#full disclosure: i literally came up with this right now lol

[missr3n3]

Are there others like Six around Earth, or is he the only one on the planet?

man it sure would suck if there were others, right? especially considering how easy it is to hide one's identity on the internet, n how that would give them so, so much more access to human victims...

[shohokubasket]

Mitsui/Kogure Postype Fics

In case there are any mitsugure/mitko shipper fans out there and curious about some of the fanfiction that is out there, I am posting a few of the fanfics from Postype (a Korean blogging site, often used for fanfiction and fanart) that I've really liked!

For all of these fics posted here you can view them for free and don't need to set-up an account 😄 (adult-rated fics and fics with payments require an account to view )

I'll start with just a couple, and will add more if anyone is interested 👀

Re: Translation

Full disclosure I do not know/speak Korean, so I often just start reading these just with Google Translate and I'm able to get the gist of everything! I also recommend using Deepl and Papago for a little more context/nuance, if you'd like and/or if you have time for that lol.

Re: Names

Since these are Korean authors, about 90% of the time the characters' Korean localized names are used (Kogure Kiminobu = Kwon Junho, Mitsui Hisashi = Jung Daeman*).

*The machine translations will translate some of the Korean names to a literal meaning-so "Chisoo" (Akagi) will translate as "Dimensions", "Baekho" (Sakuragi) will sometimes translate as "White Tiger", etc. This is that case here where Daeman will translate to Taiwan (a literal meaning) pretty much everytime. If I remember correctly I think Korean fans have noted that it's kind of an older ("very 1980s") name.

Links to the fic are in the title (all the "tags" are what I would subjectively tag the fics and not what the authors tagged, just FYI)

My Personal Favorites 🥰

해나미 국수 (Toshikoshi Soba)

Author: Spockkie

"Junho, what about you?" "...Huh?" "If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you want to do?"

Tags: 1990s/ Adult Room mates/ Confession / New Years Eve

손가락 (Finger) [Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3]

Author: 날치

Junho recalled the face that came out to see him off at the gym door just a few hours ago. The figure standing hesitantly as if it had something to say. The hand repeatedly opened and folded his palm as if he was going to jump right in and carry his bag. When he remembered his face with his lips twitching with an expression as if he was about to say something, a smile came naturally.

Tags: Canon AU / Kwon (Kogure) Family OCs / Hospitals / Illness/ Angst

Cute Fluff 🌼

충전 완료 (Charging Complete)

Author: apollo

They say that when you get married, you're newlyweds for up to 10 years. We've been together for more than 10 years, so why do we feel like newlyweds now?

Tags: Medical Doctor (Hospitalist)! Junho / Recently Retired Basketball Player! Daeman / 30s

용기있는 자가 권준호를 차지한다 (A courageous person takes out Kwon Junho)

Author: jet

True courage is not about stepping forward at any time, but being able to step forward when faced with a situation that requires courage. Then shouldn't I, Jung Daeman, be courageous here? For Kwon Junho, who seems to be in trouble?

Tags: Canon AU / High School / Not Together

If you like Wattpad-esque, fan-culture centered fics, these are for you! 🤭

오타쿠는 억울해 (Otaku's Are Unfair)

Author: 날치

“What number is our room?” “Room 1405.” “…Kwon Jun-ho, did you rent that room on purpose?”

Tags: OC POV / Kpop Idol! Junho / Pro Basketball Player! Daeman / Modern AU / Social Media (Twitter)

내가 좋애 (My Favorite Person/My "Bias")

Author: 농놀하는 기나긴겨울

Besides, basketball? A few years ago, she didn't even know the rules of basketball. Now, however, she has become a strong fan of basketball, where you can recite the rules of basketball, when to when the season will be, what year the game was, and what kind of great game it is, and pay half a dozen times for all-star ticketing. Once again, her fave was never Jung Daeman. But why did she become a basketball fiend? It was because her favorite actor, Kwon Junho, was a fan of Jung Daeman.

Tags: OC POV/ Actor!Junho / Pro Basketball Player!Daeman / Modern AU / Humor

*BONUS* Seongji (Moroboshi) => Junho (Kogure) => Daeman (Mitsui) 👀

이렇게 될 거면 (If It's Going to Be Like This)

Author: 농놀하는 기나긴겨울

"Anyway, that's great jumping ability. I've seen it before, but your reflexes are really excellent." The compliments he gave me with his gentle face were extremely sweet. Have the Buksan guys received this kind of praise? Suddenly, that thought passed by for a moment. While I was thinking about that, Kwon Junho approached me smiling. "Ma Seongji, I heard you also joined this school, but I didn't know we would meet like this"

Tags: Unrequited Love / University AU / Modern AU

[matan4il]

So, it's just a funny story for exhausted shippers I have been seeing lately. Honestly, I'd like to buy you all Gatorade and power bars for doing the heavy lifting all these years.. So here's my story to maybe give you hope.

I watched season 1. Fine, it was good. I'm happy to turn on 2. The moment Eddie was introduced to what a man, while Buck stared at him, I literally groaned. My husband asked, "What's wrong" and my only reply was that an army of shippers was just born.

Full disclosure after that, I hated shipping them. I actually anti shipped them because listen, I have seen this story before, and I didn't like the ending.

So begin seasons of my husband looking at me every time they were on screen just to see me roll my eyes. I explained so many times that it's ridiculous how much they are giving shippers who probably won't get a payout. Worst, yet that dick (I love him, mind you) always turned it into a joke. Random times, he would just quip what do you think Eddie and Bucks' wedding will be like? I swear he's an amazing man, don't judge!

So when Anna came along, I was actually relieved. Like this solves my shipping problem. But I disliked her so. Worst, I lost all Buddie and Christopher goodness, so I then regretted my eye rolls.

OK, so then Taylor was back. Maybe this could fix it for me for a few reasons. I yes disliked Anna and Eddie. However, Buck is my favorite, and when she came back, well, I always viewed her a bit like Bucks white whale. (Between you, me, and the igloo, I will also admit.... I always thought Anna made Buck sad). So here is my insecure boy. Shit went down with Albert and the neighbor girl. Eddie was occupied with Anna. So, OK, I can deal with this because yeah, Buck, you won...... But you can guess it..... I hated it!!!

Honest, I wasn't even sold it was gonna happen after the lasagna dinner. I just don't see any way the story doesn't end up Buddie now though.

My main point is this. If you are a bummed anon because you think the showrunners are trying to squash Buddie. Well, they have done a really shitty job if so. Here I am reluctantly waiting after 5 and half seasons..

Hi Nonnie!

LOL I absolutely love this ask, ‘coz trust me, I get it. We’ve all been there, we’ve all seen same sex ships that we knew would never become canon. We all know that even outside the same sex, it’s always a risk, loving a subtextual ship when it comes to the question of whether it would go canon. And that’s the place you were coming from, right? You were anti-shipping them ‘coz you thought they would be terrible together, you were anti-shipping ‘coz you didn’t want to get invested in a couple that you’d never get to see actually going canon. And the fact that Buddie won you over in spite of that says everything about their power as a couple, and as a family unit together with Chris. It’s so heartwarming and beautiful, it’s worth shipping despite the risks. So thank you for sharing your journey! I enjoyed (and laughed) reading about each of the stations along the way, and I’m so glad to know that you joined us! Yep, if the showrunners keep getting everyone to this place, sometimes kicking and screaming against their will, that has to say something!

Thank you so much for this, hope you have an amazing day! As always, here’s my ask tag. xoxox

[wisehq]

Mission Debrief: Chapter 43

...IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING-!

Alright, before we get into it- full disclosure; the hivemind is in full swing at the Operation Strix discord server, so pretty much anything I write here is going to be an amalgamation of all the conspiracy theories and reactions we vomited out as soon as the chapter dropped. On that same note, I think writing these the day after will start to be the norm. Just so I have the chance to calm myself before going on a twenty-page tangent about everything Endo may or may not be planning.

Okay [deep breath] let’s get into it.

First, let’s start off with Franky, before we get into the juicy stuff.

When the chapter first started, I thought we were going to get backstory on Franky. Endo seemed to be alluding to this on his twitter page, and I was actually interested in possibly seeing more about his and Twilight’s relationship. Of course that didn’t end up happening; instead we got another side story about Franky trying to get some action by finding a lady’s lost cat, but seeing as how it’s Franky we’re talking about it seemed appropriate. Also, how can I be upset when-

The princess herself arrives! I gotta say, I loved the lightheartedness of most of this chapter. Yor’s always a delight, and pairing her together with Franky was a smart move on Endo’s part. They built off each other’s wackiness and I love this moment with the two of them. Just like with Twilight, we see that Franky genuinely wants to make the world a better place (and also get rich along the way) and Yor’s so impressed with him. I also liked that moment where Franky is surprised to find Yor still playing Loid’s wife even when he isn’t there- much like how he was with Anya while he was babysitting her. Just another little nod to the fact that he sees the Forger girls as being more than players in a game of elaborate house.

Then- just a quick thing before we get into what I know we all want to talk about- it’s interesting to me that Franky isn’t a one-man operation. He has a whole network of informants that he works with, and it makes sense that someone in his line of work has a many ears on the wall as possible. It’s a surefire way to stay plugged into the goings-on of the Ostanian underworld, unless of course...

...They get taken out by Garden.

AGHGHGHGHGH ALRIGHT, OK LET’S GO-

Garden. We finally have a name for Yor’s group now; we thought it was The Shop for the longest time, but apparently that’s only part of it. Yor alluded to this briefly back in ch. 29 when she described The Shop was being in charge of information gathering, and once their job was done it was Yor’s turn to come in and do the actual assassination. In this sense we see The Shop was being more of a support role in the same way that Franky is, though it’s still safe to assume the Shopkeeper is still in charge of both The Shop and Garden. At least for now- until we get more information to say otherwise, anyway.

Of course, the interesting thing is our silhouetted figures standing in this panel- not to mention the fact that Franky states that all the members are capable of taking on a whole troop of soldiers (for reference, a troop ranges between 9 and 100 men, though it usually hovers around 50). We know Yor is capable of doing this, but now that we also know the other assassins of Garden are as well, it begs the question; is Yor’s strength truly a unique thing in this world? And if it isn’t, what could be the source of it?

OSO-R, the drug used during the Tennis arc, was described as being in its trial stages. I originally chalked up it’s fast development time as just being part of manga logic, although I’m now starting to question that theory. It’s possible the roadmap for OSO-R has been around for much longer than first thought, and may find its traces back to when the war had just ended. Loid describes Garden as having been around for some time. We also know that Yor was just a child when she started up her assassination gig, so it’s possible that she and others like her may be have been exposed to a serum similar to OSO-R a decade or so before. Given Ostania’s track record of human experimentation, the scenario is possible.

Also going back to what Franky describes as “the shadow government”; it’s interesting that we’re hearing rumblings of a government operating outside the public’s view literally one chapter after we were just introduced to the concept of a royal class at some point in Ostania’s past. There’s a lot of things that cab be construed from this (such as Garden serving an authority that doesn’t necessarily align with Donovan and the government) but listing everything would just turn this review into one long-winded mess. So instead, we’re gonna entertain a fun theory- one that may or may not be true, but if it *does* end up being confirmed later on down that road, you heard it here first.

*ahem*

Mr. Green is a part of Garden.

Allow me to state my case.

When ch. 39 came out, I found it very unusual that a brand new character we haven’t seen before got a majority of the panel-time alongside Damian and the boys. It wasn’t very suspicious at the time, given that we’d just been introduced to Becky’s maid Martha, so we all just assumed Endo was building up his side characters a bit. For all intents and purposes, that may very well be the case.

However.

I know one person in particular who latched onto this panel right here, and for good reason; why would a security guard stationed at a school nowhere close to the border know about code words being used by people trying to cross over illegally? Yes, he was supposedly in the navy, but the way he phrases it here heavily implies that these code words are a recent affair, or at the very least are still being used currently. Why would he know that? Even if he was in the military, it’s information that has absolutely nothing to do with being in the navy.

Mr. Green is also very strong; strong enough to make the boys think they were going down rapids when in actuality it was just him rowing so fast. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever paddled a boat before, but it’s hard work- and it’s certainly difficult to the get that boat going at cruising speed, let alone fast enough to cause rapids. Yor’s the only one we’ve seen with strength like that and- yes, Green was supposedly in the navy, but at this point in time we don’t know anything else about him. We don’t know what he did after the war, nor do we know how he wound up in Eden Academy in the first place.

This is where we start going deep down the rabbit hole. Hang on.

This gentleman who we’ve never seen before is clearly aware that Garden exists, or at the very least is privy to Yor’s actual job. Much like how WISE has plants within Loid’s hospital, this man likely works to support Yor in some way. If such is the case, we can likely assume that- because the shadow government is supporting Garden- they would have their assassins posted in key areas for various reasons, likely to keep an eye out for traitors or to keep them spread out to cover a wide area should the need ever arise to deploy them.

We’ve only ever see Yor target traitorous politicians and outright terrorists (I realize this one is just a daydream, but you get my point). It would make sense, seeing as how she works at city hall and it would likely put her in an advantageous position when hunting them down. Of course, politicians aren’t the only people who might catch Garden’s attention. Given the amount of political and economic unrest that is currently going on in the country, there likely would be some people who would be fed up with the state of things. Such people may not be like Franklin Perkin- someone who would take direct action against the government- but instead would rather try to steer others towards a mindset that stands in opposition to Ostania. Such a person may try to target more impressionable people- people who are likely to listen and learn from an authority figure in their lives. People like...small children.

Eden students.

Garden. Eden. I see what you’re doing there, Endo.

Traitorous professors? Renegade academics? It would make sense to have a Garden assassin stationed at the most prestigious school in the country; the amount of information and contacts that are positioned around there are second to none, and what better way to suppress insurrection than at the source, at the very foundations of knowledge itself? Also, for kicks and giggles, let’s not forget that the name Mr. Green certainly fits with the plant motif Endo is going for with his assassin group (Garden. Thorn Princess. Briar. You catch my drift?)

Am I grasping at straws? Probably lol. I’d also like to reiterate that this is in no way all my thinking- a lot of crazy people put their brains together for this one, good or bad. But hey, it’s about all we can do until the next chapter! And at the very least, it’s a lot of fun to wonder what-if!

Also, BONUS

...She’s coming.

[goddamnitkastle]

Tell Me Where Your Heart Is

Hello Brooke! (@the-restless-brook)! Yes, I am your Kastle Secret Santa. Ta da! 

You prompted me with “anything cozy, domestic, or angsty (as long as there’s a happy ending).” 

So full disclosure I really had no idea what I was gonna come up with for your gift. I thought about doing some sort of AU for you (because you really are the the Queen of the Kastle AUs) but that ended up being a red herring cause Season 2 of Virgin River came out and OH BOY did I get inspired lol

And so I ultimately decided to go full on angst, which I hope you will like. There is a happy ending, I promise. And there’s also a couple Marvel/Netflix Universe nuggets I threw in, I hope you’ll catch them :)

But to keep it simple, here’s a post The Punisher Season 2 fic in which Frank and Karen meet up at Josie’s. Will they make their way back to each other? (well, yeah, duh but it will be an angsty ride).

Enjoy! And Happy Holidays, Kastle Fam! <3

Josie’s on a Monday is pretty dead, even in December. Honestly a graveyard is more lively on this weekday than the bar in Hell’s Kitchen, despite the homely effort of the Christmas decorations put up by Josie herself. So when Karen comes strolling in, just dodging the light rain, and takes a seat, she’s not surprised by the look on the bar owner’s face.

“Wow. Must’ve been a hell of a day. Starting early for the week, huh?”

“I guess you can say that. Can I get a bourbon?” Karen asks as she places a twenty down on the bar top.

“You got it.”

Josie turns around and grabs the Four Roses bottle off the shelf. Karen takes a quick survey of the scene, clocks everyone here. Rob and Mira Donohue are having drinks at the table by the pinball machine and Tom Belkin is at the pool table with a friend.

“Here ya go, love.” Josie places the glass in front of her and takes the twenty. Karen takes a sizeable sip, tries to focus on the burn going down her throat rather than her rattling nerves. She doesn’t miss Josie’s eyes go wide though when she gives her her change. 

“Hey should I be worried tonight, Page? This isn’t your usual night and look, I don’t mind... usually…”

“It’s fine, Josie. I’m just... meeting someone. And I need this place to be quiet. I think they need... quiet.”

Josie shakes her head, walks over to the end of the bar. She pulls back a small curtain, revealing a safe hidden under the register. She turns the combination lock, opens it, and pulls out a 9mm.

“Josie come on, that’s not…”

“It’s a precaution. I do trust you... usually... but I got an establishment to protect.” Josie says as she ejects and checks the mag.

She clips it back in and clicks the safety off when the bell rings by the entrance door. Karen resists turning around, even though she is dying to see him.

God how long has it been since the hospital she thinks.

She goes for another sip of bourbon, tries to feign casualness even though his very presence has changed the mood of this dull Monday night. The Donohues have stopped talking and Tom and his friend have stopped playing. Heavy boots pad their way to the bar. Out of the corner of her eye, Frank Castle comes into her line of sight. He’s in all black, sporting a full beard, and scowling, but it doesn’t feel lethal to her. Josie though is gripping her gun like a lifeline.

“What can I do for you... scary hipster?” Josie asks.

Karen has to choke down her laughter. She covers her mouth with her hand and squeezes her eyes shut.

“I’ll just take a beer.”

Frank sits down a seat away from Karen and the tension lifts once Josie clicks the safety back on. The bar patrons resume their activities as she quickly serves Frank a beer, gun still in hand. Josie walks toward the end of the bar toward the safe but not before giving Karen a quick I will never let you in here again if there’s trouble tonight look. She just shrugs in response.

Neither of them say anything for a good while. Karen just focuses on her bourbon. Frank was the one who called her, he can start this. Not like she has anywhere to be...

Although drinking at Josie’s on a Monday night isn’t exactly at the top of her list.

“Hell of a place you picked.”

“Didn’t know what I was getting into. Knew it wouldn’t be crowded here... and I needed a drink.”

“What about your place? Don’t tell me you had to move again…” Frank cracks as he takes a swig of his beer.

“Nope, I’m still there.”

Frank takes a step closer to her. Karen can’t help it, she turns to face him and take him in. No bruises and his hair is growing out again. He looks the way he did when he first came back into her life, just without a blanket and not asking for change.

“Wasn’t sure you were gonna say yes to meeting me.”

“I wasn’t either. Still debating on leaving, actually…”

“Do you want to?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

“Okay. You can go.”

“Right.”

Karen starts to get up and she wishes she missed Frank’s face. Looking like a puppy who got kicked for chewing on someone’s flip flop.

“Hey.” Frank says intensely as he grips her arm. “Come on. Don’t…”

“Don’t what, Frank?”

“Don’t... go.”

“You literally told me I could go. Look, what do you want Frank? Can you just tell me why you called…”

“I will when you stop this.”

“Stop what?”

“Being pissed at me.”

“Being pissed... oh boy.”

She bites down on her bottom lip; a suppression to not straight up scream at him.

“I want to talk, Karen. But if you need to say something to me just say it. Just get it out in the open so that we can move forward.”

His eyes bore into hers. Karen hopes Frank isn’t looking into her soul, he doesn’t get to do that anymore. She knows she needs to break this, needs to move on. He chose the war. He chose to continue being The Punisher. The people that care about him, the peace he could have found... he pushed it all away. And he can’t just decide to want it now after almost a year of silence.

“Fine. I do have some things to say. But first, you’re gonna buy me a drink. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She walks back over to the bar and sets her bag and coat down again on the chair. Frank follows. Josie saunters over.

“Another bourbon, Page?”

“No I’d like two shots of whiskey please. He’s buying.”

Karen jerks her head toward Frank who immediately pulls out a wad of cash from his coat pocket.

“You got it.”

Josie walks away to get the shots. Karen takes a seat and Frank takes the one next to her.

“Didn’t take you for a hard liquor kind of girl.”

Karen opens her mouth, then closes it. How exactly is she supposed to respond to that? People have been making assumptions about her all her life and she’s in no mood to tell Frank that he’s wrong.

“But I guess I don’t know that much about you, do I? You always... surprise me.”

The genuineness throws Karen off. She wonders if she should cut him some slack. It’s not like they owe each other anything. The connection that Madani had told her they had will probably always be there but as it stands she doesn’t fit into his life and vice versa. What’s the point in trying to make it work?

“No. You don’t know anything about me.” She says after a prolonged pause.

Josie comes back with the shots and makes herself scarce again. Karen takes the shot and gestures to other one.

“Come on.”

“Jesus…” Frank mutters.

“Not into hard liquor like me? Wait. Let me guess. You actually love wine.”

“I do actually.”

He stares at the shot glass then back at her. He sighs and downs it. The grimace he makes is brief, but then he turns back to her and she knows what has to come next.

“It’s been a year since the hospital Frank. ” Karen starts as she rotates her empty shot glass with her fingertips.

“I think. I’m honestly not sure… anyway. I thought we were done. I thought you were finally out of my life and then those pot of white roses landed on my desk last week and… I really don’t understand what you want for me at this point. If it’s to get information I am not going to do that for you. If you are looking to reconnect I don’t want that either. Not while you continue to wage this war of yours that you chose. Over life. Over love. Over… me.”

She places the shot glass down, the clink on the wooden bar top being the loudest noise in her ears.

“I’m sorry. About that day. And I’m sorry I never called you after that. But I thought you understood.”

“Understood?”

“Why I am doing this. Why I couldn’t accept what you were offering me that day in the hospital. I lost my entire family, Karen. I had to watch them die and then bury them. You can’t even begin to imagine…”

“I’ve buried people that I loved. I absolutely know what you are going through. I know hurt. I know guilt. I know how it feels to want to drive a knife into this world just to feel like I had some kind of control over it. So don’t you dare try to tell me how I feel. I just…”

Karen huffs as she runs her fingers through her hair. Frank scratches at his beard, clearly processing.

“Do you think I like feeling like this? I am never going to see Maria again. I am never going to hold Lisa or Frankie Jr. in my arms. They are gone, Karen. And it is my fault that they are gone. If I let myself love you…”

“Frank…”

“It’s just a risk I can’t take. If anything happened to you… I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”

Frank’s trigger finger taps away on the bar top.

“So is that it? Is that why you called me? To tell me that you will forever be stuck in this black hole of a life? Stuck in a war that can never be won and you think it’s what you deserve?”

“It is what I deserve.”

“No it’s not Frank. The loss of your family… that is something that you will carry with you with the rest of your life. And the grief will always come straight at you, unexpectedly. But you deserve an after…”

“Karen, no…”

“You do. I know you can’t see it but you will come to a day where you’ll be able to think about them but still go on with your life. And that won’t feel like a betrayal...”

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I should’ve never called you.”

He practically bounds out of the bar stool and heads for the door.

“Frank!” Karen shouts.

The door swings and he’s gone.

This is a crossroads moment. Karen can feel it. She could let him go, never see him again. Maybe at last find peace with this pain. Find someone else to build a life with.

“You love him don’t you?”

Karen turns around to find Josie looking at her. She’s cleared their shot glasses away and is washing them in the sink.

“Josie…”

“Don’t try to deny it. And he loves you too.”

“Yeah, sure he does.” Karen replies sarcastically.

“He does. I remember that news story a while about that crazy asshole who shot up that hotel trying to kill ya and that senator or whatever. I read that he took a few bullets for you. That’s love.”

“How did you... nevermind. Yes, that is true, but then when I offered the option to love someone else, he said he didn’t want to.”

‘Yeah but then he asked to see you again. Timing is a bitch, that much I know. Come on, at least go out there and give the man a hug. Man looks like he could use one.”

Karen turns back to the front door. Before she can process it she is heading out the door, barely catching Josie‘s laugh.

The sharp, winter air hits her and the light rain Is back. Karen looks down both sides of the street, knowing that he is probably long gone by now. The man knows how to disappear, and will only be found if he wants to.

She goes to her left to head home. As she turns the corner, he’s there. Against the wall of Josie‘s, barely standing.

“Frank?”

She walks toward him but he doesn’t acknowledge her. He looks so broken, looking up at the sky.

“You belong with someone else, Karen. Not with me.”

“Don’t.”

“You do.”

“Well I don’t want someone else, Frank. I want you.”

He turns away from the sky and stares at her, wide eyed.

“Yeah. It’s still on the table. But if you’re not even going to open yourself up to the possibility of an after… And I’m not saying an after with me. I mean for yourself. If you won’t even allow yourself to try to find it then it’s not going to work. I need hope, Frank. I need to believe that there is a better world to make and to be had. Even if that means I am not going to be around for it. I am still going to try to leave it better than I found it.”

“Who was it?” Frank asks after a few moments.

“What?”

“Who did you bury?”

“My mom. My brother, Kevin.”

“Tell me about them?”

“Okay. Walk me to my car?”

She thought it would be a lot harder to tell him about what happened to her mom and Kevin, about who she was before she came to New York City. But it fell out of her, everything. He doesn’t interject nor interrupt her. They’re still a block away when she’s done talking.

They reach her car as Karen fishes for her keys. They are stuck at the bottom of her bag and she groans in frustration. She had almost forgotten that Frank is still with her but then she feels a hand lightly touch her shoulder.

“Karen.”

She looks up. He is looking better but there is still that same lingering, soul crushing sadness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

The sincerity of his apology stuns Karen. Then it comes back. The memory of when she told Matt about what happened to Kevin.

“Jesus Karen.”

Matt was wrapped up in trying to take down Fisk at the time. Karen was trying to pull Matt back, she knew it wasn’t the right time to tell him. She knows he would’ve probably have had a different reaction under different circumstances. Karen knows this. But Karen would be lying if his response didn’t haunt her dreams every now and then.

“Well I should get home. If you ever wanna talk… well I’m sure you’ll reach me somehow. I’ll keep an eye out for another pot of roses.”

She gets her car door open and climbs into the seat. She turns the key in the ignition but the engine stalls.

“Come on.”

Karen keeps turning the key but the engine continues to stall.

Frank knocks on her windshield window.

“Hey, let me check. I can probably jumpstart your car.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Jesus Karen.”

“I don’t want you here, Karen.”

Karen smacks the steering wheel repeatedly and then screams. And screams. And screams.

“Karen! Karen!”

Frank’s voice is muffled and Karen barely registers that he’s opened her door and is pulling her out of the car.

“Karen it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

The screams turn into sobs and Karen stops trying to pull away from Frank.

She doesn’t know how long they stand there in the light rain while he holds her. Her crying does subside in time and all Karen feels is his heartbeat and his hand running up and down her back.

“I know. I know.” He keeps repeating into her ear.

Frank asks if Karen wants a ride home. Karen just simply nods, now realizing that her legs are numb.

“Okay. Let me make a quick phone call.”

Frank gets on the phone and says hi to Micro. Karen manages a small smile. Good to know that he’s not dead.

“Okay so Micro is calling in some favors. Your car is gonna get towed to a lot nearby. I will take care of it tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Frank.”

“Let’s get you home.”

Frank holds his hand out and Karen takes it. 

...

It takes an hour but they arrive in Karen’s neighborhood. Frank has to park ten minutes away from her apartment, which has him apologizing and cursing alternate side parking in one breath.

Karen feels simultaneously exhausted and wired. Frank hasn’t taken her hand in his since they got out of his van but they keep drifting and bumping into each other as they walk.

“Thanks for driving me back.”

“You’re welcome. You okay?”

“Yeah I just… I told Matt. About Kevin. And it... wasn’t the best timing and I had never told anyone before that moment and…”

“Yeah well I don’t think altar boy has the best bedside manner. Even on a good day.”

Karen can’t help but laugh. They walk up the front steps of her apartment building.

“Don’t worry about your car. It’ll be safe. I’ll pick it up tomorrow and take it to the shop. It’s probably the alternator.”

They reach her door.

“Okay so I have your car keys but you probably need these back.”

He hands her the rest of her key ring. He turns to go down the steps, their fingers interlocking around each other.

“So hold onto it. You have everything. Use two hands and never let go.”

Never let go.

Never let...

She grips on his fingers and he turns around. She doesn’t say or do anything but hold on to the key ring and his fingers. They just stare at each other but something changes, something shifts.

He walks back up the two steps, and they’re now face to face.

Karen can’t explain it but she’s filled with such a longing that she thought she had buried a long time ago.

They are still holding on to her key ring, the metal becoming warm from the heat of their hands. She inches closer and closer to his face, eventually ghosting her lips over his.

Karen places a small kiss on his mouth. He doesn’t react, which isn’t surprising, so she tries again. She can feel how taken aback he is but he starts to reciprocate soon enough. He angles his mouth as she pushes her tongue past his teeth, his hands cup her face as she wraps her arms around his neck.

The flurry and fury of their movements push them up the stairs. Karen has never been more grateful for her one floor walk up. He gets the door open as she gets to work on getting his jacket off. He helps her out of hers with ease, his mouth never leaving hers.

Karen is trying to take it all in but it’s too much. The ridges of the scars on his skin that have stories and how she wants to know all of them. How strong he is, taking her shirt off with a gentle force she has never felt. How soft his hair is, how his beard feels so fucking good on her neck.

They fall into her bed, still partially clothed but Karen doesn’t mind, she’s content to just kiss him and hold him close to her.

His mouth leaves hers and Karen tries to reach for it but stops. It’s that stare of his again. But it’s different this time. She’s seen him vulnerable but never this vulnerable. He honestly looks terrified.

“Frank what is it? We can stop…”

“No. I want to. I want this... I just... when we’re not together... when I don’t see you... it scares me. And I tried to hide from that feeling all year. Karen don’t…”

She runs her hands through his hair and he frames her head with his.

“It’s okay. It’s okay Frank.”

Instinctually, her hand slides down to his chest. Over his fast beating heart.

“It’s safe. You’re safe.”

She reaches for his face, her finger tips brushing against his lips. He kisses her palm and she pulls him back in.

...

Frank is warm. A comfortable warm, not the searing kind that comes from his nightmares. Hands are wrapped around his head and his face is pressed against soft skin. Karen’s skin. This stillness, after all that transpired last night between them, is strangely comforting. As is her slow, deep breathing. And when she wakes up, a smile forming at the sight of him, he still wonders if this is all a dream. 

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

“How do you feel?” Karen asks as she pushes away a strand of hair from his forehead.

“Happy.” Franks answers honestly. 

“That’s good.”

“And safe.” Frank admits quietly.

“That’s exactly how I want you to feel.”

“I do. With you.”

“So do I.”

He reaches for her face, brushes the pad of his thumb on her cheek. For a brief, sudden moment he sees smoke and a bloody cut on Karen’s forehead. How close he came to losing her that day…

“I will come for you.”

Frank shakes away the memory and tries to focus on this one. He wants these kind of memories with Karen, not the ones filled with violence and open ended goodbyes.

“Is everything okay, Frank?”

“Look Karen… I want to be honest. I don’t want to lie to you anymore and… you should know why I called you.”

Frank pulls away from her and sits up against her headboard. Karen follows suit, pulling her comforter up.

“Okay.” 

“I... want to be done. The Punisher… I want it to be over.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I won’t, uh, bore you with the details but… I was near death. About a month ago. I really don’t remember much but I wasn’t… planning to come back from this job. But I guess Curtis and Madani weren’t on board. They got me out and… I just remember cracks of light. From the car windows. And each time, I saw you. I honestly thought you had come with them. I kept wanting to let go though, finally be with… but you were there. Telling me to hold on. Cause there was another side to this. An… after. And I did. When I finally came to, I asked where you were. And yeah, I found out you weren’t really there but… it was real. And it got me through. And that was why I called. I want you there. But then you were ruthless... stomped on my heart... which I deserved... and I got scared. I’m still scared, Karen. But I don’t want to live without you anymore. And I don’t expect…”

Karen takes his hand, puts it in her lap. Whatever he was going to say next dies on his tongue.

“This is real, Frank. You know that, right?”

“I do.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He leans in to kiss her and it is the sweetest touch he can muster. He hopes it is enough.

It was a hell of a journey for them to get to this point. And they still have a long way to go. But her heart is safe with him. And now his heart can be safe with her.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

NEVER WAS THERE A TALE OF MORE WOE, THAN THAT OF OUR JEANNE AND FANGDADDIO 😭😭😭

But alas, I will relay what I read back in the day to the best of my abilities! Spoilers for the end of Jeanne’s route under the cut, rated E (for everyone) for maximum uwus (and M for angst bc F U C K):

Okay so basically Jeanne’s route goes a lot like most of the routes, and when MC gets attacked (by the rival vampire turned by Vlad) our eyepatched wonder is not happy about it. He storms over to Comte’s room and demands to have his questions answered. Comte notes how deathly serious he is and breezes past the enmity, telling him to go ahead and ask whatever he needs to. Jeanne threatens to kill Comte if it turns out that he’s lying about anything from this point forward. To which Comte (being a little shit), replies that he literally can’t die so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Jeanne tells him he doesn’t care what it takes; he’ll rend him apart to the tiniest shred over and over and over again--even if it takes them both to the other side to accomplish it. Comte concedes and says “very well; if I lie, you’re welcome to try.” Jeanne finally asks if Comte has made a revival pact with anyone new. Comte is genuinely confused and confesses that he hasn’t--that he has no idea who Jeanne is talking about. “What ‘comrade in arms’???” Jeanne seems to sense that Comte is responding in earnest (but is also confused bc like, then who the fuck else turned the guy??? WHO IS THE THREAT I MUST STAB)

Jeanne admits that MC was attacked and you can feel the change in gravity in milliseconds. Comte starts asking where she is and if she’s okay, and Jeanne explains that she’s still in the mansion and she’s fine. Jeanne then asks if Shakespeare has the ability to turn people like he does, and Comte is bewildered to put it mildly. He’s like ??????? Where is this coming from, of course he doesn’t???? I turned him myself, he’s a lesser vampire--he doesn’t have that ability???? In a moment of sheer livid impatience, Jeanne grabs Comte by the lapels and screams “Then who can!?!?!?!” Comte stares at him and admits that there are only two people that he is aware of who can accomplish such a thing, himself and someone else. They hear a loud crash and they run to the dining room, only to find a window smashed, Mozart wounded, and MC gone. Comte’s furious sprite appears, and he asks Jeanne to look after MC, he has something to take care of. Isaac asks him where on earth he’s going, and he reveals that he’s going to Will’s house before storming out.

Poor Shakespeare faces the brunt of Comte’s rage--though I get the feeling, knowing now that Shakespeare is Vlad’s puppet--that the threat was meant more for Vlad than for Shakey boy. Comte goes to Shakey’s place and Shakespeare offers to put on tea or wine, says it’s strange for him to appear so late. Comte tells him not to bother, since he isn’t here to exchange pleasantries. Shakespeare seems p shocked given Comte isn’t usually one to be so direct or terse, and when Comte walks in he backs Shakespeare into the wall step. By step. By step. He asks him if he was involved in the harm done to MC, and Shakespeare’s like “Yeah lol what’s it to you.” And when their shoes are nearly touching, Comte grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground. He tells Shakespeare that if this goes on, he won’t show any mercy: "To those that would harm a single member of my house, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. To the very depths of hell." The narration notes that he lets go of whatever dampens his pureblood aura and nearly suffocates Shakespeare with his raw intensity and power, before putting him down again and saying “That’s all I have to say. I have no more questions for you.” Comte walks right back out, slamming the door while Shakespeare is on the floor coughing. 

So, needless to say, things are hella rocky between Comte and Jeanne throughout the better part of the route. But given the odd dichotomy of Comte’s reactions (his complete acceptance of Jeanne’s fury versus his own anger being directed at Vlad), it definitely felt like there was more there. Everything finally comes full circle at the end when Comte gathers everyone inside the dining room to explain precisely what happened (Vlad, etc. I’m assuming) and asks everyone to take proper precautions moving forward: "I'll take steps to make sure this never happens again. But if we are faced with a similar situation, know that I am prepared to protect you all with every fiber of my being." He deems secrecy a moot point given this incident, and just wants everyone to be safe and ask for help should they need it in the future. 

MC notes that he doesn’t have his usual placid demeanor; he’s incredibly serious and grave. She’s like “Oh boy some serious shit went down huh...but if anything, I feel like it’s only made us have more faith in his ability to protect us c:” AND HERE IS WHERE THE BIG HURT HAPPENS KIDS GET YOUR TISSUES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jeanne: "...Alright. I will trust in your words. But can I ask just one thing?” Comte: “Yes, Jeanne?” Jeanne: "You know I always hated you, I truly believed you revived me against my will for a long time." Comte just sorta deflates, but he doesn’t say anything (MY POOR BABIE) Jeanne: "But, is that really the case? Did I want to live on, away from that pyre...?" [There was a long silence.] Comte: “...That day, when I appeared, you screamed desperately 'Why must I die here. Whether it be God or the devil, someone make use of me!'” Important note: Jeanne tells MC that he is able to recall thinking that, but he has no acute recollection of saying it; this is the moment at which he lost consciousness. MC: [;-; No matter how hard he tried to stifle it, it (his deep wish to live) came out all the same...] I wasn’t able to transcribe it, but Comte essentially tells him that he tried to ask Jeanne, but he was already barely hanging on--there was no way he could get a proper answer. (This is highly plausible given we know that Jeanne was incarcerated by the Inquisition, tortured, and starved before he was tied to that pyre--it was a miracle he lasted that long. He didn’t even have the strength to move/struggle from where he was tied). Comte goes on to say that Jeanne was pissed to shit when he woke up and there was little he could do to alleviate that (I mean given he was waiting for the sweet release of death it makes sense but also N O ;-;). For a while Jeanne just stares at him before asking: Jeanne: “...Why? Why didn’t you tell me after all this time?” Comte: "Because I thought it was okay if you berated me a little." Jeanne (vine voice: AMERICA EXPLAIN): ?????????? Comte: "Despite being alive...you looked dead to the world ever since the day we met. No matter how hard I tried or whatever I did, I couldn't seem to change that. But...the only emotion I seemed to be able to draw out of you was hate. If hatred was the only thing that could move you, I figured I'd take on that role. Better to see you express something than to see you lifeless beyond any glimmer of hope or change." Jeanne: "Why....why would you go that far?? Why did you bother? I don't...understand" BECAUSE HE HAS SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE AND HE LOVES YOU I’M SOBBING ALL OVER AGAIN OKAY DEEP BREATHS THE SHOW MUST GO ON MINNIE Comte: "Because I'm the one that revived you...because to me, you're all my precious family." Jeanne: "...............................................................I...I'm sorry" AND JEANNE HANGS HIS HEAD WAAAAAAAAAAAH Comte’s brows rise: “...Jeanne?” Jeanne: "I know an apology doesn't forgive everything I did/said. But I don't know how else to make amends"

It goes on to show them all making amends, and while Jeanne can sometimes be like “ughghhghgh d a d stop nagging I’m fINE” he secretly really loves the guy. In Jeanne’s third bday story he’s literally like [Comte’s a weirdo but I see now that that's just how he cares abt me. He's not just worldly, he's a good guy. c: I just don’t care abt whatever he’s going on abt rn]

So like full disclosure before Jeanne’s route I still loved Comte but I really didn’t know much about him beyond the “eccentric nobleman persona.” Granted we definitely get glimpses into who he really is, but this was a sizeable breakthrough. (And probably a strong allusion to the release of Comte’s MS soon after.) That being said, there were so many things said here that just absolutely shattered my heart. 

Because here’s the thing. I have no qualms with Comte’s wish to be a dad--or even to revive the men, for that matter. If it makes him happy and he intends to take care of them reasonably well, then who am I to criticize him? (Fun fact: Leonardo essentially says the same exact thing; he’s more against it than I am because of the whole turning humans, but he doesn’t necessarily vilify Comte because he knows his intentions are good. And if everyone’s happy with it, what can he say?) But the fact that Comte handles their issues with so much patience and maturity...I’m in love???? There is sincerely nothing sexier than this for me. He’s fully aware that Jeanne was treated like absolute shit by the people he tried to protect, that he never really got to live for himself a single day in his life--never knew a moment’s peace, joy, or appreciation. He tries everything he can think of to get Jeanne to maybe not hate being alive as much, but fails at every turn. He still refuses to give up on the guy despite the less than ideal state of things, and decides that if Jeanne needs an enemy to survive--he will be that enemy. He doesn’t care that the guy he’s trying to help would skewer him the second he had his back turned (Jeanne pls this was a new suit couldn’t this wait). He takes full responsibility for deciding to turn him; knows that since he erred on the side of caution, it’s up to him to offer a life that’s worth keeping/staying alive for. He doesn’t belittle Jeanne’s plight for a moment, never deems him stupid or shortsighted. He’s able to understand that in the wake of so much pain and loss, of course Jeanne might not notice the finer points of Comte’s attempts to cheer him up. Even if it pains him to be on negative terms (HE LOVES HIS BOY HE DOESN’T WANT TO FIGHT) he will fully accept it if it brings Jeanne peace, if it helps Jeanne get to a place where he can begin to accept the affection he wants to offer.

And THAT’S what kills me, kids. Four hundred years, and Comte fucking LEARNED something. He is perceptive to uncanny degrees, and never fails to read a room in milliseconds; not only does he pick up on how people feel, he responds with appropriate, gentle measures. What I love so much about Comte is that he knows full well that genius does not come without its price. You could be the smartest person on earth, the most talented, whatever you choose to call it, but it will invite no shortage of hatred from other people, no shortage of misunderstanding and disdain and violence. If people don’t go mad with power, they are destroyed by the very places that birthed them. As such, the last thing he wants to do is put them under more pressure, or force them to do things against their will; he just wants to give them a chance to live beyond such fickle and hostile circumstances. And he takes this seriously, this isn’t remotely a whim for him despite all evidence to the contrary. He gets that healing takes time, and as much as he wants everyone to be happy he’s more than willing to give them space/resources to figure it out. Like. He is the father everybody DREAMS they had (if they didn’t already have a good one) and the fact that I can’t tell him what a wonderful job he’s doing is killing me on all levels INCLUDING physical.

And I just?????? Jeanne’s palpable remorse when he finds out????? And Comte’s surprise???????? Like Comte wasn’t necessarily expecting that level of apology, he knew he was taking a gamble and he was ready to do whatever he had to, he wasn’t intending to hold it against his boy. But Jeanne just has such a tender and well-meaning heart (no matter how much he struggles to express it) that regret was inevitable. There’s just so much love in that moment, in Comte’s capacity to forgive and take on so much of poor Jeanne’s unhappiness, and Jeanne’s fully ability to admit he was misguided, lower his head, and apologize. THEY JUST GET ME BLUBBERING LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD OKAY THEY ARE BOTH SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND I HURT

Tl;dr: JEANNE’S ROUTE SHOT ME FORTY-SEVEN TIMES IN THE CHEST AND LEFT ME PINING FOR COMTE MORE THAN EVER BEFORE OTL

Also a bonus, because it only just occurred to me (spoilers from the end of Comte’s route):

THEY HAVE A LEGIT REVERSAL AT THE END OF COMTE’S ROUTE???? Comte once again gathers everyone to reveal Vlad’s identity and intentions, and he apologizes for keeping it from everyone, lowering his head. He’s more than ready to face everyone’s ire for keeping secrets, but everyone’s just like “dad pls lift your head it’s okay, we’re just glad we can help you now--you don’t have to carry it all on your own.” AND IT IS IN FACT, JEANNE, THAT ALSO SAYS “No need to bow like that Comte, aren't you the one always saying we're family?" AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS?????? I WILL NEVER BE OKAY. POOR COMTE WAS SO MOVED AND MY HEART CAN’T TAKE HAVING THIS KNOWLEDGE WHERE’S MY HANKIE. JEANNE. BEING THE ONE. TO SAY. “Aren’t we family?” WHEN HEARING HOW HARD COMTE WAS WORKING TO PROTECT THEM, BC HE 100% IDENTIFIES WITH THE STRUGGLE OF LOOKING AFTER PEOPLE THAT DON’T KNOW/CARE THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS THE SACRIFICE FOR THEIR PEACE OF MIND. I--

WHAT IS IT THAT JEANNE AND COMTE SHARE TO THE CORE, SO MUCH THAT JEANNE WOULD NEED NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO CHANGE HIS MIND AFTER YEARS OF BITTER DISDAIN???????? THEIR CAPACITY FOR DEVOTION, THEIR EASY WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING TO PROTECT A LIFE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS EPIPHANY IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME

I’m crying rn I just: Comte: !!!!!!! Somebody who gets it!!! :DDD Jeanne: die. Comte:  Comte: ;-; understandable have a nice day

[winchestersingerautorepair]

A Rift Between

A Brief(-ish) History of Dean, Cas, & Rifts

Let’s talk about rifts for a moment. And when I say rifts, I don’t mean their personal disagreements -- if I were to be discussing that, this post would be less of a brief history and more of a thesis paper. 

No, I’m talking about rift rifts. As in, actual, literal tears in the spacetime continuum. They are littered across the whole run of this show, and we’ve recently had two whole seasons devoted to them. So, the sudden reappearance of rift-adjacent plotlines carries with it a weighty load of textual relevance.

Dean and Castiel’s relationship arc, a fan favorite, began when Leviathans, the notorious fan-unfavorite, came into the picture. 

No, Maeve! Dean and Castiel’s relationship arc began in season 4, not 7! Cas was barely even in season 7! 

Well, let me explain. Season 7, the age of Sera Gamble, was a total show reset. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Did we all hate it? Yes. But like with muscle, you’ve got to tear through the old before you can develop something new, and Season 7 did this job quite effectively. An identity crisis at that scale means either a massive change of pace or a creative death, and as the show is still on, number one it is. 

So, while we can most reliably chart the beginning of an intentional, substantive romantic undercurrent to Season 8, it is the waiting that allowed it to come to fruition-- Season 7 was a void, an unsustainable period of creative drought, a long cold winter in which seeds fell and laid dormant. And like the winter, it was necessary for rebirth.

This brings me to the first DeanCas rift: 

~~

The Purgatory Spell

Episode: 7x01

This tear in spacetime was the culmination of Castiel’s Season 6 character arc. It was the final, greatest betrayal, the irredeemable course of action which struck his relationship with the Winchesters a fatal blow-- and though his last act was to attempt to right his wrongs, the emergence of this rift meant estrangement and death for the relationship (and for Castiel.)

This incident is established as far more significant for Dean than it is for Sam, so I won’t spend much time justifying my classification of this rift as primarily DeanCas. It’s made pretty damn clear through Dean’s behavior throughout Season 7.

Castiel’s departure catalyzed the emergence of Leviathans. As the lore promised, they brought death and destruction to the whole ecosystem, purging the show and readying it for reincarnation; but I’ve already made this point.

As Destiel 1.0 dies, Destiel 2.0 is born.

~~~

The Purgatory Portal

Episode: 8x07

Let us journey back to "A Little Slice of Kevin"-- the gayest thing to happen to Supernatural up to that point. Suddenly, Dean and Cas’s ambiguity is no longer a joke. It’s no longer flippantly referenced, but Built Into The Narrative In A Noticeable Way. After Season 7, Season 8 shocked the system, earning Purgatory celebrity status as the Destiel fandom exploded back to life. 

But, more important things. The events surrounding this portal not only codified romantic subtext, but reshaped their relationship by putting it in grave peril. Lovers trapped in separate worlds. There’s only like ten thousand examples of this in other fictional, romantic(-ally coded) relationships. Sigh.

As Destiel 2.0 dies, Destiel 3.0 is born.

~~~

Seasons 9, 10, and 11 are filled with near misses. Divisions between worlds/fates test and change their bond -- Heaven and Hell exert tremendous force on both, and the gates of Heaven and the Darkness’s breach of barriers flirt pretty openly with the rift theme -- but there isn’t anything that fits the profile cut and dry, so let us leap to Season 12. Five long years of glacial shifts, five long years of a slow, steady amping up of queer subtext. An argument can be made that it had graduated from subtext in some places, but both fandom and GA were frog-boiled enough in their interpretations for this argument to be an aside.

Destiel 3.0 reaches a transitional stage, and becomes Destiel 3.0+.

Now, It’s season 12. And like goddamned CLOCKWORK, six years after Season 6, another unstable tear in spacetime appears, and terminates Castiel’s character arc.

Rift? Check. Cas dead? Check. We’ve seen this pattern. Time for shit to CHANGE. And boy, did it.

~~~

The Rift

Episode: 12x23

Oh, boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Castiel’s death in the Season 12 finale was a magnum opus of SPN’s romantically coded imagery. I could elaborate, but if you’ve read this far into this post you likely already know what I’m talking about. My point is, a hall of mirrors is the chosen space in which Destiel 3.0+ is killed. 

The relationship death lasts only a short while; their estrangement in separate realms is a five episode-long period of detachment and review. Our characters, as well as the viewers, stride through a hall of mirrors. In solitude, this DeanCas winter becomes a chance to reflect, because there is no better way to get a feel for the importance of something than to eliminate it. The crucial elements of Dean and Cas’s relationship, what they mean to each other, becomes clearer than ever before because, look! This is Dean without Cas! This is the show without Cas! Don’t you hate it?

I mean, guys. Mirrors. Cas spoke to a reflection of himself in the Empty. Literally. He addressed his greatest fears about relationships with himself. He was forced to rewatch his greatest mistakes, and what gets featured? Our first two DeanCas rifts. F*ck this show.

DreamHunter parallel! 13x10 reenacted this scene for us with Claire and Kaia. 

Then, 13x05 changes the whole game once more. You know, the episode titled Thanatology. The study of Death. Fuck this show.

As Destiel 3.0+ dies, Destiel 4.0 is born.

~~~

The intensity of the queer narrative amps up continually. Things are getting harder to write off.

Rifts between worlds, crossover and confinement, and estrangement, and the blurring of lines, and the breaking of old taboos/breach of old barriers dominates the remainder of Season 13 and Season 14. We hold this broad focus for a long time, and Dean and Castiel become the emotional equivalent of the plot arc, always there, brewing, but taking a backseat to the Big Stuff. A wall rises, and solidifies. Silver Pole of Communication Barriers, anyone?

Then? Season 15 kicks us in the Destiel balls.

Full disclosure: I didn’t see this next part coming. I dared not ask season 15 for anything this significant, so the last scene of 15x08 just about took my life. 

~~~

The Purgatory Rift

Episode(s): 15x08, 15x09

Dun dun DUN!!

This twist was my favorite Christmas present, because it communicated to me that the writers have an understanding of Dean and Cas’s history to match our own. Not only are they actively writing them utilizing the Destiel playbook, they obviously care immensely about the destiny of their relationship. I am speaking too soon to say this definitively, but this mission has all the hallmarks of a plot device designed to serve many purposes in respect to Dean and Castiel. They’ve got ALL the ingredients. There are so many things tied in here that it gets pretty damn near fanfiction territory.

Please read my reaction to the purgatory twist if you need context, as I don’t feel much like regurgitating it. This post is long enough, lol. (A bloom that grows only in one place? Fuck you, writers. You’re going to KILL me.)

~~~

So, to recap: In a universe defined by barriers and guidelines, a relationship that refuses to be defined will be under constant siege. Dean and Castiel suffer from the sheer reality of walking lines between two designated states of being-- friends and lovers, angel and human, take your pick. The current order isn’t friendly to beings who don’t fit a category. Until the barriers are stripped away, they cannot exist as they are, and rifts will continue to rip them apart. 

The Purgatory Rift of 15x08 is such a big deal because it fuses themes. The rifts of the Dabb era have merged with the gateways of the Carver era. Not only are our long-standing almost-lovers returning to their relationship’s place of origin, they are doing so by breaching physical barriers designed to keep them apart; and all the while, the most dangerous, important rift is not the one in the fabric of reality, but the one in their relationship. 

I expect this major rift to end no differently than it has in the past. Dean and Cas will be separated, and Cas will be out of reach. And then, they’ll be reunited. But, where will that take us? What will the next reincarnation look like? 

As Destiel 4.0 dies, something will be born.

[douwatahima]

Turns out I have some more feelings about the manga I finished yesterday. Not naming it so this doesn’t end up in the tags. Please don’t read this, lol. The fourteen year old version of me jumped out.

I think the thing that bugged me most about this last stretch of DN Angel is how much it felt like Yukiru Sugisaki was just...done with the whole thing. Like everything felt very rushed towards a specific, easy conclusion that didn't address a lot of the interesting pieces she had previously laid down.

Like, I remember reading those last few chapters before the eight year long hiatus and HOLY SHIT there was so much! The Dark/Risa relationship all of a sudden becomes an actual threat, not just to Daisuke/Riku, but to Daisuke himself! Satoshi completely lets his guard down around Daisuke, trusting that the person he loves will make this huge sacrifice for him, and when Daisuke refuses he POINTS A GUN TO HIS OWN HEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE GETS CAUGHT HE GOES OFF INTO THE FOREST WITH. THE. GUN!!! AND THEN!!!! RIKU FINDS OUT DAISUKE IS DARK!!!!!!!! IT'S WILD AS FUCK!!!!!!!!

And then we come back and a lot of this is immediately dealt with in a comedic fashion and we just move on. Dark and Daisuke don't talk about that Risa interaction. No one goes after Satoshi. Daisuke comes up with some excuse and Riku is satiated for now.

Then we got the whole dream circus arc. Which was honestly alright. I enjoyed Daisuke coming to terms with the fact that he cannot separate himself from Dark. They are one and the same, for better or worse. And honestly, at first I thought this arc was going to lead us somewhere interesting. Because if Daisuke and Dark now understand that they are a package deal, how do they deal with the whole Riku and Risa thing???? (The answer is they basically don't but I'll get there). I was 100% ready to love this arc and then they did...the thing and I...

Okay, look. Full disclosure, I've been a DN Angel fan since I was like, fourteen. It is linked to me in a way that can only happen when you're obsessed with something at the height of your awkward teen years. And the thing that continues to be my favourite part of the whole story is the relationship between Satoshi and Daisuke. They were my number one ship, not just at fourteen, but...honestly probably through all of my teen years. Like, remember when people used to make jokes on this website about someone asking about your otp and you pull out your binder of reasons? I literally made a Satodai binder. That's not a joke. They were it for me.

And, don't get me wrong, there was never a point where I honestly thought the manga was gonna have Daisuke leave Riku and end up with Satoshi. I dreamed about it, but didn't honestly expect it. BUT I loved the way the manga addressed Satoshi's feelings for Daisuke. This is someone who Satoshi treasures above all others. The person who makes him believe the world can be better. The person he would do ANYTHING for. Like, Satoshi LOVES him.

Which is why it's so frustrating to me that Yukiru Sugisaki decided it would be better for Satoshi to have a two second dream about Risa that changes all of his feelings instantaneously. Like, I'm not here to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans, and I'm happy y'all got your ship. Honestly. But, the two of them have barely spoken before this and then Satoshi has a dream and literally says, "oh I guess my feelings have changed now" like...two volumes before the end! AND THEN THEY DON'T EVEN TALK UNTIL THE VERY END OF THE SERIES. FOR WHAT????

It honestly just read to me as, the mangaka wanted to end the series and Satoshi continuing to be into Daisuke was too emotionally complicated to quickly wrap up so he loves Risa now. And hey, that clears up the whole Dark/Risa thing, right? I'll get to that.

ANYWAY, so then we jump into an elongated story about some past Niwa/Hikari drama which would've been fun if I hadn't been growing more and more confused as I noticed how few chapters were left and we were STILL ON THIS. Like, I love when DN Angel gives us fun new characters to talk about. Hell, the Freedert arc and the Argentine arc are two of my favourites. But, when you only have a limited amount of time...It just felt like this was something Yukiru Sugisaki was maybe sitting on for awhile so she didn't want to skip it, but she also wanted to finish the story as soon as possible so the ending comes IMMEDIATELY after which makes this whole arc feel...weird. Like...we could've spent our last few chapters on the characters we know and love but...instead...

Then we get to the endgame. So, quick poll, do we think the mangaka already had this ending in mind before the anime came out or do we think she decided to do the anime ending because she had no idea how to finish the story. I'm really not sure, but either way it felt soooo anticlimactic given that we've had the anime ending for almost 20 years. Like...what was I waiting around for if you were just gonna do the same thing????? And look, I honestly never finished the anime because I couldn't stand the way they chose to characterize some of my favourite characters (most notably Satoshi and Risa) and I'd read what the ending was and hated it lol. But I digress.

The thing about the ending that gets me most is that it all comes on so fast. Like, you wanna do the anime ending? Okay. Don't love the idea, but okay. BUT it all happens in like... 2-3 chapters. Like, all of a sudden the Black Wings is sucking up power from the artwork and, oh no, here comes Krad ready wreck shop. And then we, randomly at THE END OF THE MANGA find out Satoshi's adopted Dad is actually his real Dad and also he's a piece of artwork which makes Satoshi half a piece of artwork???? Why are you telling us this now???? Then Satoshi and Daisuke seal Dark and Krad into the Black Wings the end. Like...????? That's it?????

OH ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE HARADA TWINS ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. HONESTLY PROBABLY BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE YUKIRU SUGISAKI FORGOT TOO SINCE THERE'S NO CLOSURE ON THAT?????? (Honestly, I'm laughing because I literally forgot about this fact until just now. AGAIN WHAT WAS THE REASON LMAO!!!)

Okay, so the story's done but where does it leave our favourite characters???

Daisuke and Riku have figured their shit out and are...presumably going to do long distance??? Idk, they never really address whether they're staying together or not as far as I can remember???? Like, this is the relationship I thought we would get the most closure on but ?????????

Risa just gets to be sad for awhile I guess. It's honestly so infuriating to me that we got this awesome moment before the hiatus where Dark asked Risa if she would love him no matter what and she says yes with her WHOLE CHEST and that's enough for Dark to almost, like, take over Daisuke's body permanently. Like, her love for Dark is as real as Riku's love for Daisuke but she's not allowed to have a happy ending like her sister. She gets to see Dark one last time where he kisses her and hopes she'll always be his best girl and then he flies off into the night while she begs him not to leave. Then, she gets to cry in the street, trying to remember him while everyone else is forgetting. Well, at least she has Satoshi, right????

But like, we don't even know if she likes Satoshi that way. There's been...no indication that she does as far as I know. And as he's hugging her, Satoshi is having these thoughts hoping she'll be able to remember Dark because he knows how meaningful he is to her. So their ending is LITERALLY Risa gets to be horribly heartbroken and Satoshi gets to pine for someone else who, at this point, doesn't love him back.

Like, once again not to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans but...is this the ending y'all wanted????? Because as someone who stans them both this just felt horrible. It reads as a feeble attempt to "pair the spares" (since in the story the mangaka wanted to tell, neither of them could be with who they originally loved) but, like, even then this is the saddest way to do that. OH! And once again, if Risa is moving, ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO BE TOGETHER????? Like, what are we supposed to get from this what is the REASON??????

And then there's Dark and Krad being stuck in the Black Wings for eternity. The biggest reason I didn't like this ending in the anime. Like, look. I get that you have to end your manga somehow. BUT if your plan was to reunite Dark and Krad in this way I don't understand why you would write a whole interaction, mere chapters before, having Dark say that that's the LAST thing he wants to do. HE SAYS THAT THEY AREN'T THE SAME ANYMORE AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO RETURN TO HIM. AND THEN HE'S FORCED TO DO JUST THAT. FOR. WHAT?????

Like, Dark isn't a villain. He's one of our main protagonists and has been this whole time. I get that in stories sometimes characters have sad endings. (I've already argued that I think both Satoshi and Risa's endings were bittersweet at best). But to have Dark say mere chapters before it happens that he categorically DOES NOT want to rejoin Krad and then force him to do just that feels like such a needlessly cruel thing to do to this character we're meant to love.

Once again, it just felt so much like Yukiru Sugisaki wanted to end the series as quickly as possible. I get her wanting to come back to it; she's kinda notorious for not finishing things so I get the impulse to just drive through and get at least one story done. But, it felt like so many things were skipped over or changed just because it made getting to the end goal easier and less complicated. Not addressing some of the cool shit she laid down before the hiatus, completely morphing Satoshi's feelings in a dream, writing off Risa's feelings for Dark, telling us all of the Satoshi backstory stuff at the last goddamn minute, giving Dark his worst nightmare as an ending, so many of these things done just to move things along towards a specific end goal as fast as possible.

Honestly, there's a part of me that wishes she hadn't come back and finished it at all. I was happy enough with the ending I had written in my head and would've preferred it to what we ended up getting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, to anyone who actually read this (and a part of me hopes no one does lmao) thanks for listening to me ramble. And if you're a Satoshi/Risa fan, uh, sorry I hated on your ship lol. You're cool.

[stjernfaerie]

I finally watched all of MCU

in release order because IT MAKES SENSE!!!!

special thanks to @littlegingrnut who watched ALL OF THEM with me. She’s the best. 

Idk if anyone cares at all, but I feel like sharing, so here’s some thoughts and reactions, enjoy: 

Phase 1: 

Iron man

okay but like how was Tony such a jerk in the beginning only to become like the most lovable character ever??

YINSEN DID NOT NEED TO DIE :((

did not like the antagonist what was that

I mean he’s not bad I just didn’t like him that much

I wanna get myself a jarvis tho 

all in all, really enjoyed it

got me really excited to watch more

The Incredible Hulk

didn't watch cuz aly said not necessary

we just skimmed over the important parts 

oh and watched the end credits scene

Iron man 2

this was really great

okay but like I love Ivan Vanko hes such a great antagonist

I LOVE TONY

HE’S SO GREAT

THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND EVERYTHING GOSH AAH

oh damn ~Natasha Romanoff~

ma’am-

Pepper as a powerful business lady? YES  

just... really great shit right here

Thor

Mmmmmm I don't see the hype about Loki??

his two faced-ness is annoying me

also Thor? I didn't love him at first,, he's a bit cliché

STELLAN SKARSGÅRD YES SWEDISH REP

okay but Thor is a good boi actually,,, I take it back he’s pretty great

Oh nooo Loki - yeah lol as if he actually died 

YO WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT END CREDITS SCENE that got me all like WTF and shit

also told ya Loki didn’t die

Captain America: The First Avenger

okay full disclosure, I actually watched this one time before bc I started watching them in chronological order but never got any further than this

it made so much more sense this time

I liked it so much better this time 

because THE RELEASE ORDER MAKES SO MUCH SENSE 

anyway

this was good !!

I'm gay for Peggy omg

and Steve is such a good boi

DID BUCKY REALLY HAVE TO DIE

all in all not my favourite tho, not too memorable tbh

"I had a date" 😭

The Avengers

ohhh man

ALL OF THEM TOGETHER? UGH YES

Oh hello Dr. Banner nice to see u

Loki bro pls chill

OKAY HULK HELLO

NATASHANATASHANATASHA AAAHH I'M GAY

still don't get the Loki hype tbh. maybe a lil bit but idk

THOR OKAY I LOVE THOR NOW

TONY WHAT THE FUCK NO NO NO TONY DON'T

oh okay he's good

I love them all so much oh gosh

I MADE IT THROUGH PHASE ONE WOHOOOO

***

Phase 2

Iron man 3

this movie changed me

aly can confirm - I was very much not okay after seeing this

literally had anxiety through all of it

I mean I LOVED it

but like

the ptsd :(((

although I do love that they showed that, just made me love Tony even more

just... showing the ugly parts - love that shit

but also like noooo tony bby :(((( 

HARLEY!!!! IS SO GREAT !!! AND ALY SAID HE COMES BACK AT ONE POINT!! YAY

just.... Tony Stark man.

great antagonist, love the whole mandarin thing

EXTREMIS? NO THANK U that honestly gives me like zombie ish vibes or smth I don’t like it

but like it was great 

OH PEPPER JUST BECAME 10x HOTTER DAMN SHE JUST GETS MORE AND MORE ATTRACTIVE EACH MOVIE HUH

PEPPER ALMOST DYING? NOPE

THE PAIN IN TONY'S FACE? NOPE

all in all loved this so much and I am still not really okay

Thor: The Dark World

I see why people think this is the worst Thor movie.

DON’T GET ME WRONG IT WAS GREAT

but like,,, meh? the big end fight was so anti-climactic? not epic at all like what the fuck

I LOVE DARCY

but she's clearly gay so stop makin her fool around with the intern

but like Thor is such a soft boi and I love him

again, Loki's two-faced-ness – aRH

but,,,, I get the Loki hype now

I'm aboard the train

I love Loki 

oh oh oh the part in his prison cell when Thor comes to talk to him and is all like "enough tricks" and then his cell is all torn up and he's all torn up and AH BABY 😭

Thor just needs cuddles 

Aaaaand this is where I accidentally got the worst possible spoiler. :)))

I wanted to watch some wholesome Tony Stark content before bed and so I searched youtube for "Iron Man" and clicked on a video I thought looked nice and wholesome. I accidentally read the top comment and then proceeded to break down and freak out to Aly and Hanna on Aly’s live, and they comforted me and stuff <3 

Aly then told me that “hey remember that I told you that the little boy in Iron Man 3 comes back at one point? Yeah that’s at the funeral” 

STUPIDLY, I then watched the death scene on YouTube, went to bed crying, and of course, dreaming about it. I will never be okay again and I will never be ready for Endgame thank you and goodbye.

anywAY,,,,,

Captain America: Winter Soldier

*SO MUCH SCREAMING*

I thought that Bucky didn’t deserve to die - and he didn’t - but like,,, DYING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THIS 

the ~bromance~

nat and steve I mean, so good

I AM NOT OKAY I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS MOVIE BUT IT WAS AMAZING

Natasha tho mmmmmhhf

I was rly confused while watching but like everything came together at the end and it was so nice and damn this is one of my favorites so far

Sam is great I want more of Sam

Guardians of the Galaxy

multiple people had told me that they thought I’d really like this movie

honestly? I didn’t

it was kinda meh?

like I found it very predictable and cliché and not in a delightful way

idk if it’s just that I know that Chris Pratt is a dick but I don’t like Peter

I rly like Gamora and Nebula, but like I’m a lesbian, so I don’t think anyone’s surprised that I like the traumatized warrior gals

but like in general I’m kinda disappointed

I only gasped like twice, and it was barely gasp-worthy moments

Avengers: Age of Ultron

All of them together just makes me so happy, they’re so cute with each other AH

loved Ultron as the antagonist. that was great.

but,,,, I was a bit disappointed that we didn’t really get to see any regret from Tony bc he created Ultron

THE TWINS ARE FANTASTIC

whatever’s going on with Bruce and Nat, I don’t like it

TOO MANY moments that reminded me of the spoiler that I refuse to speak. Did not enjoy

everyone just needs to be hugged why doesn’t anybody HUG THEM????

not happy about Jarvis dying :((( even tho he technically didn’t die but like HE’S NOT JARVIS ANYMORE IS HE

and then Tony just replaces him with this Friday just like that??? no i’m not okay with that

in a ranking scenario this one falls in like the top of the middle range? Like it’s not one of the favorites, but it’s still up there. 

I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN ARGH

I was just reading about new MCU projects that are coming up and THERE WAS A SPOILER WARNING, but STUPID AS I AM I DISREGARDED that and kept on reading. I was just skimming through the text and I read “Loki who dies” and stopped right there, because AAHH FUCKING SHIT

I was on a call with Aly as this happened and so I told her that I had given myself a spoiler again and that it was about Loki, and she was all like I can’t remember anything that happens to Loki hmm, and so I thought YAY it’s okay, they just meant one of the times when he fake died!!! so I went on to keep reading, but before I could read anything else Aly stopped me, remembering. She told me it would be gut-wrenching and terrible and I’m just- 

So disappointed in myself. 

Ant-Man

it was an enjoyable movie, but like,,, a little meh? 

I feel kinda the same as I did with GOTG

but I like each of them better than the other for different reasons? idk???

the plot wasn’t very thick, like I could have gone away to pee without pausing and probably not miss too much

I didn’t really get invested in the story or the characters

but it was enjoyable for sure

Sam!!! Hello!!!! 

Again, like with GOTG, I found it kinda cliché, but in a more delightful way this time

WE MADE IT THROUGH PHASE 2 AND PASSED THE HALF-WAY POINT WOHOOOOO

***

Phase 3

Captain America: Civil War

I constantly needed to be hugged while watching this

in the end I was fine, like I’ve been way less okay after some of the other movies, but during? needed hugs and cuddles

I love that they were fighting each other it was just... umff you know

but also like,,, LOVE EACH OTHER 

Wanda and Vision? no thanks I HATE IT

Steve and Sharon?? NO THANKS I HATE IT

literally that’s just weird on SO many levels

and that kiss was-- ugh I hated it. 

SPIDER BOY !!!!! UGH I LOVE HIM ALREADY

Black Panther heLLOOO

ALL THE STUCKY THOOO

Tony and Steve fighting in the end got me :( 

Doctor Strange

This one falls at the bottom of my list

It was the shortest movie but it felt SO LONG because I was so bored through all of it

it just never got me hooked, I didn’t get invested in the story at all. 

there weren’t even any characters that I liked enough to want to see more

sure another infinity stone and getting to know doctor strange and shit, I get why you kinda need to watch it

but I doubt I’ll watch it again

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

just like with the first one, kinda meh

I didn’t really get into it until the last half hour or so

the music really carried this movie tho

and baby groot !!!

I love Nebula so much, such a great character

Yondu dying was really great, it did a lot for his character

I still don’t really like Peter Quill

I feel like it was barely contributing to the infinity saga, the only thing that’s somewhat connected is that Nebula wants to kill Thanos, and the only reason I know that’s connected is because of spoilers

because I’m not really supposed to know the significance of Thanos at this point

but then again, maybe I’ll feel differently when I’ve finished all the movies

Spiderman: Homecoming

SPIDEY BOY !!!!!!!!! 

THIS IS A FAVORITE

I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS MOVIE

THE TONY/PETER INTERACTIONS WERE SO GREAT

PETER IS A BABY AND HE’S SO GREAT AND AAAAAHH

HE’S ON MY LIST BTW

AND LIKE,,, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS FIGHTING SOUNDS COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE’S???? Like steve and thor and shit are all like huOH heeeUH oAH ya know?? and then peter’s over here like eeh heh mmmMHF 

HE’S JUST REALLY GREAT AND AAH I LOVED THIS MOVIE SO MUCH

LITERALLY SMILED THROUGH ALMOST ALL OF IT

except when things were going bad and during the fight scenes and shit and when he was in big danger and stuffs

BUT LIKE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

SO GOOD

OH OH OH AND STEVE’S LITTLE EDUCATIONAL VIDEOS WERE SO CUTE AH

hehehheheh and the end credits tho heheheheh

ANYWAY I LOVED THIS MOVIE SO SO SO SOO MUCH

Thor: Ragnarok

ANOTHER FAVORITE AAAAH

ALL THE BROTHERLY MOMENTS THO

Kinda mad that we didn’t get a hug there in the end but oh well

Thor is so sassy and goofy in this one I love it

ugghhhhh I love Loki so much

Hela has so much Maleficent vibes

Heimdall yESSS !!!

all the Thor/Hulk interactions were so PRECIOUS AAH

this was just such a great movie with great character development for both Thor and Loki and ughhhh IT WAS SO GOOD

“get help” was fucking ICONIC

VALKYRIE THO

oof not excited for infinity war :(( 

Black Panther

this one falls somewhere in the middle for me

like it was good, but it’s not up there

my main issue with it is that it didn’t really feel so much like a superhero movie, it was more just like... family drama

but Shuri tho, love her

and all the awesome ladies fighting!!! yes!!!!

BUCKY!!! 

Avengers: Infinity War

I am not okay

I will never be okay again

I thought Loki dying was gonna be the worst part - and honestly, knowing about it beforehand made it less painful actually

but NO NO NO 

THE LAST 15 MINUTES IS JUST A CRYFEST HUH 

REAL NICE THANK YOU

oh gosh I can’t even think 

I told y’all I didn’t like Peter Quill and well, HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT 

oh gosh nope 

I’ve been feeling guilty that all of y’all had to wait a full year for endgame but AT LEAST THEN YOU HAD TIME TO BE OKAY AGAIN BEFORE ENDGAME

fucking shit what have I gotten myself into

Ant-Man and the Wasp

I liked this one better than the first ant-man

It’s still not up there but it was good

idk it could just be bc I know the characters more this time or because I kind of had pretty low expectations but I liked this more

oh also maybe I was just happy that I didn’t have to see like all my favorite characters die like I did yesterday :((( 

still not okay

anyway, ant-man and the wasp

I really liked Ava, really great character honestly

I liked Hope a whole lot more this time around

still don’t really like her and Scott together, especially after her mother like talked through him and shit. I feel like if I was Hope and my mother talked to me through my love interest, I would feel pretty weird about it all

but maybe that’s just me idk

oh but what I do like about scott and hope is all of hank’s comments about them

he’s funny hehehe

also Luis! great dude

okay but Bill FOSTER???? as in JANE FOSTER?? SEEMINGLY HAVING NO CONNECTION AT ALL??? 

there’s too many double names in this whole ass franchise and I’m upset

two Peters, two Eriks, two Fosters.... like I know that’s what real life is like, people have the same names, but THIS IS FICTION

YOU CAN AVOID THE CONFUSION

that wasn’t totally related to this movie specifically but this was the third strike dudes, I couldn’t just ignore it anymore.

oh oh oh and I did not appreciate the mid credits scene, I DON’T NEED REMINDERS OF THAT PAIN THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Captain Marvel

this one falls somewhere in the middle for me

like it was good, and I enjoyed it a lot, but it just wasn’t really anything that left me all like woooaaaah omg AH you know???

I really liked how it connected back to previous movies like with Ronan and the Kree people from GOTG and the tesseract and all that jazz

where can I get myself a flerken tho I want one

I appreciate that no one turned into dust, that was nice

my main problem with this movie is that HER POWERS MAKE NO SENSE 

like in the beginning it was kinda okay. I didn’t understand her powers, but at least they felt reasonable

then we got to the end and all of a sudden she’s flying and glowing and strong enough to stop and redirect a fuckin missile, and then she’s FLYING INTO BOMBS AND COMING OUT THE OTHER END COMPLETELY UNSCATHED?? 

OH AND THEN SHE FLIES INTO FUCKIN SPACE WITHOUT A HELMET OR ANYTHING AND SHE CAN BREATHE JUST FINE???

it just makes no sense, it’s completely unreasonable and it makes her too perfect to me. Too unbeatable. I don’t like it. 

but all in all a good movie, loved seeing young Fury and shit

Avengers: Endgame I WILL NEVER BE READY

As I thought, I wasn’t ready

But, I actually think that knowing about Tony beforehand made it a bit easier

I still wish I hadn’t known

and I still bawled like a baby 

but like,,, I think I would have been way worse off if I hadn’t known

I’m just so sad now

I really need a hug

and even though I just cried more than I’ve done all year I need to cry some more I think

I’m glad everyone who got dusted came back, although I kinda knew they would 

well, I would have been fine with Quill staying dusted tbh. I really don’t like that guy

NATASHA WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DIE, I WILL NOT BE OKAY WITH THIS :(

oh gosh yeah I know I have more thoughts about this movie that I wanna say but I need to be more okay first oh man

okay hi again, it’s the next day and I’m still sad but here are some more thoughts: 

I hated the whole Bruce/Hulk think. All the good parts about each side of his character were just erased.

I don’t even see the purpose of it. 

Okay I kinda knew that Steve was gonna go back to the 40s, but I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SO SHH

anyway, I didn’t like Steve staying in the 40s, and here’s why: 

he knew that this was the single one out of 14 million times they won against Thanos, so he knew that changing anything at all would fuck it up

but at the same time, I find it hard to believe that Steve could be aware that Tony and Nat dies and not want to do anything about it

even though he knows he can’t

so wouldn’t it have been easier to just go back to the present after he returned all the stones? So he wouldn’t have to live with that dilemma?

ALSO, I WILL NOT ACCEPT that after everything he did to get Bucky back, he just leaves him. Just like that. 

Literally the only reason this makes sense is as a setup for the Falcon and The Winter Soldier Disney+ series. 

But I still don’t like it

Spiderman: Far From Home

This was nice, I needed this. 

I didn’t like it as much as homecoming, but I didn’t expect to considering how much I loved hoco

it was really nice to see some more Peter Parker bc i love him but also like,,, most of it was traumatized spidey boy :((( and that was sad :(

He’s literally just a child and he’s already so damaged and it’s big big sad

the high school vibes were immaculate

not that I’ve actually been to high school in the US but like,,, it felt like a high school movie okok

Okay but like May’s character really did a full 180? I don’t really understand where that all came from, but uhhhh okay then

Okay, Quentin Beck. 

before we realized he was bad, I already didn’t like him, cuz it seemed like he was gonna start to become a new father figure for Peter and I WAS NOT COOL WITH THAT

but then I understood that that wasn’t happening so it’s all good

he’s a pretty cool antagonist. not a fave, but pretty cool. 

OH OH FLASH IS SO GAY FOR SPIDERMAN THO RIGHT

he actually got some real nice character development that I had not expected, that was nice

all in all, great movie, I love my spidey boy. 

pretty sad that I’m done tho... :( 

but also like, I watched all of them (except incredible hulk) in 34 days. That’s kinda impressive, right?

ALSO THERE’S NO MORE SPOILER DANGER YAY !!!

and finally, here is my ranking of the movies based on how much I liked them: 

0. The Incredible Hulk ( didn’t watch )

SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING 

Thor: Ragnarok

Captain America: Winter Soldier

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Iron Man 3

Avengers

Captain America: Civil War

Spiderman: Far From Home

Iron Man 

Avengers: Infinity War

Thor

Avengers: Endgame

Iron Man 2

Thor: The Dark World

Captain Marvel

Black Panther

Captain America: The First Avenger

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Ant-Man

Guardians of the Galaxy

Doctor Strange

[taptroupe]

evergrace chapter 10 final part YAY I AM NOW FREE FROM SCHOOL FOREVER MAYBE

A well trained body covered with armor.

Aside from red ornaments, entirely in black - and whatever clothes could be seen underneath, a grassy colour.

His hair couldn’t be seen underneath his helmet, but instead a rough face tanned by the sun. Brown eyes, with hidden strength reflected within.

And then, a huge scar across his cheek.

The counteroffensives of Morea.

this finally wraps up chapter 10. may the next chapters not take months to finish please oh god lmao. this finally brings the introduction of ralbadora, the assassin who killed darius’s parents, and then a heart to heart between darius and olsdflsfjl, and then.............. the moment before the final fight.

“You.... YOU!”

Bitter, painful memories came back to Darius’s mind upon seeing the man from his nightmares appear in front of him again.

He swung his sword, once, twice, three times, but the man would not retaliate. He retreated backwards, out of the room, but Darius leapt forward to strike.

“Darius, what are you doing?!”

Orlsjfldjf, still at the lever, dropped it and positioned himself behind Darius - grabbing his arms and pinning it behind his back.

darius gets two wrestling moves performed on him this chapter LOLOLOL

“This man rushed to me and Medina’s safety! Without him, we wouldn’t even be alive right now!”

“I don’t care what he did! He’s the bastard that killed my parents!”

“Bastard?” (the word used here is 仇 , implying grudge, super hated enemy)

In a moment of confusion on ordsldrsj’s side, Darius shook free of his restraint. Both his sword and his words were pointed at the man with rage.

“It wasn’t just Sharline... You, you survived too!”

The counteroffensive of Morea shook his head.

“Darius of Solta, to you who bears the Crest. For killing your parents, though I desire to apologize, an apology would never make up for what I’ve done.

But, your father raised a knife to the neck of our Mother - and that is something we could not allow to happen.”

“The Billiana forest?! You’re telling me that those trees mean more than a person’s life?!”

“That’s right. For Billiana is the source of all life.”

“I’m tired of hearing that bullshit!”

“We wanted your father to change his mind, at least for your sake, but he would not listen to our words...”

Somehow, the man he held a grudge against all these years... Was far different from the image he had created in his head. Darius felt his anger dissipate, and what arose was confusion.

“But... Why... Why would you save the son of the man you killed? I... I don’t understand...”

“Our mother’s enemy was your father and your father only. But, what I had done to your mother... Was my grave error.”

(”omae no haha made te ni kakete shimatta koto” is kinda like “what i did by my hands concerning your mother” also implying it was a mistake. kinda vague but probably on purpose. they know what happened. it was axe)

“Then.... Then you should’ve just killed me back then, too!”

“.......We couldn’t. Our rules dictate that a Crestbearer must never face the edge of a blade. But, to leave you alive would leave you with nothing but pure hate. Yet at the same time, to kill you... Would result in punishment for myself.”

“......”

“I have committed a sin I must atone for. At that time, that girl who stood in front of me, and to the you that stands in front of me now, I will protect you both.”

“Sharline, too?”

“She sacrificed herself in place of my sin.

Darius, until that girl’s safety is guaranteed, this life of mine is yours to use as you see fit.”

“How do I know I can trust you?”

The man stepped in front of Darius. He raised the sword Darius held to his throat.

“My name is Ralbadora. I can only offer this oath and my life, with the Mother of All Things as witness. To Darius and Sharline, I promise to protect you both until this life of mine is extinguished.

Darius, my life is now in your hands. You may do what you wish.”

Ralbardora stared firmly at Darius with a long silence. From the (very stiff) back, Orladin lets go of Darius’s shoulder, to Medina raises her disapproval.

“My prince, what are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re not going to stop them, are you?”

“If it’s a sacred oath like that, there’s nothing that people like us can do.”

The blond haired youth took a step back and watched the two quiet men closely. Medina watched with a tight lip, but shook her head as words of incredulousness suddenly burst from her mouth.

“No... Killing each other isn’t.... Darius, don’t do it! If... Yes, if Sharline were here, she’d tell you to stop it too!”

The cold, frozen expression on Darius’s face (and probably body too) slowly disappeared. 

Turning into one of intensity. And as he clenched his teeth, he slowly...

Lowered his sword down.

“Ralbadora, until we reunite with Sharline, I’ll let you live. But if you even dare direct your sword at me, I WILL kill you without mercy.”

Ralbadora nodded.

“For that much I am already grateful. I swear on this oath to never forget it.”

As soon as the tension in the room slackened for a moment, Darius’s wounds came back to remind him of his battle, and let out a small grunt of pain. Orladin helped to keep him steady.

“These injuries will take some time to heal. Let’s rest here for a bit.”

“No, we can’t afford to rest here... It could be a trap, and I’m sure Morpheus already knows we’re here.”

“That could be true, but, your...” Orladin looks to Medina.

“...Is there any other weird contraptions up there?”

“Not really. Between the teleporter to the secret lab, and the stairway upwards, you shouldn’t get lost or anything...”

“Okay, then you should stay here.”

“Wait, but there’s just a little bit left...”

“No. [i don’t wanna translate this but i think orladin is implying in the nicest way that she’s a burden and could be easily used for any trap morpheus has lying around, which is mean and i wish medina would stay but that’s how the cookie crumbles. sigh]”

Medina looks to Darius and Ralbadora, who silently seem to agree with what Orladin said.

“...I understand. I’ll go back, then.”

“I will accompany you to the gondola.”

Said Ralbadora, who stood beside her. Medina gives a smile of appreciation, and goes with him. As her back shrinks into the distance, she suddenly stops and turns around.

“Prince Orladin, Darius... Do you think we can meet again?”

Darius could only frown. Orladin nodded, and started to speak in a happier tone.

“We’ll do our best, so that we may hopefully do just that.”

Medina gave a faint smile, and soon she and Ralbadora disappeared from view.

RIP MEDINA WE NEVER SAW HER AGAIN 2000-2000 

just kidding. we’ll see her later i won’t spoil anything more. but ;___; i’m happy this novel gave medina a better role than that of the game. i quite appreciate her, sickly yet determined. she really does have a life of her own. to you medina, who accompanied this whole chapter with intellect and kindness, who wanted to talk to your grandfather, who wished the safety of trandin and sharline.. know that you will have a happy ending. ....... well

Well.

ANYWAYS

As Medina’s profile disappeared, the smile on Orladin’s face disappeared. A sullen face resurfaced as he took a small pin from his leather bag on his belt. He handed a life elixir off to Darius, to which he finished in one breath. A warm strength returned to him, clearing away the pain of his injuries. Finally, he could breathe a long sigh of relief.

He gave a nod of thanks to olselfks, but noticed that he was frustrated - biting his lips, even.

“...Orladin, is there anything wrong? At all?”

“Just disgusted in myself.”

Sitting upon a pile of junk, he couldn’t help but punch [doesn’t say what but let’s say he punched himself LOL jk probably just punched his open hand]

jk it’s his open hand ya

“Why, why couldn’t we have stopped Morpheus before all this... We knew he was up to something, we should’ve known that, and if we took action, I wouldn’t have lost everything... If I hadn’t been wrapped up in myself, then... I’m just disgusted.”

“...You’re not a time traveller, Orladin. I don’t think normal people could’ve predicted something like this.”

Completely healed of his injuries, Darius sat down on the floor of the room, and [rubbed his right belt. i’m serious. i don’t know what this means. he does have a bag on that side but uh. idk]

“It’s like how I lost Sharline, and what I did after that. Like how Medina wants her humanity back, and what Morpheus is doing. I think I understand it now. 

Somehow, life is all about picking up the pieces of what others did. Or your own. Kinda like ass wiping.”

“Ass wiping, huh...”

[full disclosure the idiom is shirinugu, which means to clean up a mess usually others but literally it’s ass cleaning so yeah. it’s also used jokingly in the beginning of the novel which is probably where darius decides to use it too but REALLY DARIUS. IF YOU’RE SAYING EVERYTHING YOU DID IS LIKE EXPLOSIVE SHITS OR SOMETHING IS SHARLINE LIKE A TOILET PLUNGER]

Upon hearing Darius’s anecdote, Orladin laughed.

“Lots of people run away at the sight of shit, huh? ...Well, myself included, I’ve run away from many things. Even with all my willpower now, it’s barely keeping me from running.”

Taking a breath, Orladin sat quietly for a bit, before looking down slightly as he spoke again.

“Darius, I feel like I can trust you. You really are my last resort against Morpheus.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. The mercenary thing and all, no worries, I get it.”

“....No, it’s not that. I’m just... Annoyed at myself [again lol] for having to rely on you, you and your... That thing... 

I... Your... I’m afraid of the power your Crest has.”

“I know, I’ve heard that plenty of times. No matter how nice people are, they’ll always say that when they see it. Not really a lot of people who get along with Mister Plague here.”

“......Darius. I told you a lie earlier. 

The one who defeated the Legendary Mercenary... It was you.”

“What did you say? But he knocked me out, didn’t he?”

“Yes, you were...” Orladin looked up at Darius with a straight face.

“But, after that, you got up... And started floating. And you started fighting again. And you won.”

“I... I did?”

“Mhm. Krisalis somehow, she knew about it too. Even the Legendary Mercenary, who could break huge rocks with ease, he saw your power as equal to his... 

Crest... Krisalis... Demon... That power that surpassed normal humans... I was terrified. And so, i hid in your shadow, for what did I know? 

Though I wanted to fight Morpheus, to use you instead...! It’s all a mess.”

Using the hidden power he didn’t even know he had - and Krisalis knew this too. Is that why she followed him around?

Darius couldn’t find any words to say, only looking aimlessly at the ground. A painfully long silence hung in the air... Until Orladin broke it again.

“Sorry, I.. I shouldn’t have said that. I know you don’t really want to think about your Crest, and all...”

“No, it’s better that I know this.” Darius looked down at his right hand, wrapped in a tight fist. Eyes of anger looking at his mark of anger.

“The fact that i didn’t know before, and this thing led me around possessed, I’m sorry.”

THEY SHOULD’VE BANGED NOT GONNA LIE ANYMORE

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps could be heard. A shadow from afar, Ralbadora’s, approached the two silent men. Darius got up, and looked at Orladin.

“What should I do now?”

[“Well.. You were the one who said that Morpheus knew where we are, and that he’d rush to our location immediately. I thought he said this i was so smart until google translate made it make more sense]

“Well, you’re the one who brought us this far. We’re going to fight Morpheus, aren’t we? Though I don’t have a shred of royal honour anymore, I can’t guarantee I can protect you with that...”

Darius raised his right fist lightly. “All because of this scary thing, huh? Come on, decide like a proper royal, won’t you?”

Orladin was silent for a moment more, then as if shaking something off, quickly got up from his spot.

“Of course I’ll go along with you. And it’s fine to forget about me in the middle of the battle - I’ll try my best to protect you [or at least do something about it]”

ONE PAGE LEFT TO GO HOO. SORRY IF I BLUDGEONED EVERYTHING ORLADIN AND DARIUS SAID

As the three walked a short length, they found the next room to be narrow, long, and probably a storage room. The area contained another kind of transfer device like the previous one, though without a hint of Palmira energy and equally just as quiet. 

THIS IS ALL JUST BUILDING DESCRIPTIONS. THERE’S LIKE NICE ENGRAVINGS ON THE WALL. THERE’S STAIRS THAT LEAD UP AND DOWN. DARIUS GOES UP WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. THE STAIRS TURN AND KEEP GOING UP. WHAT IS THIS EVEN LIKE THE OH MAYBE IT’S THE FINAL FLOOR BEFORE THE LAB YEAH MAYBE I KNOW THIS. THERE’S DOORS BUT NO ONE CARES

Aside from the difficult breathing coming from the three, the only thing they could hear was the wind that beat down on the stairways. Even the monsters were too afraid to attack, and as they reached the final steps, a door engraved with the Alcrest stood before them.

The door didn’t seem to have a lever anywhere to open it. Darius curiously touched the door, to which its left and right sides opened...

The three men, who held onto their weapons tight, were greeted with green skies and a sea of clouds beneath. The wind whipped up the clouds into a haze of white. Beyond the door and before the green skies stood the tower with a rocky path leading to it, and at the path’s end was a building... A small round building. And there were somemagicalthingsidklikeacircularsdiskIDKBROIDK

“If it’s as Medina said, then up ahead is Morpheus’s secret lab.” 

okayok darius nodded and then walked briskly but the glowing letters on the DISK THING IDK IT GLOWED SO ORLADIN WAS LIKE

“OH NO DARIUS BE CAREFUL YOU’RE GONNA BE BLOWN OFF”

so he grabs onto him but ralbadora just backs off he knows things apparently

“Medina said that this transport device will take us to the entrance of the lab. from there there’s rooms for reference, etc, idk man, stuff for experiments, smaller rooms, idk, idk BRO IDK”

“But, once we enter, it’s the rooms on the sides that’ll have the people we need to save.” IDK

ralbadora is quiet as orladin probably continues on what he needs to say

“There’ll probably be those monsters there protecting Morpheus, too. That kid from before. So, Darius, we’ll have to depend on you. Ralbadora and I, we’ll rescue Sharline and Sienna (who are on opposite sides i think as the game is). If we can’t find them in those rooms, then we’ll rush to the back to find them. And once we do, we’re taking them back out to safety.

...Is that okay?”

The three men nodded, and entered the magic circle. The circle glowed with soft yellow light, surrounding the men and TELEPORTED THEM OR SOMETHING

HOO

IT’S DONE

AFTER LIKE

FIVE MONTHS

[onisiondrama]

Link

Notes:

Greg / James says if anyone online is being negative to you then they show up at your house that’s stalking or harassment. This person said they were following him for days, that’s stalking. Asked how you could give that information to a stalker (I think he’s talking about the 9-1-1 call.) He wonders how Youtube is ok with this. They talk about how Post Malone sued Jake Paul for filming his house. Someone says Chirs Hansen filmed Greg’s house then posted it to Youtube. Says he bragged about it, asks how it’s allowed.

He lists negative things that have been in the news about Chris Hansen. Cheating on his wife, being evicted, owing a credit card company money, etc. Says let’s say someone did that and he felt like showing up to their house after making a series of hateful videos about them. Says he would be in jail. He says anyone else would have been in jail. Someone asks if Chris Hansen has a journalistic license to do that and Greg says no. He says Chris’ show was canceled because someone killed themselves and was sued for $100 million so he is done. Asks where his credibility is. Points out the likes to dislikes ratio (on Chris Hansen’s 9-1-1 call video I think) is mostly likes and asks if the world lost its mind.

Someone tries to bring up the lawyer but Greg says he doesn’t care. He just wants nothing to do with this person. Says showing up to someone’s house is what psychos do. It’s creepy. Says he’s freaked out by the boundaries that were crossed and there is just cheering. Says it’s like Trump would still be elected if he shot someone. Morals are gone. Nothing matters anymore, only what satisfies people to get their entertainment kick. People aren’t people anymore. Someone says that’s the whole internet and Greg says that’s why you handle shit in real life. If you have a problem with someone, you use the legal system. Don’t make video after video after video.

Greg says people just want to be mad at someone for shit that isn’t even real. Says he’s heard stories about himself for 8 years and was always surprised with what people came up with. Says people are always mad, but they can’t do anything legally because it’s not about real shit.

Compares his situation to when PewDiePie was robbed. Says people aren’t being compassionate because they don’t see celebrities as people.

Says he doesn’t know the full story about the lawyer and it’s none of his business. Asks why people are obsessed with going after people when they don’t know the full story. Says everyone went after James Charles without knowing the full story.

Says the problem with coming back (I think he means fighting back) is that you are directly hurting someone. Says Tati got a ton of hate when James Charles came back. It’s always hurting someone, but people will keep hurting you if you don’t come back. Everyone wants to hate someone, it’s one or the other person. Says what if the other person has a mental disorder or was suicidal, would you want to fight back? If he was in that situation he would rather let people hate him.

Greg says he could fight back and violate non-disclosure agreements, but he prefers not not engage. Says there is a guy who is now showing up at his doorstep to get his side of the story. You can’t bully someone to entertain your audience and to make you money.

Says people aren’t going after human traffickers or people that admitted to doing horrible things because it doesn’t sell video titles. People want to see people that know be torn apart.

Says he’s going to be a little woke. Says when he went after Social Repose and went after Eugenia Cooney for promoting eating disorders, you didn’t see him going after nobodies that were worse because he was talking about things that would get him clicks. People on Youtube don’t talk about things that really matter. Says it’s fake and they only do it for money. 

Says we were all drunk on self obsession and didn’t realize how shallow it is. Says the real world is more important than the internet. When he talks to people in real life, they listen to him. People on the internet only hear what they want to hear. Says that’s why you don’t do an interview with people who have more to gain from you being a monster then you being who you really are. That’s insane. Asks how bad would it be for them if they built a whole channel on you being a monster and you go on and show you are the opposite. 

Someone says he (chris hansen) would twist everything Greg would say. Greg says the fact that you could twist someone showing up to your house after you already threatened legal action against them and make yourself the good guy blows his mind. Says people have families and this is not a reality show. Says they are trying to collect profit and clout.

Someone says he did the right thing by calling the cops and Greg asks what was he supposed to, what would anyone do? 

Says person after person who came on the show had nothing to say because there’s nothing there. 

Says for most people, when they are on good terms with someone they say nice things about them. When you don’t want them in your life anymore, they’re going to make it like they hated you the while time.

Someone says they haven’t heard of half the people on the show, but now everyone knows their names and it was all for clout. Greg says, “you and me both.” Says he’s only had a conversation with half of the people on the show. Doesn’t know who the other people are. Says they don’t do any credential check to verify if that person was in your life, all they want is the number of women to go up.

Greg talks about his old tweet that said he’s a comedian because people will laugh when he dies.

Someone asked how long Greg was going to be in voice chat. He says until his heart feels better.

They talk about how being famous sucks.

Greg asks how many people Chris Hansen interviewed are innocent. Greg says zero because only someone dumb enough to be a criminal would be dumb enough to be interviewed by him. He says he demands they pay him because they are making money on everyone involved, including alleged victims. He says this is why you go through the legal system, so you don’t make money off people’s suffering. He says no one is willing to pay him or they would lose money. No one wants the real story unless they make money.

He says Youtube’s new anti-harassment policy only applies to targets people like. When someone people don’t like is harassed, people applaud.

Greg says as soon as he went to college everyone was civil, There were no bullies in college. Someone says they are in a sorority and Greg says they messed up his point because he remembered hazing is bullying. 

They talk about slut shaming and gender. He says slut shaming keeps people from making a lot of money online. Says he knew someone who made 20,000 a month and didn’t show nudity. (I’m not sure what his point was there.)

Says he tweeted about something nice someone he once knew said, but he forgot to crop the number at the top. He deleted it. Twitter didn’t do anything about it because it was an accident, but Patreon said he was using Patreon to fund doxing. He says it funded his projects and discord events and they still destroyed it.

Says he doesn’t understand what is wrong with his 9-1-1 call and why people meme’d it. He said he was polite and calm. Says he feels bad about talking about someone’s mental disorder, but you have to tell them the absolute truth. He told them so they could understand the situation and didn’t want it to be public. Now this person is going to be more upset.

Says he lost his desire to drag people online.

Says he used to make videos documenting things step by step and the first time the audience reaction was mostly people saying he was wrong was 2016. Before that everyone would say what he said was real.

Says there were two people on Hansen’s show that he bolt locked his door because he was afraid they were going to murder him in his sleep. Says he has a mental disorder, depression. He’s not better, but when you are afraid of someone you can’t have them in your life. Says it’s surreal he’s being made out to be a piece of shit for not allowing that in his life. (sure Jan)

Says when someone with a mental disorder is going through something and they are rejected it’s like Chernobyl. Someone says people literally go crazy and he agrees.

If he could go back in time he wouldn’t talk to anyone and to not make friends. If he collabed with someone he would only work with them professionally because when you get to know people you start to see the cracks so you don’t want to be with them anymore then the cracks gush all over you.

Says when he’s kicked out of someone’s life he looks at himself to see what he did wrong. Says he uses Hannah Minx as an example. Says she kicked him out of her life because he said “i love you” way too soon. He says he said “ok I fucked up” and that’s the end of it. (lol he talked about her for years) He said that’s how he likes to handle rejection. Says when you have depression you blame yourself more. 

Says everyone should ask how they should make them-self less toxic, but that’s not how you get video views.

[ccatvalentine]

murder house | pilot

introduction

Season 1 - Murder House 

Episode 1 - Pilot

word count: 2,438

1978 

Far above , the branches twisted like distorted limbs reaching out. The forboding tree reaching out towards you. The open gates, showcasing a gnarled, old looking- house and a young girl standing  on the front lawn

CRASH! A sound crashes as someone throws a rock at the window of an abandoned house and shatters it. 

Bryan jokes “Hey, Troy. You're a dork.”

“Hey, shut up. Hey, freak.” Troy insults.

On Bryan’s way to the front door, Bryan blows some kisses at Addie who stares back at him, keeping a straight face.

“Excuse me. You are going to die in there.” the mysterious girl warns.

 “Shut your mouth, or we're gonna kick your ass!” Troy says,angry at the girl.

Bryan “We got bats.”

Troy moans “I hate trees!”

As they enter the house, Addie chants “You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it.”

Troy “Yeah!”

Bryan “Yeah!”

The boys smash everything inside of the house with their bats.

 “Troy” Bryan says he looks at the door.

 “Awesome, go,” Troy forced.

“No, you go, shithead.” Bryan says, not wanting to go first.

The boys go down the stairs, not knowing the dangers that they are about to face.

 “Check it out." Troy pushed.

They find a room full of jars filled with human's and animal's parts. Troy picks up a jar containing an ear and drops it. As a result, it shatters onto the ground.

“It stinks in here. It stinks like shit. You remember last summer when we get the raccoon stuck in our chimney? That's what it smells like. Let's go find it.” Troy says, disgusted.

“No, it smells bad... I'm getting out of here.” Bryan says.

Troy goes further into the room, poping his crackers, while Bryan turns around, up the stairs. Suddenly, the popping stops. Bryan stops his ascension.

 "Troy? " Bryan questions.

(A bottle rolls across floor)

 "Troy? Who's down there? Cut it out, Troy. Cut it out." Bryan asks again, scared. 

 Bryan finds Troy on the ground, his throat slashed while Troy is reaching out to him, unable to utter anything. Suddenly, Bryan turns around and sees a terrifying creature called the infantata, running in their direction.

As a result, Bryan starts screaming bloody murder as Addy simply stars back at the house.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

18th July 2011

Ugh this is soooo boring, I don't know why my parents aren't divorced already, whatever, it's not like I care. 

 "Mommmm are we there yet?" I complain.

 " We'll be there soon honey. " mom says looking at me from the mirror thing.

Vivien : The light is different out here. It's softer.

Violet : It's called smog.

Ben : You should be excited, Vi. You can stop sneaking cigarettes and just start taking deep breaths.

Violet : I need to go to the bathroom.

Ben : We're almost there.

Violet : I need to go.

Ben : Vi, it's a freeway. Really, where do you want me to pull over? Maybe the Honda next to us has a bathroom or something.

Violet : Bet if the baby had  to piss , you'd find somewhere.

 "Hey! Don't call me a baby!" I pouted.

Vivien : Really? Violet, I hate that word, unless I'm saying it.

Ben : I'm really glad we named you Violet, instead of our second choice. Same with you Eve.

Violet : Which was?

Vivien : Sunshine.

"lol, cringe." Violet shoots me a ' wtf' look.

Ben : It's funny. Come on, you gotta admit it's funny.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

Currently, we’re at the front of our brand new house and dad is ringing the doorbell.

Ben : I love it. Don't you love it, hon? I mean, it looks even better than it did online.

Vivien : Yeah, it's interesting.

“How about you Evelyn?” Dad asks me.

“I think it’s cool and superrr creepy. :) it’s totally haunted!” I beam while Violet keeps on thinking, ‘why does my sister have to be so creepy?’

Violet : Great. So we're the Addams Family now.

Ben : Hey, crabby pants. Come here.

Vivien : What are you doing?

Ben : Isn't this place amazing?

Suddenly, I see an old looking lady open the door.

Marcy : Welcome. It's a classic L.A. Victorian. Built around 1920 by the doctor to the stars at the time. It's just fabulous. These are real Tiffany fixtures. As you can see, the previous owners really loved this place like a child. They restored everything.

‘Tiffany, in that super cool famous store I see big celebrities like Lady Gaga buy and wear???!’ I think, amazed.

Vivian: Gay?

Marcy : What do you think?

Ben : Tiffany. Wow.

Marcy : Do you cook?

Ben : Viv is a great cook. I got her cooking lessons a few years ago, and she ended up teaching the teacher a few things.

Marcy : Cooking lessons... romantic. Aren't you a psychologist?

Ben : Psychiatrist. You said something on the phone about there being a study that I could use as a home office? I'm planning on seeing patients here, so I can spend more time with the family.

‘That’s kinda cool I guess : I wont have to deal with seeing the patients every day. Privacy, at last.’ I smile, happy at the idea.

Marcy : How refreshing.

(Vivien puts her dog down, and it goes running outside the kitchen, yapping)

Vivien : Violet, honey, would you go see where Hayley we-nt? Oh, never mind. Eve, try not to trip sweetheart!

“Hey fluffy, what’s wrong?” her eyes widen (she just came up with this) “I know! It’s ghost... spooky. 😃” Whoever the ghost was, decided to prank her by tapping her on the head lightly. “ Aaahhhh!!!” she screamed while running into her mothers chest while her mother was confused. Nevertheless, she’s pulled her daughter into a hug. “Mom! This shits haunted, so cool!”

Violet was used to this, username to her sister being obsessed and fascinated with scary things. Violet signed and went up to the dog,” What are you yapping at?”

That was soooo epic! Finally, I get to feel a ghost!!😊😃😀 im watching as the loser attempts to open a random creepy door, oh she’s done it, finalllly. I see her go in a bit and peek inside while she goes down the stairs. it's dark and creepy but whatever cool I guess.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

I was walking back to the living room?? area. 

Vivien : This wallpaper is peeling over here. Looks like maybe there's a mural underneath it.

Marcy : The last owners probably covered it up. They were modernists. Speaking of the last owners, full disclosure requires that I tell you about what happened to them.

‘Wait?! something happenedddd???’

Vivien : Oh, God... they didn't die in here or anything, did they?

Marcy : Yes, actually, both of them. Murder-suicide. I sold them the house, too. They were just the sweetest couple. You never know, I guess.

‘omgggggg ghostsss!!!! i called it! 😉’

Ben : That explains why it's half the price of every other house in the neighborhood, I guess.

Marcy : I do have a very nice mid-century ranch, but it's in the Valley, and you're going to get a third of the house for twice the price.

Ben : Right.

Violet : Where did it happen?

Marcy : The basement. 

Violet : We'll take it.

‘:) operation find ghosts!’

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

Ben: Come on, babe, let's go to bed. Leave that for the morning.

Vivien : I'm a little bit worried about Violet, you know, these kids here are very different. I don't know if she can handle another year of not fitting in. Same with Evelyn, her friends at her old school weren’t a great influence on her.

Ben : You mean... you can't?

Vivien : Can't believe this place doesn't freak you out a little bit. 'Cause of what happened here?

Ben : My repulsion is tempered by the fact that this house is worth four times what we paid for it, so let's not think about it.

Vivien : This is your professional advice, Doctor, just denial?

Ben : Come on, let me give you a little love. Moving here, buying this house was the exact right thing to do for us and our family. It's a good thing and we deserve some good after all the shit we've been through.

Vivien : I've got some stuff I want to... unpack down in the kitchen. I appreciate that you're trying. I'm trying, too.

Ben : Okay.

Vivien : It's just gonna take some time.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

Currently, I’m at the campus of my new middle school. I see a group of bitchy-looking girls out front.

Maria : Hey! Student council passed a rule against blowing bubblegum.

Katy : yeah, you could choke on it.

‘tf okay karen.’

“I'm new, I didn't know, sorry.” i roll my eyes.

Maria : What the hell is wrong with you? People sit here, they eat here.

“You don't know me. Why are you doing this?”

Katy : Maria's grandmother died from choking on gum, she takes this pretty seriously.

Maria : Eat it... eat it or I'm gonna kick the shit out of you.

“No. What?”

Cathy : Come on, , that's enough.

Maria : No, no, no, I want to see her eat it.

“No. No.”

Maria : Eat it, eat it.

Katy : Maria, seriously, she's like 10.

Maria tries to force me to eat the gum, but I take the gum out of my mouth and place it on Maria’s head. Maria screams.

Maria : You are dead! You are dead!

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

Currently, I’m peaking, leaning around the corner of my sister’s door.

Tate : This one I did after my dad left. I was ten, I think.

‘Who’s this?’

Violet : Last week, first day at my new school... sucks.

‘Ouch, that looks like it hurts.’

Tate : Westfield, right? The worst. I got thrown out of there.

Violet : I hate it here. I hate everyone. All there bourgeoisy designer bullshit. East Coast was much cooler. I mean, at least we had weather.

Tate : I love it when the leaves change.

Violet : Yeah, me, too.

Tate : Why did you move here?

Violet : My dad had an affair. My mom literally caught him in the act.

‘Yeah, why don’t they divorce then????!!‘ I acidentally slipped as i had been leaning into the door to much. oof

Violet: what are you doing here? wait, were u listening in on our conversation?!

“err, maybe?”

Tate: Who’s this?

“I’m Evelyn, Violet’s better sister, epic ghost hunter😼😎“

Tate smiles lightly, violet says, “whatever, come here.” she puts me on her lap while they carry on their conversatio 

Tate : That's horrible. If you love someone, you should never hurt them... never.

Violet : Right? I know. And the worst part is that six months earlier, my mom had, like, this brutal miscarriage. The baby was seven months old, and we had to have this macabre funeral. Have you ever seen a baby coffin?

Tate sits near Violet and gently touches her wrist.

Tate : I'm sorry.

Violet : Why are you seeing my dad?

Tate : Don't ask questions you already know the answer to. You're smarter than that.

Violet : Want to listen to Morrissey? He's cool and he's pissy and he hates everyone and everything.

Tate : Got any Kurt Cobain on that thing?

Ben : What are you doing in here?

I turn my head around and see dad by the door

Violet : Just listening to music, Dad.

Ben : You need to leave, Tate. I'm sorry. He shouldn't be in here, and I think you know that... please.

Tate : What's that thing you think I'm afraid of? Fear of rejection?

Ben : Stay away from him.

Violet : Dad, nothing...

Ben : You heard me!

Tate : No! Bullet, bullet, bullet!

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

im in the kitchen with mom eating some sweets and i see a women and a girl.

Vivien : I want you to stay out of my house.  Do you understand?

Constance : Can I smoke in here?

Vivien : No. Adelaide, answer me, please.

Addie : Can I pet your dog?

Vivien : No, Adelaide, I want you to stay out of the house. I want you to stop coming in and opening things up and telling me that I'm going to die.

Ben : She said that?

Constance : She says that to everybody. Say you're sorry, Addie.

Addie : No, they did it.

Vivien : Who did it?

Addie : The twins.

Constance : Shh.

Addie : Can I... pet your dog?

Vivien : No, Adelaide, listen to me. I want you to stop coming in here without permission. Am I clear?’

I wisper to mom, ‘why does she always come in the house, i can hear her a lot.’ mom just shrugs

Ben : Vivien.

Vivien : Am I clear?

Addie : Yes.

Vivien : Thank you.

Constance : Time to go, Addie.

Ben : Hallie!

Vivien : Are you okay?

Addie : She shouldn't have done that.

Constance : Sorry about all this. You touch my kid one more time and I will break your goddamn arm.

‘awkward, now thats a TRUE karen’

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

im at school and this bitch is trying to fucking fight me

Violet : I'm not scared of you!

Maria : Should be!

Kids : Fight, fight, fight!

i spit 

Maria: little bitch!

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵

Vivien : Hey. Whoa. Come here. What happened to your face?

“Fell down.”

Vivien : Come here. Sit, sit, sit. Boy or girl?

“Girls. Three of em.””

Vivien : Hope they look worse than you do. You know their names?

“I'm not narking.”

Vivien : You know, we can easily move you to a different school. There are a lot of really good private schools right in this neighborhood.

“I'm not running away. I'm not scared of them. Not afraid of anything.”

Vivien : It's like that time in kindergarten, when you insisted that I bring you home from the slumber party 'cause all the other girls were sleeping without the nightlight on. I know you've gotten the short end of the stick, lately. This move, and...your dad and I haven't exactly been great to be around.

 “Why don't you guys get divorced, if you're so miserable?”

Vivien : We still love each other.

“ You could've fooled me. I thought you hated each other. Well, at least you hated him. I don't blame you. He was a shithead. Sorry.”

Vivien : It's okay. He was a shithead. You know, we got a lot of history. Your dad's been through a lot, I've been through a lot. Guess we need each other. What are you scared of?

“You said I'm not scared of anything, so... what scares you?”

Vivien : Lately? Everything. Life will do that to you.

[eternaleve]

I’ve spent the course of COVID lockdown cycling through hyperfixations while also trying to engage in some much needed therapy (lolsob), and I’ve been essentially encouraging myself to try and do more things I can enjoy without feeling shame. Anyway, that’s a short way of saying I decided to blog about all the music videos of Depeche Mode for reasons of science.

The science is that my basic premise is that most of the videos are pretty bad in ways that I find to be pretty strange. Full disclosure is that I spent my teen years being a huge Cure fan and there’s an overlap there? Of songs with very niche high-concept ideas that don’t necessarily map onto a model of popular music but found mainstream success in the rise of new wave music in the wake of the collapse of first wave punk and amplified by the creation of music videos and music video TV. And I owned all the Cure music videos and played them on my iPod Nano because I was a very strange child. But to get back to my central thesis, many of The Cure’s videos are very stylised and fun and memorable in ways that are good. And yet, despite existing in the same sphere and having an overlap of fans, the music videos for Depeche Mode mostly stay bad until the end of the eighties, a fact I will prove by watching them all.

Can you tell that I am bored because i have lost my job and my mental health is making me fixate on strange shit currently because that is absolutely the case right now

Speak & Spell

Dreaming of Me (Feb 1981)

The single art is really lovely - the red/yellow contrast is very striking against the white, and I really love the design. Hey remember when people used to go out and buy singles and you would appreciate them and the work that went into them? I don’t think I’ve bought a physical single since I was about sixteen. I used to buy them from the Woolworths music department because it was cheap and all my friends worked there, so they had a pretty lenient attitude about what exactly constituted paying for things. Woolworths policy of only hiring teenagers is probably what destroyed their business.

Anyway, Dreaming of Me did not chart super well, getting to number 57 and having no official music video - or actually getting onto the album. It wasn’t included on Speak & Spell in the UK until the 2006 re-release. So, there was no music video for me to look at…

Apart from this video I found from local TV in 1981 to promote the song. It’s a maybe-music video. Because music videos had only been around for about six years and MTV didn’t exist until later in the same year, my guess is that Mute Records were pretty cautious about putting money into a medium that might cost more than they would get in publicity. That’s only a guess. I don’t have a crystal ball for forty years ago. 

Anyway, here are some children recording music.

If i was 19 and someone offered me a recording contract I would have taken it without thinking (like i took on all those student loans without thinking through any consequences wompwomp) but now I am nearly thirty I watch this and think, ‘These children shouldn’t be outside unaccompanied’. The passage of time has made a fool of me.

They go bowling and play Space Invaders which, hey, still sounds like a great night out to me, but I’m guessing that because this is very clearly aimed at teenagers the TV producers didn’t want to encourage teen drinking by showing them performing a gig at a club night.

I call it high fashion. The all-grey really sells it.

This reminds me so much of a advice column in teen magazines - when they’d have problems set out in a little faux-comic strip of still photos? ‘My best friend stole and read my diary’ ‘My crush found out about how I feel and now he’s going out with my best friend’, that sort of thing. That is also a classic carpet pattern. I think my grandma’s living room had that carpet. 

The video is very naive! It’s the sort of thing we would all see now on Youtube from bands just starting out and it is wild to me that this went out on TV. It’s very un-glossy and normal, the stuff that bands put out on YouTube now because of DIYness.

New Life (June 1981)

This is also a really great piece of single art. It’s very bold and striking - it would definitely be the standout record in a sea of other 7’’ released the same week. It also doesn’t particularly match the tone of the single but eh, it looks pretty cool. New Life did much better than Dreaming of Me and got up to number 11 in the UK singles chart. Still no official music video, but the charting meant that the band got onto Top of The Pops! ToTP was cancelled when I was a wee baby teen, because the BBC decided to stop caring about yoof viewership and promoting music was circling the drain everywhere as streaming hit, but it was the place to promote music so was definitely a sign that You Had Made It.

So, last video was silly and made by children, but now they’re wearing see-through mesh shirts, leather trousers, and leather hats with a design that I am a little bit dubious about. I grew up on the oi/punk scene and let me tell you about how many first wave punks wear iconography of bad regimes for faux edginess reasons because I met a LOT of them in my time.

Oh boy do i have thoughts about that hat. It also looks like a Leather Daddy hat which, well, let’s leave that thought to one side. Most ToTP performances were lipsynced. Playing things live would sound weird in the studio, be picked up strangely by the audio equipment and the cameras, so 99% of performances were mimed to the single. Now, some acts would deliberately play up to the pretence and refuse to act like they were doing anything that corresponded to the song - The Jam, The Communards, and The Cure are literally the first examples that come to mind who would just… not do anything close to pretending it was real. 

This is not that. It is very earnest and awkward and serious, which sort of makes it very sweet.

Just Can’t Get Enough (September 1981)

Right, that is shibari, isn’t it? I’m not blind, am I? It’s a very striking image that 99.9% of people would not recognise other than being a striking black and white image. 

I don’t think I can overstate how… innocent, in a way, this point of time was? As in the general level of knowledge about non-conventional stuff in the wider public at large. As in my mother, an almost teen at this point, saw George Michael walking with his boyfriend in central London and had no idea he was gay until he came out. It’s actually the widest cultural gulf I can think of between her teen years and my teen years because I was very aware of queer people from a young age.

Anyway, moving on, I feel like it bears repeating that this song fucking slaps. It’s the last single to be written by Vince Clarke and the last single until 2006 to be written by someone other than Martin Gore. This is one of those songs that just works on every level. Can you imagine coming up with this for the first album of your band? That blows my mind. It’s so overpoweringly good that it was probably for the best that it was saved for last - coming out the gate with a guaranteed fucking banger was been the nail in the coffin for a lot of other eighties synth/electronica bands. They scored a huge hit and then nothing after that managed to be as good or meet the hype. Depeche Mode had built up a far bit of radio play and interest before dropping this which turned out to be very good in the long run!

This got to number 8 on the UK charts and the first to get a music video! It is the only one with Vince Clarke. Full disclosure in that I had this song on my iPod through downloading the video to my computer (that’s how we got songs without using stuff that would give us viruses because i got a ton using bearshare for rare cure demos) and I remember watching the video, all of sixteen years old, and thinking, ‘Man, all these people look so grown up, compared to me, I can’t wait to be an adult!’.

Twelve years have changed my view, somewhat.

Look at this little baby man. Were you in one of my A Level classes - as in, ones that I have taught, not ones that I have been in.

Vince Clarke, however, has had a significant glow up in the six months and now looks like he is the bouncer in a leather bar. This is the One Adult in the room.

Ahh, I see it’s Open Mic Night at the local leather bar. You know what I was saying about how teens in the eighties tended to be significantly more naive about what we might call certain signifiers? Because what this outfit says to me, a queer woman in 2020, is susbstanitally different than to my mum and her friends watching this when it first came out. She would read this as ‘This is totally rebellious and cool!’ while I go ‘Someone just joined the university kink club and spent all their bursary’.

I don’t remember the member of Blazin’ Squad that wore a slave harness. (Now, there’s a reference that shows my age. A Blazin’ Squad reference in the year of Our Lord 2020. Hoooo boy.)

I read somewhere (that I can’t find now because, of course I can’t) that these are the band’s girlfriends and I always remembered that because it made me think, lol, same. One of my closest friends is the Head of London, so she’s in every band in London and if she’s not in yours yet give her time, and my partner was in a locally successful metal/hardcore band for about a decade and being connected with any sort of band means you will be helping out hugely behind the scene constantly. I have held lights, moved speakers, picked up instruments, been in music videos, and have bought tearaway trousers and glowsticks for gigs. You get called in to help all the time which is a lot of fun, so that fact always just stuck with me. It also makes sense financially because then you don’t have to hire any professional backing dancers, you can rely on people who will happily do it for free (while looking pretty rad while doing it!).

Anyway, the band look like those generic raiders that you run into when randomly walking across the map in a Fallout game.

I love awkward choreography in music videos. It feeds me.

Filming a night out provides A) Great footage and B) Can be done for limited overheads, leaving more money to be put into promotion. 

I always like seeing this sort of footage in music videos. I tend to see a lot of it, given the DIY punk scene, and it always charms me. I am easy to please. And all those women have the most amazing eye makeup that makes me super jealous because it all looks so good.

That hat is on point. This looks like a still image for some sort of cyberpunk big band style swing revival that, sadly, lives only in my dreams.

It took me so goddamn long to screenshot this shot probably because i was also blasting dream nails whoops

Anyway those are my reactions to Speak & Spell’s one solitary music video with some other things thrown in and this took me way too long. I make myself laugh though, that’s the main thing. I will do A Broken Frame… at some point. I think I have a bunch of vinyl for A Broken Frame? My mum actually bought all the singles for that album and I stole most of her collection years ago. I will have to search and see what I can find.

[gaymer-hag-stan]

Throwback Thursday [1/6]

Hi!

I've been testing out my very very VERY mediocre editing skills just for fun but I thought I'd share what I made anyway.

For the following six weeks, starting today, I'll be sharing the small videos I've made, filled with all the greatest hits of the past by my favourite K-pop girl groups!

These groups are very important to me because, through their music, they've kept me company on countless bus and train rides as well as when I'm feeling down or lonely or just bored. Ideally I'd love to make them a proper tribute video but for now that's as far as I go lol.

I hope you enjoy these little throwbacks as much as I did!

[WARNING] The video and audio quality is mostly... Bad, so if you wanna retain your hearing, don't watch this with your headphones too loud!

1. Tell Me - Wonder Girls - 2007

Tell Me is so addictive and fun! I love every part of it. Sunmi's husky verses, Sohee's "OMONA", Yeeun and Sunye giving it their all in the chorus and, of course, Yubin's rap. Oh Yubin's rap! The styling is scary but the song is too good that makes me ignore the hair and outfit (and makeup...) choices... Wonder Woman Sohee saving the day is iconic though.

2. L.O.V.E. - Brown Eyed Girls - 2008

Brown Eyed Girls are rarely praised for their softer, less powerful songs but L.O.V.E. basically put them on the map so it deserves credit! I'd still choose bold and dark BEG any time of course but still.

3. So Hot - Wonder Girls - 2008

Leave it to the Wonder Girls to release a song parodying their immense success! They were still the top girl group at the time so releasing this after the massive hit that Tell Me was was honestly pure genius! Again, the styling is questionable but Sunye looks great with that hairstyle!

4. How - Brown Eyed Girls - 2008

Brown Eyed Girls were still trying to find a balance between being extremely talented and releasing public-friendly songs and How was definitely a step in the right direction! I love Miryo's raps in this very much. She's also rocking that short haircut as well!

5. Nobody - Wonder Girls - 2008

Full disclosure but I prefer Tell Me over Nobody. In any case, it's Wonder Girls' greatest hit and for a very good reason too! I included the English re-release because I feel like Wonder Girls are not given the credit they deserve nowadays for literally putting K-pop on the map...

6. Gee - Girls' Generation - 2009

Gee is iterally that bitch. Love it or hate it, it not only skyrocketed Girls' Generation to the top of girl groups but also set the golden standard for what a successful top boss bitch girl group looks and sounds like. Gee is literally the reason every single girl group has cutesy concepts nowadays and Girls' Generation is the reason every single company creates nine-membered girl groups. It is also the very first K-pop girl group song I ever listened to!

7. Honey - KARA - 2009

I'm probably one of the very few people that actually enjoyed KARA's "Fin.K.L. ripoff" debut but seeing them do a 180° in 2008 and then further establishing their girl-next-door image with Honey in 2009 and finding success was just as satisfying! Nicole's rap is the highlight for me.

8. Fire - 2NE1 - 2009

What a great way to debut! Fire is a classic because it immediately sets itself apart from any other K-pop girl group hit song released up until that point. And what's even more satisfying is that the girls feel believable. They're not faking it or trying too hard to look badass, they simply are. 2NE1 had unbelievable charisma that seriously can not be replicated. Ever since they disbanded it's been really hard for me to listen to their songs because it really hurts knowing that there will never be more. They were my favourite group after all..

9. Hot Issue - 4Minute - 2009

Oh my god, 2009's batch of new girl groups was so powerful? Like 2NE1, they also presented themselves in a very powerful but not forced way except they always felt a little more... I don't know, more traditionally feminine? More sexy maybe? Hot Issue is a good example of that.

10. Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) - Girls Generation - 2009

Genie is that song I think I mostly asociate with Girls' Generation, despite Gee being their magnum opus. Maybe it's because it's "that song that came after THE song" but instead of replicating Gee it does every single thing Gee did for me but even better! I think that may be the reason they chose Genie as their Japanese debut over Gee. I think they come across a lot more bold in this too, and not because of the suits. They feel and look and sound confident. Like "Yeah bitch, we're literally the best girls ever." Remarkable!

Okay so that's it for this week!

Thank you for reading~

[veganthranduil]

i promise this will be my only hot take on Who Is Crowley but

crowley as the literal biblical satan

(i promise you, no more than two minutes of research went into this but i read faust in high school)

(also full disclosure: i’m catholic, so like. sorry to anybody who engages with the old testament more)

By Crowley as Satan I don’t mean Crowley as the Biblical Christian devil. OG Satan is one of the Sons of God and a heavenly prosecutor. His job is basically to tempt men into demanding their right from God, to test their faith, by bringing them into situations bad enough that they begin to question that God really does love them. (Which imo is different from what Hastur and Ligur describe themselves as doing. That’s like small change compared to leading people away from their faith in God.) Crowley brings on the circumstances for people to damn themselves often enough (whether it’s bringing ruin down on Job or downing the phone network of London I guess). 

Exhibit A (Job 2:3-6)

3 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.”

4 “Skin for skin!” Satan replied. “A man will give all he has for his own life. 5 But now stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

6 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life.”

(Kudos to Goethe for literally pirating this entire exchange lol.)

Exhibit B:

(taken from this post)

Matthew 4:1-11 (though we normally stan Mark on this blog lol)

4 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He [a]then became hungry. 3 And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” 4 But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’”

5 Then the devil *took Him into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 and *said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written,

‘He will command His angels concerning You’;

and

‘On their hands they will bear You up, So that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’”

7 Jesus said to him, “[b]On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

8 Again, the devil *took Him to a very high mountain and *showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; 9 and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and [c]worship me.” 10 Then Jesus *said to him, “Go, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and [d]serve Him only.’”11 Then the devil *left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him.

Same modus operandi, different testament: Crowley tests Jesus to see whether he believes God is truly good, because asking the stones to become bread is asking for confirmation that God will provide. That’s not faith, that’s just empiricism. Whereas Jesus is like ‘no thanks, I don’t need to see proof’ (thanks to Karl Herbst for this Hot Take on the New Testament). 

Crowley struggles so much with the hand that he is dealt and the concept of a loving God because it doesn’t conform to his lived experience (’You said you were going to be testing them. But don��t test them to destruction.’; i’m paraphrasing here). Similarly, he urges people on to this same conclusion that he’s come to: that a kind and loving God wouldn’t let bad things happen to them. 

I like my ‘Crowley is just Crowley’ reading of the book/show as much as the next person, but I also love the potential for angst here, specifically because it would still leave Crowley in the service of God (a role in the ineffable plan, heh), but in a role where he was specifically denied the comfort of faith in the fundamental kindness of God. 

[bigskydreaming]

Batfandom’s favorite word to use is “adopted.” And I don’t mean that in a good way, but in a ‘nah, this is actually kinda obnoxious’ way?

Like, 90% of fics and headcanons in Batfandom flat out refuse to use the words ‘father,’ ‘brother(s),’ ‘sister’ or ‘son(s),’ without the qualifier ‘adopted’ always, always, ALWAYS attached to the front of said words. Like, endlessly. Over and over. Not just once, early on, to establish the specific nature of the family relationships, but like....this sledgehammer insistence on bringing that point home. Each. And. Every. Time. A. Familial. Relationship. Is. Described. Ever.

Sorry to be cranky about it, I know people don’t mean any harm by it, and like, I’m not saying its offensive. That’s not the right word IMO, but its definitely....grating? And just to be clear, I don’t pretend I’m speaking for everyone who’s adopted or from adopted families, I’m sure plenty of people who fit that description have different takes on this than me. BUUUUT I also know for a fact that I am not the only person this bugs in a big way. I’ve had this convo over the years with a lot of other fans I know who are adopted. And its not just Batfandom either, its every fandom with central adoptive relationships, like Thor and Loki, etc. Its just especially jarring in Batfandom because there’s so many different adoptive relationships front and center, so this pops up like...EVERYWHERE.

Idk, like....I’d just ask that writers please consider WHY they feel the qualifier ‘adopted/adoptive’ is a necessary addition every time the label of father/son/brother is used in a fic. What they think it adds, what they feel it describes about the relationship that’s different from any other father/son/brother relationship. Because I do think that most people (at least those not from adopted families themselves) do it without thinking about it. It seems just like another descriptor, like its addition is just a level of specificity that’s like, slightly more accurate than JUST father/son/brother......its just. In my experience, and that of most other adopted kids/relatives of adopted kids I’ve spoken with personally....that’s not really how it works?

Its about context, is the thing. How a thing is framed. When used just initially, like when establishing the exact nature of family dynamics, sure, in that sense its an accurate descriptor that lends an additional level of specificity to family relationships. It describes how this particular family formed, how it came to be. But AFTER that’s been established....that qualifier of adopted tacked onto every family label....its no longer establishing anything further. Instead, now its just perpetuating the idea that the nature of the family relationship itself is inherently different, BECAUSE of how it was formed.

Its a subtle distinction, but its very much a real and definite distinction. When first used, ‘adopted’ describes a family origin. Used over and over, ‘adopted’ describes a family that’s somehow wholly different from non-adopted families, BECAUSE that specific family origin is seen as superseding and overlaying every other aspect of the family and its inter-dynamics. You see what I’m saying? And its that latter part that grates, because...no? That’s not....that’s not nearly the omnipresent thing that I think a lot of people seem to take for granted it is?

Again, maybe its different for other adopted families, but like.....okay. So, in my case, my mom’s technically my adopted mom, I have a different bio mom that I haven’t seen since I was ten, my older sister has the same bio parents as me and my two younger siblings are adopted with no biological relation to each other or to anyone else in our family, though unlike me and my sister were adopted at birth. For as long as my mom’s been my mom....I barely ever referred to my mom as anything other than my mom. It usually didn’t occur to me to use qualifiers when describing her, because like, she was who I saw as my mom. I mean, she’s literally my mom. That’s literally what that word adopted in front of the label ‘mother’ means. Whether you include it or not, the mother part remains true. 

And in fact, describing her as my adopted mom wasn’t even like, an establishing qualifier I always included when first talking about my family to someone who didn’t know our history. It was usually more kinda....a tenth conversation kind of clarification because it was more an afterthought than anything else? Like kinda a belated realization when they looked at me confused at something I just said, like...’oh yeah, see technically my mom is my adopted mom, and when I said ‘my mom’ there just now I was actually talking about my bio mom, totally different thing. Like technically I have two, but only one really matters most of the time so its not worth mentioning to like, everyone I meet, you know?’ That sort of thing. If anything, I was more likely to use the qualifier in regards to my birth mom, the one I didn’t live with. Like I’d say, this is my mom when talking about my mom, as in my adopted mom, and I’d refer to my birth mom as just that, as my birth mom or my bio mom.

And my siblings and I tended to describe ourselves as adopted siblings more upfront, at least when introducing ourselves and our familial relationship to someone new...but that was less about us seeing us our sibling relationship as being different from non-adopted families, and more just like...a necessary avoidance of bullshit? LOL, because I mean, its kinda obvious that my siblings and I aren’t biologically related. I’m white, my little sister is Vietnamese, my little brother’s indigenous Mexican. We tended to lead with “this is my sister/brother, we’re adopted’, but mostly because like.....full offense, but people are kinda dumb? *Shrugs* If we just said ‘this is my sister and this is my brother’ and just left it at that, people would nine out of ten times like....stutter and get all squinty-eyed and confused and be all...what...how...because lol, idk, apparently its a hugely hard leap to figure out oh hey, maybe adoption is a thing here? 

(And also just FYI in general, it was always just annoying because like, even if you don’t ‘get’ HOW two seemingly unrelated people can be related and all they say when introducing themselves is ‘we’re brother and sister’, like.....you’re not actually owed an in depth explanation as to omg how did this strange phenomenon come to be. And the entitlement so many people we encountered growing up, where like....they felt they were owed our life stories upon meeting us just once, simply because they Didn’t Understand and somehow this equated to But They NEEDED To Understand, because...Reasons....like, no. You don’t actually need to understand how two people are related if they don’t feel like providing you with the full context. Either take them at face value or don’t, you don’t get to be a dick and demand a full accounting of their legal and symbolic relationships just so you can like....validate this and be all okay yeah, that checks out, I’ll allow it. LOL. No? Your validation of our relationship is not required, nor is your understanding of it, get over yourselves. So just. Like. Don’t be Those Guys. If you meet people who introduce themselves as family and the exact nature of that family relationship isn’t immediately obvious or seems somewhat confusing like....just...deal? They’ll tell you more if they want you to know more, and if they don’t tell you more they probably feel you know everything you need to know and that’s literally their call to make, so....yeah).

Idk. Like, due to the age differences in our family, my little sister and I were the only ones who overlapped in attending the same schools at the same time, just different grade levels. And we used to have this bit where any time someone new stumbled while grasping the fact that we were brother and sister, and they did that Brain Malfunction, Processing Error glitch face while they tried to compute Asian sister, white brother, how does that even work....so like, at some point we just started doing this thing where any time we saw that Look, my little sister would launch into this painfully earnest explanation of how so, “okay, our dad’s Vietnamese and our mom’s white, and I got all the Vietnamese genes and my brother here got all the white genes,” and I would just keep a totally straight face and nod along, backing her up, and you could literally see them falling for it for a good minute or so before they realized oh hey, they’re totally just bullshitting me. And then eventually we got told to cut it out because teachers were complaining about looking dumb in front of other students when we did that, which, well duh that’s cuz you were, dumbasses BUT I DIGRESS.

But point is.....I honestly do not know many (if any) adopted families who go around making a point to emphasize the adopted part of their family relationships any and every time they come up, the way most fiction tends to depict adopted characters doing? Once we established to a person that yes, we’re adopted, we didn’t ever feel a need to re-emphasize that or re-establish that same point any time after that. If they idk, forgot or got confused again or whatever, I mean...not our problem, you know? You get one explanation, if you still don’t get it after that, you’re probably not gonna get it anyway because its not like....rocket science. Was pretty much our stance.

And so okay, full disclosure, since anyone who’s followed me for some time has heard me talk about not really having a relationship with my family anymore....like yeah, its true, but because of a whole host of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with anyone’s adoption status. I mean, I basically hate my parents’ guts and have for a long time, but they’re still my parents, biological and adopted ones alike. And I love my siblings, we’re just unfortunately not close anymore because of all kinds of baggage that got heaped on us that there was really no way to deal with gracefully, look there are reasons I project on the Batfam and identify with that source material, lmao. 

Again though, my point is.....even at the best of times, my family was crazy dysfunctional, much like the Batfamily is.....but even at the worst of times, literally nobody in my family was ever going around insisting on making a distinction about most of us not being biologically related, you know? That’s just....not a thing, IME. Like, family’s kinda all or nothing. You’re either family, or you’re not. The how of it only really matters if you’re hashing out something where that’s specifically relevant, otherwise, not so much because I mean....if it was that easy to make a distinction about how your family is only kinda technically sorta your family, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to just...walk away, you know? Like, even when you flat out hate members of your family, there’s not really a lot of confusion on whether or not you actually consider them family. As complicated as your family dynamic might be, people aren’t usually looking for places to add in that additional complication of ‘mmm but are we reeeeeeally even family, technically?’

So all of that plays into why its so jarring to see writers so insistently and repeatedly emphasize the ‘adopted’ part of Batfamily relationships, as though its like the most important aspect of their entire family dynamic...the be all and end all, the thing EVERYTHING inevitably traces back to, in every fight, in every dynamic, etc. And yeah, I do think people who aren’t adopted or from blended families themselves should maybe put a little more thought into what’s going through their head when they emphasize the adopted part of a family dynamic, like why they fixate on it as the most defining aspect or criteria of it. Because its really not nearly as reflective of reality as the sheer overwhelming SAMENESS of how often its written that way would suggest. Again, just speaking in my experience and that of those I’ve had this fandom conversation with, over the years.

Like, any way you write them, the Batfamily is dysfunctional as hell and always will be. But bottom line, there are some not that great implications underlying the....default assumption, that this dysfunctionality all stems from or inevitably traces back to that ‘adoptive’ qualifier. Have Dick or Jason or Tim or Damian flat out hating each other’s guts at times, there’s certainly canon to support it, and sure, insecurity as to their individual places in their family is always going to be at least a PART of it, but like....being insecure about your place in your family isn’t exactly an experience unique to adopted members of families, you know? But the way the Batfamily is usually written certainly seems to treat that as the takeaway, and again, I’m not sure offensive is the way I’d describe that, but it most definitely is grating. And it never fails to pull me right out of a story and like, moan dramatically at the heavens “oh my god, whyyyyyy, why do so many writers think we’re all just...totally unaware that these kids are all adopted and need to remind themselves and each other and us of that every other paragraph’. 

Mostly because I’m dramatic like that, but also because its annoying too. Like....we get it, dudes. This is not brand new information. Its okay. You can refer to Bruce as just ‘their father’ or to their brothers or Cass as just ‘their brothers and sister’. You will not have like...lied, or anything.

Anyway. Those are my 6 am thoughts on the Batfam, fandom in general, and how you really only need to use the word ‘adopted’ like...once per relationship per fic. That’s really all it takes? The additional 674 mentions of adoption are kinda....gratuitous.