#fuck where is the lie
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
#pan draws#pan designs#zine#risograph#i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline#i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently#anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in#but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they#actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye#tdov#trans day of visibility#<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you#xines
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Mobei-Jun getting abandoned in the human realm by his favourite uncle and being left alone and terrified?? baby???? gonna lie awake thinking about him and Shang Qinghua meeting as children
#svsss#shang qinghua#mobei jun#moshang#sqh#mbj#that is a DELIGHTFUL twist on their canon dynamic#where sqh is justifiably scared of mbj because he's a powerful demon who could squish him like a bug#instead here we have lil mbj who's terrified of all these humans and is alone and helpless and in danger#like he was left there to die! and his father just happened to notice he was missing after ten days!#like fortunately he wasn't hurt just dirty and scared but no wonder this guy has trust issues!#any fic recs about young mbj in the human realm - or de-age fics with him being scared around humans - i would deeply appreciate#because i want to chew on this entire concept a bit#(i'm never gonna finish this book i swear every three pages i have to stop and digest a random bit of trivia mxtx throws out and then!#doesn't! fucking! expand on!!! you can't just drop this on me and expect me to be okay with it i need to lie here and think about this!)#my art
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nov 1st rolls in: i am exhausted hows your ... ides of march lookin? Could make some room for me for like 2 hours?
Adult friendships be like “I miss you bro, let's hang out in November"
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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I love Bai Long Ma he truly don’t gaf
#man stayed present enough to get recruited into the story then peaced tf out for the rest of it ✌️#unbothered king#bai longma#ao lie#journey to the west fanart#journey to the west#jttw ao lie#my only knowledge of drawing horses come exclusively from mlp fanart that has crossed my path#shoulda given ao lie a cutie mark lmao#my favorite part of watching the 80s tv series is seeing them go what will we do now??! whenever they encounter a land obstacle#and look the solution to half their problems standing right next to them in the form of a horse that everyone keeps forgetting is a DRAGON#he truly could not be ASSED to help 😭#just like me fr#digital art#my art#jttw sun wukong#sun wukong#dude bajie and wujing had no fucking clue the horse was even a dragon there was one episode where the horse finally spoke to chew bajie out#and he went YOU CAN TALK?!! 😭😭😭#it’s such a pity too cuz I thought the human actor for ao lie was very handsome and he showed up like a total of three times or2#this design was actually very inspired by him#he wasn’t even in the ending scene they left his ass OUTSIDE!!!!#HE GOT A REWARD BUT HE WASNT EVEN IN THE HALL TO RECEIVE IT 💀💀💀💀#oh naaah they did my boy so dirty…#I don’t think he counts as a pilgrim I think they literally just wanted him to be the horse#otherwise he woulda technically been er shixiong?#right after wukong
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When I tell you I have been thinking about this for three days straight...
#there's almost no hesitation there in dao#he says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world#he wholeheartedly believes it would be The Right Thing#but in dai even after everything...#no matter what stage the relationship is at#GAH#I know this is like the bare minimum but FUCK#it gives me feels okay#I believe he wouldn't be able to do it#I mean I say that as someone with an abomination inquisitor but like#if you eavesdrop on courier convos you can experience him befriending Cole in real time so#I feel like he's at that stage where he's slowly understanding that everything he's been fed was a lie#and he has trouble re-contextualising his worldview to fit that new reality#especially with all the shit he's been involved in#dragon age#cullen rutherford
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ah yes.... reading ancient LJ comments circa 20XX ......
yeah she would fuckin say that. That idiot [nostalgic longing] absolutely would
but also
past me, how did you live thru your 20s, how did you not end up some kinda statistic.....
reading old messages is really fucked up because you see things and you’re like i would not fucking say that
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watching leverage with my mom and it's really like. damn this show is so good. i miss procedurals. nothing like an episode of the week format and some deeply closeted bisexual characters.
#eliot god willing you'd be flat on your back . is all i'll say#leverage#on the episode where he basically admits he's a murderer and begs parker not to make him say it outright#bc he wont lie to her if she asked him to tell the truth. and he cannot stomach being anything other than their protector#anyways fuck your friends about it!#i should rewatch the episode where eliot and parker team up to rescue their beautiful damsel hardison (unlimited options)
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it was literally their moment and they just let us watch
(if you need me i'll be marinating in this for the foreseeable future)
#magneto#rogue#rogneto#rogueneto#IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO PICK ONLY 10 IMAGES. SOSOSOSO DIFFICULT. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE WAS FUCKING SUBLIME.#thank you to the person who pointed out the bg music is ace of base 'happy nation' ;wwwwwww; SUCH A GOOD SONG FOR THIS#okay but for real never have i had a stronger 'GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME' moment#magneto can we all form a queue to dance with you romantically in the air while an audience watches.............#their body language. their HANDS. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR TONGUE BY HER NECK#no word of a lie ive probably watched this scene 200 times today. new comfort media. inject it directly into my veins.#my husband laughing at me as i rewind and play over and over again from the other side of the room#my fave fave FAAAAVE part of this animation is the lil pan they do#the one between mags and rogue and the lyric 'where the people understand and dream of perfect man'#THERE IS SOMETHING SO SOFT AND ROMANTIC AND ADORING ABOUT IT#disintegrates like a sopping wet piece of bread. thank you animators who worked on this scene#i feel like i am burning with the excitement of a thousand suns over this#xmen 97#leigh's magneto hours
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me as an intermission sports reporter: hey so like what the fuck
#what happened out there#can you tell me in simple words what the fuck im looking at#ouughhghhhhhhhhh didnt even watch overtime i knew where we were heading#gonna lie on the floor with my cat#while i question the existence of god and he tries to figure out what a washing machine is#we are the same#rambles
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there is a fantastic disconnect, innit
Lemme just keyboard smash feels very much like screaming into void. My monitor doesn't judge me, its gets teh damn words outta my head, chances are ain't nobody gonna read 'em (well, maybe skim thru, but not like read it) anyway and will simply smash that LIKE on autopilot and scroll on
VS
the terrifying ordeal of sitting... with them.... in teh same room. Seeing those eyes judging, or rolling, or hearing the lil inhale because you know she's about to say something to make you feel like a big giant liar drama queen even if she doesnt really mean it.... Or maybe she does?? She usually does...... etc etc etc
wow this is too intimate to share with my close friends or family let me put this on my tumblr blog for hundreds of strangers to see
#screaming into the void#words are hard#dunno what to tell you#whole. ass. mood#fuck where is the lie
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DAY 97: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON!
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#isat spoilers#twohat spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#TEEHEE#god im so close to 100 days and this is what. the third human loop ive drawn? maybe? can you tell where my interests do not lie#also. im so close to 100 days drawing loop and i've drawn very little actually related to twohats. what the helll#i think it'd be so funnay if loop didn't stop in time. great job champ! you won!#fuck you looking crazy for!#anyways they get to have underclothes as a consolation prize since i didn't want to duplicate the cloak. siffys still under there lol#you all are spared from Regretful Loop Cleavage. sorry or you're welcome#i don't know where your interests lie#EDIT: IF U SEE THE UNEDITED VERSION FLOATING AROUND. NO U DONT
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You do get the sense that the fallout of Roger's death and the Roger pirates disbanding not so much traumatized Buggy and Shanks indifferent ways but instead generated such drastically different reactions to the trauma.
While the trauma of everything seemed to push Shanks into the future, always constantly waiting for something, putting plans on hold and then later in place, for this great moment, this great coming that he sees on the Horizon. For Buggy it rooted him firmly in the past keeping him trapped in this grief masquerading as anger.
While Roger's death forced Shanks to grow up fast, it kind of arrested Buggy's development keeping him stuck in those same feelings, rooted int that same place.
You get the sense that Buggy's whole east blue schtick is just one long overdue rebellious phase one big fuck you to Roger and his ideals. He's rebelling against Roger's principles. One of their rules was don't steal from innocent people and Buggy was keeping a whole town in poverty. If Roger and Luffy's pirating styles are diametrically opposed to someone like Blackbeard, who might be the most literal pirate in the entire series, then buggy is the parody of that Blackbeard piratism. He is playing up cruelty, being the most piratey pirate possible, hell he's literally a clown on a stage. It's all a show! It's his own special way of trying to "get back at Roger" of trying to discard everything Roger taught him for this overacted, over exaggerated clownish cruelty. Mentally he never left that execution square. He is still 15, alone and scared.
Hell he literally never left either, while I'm pretty sure Shanks' booked it out of the east blue as fast as he could, Buggy never lef, might have never left, if not for Luffy. It's part of why Luffy bothers him so much, he's just like Roger everything that Buggy is trying hard to forget and here comes this kid, whose never even met the Captain but is wearing his hat, shoving it right back in his face.
It makes sense that he never leaves the east blue till Luffy literally forces him out of it (fucking with Luffy gets him captured and imprisoned) and it makes sense that it's Luffy that literally breaks him out of prison, literally sets him free, and on the path to greatness that maybe he was always meant to achieve (even if he trips his way into it). This boy that is tragically so much like his old captain but so beautifully unabashedly himself, is what Buggy needs to start letting go off the past, to start trying to move forward.
Maybe that's why Buggy, at what could arguably be described as his lowest moment, gets the strength to free himself from his own self imprisonment, realizing that even back then he was locking himself away and pinning his own dreams on Shanks. And, maybe for the first time ever, Buggy really own his dream. He declares to his tormentors and his crew and the entire world that; actually He wants to find the one piece, him, as captain of his own crew, this crew, not just a part of someone else's. That's his dream and he's willing to turn the world upside down to do it.
#Buggy for Pirate king 2024#I can't lie I believe that he might actually do it. It might be just for the bit and just for a few seconds but he'll do it!#No where else for him to trip up too#I think it's great that yeah Luffy liberates kingdoms in all these big ways#but from the beginning of the story in all these little ways he's been setting people free and in his own little way he set Buggy free too#my favorite thing recently has been dissecting all the ways in which how the roger pirating handling of everything ruined these boys lives#honestly not just them judging from what we've seen it's the whole crew cause Rayleigh's defiantly not doing okay#Buggy has such middle child syndrome despite being the exact same age as Shanks and not having a younger sibling#like of course he was going to feel like he had to fall under Shanks Shanks probably felt chosen by god it's hard not to feel second to tha#This feels more like a collection of thoughts than the cohesive essay I was going for#but I guess that's what happens when you literally only have a collection of thoughs#It took me a while but I actually fuck with the star clown#buggy the star clown#buggy pirates#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#one piece analysis#character analysis#shanks#red haired shanks#cross guild#roger pirates#gol d. roger#monkey d. luffy#buggy#shanks and buggy#one piece#one piece thoughts#one piece meta#op
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clock strike 12
#my art#persona 3#p3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#aigis#s.e.e.s#i have been first thinking about making this drawing since... about when i finished fes? and then i started it before reload came out.#long time coming! was a little obsessed with the clock thing will not lie#sooo the only thing from reload that made it in was his little sprout ahoge. moe#anyway I LOVE MINATO ARISATO!!!! MIMI!!!! dies. dies. heart#this drawings kind of huge i actually had to scale it down to get it to fit! lolmao.#also please ignore koromaru i did my best and that's what counts. xoxo#little detail: in the sketching stage i referenced their faces in the scene where they reunite with him :) idk how much that stayed bc i di#not keep referencing that but ! that was something i did.#also if i was better and more awesome i would have thanatos in the top right but your honor. i was not going to fucking do that. <3#...might edit 2 make this my phone background. maybe#I LOVE YOU PERSONA THREE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for coming.
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