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whyse7vn · 1 year ago

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MIDLIFE CRISIS -

[ ot7 x reader ]

JIMIN OLD ERA

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

namjoon: why are you guys so quiet today

what did you do??

just tell me so i can fix it pls and thx

hobi: idk I’m at the studio

y/n: omw to the studio so idk x2

jk: i am at home

tae: i am also at jungkooks home (and y/ns i would never forget u my queen i love ur house) maybe yoongi got into a fight again idk

yoongi: i am watching tv

not fighting

that was one time

hobi: didn’t you break woozi’s nose literally last week and harassed scoups a week before that?

jin: he also did knock out that one staff guy last month

namjoon: he did

and luckily when the guy woke up he couldn’t remember anything and didn’t sue

yoongi: you know about all that?

stop stalking me

freaks.

hobi: people talk yoongi!!!

tae: AND HE PUNCHED ME YESTERDAY

y/n: YOU BROKE WOOZI’S NOSE??????

tae: ok but yoongi also punched ME like who even is woozi when he’s at home????

yoongi: me but if i was ugly homeless untalented and had a broken nose

jin: yoongi is woozi’s evil twin

y/n: WHAT DID WOOZI EVER DO TO YOU??

yoongi: idk a woozi

namjoon: we are getting off track

jimin jin what did you do??

jimin: NOTHING I SWEAR IT WASN’T ME LITERALLY MAKING A SANDWICH RN

jin: i was cleaning haven’t done anything promise

namjoon: who is lying to me

pls tell me i really don’t have time for this rn

y/n: i vote jimin why is he shouting never trust a man that shouts

also tae get the fuck out my house rn

and can i get a little context about this woozi situation….

tae: cant wait for u to come home #sleepover

jimin: ITS NOT ME I SWEAR ALSO I THINK I BROKE MY PHONE I CANT TAKE CAPSLOCK OFF HELP

I VOTE JIN CUZ FYM UR CLEANING

jin: it means i me cleaning?

is he stupid? anyways i vote y/n cuz she’s a sick little liar and is probably causing problems

y/n: i’m literally in a car rn i’m not doing anything

YOONGI ANSWER UR PHONE RN

yoongi: read my message i sent you :3

hobi: i vote tae

jk: same

tae: wtf jungkook

jk: sorry u are taking real long in the toilet for all i know you could of jumped out the window and stabbed 46 people

tae: no cuz ur so right

but i haven’t btw namjoon if ur wondering

namjoon: ur all stressing me out

stop arguing

and NO sex talk please

jimin: ??????

yoongi: who is arguing?

jin: and who is talking about sex?

namjoon: oh

um okay

cool

good

yoongi: freak

hobi: yoongi about to send u this song listen to it pretty pls with a cherry on top >.<

yoongi: k

jk: guys pls someone bring me bread

i ate all my bread

y/n: will get some on my way home

yoongi i stg answer ur phone

jk: blushing

yoongi: :3333

jimin: PLS SOMONE HELP ME HOW DO I FIX THIS

jin: it’s probably a issue in ur settings

maybe idk

have you checked?

jimin: WILL DO THAT

namjoon: this feel extremely wrong

is everyone ok?

hobi: yes yes

yoongi: 👍🏻

jimin: YEAH

tae: yh

jin: yup

jk: yes mr namjoon

y/n: ofc !!

but woozi is not can we pls address the woozi situation yoongi did NOT answer me

namjoon: okay

why do i feel like something is wrong then

everything is wayyyyy to calm

it’s like

domestic almost

in a strange way

its unsettling

jin: then settle? idk what to tell you

jk: domestic malewife 🥺

my dream

y/n: ????

namjoon: no one is threatening to kill anyone

ur not taking about sex

nothing about feminism

or tae being broke

no jk vs yoongi

jin vs jimin????

hobi isn’t singing

no drug talk

and not one of you is on drugs right now??

guys be fr

what’s wrong?

jk: do you want me to get high rn??????

i can do it

if you want

i can

just say the word

namjoon: no wtf???

i would LIKE if you guys told me what the fuck you’re hiding from me

jin: let’s talk about what UR hiding joon

y/n: OMG WHY ARE WE NOT CONCERNED THAT YOONGI BROKE WOOZIS NOSE LIKE HELLO?????

namjoon: what i’m hiding????

i’m not hiding anything

jimin: IS IT FIXED NOW GUYS?

tae: when life gets tough you need to fix yourself

or you won’t be fixed

jk: woah

yoongi: what?

hobi: it’s cold as fuck toady

y/n: HIS NOSE HELLO??? ITS BROKEN

jk: tell him to fix it

because if he doesn’t fix himself he won’t be fixed

tae: the way jungkook just gets it 🥺

jin: don’t lie kim namjoon

namjoon: i really don’t know what ur talking about but ok??

anyways u guys are still bothering me but not in a i want to bash my head against a wall sense like normal

but in a are they being held at gun point sense

can you all snap out of it??

jk: don’t bash ur head joon

namjoon: im not

that is my problem

yoongi: sounds like you are

namjoon: you guys did something real fucked up didnt you that’s why ur acting like this

you can tell me

i wont get mad

hobi: ok can you shut up ohmygod

jimin: LITERALLY JOON UR GREAT AND ALL BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PLS SHUT THE HELL UP

jk: can you not shout pls ur scaring people

jimin: I CANT HELP IT

jk: sorry i’m just a ugly pig then

yoongi: ur so dramatic

tae: don’t worry kookie small men often carry a large amount of rage that’s why jimin is shouting

don’t take it personal

jimin: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME??

y/n: ok so you guys really don’t gaf about woozi???

jk: what is that???

yoongi: literally

tae: y/n can you also buy cheese for us when you come back

jk: cheese 🤤

y/n: whatever….

namjoon: wow ok

i’ll just go then?

jk: baiiii ^^ 💞✨

namjoon: no this feels so wrong

y/n: go take a nap joon

hobi: bros just yapping away like 💀

tae: GO

namjoon: did you guys kill someone?

be honest with me im begging

jin: maybe if we ignore him he’ll go away

jimin: fixed my keyboard

thank god amen #lifeisgood

namjoon: guys

jk: i’m a man not a guy

yoongi: what

hobi: do you think maybe this is his midlife crisis?

jin: i thought the whole rap monster thing was his midlife crisis

y/n: he was like 18 then?

jin: i didn’t expect him to live long

jimin: start of life crisis

tae: maybe namjoon himself is the crisis

namjoon: you guys are my crisis

y/n: we haven’t even done anything

namjoon: can you guys do something

hobi: ur really loosing it

namjoon: don’t make ME do something

hobi: wtf is namjoon threatening me rn?

jimin: what is the worst namjoon can do be fr

namjoon: i have like 127 snipers on ur house rn shut the fuck up

jimin: wtf???????

y/n: nct core

namjoon: me y/n and tae had a threesome

jk: WHAT??????????????

jin: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

jimin: oh my actual god

tae: I HIT I HIT GUYS I DID IT ALL OF YOU THAT PRAYED ON MY DOWNFALL LOOK AT ME NOW LOOK AT ME

namjoon: but that’s not the first time we fucked

minus tae ofc

tae: wait what

hobi: oh wow

namjoon: on jungkooks birthday last year

yoongi: laughed

namjoon: and at a sleepover we all had at yoongi’s house

yoongi: oh

jk: WHAT THE FUCK

y/n: i am going to kill you

namjoon: i have almost asked her to be my girlfriend

y/n: what

namjoon: on multiple occasions

jk: THIS HAS TO BE FAKE OMGSHH2£:£!£3:;&;’cmnfkknfmfnc

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: i’ve tried to get taehyung kicked out of the group a total of 29 times

tae: WHY WTF

????

OMG

BETRAYAL OF THE CENTURY

WHAT THE HELL

jin: LMAO that’s crazy as hell

namjoon: i have never eaten a single dish jin has ever cooked for me

jin: ARE YOU SICK?????????

I SLAVE AWAY IN THE KITCHEN

AND FOR WHAT???

FUCKING UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT

NEVER COOKING FOR U AGAIN

WOW IM SO PISSED

FUCK YOU

UGLY FUCK

namjoon: when we debuted i believed jimin was the ugliest man i had ever seen and felt physically ill when people would flirt with him because wtf were they seeing??

jimin: WOW

WOOOOOW

wow

that’s crazy actually

do u even fw us be honest

hobi: definitely fw y/n that’s for sure!!!

ok i’m sorry i didn’t mean it i don’t want to know what you have to say im sorry i just saw the opportunity PLS IM SORRY IM SORRY

namjoon: ur mother used to send me money so i would hang with you

hobi: ur telling me our sunday bonding days weren’t actually sunday bonding days 🥲

namjoon: i wanted to shoot myself in the head

jimin: what the actual fuck is happening

jk: HES LYING HES LYING THERE IS NO WUAYS HES LYINGGGGGGG

namjoon: why would i be lying?

y/n: namjoon you need stop talking

yoongi: namjoon kill yourself

jk: YEAH KILL YOURSELF

namjoon: thank you

jimin: this is by far the craziest degradation kink i’ve ever seen

namjoon: argue

yoongi: you want us to argue?

are you high?

jk: HES HIGH HE IS I KNOW IT

HE WOULDNT SAY ALL OF THAT SOBER

tae: waittt namjoons first high 💞💞💞💞

jimin: that makes sense

he don’t even know what he’s talking about rn lmao

not even mad anymore

i’m happy for u bro

namjoon: no i definitely do know what i’m talking about

i just want you guys to act normal

tae: it’s okay ur doing great joonie

namjoon: I AM NOT HIGH STOP

y/n: you have to be cuz wtf

jk: im confused

namjoon: shut up

jk: why is namjoon fighting me

namjoon: i literally slept with y/n

jk: STOP IT MAKE HIM GO AWAY

PLEASE

jin: IDC IF HES OFF FUCKING COKE RN

he’s actually so fucked up and insane for saying that TO ME LIKE TO ME MY COOKING ARE YOU INSANE??????

what a SHIT leader…

hobi: i think maybe he needs to hug a tree rn

stay grounded or smth

yoongi: bro is off the trees rn wydm

namjoon: i am “off” absolutely nothing rn maybe i’m just really concerned for you all

and maybe just maybe it’s you guys’ fault for making me have to act and talk insane so YOU GUYS can act and talk insane and make me feel at peace in life

you made me like this

all you do is cause me stress

this is ALL UR OWN FAULT

tae: i am NOT reading that essay 😭

jimin: omg we are all literally being gaslit by kim namjoon rn what the actual fuck is life

namjoon: im sick of you all

ur ageing me

y/n: i think ur ageing urself tbh

hobi: life goes on man…

tae: tbh i think namjoon is going through a bad trip rn

like tell me he doesn’t sound high as hell

jimin: you’ve actually lost it namjoon

hobi: it was bound to happen

tae: it’s okay just hold ur breath until you pass out and when u wake up you’ll be fine

that’s how i stop a bad trip

namjoon: I AM NOT HIGH FOR THE LAST TIME

jk: that’s what i say when i’m high

just saying

yoongi: this is definitely that midlife crisis

namjoon: why are you not freaking out about me literally having sex with the girl your in love with

yoongi: ur high and idc

jk: I CARE

i don’t believe you joon 😡

y/n: this is not life rn…..

hobi: are all four of you not in love with her wow thats kinda insane

y/n rizz go crazy

jimin: why don’t you all just like idk

date????

hobi: omg wait i wanna date too don’t leave me out this time 🥺🫰🏼

yoongi: i’ll pass

MY girl idk if you get that or not

jimin: but she’s-

whatever

ur all fucked up idc

might as well all fuck but fuck me right???

ur girl no ur so right i need to just shut my mouth

sighs looks left looks right

idiot

namjoon: you all make me sick

jimin: literally do not care

jk: do you need a hug namjoon?

namjoon: absolutely not shut the fuck up

jk: oh 🥲

yoongi: so ur just really fucking mean high?

sucks

namjoon: IS HELL FROZEN OVER YOONGI BASICALLY JUST DEFENDED JUNGKOOK LIKE WHAT????? GUYS ARE YOU SEEING THIS???

hobi: who sold you this weed man..

we need to get them

jimin: he probably got sold cocaine got told it was weed and took it all

jin: yikes

sleep it off joon!!

namjoon: I HATE YOU ALL

omg

guys

i’m going to kill myself

….

now you say good or like do it or we won’t miss you

jin: who hurt you??

namjoon: YOU GUYS DID

YOU GUYS DO

ALL THE TIME ACTUALLY

WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING THAT NOW

jk: he wants us to tell him to kill himself?

namjoon: YES

y/n: he’s actually loosing his mind wow

hobi: he’s literally on another universe rn

jin: i’ll actually kill you instead of telling you to kill urself how about that!

namjoon: SHUT THE HELL UP

yoongi: does he want us to argue or stfu??? i don’t get it anymore

y/n: ur really like being insane rn joon

jimin: this a high that NEEDS to be slept off…

namjoon: there is no way u guys are being fr rn…

you guys are fucking with me

WHY IS IT AN ISSUE WHEN I SAY SOMETHING OUT OF LINE

hobi: you said MANY things out of line

namjoon: BUT YOU GUYS CAN TALK ABOUT HOW TAE HAD SEX WITH A RANDOM GIRL IN ALLEY FOR FREE FOOD AND NO ONE SAYS SHIT?????

tae: THAT IS NOT TRUE BTW

NAMJOON TELL THEM ITS NOT TRUE

namjoon: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY AT EACH OTHERS THROATS EVERY DAY AND WHEN I QUESTION WHY UR ALL BEING NORMAL I GET LOOKED AT FUNNY???

y/n: this is us normal?

I WAS LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT HOW YOONGI BROKE MY FRIENDS NOSE IS THAT NORMAL TO YOU???

tae: namjoon just used that fake scenario as an example IT IS NOT TRUE

namjoon: everyday you all push me closer to suicide

yoongi: ok?

idk what you want us to do at this point

namjoon: i don’t know either

yoongi: ok??

namjoon: ok

jk: OK 😋

namjoon: i think i’m gonna go now

namjoon left “JIMIN OLD ERA”

jimin: lmao i NEED to find out what he’s smoking that was crazy

—

i hate this actually.

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