#fucking mom wouldnt even let me take anything over there

[absolutelyzoned]

moms being a dick 👎👎 gonna walk to my dads n watch the fallout show with him.

[transgaysex]

slowly realizing that i might have to be the second to last kid to leave this fucking household

[bunnyluvs-blog]

Bf!Skz reaction to you perform a sexy song during your solo song

Skz x 9th member fem!reader (but all genders can read)

tags! NSFW, mentions of hornyness, cunt eating, sleeping kink, daddy/mommy kink, blowjobs, semi public sex. sex in jeongins, also the song is fantasise by ariana (its unrelased)

You're solo performance was something highly talking about among stays and stray kids themselves. You had kept the whole thing a secret minus the fact that you were going to do one. You didnt want you're song to be cute or something stays where going to call you adorable for. Infact you begged JYPapi for something for "sexual" This was a big performance in the USA are you knew what these people liked. You picked "Fantasise" by ariana grande. As you're body moved and lots and lots of "flirting with fans" you song was over and intermission started. You made your way back stage and lets just say you're boyfriend had something to say

Bangchan- He pulled you into a changing room and pushed you against the wall. "What in the world was that?" He said with a stern almost scary voice. "My performance? Did you really get turned on from that?" Your soft voice rings in his ears. A different tone from the slurry sexy voice you used while singing. "You honestly thought that i wouldnt ? You're so fucking pretty that should've been for me only" He let a soft growl into your ear before locking the changing room door. You give him a confused look before he spoke up. "We got 15 minutes and you're gonna fix this so i dont go onto stage with a hard on." You couldnt help but giggle as you lead him to a chair.

Leeknow- He didnt say anything. No face or anything. He just looked at you. His normal resting face. That was till everyone left to clean and freshen up. You stood up to head to your changing but your waist was pulled down into Minhos lap as he held you there. "You think you're fucking cute?" He asked but you knew it wasnt a question. You could feel his dick in his pants against your ass. "Dont even think about fucking grinding against me slut. You're gonna be good for the rest of the night and ill give you what you want." You were even trying to tease him but you were complaining. As your wetness pooled in your panties, Minho sent you to your changing room with a slight slap on the ass.

Changbin- Changbin as always one to take what he wanted and that he sure did. As you were walking into ur changing room changbin followed. Locking the door as you both slipped in. Pushing down onto the little couch you had in ur changing room changbin attacked your neck with kisses and hickeys. "God damn your so fucking hot. And you gave that all to STAYS ? Not your boyfriend who fucks you good every night ?" He didn't let you get a word in, he just kept on going at your neck. You're soft whimpers filling the room. Changbin spoke up, "You are so in for it darling."

Hyunjin- Your relationship with hyunjin was no secret to stays. So when he walked up on stage in the middle of ur performance "ooooo's" filled the stadium as he dragged you off stage. Taking you to his changing room. He grabbed your face to make u look at him. "For fuck sake what the hell do u think you were trying to do ?" He looked at you with passion and anger in his eyes. "Showing off like you wanna be fucked by everyone here huh ? Dirty fucking thing." You hate to admit it but you were so getting turned on by just how mean he was being. "Well guess what princess, you're fucking mine got it?" He lifted up your hair to leave a big ass hickey next to ur ear. "Now the whole building will know it too"

Jisung- As you headed off stage you could see han rutting into himself. You couldn't even see him yet but you knew how he worked. A knock landed on ur changing room door followed by a Hannie who was just so horny for his pretty mommy. "Hannie baby what's wrong?" You asked with such an innocent tone. You weren't even asking you were just making fun of him. He went over and kissed you over and over again. "Mommy looked so sexy on stage. I- i want mommy too" Awww he was just so cute how could you say no. "You wanna make mommy feel good ?" You asked and got a response with Han nodding his head over and over. You lead him too his knees and god was he jumping for joy. "Ill let you make mommy feel good baby, then later, if you're good enough, mommy will reward you" Lets just say he got at reward.

Felix- If there's one thing no one knows about Felix, it's how possessive he is over what's his. Its almost like you were asking to be punished in his eyes. Nothing happened at the concert however. No no it was the car ride back to the hotel when it did. Everyone takes there own cars to avoid mobbed fans. Chan and changbin, Minho and han, hyunjin with seungmin and jeongin. It was always you and Felix together. Instead of going straight to the hotel he parked in an empty parking lot. "On top of me. Now" he said with his deep demon like tone. What else could you do besides listen to his. He respond some of those nasty lyrics you sang to so many stays. "I give this pussy to you nine to five-five to nine huh? You dirty slut you wanna be fucked 24/7 ? Then prove it" You knew what he was asking for as you unzipped his pants and a smirk formed on his lips.

Seungmin- Along with Felix nothing happened that night of the performance. This time however it was the next day in yalls hotel room. You were fast asleep at three am when seungmin had an idea. He finally thought of how to get back at you. Lowering your pj pants to leave marks all over ur waist. Knowing how in 3 days you had a performance with low rise jeans. As much has he would love to fuck you raw infront of all those stays who saw you sing and dance. This was even worse. Knowing how you and staff would panic to over up bite marks and hickeys right before you were gonna have to go on stage filled his evil soul. This was pay back.

Jeongin- your head thrown back onto the sofa of ur changing room as jeongins face was deep into your soaking cunt as your moans filled the room. "Fuck. You wanted to show off? Well now you know what happens when you wanna act like that infront of thousands of people." You've never seen innie act like this before. He was normally so soft with you. "Thinking I wouldn't do anything after your little stunt ? Like I would just let you get away with that?" He laughed as he nibbled on your thighs and went back to eating you out. "Maybe I wont even finish you off and let you stuffer? Yea that sounds like a good idea." You whined at this statement as jeongin just laughed. He didn't ever let you finish and boy were you in for a long long night at the hotel.

[ddejavvu]

ANOTHER JAMES POTTER THOUGHT LMAOOO. k. so. hear me out. fake dating!James potter. sirius brings it up, the idea of you and James fake dating, cus youre all nervous about going to a family event cus it'll just be more comments about your lack of love life constantly. so sirius mentions that maybe you should just bring someone and say that theyre ur bf; it'd be easier AND you wouldnt be alone, muddling your way through awkward social conversations and such. remus, surprisingly, agrees with sirius when you laugh at the idea. ever the empath, he softly explains how it could be a great idea for you, and it'd solve a few issues at the same time. James doesnt really say anything till sirius suggests you bring him as your fake boyfriend, and James is immediately lighting up like "im your boyfriend??? yeah??" and he just.. cannot be told, no matter how many times you stress that he'd be a fake boyfriend, he just repeats that hes your boyfriiiieeeennnddd though. plain and simple.

he definitely takes his role seriously. makes excuses like, "we have to practice kissing, id kiss you ALOT as your boyfriend, yknow. and I dont want you to freeze up if I kiss you for the first time and you dont know how to react. we MUST practice." also holdsur hand all the time now and hes shameless about it - "but lovely, im ur boyfriend im meant to hold ur hand, cmonnn". even gets jealous like a real boyfriend would now (not that he didn't before, but now he lets it show).

at the event, also has a habit of stealing you away and keeping up the boyfriend role, im saying he lays it on THICK, doesnt matter if no one else can see it or is paying attention. im talking touchy, he probably nuzzles his face down into yours alot,constant love sick expression on his face. its gets so bad that even ur brother is like "wow, didn't realise youd get an actual boyfriend. like, what blackmail do u have on him?? did you finally submit to the devil and curse him or smthn cus Jesus fucking christ sis look at him, hes mooning over you from across the room. seems like an alright bloke though. maybe."

can imagine that hes touchy and sweet and etcetcetc but also. after ur little event is done, he stops joking and pretending, bends down to you and "so can I be your boyfriend now. pleeeaase?? ur auntie even said that I must be a lovely young man.. you think im a lovely young man too, right? so I can be ur boyfriend?? ]: please?"

FAKE DATING JAMES IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE he'd want to 'sell it' just like you mentioned, and he'd plan these insane grandiose gestures that have you melting for real and then you sneak off to a private area and he's giggling like they totally bought it!! and ur weak in the knees like yEah they did!!

you stress so many times to him that he's your fake boyfriend. fake. FAKE. but he absolutely refuses to say that, he calls it method acting. he's gotta get in character, he can't tell himself it's fake all the time or it'll seem fake!

no bc even before you get to your parents house he's like okay so let's practice our kisses. we're gonna need casual cheek kisses, the 'i-don't-want-to-make-a-scene kiss', the 'we-think-we're-alone' kiss, the forehead kiss, the hand kiss, the air kiss- and he's rambling on about all the ways he's gonna smooch you up and your cheeks are on fire.

the days leading up to the event he does practice! whenever you walk out of a room he grabs your hand and tugs you down to kiss your cheek, he makes you kiss him goodnight every night before bed, he even insists that you give it all you've got when no one else is around so that you get comfortable being passionate with him.

he greets your mom like the perfect gentleman, bringing her a bouquet and offering to help with dinner. but when she politely declines the help he sits on the floor at your feet while you're on the couch, spreads ur knees so that he can sit between your calves, and hangs out with the kiddos on the floor. he's their big jungle gym, constantly has children crawling all over him, and they definitely ask him scandalized questions like 'you KISS her?!?!?!' and then he gets this big shit-eating grin on his face and leans up to lay a big fat wet juicy smooch on your lips and they all chorus 'ewww!' and run off to giggle about it somewhere else. it leaves james with no more playmates, so he hoists himself up onto the couch and wraps an arm around you, proceeding to be sickeningly sweet and domestic and cute. definitely a nuzzler, ur so right <33333

YES THE TEASING FROM EVERYONE ELSE SKGNG ur grandma is like 'i'm glad you found a good man before i die' and ur auntie is like 'does he have an older brother??' everyone is enamored by this loverboy you've brought home, and he plays the part so well that no one ever realizes it was fake.

which is good, because it isn't for long. he definitely begs for you to give him a chance at being your real boyfriend, but you don't bother even giving him the chance, you just tell him you already know he'll be a fantastic real boyfriend because he went so above and beyond when it was only supposed to be fake :') ur so far gone for him and it's the best night of his life, i guarantee it :')

[neotrances]

it’s just like having this presence over u constantly it effects everything i don’t want to have kids ever bc of possibly ending up like her i don’t even think that i would but what if like i look like you i sound like you i laugh the same way it’s like a fucking parasite it makes me itch sharing dna with someone that let a kid get sexually assaulted bc she got a free babysitter out of the grown man hurting me i had to protect my little sister from him bc she wouldnt and now that same sister doesn’t trust me when i say i love her bc my mom constantly lies to her and tells her im the one that ruined the family it makes me fucking crazy how many people o had to protect my sister from bc of her bc if i didn’t take it theyd do it to her im. ok . im ok i just feel so stupid sometimes for being this old and still effected by it like its never gonna go away no matter how old i get i dont even think ill be happy when she dies it wont mean anything bc ill still be stuck here with that feeling

[scalproie]

OKAY LAST SEASON BABEY last time we left the bots were going in hiding and optimus took a fucking nuke to the face what will our silly heroes be up to now

So smokescreen is hot rod in anything but name (the wiki even agrees) (HE EVEN GETS A BOW AT THE END) but the more i think of it, the more im like. The phaseshift gimmick smoky got wouldnt have worked so well with hot "I have flames on my paintjob" rod. Then i was wondering is phaseshifting was smth smoky had back in g1 but apparently not and i didnt find anything else so. Shrug.

The smokimus prime bait-and-switch still makes me feel some sort of emotion to this day. I mean i get it and i dont think i wouldve liked the alternative but gnhgnn

Team prime being separated in my opinion couldve lasted longer to do interesting stuff buuuuuut im really fine with the brievety. Plus the humans reuniting scene was very cute

Knockout's back must be suffering being the ONLY non-decepticon high command member and therefore carrying the goon quota on his own. Speaking of.

SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE

I keep forgetting Ultra Magnus is in tfprime BUT I like him. I remembered being kinda annoyed with him back in the day but I now recognize that I was stupid, hes literally fine and I like him a lot :) hes a hammer main

Predaking is so fucking cool its unreal. Put him in monster hunter

Cant believe that compared to S1, the tables have turned and there is now more bots than cons. its legit just decepticon high command + knockout now

Con side is still better tho. literally any scene with two different cons interacting is amazing as per usual

Shockwave after predaking got got and starscream is now mocking him: Fine. I'll do it my damn self *jumps off the tower and bags two autobots*

OPTIMUS' NEW DESIGN IS SO BULKYYY WHYYY THE ONE HE HAD WAS LITERALLY PERFECT. I GET WE HAVE TOYS TO SELL BUT CMONNN

He is also heavy weapons guy now so nvm

Optimus really hit megatron with the 1️⃣+2️⃣-> ➡️⬇️↘️1️⃣->➡️➡️2️⃣

SO LONG GAY WARLORD

Shockwave just casually walking off while the fortress is about to collapse on him is such a move. Insanely cool

The community joke that tfprime is just one massive macguffin collect-a-thon is so fucking real lemme tell you. Now we need BONES

ALSO. KNOWING THAT IT DOESNT ACTUALLY AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. LEMME TELL YOU.

"We could have beast wars on our hands" ENOUGH

The scouts vs waves fight was cool tho. Also soundwave running is so really uncanny

We are turning the screamer patheticness to fucking 11 this season and im having a blast. Steve blum screaming in a high pitch for 3 hours

Conceptually, "spunky teenage girl joining the giant robots version of the black ops on equal terms thanks to a mystical indestructible technology" is fucking awesome and I still do like that the show went that way for miko. Also major miko W for that starscream burn

Theyre also retroactively making wheeljack more like wheeljack

"You know what they say about vehicon troopers?" / "Theyre easily distracted" I cant believe they made them by cloning a bot with adhd

FYM "no mom dont go its not safe!" YOUVE BEEN LIGHTYEARS AWAY ON ANOTHER PLANET. GET YOUR SON'S ASS JUNE

S3:E7 is a great episode bc it has some KO action and for once he actually succeed. I kid you not some episodes (this one in particular) I got stressed over if knockout would get shit done bc his failure ratio is so high that if i didnt know better i wouldve thought megatron would fire him at one point. cons' only medic or not. Thats what happens when the writers kill off every evil goons in the show save for one

Just why is knockout french all of a sudden

"So go on, Big M, tell me you love me more than starscream~... my liege? hello? ... too familiar?" I HATE HIMMM

"Never let a decepticon take you to another location" yeah the animators would have to make another desert

I take it back about starscream, hes an essential part of the decepticons bc by pissing megatron off so much he makes everyone else look good in comparaison

I remember when megatron was struggling against ONE (1) insecticon and now wheeljack just killed like three middair in a single strike

Ive literally just realized the insecticons' insect mode are legit just seltas from mh4 (or vice-versa i guess, tfprime came first)

S3:E8 is the best episode of the season (the show maybe even) and I believe the fact that its the ONLY episode that is 100% full decepticon is related. A travesty it is the only one imo

I know the reason behind that is that the cons were literally too strong and they needed to nerf them somehow but still.

Too many good and noteworthy things in this episode for me to say but i will have to say that even tho they wrapped up the cylas plotline "well" enough I still have issues with airachnid's. I mean who doesnt

Ok i lied megatron basically saying "starscream if you so much as looked at my evil drugs cookie jar again i will fucking kill you for real this time" is hilarious

God I love this episode

The fact that shockwave is the one who made the zombie containment protocole meant that megatron had to fucking call him for help and explain and i so badly wish we got to hear that conversation

Predaking robot mode is one of the prettiest in this show ngl

Meanwhile the bots are introducing ultra magnus to the main theme of fast and furious

THE CONS DOING A TEAM HUDDLE IN THE FUCKING CLOSET IS KILLING ME

"I think we're gonna have to kill this guy, shockwave."

Predaking vs wheeljack and ultra magnus is the best fight in the show and its not even close. hunting dreadking rathalos with your dual blades and a hammer buddy be like

Ok i take it back the whole plot about the bones is not completely pointless and it goes into the conclusion of the show well enough. but still.

SHOCKWAVE KILL‼️

"Master! Are you going to allow one lieutenant to harm another!? ... Master?" / "I'm thinking >:)" guys did you know i love megatron very much

"Exemplary teamwork" GUYS DID YOU KNOW I LOVE M

Ultra magnus really came into this show just to face the horrors huh

I'll say it again, soundwave really didnt actually do much in tfprime BUT on the other hand he really did nothing but win :)

One complain I will have about his one (1) line is that there actually wasnt enough effects on his voice to really capture that G1 feel

It took 3 seasons and we are 4 episodes away from the series finale outside of the movie but the cons FINALLY figured out they could just. follow fowler to the autobot base. And they needed shockwave to have this epiphany as hes the only one with a braincell on the cons side rn. Genuinely im starting to think they werent that invested in finding the base of their enemy until they absolutely needed to

"This is no place for a one-handed autobot" shockwave one of your hand is a cheese grater cannon

I know predaking is actually a combiner originally and aligned/tfprime wanted to have a big dragon but honestly? He would be a neat rival to grimlock, he kinda reminds me of him during his fight with optimus. And dinoBOT vs predaCON yknow? (Or at least. The aligned version of the predacons)

WHY DID THEY JUST BLOW UP THE ONE HANGAR??? WHY DIDNT THEY BLOW UP THE WHOLE BASE??? IN MY MEMORY I WAS SURE THEY QUICKLY RELOCATED WHAT DO YOU MEAN STARSCREAM JUST FUCKED UP AGAIN BC OF SOME PAINT??? WHAT??????

I love megatron when he is completely honest about being an untrustworthy asshole

Honestly if i were jin kazama i would be ecstatic about having job security once i turn 18 bc i hanged out with giant alien robots a lot. Also raf picking up after ratchet is cute

Ratchet said "megatron i will NEVER help you in your plans" and meg was like "ok then lemme give you a tour of the ship" and that was all it took for ratchet to help

Loved that scene with ratchet, shockwave and KO. Also love when cons are surprised when given basic decency

Optimus and starscream running into each other in the sky like that scene in malcom in the middle where the mom pass by the son driving a car

MEGATRON PULLING THE OVERLORD/PIPES SPECIAL ON RATCHET

Really loving how literally all of the autobots plans failed and the only reason they dont lose is bc the decepticons ONCE AGAIN caused their own downfall. And like a coinflip its either starscream or knockout. here its knockout

Predaking vs megatron is. Very good. To me.

"[out of breath] Thats the spirit... but I was a champion of the pits of Kaon not only due to my savage might... but also my CUNNING." 😳😳😳

We are starting the series finale strong

Genuinely genuinely genuinely what they did to soundwave is so fucked up to this day and I KNOW rid15 fixed that but still in the context of this show in a vaccum this horrifies me. He was the coolest and got such a "I have no mouth and I must scream" end. Which i know is fitting for him but GOD.

Smokescreen being an errant boy for this finale is a good representation of his treatment for this (short) season. Im sorry buddy youre still the mvp

I am SHOCKED by how little focus the last optimus vs megatron fight got

Megatron's last moments. Augh. Give him the oscar 😫

I forgot how much of a chill team player shockwave was like that in this show

Funny to hear the evil theme of the nemesis getting turned into smth heroic

Predaking is really pretty

Tfprime has a very efficient ending. The goodbyes were really well done and the score really makes you feel emotional

Not closing words from peepaw? Alright. I guess they knew they had the movie next

OK THAT WAS SEASON 3. It sure is a lot more rushed than previous seasons which is a shame bc the events follow each other nicely enough. Predaking also took a lot of the focus bc we had toys to sell. Oh well many such cases. ONLY PREDACON RISING NEXT AND IM FREE

[bobasnonbeliever]

only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out

im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.

but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.

i want to decompose.

writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.

[jazzzz-zz]

~Confessions~

Hiii this is my first smut so please feel free to tell me how I did :)

----NSFW warning----- AGED UP---- female reader---- Also, Kyle's lines are green and Y/n's are blue :)

It was cold and cloudy and you just got done cleaning up the house and took a shower. Your dad was outside hanging out with the other dads of the neighborhood watching sports in the garage and your mom was talking to Sharon, Sheila, Carol, and Liane. Your just relaxing on your bed when all the sudden you hear the doorbell ring.

Coming! You shout and run downstairs and answer the door. Hey, wanna hangout? Im bored and No, the guys arent coming. Kennys Busy, Cartmans playing video games and Stan's out with Wendy. Oh, sure! I was just gonna text you. Come inside, we can hangout upstairs. You had liked him for a while but never confessed because you were scared he wouldnt like you. You were a bit more on the...less Feminine side. Yea, you liked wearing makeup but not heavy makeup.And you dressed a bit differently.

He sits on the bed next to you. Wanna watch a movie on your tv? hmm? sure! put anything on idc. cool He sits up close to you under the blanket and watches the movie. He see's you go on your phone and smacks it. C'mon Y/N, lets hangout. He leans to you and says playfully. GOD DAYUM you loved when he randomly says your name. Alright, i will. hold up i needa get my water. He was on the side thats next to your nightstand. You reach over him and go to get your water but accidentally latch onto his thigh for support.

Shit! i- uh sorry! You both just stare at eachother and blush. His face reaction calms down a bit. You didnt notice it, but he almost was giving a lustful expression. No no, your fine. He grins. It just goes silent for a few minutes.

Your still blushing from the incident. You dont know what to do. Do you confess? You hesitate for a bit. You already apoligized but you need something to break the silence.You finally decide to just confess. Yes, you felt like it was an awkward time to but you needed to get it off your chest.

Hey uh kyle? You stuttered nervously. Hmm? Yea whats up? Ok so I need to tell you something important and I get it if you uh..."disagree". OK? He giggles a bit. Dude, chill out. just tell me. He laughs. Ok so...I like you. Like, well not like, I love you. I get if you dont feel the same i dont wanna ruin our friendship. He lifts your chin up to him and giggles. I love you to...thought it was obvious lmao. That or your just blind. He laughs and kisses you. So...wanna be official? y-yea would love to.

you then shift yourself so now your ontop of him and kiss him. Is this alright? He blushes. Perfect. He then pulls your face to his and starts making out with you. Hold on... He takes his jacket off. He has a black shirt on underneath. He then pins you and starts kissing you again.

He grabs onto your lower waist and pauses to look at you. Wanna continue? You try and catch your breath first before you can speak. Please. You then wrap your arms around his neck and continue kissing him. You look at him and smirk.

Without even saying anything he takes off his shirt. He was muscular but not like...bulky or anything. He was fucking hot tho. You take your shirt off and your pants. He looks at your body and blushes as you look at his. He still has pants on. You sit on the bed and blush. Your in your underwear and a bra.

He slides off his pants and you both begin kissing again. You get off of him and he sits up on the edge of the bed. Is something wrong? No. You giggle a bit and kneel down and place your hands on his thighs and look up at his face. Are you- you then pull down his boxers and his Hard member springs up. I- what the fuck. What? Is something wrong? No, nothings wrong. You just stare....amazed but almost intimidated.

You look up at him then down at his Member and put it in your mouth. He puts his hand on your head and bury's his fingers in your hair. Aa- y-y/n~ He moans and starts making whimpers. You then pull your mouth off and stand up. Ready? you say out of breath. Y-yea

You run to under the bathroom sink and grab a condom. You slip it on him and sigh. Ok...let me just... You sit on him as hes laying down and press your hands on his chest. He smirks at you and covers his mouth. Ready? He says removing his hand. Mhm. You blush. You steadily push him inside of you. You gasp as you feel yourself climb down him. He puts his hands on your waist and looks at you. You can start whenever you want He smiles.

a-alright. You feel his hands grip onto your hips tighter as you slowly shift your weight in and up and down motion. F-fuck. A moan escapes from his lips.

H-how does that feel? You almost struggle trying to say. Amazing~ You can feel him pounding against your core. He gets up then pins you and digs his head into your shoulder. He whimpers and grunts as he thrusts back and fourth into you.

fuck i think im close- You dig your hands into his back. Me to He then goes a bit faster and then stops. You felt him become deep and then you moan loudly and he has to use his hand to cover your mouth. You both reached your climax and you just lay there, out of breath.

He lays next to you and just looks at you. You were fucking amazing He says and kisses your forehead. Y-you to...we should get cleaned up now tho You sit up and laugh. Yea..probably a good idea. You both kiss and then start getting cleaned up.

HIIII!!!!! please let me know how i did omfg lmao im so nervous it turned out bad! Thanks for reading it and i hope you enjoyed it :))))) this is my first smut lol

[bitchybylershipper]

title: My Dearest Sadie, You Fucking Bitch

you know, i wish i could hate you. i really really really wish i could hate you. you have screwed me over more times than i can count on both hands over the past few months, left me alone, ignored me, humiliated me, forgot me. youre a bitch now. youre not nice anymore. i dont even want to be friends with you anymore. you hang out with shitty people. you say shitty things. you do shitty things. but i would still take a bullet for you. i fucking miss you dude. do you know how many times i have cried over you since october? i dont. theres too many.

you forgot my birthday this year. that really stung. i thought maybe you would at least acknowledge it, but nope. your mom brought it up in front of you. she gave me a card. you didnt even blink. that really stung. i want you to feel how i feel every single day. but i cant let that happen. thats why im going to text you tomorrow. for your birthday. you didnt invite me to your party. that also stung. my sister went. she said she had a lot of fun. i remember your party last year. i look at the pictures and watch the videos when im sad. it doesnt help. thats probably the point.

i have so many things that used to be ours. ours. stranger things. christmas mornings from dutch bros. ninja turtles. battery acid. sesame street. end of summer sleepovers. but theyre not ours anymore. theyre just mine because you dont care anymore. thats probably why i cant hate you. because you wouldnt care that i hated you. it doesnt work if you are indifferent. maybe thats what hurts the most.

did you forget that we used to share a crib? that we grew up together? did you forget every single secret code we created, every stupid inside joke, every silly game we played? well i didnt. its all burned into the inside of my skull, a masochistic tattoo.

one time you texted me just to say that we would be best friends forever and always. i had already been crying. i was sad. your text did not do anything to help. when i recieved it i almost laughed. we were barely acquaintances at that point you idiot.

i really wish i could hate you.

SINCERELY, me, the person you left behind

p.s. youre a fucking liar. happy fucking birthday.

[roseworth]

Finding out you watched tangled the series sent me into a reblog spree from your tangled tag because I recently finished it for the first time. so now I'm curious give me all of your fix it thoughts on the bad writing

hello im so sorry for ignoring this for so long but i forgor </3 but i love tangled the series so much it just makes me want to rip my skin off because of how much it sucks

the thing is. there is so much potential. if it was just a bad show i wouldnt care but the problem is it could have been such a good show <////3 i love every character and the plot lines were ALMOST there every time and it could have been so good i could fix this fucking show hhghghjghhjghgmhgjhjg

like right off the bat theres all the shit with the proposals that i LOVE. i love eugene and rapunzel both trying to propose to each other like 5 times but neither of them could ever get the timing right <333 but the problem comes in with. literally everything surrounding it. the idea that the marriage would trap them pisses me off bc at first i assumed it would be like. they eventually realize that marriage isnt a trap and its not the end of their lives. but thats not what happened. instead it was like "yeah the marriage is us accepting that our adventures are over and we're settling down" ?????????????? and everything chris said always makes me think like. can someone please check on his wife oh my god

THEN we've got varian. literally such a great character, his villain arc is the best arc of the whole show !!! but!! then it was over. honestly i think that varian was one of the characters that made it out relatively unscathed with no stupid choices for his character. but even then thats mostly because he just kinda got ignored after season 1. he didnt show up at all in season 2 except in a hallucination, and im not THAT mad about it bc obv they werent in corona so its not like there was really any place for him but like. please. anyways he got a quick redemption arc in season 3 but the worst part of that was that it was a little rushed so he made it out ok. but the problem comes in with the fact that chris got pissed off that everyone wanted to talk about varian so he refused to give varian anything interesting to do overall. but the problem is that there were already seeds planted earlier in the show to give him more to do (like everything with quirin and the letter) that got dropped bc they didnt want to deal with it

and CASS. oh my god. ive talked about her villain arc a hundred times because it makes me so fucking insane. it could have been so good. like you can go back to pretty much the first episode in season 1 and see cracks starting to form in her & rapunzel's friendship and there was soooo much to work with. but. "gothic was my mom but she kidnapped and abused you instead so you stole my destiny" what the fuck are you talking about. talk about being overshadowed! talk about being forgotten and never taken seriously!! talk about ANYTHING that youve already been upset about in the show!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!

and then fucking. the dark kingdom stuff at the end of season 2 with eugene:( :( :( i was a little excited for the dark prince stuff bc ! it could be fun!!! he found out that hes the prince of a dead kingdom and his mother died because of the stone thats the opposite of rapunzel! there was sooooo much there that just got forgotten :( we never even found out how the queen died or her fucking NAME. why did we abandon all the dark kingdom lore at the end of season 2 :(((( i love the dark kingdom its such a fun concept and i want more of it but like. go girl give us nothing ig. the kingdom got completely abandoned and forgotten about within 25 years! lets talk about that!!!!! fuck lets acknowledge ANYTHING about dark prince eugene !!!! and on that note i wish they had done a little more with the fact that edmund had been protecting the moonstone for his entire life just for someone to take it and leave and now his life's purpose means NOTHING.

also it pisses me off that season 3 became The Cass and Rapunzel Show. there were so many other characters with problems but everything else was ignored bc look! cass and rapunzel!!! like can we PLEASE focus on anything else for like 5 seconds.... why was the finale entirely just cass and rapunzel's fight :( everyone was dead on the ground and it was "and now cass and rapunzel are gonna spend 3 seconds handling it" like please..... you have a beautiful cast of characters that want to affect the plot so badly let them help

as a rapunzel fan i think that one thing that annoys me a lot about the show is that. rapunzel can never be wrong. i get that shes a disney princess and its a disney show so they cant make her TOO bad but like,,, all her weaknesses are the shit you say in a job interview. "shes too nice" "shes too upbeat" "she trusts people to much" i wish she had actual problems. like she tends to accidentally be selfish and focus on how she feels without thinking about how it affects other people!!! thats something they could have thought about more instead of making her always right about everything. and the fucking episode on season 3 where eugene says "cass abandoned you you need to let her go" then she goes back in time and changes his past and then hes like "yeah you shouldnt leave cass behind!" NO HE WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. cass literally took the moonstone and left she doesnt want to come back why is the lesson here that rapunzel shouldnt let her go

and oh my god. lance im so sorry for what they did to you. he is SUCH a fun character i love him so much he should have had so much to do but NO he gets one lance-centric episode and a few lance-and-eugene-centric episodes in season 1. then he never gets focus ever again. he gets the moment in the season 2 finale where he starts fighting the ghosts (and i love him so much i love that moment) and then he never affects the plot again. hes so fun because he and eugene have basically the same backstory except lance never had The Moment where he chose to give it up so its so fun to see his approach to just. everything in the show. but we never get to see him!! he gets ignored and shoved to the side so that there can be more hookfoot centric episodes. i will forever stand by the fact that theres something about hookfoot could've been a lance episode. ALSO ALSO ALSO the episode that was pitched with the broken window at the orphanage :( :( :( :( :( i mourn it every single day i wish it had happened. he doesnt get taken seriously as a character even though they had sooooo many opportunities to! then i literally love that he adopts kiera and catalina at the end but. it doesnt get any focus. we dont get to see him getting closer to them (okay we get a little bit of it but STILL there should've been more) so it feels so unearned. i love their little family so much but give me MORE. NOW.

okay im gonna stop now but i have so many thoughts about this show i could fucking fix it. there is so much potential and i love every character so much and i love the version of the plot lines that only exist in my head

[lady-ika]

oof.mp3

age 27 with one abusive relationship under my belt and plenty of other "im pretending we're talking but really i just wanna fuck" ones and ik some people have zilch nada of either and i should be content but jesus fucking christ

age 27 and i have a giant teddy bear from a thrift store that i have to cling onto to not let the demons take over and i honestly think i just need to have a full sobbing breakdown about this stupid fucking petty shit

loneliness won't kill me bc i have good great friends and they care about me and my family are assholes but at least theyre around and im just throwing a tantrum about not having a partner.

but i could get onto dating apps-

bro either i get people im definitely not interested in or people who just wanna hook up and im not interested in it. like sometimes i think about having my hookup era but im too anxious to even really consider beyond just teasing these guys and like yeah! im bi! i could go out on dates w girls but id rather not get hatecrimed to death by my family if they ever find out

idk i tell everyone else all day that theyre lovable and deserve the love they want and deserve but like ykno that doesnt apply to myself

like i have nothing to offer and im palatable to friends but romantic partners? nah. im jealous of my married and dating and engaged friends bc i eant to spend my life with someone who actually like. wants me romantically and friends are great but i need something. romantic. idk maybe im just a jealous bitch but i want to have someone that *looks* at me, yknow?

i am not worth a passing glance and my friends say im pretty but i know im not and i wish i looked the way i wanted bc then i would be and i wouldnt look like my mom

and nobody looks at me or notices me and i have to engineer shit to look pretty enough for a picture and i just want to look like one of the xiaohongshu girls bc then i could at least enjoy myself

i exist to be a support character to never have breakdowns and only listen and just be complacent with my hand in life but i wish i could do anything but be a depressed sack of shit and take naps all day or mindlessly scroll so i dont have to feel like this

and maybe this is my hell, that i have to date a cis dude or a passing trans dude if i dont want to get hatecrimed but im so intolerable that this is my punishment that the most hopeless romantic in my friendgroup really is the most hopeless. i just want someone who'll give up or trade off on our favourite character in a game or win me carnival game prizes or somehow always find a way to touch me and won't mind if i grab their hand or will tell about this one thing they like while i work on something or like. i mean i dont have an iphone but for some reason the facetiming while falling asleep hits somehow in my brain and idk.

i feel bad telling ym friend thats never dated that i hate being 2nd choice when she hasnt ever been one but i think theyre. equally devastating. because either way you're haunted w what could have been.

im always the second person after theyve already been in love with someone else or have someone currently or a passing moment of lust or an idle what if and im sick of it

i feel like a kid looking at god or whatever force might manage us like "ive tried to be good to deserve something good i can share and im so full of love but nobody wants to share it with me"

and god just points at my adult life like "but you've been too angry and broke yourself too much" so i stay angry and broken

and alone

[tuxedokit-thoughts]

i want to kill myself

im not going to, but mom says i should write my feelings out. says itll help me feel better

and. i mean. i know its worked before. i have this whole thing to prove it

see even just tryping that much helped a little. at least enough that ny urges are back in the harm territory and not in yhe kill territory. which isnt great. but. yknow. ill take what i can get? i guess?

i dont know anymore. it feels like theres this gaping hole in my chest, and everything i have and everything i am is just pouring and pouring and pouring out of it until there is nothing. i dont want to be nothing.

but maybe it would be easier than this

i hardly got out of bed today. i didnt get dressed, i only ate because my brother was so gracious as to bring me a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. he put a little rosemary in it, "to make it fancy," he said. it wasnt perfection, but it was the best goddamn soup i had ever tasted in that moment. he used the last clean bowl for it. its his favourite too, a kirby themed ramen bowl with holes for chopsticks and everything.

chicken noodle isnt even my favourite soup. fi think its just. how loved i felt? when he carried that bowl into our cramped little room from our cramped little living room.

i was standing like. an hour ago? and he asked me to try to clean a bowl for him. (he does all the household chores, save for dishes. we both hate them, but i can barely do shit else, so one really shitty chore is better than a mountain of decent ones)

i took one look at our sink, so full of dirty shit you can hardly see the faucet, and i tyrned around and let myself fall limp, face first on my bed.

i put the blanket over my feet, so that if he came in he wouldnt have to see them (even the thought of feet disgusts him, i think)

he did come in, but i dont think he realized how hard it had been for me to even do that. i think all he saw was a whiny, ungrateful, pathetic mound of flesh under a blanket. someone so useless it couldnt even clean a single bowl for him without falling apart.

i heard him clean his own bowl. i have never felt so guilty for doing absolutely fucking nothing.

he already puts up with so much shit from me. im a drug addicted, mentally unstable, sorry excuse for a person.im trying, god im trying so fucking hard, but every day is harder than the last, it seems.

still. he deserves better than this.i dont know why he bothers.

... i keep finding myself scratching my cat scratches from earlier today. it stings. i feel like i deserve it.

i know thats not true. but honestly? scratching at my hand and wrist is better than actually doing something, right? its just a sting on fresh skin. no blood, no fresh wounds. just the pain thats already there. just poking at my bruises so i feel something other than this crushing despair

god. i cant believe i said that. i mean thats a totally normal thing to say in a crisis. ive just soiled my mind with references and medias and now i cant be normal about anything haha

anyway

uh

yeah.

...

i still hate myself. but. i guess this helped me stop crying as much? i dont know. i dont know anything anymore

thats not true

i know my wrist hurts. like a cat scratch, it stings on the back, mostly because thats what it was, at first. from where both my cats claws and my own found themselves digging into my skin, i can feel a bump when i glide my finger over it. and every time the pain gets too dull, too quiet, i let my nail return to its little groove and pull, just for a moment.

i know my heart hurts. like i have been carved open, my contents unceremoniously dumped on the floor. my blood spills out on the floor over my organs and my thoughts, and as i try to clean it up the lead in my veins says stop. and so i lay there, on the ground, next to the contents of the person i have become. it is all blackened by tar and resin.

i know that every breath i have taken today has felt like a chore. like slogging out of bed at 5:45 in the morning to get ready for school, knowing i wont learn shit because all my energy will be focused on holding myself together, or at least keeping myself from shattering altogether. ill just slog through another page of the textbook, wondering why i bothered when i couldve just stayed home.

i know i am loved. even if i dont feel it. even if i dont deserve it.

i know i never had a choice in any of this

...

i know that. for now. ill keep dragging myself out of bed. keep breathing. scratch my wrist so i dont cut it.

and maybe tomorrow ill apologize to everyone whos had to put up with me

{16/11/2023}

[awsugar]

as a fellow 28 year old still living with her mom, i feel the struggle, my mom goes into my room whenever i leave and moves things around (idk) i'm so sorry you gotta deal w/your dad doing shit like that you, it's fucked up and not okay and i hope you can move into a better situation soon <3

im so sorry. he doesnt do it all the time but he does go in my room sometimes and specifically what happened this time was last week on thursday i had a bug infestation in my room and i had to take everything out. great opportunity to clean my wreck of a bedroom. i got rid of a ton of stuff and organized some things that had needed to be organized for ages. i had a ton of clothes on my floor though and they all need to go through the wash because there were ants and i dont think they were in my clothes like all over or anything because the clothes is not what they were attracted to but like im not putting any of that shit back into my room until i KNOW there are no bugs. so i did a few loads of wash but then i wasnt home at all all weekend, i was at work the rest of the days, and now i have two days off in a row. but basically i wasnt home in order to finish putting everything away that came out of my room. an ongoing problem i have at my dads house is that my bedroom is fucking SMALL and all of my stuff doesnt fit in it even though i want it to. so sometimes there are laundry baskets or other things that are out in the hallway/dining room (we live in a one floor condo). i do have a habit of not taking care of my stuff and letting things sit for a really long time. however, last week on thursday the things that my dad was like really fed up with i took care of. i had a package from my mom and a box of stuff from my bathroom that had been sitting in the dining room for months and i finally took care of it. so the stuff he was tired of looking at wasnt there anymore. i just had a few storage bins that came out of my room on thursday that were in the hallway and i planned on taking care of all that stuff today/tomorrow on my days off. but i came home yesterday and my dad told me that he had gone through both of my storage containers, decided what i needed and what i didnt need, threw away one of the containers, put a bunch of my stuff in a different storage bin that he wants to take to the basement, and then started like interrogating me on whether i needed a few books and a snow globe from my childhood that he had found. and i immediately got sooooo fucking angry!!!!!! because its not his place to go through my shit! and i told him as such i and told him how mad i was and that that wasnt his job and i didnt want him going through my things and we also had this argument again today and he is so fucking stubborn that its not clicking for some reason that im fgoing to be 29 in may (and i am desperate to move out and will be one way or another this year) and i dont deserve to have my dad violate my privacy and belongings by going through them and deciding what HE thinks that i need. and for me yes it is way worse that it is my dad doing this than it would be if it were my mom even though i would still dislike it. and he just says that based on the past that he knew i wasnt going to take care of those things and they woudl just sit there. but the fact is that it was my plan to finish taking care of it all on these two days off and he didnt even give me a WARNING. he didnt say like 'you have two days to take care of this stuff or i am going to do it myself' he just told me that he went through my shit when i got home from work because he assumed that i wouldnt. and no matter how many times i try to tell him how fucked up that is especially because i am a grown adult. he wont listen. and we just start yelling again. and its driving me fucking insane like. this has been the final straw with me living with him even though its been ruining my life since i had to move in here in 2020. sorry for the wall of text but i had to get it off my chest like ugh. i hate this. i wish i could move sooner. and im so so sorry you have to deal with similar shit. and thank you if anyone actually read all this lmfao

[videostak]

ya theyre leaving at like 10 rn i am not going to that 6am swap meet. fuck my life ugh... like obv gonna be waken in the middle of the night when they get back ._. srsly can they be considerate of my life for fucking once. like knowing that i do this for work and is my only source of money and then to do something like that on a total whim and try to downplay how it will affect my sleep and morning tomorrow is srlsy making me so pissed.. like the amount of effort i and to an extent my sister will go to to be considerate of others just to have her do shit like this is so infuriating. like literally my job for a record store that needs inventory desperately and i cant fucking go cause of my asshole inconsiderate mom. reaaaaallly great. i mean best case scenario i can drive up to the estate sale tahts supposed to be at 8. id have to leave at liiiike idk 6:30. so probably not that too. should try to go to the other 8:00 swap meet too or the yard sale but starting to feel real uncomfortable abt going to the swap meet cause of all the stuff around that. so annoying for me to plan all this out just for her to shit all over it cause she wants an excuse to get drunk and trauma dump to her cousin and make to put her cousin in a super awkward weird position. sucha  genuinely awful person ugh.... i mean idk i should goo tomorrow but like really dont kno if ill be able to get up in time. idk i think ill still push rly hard ill try to get a coffee tomorrow at mcdonalds and stuf but like idk just so fucking annoyed rn like dude this is literally my job right now that A LOT of things are riding on have some fucking respect and learn when ur making things much more difficult for ppl. what annoys me so much is when i told her that i wouldnt be able to go tomorrow if she went out as late as shes planning to she just tried to go supportingly “ok we’re gonna go at 10 and tomorrow u can go wherever u want and dont worry about it :)” while just ignoring what i said. lol. something abt idk if all parents are like this or if most are but like that level of being so in denial abt everything that u just respond to any attempt at talking things out with this very fake positivity vibe is so awful. like she does it so much whenever something comes up thats a problem and its so annoying. she did it thursday too when i wasnt sure if i was gonna be able to go cause of my dads dog and she ignored what we said and cut us off and went dont worry ill handle it all :) even tho it was like not even clear what she would be “handling” cause she just wanted to get us to stop talking abt it.  like not even aware of how my dad lets the dog in without warning and how the cats and the dog need to be watched cause he’ll start playing rough. like idk what to even do when ppl genuinely just do not listen to anything u tell them at all. theres no reason for me to tell her something before hand cause she’ll just do whatever the fuck she originally intended to and then try to “discuss” it or apologize after even if youve already had a what u thought was productive conversation days before abt it. like on the first weekend i drove to the swap meet i had told her before i was gonna let the dogs in the back right i went to let her kno beforehand and she agreed there was no argument no even hint at there being a disagreement so i thought things were good and then when i actually was gonna leave she was like no dont let them out theyll bark its too early and i had to get my sister to get her to agree to let them out. like srlsy sooo annoying same thing happens A LOT when having to schedule things shell be in complete agreeance and then when the time comes to do smthn she will like bring up something out of nowhere that she def knew b4 hand  but was just waiting to bring up last second. like she’ll say we should schedule smthn for the vet on a day and then reveal that the vets actually closed that day when that day actually comes etc. or will lie and say it is. like i need to take the cats to the vet soon cause cassettes worms are still present and dendy needs to get neutered and she said she’d call monday even tho its smthn shes already been lagging on for a long time so im just like waiting to see what excuse she’ll bring up then or if she actually does intend to call. like she could bring up an excuse or just spend the whole day in her room and ignore it when i bring it up. ughhh well i will try to go tomorrow i think. i mean im gonna shave and shower just incase i do. i dont think ill wear shorts tho not rly feeling it atm since i could be nervous if i do go to the yard sale. but willl rly have to see

[kusundei]

i dont know what the fuck is up with me today but god do i feel horrible. like i feel bad. not even just like a sad way just like i feel like shit and like. really. pessimistic if anything. like i never rlly get lkke this truly it usually foes away after a while and it probably will in a bit its just. i think my mom is just truly making it worse. its so annoying why are you here? if you werent home i wouldve done all of thjs ebfkre yoy guys came home anyway why are you bothering me over and over again. i hate when people tell me to do rhings which is a really like. bratty thing to say but it makes me so upset??? im so upset for no reason. god and she just wont fucking quit it with the money and the hours and the this and this and this. holding shit over my head like it matters like okay what if i kill myself. and acting over and kver again like im fucking useless and im an idiot and im dumb. you do realize if you want me to improve you have to tell me right? like in the moment? if youre still “teaching me” then tell me AS im driving. why the fuck would you sit there and wait last minute as i make the same mistakes (which are not. even. mistakes.) over and over. like okay im braking too late? tell me when it brake. because it works for me but if thats so awful dor you then let me know. why didnt you mention i didnt have both hands on the wheel? i just do it cuz im going straight. i do it normally anyway but like still if its such an issue then just say so??? but no theyll hold that over my head. “youre not ready yet” “you think you know everything” like okay fuck you. im sorry for trying. for trying to be ahead and to have plans and to take some initiative for once because all you complain about is that i dont ever do anything w my life. i have no plans and im a failure but nooo i cant . cant do anything. im trying?? how hard is that to see??? and they keep using it over me. everytime i see jonathan i just remember what he said about me that night and jts never rlly gone away. like what the fuck is wrong with you??? if it was coming from my mom then sure. fine. whatever. shes my mom but who the fuck are you to say that? you’re fucking awful. you two both make me sick and neither of you can see when youre in the wrong because NEITHER of you are ever in the wrong. youre always right. cause im a kid. i dont grt it i dpnt understand. my life isnt hard im not doing alot like god fucking forbid i am a teenager? im still trying to take initative despite that to place myself in a good place once i graduate but always. i will always get pushed back somehow and its so fucking annoying.

imxjusr sooo. tired. maybe this is what it is i got TOO much sleep. knew it when i went to bed at what??? 11???? thats so early. imcjsuf so annoyed i cant im sorry i dont get more hrs??? and im trying im trying im trying. its just so annoying when i get pestered and patronized and i cant do anyhting about it because ill just be lashed again. like god fucking whatever ill just kill myself. would that fit into yoyr schedule? make yoyr life easier? less bills? less to worry about? since all i do is take up space and waste resources. im wasting everything. im sorry for taking up space. i try so hard not to but nooo i cant completely disappear and it just weighs down soooo much on the two of you. im sorry you have another kid. im sorry liam wasnt your only child and you still have a family. im sorry you didnt jusr send me out to live with my dad or sent me with sam but yoy wouldnt have survived without me but im sorry you didnt find jonathan sooner. yoy two wouldve killed each other and im waiting for the day you two realize that what yoy have isnt normal and you get sick of him the same way you got sick of sam because that man tried everything to appease you. thats why irs so awful because hes so much better than i am. if he couldnt do it what makes me think i can? of course im your kid but still. same shit. i cant jusr flee. i cant go anywhere. im stuck here in the same situation ife been in for years. i jusr kept praying and wishing at some point theyd swap rheir attention towards something else and finally leave me alone. treat me like a roommate. why even bother trying to parent me when youre such an awful one?

i dont like cpndemning ever. especially jot towards my mom but god. god god god. im so exhausted just leave me alone. leave me and move on. focus on spmething else. you’ll realize how much happier yoyd be if you just let it go and let me go. it would benefit all of us why do we keep bothering? and i got it the first time? “do you have any questions?” like bitch? youre so fucking annoying. giggling about the fact youre just getting another bonus cause im working now. fuck yoy and your maternity leave. i would never condemn liam for justexisting that man hasnt done anything and hes not even here yet its just YOU. 16 years with you im sick of it and im tired and feel bad for wjatever is to come for that kid. ans shes just fucking malding over ajd over again i did wjat yoy asked already but no theres always more. more more more because you cant fucking do it yourself . yoyre pregnant whatever i dont fucking care im just so. upset? angry? annoyed? i just feel very negative. im sick of your voice and your face and everything about you. leave me alone. i’ll do it. just do your fucking work????? go bake your cookies like???? fuck off genuinely before i like actually kill myself

[funshinebf]

having divorced parents and one parent that abused you while the other was actually really awesome is so wild cause its like. yes i had a bad childhood yes i had a good childhood. my dad always seems to feel so guilty for me and my brother being so messed up but its so hard to explain how bad it was at my moms. and even still i have the problem of having a complicated relationship with my mom so any discussion of things shes done to me make me feel bad like its unfair to her. like i love my mom and i always will but she has improved so much over the years, and not living with her has improved my life. i could never cut her off and i dont really want to anyway, but sometimes im jealous of people who can go no contact and not look back. i think its also more complicated cause i have two sisters that are much younger than me so its like i can see all the places my moms improved from my childhood in how she raises them. i think parents are destined to fail their children in some areas. i think even the most well meaning parents will still make mistakes and be human. but being human itself makes harming people and being harmed inevitable. its just the reality, everyone you know will let you down in some way or another. but i think the world looks brighter once you start to accept this. it sounds like im being cynical and negative, but i think it makes me quicker to forgive people and continue moving forward. if i can understand their motivations for what harmed me i can forgive them. but when i dont understand why they would do that to someone i start to feel truly wronged by it. if i cant find a good enough reason to justify harming someone then i cant forgive it and i cant get rid of the scars it leaves. i cant forget it. i could never do that to someone. how could anybody do that to someone. my intrusive thoughts alone send me into a guilt ridden trance as soon as they form, i could never understand being able to hurt someone so purposefully. for what? amusement? what could someone possibly gain from that? what could they gain that would erase any of the guilt? i think my least favorite type of person is the person that recognized that ive been hurt before, and targets me because of it. i hate when i share my weaknesses with someone and they use it to manipulate me and harm me even more. its happened more times than id like to admit. usually im not too burdened by my scars. the weights on my shoulders have settled into a dull ache. but then, like tripping over a pebble and splitting my brain on the curb, all it takes is one person with ill intentions to send me into another state of constant aching. i want to be stronger. i want to be less trusting. but how could feeling less love be beneficial? when such simple, unassuming kindnesses from others send me into a joyful daze? i love the world, i love people, i love the glimpses of warmth in a vast, cold sea. if i dont let myself feel things then i cant enjoy things either. so i let myself stay soft, and trusting, and far too genuine far too early. i wouldnt trade the love for anything else. if i can continue to feel love then i can handle any pain. anyways im high as all fuck and in therapist mode really badly so im gonna stop spilling my guts on a public website full of people i want to like me and not think im weird. like yeah okay idgaf about EVERY tumblr users opinion but like i have friends on here and potential friends and irl friends that see my posts. i want them to like me because i love having these connections, no matter how brief. im doing it again im just gonna hit post and hope for the best