a little bit too spread out and you do not have quite enough units yet to really feel like you are able to create a united front anywhere, so having somebody who can jump around to different parts of the battlefield and also explode an enemy at the same time feels great, and it really pushes you to think about the best way to use the new tools you are given here

chapter 5 - this one gave me a hard time in a way that i loved but i think i might have made it more difficult for myself than it needed to be. the time pressure of needing to stop the thief from clearing out the chests really pushed me to put myself in some rough spots that took some doing to get out of though, and i appreciated it. this one also serves as a sort of a soft introduction to engage's favorite trick of 'divide your army into two groups and take two different paths to the boss'

jean paralogue - you have to go and protect this little boy. this one is pretty regular i do not have much of a lingering impression of it

chapter 6 - i can not help but feel like this one is really pulling its punches on account of being the first dark level. it introduces a pretty fun give and take of managing vision in a stage like this (that the game never fully delivers on, i think) but the enemy placements and amounts are just not aggressive to provide much friction here

anna paralogue - this is a totally solid stage that winds up feeling kind of unexceptional in the context of a game that has lots of really good ones.

chapter 7 - there are a couple of stages that are just about crossing a big bridge and they largely reveal that 'a straight line' is not that interesting of a setup for a fire emblem map. it is not bad it is just not that compelling. gets some points for the actual boss approach being kind of tricky and for introducing my fail boy

chapter 8 - all the stages in this that require you to start off in a defensive position in this game are pretty good, the balance of holding out until you can be aggressive enough to head for the boss is pretty fun. being a good one of these in a game with a clear best one of these leaves it kind of overshadowed though

chapter 9 - pretty normal. you split your guys up and you go along both routes to the boss and it works. the narrative suggests there is a time pressure here but the stage does not really back it up

chapter 10 - the map design here is pretty cool, i like that it is basically two small fire emblem maps in succession, and they both feel pretty tense. you have a lot of guys to fight you need to do your best

chapter 11 - this one is scary. the only escape stage in the game but they do good work here, lots of individual enemies in your way you need to make smart choices about how to handle, and the asshole in the back with the freeze staff and the micaiah emblem really wants to make your day bad. stay safe out there

lucina paralogue - it is pretty funny that when they go 'what is the iconic awakening stage' the thing they settle on is a big open room with some enemies in it. the enemy positioning is a little more aggressive here but the end result is still pretty forgettable

chapter 12 - there are a bunch of stages in engage that have a clear gimmick where my first reaction is 'this is going to be really annoying' but it is actually used really well. 'desert stage where all your guys move bad' is a fire emblem staple but shifting it from a universal movement reduction to a bunch of spots on the map that you have to move past in one go or else be stuck in for a while does a lot to give you opportunities to try and control your and the enemy's pace and make the way you move your units feel really distinct. the part where this is technically a stage about protecting npcs is weirdly underplayed, it is almost a non-issue

lyndis paralogue - this stage starts off by doing a kind of bad job at communicating what the conditions for stopping reinforcements are but you wind up handling a lot of it by accident anyway. but like some of those guys you are not going to get to by the time reinforcements show up so it becomes a pretty fun scramble by the end. one of the only times in the game where i realized i had made some bad positioning decisions so many turns ago that i might as well restart

chapter 13 - this one gives you the ike emblem (which rules) and timerra (who can kill everything, but not quite yet) so that alone would make it pretty good in my book. the better of the dark stages for sure, in that it is easier to get yourself into trouble, and the encroaching swarm of flying units that snuffs out the torches on the ocean creates a fun pressure. it is pretty funny that there is one house that you can not reach in time and after the battle everybody is like 'wow congratulations you did not let any houses burn down' anyway

ike paralogue - this one rocks. ike puts you into hell and makes you so scared but you have to try really hard to go kick his ass anyway. the balance between being aggressive enough to get to him in time but not being overwhelmed by enemies is really fun to find

chapter 14 - this one is a pretty standard 'split your guys up and do the run up to the boss' stage but the boss room is really good on account of how they put three guys in there that want to be your problem, which is always a good call

byleth paralogue - the pretty small amount of units here makes this one of the few stages where i felt like i really had to think about who i was bringing in just to make sure i was killing guys fast enough. but the challenge here is mostly one of efficiency, outside of when byleth is attacking you it is pretty rare to actually be in danger because of how much all the enemies love trying to attack rocks. ultimately it is just kind of okay which is fitting for a three houses stage i guess

chapter 15 - this is maybe the only gimmick driven stage that sucks and probably my least favorite chapter in the game. lots of moving guys through narrow hallways with nothing to do, the stage is divided up into small and mediocre individual combat challenges. it gives you the corrin emblem (and with it the dragon vein skill which is one of my favorite tools in the game) but then makes you constantly use it to wall off your own approach so you can clear out the miasma rather than any of the fun stuff you can do

corrin paralogue - this stage is ostensibly about how partway through the map corrin lights half the map on fire but it is laughably unlikely to have much effect on you because you had no reason to stand in any of the places she lights on fire in the first place. the real star of the show is her twelve unit death ball she starts moving towards you while obfuscating her actual movement range from you with is both a fun tactical challenge and also really funnily abnormal fire emblem boss behavior

chapter 16 - this is probably the most turns any stage took because the raising and lowering water actually can slow you down a lot. but outside of the kind of slow process of getting into position for the boss it is used pretty well to create some unplanned slowing and division of your forces while they are sort of in danger so i do not feel that bad about it. i do think this is one of the worst stages for introducing the emblem mechanics to you, but i also think the eirika emblem is not that good until you level up your bond with it a bunch and get sieglinde and can kill everything

eirika paralogue - i was really underleveled for this one but the thing is it kicked ass to play it like that. sometimes you are just fighting tooth and nail through the stage. i do not really know how this compares to the sacred stones original but here it feels like a really tightly designed endgame stage but you play it a little over halfway through as like a fun bonus for you. never really lets you relax if you are trying to push forward which is fun

chapter 17 - there are like a couple really good and tense turns in the middle of this around when you are dealing with a couple of bosses at once but before and after that it is weirdly low pressure for how high the stakes are supposed to be and how many enemies there are all around you

sigurd paralogue - it was cool to see them try to translate a genealogy of the holy war multiple castle setup and when you take the first castle it shows you the guys you have to get past to get to the second and it looks really gnarly and you are gearing up for a tough fight. but then sigurd charges in alone to his own death instantly and you do not have to worry about any of that and it is kind of disappointing

leif paralogue - this one is mean those ballistas are so brutal and then if you try to clear out some of the ones on the left side of the map then leif goes to fucking war with you. this one really took a lot of doing, it was the first mission where i actually ran out of rewinds. i loved it, maybe i should play thracia 776 and get my ass kicked

chapter 18 - it is kind of funny that this is the only stage where you can recruit an enemy. 'you are surrounded by boats' is a pretty fun setup for a defensive mission. i wish the ballista you had felt a little more relevant but this stage works alright and has a solid first few turns even if it is not able to keep up the pressure

chapter 19 - i feel like i missed something when i played this one because there are a bunch of elements in here that do not really come together. the three laned design of the stages? the ballistas that you fire like maybe one time each? ultimately i just cleared the miasma out enough to stick to one part of the map because that is where most of the enemies are and it works alright and was pretty fun even, it just feels like there is more that i did not engage with somehow

micaiah paralogue - uhhh idk this is kind of another defense stage. it works and is fun enough, it asks you to split up your guys a little bit more than usual just because it starts them so far apart and there is some novelty to that but it did not leave much of a lingering impression

roy paralogue - kind of a lull in the middle of this one after you take out the initial rush of enemies and it never really recovers. actually fighting roy does not have that much going on

chapter 20 - this one is about a guy running around like a freak and just blasting you whenever and teleporting off. and also you are in like a dark castle and fighting over treasure chests and stuff but i mostly just remember that first part even though he basically is not ever a threat as long as you are keeping your guys' health up

celica paralogue - this one is fun it is good when a stage just lets you put your foot on the gas pedal. it is good to be aggressive and go fast sometimes

chapter 21 - for some reason i basically do not remember playing this one even if i remember all the events around it

chapter 22 - this one is pretty easy but it is like a solid enough setup. you are getting your guys back sometimes it is about having a specific thing you are trying to do that asks you to engage with the stage in a unique way and not really pushing you to your limit

marth paralogue - this stage is pretty fun but like sometimes something is solid in a way that does not immediately lend to having a lot to say it is just kind of a classically good map. but it is interesting how with some of these reutilized maps you have a whole special area for approaching the boss that you never go in because they get too aggressive

oath ring paralogue - i was almost hesitant to go get the ring right away because i was like 'oh is it going to end if i kill this guy so fast' but it is good that i did not because it would have been a huge pain in the ass to defend my position away from that central platform. pretty fun but like not exceptional you know

chapter 23 - this one is kind of lame to be honest. the gimmick is not so bad but the two different paths you split your guys up on wound up taking at such different paces that half of my party was just waiting around for the others to line up because i did not want to try and kill both bosses with one party. maybe i should have tried and put myself in am ore dangerous situation and i would have liked it more but engage's favorite trick kind of stumbles here

chapter 24 - this is the only chapter with a turn limit but it basically does not matter there is no world in which i would have needed all 15 turns to get to the boss and in fact i spent a little bit of time just waiting around unnecessarily even under those constraints. the avalanche mechanic is kind of fun to position around, i guess

chapter 25 - i was kind of worried after the last two stages but this one rocks and is also the scariest map in the game. i took it a little slow after the last couple and then they send you to the fucking danger zone and i was barely scraping by killing the boss with like 40 enemies about to charge into the boss room and kill the hell out of all of my guys it was awesome. also i think it is a fun inversion to go from the lumera tutorial stage displaying how the bosses will just come for you to this, basically the last real challenge of the game, with her as one of the few bosses that just stays in place and is extremely brutal about it. loved this one though if i played it again i would probably try less hard to dodge lasers

chapter 26 - this is like a fun experiment in how to make a big dynamic boss fight in the constraints of fire emblem and it is generally really fun but definitely does not offer a ton of pushback, especially in comparison to the previous one. sometimes all of your favorite guys are together and they are just cleaning shit up. it feels good without being completely frictionless. i did not really know enough to match the guys to the 'villain emblems' consistently and probably would not have bothered even if i did just because as always i sort of had my guys switched into two groups for maximum efficiency and the guys that were already nearby just wound up being the guys that would kill the enemies. it did kind of raise the idea of it being a letdown that there were not like evil fire emblem villain emblems with special abilities that you have to fight but that would have been a bit of a huge increase to the scope i guess

[glossophobe]

You make me count the freedom that you give what can better explain how tied up i am .

You ask me to tell you a single thing which we were not giving freedom or option about ... You ask me to tell you the list the things we weren't allowed and then you yourself say we cannot say anything because you have given us everything.

You gave us Everything except you gave us nothing.

You manipulated us into thinking it's our decision.

You played a goddamn mind gave with your own child .

You made us feel like we are nothing but a huge ass burden to you .

You make us feel we are nothing but parasites living of you .

You make sure to give us choice but all the options must be in your favour.

Have you ever fucking thought why your children are more attached to their friends than you ?!

Have you ?!

No you haven't.

Because if you would have ..you would have seen what a failed attempt of parents you are .

I am not even comfortable speaking to you or asking for therapy from you .

You shut us up because you spend that hard earned money on our education.

They say you should be happy when you're living with your parents... No no no ...i pay with my freaking mental health..and lemme tell you ..it's god damn expensive.

I am still the slave of your manipulative ways even after knowing what you are doing to me .

We do every fucking thing thinking about you .

We do every god damn thing for you .

No not because you've told us to do so ..but you have told us so many times about so many things that you have done for us that we feel compelled to do things for you .

You sick people are freaking selfish .

And i still fucking love you .

Two failed suicide attempts .

Feeling the urge to kill myself all the time .

Loathing myself for who I've become trying to please you .

Following you for 20 years has made me nothing but sad.

I feel like i am not worth anything.

I cannot list good things in me .

I don't fucking know me because all my life i have pretend to be something you'll like .

I feel chocked .

I feel like not breathing .

I cry at random moments .

I am nothing but a numb human ..yet i smile so bright when i you say you'll be sad if you see me cry .

I've given my fucking life to you all .

I hate speaking up .

I don't want to .

I know it is of no use .

I hate how i started to see things clearly.

And after all the shit i go through... After everything you do to me . ... I still freaking love you .

You made me the bad person ...i am what i am because of you .

This sick person that i am is because of you .

But i can't tell you this .

Even after knowing all of this i cannot blame you .

Because i know you .

Because i understand what you must be going through.

Because i still feel you have done so much for us .

I know you are nothing but a rotten poisonous fruit which is polished so we'll that it shines .

I know this and i still eat that fruit .

Please just don't force me stay here any longer .

Please just let me go .

If i go i might miss you .

If i go i might want to comeback.

But if i stay .... I might just not survive.

If i stay ... Then i am sorry i just might kill myself.

Because this ugre to plunge the knife in me whenever i see one , is not going down.

This urge to empty my guts whenever i think about me is following a positive straight line graph.

Please don'take me say or stay .

Please just stop your mind games .

Please don't kill your own child like this .

[myvoicenottheoneyougiveme]

you had me up against mine

and I had you up against yours

our respective grief and guilt

but I never invited "this” crowd; you did It was your grand intervention, turned lynching

What kind of victimhood, though, have you built if all it stands on is a lack of TOTAL COMPLIANCE from everyone around us? Everyone whose business YOU made it. What kind of person thinks in such terms? And calls it victimization? How dare they not fall in line...

And I just made excuses for them, for people involving themselves in what was none of their business ...even though, I was the only one not in on the joke.

But I made excuses for all of you.

Cause I believed in you. In you and the people I thought I knew better than that.

You weren't capable of such evil in my eyes. You weren't capable. Yet it happened. And hindsight is 20/20. I’d bent over backwards to frame you as not in the center of it, a victim of something happening to us. And blamed myself for where we found ourselves, blamed myself for not finding the way out.

You, conversely, bent over backwards in the opposite direction. It was the easiest thing in the world for you, to make me all that evil and more.

But that all fell to pieces. What kind of victory, if winning meant being up against yours in a bigger way than you ever thought possible? What kind of victory, if ultimately you hadn’t only failed to rob me of my humanity in the eyes of everyone we both knew (cause this wasn’t just YOUR LIFE), but you’d simply...

...killed him again.

The game had gone on for so long though. It was so pervasive and such a fixture in the lives of so many by the time I’d successfully extricated myself from it, even doing the responsible thing, getting help with... life, and taking responsibility for my own part in anything. But you had all come too far to let it end that way.

Whether your idea or not, it's the easiest jump to make logically.

The thing that was already happening, TO ME, happened again, just from a new angle, one that would settle "this", once and for all.

And that's why you've fought so hard and stooped so low, lying the whole way.

My monkeys. My game. My "this". Now it's just desserts to have it flipped around on me in ways that defy belief.

When in reality it's just an escalation of how things have always been.

But because I, I did “this” to you, then of course I did it to her. And because I did it to her, then of course I did it to you. And because I did “this” to both of you, everything that’s ever happened in my life, every mistake I ever made, is all framed in terms of the most absolutely inhuman monster imaginable. A monster so knee-jerk prompting and incendiary to hear about and so compelling to even attempt to comprehend, that all people from all walks of life will flock to you the world over... And together in a grand, never-ending, feel-good moment of kumbaya Punisher style, you will bring that monster to his knees. A collective and active covert assault by everyone everywhere I will ever and have ever had any contact with.

Death becomes a formality.

...but you make every effort to hand me the gun anyway.

My existence is what bothers you. Exile is not enough. You desire power and control and dominion. You need control over my reflection of you. You need control over my own memory of my own lived experiences. You need control over my thoughts and emotions. You don’t just need to put me to death. You need me to put me to death.

You’ll never be satisfied, until I repeat the lines back to you that you’ve written for me, as I pull the trigger...

[ishaslife]

NieR:Automata : A Beautiful Story of a Broken World

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently finished playing Nier:Automata. I wasn’t going to write a review or analysis on the game because I find it hard to put my thoughts and feelings into words but I shall try my best to do this game justice with mere words because it deserves to be talked about and I simply cannot stop thinking about it, I have tried not to but I cannot. I will only be talking about the story and how it made me feel. This is most likely going to be a very long post.

(This review was written over some time. This post will contain spoilers for Nier:Automata and Nier:Replicant)

So, when I started the game, I thought it was going to be a story about saving the world, I hadn’t played Nier:Replicant at the time but partly watched my sister play it and noticed that the basic story of the game was very simple, just a brother trying to protect and save his sister and even though I hadn’t played the game, I found myself crying when I watched the ending and saw Emil sacrificing himself for his friends. Whenever I’d listen to Emil’s theme, I found myself on the verge of tearing up. I had no idea that Automata too was going to be just as compelling and I was not expecting the story to be this simple yet strong with a beautiful and non-complex message. This is a game about love and finding your purpose in the world, believing and not giving up even when all hope seems lost. 2B and 9S’s relationship is a bit complicated to explain, I think it’s left a certain way so that the player can interpret it however they like but I think we can all agree that 2B and 9S love each other, in some form or another. I believe it is a friendship or/to romance kind of love. 9S never had a friend or partner to work with, he often worked alone being a scanner model and didn’t have much he cared for, he got to work each day like anyone else, but then he got partnered with 2B and things changed. He had a friend, someone he knew and cared for better than all other androids and while 2B was often cold to him for reasons he didn’t understand until later, he still cared for her and saw it only as her personality. 2B on the other hand, comes off as a complex character, someone who is closed off from others and doesn’t like to talk much other than what is necessary. Most just write this off as “oh that’s just the kind of person she is” but we eventually learn that the true reason she like this is because she does not want to get close to 9S, not because he’s whiny or annoying but because she loves him, she HAS loved him, she’s known him for a long time and that’s because every time 9S gets too curious and corrupts his data, she needs to kill him. It’s a never-ending cycle. She is always cursed to remember and 9S always forgets. Each time, he backs up 2B’s data first and by the time it’s his turn, it’s either too late or it’s been corrupted. So each time they get partnered, 2B suppresses her feelings, never tells him the truth, and tries to not get attached but she always fails. And that’s also a message of this game, not being truthful about your feelings and bottling them up, leads to only pain and no resolution, and while the other person may not always reciprocate, love is an emotion worth feeling even if it hurts sometimes. The struggle and the pain of life are a part of living.

In much of this game, everyone is trying to find a purpose in life, the machines, the androids, everyone. Machines mimic human society to find some meaning in their existence. Even Adam, someone who is obsessed with humans and understanding them to the point where he is frustrated as to why he cannot, only finds peace in the most human thing known to man, death. The first line of this game is “everything that lives is designed to end”, we live or strive to live well because we know that one day, we will die, we spend almost our entire lives trying to find purpose to live for. The Devola and Popola models were shunned by the world, they were programmed with guilt because of a mistake just one pair of their models made. Hell, they were made as twins because they couldn’t handle the burden of their task without each other… and so the leftover models roamed the world, searching for a purpose, trying to help the other androids once the replicants were gone. The machines no longer have a shared goal, so they create relationships, and cults, and try to form societies like humans to find a purpose and meaning in their existence because there is a ghost of humanity in this world and while they may not be gods, they’re the closest thing to it. This brings us to the only purpose of Yorha, to liberate the world for mankind, hence their slogan “Glory to Mankind.” Even if this mankind is extinct, this is all they have…

At some point in the story, 9S learns that The Council of Humanity was created by Yorha rather than it being the other way around, when confronted by the commander for snooping around classified information he finds out that humans have been extinct for a long time, even before the machines invaded. This is when he starts to crumble, then he loses 2B, and then he finds out that the black boxes for androids are made from machine cores which means he is not that different from a machine, to begin with. He gets even angrier and starts to hate everything, himself included, further proving Adam’s point about hatred. This eventually leads 9S to his destruction which is a sad ending, to say the least, but one I think everyone saw coming. As for A2, I thought she was cool but it was hard to feel for her as much as I did for 2B or 9S, she defected from Yorha because she was a prototype model along with a squad whose entire purpose was to go to earth and die so that Yorha can collect combat data, her whole squad died except herself and while this is very sad and unfair, it’s hard to feel much for someone who was in the story for 3-4 hours at best. But I liked her character nonetheless, the new combat abilities were cool and I think her ending is more hopeful… she sacrifices herself to save 9S, a promise she made to 2B before her death, to look after him and everyone else. As sad as it is, she might’ve saved 9S’s corrupted data, but his body was still fatally damaged, he couldn’t be brought back to life…

And that’s where the pods come in. These pods have been with us from the very beginning and we don’t exactly know when they started gaining consciousness but they did. Over time, as they exchanged data with each other of their respected assigned units, something clicked in them and they started to gain something close to consciousness. At the very end, during the credits we hear Pod 153 say that Project Yorha is over, all android black boxes are offline and their work is done. That it’s time to delete all data but… Pod 042 objects and says it cannot accept this resolution and instead suggests salvaging data for 2B and 9S. Unsure of what to exactly do, they ask the player if they wish for both of them to survive. And well, do you? I of course chose yes. And this is when the true tears begin, you quite literally fight the credits of the game, the creators and people who worked on this game, they are the gods of this world and only they can bring them back. This endeavour seems impossible because soon, the screen fills up with projectiles and you fail loads of times, each time the game asks you if you want to continue, at times even saying taunting phrases to make you want to give up but… at the same time, it also has these other quotes showing up, from the players telling you to keep going even if it’s hard until eventually you are asked, “Rescue offer received (player name), do you accept?” and suddenly, you’re not alone anymore. Other players from all over the world help you by giving up their save files as you fight gods and fate itself to bring them back together. In the final cut scene, Pod 153 says that everything that lives is designed to end, a never-ending spiral of life and death, quoting 2B from the beginning and that life is all about the struggle within this cycle. The game ends with the pods reaching 2B and 9S and briefly showing A2. The pods talk about things that may go wrong again but don’t see how it’s not worth trying to save them, leaving us with the hope that these characters will live again, perhaps breaking the cycle entirely, reliving it or altering it but it’s hopeful and that is what matters. You are also given a choice to delete all your save files to save someone else in the world, just as some stranger saved you. You may not know this person, you may even hate them if you do know them and even after knowing this, would you still want to lose all your progress? Along with this, you can also leave a message that will display for other players to push them forward whenever they feel like they want to give up. Mine was this:

This game focuses on the meaning of life and finding your purpose, your purpose for existing. We live for the people we have met, the ones we love, the memories we have made and the thought that we’d make yet more pushes us forward, the ceaseless need for adventure, the world to explore and so much more. Nier:Automata changed how I viewed video games, the way it tells such a simple story through robots, in a world that is so much different from our own and yet it makes the story relatable. I still find myself thinking about it… even though it has been over a month since I played it. This game is truly a masterpiece of our generation and I believe that anyone who hasn’t played it, is missing out on a truly wonderful story and experience.

[tenskittens]

Not Enough - Part III.

Part 3

Warnings: Smut, threesome, john x ten x y/n, ass play, john x ten sex, fingering, dominance, cum (everywhere, ew), angst.

Words: 2.8k.

Read part 1 & part 2 first!

It’s been a week since you contemplated changing things in your relationship. As of now, nothing has changed. In fact, things have been sort of chaotic in the NCIT house this past week - you’ve been mostly hanging out with Jaehyun working on a coding assignment you were set over the summer. Ten went away for a couple of days - he said he just wanted to spend more time with his other close friends in the WayV house, who you were all pretty close with, but you suspect he also needed a bit of time away from you and Johnny. And Johnny - well, he’d been pretty distant too, and that hurt the most. You usually spend your rare moments of free time hanging out with him, snuggling on the sofa snacking on popcorn and crisps, having a low-key smoke and binging FRIENDS or comedy movies. This week, though, he hasn’t been here as much for you - in fact, you’ve probably spent more time with Jae, even Doyoung and possibly even Jaemin and the other freshers, than you have with Johnny or Ten.

“Ah, shit, watch it! Fucking arsehole” you yell as you walk directly into your boyfriend and drop your freshly-popped corn all over the floor. “The fuck, y/n, it was an accident. Chill.”

Johnny looks at you with genuine hurt, and you’re sort of embarrassed by the way you snapped. You didn’t want him to know that you weren’t feeling great about the whole ‘being abandoned for the whole week to stress about your work with Jae whilst your boyfriend and best friend fuck of and have fun’ situation.

You are pissed off. But you remember what you’re wearing - the little pair of shorts that perfectly hug your arse, and your hair tied back just how Johnny loves it. So you bend down to scramble and pick up the popcorn from the floor, ignoring Johnny but moving yourself in such a way that you’d gain his attention. Johnny watches you from his distance, and your plan begins to work - he feels himself getting hard at the sight of you bent over on the kitchen floor. Your silence was only turning him on more - he had no idea what to say, and felt at your mercy in that very moment - an unusual feeling for someone who was the dominant one in most scenarios. You stand back up after scraping together most of the popcorn. You stand slowly, looking Johnny up and down as you do, pausing to focus on how the veins in his arms have started to show - a tell-tale sign that he must be horny for you, despite not talking to you all week.

“So?” you ask him, a stubborn and demanding tone in your voice. You’re still pissed off - he literally hasn’t spoken to you about anything, leaving you in the dark about what the plan was and forcing you to seek comfort in Jae because he wasn’t there to hang out while you’d been stressed. Anyway, fuck all of that, you think to yourself. You firmly place the popcorn tub onto the countertop next to you and cock your head slightly, looking at Johnny’s face this time, but avoiding eye contact.

“So, are you going to like… tell me what’s going on?” you ask, frustrated now, trying to hide your emotional vulnerability by holding yourself in a powerful stance, sitting into your hip and casually leaning back into the countertop. You know you look fit, and Johnny knows it, too.

He sighs, now too turned on to even play his little game of piss y/n enough to get her to start the conversation first. He practically launches himself on you, keeping you pressed against the counter top and using his knee to hold your torso firmly in place. He locks his hand into yours and holds it firmly, too. You’re suddenly well and truly held down by John Suh, at his complete mercy and most-definitely not able to escape from his grasp.

“Y/n, Ten’s in my room literally right now. We’ve been waiting for you to break the silence because we thought you were the one mad with us. We thought you didn’t want to talk to us, so, we just sort of left you some space... for a bit...”. His voice is low, frustrated and tense.

Why was he being like this? He sounds genuinely annoyed, yet he’s acting like he wants to fuck me right here? And why’s he being so touchy?

“John, I’m literally pissed that you’ve been ignoring me. How are we never on the same page?”

Johnny doesn’t even reply, and you don’t really care. Stood over you, he’s one of the most gorgeous men you’ve ever laid eyes on - you never fail to forget this. His hair is falling slightly over his eyes, textured and dark, complimenting the deep brown colour of his irises. His muscle tee reveals his broad shoulders, dressed in a bold, dark tattoo on one side. Nothing about Johnny Suh screams “innocence”. He is dark, intense, experienced, and always ready to show you a good time.

“What I mean, y/n, is that Ten’s waiting for me in my room”.

Oh.

“No problem, Johnny, I’ll be alright down here” you tell him, your voice tight, wondering whether this was an invitation to follow him, or a request for him to leave.

“No, y/n. Come on”. Johnny’s eyes are dark and serious, as they so often are when he’s turned on. You’re suddenly hyper aware that you’re in

a communal space - Jae could easily be slumped in the corner of the room, listening to the tension between you two as he so-often was - but you still don’t want to make nice with Johnny, so you shake him off you and somewhat stomp your way to his room, the man following you closely and quickly.

You barge open his door, pushing your weight onto it, and sitting in a leather armchair, leaning out of the window, is Ten. Shirtless. Oh shit, he’s hot.

“Oh, y/n, sorry fuck- hi” Ten sputters, reaching for something to cover himself up and eventually just wrapping his arms around his torso.

“Baby, you still up for trying this?” Johnny asks. Both you and Ten respond quietly and quickly with a tentative “yes”. .

“Hah, I was talking to Ten, but sure y/n I know you’re okay with it”, responds Johnny sassily, walking past you towards Ten. “Hot”, he assesses, looking at Ten just as he’d looked at you earlier.

Knowing that Johnny was checking him out like that turned Ten on, his cock growing harder under his lazy cargo pants. He hadn’t long been at the gym with Jae and Haechan, and the post work-out effect had left him slightly tired but, visually, incredibly attractive. His abs were tight and defined, even as he was leant over the window frame.

“Heard Ten was really good at fingering when he was dating that girl in first year. Not to make this weird or anything”.

Neither you nor Ten replies to this. So like, does Ten actually want this? I don’t get it, you think to yourself. And, honestly, you don’t know that Ten is only really doing this for Johnny. In the moment, he seems pretty damn into you. He stands tall, despite being the same height as you, shirtless with his hair slightly wet from just having showered, carrying the scent of sandalwood and sweet floral undertones. He moves towards you, and your heart pounds, your hands trembling slightly as you become hot and wet for him... Confidently, the man sits on the edge of the bed, a slightly playful and teasing smile spreading across his lips, and he pulls you by your arm so you end up falling next to him. You’re surprised by the sudden action, causing your heart to race faster.

“Mm, he’s right, you know, I’m pretty fucking good in bed” Ten teases you. You and Ten locked eyes as he placed his hand around your waist and pulled you close to him. He wasn’t sure about this, but he felt a compelling urge to kiss you. Ten feels Johnny place his hand on his thigh, squeezing gently, and it gives him the confidence he needs to lean in, chasing for your sweet, tender lips.

As Ten’s lips meet yours, you feel your heart murmuring, beating like it never has before. You take his kiss deep - although it feels sexual and intense, as opposed to passionate and loving. His tongue is greedy, chasing for yours and playing with your lips with gentle nips every so often. Johnny stands behind Ten, softly playing with his long hair, almost reassuring him. You feel Ten move his hands from your waist down to your thigh.

“Well, aren’t you two both such needy and horny, little things” Johnny teases, his voice dark and dominant. “Ten, honey, you know you don’t have to fuck her tonight, but she seems to want more than just a sweet kiss from you”.

Disappointing. Of course you didn’t expect that Ten would actually go all the way with you - although he has been with many girls in the past, you guess he just doesn’t actually enjoy that. But you can feel his fingers dancing up your thigh, altering their pressure as they skip across your crotch, brushing with gentle pressure over the crotch of your trousers and making their way to your opposite thigh. He is so careful and coordinated with his touch, different to Johnny - more thought-out, almost. Johnny bends down closer to Ten and kisses the back of his neck, whispering to him with a firm tone; “Ten, you need to be rough with her, she’s a dirty slut. You need to rip her panties off and fill her with your fingers and -”. You stop listening to Johnny’s instructions, becoming distracted by your growing wetness, pulsating as you feel the blood rush through your body. All you can feel is how Ten pushes you down onto your back, moving on top of you so he has full access to your delicate, glistening folds. As he does so, Johnny follows, teasing Ten’s upper thighs but not yet removing his cargo pants. “Ten, pleaasee” you beg, slightly moaning when you feel his slightly cold hands work at the button of your trousers, pulling them down awkwardly. You arch your back at the cold, slightly ticklish sensation. The arching is enough to grab Johnny’s attention - “damn, babygirl you’re sensitive tonight, does our slut need more attention?”. You whine in frustration, arching your back again to allow ten to remove your trousers all the way. As Ten does so, Johnny leans over him from behind and grabs his pants and pulls them down - he’s commando, so Johnny immediately grabs his hard, throbbing cock, releasing a moan from the man who is largely preoccupied with you, teasing your clit at a constant, steady pace. Johnny slowly pumps up and down Ten’s cock. “Listen, sweet baby, I want you to make y/n come all over us. I’m going to do to you what I want you to do to her - follow my lead, and you’ll make her come”. You heard that part - fuck, i just want to come, you think to yourself.

Johnny cocks his head. “Sound okay, babies?” he asks you both, receiving two half-confident moans in response. He’s definitely in charge of you both.

Johnny tightens his grip on Ten, prompting him to slip two fingers immediately inside of you, taking you deep without a second thought. It was intense, but so necessary. You respond with a sharp intake of breath, once again arching your back. When Johnny speeds up his movements around Ten’s pulsating member, Ten quickens his pace with you. He’s moving his fingers in and out of you at a rushed pace, desperate to bring you to orgasm. Ten was genuinely horny, enjoying playing with you and chasing your upcoming orgasm, and although he had some limits, this wasn’t beyond his boundaries. He was so incredibly attracted to you. Your little, desperate breaths quicken, becoming deeper and longer as Johnny tightens his grip further, slowing down on Ten’s cock, and Ten responds in the same manner. He begins to slowly, but deeply, insert his fingers inside of you, pushing deep and steadily against your G spot.

“She’s actually so beautiful” Ten mutters quietly and breathlessly. Johnny responds, once again quickening his pace on Ten’s cock, planting kisses along his shoulders. This encourages Ten to quicken his pace, using the “come here” motion to hit your g-spot successfully with every repetition he makes. “And she’s such a slut” Ten adds, as you now whine quietly, high-pitched moans leaving you every time he hits your g-spot. He places his lips on yours, swallowing your moans with his deep, warm kiss. His lips are sweet and slightly swollen, making them gentle and exciting enough to continue kissing him, despite how close you were to your oblivion, and how distracting Ten’s fingers were. Johnny finally releases Ten after edging him for way too long - but doesn’t let Ten come just yet. Ten takes this as his cue to focus purely on you, tipping you over the edge. You’re moaning deliriously as Ten slips in a third finger and, with his other hand, wraps around your ass, playing with your sensitive skin around the entrance. Ten’s very good at this - he presses a thumb against your ass, gently but with enough pressure to change the sensation deep inside of you. You feel your pussy tightening, grabbing onto Ten’s slender fingers as he continues desperately chasing your orgasm, waiting patiently for his own. But Johnny is becoming fed up of waiting, so he drops his own pants and presents his cock in front of your mouth. “Work for your orgasm. Be my cumslut” Johnny demands strictly. You take his cock as deep as you can, feeling your pussy tighten as Ten drives you closer to orgasm. You suck Johnny deep and hard, using your tongue how you know he likes it. The sight of Johnny’s cock, dripping and filling your mouth, drives Ten insane. He isn’t even being pleasured, but he, too, feels so close to his orgasm, dripping presum from his tip. You’re still panting and moaning into Johnny’s cock when you finally reach your orgasm. Ten reaches one hand from your ass to Johnny’s, again pressing his finger into Johnny enough to send him over the edge. He explodes into your mouth, causing you to gag and splutter as you immediately come over Ten’s fingers. Your eyes stream with tears as the intensity of your orgasm sweeps through your body, weakening you head-to-toe.

“Y/n, you’re not finished, baby” says Johnny, standing. “Y/n, suck Ten’s cock while I fuck him good”, he tells you. And you do exactly what he says. Johnny is so gentle with Ten - so tender and loving. You can see now, despite your mouth being stuffed with Ten’s dripping, pulsating cock, that the love between these two is different. It’s intense, it’s passionate, it’s inherently sexual but yet so nurturing and tender. What you have with Johnny is fun - but you know you were friends first, friends now, and will always be friends. But you also know that this might be the last time you fuck John Suh as your boyfriend, and you didn’t even actually end up fucking him. The thought saddens you, but it passes quickly as you continue to pleasure Ten whilst sat on your knees. It doesn’t take long before you release him, and he lets his come spill out over your swollen breasts. Just a few moments later, Johnny follows, adding his cum to the sticky mess dripping on you. Johnny leans over you to kiss Ten - and in this kiss, there is so much love. You realise that he has chosen Ten in his moment of vulnerability, not you. But lying there, barely awake and covered in their come, you don’t mind. Ten flashes you a sexy smile as he kisses your belly, covered in Johnny’s come. Johnny pleasures your nipples, cleaning them up with his swollen lips before leaning down to kiss you, and moving back to kiss Ten, forcing him to taste his own mess. “Okok”, you say quickly. “I’m going to wash up in the bathroom”.

Your back is aching, you’re covered in come, and your whole body is weak and trembling from the intensity of working so hard for these two men. And Johnny was right - Ten was very good in bed. But you expected nothing less of the man who is good at everything.

Within 15 minutes, the three of you were asleep in the bed together. And within a few hours, you woke up, noticed how Ten wrapped his leg over Johnny’s, and how Johnny held his arm out for you to lean into. Feeling disgusting and tired, your heart sort of aching, you decided to slip back into your own room. You know you have to leave.

Thanks for reading! I’m sorry I didn’t go into full angst detail about the end of the *situation*. There will be a short follow-up sequel, mostly just angst, that will deal with the end of the relationship, just so this story doesn’t end up with no proper resolution. I hope you enjoyed how the situation unfolded, but more importantly - I hope you enjoyed the smut. I’ll be releasing follow-ups set in the NCIT frat house in the future, so please follow and interact!

~tenskittens~

[rebrandedbard]

If you are still writing 14?

Okay so this one accidentally went from a drabble to an actual fic whoops. The cure is totally inspired by the Rapunzel fairy tale, spoiler alert, where the prince falls in the thorn bushes around the tower and Rapunzel’s tears fall into his eyes, curing him.

14. “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”

wc: 4444 which is an awesome number I’m so happy lol

Robbed Blind

Someone botches a spell to steal Jaskier’s artistic vision and he’s cursed with blindness. Thankfully, he falls into the company of Ciri and Lambert. They journey safely to Kaer Morhen, but what could be the cure to his affliction?

-

She had found him, tripping over the strings of destiny, in Drakenborg. He’d been on his way to Oxenfurt when the curse took hold, and he had gone no further. Jaskier was haggard, gaunt, and looked quite worn. His hair lay flat from constant fussing. It was a habit Ciri remembered well from his visits, always combing a nervous hand through his hair before a performance. She had never seen it look so lifeless. He needed a mirror, she thought. She would soon realize that a mirror would serve him no purpose.

He was blind. He startled when she ran to him, throwing her arms around his waist. She’d been so relieved to see a friendly face that she’d run right into his arms, nearly knocking him from the stool in the corner of the tavern. Why should he not catch her as he’d always done? He’d been looking directly at her; she thought he’d merely not recognized her beneath the mud and hood.

“Let me go! Who are you? Stop—stop this now or I’ll give you such a wallop, I’ll—!”

“Jaskier!” Ciri cried, shocked. She flinched away from him as he elbowed her roughly against her temple. She rubbed the spot, standing out of reach.

Jaskier straightened up at once. “Is that—? Little cub, is that you?” he asked. He turned his head as if searching for her and reached out a hand, feeling the air. It was nowhere near.

Ciri took his hand. During their long weeks of travel, she refused to let it go again. She became his eyes, and together they started for Oxenfurt and the safety of its halls.

He’d woken up blind one day, he explained. No warning or explanation. The mage had told him what magic was at play. Someone had tried to steal his artistic vision and the enchantment had gone wrong, stealing from him his very sight.

“Is there not a cure?” Ciri asked.

Jaskier shook his head. “The mage said it was a botched spell. There’s no telling what will fix it, only that it must have something to do with artistic vision. The mage suggested it might be cured by the old methods: kisses and the like; gazing upon true beauty.”

He squinted and took her face between his hands. “I’m looking and looking at you as hard as I can, and I remember you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen when you were first born. So what do mages know? Have you become a pox-faced adolescent or scraggly Medusa? Ah,” he chuckled, “but you’d still be a fairytale princess in my eyes if you had the face of a basilisk.”

She laughed and squirmed out of his hands. “You were always very good at Blind Man’s Bluff. Do you remember when we used to play it? Back then, you were always stumbling; you aren’t stumbling as much anymore.”

“I’ve grown used to it, I suppose. But you are a princess—do you suppose a kiss from you might cure me? How are you with frogs? Ever wake a sleeping prince?”

“No, but we may try it. There’s magic in me of a sort, I know. Here, kneel a moment.”

Jaskier knelt on the dry road and closed his eyes, tapping the lid. “Right here. Give it a go,” he said encouragingly. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll practice on a frog and work our way up.”

Ciri kissed both eyes to be sure. “Alright. Open them. Do you see anything?”

She tried not to get her hopes up, watching Jaskier squeeze his eyes tight. He opened them, blinked several times, and gave her a sad smile.

“Not to worry, we’ll find a pond in no time,” he joked, trying to keep the mood light.

-

“Well! I go to find a cat and find a lioness instead. And a songbird. Must be my lucky day.”

Ciri put herself between the stranger and Jaskier, waving a large branch in warning. “Keep away,” she growled. “If you come any closer, I’ll scream.”

The scruffy man put his hands up and grinned. “I’ve heard what sort of screaming runs in your family. Trust me, I would rather not be around for one of them. Heard it knocked pretty boy flat on his back at your mother’s little Surprise party.”

Jaskier put a hand on Ciri’s shoulder. “Wait a moment,” he said. “I know that moniker. Geralt complained of it before.” He was quiet a moment, stirring up a memory. Then, he lit up, asking excitedly, “Did you say you were looking for a cat? A cat witcher, by chance?”

“Why? Find one up a tree?” the stranger pressed.

Jaskier patted Ciri’s shoulder and strode forward, extending a hand. “You must be Lambert! I’ve heard—” his hand buckled against Lambert’s chest, his stride clearing the distance too quickly “—oh, my apologies. I’ve heard about you before. I was hoping to see you under better circumstances if I ever got the chance. Or to see you at all, really. Damnable timing.”

Lambert looked at him, then took his hand. Ciri watched as the understanding settled in, for Jaskier was staring straight at the man’s forehead, a near lucky guess of his eye line. Lambert wore an expression of pity freely, knowing Jaskier could not see it, though his tone was light and cocky as before. “I always wondered what you saw in that sourpuss, following him as long as you did; now I know you didn’t see anything after all,” he joked.

Jaskier snorted. “It’s new.”

“Ah, so you’ve been blinded by love, have you?”

Jaskier flapped his hand until he felt the brush of Ciri’s sleeve at his side, then he tugged her forward and presented her. He cleared his throat, a tad flushed. “May I introduce Her Royal Highness, Princess Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, the Lion Cub of Cintra. Geralt’s child Surprise.”

Ciri tossed her branch aside. “You know Geralt,” she said.

“They’re brothers.”

Lambert sneered. “He got all the looks, Eskel got the talent, but I got the brains.”

“What little there were to be had,” Jaskier added.

“Oh, ho! You’ll fit right in at the keep, talking like that.”

There was a pregnant pause between the three of them. Jaskier nudged Ciri gently forward. “She’ll be safe there. And her wit is more cutting than mine.”

Ciri turned at once to protest. “But what about Ox—”

“And so would you,” Lambert cut in. “A dull knife and a dull wit can be sharpened, and I’d rather keep two knives in my belt than one, whatever their make. Don’t start that maudlin shit with me; you’re coming along.”

Jaskier opened his mouth to protest and Lambert raised a hand. Then, realizing how ineffective that was against one who could not see it, he recovered and smacked the side of Jaskier’s head to shut him up before he started.

“Come on; it’s a long and dull road we have ahead of us, and you’re my entertainment. I want to hear every embarrassing story you can supply. I’ve long run out of blackmail and I’m in need of fresh material. Besides, what better bait for a cat than a twittering bird? If you sing loud enough, we might pick him up along the way.”

-

They were all together in the great hall when at last he came. The figure stood in the doorway, a black dot against the stark white of winter outside. A pair of bags dropped with a thundering bang upon the floor, the sound echoing throughout the room, and the figure bundled up by the fire started awake in fright.

Jaskier patted the blanket beside him, made frantic by his sudden awakening. “Ciri? Ciri!” he called, for she had been asleep next to him what seemed only moments ago.

She paused only a moment to stare at the imposing figure in the light. Something in her shouted, compelling her to go to him. But Jaskier called for her in that voice wrought with panic once more. She flew from the circle of wolves to his side, abandoning her hand of cards, disregarding the man of destiny at the door.

“I’m here,” she said, taking his hands. “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always. I’m not going anywhere.” She and the others looked at each other, looked at Geralt, and said not a word.

Jaskier settled and took a deep breath. “I heard something crash. I dreamed—but never mind that.” He sighed, pressing his head to their joined hands. “I’m sorry. I know it’s safe here. I’m just not used to you wandering off just yet.”

“I know.” She stroked his hair gently. It was soft again, though not as silky as before. Lambert and Eskel had drawn him a bath for the first time in a long while, but he had not his customary soaps and oils. He was … less bright, his appearance dulled with his mood.

Vesemir had examined him. Countless hours, the wolves had huddled together in the old library, trying to find a cure for Jaskier’s condition to no avail. As time went by, the reality of his situation weighed on Jaskier. He could no longer read his notebook, nor write his music to be remembered. Ciri read his notes aloud and studied the art so she might transcribe them for him, but it was obvious how he felt.

“I don’t want to be a burden,” he’d said.

And now he gave her that same false smile, the one that failed to meet his eyes. She missed the lines in the corners and wished they might come back. Perhaps they’d flown off with the crows, frightened of the winter snow.

“Go back to your game,” he whispered. “I’ll head up to bed.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” she offered.

He shook his head. “I know the way now. If someone will take me to the stairwell?” he prompted, raising a hand.

Ciri looked at Geralt. There was so little she knew of him—stories and songs … words spared in rumors and stolen from conversations where she lingered unnoticed to listen. What she knew of the wolf and bard she had pieced together with care. For all the tales Jaskier would tell, he would not disparage Geralt before her, and he would not tell the story of the dragon hunt. But dwarves talk. Stories travel and lesser bards would imitate the songs of greater. Witchers collect news of other witchers, and two adults would speak as adults when ale made easy speech. Jaskier had confided in Lambert those tearing words once flung at him upon the mountain. And thus she had put the final piece into place of the great mystery between them.

‘If life could give me one blessing…’

“Who will take him?” she asked. She kept Geralt’s eyes as she rose to her feet. “Who will take him into his hands?”

It was only the barest movement, but she swore she saw the wolf of legend flinch.

Jaskier sat up with a huff. “You make it sound so dramatic. Are we playing at a quest now? Very well, who is my knight errant? The princess has thus decreed a quest is in order: a quest up the perilous tower steps, my-my! Such a task!”

“I should think a white knight is the one suited best for the task,” Vesemir grunted. He shuffled his hand, eyes narrowed at Geralt.

The white knight in question let his cloak fall. He shook the snow from his arms and dusted them slowly, looking at each watching face in turn. His hesitation was clear. When none moved to claim Jaskier, he stepped forward cautiously. Without a word, he took Jaskier’s hand and lifted him to his feet.

Jaskier clapped an arm around his shoulder, hands patting the edge of his long hair. “Ah, thank you, Vesemir,” he said. His hand slipped from Geralt’s armour and he made a face, flicking his wet hand in the air. He prodded the armour curiously. “You’re soaked; I thought you said you’d sent Eskel for the firewood.” He prodded again and bumped against Geralt’s shoulder pad. He pinched it between his fingers, figuring out its shape. He hummed curiously. “What are you wearing? Did you go hunting?”

Geralt stared. Jaskier was not looking at him. Geralt looked at the circle of men by the fireside and there sat Vesemir in silence, watching. He was struck dumb. What … game was this?

“A knight needs a knight’s armour,” Lambert called.

Jaskier laughed. “Oh, of course. Such a soft touch; did you get all dressed up for Ciri? Have I woken in the middle of a game?”

Eskel tossed a card in the middle of the circle. “Yes,” he answered, “but we’ve just started on another, different game.”

“Very cold and calculated,” Ciri agreed.

“Cold and calculated. So a snowball fight has become a snowball war, no doubt born of the most complicated strategies. Shame on the lot of you. You ought to let your elders warm themselves before sending them on tasks. You’re young; you’ve got legs,” Jaskier scolded.

“It was his idea,” Eskel replied.

Vesemir nodded, keeping silent as the game unravelled.

Jaskier looped his arm through Geralt’s and stood straight and tall in an affected manner. “Come, my good knight,” he said, “and let us bid good night to these slacking youths.”

He started to walk in the general direction of the stair, Geralt turning them with truer aim. Geralt looked over his shoulder at the others, frowning. This was not the sort of confrontation he expected when next he saw Jaskier. If he ever saw him. And here was his child Surprise in their midst without a word of greeting or explanation, and the bard, the two of them together and settled within the walls of the keep.

It was too perplexing for him to puzzle out. And Jaskier was acting strangely. Where were his speeches? Geralt had expected him to argue on sight, or else to pretend all was right and greet him, “Geralt! How good to see you,” or, “Fancy meeting you here,” and play off the mountain like it never happened. Or at the very least to ignore him. But to call him Vesemir and take to his arm? What joke was he playing at?

The answer came as Jaskier dodged the first step and nearly fumbled upon the stair. He clung to Geralt’s arm with a cry and his other hand shot out to grope the wall. He flailed for it, feeling his way from the step outward, then sliding his hand up the side of it. He turned his head, looked at Geralt and laughed. “I’m still not used to these uneven steps,” he said. “Give me time and I’ll be able to find my way around unassisted. By next week, I’ll be able to navigate every pool in the hot springs, then you four will never see me fully dressed again!”

Geralt raised a hand to Jaskier’s face. He rested a thumb just beneath his eye. They were as blue as ever, nothing seemed amiss, and yet …

Jaskier’s smile weakened. He closed his eyes and pushed the hand away. “I know the three of you are working hard to find a cure. I know the jokes fall flat. But I must make them. If I don’t … Vesemir, if I can’t make light of it, the darkness I see will be all I have left.”

He turned toward the stair again, hand firm on Geralt’s arm, the other on the wall. “Right then. Up we go. Just one at a time,” he said. He stepped tentatively forwards, prodding his foot before him until he nudged the base of the first step. “Got it. First is always hardest, isn’t it?”

They carried on. Two steps, three, one after the other slowly. They were uneven by design: a final defense against those who would try to invade their stronghold. The spiral stair favored those who walked it every day, gave advantage to the men who would be at the top, swinging their swords to fight back those who would dare trespass unwitting. It was difficult enough for any stranger with sight. With Jaskier, it was a quest in itself.

Midway up, Geralt thought to carry him. They were going so slowly; it would have been easiest that way. He nearly offered, but stopped. If he spoke, Jaskier would know him. He began to reach an arm out to simply lift him, but Jaskier fumbled once more, his knee hitting the step with a mumbled curse. And Geralt heard him muttering through his teeth as he crouched upon the stair.

“I will learn,” he hissed. “This will not stop me. I refuse to be a burden to anyone. Never again.” He touched his forehead to the step and Geralt put a hand to his back. He was trembling.

When Jaskier rose again, he did not take Geralt’s arm. He reached out and took hold of the wall on either side, arms stretched wide to hold himself up. He proceeded to climb the stair alone. When Geralt reached out to help, Jaskier waved him away.

“No,” he whispered. “We’re nearly at the top. Just let me do this much. Please.”

And Geralt let his hand fall away.

Jaskier reached the landing with a powerful stomp, expecting a final step. He breathed a sigh of relief and sagged against the right wall. Geralt followed behind and patted his shoulder. Small congratulations. From there, Jaskier walked down the corridor, tapping when he came upon a wooden door. He passed three, tapped each with his knuckles, counting. When he reached the forth door, he opened it. In this space, he walked with ease away from the wall. He flopped confidently upon the bed and rested a moment as one does after a long journey.

He shucked off his doublet and loosened the laces of his boots. He set these aside at the very foot of the bed where they might easily be found again. He undid the back lace of his trousers, paused, and inclined his head toward the door.

“Are you still there, Vesemir?” he asked.

Geralt did not know how to respond. He stood fixed in the doorway, but dropped his eyes to his feet modestly. After a moment’s wait, Jaskier finished undressing and climbed beneath the heavy furs. A memory stirred—that was not the final task of the evening. What was the last of their routine each night? What was left undone that made this finality seem so abrupt? Geralt realized it in the darkness of the room. He had no candle to blow out.

The truth struck Geralt sharp as a blade to his gut. He stole through the door, walking quietly toward the bed. He sat on the edge, the furs rumpled beneath him, and listened to Jaskier’s breathing. He was not yet asleep—would never be, so soon—but he did not stir.

Geralt took his hand gently.

Jaskier squeezed it back.

“I only wish that had not been the last I’d seen of him,” Jaskier whispered. “I try to remember his smile now. For all my poetry, I can’t remember it clearly. His smiles were so rare, but I don’t suppose you need me to tell you. Or perhaps you do. I don’t know if he smiled here; I know nothing his life in this place. Were you so fortunate that they were commonplace?”

Silent footsteps creeped up the stair. Ciri had waited long enough to follow. Geralt heard no sign of her under the ringing words of Jaskier’s speech. Though he spoke no louder than the breath of the wind, every last syllable echoed like a clap of thunder in his ears.

Jaskier slipped his hand free and turned on his pillow, hugging it close. “I wish I might at least see Ciri now, know how she’s grown. They change so quickly at that age. Does she look like her mother? Does she look like him? Destiny makes strange things of those it touches. She was beginning to look like him, I once thought.”

She saw him well enough, looking through the open door. She crouched behind the wall, listening as she always did in secret, for the things he would not burden her with.

“I always did wonder what you looked like. Geralt spoke once to me of his brothers, his mentor. You’re still stories to me in ways. I know you have long hair, grey with age. I know Lambert is shorn, Eskel is shaggy. I know your voices, your height, and a hundred other things. But do you share his eyes? What color is the armour you wear? How does the sun set over the mountainside? The carpets before the hearth—what pattern is woven there? What thousands of stories do you keep in that library? What do the monsters look like illustrated in the great bestiary?”

He buried his face in his pillow. His voice was muffled, but both Geralt and Ciri could hear the husk in it. “I won’t feel sorry for myself. It doesn’t mean anything—just idle curiosity. It doesn’t matter how the carpet is woven or if you wear brown shirts or red. I’ve seen a lifetime of sunrises and sunsets and stars. I don’t want them!” he barked. He writhed on the bed, his face falling from the pillow, stained with tears. “I don’t! I never needed them, not one! I don’t care—I don’t! None of them are important!”

Geralt rushed forward and took Jaskier in his arms. Jaskier struggled, beating at his chest, and refused to be coddled. “No!” he wailed. “Don’t comfort me, I don’t need it! I don’t want it! I will not be pitied!” But for his hard words, he clung to Geralt’s armour, sobbing against his shoulder. “It’s unnecessary. It’s just a bunch of poetry. Useless poetry and songs.”

Jaskier pulled away, Geralt’s hands trailing from his back to his shoulders as he sat up. Geralt held him there before he could retreat more. Before he could think twice of it, Geralt leaned in, his hands cupping Jaskier’s face on either side.

“Vese—”

Something warm and wet fell onto Jaskier’s lashes. He heard a shaky breath, felt the warmth of it upon his face. Another hot tear fell into his other eye and he blinked in surprise, for it was not his own. He sat perfectly still in shock, blinking the falling tears away.

“They were never useless,” Geralt said. “They were always important—all of them.”

Jaskier twitched, raising his head by instinct up to look at the man who held him now. “You were—!”

“I’m sorry. For not speaking before. For … not speaking then. After. And for saying what I did that day.” He wiped the tears beneath Jaskier’s eyes away, an expression of pain twisting his hollowed features. “If I’d not sent you away—I don’t know what’s become of you, but I might have—I could have tried to prevent it. You would still have your sight.”

Jaskier covered Geralt’s hands. “No, Geralt. This is none of your doing. You can’t—”

A loud bump from the hall startled him. Jaskier turned at once to look.

“Ciri,” he breathed.

Ciri had a finger to her mouth and was glaring up at a tall man. They both cowed back, being caught. Jaskier looked between them as Geralt’s hands slipped away. He stood, walking toward them. He looked at Ciri, gaping, their eyes perfectly aligned. Jaskier fell to his knees before her and took her hands without fumbling.

“Ciri,” he said. “You’re so … my good gods, you’ve grown.”

All were still as he reached out, touching her face as though she were made of glass. He smoothed her hair away, taking all of her in. He laughed, new tears falling as he pulled her close and crushed her in his arms. “You’re so beautiful!” he cried. He stroked her hair, cradling her against him as tight as he dared. “And you!” He looked up at the witcher in the hall, reaching out to him and taking his hand. “Which one are you? Say something now, quickly. Let me hear your voice and know you.”

“Eskel,” he answered. And then Jaskier was up on his feet, pulling him into another embrace.

“Eskel!” Jaskier cheered. “Eskel, you look even more heroic than I ever imagined! Oh, let me look at you. Oh, oh! Lambert! Vesemir! Where are you, come forward!”

He dashed into the hall, only to turn on his heel for another look at Eskel, for just one more eyeful of Ciri. Over her shoulder, he saw Geralt sitting there on the bed, his yellow eyes wide, the tears still clinging to his chin.

“Oh,” Jaskier whispered. “Oh, I see. I see.”

He walked forward, gliding a hand beneath Geralt’s jaw. He touched his eyes with his other hand. Carefully, he wiped the last of Geralt’s tears away. It dangled, a little drop at the tip of his finger and he brought it close. He closed his hands around it, cradled them to his chest.

Geralt stood slowly before him. And he smiled.

Ciri tugged at Jaskier’s shirt, her head turned away politely. She cleared her throat and said, “Jaskier? Lambert and Vesemir are on their way up. And you’re … well, you’re not at your most presentable.”

Eskel averted his eyes, his back turned to the scene, however touching. “You might want to get a bit more dressed. And quickly,” he added, for Jaskier was standing in his smallclothes.

Jaskier snorted. “All of you, turn away for decency’s sake! We’re having a moment, here.”

“And what about me?” Geralt asked. “Shall I look away?”

It was nothing but empty jest and Jaskier smiled. “No,” he replied. “No, you’re looking where you’re needed. But I suppose to be fair …”

He clapped a hand over Geralt’s eyes. He leaned forward, whispering against Geralt’s lips. “There. Now no one can see. No one … but me.”

There were no witnesses to that first kiss. It was a secret Jaskier kept for himself.

However, the second, third, and forth had quite a startled audience, as Geralt and Jaskier both fell deaf to the clatter of footsteps in the hall. Ciri took it upon herself to usher the others from the room, explaining on the way. After all, with the curse lifted, she no longer needed to be Jaskier’s eyes. His mouth, however, was currently occupied.

-

Send me a drabble prompt!

[caughtthedarkness93]

And for a couple other notes!

• It's hard to figure out what the right balance of planning is for a game. You can easily overplan and wind up not using half of what you prep, or you can underplan and wind up out of left field. This is one of those "You have to do it a few times" things, but in general, I'd say you shouldn't plan out every detail, but let your players' curiosity guide you and improvise responses to that curiosity. So if you have a murder you want them to investigate, then don't plan the clues ahead of time. Instead, put them at the crime scene, see what they want to do, and then use your knowledge of the crime to give them the information they need.

• Don't gate story critical elements behind rolls. If the story would grind to a halt if they don't have something, meet someone, know something, or whatever else, then it shouldn't be possible for them to not do those things. Notably, that doesn't mean don't have them roll for it.

• Related to the above, consequences for failed rolls can go beyond just basic stuff. It's a hard thing to balance, but sometimes, rather than failing, you can do what's called Failing Forward. This means that a failure keeps the story moving. Sometimes that means that a new complication introduces a story element that wasn't there before. You're looking for the secret clue when you're interrupted by an assassin's bullet. You didn't know he was out there, but now you do, and you know that he wants to shoot you. It can mean that failure brings with it an unexpected narratively appropriate consequence or a new challenge. If you try to leap up the wall to enter a building and fail, maybe your problem isn't that you land on your ass, maybe it's that you wind up falling into a window. Hell, sometimes it's even "You succeed, but at a cost." This is where the above "Don't gate anything necessary behind a roll" thing comes in. It's not something you always should do, but sometimes the consequences of trying to quietly pick a locked door shouldn't be "You don't open it," but "You open it! Right in time for a guard to appear, very curious about what you're doing."

• In terms of campaign building, start with a hook, then build. What is the big thing that happens at the beginning of this story that brings the PCs together and compels them to go adventuring together? Basically, an inciting incident. It's good for this to be summed up as a one-sentence question or goal. Also, if it involves a mystery of some kind, it's ok if you don't know the answer to the question going in as long as you trust that you can get one by the time your players get there. Just start small and spread out.

• This goes the same for worldbuilding - start small, build as you need. When you begin your campaign, it's a good idea to have a rough sketch of places you know will be important later, but you don't need much more than the place where it starts.

• Let your players have agency in your worldbuilding. Let them build too. If it's something a player would conceivably have a lot of knowledge about, let them create it. Lucky the Rogue wants to know what his thieves guild is like? Tell him "You tell me." Have a place you didn't prep that's not hugely important, but the players ended up there? Like a small inn or something? Let them name it and decide who runs it.

• Something I stole from a JRPG-inspired TTRPG called Fabula Ultima and haven't done yet, but can't wait to do is if you're building your world from scratch, collaborate with your players to create it. The way that Fabula does this is that at the beginning of every campaign, you sit down with your players and everyone gives you at least one of the following

A country that exists in the world

A historical event that had a big impact in the world

A mystery that has not yet been solved

Something that threatens the world.

I love these questions and this approach. All at once, it invests the players in your world and gives them a sense of ownership over it and it takes some of the work off your plate.

I'm doing a campaign for the first time but my issue is:

1. I'm making it from scratch

2. I'm the dm and I've never dmed before

3. I've only played dnd once in my life

I know that sounds insane and stupid but no one was willing to invite me into a group (dnd is suprisingly cliche-y) and I had friends who didn't play much but wanted to and I've always wanted to dm before but didn't know how so we're doing that. So far I have 5 players: 1 experienced 1 sorta experienced, 3 newbies one of which has books on dnd but never played.

Does anyone have tips? I need all the advice I can get. Also idea for story or npcs is welcome as well! Use me as an info dump.

[infinite-infinite-stars]

oooo oki okok. General 2, love 6 and 7, domestic life 10

Never done a ask before cuz I social anxiet

But the Captaineer brainrot is stronger than the anxiet

Amen to that, sweetie~. Captaineer brings us all together xP Thank you so much for the ask!

GENERAL: 2 - "Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?"

Y'know, after everything they've been through by the time they get together I don't think Yona would particularly care about having a something to point to as an "official first date"? Honestly, she'd be fine with just calling the first time they had lunch together in the ship's cafeteria after exchanging "I love you's" their first date xP

BUT let's be real, Mark is a total sap and you know he would absolutely insist on taking her out Properly™. And since it's clearly so important to him, Yona is more than happy to agree~.

She schedules a day off for the two of them as soon as she feels she can justify doing so (technically as Captain she can do it at any time, but neither she nor Mark are the type to shirk their duties). They're still in the early stages of settling the new planet, but the brunt of the hard work would be over by now, I think.

(The first time Yona led this colony-- before the time loops started and after Mark was lost to the vacuum of space-- she basically never took days off and was always trying to keep herself busy. Maybe her guilt over not being able to save Mark compelled her to be extra hands-on, in the hopes of preventing more tragic accidents like that. Or maybe she was just trying to distract herself from the loss of her right-hand-man. Either way, she's trying not to be that way this time around. She's trying to remember that she can rely on her crew as much as they rely on her.)

Anyway, the colony is bustling, but they haven't exactly worked their way up to restaurants and movie theaters yet, so Yona and Mark's options are a bit limited in terms of traditional date venues xP. They content themselves with a picnic basket, a blanket, and a quiet grassy hill with a nice view, and they have a lovely time~. Also Yona surprises Mark with flowers and he nearly cries.

LOVE: 6 - "Who’s the big and little spoon?"

They alternate! :D

LOVE: 7 - "What are their favorite things to do together?"

Well, the majority of their time is spent doing their jobs, which does involve seeing a lot of each other, even if it's not really something they "do together" the way the question means. And they're around the rest of the crew a lot, too (I love the idea of the crew all hanging out together during their downtime and like, having a campfire or a game night or something~).

But this means they've basically gotta take snatches of one-on-one time whenever they can get it: a shared coffee break here, help with a minor repair there, exploring the environment of the new planet, etc. Most of their alone time comes in the evenings or early mornings, and is usually devoted to unwinding from a busy day (or getting ready for one), chit-chatting, and having a good cuddle~.

DOMESTIC LIFE: 10 - "Who’s the better cook?"

Mark is. Yona... never really properly learned to cook. She knows how to use a microwave, and like, make a sandwich, and follow instructions on the back of a box in a pinch, but that's about it. I think she might try to get better once they settle into life on the new colony and she has more time on her hands though~.

Meanwhile, Mark's not unbelievable at cooking or anything, but he's pretty good? He’s at least done it more often than Yona has. He likes it okay and I can see him having, like, a family recipe or two that he can whip out every now and then.

(Some of you might recall me saying that Yona spent some time as a nanny before joining the space force. No need to worry about the kids she looked after-- like I said, Yona knows how to make sandwiches, at least; plus there would often be leftovers in the fridge, or fruit she could cut up or something, and if all else fails? Order takeout.)