#fucking hang me in the townsquare

[thesuperiorfeeling]

sorry that I still can’t edit in moles. i barely function as is. i am sorry

[shanesbluechicken]

Shane is your best friend

TW: heavy language

Gender: neutral

One of the most loyal people on earth. Seriously, if you end up fucking something up he will be there for you and potentially even take the blame. It also depends on what you did though :'D

One of the main things that lead to your friendship was the day you put the Mayor's shorts in the soup.

"Wow, who tf put Lewis underwear in there?"

He was standing right next to you while witnessing chaos break loose and it only took him one look at your face to see that it was you. You were desperately trying to hold back a grin by bighting down on your fist and your eyes teared up a bit, fighting the laughter that was threatening to overcome you.

"Nice."

He also hid his amusement by shoving food into his mouth.

From that day on the two of you started growing closer by the second. You first notice it by how Shane either waves at you to come over at the saloon or he takes a seat right next to you if you happen to enter it before he does in the evening.

"You should make sure to be at the townsquare tomorrow."

"Why?"

You don't elaborate, but he knows that mischievous look in your eyes by now. You got another prank planned.

And there he is standing infront of a golden statue of someone too familiar. The Mayor.

The same Mayor who's now furiously throwing his hands into the air, demanding for the culprit to reveals themselves. Shane keeps you safe by providing you with an alibi.

"The farmer? Oh nah, they've been with me all morning."

He winks at your direction to let you know that he's got you covered.

Of course you back him up with his shenanigans too. He texts you whenever he decides to sneak out some frozen pizza and you wait for him at the back entrance of JojaMart, wearing an oversized hoodie.

Shane looks at you hiding all those pizza's under that hoodie like >.>?

"And you think no one will notice that- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Stop talking aND LET ME HIDE THE REST UNDER YOUR SWEATSHIRT"

For a VERY short while Gus had a karaoke machine in his saloon. He had to remove it, because you and Shane were basically howling into the microphones. Every. Single. Night.

He calls you Dingus.

"I'm at work, why are you calling me on the phone?"

He's whispering and hiding behind an isle so Morris doesn't see him on the phone.

"Your aunt's shop should be open right now, right?"

"Yes, why?"

"WHY ISN'T SHE IN THE SHOP THEN- oh hey, Jas."

You hang up and leave him confused for the rest of the day. One might think he should be used to that now considering you call him for every single inconvenience that happens to you.

"SHANE, I CAN'T FIND MY AXE!"

"Stop yelling and think. Where do you usually put-"

"Found it, bye."

"..."

You butcher his name.

"Shaney."

"No."

"Shanye."

"Stop it."

"Shanothy."

"What the fu-"

Prank calling Morris in the middle of the night or very early in the morning is a tradition in your friendship.

You annoy the shit out of him, but he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Masterlist

[creaturedom]

Miscalculation (Part 2)

Hope you guys enjoy this as much as part one, cause it was just as fun to write~. Please remember to not reblog this outside of sneeze blogs and enjoy!

[Part One]

“What’s this now?”

“Please, it’s an emergency, you have to come quickly! I— I can’t explain much more than that, but please hurry over!”

That’s about as far as the conversation went today. Crowley was in the middle of a talk with his plants when he received a call from Aziraphale, all out of breath and more panicked than usual. As far as the demon could remember he was off at the Young’s home, but there shouldn’t have been any issues over there of all places.

“Bahh...” He leaned in real close to a quivering Ficus, his face contorting to into a snarl as hissed “Don’t think this the end of this conversation, nor have I forgotten your treason,” The others shook faster as his head snapped in their direction “AND INSPECTION’S NOT OVER FOR YOU LOT NEITHER!” Then, in a flash, the demon was gone. And in the Ficus’ pot, one more leaf fluttered down and lay beside its one fallen brother.

Now, Crowley had learned to take these “emergencies” a bit more seriously since the end of the world nonsense. Normally he would have loved a ride to the countryside, speeding in his beloved Bentley, but Aziraphale’s tone made him put that desire aside. Didn’t mean he didn’t have the right to be a tad wary of just how urgent this emergency seemed to be though. He appeared in the townsquare of Tadfield, both hands laying idol in his pockets as he looked around, eyebrows raised and lips puckered as if to ask ‘Where’s the fuss?’ But, there was nothing. People walking their dogs, little butterflies in the air, children giggling... Just as overbearingly perfect as Crowley could remember. That being said he took this time to take a stroll to Adam’s home, not necessarily angry with the angel, but a little bitter at the very least for the fast commute.

Didn’t take long to reach the overgrown home, Crowley squinting up at the doorway from the safety of the front gate to see the old scorched horseshoe still hanging proudly. “You’d think they’d take the damn thing down by now..” He muttered before cupping both hands at the sides of his mouth “Angel! M’here!” There was a distinct clatter from inside and it took a minute before he saw that familiar face. Or, rather, part of it.

It seemed he wrapped a white bandana around the lower half of his face, eyes a bit puffy as if he were crying, and he didn’t look quite as composed as usual. He still lit up though as the demon held out his arms out at his sides and raised his eyebrows “So? Where’s the fire, Angel?”

“Y-Yes- right this way-!” Aziraphale ducked into the house, about a minute of silence passing before he poked his head out again “Crowley..?” The demon couldn’t do much more than gesture to the horseshoe, shrugging his shoulders “Oh come now, isn’t that just for lower level evil? Please I...” He paused to scrub his eyes, but it didn’t seem like he was sobbing his eyes out “I really need your help in here!”

“Okay one, I think you missed the gangster trend by a couple decades, and two: that’s for all evil. I don’t make the rules, and the one kid who sometimes does is unfortunately unavailable, so unless you just tell me or bring it here...” He couldn’t help but smirk at the little frustrated crinkle of the angel’s nose under the thick bandana, and the small stamp of his foot. There was something so charming about him losing his temper, albeit in short bursts such as this. Nevertheless Aziraphale ducked into the home once more and eventually came out with Dog, who he did his best to hold at arms length out in front of him.

Crowley tilted his head at this as his mouth hung slightly open with a scowl. As far as he knew Aziraphale loved dogs, and didn’t seem to be bothered by this particular one before, so this whole thing was quite odd. When he was safely beyond the gate Aziraphale attempted to shove him at Crowley, who jumped but managed to hold out a hand to stop it “No, no way, I don’t want it’s hair on my suit.”

“Crowley please, just take him!”

“What’s your deal, I’m not holding the damn hellhound, you hold em!”

“I can’t- I—I neehhhhd t—to—!” His eyes were fluttering again as a few ragged breaths escaped. He wasn’t thinking clearly as he instinctively tucked Dog closer to his chest and turned his head to the side, a couple tears shedding with one more sharp gasp “HhIH’TSCHhhuu! Hah’tSCHhhu! Hih.. Hih...! G’TSCHXX!” Crowley blinked in surprise at the display, even winced at just how harsh and wet they sounded.

“Uh... Compromise..?” He managed to pluck Dog from Aziraphale’s grasp as two more painful sneezes tumbled out and placed him at their feet, clicking his tongue as an order for the hellhound to follow while the demon began leading the angel away from the house. He made sure to wrap an arm around the others shoulders while he grasped Aziraphale’s left shoulder to sort of brace him as they walked to a nearby bench. Crowley waited patiently for the next waist bending sneeze to strike before guiding the other to sit beside him. Only trouble was it seemed the hellhound insisted on sitting right between them, and worse still against the angel. The demon tried to command Dog to stay down, but after a few tries it seemed this wasn’t going to happen. “The fuck is with him?”

“Guhh, he’s followidg orders...” Aziraphale rasped, taking a moment to take off the bandana and blow his nose with a terrible gurgle. He sounded so stuffed up, and Crowley couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen him such a mess. The usual arm draped behind the back of the bench came up to rub Aziraphale’s back a bit more tenderly than usual until he was ready to speak “Adam commanded that he be good and stay as close to me as possible until he returned. And at first it was rather endearing, and he truly is a wonderful little dog, but s-soon I- hiiih- I-I came out like- like-!” He took in a few sharp gasps but right before the tickle could hit full force the demon had reached over and pinched his nose shut. It wasn’t the best feeling to lose such a big sneeze, but the angel shuttered with a sigh of relief and looked over to Crowley with a pitiful look in his red eyes.

“Like Rudolph, I get it.” He did smile at the other though when he pulled his hand back he wiped it on Aziraphale’s coat, which earned an exasperated sigh. “Oof, that is rough, isn’t it? I always figured the higher ups would do you in before anyone down here, but..”

“Crowley, be serious! I don’t know what to do, I’ve been like th... Nghh, this for hours, it won’t stop! I don’t understand, I’ve always been wonderful with dogs, they love me as much as I love them.”

“Buuut, this isn’t a dog.”

“I beg your pardon?” Crowley smiled and brought his hand up to brush a few curls back on Aziraphale’s head “Dog is only named after your favorite little things. He’s still a hellhound, bred in the very depths of hell where yours truly had to be, and therefore..”

“Th... Therefore..?”

“... Really? Nothing?” He sighed and crossed his legs “Aziraphale, think of the stupid phrase: Dog is just God spelled backwards. A dog is the creation of the big Miss upstairs, but a hellhound is made specifically by the devil himself... It makes sense that a regular dog wouldn’t cause all this to happen, but this unfortunately isn’t part of your lot.” This prompted him to at least pat Dog on the head, an amused smile painting his lips “Nooo no, he’s from my lot, no matter how good he’s become. That being said, we can conclude that..?” He looked over expectantly, only to find Aziraphale’s attention was snapped away.

He was just sitting there gasping, the bandana in hand and waiting for him to shove his bright red nose into it. It seemed no matter how wide his nostrils flared and how big a breath he sucked in that his face was stuck in a contorted state, and the sneeze would not break the surface. Crowley hated to see the other in such a state, but there was only one thing he could think to do to help “Sorry, Angel..” He leaned in to place a kiss on Aziraphale’s cheek before quickly snatching Dog and shoving him into the angel’s face. Both of them to let out a yelp of surprise, but Crowley kept the hellhound there until he saw the angel’s head bob back, mouth wide and nose scrunched tight, and yanked Dog out of the way just in time for Aziraphale to bury his face fully into the thick cloth.

“Hih’ptschh- hihtschh- dtSCHH- Huh’PTSCHH-!” Crowley wrapped both arms around him as he managed to take one shaken breath “G’TSSCHhhhh! Hah’tTSCHHhh! I-I can’t-dTSCchh! Can’t stohihHTSCHHHhh!” At least by now Dog had jumped off the bench, but Crowley stayed right where he was. He grimaced as sneeze after sneeze tumbled out, each time shaking his frame and tearing through his throat. He wasn’t sure how long the fit had managed to last, and truth be told it didn’t matter to Crowley. All he knew was that it took far too long to stop, and by the end of it Aziraphale was hanging limp in his arms.

Comfort really wasn’t his forte, but he held the other close, meeting each lingering hitching of breath with a stroke of that soft curly hair and insisting that he take his time to get it together. Eventually he managed to regain enough energy to blow his nose again and sit up, albeit quite unsteadily, and let his head hang back as he felt some breath return to his lungs “Oooh... Crowley, what am I going to do...?”

“Abandon it, come back to my place?” Aziraphale shot him a weary look “I’m serious! You’re allergic to the damn thing, how are you gonna take care of it if you end up like this each time, huh?” There was a pause between them, Aziraphale’s eyes shifting to that of a pleading look “... No- no no noo, no way, I refuse.”

“Crowley please...” he brought the bandana higher to cover a small cough and leaned against the demon’s chest. He could see the pink hue start to caress Crowley’s cheeks, and Aziraphale couldn’t help trying to nestle closer as exhaustion took hold. “I don’t know what to do, I promised he’d be safe in my care, I can’t hiih... Can’t let Adam down..” Again, a pause between the two. Crowley really, really hated being put into such a position, and so easily at that. His leg bounced in place a moment before his eyebrows raised once more and he patted the angel’s shoulder. “... Comprise, Angel.”

“What..?” He looked up blearily as the hiss of breaks caught his attention, rubbing his eyes with a dryer half of the bandana until he saw the words ‘London’ colorfully illuminated on a bus sign.

“Compromise.”

[Part Three]