#full disclosure i'm 20 years old

[deadendtracks]

full disclosure here's my own mental calculation of Shelby Sibling Ages, based purely on what people say about things in the show, ignoring anything that did not land on screen (like the scripts).

assume Freddie and Tommy are about the same age (say within a year) to be old school buddies (i really don't think Tommy's meant to be significantly older than Freddie)

Freddie says he's loved Ada since he was 12 and Ada was 9, that makes Ada about 3-4 years younger than Tommy.

If you accept what John says about going to war when he was Michael's age (18 in s2), even padding this with a year or so to make his statement approximate rather than literal, this makes John about 25 at the oldest in s1 (20+5 years of war).

Let's say John is 1 year older than Ada, so that makes Ada 22-24 in s1. This I admit is purely my headcanon because they strike me as an Irish twin situation.

This makes Freddie 25-27, Tommy somewhere between 25-29, Arthur somewhere around 28-32.

Finn and Michael are the only definite ages, 11 in s1 and 18 in s2 respectively.

I'm going to ignore the question of whether or not Polly is actually 46 lololol. I think you can easily take this as either her real age (people after all did age more quickly back then and under harsh circumstances) or everyone humoring her claiming to be younger than she is.

[deafchild2000]

Updates for my H2O: Just Add Water AU starring the OG trio's character foils (for those who actually are interested in this fic ideas):

First order of business: I'm pushing beyond the PG rating of the original show. I'm going for obvious nostalgia but I also prefer my common sense and realism - so expect a lot of call outs!

I'm bringing the parents in. Like, me and the fans get why they were on the outside of things , but as I get older (even in my mid 20s), I find myself thinking there should have been more moments with the adults being adults & parents.

I'm definitely expanding, or in some cases CRAFTING, better background stories for Charlotte, Miriam, and the Benjamin siblings. (I said this once and I'll say it again) Charlotte had the perfect potential for characterization if she'd been in S1, Miriam Kent is iconic in her own right and deserved more screentime for me, and the Benjamin siblings are a combination of good potential and messy execution that I'm fixing so hard without making them unrecognizable. The OG girls not being mermaids is me experimenting on how their road to friendship would go, with others butting in. (Full disclosure: I'm not a fan of Rikki, so it might show!)

I'm gonna expand the mermaid lore and abilities. Not only is there room for that in 2024/2025, I studied the H2O wiki to find there's opening for it such as physical strength, I may be borrowing from H2O RP Tumblrs because fans can always be trusted to be better content creators.

Because I'm rewatching H2O for ideas, one thing I knew I was getting rid of, under TV Tropes, Louise Chatham's "cloudcuckoolander" trait. I'm not sorry, it was fun to see as a child, but after watching Lilia Calderu in AAA, I'm 90% sure Louise would've dropped the act as Charlotte, Miriam, and Sophie are a different group and would want full disclosure or they won't trust her. Thus, Louise has to see beyond the rose tinted glasses the OG trio let her get away with and help these girls in need of guidance. Plus, she's meeting Gracie's surviving family - which means I definitely can see her take an active role in knowing Charlotte and Annette.

(FOLLOWING ABOVE) Imma explore the 50s mermaids because not only did they deserve it, I hated that Louise and Max had control of Gracie and Julia's narrative in OG. I'm definitely exploring Gracie Watsford because this girl gave up her tail and yet is the only one of her group to have a family - there's so much in that to Louise (a lonely widow) and Max (a hermit) worth talking about as well as the fact she left paintings of Mako Island and the moon pool for Charlotte to have and ended up using in Canon. Julia is gonna be a doozy because she's compared to Rikki but not a lot after that, nor did we find out anymore about her beyond her death in the show. I reiterate again, I have to expand the 50s mermaids because letting two lonely old people tell the group story isn't great.

Surprisingly or not, I'm expanding background characters and adding new ones because it's definitely needed. Charlotte moved a year early, so her mom's restaurant and employees need proper acknowledgement. Miriam is definitely high class like Zane and Emma, so her world is coded for new people. And Sophie is the only one in the group that an adult and active mermaid - she clearly needs some friends outside Will.

Speaking of Will... I'm gonna do my best to make him tolerable since he's physically around the same as Byron, getting more time with Lewis and Zane. Not gonna lie, he's gonna need guy friends and ALSO not gonna lie, we both knew his character existed to make Zane insecure and I'm living for it! Watching him easily become popular because he's him and forging friendship with the other characters (some he never met) is gonna be fun while distressing for Zane.

I'm keeping Lisa Denman along for the ride (and extending it) because I don't think anyone appreciates just how well-written her character was - and just how useful she could be in the narrative. Like if you wanted to combine Lewis and Emma, make her someone important and well-established that people PAY her to go study marine biology anywhere in the world and easy to get along with, then Dr. Lisa Denman is definitely worthy of a threat - but in a way that she sneaks up on you and is worth more than three episodes. And I'm definitely not making light of underestimating her intelligence like canon did.

Two sides of one coin, Mother-Daughter edition. I'm surprised no one realized that if Charlotte was the new girl in town, the same could be said about her mom, Annette. Because of this, in expanding their relationship (and their lives before Gracie died), I'm building potential relationships - especially Annette, dealing with the Sertoris, Gilberts, Bennetts, and Kents (whose friendship goes back years) - just as Charlotte is dealing with Cleo, Emma, Zane and Miriam. A family duo who are outsiders with fresh perspectives. Though I will spoil the idea that the Watsford Women constantly beef with the Harrison Men (a lot of context in bad first impressions and generally unimpressed).

Another thing is the acknowledgement of time, events, and media because S1 of H2O happened in a duration of 8 months since the OG trio became mermaids on Valentine's Day. I'm definitely all for making shout outs for known mermaid media at the time, but definitely holidays and birthdays as well.

In place of episodes that can't happen in this AU, I'm either rewriting or creating original "episodes" as if the show would do. I'm also not shying away from important and serious topics, some not child friendly but definitely issues that could happen in the world.

Small bit: I'm never not using Kim Sertori and Elliot Gilbert. I think there are still fun uses in the narrative for them, but I'm not having Kim entirely intolerable as the fans see her. There's plenty of room for her to grow imo, and I don't believe in underestimating her either.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Parker Molloy at The Present Age:

In recent weeks, Elon Musk's comments about his transgender daughter, Vivian Jenna Wilson, have reignited debates about gender-affirming care for transgender youth. Musk claimed he was "tricked" into supporting his child's transition and that the "woke mind virus" had effectively killed his “son.” However, Wilson's own words and experiences tell a starkly different story — one that underscores the life-changing benefits of gender-affirming care and the importance of listening to transgender individuals themselves.

Musk's high-profile statements come at a time when several U.S. states and entire countries are pushing to criminalize gender-affirming treatments for minors, and some political commentators are suggesting that adopting anti-transgender stances could be electorally advantageous. Yet these positions fly in the face of established medical consensus and the lived experiences of transgender individuals like Wilson. In this article, I’ll examine why Elon Musk is wrong about his daughter and gender-affirming care, drawing on Wilson's own statements, scientific research, and expert medical opinions. I'll explore how Wilson's story actually provides compelling evidence for the positive outcomes of gender-affirming care, and why political efforts to restrict such care are not only cruel but fundamentally misguided. Ultimately, I'll make the case that medical decisions — whether regarding gender-affirming treatments or other personal health matters, such as abortion — are best left to patients, their doctors, and in the case of minors, their parents, rather than being dictated by government legislation or political expediency.

Vivian Jenna Wilson's Experience: Living Proof of Positive Outcomes

Wilson's story provides a powerful counterpoint to her father's claims. Far from being "killed" by gender-affirming care, Wilson is a 20-year-old college student who has found the strength to speak out against misinformation about her own life. In her first public interview, Wilson directly challenged Musk's narrative. "I think he was under the assumption that I wasn't going to say anything and I would just let this go unchallenged," she stated. "Which I'm not going to do, because if you're going to lie about me, like, blatantly to an audience of millions, I'm not just gonna let that slide."

Wilson's account of her relationship with Musk starkly contrasts with his public statements. She described him as an absent father, stating, "He was there, I want to say, maybe 10% of the time. That's generous." When he was present, Vivian recalls him as "cold," "very quick to anger," and "uncaring and narcissistic." She recounts incidents of Musk berating her for exhibiting feminine traits, including an instance in fourth grade where he "was constantly yelling at me viciously because my voice was too high." Contrary to Musk's claim of being tricked into authorizing her treatment, Wilson asserts that he was fully informed when he consented to her gender-affirming care at age 16. She states, "He was not by any means tricked. He knew the full side effects," explaining that Musk read the medical forms at least twice before signing them.

Her journey also illuminates the typical timeline of gender identity realization and disclosure. She came out twice: first as gay in eighth grade, and then as transgender at 16. This aligns with research showing that many transgender individuals realize their identity years before disclosing it to others, countering notions of sudden or externally influenced gender identity changes. The positive impact of gender-affirming care is evident in Wilson's ability to live authentically. She emphasizes her autonomy and self-determination, stating, "I am an adult. I am 20 years old. I am not a child. My life should be defined by my own choices." This sentiment echoes the goals of gender-affirming care: to allow individuals to live as their true selves and make informed decisions about their bodies and identities.

Wilson's experience also highlights the crucial role of family support. While her relationship with Musk is strained, she speaks positively about her mother's support: "She's very supportive. I love her a lot." This underscores the importance of accepting and affirming parents in the well-being of transgender youth, a factor consistently emphasized in research on outcomes for transgender individuals. Moreover, Wilson's ability to pursue higher education and advocate for herself demonstrates resilience and personal growth. Her willingness to challenge misinformation about her own experiences, even in the face of her father's global platform, shows strength of character and a clear sense of self.

[...]

Science vs. Ideology in Transgender Healthcare Policy

The current political climate surrounding gender-affirming care for transgender youth is fraught with tension, as evidenced by the recent Supreme Court decision to hear a case on state bans of such care. This legal battle represents a broader conflict between scientific consensus and political ideology, with potentially far-reaching consequences for transgender individuals across the United States. As of July 2024, 25 states have enacted laws restricting or banning gender-affirming care for transgender minors. These laws have been passed despite the fact that such treatments have been available in the United States for over a decade and are endorsed by major medical associations. The disconnect between medical expertise and legislative action is stark and concerning.

In this context, it's particularly troubling to see suggestions like that made in the New York Times's The Morning newsletter. Writer David Leonhardt urged presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris to adopt a position on healthcare for trans minors that would restrict the type of access that Vivian Jenna Wilson received.  [...] The Yale white paper discussed earlier directly contradicts Leonhardt's characterization of the European medical consensus. It points out that while some European countries have recently reviewed their policies, there isn't a uniform European medical consensus against gender-affirming care for youth. Many European medical bodies continue to support such care when appropriate. [...]

Embracing Evidence-Based Care and Individual Rights

Throughout this examination of gender-affirming care for transgender youth, several critical themes have emerged. Wilson's personal journey stands as a powerful testament to the positive outcomes of such care. Her ability to live authentically and advocate for herself directly contradicts her father's claims about the harm of these treatments. Importantly, her experience aligns with the broader scientific evidence supporting gender-affirming care. This scientific consensus, as detailed in the Yale white paper and numerous studies, provides a strong foundation for the benefits of gender-affirming care. Improved mental health outcomes, enhanced quality of life, and remarkably low rates of regret are consistently reported. It's no wonder that major medical associations, including the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the Endocrine Society, all endorse gender-affirming care based on this robust evidence.

Yet, we've seen how this evidence can be misrepresented. Claims that gender-affirming care is harmful or lacks scientific backing often distort the true scientific consensus. The critique of the Cass Review in the Yale white paper illustrates how selective interpretation of data can lead to misleading conclusions, underscoring the importance of comprehensive and unbiased analysis. The current wave of legislative restrictions on gender-affirming care represents a troubling intrusion of political ideology into medical practice. These laws not only contradict medical expertise but also risk causing significant harm to transgender youth who rely on these treatments for their well-being. Even more concerning are suggestions that political figures should adopt anti-transgender stances for electoral gain, as proposed in the New York Times newsletter. Such proposals prioritize political strategy over the health and rights of a vulnerable population, raising serious ethical concerns.

As we look to the future, it's imperative that we prioritize evidence-based care and individual rights. Medical decisions, whether about gender-affirming care or any other health matter, should remain in the hands of patients, their doctors, and in the case of minors, their parents. Government interference in these personal decisions, especially when it contradicts medical consensus, sets a dangerous precedent that extends beyond transgender healthcare. The upcoming Supreme Court case on state bans of gender-affirming care underscores the national significance of this issue. As this legal battle unfolds, we must continue to amplify the voices and experiences of transgender individuals like Wilson, whose firsthand knowledge of the benefits of this care is invaluable. Musk's statements about his daughter and gender-affirming care not only cause personal hurt but also fly in the face of scientific evidence and the lived experiences of many transgender individuals. The political efforts to criminalize this care are both cruel and misguided, potentially denying life-saving treatments to those who need them most.

Parker Molloy with yet another insightful column on gender-affirming care and Elon Musk’s trans daughter Vivian Jenna Wilson.

[michaelangdonsslut]

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 // 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞

hey pookies! here's the first chapter of tales of the shadows ౨ৎ

please read the introduction post before reading this chapter!

hope u enjoy <3

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 : 1.5k

no warnings! (yet hehe)

---

- 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 .

Riley Bennett felt the wind brushing her face faintly as she opened the window to her dad's car. It was a cloudy Wednesday morning when they finally decided to move all the way across the country.

Riley was a 17 year old troubled teenage girl who often struggled with fitting into her new surroundings.

They were a typical wealthy family from LA and had everything, so why did they decide to move to a small town in Massachusetts? This is what Riley has been wondering all the time ever since her dad talked about moving to Chesterfield. "I don't even know why we have to move here It's so cloudy and looks boring. I already miss LA and my friends.", Riley said nonchalantly looking at the window trying to look for anything interesting about this town. "Come on Riley don't be so grumpy, it can't be that bad!" her dad tried to reassure her but it didn't really work. She was going to miss LA and there was nothing they could say about it. 

About 20 minutes later, they finally arrived in front of the house. It was a beautiful Victorian house, a mix of light pink and dark blue, and Riley couldn't help but admire the huge house in front of her. It looked so old and vintage, that house actually reminded her of Coraline, she loved this movie as a child. “ So what do we think ?” Mr Bennett looking smiled at Riley knowing how much she loved old fashioned houses. " This house is beautiful Peter, and look Riley there's a swing!",  said Mrs. Bennett eagerly.  "I'm not a little girl anymore mom I don't really care about that" , Riley said rolling her eyes as the family parked in the driveway.  “And besides, this house looks kinda haunted.”  Mrs. Bennett scoffed taking her sunglasses off. After some time, they finally get out of the car and start grabbing their stuff from the car boot when a lady approaches them.  "Hello, I'm Dina the real estate agent! I'm here to show you around the house"  A huge smile was plastered on her face as if she was happy someone was finally interested in this house. 

" Oh hello! I'm Peter Bennett and this is my wife Marie " they both shake Dina's hand, her smile never leaving her face. " It's really nice to meet you. Oh and I suppose this is your beautiful little sweetheart ", she says as she walks over to Riley; " Uh yeah. I'm Riley. " Dina shakes Riley's hand and Riley can't help but find her a bit...  eccentric .

“ All right, I’ll show you the inside of the house right now !” Mrs. Bennett smiled eagerly looking at her husband with stars in her eyes. 

The family stepped into the foyer, greeted by the grandeur of a bygone era. High ceilings adorned with intricate molding loomed overhead, while a majestic staircase beckoned from the center of the room. Sunlight filtered through stained glass windows, casting a warm, ethereal glow. Dina, with a practiced smile, gestured towards the sprawling rooms adorned with ornate details - antique chandeliers, mahogany wainscoting, and a fireplace steeped in history. A sense of both elegance and mystery enveloped them as they took in the timeless beauty of their potential new home.

"This house is goddamn beautiful. We're taking it!" , said Ms. Bennett eagerly with a huge smile of anticipation.

"Yes, this house sure is beautiful although I must mention, it comes with a bit of a past."  Dina seemed unsure and anxious, but she kept going; " full  disclosure requires that I tell you about what happened to the previews owners.

“Jesus, don’t tell me they died in this house did they?”  Mrs. Bennett turned around to look over at Dina with a concerned look plastered on her face. "Yes actually, both of them died here. Murder-suicide. I sold them the house too. They were the sweetest couple. You never really know what happens behind those walls I guess.

"That explains why this house is half the price of every other house in neighborhood I guess."  Mr Bennett sighted, crossing his arms.

“Where did it happen?”  Riley asked curiously.

 “In the attic.”

Riley pauses for a second, a smirk forming on her face as she decides to speak up; “ We’re taking it.”

ii

After the initial excitement of choosing their new home, the Bennett family embarked on the task of settling into their Victorian mansion. As they unloaded boxes and furniture from the moving truck, Riley couldn't contain her curiosity about the attic. She'd always been drawn to mysteries and the thought of living in a house with a dark past only fueled her intrigue.

Once they finished moving the essentials into the house, Riley dashed up the grand staircase, eager to explore every nook and cranny. She pushed open the attic door, the creaking hinges echoing in the vast space. The attic was dimly lit, dust particles dancing in the sunlight that filtered through the small windows. Old trunks and forgotten relics littered the space, each one holding a piece of history.

Riley's eyes widened with excitement as she imagined all the stories hidden within these walls. She spent hours rummaging through the forgotten treasures, uncovering vintage clothing, dusty books, and antique toys. Despite the tragic events that occurred here, Riley felt a strange sense of belonging, as if the house welcomed her with open arms.

As the days passed, the Bennett family settled into their new life in Chesterfield. Riley's room became her sanctuary, a reflection of her eclectic personality. She adorned the walls with vintage posters and fairy lights, transforming the space into a cozy retreat. She spent hours scouring antique shops and thrift stores, searching for unique pieces to add to her collection.

One afternoon, while exploring the local flea market, Riley stumbled upon a mysterious key hidden amongst a pile of trinkets. Intrigued, she purchased it for a few dollars, wondering what secrets it might unlock. When she returned home, Riley headed straight for the attic, her heart pounding with excitement.

She searched every nook and cranny until she found a small locked chest hidden beneath a pile of old newspapers. With trembling hands, she inserted the key into the rusty lock, the mechanism clicking open with a satisfying sound. Inside, she discovered a collection of letters tied with a faded ribbon.

As Riley read through the letters, she uncovered the tragic love story of the previous owners. Their words painted a picture of a forbidden romance torn apart by societal expectations and family obligations. Riley felt a pang of sadness for the couple, their lives cut short by tragedy.

And as she looked out the attic window, watching the sun set over the sleepy town of Chesterfield, Riley saw a shadow lurking behind the trees, It was like someone was staring at her. She rubbed her eyes thinking she probably hallucinated, and just like that, the shadow was gone.

iii

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the sleepy town of Chesterfield, Riley found herself drawn to the attic once again. She climbed the stairs with a sense of anticipation, eager to lose herself in the stories of the past. But as she reached the top, she was met with an unexpected sight—a boy standing in the dimly lit space, his silhouette illuminated by the fading light.

"Who are you?" Riley asked, her heart racing with a mixture of fear and curiosity.

The boy turned to face her, his features obscured by the shadows. "I'm Andy," he said, his voice soft and haunting. "I live next door."

Riley took a step closer, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Andy's appearance was striking, with tousled hair and dark brown eyes that seemed to hold a hint of sadness. He reminded her of a character from one of her favorite movies, mysterious and enigmatic.

"What are you doing up here?" Riley asked, her voice tinged with suspicion.

Andy shrugged, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Just exploring," he said. "I like to come up here and think."

Riley nodded, her curiosity piqued. She had always been drawn to people who were different, who didn't fit into the mold of society. And there was something about Andy that intrigued her, something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Are you new here?" Andy asked, breaking the silence that had settled between them.

Riley nodded. "Yeah, my family just moved in a few weeks ago. What about you?"

Andy smiled wistfully. "I've lived here my whole life," he said. "But I've never really felt like I belong."

Riley understood the feeling all too well. She had spent her entire life searching for a place where she truly felt at home, a place where she could be herself without judgment.

"Well, you're not alone," Riley said, her voice soft but determined. "We can be outsiders together."

Andy's eyes sparkled with gratitude, and for the first time in a long time, Riley felt a sense of connection—a bond forged in the darkness of the attic.

"You should probably leave now tho, before my parents see you here and call the cops thinking you're here to rob us or something", she giggled slightly, looking at the boy right in front of her who's been smiling at her. It was like he was admiring her, feeling safe by her presence.

He got up and left the attic without saying a word to her, leaving the house so quietly It was like he was never there.

-------

a/n : idrk what to think of this but i truly hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, lmk if you wanna be in the taglist !!

[cy-cyborg]

Sorry to bother you, but what was it like deciding to amputate your legs? Unfortunately it's come up as an option for me, as other long term solutions aren't viable, and Idk how to feel about it, scary as hell tbh.

You're not being a bother at all!

Full disclosure, my case was a little bit different. I had both my legs amputated below the knee what I was a year old, the circumstances there didn't allow my parents a lot of time to think about it (and well, I was a baby, I wasn't doing much thinking about anything lol). I did opt to have my right knee amputated in my 20's but I had already been living as an amputee for my whole life, so I knew more about what to expect going in which stopped a lot of the anxieties most folks experience.

In saying all that, I used to work with a lot of new amputees as a kind of mentor and feeling scared is perfectly normal. It's a big decision. If it does turn out amputation is the best option for you, just know there's support out there to help you through it. In Australia, each state has an amputee association, and I'm fairly certain this is true for The US and UK too. Id recommend seeing if there's one near you and getting in contact with them, even before your amputation. often times they have mentorship programs available where you can be introduced to someone with a similar type of amputation to what you're expecting to get and they can kind of help guide you through it - or at the very least, be someone to talk to who knows what you're dealing with. Alternatively, a lot of organisations have events like meet-and-greets where you can meet others so you can get a better idea of what to expect going into all this. If you don't have anything like an amputee association specifically, look for a disability sporting organisation. Even if you aren't a sporty person, they usually have a LOT of connections and can help you get into contact with other similar support services/organisations.

I will also say, while its important to listen to your doctor and surgeon(s) for medical advice, when it comes to telling you what life as an amputee will be like, they...kind of suck lol. Doctors, especially the surgeons, only see their patients when something is wrong (or has just stopped going wrong), but there's more to life than what they see. Listen to what they say, but when it comes to "quality of life" type stuff, take it with a big grain of salt.

Things might be hard when it first happens, but I promise, it will get easier.

If there's anything more specific you want to know, please don't hesitate to ask and I'll try my best to help out if I can! You got this ❤️

[theskee]

i had an alarmingly unpleasant doctor's visit yesterday. and i need to rant about it. but first... a little backstory here:

so a couple years ago my PCP retired. she was amazing and I loved her and I wished her all the best. she was the best PCP i'd ever had and the first one to ever listen to me, take my chronic pain seriously. in our first appointments together she asked a lot of general questions and i flippantly said "well i have a lot of joint pain but i used to be an athlete and my old GP told me it was probably just wear and tear" and she looked at me, a 28 year old, and said "No that's weird you shouldn't have that much pain in all those joints at your age. i want to run some tests." lo and behold, i have an autoimmune disease that causes inflammation that's been running rampant for years. something that was ignored by all my prior doctors as me needing to lose weight or maybe it's fibro, here's some anti-depressants, but no one ever ran tests. because i was young, fat, and "female".

this doctor changed my life. the damage of prior doctors was already done. I have crooked pinkies, no cushion left between the joints in my fingers, i have lost bone mass in my wrists from the inflammation, but now, i have it under control. my RA diagnosis changed my life. and it broke my heart to see this doctor who actually listened to me and care about me retire.

and so came the horrible task of trying to find a new PCP. my neurologist recommended me to someone. now. my neurologist is great. she's a very no-nonsense woman with terrible bedside manner but god is she good at her job and she cares. it's so clear that she cares so i don't mind that she's not the most congenial of doctors. because if i say "so i have this thing going on" she immediately jumps on it and tries to find out why. she's insanely efficient, too. i trust her.

so when she said "This doctor is extremely talented and knowledgeable. You might try and see her." i went for it.

and... i had a not that great first experience with her. i went to, we'll call her Dr. V, for my first appointment and annual physical where my bloodwork was excellent, i'm in great health overall despite my chronic illness. but i am overweight. and despite my cholesterol and blood sugar and all that good stuff being excellent, she probed me about my diet and my weight and my exercise habits and I was like??? "Honestly I put on this weight pretty rapidly and I'm not really sure why as I do eat a balanced diet, I tend to be a light eater in general, I'm relatively active. I didn't change anything major but I shot up a little over 20 pounds in the past three months."

To which she looked at me like i was lying to her. like. full on side-eye. but we didn't linger on the topic. she didn't have *anything* to say about this, and launched into trying to get me to let her give me a pap smear that I was not emotionally prepared for because I've never had a PCP try and offer gyno services and also, if anything ever so much as briefly touches my cervix and I'm in pain. It's always been a problem. And she was visibly irritated that I told her 'No'. So all of this was a bit wild to me because i have an autoimmune disease already like. should the unexplained weight gain not cause a little bit of concern? (I wound up talking to my Rheumatologist about this, who is like the mother I never had and took it extremely seriously and helped me out since Dr. V sort of no-sold me on this.)

Should the sensitivity of my cervix not make you raise an eyebrow??? But. It wasn't all bad. This was our first appointment and sometimes doctors come across weird or just have bad bedside manner. So the good-- Now, full disclosure, I had a cancer scare last year. A sort of delayed one, as we found the mass in my chest that could possibly be cancerous in 2018 while I was pregnant and unable to do much about it. I put it off because it scared me until last year and Dr. V, I brought this up to her, and she was *excellent* about this. She was very calm and able to help me get everything handled, scheduled all my tests and gave me feedback within hours of all my testing so as to not leave me wondering and sitting in my anxiety. So I was like... Okay. Maybe I just... Misread that weird thing about my weight. I'll give her another chance. So yesterday I had my annual physical with her. A lot has changed in the past year. I had an hysterectomy on October 22nd, where everything except my ovaries was removed. No tubes, no uterus, no more painful cervix. I started a new migraine medication (one I've mentioned on here before) that has been great but gives me weird appetite side effects (as in a don't have one and when I eat I get full basically immediately.) These are the major things that have changed. Now, mind you, I'm walking into this appointment after getting misgendered by the nurse even though my gender and pronouns are in my fucking chart and I don't get misgendered at my specialist's offices-- So I'm already annoyed. Dr. V sits down and looks at my chart and makes what I can only describe as a Stink Face and asks me, incredulously: "Did you just have a hysterectomy?" To which I said, in a very forced, chipper tone: "Yes!" And her response is not to ask after my health, but to very sharply, with so much judgment, ask me: "Why?"

Insert Red Flag Emoji Here. I was very taken aback by this and then explained to her all my various reasons which are all valid but honestly my answer could have been "because I fucking felt like it" like what the fuck do you mean *why*? It's my fucking body, doc. We go through the motions of some of the exam and she asks me how my migraine meds are working out and I say to her: "They're great. Life-changing. I have maybe one or two migraines a month at most now. The only real drawback is it gives me this side effect that makes it really really hard to eat and make sure I get proper nutrition and calories in so I can function. I'm never really hungry and when I do eat I get full immediately. So it's been hard." AND HER RESPONSE.... "Well don't you want to lose weight?" I cannot believe I had to look this woman, a medical professional, in the eye and say: "Sure but not by starving myself." Which she fucking ignored and went on to tell me how I'd needed to lose weight and I shouldn't be concerned because I'm losing it at a steady rate, if I've lost a little under 20lbs since I started these meds in July. The fact that I have had to *fight* the side effects to *MAKE SURE I DON'T RAPIDLY LOSE WEIGHT WHICH IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR BODY* did not seem to register to her even though I straight up told her this. I have never felt more disrespected. I cannot even begin to explain to you how mad this whole experience made me. I got in my car after the appointment and screamed. The fact that she's treated me this way knowing: - I was a high risk pregnancy on medications that i have to take for the rest of my life that you absolutely should not get pregnant on (also i should mention she seemed offended I want to see an actual Gynecologist and not her for my gyno needs... Girl. Fuck your ego and your paycheck.) - That I have struggled with eating disorders in the past and had previously asked her to be gentle about that subject (I'm not a total pushover) - That I am a chronic pain sufferer who has to work twice as hard to maintain what would be considered a "normal" level of activity - That I'm a former athlete that does actually know how to take care of my fucking body I used to see a goddamn dietician I was a fucking *boxer* with a *license*. We discussed this extensively in our first appointment. - That my bloodwork shows I'm in great health. (A fact which seems to fucking annoy her btw.) - That I do not struggle with any kind of symptoms that could even be remotely related to my weight such as pain or breathing issues or heart health issues. All I felt, was a woman judging me for being small fat and doing what I want with my own fucking body. So anyway, I'm never seeing this cunt ever again and I will be giving that feedback to my neurologist because she gives a fuck.

[iboatedhere]

20 Questions

thank you @welcometololaland and @orchidscript :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

148

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,605,656

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now only Red White & Royal Blue.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Graduation Day - (1,595 Kudos) Check Please, a Groundhogs Day AU

All Wrapped Up In You (1,447) Check Please, 5+1 about Bitty wearing Jack's flannel.

Every Time A Bell Rings  (1,443) Check Please, Nurse!Bitty, Patient!Jack

Looking For A Place To Start (1371) Check Please, Pre-Relationship Zimbits

Chef Bob-ardee (1343) Check Please, the people love Bad-Bob Zimmerman.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I'm notoriously terrible at this because it makes me nervous to reply but then it also makes me nervous to NOT reply so I'm trying to get better at it!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

239 Years Just To Get To You for sure. Full disclosure for anyone that happens to click that link----I wrote it a long time ago, I know it's not the best because I was still learning to write but the fandom really embraced it and I still get the odd comment that someone has reread it and they're cursing me because it's angsty but I stand by the way it ended.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally any other fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Only once because people couldn't handle the truth :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes....the regular kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I write one fandom at a time and I don't like to intermingle them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Throughout a few fandoms!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm giving 50% of the writing credit to @pragmatic-optimist on Wings Are Frayed. I don't care at all for the fic now but that's the fic that really solidified our friendship so I'm glad for that.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Zimbits was a gateway into actual hockey so that was fun and I'm really enjoying FirstPrince.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't really write like that....I don't really start something and then leave it for a really long time and work on other things.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably dialogue and AUs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably having too many ideas/words and trying to jam them all in there with my foot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I tend to not do it because I only speak one language but on the off chance that I do I always run it by someone who does speak the language first.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

That's none of my business.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Baby, All At Once (This Is Enough). It's always scary to jump into a new fandom, especially one that seems to be growing pretty rapidly after the movie release. I didn't want to write for them in the beginning because after years in my old fandom I was convinced that I didn't know Alex and Henry and I wouldn't be able to put the old ship behind and find their voices but I think I did a pretty good job.

I'm assuming everyone has been tagged but @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @cha-melodius @lemonlyman-dotcom

[tricornonthecob]

Full disclosure I did these last night

LK 108: What About Second Continental Congress

(pt1)(pt2)(pt3)(pt4)(pt5)

Henri knows whats up, immediately asking for deets about salary/commission. He spends time on whatever the Colonial version of glassdoor is. Which I guess is sneaking into a tavern and eavesdropping on everyone complain.

Oh honey. Oh no. Nooooo if I tell you this is a bad idea you'll just get mad at me because I'm an adult telling you what to do but honey the feral frenchman is right.

But lets be honest the guy only needed Speech 20.

Check out that spontoon.

Sarah honey, you okay? You look like you bluescreened.

oh my god I love this expression though I need to redraw this.

his lumbago

Look. I'm in this fandom. I was the target audience when the show aired. I know what the consensus is. He just didn't rustle my jimmies like that and he still doesn't. More silver DILF for y'all there's plenty to go around based on that barrel chest.

Fuckin' yeeted that door into oblivion.

YIKES but it tracks. Friendly reminder that Washington didn't provision to free his slaves until he was on his deathbed.

Also friendly reminder to everyone that commissioned an Apotheosis of Washington painting that he was Just Some Guy Who Enslaved People.

Maybe its her. Maybe its Maybelline.

Well now I'm just thinking of Letterkenney

John Adams, ready to fight a bitch.

Sit down, John.

Someone really doesn't wanna be here.

translation: This is a gum flappin' party, damn.

I think I'm clever.

Man the writer's room got silly in this episode. Just wee bit of OSHA-approved silly. As a treat.

jesus fucking christ that door is massive

Fucken accosted that teenager.

And now you're laying hands on a nine year old.

Damn the writers room getting REAL silly for this ep.

He's a real boy!

Of course the recklessness and excitability of James' character on full display here, but I feel like this episode is also trying to teach a lesson in how to spot someone trying to manipulate you into spilling state secrets.

[keptin-indy]

When the Angels Left the Old Country review

Full disclosure: I won this book in a giveaway, so I feel like I'm morally obligated to write a public review instead of just talking to people in real life about it.  You are free to view me as an unpaid shill, or a shill who has been paid with one (1) book.

A little background on my perspective: I am Jewish, but not very good at it and I have extremely strong feelings on Good Omens going back more than 20 years.  I have cosplayed Aziraphale more than once like 10 years ago.  I looked up a whole lot of Yiddish words before I realized there's a glossary in the back, so learn from my mistakes.

Overall, I enjoyed this book and was sad when it started wrapping up! If the idea of a Good Omens / Fievel: An American Tail crossover sounds like a good time to you, you will probably enjoy this book.

It's a very quick and engaging read, but I happened to start reading it right before the latest round of internet discourse on antisemitism, which made for a fairly distressing combination and a solid day of Jewish navel-gazing in the middle.

It starts a little slow, both plot-wise and genre-wise, but picks up in the second half.  By genre-wise, I mean that there were long sections of the book where I could practically forget that two-thirds of the main cast were supernatural creatures.  Yes, they talked about it, but after a short burst in the beginning, they basically don't do anything with it until the second half of the book.  Even with more going on in the latter half, this is a very low magic book, so don't expect a Good Omens level of miracles and major supernatural characters outside of the main pair.  Yes, they do exist, but this is a much smaller scale story.  This isn't a bad thing, it's just different and I want to set the correct expectations.

Also speaking of expectations, this is much more a Jewish story than it is a queer one.  Yes, there are baby lesbians and what is technically a non-binary character (though I feel that a being that doesn't have a sex to begin with is a very different, less queer thing than someone who is born into the presumption of having a sex and gender).  Now I am wholeheartedly in favor of stories where the focus is not being queer, the characters just happen to be queer people and the plot does not revolve around their identities, so this was fine.  But if you're expecting a romance focus, this doesn't really have one beyond the bog standard "at the end of the narrative, the people who seem compatible get together".  Yes, the angel and demon are devoted to each other and the story treats that as very important, but I've seen a thousand stories where the same level of devotion could be played completely platonically as well.

To quibble, there are some inconsistences, where the author forgot something they'd said earlier or else made changes during writing and didn't go back and bring some other things in line, as well as some things that aren't adequately explained in my opinion, but they didn't detract much beyond occasionally breaking me out of immersion to scratch my head and go right back to reading.  It could perhaps have used another editing pass, but it's far from a major problem.

Very mild spoilers with my opinions on the main characters below:

Little Ash: I'm going to be frank here and say I didn't hugely like Little Ash because he's the kind of character that seems designed to appeal to a certain demographic of YA reader, e.g. the nonthreatening Bad Boy, who is a Rebel with a reputation for Doing Bad Things but who never actually does any of those bad things except when they're morally justified.  If you like Loki in the Thor movies and complain about him being too mean in the Avengers, or TV show!Crowley, or any of the various YA novel love interests of the leather-pants-Draco variety, you'll probably like him much more than I did.  Of the two divine beings, he's the more fleshed out and the one who feels more like a POV character the reader is supposed to identify with, which I of course was a little irritated by.

The angel: The angel's relationship with identity is the most compelling thing in the book to me, but it is unlikely to be a popular character with people who don't view strong senses of Duty, Purpose and general lawfulness as positive, which is frankly most of tumblr.  I would have liked more emotional responses to the changes in its identity, but I guess it was also learning emotions so maybe I shouldn't expect that of it yet.  While becoming more yourself is a good thing, not all parts of the experience are positive at the time, and when it encounters some of these parts, the angel mostly shrugs about it and moves on instead of mourning the loss of what it used to be.  It's a very sanitized transition.

Rose: I like her, as the sort of too-sensible girl you find in middle grade fiction, which I have utmost respect for.  She felt realistically like a young person who did not know what she was about but was convinced she definitely knew what she was about, which is just how being a teenager is.

I wanted there to be more Grandmother Rivke.  This is my biggest complaint.  She was great.

[tymime]

For the past few years I've been taking a deep dive into various alternative genres, especially shoegaze and emo.

I initially became interested in that spectrum of rock music in my late teens (circa 2007-09), when I suddenly became aware of the type of music I had been hearing in Hot Topic and Vans Shoes stores- the latter of which is still an association I make to this day. I had also been hearing pop punk like Green Day and the recent wave of garage rock, especially since I had become a White Stripes fan a few years prior.

This stuff was very different from the classic rock I had grown up listening to on the car radio- the likes of Led Zeppelin, The Who, Boston, Queen, and Journey, as well as occasional prog tunes by Yes and Rush. (Full disclosure: 1960s and 1970s rock and pop is still my favorite kind of music, but I like to broaden my horizons.) I'm not entirely sure when and where I had first encountered alt rock- I had heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Weird Al's "Angry White Boy Polka", but other than that, all I can figure is that it was just... around. I couldn't tell you exactly what drew me to it in the first place, either. Maybe it was just different from the blond divas and boy bands everyone else my age was listening to.

I get the impression that people my age (and skin color) are expected to have already gone through a depressed, whiny thirteen-year-old phase of blasting My Chemical Romance and Jimmy Eats World in their bedroom, but that never happened to me. It's not that middle school wasn't harrowing and traumatizing, but rebelling against my parents was never an option, because I always thought they were pretty cool. I was actually listening to *more* classic rock in middle school, as well as 1950s rock 'n' roll. In hindsight, I was probably hopped up on adrenaline rather than moping. (My angsty, dark period was 18-20, and I'm not entirely sure why.)

When I did initially dip my toe into alternative, it was alongside my discovery of Christian extreme metal bands, and great many other genres, which kept me pretty busy. So it wasn't until about four years ago (once streaming music was firmly established) that I decided to really sit down and listen to these 1990s bands that lots of people keep saying are great and "defined my generation", so I feel like I'm catching up on all of it.

This was kinda the culmination of that period of my life when my guitar amp was broken and I could only play unplugged (before I discovered amp sims). I couldn't rely on merely crunching power chords and wailing minor pentatonic scales whilst masking my lack of ability and talent by cranking the gain and the EQ all the way up to ten the whole time. I had to keep from getting bored by fooling around with weird scales, modes, and strange harmonies. I think that's one of the big reasons I like emo and shoegaze in particular, 'cause those genres tend to employ interesting, colorful chords (although the music theory and power pop sides of my brain tend to cause an internal conflict of wanting more satisfying, unambiguous cadences). Just like the rock groups of three decades ago, I had grown weary of simply playing blues licks. It's almost like history repeating itself.

But something that's perhaps more meaningful is the vocal style. I find myself refreshed by the unembellished, unintimidating singing. I was never a fan of the big, over-the-top singers in pop, r&b, or even the types who sing sappy ballads like "Alfie" or "Hallelujah", with their perfect technique, dynamic breath control, and so-called expressiveness. They always screw with the melody, sing offbeat, ignore the backing band, and leave me feeling empty and emotionless. The way singers in grunge, Midwest emo, metalcore, slowcore, etc. express weariness, anxiety, quiet contemplation, self reflection, rage, sleepiness, ennui, self-doubt, or what have you unlike any musical movement before it is incredibly inspiring, and makes me feel like I don't always have to blast the eardrums of the people sitting in the back seats of the auditorium to convey the meaning of the words. I've discovered that not all emotions in rock music have to be extreme. This is especially true now that I'm an adult and I feel the urge to slow down and mellow out, probably due to waning adrenaline levels, and I rely less on loud, fast, energetic music to keep my spirits up.

That said, I still wind up defaulting back to 1960s and 1970s music after an album or two. So I still seek to strike a balance between the two.

(I suppose by now you might be wondering what my favorite bands under the alternative umbrella are. Well, so far I've been most impressed by Nirvana, Weezer, Pavement, Sunny Day Real Estate, Cursive, Snowing, Algernon Cadwallader, Bedhead, Duster, My Bloody Valentine, Lush, Slowdive, and Ringo Deathstarr.)

[whatwewishwesaidandothersecrets]

Tw for child neglect, childhood trauma, (mild) child abuse, gaslighting, divorce, domestic child labor, alcoholism, non-specific eating disorder, depression, traumatic memory loss, imposter syndrome, emotional / mental abuse / manipulation / gaslighting

I'm fourteen. My parents divorced when I was three and my little sister was one. Even before that, I'm told I used to try to step in between their arguments. I don't remember that far back. I used to spend a few days with my dad followed by a few days by my mom etc etc. My mom moved in with a guy who I instantly hated; they even got engaged. The guy had a son. My mom admits that their relationship was mostly sexual- they would stay in their room every day until like 12 pm, and we weren't allowed to bother them unless it was really important. That put me, a 4 year old, in charge of my little sister and stepbrother, 2 & 3 years old. Tbh I was a bit of a tyrant- my world was unstable and my only safe way of lashing out was to become a control freak over what my siblings did during the time that I was responsible for them. I was also responsible for tidying our shared room, sorting and folding our laundry, and setting the table. My mom's then-fiancee was also the first adult to ever hit me, which was quickly followed by my mom. When we moved out from there, I was six, and my mom was sick. She went through multiple operations and wasn't allowed to carry anything remotely heavy, leaving me to not only do the washing, but the cooking and the dishes and the shopping. Among the operations she went through was a hysterectomy, and the hormone crash resulted in a depression that never left. We moved through a lot of houses before she finally bought one a few years ago. All the while, I was doing way more in the household than a person my age should've, and practically (co-)parenting my little sister. There were a few years where I simply refused to cook because it reminded me too much of how down I felt when I had to. My mom's always had a habit of drinking alchohol when things are too much, putting on sad songs and crying when she got drunk. I still have trouble telling when people are drunk because I grew up just thinking people acted like that. She's very depressed nowadays. She barely eats, which I often remind her to. Dinner at her house consists of meat in the airfryer that we individually get whenever we get hungry- it's not a sit-down event. She doesn't parent us, I don't think she knows how. She works mostly from home, having online meetings and sitting behind the laptop all day. She falls asleep on the sofa or stays up until late watching crime series, and I have to get her to bed. Sorry that this got so long- the problem is this:

My dad hasn't seen any of this. He doesn't really know. I've tried to tell him, but he just keeps acting like I'm making stuff up. He tells me I'm being dramatic and that I just want to be traumatized so I can martyr myself, and that I blame everyone else for my problems. He says that I never do any chores, and he doesn't believe I do everything around my mom's house. He says that I've made it up that I parent my sister, that none of the examples I give of how I parent her are parenting, that I'm just her sibling. And- I'm not. I know I'm not. My sister knows I'm not, she knows I raised her and she regularly refers to me as her 'motherly figure' or something like that. I also have a lot of issues now due to how I was raised, both on my mom's and dad's side. But, sometimes I start to believe my dad, because I don't really remember a lot of those times very well. I was still a toddler when my mom was engaged to that asshole and I barely remember anything about the time my mom was sick. I put it up to trauma, but- how do I know I'm not lying to myself or misremembering if I don't remember? Is my dad gaslighting me or am I wrong?

OK, full disclosure, I'm no therapist. I'm just a 20 year old who struggles a lot and goes to a lot of therapy, and wants to help people.

That being said, while I was never in such a severe situation, I have gone through (on a waaaaay smaller scale) some similar experiences. I know what it's like to do the cleaning while your mum is crying, to live on pot noodles as a kid because you can't cook and your parent's can't (because they actually can't or they can but won't) make you anything. To raise yourself. I'm the youngest, so I was "lucky" in not having to raise anyone. I can't imagine that burden and I am so, so fucking sorry that was put on you, especially from such a young age. That's beyond not fair. I hope you know that I'm so so proud of you, for making it this far, when not only did you have to raise yourself and your siblings (that's a thing called parentification) but being stuck with bouncing homes and violence. I am so sorry. Please know it's not your fault. You never did anything wrong. And even if you in some way hurt your siblings (being a "control freak") you were doing the best you could. That's all that matters. You are strong, and amazing, and deserving of love and peace. Just know that, OK? And you're not alone.

What your dad is doing is just wrong. First of all, it's 10000% not in your head, you even have someone else agreeing with you. And forgetting memories? That's a trauma symptom. When things get too hard emotionally, sometimes the mind tries to block it out as a defense mechanism. It goes "this is too much" and puts it in a little box to be opened later when it deems safe enough. Not remembering an event well doesn't mean it didn't happen. Trust me on that, I've had times when I'm falling asleep and suddenly tense up, fists clenched cause I remembered that one time in 2014 when Bad Things ™ happened. It doesn't mean it didn't happen, it just means your mind is being a dick but trying to help by blocking it out.

The tricky thing with gaslighting is it all depends on what the gaslighter actually believes. If he genuinely believes none of this happened, it's not gaslighting, he's just an asshole for not listening… but the part that makes me think "huh, that's not right" is that he gets so defensive. Something is definitely off with that. If he genuinely thought you were making it up, he wouldn't get so angry. I don't know all the facts, but I would say that's gaslighting, or manipulation of some kind. And how you can tell if you're lying to yourself? Well, your sister has seen how things are now. And things are still bad now, so even if you're wrong about the past, a lot of shit is still happening. You are valid either way. And if you're lying about the past to make yourself feel like a martyr, you wouldn't be asking that question, with genuine fear that you're wrong. One question, how do you feel when you think about what's happened? Do you feel sick, uncomfortable, angry, fight-flight-freeze-fawn? Does a certain sound or object or smell make you panic? If you can't remember properly, maybe you have triggers. And if you have triggers, it (or something) happened. (I'm sorry if this sounds harsh!! I just know how overwhelming it can be when your mind tells you you're crazy, and I find harsh truth works best in those instances, I'm sorry if I'm wrong!!). Also if you were making it up, you wouldn't be traumatized and have mental issues. For what it's worth, I believe you wholeheartedly.

OK, sorry this is so long!! I just want to help, but again, please know I'm only a 20 year old with trauma, I'm not a therapist or anyone with a degree, I could be wrong. But I'm not wrong in the fact that you are strong and deserve better than this. I'm not wrong when I tell you something is bad there and to please seek help, tell a teacher, talk to an aunt or uncle or some adult you trust and could possibly live with. Even just talking with a councellor on the phone if you can after school. And I'm not wrong when I tell you you're not alone. If you want to talk more, I'm always here for you, through asks or dms or whatever. You are going to be OK <33

[thelemmallama]

If someone come to naive 19-year-old past me and asked me to draw a 5 hour piece for $20, that time is lost forever. I could've used that time to do something for myself, to do something I actually care about, or do work with actually decent pay.

(Especially if my employer has full rights to my work, or made me sign some non-disclosure agreement that prevents me from doing further things with my own work; remixing it, expanding on it, even showing it to people and saying I made it. Then I exchanged 5 hours of my life for literally *just* 20$ and nothing else.)

*That's* why it's exploitative.

It's completely different from someone taking art I've *already* decided to make of my own volition UNDER NO INFLUENCE FROM OTHERS, and doing stuff with that. I've *already* decided my time was worth spending on it, the decision couldn't have been coerced because there was no-one around to coerce me, and there's nothing anyone else could do with my art that makes it no longer worthwhile for me to have worked on it, because I'm still allowed to remix it, expand on it and share it freely. I still *have* my art, in every meaningful sense of the word.

If you compare the latter situation to the former, you have no idea how exploitation works and why it's bad, and I would not trust anything you have to say about workers' rights until you demonstrate otherwise.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week #138 (Year 3/Week 34):

Past Lives, another brilliant debut feature from a young female director, Celine Song. Exquisite, mature filmmaking, in full control of all aspects of the craft, juxtaposition, edit, use of music, layering, balance, staging. F. Ex. , at 55:00 min, the exact midpoint of the movie, when they finally meet for the first time, Song lets the camera lingers on train crossing the bridge... Tremendous, devastating accomplishment. Greta Lee is my new crush. 10/10.

🍿

“I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life. But you, you’re 20 minutes…”

Before 'Sweet smell of success' and ‘Network’ and ‘Nightcrawler’ exposed the corrupt cynicism of mass media, Billy Wilder's Ace in the hole told the story of one newspaperman sensationally manipulating a story for his own sleazy benefit. Viciously unscrupulous, savagely frank, a sunlit, bright Noir.

🍿

2 films about pianists who pretend to be blind:

🍿 Andhadhun, a Hindi crime thriller about a musician who pretends to be blind, who witness a murder happening in front of him, because the killers assume he can't see them. A mishmash of tropes. 3/10.

🍿 Supposedly, Andhadhun was inspired by a 2010 French short film L'Accordeur (The Piano Tuner).

🍿

First watch: John Huston's classic adventure-romance The African Queen, "Shot in Africa", as the titles state. Humphrey Bogart, Gruff, scrappy, in dirty clothes (!) is talking and gesturing exactly like Noah Cross. Excellent!

🍿

2 more by François Ozon:

🍿 Sitcom, a surrealist satire of a proper, uptight, upper middle class family, with a house in the country, a maid, etc. whose whole life turns degenerate, when the father brings home a pet, white rat. The rat acts like a 'Magical visitor', f. ex, in Pasolini's 'Teorema', and soon all the males start acting gay, and everybody's starts sleeping with everybody else, conducts orgies, and attempts suicide. Buñuel-lite: 4/10

🍿 By the Grace of God, a sober documentary-like true-story from Lyon (which is nice). A respected banker and a practicing Catholic with a family of 5 children, remembers how he was abused by the local priest, and starts a process to sue the church. Very much like Tom MaCarthy's 'Spotlight', it's measured, empathetic and un-sensationalist.

🍿

Tokyo Decadence ("Topâzu"), my second by writer/director Ryū Murakami [He wrote, but didn't direct ‘Audition’]. A depraved, convoluted "Pink" film about a young submissive and delicate prostitute, who works at a high-end call girl service, specializing in SM and Bondage. Erotic art, slightly different from 'real' Japanese fetish porn. Disturbing. (Found here)

🍿

2 more by Damien Chazelle:

🍿 Whiplash (2014). I'm not so crazy about stories of emotional abuse and humiliations between mentors and disciples, especially when one is an absolute asshole, and the other an obsessive over-achiever, and both are male "Perfectionists" who’ll stop at "Nothing" to become "Great Artists". But the use of music, especially jazz was so lovely, and innovative.

🍿 The English-speaking Spanish Grand Piano was written by Chazelle just before 'Whiplash'. It's a high-concept musical thriller, about a pianist attempting a comeback performance and an assassin who threatens to kill him on stage. But for that you have to suspends all belief and accept Elijah "Frodo" Wood as a ridiculously classic musician, and a preposterous "Play a wrong note and you die" plot. 2/10.

🍿

Where the Crawdads Sing, another woman-directed Southern Gothic drama, a story of abuse, pain and neglect. Flat 'Swamp Girl' full of clichés. The only, mild surprise was the final disclosure, of who was the real killer. 2/10.

🍿

Before directing his two masterpieces, ‘Columbus’ and ‘After Yang’, Korean-American filmmaker Kogonada was known for his sublime video essays, sometimes commissioned by Criterion, or ‘Sight & Sound’. 16 of his short-form video poems are posted on his old Vimeo account, including ‘Hands of Bresson’, ‘Way of Ozu’, ‘Auteur in space’ (Tarkovsky), ‘Tarantino, from below’, Sounds of Aronofsky, ‘Wes Anderson from above’, ‘Breaking Bad / POV’, Kubrick / One-point perspective, and 8 more.

🍿

And one I couldn't finish: The new German Seneca – On the Creation of Earthquakes. A philosophy-themed metaphor for today's Authoritarianism with over-indulgent John Malkovich grotesquely hamming it out, and just never stop talking, talking talking. And a 12-year-old Nero without any charisma.

🍿

Still life, a short Greek film by Dimitrios Karas (2017). A man wakes up on a dirt road in the middle of a desert.

🍿

Asking for Love was a 1973 Icelandic music video made by Egill Eðvarðsson. It showed Jóhann G. Jóhannsson walking backwards around downtown Reykjavík, and then reversed to make it seem everyone else’s walking backwards. Now, fifty years later, Guðmundur Kristinn Jónsson and Ívar Kristján Ívarsson have recreated the video with singer-songwriter Árný Margrét, walking the same route backwards, for her song Waiting. (Via).

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[mybrainproblems]

oh please share your share your thoughts on dune! i'm only partway through children of dune but it's been so interesting. everyone is so unwell but i like it that way.

okay so full disclosure. while i've re-read OG dune about once per year ever since i first picked it up when i was 11 years old (so 20+ times), i've only read dune messiah and children of dune once each... i think i watched the children of dune mini series more recently than i've read the book (-_-;)

what i'm obsessed with about dune is the world that herbert built and the snippets of princess irulan's books that head up each chapter. i just absolutely adored that level of detail and it gave me a huge amount of appreciation for what depth of worldbuilding you could do within a story. this is still the part that i have a deep love for but over the years i've come to also have a deep appreciation for the social and political allegory of dune that i definitely did NOT get when i first read it and it really wasn't until late high school/college that i started to really dig into that part of the book.

i feel like this is a bit of a letdown answer. sorry!

[mattspost-modernodyssey]

THE DECLINE OF CHRISTIANITY

Statistics indicate that Christianity of all varieties is in a steady decline and I even saw a TED Talk that projected that our faith is headed on a terminal course.  I say "our" because I am a Christian.  I don't wish to make anyone feel like an outsider, because that's the one thing we've done a damned good job at accomplishing for the last two milennia.  But I just wanted to show all my cards from the outset.

I've studied history, particularly the history of Christianity, for decades, but full disclosure--I don't have any degrees in the field.  I taught world history for nearly 20 years, so maybe that will convince somebody that I know what I'm talking about.  I've also been a Christian for nearly half a century--Southern Baptist for the first 20 years, "Agnostic" for three months, Episcopalian for the last 30 years, and spiritual explorer for almost my whole life.  That's my background.  Now enough about me.

Preachers are always bemoaning the decline of Christianity and they have lots of explanations for it--immorality, secular humanism, "the Devil," backsliding Christians, Christians not being true Christians, etc.

With the last one, I wholeheartedly agree.....but not with what they think being a true Christian is. 

Throughout my 20 years as an Evangelical Christian, I was taught and had reinforced upon me over and over again that my primary focus was to be sin-avoidance.  It was like that everywhere.  It was like there was no other purpose in a Christian's life but preventing oneself from committing a sin.  We were taught that we were born into sin--that even infants are sinners and our very nature is to be sinful and we can't help ourselves but to sin.  But we could be redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ if we believed in him.

I was cool with the last part, but there were a lot of moving parts to this concept as I thought about it more and more as I grew into adulthood.

How does an infant sin?

Is there a difference between having a sinful nature and actually sinning?

If you have a sinful nature, but you don't actually act on it and commit a sin, are you still a sinner? 

Do you still have to repent for sins if you didn't commit them or do you just repent for having a sinful nature that you did not choose and didn't act on?

And about this blood-atonement:  Which belief gets you absolved of your sins--Belief in the atonement, itself?

Belief that Christ died for your sins?

Belief that Jesus is the Son of God?

Belief that Jesus existed?

Belief in Jesus's teachings, as in taking them to heart and actually practicing them?

What even qualifies as a sin?

Are some sins worse than others?

I never had anyone in the Evangelical church even try to answer these questions.  Everything was all about obedience to God.  And apparently God only spoke in the Scriptures and never changed God's mind (even though God apparently does so a few times in the Old Testament/Septuagint according to the authors of those books).

Everybody either followed the mantra or refused to talk about it and scolded me for questioning God.  I wasn't questioning God.  I was questioning them.  And the fact that so many Christians can't distinguish between what is God and what is human is another problem, I think.  But maybe I'll come back to that later.

There are so many beautiful and wonderful things about Christianity--the power of faith, God's Grace, the focus on love for one another, the acts of charity Christ commands us to do, but many choose to focus on sin, instead.  It is an obsession with sin, acknowledging the perceived sin, rather than the person.  When you point out that Jesus spent a lot of time hanging out with sinners, tax collectors, the sick, and other outcasts, you are quickly reprimanded with "Jesus was there to correct them, not to join them in their sin."

Again, this term "sin" is vague in this context.  What was each person's "sin"?  I'm sure Jesus knew.  And I'm sure Jesus didn't go all round-robin scolding and humiliating these folks.  He put himself between the Pharisees and the "sinners."  He protected them as if they were his own children.  I'm sure if he were on earth today he would be shielding outcasts from pharisaic holier-than-thou churchfolk.

I believe Jesus saw that each person's "sin"--whatever it is that breaks our connection with God--is the result of something damaged and hurting inside of us.  And that, I believe is why  Jesus spent so much one-on-one time with those with whom "good decent church folks" wouldn't be seen.  He sought them out.  "Forgiving sins" was an act of spiritual and emotional healing, I believe.  Jesus saw the person above and beyond the sin.

So, here we are in 2023, watching the Church die slowly blaming everybody and everything but ourselves.  We fail to acknowledge that, though we name ourselves after Christ, many of us have become the very Pharisees that persecuted him.  We pray to The Lamb of God when many us behave like wolves. 

I believe that Christianity lost its way when our faith went from persecuted to legalized to official in the 4th century.  The 1st Century Church was the model.  The focus was following in the footsteps and teachings of Jesus.  Our spiritual ancestors loved openly, shared with all who had need, clothed the naked, housed the homeless, fed the hungry, healed the sick, and prayed for their enemies.  They lived in absolute selfless faith despite the very real possibility of slavery, torture, or execution or rape.  Today, American Christians rule the roost and many are often the persecutors rather than the persecuted.  Some of us cry "persecution" when we get sued for refusing to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple taking vows to love one another purely and honestly forever.  Many Christians in America seem more apt to cry persecution whenever their right to hate is impeded rather than the right to love.  I don't believe Jesus sees it as a holy use of your freedom of religion to hate, exclude, persecute, and sometimes even terrorize people he would've been hanging out with on the daily.

So, Christianity is dying, not because of any outside forces, but because too many Christians are not practicing the way of life Jesus taught.   Many of us live in fear rather than faith.  Many shun the "other" rather than welcome them in order to explore how we can be the face or hands of Christ to them. Many want to hurt rather than heal, drive out rather than shelter and feed, chastise rather than comfort.  These are the true blasphemers who brand Christians like me as heretics and anti-Christs. And non-Christians see our hypocrisy.  In this age of fake news, auto tune, photo filters, and now AI everything, people desperately crave authenticity.  And they're not finding it in church, in a lot of cases, I'm afraid.)

So, there are many of us who follow Christ's teachings--the "Red Letters."  We encourage asking questions, but acknowledge we don't have all the answers...because no human does.  We still have questions ourselves.  We love everyone, even those who hate us.  We're not perfect.  We get mad at people, ourselves, God.  We get over it.  We believe our God-given purpose is to serve others--to heal, to minister to others' needs, to help God piece together the brokenness of others and the world,  to feed the hungry, and shelter the homeless.  We sound like a hippie commune, but I'm pretty sure that's more or less what the 1st Century Church was, maybe minus the psychedelics.

Unfortunately, the Evangelicals get all the attention.  There's more of them, their services are louder and more entertaining, and they're always saying and doing more interesting things.....and they have a fog machine and a rock band.

Well, my church affirms LGBTQ+ persons and most of our clergy perform same-sex marriages, but we don't think that's all that exotic.  Just seems to be the decent thing to do.  Love is love.

But still no fog machine.....unless you want to count the thurifer--the person who swings incense smoke all over everybody in the church on special occasions.

I don't believe Christianity will completely die out, though.  It may dwindle down to an almost unnoticable population or some of the beliefs and practices may be absorbed into other faiths if religion is even a thing in the future.  But whatever form it takes in the centuries ahead of us, it probably won't be recognizable to modern Christians.  I am hoping that tolerance and inclusion will be mainstream.  It will have to be or it will not survive.  If you want to argue with me, that's fine.  Just know that, in human history, ideas that are impractical never survive. 

Christianity was dominant in the West for so long because the Roman Catholic Church was a political force unto itself and controlled everything either overtly or from behind the scenes.  When the Protestant Churches popped up and became the official churches of various nations and empires, they did basically the same thing.  It was political power and influence and church wealth that kept the Church relevant, not faith in God.  Having a universal political power that kept rulers in check kept the peace and stability was extremely practical and lucrative for those at the top.

Now, we are at a point where we have access to all the history and we know how popes and bishops and sometimes even priests and abbots had no rules to follow and how much evil was committed in the name of God by the Church through the centuries.  How they encouraged wars for their own personal gain.  How they sold salvation and manipulated people's faith for their own purposes.  For much of the history of Christianity, the Church's de facto mission has been controlling the masses rather than saving them.

But the marriage between church and state has ended in divorce in most countries.  In the US, we still have numerous conservative Christian PACs and special interest groups (I've never heard of Progressive Christian SIGs, but I'll look 'em up.  I'm sure they exist.) and sometimes leaders may have religious leaders as advisors.  The US is one of the few countries where (certain branches of) Christianity still has any influence in government .

So, history, and church sex scandals, and sleazy televangelists, charlatan faith healers, and all sorts of absurdity from people who demand that the rest of us live pure lives and follow Jesus, while these folks clearly have no idea what Jesus ever said or did have pushed away a lot a rational-thinking Christians and would-be Christians.  So has the anti-science efforts of some churches.  So has the Evangelical embrace of really sinister politicians and adopting American patriotism as some kind of act of worship.

As the Church eschews rational thinking for some really bizarre stuff, I'm afraid it's just too much for many of us to bear.  So, yes,  maybe conservative Christianity will fade away as the current and future generations hopefully become more concerned with the ethics of Jesus and justice and serving others.  And we return to the 1st Century Christian hippie commune. 

I think people want religion to be something personal, tailor-made for the individual.  I've been told you can't cherry-pick Christianity...actually they said you can't cherry-pick the Bible, deciding what you believe and you don't.  That's not really true because both the Church and individuals have been doing it all along.  So, people may take some beliefs/practices from Christianity, some from Buddhism, some from maybe Wicca or Celtic spirituality, and maybe same shamanism.  My daughter showed me a YouTube video about Christian witchcraft which was pretty neat.

So, in closing, everybody just love one another, whether you're Christian or not.  Even if all religion is total garbage, it makes the world a much better place.

[kindulums-and-requests]

a quick apology-

sorry i haven't been around to fill requests lately. i have so much coursework this semester, but i've finally got my weekends free again so i can at least get a few done!