#fuckin spoilers

[therealeagal]

Baldur's Gate 3 - companion ranking.

Decide for yourselves whether my list is accurate or not. Whichever you decide, please do @ me, bro. I'm interested to know who your favorite character is!

I switched up my usual intro. What do you think? Anyway. Let's begin. This is a list of the companions in Baldur's Gate 3. I think I got all of them. There's so many. They are enumerated from best to worst.

Wyll Ravenguard, the Blade of the Frontiers. Really got a stick up his ass. I try to romance him and he starts throwing out disapproves whenever I talk to someone else. Motherfucker I'm not the one flirting with them I just want to know what they're up to. Stuck up piece of shit. Also I guess he's a hypocrite that literally sold his soul for power (he says he had a good reason…) But mainly I'm mad about him being a fucking diva when other people flirt with me. Fuckin' Wyll… Wyll stans got pissy at me because they didn't get the joke. Well, his placement at the very bottom of the list was a joke. Don't tell the stans, but my review was completely accurate) What? I didn't say anything. I mean, Wyll Ravenguard is Ao's gift to humanity. There exists no person in this world that is better than Wyll. I could wax loquacious about all the ways in which Wyll is perfection beyond perfection, but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that no matter what Karlach's entry may suggest, Wyll is truly the greatest of the great.

Scratch the dog. Maybe it's just because I'm a dog person, but there's no way you can convince me that Scratch isn't the best.

The owlbear cub, for much the same reasons as Scratch. Although I can't say I have any strong feelings one way or the other about owls or bears...

Karlach. No question that Karlach would take the top spot if Scratch and the owlbear weren't around. As she is the first companion that is both A: a good person and B: not a prick about it on top of being irrepressibly cheerful and kind, there is no question that Karlach is the best official companion (Scratch and the owlbear are more pets/familiars than companions). I mean, Gale is also a good guy too and he's not an asshole about it, but he's kind of a tool. Karlach is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Editing this one in, because I FORGOT WITHERS! Rookie mistake. Sorry, Withers!

Jaheira. I never played the first two Baldur's Gate games, but I understand that Jaheira is a returning character. Either way, she's a fuckin' badass. A regular in my final party.

Shadowheart/Lae'zel. It's hard to choose between the two. They've both got excellent storylines, which are actually quite similar in a lot of ways. And they're both badass chicks. What's not to love?

Boo, the miniature giant space hamster and his human familiar, Minsc of Rashemen. Also often a fixture in my party, because he's funny.

Gale Dekarios. To be honest, I wasn't crazy about Gale at first. Kind of pretentious. But he's grown on me. Yes, he is kind of a tool, but at least he generally likes it when I'm nice to people, unlike a certain vampire who shall remain unnamed... also he eats three of my magic items. Not that I was using them but it's the principle of the matter!

(this is Wyll's true rating, but ignore it because obviously he belongs at the top of the list. PLEASE LIKE ME!)

Halsin. Ever wanted to fuck a bear? In every sense of the word? Well, have I got news for you!

Astarion. WHY DO YOU HATE IT WHEN I'M NICE TO PEOPLE, ASTARION??!?!?!?!?!? IT'S SO ANNOYING!!!

The dirt.

The worms inside the dirt.

The stool of the worms inside the dirt.

Minthara. A giant asshole. Which I guess is to be expected. Still better than Solas. Yes, I know they are from two different games. Shut up. Fuckin' Solas...

The Emperor. He of the gaslighting and the tentacles.

The Absolute. Yes, the main bad guy. I'd rather hang out with the main bad guy than...

Oh, lemme edit this in. Just in case. If you, for some reason, get your dander up about the contents of this list, please refrain from reblogging this to just whinge about what a terrible person I am. Not that I am opposed to someone challenging my ideas, but the death spiral does get tedious quite fast. If you really really got an axe to grind, try the PMs. Please and thank you. :)

[wintergrofyuri]

"(blank) hates laios!" WRONG WRONG WRONG. SHUT THE FUCK UP

shuro is just as awkward as laios and it is made So clear he considers him a friend and likes him. he defends him when the canaries start talking shit and actively readies himself to physically fight them so they dont get to him.

namari also likes laios. she respects him as a leader and also defends him and readies to fight the canaries.

ive not actually seen anyone claim izutsumi hates laios, but a lot of ppl Are weird abt them. izutsumi and laios' relationship was rocky at the beginning. he struggled to figure out how to interact with her. but by the end, she actively seeks him out to talk with during the lead up to the feast. she hides behind him when falin wakes up. she has already realized shecan do what she wants and does not need to stick around, yet she does. she sleeps near him on the windowsill, waiting with him and marcille for falin to wake up. she has accepted him as part of her life and wants to keep him in it.

marcille does not hate laios. let me say this again.

Marcille Donato Does Not Hate Laios Touden.

marcille Loves him. in a platonic, familial sense. laios returns this just as readily. she yells at him. she whacks him. she tells him whats on her mind. she uses healing magic to ease his pain during the parasite fiasco. she reattaches his leg when he loses it. she teaches him magic. she lays her head on his corpse and cries before reviving him. she launches herself at him two times, when the canaries interrogate them and when he talks her down in the tower. he is a comforting presence to her. she trusts him, she cares about him, she worries about him, she imagines him as a big fluffy dog that loves and protects her. laios is her rock when falin is taken from them time and time again. and she tries to be his as well. she whole-heartedly, unconditionally, loves and trusts laios.

chilchuck does not hate laios. laios pays him his rates, no questions asked. laios trusts and respects chilchuck's job as a lockpick. laios does not see him as a child (at least, i cant think of an instance where he does so). chilchuck states, outright, he sees him as a friend and doesnt want to see him hurt. he actively worries about him as the falin situation gets worse. chilchuck respects laios. he shows almost 0 hesitation in helping get falin back, nor eating her by the end. he does not think of leaving him once, until he realizes he could lose him. chilchuck is cowardly with emotions and prefers to bottle things, so his first instinct was to bolt. he was angry because he was scared of watching someone he cares about destroy himself. laios is his Friend.

and holy shit. holy Fucking shit. kabru DOES NOT hate laios. kabru has the rockiest start known to man with him, and he Still helps him by occupying the canaries. he warns him about them. he hides the black magic from them just as shuro does. his whole Thing is trusting laios despite himself. kabru has his own baggage regarding other people, just like laios, yet he tries so hard to believe and trust this man. he Wants to. kabru is not very hopeful, but laios makes him Want to be. he states like 3 times he wants to be close to him and sees him as a friend. he stays through the entire feast!! the man who hates monsters, whose biggest trigger is monsters, actively, consciously, Willingly stayed through the entire monster meat feast. all to help his friend get his sister back. he could've left!! the feast was like an entire week!! yet he was there for every single day. he was one of the closest people to the door when falin awoke!! after reuniting with her brother, her friends, the people who knew her the most (plus senshi and izutsumi), the first person she greets is kabru!! he wants to be close to laios, he likes laios, laios is his friend and he cares for him, he wants to meet his sister!!! kabru fucking stays on the island with him as one of his closest, most trusted advisors when he becomes king!!!!! he wants to help him succeed!!!! he wants him to be happy!!!! laios is his friend!!!!!!!!

im just. people like laios!! laios is a nice guy! he is friendly and cares about people! he is weird, he doesn't understand most social cues, he oversteps boundaries, but they stay beside him, because they like him and he is their friend. he is their friend!!!!! friendship is not all sunshine and rainbows, relationships in general are not sunshine and rainbows. you will upset people, people will upset you, you will get into arguments, things will happen, but at the end of the day, the people close to you like you! they love you! they care for you! they want to work it out and get through it because they love you, but they will feel those emotions first! human relationships are complex and messy and life is complicated. even shows for toddlers know this.

if you truly believe any of these characters hate laios you are worse than a toddler. watch some fucking oobi or something. god. fuck.

take this

thanks

[himawaari]

✨🌹SENSHI🌹✨

[ohwormwood]

dumb shit that me and @smokin-salmon thought of while on call

[oddthesungod]

Essek: I want to study you Ashton: haha, like... carnally? ;)

[wannab-urs]

gin, i was fucking my boyfriend and he moaned “your cunt is my creed” should i be concerned about that? 🤔

you should ride his helmet about it !

[atherea]

SHE HAS THE RAIL‼️‼️

[snuffysbox]

the way this happens so, so early in the game in the middle of a random conversation... if you know, you know

[bestagons]

Merch reveal

[kingzombear]

CAINE

There's a weird FUCKIN JESTER outside

[samyazasheaven]

Some of my favorite shots from the SH2R artbook

[fizzierolli]

I'm tryin' to fight here, ya out of your fuckin' mind?

Yes!

[myheadphonesareneverloudenough]

me when i’m the audiences’ least favourite character and finally get my redemption arc only to be reduced to a stripper joke in the finale. and the woman i would give my life for disappears and i don’t spend any time looking for her, and only reference her once to make someone else happier about their life.

me when i’m a well loved character that audiences love because of my spontaneous acts of chaos and caring soul, only to be shoved aside and have my whole life ruined in the finale.

me when i’ve had so much taken away from me in my life that i had to resort to becoming the villain of my own story just to return to the people i love, only for my love interest which i fought so hard for to be left barely mentioned in the finale, and his absence doesn’t do anything to motivate my actions.

me when i spend years on self improvement before getting sucked back into my dark, self destructive ways and barely any of my so called family notices. and then my entire arc is left unnoticed and does absolutely nothing to my character development.

me when i spend my whole life trying to protect my family and have a clear set of priorities and passions, and then i throw that all away when i see a chance to get with my brother’s wife who’s physically 20 years older than i am.

me when i'm practically sacrificed because the girl i love is is the key to the end of the world, and all i do is turn into a hideous creature without any real sendoff or significant death scene.

me when i've been arguably the most significant character for the whole show just to get zero character development throughout the finale as i'm separated from the rest of the main cast.

me when i was introduced later in the show because of my vital importance to the plot, only to have my personality stripped from me so i can cheat on my fan favourite husband with his brother.

me when i'm a squid that swallows a girl and no one cares to explain why.

[gallusgalluss]

a light oh so bright

[oddthesungod]

calling 911 on sam riegel for emotional damage 😭😭😭😭

[safyresky]