#fucking give me that skin already
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y'all for fucking real. don't fucking write slave fics or x reader fics of aventurine's slavery??? are you guys out of your goddamn minds???
#i swear half of you don't fucking think.#what makes you think it's okay or “angsty” to write fics about suffering like that#especially without nuance?? or any understanding of the ramifications#its one thing to write about it being integrated into his past#but it's another thing to write it as an *in the moment* thing#especially if you're writing it to portray him being bought again -- who gives a shit if the reader “saves” him or “treats him nicely”#that's still a perpetuation of the cycle of abuses#like it's still already brain dead of hoyoverse to write about the suffering of POC by using a fair skinned blonde man#but come on#i thought we were better than this??#like yeahh#dont get me wrong - i love aventurine and his development. the writing is amazing despite how bad form using very white features#to portray a real race of color and it's suffering (the romani)#but you guys. come the fuck on#hsr aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr x reader#i know it's “NOT THAT SEROUS” because it's a fictional game but im still putting tags for racism and slavery bro. wtf y'all#tw racism#tw slavery#random talk
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Here's a thought. How about we work on making these disorders less stigmatized so people would be able to get accurate information on how these look like and what self-help strategies are available for these or that symptoms, including but not limited to anxiety, instead of focusing on how teenagers are sometimes, god forbid, wrong about own mental issues?
#also? i do have a personality disorder and i am plural so it's one and a half of the three already#and only time will show whether i have any psychotic tendencies#but you bet every person who sees me for the first time immediately goes ''why are you so fucking nervous young human!!''#anxiety is superficial and pretty easy to armchair diagnose#try living in someone's skin for a week#sprout post#root post#popcorn and bleach#also do y'all think teenagers like. are under impression there's something to gain from identifying with a more stigmatized disorder?#i got laughed at when i suggested i might have depression at 13 y'all#publically identifying with something serious is more of an act of bravery and autenticity than anything else#just self-diasnosing? that's just the direct function of the available information#give better information about everything and quit trying to manipulate people#then we talk
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sigh
#🍄.txt#changing holter monitor two days early because doctors assistant told me every three days. i only had two more sensors thought i had three#she said i had three mind you and i have to wear this for 14 days#now i have to wear this new one for 5 days and the last one for 6 days 😐#i love going to the doctor. truly my life’s passion. also love when they don’t double check shit before giving me instructions#and i trust them……. as you do#it’s fucking up the skin around the adhesive already girl i’m so tired#i need them to hurry up and call me to schedule the echocardiogram so i can finally live in relative peace between appointments
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this week i stfg
#a week of discovery#far less secure in my gender than i thought#high chance I've got some sort of nerve damage that makes me unable to feel anything good#and will alienate me further#apparently i'm still holding onto trauma from 7 years ago that's making it so fucking hard to go to my work christmas party alone#but my +1 pulled out so it's alone or not at all#it turns out that my closest friend doesn't view me even remotely as closely as i view them#which is fair and exactly what i expected why would they view me as their best friend#but gutting to find out the way i did#i feel nauseous thinking about it#now i don't think i can interpret them including me in things as anything beyond a guilty or obligation invite#my presence really must be so burdensome#maybe i should turn back to my terminal burrowing shtick#it's contained#oh and the cto at work has way too much confidence in me#and is gunning to give me a job i do not have the skills for#but can't rightfully say no to#and now i've woken up with a migraine#and my skin is screaming#i think im gonna be more alone that before#it was already unbearable
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Struggling so hard to make the designs for the performing dragons im not that smarttt
#dragon lore theyre probably aliens. i mean all the species are since thats not earth but theyre alien aliens#everyone agrees theyre not one of the Intelligent Species but theyre cool i mean we dont even see them that much#theres no humans in this setting but the dragons have human hands and feet#and leg wings#it works thats not the part of their design im struggling with#idk how their symbiosis w the rainforests work yetttt#also a group of dragons is called a performance. but also a group of dragons is only two. you'll only ever see dragons in a pair#and during their performance#nobody knows what the fuck those are for. fight for territory? sex dance? theyre bored? how it works is that theyll meet on a clearing#(not sure if the animals arrive first or if theyre already there waiting for them)#and then they'll get up in two legs and dance! kinda#its like half dance half pretending to be the other's mirror but no ones quite sure who's mirroring who#the loser gets eatenn i think#they also have big ass crests tgat are giving me so much pain and grief and these change color like octopus skin#i need my pc please please please please#talk tag#rouxinol
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I zoned out for 8 hours and when I zoned back in I found out I acccidentallly made a FR Skin whooopsies! xDDD fuck
i am SO FUCKING TIRED, Might be sellling this though i'd have to upload it and start make a thread tmrw, drop a like if you want to give me money
#probably not goood my hands are shaking with how long ive' beeen working on this but who know!#I had fun :3#flight rising#fr aberration#fr skins and accents#i am broke give me dragon money#no fucking idea what im doing#ghhrrrrgh#i should stop addding tags and just go to bed already#fuck it gooodnight#artlung
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i wanna cut my hair so so so so so soooooooo bad uuuuughhhhhh
#im literally fucking dying#like i just wanna like the way i look im just so scared bc my parents will give me sm shit for this but that's not fair even bc i deal w#their bullshit no matter what i do like im literally getting beat up & hit & ridiculed Anyway so shouldn't i at least get to do smth i want#god im just so upset and uncomfortable cause i was talking abt this to my closest friend and she said she doesn't think i should#cut it and just kept telling me that the way it is rn is good but it just isn't what i want and ik she's coming from a good place but it#just made me so uncomfortable and upset bc i just want someone to tell me what i want to hear even it's not the best#advice idk and ik if i cut it ill deal w shitty horrible aftermath but im already getting on my parents nerves no matter what i fucking do#im so sick of everything and ill be starting uni soon and i don't wanna go bc there's just so many ppl i don't wanna see but at the vv least#since i have to go i just wanna look good and comfortable in my own skin#and im really scared i wont ever have that like i don't even think ik anything about me let alone what i want to look like but i miss short#hair it made me comfortable like the only reason i felt a bit uncomfortable was bc i was getting a lot of shitty stares and glares from men#and such god whatever everyone is so awful and i am so unbelievably tired
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gets up on my little stage with my secret little four followers blog and turns off reblogs. i think that a lot of current mcyt/mcyt fandom rn would be defending anne rice literally suing fanfic writers who shipped her characters. creators do not have a say in fan works or fan spaces for a REASON. they dont get to say what we make just like we dont get to say what they make. if we dont like their work we can avoid it just like if they dont like ours they can avoid it- UNLESS. someone else. decides to shove it in their face. can you fucking imagine. youve got this one story trope that you absolutely hate or that makes you really uncomfortable and this one jackass keeps showing it off to you. and that is somehow the norm for some of these fandoms??? i have seen elder fans cringe away in HORROR at the concept of how involved mcyt creators are in their fanbases. i grew up writing fics plastered with "I DONT OWN THIS" disclaimers on a website that, straight up, Did Not Allow You to post about certain works by certain authors. if an author didn't want you to create any fanwork, you Were Not Allowed. Doesn't that sound familiar. stories are built on top of other stories on top of other stories on top of other stories. it doesn't matter if someone creates something that grosses you out- all those authors who were disgusted by the queer shipping of their characters were ABSOLUTELY grossed out. the point isn't protecting the creators from others' creations the point is to take inspiration from something you love and to MAKE !!
#slams fist down on desk like gavel#genuinely i think a lot of people with the moral purity mindset would have a better time if they watched horror movies#fun fact a lot of fiction is supposed to give you feelings and yes fun fact sometimes that feeling is disgust#sometimes a show tries to make me go awwwwww but my response is disgust#it doesnt matterr its just media and different media serves different goals for different people#the consumption or creation of media itself (beyond some Very Specific Examples that are already very incredibly illegal) is not#a morality thing#this is like the one time ill actually talk about my thoughts on this i like the groovin' thru doing what i want cycle more than addressing#but i am still so baffled by fucking. gore. being a problem#and also personally salty because i want to read a fic that will peel the skin from my bones#but the 'safe' thing to create is fluff SO IM ONLY FINDING FLUFF#rrraghgh#classic disclaimer my sleep is v strange rn i may have phrased things weird im just a lil guy its my birthday mercy mercy etc etc etc whate#the point is. i always think about anne rice suing the Shit out of people when people talk about policing creator boundaries#and i am just waiting for the day someone says you can't ship their character with another character the same gender#and how people are primed to beat the everlovin shit out of anyone who does
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Furry Talon? FURRY TALON? WHO ASKED FOR THIS?! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE? I WAIT NEAR TWO YEARS FOR A SKIN AND I GET A FURRY FUCKING TWINK TALON?! GIVE ME A GODDAMN HOODED SKIN YOU COWARDS! GIVE ME THE EDGIEST FUCKING PROJECT SKIN! TAKE THIS AWAY AND GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD ÀAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAA
#not art#fuck this shit#they make one (one) good skin in the form of prestige#they finally give him his fucking hood back#and then they make me wait two years to fuck me in the ass#a fucking catboy talon#just end me already
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I dont think at this point i can even start on classic literature if i tried, like, i have absolutely zero patience for stories that take their goddamn time "building up" to things. "give exposition talk and show your characters doing everyday things" girl only if the everyday things contribute to the theme of the story! I dont have an ounce of interest in traditional idle starting points, "this story takes awhile to warm up and nothing happens for 45 pages" lmao bye
#I used to think my attention span has gotten worse and i can't focus enough to get through books#but turns out people are just boring writers lmao#i love it when a story starts right off the bat. Dont beat around the bush;#just tell me the fucking story i have never heard of ''build up''#i dont wait for a narrative to come around the story has approximately 1 to 4 minutes to catch my attention or i'm out#my brother is always like ''nooo give this thing a chance it's gonna get better'' nah. if it's good it's good from the very beginning#in the first 5 minutes of Gotham TV you get two children's reaction to murder; utter freeze and ear shattering scream#it immediately swts the scene. you're IN the story the narrative has already started#in the first 5 minutes of Shameless US Ian is outed to the family's possible most homophobic little dude#it literally shocks you out of your skin and you're like ''oh okay!! alright; i'm awake now!''#it's not that i can't get into 570k books anymore; it's that people who write long narratives usually meander and stale so goddamn much#and dont say anything at all and the pace is hella slow#and i need a good captivating opening#this post brought to you by me rewatching Samurai Champloo#opening with a disclaimer reading ''this work is not an accurate historical portrayal. like we care. now shut up and enjoy the show.''#immediately followed by two enemy samurais executed together. like fuuuuuck this opening sequence is so sexy!!!!#i'm one of the people very much in favour of 45-episode shows being cut down to 8 or twelve#if done right#because i only want the essential plot and i love a fast paced story#no.1 hater of ''mandatory beach episode'' here#stick to the fucking plot and pack it!!!
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thinking about yancey and his people pleaser attitude
#personal#he's such a sweetheart and he wants to help out everywhere with everything it comes so naturally to him#to the point it's so easy to tell someone treated him so fucking bad in the past#playing 5d chess with himself to prevent the possibility of conflict 10 steps further down the line#taking on tasks at the diner that aren't his responsibility at all just to make someone else's job easier#but at the same time doesn't let anyone do that for him because well it's His job so why would someone else have to do that for him#offering to help freddy out with garage stuff the second he hears the guy is having trouble with some things despite not knowing him#nearly jumping out of his skin from being overwhelmed when freddy gives him an old skateboard he can use to get to work#so he doesn't have to spend money that he doesn't have on a bike that'll probably end up breaking after like a month#he wants people to love him back so bad. he loves so so intensely and deeply and he wants people to want him#and he feels like he has to be useful in order to be worthy of their time and their love. he feels like he has to work for it#at some point along the way his ex gf stopped loving him in the way he needed to be loved#so he just. did anything and everything for her to just at least be close to her again so he could get like#fleeting moments of the kind of affection that he was craving. and it's so ouhhhghbbh because that's just the standard for him now#too afraid to ask people to love him in a certain way so he does everything for them in hopes they'll then allow him to get closer#while they already want him to be close!!! they care so much about him he's their friend!!!!! he doesn't need to do any of that!!!!!!!!!#anyway. i'm fucking insane. this doesn't say anything about me btw
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Around what age do the trolls go through pupation?
I think it ranges over a sweep or two, starting a little younger with lowbloods just because they live way shorter lifespans overall, but by the timeline I've set up it seems like around 14-ish sweeps, at least for purplebloods. Like, a bell-curve in the 13-15 range, with the majority all going at once somewhere around the middle.
#ask time!#that's just what it's like to be 27 tbh#every color has their own bell-curve and they're all fairly close together but a rustblood would probably pupate like#a sweep earlier maybe on average.#it's easy to go ''oh troll pupation=human puberty'' but I don't like that#1. these are bug aliens from killplanet deathorb and I don't want to give them 1:1 life-cycles with humans#2. the weird reinvention of self that goes on in someone's twenties is much more interesting to me as a concept anyway#did I physically turn into mush and vanish into a cocoon when I graduated college and moved out of my parents house??? no!#but boy it sure the fuck felt like it#I came back out and I was the same person but my skin was tougher and my fangs were longer and not all the damage was fixed but#I at least had a new rebuilt body to weather my damage with#and I mean I was already writing a twenty-something Gamzee and I wanted to write pupation so it worked out haha
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never showed u guys my guinea pigs (had to give the ferrets back - in tags)
this is jarvis
#i have 3 of them will show the others l8r#So abt the ferrets#i was told they had: 1) no history of abuse 2) no behavioural issues 3) had only been rehomed twice#All of this was not true#idk how to explain how bad it got.#i was prepared for the ferrets bein difficult right#Like i expected 2 toddlerz#but they had issues 4 sure#We found out that they have been rehomed 7 times already#they’re at a special behavioural ferret place now#it rly devastated me#I hate rehoming/giving animals back#thatswhy i ended up in hospital after they were gone i decided to overdose#i am a failure. I failed them#so i was like ‘fuck it’#and i did it#it was dumb huh#the ferrets weren’t evil#i dont hate them#But i was scared of them#It got to a point where i locked myself in the bathroom 24/7 bc they had my flat to themselves#I couldn’t leave the room to play with them or sit and do my work bc they would always bite me#For no reason#like i thought they were scared or upset or bored and i did everything to try and help that#but they would bite and drag into my skin#i was bleeding constantly and one of them kept going for like arteries#i knew they bite so at first i was like ‘whatever’ but they got worse#I couldnt interact w them anymore#I loved them a lot#I love ferrets
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I’ve been thinking about how if you compress quartz you get electrical current and thinking about its inverse - how if you give a quartz an electric current it compresses - and because y’all know me, it made me think about petrosapiens.
But with lingering thoughts from a previous post of mine, I have combined these thoughts with another, older and collaborative idea of the past-
Let’s get started.
Alright, when you have aliens sci-fi sometimes you get off the wall creations that thanks to the whole ‘fiction’ side of the science, probably aren’t possible as is explained? From aliens made entirely out of sound insulated with silicone to walking talking fire pits from the sun, Ben 10 is by far taking science by its reigns and going full speed into that fantasy and petrosapiens - the example of the ‘material based aliens’ you see in lots of media - is well within that cool factor you can’t fully logic.
Well, since it’s been stated a few times, petrosapiens (and the similarly crystalline crystalsapiens) are silicon - no e - based beings, and guess the fuck what my dear readers? Silicon-based crystals happen to include the beloved electric conducting quartz that this following headcanon is reliant on.
What if a petrosapien’s crystal structure down to its very molecular construction acts not only as their nervous system, but also as the root of their crystallokinesis?
Silicon itself does not provide its own current of course, but what is a nervous system without organs and most significantly of all, the CENTRAL nervous system; the brain - of course - alongside the spinal cord (read: not the spine that protects it). Simply put just like our own nervous system the central nervous system and the (conversely) peripheral nervous system communicate back and forth with one another using electrical currents.
Unlike our own human nervous system, the petrosapien nervous system is either mostly or near entirely electrical signals rather than electrochemical messages along neurons. Instead, through at least the crystal part of their bodies (which comprise most of their body and in fact translates more into extremely thick skin rather than natural armour) conveys sensory and neural responses and activities - either autonomic or somatic - along the crystalline structures like natural geometric circuitry.
Most of the nervous system in the crystal of a petrosapien is somatic, many of the autonomic nervous system being the soft squishy bits inside sitting like the centre of a fruit gusher, but it’s not without its own autonomic systems even if they are more towards the core. These autonomic functions are of course the organs responsible for recycling and reusing the digested minerals (a responsibility of the stomach) to act as materials for new crystal growth.
And with new crystal growth, along comes with it the inherent (but trained) crystallokinesis of petrosapiens. Though so long as a petrosapien eats their daily crystals they are engaging with crystallokinesis post digestion, the external act of crystal manipulation is in a sense literally letting your nervous system interact with other quartz-like or silicon-based crystals in order to jumpstart the manipulation of its structure as an extension of yourself.
Because having a network of circuits means that petrosapiens can literally feel more things than you expect of them, being able to detect sensory information beyond the simple presumed sensation of pressure, crystallokinesis of far more ancient literal planet made crystal is a process young petrosapiens need to practice, adapt, and get used to. It’s less about feeling pain and more about feeling more of yourself exposed to the air, to the water, to the ground beneath your feet and the ceiling above your head. To manipulate the crystals of Petropia you must become a part of Petropia.
Rather a religious experience wouldn’t you think?
Now what happens when a certain specific cult arrives in search of (literal) power?
That’s right baby welcome to classic reboot crossover time where I introduce a fundamental player into the headcanon history of my version of Petropia, the very reason that petrosapiens were introduced suddenly into the galactic sphere and how because of the materials of Petropia and the interference of extraterrestrials, the rapid rise of interplanetary level tech grew to the point where a certain criminal found himself staring at the shattered remains of his own home planet!
Say hello to the fulmini and the High Override himself, cult leader of the Global Mind and a literal representation of a nervous system, who’s invasion of Petropia was under the assumption of it being a barren uninhabited planet full of electrical current sustaining crystal for use in energy sources.
Check out this post by @sxilor-1010 and me for a more in-depth discussion on both the biology and more relevantly sociology of the fulmini and the High Override’s cult (which in today’s post I just made a name for that may or may not stick) so check that out-!
For the longest time I marked this period as The Surface Craze, the benefits of the English terminology being that it has multiple means beyond the direct Petropian translation of ‘the day the sky broke open’. As the many petrosapien people were introduced for the first time in thousands of years, spanning multiple generations perhaps equivalent to old English to modern (as it is today) English, the sky was crazed (rock term for scraped), the people were going crazy, and the upper rungs (aka the poor and the slums that couldn’t afford the protection of the holy core) sought this new horizon and caused a drastic shift in the political and societal landscape. All the while the energy hungry Override, with his energy desperate limbs of conquered colonies, studied and contemplated the usefulness of disciples (and batteries) of this new species.
Another meaning of craze was introduced to petrosapiens when the High Override grew interest in the regenerative abilities of petrosapiens, his arms and legs reaching out and spreading across the newly cracked open planet, singing his own praises as their one and only truth through the teeth and mouths of his subjects. Though many of the religiously scorned people of the shallows were far too burnt to be swayed, those that clung to religion in hope saw that these strangers were far more accomodating than the leaders of their own faith, the Override perhaps not able to fully take control of them as he could as those that serve as his fingers, but he did not come this far without his own manipulative ways.
A proposition was made, that these beings of crystalline stone can offer their patronage by contributing to the flow of energy, to welcome their arms into the embrace of the High Override and provide a tithe to his service. Their arms, which compress with the electricity of their central nervous system, that can be compressed and crushed and chewed up by the machines that the Global Mind and the High Override’s many fulmini limbs are hungry for, are desperate for, are past the point of begging for.
And those with the faith and the belief and the desperation, they take up arms and feed the machine.
Funny, it seems, that the High Override’s act has created one of the largest surviving community of petrosapiens yet.
#petrosapien#xenobiology#fulmini#high override#xenosociology#cult#ben 10#headcanon#/me trying and perhaps even hopefully succeeding in making crystallokinesis biologically possible#the pieces: they are all fitting together#i love it when i can use concepts to diagetically explain other concepts#if the fulmini are in classic i think because there’s already 2 warfaring species (tetramands and incurceans)#that they fill the ecological niche of ‘interstellar cult’#not an ecological niche that perhaps you’d want filled but the high override has competition for warlord stuff#wanted to include my own fucked up petropia backstory with fulmini history- sxilor did it first admittedly haha#but i hope this version is nice and different enough to go ‘hey that’s neat’ even if the idea literally uses a collab as a base lmao#also just giving petrosapiens the ability to physically feel shit even if the regrowing crystal adaptation cuts off a lot of pain sensing#petrosapien overstimulation aka becoming one with the planet 😔#funny how my sugilite is physically part of petropia even if he’s just sitting there acting as a memory chip for the planet#not in any meaningful ‘revive the planet’ way but ‘petropia has memories of everything on its skin i must redocument petropian culture’#ask to tag
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I saw 3.8 leaks (info about them in tags if you don’t wanna look at them)
Me: We don’t spend money on gacha games. We don’t spend money on gacha games. We don’t spend money on gacha games.
3.8 leaks: *Exist*
Me: FUCK
#genshin leaks#last warning for y'all get out if you don't give a shit about leaks#WHY IS MY DAUGHTER AND EULA ON THE SAME BANNER#LIKE DON'T GET ME WRONG I ALREADY HAVE KLEE BUT LIKE...AGH#AND THE SKINS#THAT'S WHAT I AM MOST STRESSED ABOUT ME CRACKING FOR#BECAUSE KLEE'S SKIN IS FUCKING ADORABLE#SHE IS DRESSED UP LKE HER MOMMY#DODOCO IS PEEKING OUT OF HER. BACKPACK#like yeah Kaeya's is perfect as well#BUT I AM GOING TO NEED TO SPEND MONEY IN ORDER TO GET KLEE'S#and again I have a hard and fast rule about not spending money on gacha games#the only time I ever broke that was for Caramel Arrow Cookie and that's beacuse I had like 20 gift cards that were about to expire#BUT KLEE'S SKIN IS SO CUTE#I'm still not gonna spend money on it but this is the closest I'll probably ever get#AND A POTENTIAL KAEYA HANGOUT AYO???#3.8 feels like an update specifically designed for my dumb ass#and I appreciate that but now I need to have self-control
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AOUHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#f/o:💖what a fool believes🎸#tape entry circa 1980#im so overcome by my feelings for my ryan...#oh my baby... my pretty baby boy mi principe...#my heart feels so full looking at him...#how can a man be so fucking beautiful... im getting all emotional#oh my baby my baby mi bebe mi vida...#i cant take it#i need to cup his cute little face in my hands#feel his soft skin under my fingertips and brush his pretty brown hair behind his ears#i want to feel the shiny plastic of his glasses as i push his hair behind his ear#i want to look into his gorgeous dark brown eyes and see how they sparkle when they look into mine <33#see the way his lips quiver as i move so close where he can feel my breath against him#i want to feel how he grabs onto my shirt and melts against me already surrendering himself to me completely#just wanting me close to him just wanting me to touch him#wanting to feel the warmth of the love and adoration he knows i give him#i want for us to just kiss deep and passionately laying together in bed until its been long enough for them to have become slow and soft#our limbs tangled into eachother as we just desperately cling onto one another#i want to nuzzle my face against his... and i want him to do the same#i want to hear him giggle as he cuddles me and gets himself as comfy as he can as he sighs against my neck#his warm soft breathe tickling me and making me laugh softly as i pet his hair#i want to feel ryan trace invisible things onto my skin as we talk abt anything and make stupid jokes where we end up laughing together#falling off the bed and just staying like that as we just keep laughing and poking at eachother#min just walks in like what the fuck are you guys doing ghfdjk#siiigh i miss my ryan so so much...
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