#fwb to lovers au | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ellecdc · 1 month ago

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The Bolter

Sirius Black x fem!reader who meet again [5.5k words]

prompt: poly!wolfstar or just Sirius x reader in which they were friends with benefits but it was obvious they loved each other even though they acted like they weren’t. Then, reader finds out shes pregnant and before telling them, they do something stupid. so reader runs away for a few months. When she comes back (only bc she had to for some reason) shes like 6-7 months pregnant

CW: secret pregnancy, angst, FWB to strangers to lovers, second chance fic, post war trauma, both Sirius and reader are meeesssssssssssyyyyy in this! I don't approve of what they've done but I understand it

“So…she’s coming back?” Sirius asked cautiously, focusing more on the condensation pooling on the coaster underneath his pint than the concerned gazes of his two best friends.

“Well, I don’t know if she’s coming back, but she’ll be here for Harry’s birthday.” James mollified, sharing a nervous look with Remus.

“Right.” Sirius murmured around a swallow; throat tight and dry though neither the pint nor the pitcher of water in front of him looked as though they’d be able to help him with the matter.

“Are you going to be alright?” Remus queried, and Sirius offered him the most arrogant scoff he could muster; he missed by a long shot.

“Of course I’m going to be alright.” He huffed. “Why? Can’t two friends see each other after five and a half months of silence?”

“Sirius-” James started, but Sirius carried on.

“She’s the only one who’s been silent, you know?” Though he knew that they did indeed both know. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried reaching out.”

“Pads.” Remus offered consolingly, looking frustratingly like he was going to reach a hand out to Sirius as if he were some over tired toddler on the brink of a meltdown.

“Stop, no I- I’m fine, honest.” He insisted as he took a steadying breath. “I- you… talked to her, then?”

James and Remus shared another look before James allowed the segue.

“Mostly by owl, but she has spoken on the phone with Lily a few times.”

Sirius nodded as he considered this; considered the number of owls Sirius had sent that had gone unanswered - perhaps even unopened if the silence meant anything at all.

“She’s…okay?”

Remus let out a sigh as he shot Sirius a tight smile that looked more like a grimace. “She’s…vague.”

“She doesn’t share a whole lot.” James agreed. “Says she’s fine, things are good. Mostly asks about…all of us, Harry.”

“She’s still staying with that great aunt,” Remus added, “helping her with the property.”

“She seeing anyone?” There was no point in pretending that wasn’t the most pressing matter in Sirius’ mind; of course it was. And as angry and bitter as the idea made Sirius, it would have been his own fault, his own doing. He had no one to blame but himself.

And he’d have to live the rest of his life knowing he was the one who let you slip away - pushed you away - right into the arms of someone else.

“Not that she’s mentioned.” Remus responded honestly; he couldn’t say for sure that you weren’t, but if you were, you clearly hadn’t said anything about it.

“Right.” Sirius offered shortly.

“Pads, I…we would understand if it's too hard for you to see her. If you can’t come-”

“Don’t be daft.” Sirius scoffed deploringly. “I’m not going to miss my godson’s birthday. If anyone should be missing it, it should be her; I’ve been here for the past four and a half months, she’s the one who fucked off for good.”

“Sirius-”

“I don’t understand why you had to invite her!” Sirius shouted then, startling even himself when he realised how breathless he sounded all of a sudden.

James smiled at him sadly; Sirius wished he’d stop doing that. “We wanted all of Harry’s uncles and his aunt to be there, Sirius…it’s important, yeah? We…we almost didn’t get this chance.”

Sirius could feel a wicked migraine coming on; between talking about you, the close calls and the fact that the group of you were all alive following the war by nothing but chance, and the fact that the person Sirius was most angry with was himself, he downed the rest of his pint and flagged the server in favour of having to look at the pitiful gazes being shot at him by Remus and James.

Sirius couldn’t tell if he was eager for Harry’s second birthday or dreading it. But like it or not, Sirius was going to be seeing you again.

It had felt like a good idea at the time.

It felt beyond foolish now, but it had felt like a good idea at the time.

*ೃ༄.ೃ࿐

“Sirius, we just won. We just won, why do you have to leave now?” You practically begged as you followed Sirius through his flat.

“Because if I don’t get out now, I’m going to be stuck here for eternity.” He all but spat at you as he shoved articles of clothing into his duffle rather haphazardly. You felt like grabbing the bag from him and folding them properly if the act wouldn’t leave you feeling like you were aiding and abetting his abandoning you.

“But what about James? And Remus? What about Harry? You fought this war for them, and they for you - we just got them back!”

“And they’ll be here when I’m ready to come home!” Sirius shouted; turning to look at you with wild, red rimmed eyes.

“What about me?” You asked quietly, hating how small you sounded.

“What about you?” He asked; face falling painfully neutral. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought he was occluding.

“I…I don’t know.” You started awkwardly, shrugging one shoulder. “I thought…maybe we’d have a chance now. To try?.”

“Y/N.” Sirius sighed as he rubbed harshly at his eyes; entire being oozed exhaustion at having to have this conversation with you. “Have I not been entirely clear about what this was between us?”

“Right.” You agreed quickly, biting roughly on your lip and looking anywhere but at him as he let his hand fall away from his face.

“It’s…it’s not you, doll-” but even your humourless scoff didn’t derail him “I’m not the kind to settle down and be content I- I wouldn’t be enough for you.”

“I’m not asking you for any more than what we have, Sirius-”

“Yes you are.”

“-I just want you to stay.”

“That’s too much for me.” He stated; his voice never raised though he may as well have screamed it at you. “I cannot sit here and play house, I cannot be that guy for you.”

“Cannot or will not?” You asked quietly, regretting the question the second it came out of your mouth and he looked at you with nothing but pity in his eyes.

“Y/N…”

“I’m sorry I asked.” You let out with a chuckle as you harshly wiped tears from under your eyes.

“It’s…it’s not forever, yeah? I just…I can’t see myself being happy here…not right now, at least; not for a while.”

“Where will you go?” Your voice grated painfully as it came out, but you tried to keep an air of nonchalance about you. You wouldn’t look at him, but you could see his shoulders shrug helplessly.

“I don’t know…everywhere. Anywhere.”

Anywhere was better than stuck here with you, apparently.

“I hope it’s nice, wherever it is.” You offered, and you found that you meant it. As much as it hurt to say, you really, really meant it. Sirius had been fighting and running his entire life, and he finally won. If he wanted to celebrate his victory by taking off to be that rich, vague uncle who popped by with lavish gifts every so often, who were you to deny him?

You loved him.

You were in love with him.

You loved him enough to let him go.

*ೃ༄.ೃ࿐

He had sent James a postcard a few weeks later. Turns out he started in the South of France; his family had a home there that had been left untouched by the war, and Sirius was going to start by figuring out what to do with the property.

And you? Well, you found out you were pregnant.

You suppose it was a small mercy that Sirius wasn’t here to know; you’re sure it would have hurt more hearing him tell you he was leaving if there were two of you he couldn’t find it in him to love. You would have hated it even more if he felt trapped into staying with you just for this.

But all this meant was that you couldn’t stay, either.

You supposed that was alright, though; the life you wanted to build here was with Sirius. You loved your friends, but you had a little one to think about now, too.

You made up a story about a great aunt needing help tending to her property and wishing to be closer to your relatives now that you could be, now that it was safe. No one questioned it, likely because Remus had done the same following the war; moving back home to help his dad and ailing mother tend the property in whatever ways he could.

You found yourself a little cottage, you wrote to the boys and had the occasional phone call with Lily, and you grew.

It had felt like a good idea at the time.

But now you were almost six months pregnant and returning home for the first time since you moved to celebrate your nephew’s birthday with all of your closest friends, the love of your life whose child you were carrying, and none of them knew.

You wondered if you should even go, but the thought of missing out on sweet Harry’s second birthday that the lot of you almost never got the chance to see made your throat constrict with tears you refused to shed since the war.

You wondered if you should tell everyone before you arrived, but the thought of them all discussing you and your pregnancy without you being there left you feeling small and ashamed.

You wondered if you should tell Sirius, but you looked over at the stack of unopened letters he had sent to you in the past four months - the first thin, perhaps a postcard, the second and third were thicker, the fourth was by far the thickest (like he had drafted an autobiography that he wanted you to proofread for him), the fifth was similar to the second, whilst the sixth (the last) couldn’t be more than one page - and wondered how the hell you’d even start that conversation after all this time.

Hey, remember me? Yeah, the bird who caught feelings during our friends with benefits situation that we both agreed would remain platonic amidst a battle for survival and then begged you to stay with no success? Well, whilst you’ve been off probably shagging every beautiful woman across the British Isles, I’ve been pregnant. Right, with your child. How was France, by the way?

You swallowed around your gag reflex and groaned at your image in the mirror. You put on a pair of gingham pants with the baggiest band-tee you could find, planned on sucking in the best you could if anyone (when everyone) insisted on a hug and hoped to every deity that they all just assumed you’d been eating really well since the end of the war.

You smoothed the fabric over your bump one last time before you left - looking at the proof that, if nothing else, you were protecting more than just yourself, and you let that be enough - before you grabbed Harry’s birthday present and called for Potter Manor, throwing a fistfull of floo powder into your fireplace and travelling by way of the flames.

You could hear Harry squealing in delight in one of the adjacent rooms as you stepped into the floo reception room at Potter Manor; a smile taking over your face uninhibitedly at the sounds of the people you loved more than life itself, happy and celebrating.

How could you have gone so long without this?

“Y/N!” Lily shrieked as she made for you, and you sucked in before returning her hug. “Merlin, you're glowing! Where’s your aunt's place again?”

“Erm. Killarney.” You offered; not entirely untrue - you did have an aunt in Killarney.

“Well,” she let out with a breath, eyes turning a touch glassy as they darted across your face, “it seems that Irish air’s been for you.”

You smiled back at your friend before pulling her back in for another hug. “I’ve missed you, Lils.”

“Don’t let it go so long next time, yeah? We can come to you, too; I’m teaching James how to be a muggle, and Harry’s only had the odd burst of accidental magic yet. We could play the part in front of your aunt.”

“I’d love that, Lily.” You responded earnestly.

“Y/N!” James hollered then before you were being bodily tackled by the former quidditch chaser, a brief flash of anxiety at his hold around your stomach abating only when he relinquished his hold on you. “Where in the sodding hell have you been!?”

“Killarney.” Lily answered for you.

“I love Killarney!”

“Have you ever been to Killarney, Prongs?” Remus asked then, appearing in the door as he leaned against the archway.

“No! But I love it there! I just know it!”

“Hey Moony.” You greeted, quickly accepting his open arms and breathing him in.

“We’ve missed you.” He murmured into your hair, and you couldn’t help the traitorous hitch in your heart that he might’ve meant-

“Uncle Pafoo!” Harry squealed, suddenly standing right underneath you.

“That’s right, Haz!” The voice that haunts your dreams called out. “Auntie is here!”

“Hullo, Harry!” You cheered as you picked him up, sucking in before settling on your hip. “Happy birthday, little dude.”

“Am two!” He announced as he held up four fingers.

“You are two! Way to go!” You laughed. “Is everyone here?” You asked the room, shooting Sirius a tight smile so you couldn’t be accused of hostility when your heart stuttered for an entirely different reason.

He looked tired - a bone deep tired that no amount of sleep could rectify - and the bags under his eyes seemed to be chronic. But he was still so beautiful; his hair had grown slightly longer since the last time you’d seen it, the last time you’d run your fingers through it, the last time you’d brought sheers to it, and he donned more than a few new tattoos if the few you could see were enough to go by.

You had to look away.

“Reg’s going to be by after work; his part-time student called in sick so he needed to be there to close the shop himself. Thankfully, they’re only open in the morning on Sunday’s.” Remus explained kindly.

“Good, it’ll be nice to see him.” You offered, and the room fell slightly awkward.

“Uncle Pafoo, aeroplane?” Harry asked then, and whatever exhaustion seemed to be plaguing Sirius vanished as he beamed at his godson.

“Absolutely, little man!” He agreed, holding his arms out and taking Harry’s weight from you.

“Do you want something to drink, Y/N? Wine? Beer, Cider? Juice? Water?” James rapid fire, causing Lily to groan.

“We just got her back, Potter. Do try to control yourself.”

“Water would be great, Jamie. Thank you.” You laughed, following the group into the open concept kitchen-to-living room.

Save the fact that you and Sirius seemed to be doing acrobatics to avoid each other, you were almost stunned at how easy and natural being back here felt. Regulus returned and the two of you shared friendly jibes, Lily caught you up on all of the drama at the Ministry, James strong armed you into agreeing to join them for their next pub quiz night, and Remus said that your old professors all wished you well.

You loved your cottage - the home you’d built for yourself and your little one - but you found yourself feeling homesick for here, and you hadn’t even left yet.

You were leaning on your elbows against the kitchen island, watching Sirius and Regulus pretend to be knights in shining armour as they fought off a fire breathing dragon (Harry) to save the princess (James) when Remus appeared beside you and mirrored your stance.

“It’s not the same without you, you know?” He murmured then.

“But they seem to be alright.” You responded simply, and Remus allowed the two of you to fall into silence for a few beats.

“How far along are you?”

You stood up straight and turned to stare at him in horror, only to see him smiling kindly at you.

“How do you-”

“Lycanthropy - I could smell it on you.” He said with an embarrassed wrinkle of his nose. “I knew Lily was pregnant before she did.”

You shushed him and looked over your shoulder to ensure no one else could hear you.

“Come.” He said with a sigh, gently taking you by the elbow and ushering you out of the sliding doors to the back yard and closing it behind the two of you.

“Remus-”

“Is it his?” He cut you off; his face held no judgement though perhaps just a touch of concern. For you or his best friend/virtual brother-in-law, you weren’t sure.

“Yes.” You whispered, not bothering to clarify who he was talking about; you both knew.

Remus simply nodded as he looked you over. “Is that why you left?”

“He left first.” You hissed petulantly.

“He left you, but you left all of us.” Remus countered somewhat sternly. “Besides, I didn’t ask about him; is this why you left?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, Remus!” You shouted, tears flooding your vision as you turned to look at him. “Because he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want me. I wasn’t going to force him to come back just because… just because.”

“Don’t you think he should have been able to make that choice for himself?” Remus asked gently.

“He chose! He did choose! He told me he couldn’t play house, he told me he couldn’t be this person for me. I loved him enough to accept that. I loved him enough to let him go.”

“Loved?” Remus asked with a tilt of his head. “Past tense?”

“Remus.” You groaned. “Please.”

“He came back for you, you know.” Remus pointed out. “He left you, you left us, but he came back for you.”

“Stop it.”

“It’s true, Y/N.”

“And so what if it is?” You nearly sobbed. “So what if he did, Remus? What can I do? I can’t go back in time and change my mind, I can’t go back and fix this. He made choices, I made choices, and here we are.”

Remus heaved a sigh and looked at you sadly. “I don't think either of you realise that your choices don’t have to remain permanent; there can be an expiration date on them.”

You were catching your breath from your mini temper tantrum when you heard the glass door slide open, both you and Remus turning to see Sirius standing there almost shy - far shier than you’d ever seen him before.

“Just talk to him? Okay? You..don’t have to tell him now, just…talk to him.” Remus whispered before heading towards the door, clapping Sirius on the back before disappearing back into the house.

“Hey.” Sirius offered cautiously after a few beats of silence, coming to stand beside you as the two of you looked over the railing of the patio to the rest of the manor grounds.

“Hey.” You returned dumbly, clearing your throat before continuing. “You…you look good, Sirius.”

Sirius scoffed, and you could feel your shoulder rising before you saw him smirk at you - if not somewhat sadly - cutting you a playful glare from the corner of his eye. “Did you take up lying there in Ireland?”

You let out a breathy half-laugh. “I’m not lying.”

“Then you need glasses. I look like shite.”

“You look tired.” You amended.

“I’m exhausted.” He agreed, and the two of you lapsed into silence.

“You look good, though.” He continued. “Healthy.”

You hummed in agreement. “Funny what not having to run on rations and broken hours of sleep on military cots does for a person.”

“Why haven’t I heard from you, Y/N?” He blurted then, turning his entire body to face you.

“Sirius, I-”

“Everyone else has. You’ve spoken to Lily on the phone. James and Remus have gotten letters. Even Reg got a postcard for his birthday.”

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could manage to say.

“I wrote to you.” He continued. “Letters, a lot. Did you get them?”

You nodded your head yes shamefully.

“Did you read them?”

You felt your heart splinter at how hopeful and heartbroken he sounded over it. You felt like scum of the earth when you shook your head no, and he let out a sigh.

“I guess that makes me feel a little bit better, then.” He said as he lit a cigarette and took a deep drag.

You found yourself taking a step away from him when you asked “why does that make you feel better?”

He let out a humourless laugh that forced smoke from his lips. “At least now I know that my begging for a second chance, begging you to come home, professing my love for you isn’t what kept you away.”

“Sirius-”

“I messed up, Y/N.” He declared earnestly. “I…I was fucking scared, terrified. I’d spent so much of my life living with one foot on the threshold of hell that after the war, I didn’t know how to live amongst the undead.”

He took a moment to catch his breath as if he’d run all the way here just to tell you something. “And I ran. I bolted, I…”

“You left.” You finished for him.

“I left.” He agreed. “I… I didn’t know, Y/N.”

“Didn’t know what?” You asked as you choked back tears.

“Didn’t know what I had, or what I wanted. Or that I had everything that I wanted.”

“And you do, now? You know what you want?” You asked, and a look of determination painted his features as he met your gaze head on.

“For my entire life, I had never known what family meant, so I wasn’t even aware that I’d created my own with all of you until I’d risked it all. I was so sure I didn’t want to be like my parents that I never realised I may actually…want to be a parent someday. I was so sure I didn’t want to be my father that I never realised I actually did want to be a partner someday. I was so certain I’d never know what true love felt like that I didn’t even realise I had it right here all along with you.”

“Sirius-”

“I messed up. I left. But what I don’t understand is why you did. Or why you stayed away.” He took a step towards you with his cigarette long forgotten in one of his hands, the ash threatening to burn his fingers before you plucked it and stubbed it out on the stone railing. He barely flinched. “Why’d you go?”

“I didn’t want to sit around and wait for you, Sirius. I- it hurt, I was hurt. And then-”

“I’m sorry.” He offered quickly, but you shook your head.

“I’m not telling you this for you to be sorry, I just-”

“I came back for you.”

“But it wasn’t just about me anymore, Sirius!” You shouted then, and you watched his brows furrow before his face fell in horror.

“You’re seeing someone.” He asked, though he phrased it as more of a statement; like he’d been expecting it.

“I’m not seeing anyone, Sirius.” You sighed.

“Then why’d you leave? Why’d you stay away?”

“Because I’m pregnant.” You blurted, and Sirius fell silent. “I’m almost six months pregnant.”

“Six-” He started, eyes falling to your stomach still hidden behind the baggy article of clothing before you smoothed the fabric over your ever rounding bump. “Six months. Six…”

You let him do the maths in the head as he stared hard at your stomach like he was sitting in divination and it was a crystal ball that might just give him the answers if only he stared at it long enough.

“It’s mine?” He finally concluded.

“Yes.” You whispered.

“It’s mine. You’re pregnant, it’s mine.” He murmured, before his eyes met yours again. “You’re pregnant with my child?”

“Right.” You agreed, and he crumpled to a heap on the floor.

“Sirius Orion Black,” Sirius heard Remus hiss, clearly hovering somewhere over him, “I swear to Godric if you do not wake up and eat some of this godsdamned vanilla cake you bought, your brother is going to skin you alive.”

“It’s true.” James agreed from somewhere on Sirius’ other side. “He actually ran to the store when he found out you bought vanilla because he knew Remus wouldn’t eat any of it. Remus is going to get his chocolate cake, and you’re going to get egged.”

“Shut up.” Sirius hissed as he scrunched his eyes closed. “Fuck.”

“How do you feel, mate?” James asked rather jovially as he clapped him roughy on the shoulder.

“Like hell.”

“Why’s that?” Remus joined in.

“Because I was in the middle of a dream and you sods woke me up going on about cake.” He muttered as he opened his eyes, realising then that he’d been propped up on a number of cushions in one of Lily and James’ spare rooms.

“S’he awake?” Lily whispered, and Sirius craned his neck to see you and Lily poke your heads into the room.

“Oh my gods.” Sirius breathed as he sat up, likely far too fast for someone who fell unconscious mere moments ago. “Oh my gods, you’re actually here?”

“Did you hit your head, mate?” James asked as he prodded at Sirius’ head, causing Sirius to swat his arms away as he shifted towards the edge of the bed.

“You’re here.” He whispered as you slowly made your way into the room.

“I’m here.” You offered cautiously, eyes darting around at your oldest friends like there might be some secret threat lurking in the room.

“You’re pregnant…” He tried then, punching the air right out of Lily and James who both spun to stare at you in shock.

You smoothed the fabric of your shirt over your midsection again to expose a very obvious (now that everyone could actually see it) baby bump.

“Oh my gods!” Lily and James chorused, causing Remus to snort.

“You knew, didn’t you!?” Lily accused Remus who held his hands up in surrender.

“Only when she walked in, and not a second sooner.”

“With my child.” Sirius continued, and you nodded at him.

“Y/N.” Lily winced. “You-”

“You sodding scared me!” You shrilled then, grabbing one of the throw pillows James had dumped onto the ground to make room for Sirius and swinging it at him.

“I scared you!?” Sirius shrieked right back, much to the delight of Harry who started banging on the throw pillow that had landed beside him.

“I thought I killed you!”

“Oh, well I’m terribly sorry that finding out the woman I’ve been in love with for years and pining hopelessly over for months - who was missing for all intents and purposes, may I remind you - is pregnant with my child happened to be a little shocking.” Sirius sneered sarcastically.

“Well I only went ‘missing’ because the man I’ve been hopelessly in love with for years and pining hopelessly over for months took off an-” The abrupt end of your statement nearly gave the room whiplash as you cut yourself off mid sentence and stared at Sirius like you’d never seen him before.

“What…what just happened?” James whispered carefully.

“Years?” You whispered then, and Sirius hated every version of himself that deigned to let you go without knowing just how loved you were.

“Probably when we were still just cosmic dust.” Sirius smiled sadly. “I’m sorry I didn’t always realise, I’m sorry I didn’t make sure that you knew.”

“I take it to guess there isn’t an aunt in Killarney?” Lily offered then, smiling kindly at you when you turned your attention towards her.

“No, I- I think there actually is an aunt in Killarney, I just don’t live with her.”

“Where do you live?” Sirius asked eagerly, wondering if you could hear it in his voice or even see on his face just how desperate he was to know everything about you.

“Near Tintagel.” You offered abashedly as Remus slapped his hand on his thigh.

“You minx!” He scolded you. “You lived basically across the channel from me this whole time!”

“I hope it’s nice, wherever it is” You offered him then, smiling through your tears as Sirius swallowed around his bile threatening its way up his oesophagus.

“I hope it’s nice.” Sirius blurted suddenly, and Sirius thanked the heavens for Remus John Lupin who seemed to understand that the conversation delved beyond the need of an audience, scooping Harry up and closing the door behind Lily, James, and himself to give you two some privacy.

“It’s nice.” You offered wetly. “It’s quiet.”

Sirius hummed in acknowledgement. “In Tintagel, near Merlin’s cave?”

You laughed, which saw Sirius smiling. “I’m not right in Tintagel, just outside. My neighbours are mostly sheep.”

“Does it have a picket fence?”

“To keep the sheep out of my garden.” You nodded with a smile.

“Flowers; lots of them.” Sirius deduced, you nodded again though Sirius watched your smile falter.

“You’d probably hate it.”

“Are you there?” He asked quickly.

“Well, usually, yes.” You offered, and Sirius shrugged easily.

“Sounds as though it might be my favourite place in the world, then.”

The next breath that left you shuddered on its way out, and Sirius finally stood and met you in the middle of the room; close enough to touch but not daring to. He hadn’t earned that right yet.

“Take me with you?” He all but begged then, and your face crumpled in misery.

“Sirius, I don’t want you to follow me because you have to, I-”

“I don’t have to though, I know I don’t; I know you’d never make me.” He assured you then, lifting a hand but pausing to wait for you to nod at him before he placed it on your upper arm. “The letters, Y/N, I- I’ve been looking for you for months.”

A sob tore through you as you lowered your head, and Sirius allowed himself to catch it in his free hand.

“I don’t want you to feel bad; I’m not telling you so that you feel bad, love.” The endearment falling off his tongue so easily now that he had you in his arms. “But I need you to know that I want you - any of you, all of you - and have for a very long time.”

“It’s just…you said-” and Sirius knew exactly what he said; he had played that conversation over and over and over in his mind until he found himself sick over it more than once. But we waited for you to tell him anyhow; he’d always wait for you. “You couldn’t settle down and be content, you couldn’t play house; you weren’t that kind of guy.”

“I know, doll. I know.” He whispered. “I…I didn’t think I was capable of it. I didn’t think I deserved everything I wanted and I knew that you deserved better. That you deserve better.”

“But?”

“But I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life trying to prove you otherwise; trying to give you everything you deserve.”

“Sirius…” You sighed, and Sirius could see your walls cracking. “I…I’m-”

“Take me home? Please?” He begged then, words interrupted by a sob of his own. “To Tintagel, to Killarney, to bloody fucking Azkaban or the bottom of the sodding ocean, I don’t care where it is just as long as it’s with you, please. Please.”

Your hands landed on Sirius’ chest and he was sure you could feel his hummingbird heart beating under your fingertips. He only hoped you knew how it beat for you.

“Please bring me home?”

James didn’t know if he could consider this a success or not.

His motivation was not singular; it was a ‘hit two fairies with one gobstone’ sort of scenario, so to speak. Was his son turning two? Indeed he was! Was James throwing a party for said son’s birthday? You’re damned right he was. But was it also a really good excuse to force two of his idiot best friends into the same room again? Absolutely.

Except James seems to have gotten slightly more than he bargained for; Sirius falling unconscious in his childhood backyard, you sobbing into Lily’s shoulder out in the hallway as he and Remus tried to bring him back from the dead, Remus sneering at a slice of birthday cake like it personally offended him and Regulus threatening to defend his boyfriend’s honour, and - apparently - a new niece or nephew coming in the next three-ish months.

But when he looked over to see you and Sirius emerging from the spare room - both of your faces tear stained and puffy from the grief and torment you no doubt put yourselves through - hands intertwined between your bodies and your hand resting protectively over your growing bump, and a spark in Sirius’ eyes James had thought he lost in the war but now realised he only lost when he lost you…

…yeah, James figured he could probably consider this a success.

2K notes · View notes

kooklovee · 1 year ago

Text

Jungkook- ff recs masterlist 🔞

So here's my fav Jungkook ffs of all time plus a MUST READ compilation 💌.

All the recommended ffs are 18+ so MDNI!!

S: smut | A: angst | F: fluff | ❤️: extreme favs

(fics are not ordered in any specific order of preference and neither do they entertain infidelity or any major triggering themes 🙃)

Starting off with the 2 most "SEVEN" mv inspired one shots I've read till now -

■ Night after night by @brown-bi-beautiful ❤️ ( S, A, F )

■ Devoted to trouble by @jeonsweetpea (S, slight A, F)

Seven days a week by @jjkeverlast (S, slight A, F)

Thirteen rounds by @moni-logues (S)

Slow motion by @rerefundslocals(S, A, F)

@personasintro 's masterlist ❤️

Legit ALL her ffs are TOP NOTCH. So here's link to her entire masterlist. Fav author for a reason 💜

Ps - Mutual help & Away from you are Ultimate lovee!

Stay with me by @jungk0oksthighs ❤️(S, A, F)

Reminder by @dollfaceksj ❤️ (S, A, F)

Over wine (Ongoing) by @koocycle (S, A)

There's no way by @redjoonie (S, slight A, F)

Seven ways to sunday (Ongoing) by @jeonjcngkook (S)

Bad Omega, Sweet Omega JJK by @helenazbmrskai (S, A)

Drabble collection by @onlyswan (F)

Office break by @vminizzle (S)

Two point five by @bratkook (S, F)

My you by @wnderkoo (S, slight A, F)

This is how we break by @ahundredtimesover (S, A)

Unplanned night by @vminizzle ❤️ (S)

Rolling stone by @kooktrash (S, A)

4-7-8 by @jiminrings (S, heavy A, F)

Sleepless nights by @wnderkoo (S, F)

Backstage quickies by @btsqualityy ❤️ (S)

So good by @ggukiepie ❤️ (S)

Lost on you by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Cramped quarters by @btsqualityy (S)

Kink series by @btsqualityy ❤️ (S)

Bts reactions by @cheolhub (S)

Early riser by @moni-logues (S)

Bf!Jk drabble by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Standing next to you by @back2bluesidex (S)

On my mind by @angelguk ❤️ (S)

Ceo!Jk one shot by @letjungcoook7 (S, slight A)

All over again by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Return the favor by @back2bluesidex (S, F)

Jk!drabble by @borathae (S)

The bet by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Bf!Jk (kinda break up au) by @letjungcoook7 (S, A)

Bf!Jungkook by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Cherry flavored by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Black dye by @mercurygguk (S, F)

When the end comes by @oddinary4bts ❤️ (S, F, huge A) happy ending tho

Down on you by @ki-yomii ❤️ (S)

I want you to stay by @ahundredtimesover (Ongoing)

Birthday boy by @jeonfics (S)

Wishing for you by @kookiestarlight (S, A, F)

Guilty Pleasures (Ongoing) by @kookslastbutton (S, A)

The violence of the dog days by @youarewhatyoulove-blog ❤️ (S, F)

Stay quite by @hobidreams (S,F)

Chasing cars (Ongoing) by @oddinary4bts (S,A,F)

Wants and needs by @2hightocare ❤️ (S,F)

2K notes · View notes

mingigoo · 2 years ago

Note

hi sie!! i'm happy to see that your requests are open and would like to request something myself c: 1. seonghwa 2. roommate au 3. prompts 11 and 17 4. with spice please 🙏 thanks so much! i rly appreciate you and your writing even if you can't get to this 💕

I hope you like this!!! really enjoyed writing this one :)

— sleep-talker || p.sh (m.)

“You know you sleep talk?”

“Stop looking at me like that.

🌊pairing ⇢ (fem) reader x roommate! Seonghwa

🌊 summary ⇢ when you and your friends decide on a trip to the beach for spring break, you get stuck rooming with the man you "hate" the most. The line between love and hate is as thin as ice, and you were about to break it.

🌊 genre/au ⇢ roommates au, vacation au, one bed trope, forced proximity au, smut

🌊 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, wet dreams, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, PDA, "enemies" to lovers, one-bed trope, teasing, jealousy, intense tension like holy hell

🌊 word count ⇢ 10.2k words

🌊 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yesv01 @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @yukine-smx @y00nzin0 @8tinytings @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts (please let me know if I forgot you!)

masterlist

ateez masterlist

“Are you for real right now?”

Spring break. A time for rest, relaxation, and lots and lots of sex.

And now, your plans of being a whore for the vacation were ruined.

“Yes, y/n. I can't afford another room just for you to have to yourself,” Hongjoong, your older brother, mumbled as he stuffed the last bit of clothes into his luggage. “You’ll have to room with Seonghwa. San and Wooyoung already called each other.”

He zipped up his suitcase and stood up to leave, but he couldn't get off that easily. “Please, Joong. I’ll do anything. Cant I just room with you and Mingi?” he hastily made his way out of his room and into the living room, trying his hardest to get away from you. “I’ll sleep on the floor. No blanket, just the floor. Please.”

He turned to face you, a confused expression on his face. “Why are you so adamant about not staying with Hwa? What did he ever do to you?” he asked you, genuinely curious. The truth is, he did nothing to you personally. Maybe that was why you hated him, because god, if he gave you the time of day, you would pounce on him like a cat in heat.

You groaned, running a hand through your messy, unwashed hair. “Because he’s a dumb ass jerk that gets everything he wants.”

Hongjoong laughed at you and turned away. “It's only a week, y/n. He’ll probably spend most of his time in our room, anyway. Just bring a book to read or something to distract yourself.”

As if reading is the thing you'll be focused on if you were in a room with him. Oh Nah, you'll be wishing he’d walk around shirtless and hoping he somehow takes a shower and walks out with nothing on—

“I hope you're packed and ready….” Joong trailed off as he looked at your messy exterior, and stifled a laugh. “And if you're thinking of getting laid, you might want to shower.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, having no drive to shower. You'll get one when you get there. It's not like you were that stinky.

“Shut up, dickhead.”

You stood on the sidewalk of your apartment building, Hongjoong’s little yellow Geo Tracker sitting there lookin’ all cute. However, the tiny thing only had five seats.

There were six of you.

“Welp looks like I can't go! What a shame, what a shame,” you sarcastically yelled out, tossing your hands in the air exasperatedly. “Have fun without me!”

“Shut your mouth, will you?” Hongjoong groaned, tossing your luggage into the “trunk” or whatever it was. “It's only a ride to the airport. You can sit on someone’s lap for ten minutes.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Why am I the one that has to do that? Wooyoung is like the size of my arm. He can do it.”

Joong shut the trunk with force at your comment, totally disregarding you. “Hop in,” he said. “Enjoy shotgun while you have the chance.”

You got in reluctantly, even though you were very excited about the beach itself. Your excitement was short-lived as you approached the devil’s lair.

“Stay here, I’ll go help them,” Hongjoong mumbled, pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead as he put the car in park.

You nodded, your arms crossed over your chest. You didn't mind the rest of the group— San and Wooyoung always knew how to make you laugh, and Mingi was absolutely eye candy. You wouldn't mind sitting on his lap on the way to the airport.

Just as you got comfortable with your head resting against the window, the door abruptly opened, causing you to nearly fall out of the vehicle. “For fuck’s sake, who the hell—” your words got caught in your throat as you met eyes with Park fucking Seonghwa. “Oh, it's you…”

He stood there, his thin torso draped in a sheer white top and his long, lean legs covered in a pair of black pants. You swallowed your drool like a schoolgirl, making sure he never knows how you think of him.

“What?” you raised your eyebrow, not moving an inch and not even reaching to unplug your seatbelt. “This seat’s taken, buddy.”

He snickered, his lips mockingly curled up in a sneer. “Oh, aren't you a sweetheart? Now move, I called shotgun.”

“Well, I did first.”

“No, you didn't.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No.”

“Yes—”

“Neither of you are getting shotgun,” your brother laughed from behind Seonghwa, San and Wooyoung giggling like the goofs they are next to him. You still didn't move, even as Joong approached and unbuckled your seatbelt for you. “Y/N, please help me out here.”

You debated on throwing a fit, but knowing that it would just cause more problems, you sighed and pushed yourself out of the front seat. Now standing on the curb of the sidewalk right in front of Seonghwa, you tilted your head up to look him in the eyes. His gaze was intense—it made you envision what it would be like in bed, looking down at him from above, and how his eyebrows would knit together in pleasure. God, you needed to get laid this vacation, or you were going to be suffering from delusions.

Without warning, Mingi pushed through both of you, interrupting your staring contest.

“We better go, I don't want to listen to their bickering any longer,” the tall boy huffed as he plopped himself in the front seat, a proud smile resting on his lips.

San sat in the backseat on the right, Wooyoung next to him in the middle. That left either you or seonghwa to fight to the death for that last seat, but you knew how this was going to end.

And it wasn't going to end well.

—

“You comfortable, y/n?” your brother called from the driver’s seat, looking back at you through the rearview mirror.

You frowned so deeply you could've sworn your face was permanently stuck like that.

There you were, in the back of the car, in the most uncomfortable seat ever. Seonghwa groaned underneath you, his bony body not offering you any wiggle room. You didn't answer your brother, you were certain your expression was enough of a response.

You adjusted yourself on Seonghwa’s lap, looking out the window for any distraction. As you moved, you felt him move his hips, and you had to shut away your filthy thoughts about him as soon as they came. Between his movements and his groans, your stomach was knotting in something more than butterflies.

The car was filled with conversation, however, you and Seonghwa remained quiet and in your own little worlds. As the others bantered, you pushed yourself up further on his lap, grimacing as you heard him let out a grunt in your ear.

And then when his hands gripped onto your bare thighs, you were the one to gasp.

“Stop moving,” he whispered in your ear with haste, almost like a sneer. You kept your vision forward as his breath danced in your ear. “It hurts.”

You swallowed hard. “Oh? Is your little dick that sensitive?” you whispered back, smirking. You moved again, this time on purpose, feeling his bulge through his pants. You kept your cool, ignoring his shaky breaths from behind you. “Are you that happy to see me, Hwa?”

“Shut your mouth or you won’t see the sunrise,” he hissed, but his voice was weak.

The ten-minute ride felt like an eternity as he breathed underneath you, your mind constantly thinking about how hard he was getting underneath you and how sweet it would be to turn around and face him to see his reaction to you.

You looked to your right, seeing Wooyoung with a knowing smile on his face. “What?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, grinning. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, letting out a giggle. “Just that you both seem…cozy.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, your movements causing Seonghwa to wiggle underneath you.

“Dammit, Y/N I told you to stop moving,” he seethed, his grip on your thigh tightening. Hongjoong looked back through the mirror, worry in his expression.

“Everything okay?” he asked, meeting your eyes before focusing on the road once again. “We’re almost there, only about a minute or two.”

“Ten-minute ride my ass,” you mumbled, and as you entered the Airport, you should've known that there were going to be speed bumps on the way in….

The shitty old car hopped over the bump, feeling like it hit a huge boulder. You bounced up, not held by any seatbelt, landing hard, right on Seonghwa’s family jewels.

“Fuck,” he cried, tossing his head back against the headrest. Your hands were now holding onto his legs for dear life.

“Joong, will you slow down for those things? Some of us are suffering back here,” you said, to which seonghwa started laughing.

“You're telling me.” he scoffed.

“Okay okay, I just have to park. I have no idea how this works….where the hell is the long-term parking—”

“Probably over there,” Mingi pointed in the opposite direction.

“No, no, I think it’s—”

“I can't take this anymore!” you cried out, leaning forward to assist Hongjoong since Mingi isn't helping. “There's a huge sign in front of us. How can you miss that? It spells it out, dammit.” you huffed, throwing yourself back into your “seat.” This time, he didn't let out a single groan, probably just as fed up with you as you were with him.

Finally, Hongjoong found the lot and parked the car, and as soon as it was stationary, you tossed yourself out of the vehicle like there was no tomorrow. You knew that you couldn't last a minute more on his lap, because if you did, you would be so tempted to turn around and make out with those painfully pretty lips of his. God, he made you so mad. Ever since you met him, there were only the same thoughts circulating round and round.

Dirty thoughts.

Seonghwa crawled out of the car like a decrepit old spider, his long legs holding up his body with grace. You bit your lip, looking down at where you were sitting on him. Quickly, you looked away as he noticed your gaze, and ran away to go help the others with the luggage.

You weren't quick enough to miss the achingly attractive smirk on Seonghwa’s face.

Why did he have to be so….. libidinous? He was like a wild animal, able to take the lives away of his prey with just an expression.

No more seonghwa on the brain—it was beach time. You were certain you could find someone at a bar to sleep with later, and it wouldn't be Hwa.

Not now, not ever.

—

You got lucky with the plane ride.

Your seat buddy was Mingi, and Hongjoong knew how much you like your window seats.

Mingi nearly slept the whole flight, his head rested against your shoulder. He snored a little, but it didn't matter. The gentle giant had a place in your heart, so he could do no wrong.

You often stole glances at Seonghwa across the aisle, his head bobbing up and down as he fought his tiredness. He was so much more likable when he was sleeping, but that was definitely due to the fact that he couldn't stare at you with those entrancing eyes or run that mouth of his.

You were the only one awake by the end of the flight. It was difficult for you to sleep in public places. It didn't feel right. So you would fight off sleep as hard as you could and distract yourself with anything around you.

After the fiasco of leaving the plane, you anxiously trailed behind Hongjoong through the busy airport, pushing past loads of people who had places to be. Thank goodness you were able to leave the airport without a fuss, even if seonghwa was nearly breathing down your neck as you exited.

Luckily, the ride to the hotel wasn't far—and there were more than enough seats for all of you. You distanced yourself from Seonghwa, ignoring his hellish gaze.

The hotel you were staying at stood tall, facing the gorgeous blue ocean for a perfect view. You shut your eyes as you took everything in, smelling the saltiness and the warmth of the air. You smiled to yourself, but your delightful moment didn't last long.

Seonghwa bumped into you purposely, digging his shoulder into yours before walking past you toward the hotel entrance. “Hey, what was that for?” you growled, a scowl on your face.

“You were in the way,” is all he said, not even bothering to turn to face you as he spoke. He continued walking, his beautiful silhouette showing through his sheer shirt. Oh, you wanted to tear it off of him so badly.

You let out a huff of air, but then followed your friends into the building, knowing the end was near if you had to share the room with your snack of choice.

Hongjoong went up to the front desk as you and the boys stood near the doorway, waiting for him to check us in. It didn't take him long, and soon enough, he was walking back over, key cards in his hand, and a bright smile on his face. “All checked in! This’ll be our home for the next week.”

San grabbed his key card first. “Are we all on the same floor? Like in a row? It would be no fun if I had to actually put on clothes to go on the elevator.”

“Yes, San, we’re all on the same floor.” Hongjoong held in his laugh, already clearly enjoying his time away from reality. You stood angrily with your arms across your chest next to seonghwa, who didn't look any happier than you. “And will you two brighten up? You’re killing the vibe.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at the boy next to you. His dark hair was slightly frizzy from the humidity, sticking to his forehead like it would if he were sweating. You gulped, thinking dirty thoughts once more before regaining your peace of mind. “I’m not doing anything. It’s all him.”

“No, it’s all you, not me.” he retaliated.

“You’re the one that got a hard-on from me just innocently sitting on your lap.”

“You were purposely shoving your ass on me like a freak—”

“You are ruining the vacation already—”

“Annnd we’re not doing this again,” Mingi sighed and then gripped onto your arm to pull you towards the elevator.

“Let’s go, we got bars to get wrecked at.”

—

“Oh, hell no.”

You dropped your luggage as you entered your room for the week, staring at what was in it.

Or lack thereof.

One bed—a queen, maybe, sat in the middle of the room. A chair was tilted by the sliding glass doors that opened to the balcony, and a lamp stood in the corner. It was cute, of course, but you thought this couldn't get any worse.

Seonghwa walked past you into the room, setting his suitcase on the floor by the chair. “Don't worry,” he hummed, his voice low. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I–” you paused, taking in a breath before continuing. “You can sleep on the bed, I ain't that mean.”

“So you think I’m going to let my best friend’s sister sleep on the floor?” he laughed, but it wasn't out of humor. “That’s funny. I’d get my ass beat.” He sat down on the floor, stretching out his long legs before opening his suitcase. “Just forget about me like you usually do and take the bed.”

You had no snarky remarks to throw at him this time, your eyelids feeling heavier than ever. You sighed, sitting down on the bed with a thud. “Okay, fine. Wake me up when we are going to leave.”

“Yeah yeah,” he snarkily replied, too focused on his luggage in front of him. You shut your eyes slowly, holding on to your consciousness a little longer, before drifting off into a sleep that would cause an unexpected uproar a few hours later.

—

After your amazing nap, you and the boys found your way to a beach bar, sand filling the floor and loud music playing in the background. You took your rightful spot at the bar, sitting right next to Wooyoung, who was already chugging a fruity margarita.

“You should try this, Y/N,” he let out a satisfied sigh after he finished his gulp. “Tastes like fucking unicorns and rainbows.”

You laughed. “Sounds divine, but I’ll pass and get my whiskey sour.”

He grimaced. “Ew, you should spruce it up a little bit sometimes.”

San sat down on the other side of him, a fancy glass in his hands as well. “Yeah, you’re kind of a bore.”

“San what the—”

“She is, isn't she?” Seonghwa hummed from behind you, and of course, sat his ass in the chair right next to you. You groaned, ignoring him once again, although it was quite hard to not drool as he gulped his beer, his throat bobbing as he drank it.

Fucking hell.

You looked around for any sign of your brother to save you, and once you saw him, you cringed, turning right back around to face the bar. “Dear god, can't he keep his dick in his pants for five minutes?” you shivered, trying to think of anything else other than your brother making out with a random person.

Seonghwa looked back, a smirk on his face as you ordered your drink. “Hypocrite. Just last week I walked in on you with Mingi in the chem lab,” he snickered, his midnight eyes catching the neon lights behind the bar. “Your tongue was so far down his throat I swear I—”

“Says the guy who I caught watching porn freshman year in the computer lab—”

“Here’s your Whiskey sour,” the bartender awkwardly interrupted, but thank god he did. You quickly chugged it, finishing it within a minute of getting it. He gave you another right away, and you downed that one as quickly as it came. He was cute, a little on the scruffy side, but definitely a good one-night. You gave him a look, feeling accomplished as he smirked a little before serving someone else.

“Maybe you shouldn't drink so fast, y/n,” San murmured from Wooyoung’s side, his strong arms holding his weight against the table. “You get drunk really quick on an empty stomach. Remember what happened last time? You have a bad habit of trying to kiss everything you see.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, setting the empty glass down on the bar. As you did that, you felt the warmth of the alcohol fill your body. “What? Who did I kiss?”

Seonghwa laughed from the other side of you while you focused on San.

“Me.” San blinked. “Tongue and all. But not just me, you kissed the statue outside our campus. You know, that really rusty one?”

You gagged. “Ew, no. stop. No, I didn't.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Seongwha piped in, sipping on his third or fourth beer. “And then you threw up on my shoes when I brought you home.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, taking his beer right out of his hands. “Phew, thank god I didn't kiss you,” you shivered, bringing the bottle up to your lips. After you started chugging it a little bit, Hwa ripped the bottle away from you.

You felt your vision start to sway from the alcohol. You loved the feeling of being drunk—just hated the hangovers. Right now though, you wanted to get wasted and go home with a stranger. The hangover will be tomorrow’s problem.

But seonghwa had to just run his mouth once again.

“You know you talk in your sleep, right?” He laughed, a full, humorous laugh. He tossed the bottle to the back of his throat and then continued to laugh at you. “Something about how awful the airplane food was and how drinking milk reminds you of cum.” he grimaced at the last part, but a playful smile still rested on his face. “God you are explicit.”

Your cheeks flushed, looking anywhere but his direction. “I do not sleeptalk.”

You looked to Wooyoung and San for help, but they looked dumbfounded. “I wouldn't know, y/n, I never slept with you,” San smirked, smiling deviously at you. “Unless you’re down with that, I’m all for hearing you sleeptalk in my ear all night.”

“Yeah, me too,” Woo played along, knowing he was just doing it to tease you. Seonghwa, on the other hand, was trying desperately to embarrass you in front of the hot bartender.

“God, it’s so annoying, I wanted to rip my hair out earlier,” he smiled devilishly, his teeth even brighter than normal under all the neon lights. “I thought I couldn't hate you more, but you proved me wrong.”

You looked straight ahead, ignoring Seonghwa’s goofy smile. “Whatever,” you huffed, resting your face on your hand, your elbow holding up the weight. You watched the sexy bartender notice your stare. He smiled and walked over to you.

“Need another sour?” he asked, his cheeks pinched with dimples. You had your eyes set on going home with him, and you were going to follow through with it. Seonghwa can stay outside for the night—or watch, it didn't matter to you.

“Actually,” you pondered, blinking slowly as the alcohol hit your system even harder. “I’ll take a vodka and Sprite. Grey Goose.” you hummed, watching him nod with a smirk on his face.

Seonghwa chuckled, but you were too focused on your mission to hear him blab about how much he hated you over and over again. Soon enough, that damn grey goose hit you harder than anything. Your eyes fluttered after your second glass, your vision fuzzy, and your heartbeat racing.

You let out a heavy sigh, unable to remember your original mission.

“Hey,” you coughed, your cheeks burning up from the toxin. You looked around the bar, only meeting Seonghwa’s eyes…..oh…they’re so pretty. “Where did everyone else go?”

He was facing you, looking at you through those sparkling irises of his. He took in a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, your brother left with that girl he was making out with earlier….San and Woo left not too long ago to go to another bar, and Mingi….” he paused, watching your expression change when mingi was mentioned. “Mingi went with them.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Why’d you stop at mingi like that?”

He furrowed his brows. “Why’d you look like that when I mentioned him?”

You sniffled, feeling a burning sensation in your throat from all the vodka. “What do you mean?” you were too messed up to defend yourself. You didn't even know your expression changed.

“You looked…different when I said his name.”

You couldn't help but laugh at his dreary tone. “Pfft. Hwa, do you think that just because I slept with him once that I have feelings for him?”

He frowned, his eyebrows knit with confusion. “You slept with him? Mingi?”

You shrugged. “Yeah. Just once, though.” Oh god, you officially couldn't think straight. Why were you even telling him this? “But that was it.”

He looked at you with an unknown expression, flattening his lips. “So you just sleep with anyone, huh?”

You scoffed. “Well, no, not usually.” you bit your lip, looking at him without knowing how you were looking at him. “I kind of always wanted you, but I didn’t understand why, so I ignore the feeling by sleeping with other guys.”

“That makes no sense, y/n,” he spat. “What are you saying?”

You rolled your eyes, drunkenly gripping his broad shoulders, shaking him slightly. “Awh, shut it, Hwa. Haven't you ever felt that before?” you paused, not realizing how close you were. His eyes were sharp, and his lips parted. “Wanting someone you can't have? Knowing that they wouldn't want anything to do with you?”

He swallowed hard, his gaze piercing into you sharply. “You’re drunk, y/n,” he paused, looking at you intently before shaking your hands away. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Oooh, don't tempt me, baby,” you poked his chest, giggling as he stood up off the barstool. You were completely oblivious to the fact that you just admitted to wanting him, but it didn't seem like he took it seriously.

“Get up,” he huffed, gripping under your arms and lifting you off your chair. You groaned, wrapping your arms around his waist. You held onto him tightly as he reached into his back pocket to grab money, tossing it onto the counter with a glare at the bartender.

“Enjoy your night,” Seonghwa growled, holding onto you, and made his way towards the hotel with you clung to him.

“Seonghwa,” you whispered, a giggle under your breath.

He grunted, pulling you along with him. “What?”

You sniffed. “Can I kiss you?”

He sighed. “No.”

“Why?” you mumbled, shoving your face into his chest.

“Because it’s your drunk habit.”

“So would you kiss me if it wasn't?” you asked, completely obliterated. There was no way you were going to remember this in the morning.

He didn't answer you.

“Come on, Hwa,” you moaned, stopping and gripping onto his collar in front of the hotel. You looked up into his eyes, feeling his intense gaze cut right through your intoxication. You needed him. Needed him bad. “Just once. God, just once.”

“I…” he swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides, crying out to touch you. He kept them away, even if he didn't want to. “Not now. Not while you’re drunk.”

You blinked slowly, watching his lips flatten into a frown. “Does that mean you want to?”

He sighed, running his hands through his hair aggressively. “Please just….let’s get back to the room and get you to bed.”

You groaned, but complied, following him into the hotel and into the elevator. The ride was silent, Seonghwa standing in the corner, farthest away from you, his breathing slowed. You stared at him, leaning up against the wall.

“I really hate you,” you mumbled, glaring at him. He was too sexy, his hair messy, his eyes dark, his long legs taller than a skyscraper. You only admitted your attraction to him when you were drunk, but you couldn't deny the pull you had to him.

He looked up at you, his starry eyes looking from your legs, up to your hips, over your breasts, and finally to your eyes. He took in a sharp breath, biting the corner of his lip.

“I hate you too,” he whispered, his vision low.

And in what world would the words I hate you cause someone’s heart to flutter?

The elevator dinged at your floor, and after a moment of longing stares, Seonghwa gripped your arm and dragged you out. He held onto your drunken body as he searched for his keycard, and once he found it, you tumbled into the room together.

Your back was pressed against the wall, his arms caging you in on both sides. His forehead was on yours, and you were able to feel his hot breath against your lips.

“Oh,” you hummed, your hands subconsciously dancing at the hem of his t-shirt. You watched his throat bob anxiously as you looked into his eyes.

It took everything in him to move away. He coughed awkwardly and then nodded toward the bed. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Mhm,” you murmured, unable to move in a straight line. You kicked off your sandals, and pulled off your shirt with ease, leaving you only in your bra and that skimpy skirt seonghwa was looking at all night.

He watched as you walked, holding his breath without meaning to.

As you neared the bed, you reached back to unclip your bra, but you couldn't reach it. “Hwa?”

He was looking at the floor. “Hm?”

“Can you…” you paused, giving up on trying to get it off. “Take this off of me? It’s really uncomfortable.”

He blinked, his eyes wide. You couldn't see the confusion in his expression, but you heard the shakiness of his tone. “W-what? Your….bra?”

“Yeah.”

He didn't say anything else. He slowly walked over to where you were, and as his fingertips traced the middle of your back, you shivered under his touch.

He unclasped the hook, but held on to both ends of the bra, afraid to let it drop. “It’s done,” he whispered, backing up slightly.

You dropped the bra onto the floor and then reached to take off your skirt. As you slid it down your hips, you heard seonghwa nearly trip over his feet trying to turn away.

“Do you…always sleep naked?” he asked you, looking anywhere but where you were. You were way too drunk to care about what he sees, but you were also too tired to try. You fell onto the bed, your arm covering your breasts and your underwear still on.

“Fuck, y/n,” Seonghwa huffed, finally looking over and doing everything to not look where he shouldn't. He gently reached for the blanket, tossing it over you in one swift motion.

You shut your eyes tight, feeling his presence loom over you. He brushed away the stray hairs on your face and made sure you were laying on your side.

“.... I’m so screwed,” he muttered, giving you one last look before walking into the bathroom and turning on the cold water.

A cold shower, especially knowing that there was a beautiful, nearly naked girl in the bed just outside the door.

The cold water ran down his body, giving him a rush of pain.

“Fuck,” he hissed, biting his lip as his attraction to you only worsened.

—

After his attempt to cleanse his messy thoughts, Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips. He hesitated before looking over at you, and after he got a good look at your pretty face, he made his way to his luggage, rooting in there for a t-shirt to toss on.

“...seong…hwa,” you moaned.

Moaned.

“....y/n?” he whispered, maybe thinking you were awake and needed something. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but that sounded too….sensual than just a normal tone.

“I…ugh,” you groaned, “don't stop, please. H…Hwa.”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows, dropping the clothes he had in his hands, eyes wide.

“Seonghwa….”

Okay, that was the third time. You were most definitely dreaming about him….

“Oh…my…god.” Hwa gulped, cautiously standing up and backing away as far as he could from you.

Little did he know how detailed your dream was.

—

His hands snaked up your bare hips, your legs wrapped around his waist. His lips were on your ear, biting, teeth clashing against your skin.

He thrusted into you, hard, his hips buckling as he moaned. You cried out his name, back arching, nails scratching. He fucked you hard, his forehead against yours, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“You like that?” he whispered, his tongue sliding into your mouth before you could answer. His sweat fell on your cheek, and you moaned out his name once more. You weren't sure how you got here, how this came about, or anything. All that mattered was that you were finally with him, the man you always thought you hated.

“…hwa,” you moaned, “fuck me harder.”

And as he slammed into you with even more force than before, his lips crashed onto yours, his black hair blocking your vision. You wanted more, and more and more—

“Y/n,”

“Just shut up and keep going,” you cried out.

“Y/N!”

You shot awake, gasping for air as your back hit the headboard. You breathed heavily, realizing that you were dreaming about all of that and that the real seonghwa was standing in front of you, shirtless, with an expression you weren't quite sure you’d ever seen before.

“Seonghwa, what—”

“S..stop it. Don't say my name,” he stuttered, looking anywhere but your body. He quickly tossed a t-shirt at you—his t-shirt. “Just put this on. The guys are down getting breakfast, so we gotta go.”

He quickly walked to his own luggage and grabbed a shirt for himself. You watched him as he tossed it on and slid on his shoes, and with one last awkward glance at you, he left the room in haste.

You were too scared to look down, hoping that you still had underwear on. You weren't too sure if that was a dream or not, but given the way he acted, it made you even more confused.

You felt the wetness between your thighs, clenching them with a sigh. You stood up, tossing on the bra that was laying on the floor as if it was thrown off of you.

After cleaning yourself up a bit, you made your way to the breakfast area on the first floor, immediately noticed by Hongjoong. “There you are! I was worried you weren't going to—” he stopped, noticing the shirt that was way too big on you. “That’s the shirt I got Hwa….”

Seonghwa cleared his throat, shoving a bagel into his mouth to distract himself.

You ignored him and sat down across from him and next to Mingi. You looked up, meeting eyes with the man you thought so filthily about, seeing a swipe of cream cheese on the bottom of his lip. You held back, knowing that it’ll just send you into another spiral if you pointed it out.

But when he stuck his tongue out to lick it off, you felt the tingle in your stomach once more, thinking back at the dream you had, and how his tongue caressed you in more ways than one.

He met eyes with you, his lips parting slightly. His gaze was much different than it ever has been. You've never seen him so….lost. His expression was conflicted, his eyes not leaving your lips.

Wooyoung smirked. “Did you guys fuck or something? What’s with the mood?”

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong yelled.

“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious,” he shrugged.

“We didn't. Keep dreaming,” Seonghwa muttered lowly, taking another bite of his bagel.

Hongjoong huffed. “I don't want to imagine my sister and seonghwa in that way…that’s super weird.”

“Why?” seonghwa questioned, his tone serious. You looked at him, confused as to why he cared. It seemed like everyone else was just as confused as you. “Ahem, I mean…uh, is it that hard to imagine?” Seonghwa’s voice was shaky, his gaze hopping from Hongjoong to you.

It made your brother laugh. “Well, yeah. You guys hate each other, right?” he took a sip of his coffee before continuing. “It makes no sense for you to even see eye to eye, I couldn't imagine you two in any type of relationship. Maybe her and Mingi, out of everyone.”

Seonghwa dropped his bagel face down onto his plate. “Why Mingi? What’s so special about—”

“I’m right here guys….” Mingi tried to interrupt, but Seonghwa shot him a dangerous glare, causing the gentle giant to hold his tongue.

Hongjoong looked around at the boys awkwardly and picked up his fork to continue eating his eggs. “I’m just saying.”

This was too awkward. You kept stealing glances at Hwa as if he were a magnet. You assumed he felt similarly, because every time you looked, your eyes would meet, and then you would awkwardly stare for a moment too long before looking away.

And when he got up to get more food, you got up, too.

“We need to talk,” you whispered, coming right up next to him as he put a muffin on his plate. “Why are you acting weird?”

He sighed and continued to add food to his plate. “I’m not acting weird.”

As he moved to get a drink from the drink machine, you continued to follow him. “Did I do something wrong yesterday?” you gasped, holding a hand over your mouth as he still ignored you. “Did I kiss you? Dear god, I hope not—”

“No, you didn't,” he said quietly, walking back over to the table.

“Something must have happened, seonghwa—”

He stopped, nearly causing you to bump into his back. “Don't.” he paused, taking in a sharp breath, looking over his shoulder at you. “Don't say my name.”

You frowned in confusion, watching the muscles in his back move as he walked away. You couldn't remember your antics yesterday, but maybe you made him uncomfortable by sleeping nearly naked—he hated you, so you could only imagine how irritated he was.

“Listen, if it was because I was naked, I'm sorry—”

Everyone at the table looked up as you spoke, including seonghwa. He looked shy, a blush on his cheeks, and he sat down quickly and stuffed the muffin in his mouth.

“Naked?” Mingi laughed, looking from you to seonghwa suggestively. “Sounds awfully smutty, Seonghwa.”

“We didn't—” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “Nothing happened with us.”

“Mhm, okay,” San smirked. “Whatever you say. Anyway, we have a whole day out planned, so you two better get back to your normal selves or we won't have any fun.”

You really needed to talk to seonghwa, but it seemed like you'll be busy the whole day with the boys—and he didn't seem to be very interested in talking to you, anyway.

You tilted your head in curiosity.

“What are we doing?”

—

The day was eventful.

First, you went to the beach. Seemed innocent, until Seonghwa took off his shirt and got all soaking wet, sending you in a mess of thoughts and a mess below. He would look over at you, and wouldn't look away, paying intense attention to your body in a skimpy little bikini.

When you went to talk to him, he body-slammed you into the ocean, and normally you would've fumed, but this time, you enjoyed his hands on your bare skin.

After the beach, you walked along the boardwalk of shops and lots of food. You grabbed a popsicle, licking it without a thought, but when you felt an intense pressure on you, you looked over to see seonghwa looking at you with an expression you've never seen on him. His eyes were focused on your lips, his own lips curled up as he bit them. You continued to eat your popsicle, but couldn't stop looking at him.

When you tried to bring up last night, Hongjoong came over and took the rest of your pop, running away from you like a child.

At dinner, you sat at the far end of the table, as far away as possible from Seonghwa. It wasn't intended, but now there was no way you could talk, as everyone would hear your conversation.

You ate, feeling defeated. Maybe you should just forget about it.

It was still daylight after dinner. As the guys conversed about what to do next, San and Wooyoung decided to go their own way and walk the beach, which was just their code word for “shopping” for girls. Hongjoong agreed with them, shocking you since he was always hell-bent on not going off a schedule. You assumed he was just going to meet that girl he was with yesterday, but whatever, it just meant that you could be left alone with Seonghwa.

After those three left, it was only you, Seonghwa, and Mingi. Hwa stood with his hands in his pockets, awkwardly looking around as you stood outside the restaurant. Mingi was even more awkward, looking at you before speaking.

“Um, I’m just gonna go with Woo and San, so,” he breathed, looking to seonghwa now. “I’ll see you guys back at the hotel tonight.”

“Okay, Mingi,” you smiled. “See you later.”

You watched him leave and then looked at the boy standing next to you.

“So,” you tried to initiate conversation, but seonghwa started walking in the opposite direction from where everyone else went. You followed. “What should we do?”

“I’m going surfing,” he said blandly. “I don't know about you, though.”

“I’ll come with you,” you smiled, finally catching up to him. He let out an aggravated groan as you walked close to him. “Do you even know how to surf?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, of course, I do.”

“I’m just saying,” you noted, shrugging as you followed him. “You’re too….dainty. I feel like if you fell off you’d break every bone in your body.”

Seonghwa didn't react in any way you were hoping he would. Instead, he kept walking silently, until you reached the part of the beach where the surf shack was. Wetsuits were laid out, ready to be picked up, and surfboards stood tall through the sand and against the building. You stared in awe as you approached, seeing that there was no one else here but you two.

Finally, alone at last.

“Grab a suit if you’re gonna do this,” he pointed to them, raising an eyebrow when you stood there anxiously. “What? Don't you know how to surf?” he mocked.

You kicked at the sand, your hands behind your back. “Pff. yeah, of course, I….no. I don't.” you pleaded with your eyes sweetly, despite all of the dirty things you wanted to do to him. “Could you please teach me? Pretty please?”

He held his own suit close to his chest as he looked down at you. “Why should I?”

You stepped closer to him, causing him to step back cautiously. “Because I’m pretty?”

“Oh honey, who lied to you?” he joked.

“Please, Seonghwa?” you stressed his name, hoping to break him. You watched his eye twitch as you said it, reminding you of earlier when he told you not to say his name.

“Seonghwa seonghwa seonghwa seong—”

“Okay, fine! Jeez,” he huffed, tossing you a suit, only for it to hit you in the face. “Get dressed.”

You walked into the shack with him, going your separate ways at the locker rooms. Everything went smoothly until you tried to zipper the suit up, only being able to get it halfway. You pondered on asking seonghwa for help or completely turning into a contortionist, but after failing to do it yourself, you gave up and left the room to ask him.

Seonghwa stood amongst the surfboards, his lean body looking delicious in that surf suit. You nearly drooled looking at him.

“Hey,” you started, slowly approaching him as he picked out a board. “Can you help me zipper this?”

He turned to you, his expression conflicted as he saw you. You turned around, showing your exposed back, causing him to clear his throat. “O..okay.”

His delicate fingers brushed against the skin of your back, nearly causing you to shiver. You felt his breath hit the back of your neck as the zipper moved up and up until he zipped it completely.

“....There,” he said, swallowing. “You’re all good.”

He didn't move his hands until you pulled away from him, turning back around to face him. The silence was deafening, so you decided to break it.

“Seonghwa, about last night, what exactly happened—”

“Let’s just get started before the sun goes down,” he interrupted, looking anywhere but your eyes. “We’ll talk later.”

That was good enough for now. You watched him try to pick out a board, but he seemed extremely nervous. After a good bit of time, he grabbed a pink one, causing you to smile. Pink suited him so much, more than he’d probably like to admit.

“Let’s start with some basics,” he spoke smoothly, tossing the board down onto the sand. “Get on it. On your stomach.”

You lay down on the board, looking up at him for more directions. He taught you how to paddle with your arms, explaining that you'll have to dive under the waves sometimes if you were okay with doing that. You couldn't look weak now, especially not to him. So after the little training lesson, you were finally in the shallow water, sand already in every nook and cranny of you.

“Try to keep balance,” he said, his voice raspy. It wasn't the time to turn you on, but of course, he could do it just by his voice. “Keep your chest up.” his hand caressed your back, down your spine.

You looked up at him, his wet hair dripping down his face. You held back, as much as you could, from pouncing on him.

But when you fell off the board and got stuck underwater, you’ve never seen him so concerned before.

He grabbed you under your arms, pulling you back up and holding him to you while you coughed. You were perfectly fine—maybe a little too much water in the ears, but it was the least of your worries. What you cared about was the look on his face and the way he caged you to his body.

“y/n?” he rushed his hand over your face, pushing away your drenched hair so he could see you. “Are you okay?”

You coughed, blinking away the salt that infiltrated your eyes. Seonghwa noticed your distress and gently rubbed your face with the pad of his thumb.

“Don't rub your eyes,” he pushed your hand away, still not letting you go from his embrace. “You'll make it worse.”

“It hurts,” you mumbled, causing his look of worry to worsen. True, the salt started burning your eyes, but you couldn't get enough of his caring touch—maybe because he’s never shown this side of himself to you.

He took in an anxious breath as he looked around. “Maybe we should get back to the hotel,” he spoke softly, the sound of water filling your senses as you looked at him.

Everything about his appearance aggravated you—from the way his midnight hair draped his face, dripping with water down his cheeks, to the way his normally judgemental eyes seemed gentle and sweet. He looked kind, the type of man who would worship his lover like a queen, and all the time knowing him, you tried your hardest to only see him in a negative light.

Now, as he held you in the cold, sparkling ocean as the sun was setting, all you saw was your reflection in his eyes and all you felt was the undeniable pull to be with him. To touch him. To kiss him. To tell him that maybe, just maybe, you’ve always had a piece of him in your heart.

“Seonghwa, I…” you paused, ignoring the burn from the salt water. You watched his lips as they slowly parted, his eyes wide as he picked you apart. They looked at you differently, like they never looked at you before, and you wanted him to never stop looking at you.

The distance between the two of you was nonexistent—you saw every drop of water on his skin, and you were certain he was able to gather the meaning behind your gaze. If he did, he didn't say anything—he only looked back at you with those entrancing irises of his, a look you’ve never seen from him. He waited patiently for you to finish your sentence, but you had nothing else to say.

As your lips neared his, you heard his breath get caught in his throat, and you felt his embrace tighten around you. You closed your eyes, taking in the feeling, hoping that he would be the one to lean in and meet your lips.

He didn't.

Instead, his hands trailed down your back, the pink surfboard still floating next to you despite being forgotten. His breath was shaky as he touched you, but the moment ended too quickly as he shook himself out of his trance.

“I um, we should, you know,” he nodded towards the beach, even though you weren't too far out. “We should get back to the room.”

You slowly blinked at him, watching his expression stay the same despite the change of mind. He coughed, letting go of you, but then he grabbed your hand and the board before pulling you to shore.

The walk back was quiet. He didn't let go of your hand until you got back to the surf shack, and he reluctantly let go knowing you had to change.

You both were silent as you looked at each other, but the ache in your chest convinced you to break this tension.

Before you entered the changing room, you quickly turned back around to face seonghwa, who still stood with that….sex-charged expression on his face.

“….Stop looking at me like that,” you hummed, your chest heavy as he breathed in deeply. He looked at you with those bedroom eyes of his, half of his wetsuit already off. He looked deadly, which didn't help your desire.

He swallowed hard but tried his best to remain calm. “Like what?”

You took a step closer, reaching back to your zipper to pull it down just a little. You shrugged it down your bare shoulders, making sure he got to know that there was nothing else but you under that wetsuit once again.

And when you got as close as you could, you said the words you knew would be life or death for him.

“Like you want to fuck me,” you shrugged, acting all cool even though you were falling apart by the second. You were lucky you were at the surf shack at such a late time of day, and that no one else was here except you.

He choked on air, stepping away from you until his back hit the wall. You noticed how his chest rose and fell as he breathed in, and how delicious it would be to just lick him all over….

“I…” he gulped, but his eyes lingered on your shoulders and the curve of your breasts. “I don't know what you mean?”

You smiled through your haze, mind focused on getting to the bottom of his sudden change of attitude towards you. You reached out, gently guiding your hand down the plain of his chest, down his slim, but muscular waist. Oh, you couldn't get enough of him already.

You smirked. “Then tell me why you’ve been eye fucking me all day, or at least what happened last night, so I can understand.”

He blinked fast, looking from your lips, down your neck, to your bare shoulders.

“You…” he took in a sharp breath as your hands trailed down his body. “You sleeptalk.”

“I know that already,” you whispered, looking into his captivating gaze.

He leaned forward slightly, veins popping in his neck as he strained against his judgment. “I mean, you…kept moaning my name. I…I couldn't take it anymore….I can't take it anymore. Every time you speak I just want to fucking shut you up with my mouth for fucks sake.” he huffed, subconsciously gripping your hips as he grits his teeth. “You so annoying, so damn annoying, I can't—”

“Then take me,” you spoke against his lips. “Fuck me. Just like you did in my dreams.”

His forehead pressed against yours as you pushed him further against the wall.

“And how did I do that?” he growled, his fingertips tugging at your wetsuit. “Was I rough? Gentle?” he paused, lips pressed to your neck. “Did I make you say my name, or was that all you with that filthy little mouth of yours?”

You couldn't speak as his lips glided down your neck to your collarbone. He sucked on the skin there, roughly, causing you to suck in a sharp breath and run your hands through his dripping-wet hair.

You moaned, biting his earlobe. “I want you to tear me apart.”

He smirked against your skin, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“Rough it is, then.”

Without warning, he bit his lip hard as he pulled your wetsuit right down to your ankles, the water from his hair dripping onto your bare shoulders. He nearly growled as you stood in front of him, naked as ever, his gaze darkening before gripping the back of your neck to pull you to him.

As he sucked on your neck, you pulled down his suit with aggression, not quick enough for the hunger in both of your souls. His hot breath tickled your skin, his hands clawed at your hips, and his lips begged to kiss yours as you shoved him against the wall once again, skin on skin. He breathed heavily, his eyes dancing from your breasts to your waist, to your lips.

You gripped onto his hair, staring into his eyes for a moment before you locked your lips with his, tasting the saltiness of the ocean and the sweet warmth of his saliva. Your tongues fought for their lives, dancing as you deepened the kiss. Foreheads slamming, hands invading space. It was all over for your sanity the minute his long fingers glided against your core, his middle finger finding your clit and rubbing gently. His kisses were rough as his fingers delicately touched you, fueling the fire within you even more than it already was.

“Seonghwa,” you moaned against his ear, causing him to move his hand faster with a grunt. “Push them in me.”

He hissed, his eyes rolling back into his head as he pulled his hands away for a moment, only to suck his fingers in front of you before shoving them into you, curling them up inside you. You arched your back against him, crying out as his lips found yours once again.

He kissed you deeply as he made love to you with his hands, his fingers long enough to reach deep inside of you—but it wasn't enough. You bit his lip sharply as he fingered you, causing him to hiss in pleasure. “I need your cock in me. Now.” you licked his jawline, watching him squirm in your embrace.

His cheeks were flushed red as he looked at you, his eyes looking as if he were intoxicated. “I…fuck,” he sucked in a breath, kissing you as his fingers moved faster and faster. “Okay.”

As he pulled his fingers out of you, he licked them once more, his eyes on yours seductively.

“You taste so good.” he moaned, his mouth parted. He then lifted you up, walking you over to the table of waxed surfboards in the middle of the room. Shoving everything off with one hand, he threw you onto the wood, causing you to let out a little grunt.

“You’re so sexy,” he leaned over you, slamming your hands above your head before silencing your moans with a rough kiss. “So fucking sexy, you have no idea how long I wanted to shove my dick inside you.” His words were like gasoline to your fire, causing you to cry out in a whimper for him to do exactly what he said he would do. You kept your mouth shut as he tugged you to the edge of the table, lining up his hard-on to enter you.

After a look of longing, he spit onto his fingers and rubbed them onto his cock and your heat, his chest falling and rising with his heavy breathing. He then buried himself inside you, deeply, causing your breath to hitch. He was even bigger than your dreams, tearing apart your expectations of his skills. You tried your best to free your arms from his hold, but as he moved in and out of you, you had lost the desire to escape it. You really liked the feeling of his fingernails tearing into your skin.

“Ah,” he whimpered, his hips rocking quickly, his eyes shut tight. His thrusts were deep, not slowing down for a second.

Your legs curled around his shoulders, his one arm holding your hands and his other piercing into your ankle. He grunted as he pumped into you, tearing at your insides, feeling him fill you up. “Hwa,” you groaned, back arching in pleasure. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He grunted in response, speeding up faster as his hips slammed into yours. You felt him quiver inside you, precum dripping into you without a care. You loved the feeling, you didn't care about the risks in the moment.

You climaxed without warning, your legs tightening around his head. He kept muttering your name over and over again against you, kissing the skin of your ankles as he continued to fuck the living shit out of you. You started to see stars as he nearly cracked your spine, and right before he nearly came, he flipped you over onto your stomach without ever leaving you.

Your face was shoved against the wood of the table, the sweet smell of sex enveloping your senses. You cried out his name as he gripped onto your hips, moving faster as his own orgasm came close. His lips met the small of your back, his fingers gripped your ass with haste.

“I’m going to come,” he mumbled, his voice raspy. “Can I come in you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. “Come inside me.”

As if your words stirred something within him, he immediately moved in shorter movements, his grip on your ass tightening as his orgasm came. His breathing shallowed as he came into you, filling you up with his cum. You let out one last moan as you felt his warmth, and he kissed the back of your neck as he finished.

He pulled out of you slowly despite how rough he was—he could've been rougher, but you didn't want him to think of you as the insane slut everyone thought you were.

Even though you only ever slept with others because you couldn't have him.

And now…..what comes next?

He helped you sit back up to a normal position, and when he saw the dark, purple bruises on your neck and collarbone, he gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry,” his fingers gently brushed against your hot skin as if he didn't just totally destroy you. “I kind of….went crazy, didn't I?”

You smiled up at him in a daze, both your cheeks blushed in embarrassment and enjoyment. “I like crazy.”

He paused, standing proudly in front of you with that delicious body of his. You sighed in contentment, a lazy smile on your lips. “I dreamt of this. Literally.” you reached out to him, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed them softly, opening his mouth wide as he made out with you. You didn't want to pull away, but as the thought of you both having sex in a public surf shack came to your mind, you pulled away quickly, startling him.

“Um, so,” you laughed awkwardly. “Should we head back now? We are kind of in a public place….”

Seonghwa looked around, smirking as he leaned forward on the table, kissing you once more. “It was kind of thrilling, not gonna lie.”

You leaned into his embrace, his hands caressing your back romantically. “So,” you whispered against his lips. “We should get back. And this time, you better sleep in the bed with me.”

“Oh, baby, I plan on doing more than just sleeping.”

—

After countless rounds of ‘sleeping’, you ended up waking up late in Seonghwa’s embrace, his lips pressed against the curve of your shoulder as he held you. He quite literally rocked you all night long, and you even discovered his love for reverse cowgirl—making him come within two minutes of the fifth round.

Now, as you lay in his arms while he slept, you finally felt content. He was all you ever wanted, even though your words said otherwise this whole time of knowing him.

“Hey,” you turned around in his embrace, pressing your lips against his forehead. “Seonghwa.”

“Hm?” he grumbled sleepily, his eyes blinking open to meet yours.

You smiled, running a hand through his messy hair. “We should get up. The others are probably waiting for us in the lobby.”

“Ugh, why?” he groaned, holding onto you tighter. “ I don't want to leave this bed today. Or ever.”

You giggled, pecking his lips. “Come on, Hwa. I really would like to get a tan on the sand today.”

His eyes were wide open now, but he blinked slowly from his sleepiness. “We barely got any sleep,” he huffed, shoving his head into your shoulder. “And I can't kiss you in front of everyone, I can't wait the whole day to touch you.”

You grinned chaotically.

“Who says we have to hide it?”

—

“Dear lord,” Wooyoung huffed, sitting with his arms crossed at the beach. “Are they ever going to stop and come up for air?”

Your friends sat on towels on the sand, while you sat on Seonghwa’s lap as you made out with him. His hands gripped your face as he stuck his tongue in your mouth, both of you having no care for those around you.

“I knew this was going to happen,” San mumbled with a smirk, elbowing Wooyoung playfully. “Just let them have their fun. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Pfft,” Woo scoffed, looking at how seonghwa touched you.

“I always thought I would be the one tapping that.”

“Wooyoung shut the fuck up.”

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #roomates #vacation au #ateez masterlist #enemies to lovers #fwb #wooyoung #San #mingi #Hongjoong

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jkbabiey · 2 years ago

Text

a lot more

Pairing: fwb!jkxreader(f)

Genre: fluf; smut; slight angst; college!AU: fwb2lovers!AU

Warnings: dom!jk, sub!reader (they try to switch it up but it’s just not in them), athlete!jk, medstudent!reader, rough sex, praise kink, spit kink, slight overstimulation, worried kook, anxiety :(

Jungkook knew, when you texted him a 'come over' at 11:56PM on a Sunday, that college was kicking your ass. It was finals period so the real question was who's ass wasn't being kicked, but he knew it took a lot for you to admit your ass was being kicked, yet you did text him a straight-up invite to fuck - instead of calling him and beating around the bush to see who'd cave first like you always did.

Obviously, being Jeon Jungkook, he didn't even think of complaining or refusing your invite but you both knew there would be a snarky little teasing remark about your urgency to be with him. He had thought of a million ways to tease you on the way to your dorm. Still, as soon as you opened the door to your room all of the witticisms that had come to his mind throughout the ride vanished, leaving him with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips, while his eyes analyzed your freshly washed hair, your deep dark circles, and your chapped lips. You didn't greet him, opting to just turn around, walk to the kitchen to get a bottle of cold water, and leave him to close the door on his way in.

Jungkook found this - not being greeted with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, like always - weird, to say the least. Among every single soul he had gotten to know in his two years as a college student, you had to be the kindest, sweetest, and warmest person he had ever met, which contrasted a lot with the rest of the people he knew. Most people in college, at least in the environment he was in being an athlete and belonging to a frat, got a little consumed by the freedom of being in college and away from parents and further responsibilities, and most often than not got a little presumptuous and a tiny bit too extroverted, surrendering to bad habits.

You weren't like that tho. You were still in your first year of college and hadn't experienced the tumultuous life of college parties and alcohol because (1) you didn't exactly get along with the popular people that got invited to parties and (2) even if you did get invited to parties, you didn't really like them - too many people and way too loud music. Jungkook had met you in the coffee shop you worked in. It was near college and had the best iced coffee ever. You were a pretty girl and had a cute smile so you immediately caught his attention but he didn't even try to get your number because you just emanated that quirky nerdy energy to you and that was exactly what he wasn't looking for in a girl. Basically you were far from anything close to his type. Actually, he wasn't even looking for a girl - his life was busy already and the last thing he needed was another distraction.

Still, there was no denying you when a month of stolen glances and shy smiles passed and you handed Jungkook his cup of iced coffee with your number written under his name on the name tag. He remembers panicking and not taking any advances toward you the week after you gave him your number. He didn't even go to get coffee through that week. You genuinely thought you had scarred the man away. But after he saw you in a denim skirt and a black crop top walking through uni, he couldn't help but send you a little text.

Since then you two had been casually hanging out - which was a way of saying you had been having casual sex, with absolutely no strings attached and no expectations from either side. Jungkook did consider you a friend and he thought your playful banter and fun conversations meant you also saw him as a close friend. And you two had gotten closer than a lot of Jungkook's other friends because, in his eyes, you were without a doubt the most genuine person he had ever met and you always brought a feeling of freshness with you whenever you two got together. He liked you.

He came inside your room to see what seemed like anatomy sketches and notes sprawled everywhere on your bedroom floor. "Is everything ok?" he asked once you came into your room with your water bottle. "Yeah, I've just been having a hard time focusing and decided to take a break and go take a cold shower," you said, your voice sweet as ever. You set the water bottle on top of your wooded desk and walked towards him in your tank top and tight pajama shorts. "Thought you could help me focus a little better too," you whispered, enveloping his neck with both your arms. His hands were automatically placed on your hips while his head reached down to gently kiss you on the lips.

You guided him to seat on the edge of your bed while still kissing him and straddled his lap with your legs on each side of his hips, feeling his big hands groping the flesh of your thighs. You griped the thin dark hairs on the bottom of his head and pulled them a little, smiling against Jungkook's lips when he gasped against you at the little pull.

Jungkook wasn't exactly convinced that everything was okay and that you were just having trouble focusing. He knew you struggled with anxiety and could get a little too lost in your studies, even forgetting to take care of yourself.

You felt Jungkook's hand land on your right arm to pull you back a little "W-wait y/n, is everything okay? Have you eaten today?" he asked, watching your brows furrow and your legs starting to get off of his lap. You stood up, the annoyance was obvious on your expression and Jungkook had never even seen an ounce of that on you.

"Why do you care?" you asked, angry but still wearing the same quiet and sweet as honey tone of voice. "Listen, I really have to study. I called you here for a reason but if you're not in the mood, you should go. I have things to do and I don't want to waste my tim-"

"Ok, ok," Jungkook muttered seeing as your face started getting red and your behavior became more and more erratic and restless. "Come back here," he reached for your hand, pulling you into him once again and forcing you to sit back on his lap. And you did, looking down at your hands while Jungkook placed his hands on your hips and stayed quiet, just looking at you with a soft look in his eyes.

"I'm fine, I just need to relieve some tension," you quietly explained, fidgeting with your fingers like a little kid on Jungkook's lap.

"I get it," he whispered as his lips started puckering little kisses all the way from your cheek to the skin of your neck. You rested your arms on his shoulders, pulling him closer and letting him suckle on your neck. "I'll make you feel good."

In a second his hands were under your tank top, fondling your braless chest while you rolled your hips down into his, moaning into his hair as you felt his hardening length poking your leg. You reached down his back grabbed his sweatshirt and tugged it up to try and get it on your floor. Sensing your struggle with his clothes, Jungkook maneuvered to free himself of his sweatshirt and rid you of your tank top too. Almost automatically Jungkook's mouth was on your right nipple, his tongue massaging it and teasing you with little bites, while his hand fondled your other breast. You tilted your head back in pleasure, letting out breathy moans of Jungkook's name to which he buckled his hips up.

Soon both your sleeping shorts and his jeans were next to the rest of your clothing and Jungkook's fingers were cupping your heat. "God, you're so wet," Jungkook whimpered feeling the wetness already sipping through your panties, immediately pulling them to the side and running two of his fingers through your slit. “Bet you spent the whole day thinking of my cock, haven’t you?”

You nodded and hissed at the feeling of Jungkook inserting two of his fingers inside you abruptly, and pumping them in and out in a fast motion, not even giving you the time to adjust. Everything about Jungkook was big - his height, his cock, his fingers. Two of his fingers were thicker that three of yours, which was all you could handle when you played with yourself, but whenever you and Jungkook got together you knew you needed the preparation.

"I need you," you whined and he chuckled, husky and teasing, with his plump lips just beside your ear. You reached for the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down to reveal his hard shaft, that hit his abdomen. So close to you you could feel its heat. You humped your hips against his thighs, trying to get some friction after he removed his fingers from your pussy, and heard Jungkook groan, feeling the urgency in your hasty movements, watching the desire in your eyes, and earing the neediness in your high-pitched moans.

“You think you can take me already?” he asked, half serious, half teasing, and you nodded quickly, watching the smug grin on Jungkook’s face grow.

You always got so lost whenever Jungkook was near. His presence alone was intoxicating. He was able to overpower the habitual struggle of always reaching for something, always aiming to be someone. He allowed you to be whoever you were. He allowed you to be no one if that's what you wanted - he always managed to make you feel hyperaware of every single sensation that sparked through your body and that was enough. With Jungkook, you could fall apart. He'd be the death of you and you'd let him.

He reached down, grabbing your hips and lifting you a little so his dick would align with your entrance. He let you fall suddenly so his entire length would penetrate you and you hissed, shutting your eyes closed at the sudden intrusion. No matter how many times you two did this, you'd never get used to Jungkook's size. He reached his hand in between your sweaty bodies and quickly found your clit, rubbing quick circles against the hard nub.

"C'mon baby, move," he groaned before thrusting his hips up harshly. You cried out and he moved forward to envelop your waist in his arms, pressing light feathery kisses against your temple. "Be a good girl and fuck yourself on my dick."

You settled your knees on the space next to his hips, on each side, finding support to move on top of him, and placed your tiny hands on Jungkook's strong shoulders. You moved your body all the way up slowly until only his tip was inside of you. And then started moving back down at the same slow pace, defeatedly crying out at the size of him. "That's it, slow and steady baby," his voice guttural as his lips ghosted on yours, barely touching.

You repeated the motion, starting to fasten your pace when the burn of his size subsided and all that was left was the pleasure of feeling completely full of his cock. "You fill me up so good, Kook,” you whimpered and heard the deep groan Jungkook left out. He was losing patience. Jungkook wasn't a patient man and you knew that the pace at which you could comfortably ride him wasn't the pace he could reach when he was in control. Jungkook was an animalistic lover, going fucking feral whenever he got to be inside your pussy. You could see the self-control in his expression, the clenched jaw, shut eyes, and furrowed brows said it all for you.

It didn't take long until his self-control went out the window. All it took was a loud cry of his name out your mouth when you rolled your hips in a certain way so that your clit would rub against his pelvis. He thrust his hips up roughly, his abs clenching and let out a high-pitched whimper at the feeling of your walls clenching around him. He then planted his feet firmly against the floor of your bedroom and leaned back, laying himself down on the matters and bringing your forwards with him. He placed both his hands on your ass cheeks, grabbing them hard and spreading them to start to fuck up into you, setting the pace that he wanted, rough and fast. You leaned forward, clinging to every single portion of skin you could touch, screaming out moans of pleasure.

"Fuck, love this pussy so much, always so warm and tight," he groaned into your hair and grabbed your waist so he could lay you down on the mattress, now on your back. He settled between your legs, grabbing your thighs and opening them as wide as they could possibly go, aligning himself with your hole, and going back to fucking you mercilessly. His eyes fluttered and the drag of your velvety walls against the sensitive skin of his dick, and his lips brushing against yours.

Jungkook groaned at the sound of your wet pussy sucking his cock in, reaching his hand up to roughly grab your face, forcefully pressing his fingers against your jaw. Your teary eyes locked with his lustful ones just for him to messily press an open-mouthed kiss to your lips. You couldn't keep up with his pace. You never could and you loved it that way. You loved just how messy he always made you. You loved how he used your body like you were a lifeless fuck doll, with little to no care about how you felt. You loved it just the way he did it. You loved to be fucked hard and fast.

Jungkook got on his knees, grabbing both your legs to support them on his shoulders, chasing his own pleasure. He reached so deep inside of you in the new position you felt your eyes roll back. His eyes opened and he took your fucked out figure in - teary eyes, heavy breaths, plump red lips wet with drool, wild messy hair, sweaty shiny skin, his dick poking your tummy every time he went in deep. You're so tiny compared to him, sometimes he wonders how you could take his huge cock like you always do.

"You're perfect, so fucking beautiful," he whispered reaching forward to bring his lips to yours. He pressed a messy kiss to your lips, his hips still pistoning against yours. "Such a pretty, pretty girl," he whined against your lips before pressing another kiss to them, this one softer and lighter. You brought your hands up his back, scratching him in the process and he let out a breathy moan, whiny and needy.

"Fuck Kook, I'm almost there," you cried out and Jungkook reached between your bodies to rub your clit. Gasps and moans flew out your mouth as he fastened his pace.

"Come for me, princess," and you do, going over the edge quickly after you feel his fingers pinching your clit, your pussy squelching every time he bottoms out while his fingers continued circling your sensitive nub. You feel his pace slowing down and his cock throbs from the feeling of your pussy tightening around his dick. He pulled back to watch the point where your bodies connected, the way his shiny cock went all the way in and out until only his tip was left, and then back to the warmth of your pussy, and the way your juices coated the whole length of his dick and pooled on your ass too to the point where your sheets were soaked.

Jungkook grabbed your hips, lifting them slightly and going back to the furious pace he'd set earlier, chasing an orgasm of his own, not caring at all about how overstimulated you were. You gasped and clenched the sheets under you in your fists, biting your bottom lip.

"Open your mouth," Jungkook groaned, leaning forward closer to your face. You did as told and soon after he spit in your mouth,, a bit of drool hitting your cheek instead of your mouth and he instantly feels your walls tightening once again around his cock. You instantly swallow it and he's caught off guard when you gather the spit on your cheek onto your finger and suck it clean. "Such a fucking slut," he moaned and felt his cock throb inside you. His brain was heady with lust and he could think of nothing except for your pussy. He couldn't control the volume of his moans when you reached down to rub your clit, warning him of a second orgasm. He loses it, rutting into you like a desperate beast until ribbons of white cum are spewing out of his dick and stuffing you full. The feeling of his cum inside you sent you over the edge once again and you're gasping and crying out along with him, as the tightening of your walls prolongs his high.

Jungkook fell heavy on top of you and your hands were quickly directed to his dark locks of hair, now partially drenched in sweat. You felt his heavy breaths against the skin of your neck and his panting chest against yours.

"Was I too rough?" he asked after a few minutes of just laying there and recomposing his breathing paces.

"No, it was just what I needed," you answered and he chuckled, pressing a quick peck against your neck, tickling you.

"Can I stay the night? Don't feel like driving back home," he asked, finally getting off you to lay on his back, next to you instead.

"I don't think I'm gonna sleep tonight," you answered nuzzling your face against Jungkook's chest. "You can sleep here though, no problem."

"What do you mean you're not gonna sleep tonight?" he asked, his voice sounding a lot more worried already. "Don't you have class tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I have an exam on friday and I couldn't study properly the whole day, so I'll study now."

"Y/n, you need to rest. You spent the whole weekend studying. You're coming to sleep with me now," he argued, standing up from your bed and trying to grab your hand to take you to take a bath.

"Kook, I already said I have to study. You're not entitled to just tell me what to do. I already decided I will spend the night studying and you can't tell me not to!" you snapped and Jungkook raised his hands in defeat. He moved and started to grab his clothes and get dressed, while you sat up on your bed. "What are you doing?"

"Going home. If you already decided you're gonna spend the night studying like a fucking maniac I might as well go sleep in my own bed," he grumbled and you just watched him getting dressed, trying to figure out if this was your fault or if he was being an actual asshole for not respecting your schedules.

"Are you seriously getting mad at me because I need to study?"

"I'm not mad y/n," he sighed. "I just think that you can't take care of yourself for shit. I'm sure all you've eaten since Friday was a fucking apple and two protein bars and you're probably running on two hours of sleep. And now I try to help and you lash out at me?" he expresses his anger in the calmest way possible and his eyes don't express anything other than worrisome. "I'm going home, now. Do whatever you want," he said, coming closer to you, that were still seating down on your bed, and leaning down to press a kiss against your forehead. He was angry but he wouldn’t just leave without a kiss because that would just give you something else to overthink about. He always kissed your forehead on his way out.

He was driving towards his house but you still persisted in his mind. Had you slept at all throughout the whole weekend? And what exactly had you eaten in the last two days? Also, tomorrow was Monday and your first class was at 9AM from what he remembered from the timetable you had stuck on your bedroom door. So how were you planning on not sleeping?

He doesn't remember making any rational decision to stop in front of a convenience store to buy two boxes of instant chicken noodles and a pack of tea bags. He didn't exactly think it through. It was just a random thought that popped out and he just did it, like it was second nature to take care of you.

Suddenly, he was back at your door, knocking on the door, to find you already washed up, and brushing your teeth. "Wha- are yo-doin- here?" you asked, words muffled from the toothbrush in your mouth.

"I brought noodles because you actually have to eat something and you're having a cup of tea after to calm your nerves, so you can come to bed with me. Does that sound good?"

"Kook-"

"I don't even care, you have no choice. You are going to sleep tonight. I'm not letting you fuck up your body and your health over an exam," he interrupted you, already angry and the furrowed brows were back to tell you that he wasn't taking no for an answer anytime soon. And then he turned his back to you, walking towards your tiny kitchen to start cooking the noodles, apparently still angry.

You finished brushing your teeth and then walked up to Jungkook, a huge smile on your face that he didn't see because his broad back was turned to you. You enveloped his waist with your arms.

"Thank you for taking care of me," you whispered and he turned back to you, picking you up to take you in his arms as if you were a total baby as your legs circled his torso.

"Well, someone has to," he answered with a teasing smile on his lips, and you quickly leaned forward to kiss it away. "Now, you're staying up here. I don't know to which extent you won't just faint from how long you haven't eaten if I put you down."

Eventually, he did let you down and you two finished cooking together. After you ate together in comfortable silence he made you tea, which you drank in the warmth of your bed and then you laid down as he wrapped your body in his arms.

"Oh I forgot to tell you," you exclaimed from the space between Jungkook's shoulder and neck, where your face was nuzzled. "You're a great stress relief, I'll start calling you every time I'm having a nervous breakdown," you laughed and Jungkook's arms got tighter around you.

"You know you can, right? Call me if you are having a nervous breakdown, I mean," he whispered against your hair.

When you and Jungkook started hanging out, it wasn’t suposed to unvolve any kind of commitment. You were studying medicine and he was an athlete. You both had busy lives and a relationship was the last thing you needed. Everyone needed good sex from time to time tho, so that’s what you agreed on.

But you meant a lot more that just sex to Jungkook. And Jungkook’s meant a lot more than sex to you.

“I will, from now on.” you whispered, looking him in the eye and sending him a gentle smile.

It was in the way Jungkook’s arms were the most comfortable place you could think of even if you thought of your own home. There was no other place you’d rather be, when you’re in his arms. Nothing felt more like home than his arms. And it’s in the way the smell of your hair and the tone of your voice lifted the weight Jungkook was used to carry on his shoulders throughout the whole week. He could relax completely around you. He knew that when he was with you there was no pressure. You accepted him just the way he was. It’s in the way you loved when Jungkook’s eyes shone brighter when he talked about his passions or in the way he loved to take you to new restaurants because he couldn’t get enough of you childishly humming and dancing to random songs when you tasted food you liked.

It was in the way you just laid down that night and stared at each other for minutes on end, not saying a word. And in the way he moved his hand to run his fingers through your hair. And in the way you roamed your eyes throught his face, just to end up kissing his lips gently. And in the way you just closed your eyes, going to sleep with your arms around each other.

It all meant a lot more, and you both knew it.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook reaction #jungkook smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook doctor au #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook college au #college!au jungkook #fwb #jungkook fwb #fwb!au #fwb to lovers #fwb au

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joyoushyuck · 11 months ago

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21:06

Donghyuck falls beside you on the bed, breath heavy and chest heaving as he comes down from his high. The air feels cold on the cum drying between your thighs and on your stomach. It feels sticky and uncomfortable, mixing with the sheen of sweat formed from the exertion coating you, but you cannot care less at the moment. You are trying hard not to let your heavy lids shut.

"Go to sleep," Donghyuck whispers, gaze soft when he glances at you. He brings a hand to brush back your hair, placing the softest of kisses on your hairline.

"Shouldn't," you stifle a yawn while saying it, earning a chuckle from the other.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

He does. This friends with benefits arrangement is working well so far only because of the rules. Not sleeping over after sex is one of them. No romantic gestures (like brushing your hair back and looking at you like you hung the moon in the sky) is another. Donghyuck seemed to be neglecting the rules a lot lately.

You don't notice his smile dropping.

"Rules are meant to be broken."

You sigh, too tired to start an argument with him. You push yourself up to get dressed, thighs sore and aching with every move. A hiss escapes your lips and you almost fall when you try to walk, lest the hand that holds your waist and steadies you.

"Sit down, babe," he coaxes you into giving in with wide eyes and a pretty pout.

You think rule 7 prohibited the use of nicknames, but you weren't so sure anymore.

Donghyuck cleans your body with a wet cloth and changes the sheets, lending you a shirt before helping you get comfortable under the sheets. You comply throughout it rather unwillingly. His caring actions, sweet words, they aren't doing your weak, weak heart any good. You are scared to fall deeper, already positive your feelings towards him isn't a surface level crush anymore.

"Go to sleep, love," he repeats. His chest is pressed against your back and a firm hand on your waist holds you in place.

Love. He calls you that sometimes. It's by far your favourite nickname, therefore also the one you resent the most. Hearing it makes you want to scream into a pillow and kick your feet, and also commit a homicide, all at the same time.

"Donghyuck, where are you going with this?" you try one last time.

You feel his heart begin to pick up pace, breath hitching and hold loosening with uncertainty.

"What are you talking about?" And there's the slightest tremor in his voice. He is scared. Why is he scared?

"This. What we are doing right now. This is wrong," it comes out harsher than you meant for it to be. It's your brain's last ditch attempt to protect your fragile heart, you presume.

"It's not wrong. It can be right. I want it to be right," he hesitantly replies. You think his heart is going to burst from how fast it is beating. It is concerning.

"You want it to be right?" There's hope, and then there's fear. You hold your breath in anticipation.

"I want us to be more, want you to be mine, want to be yours."

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floof-ghostie · 5 months ago

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#death note #mellomatt #mellodramattic #m2 #mello #mihael keehl #matt jeevas #matt death note #mail jeevas #m2 fwb to lovers au I guess

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year ago

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Keith clenches the flower crown in his hand, breathing heavy. The delicate petals of the not-daises crumple and crush in his fists, blue pollen smearing on the leather of his gloves. Half of the crown sits perfect, intact, unblemished and unbroken. The other half is miserable and unfixable, destroyed by something bigger than itself. He stares at it, hard, at what it is and what it represents, until his eyes sting from the dryness and begin to blur.

“Lance, I —” His voice comes out raspy, crinkled as the flowers. He swallows. “I’m never really going to — to love you. You know that, right?”

Lance’s quiet humming never stops, never hesitates. He continues to carefully poke the not-daisies onto their stem-string, building another crown, a new one, just as beautiful. “I know.”

Keith frowns. “You…know?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why do you…” He glances down at the crushed flowers again. Suddenly he wants to straighten them, desperately, fix their bleeding creases, their crumpled pieces. He tries, a little. He takes a broad petal from the biggest of the delicate flowers and smooths it against his thumb, again and again, trying to fix the brokenness. The crease disappears, but the petal lays flat against his skin; translucent, soaked with its own oils, bending to the shape of the pad of his thumb. It droops when he peels it off, worse than before. He feels something gentle touch on his head, a barely-there weight around the crown of his skull, and he smells something floral, aside from the flowers, like shampoo. Lance settles again beside him, second flower crown gone from his hands, now searching for a long enough not-daisy stem to start a new one. There’s a lump in Keith’s throat.

“Then why do this? Why —” He sweeps his hand out, broadly, gesturing the the not-daisy field before them, gesturing to the picnic blanket and the basket of food, gesturing to the castle in the distance, to the room they’ve shared more often than not lately, to their lions, to them, to them, to them. “Why do you hang out —” his voice cracks on the term, the blasé-ness of it, the fib, the hiding from the truth, the softer word to replace the truth — “with me like this? Why do you spend so much of your time with me? Alone? Why do we do what we —” He stops for a moment, finding himself short of breath suddenly, more feeling than the situation calls for crashing down on him at once, crushing his windpipe, making it hard for him to breathe, harder to speak. “Why do you stay with me like this, if you know?”

“Well, because I love you.”

He does not hesitate to say it. He does not swallow harshly as if the words are acid in his throat, as if they are too heavy to be spoken aloud. He says it easily, steadily, wondrously, as if it’s painless. As if Keith had said it first, and he’s simply responding. As if it’s something he says often. As if the words were not hard to find, were already heavy on his tongue, as if it was easier to say them then to lock them behind his teeth, choke them down. Maybe they are, for him.

Lance picks his head up from where it was hunched over the not-daisies, tying off the chain and lifting it, resting the crown gently on his own head. Coronating himself, with soft flowers, with the strength of a thousand men. He flicks his gaze to Keith, then, brown eyes wide and soft and glassy, slightly, shimmering in the orange sunlight, dark despite it, heavy and light alike. His expression is open, earnest. “Isn’t that reason enough?”

Keith doesn’t understand him. He knows Lance, knows how things eat at him, how small rejections build and build from the centre of his chest down his spine and wrap around each of his nerves, lighting him up inside. He’s seen how the doubt shapes his words, reshapes his sentences, clouds his thoughts. He’s seen how Lance pulls away from people before they can pull away from him. He’s seen the same ache in the Blue-turned-Red Paladin that he has, the same black hole in his own chest; the pain of the one left behind.

How is it so easy, then, for him, to say — it?

Keith holds his gaze, heart pounding, breathing short and shallow, as long as he can, as long as he can bear. He is the one to look away, in the end, and Lance soon after, looking for yet another long-stemmed daisy. It is only then that Keith realises that his second crown is crushed, too, in his other hand, stained with oil.

“Reason enough,” he echoes.

Lance hums affirmatively, absentmindedly lifting his legs and placing them on top of Keith’s, casual. Keith can’t tell if the move is deliberate or not, if Lance is genuinely oblivious to the intent of Keith’s sentiment or if he’s choosing to ignore it.

Either way it doesn’t matter. Lance slowly works his way through a good chunk of the flowers surrounding them, cheekily ordering Keith around the field, instructing him on what flowers to pick, how many, how often. Lance claims he just doesn’t want to move, but Keith is sure he just likes bossing him around. He organizes them in small piles by size as Keith gathers them, favouring the wider and fluffier ones, working with his tongue out in concentration as he carefully makes one, two, three, four, five more crowns than the two he’s already made, not including the two Keith destroyed. (Those were carefully scooped up from where Keith had discarded them, placed gently in the bottom of the picnic basket. Lance hadn’t said anything nor had he made any particular face, except that there was determination in his eyes as he held the crumpled flowers, defiance, almost, as he lovingly placed them among their used dishware and leftovers.)

Once he finishes the last knot — one crown for each team member, plus one to hang on Shiro’s doorknob — he swings his legs off Keith’s lap, sighing as he gets to his feet. Keith sees a sliver of brown skin as he stretches, a flash of his hip as his shirt lifts with his raised hands. It is the same temptation it always is, although it makes Keith more nauseous than usual.

“C’mon, you lump,” Lance says, holding out a hand. “I call dibs on not carrying anything back to the castle.”

Keith stares at his offered hand for a moment. He gets the same feeling in his belly that he used to get before walking into his final exams. Like he is being tested, like he is unprepared, like he is going to fail.

He stands on his own, quickly busying himself with gathering up their blanket and basket.

He follows just behind Lance as they walk through the field, back to the castle. They take their time — no one else will be back yet — and Lance stops every three seconds to coo at a beetle, take a picture of a plant, draw a heart in the dirt. Keith finds himself smiling without permission, struggling to school his face when he realises.

Keith has never met someone who is so unapologetically himself. He knows Lance has struggles, knows he doubts himself more than anyone on the team, probably. But so much of him is just a blatant adoration for the world around him; an obsession with the stars, an affinity for speed, an ataraxia in water, a blatant delight for any critter. He loves so much so often he bleeds with it. Keith has no idea how he survives, how he protects himself. It terrifies him. How is he supposed to protect Lance if Lance refuses to wear any armour? If he flays himself open and trusts everything and anyone? It’s as if he hasn’t yet learned to be wary, even though he has been hurt. Keith cannot fathom how he’s like this, how he’s survived like this.

Later, that night, he lies awake and counts Lance’s breaths as he thinks.

This wasn’t meant to last.

He doesn’t mean that they’re doomed to fail. They are, probably, the same way most things are (his mouth twitches on reflex as he hears Lance calling him emo in his head), but he hadn’t meant to start anything, with Lance. He doesn’t think Lance meant to start with him, either. He certainly never anticipated Lance, head pillowed on Keith’s chest, drool gathering on his ribcage, leg flopped over his and hand twitching in his face and hair. He never anticipated hearing his name muttered in Lance’s sleep, or watching him shoot up from a nightmare, wide-eyed and terrified, only to relax immediately back into sleep when he sees that it’s Keith who’s holding him. He never anticipated his own hands combing through Lance’s hair, his squeezing of Lance’s feet in between his thighs to keep them warm, his boots at the end of the bed, gloves on the nightstand. He never anticipated the way the smell of Lance’s shampoo would help him breathe again when he shoots straight up in terror and forgets where he is. He never anticipated the softness, the quiet smiles, the feel of his nails on his back, the press of his lips to his neck, the taste of his sweat on his skin, the breathiness of his hitched throat in his ear.

It started with a fight.

Of course it did, really. Why they were alone in the training room, Keith cannot recall, and why they turned to sparring with each other rather than staying at separate corners of the room he is at a loss. (Well, he does know. He knows he watched the litheness of Lance’s body as he bent and and contorted it and felt the swoop of his belly at his smug grin every time he landed a shot. He knows he watched sweat bead up on his forehead and drip down his face, burning a trail down his long neck. He knows he watched Lance bend over to set up shots, stretch, anything. He knows all that. But he thought he had restraint.)

He knows at one point they were snarling at each other, arguing over who had cost them a match with the gladiator, and then he knows that Lance had brazenly challenged him to a fight, and Keith had laughed in his face. He knows that they lunged at each other. He knows that he intended to give it to the smug asshole who had refused to leave him the fuck alone for even one fucking second since they got stuck in space. He knows he had Lance pinned to the ground, because Lance may insist that they’re neck and neck but Keith sure as shit had the upper hand in hand to hand.

What he doesn’t know is who kissed who. He doesn’t know who bit whose lip or who gasped or who shoved whose hand under whose shirt. He doesn’t know. He knows it escalated, he knows he felt fucking drunk on the taste of Lance’s skin, knows he felt like devouring every sound that came from that smart fucking mouth. He knows they didn’t even bother moving from the training mat on the floor.

He does know that he was the one who knocked on Lance’s door first, the next day. But when they fell into bed again Lance was the one who was prepped and ready, who opened the door within half a second and yanked him in by the collar, smirking.

Lance shifts slightly, muttering something as he turns his head. Keith freezes, barely daring to breathe lest he wake him up, waiting until after Lance has settled again, after he’s gone heavy on Keith’s chest.

In the beginning he’d convinced himself it was physical. Lance is objectively fucking hot, anyone with eyes can see that, and it’s not like Keith has any other fucking options here. But tonight, after everyone had split off after dinner and they’d landed in Keith’s room, again (is it really even Keith’s room, anymore? Lance’s hand is keyed to the lock. His products line the bathroom counter. His clothes are intermixed among Keith’s. He can’t remember the last time either of them had been in Lance’s room, let alone Lance by himself), as they always do. They’d gotten ready for bed without even talking, slipping in pyjamas and brushing teeth and running through a ninety four step skincare routine. They’d laid next to each other on the bed, Keith working through a random novel he found in the library and Lance breezing through some kind of math game on his tablet, before Lance had sighed some time before midnight, kissed him gently on the mouth, whispered “I don’t feel like doing anything tonight,” and then flopped on top of Keith’s person, wiggling until he was comfortable, passing out as soon as he was.

Keith’s hand curls around the curve of Lance’s shoulder.

Physical, physical, physical, he chants to himself. You have ruined every single person you have ever loved.

Lance groans slightly again, clicking his jaw.

“Keith,” he murmurs, accent heavy in his sleep. His lips twitch up in a smile.

Keith’s stomach turns.

———

based on this post

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harrywavycurly · 10 months ago

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Secret Rendezvous Part 4: Late

Masterlist: Here

TW: Language

Tag List: @emma77645 @aol19 @tlclick73 @prestinalove @kailey-firefly @fromasgardandback @therealgothamguardianfr @peaches-roses-sins @hiscrimsonangel @furiousladyking @angelina16torres-blog @sofaritsalrightt @josephquinnsfreckles @starrywhitenight @mrsjellymunson @witchwolflea @jasminelafleur @ohmeg @comeonatmebruh

A/N: Sorry I meant to have this up on Saturday but totally forgot and left it sitting in my drafts🙈 but anyway I hope yall enjoy this update! Curious to hear yalls thoughts!✨

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satansdirtiestangel · 5 months ago

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I’m just saying some dryhumping never hurt a friendship…

#angel queue #fwb #fwb couple #fwb au #fwb to lovers #needy bunny #needy boy #needy girl #needy sub #wlw sub #wlw yearning #wlw nsft #wlw ns/fw #wlw blog

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ladymarthlovely · 6 months ago

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Midnight lingerie fetish

#bd/sm relationship #fwb au #fwb dating #fwb to lovers #i need a fwb #looking for fwb #bd/sm breeding #bd/sm community #bd/sm little #bd/sm switch #dating #obey me

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dykelips · 8 months ago

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steddie — friends with benefits to lovers drabble

“friends don't do what we do.”

rating — teen & up. | tags — fwb to lovers, roommates au, everybody lives/nobody dies, gay steve, gay eddie, mutual pining, friends to lovers, love confessions, angst and hurt/comfort, friends with benefits.

steve's never really had self control. he's never had any when it came to several instances—calling jonathan byers a queer, kissing tommy on a drunken night when he was 15, going straight into an alternate dimension, facing billy hargrove and getting his ass beat, or even telling robin he has feelings for her, soon to find out she's a lesbian, and that he himself is a gay man.

steve's self control surely didn't exist the day steve proposed an... idea to eddie—a no attachment, friends with benefits who bang and get it out of their system type of deal. they're already best friends, deeply bonded from the whole vecna ordeal, so what harm could this do to them?

and now that steve thinks about it, it didn't do a small amount of harm, it practically ruined steve. he fell for eddie, and he's not sure eddie feels the same way.

steve broke his own rule. he found himself attached to eddie, thinking about eddie, talking only about eddie, being in love with eddie.

after steve comes home to their apartment and sees eddie making out with someone on their couch, he starts an argument. he doesn't own eddie, they aren't dating, and eddie's a grown man who can do whatever he wants, but seeing someone else other than himself lay their lips onto eddie's and kiss him, that really starts something inside of steve.

he can practically feel all of the months worth of collected feelings and thoughts bubbling up inside of him and almost spilling out over the sides the second eddie says what he says.

"we're just friends. we're friends, steve. you're you, and i'm me, and that's it," eddie says, arms crossed over his chest, hiding himself away and trying to tuck himself together.

"friends!? fucking—fucking friends, eddie? that's what we are? friends don't do the things we do."

steve scoffs and looks directly at eddie, face going red with anger and a mix of pain inside of him.

eddie looks down, lips pulled into a thin line, eyes downturned and hair hanging down around him, shielding him like a cave hidden behind a waterfall.

"yes, harrington. friends," eddie breathes out, head snapping up. "you act like you want me to say that we're more than that, but you're not into me. you just want to fuck me and act like nothing happened. i can't deal with that. i need someone who loves me, who tells me they need me and will take care of me and isn't disgusted or annoyed by me. that's what i need, not a fuck-buddy."

steve sputters and reaches his hands out, mentally saying fuck it and telling eddie how he really feels.

"eddie, jesus christ! i'm in love with you! i've been in love with you since you woke up from that goddamn coma last year."

eddie's eyes go wide, comically large and round, looking like bambi. he really fucking loves him.

"stop messing around, man."

steve shakes his head, not letting eddie dismiss him and believe it's just some sick joke that he's playing on him.

"why would i lie about loving you, eddie? everything i've done, it's all because of you. do you really think i would tell you this and compromise our friendship if i didn't feel just like i'm telling you now?"

eddie's mouth opens and closes like a dead fish, and he finally shuts it fully. "i, i don't—"

"if you don't love me back, that's okay. i just had to tell you, eds. you don't understand how much you mean to me," steve confesses, lips pulled into an apologetic smile. he goes and turns to walk out the door of their apartment,

eddie shoots out his arm, hand grabbing onto steve's forearm, squeezing, trying to stop him from leaving. "steve! fuck, i love you, too! i do, i really, really do. and, look, i didn't know how to tell you, because you're always being so frustratingly you, clearly not understanding all the hints i've dropped, trying to signal that i've been in love with you for months, too."

eddie licks his lips and his eyes seem to plead.

"really?" steve asks, hope bubbling up inside of him.

he nods, hair shaking around. "yeah, stevie. cross my heart and hope to die. i mean it. swear on it, even."

steve smiles at that.

"swear on what, exactly?" he knows the line he's crossing, and if eddie says what steve thinks he'll say, then steve knows it's true.

"on my guitar. my sweetheart. you know the one. i swear on her," eddie tells him, eyes flipping down to steve's lips and back up to meet his eyes.

"that's a big swear, munson. might need you to kiss me to prove it," steve teases, stepping in closer to eddie's bubble, noses almost touching.

eddie grins, wider that steve has seen for as long as he can remember. "i can do that."

he certainly swears on his guitar if the kiss that they shared proves anything.

whoops i suck at endings and writing in general, but this has been stuck in my head and i felt like trying to write. here it is. love you xx

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lazystar · 1 year ago

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The Long Way Home

Choi San x Fem!Reader

WC: ~ 6.5K

Warnings/Content Notes: 18+ !!! MDNI!!! SMUT, BDSM Dynamics, Dom!San, Sub!Reader, BFFS -> FWB -> Lovers. ANGST! Cursing, Alcohol Consumption, Jungkook at the scene of the crime, Jokes about divorce. Smut warnings after the cut.

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A/N if you enjoy reading this please consider reblogging and leaving a comment ty it genuinely means a lot to me to see y’all’s reactions to my work :)

SMUT Warnings: BDSM Dynamic, Dacryphilia, Impact Play, Bondage, Choking, PIV Sex (no mention of protection remember to wrap it up y’all), Fingering (F Rec), Degradation.

The Long Way Home

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Tequila was the worst invention known to man. Your pounding head and naked body declared this thought as you gazed over to the man in the bed beside you. Some jock you couldn’t even recall the name of. He was some fucking guy, maybe his name was something basic like Matthew? If he asked you his name you would’ve blanked and probably said some random name like John. His snores made your head sting with a headache as you tried to recall how you ended up nude and having to do yet another walk of shame.

The memory hit you as you shrugged on one of your one night stand’s hoodies and your jeans. The walk of shame uniform, some random guy’s clothes paired with your own you sighed to yourself.

The bright lights, booming bass, jungle juice, and losing your best friend in the crowd as you both flirted with the many attractive people at the party. It was just a local affair. Crawling with the washed up twenty somethings that all resided in rather small city you called home. All of them regularly relived the glory days of raucous partying and drinking away the stressors of everyday life, you and your best friend and roommate wee no exception to this.

It was cheaper than a bar and honestly more fun. Mr. Anonymous was one of the hosts and putting on his best Flynn Rider-esque smolder as you batted your false lashes and giggled like a fool. You were about to “oh my god you’re so funny” your way into some good sex. Or so you thought, except you recalled on your walk to your apartment that the guy didn’t even last five minutes and you didn’t even cum. It wasn’t even hook up yelp review worthy.

You barged into you and your best friend San’s shared apartment with a loud huff slamming your keys onto the entryway table. Not even looking up from his phone San let out a laugh, “Who the fuck pissed in your cheerios bun?” Bun had been your long time nickname from San due to your shorter stature and constant habit of twitching your nose when annoyed.

“Well Mr. Mountain Flynn Rider guy didn’t even last ten minutes and I was left disappointed AGAIN!!!” You wailed as you flopped beside him onto your lumpy couch. “Like I get it, I take a while to finish but he couldn’t at least help me?! Where is the fucking decorum in hookups these days.” He lets out a loud laugh at your rant and then suddenly stopped, he looked over at you like he just discovered the secret to time travel. Eyes wide and brows raised, his mouth was agape with a smile.

“I just got the best idea! Why don’t we just start hooking up. We talk enough about our sex lives since we’re so close, we know what the other likes. Why not just fuck?” He says his grin now a smirk, he waggled his brows and nudged you with his elbow.

“Did you smoke something? Are you high? Are you unwell? That’s a fucking terrible idea! Like holy shit that’s an insanely bad idea! One of us could catch feelings, someone could get hurt, it would be a mess. Have you seen any movies where that works out?” You exclaim. Your hands were thrown in the air and you began to consider smacking San upside the head in hopes you could help him create some new braincells for some cognizant thoughts. He just shrugged your way and continued on with his master plan.

“Bun, honey. Think about how much easier and safer it would be. No walks of shame, we’d get tested first obviously, I wouldn’t fuck anyone else so we both stay safe, and come on. I know how you like it.” His voice grew almost husky as he looked deep into your eyes. The change in his energy made you squirm and you couldn’t help but think how hot he looked. You had eyes, you knew your best friend of over ten years was hot with his dark eyes and muscles that practically bulged out of his tight shirts.

“Fuck it. Show me what you got.” And with that his lips crashed onto yours, his hand laced into your hair tugging on the roots just hard enough to make you whine into the kiss.

“Oh Bunny I’m gonna ruin you.”

“I’d like to see you try Sannie.” He quickly knocked the smirk off your face with his hand wrapping around your neck, he squeezed a bit and gave you a glare.

“You shouldn’t have said that.” Your underwear was soaked as you gazed at him with wide eyes and a moan fell from your lips as he chuckled darkly. He quickly tugged the hoodie off of you and smirked down at you, noticing your lack of a bra. “Fuck your tits are so gorgeous, look at you. You look pathetic all needy for me.”

“ ‘M not pathetic.” You whined. His hand that was around your throat previously gripped your jaw squeezing your cheeks.

“Yes you are, I bet you’re all soaked and your little pussy is begging for me to fuck you. But sweetheart, you didn’t earn it did you? Back talking, sassing me, telling me that fucking me was a horrible idea. Such a dumb little bunny under me. I should just leave you right here all worked up.” You felt out of control as you shook your head no, ten minutes ago you would have never thought of yourself having any sexual relationship with San. But here you were silently pleading for him to fuck you stupid. He watched with glee as your eyes began to water and you began to beg for him to touch you, for him to play with you like a doll. He had you where he wanted you, needy, lust filled, and wanting only him.

“Sannie please! I want you! I need you! I’m gonna fucking lose it if you don’t do something.” Your voice was whiny and you sounded on the verge of tears as your roommate simply smirked at you.

“You have ten seconds to strip and get on my bed, You know how I’ll wanna see you waiting for me.” You bolted, shoving your jeans down and kicking them off, then your panties as you scurried to his room. You practically leapt onto his bed and got right into his favorite position; kneeling on his bed, hands on your knees, head held high, not moving a muscle.

San during your rendezvous rundowns had divulged his preference for BDSM encounters rather than vanilla ones. His stories had you internally squirming when you two discussed your sexual encounters. You hadn’t really had experience with kinky sex like San did. He’d visit BDSM clubs, done his online research, met up with some subs once or twice as he learned more about his dominant side. He told you about how he loved when some of his submissive partners would cry as he would play with them, using impact toys, vibrators, ball gags, collars. He was a rigger, he explained one time, loving using intricate knots and ties with rope to create, as he put it, “the perfect present for myself”. He loved seeing how his other partners would plead to touch him as he fucked them into delirium.

Now here you were, about to get fucked into that same delirious state. San strolled into the room and leaned against the doorway as you kept your pose. He loved seeing you following his unspoken orders. But he knew as a good dominant he had to make sure you were comfortable with him. “Y/N before I do anything I want to know your limits, what are you comfortable with? I know you like choking and hair pulling, some spanking, some spit play. But is there anything you don’t want me to do to you?” You blushed at his consideration, you knew he was going to do this but seeing his concerned eyes and soft smile your way had you feeling butterflies in your stomach.

“Ummm, no face slapping, just hands being tied or bound is okay, I wanna be able to see you, and um, just don’t go too crazy. Oh and don’t call me a bitch I’ll kick you.” You nodded, your last sentence elicited a chuckle from San as he shook his head walking over to you.

“So you’re okay if I for example say, hmmmm. Y/N you’re being such a good little whore for me. Getting right how I wanted you and answering my questions like an obedient little slut.” His brow quirked and he tilted his head. He didn’t show it but he was reeling watching the shy flush on your cheeks and how you tried to rub your thighs together to feel some friction.

“Yes Sir, that's okay with me.” You nodded, quietly appraising his reaction to the title. A growl erupted from him as he manhandled you onto your back and spread your legs wide.

“Oh Bunny, Sir’s gonna make you fucking scream.” With that promise he pulled you into a searing kiss as he began to push his fingers inside you and quickly locate the spot that made you cry out in pleasure. He watched as you threw your head back and moaned, his fingers grew faster as you began to squirm. He wasn’t even fingering you for that long, maybe a few minutes but he had you on the brink of your first orgasm. “Aww is Bunny gonna cum already? Uh uh, not yet baby, you gotta beg for it.” You cried out in frustration as he pulled his fingers out and slowly began to circle your sensitive clit.

“Please sir, please let me cum. I fucking need it. I’ll be so good, I’ll do anything. Please let me cum and make a mess for you.” Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you begged for him to let you cum. You felt like you were going to squirt all over the sheets as he toyed with you. He smirked and roughly shoved two of his fingers back in you and jackhammered them right at your g-spot. The slick sounds of how wet you were along with your moans and panting breaths were all San heard. He bent down and kissed at your neck has he slowed his fingers down for a moment and made a come hither motion with them, the attention on your g-spot had you falling into a state of euphoric delirium, you couldn’t even think a coherent thought as you moaned out his title over and over again.

“Fucking cum for me Bunny. I wanna see what a messy little slut you are for me.” He whispered into your ear, the kiss on your lips that followed sent you over the edge, his fingers quickened as he leaned back up to watch your orgasm splash against his palm and your body thrash about, he watches as your eyes rolled back into your head and your back arched as he continued the onslaught on your overly sensitive pussy. Your cries of relief and his name had him on cloud nine, this is what he had wished for. He had wanted you in his bed more than anything when he would hear your hookup stories. He wanted to make you cum over and over again, to hear you moan his name has he pounded into your wet cunt. Now here you were coming undone all over his sheets and whining as he overstimulated you.

“Sannie I cant take any more too sensitive.” You whined and he stopped immediately. He laid beside you and pulled you into his arms, rubbing yours and whispering praises into your sweat soaked hairline. Your head lulled onto his shoulder and you snuggled into his body heat feeling safe and relaxed as you synced your breathing with his.

“You were so good for me Bunny, you did so good. How do you feel? Do you need me to clean you up and get you some water?” You nodded and he went into the bathroom and grabbed a damp washcloth and gently cleaned up the mess between your legs. After, he grabbed you a glass of water and helped you drink as he kept on praising how well you took your first time with him. “So what do you say? Want to keep doing this?” You nodded aggressively and he let out a light laugh as he kissed your forehead. “Only time we’ll have rules is in the bedroom okay, no need for those dumb ass contracts or whatever shit they do in those girly movies you like. It’s still us being us except I eat you out and boss you around in bed.” You let out your own laugh and statement of agreement. He made it all so casual and comfortable. Any worries you had fell to the wayside as you found yourself under him once again, his hands in your hair and yours cupping his cheeks as giggles made their home in between each kiss.

You fell into an easy routine that was just you two being Mountain and Bun, except now you often are sleeping beside one another sticky from sweat and he’s made you cum several times. It felt right, like you two had been destined for something more than friends.

Soon enough the kisses and physical affection transferred from the walls of your apartment to out in public. Your friends noticed the possessive hand around your waist and glares San would give at any man who would look for a tad too long at you on nights out at the bars and clubs in the city. But when asked if something was going on between you two, San would lead the way with denying anything more than friendship. This lead to a routine of you both denying anything serious was going on, much to everyone’s disbelief as it was clear as day you two were more than friends.

It was an unspoken rule to deny a connection between you two when asked, but a spoken one to only sleep with one another. You two were just friends, friends who kissed, cuddled, and slept together. Friends with benefits, nothing beyond that. Right?

But, something beyond San tying you up and regularly making you cum up to ten times a scene was going on. Stolen kisses, cuddles under the glow of the tv, and nights ending in romantic passionate sex were growing more and more common. Mornings where you would find yourself wrapped around him as he cooked you breakfast, lazy days spent in his favorite hoodies, nights where you laid by his side and played with his fingers as you compared the size of his hands to yours. It was more than just lust.

You knew you were down bad, but you had no one to explain it to. There was no rule against being open about sleeping together but you both seemed to agree silently on keeping it just between you two. The pair of you seemed to just keep it under wraps to avoid your friend’s questions or comments. But avoiding it all was becoming too much, it was driving you insane. It was making you feel used and discarded even if he was treating you so well, you just wanted him to say something so you knew he wasn’t just using you.

Fall came, leaves crashed against the sidewalks and your feelings began to chill like the air outside. It was another night out for you, San, and your seven other friends, this time in a crowded club with booming bass, sultry air, and many other drunk people looking for a good time. You and San were dancing on one another with him subtly peppering kisses on your neck as your hips swayed against his. After a while you pulled away shouting you were grabbing another drink.

At the bar a tall, tattooed man saddled up beside you. His eyes danced along your figure admiring the short dress adorning your frame. His lip rings emphasized his sultry smirk as he offered to buy you a drink. “The name’s Jungkook. I’ll buy you a drink, but in exchange grant me once dance.” You were charmed by his attitude and agreed. Your hands soon found their way around his neck as his grip met your waist. The heavy beat of the R&B of the club and the lust filled air around you two pushed San from your mind as the tall man had stolen your attention.

“Gorgeous I don’t think your boyfriend is too happy you’re dancing on me like this.” The raven haired male said into your ear as you both swayed to the beat. His strong grip on your waist was anchoring you to the moment. The liquor swirled your brain as all of your inhibitions began to throw themselves aside. Your attention was brought back to San, you could feel his angry laser like stare on your back as you danced with Jungkook. Why was he mad? It’s not like he would openly say anything about you being off limits anyways.

“He’s not my boyfriend, just my roommate. We hook up but it’s nothing serious.” You reply back loud enough to be heard over the music.

“So he won’t keep staring at me like he wants to murder me if I kiss you?”

“He can be mad he doesn’t get a say in who I kiss.” You snark back and Jungkook pulls you into a kiss, his hands snaking down to grab your ass over your short skirt and your hands reaching into his flowing locks. Before things could get too heated you felt a hand grabbing your arm and pulling you away. “WHAT THE FUCK LET ME GO!” Your disagreement went unanswered as San dragged into a hallway away from prying eyes.

“Y/N what the actual fuck was that? Were you trying to make me jealous?! Well congratulations it fucking worked. You’re mine, nobody else’s. I thought you knew that.” His voice was filled with anger and his tone was almost like a snarl. You shivered and felt the familiar feeling of your head beginning to float at his authoritative behavior.

“Sannie, you never said we were anything more than friends with benefits. How was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to kiss other boys, I wouldn’t fuck them but I can’t kiss em?” Your tone was playful but also clearly annoyed at his power play when he wasn’t your boyfriend. He was the guy you lived with and fucked, not the guy telling you he loves you and wants to spend his life with you.

He had no power over you when it came to expanding your horizons while being single.

“No Y/N you’re mine.” San’s glare began to anger you. He can’t say shit like that then not say you two were a couple.

“No San. I’m not fucking yours, matter of fact I’m never going to be ‘yours’. You can have someone else in your bed, sharing a place with you, and being your plaything. I’m done with the games and the back and forth on what I am to you. I’m so done with you. If you have any once of respect for me you’ll do me a favor leave me the fuck alone.” You stormed away before he could even make a move to try and save the shreds of your relationship. You walked as fast as you could to find your friend group. With your head hung low and as quiet of a voice as you could muster in the loud club you told your friends, Hongjoong, Yunho, Minho, Seonghwa, Jongho, Yeosang, and Wooyong that you were not going to be able to go participate in your regular hang out nights anymore, your only explanation being you and San weren’t on good terms and you didn’t know if your friendship would be good again.

The guys didn’t see or hear the exchange but they saw the angry tears running down your cheeks that you had been trying to hide and knew that the situation was not good in the slightest. They watched you angrily wipe at your mascara stained cheeks and march off. They were worried for you. They saw San off in the hallway he had pulled you to, his head was pressed to the wall as sobs wracked his body. His fist was hammering the wall as he appeared to be cursing himself for what went down. The boys felt like children caught in the middle of their parents fighting and it had them all feeling a major sense of unease.

You spilled the beans a few days later to Yeosang, Wooyong, and Seonghwa when they came to check on you while you were staying on your friend Winter’s couch. She was helping you navigate moving out and moving on from the boy you had been hurt by. She knew the whole story and comforted you as you told the three boys about everything, well not all the sexual things after you got into a little bit about it and they looked ready to send you off to a convent. The boys were angry for you they understood that you felt played and that your feelings seemed to be disregarded, but they also understood that San was not the best when it came to emotional vulnerability or communication. They wanted you to open the door to him to try and repair things. But you were insistent on never speaking to San again due to how hurt you were. You couldn’t bear looking him in the eyes knowing you had been a toy to him. That he wanted to have all the aspects of dating you, but wouldn’t even admit he was sleeping with you. Was he embarrassed with you? Were you not enough? Your mind would spiral every night as you laid on Winter’s couch questioning your value to San, your friendship as a whole, your own sense of self. You picked yourself apart to the atom, finding more and more reasons to wonder what it was that made San begin the denial of your relationship when asked about you.

They helped you pack your things when San was at work and within the hours of his shift any trace of you was gone. Your new apartment was only a few blocks away with San none the wiser. When he came home to see every trace of the years you’d shared by his side gone, his heart was crushed like a hammer was hitting him square in the chest. The end of September was now San’s least favorite time of year, because it’ll forever mark when he lost to you due to his own stupidity.

Days without either of you speaking turned into weeks, then months. The cold gray winter had come in to chill your bones and steal your breath. It turned your cold heart to ice as you began to move on from the beautiful boy you had fallen for. It was as if the past few years never existed. Like the way you slept for months in his bed was an illusion. It was a fog, always a fog. Until those cold nights called for another body to join you in bed. Nobody else was good enough, it had to be him. The man who had you Pavloved into orgasming to the sound of his voice, the man who made your mind melt. San, Choi San was the only one for you.

San was no better off, cold nights yearning for your touch. Your voice haunting every time he had to rub one out. “Please Sir, please let Bunny cum! I-I’ve been so fucking good for you please!” one of his favorite memories. He could always remember every aspect of that night. He had been practicing some new Shibari tie methods and had you bound into the perfect present, intricate knots holding your breasts in place, your pussy exposed with your hands bound to your legs so you were immobile. You looked delectable with those pleading yet wild eyes, drool leaking from your mouth, and makeup running down your face. You looked practically angelic to him as he watched your eyes roll back into your head as he bullied his cock into you over and over, he recalled how with a whispered “such a good girl for me, yes you can cum.” the scream that flew from your lips as your eyes rolled back, the gush of your orgasm around him and how your pussy milked him dry. He remembered how you looked at him with such loving eyes as he took care of you and how you would let him lay on your bust as you kissed his forehead and assured him he wasn’t too rough with you. He remembered that while you slept he uttered “I love you” while he looked at you.

But he couldn’t get to make memories like that again, not until you’d let him speak to you, not until he could fucking find you that is. And most definitely, not if you have a new boyfriend or someone he can’t compete with for your heart.

While the two of you were pining for the other like a high school production of Romeo and Juliet the rest of the friends you and San shared were extremely annoyed by the way you two were acting like a divorced couple.

“I’m team Mom aka Y/N here but I don’t wanna deal with who has custody of us at Christmas being an issue. They need to kiss and make up” Yeosang declared while sitting with the others at lunch. They had planned a lunch to plan the intervention because as much as they didn’t want to admit it they would rather be annoyed by you two being romantic or possibly walk in on you two, than have to deal with the split custody issue. Thus the “Stop the Divorce” squad was put into action. They wanted you both happy and most importantly back together.

Soon enough their plan to get you two to hash shit out was put into action, Hongjoong the unofficial leader of the group sent San and you separate texts asking to meet up at his recording studio space to hang out. You arrived first, you had made yourself at home on the sofa and then about five minutes later San was walking into the room. “Oh fuck no, I’m not doing this.” You exclaim, grab your things, and make your way to the door to leave. It’s San who surprisingly makes the move to block your way out. Hongjoong and the others maneuvered to exit and lock the door as you and San stared down one another with laser like focus.

“Sit. The. Fuck. Down. Y/N.” He hisses through his teeth, using the tone of voice he reserved for those occasions you would have tested his patience when your dynamic was in place.

“You’re not the fucking boss of me anymore Choi San. Just fucking UGH!! Let me go!” You bark back.

“I’m not going to lose you now when I finally have you back in my life, I won’t make that same mistake again.” His voice sounded as if he was about to cry, it was broken. San’s voice carried his emotions after not seeing you for months,he sounded lost, hurt, terrified, and so, so sad.

“You won’t lose me Sannie, you never did. I went overboard leaving like I did, I was just so… so fucking scared. I was with you every day. I slept in your bed, woke up to you, brushed my teeth while you showered, held you when you cooked. It was becoming so real, so domestic, it felt too coupley when you wouldn’t even claim me as someone you had even been fucking! I couldn’t take it anymore, it was too painful.” Your voice broke as you crumpled to pieces before your former lover. His own eyes filled with unshed tears as he looked at you. Your hair hung in your eyes as you stared at your shoes. Your arms were wrapped around your body like a protective shield as you rocked back and forth avoiding him as your confession hung in the air like a thick fog.

“Oh bun. Shit, baby. I— fuck it. I love you Y/N I have loved you for years. I think it was sophomore year of college when I realized how I’d fallen for you. It was when you were there for me when Mina broke up with me, you didn’t even do anything but sit and listen as I cried. You told me something that day, do you remember?” You shook your head as you looked up at him with wide eyes at his confession. Your heart was thumping, head reeling at the words he’d just blurted out. “You held me and said ‘San, any chance to love you is a chance worth having. You love so greatly, so wonderfully, so wholeheartedly. Love from you in any capacity is love worth lifetimes of happiness that anyone would be blessed to have.’” You began to cry as you realized he was telling you the truth, he remembered verbatim the words you told him that day. He remembered the veiled confession you made.

“San, I love you too.” You whispered, almost incomprehensibly.

“Say it again, please”

“Choi San, I Y/N Y/L/N am undeniably in love with you.” You said louder, now smiling at him with tears cascading down your cheeks. His own tears falling from his eyes as your lips crashed onto his. The kiss tasted like salt from your mingling tears. He smelled like his cologne mixed with his own natural scent that was something so addictive. He felt like home. The warmth of his hands felt like forever.

You moved back in shortly after San confessed, loving him felt like walking on air; light, freeing, and gentle. The domestic routine was something you loved, a good morning kiss, another kiss as you both left for work, a welcome home kiss from him as he cooked dinner to reward you as you came back from a longer day at the office, so many kisses just because. He spoiled you in affection and words of his adoration for you, he made you feel so at home.

It was game night at your home with San, your friends all lounged on your couches as you curled into the worn leather loveseat nestled into the crook of San’s arm. Your head was resting on his chest as your sock covered toes poked at the arm of the small sofa, his laughter lightly shook you as a fond smile crept to your face as Seonghwa was forced into telling another embarrassing tale of his college dating woes. “So she walks into my dorm, I’m thinking ‘hell yeah I’m about to lose my v-card and BAM! The lego collection scared her away like DAMN can’t a man get laid and like legos?” He laments and the snort that left you at his story has the whole group laughing. “Okay just for that miss piggy, your turn, truth or drink?”

“For the sake of my liver, truth.”

“What’s the wildest thing San and you have done while fucking?” The sip of your single glass of wine for the night nearly launches from your nose as the boldness of Seongwha’s question sets in.

“What defines wild to you?”

“Nah sister, just answer the question.”

“Well there was this one time he had me collared with a leash but also tied up in this crazy position, like my ankles and wrists bound together so I was practically immobile. He fucked me so hard I blacked out, we’re okay with like him still going even when I’m not all there in the head. We’ve talked boundaries about that stuff so don’t keep looking at him like he’s a psycho. And yeah, or would you rather hear about how he had to punish me for being such a brat, he went so hard on me that day I had to call off work for three days so the bruises on my ass could heal and I could sit down properly?” You smirked and looked up at San, his eyes were burning onto you as his own smirk settled onto his face. He bent his head down and uttered one small phrase that had you shifting in anticipation.

“Strike one bun, you know I don’t like the idea of them imagining you all exposed and slutty for me.” His voice practically sounded like a purring lion. The shiver that went down your spine was visible to anyone looking your way.

“Well damn. Don’t go having war flashbacks over there Mr. and Mrs. Pornhub.” Yunho prompted as he cleared his throat. You shrugged and the game kept going. The questions only seemed to grow bolder as time passed and soon enough you all grew progressively drunker.

“Y/N truth or drink but if you drink it’s 3 shots this time!” Wooyoung drunkenly declares.

“That’s so foul, okay lay it on me.”

“Who in this room would you tell San you’d be cool to have a threesome with?” San’s grip on your thigh grew harsh in a warning. You promptly took the shots and groans of disappointment rang out as your friends still asked you to answer.

“Fuck it, ummmm Joong I guess.” You say not thinking as the alcohol muffled your mind of any proper filter.

“Strike two.” San’s voice rings in your ear. Like baseball, one more and you’re out of luck. So, you turn on the brat mode.

“I mean come on we all have eyes, Joong is cute and I’m not saying I would do it but hey who knows.” You shrug and you feel San’s eyes burning into your skull as Hongjoong blushes wildly and murmurs a question filled “thank you?”.

The third strike warning never comes as San finds an excuse for the party to end and within the hour you find yourself bent over his lap. The loud thwack! of the shiny leather paddle reserved for only the harshest of your punishments against your ass rings out as he orders you to count. “One! Thank you sir.” THWACK! “T-two! Thank you sir.” and so on until you hit fifteen. Your ass is ringing with pain as he manhandles you silently onto your back with your head hanging over the edge of the bed. You didn’t even have a moment to process before your ankles are on his shoulders and his cock is being pounded into your sopping cunt, tears leaked from your eyes and were hitting your hairline as cries of pained pleasure were ripped from your throat.

“Shut the fuck up and take it like the greedy whore you are.” His warm palm encased your throat as he squeezed it, choked gasp filled moans fell from your lips as the familiar feeling of floating euphoria filled your mind. The blood rushing to your head combined with the sensation of his hand around your throat squeezing your airway made each thrust hit that much more intensely. Your mind was going blank and you dropped into the headspace that made you lose all sense of thought and control. Your mind was solely consumed by San, only San.

“Sir, gonna cum!” You cried as that knot in your stomach grew tighter and tighter. He shook his head and pulled out, he pulled his hand away and maneuvered so he stood at the side of the bed near your face.

“Only good girls get to cum, you know that. Or are you too stupid to remember Bunny?”

“‘m a dumb bunny and forgot sorry sir! Please let me cum!” The tears fell harder toward your hairline as you gazed at him with pleading eyes.

“Suck Sir off and I’ll maybe let you cum.” He asserted and he began to thrust his cock down your throat as soon as your mouth opened. His cock bullied the back of your throat, spit trailed from your lips to your cheeks and hair as you gagged and moaned around his throbbing hard length. You could barely take half of him, but you wanted to please him so badly you relaxed you gag reflex and watched his face screw up in pleasure as he watched his length create a bulge in your throat as you worked to deep throat the entirety of his pulsating cock. It felt like hours of him thrusting in and out of your mouth, your mind was numb and you were still yearning for orgasm. After a few choked “Good girl bunny.”’s you felt his cum shoot down your throat. He pulled out and let the last few ropes of cum shoot over your face moaning as you tried to swallow more of his load.

“Oh Bunny you did so well for me, let Sir make you cum all over for him okay? Want me to eat that pretty little pussy and make you squirt for Sir?” A dumb nod in response was all it took for him to begin lapping at your sopping hole, moans and growls rumbled against your aching clit as he suckled on it like he was having his last meal. His tongue was expertly thrusting in and out of your pussy and his nose brushed your clit as he moved his head to lick you from your asshole to your clit a few times. Your head was reeling as silent screams left your lips, your eyes rolled back into your head as he gently nibbled at your clit. You couldn’t even give San a warning as with one last thrust of his tongue the wire in your core snapped and you felt that jolt of pleasure spread from your head to your extremities. Your legs shook as your fingers dug into his scalp and you held his head to your pussy. Gush after gush of your orgasm flooded from you as he continued to lick and suck at your core. You couldn’t even declare it being too much before another white hot orgasm hit you. You continued to whine and squeal as you soaked the sheets. He pulled away and watched as the lady sprays of your orgasm fled your body. “That’a girl, you there for me baby?” You nodded tiredly as he maneuvered you so your head was resting on a pillow. He had prepared prior to starting the scene having some water, baby wipes, and some pain cream for your ass for aftercare. He whispered soft praises as he moved you once again to massage your aching ass cheeks with the cream and to clean the sticky mess between your thighs with the baby wipes. His gentle touch was so comforting as he made sure you were comfortable after the intense scene was done. Once he was done cleaning you up and making sure you were alright he began to help you sip some water and he whispered more praises to you as you came down to earth from your headspace. Your heart was so full of love and warmth as you took in his gentle hands rubbing your arms and his honeyed voice cooing how proud he was of you, how good you were, and how in love with you he was. He held you close, his chest pressed firmly against your back as you began to be lulled to sleep by his steady heartbeat and the encompassing warmth radiating from his body.

“Sannie?” You whispered hoarsely, looking over your shoulder at him with shining eyes full of happy tears. He smiled and moved to rub them away with his free hand, he peppered kisses on your forehead as he did so.

“Yes my love?”

“I’m so glad the guys made us talk, I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I love you so much.” His own eyes began to fill with tears as he moved so he could kiss you deeply. He didn’t need to respond, his kiss conveyed his feelings. His kiss was warm, filled with the years of adoration he held for you. His arms were safe, protecting you from ever being harmed by the world outside your bedroom. His heartbeat was the metronome by which the melody of your happiness kept time. San was home, he was your forever.

To San, your soft skin was his oasis in a desert. The warmth of your skin on his was his security. Your hands held his heart. Your voice was what he imagined Heaven to sound like. You were his forever. You were his home. You were his peace when the world was too great to bear.

Mr. Mountain and his Bun, could anything be more wonderful? In your eyes, nothing could be better than that. Nothing could be better than loving Choi San. And to him, nothing could be more perfect than loving you with every fiber of his being.

———————————————————————

Taglist: @stolasisyourparent

1 October 2023:

Thank you for reading this far! If you like it please consider reblogging it helps a LOT! Please remember that this is a work of fiction and all of the idols mentioned are used as face claims for characters I’ve come up with. None of their actions or behaviors are indicative of who they maybe be IRL :)

#ateez x female reader #ateez san #ateez choi san #san x reader #ateez smut #kpop x reader #roommates to lovers #best friends to lovers #fwb to lovers #jungkook at the scene of the crime #lazystarwrites #ateez fanfic #non idol au

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whisperingmasters · 16 days ago

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wip modern!steddie w/ talent show

BROKE MY OWN HEART WRITING MY VERSION OF HAWKINS' TALENT SHOW :(((( this is a wip from the next chapter of the fic that i've been working on.

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The fluorescent lights in the elementary school gym flicker on his eyes. Eddie stands behind the stage curtain, looking at those people sitting down, waiting for the presentations to start. He is thirteen, his hair is buzzed close to his head and he is wearing his brand-new Metallica shirt under a battle vest. His hands tremble as they grip the guitar neck. The sounds of the crowd press in—the chatter of kids,, the occasional burst of laughter. Eddie’s heart shrinks for the thousandth time, They’re all going to laugh at me.

He takes a shaky breath, fighting the sharp, burning shame that coils in his chest. He can’t believe that he actually thought it was a good idea, to tell everyone that they should be there, Ronnie’s grandma, insist on having Wayne skip his work rest to watch him. His first thought is to run—slip out through the back door, disappear.

"Hi!"

Steve is there, close by, his sleeves rolled up and his hair combed back. He has a confident smile, easy, the kind of smile that always manages to feel like a warm steady light even when everything else feels uncertain.

“I can’t do this,” Eddie tells him, his voice breaking mid-sentence.

Steve furrows his brow, clearly unsettled. “What?!”

“I can’t, Steve. There’s a lot of people out there. You don’t understand,” Eddie says in a rushed, panicked tone.

“No, no, no, no. Don’t freak out, ‘kay? You’ve got this. We worked hard for this, remember?” Steve gets close to him, holding his hand firmly.

Eddie faces Steve, staring into his eyes with a worried tone. “What if I mess up?” His voice is so quiet he isn’t sure Steve can even hear him.

Steve lowers his voice, low but steady. “I know you won’t. You can do this, Eddie. I’ve got your back. Look at me—listen. You’ve got talent, man. You always have.”

“But Jordan—”

“Who cares about him? Don’t let those idiots get into your head, man.”

Eddie swallows, his throat dry as dust. The words feel weak in his chest, but they stick with him. Memories rise—the sound of his father’s anger from just days ago. His father yells sharp words that cut deep, words that stay with him forever.

Steve stays close, as though he can read Eddie’s mind, as though he can see all the fear and hesitation buried beneath his friend’s skin.

“Listen,” Steve says, his voice quieter now, as though trying to break through Eddie’s panic. “Those people don’t matter. You know who does matter? Us. The band. Me. Wayne is right there. We’re here for you, Eddie.”

“Hey” Ronnie appears stepping into view, holding her drum sticks, looking worried at them. “You good to go?” Eddie’s hand clenched tighter with Steve. His stomach twists and swirls, but when he looks at Steve and Ronnie, the tension in his chest feels a little less suffocating. Their faith in him feels real, like something solid, something Eddie can hold on to.

“He is.” Harrington says. He looks at Steve again—at his smile, at his steady presence, and lets himself believe.

“Okay,” Eddie whispers, his voice so soft it is nearly drowned out by the muffled sound of people around them. “I am.”

Steve’s smile widens. “I’ll be there for you guys. Rock on, or, I don’t know, play hard, dream big—whatever fits the vibe.”

Ronnie claps him lightly on the shoulder. “I have faith you’ll get better at it someday, Harrington.” She laughs as Steve just shrugs it off, unbothered.

“Let’s go, Eddie. You got this!” she says excitedly, turning to the panicked kid, who nods and offers a weak smile in return.

Their encouragement presses into him, giving him just enough confidence to step onto the stage. His knees shake, his hands are uncertain as he brings the mic to his lips and connects the guitar. Everyone is weirdly quiet as they settle in. The lights are blinding, the sound overwhelming, but he starts to play.

It isn’t perfect. But it is definitely metal. And it feels like the kind of performance that could make him feel like a rockstar. He plays everything with his full heart, sings everything with the best his teenage, changing voice can offer, and he has a blast every second of the song.

He can’t see anything through the single, strong light coming down onto the stage, but Eddie can feel Steve there in front of him—supportive, like he always was. He can feel Wayne there too, just like during all those rehearsals. They have his back, and for the first time in a while, it feels like that is enough.

They didn’t get to win, but he learns very early how to take what he’s offered. A bunch of people too stunted to clap right away and a single familiar voice asking for more felt like a message, especially when they leave the stage and Eddie sees Christine Cunningham dressed in pink cheerleading gear with a huge smile waving at them. Who would’ve thought, huh?

#steddie #fanfiction #eddie munson #steve harrington #strangerthings #steddie fic #they're best friends to fwb to enemies to lovers #modern au #modern steddie #ronnie ecker is here because I love her!#also thinking about merging the chapters posted into one #the next chapter is more than 4k

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lillypad910 · 2 years ago

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Making Our Home Part 2

Picks up where Part 1 left off!

Part 1

Open to writing more if requested but right now this is the end of this story. If you have any ideas on how to extend it (even just oneshots) request it and I’ll take a look! I might continue this someday, but for right now this is all for Billy and this reader.

Uses (y/n) because I hate “x readers” that are actually OCs

Word Count: 7,033 (this is all I’ve had written for this story so far, but I’m not planning on stopping it, I plan to keep writing but it won’t be as quick of a post (obviously) so do stay around if you enjoy it. If you have suggestions for what the characters should go through send me a request!

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! smut, cnc, unprotected sex, protected sex, swearing, violence, blood, abusive parents (both reader’s parents and Billy’s dad), “cheating” (Billy and reader aren’t actually dating), Billy is a jerk BUT character growth (Billy gets better I promise, so does Reader’s dad I definitely projected my own daddy issues, so I apologize in advance), pet names (Doll, Daddy (only once for tease), slut, whore)

Summary:

A/N: This is part two of the story I’ve been working on for over a year now, and I think I finally got it to where I’m comfortable to share. This part has way more smut so be prepared, part one was CHILL in comparison (When did this become a WHORE HOUSE!?)

Walking downstairs in your pjs the next morning, you catch your mom angrily walking out of the house. The front door slams making you flinch. You wander into the kitchen only to see your dad at the counter. “Good morning, Pumpkin.” He greets you with a smile. “I think your mom was mad to see me, you know, awake.” He glances at the door. You stare at him, shocked he’s there. “I’m making pancakes, wanna help?” You blink for a moment, before slowly nodding your head. He hands you the spatula.

You flip the pancake and move it to the plate when it’s finished, slapping a chunk of butter on top after dipping out another onto the pan. “Good morning, sleepy head.” You hear your dad’s voice chirp. You turn around to see Penny stepping into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes with a fist and holding her stuffed bear under her arm. “Wanna help us make breakfast?” She nods before walking over. He scoops her up onto his hip and asks her to hold the bowl while he whisks eggs.

After breakfast is made, you all sit around the table. “So, I forgot to ask last night, but I wanted to know, seeing any boys?” Your dad asks. You hesitate when grabbing a pancake from the plate in the center of the table. “Um, no,” you mumble, “no, not really.” He glances between you and your little sister, “No? You mean to tell me that my beautiful daughter has no boys wrapped around her finger?” His mouth hangs open, shock plastered across his face. You let yourself giggle and so does Penny.

You debate on telling him about Billy, wondering if he’s worth mentioning to your dad. You’ve been seeing Billy for a while, practically living in his bed now, but you aren’t dating.

“Well…” you start, cutting off a piece of pancake, “there is one guy…” you mumble. Your dad perks up, if he was a dog, his ears would have been up in the air. “Oh?” He raises a brow. “Yeah…” “Who’s the guy?” Your dad asks. You feel your cheeks heat up a bit.

“Um, his name is Billy, Billy Hargrove.” “Hargrove?” “Yeah, uh, his family moved here in October, so… you wouldn’t know him.” You explain. Your dad nods. “Well when do I meet him?” You snap your head up at him and he laughs. “Do I not get to?”

You look down at your food, poking at the eggs on your plate. “I mean… I don’t know. We’re nothing serious.” You express. He squints his eyes at you. “Like flirting?” “Yeah…” you mumble. You know damn well you’ve done more than flirt, but how do you tell your suddenly sober dad you’ve been sleeping with a boy for comfort? You dont.

After sitting on the couch watching Penny’s cartoons all morning, you all crowd into the old truck parked in the garage. You can’t help but feel a blissful joy crowd you as you sit in the one row of the truck, your little sister sitting in the middle while your dad drives.

You pull into the diner and all hop out. You walk in and immediately slid into a seat by the window. Your old seat.

Neil Hargrove pulls the car into the parking lot, a sigh leaving him. He steps out of the car, followed by Susan and Max. Billy takes a deep breath before stepping out of the car. “Go grab us a table, will you?” Neil asks his wife, who nods and throws her arm around her daughter, taking her into the diner. Neil waits for them to go into the door, before turning and shoving Billy against the side of the car.

“I better not hear any sort of disrespect come from your mouth today. Got it?” He snares at Billy. “No shit talking, no bad mouthing. You better fucking behave.” Billy nods, “Yes sir.” He mumbles, his dad glares at him. “What was that?” He grips tighter around Billy’s collar. Billy takes in a deep breath, “Yes. Sir.” His voice trying hard not to shake. “Good.” His dad pulls away and walks towards the doors.

When Billy steps into the diner he pans the tables, spotting you at a booth with two others. He stares for a moment before turning and walking towards his family. “Billy, isn’t that-“ Max goes to speak, but stops herself when Billy glares at her. He looks over at you, your smile brighter than he’s ever seen. You look genuinely happy.

He recognizes the man across from you. The hair gives him away, being the same color as yours, also helps that he’s seen the guy sprawled out over your couch every damn time he came over.

Neil’s eyes fallow his son’s gaze, landing on you. “Ah, the whore you sleep with every other night? What’s her name? I swear you bring home too many to count.” Billy glares at his dad. “(Y/n),” Susan calmly says with a smile. “She’s nice. I met her in the hall one evening.” Billy felt something pull around his heart for a moment. “She is nice.” Max states.

You chat with your dad for a while, giggling when Penny blows bubbles into her milk. When your dad tries to finally get her to stop in a very calm parental way, you take the moment to look over the diner. You haven’t been here since you were little. The neon lights still hang on the wall, a jukebox sits in the corner, next to the bathroom. Your gaze pans over to a table. Your eyes meet Billy’s and you both quickly look away, you’re shocked to see him there.

Billy glances between his dad and you, his nerves grow in a pit in his stomach. “Billy, for fuck’s sake, pay attention.” His dad growls at him. He stares at his old man, not happy to be here. He keeps glancing at you, your smile lightening up the room. God, what he would do to have you in his bed-

Neil abruptly stands and everyone at the table looks at him. “That’s enough.” He says, staring at his son. Susan glances between the two, not sure what to do. “Neil, honey, sit down.” She tries to smooth things over. “No, he’s gonna be staring at that bitch all afternoon.” Neil walks over to your table, you notice him before your dad does, your heart dropping to the floor.

“Hi,” Neil holds out his hand to your dad, “Neil Hargrove, pleasure.” Your dad looks at you, but you keep your eyes on Neil, threatened by his presence. “(D/n) (l/n), the pleasure is all mine.” Billy slowly stands from their table, he doesn’t wanna push his dad, but he will fucking shatter him if he tries anything.

“I just saw little (y/n) here, and thought, oh, haven’t seen her in a bit, let me go say hi.” Neil chuckles. You glance behind him to Billy, practically begging for him to come get his dad away from yours. Billy steps forward but Susan steps faster, “Neil, let’s just go-” Neil waves her off. “No no, I’m not finished.”

Your dad looks at you confused, his light hearted smile dropping when he sees your worried face. “You know, (y/n), it’s been a while, when was it, yesterday?” His voice is loud, filling up the entire diner. “Neil, seriously, let’s just go.” “How was your night? Better or worst than your last? Honestly I can’t explain how well I slept last night.”

Max stands awkwardly by their table, Billy now steps up, “Dad, can we just go.” He asks, trying to place himself physically in between you and his dad. “No, I’m not fucking finished.” He places his palm on Billy’s chest and shoves him out of the way.

“Slept better with out your moans screaming through the wall-“ before anyone else could react, Billy had his dad pinned against the wall, gripping his jacket tightly in his hands. You stand to your feet, your dad following. “Enough.” Billy’s voice is deep, dripping with anger. “Or fucking what? You’re gonna beat the shit out of me?” Neil glares at his son. “Billy,” your voice calls out to him.

You wanna get out of there, go home and lock yourself in your room. Your perfect Saturday now ruined by Neil Hargrove.

“If you fucking talk shit about her again, I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Billy’s voice stabs through his dad. Susan steps towards you. “I’m so sorry,” she looks over at your dad, “please ignore my husband, he has some… unresolved issues.” Susan smiles softly. You feel ashamed, embarrassed. You wanna just run out as fast as you can. “Susan Hargrove, please I’m so very sorry to interrupt your lunch-“ you squeeze yourself out of you seat and step towards Billy and Neil.

“Will you two please stop acting like fucking children for once.” You glare at them both. Neil glares back. “Tell this worthless kid to let go of me.” Billy’s grip tightens, but you place your hand on his arm. “Billy, please, not in front of my dad.” You beg. He hesitates, before finally dropping his dad.

“Well today has been eventful…” your dad mumbles. You lay your head against Billy’s shoulder, finally relaxing again. A soft thank you leaves your lips.

Sitting in your dad’s truck on the way home was the most awkward car ride you’ve ever done. Your dad was silent, which scared you. You didn’t want him to go home and drink again just because you have a shitty boyfriend- well not boyfriend. When the truck parks, you all pile out and go inside, you go straight upstairs to your room, shutting and locking it. You watch your vision blur as you lay down on your bed.

“Yeah, we all do, Doll.” He leaves the window open by a crack before climbing over the bed and hovering over you. “You looked really happy today, I-“ he hesitates, “I’m sorry he ruined your lunch.” You stare up at him, shocked to hear the word sorry leave him.

Billy never apologizes for anything. At least not in words. Billy focuses on action, well more sex. He’s always made it up to you through it.

“Thats the first time you have verbally apologized.” You mumble, a soft smile forming on your lips. “Well, don’t get used to it.” You let yourself giggle before cupping his face and pulling him in to a kiss.

Billy is shocked at first, not used to softer kisses. He angles himself to be on top of you, your legs now placed at his waist as he deepens the kiss. His hand places under your thigh and you let out a soft hum. He moves away from your lips and moves kisses down your jaw and neck.

He’s being so gentle. So kind. You don’t hate it, and you definitely don’t want him to stop.

“Billy…” his name fumbled out of your lips so easily. Billy grinds himself against you, earning a shaky breath to leave you. “Please…” you moan, running your hands through his curly hair.

Billy places his other hand on your back, lowering himself to your collarbone, he leaves soft kisses along your skin. He pulls away to look down at you, to see the mess he’s put you in.

Your face is all flushed, eyes soft, staring back at him with such love. He looks at the skin he’s been kissing, red marks where his lips were placed. “God, Doll. You look so hot.” He leans down again and presses his lips to yours once more. He lifts your shirt and parts just enough to slip the shirt off your form, before smashing his lips back to yours.

Your moans fill his ears, he goes lower, kisses across your chest and shoulders. You shift under him, his hands laying firmly on your hips. “B-Billy, please…” you beg. He knows you want him, but he wants to be gentle this time, make you feel good and loved. He loops his fingers under the hem of your jeans, pulling them down, continuing to place soft kisses over your stomach.

You allow yourself to close your eyes, lingering in his touch. This man had you wrapped around his finger, but you would never admit that.

He leans up, lifting you up off your bed. You wrap your left arm around his neck, placing your right hand on his cheek. You kiss his other cheek before leaving a trail down his neck. He unhooks your bra and leans you back down. He pulls it off before placing soft kisses along your breasts.

You whimper under him, just wanting him to burry himself in you. “Billy…” your voice is soft, mesmerizing by him. “Patience, Doll. I’m not finished yet.” He places a line of kisses down your stomach.

You arch your back to try pressing your body more into him, just craving his touch more. Billy pulls down your underwear, before placing soft kisses along your inner thigh.

You mumble small curse words under your breath, not used to this kind of treatment. You sit up abruptly, reaching for his face, and he lets you pull him back up to yours. “Billy, please. I need you.” You beg.

He smirks and unbuckles his belt before pulling down his pants. He follows them up with his boxers. Pressing himself against you, he holds you to his chest, your legs wrapped around his waist. Your hands roam his chest and loosely sling around his neck, bracing yourself for him to get rough.

He pushes in, gentle and slow, leaving you trying to muffle your moans into his shoulder. When he’s fully in, he places a kiss on your forehead. “Just relax, ok?” He mumbles. You nod, snuggling into him. He thrusts slowly at first, but picks up his pace a bit after hearing your whimpers.

It takes everything in him not to fuck you into your mattress, but he holds back, wanting to do this one fucking thing in his life right. “Fuck, (y/n).” His groans are soft, going straight to your ear. You run your fingers through his hair before landing your palm on his cheek, turning his head to you. You place your lips on his, savoring every moment of this.

He kisses you back, trying hard to not buck into you. “Fuck…” he mumbles, gripping at your waist. You grind your hips down into him, “Faster…” you beg. He obliges, picking up speed but not too much. You moan, hiding your face into his neck, a bit of drool slipping out of the corner of your mouth. “Billy, please, harder…” you beg, your legs starting to shake from the slow torture. He places a soft kiss on your forehead before leaning you back onto the bed.

You keep your arms wrapped around his neck, placing your foreheads together. He quickens, now thrusting into you like he normally does. You toss your head back from the pleasure, happy to finally have enough friction.

“Billy, I’m gonna…” you moan as his thrusts become irregular, signaling to you that he’s close. “Let it out, Doll. Don’t hold in.” His voice speaks softly. You don’t, allowing yourself to release, melting into him. He continues to thrust letting you ride your high, until he finishes, spilling into you.

He drops onto you, his full weight practically crushing you. “Billy,” you hesitate before running your hand through his hair. “Billy, you’re crushing me.” You mumble, trying to catch your breath. He sits up, and sits your legs down onto the bed. He stands and puts on his boxers.

Of course. You watch him pull out a cigarette from his pant pocket and lighting it. This man just gently fucked you, but you still don’t get aftercare. You lean your head back into your pillows. “I should probably get back home.” Billy states. You think for a moment before sitting up and staring at him. “You could stay…”

He looks down at you, his eyes meet yours, a soft, kind look stares back at him. He loves that look. “You sure?” He asks. You nod and pull back your covers. He picks up something off the ground before throwing them at you. Your underwear and his shirt now lays in front of you. You slip them both on before crawling into bed. He snuffs out his cigarette before tossing it out your window, climbing into bed with you. You go to lay turned away from him but his arm slips under your head. You turn around to glance at him and he gestures for you to turn fully.

You do so, laying your head into his chest, his other arm lays over your waist, his thumb rubbing circles into your side. “Goodnight, Billy…” you mumble looking up at him. He leans down and places a soft kiss on your lips. “Goodnight, Doll.”

You wake up to your bed empty. You sigh, your arm slings over to the spot Billy was laying just a couple hours ago. You glance at your window, seeing the moon swap through your sheer curtains. You shove your face into the pillow he was laying his head on. It still smells like him.

Your door opens and you jump, quickly pulling your blankets up to cover you. You sigh in relief when Billy enters. “What the hell, Billy. You scared the shit out of me.” You breath. He closes the door.

“I just used the fucking bathroom.” “Yeah, well remember my dad is sober, Billy. He’s not just passed out on the couch right now.” “Yeah, your parents bedroom door was open. I just went to the bathroom down the hall.” He whispers. You look over towards the window again, trying to steady your heart beat.

“Hey,” Billy walks over and sits on the bed. “You ok?” He brushes your hair out of your face. You stare at him confused. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask. “You just look off.” He speaks. He gets up and picks up his jeans off the floor. He pulls out his pack of cigarettes and takes one out, lighting it. “Do you really have to smoke in here?” You ask, rolling your eyes at him. “You never cared before.” He leans against your dresser.

“You look pretty in my clothes.” He stares at you, his eyes wander over your body, liking how the fabric of his shirt looks over sized on you. You look down at your form, you like wearing his clothes. It always feels comforting and warm, like home. You hold out your hands at him, making him raise a brow. “What?” “Come here.” You simply state.

Billy stares at you, seriously considering the offer to curl into your form and just let you hold him, to breath in everything about you. He loves the idea, but he also knows it’s out of character for him. He’s not some smitten teenager who just wants to be held. He’s Billy. Billy Hargrove, a man who sleeps and flirts with everyone. But you’re different, you’ve always been different, he sees that much now. But he refuses to let you know it, thinking it’ll just go to your head.

He lets out a light hearted chuckle. “What, so I’m your boyfriend now?” You lower your arms back into your lap and look at them, fumbling with your fingers. The wall was back up. “You don’t have to be rude.” You tell him. He scoffs, “Well maybe you should think before trying to coddle me. I’m not a fucking child.” He glares at you. You feel your eyes water, you lay back down in your bed, turning to have your back facing him. “Fuck off, Billy.” You pull the covers over you, shoving your cheek into the pillow.

Trying to steady your breathing, you lay silent in your bed, tears slowly blinking out of your eyes. You hated when he’s like this, all defensive. It pisses you off. You try to open up to him, try to get him to open up, even just once, and he reverts, crawling back into his barricades.

Billy stares at your form, your curves just visible under the comforter on your bed. He doesn’t know how to accept love, how to just lean into you and let you love on him. He lives for your touch but he refuses to lean into it. He sighs, flicking the sizzled out cigarette bud out your window before picking up his clothes from the floor. He pulls up his pants. “I’m heading out.” He simply states, buckling his belt. “Keep the god damn shirt.” He steps out of your window and leaves.

Billy looks back up at your window one final time, before walking back to his car he parked down the road, before driving himself home.

The following day goes pretty well, staying home and spending time with your sister, playing with her and watching movies. Your dad actually signs himself up for rehab, says he’s gonna give up alcohol. You want to believe him, you know he’s at least gonna try, but you won’t get your hopes up.

He doesn’t push you to talk about yesterday, doesn’t ask about it at all, actually. You think he knows you don’t want to talk about it.

As the day closes out, your dad finally sits you down in your room. You know it’s gonna come, you know he’s gonna ask, you know it’s bothering him. “So, Billy…” he glances at you. You look away not wanting to meet his gaze, letting a soft laugh escape you. “Damn, thought I was safe.” He chuckles at you. “I’m not gonna pry, I don’t wanna do that. You’re a grown up, but you’re still my little girl too. If you wanna talk about it, we can, but we don’t have to. Just know I’m here.” He pats his hand on your knee and you nod.

“Hey,” you look up at him, catching his eyes, “Would you…” he hesitates, “look, I know I’ve been a shitty dad for a while, but I really wanna try to be better. So I’m gonna ask you for your opinion on something.” You nod at him, gesturing him to continue. “I’m gonna divorce your mom.” Your eyes light up.

You hate your mom, all she’s been is trouble for your family since day one. The whole reason your dad started drinking in the first place.

“I wanna take her to court, try to fight for custody over Penny.” He explains. He watches your facial expressions carefully. “Do you think that’s a good idea? I don’t wanna cause any more pain for you girls.” “Yeah,” you say, “I think you should, I mean,” you let out a soft chuckle, “you know I hate her, and I’ll stand up for you in court. She can’t argue for me, I’m already 17.“

He presses his lips together, forming a fine line, “Yeah, but Penny isn’t, so I’m gonna need some help there.” “Like what? I mean, Dad, you’ve already gotten a better resume than mom does just in the last two days.” You raise your hand and move it around as you speak, “you stopped drinking on your own, signed up for rehab to get help in order to stay sober, you’re gonna start looking for a job tomorrow. You aren’t the person who broke our family, Dad. She is.” You tell him. He nods.

“I just know it’s gonna be a hard win, but I wanted to make sure you know I’m trying. That I want to do better. And I want you to help stay up on me, watch me, make sure I’m staying sober, no beer in the house.” He smiles at you, and you smile back. “I’ve failed enough as a dad, so I wanna do better.” You nod and he holds out his arms to you, “now come here, Pumpkin.”

After a long hug, he lets you crawl into bed and tucks you in, kissing your forehead as though you were only a child again. You don’t mind, happy to be receiving affection again.

You wake up on Monday, feeling oddly refreshed. You get dressed in your usual clothes, before going downstairs and popping some bread into the toaster. Your dad comes downstairs, freshly showered and dressed, greeting you with a smile. “Good morning, Sunshine!” He pulls your head to him, kissing your forehead. “Did you sleep alright?” He asks, putting on a pot of coffee.

“Yeah, I did actually. Probably better than I have for a while.” You admit. He smiles and ruffles your freshly neatened hair, but you don’t mind. “Well, that’s good.” He smiles.

You open your house door to see Billy’s car pulled into your driveway. You take a deep sigh and climb into his passenger seat.

When you make it to school, you ignore him, walking straight inside. “Hey,” Billy calls out, following after you, “(y/n), hey!” He grips your arm and snatches you to turn to him. “What the hell? I’ve been trying to talk to you all morning?” “I’m not in the mood, Billy.” You explain, rolling your eyes at him.

After a couple of classes, you make your way to the bathroom. You enter the girl’s restroom only to hear grunting and moaning coming from one of the stalls. You roll your eyes, stepping in. You sit your bag down by the door and step into a stall, only to hear the girl speak up. “Fuck, Billy…” you freeze. You’re not dating. Your brain reminds you. You step back out and grab your bag. Before you go to leave however, you decide to be a bit bitchy for a change.

Walking over to the stall you know Billy and who-ever-the-slut is in, you bang your hand against the stall door, hard. Then you walk out, without looking back.

Billy groans at the banging on the stall door, glaring at it. After hearing the main door squeak open and shut again, he can’t focus now. He can’t just get back to fucking the girl around his waist. He drops her to her feet, making her stumble a bit. “Fucking jackass.” He mumbles. “We can just continue, they are gone.” “No, I’ve lost my mood now.” Billy glares at the door, even though he knows no one is there.

At the end of the day, you beat Billy out to his car, leaning against the hood. “Hey, have fun in the bathroom earlier?” You ask him. His eyes darken. “You bitch.” “All I did was bang on a door, you were banging more than that, asshole.” You go to open the door to the passenger side but it was locked. “Billy, unlock the car.” You tell him. You don’t bother looking up at him.

Billy comes around the vehicle to your side. He lifts his hand and grips your jaw, forcing you to look at him. “Remember where you stand, Doll. You’re not my girlfriend.” “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Thanks for the obvious.” You glare at him. He moves his hand swiftly to wrap around your neck, catching you off guard. His fingers tighten around your throat making you flinch. “Billy, stop.” You tell him.

He pushes you against the car, hand firmly placed around your throat. He raises his other hand and points at you. “Don’t you dare get snappy with me again, you hear me? It’s fucking annoying.” His hand tightens and panic and fear sets in to your stomach. Your hand flies up to grip at his wrist. “Billy, stop, that hurts.” You tell him. He lets go and you take in a sharp breath. He unlocks the car and goes back around. You place your fingers against your throat as your vision starts to blur.

You quickly sit into the car and prop your elbow in the door, staring out. “Not gonna talk to me now?” Billy glares at you. You try to hold back as a tear falls down your cheek.

“Hey,” Billy waves his hand in front of you. “Speak.” You hold back your tone. “Just drive me home.” You state. He scoffs. “No please? What did we just talk about, Doll?” “Billy.” You look at him, your tears staining your cheeks. “For fuck’s sake just drive me home. My house.” You glare at him. You watch his eyes soften slightly after seeing that you’re crying. You turn back around and place your forehead against the window.

When Billy drives past your neighborhood, you sigh. “I said my home, Billy. I’m not being your fuck buddy tonight.” You glare at him. “God, you’re so fucking emotional, calm down. You’re not going to be.” He rolls his eyes. “You’re just…” he hesitates before letting out a deep sigh, “I don’t like that you’re mad at me, like more than usual mad. I don’t wanna take you home like that.”

He pulls up into his driveway, you step out of the car and make your way inside going straight to his room. He follows you in, making sure his dad is minding his own fucking business. You enter Billy’s room and throw yourself onto his bed. You weren’t going to let him have you tonight, but that didn’t mean you had to ignore the comfort you felt laying in his bed. Billy sits his things by the door, where you had dropped your bag before hand.

“Comfortable?” He asks. You snuggle into his pillows, which makes him chuckle. You breath in the smell leaving his pillows. You may not wanna fuck him for once, but you do want comfort. A hum leaves you, pure enjoyment. Billy climbs onto the bed, leaning over you. “Doll,” he leans down and places a soft kiss on your neck, making you flinch.

You whip around to look back at him. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. It was shitty of me.” You stare at him for a moment. “Yeah, it was.” You express. You don’t want to tell him it’s ok, cause it’s not.

“(Y/n),” he raises his hand and places it softly against your cheek, “God, you’re so pretty.” You feel your cheeks heat up. He leans down and presses a kiss on your cheek. You stare at him as he admires you. He hesitates for a moment before leaning down, your breath hitches and you lift your head up to connect your lips. You place your palms against his cheeks, pulling him closer to you.

Billy pushes his hands under you, lifting your back up to arch into him. He pushes up on your shirt, placing his hands on your skin. You move your hands down to his chest and push him off, not hard but just enough to give him the hint. You try to catch your breath as he places his forehead against yours. “Billy,” you mumble, “not tonight. Please.” He sighs, “I know, Doll, I just… wanna kiss you.” He leans into you again, smashing his lips into yours.

You enjoy it, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him as close to you as you can. Billy wraps your legs around his hips, kissing the corner of your mouth before leading across your jaw. “Billy,” You push slightly on his shoulders, he groans, traveling kisses down your neck, “Billy, no…” he leans away only to kiss you again. You hum into his lips. Your heart rate speeds up, he kisses along your cheeks. “Billy…” you mumble. He grinds himself against you, sending shivers down your spin.

“Doll, please I just… I need you.” He groans into your ear. You feel yourself getting warm, but you hold your ground. “Why? That other girl didn’t do it for you?” You mumble. You hear him growl over you. He grabs your wrists and pins them by your head. You stare at him, his hair hangs in front of you, same with his necklace, leaning over you. “Careful, you say you don’t wanna do anything, but you’re being such a tease right now it’s hard not to just fuck the shit out of you.” You lift your head slowly, just brushing your lips to him, a smirk forming on his lips.

“No.” You whisper before dropping back down. He glares at you. He tightens his grip on your wrists, before smashing his lips on yours again. He kisses rougher this time, shoving his tongue into your mouth and swirling it around, making you whimper. He presses a knee to you, earning a soft moan in response. He pulls away and stares at your flushed cheeks, “so easy to say no, isn’t it? But it’s even easier to make you squirm.” He lifts up and climbs off the bed. You catch your breath for a moment just laying there.

You sit up to catch him lighting a cigarette, “Do you wanna stay tonight? Or go home to Daddy?” He asks staring at you through his mirror. You hesitate. You want to stay, to be honest you do want to be fucked now. But you wanna see how much you can push him before he just takes you. You try to think up a clever comeback. “I thought you were Daddy?” You smirk, starring at him. He coughs trying to not choke on smoke.

“Don’t say shit like that when you don’t want me to fuck you.” He explains. “Why? Does it turn you on?” You stand up from his bed, walking over to him and turn him to face you, running your hands up his chest. You hear his breath shake. “Do you want me that badly, Hargrove?” You ask, looking up at him with such an innocent look. He glares at you. “You bitch.” He kisses you again, but this time he grips the hem of your shirt and pulls it up over your head.

He slams you into the mattress, before pulling down your pants and unbuckling his belt. He kisses down your neck, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling himself out. Without any hesitation, he slides your panties to the side and thrusts into you. You moan, gripping his shoulders as he pounds you in. “B-Billy…! Fuck…” your words fumble out of you mouth, followed by “Please, god.” He grinds himself deeper into you, hitting your deepest points.

You hide your face into his neck, embarrassed at how turned on this is making you. He thrusts harder, making a knot form in your stomach. “God, (y/n), fuck.” He grips your hips and moves them to slam you deeper onto him. You feel your drool build up in your mouth as your legs start to shake. You start mumbling to yourself, soft cuss words and pure pleasure mixing in your brain.

He lays you back, not slowing his pace. Your legs drop to the mattress, mind blanking. He takes one of your legs and throws it over his shoulder, the other laying out as your body moves to lay on your side. This new position sends him deeper, your hand flying to cover your mouth and stifle your moans. He watches as he slams into you, “You take me so easily, Doll.” His words make you whimper.

Billy loves watching you squirm as he fucks you. He knows he’s big, filling you up easily, and he loves how you take him so easily. Billy can’t help but want to pound his dick into you until your body is cock drunk on him.

“Fuck, Doll, you’re so tight.” You feel him hit deeper, making your eyes roll back, “Billy…” you moan out, gripping at his bed. “What, Doll? Like the feeling of me hitting you deep?” He goes faster, watching you whimper under him. “God, I could fuck this pussy all fucking day.” He grips at your hips and slams you against him, wanting to get as deep in you as fucking possible. You can’t stop your legs from shaking, the need to cum on him. “Billy, please, I’m gonna…” he flips you over and lifts you so your back leans against his chest. His hand grips around your neck, his cock now making a bulge in your stomach.

You release onto him at the change of position, oozing out around his length, your juices drip down your thighs. You squeeze around him, softly begging for him to not stop. And he doesn’t, slamming up into you as your head leans back on his collarbone. You let your tongue hang out of your mouth, his cock rubbing your walls as you try to come down from you high.

“Doll, I’m gonna fuck you till your sobbing.” He grabs your hair and shoves your face into his pillows, lifting your ass into the air. He continues to fuck you in this position, your eyes tearing up from the feeling of his dick fucking you filthy. Your legs shake, his cock making your pussy raw.

You moan loudly into the pillows, your pussy now burning from all the friction. You gasp as he hits deep into you, and your pussy spasms, encasing his cock in another orgasm. He chuckles. “Such a dirty slut.”

Before you react, he leans against you, burying himself deep in your body. He spills out, holding your hips in place. You try to steady your breathing as your walls clench around him, not wanting him to pull out. “B-Billy…” your voice is like sweet honey to him. He’s fucked you silly and he knows it.

He lifts you back up to his chest and watches your body as the creamy substance leaks from you. “Do you want more, Doll?” Your drooling, saliva dribbling down your chin as you nod. You want him to fuck you. Fuck you hard. Fuck you to where it’s inhumane.

He reaches his hand down and rubs his fingers against you, feeling how full you are with his cock buried in you. “God, you are full, huh, Doll? Do you want more cum?“ you whimper in response.

Billy slams into you again and your body shakes, his arm wrapped around your waist being the only thing holding you upright. You gasp as he starts pumping into you again, your orgasm building quickly. Your legs feel like jelly as you go limp against him, his grip on you tightening to hold you up. “Such a good whore.” His voice is deep and sultry. You can’t help yourself as you finish all over his cock again.

Billy doesn’t stop pounding into you, his cock hitting your deepest places. “B-Billy…!” You grip his arm around your waist as your words become sluggish, inaudible to him. Muffled and slushed “please” and “harder” leaving your lips as he fucks you deeply. You feel yourself building up another orgasm. Your legs trembling as your pussy feels raw.

Billy thrusts up into you roughly a couple more times as you tumble over your finally orgasm of the night, body shaking from the overstimulation. Billy slams deep inside you one final time, his cum shooting deep inside. “Fuck…” he groans as he watches your body shake in his arms. He removes his arm from around your waist and you fall forward, his cock pulling out as your face hits the pillows, ass in the air.

He places his hand on your ass and slowly opens your folds, watching as his cum leaks out of your red and puffy cunt. “You’re filled to the brim, huh, Doll.” It’s not a question but you nod. He slowly runs his hands down your thighs and to your ankles, before pulling and letting your body make full contact with his bed. You hum into the pillow as you feel the mattress dip next to you. You look over as you watch Billy climb into bed.

“Sleep, Doll. You look exhausted.” He kisses a soft peck on your forehead which catches you off guard. You raise your shaky hand to his cheek as he pulls you into his chest. “I love you…” is all you can get out before sleep overcomes you.

In the morning, you wake up to your stomach hurting and your legs still feeling like jello. Billy sleeps soundly next to you, one arm under your neck and the other thrown over your waist. You place your hand on his cheek. “Billy,” you mumble, rubbing your thumb softly over his skin. A soft hum leaves him in response.

He opens his eyes and stares at you, “Morning,” he greets, before laying himself over you and snuggling into your chest. You can’t help but giggle. You glance over at the clock, it’s way past the time for school. “Are we skipping today?” You ask, brushing a hand through his hair. He hums, leaning into your touch.

Your heart soars at the contact he’s accepting from you. “I love you.” The words fumble from your lips before you can even catch yourself. He immediately looks up at you. His stare doesn’t look exactly comfortable. “You don’t have to say it back, Billy. I just want you to know that I do…” you tell him, pulling him into a soft kiss. He groans into your lips, before leaving soft kisses on your neck.

Billy feels relieved you don’t expect him to say it back, he’s comfortable just laying with you.

You stay in bed like that with him for a good hour or so, just enjoying each other’s company. You’re glad. As much as a jerk Billy Hargrove can be, you know deep down you can rely on him. He’s your home, and your his.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove angst #billy hargove x reader #stranger things #x reader #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x y/n #fwb to lovers #stranger things au #angst/fluff

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jooberry · 2 years ago

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title : middle of the night | part II

previous part : part I

pairing : hyungwon x female reader

genre : smut, friends with benefits, idol!au

warnings : mentions of blood, mentions of pain, dacryphilia

word count : 4,7k

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Your dark red acrylics are tapping against the white marble of the kitchen counter. You’re deep in thought, out of time, red-painted lips pursed together as you watch Hyungwon pour his favorite liquor into a lowball glass before sliding it toward you. He looks at you expectantly, the liveliness in his gaze bringing you back to the present moment and out of your thoughts. You accept the drink with a faint smile, twirling the ice cubes around the glass before taking a sip from it. He sits in front of you with a satisfied grin, pushing his too-long hair back with a flicker of his fingers. The way he looks so effortlessly good while doing the most mundane things is so unfair, it has you staring and gawking like a middle-schooler and wondering if you’re equipped enough to even be in this relationship. It stopped being fun the moment you started missing falling asleep touching his hair, for sure.

It’s the first time you’ve been to his place for what seems like forever, and you look around the place like you’re not used to everything single thing here, like it didn’t feel like home for a long time. You used to come often, stay for days on end and just watch him exist, and it was fascinating – you remember. Hyungwon always blossomed into an entirely different person when you stayed the night, he was waking up before you to fry eggs and toast bread, to let fresh air into the space so you wouldn’t feel stuffy. It was good times – beautiful times – but now everything seemed to have happened in a different lifetime, one where you were just content to exist next to him without always pushing for more. You sigh, shifting in your seat as you would back in the moment, and his stare is on you again, unreadable, and slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly you realize how warm it is here, how good it smells, how good that shirt looks on him, and how better it would look on you. Blood Orange is playing in the background, and you don’t remember Hyungwon being a particularly huge fan of them. You wish he could kiss you awake in the morning again; you wish you could hug him from behind and press your head against his skin and feel better about everything like you used to.

Something has changed in your relationship, and you can’t pinpoint exactly what. Did you stop staying at his place because you don’t feel that comfortable around him anymore? Or is it because you fear what feelings lurk in the darkness of your heart with each passing hour? Regardless of those things, it is a fact that you don’t feel in sync with him anymore, that spending time in Hyungwon's presence doesn’t feel as right as it used to. It’s been like that for a while now, and you don’t know if it’s because you decided to stop clinging onto hopes so much anymore, or if it’s just him being bored of you. Sometimes you wonder if it has caught on to your feelings and is slowly preparing you for his absence when he finally breaks things off. First, the trust you had in each other was stripped away, and now you’re at a point when everything has turned sexual. You stopped simply existing around each other.

You have to admit, you’re already one foot out of this, on the lookout for someone that could make you feel as alive as he used to – as he still does, actually. The emptiness Hyungwon leaves behind is not the downside of something precious and sacred anymore, it’s crushing and cold. It’s the cruel reminder that you have selective memory and that you blissfully ignored the part where you’re friends with benefits and not lovers for way too long.

“How was your day?” You ask, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes widen in surprise, and it seems that it takes him a few seconds to gather himself back to you before he slowly reaches for another glass and pours himself some bourbon as well. You want to ask about what was making him think so hard but abstain when the small voice in your head reminds you of your place. His thoughts are off-limits.

“As usual. I worked, went to the gym, and had dinner with the guys” He’s pushing some ice cubes out of their tray as he speaks, and you can’t help but ogle at his hand flexing in the movement. He’d make fun of you for that if he knew how smitten you are about every single thing about him. “You?”

“I spent the day working on some new things for you and the boys” you reply, not missing any second of the way Hyungwon drinks from his glass before putting it down on the counter. You don’t miss a second of the action; the slight furrow of his brows, the almost imperceptible clenching of his jaw, the subtle movement of his lips. “And I went on a date”

You expected him to show at least some emotion at the mention of that, but he seems unfazed when he looks into your eyes; like he feels bad that you would even mention this to him when he so obviously does not care. He has girls lining up to be in your position, and you expect him to be sad that you’d date? You push aside the embarrassment and keep going as you trace the outline of your glass with the tip of your nails. “It was nearby, that’s why I figured it would be easier to just drop by instead of having you come over” you add.

It feels bittersweet to know that there used to be a time when Hyungwon truly cared about you and what happened to you. You cut your finger chopping up fruits in this same kitchen once, and when he realized how terrified of your own blood you were, he hugged you, kissed your forehead, and cleaned your wound before wrapping a hello kitty band-aid around it. He didn’t let go of you until he was sure you felt safe and cleaned everything without complaining even once – and he looked hot doing it. That was one of the first times you felt Hyungwon's affection for you somewhere other than in his bedroom, one of the first times you felt earth shatter underneath you until it collapsed that time he called to wish you happy birthday despite being busy on a completely different time zone on the other side of the world. You were on a flight to meet him by the next day, and it seemed completely normal then.

“Did it go well?” He asks, so nonchalantly, miles away from the guy that skipped an entire day of work once simply because you didn’t want him to get out of bed. He empties his glass in one gulp, before putting it down on the counter – the sound is considerably louder than the first time he did so, and you tense a little. You press your lips together, carefully ignoring the growing tension between the two of you.

“Yeah, it did.” You reply with a small smile, memories of the hours prior flashing back in your mind. “I’m happy to see him again,” you say without second thoughts. Hyungwon has proven to you that it doesn’t matter who you see, so you don’t see the point of sparing his nonexistent feelings. You just want him to know that he isn’t the only man you’ve gotten the attention of, even though you’re probably not the only one sharing his bed either. You’re fighting a pointless fight because you have no power over him while he could crush you with a single sentence.

“Then why are you here?” He asks, with a sigh. He seems annoyed, which is good enough for you as it is. At least it’s more than he has shown until now. You take a sip from your glass, before slowly putting it down. You look up at him, before blinking away – scorched.

“I don’t know” you mutter, looking down at the melting ice cubes in your glass. You’re almost afraid of what he’s going to say next. You know him well enough to know that his coldness is unlike anything else; it slowly seeps under your skin and settles there. He’s the kind of man that changes you, that you'd leave scarred and hurt. The kind of man that will break your heart without batting an eye when you push him too far. He’s done it before.

“If it was sex you wanted, you could’ve gone home with him” Hyungwon spits, his gaze dark and cold. What hurts the most when he’s like this is that everything he says is right. You could have gotten home with this other guy if you had wanted to. He would have happily obliged if you judged by the way he kept stealing glances at your décolleté, and it would have quenched your thirst for knowledge about him to see where and how he lived. But your phone rang mid-date and there was no way you could have declined his offer. Neither your mind nor your body was ready to be with another man, and Hyungwon's name on your phone still held too many promises for you to brush him off so quickly. You needed at least a final taste before saying goodbye. At least one.

“Why does everything have to be about sex with you?” You reply, stung by his words, even though you knew that was the only thing he could have told you. He shrugs, pushing his hair back with one hand, as he pours himself another drink with the other.

“Because that’s the reason why you’re here” He retorts, tilting his head in an ironic gesture. “You want me to fuck you”

You sigh, downing the rest of your glass before sliding it back to him. He pours you some more liquor, before sliding it back, this cold and arrogant look that you hate so much on his face. You drink half the glass before slamming it back on the counter. Your thoughts are becoming fuzzy and confused, alcohol and negative emotions not being the best combination for rational thinking.

“You’re right…” you mutter, scratching the back of your head, as you’re tapping on the counter with your index finger again. “It seemed to have slipped out of my mind for a while… I guess had too many drinks” You laugh, but there’s not even an ounce of amusement in your voice.

Hyungwon squints his eyes and furrows his eyebrows at your words, and you down the rest of your glass in one gulp before slamming it back on the counter. You’re afraid to look at him, you fear you’re going to combust if you do so. It’s really weird how he pretends and acts like he’s above feeling anything, yet you can feel the scorch of his anger swallow you whole and turn you to ashes. Why he’s angry is beyond you, considering how he just stomped on your umpteenth attempt to get through to him. You remember reading somewhere that what draws you into someone often ends up becoming the same thing that drives you away, and you can’t help a crooked smile; his aloofness stopped being hot when you started wanting him closer.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Hyungwon asks, just like you know he would. You sigh, before finally looking up at him. He looks like he wants to destroy you completely, to break everything that you are, and you start biting your bottom lip in apprehension. It’s one of those nights.

“Of course, I do” you reply, looking up at him with a crooked smile, before taking his glass and downing it. You’re acting on autopilot as if something had broken inside of you and the part of you that has learned to satisfy his every desire has taken over. It's one of those nights.

You get off your stool and make your way to him, melting your lips against his as your hands slip under his shirt. Hyungwon tastes like memories – like the sweet aftertaste of the bourbon that you sipped from his glass on the thunderous night; cinnamon, toasted vanilla bean, chocolate. You bite on his bottom lip when it’s time to pull away, tilt your head to bite his skin. His breath catches in his throat, and you start kissing his neck, his shoulder, and his chest, as your fingers make quick work of his shirt. The piece of fabric falls on the floor, while you keep smearing his skin in dark scarlet lipstick. You kneel in front of him and unbuckle his belt.

“I guess that date didn’t go so well after all,” he says, slowly pushing the hair away from your face with the tip of his hot fingers with a crooked smile. He seems so satisfied to have you here in this position despite what you’ve told him earlier – and you feel so stupid to fight against someone you have no power against.

Without taking your eyes away from his, you discard his pants along with his underwear before slowly wrapping your mouth around his tip, swiping his member over your wet lips a few times. Hyungwon jerks his head back in a sigh, and you’re encouraged to take as much of him in your mouth as you can. You suck him hard, creating as strong a pressure as you can around him; your lips are so tight against his member that he can’t help but moan so loud you shiver. His voice is pure honey to your ears, a sound so heavenly you’re ready to beg all the gods that you’re the only one who gets to hear him make them. While your mouth presses him so hard it’s blissful, you circle your tongue around him, and glide it over the vein running all along him; he devours you with his eyes and slowly pushes the hair away from your face. You let him go, and he holds himself and runs his tip over your sodden lips. His gaze is scorching, almost hard to hold, but in this moment when you have him wrapped around your fingers – or your lips – you feel bold, untouchable, all-powerful.

You take him again, so deep he reaches the back of your throat; your vision gets clouded by tears and you don’t get to see the expression of pure bliss on his face as he murmurs “fuck” with a voice so strangled it doesn’t even sound like him. You keep going, ignoring the tears rolling down your cheeks and the sharp sting in your throat, until your gag reflex threatens to hit, and you pull away, catching your breath. You wipe your tears, smudging away your mascara and moving the falsies from your eyes; you probably look disheveled and dirty, but that’s just how Hyungwon likes you. You stroke him a few times, as he kicks away his pants from his feet, before going back to your work and gobbling all of him down your throat. He holds your head in place and moves his hips to meet your mouth. He reaches even deeper into your throat, and you must push back on his legs to alleviate the movement. Tears stream down your face again, and wet, gagging sounds start filling the room. He keeps going and going before pulling away in a groan, tenser than you’ve ever seen him.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and get back on your feet, smearing lipstick on your cheek, before unzipping your dress. You kick it away, and Hyungwon grabs you by the waist as he gets up from the stool, pressing himself against you. He’s hot and hard between your legs as he bites the spot under your ear, and you wrap your arms around his neck. His skin is burning against yours, his heart beating erratically, and you wish – harder than you ever have before – that you’re the only one he's doing this with. He lifts you up, holding your legs under his arms so he can slide inside of you. You bite back a scream, and let your head fall in the crook of his neck. He pins you against the window, and you shiver at the coldness of the glass on your back. When he starts moving his hips, your nails dig into his skin and your voice finally echoes in the room.

From the outside, all that people can see is dark glass, your form pressed against it, your broken screams, and your hair bouncing up and down your face is a secret shared only by the two of you. You look down at him, get lost in his eyes, your mouth wide open and your body shaking in his arms; he looks back at you, dazed, blissed out. You want to ask him do you feel it too, how right we feel together? But he kisses you, and you close your eyes, letting the thought sink into you like a bottle drowning in the ocean. Hyungwon would probably discard you if he was aware of your feelings. He would replace you with someone else; someone smarter, someone who knew their place and wouldn’t fall for him. He chews on your bottom lip, as you start shaking in his arms again. Your voice is nothing more than a cry as you gush all over him before falling limp in his arms. He caresses the small of your back, slowly coaxing you back to reality, before carefully walking you to his bed.

The smell of Hyungwon's sheets is so familiar, so soothing. You’ve spent countless hours laying there, crying, screaming, laughing, back when things between you weren’t so complicated, so rehearsed. You pull him back against you as he enters you again, more slowly this time. Your legs close around his waist, and his hands mirror the same motion around your throat. Immediately your hand is on his, your eyes close and your voice shatters in high-pitched cries as you sink deeper and deeper into a pool of crushing pleasure with each thrust. His brown eyes darkened by lust progressively disappear from your view as you start shaking again, and you succumb again. He rubs your clit with his thumb, and that’s enough push for you to explode everywhere again, some of your juices splattering on your face. You try to grab his hand to stop him but he’s way stronger and keeps pushing you until it seems like every drop of water has been drained from your body. You think it’s over, but he starts slapping your clit with his member and it feels like electricity suddenly traveling down your body. He coats himself in your juices before sliding inside of you once again.

You bite your hand at the intrusion, but he slaps it away, pinning your hand above your head with one hand. He starts slamming his hips against yours, ramming into you at a pace that makes it hard to keep your eyes open. He places his other hand around your throat again and presses so hard that your screams are muffled, cut in between by the movement of his hips. From the small you can see from your half-closed eyes, his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s biting his bottom lip, his eyes so dark you can’t even differentiate between his pupil and his iris. Hyungwon's fucking you so hard, so fast, that you’re certain of finding bruises on your legs and neck tomorrow. Your body starts to shake and lift you off the bed, but he pins you down with a firm hand on your underbelly and keeps going. It feels so good, so intense, to have him caged between your insides and his hand like this; but it also feels too much, too deep. After a few thrusts, it starts to sting a little – he keeps hitting a spot so deep inside you that you feel like you’re being split in half, and some kind of pressure starts building up and you grit your teeth. His lips stretch into a devious grin, as tears fill your eyes. You call out his name, but he keeps going.

He pushes your legs further down, going even deeper. His face is closer to yours and he starts kissing the tears away from your eyes. The taste of blood fills your mouth, and you start crying, pain and pleasure mixing deep from within you in an almost scary way. The pressure keeps building up in your stomach until it reaches a breaking point and you’re letting yourself go all over his sheets. You think he’s going to give you a break, to let you breathe for a while but he grabs your ankle and flips you over before slamming back inside of you. Hyungwon’s not even done with you yet but you’re already sore and tired, and it doesn’t get any better when he starts spanking you in a way that takes you aback. It feels so good but it also hurts, and at this point, you don’t even have the strength to move anymore.

Your head falls back into the cushions, and he starts pressing on it so hard you find yourself fighting to breathe. Your thoughts become confused, and you don’t even know if you’re conscious until you feel the sting of his hand on your ass again. You bite down on the covers, screaming into them when you start shaking and soaking his sheets again. There’s a moment of silence before he flips you back, and when you open your eyes, he’s looking down at you with an unreadable expression. You're burning to ask him if there’s someone else? if he thinks about her when he fucks you? if she tastes better than you? if she’s the one he spills his secrets to? if he loves her? If he has ever loved you? You can’t trust your lips, and your heavy heart threatens to explode and spill over his sheets.

You get on your knees, pulling him out of his thoughts as you close your lips around his tip again, lowering your mouth to his length until he reaches the back of your throat. This time he grabs a fistful of your hair and moves his hips at a pace so punishing that the sounds you’re making are echoing against the walls of his bedroom. He keeps fucking you hard, his hands shaking and his voice shattering a little more every time. You push back against his thighs, but he holds your head in place until he finally lets himself go and fills your mouth in a moan so heavenly you feel yourself shiver. Looking up at him, you swallow everything with fluttering lashes and the most innocent expression you can muster. Hyungwon caresses your cheek with a smirk, before leaning down to kiss you. You fall back on the sheets, and he crashes next to you, pressing your head against his chest. He starts playing with your hair, in that same oddly intimate way he does every time. He always feels like a different person after sex, and it’s hard to know which one is the real him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, kissing the top of your head as you slowly hum in response. You curl up around him, basking in the feeling of his skin against yours, of his smell mixing with yours and becoming one. It feels so right, yet it can’t go on any longer.

“I can’t keep doing this” you mutter, as Hyungwon keeps playing with your hair. You take a deep breath. “Sex isn’t enough for me anymore, I want all of you” You’ve thought about this long and deep, slowly building up the courage to say those words to his face. Your voice – unlike your heart – doesn't even crack when you speak, and he doesn’t seem taken aback either. “I want to know your thoughts, feel every single one of your emotions, and know all of your secrets…I know that’s not what we agreed on, but that’s how I feel”

Hyungwon acts like you didn't even speak, his hands stil drawing a soothing motion in your hair. It hurts to feel him so close yet to sense that he's so far. His heart has forever remained out of your touch, to the point where you start to believe the ones that you told he didn't have one. How he can be capable of so much affection towards you while simultaneously be so cold and detached is something you simply don't get. Does he even feel anything towards you? Was it just his way of keeping you there, of giving you just enough treats to keep you around in his house, to stop you from looking for attention somewhere else?

“I wasn’t expecting you to say anything” you add, sitting up so you can watch him. He gets up as soon as you do, placing his hand on the small of your back before pressing you against his hot chest. “I was just hoping you’ll listen and understand my heart…” you whisper, tracing the lines of his abs. “I will miss you, Hyungwon” Your lips stretch into a small smile before you slip out of his bed.

You don’t even cry when you’re alone in front of the bathroom mirror, maybe because you know he’s only seconds away and will be able to hear every single sob. There’s no point crying here because he won’t come to hug you through the pain this time, but will probably stay in his bed and wait for you to leave while he texts another girl to come and fill in for the second round of sex you failed to deliver. You don't have to know about that.

You open a drawer with shaky hands and grab some oil and a cleansing balm, before closing it. It’s funny how you know so many things about Hyungwon, yet you know nothing about him at the same time. You know his favorite dishes, his favorite drinks, his favorite color, the lyrics to his favorite songs, who his favorite artists are, where he likes to go on vacation, what he does to ease his mind when he feels anxious, yet you don’t know who he is or what he feels. You don’t know what all these years with him were about. You don’t why he took you where he grew up, why he called you to his studio in the middle of the night countless times because he “needed you to finish some songs,” why he becomes cold every time you mention another man. You don’t know anything, actually.

Hyungwon suddenly appears behind you in the mirror as you’re smearing his toner on your face. You tense a little at the sight of him; his hair is comically not messy, but you can still see where you’ve bitten him on the neck. He leans in the doorframe, arms crossed on his chest, looking at you with an expression you can’t read – not that it matters anyway. You quickly comb through your hair with your fingers, before opening the cupboard, looking for some lip balm. You search through the mess, and your eyes land on the familiar shape of your perfume sitting among countless bottles of other ones and lotions.

“You still have this thing?” you ask excitedly with a laugh, turning around to show him the bottle. He nods, and you turn back around, spraying the perfume on your neck and on the insides of your wrist, before turning it around to see if the engraving of your name is still intact – it is, and you smile. You forgot this bottle in the bathroom of his hotel suite when you joined him the day after your birthday. When you asked about it, he had told you that he didn’t find it – yet here it was. “I thought you didn’t find it?”

“I wanted it for myself” Hyungwon answers, uncrossing his arms. “I was afraid you’d find me weird for keeping it” you sneer, placing the bottle back in his cupboard before closing it.

“You’d find me weird if I wore the clothes you forget at my place?” you ask, and he smiles. You shrug with a little smile, before walking past him to make your way out of the bathroom, but he grabs you by the waist to bring you back against his chest. You wrap your arms around his neck without even realizing it, and he nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck. You soak in the moment, filling yourself in his embrace and drinking in his smell one last time. You’re going to cry, and the urge to leave becomes urgent. Hyungwon seems to sense it, and hugs you tighter.

“Don’t leave” he whispers in your ear, “Please.”

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