#and will alienate me further
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this week i stfg
#a week of discovery#far less secure in my gender than i thought#high chance I've got some sort of nerve damage that makes me unable to feel anything good#and will alienate me further#apparently i'm still holding onto trauma from 7 years ago that's making it so fucking hard to go to my work christmas party alone#but my +1 pulled out so it's alone or not at all#it turns out that my closest friend doesn't view me even remotely as closely as i view them#which is fair and exactly what i expected why would they view me as their best friend#but gutting to find out the way i did#i feel nauseous thinking about it#now i don't think i can interpret them including me in things as anything beyond a guilty or obligation invite#my presence really must be so burdensome#maybe i should turn back to my terminal burrowing shtick#it's contained#oh and the cto at work has way too much confidence in me#and is gunning to give me a job i do not have the skills for#but can't rightfully say no to#and now i've woken up with a migraine#and my skin is screaming#i think im gonna be more alone that before#it was already unbearable
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andalite homeworld panorama that started as a warmup and ended up serious
#myart#animorphs#andalite#andalite homeworld#oc#specbio#kinda#just a collection of shapes i played with until they made fun alien flora#derrishoul#garibah#furthering my frutiger aero andalite truth with the scoop design#this got me thinking about the potential eclipses for a planet with four moons and two suns. somethings usually covering something else up#in the sky#anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy hope u like it
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#this shot is insaneeeeee#ivan grabbing till's hair to pull back his head to get a better angle with this thumb in his mouth to pry it open further is makes me FERAL#alien stage karma#ivantill#alien stage#mygifs
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ok but the real tragedy of assassin's creed will always be the spiralling domino effect that underlies the series and that every protagonist is fundamentally just a pawn in a bigger game they'll never see and that they'll never be able to change because they are just a single piece of a puzzle which also means that every single tragedy that had happened to them doesn't matter to the predetermind bigger picture because it always had to happen the trauma was just collateral you can't escape it. altair watched his family die just so he could pass on a key. ezio's watched his family die so he could deliver one message that wasn't even meant for him. kassandra watched centuries rise and pass and empires crumble because she was only needed to pass on the staff to someone else.
#assassin's creed#i get back into assassin's creed#i start having a existential crisis#nothing messed me up more than the entirety of assassin's creed 2 happening because the alien gid people had one short message for desmond#and then they were done with ezio the universe was done with him he wasn't needed anymore he just decided to stick around anyway#or eivor going to that cave in America but refusing to go any further because she KNOWS deep down its just for somebody else
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trying to motivate myself to write my shara and agent fic ft. moodboard
#shara jenn#watcher two#swtor#imperial agent#on a sidenote i am very. conflicted about her relationship with my agent#on one hand she goes further with a human. on the other eight is an alien who passed as a human for a while#so even in those little nuances they fall into dubious territory#anyways pasting this to my wall someone kick me into working on my wip
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Best friends or something...


Feeling so much like a dead corpse lately. It's probably the stress of the semester... and being mistreated/ underappreciated a lot. Still, I'll manage.
Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate it, by the way! It's a coincidence that I drew something mildly mushy on the occasion, lol. It wasn't really my intention. Just gotta let these thoughts (Toxic YAOI LMAO) about them out, and then I can get back to business. If you're confused, that's just how I draw younger Jimmy and Curly. What an odd pair of friends(?)...
#mouthwashing#wrong organ#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing curly#jimmy zare#curly grant#again yes this is toxic yaoi but not extremely toxic lmao so#jimcurly#curlyjim#curly x jimmy#jimmy x curly#co pilot jimmy#captain curly#usagifuyusummerart2025#digital art#infinite painter#fanart#fanart 2025#sketch art#art#art 2025#tags or post might change if there are any mistakes#not much to babble here. just been feeling terrible. i have to continue doing my duties for a while... washing the toilet is gonna take time#still just letting these thoughts about them flow for a while. they are such intriguing characters... maybe it's how jimmy isn't seen as a#human character that makes me think about him. like how the fandom constantly dehumanizes him by yeah you've seen it. i understand why#but it just creates this... feeling of further alienation and abandonment to someone who obviously needs help#but nobody is willing to (sans Curly pre-Mouthwashing lol) because of how he is as a person. something like that. it makes me really#understand him like he obviously needs help but he doesn't acknowledge that he needs it and thus turns into a complete monster. not all of#us can be saved is what i think when i look at jimmy. thank you wrong organ/the game devs for making a game about the systemic abuse of the#working world and how it turns us into monsters. if you've read this far thank you. hope your day is good.
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Sometimes Worf looks ashy (specifically TNG) because of the bad makeup matching and frankly what was the reason??? It insults me. Klingons would loooove the sheen of battle therefore they are moisturizing.
They have the equivalent of homemade shea cocoa body butter ready to go in their war equipment bags.
Worf has a twelve step skin care ritual and an altar by his bat'leth for his vaseline. His lips are never cracked.
Worf is a lot of things, but ashy and unmoisturized? No ma'am. Get it together star trek make up department.
#worf son of mogh#star trek deep space nine#star trek tng#i say to a show off the air for how many years#worf#star trek the next generation#im making a jokey joke but also Im not#cause makeup for Black actors even playing Klingons was sooo bad like no one was color matching or giving enough care#like oh hes giving grey its fine hes an alien and No its NOT#im glad make up has come further since then but it just genuinely pisses me off how disregarded we are/were even on fucking sci-fi shows
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x
#it makes me sad to hear how frustrated and fearful of alienating fans patrick was during mania esp given how people responded:(#he’s right though. love to hear him say again that they should have gone even further
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every time I wear my headphones and I hear a heartbeat, there are a few seconds where I’m wondering if it’s cure or my own heartbeat 
#i’m saying this because this just happened#and it in fact was not cure#its actually so bad i do that#its just a song#but it’s not just a song#its a lifestyle *wipes away tear*#im being so unserious right now#but seriously#that song destroys me#it comes on when im in class rhats it#no work gets done#im in mourning until further notice#alas#alnst ivan#alnst till#alien stage#alnst
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froakie must've felt so satisfied for achieving success by choosing ash after so many failed attempts with other trainers
the mere fact that he finally found that "love" he always wanted must've already been such a big milestone for him in life.
-🦋
In a way I really did enjoy how they mixed things up with Ash's obligatory 'tough' Starter this time, especially as most of them were abandoned by their Trainers (Charizard, Infernape, Pignite) or just didn't have any contact with people before (Sceptile). But instead Froakie wanted to find a Trainer and has picked them out himself, reversing the way the relationship usually starts out, and being a great foil with the other Starters/Pokemon as well.
The fact that Froakie has been searching for a while before Ash is something that I've always thought about, myself. He's left at least 8 people considering the shadows? And the way that Olympia said that humans taught it that in order to be stronger he needed a bond (but through feelings, not words), the way he wanted a lot from his Trainer, that he was searching for someone that was worth risking everything for, looking for 'love' - to me, it is an all-encompassing feeling that he's been searching for. Love so much that you would do anything for Pokemon like he would do anything for you. Give and take. Froakie did not expect a relationship where he had to carry out everything that the Trainer wanted without question - he wanted a relationship where his opinions and thoughts mattered just as much, to deal with the potential he always felt inside of him. And it is a lot, to balance a relationship in that manner. A lot of new Trainers would not even realise that is an option, and that's what initially threw him off.
Froakie is very persistant, it's true, but he can also be impatient at times. Would he have bothered to stay by Sycamore's lab any longer, considering how he was up and around Lumiose watching Ash? Would he still stick by his resolve to find the perfect Trainer, no matter the failures he had recieved? I don't think he would lower his standard, but at some point, he probably did wonder if there was someone out there who held the love that he wanted. When he first laid eyes on Ash, noticing how Pikachu was and their shared interest in battle, it piqued his interest. But it was the way they faced down Team Rocket despite being overpowered, Ash helping Pikachu even though he couldn't stand up to their might, that's when Froakie saw what he wanted.
To him, I think that feeling of love felt like the static shock he felt when being hit by that Electro Ball being reflected by Wobbuffet. Twice as strong, utterly paralyzing, weakening him completely. But also-- the feeling of two hands around him, and a voice calling out to him, and the wind as he was rushed into care. Love was knowing that someone had your back and will support you, even when the odds were impossible. And considering how much they'll go through, I don't think Greninja regretted a thing.
#going to answer this one first bc it's similar to the one you already sent me (in which i was going to answer today anyways)#hmm could i say that bayleef barely had contact with ppl?? idk lol#also not to take away from snivy who did run away from a trainer and fend off others. but she didn't really strive for one#like how froakie did. she was content in being free if that meant having a good life#i love how like cyndaquil and oshawott (and maybe turtwig??) have like no trauma or emo phase heh. so normal#i think i said it before but the early eps really do show froakie's mindset so well ngl#because he also realises that he has to put effort into the relationship. he can't just brush ash off#or do what he wants without telling him. it's a balancing act#and then even more so when having to adapt to other team members (e.g. hawlu)#that the love is not split between others but is instead magnified as well#you become stronger with others not by alienating them#basically him having to put that love out just as much as he gets it#but yeah i do feel like he let out a sigh of relief on that healing bed after coming conscious. it was a promising sign#and the garchomp incident just further solidifyed the fact for him. that this is the one and he would be a fool to let him go#diancie delivers#btw i've seen around fandom that all of his old trainers were bad/abusive and idk but it never explicitly said that in canon??#they were just not compatible. it was even said that as new trainers not everything goes right or as you expect#they're just kids that got a self-governed frog out of all the starters and had a hard time#not through any real fault of their own. and i don't think froakie hated them just wished that they were more ig#i mean there's always the one but not all of them?????
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"What Netflix shows are you guys enjoying"
"I've been watching the Residence its really good"
"Oh! I like that one"
"The Resident. I watched that when it was coming out."
"No I'm talking about The Residence."
"Yeah I just finished rewatching all the seasons on Netflix"
"No, I'm talking about The Residence it only has 8 episodes"
"No, I'm giving a different recommendation - The Resident"
"Wait, I thought you were talking about Resident Alien never mind i haven't seen the Residents"
"No, Residence"
"Residents? Is it in the hospital?"
"No it's R-E-S-I-N-D-C-E, its a murder mystery in the white house"
(Someone finally puts a trailer on for The Residence and puts us out of our misery)
#hand an honest to god whos on first conversation and i didnt even realize until i was driving home#this was edited for brevity but imagine me and my college saying some form of The Residence 10 more times#The Residence#resident#resident alien#for further context me (blue) and the person in red are residents and purple is our program coordinator
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Holzmann (and a Margot I thought I'd throw in) catified! Thanks for the ask!
My designs aren't really specific breeds per se, but Holzmann is certainly inspired by Oriental Shorthairs. They just feel very him
#the kingmaker histories#klaus holzmann#margot engels#my art#primarily my designs aren't specific breeds because i find breed standards so limiting in terms of colors proportions and personalities#(though cat breed personalities are Very vague compared to dogs)#too many colors stuck within certain breeds. so many limitations in facial feature and body and coat type combinations#since cat breeds have only existed in the last ~200 years the number of breeds and their diversity is verrry limited#dog breeds are wayy more interesting and meaningful. the sheer quantity of them and their extensive diversity and variety of mixed breeds#means there's plenty of options. though i havent done my research about them (esp. with personalities)#so you won't see an anthro dog AU from me unfortunately...#tho absolutely my designs are Based on certain breeds. idk the breed standard so maybe he's off in some way but from an amateur perspective#telsie might as well be a purebred british shorthair (factoring out being an alien lol)#and colette was originally based on oriental longhairs but i normified her sooo hard in the head department IDEK what she's closest to now#that concludes the first part of my tag essay. second part:#(danny don't read any further! there's spoilers!)#MARGOT. i wanted to draw her but wasn't really sure how she'd look... so this is just a first pass (and of course catified)#(yes i sketched out her human face first to figure out how to catify it no you may not see it) (yet?)#i decided to hc for now that she did get herself fleshcrafted to look less like holzmann. that seems like a reasonable assumption#so yeah her og cat facial features fur texture etc. were a lot more similar to holzmann#as for her pattern: she's a black mackerel tabby sepia here#(rare phenotype but some australian mists are similar if you want an irl ref. they aren't mackerel tho)#i imagine originally she was a black mackerel tabby and white. and had blue eyes#(probably with more white on her than holzmann. it's quite unlikely for him to have blue eyes with such little white spotting on his face)#but yea this all may be subject to change if we get a canon hair/eye color for her#damn holzmann... why are you so ears!!! 😂#(he could be earsier. i showed restraint)
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Modern au Luka was without a doubt raised by his grandma. And spoiled rotten too
#no further questions please#he told me this himself#I mean come on#he was always going to be the golden boy#alien stage luka#alnst luka#luka#alien stage#alnst
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#but. like seriously. has anyone else noticed how so much music is getting less and less... human?#like it contains fewer mistakes; less 'air'; you don't hear the singer taking a breath in the pauses...#(why not? why not? what's wrong with BREATHING for god's sake?!?)#...almost every track is patched together from multiple takes in order to sound more 'perfect' (more inhuman)#rather than doing something live and accepting minor flaws as part and parcel of it all#so many melody lines (vox; instruments; etc.) are repeated identically over and over and over again. copy-and-pasted.#rather than containing natural organic variation#and don't get me started on the autotune and other effects on vocals to make them sound less natural and more robotic#like... do most folks genuinely find this more attractive?#am i the outlier here for preferring music that sounds like it was made by real human beings?#and so much of 'music' is about the production rather than the actual music itself#i keep wondering... how many self-professed 'musicians' these days#wouldn't be able to perform one of their own songs around a campfire unprepared#because they don't have any machines available to make the sounds for them#(and anyone who knows me knows i'm not inherently against 'machine-made music')#(i quite enjoy it sometimes. for what it is)#(but it feels to me like nowadays almost EVERY genre is more digitized and robotic than it used to be)#(moving further and further away from the heart-touching messiness of real humanity)#anyway. i listened to music in a whole bunch of different genres tonight#(pop; alt-country; alt-rock; neofolk; west coast rap; shoegaze; indie rock; folk-pop; electro-thrash; jazz fusion; doom metal; etc.)#and all of it. literally ALL of it. was airless and soulless and inhuman and made me sad#i just don't get it. i feel alienated from my contemporaries i guess. for not preferring this sound#anywayyyyy ignore me. i just get sad sometimes and need to vent. it is my own blog after all#i was not made for these times#(a line from one of the few 21st-century songs that Gets me)#cosmo gyres#o hear my sad complaint#personal#musicblogging#tag rant
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yayyyyy i finished my first playthrough of I Was A Teenage Exocolonist :) the collectorrrrrrrrr
#and my second and my third (they were easy reverts)#now im reverting a bit further to stop Dys from doing that thing... so that WRETCHED ALIEN doesnt steal him from me#i'm joking sym i love you#iwatex#i was a teenage exocolonist#be free my post
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scenes that make you take a stress lap around the living room
#I FORGOT. ABOUT THIS. CHRIST#yinsen..........................#how DO you be normal after this how do you be NORMAL. after this#the further i get into im1 the more i'm like. ah. tony's post-new york anxiety was definitely in part just like.#realizing his post-afghanistan post-obie Safety Mechanisms were useless#guy who comes home from Traumatic Experience and goes it's fine it's okay i'll just build a suit of armour. I'll just wear it all the time#i'll put it in a briefcase so i can always have it with me#vs guy who comes home from Alien Invasion and is like it's fine it's okay i'll just build 40 of them#they can fly without me i can call them from wherever i am i can be in 40 places at once i can protect everyone it's fine it's okay#I'LL BUILD A SUIT OF ARMOUR. AROUND THE WORLD#kayvswords#kayvsim12024
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