#fuck this sounds like a shitpost but im dead serious

[jtbb]

this adhd shit is so scary i genuinely feel like i don't have free will atp

[many-gay-magpies]

i got tagged by @mari-kigold!! this was so much fun, thank u for the tag artzyy <3

1. why did you choose your url?

very simple actually. it was gay-jesus-official for the longest time but i needed a change of pace, SO here we are! im gay, i like birds, and my name is magpie—hence, many gay magpies.

(more under the cut)

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

i have three but in only really use one of them sjfhdffgfgc

@bambihee, for moodboards! (it's mainly enhypen-centric at the moment, as is my main)

the other two are old blogs from back when i was in the koc. one of them was my koc "main" that is 99% dead, and the literal only reason i havent deactivated yet is because of the past messages with a close moot that i dont want to lose ;-; the other is a koc rant blog-turned-normal rant blog that i havent used in weeks, honestly i dont know why im keeping it. attachment? pretty jeonghan layout? who knows. anyways im not tagging either of them because theyre both dead af and there would be literally no point <3

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

hold on uhhhh *sounds of a gay doing math* i think like 19 or 20 months? cuz i joined in october of 2019

4. do you have a queue tag?

i barely use the queue BUT since i recently started making moodboards i have a tag for when i promote stuff from my moodboard blog which is just q: bambihee

but other than that no

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i'd been kind of wanting to do it for a while cuz i kept seeing screenshots of tumblr posts on pinterest and it seemed gloriously chaotic (it is), but what really made me take the ✨deep dive✨ was me wanting to see what the kpop, particularly stray kids, fandom was like on tumblr

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it's a picture of heeseung because i'm whipped for him and it's this PARTICULAR picture of heeseung because he just looks so soft in it :(( like seriously his eyes are so big and beautiful

7. why did you choose your header?

i don't have a header at the moment, BUT my last header was a screenshot of heeseung from the fever mv which i don't think requires an explanation <3

8. what's your post with the most notes?

i don't know for certain, but im guessing its the one onlyoneof post i made about the members' reactions to wooksung's ✨move✨ in the libidO dance practice

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i havent counted and i dont really care to to be honest

10. how many followers do you have?

325

11. how many people do you follow?

350

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

what, really, is the criteria for a shitpost? what is "shitposting"? what is our purpose in life?

(the answer is yes)

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

ahahAHA

hAHA

hA

ha

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

if i ever end up fighting somebody, even just over tumblr, i will probably cry, have a panic attack, or both. i would rather walk into a tree than engage in conflict with a person.

i did disappoint someone once and frankly i think that was just as bad

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i do not like them. i used to reblog like every one i saw because i was always like "but what if", but i have since decided that i will not be giving a fuck. i reblog your post when i want to, thank you very much, i dont care if madame zeroni or whoever the fuck curses me for all eternity, that shit is an unnecessary stressor for already plenty-stressed human beings and has no place on my blog

16. do you like tag games?

yes!! not that you'd know it from how little i actually participate in them svfhfhfgdg

i appreciate you tagging me very much i am just forgetful and stressed :<

17. do you like ask games?

ALSO yes! tho i dont get them that often tbh

the ones that are like 'mutuals send this emoji in an ask to see what your mutual thinks of you!' lowkey stress me out because im afraid i wont know what to say ghdhghvh (it doesn't stop me from doing them tho <3)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uh. none of them? i dont know

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope, and i never have <3 (not a serious CRUSH-crush, anyway)

20. tags?

im gonna tag @ateezaligned @baby-dinobean @markismybxtch @sunghoonseyebrowcult and anyone else who wants to do this! you don't have to if you don't want to ofc ^^

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog, Part One. Chapters 15-19

I think one reason these cover so few chapters is that I’m desperate to catch any detail that might possibly be relevant, but I don’t know what might be, so I’m scouring everything. 

Adolin has a (not so) bright idea, Dalinar spars and discusses religion, We learn a name we haven’t heard so far, Kaladin makes some friends (ish), Shallan explores, and we get a flashback to Dalinar flipping off a cryptid while on a knife quest. 

Shallan and Adolin are discussing the murders, and also Shallan’s drawings of Urithiru remain terrifying. Shallan brings up the possibility that they are opportunity killings, and unknowingly is right on the money. We know that with Adolin, it basically was an opportunity killing, with the opportunity being Sadeas saying ��What are you going to do, stab me?” 

Shallan thinks Adolin is fixating on the “two murderers” theory just because he likes it. No, it’s because he knows there were two murderers. 

Anyway, Adolin says he has to talk about something serious with Shallan, and her thoughts--of course--go to I killed my parents I stabbed my mother and strangled my father--

And Adolin wants to teach her how to use her Shardblade. Oh, Adolin. Even seeing that thing is a massive traumatic trigger for her. And Shallan gets upset that Adolin compares her to Kaladin, “ranking women as equal to peasants”--Shallan, I like you, but please get over your classism. 

And Adolin doesn’t notice how close she is to a breakdown, and so she draws herself another persona to survive. Pattern is concerned. She calls this persona Brightness Radiant--bringing her up to three fake identities--Shallan, Veil, and Brightness Radiant. I’m counting her normal identity because that’s a persona too. 

Anyway, Adolin is a fucking sword nerd. Also Radiant isn’t the best at picking up interesting hints--she’s not curious like Shallan is. Adolin says that he always felt like his blade was alive, but she dismisses it. 

This is not a healthy coping mechanism, but at least becoming Radiant means she can use her sword. But some day this web of personas is just going to crash down around her. She needs to talk about her trauma and actually work through it, not bury it, and if it sounds like I’m a therapist it’s because I’m imitating mine because hoo boy do I know some things about compartmentalizing your life away. 

Anyway, back to Dalinar. He does, in fact, have Szeth’s Honorblade. Thanks to Stormfather, we get that Honorblades are forged directly from Honor’s soul, and aren’t autonomous enough to scream. Stormfather can’t break Oaths, but neither can Odium; he’s a force that, like any other force, cannot break its own rules. Also, we get that Dalinar winning--even in a contest against Odium’s champion--will only buy them time. Until the next Desolation, perhaps. 

Stormfather compares himself to Honor’s shadow--which both makes me think of the Shadow of Preservation, the Mist Spirit, and of the nine shadows of Odium. So Stormfather is to Honor as each of those Unmade are to Odium? That’s plausible. There’s also the implication that there are more like the Stormfather--because how else would there have been three Bondsmiths at one time? There have to be other godspren. Has anyone bound the Nightwatcher? That might be interesting, as Cultivation (who we assume she’s connected to) is still alive. 

Anyway. 

Dalinar is getting backtalk from Rial, another of the Bridgemen (from Bridge 13). It’s hilarious. He’s pointing out that if Dalinar wants to know the time, Navani did give him a clock... 

Dalinar’s looking for a spar, and Zahel’s there! And his habit of trying to make a metaphor and ending up with a Nalthian shitpost is...still there. 

“Every moment in our lives seems trivial,” Zahel said. “Most are forgotten while some, equally humble, become the points on which history pivots. Like white on black.”  “White...on black?” Dalinar asked.  “Figure of speech.” 

He’s just given up explaining. Anyway, Dalinar does get a spar in (a wrestling match) and Dalinar was losing, but Navani shows up, irritated. Yet again Dalinar misses a meeting doing something stupid. At least he’s not digging a latrine trench in Shardplate. Navani is just like you fucking lost Dal. 

Also, “gemheart” is a term of endearment. And Dalinar admits he was planning to fight the man with nine shadows himself, although he realizes that was a stupid idea. Dalinar is feeling stubborn and decides to just have the meeting in the fighting arena. Because sometimes he’s just extra. And he uses his position over Kadash to make the other man fight with him, which is...Dalinar, fighting is not a substitute for having actual conversations with each other. He’s just like yeah i’ll take messages while I’m sparring. 

Kadash points out that Dalinar was always better than other people at killing things. He’s right. Navani is thoroughly Done with Dalinar but is humoring him anyway. Dalinar is somehow having an argument with Kadash and a conversation with Navani simultaneously. And fighting. Why is he like this. 

The Iriali are considering siding with the Voidbringers instead of the Alethi. That’s...not unexpected, honestly. It’s a much more clever way of dealing with people than just conquering all of them. Still, I don’t like it. Dalinar, you have to sell your case. This isn’t the Silver Age and everyone isn’t going to rally behind Alethela the Defender Nation again. 

Also, Iri is bitter that Adolin has his shardplate--it names Dalinar a thief. Also, in case I’m seeming calm and collected about Dalinar’s plan getting cut to shit while Kadash points out that he’s basically a heretic, my nails are bitten down to the quick right now. And Dalinar makes a good point about tradition--it’s only useful when it’s actually useful. You can’t assume something is right just because it’s old. 

Kadash says that Dalinar sounds like his niece. Dalinar takes that as a compliment, as being compared to Jasnah should always be. And he uses stormlight to stick Kadash to the ground. 

And Navani said Dalinar’s wife’s name--Evi--and he actually heard it. Evi. Evi of Rira; Evi Kholin. And memories--some memories--come back. He can remember her name, and he can remember her face. 

Holy shit, y’all. 

Although, a brief concern: in Edgedancer, Lift’s no-aging ability was going away; now Dalinar’s memory is coming back. Is something wrong with the Old Magic? 

And we cut to Kaladin “Get Captured On Purpose” Stormblessed, of course. He’s tied to a tree, as he has been for about a day, and the Parshmen are arguing about what to do with him. They don’t have a leader, and it’s confirmed that they don’t want to go back into slavery. He hasn’t seen the yellow-white spren from before again, but it’s been mentioned twice so it’s probably significant. 

PARSHENDI KIDS!! I LOVE THEM!! Also Kaladin is starting to check how he think about Parshmen, thinking about what Rlain would say if he heard Kaladin talk like that. As they’re moving, Kaladin feels a distinct familiarity to it--but he can’t place from where, or why. 

Well, he just remembered. It reminded him of when he was escaping slavery. Kaladin makes the mistake of assuming that he understands what the Parshmen were going through, though--

“I have spent my entire life living in a fog,” the parshman yelled at him. “Every day knowing I should say something, do something to stop this! Every night clutching my daughter, wondering why the world seems to move around us in the light--while we are trapped in the shadows. They sold her mother. Sold her. Because she had birthed a healthy child, which made her good breeding stock. Do you understand that, human? Do you understand watching your family be torn apart, and knowing you should object--knowing deep in your soul that something is profoundly wrong? Can you know that feeling of being unable to say a single storming word to stop it?”  The parshman pulled him even closer. “They may have taken your freedom, but they took our minds.” 

Hey, that’s fucked up, humanity. Hey, hey, humanity? Maybe you fucking deserve to be wiped out in a desolation, thought about that? Maybe you shouldn’t fucking sell people. 

Syl is acting like a windspren, which gets Kaladin terrified for a moment, but she clarifies that it’s not because Kaladin’s fucked with his oaths--it’s because she thinks that the parshmen can see her. She also mentions that the spren from earlier is hanging around and is a higher spren like Syl, and is invisible to Kaladin. 

Now there’s a thought. We know this group of parshmen is strange--they’re the only ones who stole things, to eat--and now they have a higher spren around them. Perhaps they’re sort of...bonded with that spren, and that stopped Odium’s influence? Perhaps one of those Parshmen is a budding Radiant? Hard to say. 

Well, Syl thinks that other spren might be a Voidspren, and that it’s how the Parshmen know where they’re going. But it isn’t red, it’s yellow-white. Also, we get that the Everstorm literally put back a part of the Parshmen’s souls--that humanity somehow ripped out a part of their souls and locked it away. That must have been what Gavilar was talking about, with the darklit spheres. 

So Kal decides to for some reason start giving them advice about how to hide better. Of course,  they don’t trust him, but the next stop the daughter gives him a waterskin and asks why the humans won’t just let them go. Kal has decided to help out the Parshmen, because...well, because he’s Kal. 

Anyway, Shallan is being Veil. Pattern notes that she’s better at being Veil than at being Radiant. Also, we get more of Urithiru being Weird and Unexplored. 

PATTERN REFERS TO ADOLIN AS “THE SWORDSMAN YOU CAN’T MATE WITH YET” IM GONNA SHIT

Also, Pattern has come to the “exciting” revelation that humans don’t care about dead things, so of course they use Blades. Also Shallan tells Pattern to marry Adolin if he likes him so much and Pattern literally asks if that’s an option. Shallan tells him no. Anyway, Pattern says that Shallan will hate him, but Shallan replies that she doesn’t want him to die and leave her too. 

And so Shallan, as Veil, is going to a bar, trying to investigate the murders some. Time for “is Shallan going to fuck this up or no.” She tries leaning suavely against a corner and nearly knocks a bunch of boxes over, so we’re off to a great start. She’s pretty quickly outed herself as a total rookie, though--she doesn’t know there are differences between darkeyed and lighteyed wine, among other things. I’ll admit I’m skimming this because wow, secondhand embarrassment hits hard. 

Anyway, a dude is now flirting with Veil. And she’s getting very drunk. Veil no. Fortunately, a little stormlight just wipes away all of her drunkenness, and she gets the information she wanted--there have been weird killings among the darkeyes, too. 

Shallan also just has a moment of panic when she realizes she doesn’t know if she killed her brothers or not, because she could have lightwoven them into existance if she did. Pattern is starting to get worried about the depths of the lies Shallan puts on herself. That’s fair--it’s not healthy. 

Aaand Shallan has ordered Horneater white wine,  which. Uh. Shallan be careful that stuff is probably literally lethal. Also, she has a disturbing thought while trying not to puke--it doesn’t hurt worse than “the pains already inside.” Shallan, drinking to cope with your issues is a very bad plan. 

She literally ends up with the alcohol getting taken away from her because if she continues like that she will end up dead. She’s healing herself, but they don’t know that. Also, maybe people from Jah Keved are better with Horneater liquor, given that they have horneater blood? Hard to say. 

Anyway, Shallan makes a story about how Veil is hunting the person who killed her little sister. She asks for details about the death, about how it was unusual. The woman killed was a grown woman. And she gets a little more Horneater wine out of the deal. 

She does make the mistake of taking a Horneater’s seat while asking for information, though. She stabs directly through her safehand into another guy’s hand and then scratches the symbol for the ghostbloods onto the table, which is one hell of a power move. 

Anyway, the murderer wasn’t the same murderer as the one who killed Sadeas (obviously) or the other lighteyes. Also, everyone’s scared of the ghostbloods. But there’s an interesting note about this murder--there was a second, right after the first, a person like the first one, killed in the same way--and the murderer insisted he hadn’t done it. 

Another double murder. Another one where the murderer of the first didn’t do it the second time, but the second time was literally identical down to the smallest detail. Something in Urithiru is replicating murders. 

Back to Dalinar, 31 years ago. He’s lighting his napkin on fire in a decorative candle while wondering what the purpose of decorative candles are. They’re at a feast, and Gavilar gets Dalinar to stop burning shit. 

Anyway, Gavilar is speaking with Brightlord Toh of Iri/Rira about battle tactics, Dalinar is bored, and I think this was one of the chapters Brandon did a reading of, in which case this is about to be a wild fucking ride. 

[Gavilar] wore a uniform of the newer style. Formal, rigid. Dalinar instead wore his skirtlike takama and an open overshirt that went down to midthigh, his chest bare.

Gavilar’s sitting there in a uniform and Dalinar is setting shit on fire, lounging around titties out. Why is he like this. 

We also get the main conflict of this chapter, which is that Dalinar can’t find a good knife to eat his food with. And so he just takes his wine and casually, casually walks outside into the highstorm. Titties still out. And he breaks into the servants’ quarters to try to get his knife. Why is he like this. 

Dalinar glanced and saw something luminous in the distance: a gargantuan figure that moved on spindly glowing legs.  Dalinar stepped back into the feast hall, gave the whatever-it-was a rude gesture, then pushed open the door--throwing aside two servants who had been holding it closed--and strode back in. 

Dalinar literally sees a cryptid and just flips it off and keeps going with his life. THIS MAN NOW CONTROLS URITHIRU. Anyway, Gavilar is gleeful because Dalinar just proved a very important point: they’re strong enough to protect the people they’re treating with. Because if one of your princes just casually strolls out in a highstorm, clearly they know no fear. 

Anyway, Navani shows up, and Dalinar angsts because she’s married to his brother. Dalinar immediately orders more wine; Ialai shows up as well. Navani is very amused that Dalinar scared off the guy they were treating with. They report on Toh’s sister, as being a touch vapid but honest--I’m sort of assuming that she’s Evi. Given that Toh has Shardplate--plate that will probably become Adolin’s, the plate that Iri accuses Dalinar of stealing--it seems a fair bet. And they’re planning to marry her to Dalinar. Meanwhile, the Knife Problem continues: 

“How am I supposed to eat a pork steak with this?”  “Attack it,” Ialai said, making a stabbing motion. “Pretend it’s some thick-necked man who has been insulting your biceps.”  “If someone insulted my biceps, I wouldn’t attack him,” Dalinar said. “I’d refer him to a physician, because obviously something is wrong with his eyes.”  Navani laughed, a musical sound. “Oh, Dalinar,” Sadeas said. “I don’t think there’s another person on Roshar who could have said that with a straight face.” 

Gavilar is pontificating about the nature of humanity and meanwhile Dalinar has somehow bent his steak knife. Sadeas calls Dalinar a gem, and I’m reminded of this wonderful piece of art: 

http://dalinarkholin.tumblr.com/post/138508422546/was-the-oathbringer-dalinar-chapter-even-real‘

which is a big mood honestly, like, is this really real. 

Anyway, we get our first glimpse of Evi. She’s from Rira, so she’s less used to having a safehand be a thing; she’s tall, but seems flimsy, but her hair is gold. Ialai starts theorizing about what she’s like in bed, as one does, but Dalinar gets distracted because he saw an assassin going for Gavilar. (Well, specifically he saw a knife. He’s got a one-track mind). He kicks Gavilar’s chair over, stopping the man from killing him, grabs the dude’s knife, and stabs him. Entire thing takes maybe three seconds. 

He nodded to himself, righted his chair, sat down, then leaned over and yanked the man’s knife from his chest. A fine blade.  He washed it off in his wine, then cut off a piece of his steak and shoved it into his mouth. Finally.  “Good pork,” Dalinar noted around the bite. 

WHY IS HE LIKE THIS

Reminder: he did all of that with his titties out. Young Dalinar is on levels of ridiculous usually only found in D&D campaigns.