#fun thing about asexuality is how easy it is to go from angst to crack with it 🙃

[roxannepolice]

One of my favourite tropes in tensimm fics is this YTNW thing where they are getting out of bed, and the Doctor is pleading that the Master stay a bit longer, and they are both just finally rawly honest, but of course it ends with Valiant reality reasserting itself. It's this kind of Romeo and Juliet's farewell feel, except instead of two teenagers caught up in their parents' bullshit, it's two eldritch horrors that get everyone else caught up in their own bullshit. This is why the act of getting dressed is so important there - it's about donning the personas before stepping out into the world after a night of closed doors intimacy and openness.

I do, however, need to clarify that my asexual brain can't really wrap itself around the events that led to them waking up naked, so, aside from kissing and cuddling, I just assume they got naked to play Mario Karts?...

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies.

Got you a Dewey x reader fic.

Reader coming out as ace (asexual) while Dewey is playing the guitar and the reader lounging on his lap. Fluff and angst ahead. All aboard! Fair warning... its quite long...

Hope you enjoy. 💜

..................................................................................

Safe

You and Dewey had been friends since kindergarten. You were as thick as thieves. Being able too see your best friend everyday since you two were roommates only made things better.

Dewey was a incredibly bouncy, happy person. That much you guys had in common. You both were as enthausiastic as you were chaotic sometimes. And when you were having one of 'these' days... the ones when you just woke up grumpy, you could find comfort in the small things in each other. He would give you one single look and knew what kind of day it was. It was on these days that Dewey proved himself being the man, the myth and the legend you believed he was. He would make sure your favorite tea was ready in the morning, with just the right amount of honey in it. And he would do anything to crack your mood up during the day. Including some 'sick' dance moves on random moments, and playing requests you had on his guitar always calmed your mind. In return you knew that playing guitar hero cleared his clouded mind, and spontaneous dance parties always made him smile.

Long story short, you'd be there for each other.

.......

The thing was that lately you came to realise that some things were different for you then they were for him.

You always pictured yourself with a partner as loving and caring as Dewey was. You just KNEW he was your favorite person in the world. It was just... difficult. The whole situation had been difficult. There had to be a person in this universe who wanted to know what made you tick. Besides Dewey. Right?

That was a question your head had been occupied with the last couple of months.

Of course you noticed Dewey going out. On dates. With actual girls.

He wasnt the most popular guy you knew, but damn... he had some charm in that authentic and warm personality he had. He also was kinda cute, you had to admit. But you were 101% cool with him dating. Even helping him pick out outfits and scolding him for forgetting garlic on date-night is a no-go. And when he wouldnt come home at night you would smile to yourself, because you was happy for the dude.

So why werent you out there? Dating? Again? You tried. Hell... you tried so SO hard to actually like people.

Liking wasnt the right word. Cause liking people wasnt that difficult. You could love the personalities of people in a heartbeat. Loved the way they laughed, or the freckles on their face, or the way they sat. You'd loved the way they talked about what drove them, what they were passionate about. You loved so many people. Yet you loved no-one.

You came to realise lately that you were kind of different. For instance: Dewey could swoon over a girl he saw for one second. One moment he was chilling with u at your local bar, the next moment you saw that sparkle in his eyes... And with a wink, a pat on your shoulder and a VERY bad attempt to moonwalk away from you, you knew you didnt had to wait up for him.

That was fine. Never bothered you actually. It was a signal you guys had created. Dewey also knew that when u werent in the mood or okay with leaving alone, you would put on a pouty face. That would be his que to get the random-chick's number, promising to call her, before excusing himself to her and drop back on the barstool beside you.

You liked it that way. He was free to go. As were you. He was your buddy. Your parnter in crime. That was the way it was.

You were just frustrated with yourself the last couple of months.

You could look at a man or a woman and be like: jeez, you are pretty. Look at that adorable face!

You would walk up there, talk to them. Now... that wasnt the hard part. The hard part came after that.

When you talked to someone, wether it be a beautifull quirky women or a handsome kind lad... there always came that moment that they would give a 'certain' comment. Or a glance up and down. Or let their hands wander little bit... and the magic would be gone for you.

Totally gone. Your mind would just go: 'nope'. You would find their smile attractive. But when everyone else's knees would give up at their bedroom eyes they gave you, and them saying something like: "you look like i could eat ya, wanna get out of here?" you would just feel nothing. Besides of getting noxious at the idea of them looking at you that way...

.......

Dewey noticed you getting more silent as you internly struggled with this a while. After 'just' men, you started some online research and tried something new. There was a period u had labeled youself as bisexual. But the label just didn't fit right. You tried the word: 'lesbian' for a month or 3.

Dewey had again proven to be an actual legend, after you told him you might not be straight. He was so pumped for you, buzzing with excitement and acceptance when you told him. He bounced up and down on the couch and offered to go to gay-bars together. You even had to keep him from hanging the actual rainbow-flag out of the window, to support you. Dewey suspected you had just been a late bloomer, so he was more then excited when you seemed to make some steps into the date-world, and wanted to make sure he helped you out were he could.

But that wasnt it either. Being bisexual or lesbian was not what made you you as well.

You had been desperately looking for a label to fit you but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

........

Dewey would notice your online research by accident. He got up from his jamming session at the couch and ruffled a hand tiredly throw his brown locks. You was on a date. With... amy? Agnes? He couldnt quite remember. He chuckled, while opening your computer, hoping you'd been having fun.

He was looking on an article about ACDC he came across a while ago, when the google question popped up in the browser history. He frowed, but clicked anyway. "I dont feel sexual attraction towards people. What's wrong with me?"

A pang of guilt creeped through his chest. Did he totally miss all that? Y/n had fun with people in bars right? She was on a date right this moment... with... Anne, or whats her name again?

Dewey poundered, he would always see you laughing and having fun while chatting to strangers. 'God... you was so likeable it was super-easy for you to make new friends.' But after he put some more thought to it, he couldnt quite remember the last time y/n talked about having a crush. Or kissing someone. She didnt even talked about her date today enough for him to be able to remember her name. He felt a bit sad about it but Dewey had to find out what you were feeling, so he clicked through the rest of the history page.

.......

You actually tried to kiss Alma today, you'd been seeing her for a while... You two had a lot in common and you liked the way she practically buzzed with excitement when she talked about mountainbiking, smiling as she did so.

'it only seemed like the right thing to do' you forced yourself to think that... 'Alma deserved that much, right? She'd been so kind to me...'

After your date Alma reached out to softly grab you by your hip, pulling you towards her. 'Well... here goes nothing...' you thought as she brought her mouth closer to you.

But right when your lips were about to meet, it felt wrong. A panic rose in your chest and before you knew what happened you turned your head slightly and kissed her cheeck. You was infuriated with yourself. 'How could you! After date #3. Were you mad? What was wrong with you?!'

The girl in question seemed just as baffled as you. She smiled a sad smile to you, before giving you a side-hug and catching her train to go home.

You sighed, dropped your shoulders as you slumped home. 'Side-hugs are not good. They're not 'relationship-material', you fool." You wanted so bad to be 'normal...'

.......

By the time you was done walking home you reached a new low-piont in your self-esteem. Thats when you noticed u had a missed call. Dewey. You sighed. He had been SO happy for you to be dating. Enthausiastically helping you with your outfit and even what kind of perfume you should wear. You were not only a dissapiontment for yourself... but for Dewey as well.

You quickly wiped away a tear. Damn this. Damn this shit. Damn this day. You just didnt felt it. Again.

All you wanted to do was to jump into a hot shower, eat some pizza on the couch and lounge on the couch, revel in the safe comfort of Dewey.

You were not dissapionted by the smell of your favorite pizza already stalking towards you on the way to your front door. You smiled a bit at that.

Dewey had seen you crying through the window of your apartment and already planned to do something special for you, since you had such a hard time lately and he had been too oblivious too see it. So he decided to make you your favorite pizza, and just be there for you when your date didnt worked out.

You opened the door and was greeted by a dancing Dewey in his boxershorts and old band t-shirt. He was smiling at you while hopping of the cough while The Pretender of the Foo Fighters blasted through your appartement. He headbanged towards the speakers and you managed to get out a small snort. Your neighbours had to hate you guys.

Wiping your nose you tried to smile at him. But failed miserably. You stood in the middle of the living room feeling small and stupid. Your lip was quivering and you wanted to wipe the tear away that was spilling down your cheeck.

All in that moment Dewey was by your side, wiping away the tear that you inteded to brush away yourself.

You smiled sadly at him, through your tears and sobs. And you heard him mumble your name while pulling you into his arms. "Its okay love. You're okay. Im so proud of you." He started petting your head softly with his calloused fingers and holding you close. He knew this was a big step for you, and didnt asked any questions about your breakdown. Or date. He wanted you to tell him when you were ready. Untill then there were no words needed.

You got out of his loving embrace when you heard something beeping in the distance. "Dew! The pizza!" You smacked his arm and while muttering a "fuck" under his breath, he took a dive towards the oven.

He smiled a lopsided smile to you while striking a ridiculous pose, using the towel in his hands as a cape. He sing song: "i am the pizza heroooooo and i present you your favorite pizza, mylady...." You couldnt help but cackle at that. "Your a weirdo Dew... but thanx pizza-king."

.......

You two ate on the couch after you took a shower and dressed in your favorite sweats.

After Dewey had put away the dishes he dropped on the couch with you and grabbed his guitar. You went to lie with your head on his lap while he was tuning the strings. You listened to him fumbling with some wires and relaxed at the familiar sound and the rise of his chest above you. He played some chords untill there was a rythem in them and you felt your clouded mind become clearer.

You were relaxing against him when you heard him mumble your name... "hey y/n, wanna hear anything particular?" You shaked your head no.

He hummed in response, playing the tune of your favorite song anyway.

Dewey softly started singing:

"And i don't want the world to see me.

Cause i don't think that they'll understand.

When everything is made to be broken.

I just want you to know who i am...."

You felt the tears behind your eyes prickling. With a soft poke in his chest you whispered with all the courage you had left: "...Dew... Dewey..."

"Hmmm...sweetheart, whats up?" He replied softly.

You sighed, rubbing your hand against your forehead, gathering some more courage. You muttered: "I ehm.... I think I need to tell you something Dew..."

He went to put his guitar away. Shifting slightly so you was lying with your head on his lap, and he could look you right in the eye from how he was sitting. He grabbed your hand ,that out of stress had been clutching your own sweater, and placed his hand around yours. Squeezing lightly in encouragement. He smiled at you. It was an understanding smile, full of love and patience. You could cry at that alone. But swallowed your tears away, there had been anough crying today you decided.

Dewey saw you swallow hard and brought your clutched hands to his mouth and kissed them. "You can tell me anyting babe. You know that right?" You hummed in response.

Knowing you could trust him but also feeling incredibly scared and anxious... you stuttered: "Dew... i think... there is a reason i dont... i think i might be..." he squeezed your hand one more time.

You took that as an encouragement and mumbled the words that were nagging you for the past few months, your nerves barely made your voice louder then a whisper: "I think... ehm... I might be asexual Dewey..."

You felt like you could throw up. Or cry. Or both. You actually were about to bolt and do just that, untill you heard a familiar voice bringing u back to the present moment.

"... y/n... love... youknow..."

You coulndnt even hear full scentences of what Dewey was saying. His voice fading away, your nerves making it hard to fucus. He noticed your absence and your shallowing breathing, your breaths becoming faster and shorter with each one you took in. You couldnt even look at him while saying that. You were a pathetic coward... and now he would finally see you for the freak and the outcast you were. He would be disgusted and think you were a robot and leave you... You took another shaking breath...

A feeling brought you out of your shallow breathing. You noticed familliar calloused fingers glide through your hair. Combing through it and massaging your scalp softly. A smile appeared on your face, his movement was slowly getting the darkness outof your head. Finally you dared to look up towards Dewey. He was softly humming to you. His voice always calmed you, definetly right in this moment. His humming grounded you, while he was softly playing with your hair. You felt his other thumb circle softly on your hand he was still holding.

He smiled a soft smile at you, whisperening: "Hey... your back with me princess?" You nodded slowly. Tears spilling on your cheeks once again. "y/n, sweetheart, i love you the way you are. Always did, and always will. You are you. And if that is being asexual, then that's totally okay and i will be here for you. Every step of the way. Im so proud of you..."

He wiped away your tears, and while you choked out a "thank you Dewey", he kissed you on your forehead.

"Im so proud of you coming to terms with yourself. You dont have to do anything you dont want, okay? Dont ever feel obligated to date anyone just to feel 'normal'. You are you, y/n. And you are enough."

You smiled at that and yawned. The emotions of today suddenly making you very tired. "Dew..." you mumbled sleepy.

"Yeah...?"

"You may do the head-massage more often... it feels nice"

He chuckled at that, pinching your nose playfully. "Thats a deal... now off to bed with you, miss platonic."

You chuckled sleepily. Admire-ing his bad jokes even at this time and moment.

"Thanx Dewey..."

"Anytime babe..." he awnsered.

You stood up, your head and body suddenly heavy with sleep. Your mind drifted for a moment, but came back to the presence of Dewey sofly poking your side. You giggled, he knew you were ticklish there, and you swatted his hand away when he tried to do it a second time. He chuckled at that, glad he made you laugh again.

You looked at the floor. Anxiety bubbling in your chest at the nagging question in your head. Could you ask him this? After all that just happened? Would he still take you serious if you did? It wasn't sexual but still as intimate as you could be, and you didn't want to seem like you weren't serious. Since... well... people... sometimes mistook cuddles for sex. You still felt anxcious and conflicted, but didn't want to sleep alone. You took a big breath, looking a bit tired and sleepy up at him. Heart thumping nervously in your chest as your hands started to sweat. You glanced at his face and when you saw a half smile creeping up his face you knew you could ask him anything.

"Dew.... would you..." you had to stop because a yawn was bugging you. You continued after wiping your face sleepily, still anxious: "would you mind sleeping with me tonight? I... just... really dont wanna be alone right now. I need some cuddles." You confessed, biting your lip as you waited for his response. Anxiety slowly spreading in your chest as you waited at his awnser.

Instead of awnsering with words Dewey got up from the couch and pulled you into a big hug, once again petting your hair while holding you tight. You sighed and felt the tension leaving your body as he held you. "Of course..." he mumbled sofly in the crook of your neck. You took a big breath through your nose, nerves calming as you were surrounded by the familiar smell of Dewey. A familiar smell of tea-tree-oil, a bit of sweat and a hint of pizza from your dinner. His body was warm and his stubble tickled your neck as he held you close. You felt safe in his arms, and less troubled. Your mind cleared with every breath you felt him take in as the two stood there together. His hands seemed to wipe every anxious, stressed thought you had away. His calloused fingers still combing trough your hair affectionately. You sighed back at him, relaxed by his caring touch: "Thanx Dew...."

......

When you lay in your bed, later that night you fell asleep quite quickly. You knew you wouldnt be alone. Dewey snored a little in his sleep, and you couldnt help but smile. Feeling safe in his strong arms as he hugged you in his sleep, you felt his calm breath on your neck. The last thing you thought before drifting off was: 'Its gonna be fine. Im gonna be okay. Dewey is with me. Whatever i happen to like or not like, feel or not feel...

Dewey is here. Right by my side.'

Tagging: @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @ironmansuucks @bugdrinkss @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings

[incandescent-creativity]

This or That Tag Game

tagged by @pens-swords-stuff !

I know this was a while ago, but I hadn’t ever seen this game before, so I knew I was going to make it a priority to do this one!

Slow Burn or Love At First Sight

Okay, so, I never had a period of my life when I read fanfiction, so I’ve never read a “true” slowburn, but I still prefer the slower route to romance, simply because first sight feels too easy? Like, yes, please, give me the competing sources of conflict. Excellent.

Fake Dating or Secret Dating

The tension of being around somebody and having to constantly check yourself, because “Am I being suspicious? Was that lingering touch too much? Do they know?” is just absolutely delicious. Plus the internal conflict of Do we tell them, how do we tell them, should we tell them... And the ultimate reveal scene... This is the trope that just keeps on giving.

Enemies to Lovers or Best Friends to Lovers

Listen, I know I have three theoretical books that basically depend on the enemies to lovers trope, but I truly have a special place in my heart for two longtime friends who have slowly nursed feelings over years for each other. It’s about the wondering, the hypothetical imagining, the quiet fear over not wanting to ruin or alienate, the angst over being able to talk over anything but not this...

Oh no, there’s only one bed! or Long-Distance with Correspondence

Again, I’ve never tried to write either of these, but you can’t go wrong with a classic one-bed-only trope.

Hurt/Comfort or Amnesia

I’m an angst writer who isn’t good at remembering or including the comfort part of hurt/comfort, so that whole genre can get frustrating for me. But I do get a kick out of amnesia! How did this happen? How do we rebuild what we lost? 

Fantasy AU or Modern AU

Considering I changed the entire genre of a seven book series to be fantasy instead of modern... I don’t think I’m allowed to choose differently lol. Fantasy is just way more fun and appealing! At least to a happy lil worldbuilder bee like me.

Mutual Pining or Domestic Bliss

I personally find the specific dynamics of mutual pining really difficult to execute correctly (and it doesn’t help that the characters can be pining for physical attention when I am asexual). Plus, I daydream about having stability and my and my partner having a home to ourselves all the time, so if I can project that onto a story or character? hell yeah

Smut or Fluff

I’ve never written a smut scene in my life and I don’t plan to start now

Canon Compliant with Missing Scene or Fix-It Fic

I’ve never written any fanfiction either, but I imagine I would find it easier to work with the majority of canon while ignoring one detail than trying to come up with a plausible explanation for what happened in the entirety.

Alternate Universe or Future Fic

Way more options, babey! Let’s jump from scifi to fantasy to post-apoc to steampunk with the reckless abandon of a drunken voyager.

One Shot or Multi-chapter

I have to work to consciously keep written works short, so it’s much easier for me to fall back on the chaptered structure. (Although ever since I launched my Patreon, short stories have gotten easier! Hell yeah)

Kid Fic or Roadtrip

Bruh I don’t even know what kid fics are. Are the characters kids? Do they have kids? Something else entirely? I also just fucking love road trips, let’s go

Reincarnation or Character Death

I suppose you’re getting the opportunity to write a beautifully impactful death scene either way, but why would you give up the opportunity to write how the characters deal with it over time? to explore who steps up to fill what roles, and why? Or worse, why would you risk cheapening all that when the dead character comes back?

Arranged Marriage or Accidental Marriage

a;dlsjfksdf how do you get accidentally married

High School Romance or Middle Aged Romance

I dunno man, I’m closer to high school than middle age, so that’s who I can relate to and understand more. Plus it’s fun to explore two characters who have to learn how to have an adult relationship after having one that maybe didn’t start that way! 

Time Travel or Isolated Together

way less research that way bro

Neighbors or Roommates

I’ve never had a roommate before, and I enjoy the idea of two people sitting in separate houses, doing laps around the room, trying to come up with excuses to go over to the other’s just to see em again.

Scifi AU or Magic AU

I know SOLE is scifi and all, but the problem with scifi is you have to make it sound like.. actual.. science... Whereas you can just chuck magic in there with some limitations you made up and call it good.

Bodyswap or Genderbend

Again, this has that whole “weird magical thing has happened that we need to freak out about and then try to figure out and solve/reverse” written all over it, and that is a fun and easy plotline to follow!

Angst or Crack

I’ve never been able to get a good definition on what crack actually is (just... something you don’t expect to actually happen? Off the wall ridiculous jokes? both? Why devote your energy to this?) so

Apocalyptic or Mundane

Depends on the type of apocalypse, of course, but yeah. Gotta have that external conflict on top of the internal ones, and external conflict is both more fun and easier when you’re navigating the end of the world.

[bardstune]

Name / Alias: INU Are you over 18?     Yes  /  No Is your muse over 18?   Yes  /  No When was your blog established? Few days ago.

– W R I T I N G –

Are you selective about who you write with? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people) / Yes (some people)  /  Highly (few people - mutuals preferred) /  Private (mutuals only)

Are you selective about who you follow? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people)  /  Yes (some people)  /  Highly (few people)

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon? Not at all  / A little  /  Some  / Mostly ( I’ve got Jaskier from the Show and Dandelion from the game and their names is how I’ll distinguish which is which. I’m also currently reading the books because of Quinn. )  /  Strictly /  Not Applicable

What post lengths do you write? One Liners  /  Single-Para  /  Multi-Para  /  Novella / All of the aforementioned

Do you use icons and/or GIFS? No  / Gifs  /  Icons  /  Yes / Sometimes

Do you write on other platforms? No  /  Yes ( Discord hi - Magic Daddy ™#4679 )

What level of plots do you write? Unplotted  /  Open-Ended Plots  /  Semi-Plotted /  Fully Plotted Epics /  All of the aforementioned

How quickly do you usually respond to threads? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks)  /  Average (1-2 weeks)  /  Fast (less than one week)  /  Very Fast (less than three days)  /  It depends Side Note: This is very important. I have diagnosed ADHD, I used to take medication for it and I probably still should to be quite frank. I can be very fast with threads, and given my line of work I have a lot of downtime to be on tumblr. The flip side of this is the thread has to have my attention. There are times where I will lose interest, get overly distracted, or just get so excited for a different idea I’ll start 200+ threads with you and the ones that have my attention I will reply to. Sometimes I’ll need a little plotting or a reminder to reply to a thread, it’s very easy for me to miss that someone replied to something, it’s one of the reasons why communication and plotting is so very important to me. 

What types of themes do you like? Adventure / Romance / Fluff  /  Angst  / Smut /  Violence /  Tragedy (Not in a thread anyway I’ll write this for drabbles).  /  Domestic  /  Family   Side note 2: I am above the age of 18, I’m actually 25, but writing sex/smut/whatever you want to call it does make me uncomfortable. I also find it boring as hell in a thread so (back to the aforementioned side note) it’ll be a quick way for me to lose interest in a thread and drop it. I’ll write everything for it up until the actual act and then I’ll skip it all honestly. I’m completely happy with talking about how they fucked if it’s important to you but otherwise if you’re here lookin’ for the nasty, my bad boys.

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? ( Feel free to add! ) High Fantasy  /  Supernatural / Science Fiction  /  Historical  /  Horror /  Comedy  / Romantic  / Drama  / Action /  Adventure  /  Espionage / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog? (Not triggers) No  /  Yes  /  Sometimes Side note 3: See side note 2. Other then that incest, dub con, non con, suicide, I ain’t writing the real nasty shit but we can hint at it? Sexual assault happens, I just am not writing it. 

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged? None here.

– S H I P P I N G –

What types of relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial / All of the aforementioned

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial / All of the aforementioned / I prefer plotting Side Note 4: All pre-established relationships, aside from things canon like Geralt and Jaskier being friends, has to be plotted. No one, not even me, can just assume our muses are banging. I believe the term for that would be god-modding. If it’s not canon, but you want it, my IM’s are open for mutals.

Do you have OTPs? No /  Chemistry Only  /  Yes

Do you have NOTPS? No  /  Yes  

What is your muse’s sexual orientation? Heterosexual  /  Heteroflexible  /  Bisexual  / Pansexual  /  Homoflexible  /  Homosexual / Demisexual /  Sapiosexual  /  ( Grey ) Asexual / Still trying to figure it out.

What is your muse’s romantic orientation? Heteroromantic  /  Heteroflexible  /  Biromantic  /  Homoflexible  /  Homoromantic   /  Panromantic /  Demiromantic /  Sapioromantic  / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out.

Are you comfortable writing smut? No  /  Selectively /  Yes

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically? Autoship  / During plotting /  After a couple IC interactions  /  Several IC interactions / Slow burn   /  Plot dependent  /  Never   Side note 6: Our muses could just breath in each others direction and I’d ship it. I just usually don’t say anything unless we’re chatting outside of the thread. This is one of the things that makes plotting so much fun and I am a huge plotter. Obviously Geralt/Jaskier are OTP but I am open to anyone and anything so long as the muses get along. Sometimes it just happens quickly, you can see the chemistry in a few interacts or read a muses about and go yeah they’d bang them. But again, communication is key to a fun writing experience. I have social anxiety, bad, but I’m a very chatty person naturally when something excites me. If I get a few words out and you reply equally enthused--you’re in for a nightmare. I will commit to you like Jaskier does to Geralt. 

Are you open to toxic ships? No / Selectively  / Yes /  I am not sure.

Are you open to problematic ships? No /  Selectively /  Yes /  I am not sure. (I have no idea what this means)

Are you open to polyshipping? No /  Selectively  /  Yes /  I am not sure.

Are you an exclusive shipper? Never (Multi-Ship)  /  Sometimes  /  Yes * Each and every relationship falls in its own separated universe unless stated otherwise.

Does crack shipping ever happen? No  /  Yes

– T A G G I N G! –

tagged by: - tagging: @geminaeisims @ashenhaiir @hweitswulf @whitewolfofriviia

[notafeeling]

hullo here's the Longass Brooklyn Nine Nine Sanders Sides AU One Person Asked For and I Desperately Wanted an Excuse to Do ahhhHHH ive talked about this so many times but im happy to do it again because i love both these fandoms GENERAL: - they work in new york at the ninety ninth precinct as detectives - the youngest is roman, followed by virgil, then patton and then logan - thomas is in this AU but not as a detective PATTON: - think charles "washing your partner's hair is the most romantic thing you can do with your fingers" mother-hen boyle - ...minus his tendencies to talk about his frankly disgusting sex life. - he loves everyone and would do anything to protect them. even if that means taking a bullet for them. he's ALWAYS on virgil's side no matter what, and would follow him to the ends of the earth - oh my god okay virgil and patton having a jake-rosa type friendship. they met in the academy and have been looking out for each other ever since. - the only time anyone's seen patton angry is when virgil got shot. the wound wasn't too bad - more of a graze really - but he had to be held back for charging after the shooter unarmed - patton seems innocent, but nothing slips past him. the arrestees try to make fun of him but he never cracks. - one time he just talked about his day with someone he arrested in the interrogation room until they finally give up and confess to "STOP HEARING ABOUT FUCKING RAINBOWS" - he's one of the best at getting confessions, but the worst at anything athletic. he has two left feet, but is scarily accurate with a gun. (the others don't know this, and patton refuses to tell them.) - he's single but wants a kid. logan doesn't know, but when he leaves his office patton sneaks in to talk to his son (explained later) - veryyyy pan and open about it relationships: - virgil, i've already discussed. they're the tightest best friends (and most protective) that you've ever seen. patton adores virgil and often, finds him crashing at his place at 3 in the morning. patton doesn't mind, since it means virgil has finally given in and quit working for the day. - with roman, patton isn't as intense with his worrying but he is ALWAYS concerned about him. patton hates seeing him get hurt - and even worse, getting shit for being gay. patton has gotten quite a few close-minded cops fired. often, patton's the only one roman will turn to when he's going through a rough patch. - patton respects logan. it took a while for them to warm up to each other but now it's not uncommon to see pat seated inside logan's office (who has tried and failed to get patton to call him Captain Sanders. pat may be respectful but "captain" isn't in his vocabulary unless it's applied to pirates") LOGAN: - the captain of the detective squad. he was the newest addition to the ro-pat-virge friendship and took the longest to get along with them. - he's very much a holt - a frickin genius, bad at expressing emotions but understands them and incredibly... extra. - he loves annoying roman because his detective often has no clue he's doing it on purpose. virgil has more of an idea, but he's still clueless in logan's opinion. - for someone so strict, he's incredibly relaxed when it comes to any of the three using his office for games such as "who can do the most accurate and offensive impression of one of the other suckers outside this room" - more often than not he's walked in to see roman moving robotically and using sophisticated words... incorrectly. that bugs logan more than the terrible robot impression. - he loves puzzles and analysing people. however, he's slightly ashamed of the fact that he has a psychology degree. - logan's divorced and has a fifteen year old kid named thomas. rarely - very rarely - the others catch a glimpse of the teen being brought into his office by a strange woman and logan trying his best to entertain the kid all day. his worst fear is thomas being hurt because of him - he's asexual and demi(homo)romantic, but he's not open about it. he's only told roman - and that was when ro convinced him to go to the annual precinct party and he got a little drunk. relationships: - he trusts patton the most, but is closest with roman. something about his infuriating detective makes him interested in hearing whatever dramatic adventure roman went on that day. plus, he's incredibly fun and easy to get riled up. through roman's influence he's allowed himself to get closer with everyone and relax a tiny smidge. - patton, he adores. the detective is so bubbly and so much more complex than logan originally credited. patton insists on heart-to-hearts which end up with logan revealing the truth about thomas and patton saying he already knew, and explaining that he always plays with him. logan admires patton's charisma, but loathes how easily he trusts everyone. one day, patton's gonna get hurt doing that. - with virgil, they're the Salty Bros. logan finds himself sharing virgil's dislike of small talk and worry over patton. they think he'll be taken advantage of. anyways, he walked in one of virgil's panic attacks and talked him through it. ever since, virgil goes to him if not patton and logan closes his blinds and shuts his office for the rest of the day. no one is allowed in unless it's life or death as he cares for virge as delicately as possible. virgil's the second to be (accidentally) introduced to his kid because of this. VIRGIL: - he's the hardest working out of the lot of them and, when trying to solve a particularly tough case, almost refuses to go home. by day three patton intervenes and drags him to his house and forces him to sleep. - he hates people getting hurt. he blames himself every single time - it's a habit that logan tries to get him out of. patton doesn't know (or so he thinks) and roman, well, roman's the same. - virgil's sort of like an amy/gina fusion (discussed with sam). he starts off not really caring about anyone apart from patton who he's known forever, but now he'd die for them. often, he tries to take bullets (both literally and figuratively) for them. roman hates this and once, the time virgil got hit, he took refused to look at him until he finally exploded and yelled at him for risking himself like that - logan and patton steered clear of that argument and let them work it out. it ended with ro and virge crying but reconciled. - virgil is uncomfortable around young kids because he's afraid he'll somehow hurt them or teach them a new swear, but with teenagers he knows to either let them rant or mutually ignore each other on their phones. (it doesn't apply to thomas though - which struck virgil as odd. maybe more on that later?) - he's... not straight. that's all he knows and everyone thinks he's just closed about it, but they know he's not straight too. relationships: - closest with patton and trusts him the most. they've kissed once in the rush of the moment and it frustrates him that patton never brings it up (but then again, that's such a relief because virgil can't deal with emotions). above all, they're best friends. have been for what feels like forever. virgil loves patton more than anything (take that any way you want because virge can't tell which way it is either) - he and roman are the dramatic pair. somehow there's always Something crazy to talk about whenever they see each other. roman is like a brother to virgil - they fight, sure, but at the end of the day, they would kill anyone who hurt the other. - he loves complaining about things with logan. he also loves teasing him over every little thing - but logan returns it with sniping comebacks. virgil loves these. he helps logan stop stressing and is often the one who invites him out to places, knowing what it feels like to be excluded. he rants about the State of the World™ and logan pitches in with his own bits of wisdom. to virgil, logan is a comforting presence. he seems invincible to virgil (until the day thomas insults logan out of Teen Angst™™™ and his captain shuts off completely, unmoving and unable to stop virgil panicking). ROMAN: - athletic, sassy and incredibly talented. he was the first to the precinct but is the youngest (but shhh, the others are unaware considering he refuses to have a birthday party). he's the tallest though, and loves teasing them for it. - he may be gay af but he flirts with anyone his age, and often virgil or logan has to drag roman away from the holding cell ("i was just asking for proof of identity!" "you asked for his number." "...his social security number!!!") - He Has A Boyfriend (no one knows who it is. it's an open polyamorous relationship and boyfriend singular is an understatement. they'll stop by but because it's not the same consistent boyfriend the others just haven't made the connection) - he's only been broken up with once. it was his first ever longterm boyfriend, and it was a few months after he became apart of the ninety-ninth precinct. virgil saw and that's how that started talking - with virge awkwardly comforting a stranger shoving chocolate into his mouth. - roman once had to go undercover but only logan knows this (since he knows everything about everyone, not because he sent ro on it). when he came back, patton was the newest member of the squad and virgil hung around him and only him. it was lonely as fuck, but roman had learnt during his time undercover that your real emotions could never be shown. he employs dramatic gestures and sugared words to destroy the memories of the things he's done. if the world loves him, maybe he'll love himself one day. relationships: - he and virgil have since reconnected. roman lied about why he was gone for so long and virge let the topic drop. he goes to virgil to help patch him up after a chase because he knows his friend wouldn't spill. roman's bitter about virgil's relationship with patton because he was replaced, but he won't say anything. he has to be a good friend. virgil needs more support than he does, in roman's opinion. - he gifts logan puzzles with thousands of pieces. they take forever to find but he loves seeing the stoic captain smile. roman's the only one to call him captain, but nowadays he doesn't do it as often. his method of relieving logan's stress involves gossiping and trying to throw dance parties in his office. logan is the only one he trusts to talk about Memories™ with, because somehow, his captain always knows the right thing to say. - him and patton are like two peas in a pod. they're always coming up with crazy ideas and they both care so much about everything and everyone. he doesn't blame patton for virgil being better friends with him than ro, but when he and pat go out and he gets reallyyyy drunk, he tells him how much it hurts sometimes (among other things that roman doesnt remember revealing about himself in the morning) THOMAS: - he was only 12 when his parents got divorced. he mostly lives with his mum. she complains about logan a lot, so over the years he's gotten a negative opinion of him. however, recently he's started seeing his father more because he LOVES the police station. - he especially loves patton, who brings him cookies. virgil strikes him as odd but once they found they shared their love of MCR, thomas actually slips out of logan's office to seek him out. - he's actually very sweet when it comes down to it. with patton, he refuses to swear and with virgil, he swears to tell v off for swearing. a week before christmas he gives patton a bear from build-a-bear and virgil purple earphones, but he does so by leaving them on logan's desk as he and logan leave for the day, because he knows patton lets himself in and would see it and give virgil his present. - he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. he really likes helping people but also, a small part of him wants to be able to take care of his dad should the need arise. - thomas also is Aware of everything relationship-wise in the precinct (aside for anything about roman, who he still hasn't met yet.)