#fucking glioblastoma

[weird--blog]

Really tired of bots spamming my asks for money 😮‍💨

[savoryinferior]

Hey Tumblr,

This week one of my dear friends and someone who has been like a mother to me was diagnosed with Glioblastoma, an extremely agressive and incurable brain cancer. Surgery was able to remove 20% of the tumor, and she will be starting chemotherapy and radiation to treat the condition within the coming weeks.

This has been devastating to her family, friends, and community. Jeanette is a talented chef and for the last few years has been a staple at the local markets selling her delicious homemade granola. Everyone who knows her comes to love her quickly. (It’s hard to dislike someone who invites anyone to her table, serves them delicious food, and treats them like family.)

As someone whose life is infinitely better because I know Jeanette, I’m trying to drum up as much support for her as possible. Please share her story, and donate if you are able. Jeanette is so precious, and she deserves all the support she’s gotten and so much more.

Thank you for reading her story. Thank you for sharing.

[meduseld]

Gee I don't know, but I would think that the man who lost his son to cancer has a bit of skin in the game when it comes to trying to combat it?

(Biden, I am talking about Biden, the article is titled The White House War On Glioblastoma as that is what killed his son Beau)

[me--do]

My dad, an athlete, full of life, got diagnosed with glioblastoma grade IV. And here I am, cursing life every moment I get...How undeserving it all is?

[returntotheground]

cluster ice pick headache. genuinely can i stop getting headaches/migraines on a regular basis like please for the love of god

[deafsapphic]

hi welcome to my thoughts

today marks the one year anniversary of your emergency craniotomy. the day i found out that, no, it’s not just a hole in your head. it is a glioblastoma multiforme. and it will ruin your body, spirit, and soul for the next 9 months until it eventually takes your life in a nursing home. alone. no one around you. and your husband is so fucked in the head by your sudden death that he takes it out on the resident nurses that were charged with your care that night, and not on the incredibly aggressive tumor that had quickly been sucking the life from your body and spunk from your personality until you were nothing but a shell to the world and to the people you cared about the most.

the tumor attacked on December 1st, and continued to attack despite the radiation , despite the chemo, and despite the fight you so surely held together for so long. it chipped away at you like stone. you inevitably caved in to the carving, regardless of its malevolent intentions. i miss you everyday. there isn’t one day where i don’t think of you, or see your face. i hear your favorite quips like a rundown cable tv box. i don’t care. i want it endlessly. “trixx are for kids, you’re a chip off the old brick”. i miss you. i love you. i hope you’re at peace.

[dancing-in-high-heels]

FUCK FUCK FUCK CANCER!!!

One of my dear friends, and a truly wonderful person, has been battling Glioblastoma for a year. She’s on hospice now. Her family is with her. I texted her daughter and asked, “please tell her love her, she knows, but please tell her”. Because that’s all I can do. I know that soon I’m going to get the text that she’s died and I am so angry and sad and broken hearted. So here I am screaming and crying into the void that this is so fucking unfair and she deserves better and life is cruel and I don’t understand any of it. 💔

[whovian-on-ice]

i'm really sorry for this please don't read if you don't want to hear my complaining about how shit my life is.

once again i'm having the worst time. i think the saying is that things get worse before they get better or something like that.

it's been years and i could not say one good thing that happend only awful horrible thing.. i'm not exaggerating this time.

the last 4 years of my life have been real shit.

first my grandma got sick and died shortly after. then my cat i know it's not a human but i really loved him and he was so young i was so devastated. after that it was my mom who got sick.. she is still alive but not well... she is still struggling every day. she has one of the worst things that could happen to someone. she has glioblastoma, she had an operation but they could not take everything.. and of course because why not it came back again.. she is getting treatment and for now she is not getting worse. i hope she won't. i'm greatful that she is still with me. we have good days and bad days, when she can't understand what i'm saying like at all. i'm just so angry because this is so unfair ...she is the best person i know. she is sooo good to everyone.. why...

i've been unemployed for 11 months now. which is fine i'm home looking after mom.. helping her. it sounds really bad but i don't even know how i would go back to work i really don't want to... i have so many (self-diagnosed mental illnesses, depression for sure, anxiety but more then one kind, social and health anxiety for sure) i feel like i don't belong with people. and i'm not really good at anything ... i'm really just a useless waste of space.. the only thing keeping me from ending it is that i'm so fucking scared of death... which seems a bit contradicory ... whatever

the last thing.. the reason i started to vent... it seems like my other cat will also die. this cat came not long after the other cat died..(he was called Maci, and this "new" cat is called Picúr) like a miracle came to save me. now about 3 years later we took him to a vet because he seemed hurt he couldn't jump.. it turns out he probably has FIP. we still need tests but the vet did an ultrasound and he said it is probably FIP...

i feel so hopeless when will this torture end.

if you read all of this i'm sorry.

[frothlad]

Apparently, being exposed to rabies risk is now a Republican cause? Something about a pet squirrel euthanized to check for rabies?

Your reminder that rabies will KILL YOU DEAD. There is no surviving rabies once symptoms appear. You WILL DIE.

This is one of the few absolutes in life. Look, I grew up under the threat of nuclear annihilation: Rabies is scarier.

Your manly male immune system won't save you. Your faith in Brother Robert Kennedy won't save you.

If you are exposed to rabies, and symptoms appear, sign your will immediately before you lose the ability to, because this is worse than tetanus, it's worse than glioblastoma, it's worse than anything else in the medical lexicon. You die, you die ugly, you die inhuman, you die slow enough that everyone who loves you is traumatized.

If you are exposed to rabies, you get the treatment immediately, and you say thank you to everyone in the public health system for trying to keep everyone else safe, and that includes saying goodbye to your unvaccinated pets.

This is not political. This is the reality.

Rabies does not fuck around. Do not fuck around with rabies.

[martian-martian-martian]

just my two cents but— can all of media for fucking ever please stop with the whole

“this character has a brain tumor so they’re gonna go CRAZYYYYYY!!! and start HALLUCINATING!!!! and its acid trippy wacky bootleg schizophrenia!!! WooooOoooo! Their BRAIN is BROKEN they’re going Nuts!!!! They’ve completely changed personalities!!!”

my mom had a brain tumor. one of the most fast acting and lethal. you know what happened? she got really really tired, started having seizures, progressively lost motor function, and died in her sleep.

her personality didn’t change, she didn’t have visions, or become a murderer. she was fully conscious and the same woman she always was. in fact, she fought very hard to REMIND people of that because the MISINFORMATION about brain tumors was so pervasive, people used to treat her like she was losing her mind and it broke her heart because she WASN’T.

brain tumors overwhelmingly affect motor function, and the changes in interaction are most often things like increased confusion, dizziness, and fatigue

brain tumors are not just a dramatic narrative swap out for dementia, or alzheimers, or schizophrenia. all three of which should ALSO not be constantly mischaracterized as horror-fodder, by the way.

i’m so sick of people using brain tumors as a secret hack for making a character go crazy or hallucinate or become evil or some other horseshit. it’s factually untrue and just lazy writing.

there’s lots of other ways to have a character hallucinate, and lots of reasons to go become a mass murderer lmao.

hell, CHILDREN get glioblastomas all the time. and guess what: they remain the same pretty fuckin scared but otherwise normal kids.

frankly, i respect the saw franchise because even though Jigsaw is indeed a mass murderer, his brain tumor didnt evil-lize him, it was facing the realities of a heartless medical industrial complex.

[keep-the-wolves-close]

Steady Heart

Chapter 9: Change on the Rise

* Pairing: Slow-burn Kayce Dutton x OFC Stella Daniels

* Rating: M? (Still figuring out the rating system) (might eventually be M anyhow)

* Warnings: language, mentions of two different cancers: colon cancer and glioblastoma

* Word count: 3,540ish?

I would love to give credits to @dameronscopilot and @deanscroissant for being sounding boards for me during this whole process, giving outsider insight, being cheerleaders, and allowing me to screech at them about things that have happened during the writing process. I seriously couldn't have gotten this far without y'all

Author's note: Since I have a few of these ready to go, I figured I would post an extra one early! I hope everyone is enjoying so far! I hope you love this chapter as well!

Stella trotted along on Abigail with Tank in tow down the sloped hill from the main house. She couldn’t help but hope Monica would be okay. She didn’t even want to begin thinking about the kind of rampage she’d have to bear witness to from Kayce if his wife wasn’t. ‘Monica’s young and strong. She’ll be okay.’

She could see Rip sitting on his bay gelding, Dude, off to the side of the cattle pen with Lloyd. Her shoulders stiffened and she plotted her course to the barn to put Tank up. Flipping her ball cap back around so the bill faced forward, she gave a silent prayer that she would go unnoticed.

The wide berth she gave the group of men proved to be ineffective at keeping her out of their attention. The men’s eyes all landed on her and she did her damndest to ignore them. ‘Just gotta make it to the barn.’

Ryan called out to her as he trotted closer. “Stella! What happened?”

She halted Abigail and Tank followed suit. Her eyes closed briefly, and she pressed her lips together and cursed her brother’s inherent need to be nosy. Stella scanned the crowd and found Ryan moving closer. She leaned in her brother’s direction which made Abigail turn to face the men.

“Something happened to Monica. He had to go to her. So I’m putting Tank away and then I’ll be keeping myself busy until Mr. Dutton comes back.” A snicker came from Rip. Stella bristled. “What, Rip? What is so funny about that situation?”

“He went and ran off and left you with the responsibility yet again, huh?”

Stella tossed Abigail’s reins in Ryan’s general direction and slid off of her mare in a fluid dismount. She squared her shoulders and stalked toward the foreman.

“Stella don’t!” Ryan yelled as he scrambled to either catch the reins or his sister, he wasn’t sure.

“Oh shit, here we go.” Colby sighed, turning to face the imminent destruction. He grabbed the reins from Ryan’s hand, allowing him to bolt off to his sister.

Rip’s motion mirrored Stella’s posture. If she was looking for a fight, he would give her one. It was the rules after all.

Ryan sprinted behind his sister and reached out for her arm. Stella ripped her arm out of his grasp just as he brushed her. “Get the fuck away from me Ryan!”

Ryan stood there with a hand out dejected. He dropped it with a slap. There was nothing anyone could do except be forced to watch Stella go against their boss. They wanted to jump in and save her before she self-destructed, but that wouldn’t fly with Rip. No one knew what could be done. They were stuck spectating like it was a car wreck.

“Stella, I'm gonna give you one chance to walk away.” Rip’s warning was deceptively calm.

Ryan pleaded from between. “Take the chance, Stell! Don’t do this!”

She snubbed her brother’s begging. “You know, when you barred me from the bunkhouse for a few days I said I wasn’t gonna fight you.” A fire was igniting in her eyes the closer she got to Rip. “But I’ve got the fuckin’ energy today. So come on!” She waved her hands at him before squaring herself up to him. “You seem to be so high on that horse, get off and make your damn point.” They came toe to toe as she finished. Stella huffed and puffed, rage rolling through her chest like fire. She and Rip locked eyes, or well eyes to sunglasses and the fire burned through her.

Rip surveyed her stoically from behind the shades, taking in her misplaced anger. He knew Stella was mad at herself because she knew he was right about her and Kayce.

“Well?!” She shouted and shoved his chest. Abigail squealed in the background.

Rip puffed from her hit. He gritted his teeth. “You can be mad but be mad somewhere else. Think about why you’re pissed. Because it ain’t at me sweetheart.”

“Oh shove it up your ass Rip! You just want to be able to say I told you so.”

“Cut the shit, Stella. You’re mad because you’re in denial.”

“Denial about what?!” She screamed.

“Kayce is gonna be the death of you. And I’m gonna be the one left with the task of burying you for your brother if you’re not careful.”

Stella screamed and lunged at Rip. She gripped his collar and he caught her. His sunglasses and her ball cap went flying. It was apparent to Rip that she didn’t want to hurt him. She needed to let the anger out. Stella pushed and pulled his chest, stretching his shirt collar askew. Quick as lightning, Rip reached around her back and grappled with her before he flipped her around onto his knee and dropped her to the ground on her back.

Stella laid there with the wind knocked out of her as dust streamed around her in a cloud. “What,” she tried to crawl to a kneeling position and hoped her breath would come back to her, “the fuck.” Ryan watched helplessly as his sister signed the warrant for herself.

“Like I said Stella,” Rip bent to pick up his sunglasses. “You can be mad, but be mad somewhere else. Other than your job, you aren’t to be here for anything else until I say otherwise. Not even for your brother.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Rip. John wants to talk to me when he gets back. After that, I’ll be gone.”

Rip reached a hand out to Stella to help her up, hoping they could squash the subject, but she left it hanging. She stood as tall as her bruised pride would let her and dusted herself off. He chuckled dryly and said, “okay Stella,” and walked back to his horse.

She made her way back to her brother and held out her hand for the reins. She didn’t dare look at Ryan for fear of seeing his pissed off glare. She knew she’d been out of line. Today had been more than enough, and it wasn’t barely even lunch time.

“What the hell has gotten into you, huh?” She heard Ryan ask while she took the reins from him.

Stella shrugged. “I don’t have an answer for you Ryan.” She didn’t even bother waiting for his reaction. She wanted to go back to the barn.

She circled the horses around and got them to the cross ties. One on each end of the hall. Starting with Tank she made quick work of breaking him down. Abigail stood patiently, but every so often tried to get Stella’s attention. She knew her girl was upset, but her attention seeking went ignored. Finally she placed the mustang in his respective home for the rest of the day.

When Stella got to Abigail after putting Tank up, the large mare nudged at her multiple times. Stella huffed. “What Abs? What? It was stupid, and yes he’s right. Kayce does get me into a lotta shit, but I willingly sign up for it. So there’s no one to blame but myself. Not even Kayce.” The bay roan looked at her as if to say, ‘yeah, so? You were an idiot.’ Stella finished up with Abigail. She placed her safely in the stall, patted her shoulder, and began her journey up the hill.

Stella perched on the porch side wall and waited for John to get home. She looked out along the rolling hills of the property pensively. From the talk with Kayce the other day about his father not giving her the position by herself, she was sure that’s what he would be telling her.

Behind her, a car pulled up and two doors slammed. Jamie and Beth rushed up the stairs, but stopped short when they saw Stella.

“Stella?” Jamie sounded confused.

She moved her gaze to the sibling duo and nodded. “Waiting for your dad to come back. He wanted to talk to me or something.”

“Seems to be a theme today.”

Stella’s face scrunched at Jamie’s vagueness. “What do you mean?

“We have to talk to him too.”

“Oh.” She looked back out at the horizon. Jamie sat on one of the patio chairs.

Beth found the other comfy chair and seeing Stella’s sullen features she asked, “why the long face?”

Stella regarded Beth carefully. Depending on how much information she gave the woman; it would either quench Beth’s thirst for knowledge, or send her on a manhunt to figure Stella’s problem out some more. “Someone said something that got under my skin. Currently removing it.”

Jamie snorted. “Wow, someone actually got under the Stella’s skin?”

“Eat a dick Jamie. I’m sure you’d love it.” Stella snapped back at him.

Beth actually laughed, and loudly. “See Jamie? Somebody else shares the belief.”

“Oh will you two grow the fuck up?” Jamie grumbled, displeased at the attack from both of the women.

“Now who’s under whose skin?” Stella smiled smugly at the lawyer.

“So what did this person say to you?”

Stella’s heart dropped with the follow up question. The monster hadn’t been satiated. “Their opinion was that I make terrible decisions.” She shrugged.

“I could have told you that.” Jamie said.

Beth and Stella both rolled their eyes at the man, but refused to acknowledge him. “Decisions about what?”

“The crowd I keep.”

“Who said it?”

“No one you know, Beth. It doesn’t matter.” That was Stella’s subtle hint to stop hunting. If she ratted Rip out to his long standing love, it would probably just make things worse. “It’s outta my head now anyway.” There was a cloud of dust she spotted down by the lower driveway. “I think your dad’s home. Who has first dibs?”

“Let’s let him decide, shall we?” Beth stood as John’s truck came to a stop.

Stella caught a glimpse of his face from the top of the steps. He was pissed. The siblings went in on their dad after he rolled his window down. Slowly she came up behind them. She would let them get to him first.

“How bad?” John immediately questioned.

“You tell me.” Jamie retorted.

John rolled up the window in his children’s faces. He picked up his phone and started talking. Stella smirked and looked at the ground and fixed her glasses. Both children knocked on the truck window aggressively.

John knocked back and brought the window back down. “Just hold on. Can I just have one fucking minute to myself here? Please?”

Stella almost laughed at the comically slow speed the window rolled back up. She turned her head and covered her mouth to hide her smile. John was so irritated with his children and whatever shenanigans they had gotten into today. Stella had just gotten rid of his ire. She didn’t want to bring it back. They heard as the phone clattered into the cup holder.

They watched the patriarch get out of the truck and deeply sigh. “What?” Jamie started to stammer with a response, but John held up a hand to stop him, “no, not yet.” John pointed at Beth. “You and I are gonna have a conversation.” He turned his gaze back to Jamie. “What?”

“Talk to me about cancer.” Jamie started off. Stella’s eyes widened. John glanced at her, and she backed up a few steps. She didn’t want to intrude. This wasn’t her business to know.

“Okay. What would you like to know?”

“For a start, how long have you had it?” Beth questioned. Stella could tell she was holding back.

“Well, I don't have cancer. I had a tumor in my colon. It was removed.” John explained with a chuckle. “Nice, uh... nice to see you two exhibit some real emotion.”

“This isn't funny.” Beth accused. She and Jamie followed after John and she kept going after her dad. “These aren't the kind of secrets that you can keep.” Stella tagged along behind them at a distance.

“Yeah, well, it doesn't seem like much of a secret.” John looked at Stella quickly.

“That could be its own problem.” Jamie brought up.

“Well, lucky I have you to take care of it.” John pointed at his daughter. “You come with me.” He started to turn around, but stopped short. “Stella, you wait outside. I’ll talk to you when I’m done.”

Stella nodded and made herself comfortable on the stairs. Jamie stayed outside with her, much to her dislike. He sat on the stairs next to Stella with a groan. Hanging in the wings with Jamie wasn’t on her bingo card for this year, but she figured she would try to be nice to him.

“I take it that things didn’t go well with whatever y’all were trying to do this mornin’?” She asked.

Jamie looked out at the horizon like she had. He looked lost. Stella could understand. Her and Ryan’s father, Roy, had been diagnosed with brain cancer and hadn’t told them until it was at the point he needed surgery. Unexpected news like that ripped apart every aspect of your foundation. Even if the person was out of the woods and seemed to be doing great. John was one of the lucky ones. Stella and Ryan’s dad on the other hand, hadn’t been.

Stella realized Jamie hadn’t answered her. “It’ll be okay, Jamie. Your dad is one of the lucky ones to get it all out. Just gotta make sure it doesn’t come back.” Roy’s tumor had grown back aggressively seven months after it was removed. Not even a month after the doctors found it again, he was gone.

“How would you be able to know that?”

“Because Ryan and I have been there.”

Jamie’s mouth audibly dropped open. “What?” He had no idea.

Stella watched as the emotions flickered across his face. “Yeah. Glioblastoma.” She picked up a leaf that had blown onto the step next to her. “We left after our dad passed, but he didn’t tell us until it was damn near too late.” She focused back on the horizon. “Stubborn and proud. That’s how we left it.”

“I’m sorry, Stella.”

She shrugged. “Nah it’s okay. It was a long time ago. Which is why we don’t talk about it.” Extending the proverbial olive branch, she smiled at him. “So trust me when I tell you, your dad isn’t hiding anything health wise. You’d be able to tell after a while.”

He nodded just as they heard the door whip open behind them. John stood there looking perturbed as ever, but he focused on Stella. “Jamie, I need to talk to Miss Stella here. So go do whatever it is you need to do about this morning.” Jamie nodded again and made his way off inside the house. Stella stood up at the bottom of the stairs and waited for John to meet her.

“So how’s that horse coming?” John started off.

Stella placed her hands in her back pockets. “He’s good. He really isn’t mean if you pay attention to what he’s telling you. None of the wranglers are patient enough. Maybe Lloyd, or Jimmy provided that someone is with him. I think Kayce being around also helps. There’s something kindred between the two of them.”

John smirked. “I know what you mean. I’ve seen it myself.”

Stella nodded and glanced around. She wasn’t sure what John wanted, but the air felt weighted. “So,” she cleared her throat, "what did you wanna talk to me about, sir?”

“Walk down to the barn with me.” He wagged his finger as he started to walk off.

“Uh, I’m not sure the barns a good idea.”

John stopped short and looked over his shoulder at her. “Why’s that?”

Stella sighed. “Well, Rip and I kinda got into it earlier. Other than my job he banned me from the ranch for a while.” Her cheeks heated up when she admitted her weak moment and John turned to fully face her.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah.” Stella toed the dirt with her boot. “I mean he had already banned me because I tried to fight Fred. Even though that bitch deserved it. I just decided I was gonna to push my luck even further today.”

“About what?”

“Huh?”

“What did you get into it about?”

“He just said something this morning that really got on me, and then he opened his mouth again.” She sighed. “I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Well that’s between you two. You make it right. In the meantime, I have a job proposition for you.” Stella’s face perked up at John’s statement. “So come down to the barn with me. I’m your boss over Rip anyhow.”

Stella wiped her hands on her pants. The closer they got to the round pen and the barn, the sweatier they got. The wranglers were still out and about. She spotted her brother and Colby off to the side, both of them looked concerned. She scoped the area out and couldn’t find Rip, making her nerves spike higher. Paired with the fact that the last time she was in this barn with John, she made herself look stupid. Not exactly happy memories as of late.

John opened the door for Stella and held it until she timidly walked through.

“So this position I want to offer you.” He waved at a hay bale that was on the side of the aisle. “Have a seat.” Stella plopped herself on the bale and patiently waited for him to continue. John leaned against the wall across from her. “I’m planning on having Kayce around more. So I want him to take Lee’s position.” She casted her eyes down. “I know that position was going to you, but I think you would be much better suited to help Kayce.”

Disappointment flashed across her face quickly, but John still caught it. “I thought you’d be overjoyed at getting to work with my son again.” He watched Stella look everywhere but at him. “But there’s also a second part of that position.”

“Don’t get me wrong, sir. I am excited to work with Kayce again.”

“But?”

She thought back to this morning when Kayce threw attitude her way. She shook her head. “It’s nothing. I’ll make it work. What was the other part of the position?”

“Now that’s the part I think you’ll like.” John sat on the hay bale opposite her with a groan. “I was thinking about starting a broodmare program.” Stella’s eyes lit up. John held up his hand with a smirk. “Now hold on before you start chompin’ at the bit. It’s going to take a while to get proven and with Travis’s help, we might be able to hop a little faster, but I’m gonna need someone to be in charge of the broodmares. I wanted to offer that to you, since you have experience from your friend over at Grand Springs.”

“Can I ask some questions, sir?”

John waved his hand to the floor. “Fire away.”

“Now would we have broodmares for work horses, or show horses? Or both? That would determine what stallions I’m looking at, why I’m looking at them, and what I’m looking for. Are we gonna stand a stallion or two? Or are we just breeding from stud fees? Actually all that determines a lot of things.”

“Well what do you think would be better money wise?”

Stella’s heart stopped. She’d never been asked that kind of question before, and she certainly never expected John to ask her. “If I’m being transparent, there’s not much money to be made back in revenue that wouldn’t go back into the broodmares. With vet care and getting them artificially inseminated, constant appointments for them to be checked and after birth care, stud fees, if we send any yearlings to training.” Stella wracked her brain for all the information she’d gathered over the years working with Olivia. “There might be a little bit of money we might be able to scrape off the top depending on what the foals would sell for, but that’s why breeders, any reputable one anyhow, have their hands in a lot of pots at once if you catch my drift?”

“Because they make their consistent money stream from other partnerships and deals?” John asked.

“Exactly. It’s not a super profitable business. Unless you took the money from the sales of the foals or yearlings and flipped that into a different project of passive income, and used your other income for the care of the broodmares; I’m talking stud fees and vet care and the like. You might be able to scrape by with a little more.” She tapped on her leg, thinking.

“We would also have to make the Yellowstone broodmares marketable. There’s a lot that goes into this, Mr. Dutton. It’s not just breeding to breed. I would be extremely selective on who gets chosen for what. We would breed to better the breed. Not just because we’re trying to make a quick buck to save our ass from the fire. Whether it’s show horses or work horses, we should better the breed to make better show horses and better work horses for the future of the breed.”

There was a small smile on John’s face that put Stella on the edge of her seat. “What? Did I overstep?” Her cheeks reddened again.

John shook his head softly. “No. I just see it now.”

Stella eyebrows pulled together. “See what?”

“Well I’ve already witnessed the mean side, but the smart tenacity that both my sons and all my men stand for in you.”

“Ah thank you, but I’m just passionate about it. That’s all.” Stella shrugged.

“That’s good. Keep it. I’ll get back to you when I hear more from Travis. Might even have you and him talk. Until then, just help Kayce out as best you can.”

“Till my dying breath, sir.”

“That’s what I’m counting on. Now go ahead and go home for the day. I wanna see you working those couple horses tomorrow, ya hear?”

Stella smiled so wide the dimples in her cheeks almost split.

[lantur]

thoughts, (tw for discussions of mortality and cancer)

The rest of the country is enjoying spring, blooming flowers, green grass, and leaves on trees, as evidenced by my trip to St. Louis last week. Here it is gray and snowy, and that's not helping my mood.

I've had a lot of emotions over the news, in the last two weeks, that Olivia Munn was diagnosed with cancer and had a double mastectomy and is undergoing treatment, and Kate Middleton has also been diagnosed with cancer. Both pieces of news hit me hard. Both women are in their early 40s. Ever since I lost my dad to cancer, hearing anyone's diagnosis of cancer is like a gut punch. I think of Chadwick Boseman, who died at 43. I think of my mother-in-law who is a cancer survivor, and I think of Derek's best friend's wife, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 33 and had aggressive surgical intervention.

I think of my two best friends from high school, both of whom lost their younger brothers to cancer at 17. I think of my mom's cousin who died from glioblastoma, a brain cancer, in her early 50s, and my sister-in-law's mother, who died at the same age from cancer.

After my dad was diagnosed with cancer at 69 and died at 70, after I heard of our friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 33, I fully wrote off the idea of getting old. Saving money for retirement? Fuck that. I don't expect to live that long. I've prioritized travel so much over the last few years, especially over the last two - because with all the loss I've seen and all the loss and the illness that has occurred, I truly believe I'll be blessed if I even live until my mid-50s. I'm 31 and I feel like I have 15 years tops.

I know that's crazy, and that worldview has been very much impacted by the losses I have experienced and seen, but it's the truth. It really affects the way I live my life, the choices I make.

It's a hard way to live, but it's also oddly liberating. Every day is a gift. If I make it through my 40s, it's a gift. I'll make the most of every year I have and experience life to the fullest for as long as I can.

It also leads to an interesting perspective about money. Saving for the future is not a thing that is important to me. With that being said, I still catch myself stressing about these ever-growing grocery bills :/ before I remind myself that it doesn't matter.

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Hey people I love 🫀

I was waiting to say anything on here until I was able to tell my girlfriend but now I think I can explain what's going on in my life. Last Thursday we found out that my mom's cancer (glioblastoma) is already back. It's only been a few months since her surgery- not even six yet I don't think. Though time runs together terribly these days. We thought we'd get years- at least TIME in some way, but it's already back. She said if it won't be a horrible recovery and if it's small enough, she'll do the surgery again. We're hoping to find out more this week. It's insane to me it grew so fast. Insane and fucking unfair.

If I've seemed a little darker mooded or more likely to bitch at anons who frankly deserve it- that's why. I'm pissed at the universe and turning over a bit of a bitchier leaf. Though I swear I'm still me and still kind and still want to help any of you who need me. I'm always here for y'all, even if I'm slow to respond sometimes. Just dealing with my own stuff and taking care of my family (mine and my girl's)

We don't know what's happening yet but I'm already having to watch her a little closer because she's slightly more out of it. It's not terrible yet but... Hopefully she'll be able to do the surgery and things will be okay for a while. I suppose I need to get used to the fact that even after removing the present ones, my mom is actively dying. It's just... Hard to imagine anything like that.

That's all to say if I start slowing down on updates at some point I'm sorry, I'm trying to keep up but I get overwhelmed sometimes. I know you all understand but I still feel responsible 😅 I kept thinking things would level out and I could get back to normal here but... Hopefully eventually.

I hope you all had an amazing Easter/Trans Day of Visibility 🩷 I hope you're all doing amazing! Give your loved ones cuddles, they and you deserve the love. I'll still be here, I just wanted to let you all know what's happening, and of course I'll keep you updated as we go. A lot of you are also family to me now 🩵 I love you all so much! 🖤

[athenasparrow]

No. 19 - Shadow | Jily Micro March

Thank you @jilymicrofics, for the lovely prompts xx

Read on AO3 | 797 words

Or cut for story that includes smut xx 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

“So we’re done,” James said tentatively, breaching a topic they hadn’t discussed in months.

The sun had set and the warm summer air blew a gentle breeze of relief. The sky was a deep shade of blue on the verge of blackening into night. The symphony of laughs, clinking glasses and music still rung in James’ ears even in the quiet streets.

“Yeah, we are,” Lily said turning to face him.

She looked radiant, James thought as his eyes travelled over the stunning woman beside him. Well, she always looked radiant. But tonight, resplendent in her flowing red dress as she walked the shadowed streets of Paris, she looked positively breath-taking.

It was fitting then, that such a divine woman be surrounded by a scene straight out of a romantic fairytale. The old, irregular stones of the alley were softly illuminated by the warm glow of the streetlights, the air was full of the sweet aroma of pastries as the chefs began their day at dusk, and the warm breeze ruffled through the trees making James wonder what precious secrets were being whispered between them.

Eight months ago they’d agreed to be friends, even though James’ body had been aching for her since they’d met. Sometimes he swore his soul was stretching right out of his body, just trying to touch hers.

But they’d had research to do. And moving the needle forward on viral solutions for glioblastomas had been important to both of them. So important they’d agreed to put aside their overwhelming attraction for one another so they wouldn’t end up in a mess.

But eight months later and James’ feelings were far from resolved. He’d felt them burning inside him, growing stronger each day. He had been attracted to her from the moment he met her, how could he not be, but eight months later he had her friendship, her trust, and was her closest confidant. 

And now, as they stood on a deserted street in Paris, their last fundraiser done, James could finally kiss her.

Her lips seared against his like he imagined lava would hit the ocean. He felt a burning mist deep down his body and settle deep in his heart. The moment between them ignited, the kiss deep and urgent, fueled by a hunger that had been building for too long.

Fuck she felt good.

He captured the moan that escaped her as he slid his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss and moving their bodies so he could press her flush against the wall. James kissed her with abandon, the lights and noise of Paris fading away as he felt the contours of her body, heard the softness of her sounds, and the met the feverish intensity of her lips.

Her legs squeezed around him as he hitched her up so he was holding her, hands around thighs, moving to press hot kisses down her neck.

“Shit, I’ve waited a long time for this” Lily gasped out as he licked a gentle circle behind her ear before dragging his teeth across her earlobe, giving it a slight tug at the end.

Her confession caused a rumbling laugh to unravel deep in his chest as he pressed his hips into her, groaning long and deep.

“It’s been eight months of torture,” James agreed, finding her soft lips again, unable to stay parted.

“Many unsatisfactory wanks in the toilets at work?” Lily asked tauntingly, as she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth.

James’ hold on her faltered. Her back slid down an inch from where she was pressed into the outside of some poor sods house.

“You know about that?” he asked, staring at her in horror.

“At least I know you’re vocal when you finish,” she whispered, grinning against him as she resumed their sensual kiss, ignoring his huff of indignation.

“And if it makes you feel better, your little indiscretions at work made me soaked,” she said huskily.

“Fuck” James murmured.

“I thought you’d like that,” she said, letting her head rock back against the house as her breasts rose up and down rapidly as she caught her breath. James moaned, showing her how much he liked it by pressing into her so she could feel him hard and aching; by slipping his hand up her dress and down her knickers, murmuring a quick curse when he found her dripping. He showed her when he dropped to his knees, pulling one of her legs over his shoulder and took a long lick of her hot centre. And finally, he showed her how much he liked her dripping, and how much he loved her, when he buried himself inside her and made love to her against the side of the house, hidden by the shadows of the night.

[thedesertmother]

What have I been up to in the 3 years I’ve been away from tumblr? Well:

-I got my first big girl job as an ecologist! I hated it, worked 70 hours a week, and was almost killed on the job by a rando with a knife during a bat survey and quit.

-My brother was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and given 14 months to live. I dropped everything in my life to take care of him. In 4 days, we will hit the 2 year mark since his glioblastoma diagnosis. He’s still alive, but brain cancer is a fucking nightmare. I’m still living with him, and essentially taking care of all his medical care.

-I moved to an area I’ve been dying to move to for the last decade. In true grass is always greener fashion, I have discovered that I do not like the suburbs and I am actually a country mouse. That said, there are a lot of positives about this area that I adore (and I’m gonna miss the doordash options when I eventually move more rurally again.)

-I have not finished my masters, because my brother’s illness, my mental health, and my advisor’s illness have created long pauses. I hope I finish it, but right now it’s in limbo.

-Due to the above, I have been in a very deep depression. There are many days that I seriously contemplated ending it because everything was bad, and I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

-I threw an application out into the ether on a whim, certain that I wasn’t going to get the job. I had applied to hundreds of jobs and interviewed for dozens, but I had been passed up, or the pay point wasn’t ever going to be enough to live. I was being exploited for my labor at the three jobs I had worked in just as many years, and I felt like I was never going to get ahead. And I finally caught a break. I’m now an environmental scientist working for the department of Fish and Wildlife enforcing environmental laws and habitat conservation. I’m making the most money I’ve ever made. I get to work from home and be with my brother. My job is easy for me and I’m good at it. I’ve been there for 4 months and my bosses are already talking promotion.

I still have a ways to go, I still have to anticipate the death of my brother, and things are still hard. But I’m finally clawing my way out of the hole.

[bienvenidooo]

POV: A fucking tragic twist of life.

C (ex) breaks up with A because she has cancer and made it look like she cheated on A, so that A would get angry at her and move on without knowing the truth.

Fast forward - A has a new lover, B.

But time came when A fell ill, and found out she has Glioblastoma. The same day at the hospital, she saw C's mother. She found out that day the truth and C's mother begged her to return to C's life and help her live a little longer since C refused any treatment.

Finally knowing the truth, A had a conflict between her illness, C's illness and how A didn't want B to know about A's illness.

She breaks up with B despite loving her much more than C. A tells B not to wait, but B is persistent that she'll wait for A until she comes back.

A comes back to C, and still keeps checking on B thru her friends and begged them not to tell B about A.

The thing is, C got better, A didn't.